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1
00:00:01,252 --> 00:00:03,172
Can people change?
Well, that's a... tough one
2
00:00:03,173 --> 00:00:05,462
that's a tough one
but i would say "yes",
3
00:00:05,463 --> 00:00:08,660
people can change.
That's what I beliebe, anyway.
4
00:00:08,661 --> 00:00:10,622
And I will
until the day I die.
5
00:00:10,623 --> 00:00:14,255
You do realize you're proving
the exact opposite of your point?
6
00:00:14,256 --> 00:00:18,125
See, she's changed. She used
to be very supportive about me.
7
00:00:18,889 --> 00:00:21,719
Come on...
8
00:00:23,328 --> 00:00:25,636
Phill!
9
00:00:25,637 --> 00:00:27,948
Ow! Why is this
so loud?
10
00:00:27,949 --> 00:00:29,611
Why is this
so loud?
11
00:00:29,612 --> 00:00:30,451
Make it stop.
12
00:00:30,452 --> 00:00:33,099
I just installed a sweet
home theater system
13
00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:35,737
at the family room.
14
00:00:35,738 --> 00:00:39,701
The trouble is -
Claire struggles with technology.
15
00:00:39,702 --> 00:00:40,656
Of any kind.
16
00:00:40,657 --> 00:00:44,370
I mean, remotes,
cell phones, computers...
17
00:00:45,065 --> 00:00:48,249
Haley, have you seen my blue...
18
00:00:48,250 --> 00:00:51,904
- Hey, Mrs. Dunphy.
- Oh, hey, Dylan.
19
00:00:51,905 --> 00:00:54,576
You know
I can see you, right?
20
00:00:54,577 --> 00:00:57,472
***
21
00:00:57,473 --> 00:00:59,908
Haley is just in the bathroom,
she'll be back in just a minute?
22
00:00:59,909 --> 00:01:01,632
Thank you.
23
00:01:01,633 --> 00:01:02,812
What are we poiting at?
24
00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:05,502
At the TV.
25
00:01:05,503 --> 00:01:08,697
Honey, no, I'm sorry.
It's a home theater.
26
00:01:08,698 --> 00:01:11,436
What so I - I can't point
at the TV
27
00:01:11,437 --> 00:01:12,748
when I wanna watch the TV?
- no.
28
00:01:12,749 --> 00:01:14,548
You pointg at the reciever.
29
00:01:14,549 --> 00:01:15,701
What's a reciever?
30
00:01:15,702 --> 00:01:19,570
Imagine our home theater system
is a human body,
31
00:01:19,571 --> 00:01:22,462
so, then, the reciever
is the brain.
32
00:01:22,463 --> 00:01:27,180
The TV is the face.
- ***.
33
00:01:27,181 --> 00:01:29,367
So, he says those lies,
and a lot many more.
34
00:01:29,368 --> 00:01:31,312
His heart - Boom!
-Boom!
35
00:01:31,313 --> 00:01:33,411
Quadruple bypass,
blow the valve.
36
00:01:33,412 --> 00:01:34,320
He look who it is!
37
00:01:34,321 --> 00:01:36,222
Hey, there he is.
What a coinkydink.
38
00:01:36,223 --> 00:01:39,158
I was just getting some
flowers for gloria
for babysitting lily.
39
00:01:39,159 --> 00:01:41,227
You want me to take them
to her?
I would,
40
00:01:41,228 --> 00:01:43,362
But I have the most hilarious
card for her at home.
41
00:01:43,363 --> 00:01:45,631
It's -- it's a hunky
antonio banderas type
42
00:01:45,632 --> 00:01:48,334
In silk boxers,
and on the inside it says,
43
00:01:48,335 --> 00:01:50,803
"thank you
for last noche...
44
00:01:50,804 --> 00:01:53,672
But I can't find
my pantalones."
45
00:01:56,443 --> 00:01:58,577
I'm not doing it justice,
really.
46
00:01:58,578 --> 00:02:00,346
Hi, I'm cameron.
Oh, geez, I'm sorry.
47
00:02:00,347 --> 00:02:01,814
Guys, this is cameron.
48
00:02:01,815 --> 00:02:05,351
He's a, um...
A f-friend of my son's.
49
00:02:05,352 --> 00:02:07,620
This is, uh, scotty, dale,
hugo, and shorty.
50
00:02:07,621 --> 00:02:09,655
It's nice to meet
you guys.
51
00:02:09,656 --> 00:02:12,424
You guys look like a scene
out of "jersey boys."
52
00:02:17,197 --> 00:02:20,732
Ohh, so handsome!
Thank you.
53
00:02:21,835 --> 00:02:24,537
Manny, are you wearing
aftershave?
Yes.
54
00:02:24,538 --> 00:02:25,804
For my date.
55
00:02:25,805 --> 00:02:28,274
This will be the first time
she will ever smell me.
56
00:02:28,275 --> 00:02:29,642
Her name is whitney.
57
00:02:29,643 --> 00:02:31,911
I met her
in an online book club.
58
00:02:31,912 --> 00:02:36,215
We both like vampire fiction
and the romance of eternal life.
59
00:02:36,216 --> 00:02:38,617
I think it's adorable
that manny has a date.
60
00:02:38,618 --> 00:02:40,586
He even picked out
the lunch menu.
61
00:02:40,587 --> 00:02:42,888
Grilled-cheese sandwich
and tomato soup.
62
00:02:42,889 --> 00:02:44,523
Tomato soup because, you know,
63
00:02:44,524 --> 00:02:46,492
That tomato soup
is like the blood
64
00:02:46,493 --> 00:02:48,761
And the vampires
like to eat their blood.
65
00:02:48,762 --> 00:02:51,030
And then he wants me
to take them out for ice cream,
66
00:02:51,031 --> 00:02:53,498
Well, because
manny likes ice cream.
67
00:02:54,401 --> 00:02:55,701
Oh, that must be her.
68
00:02:55,702 --> 00:02:58,937
If this goes well,
you don't need to stick around.
69
00:03:04,244 --> 00:03:07,980
Hi, I'm whitney.
I'm here for mny.
70
00:03:18,792 --> 00:03:21,794
Sync by deGroote.
www.addic7ed.com
71
00:03:21,795 --> 00:03:24,063
See how that works?
72
00:03:24,064 --> 00:03:25,464
Sorry, sweetie.
Sorry, daddy.
73
00:03:25,465 --> 00:03:26,799
Oh, it's all right.
74
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:28,634
We were just -- me and lily
were just using the time
75
00:03:28,635 --> 00:03:31,503
To finally figure out
how to use the car's
voice-command thingy.
76
00:03:31,504 --> 00:03:34,340
Oh.
Yeah, here,
check it out. Watch.
77
00:03:34,341 --> 00:03:37,042
Cd player, next track.
78
00:03:37,043 --> 00:03:39,443
Say a command.
79
00:03:40,313 --> 00:03:43,515
Cd player, next track.
80
00:03:43,516 --> 00:03:45,784
Air conditioner on.Damn it.
81
00:03:45,785 --> 00:03:48,020
Wow, you're worse than your
sister with this kind of stuff.
82
00:03:48,021 --> 00:03:50,022
It's a good thing lily
doesn't have an ejector seat.
83
00:03:50,023 --> 00:03:51,724
Oh, guess what.
84
00:03:51,725 --> 00:03:53,792
I ran into your dad
and some of his friends.
85
00:03:53,793 --> 00:03:56,195
Oh, really?
Yeah.
And get this --
86
00:03:56,196 --> 00:03:59,498
He, uh, he referred to me
as "a friend of my son."
87
00:03:59,499 --> 00:04:01,133
Seriously?
88
00:04:01,134 --> 00:04:04,470
Yeah.
89
00:04:04,471 --> 00:04:06,305
Well,
I wasn't offended by it.
90
00:04:06,306 --> 00:04:08,073
Well, I am.
91
00:04:08,074 --> 00:04:11,543
I mean, w-would he refer
to phil as "a friend
of claire's?" no.
92
00:04:11,544 --> 00:04:13,112
I've heard him call phil
a lot worse.
93
00:04:13,113 --> 00:04:15,147
Just let it pass. I should
have never said anything.
94
00:04:15,148 --> 00:04:16,415
No, I'not
letting it pass.
95
00:04:16,416 --> 00:04:18,050
He needs to know that
that's not o
96
00:04:18,051 --> 00:04:20,085
And if he doesn't like it,
he knows where he can go.
97
00:04:20,086 --> 00:04:21,587
Enter a destination.
98
00:04:21,588 --> 00:04:22,554
Hell!
99
00:04:22,555 --> 00:04:23,956
Mexican food.
100
00:04:23,957 --> 00:04:25,991
Shut up!
101
00:04:25,992 --> 00:04:28,160
I came out of the closet
in my mid-20s.
102
00:04:28,161 --> 00:04:30,863
I had to actually come out
to my dad three times
103
00:04:30,864 --> 00:04:32,765
Before he
finally acknowledged it.
104
00:04:32,766 --> 00:04:35,601
I'm not sure if maybe
he was hoping he heard it wrong.
105
00:04:35,602 --> 00:04:39,672
Like I had said,
"dad, I'm gray."
106
00:04:39,673 --> 00:04:41,974
And my parents,
they always just knew.
107
00:04:41,975 --> 00:04:44,376
My mother says labor with me
took 36 hours
108
00:04:44,377 --> 00:04:47,546
Because I came out of the womb
like this, "hello!"
109
00:04:48,715 --> 00:04:49,748
Hey, dad.
Mitchell.
110
00:04:49,749 --> 00:04:51,317
Hey, you guys know my son,
mitch.
111
00:04:51,318 --> 00:04:53,319
Hey.
Hey, mitch. How's it
hanging there, buddy?
112
00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:55,421
Hey, heyhey,
that's a great coat.
113
00:04:55,422 --> 00:04:57,790
Where'd you get that?
Um, you know, I don't know.
It was a gift.
114
00:04:57,791 --> 00:05:00,959
Really? What is it, suede?
Microsuede?
115
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:04,229
Some kind of lambskin?
It's very soft, you know?
116
00:05:04,230 --> 00:05:06,630
Thank you.
117
00:05:07,967 --> 00:05:11,036
Uh, can I talk to you
for a second?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
118
00:05:11,037 --> 00:05:13,739
Be right back.
Good seeing you.
119
00:05:13,740 --> 00:05:15,874
What's the matter?
Um, "a friend
of my son"?
120
00:05:15,875 --> 00:05:17,943
That's how
you introduce cam?
121
00:05:17,944 --> 00:05:19,478
That'swhy you came here?
122
00:05:19,479 --> 00:05:21,347
Dad, it's -- it's just
more than a little insulting.
123
00:05:21,348 --> 00:05:22,981
Cam and I have been together
for five years.
124
00:05:22,982 --> 00:05:24,249
We -- we have a daughter.
It's --
125
00:05:24,250 --> 00:05:25,284
Look at these guys.
126
00:05:25,285 --> 00:05:27,519
They look like they came out
of the 1800s.
127
00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:30,389
You see hugo over there?
After lunch, he ordered a sanka.
128
00:05:30,390 --> 00:05:32,891
No, they're -- they're
not the ones that are
uncomfortable with this.
129
00:05:32,892 --> 00:05:34,059
You are. You...
130
00:05:34,060 --> 00:05:36,595
You've never been
completely accepting of me
131
00:05:36,596 --> 00:05:39,465
And now that I have a family,
it's getting a little old.
132
00:05:39,466 --> 00:05:41,367
These guys don't understand
the gay thing.
133
00:05:41,368 --> 00:05:44,303
Why create an awkward situation?
That's all I'm saying.
134
00:05:44,304 --> 00:05:46,739
That's weird, because
your friend shorty there --
135
00:05:46,740 --> 00:05:49,174
Gay as they come.
136
00:05:50,844 --> 00:05:53,812
You got to be kidding.
Mnh, no.
My gaydar is never wrong,
137
00:05:53,813 --> 00:05:56,048
And it is pinging
like we're at a bathhouse.
138
00:05:56,049 --> 00:05:58,384
What are you talking about, gay?
The guy used to be married.
139
00:05:58,385 --> 00:06:00,285
Okay, well, that makes --
no, well, so did elton john,
140
00:06:00,286 --> 00:06:01,820
Merv griffin,
cole porter --
141
00:06:01,821 --> 00:06:03,555
Hey, you know what?
You know what? Listen to me.
142
00:06:03,556 --> 00:06:05,591
You couldn't be more wrong
about this.
143
00:06:05,592 --> 00:06:08,160
No, dad, u could not be more
wrong -- about a lot of things.
144
00:06:08,161 --> 00:06:09,294
Good seeing you guys.
145
00:06:09,295 --> 00:06:10,562
Yeah! See you!
146
00:06:10,563 --> 00:06:12,030
That's a great coat!
147
00:06:12,031 --> 00:06:14,833
Ping!
148
00:06:22,201 --> 00:06:24,202
Phil dunphy.
Hey, it's me.
149
00:06:24,203 --> 00:06:26,604
Hey!
Listen, I've got
a bunch of moms over here
150
00:06:26,605 --> 00:06:28,473
Who want to watch
the talent-show dvd,
151
00:06:28,474 --> 00:06:31,175
And I can't get
the sound to work.
152
00:06:31,176 --> 00:06:33,244
Is there a picture?
Yes.
153
00:06:33,245 --> 00:06:35,847
Be honest. Did you do that thing
where you get frustrated
154
00:06:35,848 --> 00:06:37,748
And you start pressing
all the buttons?
155
00:06:37,749 --> 00:06:38,883
No.
156
00:06:38,884 --> 00:06:40,251
I have a theory
157
00:06:40,252 --> 00:06:42,887
That phil installs overly
complicated things in the house
158
00:06:42,888 --> 00:06:45,756
Just so he has an excuse
to talk to me like a child.
159
00:06:45,757 --> 00:06:47,758
Last month,
it was the thermostat.
160
00:06:47,759 --> 00:06:49,994
⪠the snowflake button âª
161
00:06:49,995 --> 00:06:52,096
⪠makes it
cold, cold, cold âª
162
00:06:52,097 --> 00:06:55,933
⪠"set temperature"
makes it hold, hold, hold âª
163
00:06:55,934 --> 00:06:58,936
⪠the little flame
makes it... âª
164
00:06:58,937 --> 00:07:00,938
Whitney:
165
00:07:00,939 --> 00:07:04,342
This is so humiliating.
I am sorry.
166
00:07:04,343 --> 00:07:05,510
It's okay.
167
00:07:05,511 --> 00:07:08,713
He just seemed
so mature online.
168
00:07:08,714 --> 00:07:10,481
How could I be
so stupid?
169
00:07:10,482 --> 00:07:13,718
You're not stupid. Stupid
isot following your heart
170
00:07:13,719 --> 00:07:15,386
And taking a chance
on love.
171
00:07:15,387 --> 00:07:18,656
I mean, what kind of 11-year-old
talks like that?
172
00:07:18,657 --> 00:07:20,625
Manny's an old soul.
173
00:07:20,626 --> 00:07:24,228
Here,
use my handkerchief.
174
00:07:24,229 --> 00:07:26,397
You see what I mean?
175
00:07:26,398 --> 00:07:29,400
I'll just be alone for the rest
of my life, and that's okay.
176
00:07:29,401 --> 00:07:31,569
No, don't say that.
177
00:07:31,570 --> 00:07:34,305
In my country,
there is a saying that means,
178
00:07:34,306 --> 00:07:37,241
"love is
just around the corner."
179
00:07:37,242 --> 00:07:40,778
I come from a neighborhood
with a lot of prostitutes.
180
00:07:40,779 --> 00:07:41,946
Maybe for you.
181
00:07:41,947 --> 00:07:44,615
I mean, men must throw
themselves at you every day.
182
00:07:44,616 --> 00:07:47,118
They'll do the same for you
if you just...
183
00:07:47,119 --> 00:07:48,553
Just what?
184
00:07:48,554 --> 00:07:49,820
Put out?
185
00:07:49,821 --> 00:07:52,223
No, just --
like, the lipstick,
186
00:07:52,224 --> 00:07:54,458
The hair, push-up bra,
you know.
187
00:07:54,459 --> 00:07:57,762
What's it matter? I'm never
gonna be as pretty as you.
188
00:07:57,763 --> 00:08:00,364
Believe me,
this takes a lot of work.
189
00:08:00,365 --> 00:08:03,067
You just need to find
your inner beauty.
190
00:08:03,068 --> 00:08:06,404
It's hiding beneath
a mask of insecurity.
191
00:08:06,405 --> 00:08:08,539
Okay, he's starting
to freak me out.
192
00:08:08,540 --> 00:08:10,940
Manny, go play.
Okay.
193
00:08:13,879 --> 00:08:16,647
Mitchell, how do these
look to you?
194
00:08:16,648 --> 00:08:17,782
Like they're dying.
195
00:08:17,783 --> 00:08:19,917
I know, right?
I saidomething to the florist,
196
00:08:19,918 --> 00:08:21,285
And he said,
"oh, don't worry about it.
197
00:08:21,286 --> 00:08:22,954
They're gonna me back."
they're not coming back.
198
00:08:22,955 --> 00:08:24,155
They've crossed
to the other side!
199
00:08:24,156 --> 00:08:25,556
You are a funny man.
Why?
200
00:08:25,557 --> 00:08:28,025
Well, because you're completely
bothered by the flowers,
201
00:08:28,026 --> 00:08:30,628
But when my father introduces
you as "a friend of my son" --
202
00:08:30,629 --> 00:08:32,163
Doesn't faze you
in the least.
203
00:08:32,164 --> 00:08:34,198
Because the florist
played me for a fool.
204
00:08:34,199 --> 00:08:37,001
Your dad didn't mean any harm.
He's just being who he is.
205
00:08:37,002 --> 00:08:39,570
Uh, when I was back east
in law school,
206
00:08:39,571 --> 00:08:42,239
My dad used to call me
every Saturday at 6:00 p.M.
207
00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:43,708
Before people would go out,
208
00:08:43,709 --> 00:08:45,710
Just, you know,
check in, catch up.
209
00:08:45,711 --> 00:08:50,014
And then I think the christmas
of my second year,
210
00:08:50,015 --> 00:08:54,251
I finally got up the courage
to tell him.
211
00:08:55,921 --> 00:08:59,757
After that, I-I pretty much
just talked to my mom.
212
00:08:59,758 --> 00:09:01,325
Don't cry.
213
00:09:01,326 --> 00:09:03,861
I'm not crying.
214
00:09:03,862 --> 00:09:05,229
I'm home!
215
00:09:05,230 --> 00:09:07,932
We're here.
Jay, this is whitney.
216
00:09:07,933 --> 00:09:09,500
We're giving her
a makeover.
217
00:09:09,501 --> 00:09:11,769
Hi. You havesucy
218
00:09:11,770 --> 00:09:13,871
And a really beautiful
house.
219
00:09:13,872 --> 00:09:16,474
Thanks. Uh, you two
know each other how?
220
00:09:16,475 --> 00:09:17,708
She's my date.
221
00:09:17,709 --> 00:09:20,378
Of course she is.
I'll be in here.
222
00:09:20,379 --> 00:09:22,413
I'll be right back.
223
00:09:22,414 --> 00:09:25,650
I'm sorry this didn't turn out
like you wanted.
224
00:09:25,651 --> 00:09:26,817
That's okay.
225
00:09:26,818 --> 00:09:29,987
Probably didn't turn out
how you wanted it, either.
226
00:09:29,988 --> 00:09:31,222
I'll tell you what.
227
00:09:31,223 --> 00:09:33,758
If neither of us is
with anybody in 10 years,
228
00:09:33,759 --> 00:09:36,227
How about you and me
give it a shot?
229
00:09:36,228 --> 00:09:39,397
That's disturbing...
230
00:09:39,398 --> 00:09:40,865
But maybe.
231
00:09:40,866 --> 00:09:42,767
How was your lunch
with the boys?
232
00:09:42,768 --> 00:09:44,068
Good.
Ran into mitchell and cam.
233
00:09:44,069 --> 00:09:46,270
Ay, nice.
And you're
not gonna believe this.
234
00:09:46,271 --> 00:09:48,005
Mitchell says shorty's gay.
235
00:09:48,006 --> 00:09:49,206
Shorty?
236
00:09:49,207 --> 00:09:51,809
Yeah, I believe it.
Oh, come on!
237
00:09:51,810 --> 00:09:54,645
Well, he's a great dresser,
a great dancer.
238
00:09:54,646 --> 00:09:56,247
That doesn't prove
anything.
239
00:09:56,248 --> 00:09:57,815
And he's the only one of your
friends that never hits on me.
240
00:09:57,816 --> 00:10:00,818
My friends hit on you?
Ah, yes, all the time.
But don't worry --
241
00:10:00,819 --> 00:10:04,188
They're a bunch
of harmless old men.
They're my age.
242
00:10:04,189 --> 00:10:06,190
I'm sure it's very hard
on shorty
243
00:10:06,191 --> 00:10:07,658
To keep a secret
like that.
244
00:10:07,659 --> 00:10:09,460
Jay, I think
you should talk to him.
245
00:10:09,461 --> 00:10:11,896
What?
Yeah, you're the only one
with a gay son.
246
00:10:11,897 --> 00:10:14,331
I'm sure he'll appreciate
opening up to you.
247
00:10:14,332 --> 00:10:16,100
We're guys.
We don't "open up."
248
00:10:16,101 --> 00:10:17,668
We talk about sports
and cars,
249
00:10:17,669 --> 00:10:19,837
Getting up in the middle
of the night to pee.
250
00:10:19,838 --> 00:10:21,839
But I'm sure you made it
very easy
251
00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:24,875
For mitch
to come out of the closet.
252
00:10:24,876 --> 00:10:26,243
Yeah.
253
00:10:26,244 --> 00:10:29,213
Okay, I'm gonna finish
my makeover...
254
00:10:29,214 --> 00:10:31,248
'cause I care
about people...
255
00:10:31,249 --> 00:10:35,152
Because I want to help them
change their lives.
256
00:10:35,153 --> 00:10:37,188
Jay, I'm hinting that you
should call your friend, okay?
257
00:10:37,189 --> 00:10:40,791
Yes, I'm getting that.
Okay, okay.
258
00:10:42,561 --> 00:10:45,295
Hey, hey, hey.
Daddy in the hiz-ouse!
259
00:10:52,404 --> 00:10:54,105
Phil:
Why would you do that
260
00:10:54,106 --> 00:10:56,807
To a brand-new,
very expensive remote?
261
00:10:56,808 --> 00:10:58,976
Because I lost my temper
and it didn't work.
262
00:10:58,977 --> 00:11:00,344
Therefore, it's useless.
263
00:11:00,345 --> 00:11:02,613
Well, honey, when it comes
to anything electronic,
264
00:11:02,614 --> 00:11:04,281
You're not exactly
the best student.
265
00:11:04,282 --> 00:11:05,883
I am very smart.
266
00:11:05,884 --> 00:11:09,854
I had a 4.0 in college.
How about you?
I was almost that
267
00:11:09,855 --> 00:11:11,789
Despite my substantial
time commitment to cheerleading.
268
00:11:11,790 --> 00:11:14,525
I thought we agreed notto bring up the cheerleading.
269
00:11:14,526 --> 00:11:17,228
Cheerleading in my college
was cool.
270
00:11:17,229 --> 00:11:18,963
The football players
were so jealous,
271
00:11:18,964 --> 00:11:21,665
They wouldn't even let me and my
buddies trevor, scotty, and ling
272
00:11:21,666 --> 00:11:24,335
Go to their parties.
273
00:11:24,336 --> 00:11:28,172
Seriously, claire, you owe me
an apology for baking that.
274
00:11:28,173 --> 00:11:29,473
Okay.
275
00:11:29,474 --> 00:11:31,842
Phil, I apologize for breaking
the world's worst remote...
276
00:11:31,843 --> 00:11:34,545
That you bought...
Stupidly.
277
00:11:34,546 --> 00:11:35,946
Excuse me,
278
00:11:35,947 --> 00:11:39,483
But the experts at cnet.Com
rated it the best remote.
279
00:11:39,484 --> 00:11:42,019
They gave it
three-and-a-half mice.
Wow!
280
00:11:42,020 --> 00:11:43,087
Well, I have an idea.
281
00:11:43,088 --> 00:11:44,855
Let's invite
the gang from cnet over
282
00:11:44,856 --> 00:11:46,557
And your old buddies
from cheerleading
283
00:11:46,558 --> 00:11:47,925
And we can have
a nerd party.
284
00:11:47,926 --> 00:11:50,427
Ling is not a nerd.
He built his own helicopter.
285
00:11:50,428 --> 00:11:51,862
And if he was alive today --
286
00:11:51,863 --> 00:11:55,866
Sweetie, let's not talk about
ling. It upsets you too much.
287
00:11:57,202 --> 00:11:58,869
You know
what I'm gonna do?
Hmm?
288
00:11:58,870 --> 00:12:01,839
I'm gonna buy a new remote --
the same remote.
289
00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:03,507
And just to prove
how wrong you are,
290
00:12:03,508 --> 00:12:05,342
I'm gonna teach our dumbest kid
how to use it
291
00:12:05,343 --> 00:12:06,510
In 20 minutes or less.
292
00:12:06,511 --> 00:12:08,045
Who's our dumbest kid?
293
00:12:08,046 --> 00:12:09,847
Luke.
Luke?
294
00:12:09,848 --> 00:12:12,216
No, luke understands
electronics.
295
00:12:12,217 --> 00:12:13,250
Haley.
296
00:12:13,251 --> 00:12:14,552
No.
Yeah. Haley.
297
00:12:14,553 --> 00:12:17,288
Teach haley to use the remote,
and then I'll apologize.
298
00:12:17,289 --> 00:12:19,056
Haley?
Mm-hmm.
299
00:12:19,057 --> 00:12:20,391
Come on!
300
00:12:20,392 --> 00:12:21,892
Jay: Hey, shorty.
It's me.
301
00:12:21,893 --> 00:12:24,228
Uh, I was thinking of heading
over to the driving range
302
00:12:24,229 --> 00:12:27,231
And hitting a few balls --
you want to join me?
303
00:12:28,133 --> 00:12:31,302
I don't know.
Wear -- wear whatever you want.
304
00:12:31,303 --> 00:12:34,405
Oh, my god.
Oh, god.
Mitchell: What?
305
00:12:34,406 --> 00:12:36,707
The flowers --
they look so much better.
306
00:12:36,708 --> 00:12:39,743
This is a disaster.
You do know what "disaster"
means, right?
307
00:12:39,744 --> 00:12:43,280
You don't understand. I demanded
that they come exchange them.
308
00:12:43,281 --> 00:12:45,449
I got all medieval
on the florist.
309
00:12:45,450 --> 00:12:47,484
Cam, I heard you
on the phone.
310
00:12:47,485 --> 00:12:48,819
You said
you were displeased,
311
00:12:48,820 --> 00:12:50,487
But that's hardly
going medieval.
Excuse me.
312
00:12:50,488 --> 00:12:54,158
I said "very displeased," and
I used my cowboy voice, so...
313
00:12:54,159 --> 00:12:55,459
W-what are you doing?
314
00:12:55,460 --> 00:12:57,795
I'm microwaving them
so they look bad again.
315
00:12:57,796 --> 00:13:00,196
Well, that seems a little crazy,
doesn't it?
316
00:13:01,566 --> 00:13:03,534
Oh, no.
That's the florist.
317
00:13:03,535 --> 00:13:05,803
Look, relax.
Just take them out.
318
00:13:05,804 --> 00:13:08,239
I'll get the door.
He'll never know the difference.
319
00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:10,140
Hi.
Florist.
320
00:13:10,141 --> 00:13:11,508
Hi. Yes,
uh, me on in.
321
00:13:11,509 --> 00:13:14,178
He's -- he's over there
with the flowers.
Hello.
322
00:13:14,179 --> 00:13:17,381
I don't know what happened.
They just, uh, somehow
lost their vigor.
323
00:13:17,382 --> 00:13:19,817
They were like this
when we came home.
Cam. Cam...
324
00:13:19,818 --> 00:13:21,518
Oh, my god!
Oh, my god!
325
00:13:21,519 --> 00:13:23,053
Oh, my god!
Oh! Oh!
326
00:13:23,054 --> 00:13:25,555
Oh, god!
God! God!
327
00:13:26,491 --> 00:13:30,460
Look at that.
Two things flaming at once.
328
00:13:32,997 --> 00:13:34,383
Damn it!
329
00:13:34,384 --> 00:13:36,018
You know
what the problem is?
What?
330
00:13:36,019 --> 00:13:37,887
You're not moving your hips.
They're frozen.
331
00:13:37,888 --> 00:13:39,622
Hips?
Yeah, your hips.
They're frozen.
332
00:13:39,623 --> 00:13:41,123
Here, let me show you.
No, it's --
333
00:13:41,124 --> 00:13:43,425
No, no, no, no, no.
Don't fight me.
All right, shorty.
334
00:13:43,426 --> 00:13:45,528
Just bring the club back.
Go ahead. All right?
335
00:13:45,529 --> 00:13:46,996
Now turn those hips.
That's it.
336
00:13:46,997 --> 00:13:48,063
Yojust got to relax.
337
00:13:48,064 --> 00:13:49,799
You got to open up the stance
a little bit.
338
00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:51,700
Spad 'em, spread 'em.
That's it. That'.
339
00:13:51,701 --> 00:13:53,702
If you don't relax, you're
never gonna get that shaft
340
00:13:53,703 --> 00:13:55,337
Where it belongs.
Hey, you know what?
341
00:13:55,338 --> 00:13:56,939
How about a coffee?
Let's get a coffee.
342
00:13:56,940 --> 00:13:58,307
Sure.
343
00:13:58,308 --> 00:14:00,142
Phil: Now press the button
labeled "activities."
344
00:14:00,143 --> 00:14:02,578
Where's that?
It's to the right.
To the right.
345
00:14:02,579 --> 00:14:04,280
And then --
and now choose "watch dvd."
346
00:14:04,281 --> 00:14:05,581
What?!
347
00:14:05,582 --> 00:14:07,683
Honey, you got to focus.
We've only got 20 minutes.
348
00:14:07,684 --> 00:14:09,718
Pretend --
pretend the mall's closing.
349
00:14:09,719 --> 00:14:12,121
Dad, this is stupid.
I watch tv on my computer.
350
00:14:12,122 --> 00:14:13,722
Why do I
have to learn this?
351
00:14:13,723 --> 00:14:16,525
Because your mom
doesn't think you can.
Nobody can!
352
00:14:16,526 --> 00:14:19,595
Haley, listen to me.
Listen to me.
353
00:14:19,596 --> 00:14:21,564
I know this seems
impossible,
354
00:14:21,565 --> 00:14:23,632
But this is
for all those times
355
00:14:23,633 --> 00:14:25,835
That mom told you
she was right...
356
00:14:25,836 --> 00:14:29,238
And you knew
she was wrong.
357
00:14:30,473 --> 00:14:32,341
I'll do it.
358
00:14:32,342 --> 00:14:34,476
That's my girl.
359
00:14:34,477 --> 00:14:36,779
You know, that guy's
got a beautiful stroke.
360
00:14:36,780 --> 00:14:39,448
Look at his pants. No pleats.
I like pants like that.
361
00:14:39,449 --> 00:14:42,251
You think I can get away
with something like that?
Sure, why not?
362
00:14:42,252 --> 00:14:44,720
Listen, shorty, uh...
363
00:14:44,721 --> 00:14:46,822
We've known each other
a long time, right?
364
00:14:46,823 --> 00:14:48,557
What, 30 years?
Yeah.
365
00:14:48,558 --> 00:14:50,759
And, uh...
366
00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:53,262
I sense
that you got a secret
367
00:14:53,263 --> 00:14:56,665
That's maybe causing you
a lot of anguish.
368
00:14:57,767 --> 00:14:59,201
You heard something,
right?
369
00:14:59,202 --> 00:15:02,371
Well, I had the same situation
with my son, mitchell.
370
00:15:02,372 --> 00:15:03,873
Really?
371
00:15:03,874 --> 00:15:05,808
And I didn't handle it
too well, either.
372
00:15:05,809 --> 00:15:07,610
And, uh...
373
00:15:07,611 --> 00:15:11,113
I just want you to know
that you can open up to me,
374
00:15:11,114 --> 00:15:15,017
That I'm gonna do all I can
to help you.
375
00:15:16,319 --> 00:15:18,387
Well, I mean, I...
376
00:15:18,388 --> 00:15:21,023
I never said this out loud
before to anyone,
377
00:15:21,024 --> 00:15:24,026
But I guess if I did,
it would be you.
378
00:15:24,027 --> 00:15:27,396
It's just that, jay,
you see, I'm, uh...
379
00:15:28,298 --> 00:15:30,766
...I'm...
380
00:15:30,767 --> 00:15:32,234
Go ahead.
381
00:15:32,235 --> 00:15:33,769
Yeah, go ahead.
382
00:15:33,770 --> 00:15:35,838
...I'm in debt.
Huh?
383
00:15:35,839 --> 00:15:39,241
I owe a bookie 20 g's,
and he's a serious guy.
384
00:15:39,242 --> 00:15:42,778
And you offering to give me
the dough -- this is beautiful!
385
00:15:42,779 --> 00:15:44,446
Wait a minute.
You're not gay?
386
00:15:44,447 --> 00:15:47,583
Gay?! What are you
talking about, gay?
387
00:15:47,584 --> 00:15:49,752
I'm not gay!
Where'd you get gay?!
388
00:15:49,753 --> 00:15:52,421
Come on, I mean, you're
blways talking about clothes
and everything, right?
389
00:15:52,422 --> 00:15:55,557
My father was a tailor.
I like clothes. So what?
390
00:15:55,558 --> 00:15:57,793
Are you calling
my father gay?
No!
391
00:15:57,794 --> 00:16:00,329
My father landed on normandy
to save your ass.
392
00:16:00,330 --> 00:16:02,731
You know, if you
weren't lending me 20 g's,
393
00:16:02,732 --> 00:16:05,634
I'd knock you out
right now.
394
00:16:08,605 --> 00:16:10,472
Take a check?
395
00:16:10,473 --> 00:16:13,709
Cash would be better.
396
00:16:13,710 --> 00:16:16,745
Haley, you ready?
397
00:16:16,746 --> 00:16:19,348
Let's do this.
398
00:16:19,349 --> 00:16:21,749
Turn on the tv.
399
00:16:23,119 --> 00:16:24,653
Nice.
400
00:16:24,654 --> 00:16:27,089
Mute it.
401
00:16:28,391 --> 00:16:31,360
Un-mute it.
402
00:16:31,361 --> 00:16:34,129
Put it on dvd.
403
00:16:35,699 --> 00:16:37,466
Skip forward.
404
00:16:37,467 --> 00:16:40,335
Wait. Um...
405
00:16:42,439 --> 00:16:45,273
Okay. Back to tv.
406
00:16:48,311 --> 00:16:49,678
Face!
407
00:16:49,679 --> 00:16:51,513
Don't get all cocky,
phil.
408
00:16:51,514 --> 00:16:56,452
Let's see what happens
to little haley when I do this.
409
00:16:56,453 --> 00:16:57,987
Ho! Ooh!
410
00:16:57,988 --> 00:16:59,221
Face.
411
00:16:59,222 --> 00:17:01,090
Dad, w-what do I do?
412
00:17:01,091 --> 00:17:02,791
Don't panic.
We went through this.
413
00:17:02,792 --> 00:17:04,326
Just -- just think.
414
00:17:04,327 --> 00:17:06,462
Give up?
Give up. Admit defeat.
415
00:17:06,463 --> 00:17:07,463
Haley...
416
00:17:07,464 --> 00:17:09,231
Okay, uh, let's see...
417
00:17:09,232 --> 00:17:13,268
You put the remote
onto tv mode
418
00:17:13,269 --> 00:17:19,269
And then pre input
till you get hdmi 1 and...
419
00:17:19,943 --> 00:17:22,711
Whoo!
420
00:17:22,712 --> 00:17:25,112
I did it!
She did it!
421
00:17:29,285 --> 00:17:30,853
Fine, you proved
your point.
422
00:17:30,854 --> 00:17:33,055
Everybody in this house
is smarter than me.
423
00:17:33,056 --> 00:17:34,923
No, honey,
you're missing the point.
424
00:17:34,924 --> 00:17:36,992
I taught haley how to use
the remote in 20 minutes,
425
00:17:36,993 --> 00:17:39,361
So think how fast
you can learn it.
426
00:17:39,362 --> 00:17:41,363
What's thatsupposed to mean?
427
00:17:41,364 --> 00:17:43,599
See what I'm saying?
428
00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:46,969
Jay:
Mitchell, it's me!
429
00:17:46,970 --> 00:17:48,303
Hey, dad.
430
00:17:48,304 --> 00:17:49,471
Hi.
Hi.
431
00:17:49,472 --> 00:17:52,207
I'm here to let you know
your gaydar is broken.
432
00:17:52,208 --> 00:17:54,343
Shorty is not gay.
433
00:17:54,344 --> 00:17:56,211
No. I, um,
I knew that.
434
00:17:56,212 --> 00:17:59,014
I just, uh -- I made
that up to mess with you
for dissing cam.
435
00:17:59,015 --> 00:18:01,950
What? That cost me20,000 bucks.
436
00:18:01,951 --> 00:18:04,353
What do you mean?
I reached out to him,
you know,
437
00:18:04,354 --> 00:18:07,156
To let him know
it's okay to be gay.
438
00:18:07,157 --> 00:18:08,824
You did?
Yeah...
439
00:18:08,825 --> 00:18:11,560
Right after one of the stranger
golf lessons of my life.
440
00:18:11,561 --> 00:18:14,329
Turns out what he is
is a lousy gambler,
441
00:18:14,330 --> 00:18:17,032
D now I'm the one
on the hook for it.
442
00:18:17,033 --> 00:18:19,535
Well, I'm so sorry.
443
00:18:19,536 --> 00:18:21,203
Then why are you smiling?
444
00:18:21,204 --> 00:18:23,372
I'm -- I'm proud of you, dad.
You're growing.
445
00:18:23,373 --> 00:18:25,007
Just --
just stop it, please?
446
00:18:25,008 --> 00:18:27,042
Don't you see how hard
this is for me?
447
00:18:27,043 --> 00:18:29,411
See, I used to be
just like one of those guys.
448
00:18:29,412 --> 00:18:30,479
Now look at me.
449
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:32,414
I got a house looks like
little colombia.
450
00:18:32,415 --> 00:18:34,716
I got a gay son
and a chinese granddaughter.
451
00:18:34,717 --> 00:18:35,818
Vietnamese.
452
00:18:35,819 --> 00:18:37,586
Only you would know
the difference.
453
00:18:37,587 --> 00:18:40,322
Okay, don't worry, dad.
You're not growing too much.
454
00:18:40,323 --> 00:18:41,924
Whitney:
I'm a little nervous.
455
00:18:41,925 --> 00:18:43,158
Don't be!
456
00:18:43,159 --> 00:18:44,993
I'm sure
you look beautiful.
457
00:18:44,994 --> 00:18:48,163
Whoa!
458
00:18:48,164 --> 00:18:49,665
What do you think?
459
00:18:49,666 --> 00:18:51,867
Look at you!
460
00:18:51,868 --> 00:18:54,636
Really?
461
00:18:54,637 --> 00:18:57,639
You gonna be fighting men off
with a stick!
462
00:18:57,640 --> 00:19:00,375
I don't know about that.
463
00:19:00,376 --> 00:19:01,643
Cameron!
464
00:19:01,644 --> 00:19:03,045
Hi! Sorry
for the pop-over,
465
00:19:03,046 --> 00:19:04,813
But I just wanted to
bring you these
466
00:19:04,814 --> 00:19:07,149
To thank you for babysitting
lily again last night.
467
00:19:07,150 --> 00:19:08,951
Oh...
Mwah!
468
00:19:08,952 --> 00:19:11,186
Gracias.
You didn't need to do that.
469
00:19:11,187 --> 00:19:12,988
You know I love lily.
I know.
470
00:19:12,989 --> 00:19:15,390
Come in.
Say hello.
471
00:19:15,391 --> 00:19:16,925
Hey, cam.
472
00:19:16,926 --> 00:19:19,094
Cameron, this is
my new friend, whitney.
473
00:19:19,095 --> 00:19:22,264
Whitney,
this is cameron.
Hello,
it's nice to meet you.
474
00:19:22,265 --> 00:19:24,266
That...
Is a spectacular dress.
475
00:19:24,267 --> 00:19:25,601
This old thing?
I don't know...
476
00:19:25,602 --> 00:19:28,537
What about her hair?
Oh, my gosh.
477
00:19:28,538 --> 00:19:30,439
It's like barbra streisand
in "the way we were."
478
00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:31,740
One of my favorites.
479
00:19:31,741 --> 00:19:33,942
Me too.
480
00:19:33,943 --> 00:19:36,778
Okay, who is reading
"the forevers"?
481
00:19:36,779 --> 00:19:38,313
I am.
[ gasps ]
482
00:19:38,314 --> 00:19:41,350
I am so obsessed with this
whole vampire thing right now.
483
00:19:41,351 --> 00:19:43,352
Me too!
484
00:19:43,353 --> 00:19:46,221
I just met the sweetest guy
named cameron.
485
00:19:46,222 --> 00:19:48,290
I think he might be the one.
486
00:19:48,291 --> 00:19:51,393
Mitchell: Can people change?
I don't know.
487
00:19:51,394 --> 00:19:53,829
People are who they are...
488
00:19:53,830 --> 00:19:56,498
Give or take 15%.
489
00:19:56,499 --> 00:19:59,902
That's how much people can
change if they really want to.
490
00:19:59,903 --> 00:20:01,570
Well, I'll see you
when I see you.
491
00:20:01,571 --> 00:20:03,971
Yeah,
thanks for com--
492
00:20:05,441 --> 00:20:07,841
Okay.
493
00:20:11,147 --> 00:20:13,482
Haley, sweetie,
wake u
494
00:20:13,483 --> 00:20:14,850
What?
495
00:20:14,851 --> 00:20:17,586
I need you to teach me
to use the tv.
496
00:20:17,587 --> 00:20:18,921
Now?
497
00:20:18,922 --> 00:20:20,889
Why can't dad teach you?
498
00:20:20,890 --> 00:20:24,560
Because we're married.
499
00:20:24,561 --> 00:20:28,397
Whether it's for themselves
or for the people they love.
500
00:20:28,398 --> 00:20:30,465
That way.
Yeah. And then press --
501
00:20:30,466 --> 00:20:31,934
Mnh.
I got it.
502
00:20:31,935 --> 00:20:34,336
Yeah. Yeah, 15%.
503
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:38,874
But you know what?
504
00:20:38,875 --> 00:20:41,176
Sometimes
that's just enough.
505
00:20:41,177 --> 00:20:43,577
I did it!
506
00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:48,605
All riall right.See you guys
next week, huh?
Jay, jay...
507
00:20:49,742 --> 00:20:51,576
Listen, I want to thank yo
for, uh, you know,
508
00:20:51,577 --> 00:20:54,813
Helping me out with that jam,
you know.
, it was nothing.
It was nothing.
509
00:20:54,814 --> 00:20:56,581
No. No, no, no. And I got you
a little present.
510
00:20:56,582 --> 00:20:58,450
Oh, come on.
You didn't have to do that.
No, I did.
511
00:20:58,451 --> 00:21:01,753
Two tickets to see
the great michael bublè.
512
00:21:01,754 --> 00:21:04,189
The guy sings
like an angel.
513
00:21:04,190 --> 00:21:05,924
He's gonna be outside
at one of the amphitheaters.
514
00:21:05,925 --> 00:21:06,892
Gloria's gonna love it.
515
00:21:06,893 --> 00:21:09,027
No. I'm talking
about you and me.
516
00:21:09,028 --> 00:21:10,195
Oh, you and me?
Yeah.
517
00:21:10,196 --> 00:21:11,296
Oh, well,
that's a little, um...
518
00:21:11,297 --> 00:21:12,797
Yeah, I thought
maybe we could have
519
00:21:12,798 --> 00:21:14,799
A little picnic since
it's outside, you know?
520
00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:17,502
I'll get some nice bottle
of wine, a little cheese,
521
00:21:17,503 --> 00:21:20,005
Lay on a nice blanket,
all right?
Yeah, fine, yeah.
522
00:21:20,006 --> 00:21:22,807
Yo, hey, I like your hair.
Who does your hair?
523
00:21:22,808 --> 00:21:26,544
Huh? Yo, handsome,
who does your hair?
38907
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