Original subtitles

YOU'RE STILL FROZEN ON THIS WEBSITE.

WHAT'S...

"FIND-A-FAMILY"?

I'M TRYING TO FIND MY FATHER.

IT TURNS OUT HE'S ALIVE, MAN.

MY MOM'S LIED TO ME MY WHOLE LIFE.

YOUR MOM'S BEHIND YOU, "G."

[ Loudly ] TURNS OUT HE'S ALIVE.

MY MOM'S LIED TO ME MY WHOLE LIFE.

YOU KNOW, EVEN THOUGH HE LEFT US,

I MISS YOUR DAD, TOO.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MISS THE MOST? THE CHEATING.

NO -- THE BOOZING.

NO -- THE KNOCKING ME UP AT 17 AND THEN LEAVING ME.

MMM.

THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU ANYMORE. THIS ABOUT ME AND HIM.

BUT IF THAT REALLY HURTS YOU...

WELL, THEN, THAT'S JUST A BONUS.

HEY...

YOU'RE NEVER GONNA FIND HIM, BUT IF YOU DO...

TELL HIM I WANT MY VIRGINITY BACK.

IF HE GIVES IT TO YOU, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH IT?

I'M GONNA GIVE IT TO ANYONE WHO'S MAN ENOUGH TO TAKE IT.

GEORGE, GEORGE... DID YOU HEAR ABOUT FRANK?

WHAT?

THE WEDDING'S TWO WEEKS AWAY.

HE TOOK DOWN THE FLYERS FOR THE RECEPTION.

YOU'RE KIDDING ME. NO.

YO, FRANK, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE FLYERS FOR THE RECEPTION?

AH...

IT'S OFF, MAN.

OH, I'M SORRY. THAT'S OKAY.

BUT YOU REALLY DODGED A BULLET THERE WITH CATHY.

SHE'S BEEN WITH LIKE HALF THE GUYS IN THE FACTORY.

IS THE WEDDING OFF OR JUST THE RECEPTION?

JUST THE RECEPTION.

YOU MIND IF I CHANGE THE SUBJECT?

NO, THAT WOULD BE GOOD FOR ME.

SO YOU GONNA HAVE A PARTY?

I MEAN, YOU CAN'T HAVE A WEDDING WITHOUT A PARTY.

YEAH, WELL, I KIND OF RAN OUT OF MONEY,

SO WE'RE THINKING OF HAVING THE RECEPTION AT THE IHOP.

BUT SINCE WE CAN'T AFFORD TO RENT IT,

WE'RE JUST ALL GONNA TRY TO EAT THERE AT THE SAME TIME.

LISTEN...WE'VE WORKED TOGETHER A LONG TIME.

I'VE KNOWN YOU A LONG TIME. LET ME HELP YOU OUT.

I'VE GOT A BIG BACKYARD.

YOU CAN HAVE THE RECEPTION THERE.

REALLY? YOU MEAN IT?

OH, THANKS A LOT, GEORGE. CATHY'S GONNA BE SO EXCITED!

I HEAR ALL IT TAKES IS A WINE COOLER.

YOU KNOW, I'M JUST A SINGLE GUY,

BUT YOU SHOULD'VE ASKED ANGIE FIRST.

I MEAN, I'D HAVE TO ASK MY MOM IF I WAS GONNA HAVE PEOPLE OVER.

YOU KNOW ANGIE. SHE LOVES HELPING PEOPLE.

ALL RIGHT...

Hey...why don't you ask Ginger to the reception?

This is your big chance.

I-I-I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO IT, MAN.

SHE'S SO OUT OF MY LEAGUE.

YEAH, SHE'S OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE BUT...

YOUR LEAGUE'S FULL OF UGLY GIRLS.

GO FOR IT.

[ Thinking ] OH, GINGER. SHE'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

ERNIE, BE COOL. WIN HER WITH WORDS.

SO...

YOU'VE GOT A TWIX.

YEAH, IT'S A CHOCOLATE-COVERED COOKIE WITH CARAMEL INSIDE.

[ Thinking ] WHY DID I JUST SAY THAT?

EVERYBODY KNOWS WHAT A TWIX IS.

BRING UP THE WEDDING! BRING UP THE WEDDING!

ARE YOU GONNA...

EAT BOTH OF THOSE?

NO. ONE'S FOR LATER.

HE'S GOT SUCH CUTE EARS.

WHY IS HE JUST STANDING THERE?

MAYBE HE'S GONNA ASK ME OUT!

DO IT! DO IT NOW!

ARE YOU GOING TO THE WEDDING? YEAH.

ME TOO.

ALL RIGHT! I GOT A DATE!

WOW...PUT SOME HONEY ON THOSE BISCUITS!

OKAY, WE'LL PUT THE BUFFET TABLE OVER HERE.

WE'RE GONNA NEED A LOT OF CHAIRS SO --

WE'LL BORROW THEM FROM THE PLANT.

AND WE'LL PUT UP A SHEET RIGHT HERE,

AND WE'LL MAKE THIS LIKE THE VIP AREA.

ALL THAT WILL BE GENERAL ADMISSION.

OKAY, DAD, TIME FOR THE DOG TO GET HIS SHOT.

WHOA...WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR DOG?

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE DOG?

HE'S GOT DIABETES, AND HE CAN'T WALK.

ANGIE BOUGHT HIM OFF SOME HOMELESS GUY.

SO DOES HE HAVE A NAME OR...

YOU GUYS, YOU KNOW, WAITING TO SEE HOW THIS THING PLAYS OUT?

HELP ME DISTRACT THE DOG.

[ TALKING GIBBERISH ]

AS A WOMAN, I TRY NOT TO FEEL SUPERIOR,

BUT YOU GUYS MAKE IT REALLY HARD.

WE WERE HELPING DAD GIVE THE DOG HIS SHOT.

HEY, ANGIE, YOU HEAR FRANK'S GETTING MARRIED?

OH! YOU AND CATHY ARE FINALLY TYING THE KNOT.

CONGRATULATIONS.

HONEY, FRANK'S A LITTLE TIGHT ON CASH

SO I SAID HE COULD USE THE BACKYARD FOR THE RECEPTION.

I HOPE THAT'S OKAY.

ARE YOU KIDDING? OF COURSE THAT'S OKAY.

YOU HAVE CATHY CALL ME. WE'LL WORK OUT THE DETAILS.

IT'S GONNA BE GREAT!

THANK YOU SO MUCH, ANGIE. SURE!

COME ON, WE'RE GONNA BE LATE FOR THE BACHELOR PARTY.

I HAD MY MOM GO TO THE BANK AND GET ME SOME SINGLES.

SHE THINKS I'M SPENDING ALL DAY AT THE ARCADE. [ LAUGHS ]

[ LAUGHS ]

YOU KNOW WHAT, MAN? EITHER WAY, THAT'S CREEPY.

SORRY I DIDN'T ASK YOU FIRST. WE'RE GOOD HERE, RIGHT?

WE'RE GOOD.

KNOW WHAT I LOVE ABOUT YOU? YOU'RE ALWAYS THERE FOR ME.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

ACTUALLY, I THINK THIS IS GONNA BE KIND OF FUN.

YOU KNOW, ME TOO.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

THIS WILL BE A GREAT TIME FOR US

TO FINALLY DO A LITTLE DANCING.

ANGIE, YOU KNOW I DON'T DANCE.

COME ON, THIS IS DIFFERENT.

IT'S GONNA BE IN OUR OWN HOUSE, OUR OWN BACKYARD.

YOU'LL BE COMFORTABLE.

ANGIE, THAT'S EASY FOR YOU. YOU'RE CUBAN.

YOU GOT DANCING IN YOUR BLOOD --

SALSA AND MERENGUE.

I'M MEXICAN. OUR BIG DANCE IS AROUND A HAT.

OKAY, FINE. NO DANCING.

WE STILL GOOD?

WE'RE STILL GOOD.

BUT WOULD IT KILL YOU TO GIVE ME JUST ONE DANCE?

I THOUGHT WE WERE GOOD.

WE'RE GOOD. I'M JUST ASKING.

DOESN'T SOUND GOOD.

WELL, IT DOESN'T FEEL GOOD HAVING A HUSBAND

WHO WON'T DANCE WITH YOU.

ANGIE, I THOUGHT WE HAD AN AGREEMENT.

WHAT AGREEMENT?

YOU DON'T MAKE ME DANCE, AND I DON'T MAKE YOU...

CHOP THE MORNING WOOD.

OKAY...

TOMORROW MORNING.

HEY, WAIT, THAT'S NOT FAIR!

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO DANCE.

WELL, I DO,

AND I HAVE FOR 16 YEARS.

WHAT HAPPENED 16 YEARS AGO?

OH, WE GOT MARRIED. RIGHT.

BUT WHY IS THIS ALL COMING OUT NOW?

BECAUSE TWO STRANGERS ARE GONNA HAVE THEIR WEDDING DANCE

IN MY BACKYARD WHEN I NEVER HAD ONE.

BUT THAT WAS LONG TIME AGO. I THOUGHT YOU WERE OVER THAT.

I TRIED TO GET OVER IT, BUT I CAN'T.

I JUST WANTED THAT ONE MOMENT AT OUR WEDDING

WHEN EVERYBODY LOOKS AT US AND SAYS, "LOOK AT THEM DANCE.

THEY'RE GONNA BE TOGETHER FOREVER."

YOU KNOW, DANCING DOESN'T KEEP PEOPLE TOGETHER.

JENNIFER LOPEZ -- DANCED, DIVORCED.

MICHAEL JACKSON -- DANCED, DIVORCED.

ELIZABETH TAYLOR -- DANCED, DIVORCED.

DANCED, DIVORCED. DANCED, DIVORCED --

HIP REPLACEMENT -- DANCED, DIVORCED.

I JUST WANTED ONE STUPID DANCE WITH MY HUSBAND,

BUT OBVIOUSLY YOU'RE NOT GONNA GIVE ME THAT,

SO I GIVE UP!

SO ARE WE GOOD?

[ INTRO TO WAR'S "LOW RIDER" PLAYS ]

¶ ALL MY FRIENDS KNOW THE LOW RIDER ¶

[ Drunkenly ] ¶ I GET KNOCKED DOWN BUT I GET UP AGAIN ¶

¶ YOU AIN'T NEVER GONNA KEEP ME DOWN ¶

¶ I GET KNOCKED DOWN BUT I GET UP AGAIN ¶

¶ YOU AIN'T NEVER GONNA KEEP ME DOWN ¶

¶ I GET KNOCKED DOWN... ¶

¶ I GET KNOCKED DOWN BUT I GET UP AGAIN ¶

¶ YOU AIN'T NEVER GONNA KEEP ME DOWN ¶

ALL RIGHT!

WE'RE GONNA GET MY STASH OF CUBAN CIGARS,

WE'RE GONNA SMOKE 'EM,

THEN THIS BACHELOR PARTY'S OFFICIALLY OVER,

AND I'M DRIVING YOU GUYS THE HELL HOME.

NO, WAIT, COME ON. IT'S ONLY 1:15.

TAKE ME TO MY GRANDMOTHER'S GRAVE.

I WANT TO TELL HER I'M GETTING MARRIED.

AS FUN AS THAT SOUNDS...

THE DESIGNATED DRIVER IS CALLING IT A NIGHT.

AW, COME ON, GEORGE.

YOU, OF ALL PEOPLE, SHOULD UNDERSTAND.

YOU THOUGHT YOUR DAD WAS DEAD.

MY GRANDMOTHER IS DEAD.

THE WORD "DEAD" APPEARS IN BOTH SENTENCES.

LOOK, I GOTTA GET SOME SLEEP, AND YOU GOTTA GET SOME SLEEP.

THE WORD "SLEEP" APPEARS IN BOTH SENTENCES.

WUSS!

WUSS! WUSS! WUSS!

I'M NOT A WUSS!

LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO STAY OUT TOO LATE,

AND ANGIE'S ALREADY MAD AT ME.

WUSS! WUSS! WUSS!

WUSS! WUSS! WUSS!

ALL RIGHT, ONE MORE "WUSS" AND I TELL EVERYBODY AT WORK

WHO CRIED WHEN THE STRIPPER POLE-DANCED

TO "OVER THE RAINBOW."

SO WHAT ARE YOU AND ANGIE FIGHTING ABOUT ANYWAY?

OH, SHE'S FREAKING OUT BECAUSE LIKE TWO DECADES AGO

WE DIDN'T DANCE AT OUR WEDDING.

REALLY?

I MEAN, I WAS 20. I WAS A KID, MAN.

I'M A LOUSY DANCER, AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

I DIDN'T WANT TO LOOK STUPID IN FRONT OF MY BOYS.

OF COURSE NOT. THAT'S RIGHT.

I MEAN, THERE WAS NO MUSIC IN THE HOUSE WHEN I WAS GROWING UP,

AND AT SCHOOL THEY'D HAVE THESE DANCES

THAT WERE GIRL'S CHOICE AND...

NONE OF THE GIRLS EVER ASKED ME TO DANCE.

OH, THAT'S TERRIBLE.

THAT SUCKS.

AND THEN I FOUND ANGIE,

AND SHE WAS THIS BEAUTIFUL GIRL WHO LOVED TO DANCE.

AND I WAS SURE THAT IF SHE SAW ME AND I WAS ALL CLUMSY

THAT MAYBE SHE WOULDN'T FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT ME.

FOR SURE. FOR SURE.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

SO WE HAVEN'T DANCED IN 16 YEARS,

AND NOW SHE'S GOT ALL THIS ANGER BUILT UP.

BUT SHE SAID SHE'D BE COOL

IF I DANCED WITH HER AT FRANK'S WEDDING.

ISN'T THAT CRAZY?

YOU GOTTA DANCE WITH HER, DUDE.

Frank: YOU GOTTA DANCE WITH HER.

IF YOU LOVE HER, YOU'LL DO IT.

SO YOU GUYS ARE TAKING HER SIDE?

IT'S NOT THAT HARD, BROTHER.

YOU JUST GOTTA DO THIS...

[ SPEAKS SPANISH ]

YOU KNOW WHAT?

IT'S REALLY NOT AS PRETTY WHEN YOU HAVEN'T BEEN DRINKING.

HEY, ANGE, YOU GOING OUT?

[ Curtly ] YEAH, I GOTTA GET SOME THINGS FOR THE PARTY.

YOU OKAY?

YEAH. I'M OKAY.

MAX, THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT --

IF MOM COMES HOME, LET ME KNOW BEFORE SHE GOES UPSTAIRS.

SURE.

WHAT YOU DOING THERE?

I JUST WANT TO SEE WHAT KIND OF MUSIC MR. NEEDLES LIKES.

HEY, YOU GAVE HIM A NAME.

BECAUSE OF THE SHOTS. THAT'S WHAT MAKES HIM SPECIAL.

"MR. NEEDLES."

I GUESS IT'S BETTER THAN "MR. LICKS HIMSELF."

[ KNOCKS ON DOOR ]

CARMEN, YOU UP?

MAX DID IT.

IT'S NOT ABOUT THAT. I NEED YOUR HELP.

I SCREWED UP WITH YOUR MOM BIG-TIME.

WHAT HAPPENED?

AND YOU GOTTA TELL ME THE TRUTH.

I DON'T CARE HOW BAD IT IS. I CAN HANDLE IT.

I DIDN'T DANCE WITH YOUR MOM AT OUR WEDDING.

DRAMA. I NEED MORE DRAMA.

CARMEN...

[ Dramatically ] I HAVE NEVER, EVER DANCED

WITH YOUR MOTHER BEFORE...

AND AT FRANK'S WEDDING, I AM GONNA DANCE!

AND I WANT YOU TO TEACH ME!

I LIKE IT!

SHE CAN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS.

IT'S GOT TO BE A COMPLETE SURPRISE.

AND IT'S GOT TO BE THE RIGHT DANCE FOR A WEDDING.

I CAN'T BE OUT THERE GETTING MY SWERVE ON.

DAD, I GOT IT. DON'T YOU REMEMBER?

WHAT'S THAT?

IN SEVENTH GRADE I WAS ANNA IN "THE KING AND I."

OH, RIGHT!

I DIDN'T SLEEP THROUGH THAT AT ALL.

[ WALTZ MUSIC PLAYS ]

DAD...

GAZE INTO HER EYES LIKE YOU CAN SEE EVERY TOMORROW

AND FOREVER IN THEM.

OKAY, THAT'S IT --

NO MORE SPANISH SOAP OPERAS FOR YOU.

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

OKAY, EVERYBODY, IT'S TIME FOR THE DOLLAR DANCE.

LET'S GET THE BRIDE OUT HERE.

GUYS, REMEMBER, $1 GETS YOU ONE DANCE.

AND REMEMBER, NO TONGUES -- NOT EVEN WITH A $10.

LUCKY -- SHE GETS TO DANCE AND MAKE MONEY.

LOOK AT HER.

SHE HAS NO IDEA WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.

GOD, I HOPE I DON'T SCREW IT UP.

NO, DAD, YOU'LL DO FINE.

THIS IS SO SWEET. SHE'S GONNA LOVE IT.

MOM, I DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE COMING.

I'M JUST MAKING A PLATE. I'M LEAVING.

PLEASE DON'T TELL ME YOU CUT THEIR CAKE.

I CUT IT FROM THE BACK PART. NOBODY WILL NOTICE.

OH, MAN...

WHAT'S THAT?

IT'S FROM THOSE "FIND-A-FAMILY" PEOPLE.

THEY CAN'T FIND ANY MANNY LOPEZES IN CALIFORNIA --

HIT A DEAD END.

I TOLD YOU YOU WERE WASTING YOUR TIME.

LOOK, I DON'T EVEN KNOW

IF I WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS GUY.

I JUST WANTED TO SEE MY FATHER ONE TIME WITH MY OWN EYES.

SO JUST FORGET IT!

WHEN HE LEFT,

HE CHANGED HIS NAME TO HENRY LOPEZ FOR...

FINANCIAL REASONS SO...

TRY HENRY LOPEZ.

OH -- I'M GONNA GIVE YOU ONE OF HIS SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBERS.

THANKS.

DON'T THANK ME.

WHEN YOU FIND HIM, THANK HIM FOR ABANDONING YOU

SO WE COULD SHARE THIS BEAUTIFUL MOMENT.

YOU CAN TRY TO MAKE THIS UGLY,

BUT WE BOTH KNOW WHAT YOU JUST DID WAS NICE.

GIVE ME A KISS.

OH, GET AWAY FROM ME! GET YOUR OWN PIECE OF CAKE!

NO, GEORGE, STOP IT! YOU'RE SCARING ME!

MOMMY!

LOOK AT HER.

SHE'S AN ANGEL SENT DOWN FROM HEAVEN.

PERFECTION.

HE'S SUCH A HOTTIE.

THOSE STRONG SHOULDERS...

THAT GOOFY, CONFUSED LOOK ON HIS FACE...

I WANT HIM SO BAD!

HEY.

HEY.

SO...YOU DROVE HERE?

YEAH.

IN A CAR.

ALL RIGHT, THE DOLLAR DANCE IS OVER.

NOW ALL YOU CHEAPSKATES CAN GET OUT ON THE FLOOR.

[ BREATHES HEAVILY ]

[ INTRO TO HEATWAVE'S "ALWAYS AND FOREVER" PLAYS ]

I'M GONNA GO GET A DINNER ROLL.

I'LL SEE YOU AT WORK.

¶ ALWAYS AND FOREVER ¶

¶ EACH MOMENT WITH YOU ¶

¶ IS JUST LIKE A DREAM TO ME ¶

¶ THAT SOMEHOW CAME TRUE ¶

YOU'RE KIDDING.

DOES THIS LOOK LIKE I'M KIDDING?

¶ AND I KNOW TOMORROW ¶

¶ WILL STILL BE THE SAME ¶

KIND OF.

COME ON. THIS IS OUR SONG.

¶ 'CAUSE WE'VE GOT A LIFE OF LOVE ¶

¶ THAT WON'T EVER CHANGE AND...¶

¶ EVERY DAY ¶

¶ LOVE ME YOUR OWN SPECIAL WAY ¶

¶ MELT ALL MY HEART AWAY ¶

¶ WITH A SMILE ¶

WOW.

WE MOVE GOOD TOGETHER.

¶ TAKE TIME TO TELL ME ¶

¶ YOU REALLY CARE ¶

¶ AND WE'LL SHARE TOMORROW ¶

¶ TOGETHER ¶

¶ ALWAYS, FOREVER, LOVE YOU ¶

¶ I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU ¶

WHOA, COME BACK UP! THAT WASN'T IN "THE KING AND I."

COME ON, LET'S PUMP IT UP!

NO! NO PUMPING!

[ UP-TEMPO DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ]

YOUR MOM'S HAD MORE SHOTS THAN MR. NEEDLES.

WHOO! SHAKE IT UP, BABY!

OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

OH, MY GOD, MOM'S GONNA BE REALLY EMBARRASSED ABOUT THIS.

NOT IF YOU DON'T GET THE VIDEO CAMERA.

HURRY!

STOP SHAKING!

[ MOANING SOFTLY ]

WAKE UP, RUMP SHAKER.

OH, COFFEE.

OHH.

HOW WAS THE REST OF THE WEDDING?

OH, IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU AND I HAD OUR DANCE.

WE DIDN'T DANCE.

OH, YES, WE DID.

CARMEN TAUGHT ME HOW TO DANCE, AND WE DANCED.

GEORGE, I DON'T REMEMBER THAT.

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT SAY THAT.

[ Sweetly ] AWW...

OH, MY GOD.

[ Seriously ] OH, MY GOD.

IT GETS BETTER.

YOU WANT ME TO FAST-FORWARD TO THE GUYS PINNING DOLLARS ON YOU?

NO, THAT'S OKAY.

HOW 'BOUT TO WHERE YOU START SPANKING ME?

NO, NO.

I'M SORRY, GEORGE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SORRY, BABY.

IT'S MY FAULT.

I SHOULD HAVE DANCED WITH YOU A LONG TIME AGO.

BESIDES, WE MADE 200 BUCKS IN TIPS.

THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING WHAT THAT MEANT TO ME.

I JUST -- I FEEL SO BAD.

WE FINALLY HAD OUR DANCE, AND I MISSED IT.

IT'S NOT TOO LATE.

[ INTRO TO HEATWAVE'S "ALWAYS AND FOREVER" PLAYS ]

¶ ALWAYS AND FOREVER ¶

HOW AM I DOING? IS THIS OKAY?

GEORGE...I NEVER CARED HOW GOOD YOU WERE.

I JUST WANTED US TO HAVE OUR DANCE.

¶ ...A DREAM TO ME ¶

¶ THAT SOMEHOW CAME TRUE ¶

IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT.

¶ AND I KNOW TOMORROW ¶

¶ WILL STILL BE THE SAME ¶

¶ 'CAUSE WE'VE GOT A LIFE OF LOVE ¶

¶ THAT WON'T EVER CHANGE AND... ¶

[ BARKS ]

THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! OLD SCHOOL!