Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:35,303 --> 00:00:39,473
I'VE BEEN THERE...
AND THERE...
2
00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:40,741
AND I'VE BEEN THERE.
3
00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:44,545
AH. THE LONG,
BORING STORIES
YOU MUST HAVE.
4
00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:47,481
I HAVE ANOTHER DESTINATION
FOR YOU, TOMMY--
5
00:00:47,515 --> 00:00:48,149
HIGH SCHOOL.
6
00:00:48,182 --> 00:00:49,917
WHY? I FINISHED
MY EDUCATION
7
00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:53,621
WHEN YOU WERE STILL
A SNOT-NOSED GAS BALL.
8
00:00:53,654 --> 00:00:55,456
THAT SOUNDS
VERY DANGEROUS.
9
00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:56,557
SHOULDN'T I TAKE THAT?
10
00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:58,526
NO. WE HAVE
TO ASSUME THE ROLES
11
00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,461
OF A REGULAR
HUMAN FAMILY.
12
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,663
TOMMY'S THE ADOLESCENT--
HE'LL GO TO SCHOOL.
13
00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:06,100
YOU'LL EXPLORE BEING
A YOUNG ADULT WOMAN.
14
00:01:06,134 --> 00:01:08,469
I, AS THE BENEVOLENT
FATHER FIGURE,
15
00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:10,037
WILL PROVIDE THE MAJOR
SOURCE OF INCOME
16
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:13,141
AND GIVE YOU
CUTE NICKNAMES.
17
00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:13,841
DICK?
18
00:01:13,874 --> 00:01:16,043
WHAT IS IT, KITTEN?
19
00:01:19,046 --> 00:01:20,781
WHAT'S MY ROLE
IN THE FAMILY?
20
00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:23,451
YOU'RE THE BROTHER
WHO TRIES HARD
21
00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:26,220
BUT DOESN'T HAVE
THE NERVE TO MOVE
OUT ON HIS OWN,
22
00:01:26,254 --> 00:01:28,289
BUT WE LOVE YOUR PLUCK
AND DETERMINATION.
23
00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:30,191
BUT I CAN
DO MORE.
24
00:01:30,224 --> 00:01:33,994
SEE? THAT'S THE PLUCK
THAT WE LOVE.
25
00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:37,465
LET'S JUST BE THE WARM,
HUMAN FAMILY THAT WE ARE.
26
00:01:37,498 --> 00:01:38,065
AFTER YOU.
27
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,367
WHY ARE YOU
DOING THAT?
28
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,068
I'VE SEEN MEN DO IT.
29
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:44,505
APPARENTLY WOMEN
DON'T KNOW HOW
TO OPERATE DOORS.
30
00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:46,974
WELL, I DO.
31
00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:50,144
OH, DICK, I'VE THOUGHT
OF A JOB FOR MYSELF.
32
00:01:50,178 --> 00:01:51,779
I CAN CATALOG
THE DANGERS
33
00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,814
THAT SURROUND US
ON THIS PLANET.
34
00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:55,516
FOR EXAMPLE,
35
00:01:55,549 --> 00:02:00,020
GETTING YOUR FINGERS
CRUSHED IN A CAR DOOR.
36
00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:02,223
OW.
37
00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:04,358
OW.
38
00:02:04,392 --> 00:02:04,992
OW.
39
00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:07,195
* HEY, MR. SPACEMAN
40
00:02:09,197 --> 00:02:13,234
WHY ARE YOU LISTENING
TO THE SERPENT?
41
00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:14,868
DON'T EAT THE FRUIT.
42
00:02:14,902 --> 00:02:17,104
DON'T EAT THE FRUIT.
43
00:02:19,507 --> 00:02:23,076
WOMEN.
44
00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:24,845
DEAN SUMNER'S
OFFICE CALLED.
45
00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:26,013
YOU PARKED
IN HIS SPACE.
46
00:02:26,046 --> 00:02:28,582
YES. IT'S SO MUCH
CLOSER THAN MINE.
47
00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:30,017
MOVE IT, LADY!
48
00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:31,319
AND YOUR SISTER'S HERE.
49
00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:33,187
SALLY, I LEFT YOU
AT HOME.
50
00:02:33,221 --> 00:02:37,024
YOU FORGOT YOUR SHOES.
51
00:02:37,057 --> 00:02:38,526
WHAT'S WITH THE GUY
IN 114?
52
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:41,295
HE KEEPS FOLLOWING ME
AND TALKING TO ME.
53
00:02:41,329 --> 00:02:44,332
I THINK SOMEBODY
HAS AN ADMIRER.
54
00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:47,568
GREAT. NOW CAN WE
TALK ABOUT ME?
55
00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:49,670
SALLY, ARE YOU
SEEING ANYONE NOW?
56
00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:52,373
I'M LOOKING AT YOU,
AREN'T I?
57
00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:56,710
FOR GOD'S SAKES, HE'S TRYING
TO ASK YOU ON A DATE.
58
00:02:56,744 --> 00:02:58,846
IT'S A PERFECT
OPPORTUNITY.
YOU'LL GO.
59
00:02:58,879 --> 00:02:59,680
NO, I WON'T.
60
00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:01,349
I KNOW WHAT'S BEST.
61
00:03:01,382 --> 00:03:03,083
WHY ARE YOU
TREATING ME LIKE THIS?
62
00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:05,619
"THIS"? WHAT
AM I DOING?
63
00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:08,656
ACTING LIKE I CAN'T
DECIDE FOR MYSELF.
64
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:10,324
ONE OF US HAS
TO EXPERIENCE SEX,
65
00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:14,895
AND I'M GETTING
NOWHERE WITH HER.
66
00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:16,897
WHY DIDN'T
YOU SAY SO?
67
00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:17,931
IF SEX IS SO IMPORTANT,
68
00:03:17,965 --> 00:03:22,370
YOU AND I CAN DO IT
HERE ON THE DESK.
69
00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:24,538
OK...
70
00:03:24,772 --> 00:03:26,540
I'LL LEAVE
YOU CLAMPETTS ALONE
71
00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:29,277
TO YOUR BANJO LESSON.
72
00:03:34,181 --> 00:03:35,383
"WHEN BEETLES
FIGHT THESE BATTLES
73
00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:36,317
"IN A BOTTLE
WITH THEIR PADDLES
74
00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:37,418
"AND THE BOTTLE'S
ON A POODLE
75
00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:39,987
"AND THE POODLE'S
EATING NOODLES,
76
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:41,655
"THEY CALL THIS
A MUDDLE-PUDDLE
TWEETLE-POODLE
77
00:03:41,689 --> 00:03:44,091
BEETLE-NOODLE
BOTTLE-PADDLE BATTLE."
78
00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:48,729
THIS MAN IS A GENIUS.
79
00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:51,131
[FOOTSTEPS
STOMPING]
80
00:03:51,164 --> 00:03:53,801
IF IT ISN'T OUR PROUD
LITTLE STUDENT.
81
00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:55,469
WHAT DID YOU LEARN
ON YOUR FIRST DAY?
82
00:03:55,503 --> 00:03:56,970
I'M WEARING THE WRONG
KIND OF SNEAKERS,
83
00:03:57,004 --> 00:03:58,672
GIRLS ONLY LIKE SENIORS,
84
00:03:58,706 --> 00:04:04,645
AND, MAN, YOU CAN'T
COMPLIMENT ANYBODY
IN THE SHOWER.
85
00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:07,615
SEE? AND YOU THOUGHT
YOU KNEW EVERYTHING.
86
00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:08,449
SALLY!
87
00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:10,618
YOU'RE GOING TO BE
LATE FOR YOUR DATE.
88
00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:13,153
I JUST DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO WEAR.
89
00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:18,959
IS THIS
APPROPRIATE?
90
00:04:18,992 --> 00:04:21,395
YES.
VERY.
91
00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:23,431
WHAT DO WE DO
ON A DATE?
92
00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:25,433
I READ ABOUT IT.
I'LL WALK YOU THROUGH.
93
00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:26,800
I'LL BE YOUR DATE!
94
00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:29,770
YOU'VE GOT HOMEWORK,
OLD MAN.
95
00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:31,204
SO YOU GUYS GET
TO TALK ABOUT SEX
96
00:04:31,238 --> 00:04:34,875
WHILE I MAKE
AN AZTEC VILLAGE
OUT OF MACARONI?
97
00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:37,311
THIS IS FAIR.
98
00:04:37,345 --> 00:04:39,380
OK, HARRY, YOU'RE BRAD.
99
00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:41,949
THE TWO OF YOU ARE AT
A ROMANTIC RESTAURANT.
100
00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:43,417
HERE.
101
00:04:45,252 --> 00:04:48,055
OK. NOW GO AHEAD.
102
00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:50,458
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO.
103
00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:52,225
GAZE INTO HIS EYES
104
00:04:52,259 --> 00:04:53,994
THE WAY DR. ALBRIGHT
GAZES INTO MINE.
105
00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:55,696
YOU KNOW...
106
00:04:58,866 --> 00:05:00,934
OH, THAT'S PERFECT.
107
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:01,935
NOW BREAK THE ICE
108
00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:04,004
BY TELLING HIM SOMETHING
PERSONAL ABOUT YOURSELF.
109
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:06,974
WELL, UH, BRAD...
110
00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:08,108
ONCE EVERY
LUNAR CYCLE,
111
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,043
MY UTERINE LINING
SLOUGHS ITSELF,
112
00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:10,778
THEREBY CAUSING--
113
00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:12,380
WHOA! WHOA!
HOLD IT!
114
00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:14,348
NO, NO, NO.
THAT'S NOT...
115
00:05:14,382 --> 00:05:16,350
NO....
116
00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:21,288
THAT MAY BE
TOO PERSONAL.
117
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,156
WELL, IT DOES.
118
00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:24,124
ONE MINUTE,
I'M FINE.
119
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,693
THE NEXT, MY UTERUS
STARTS THROBBING...
120
00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:28,496
WAH-WAH-WAH
WAH-WAH-WAH!
121
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:33,634
THERE IS SOMETHING
TO BE SAID
122
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:36,470
FOR KEEPING SOME MYSTERY
IN A RELATIONSHIP.
123
00:05:36,504 --> 00:05:39,272
WHEN DO I GET
TO TOUCH YOUR BREASTS?
124
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,910
RIGHT BEFORE
YOU DIE.
125
00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:45,579
FAIR ENOUGH.
126
00:05:45,613 --> 00:05:48,849
OW. OW. OW. OW.
127
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:50,684
* RAINBOWS,
DAISIES *
128
00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:54,021
* SNOWFLAKES,
THAT GIRL *
129
00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:57,791
MY BOYS.
130
00:05:57,825 --> 00:06:00,327
[GIGGLING]
131
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:06,333
SHE SWALLOWED
A TINY MONKEY.
132
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:09,369
SO, LIEUTENANT,
GIVE US A FULL REPORT
ON YOUR ASSIGNMENT.
133
00:06:09,403 --> 00:06:11,104
HE WAS WONDERFUL.
134
00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:12,640
HE THINKS
I'M WONDERFUL.
135
00:06:12,673 --> 00:06:14,775
HE ASKED ME WHERE I'D
BEEN ALL HIS LIFE.
136
00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:15,876
YOU DIDN'T TELL HIM?
137
00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:17,711
ALL THE COORDINATES.
138
00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:18,679
THANK GOODNESS
HE DIDN'T BELIEVE ME,
139
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:21,014
SO I DIDN'T HAVE
TO KILL HIM.
140
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,115
WHAT THEN?
141
00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:24,785
WELL, HE WANTED
TO SLEEP WITH ME.
142
00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:25,686
I WANTED SEX,
143
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:30,290
BUT SINCE HE WAS TIRED,
I LET HIM GO HOME.
144
00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:33,727
BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS...
145
00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:36,664
HE'S GONNA CALL ME.
146
00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:43,203
I WISH I COULD MEET
A GUY LIKE THAT.
147
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:48,175
COME ON, SPORT.
148
00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:50,478
I'LL DRIVE YOU
TO SCHOOL.
149
00:06:51,712 --> 00:06:52,480
BITE ME.
150
00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:53,914
"BITE ME" WHAT?
151
00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:56,450
BITE ME, DADDY.
152
00:06:57,485 --> 00:06:59,152
THAT'S BETTER.
153
00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:00,521
SEE YOU TONIGHT,
SLUGGER.
154
00:07:00,554 --> 00:07:02,590
NO, YOU WON'T...
155
00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:04,257
'CAUSE I'LL BE OUT
WITH BRAD...
156
00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:06,627
HAVING FUN.
157
00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:10,263
ALL RIGHT.
158
00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:12,466
GOOD JOB.
159
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:13,667
LET'S KEEP IT
MOVING, SOLOMON.
160
00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:15,068
CLIMB THE ROPE.
161
00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:17,237
WHAT'S AT THE TOP
OF THE ROPE?
162
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:19,873
YOUR SELF-RESPECT
IS AT THE TOP
OF THE ROPE.
163
00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:21,341
RUN THIS BY ME
AGAIN.
164
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:25,646
I CLIMB UP THERE,
AND THEN I...
165
00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:28,549
YOU CLIMB DOWN.
166
00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:31,519
AND THIS GIVES ME
SELF-RESPECT
BECAUSE...
167
00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:33,020
YOU DON'T WANT
TO CLIMB THE ROPE,
168
00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:38,225
YOU CAN GO SIT
WITH THE GIRLS.
169
00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:39,860
SO IF I DON'T
CLIMB THE ROPE,
170
00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:41,461
THEN I SIT
WITH THE GIRLS.
171
00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:43,296
THAT'S RIGHT.
172
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:43,997
HELP ME OUT HERE.
173
00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:47,100
I'M NOT SEEING
THE DOWN SIDE.
174
00:07:53,741 --> 00:07:54,407
[BIP]
175
00:07:54,441 --> 00:07:57,811
MUST YOU MAKE
SUCH A RACKET?!
176
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,651
OK. YOU'VE BOSSED
ME AROUND
177
00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:06,119
FOR THE LAST TIME.
178
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:12,492
OH, I'M SORRY
I BLEW UP LIKE THAT.
179
00:08:12,526 --> 00:08:14,127
[BIP]
180
00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:27,240
THERE HE IS.
181
00:08:27,274 --> 00:08:29,209
THERE HE IS.
182
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:31,679
THERE HE IS.
183
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:34,047
WHAT GOES ON OUTSIDE
OF THIS OFFICE
184
00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:35,182
IS REALLY
NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
185
00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:37,651
THERE HE IS.
186
00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:39,620
JUST BECAUSE I SET
SALLY UP WITH BRAD,
187
00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:42,556
YOU'RE NOT OBLIGATED
TO TELL ME HOW IT WENT.
188
00:08:42,590 --> 00:08:44,091
THERE HE IS.
189
00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:45,458
I'M NOT EVEN CURIOUS.
190
00:08:45,492 --> 00:08:47,494
RIGHT THERE.
191
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:48,562
SALLY'S DATE--
192
00:08:48,596 --> 00:08:50,330
START TALKING.
193
00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:53,233
IN HER OWN WORDS,
"IT WAS WONDERFUL."
194
00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:54,101
MM-HMM?
MM-HMM?
195
00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:56,970
SHE OVER-ATE, AND HE
FOUND HER CHARMING.
196
00:08:57,004 --> 00:08:59,272
HE'S GOING
TO CALL HER.
197
00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:01,541
MM.
MM.
198
00:09:02,576 --> 00:09:04,144
WHAT?
199
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,183
ORANGE JUICE.
200
00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:14,487
NONTOXIC.
201
00:09:17,424 --> 00:09:18,826
TABASCO.
202
00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:23,731
[CLENCHED TEETH]
ALSO NONTOXIC.
203
00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:25,232
HE SAID HE'D CALL.
204
00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:26,199
YES, I KNOW.
205
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:29,036
HE PROMISED.
HE SAID HE'D CALL.
206
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:31,271
I CAN TAKE MORE PAIN
THAN ALL OF YOU
PUT TOGETHER,
207
00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:35,943
BUT RIGHT NOW
I FEEL SO...ICKY.
208
00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:38,445
GIVE ME SOME PAIN
I CAN DEFINE.
209
00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:41,749
I'M NOT GOING
TO JAM YOUR HAND
IN THE TOASTER AGAIN.
210
00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:45,485
YOU JUST CAN'T IMAGINE
WHAT IT FEELS LIKE.
211
00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:46,654
IT'S LIKE
HE REACHED IN
212
00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:50,323
AND PULLED ALL THE BONES
OUT OF MY BODY.
213
00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:55,262
[SOB]
214
00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:55,829
MY GOD!
215
00:09:55,863 --> 00:09:57,765
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
216
00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:02,770
APPARENTLY,
I'M LEAKING.
217
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:06,674
WELL, STOP IT!
218
00:10:09,309 --> 00:10:11,444
ALL RIGHT, COMMANDER.
219
00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:13,613
[STIFLED SOB]
220
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:18,285
WINE COOLER.
221
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:22,622
I COULD GO
EITHER WAY.
222
00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:25,258
LIEUTENANT,
WE NEED TO TALK.
223
00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:26,393
THIS IS YOUR FAULT.
224
00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:28,328
I DIDN'T WANT
TO BE THE WOMAN.
225
00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:30,130
YOU'RE A VETERAN.
I THOUGHT YOU
COULD HANDLE IT.
226
00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:31,665
WELL, I CAN'T.
227
00:10:31,699 --> 00:10:33,466
THIS IS HARD.
228
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:34,902
FOR GOODNESS SAKE,
DON'T...
229
00:10:34,935 --> 00:10:36,236
NO. NO.
230
00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:37,237
PLEASE, DON'T.
231
00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:38,205
IT WENT SO GREAT.
232
00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:39,673
BRAD SAID HE LIKED ME.
233
00:10:39,707 --> 00:10:43,210
WHY WON'T HE CALL?
234
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:44,077
THERE, THERE.
235
00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:46,546
AH!
236
00:10:46,579 --> 00:10:47,848
MAYBE HE CAN'T CALL.
237
00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:49,049
MAYBE HIS PHONE IS OUT.
238
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:51,418
MAYBE HE INJURED HIMSELF
RUNNING WITH SCISSORS
239
00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:55,823
OR USED A DRY-CLEANING
BAG AS A TOY.
240
00:10:55,856 --> 00:10:57,524
DICK...
241
00:10:57,557 --> 00:10:58,892
I'VE LOST
ALL FEELING
242
00:10:58,926 --> 00:11:02,930
IN THE LEFT SIDE
OF MY BODY.
243
00:11:02,963 --> 00:11:06,767
COULD SOMEBODY
PLEASE CALL 116?
244
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,101
DO NOT TOUCH
THAT PHONE.
245
00:11:08,135 --> 00:11:09,436
OH, DAD?
246
00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:10,303
NOW WHAT?
247
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:11,638
MY TEACHERS WANT
TO TALK TO YOU
248
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,140
ABOUT MY ATTITUDE,
249
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:15,475
AS IF I HAVE
AN ATTITUDE.
250
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,010
JUST PERFECT.
251
00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:19,947
I TRY TO MOLD A FAMILY
THAT BLENDS IN.
252
00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:20,981
WHAT DO I GET?
253
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,150
A SURLY TEENAGER,
A SISTER OBSESSED
WITH A MAN,
254
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:25,085
AND A BROTHER
WHO DRINKS TOO MUCH.
255
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:27,587
IS THERE ANOTHER FAMILY
IN THE WORLD LIKE THIS?
256
00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:31,191
I DON'T THINK SO.
257
00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:33,293
I CAN'T TAKE IT
ANYMORE.
258
00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:34,694
ME NEITHER.
259
00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:36,396
I'VE GOT TO FIND OUT
WHAT HAPPENED TO BRAD.
260
00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:40,233
"INDUCE VOMITING"--
THERE'S AN IDEA.
261
00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:42,469
IF ANYBODY NEEDS ME,
262
00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:44,805
I'LL BE IN THE GARAGE...
263
00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:47,941
PUTTING UP PEGBOARD.
264
00:11:56,917 --> 00:11:57,751
HELLO, BRAD.
265
00:11:57,785 --> 00:11:59,552
SALLY.
266
00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:02,923
I'VE COME
TO CHECK YOUR PHONE.
267
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:11,031
SALLY, PLEASE,
CALM DOWN.
268
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:14,034
NO, YOU MAY NOT
MAIM HARRY.
269
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:17,404
FIND SOMEONE
ON THE STREET.
270
00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:19,773
TROUBLE AT HOME?
271
00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:22,242
NO. WHY WOULD YOU
SAY THAT?
272
00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:23,410
HE DIDN'T CALL,
DID HE?
273
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:24,711
NOT YET.
274
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,614
MM.
MM.
275
00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:31,051
I JUST WISH SALLY HAD
SOME WOMEN FRIENDS
TO TURN TO.
276
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,319
ARE YOU ASKING
FOR MY HELP?
277
00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:33,220
YOU OFFERING?
278
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:35,222
I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU'RE ASKING.
279
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:37,190
I DON'T NEED HELP.
280
00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:37,991
THEN I'M NOT OFFERING.
281
00:12:38,025 --> 00:12:40,127
FINE WITH ME.
282
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,395
YOU CAN'T SAY IT,
CAN YOU?
283
00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:46,967
HELP ME!
284
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:47,767
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO.
285
00:12:47,801 --> 00:12:50,070
I CAN'T STAND
TO SEE HER
LIKE THIS.
286
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,738
THERE. THAT
WASN'T SO HARD.
287
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:52,405
THEN YOU'LL HELP?
288
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,174
NO.
289
00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:56,743
CAN'T YOU TAKE OUT
AND TALK TO HER?
290
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,545
NINA COULD JOIN YOU.
291
00:12:58,578 --> 00:12:59,512
OH, I'M SORRY.
292
00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:00,380
TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT
293
00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:03,683
I'M HAVING MY EYES
GOUGED OUT.
294
00:13:03,716 --> 00:13:05,886
CAN'T YOU
RESCHEDULE IT?
295
00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:07,054
PUT YOURSELF
IN HER POSITION.
296
00:13:07,087 --> 00:13:08,455
YOU'RE OUT ON A DATE,
297
00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:12,392
AROUSING STIMULI
FLY BACK AND FORTH
ACROSS THE TABLE,
298
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:14,061
AND THEN HE DOESN'T CALL.
299
00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:15,795
HOW WOULD YOU
REPAIR YOURSELF?
300
00:13:15,829 --> 00:13:19,299
I'D GET TOASTED
AND CALL HIM
FILTHY NAMES.
301
00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:22,202
GREAT. GO DO THAT
WITH SALLY.
302
00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:23,670
YOU'RE BUYING.
303
00:13:23,703 --> 00:13:26,173
OF COURSE.
304
00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:29,877
OH, SHE'S WAY MORE
UPSET THAN THAT.
305
00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:36,884
DR. SOLOMON,
LET ME BE BLUNT.
306
00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:38,986
TOMMY HAS A PROBLEM
WITH AUTHORITY.
307
00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:40,888
IN GYM, HE REFUSED
TO CLIMB THE ROPE.
308
00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:43,190
WHAT WAS AT THE TOP
OF THE ROPE?
309
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,062
IF HE WERE MY BOY,
310
00:13:49,096 --> 00:13:51,999
I'D WARM UP
HIS LITTLE BOTTOM.
311
00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:53,033
YOU'RE THE ONE
312
00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:56,669
WHO DIDN'T WANT HIM SITTING
WITH THE GIRLS, RIGHT?
313
00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:01,141
HE'S JUST JEALOUS
314
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:03,843
BECAUSE I'VE DONE
SO MUCH BETTER
THAN HE HAS.
315
00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:06,579
NOBODY EVER SAID
BEING A FATHER
IS EASY.
316
00:14:06,613 --> 00:14:08,048
YOU'RE TELLING ME?
317
00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:10,650
SOME OF YOU
MUST HAVE CHILDREN...
318
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:14,087
AS FRIGHTENING
AS THAT THOUGHT IS.
319
00:14:14,121 --> 00:14:15,488
WHAT DO YOU DO?
320
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:18,558
YOU NEED TO SET
A GOOD EXAMPLE
FOR YOUR SON.
321
00:14:18,591 --> 00:14:22,429
SINCE WHEN DID MY SON
BECOME MY RESPONSIBILITY?
322
00:14:22,462 --> 00:14:24,397
YOU'RE THE ONES WHO ARE
FALLING DOWN ON THE JOB.
323
00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:26,633
YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO BE EDUCATING HIM.
324
00:14:26,666 --> 00:14:27,534
KNOWLEDGE
IS THE ONLY CHANCE
325
00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:29,569
THIS PLANET HAS
FOR SURVIVAL.
326
00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:33,673
ONE DAY, YOU'LL NEED
SOMEONE TO SAVE YOUR
COLLECTIVE BUTTS,
327
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:36,509
AND ALL YOU'LL HAVE
TO PICK FROM ARE
ROPE CLIMBERS.
328
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:39,913
DR. SOLOMON,
YOU'RE AVOIDING
THE REAL PROBLEM--
329
00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:41,448
THE HOME
ENVIRONMENT.
330
00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:42,882
OF COURSE
I'M AVOIDING IT.
331
00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:45,953
IT'S FULL
OF CRAZY PEOPLE.
332
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:52,692
OH, COME ON, SALLY.
333
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:54,194
I KNOW YOU'RE IN PAIN,
334
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,997
BUT HOLDING IT IN
WON'T DO ANY GOOD.
335
00:14:57,030 --> 00:14:58,531
YOU'VE GOT
TO LET IT OUT.
336
00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:01,001
COME ON, OPEN UP.
337
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:04,437
AAH!
338
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,376
THAT REALLY HELPED.
339
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,878
THIS CAN'T BE THE FIRST
BAD DATE YOU'VE EVER HAD.
340
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:15,115
A COUPLE YEARS AGO,
A FRIEND SET ME UP
341
00:15:15,148 --> 00:15:16,116
AND MY DATE
TURNED OUT TO BE
342
00:15:16,149 --> 00:15:18,918
THIS GIANT
SLIMY YOLK SAC.
343
00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:20,253
YEAH. I'VE BEEN THERE.
344
00:15:20,287 --> 00:15:21,854
WHO HASN'T?
345
00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:24,291
I ONCE DATED THIS
CHEMISTRY PROFESSOR.
346
00:15:24,324 --> 00:15:25,758
DR. ABRAMS.
347
00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:28,228
SHE'S STARTING
WITH THE As.
348
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:29,429
HE INVITED ME
TO PORTAGE LAKES
349
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:30,830
FOR A ROMANTIC WEEKEND
350
00:15:30,863 --> 00:15:33,600
AND THEN JUST
NEVER SHOWED UP.
351
00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:34,601
DID YOU KILL HIM?
352
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:36,769
I DON'T BELIEVE
IN VIOLENCE.
353
00:15:36,803 --> 00:15:38,771
VIOLENCE DOESN'T
DO YOU ANY GOOD.
354
00:15:38,805 --> 00:15:40,740
HOWEVER, A GAS TANK
FULL OF SUGAR
355
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:43,710
AND A FLAMING BAG
OF DOG POOP WILL.
356
00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:47,414
AND YOU
TAKE THAT ORALLY?
357
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:53,120
TOMMY, YOUR TEACHERS
THINK I'M NOT ACTING
358
00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:55,022
ENOUGH LIKE
A FATHER TO YOU.
359
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:56,189
YOU'RE NOT
MY FATHER.
360
00:15:56,223 --> 00:15:58,158
WELL, THAT'S TRUE,
361
00:15:58,191 --> 00:16:00,393
BUT I WANT TO TRY
TO ACT LIKE ONE.
362
00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:03,296
FINE. WHAT DO FATHERS
AND SONS DO TOGETHER?
363
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:06,133
OH, UH...
THEY DO THIS.
364
00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:11,971
YES. I'VE
SEEN THAT.
365
00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:13,906
OH. YEAH.
366
00:16:17,444 --> 00:16:18,578
EXCELLENT.
367
00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:20,280
WE'RE
ROUGHHOUSING.
368
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,981
SON.
369
00:16:24,251 --> 00:16:26,086
HA HA HA HA!
370
00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:28,455
ERRRGH!
371
00:16:45,272 --> 00:16:48,275
THIS HAS TAKEN
A WRONG TURN
SOMEWHERE.
372
00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:49,576
I'VE GOT AN IDEA.
373
00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:50,943
WE CAN DO WHAT
THE GUY DOWNSTAIRS
374
00:16:50,977 --> 00:16:52,479
DOES WITH HIS SON.
375
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:55,115
THEY WATCH TV
FOR 18 HOURS STRAIGHT.
376
00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:59,652
YES. IT'S THE CLASSIC
MALE BONDING RITUAL.
377
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:00,953
OH, LOOK.
378
00:17:00,987 --> 00:17:02,455
MONDAY NIGHT
FOOTBALL.
379
00:17:02,489 --> 00:17:05,725
ALL RIGHT!
YAY!
ALL RIGHT!
380
00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:08,795
WHAT IS IT?
381
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:12,031
ISN'T THERE SOMEPLACE
WHERE PEOPLE CAN HAVE
MEANINGLESS SEX
382
00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:13,800
WITH VARIOUS PARTNERS?
383
00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:16,736
YES. IT'S CALLED
THE SEVENTIES.
384
00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:20,807
WELL, HOW LATE
IS IT OPEN?
385
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:24,043
HEY. CHECK OUT
THE BARTENDER.
386
00:17:24,077 --> 00:17:26,379
OOH. GOD'S GIFT
TO WOMEN.
387
00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:28,915
I HOPE HE KEPT
THE RECEIPT.
388
00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:38,391
GET A LOAD OF THE GUY
IN THE VEST.
389
00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:40,993
I HOPE HE KEPT
THE RECEIPT.
390
00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:45,098
SEE, SALLY?
391
00:17:45,132 --> 00:17:46,399
YOU ARE NOT
THE PROBLEM.
392
00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:47,634
GUYS ARE JERKS.
393
00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:49,769
YOU'LL JUST NEVER
FIND THE PERFECT MAN.
394
00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:53,373
THE PERFECT MAN WOULD
HAVE BILL GATES' MONEY,
395
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:54,974
JIMMY SMITS' ASS,
396
00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:56,376
LIAM NEESON'S SHOULDERS,
397
00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:58,878
MICHAEL JORDAN'S THIGHS...
398
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:00,046
AND WE NEED A BRAIN.
399
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,482
NO, WE DON'T.
400
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:04,417
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
401
00:18:04,451 --> 00:18:06,153
THEN HE'D THINK
LIKE A MAN.
402
00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:07,854
SEE? THERE'S JUST
NO DEALING
403
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:10,157
WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX.
404
00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:11,924
YES, THE
OPPOSITE SEX!
405
00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:14,627
I DIDN'T DO
ANYTHING WRONG.
406
00:18:14,661 --> 00:18:15,895
IT'S MEN.
407
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:19,666
THEY'RE A COMPLETELY
OPPOSITE SEX.
408
00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:21,000
THEY HUNT,
WE GATHER.
409
00:18:21,033 --> 00:18:22,535
THEY SWEAT,
WE GLOW.
410
00:18:22,569 --> 00:18:25,705
THEY SHAKE,
WE WIPE.
411
00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:27,006
YOU!
412
00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:27,940
YOUR SEXUAL ORGANS
413
00:18:27,974 --> 00:18:30,777
ARE IN TOTAL DIAMETRIC
OPPOSITION TO MINE.
414
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:33,646
SO...CAN I GIVE YOU
A CALL SOMETIME?
415
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:35,782
OH, YEAH. I'LL BE
WAITING BY THE PHONE.
416
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:39,452
HA HA HA HA!
417
00:18:39,486 --> 00:18:40,620
HAVE WE
POISONED HER?
418
00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:43,256
NO. NOW SHE'S A BUXOM,
419
00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:47,126
LEGGY, POUTY-LIPPED
BITCH WITH ATTITUDE.
420
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,796
I THINK
SHE'LL DO JUST FINE.
421
00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:53,700
[DOORBELL]
422
00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:54,934
HELLO, BRAD.
423
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:57,103
S-SALLY.
424
00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:01,040
I CAME HERE TO TELL YOU
425
00:19:01,073 --> 00:19:04,177
THAT I UNDERSTAND
YOUR LIMITATIONS.
426
00:19:05,778 --> 00:19:07,480
I EXPECTED TOO MUCH.
427
00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:09,816
I'M SO SORRY.
428
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:11,418
ALL THE BEST.
429
00:19:12,219 --> 00:19:13,653
OOPS.
430
00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:16,155
GOT YOUR KNOB.
431
00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:20,227
HASN'T TONIGHT
BEEN GREAT?
432
00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:22,295
JUST US BOYS
DRINKING BEER,
433
00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:23,296
YELLING LIKE IDIOTS,
434
00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:26,499
EMITTING
VARIOUS GASSES.
435
00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:28,000
OH, LOOK.
436
00:19:28,034 --> 00:19:30,303
THEY'RE DOING
THAT THING AGAIN.
437
00:19:30,337 --> 00:19:32,539
LOOK OUT.
OH...
438
00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:34,040
WHOA...
WHOA...
WHOA...
439
00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:35,542
YEAH!
YEAH!
YEAH!
440
00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:38,311
THAT WAS GREAT.
441
00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:39,045
SALLY'S BACK.
442
00:19:39,078 --> 00:19:39,746
PARTY'S OVER.
443
00:19:39,779 --> 00:19:40,680
THANK GOD.
444
00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:43,015
SALLY, YOU'RE SMILING.
445
00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:46,453
YOU'RE FIXED.
446
00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:48,221
BECAUSE I WAS
NEVER BROKEN.
447
00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:50,790
I'M SUPPOSED
TO BE THIS WAY.
448
00:19:50,823 --> 00:19:52,359
I'M A WOMAN.
449
00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:53,526
YES, AND...
450
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,428
WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO
DO YOU USE?
451
00:19:55,462 --> 00:19:56,596
I DON'T KNOW.
452
00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:58,698
EXACTLY. AND DO YOU
FEEL THE URGE
453
00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:01,133
TO HAVE AN 8-POUND
SCREAMING LARVA
454
00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:04,003
RIP ITS WAY OUT OF
YOUR LOWER ABDOMEN?
455
00:20:06,439 --> 00:20:08,975
NO. I THINK I COULD DO
WITHOUT THAT.
456
00:20:09,008 --> 00:20:10,176
YOU SEE?
457
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:11,077
YOU AND I ARE
458
00:20:11,110 --> 00:20:12,845
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
LIFE FORMS.
459
00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:15,415
AND IT'S JUST SOME
SICK COSMIC JOKE
460
00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:18,385
THAT WE HAVE
TO SHARE A PLANET.
461
00:20:18,418 --> 00:20:19,719
I'VE BEEN THINKING
ABOUT YOUR ASSIGNMENT.
462
00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:21,854
MAYBE IT WASN'T FAIR
MAKING YOU THE WOMAN.
463
00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:23,656
I'M ALL RIGHT.
464
00:20:23,690 --> 00:20:25,325
I CAN HANDLE
THE MOOD SWINGS,
465
00:20:25,358 --> 00:20:28,194
THE EMOTIONAL ISSUES,
THE CAT CALLS,
466
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:30,263
THE PUNITIVE UNDERWEAR,
467
00:20:30,297 --> 00:20:31,097
BECAUSE, FRANKLY,
468
00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:35,302
WHEN I THINK
OF THE ALTERNATIVE...
469
00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:38,938
I JUST HAVE TO LAUGH.
470
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:50,082
MOTHER EARTH.
471
00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:52,018
FATHER TIME.
472
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:54,987
LADY LUCK.
473
00:20:55,021 --> 00:20:57,056
GENTLEMEN'S
QUARTERLY.
474
00:20:58,391 --> 00:21:01,227
DAUGHTERS OF
THE AMERICAN
REVOLUTION.
475
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:02,929
SON OF KONG.
476
00:21:04,431 --> 00:21:05,332
FAIRY GODMOTHER.
477
00:21:05,365 --> 00:21:07,500
THE GODFATHER OF SOUL.
478
00:21:10,670 --> 00:21:16,876
MISSISSIPPI.
479
00:21:16,909 --> 00:21:19,446
MR. SIPPI.
31229
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof