Original subtitles

♪ dramatic theme playing ♪

This is stupid.

How are we still in the same goddamn line from last episode?

Oh, this could take forever, that's part of why it's so great!

Have we moved at all?

Not me, but I try to limit my movements each day

to save energy in case I run into Tim Burton

so I can punch him in the face for plagiarizing my whole tone.

Luckily we can't stay in this line for much longer.

We have to get back to the ship so we can watch the video

I show you every morning about the homeworld exploding, all that.

Nah, dawg, I got it loaded on my phone.

Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia

until the asteroid hit.

One hundred adults and their replicants were issued a pupa and escaped--

Are we really making one episode just go into another

as if we're some kind of acclaimed television program like 24?

Stranding us on an already overpopulated planet.

That's right, I've been talking this whole time.

I'm the one holding the Pupa. My name's Korvo.

This is-- this is my show. I just dropped the Pupa. Did you see that?

A-are we really doing this?

We're still in line, baby!

Oh my god, a lazy bottle episode.

They have so many emotions.

Th-they don't know that they can just set their Candolian mood rings onto peaceful

and get on with their lives.

♪ dramatic theme ♪

You know, you always say something different?

I do?

Goddammit, Terry. This sucks.

When are we going to get to do something interesting?

Duh-duh-duh, wait for it. We're about to do something awesome!

How fucking dope was that, chumba?

I refuse to view shuffling forward as an achievement.

You don't understand. This line is super rare!

It's what us pro standers call a Category Five.

You rank them like hurricanes?

Yeah, technically, this one's named Linda.

She's a real handsome lady.

She's a combination of three lines:

one for a new iPhone, one for a new sneaker release,

and one for a Howlin' Rays sandwich branded with a Supreme logo.

This is getting stupider by the second!

A cat five is not to be missed,

that's why all the most famous standers are here.

That's Andrew, he was front of the line for the first Xbox back in '01.

Sarah served three to five for knifing someone

who tried to cut in line on a Black Friday at Ann Taylor Loft.

And Kyle Von Titsenburg, dude with the pointy hat?

Once held a pee for 72 hours.

Plus: great name.

So many motionless celebrities.

I feel like I'm at a wax museum!

I do like all the line shoes and hats the pros are wearing.

I can't resist the siren song of hyper-specific gear.

I got my New Balance Shuffles on,

my touch-the-wall-for-leverage Asics gloves,

and my uncle-hat so my spots don't get burnt.

Okay, okay, I'll, I'll give it a chance.

Hey, where's the Pupa going? Look, he's, he's getting biggie-size.

I bet he's going to go do something awesome.

We really should leave the line and check it out.

The Pupa does love him some wacky hijinks.

Let's see what he's up to. Th-th-that could be our whole story!

But we can't leave line. You promised.

Just for a second, so we can see why the Pupa got so big.

He had a devilish grin! He's gonna do something Pupa-y.

Don't tell me you aren't curious.

No, if you leave line for even a second, you lose your place.

Fighting temptation is the whole game.

It's like edging, but you can do it around other people.

Hey! Look at that other line over there! It's totally moving faster.

Rookie mistake, Yummers. If a line looks like it's moving, it's just an illusion.

As Kyle Von Titsenburg likes to say,

"Any line worth standing in doesn't move."

That's stupid.

Fuck you, I'm joining the faster line,

and I'm gonna get my sneakers way before you.

Later, losers! Suck my mound!

I always knew you were the smart one. Stick with me. Okay?

Jesse?

Hello? Are you doing that scary teenage girl silent treatment thing again?

I told you that freaks me out. Stop it!

Look at the back of that guy's head. Purrrr.

That guy? Ugh. He looks like a melting stick of butter.

His hair is riding that nape.

He has a cowlick and a wallet chain? Mama like.

Oh boy, here we go.

Every time we're in line, Jesse falls in love with the back of some guy's head.

Nah-uh. I'm just thinking about what the back of those arms would look like

outside the back of that shirt.

Keep it in your dress, Jesse.

Would you stop fidgeting? I'm in the zone, and you're messing me up.

To really focus, I count the number of Kardashians over and over,

and you're making me get tripped up after the obese brother.

Alright, fuck this, if we have to stand here, I'm doing something.

Oh yeah, like what?

I'm gonna use that ray that turns everyone into cigarettes,

and then we'll just walk over everyone.

No!

Oh fuck!

Houston, the Space Station turned into cigarettes!

Just like the fortune cookie said it would!

Korvo, stop that.

Turning them into anything would ruin it.

The point of the line is to be in the line.

- But the ray-- - No rays, no sci-fi of any kind.

Just be present in the moment. - Whatever.

I was just trying to do a hobby you love,

but you really love stupid stuff that sucks,

so I'm-I'm-I'm going to take off.

See if I care. Not everyone has what it takes to line.

Plus, we have a couple of Howlin' Rays rays back on the ship.

I'll just shoot some carbon into a delicious chicken sandwich.

Linus! Wassup, my dawg?

I was hoping I'd see you standing around.

Ter-bear! The Ter-inator!

T-T-T-Terry and the Jets!

Oh. Uh--

What the F-U-C-K?

Did you just give that guy a little smooch?

It's my thing now, don't hang a light on it.

Thanks for holding my place, Marv.

Hired a hold-my-place-stander so I wouldn't miss

a good spot next to T-dog.

He's kinda my line husband.

Oh well, I'm sure you've heard all about me then.

Korvo. I'm Terry's actual husband slash unmarried team leader.

Korvo, Kor, Korv-- hmm?

No, he's never mentioned you.

Yes, I have, remember?

I hate the way his eyes cartoonishly bulge out when he's angry?

- They do not! - There they are.

No, I would've remembered.

Terry and I go way back.

I guess we started to fall in line together

when we were waiting to get Mr. Wonderful's new set of sponges.

That was a day!

Remember, remember, remember. - Oh my god!

With the sponges.

Korvo was actually just about to take off.

He's not really a line guy.

No, I wasn't actually about to take off.

This line is just getting good! - Really?

Yes. I look forward to continuing to stand here

with my teammate slash work husband in crime

slash life Terry and this person named Lameus.

It's Linus with an "N."

Oh, what did I say?

Oh-kay, well, uh, welcome, compadre!

I only brought two bags of DayQuil Blast Cheez-Its though,

so you'll have to share.

They're Terry's favorite.

Oooh! Now with extra 'quil? Goodbye, thoughts.

I thought Terry was a Mai Tai Goldfish man.

That was so 2019. But who can keep track?

Terry is always yammering on about snack foods.

You know me, I'm always "Bugles this" and "Twizzlers that."

Such a yambone!

Oh god.

Hah, I knew it! It's always better to switch to the fastest line.

Wow. Okay, we're running now.

My line rules!

Fuck you, Terry!

Man, we've been in some crazy lines together.

Remember when we pretended we lost our drivers' licenses

just to hit up the DMV?

It took forever.

God, it's hard to find a great line these days.

You know, I wish we could go back in time

and stand in some bread lines together, Terry.

I would go through a Great Depression in a second

just to be poor and facing the same direction on the street with you.

I say that all the time!

I once waited in a line at the grocery store.

I had too many items for the express checkout.

So then I had to stand in another line.

Wow, great story.

Hey now, we all gotta start somewhere.

Thank you, Linus.

You aren't the only ones who've stood in line before, Terry.

Remember when we were in line for the Broadway adaptation of Tenet?

And that homeless guy threw a bag of shit at you?

Remember we watched him shit into the bag and we were like,

"I wonder who's gonna get that bag?"

And it was you!

Oh yeah, I think I have photos of it on my phone.

Hey, what do you think of this Linus guy?

Jesse?

Are you still all hot and bothered by Neck Douche?

I can't help it.

I can just picture our life together.

I can't believe you won this giant bear for me.

It's almost as cute as you are.

Ooh, can I have some of that cotton candy?

But you're already the sweetest girl in the world.

Swoon.

Let's ride the Ferris wheel and dry hump at the top

until it breaks and we have to get rescued.

Yes, please.

But there's something I have to ask you first.

Jessica Opposites, I've loved you

since the moment you saw the back of my head in line.

You are beautiful. You are smart.

You know how to rock the fuck out of a polka dot.

Would you do me the honor of marrying me?

You had me at Jessica Opposites!

Oh look, the Pupa's a giant or something!

Ugh, I wish I could see more than just the top of his head.

Oh, shit, is that a fucking Godzilla too?

I wonder if that's the same Godzilla that came to town

on a book tour last year.

Oh my god, did you hear that?

I think the Pupa is in an epic battle with a Godzilla.

I bet they're stomping on cars and pushing over skyscrapers and shit.

We could be doing that!

Terry, can we please just go see what's happening for a minute?

You can go, Korvo, but you'll lose your spot.

Ugh, I hate not being in line.

Might as well cut my dick off, you know?

- Right? - Ugh, fine. I'll stay.

I'm loving this hat, T-rex.

Oh, come on, it's nothing compared to yours.

Well, here's a little trick of the trade, you dumb bitch.

You gotta get a cap that covers your neck.

And that also helps collect your neck sweat.

It's pretty cool, huh?

Oh. Such a good call.

My cap only covers the top of my head like a total loser.

You're not a loser, Terry. You're the coolest guy I know.

Yes. You're also the coolest guy I know.

You told me yesterday I should die in a fire.

I-I was joking.

Oof, all those hot coins I swallowed for breakfast

are not sitting right. I gotta go to the bathroom.

Why? We don't have buttholes.

Yeah, I just sit on the seat and calm down.

Plus it lets me chew my gum.

The way I chew gum is so disgusting that I can't do it in front of people.

Fine, I'll save your spot in line while you go.

Who are we laughing at?

Did I accidentally quote a TokTik again?

No. It's just, "Save your spot" is what a line virgin would say.

You're green, so let me explain.

On the professional line circuit, what Terry needs

is called a "line check."

And if you're cool like me, you say it

like a quarterback making an audible:

"Line Check! Omaha. Hut hut, green 8!"

See, I say "line check" and the other pros will honor it

because we adhere to an ancient and noble code.

If you don't line check, you lose your spot,

but worse, your dignity.

Damn, all these arbitrary rules are hard to keep track of.

Isn't it great? Line check!

Hey, have fun, Tery-dactyl.

Thanks for the heads up on that "line check" thing. Oh!

You listen to me, you worthless little blue bitch.

Terry is mine, this line is mine,

you are a piece of aardvark shit.

Linus, your behavior is completely different from a moment ago.

Were you bitten by some kind of spider?

I've stood in hundreds of lines with Terry,

and I'm not gonna let you slime in here

and ruin what we have.

So fuck all the way off!

Wait, wait, you're being two-faced!

I've heard humans do that, but I've never seen it in real life.

Fascinating.

Leave now or pay the price.

Don't say I didn't warn you, fuckhead.

Uh-oh! Speak of the devil.

Welcome back, Terry-cloth!

Terry! You'll never guess what happened.

Linus was completely different when you left.

He was-- he was very mean and said lots of insults.

But before I left, he was super nice.

I know! Linus, show Terry your other face.

Get-get all mean and nasty like you did.

Not sure what you're talking about, Korvo.

I don't think we spoke a word when Terry was gone.

You stared at the ground like a real, um,

like, uh, you're so dumb.

Korvo, you don't have to make stuff up.

Why would I ever do that?

Maybe you're just a little jealous of my relationship with Linus.

I have a robe and sweet-ass crystal that can make me levitate.

I'll never be jealous of some nerd who jerks off to lines.

You're embarrassing me.

Hey, remember when we waited in that line

to get into the first-ever Jimmy Buffett Buffet and Urgent Care center

and I almost coded out because I ate all that shrimp that I'm allergic to?

Oh my god, so many fat fatties!

This line is unstoppable!

Oh shit, a lake? Oh my god, oh, we're getting in the water?

Ha, that's genius!

We're going so much faster than those idiots standing on the street!

Hell yeah! Let's steal these bikes! Sick!

Come on, Korvo, do squats with us.

We gotta work out our muscles to keep them from atrophying.

He wouldn't understand. Look at his tiny legs.

They're like little matchsticks, except they'll never be lit.

See, that's that two-faced shit right there.

It's called word play, Mr. Sensitive.

Ooh, I gotta take this.

It's my best friend Jeff. Terry, you would love him.

We met in a wedding line for the valet.

Okay, what the fuck is the dealio with you and Linus?

What, Korvo? He's my line husband.

You know, like how I have Gerard, my spin class husband,

and Billy Jr., my Sunday afternoon Costco husband.

God, why do you care so much?

I don't, okay. It's just, he touches your waist a lot.

Oh, it's just how we keep each other steady in line.

Did you see that alien creature do ancient martial arts on that Godzilla?

I think he's also going to have to fight that giant robot

that just came into town.

What? Pupa is fighting a giant lizard and a robot!

That sounds awesome! I-I wish I could see better.

Dammit! This is so frustrating. I can't see the robot.

I bet it does all sorts of cool stuff like Chappie!

How does this not frustrate you?

I don't know, 'cause I'm smart?

Alright, alright, bye-bye.

Jeff wanted some tips on smoking a fuckin' rad pork shoulder.

I consider myself a grill master of sorts.

What'd I miss? - Hold it!

Linus, you can't get back in line.

You can't get back in line.

What are you talking about? I'm the king of this line.

You didn't call line check. Oh!

I didn't "leave," I stepped, like, five feet away.

Well, guess what, that's called leaving.

How do you like those wordplay apples?

Oh no, I'm sorry, Linus, but he's right.

Calling line check is just a part of the rules,

and without rules, a line is just people standing around.

You know who said that? Gandhi.

I think. Or Kyle Von Titsenburg.

Either way, you're outtie-200, Linus.

You might want to find an easier line to stand in,

maybe at the park for the baby swings?

You shut your fuckin' mouth!

You're a line loser.

You should never be allowed to stand next to a pro like me.

There it is! Th-th-there's the other face!

Whoa, he really does have two faces.

I thought that was just on TV! - Right?

I hope you both get gonorrhea and go to hell

and there's no line to get in.

Come on, Linus, don't be like this.

After all the waiting we've done together?

You know what? I'm starting a better line.

You can't do that. That's against all the ancient codes.

Fuck the codes. I'm Linus.

Line is in my name!

- Gasp! - Hey, everyone!

Whoa, is that Linus? - Linus!

He won the Standee three years in a row.

I see a lot of familiar faces in line.

If you're a pro and not a loser

with blue or green skin and no butthole,

then follow me to a better way to stand,

right over here.

- We better follow. - Linus knows what he's doing.

Nobody fucks with Linus.

But, but... Come on, guys! The-the code!

Korvo, you ruined the greatest line of my lifetime.

It wasn't my fault. Linus--

Ah, I can't even talk to you right now.

You wanted to share one of my hobbies with me,

and you literally made it my nightmare.

- Derr! - Ugh, son of a bitch!

Wow, business is exhausting.

Whoa, babe, you look like a million bucks.

I mean, you look like you make a million bucks

being a kickass businesswoman.

I am. The markets went wild today.

You know how it is, ups and downs.

Stocks and bonds. Charts and pies.

I made a veal parmesan without the veal.

Your fave.

Why don't you kick off those heels and enjoy a nice meal.

This looks amazing.

But the only thing I want for dinner is

your hair-mouth on my mouth-mouth, mister.

I cannot believe after 10 years of marriage,

we still have so much passion.

Now flip me over like you flipped that not veal parmesan.

Fingerling me like your potatoes.

Gravy me!

I love it when you mix food and sex.

Just like my hero Ina Garten.

Wait, what are you looking at?

That hussy! No one steals my man!

How could you? After all our years of marriage!

After I work all day to pay for your sailboat.

- Babe, she's just a friend. - I can't believe this.

The one thing we promised each other was that we would never cheat.

You're being crazy.

He's playing you, ho. He totally fingers me on the reg.

- I knew it! - She's lying. Don't listen to her.

I can't live like this anymore.

We're through. I want a divorce.

- Terry, t-talk to me. - You ruined a cat five line.

That's like interrupting the path of a really strong hurricane.

Who would stop an awesome, powerful hurricane?

Probably Storm the X-Men, because she can control the weather

and it would prevent a lot of property damage.

Now you're rubbing it in my face that you're smarter than me.

Great. Keep the hits coming. - Sorry about Linus.

I-I thought I was respecting line rules, like you taught me.

I guess I am pretty proud of you for using the rules.

I'm very good at rules.

Man, I cannot believe Linus created a new line.

That's like the worst thing you can do.

Honestly, we should just leave and go home.

Why? We-we've been here for hours.

I'm just starting to like the feeling of hard sidewalk beneath my feet.

Yeah, but we're fucked.

There are now two legitimate-looking lines.

So when employees start letting people in, they won't know which line is real.

The new line is all pros. Look at the way they stand.

They are standing pretty excellently.

Their posture is impeccable! We got stuck with a bunch of slouchers.

The store is going to choose that line for sure.

Terry, look at me.

This is hard for me to say, because you know I don't like to compliment.

You're almost always lazy and annoying. - Continue.

But you're the best line stander I've ever seen.

You make it look so easy.

You could stand here for hours just staring straight ahead,

and you'd have the time of your life.

That's called being in the zone, baby!

Remember what you loved about lines in the first place.

Think back, before all the gear, magazines,

and lifestyle of lines took over.

Yeah, I just loved how peaceful it was.

Exactly. You don't need Linus or any of those pros.

The line isn't out here, it's inside you.

Has been all along.

You're right, goddammit. I can do this.

Hey, Linus, you little nose picker.

It's on like ping pong!

You're going down like a clown with a frown

who's about to get shot!

♪ '80s synth music ♪

What're you-- what're you doing?

I don't need any of this. I'm going back to the basics.

Back to who I was when I first fell in love with lines.

What a sucker. Who would ever pick your line?

Terry Opposites would.

And now... we dance.

Metaphorically. Because otherwise we'd lose our place in line.

Duh!

Aw, hell yeah!

Mud crawling! This line is playing.

Ow. Ow.

Paintballs?

Ha. I feel like-- ah, ah, ah--

I'm in the military video games I play

so I can bully-- ow-- humans in their 30s.

Congratulations,

you completed a Tough Fadder Run.

It's a more violent, millennial version of a marathon.

So the line is over?

Good work completing the course today, son.

Oh my god.

All day, I thought I was in a line but really,

I was in the best line ever!

It wasn't a line!

Wait a minute,

she was just asking if he had a tampon.

And he carries tampons with him to be helpful.

Oh, he's such a great guy!

I'm so sorry, I never should've doubted you.

I love you. I'll love you forever!

Jesse, I would never betray you.

I just like to have some super-size tampons on me

at all times for emergencies.

Let's adopt up to 28 rescue dogs

and call each other "babe" forever.

Yes, I love you. Mmm.

No, I love you more. Mmm.

Fine, you do love me more.

A Microsoft Zune face tattoo?

Did he do that for a contest?

Ugh, I'm out!

Oh look, it's the Pupa, Godzilla, and the Giant Robot.

But-but they're not fighting anymore?

Are-are they kissing?

What the hell is the story over there?

Dude, this giant robot was just handing out PS5s over there.

I got, like, 10.

Hey! Get back here and tell me how that makes sense!

What's happening over there with the Pupa?

Oh man, I wish I could get a PS5.

Who is giving out PS5s?

We gotta stay strong and defeat Linus.

Of all the days not to be able to leave a particular area--

They're opening the store! This is it!

Oh, I'm so nervous!

Which line do you think they'll pick? How's my standing looking?

I'm engaging my core and doing a Kegel.

You hot as hell.

Why does Linus look so sure?

Wait a hot minute. What does he know?

That's the guy who called Linus.

He has an inside man! What a cheating... fuck!

If he's gonna cheat, we're gonna cheat too.

I'm using sci-fi.

Korvo, no. I need to get back to line basics.

No gear, no tricks, no sci-fi.

If I'm going to lose, at least I'll lose it the old-fashioned way.

Terry, you're really showing a lot of growth here.

I'm proud of you for doing the right thing.

Time for the ultimate focus and to get into the zone.

Become one with the line force.

You've got this. Just close your eyes and think about winning this line.

Wait a minute, they're letting our line in.

I'm winning without cheating!

I beat his ass to hell with honor! - Indeed you did.

I did it! I can't believe it! I love being honorable.

I'm gonna have integrity forever.

That's the Terry I've never known!

I'm gonna get you fuckers back for this someday!

Oh and-- Oh, and Terry?

You and me? We're done!

Get yourself a line divorce lawyer

'cause I am headed to the path of a line separation

that is definitely leading to a costly line divorce.

Ohh. You can really taste the Supreme branding.

Ugh. The flavor of being too cool for me.

Ooh, I love a new iPhone.

Paying for a new one every year really makes me... feel--

oh shit. - Oh my god. These sneakers.

Oh yeah, my feet are gonna cum.

Ohh!

Terry, I get it now.

Lines are a metaphor for the human experience.

It's not about the destination, it's about the journey.

Because you have to truly believe in yourself to believe in your line.

Meh, I just like being the first person with new stuff.

Goddammit, Terry, that's so stupid!

Why do you like such dumb shit?

I hate to see his face,

but I love to watch that neck walk away.

I was in the coolest line ever.

I got this t-shirt and this medal that says,

"I finally bested my Tough Fadder."

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm the t-shirt guy. Hand it over.

I could be the fucking t-shirt guy if you ever let me keep one.

Hello, Terry. This is my new line husband, James.

We're going to wait for the midnight release

of the new Dan Brown novel together.

It's about how Noah solved murders at night on his ark.

Ha ha. Two at a time!

Eat shit and die, Linus.

I got all the husband I need right here.

Pupa, there you are. W-w-what happened?

- Horseradish! - What?

Jesus, his receptive language is great,

but we really need to work on his expressive.

Glad somebody said it.

We better not be fucking sitting here at the beginning of the next episode.

I expect us to be in a whole other place.

- Actually, I think it's kinda-- - No, shut the fuck up.

No more connecting episodes or any of that other streaming bullshit.

If this sentence connects to the next episode,

I'm going to be really, really--

♪ dramatic theme playing ♪