Original subtitles

CARNAVAL DE SODOMA

Come, Mr. Chang! We need you!

Come downstairs!

Come on!

Hey! You almost got me!

You're disgusting naked, it's worse when dressed.

- Bastard. - Jump off a cliff!

The night promised to be bad, and now this.

How is a girl to make her income?

Yes!

And the future saint, current priest of our church says:

"Will I die watching from the Lord's house...

...the blooming of the joint of doom that holds pagans...

...and mocks the Virgin, whose altar lies ahead...

...of Sodom's door, sponsored by the Chinese...

...with the council's aid?" No!

Let's see if they keep sinning without any light.

The Chinese says he hopes you'll pay your debt...

...of eight years to the whore house!

Let's go.

They've begun their false accusations.

Oh, Mary, my mother...

... bless us, all mortals...

The Royal is so fucked!

Okay, giris. Get to work.

LULU, THE CHINESE

Enough!

Smack him, Chinese!

Yes, give him hell! Like at the fair!

- We'll hold him down! - That'll show him!

Let him stick it up his ass!

Chinese, better use this battery-powered one.

Dear Virgin, you punished me by not giving me children.

You can punish me with my stupid husband...

...but not with rats.

Pray for the rats. That's all.

Dammit, it smells rot!

Just like your mom's pussy!

Are you stupid?

Don't you know he's only happy...

...when he gets his ass kicked?

Like this.

Get out.

Tora...

That idiot must not know I meant the woman...

...who banished him from her Fallopian tubes.

You have to educate the town's children...

...or starve them, like they deserve.

While you get your ass kicked...

...l'll drink your tea.

It won't get cold and it'll delay my hunger.

My stomach's a bit off. It's just nerves.

People born with sensitivity on their sleeve.

You promised to spend the night with me.

Fucking traitor!

They hate each other but as soon as they can...

...they elope to a room.

The Chinese has a drunk's soul.

One day, she won't hate her husband...

...she'll be fond of him.

How do you know what is in a woman's heart?

How could you know? I do.

I was a young, pretty girl...

...and he lied to me.

He lied to me

He told me he loved me

Why do you humor her? Now we'll hear the story.

"He hurt me, so did my boss".

And to top it all, this fucking song.

No one understands me!

No one knows about love! I believed in him.

Everything was a lie...

There's a paradise in the sleeping platform.

It's better than the triumph of the proletariat.

Stop singing to the cat. The Chinese will catch you.

Is the Royal going to have a carnival?

Of course it will.

Regulars and strangers will be here.

Who cares about a fucking carnival?

This town! Every year it has always had one...

...in case you didn't know. - How could you not?

It's the only attraction. What else is there here?

Sloth and carnival. Nothing and carnival.

Shit and carnival.

And as carnival is the celebration of sin...

...what better place to party than a brothel...

...just like in the past.

Maybe The Chinese will let us.

Tell your partner it will be advertising.

It'll be good for business. Royal needs a carnival.

Mr. Chang says it's too expensive.

Tell him not to be cheap!

He won't go poor by treating us all.

How much is a few?

I told you! Cheap geezer!

- I'll treat you! - You?

Everything! Paper lamps, drinks, sodas...

We'll take you up on that! If he's not drunk, he's crazy!

Costumes for everyone!

- Costumes? - Yes, yes! No.

Not for her.

She never changes her clothes and she stinks.

Here are your costumes, giris.

Pick yours, pick yours.

You should wear a costume too, Ma'am!

You can be free in a costume!

Why do you think we all love to use one?

What if he says something?

Tell him the violinist was splendid...

...and that by the curis of our Lord of Atocha...

...he paid for everyone's costume.

Aren't you also in this fucked up house...

...locked between four walls? Then you get one too.

It's the first time I dress like this.

- Like this? - Like you.

People of this land. A princess.

He's sending me to do my chores.

I have to check if there's a rat nest.

Respectable audience!

Respectable audience!

Today, the women of the Royal...

...who we know so intimately...

...have left their fantasy run wild...

...and behind it goes our imagination.

Men at the Royal!

Friends and mates of so many horny nights!

Mamota is Cleopatra!

Caricona, Carmen in red!

Monica, our tropical Valkyrie!

Angelica, princess Pocahontas!

Maura, the golden breasted odalisque!

Good.

Good.

Pour me some more so it's not obvious...

...that you're only good at punching.

My friends! Gathering partners!

Today, we celebrate love, flesh and sin!

Because, as I said once, these are new times...

...where even imagining is a sin.

What happened to that nostalgia, people?

- Who cares? - Just dance, sweetie!

Fag!

Get down!

I organized this. I hung the lamps.

- No! - Stop it!

Don't die, Liu.

Don't die, Lulu.

Not before I say I love you.

My father chose you with proverbial wisdom.

You were the wisest and most faithful of wives.

I didn't tell you because my parents were cruel...

... and didn't show me how to have feelings.

I never dared caress your ebony hair...

... nor kiss your porcelain skin.

Now, you're gone.

You leave me yearning for the best of wives.

We were one soul, one feeling.

I'm sorry for the unhappiness I caused you.

I'm sorry because you made me happy...

... the happiest husband...

... to the east and west of the planet.

My name is Lulu and I'm Guadalupan.

Lies, it was all lies!

The kisses, the roses...

Why so lonely, Angel?

Not as lonely as you.

And it's your best night.

I love the hassle. Bastard, wretch!

Shit.

The pretty girl wishes to have the fat lesbian's luck.

- Me? Pretty? - No. Me pretty.

I'm all alone here.

And those fat giris having a great time.

Again with the protestors...

...led by that traitor bastard to the proletariat...

...and the priest's ass-kisser.

At night, all the cats come out.

How am I to make a living? Wait!

I bet you wouldn't look down on me.

I'm not in the mood.

Monica, you're gaffe. Your bad luck is a plague.

That's why these losers prefer Caricona...

...pussy face, than risk you.

Your bad luck is that everyone knows...

...you give bad luck.

Come with me to the room.

I'll give you a special price...

...as long as I can shut Angel up!

Bad luck my ass!

- Look at all the rats. - Like you're so clean!

They're a lot of rats.

He lied to me

He told me he loved me and it wasn't true

I usually get hard very easily...

...with a little rub.

Your song takes away even the urgency.

You lack professionalism.

Or as they say, you're gaffe.

I risk it for any Jacobin...

...resigned, the soul of the proletariat, okay?

Yes, surely the fault is mine.

Torita, come on. Give me another chance.

I promise not to sing anymore. I swear it.

You'll see, I'll bring your libido back.

It recoils just by hearing that he lied to you.

Besides, I told you, I'm not in the mood.

Drinking coffee while I work?

It's a calories thing.

The Chinese added too much sugar and I only had breakfast.

This may be water, but sugar helps.

I can fool my hunger and maybe get in the mood.

This really sucks.

Eat with only two cents...

...and finish off with an ineligible whore.

How can I be professional like this?

If the client doesn't cooperate!

I almost had him.

Sure, first the coffee and now a walk, asshole.

Right!

There are no rights here.

Only the sacred name of this place.

What's happening to me?

Three empty weekends.

I need a man.

Go figure. A horny whore.

It's her fault.

Hasn't she stolen a client of yours?

Not one because you and I are that saying:

"The pretty girl wants the ugly girl's luck".

And the dog's too.

You're an annoying whore and in this business...

...all that gets you is spoils.

Not annoying, I was deceived by a traitor...

...just like the other girl!

We'll see when I get all your clients...

...lucky bitches.

Great to see you, Violinist. We missed you.

We saved your coffee so the Chinese wouldn't notice.

It's been tough for me. I'm horny.

Lend me your instrument.

Please do her. She's unbearable!

She's sung her song three times...

...and it's only morning.

All treachery and evil.

They pretended to help a poor relative.

They brought me here as a maid, an illegal.

That's wrong.

My boss' wife caught him with me. He goes:

"A countrywoman will take care of you...

...during the divorce."

That fucking madam was foreign.

She was foreign.

Hey...

...tell me you don't believe...

...that I'm bad luck.

I'm cursed. I laugh at your bad luck.

Oh, Violinist! Violinist, if you were only a man.

I'm a man who doesn't get hard...

...but I'm a man. - A man in other ways.

If you were, you'd be my male prostitute.

And I'd let you be my pimp.

Don't think that I'd do that because of this.

For this rub you're treating me with.

No, because you're not a treacherous man...

...who plays with a woman's love.

Like that asshole.

- The usual? - No.

The one with balls.

I'm feeling down.

He lied to me

He told me he loved me

And it wasn't true

Oh, Violinist! Violinist!

He lied.

Dear Virgin, I, the sacred wife...

...ask that the evil whore who slept with my husband...

...gets gingivitis and sore armpits.

Pray for her.

Dear Virgin, may the over pious wife...

...who clings to her husband, the Mayor, to be kept...

...get wrinkled like a prune and that the creases...

...of her flat ass won't hide her misery.

Pray for her.

Kind Virgin, may a putrid pox...

...mark her who pretended to be innocent...

...and stole my husband's heart.

Pray for her.

Immaculate Virgin...

...may your eternal curse steal the peace...

...of the woman who let her husband...

...abuse my innocence. Pray for her.

He lied to me.

Powerful Virgin, to that lived-in female...

...who says my husband stole her innocence...

...he didn't lie to her. She brainwashed him...

...with disgusting tricks.

Virgin, pray for her.

Tell her it's bad luck.

Ask the Virgin to make her more gaffe.

That will hurt, you'll see.

Merciful Virgin, give her more bad luck...

...make her more gaffe. Pray for her.

No, that's not fair. We discussed this.

I don't play with my bad luck.

I am now the gaffe and that sucks...

...because a voracious whore just got to the Royal.

I don't agree that he lied to you.

Absolutely not.

My husband may be disloyal...

...but how could he lie to a servant?

He swore he'd marry me! He lied...

Anyway...

He's gone now. Only you and I are left.

- Are we going to be mad? - No.

Just don't bring up the bad luck thing.

It hurts.

Okay, not that.

Until next week, as always...

...at the same time. - I have to run.

It's not fair that the fucking native...

...is advising Rachel to say I'm bad luck.

It's not fair!

I don't care that he said he was sorry!

I don't know why you go every week...

...to throw insults with that pair.

It's understandable from the old hag...

...and the bootlicking native, but you?

What's the point?

Neither she nor I can forgive the liar.

She's the sacred wife and I'm the abused virgin.

That creates a bond.

A relationship.

Anyway.

What do you know about love?

Besides, the native says it's like a confessi�n.

It's in their interest. They're scared of the priest...

...and I, a common whore, who'll absolve me?

There you have it. If it's not a confessi�n...

...at least I can get the anger off my chest.

But what would you know of the heart?

I'm even jealous you're not a man.

I mean, a functional man...

...because you have no heart to be broken.

To find advantages to my disgrace...

It may be to you...

...but you've saved yourself of a broken heart.

Violinist!

Sell your story to the soap operas.

Picture it.

"Dead beat brothel, castrated Violinist's lair".

And in love, to top it all.

That's an eye-popper.

The Royal doesn't only help hygienic functions...

...like the expulsi�n of manly fluids...

...but also cultural functions! A poetry contest!

And a historical costume contest!

But only characters who are in this encyclopedia.

He says no! It's expensive. Very expensive.

Surely the fucking Chinese did the numbers.

Who will pay?

I'll pay! I will. Costume for everyone...

...lguana and Patria. - Patria?! Move!

He takes care of us...

...even though he's castrated!

- The costume? - With what?

I pawned my soul for the drinks...

...how will I pay for everyone's costume?

Buying one for Patria? Teporocho is already disguised.

Just buy mine. Okay?

- She can be Eve. - Bitch!

Stop encouraging her! If you were a gentleman...

...you'd buy my costume so they could see...

...that you and me are different!

Drinks but no costume.

And Maura will start saying...

...I could be Eve, a free costume.

What costume?

Everyone at the Royal knows me back and forth.

Counting my money, my savings...

...to buy my costume.

And that bitch is stealing my clients.

No costume...

The Violinist bought it. The most expensive.

He bought just one for me.

Take advantage. The night looks slow.

The clients are partying but no talk of the sack.

Men nowadays. They either drink or fuck...

...but never both. - It's the traitor's fault.

Surely she gave discounts.

It's a party, they should spend money.

You and your nonsense.

Priest, I'm your lost sheep.

I'll wear your soutane and we could have fun.

- I don't think so. - It went to your head.

That's why you treat me like this.

Surely some fucking bitch told you I'm gaffe.

Some costume you're wearing.

Priest! I don't fucking care!

I don't care about Christ!

I'll settle the score.

Hey, disgusting.

I can't believe it.

To change me for a dump?

I do a great job.

I am refined, elegant...

...my room is pretty and well-decorated.

What is the food doing here?

And they say I'm bad luck...

...that I'm unlucky. It was the liar's fault...

...and now, the rumor has spread.

Fuck this.

Blessed Virgin, take the man stealer.

She steals all my clients.

All I ask are two per night. Only two per night.

I can clear my debts with that.

What are you asking our Holy Mother?

You damn whore.

It's not only a sin, it's sacrilege!

Out, whore.

You heard me! Out!

Are you taking the native's place?

That's on Thursday's, Father.

I come here in the name of God's wrath!

- Babylon! - Monica.

My name is Monica and I'm here...

...because I have a deal with your helper.

I disrespect the lady because she agrees to it.

I don't know the native through the brothel.

Of course not. I like praying...

...and he says my insult is like a penance...

...because you don't absolve astray women.

What are your sins?

He lied to me

He said he loved me and it was a lie

He never loved me

He didn't love me, it wasn't true

He let me adore him He lied to me

THE THREE MUSKETEERS

This is a mess.

A veritable racket.

Even the heavenly mob came to get us.

They came at a terrible time.

How am I to get a client?

They cut the power. Those assholes.

All Christian and cocky.

Too bad. It's time for the Chinese to pay the drinks.

The revolutionary tax.

Mr. Chang says to pay what you drink!

Mr. Chang doesn't like thieves!

The birds of prey fight! They pull each other...

...into a fierce grip over cheap booze!

Calm down, Ma'am. I could show you...

...how to start a revolutionary movement.

The Chinese has you whipped. Your boss is your husband.

And he bitches like only husband's can.

Gentlemen, gentlemen! Gentlemen.

Brave wisterias who battle the stars...

...in a central battle...

...when my kingdom is in danger.

"Brave wisterias?". Give me a break.

Wisterias don't fight.

Vegetables vegetate, idiot.

It's a metaphor.

Why explain? You only like to mess around.

I like to mess around, so I do.

You like to write and look at you.

"Fighting wisterias."

A full job for the price of a quickie.

If I had money...

...do you think I'd steal your boss' booze?

Miss Triumph here has another empty night.

Go ahead, I'll tell Lulu to bring Iguana...

...to break your balls. - Deal.

Take it out on me and not your boss...

...who took you for a great imbecile.

Dona Lulu! Dona Lulu! They're messing with me!

You fell for it! You fell for it!

You made my night, idiot.

Iguana is on his way.

Stop messing with the girl.

It's one thing not to fuck her...

...but another to break her patience.

The protector of whores.

The archangel of the exploited.

Momma's boy worried about the proletariat.

Want her bad luck?

Superstitions are the opium of the people.

- The people are fucked! - Get up!

You're rude! Rude!

It's on the house...

...so I won't have a blank slate tonight...

...and Angel will get off my case.

- Okay, for free. - Yes.

Dona Lulu, tell your husband...

...to give me a room.

- Look at all the rats. - Like you're so clean!

You've never seen a rat before?

They're a lot of rats.

You can count them later. Let's go.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

What's wrong? Huh?

Don't!

If you go downstairs now everyone will know!

The Chinese will be upset and he'll want an explanation!

So what? Professional pride?

Instead of bending to his will...

...you should organize a general strike.

That's professional pride.

Why the rush, Tora?

Tora.

You had no money, huh?

How about that? Your friend paid extra.

I left him almost dead.

You're a bad whore and a bad liar.

Where would the slob get money to pay you?

Enough of that. Since I got here...

...I wanted someone the hear the poem.

I'm sending it to the third Hendecasyllable Contest.

The Chinese aren't there to read it to them.

The other day, he heard me.

He was all serious.

I swear, it seemed like he understood.

Monica's singing and your verses...

...are both awful.

Yours are worse, hendecasyllable or not.

That is so fucked up.

Iguana, I'll read you my verse.

Verse?

Fag.

Do you know what a hendecasyllable is?

To the room. Full price for both of us.

Brave wisterias who battle the stars...

...in a central battle...

...and in the fiery spots they cast...

...upon the night tropical heaven...

"Wiseterias?"

Wisteria. It's a flower.

I've never heard of it.

That doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

Wisteria, bougainvillea, anything...

...what matters is the rhythm of the words.

Let's hear it. What's it like?

It's... It's the sound...

He doesn't know!

He's writing verses to a plant he doesn't know.

You are a real idiot, Edoy.

Brave...

Useless. It's all useless.

The Fearless Shazaam. He left...

Pay us. A deal's a deal.

Charge The Fearless Shazaam!

And?

There's a paradise in the sleeping platform.

It's better than the triumph of the proletariat.

Maybe she knows about poetry.

Angel, if you haven't been with that woman...

You have to go find her tomorrow.

And she's amazing.

- I went to her one night. - One? Just one?

That's my style. Angel's style.

For Angel, earthly pleasure isn't enough.

You are stupid. I'm going back to fuck her.

Bitch.

I'll find a wisteria.

I'll rub it in her face tomorrow, the whore.

I write verses for wisterias because I know!

You, my Jade Princess. You.

You're my best verse, dammit.

One night with you...

...and you make me write verses.

Half an hour ago, the deadline ended...

... for the verse contest by the Ministry of Culture.

I, Augusto Mancera...

... have the honor...

... to preside the jury...

... for the now traditional...

... Hendecasyllable Contest.

And now, on to other news.

All right, Mancera. All right!

I'll win this time!

I will win.

Even if Mancera and the Mayor laugh...

...I dream of the scent of wisterias now...

...of her. - How do you know?

I saw it in the dictionary.

What are they like?

Like her!

Cold, brilliant, jade...

Stop, brother, I'm getting hard.

That doesn't matter, it's of no use to you.

Chang has her hidden, reserved. I looked for her.

Every time I went to the upper floor...

...the Chinese appeared and brought Iguana.

Between the princess and Iguana...

...lguana's fists won.

Every time he hits me, he makes my night.

Next time, fuck her. Iguana will beat you...

...and it's a win-win. - It'll be soon, Angel.

I thought up an idea. A simple, perfect idea.

Carnival at the Royal.

Costumes, dance and poetry contests.

That night, the whole staff is there.

No woman rejects a party, much less a costume.

Carnival at the Royal.

XARVstation presents:

The heroic and romantic adventures...

... of the amazing, and incredible...

... The Fearless Shazaam.

- Yes, yes, here! - A party?

- No, carnival. - Carnival.

- Carnival. - Carnival.

Carnival.

This is useless.

Carnival! Carnival! Giris, carnival!

Carnival!

The same you've seen for 28 years...

...from your windows!

These Chinese live here and in China.

Please explain to this idiot what a carnival is.

Carnival. You move everything.

Forget it. Forget it.

A party.

Yes, Dona. A party. It's the same thing.

Who know if carnival exists in Cantonese.

Carnival. You move around.

Carnival.

It's here!

Our communal property.

One for all and all for one.

It's not hers. It's all dust and naphtha.

Iguana! Iguana!

Get them out!

Iguana, get them!

Get out of here!

- Have you seen her? - No!

It's a trap. You set a trap for me!

The Japanese know no limits.

Chinese.

You wanna hear it?

Want me to tell you? So you can laugh already.

Or you can read it...

...so you have a basis for your laugh.

What basis? You're a shitty poet.

In love with a whore? That's all you can be.

You wrote a verse to our Chinese...

...to win a contest?

What's wrong with using her inspiration to win?

A contest that you and another bloke care about.

Dammit, no! There's a third contestant.

- That's the guy who won. - Who?

The native.

The fucking native! The priest's helper!

One of those civic odes.

- Patria also entered. - Patria?

Patria!

This illiterate drunk won second place!

Kick his ass!

It's on!

Patria.

You wrote a verse?

Patria, did you send a verse to the contest?

But you're an idiot. An illiterate.

What's worse: a mute.

Again with the contest.

I'll kick your ass!

What's going on?

Iguana is kicking that guy's ass.

He wanted to dance with Lulu, the Chinese!

We told him she wasn't staff, but he kept insisting.

Stay out of it!

I'm like a scorpion! Dammit, it's my nature!

What can I do?

Wait, wait, wait.

He can meet us outside.

Mancera, I came to the City Hall...

...to demand an explanation!

Patria's winning verse wasn't a hendecasyllable!

He confirmed it himself.

He confirmed it himself.

Mancera, I've come for an explanation...

...right here, in city hall.

Patria's winning verse wasn't a hendecasyllable.

He confirmed it himself.

It wasn't a hendecasyllable.

It wasn't even a hendecasyllable.

CITY HALL

That's disgusting.

That's enough to close it down.

The Royal. They're closing it.

This time, it's for real. Due to the rats.

I heard them all in league.

And her? Our princess?

Her. Her and our staff at the temple of doom.

- Our beloved joint. - I told you.

There's no other choice but to rescue her...

...from her flea-ridden palace.

Wake up!

Wake the Chinese!

They're closing the Royal! Tearing it down!

What's it to me? Tell the Chinese.

You tell them. They're your people.

My people?

Honey, whores don't have people.

My only people are my ovaries...

...and I talk to them alone and as least as possible.

- What about her? - Forget her.

What will become of us without the Royal?

- What the fuck? - That.

We were dealt the same card as Patria.

His fate doesn't include princesses.

THREE LITTLE STEPS

Shazaam!

Shazaam!

I think he's calling Lulu.

Don't think all this ass-kissing...

...will stop me as Health Inspector.

I'm responsible before city hall...

...to maintain adequate levels of hygiene.

Shazaam!

Shazaam...

Mr. Chang invites the inspector...

...to visit at legal hours. - What hours?

Four o'clock.

It's four o'clock. There.

Now you have to buy me a drink.

Hey! Two doubles.

You have to know how to treat the Chinese.

Do you know her?

I mean, do you know them?

I mean, have you seen her body?

What, Satan? Have you seen her body?

That's stupid.

That's not a female, it's a useless lump.

Shazaam is starting! Let's go!

The Fearless!

Tell your husband I'm not here as a client.

I came to check on the rodent plague.

I gave you one day's grace but a day is a day.

After that day, the establishment will close.

The law is the law, Ma'am.

So you got hard with the Chinese?

- Father, please. - These things happen.

She got you hard or you wouldn't be here.

- lf you put it that way. - I say it truthfully enraged!

The syphilitic bitch got you hard...

...and you'll catch the eastern disease!

Father, I haven't touched her.

Riffraff doesn't have to touch a Christian...

...to make him her victim.

The pagans you hang out with...

...and those who stole your innocence...

...are right here...

...as direct proof of Satan against me.

You know why?

Because Satan knows I'll be a saint...

...when my body is clean and incorrupt at death.

He wants to stop it.

That's why he's stationed at the Royal.

Father, there are other brothels.

Yes, but none are run by a couple of pagans...

...only minor sinners.

Beelzebub doesn't care about them.

A rat's ass, a shit!

He and I know that no saint can be sanctified...

...however saintly he may be...

...if there are pagans in his town.

I'm sure he's smart enough to proselytize.

Did she smile at you? Did she seduce you?

Did she grasp you in evil's claws?

She spoke ill of Christ, huh?

Look at him! There he goes!

The rat that fell into the conniving...

...of a treacherous Chinese who seduced him...

...without a single touch!

Stupid fatso.

Yeah, Father. Sure. Diabolical conniving.

She sweet-talked me...

...but I've found a way out.

I'll take her three little steps.

One step wiggles, another step and she faints...

... on the third, the mouse. It's a done deal.

It definitely works.

I should know. I invented it.

When the rats die...

...l'll be a hero to her.

Of course. Naturally.

And she'll reward me.

Logically. Naturally.

All in three little steps.

One step wiggles, another step and she faints...

... on the third it's a done deal.

Shazaam!

That's me.

Smart, sly and quick! I'll poison the rats...

...but the bodies will be fresh.

Then, I'll close the brothel and get rid of the husband.

The priest and mayor will be delighted.

Happy with the pope and Luther!

How would you know who Luther was?

Luther...

Luther is...

She will be mine, that's it.

I am so sly!

We're both astute, just like you!

Shazaam!

Shazaam!

This is for you. It's a gift.

I'm a Chemist, I went to college.

I make it.

Tell him it's for the rats.

How, my dear? In Chinese?

Give it to Chinese. Here.

Make sure she understands it's poison.

Because she's not very smart.

She's sick! We have to treat her!

- I'm a bit of a doctor. - She's sick?

Were you born yesterday? Sick...

She's flying higher than a kite.

What?

She's into drugs.

Yes.

I swear she smiled at me in front of everyone.

Shazaam.

This looks fine.

Bigger eyes.

Okay, I accept it.

Her eyes aren't like that, they're a bit more...

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't know...

...that those aren't your eyes.

What? What's it to you?

I'm sorry.

Shazaam.

Shazaam!

Father Ponciano! Don't tell your godfather.

Father Candido's got me on a short leash.

Tell my godfather? You are stupid.

This shitty town only produced shitty whores...

...and knuckleheads.

Only you and Patria aren't wearing a costume.

I'm wearing a costume!

I'm Travolta.

The tea taste like crap, damn Chinese.

The kitchen is a dump.

Your pussy must be the same.

You leave dishes out with infectious mold.

Shazaam.

Dance!

Whores like to dance, don't they?

Don't play coy.

You like pull the strings with the staff, huh?

Open your legs so the cobwebs...

...that are spun in your pussy can fly.

Mr. Chang, he's making a pass at your wife.

- Stay out of it. - He doesn't care about her.

He profits off selling you...

...and you enjoy with his money!

Take advantage today! You're with a gentleman!

A dancing gentleman.

You could've danced, fucking bitch.

I wouldn't have made such an effort...

...and the girdle would be in its place.

Was it so hard, oriental animal?

A bit more and you wouldn't have fucked up my dance...

...my soul...

...or my life.

Fucking Chinese!

Was it so hard?

You'll see.

I'm going to show you.

So, she got away?

She got away because you're a total moron.

Isn't she disgusted by you?

Asshole, even the Chinese have a heart.

Surely she saw your soggy ass...

...and your baldness.

You'll pay for this!

You'll all pay!

She'll pay.

Come on, fatty cherub, I'm your Dark Angel.

Your very own Satan.

What will happen?

What mystery will there be?

Tonight was a great night.

Allow me, Mayor.

- Completely... - That's disgusting.

That's enough to close it down.

- I also brought a report. - A report?

Yes.

It contains details about the rooms...

No, that's enough.

...security exits... - It's closed. Enough.

There we go.

What's going on? What?

According to article 34 of Public Health law...

...in compliance with current legislation...

...this place will definitely be shut down!

- Get out! - Go away!

- Get out! - Go away!

- Go! - Don't come back!

Bastard!

Shall we go?

Let's go.

You, I and Travolta.

What could be better?

Shazaam.

THE CHURCH'S PRIESTS

I brought it so you could see it with your own very eyes.

If you say it's big, I believe you.

You don't have to flaunt it at me.

So you'll see I'm not exaggerating.

Bad people, especially that fat girl...

...who was bad-mouthing the ladies, married women...

...and even me, how's that?

Get that animal out of my kitchen.

Keep calling it that and I'll excommunicate you!

I'll do it in a second! In the blink of an eye!

She insists on calling it kitchen...

...to discredit Christ's space where I prepare my sanctity.

If that's God wish...

...it would've happened, or so I think.

He says I have to make the brine...

...with double vinegar to cauterize his guts.

Just look how it's turning out.

Purple. I have an opinion...

...but you know what he's like.

What am I like? Spit it out!

You native swine! Inhuman!

But disgrace and misfortune haunt me.

I am here, while Cipriano, my perfidious rival...

...who discredited me at the Vatican, is in Africa.

Come on, Father. Africa is worse.

No! In Africa, what you do is noted.

It counts.

Especially if you are in one of those wars.

Surely, Cipriano prayed a novena...

...to have a war at Sierra Leona.

And in the end...

...he went there as reporter for CNN...

...and I am here...

...in this town of soft Christians...

...corrupt, mixed raced, and I can't scream out:

"Virgin of Fatima, send your light, they're converted".

- The Chinese are here. - Chinese? Who wants Chinese?

For conversions, black pagans are worth more!

The Chinese aren't pagans, they're perverts!

They don't even speak Spanish, what will I preach?

How did Father Cipriano preach to the blacks?

How did he preach?

No, no way. They were at war.

During war, injuries are healed...

...people are saved and that kind of thing.

You preach with example.

Cipriano surely went to kiss ass at the Vatican...

...and he sent me to Africa so he could shine.

He was a show-off since seminary school.

He's just jealous of father Cipriano.

Plain, old-fashioned jealousy.

I mean, pure, holy and sacred...

...but jealousy in the end.

Why does he want sainthood? His gut makes unholy noises.

Out, woman! You'd be a daughter of Eve...

...if you'd been born in a race mentioned by the Bible...

...and not in one with disgusting rituals!

Get out, poisonous snake.

Every other day we have the same argument.

I can't even watch TV.

Every other day...

...Cipriano is there, on the news...

...giving interviews.

And I am here...

...in the eye of the hurricane.

I am here, forgotten, without a cause.

No, Father. Your cause is the Royal.

Closing a brothel counts.

It's returning souls into the Lord's ranks.

No, that doesn't bring glory or sainthood.

You used to say there's no small venture.

I told you because you are stupid but not me.

I was not born for small ventures.

My soul needs bigger things.

That's why I want a living beatification.

Beatification. There are cases.

Tobias de Tolosa was a saint in life.

Yes, but he's not a part of the saints' list.

I'm in no condition to argue with a petty verger...

...who was tempted by flesh and succumbed!

Get it in your head!

There's precedent for living beatification.

Few, but they exist.

That's the reason for the pillows?

I know my story. Don't contradict me.

Can you imagine the beatification parties...

...for a living saint?

Breakfast with the pope...

...the Minister of Foreign Relations has to work out...

...a choir of children under six years of age...

...that still don't reason...

...and that like the blessed...

...their souls are pure.

I'd give a small speech in Latin.

I won't tolerate any nonsense about the dead language!

Since when?

Since you lent me Latin grammar.

What's that?

He doesn't want them to be seen.

Natural comings of age and ineptitude...

...of the shitty town doctor.

He shits the sheets...

...and he says there are spies from Rome sent by Cipriano.

Like the Vatican will notice a town priest.

He has this idea of fresh meat.

He thinks the brine will cure his gut.

I tell him: "Didn't you want to be beatified in life?

So, who cares about your corpse?"

Out of my sight, blasphemer!

Just because she can't concoct my potion.

Don't correct my Latin.

You can't speak Latin. You're of mixed races.

Bless you. I hope you can control him.

You should've told me. I would've picked you up.

I did tell you, but you didn't show up.

How long has he been like this?

Since he wanted to be beatified in life.

Jealousy. Plain jealousy is eating him up.

I say it isn't Christian to envy anyone...

...especially a priest who is on TV...

...but he won't listen. He has much hate inside.

Godfather, they're right.

Latin hasn't been in style for 30 years.

Has the stray sheep arrived who I kept...

...after I picked him up by the river...

...or is he a Vatican spy come to diminish...

...the efforts of a forgotten priest?

- What efforts? - To close the house of Sodom.

- The Royal. - It still stands?

Worse than ever!

- We were attacked today. - Throw that away.

I'm going to bed.

I was in Rome this morning and I traveled in coach.

We'll talk about the Royal and beatification tomorrow.

You're leaving me here?

With these animals that don't speak Latin?

I'll catch up with you in a while.

He's not awake for more than 2 minutes.

He falls asleep at mass.

There's nothing to say about Sunday's sermon.

Let's talk about theology, divine things...

...alien to other mortals.

Will you help me close the Royal?

You will, right?

Wait for me, Father!

She'll come down. She's the queen!

If not... Fucking Ponciano!

Ponciano, come here!

You're here on time!

You're right on time!

We're organizing a carnival at the Royal...

...that you can't miss! You can't miss it!

Me? Attend the carnival?

Oh, Cardinal wearing Armani is playing dumb.

Like you've ever missed a party...

...this is nothing.

You've got your costume. The soutane.

In costume, no one notices a sinner.

The point of being a priest is resisting temptation...

...if not, what's the point?

Come on, resist temptation of the flesh like a man!

- Resist fornication! - Angel is right.

What better than to rattle your calling...

...with dark temptation?

What do you care about my temptations?

The pleasure to see you in resistance.

- Here, fuck it. - Let's go.

- Come on, beat them! - Here I go.

I like the automobile!

Dear Lord, Jesus Christ!

You'll finally tempt temptation!

This is great.

So, Ponciano came to sin at the Royal.

Vatican hypocrisy. What can I say, man?

Upstairs is a paradise far better...

...than the triumph of the proletariat!

If you want me to sin as God intended...

...stop reminding me who I am and work for.

Thank you.

- Full service, honey. - Don't bother me!

Anyway, don't think I'll be begging you!

Great costume, man. A priest.

What a dumb idea!

I want to tell you that I've managed to overcome desire.

Do you care about God?

I care about her.

A whore?

You'll leave me without beatification...

...over a prostitute?

She's just one more.

She is not. She's different.

- She's a Jade Princess. - What a load of crap!

So she's one of them, those perfidious Orientals?

A Jade Princess?

The Chinese have polluted you!

Take it as a missionary act.

Get close to them to start conversi�n...

...to the right religion.

Mock me. Reject my confessi�n...

...over a whim. - It's not a whim.

That woman is wedged between God and my soul.

Look at him, my Lady. An unrepentant sinner.

I fed him, I educated him, I bribed people...

...who stopped him from getting to the Vatican...

...and now he doesn't regret anything.

All over a fucking whore!

A pagan, to top it off!

I'd love to be Father Cipriano.

He has no traitors in his chest.

Instead, he has TV covering his path to sainthood.

I've tried to create my beatification...

...but the flesh corrupts.

I eat and eat nothing but this stinking brine...

...and nothing!

I'm trying to do it.

I'm trying.

Calm down.

Behave with dignity.

You'll find someone to confess.

I'll bring the whole Royal for you tomorrow.

You know those women like remorse and regret.

Think of Magdalene.

You betray me.

All I have left is my uncorrupt flesh...

...to go to Heaven.

Where did you hear brine would make you uncorrupt?

From her.

Then so it shall be.

She doesn't make mistakes. It's a matter of faith.

Of course.

If she says so, then so it shall be.

It's a matter of proving it.

Other saints asked for it and she conceded it.

I ate her brine, now she must repay my faith.

It's a give-give. Merciful mother.

Give me uncorrupt flesh like you did to other saints.

Merciful mother, don't let me down, bitch.

No smell like roses.

It smells old.

I'll get you your beatification.

Rest in peace, Godfather.

- You're going to confess? - No.

But I'll fix your flesh problem.

Look at you.

Just like before you left.

Now that you returned, help him find comfort.

Help him die in peace. Envy won't let him die.

I'll take care of it.

I'll be blunt. I need a special poison.

- Poison? Me? - Yes, you.

If you don't have it, find it.

Those poisons that keep the rats' bodies fresh...

...so they can be detected.

Impossible. They do the opposite.

Do whatever you can.

When you have it, give it to me.

There's a plague at the church.

Give it to you? The only poison in town can be found...

...at the hardware store.

"Three Steps", everyone knows it.

It has two presentations.

"Three Steps?".

Paralyzes, swells and kills the damn rat.

Like the advertising.

And the mice aren't opposed to it.

And it works. I'd know. I invented it.

Don't tell anyone.

People can't know that there's a rat...

...in the Lord's house.

What's the animal like? I mean, what size?

Three Steps acts according to weight...

154 pounds.

- 154 pounds? - It's a big rat.

Mixed with rice pudding...

...it deceives the most cunning of rodents.

Come.

Come here, I'm not the boogeyman.

I grant you absolution.

Shazaam.

I need brine, sinful native!

Unholy, dirty Magdalene!

No more brine.

I'm the one who has to put up with the farts...

...and I won't tell you about the sheets.

I can't put them to dry on the terrace.

Leave it to me.

Is there any of that rice pudding he likes?

In the refrigerator.

More brine.

You asked for help, I'm helping you.

You pay a favor with a favor, Godfather.

You sent me to the Vatican, I'll send you to heaven...

...to the saints' list.

Trust me.

I brought you the best miracle.

The uncorrupt flesh.

The brine?

It's nothing compared with what I'm giving you.

You'll go straight to heaven with this...

...non stop.

You know I do it because I love you?

We all have a right to heaven...

...but not everyone here was made right by God.

To heaven, to heaven.

I want to go to heaven.

An order is an order!

Every body must be buried or incinerated.

It's not any body, it's an uncorrupt body!

What did we agree?

That if you didn't wise up and stop annoying me...

...l'll tell the Mayor that instead of closing shop...

...you went to visit the whores. He's a saint!

Stop shitting me! He's not a saint

It's a regular body! A recent deceased.

Touch the uncorrupt body and you'll be sorry.

I'll make sure of that.

Stop spooking the faithful...

...and let the pestilent body rest in peace.

I'm sorry but you didn't really help your patron.

- Me? - Yes, you!

He had two wishes.

To defeat the putrefaction of the flesh...

...and to close the Royal. You ignored both.

Uncorrupt flesh, can you imagine?

I can. I'm seeing it.

Look at it with your own eyes!

Pink, fresh.

It's not right to shut out miracles.

Now we have to fulfill the saint's second wish.

To close the Royal.

Take care of what you have to do.

What about the separation of church and state?

There's always a chance for joint cooperation.

Godfather, I told you not to absolve me.

I wouldn't give her up.

You take pride in your sodomy?

He says no one will know.

Know? Know what?

That a lying Chinese man covered in flour...

...made me question my religion? My calling?

That I poisoned my godfather...

...for a Chinese faggot?

No one must know.

I'll make sure of it.

Mercy! He didn't mean any harm!

But he did it.

He is the lamb of Christ that wipes away all sins.

I'm going to save my soul.

I will take away your attributes.

Kill me! Not him!

He did it because I didn't give him children!

I didn't make him happy! It's my fault! Kill me!

You're crazy.

To die for this bastard?

He's mine.

We are one.

One coin. One face. One lie.

You say it from the heart or were you taught that?

I say it from my heart.

I have no country, no children, nothing.

Kill me! He is mine!

Don't take him from me.

You think this drama will stop the Lord's will?

I confess my sins...

Asshole! You still want to use your dark arts?

I killed the Chinese.

They killed Candido, the priest.

They poisoned his rice pudding.

That's why I killed them.

I killed them without mercy.

I stained my hands with their blood.

Poor devils.

You should've seen them holding each other.

- I killed them. - Don't worry, Father.

Didn't you know they're faking a fire...

...to burn this place down?

When it's gone, they'll build a mall.

Use discretion, please. It's a smooth operation.

Did you hear me?

Their blood is on my hands.

- I killed them. - You didn't kill anyone...

...because there's no dead Chinese man.

Who's ever seen a dead Chinese?

A Chinese burial?

I'll make this easy.

A fucking Chinese cemetery. Have you?

That's the Chinese. They just don't die.

When they die, they don't really die.

The Royal is fucked.

Who are you?

I'm Patria, man.

Patria.

SUBTITLES BY DISTRIMAX INC.

THE END

TO MATIAS AND ANDRES RIPSTEIN