Original subtitles

♪

>> Announcer: START THE CLOCK.

♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Bill: HOW ARE YOU DOING?

THANK YOU, HI!

HEY.

HOW ARE YOU DOING?

ALL RIGHT.

OH COME ON LOOK AT THIS.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

WOW, WHAT A GREAT--

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU.

WHAT A GREAT POST-ELECTION

AUDIENCE AND THE ELECTION.

I'M TAPING IT SO DON'T TELL ME.

NO WE HAD A MIDTERM MIDTERMS ARE

DIFFERENT RIGHT?

IT'S LIKE A MIDTERM IT'S LIKE

CHECKING IN WITH YOUR PARTNER

WHEN YOU'RE LOVE MAKING HALFWAY

THROUGH TO SAY ARE YOU ALL R

ALL RIGHT?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND THIS TIME THEY SAID I THINK

I WANT TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YEAH, REPUBLICANS.

WELL.

REPUBLICANS LOST BIGLY.

THERE'S NO OTHER WAY TO PUT IT

AND GREAT I'M NEVER GOING TO GET

THE CHECK FOR $5000.

I'M GETTING OVER THAT.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

IN 2016 LINDSEY GRAHAM SAID IF

WE NOMINATE TRUMP WE'LL GET

DESTROYED AND WE'LL DESERVE IT

AND IT JUST SHOWS THAT GAYS ARE

ALWAYS AHEAD OF EVERYBODY.

I HATE TO GLOAT BECAUSE

EVERYBODY WAS HEDGING ABOUT IT.

DON'T COUNT YOUR CHICKENS.

I NEVER VOTED INTO THAT

BULLSHIT.

MY PREDICTION THAT THIS WILL BE

A HISTORIC THUMPING.

>> THAT IS BOLD THAT IT WILL BE

HISTORIC.

>> Bill: WELCOME I THINK

THAT'S WHAT IT WILL BE.

IT'S GOING TO BE A CLASSIC

HISTORICAL ASS WHIPPING.

I'D BET THE HOUSE ON THAT.

THE MIDTERMS ARE GOING TO BE A

BLOWOUT.

I THINK THEY'RE GOING TO KICK

ASS.

YOUR PARTY IS GOING TO GET THE

DOG SHIT KICKED OUT OF YOU.

THIS ELECTION'S NOT ABOUT THAT.

WE'LL GET TO THAT IN '28.

THIS IS ABOUT DONALD TRUMP AND

WE DON'T LIKE HIM ANY MORE.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WELL.

I TELL YOU SOMETHING.

HERE'S SOMETHING I COULD NOT

HAVE PREDICTED WHICH IS TRUMP'S

REACTION TO THE ELECTION.

DID YOU SEE THIS?

HE SAID CONGRATULATIONS TO THE

DEMOCRATS.

THEY DID A GOOD JOB.

DONNY, ARE YOU OKAY?

[LAUGHTER]

I. KNOW WE HAVE BEEN FEUDING.

YOU'RE NOT EVEN GOING TO FAKE IT

WAS RIGGED?

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING EVEN

WITH THE ATTEMPTED RIGGING AND

THEY DID TRY TO RIG IT IN EVERY

DIFFERENT KIND OF WAY.

MAIL IN BALLOTS INTIMIDATING

VOTERS, DEMOCRACY, MAN.

KIND OF FUCKING AWESOME.

THE SYSTEM STOOD.

THE SYSTEM STOOD IN PLACE AND

ALSO WE FOUND OUT NO PLACE IS

SOLID RED.

WE GET USED TO THAT.

READING OF 4/5 OF THE COUNTRY.

LOOK, TEXAS.

I TELL YOU.

REPUBLICANS LOSING TEXAS IS LIKE

FINDING OUT YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS

DATING A LESBIAN.

YOU KNEW THEY WERE UNHAPPY, YOU

DIDN'T THINK THEY'D GO THAT FAR.

TEXAS WENT, SOUTH CAROLINA,

KANSAS, MISSISSIPPI WELL, WE

DON'T KNOW ABOUT ALASKA.

THEY ARE STILL COUNTING DOWN

SULLIVAN.

BUT THAT PROBABLY WILL BE

DEMOCRATIC.

ALL THESE DATES.

OHIO.

I REMEMBER FOUR YEARS AGO THEY

SAID OHIO NO LONGER A PURPLE

STATE.

SOLIDLY RED.

IT TURNS OUT EVEN THE POWER OF

JOHN HUSTED'S MUSCULAR ASS.

COULD NOT TURN OHIO.

REMEMBER THAT?

>> BUT I LOOKED AT HIS ASS.

HIS ASS?

IT'S LIKE A PILE OF MUSCLE.

>> Bill: YEAH.

AND HE LOST TO SHERROD BROWN A

DEMOCRAT WITH A FLABBY ASS.

THAT'S POLITICS.

BUT NO.

EVERY DEMOGRAPHIC GROUP.

SOME OF THEM BY HUGE.

HISPANICS, 29-POINT FLIP FROM

THE LAST ELECTION.

AND THEY SAY THE EXPERTS SAY

IT'S BECAUSE OF THE FUEL COSTS.

GROCERY PRICES AND OH, YEAH?

THEY DIDN'T LIKE BEING

SYSTEMATICALLY HUNTED LIKE

ANIMALS.

THAT'S IN THE MIX.

PLUS TRUMP HAD ALWAYS WON WHITE

WOMEN.

LOST THEM NOW.

HIS APPEAL AT THE END TONE-DEAF.

FAKE IT LIKE I'M ON THE BALLOT.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND NOT JUST WOMEN.

HE LOST THE BROS.

THE BROS, DUDE.

YOUNG WHITE MEN HUGE SWING LIKE

28 POINTS.

TAYLOR SWIFT HASN'T LOST THIS

MANY WHITE GUYS.

BUT YOU KNOW?

I THINK THE REBUKE FOR HIM THAT

HURTS THE MOST IS ALWAYS MONEY.

CRYPTO COIN A YEAR AGO TRUMP'S

CRYPTO COIN WAS SELLING AT $75,

TODAY IT'S $1.24.

IF YOU PUT $10,000 IN IT A YEAR

AGO TODAY IT'S WORTH $170.

IT WENT FROM WITH ONE COIN YOU

COULD BUY A USED CAR TO NOW YOU

CAN GET GAS.

ALL RIGHT COME ON WE'VE GOT A

GREAT SHOW.

BUT FIRST HE'S A DIRECTOR,

WRITER, AND PRODUCER WHOSE NEW

MOVIE "THE MOSQUITO BOWL" IS OUT

NOW IN SELECT THEATERS AND WILL

STREAM ON NETFLIX STARTING

NOVEMBER 25TH: PETER BERG.

PETER!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

♪

HOW ARE YOU?

LOOK AT THAT.

ALL RIGHT.

I DON'T WANT TO BURDEN YOU WITH

TALKING ABOUT THE ELECTION.

>> I WAS JUST LISTENING TO YOUR

PREDICTIONS ABOUT THEM.

HOW ARE MY NEW YORK GIANTS GOING

TO DO?

CAN YOU TELL ME HOW MUCH--

>> Bill: THEY'RE MY NEW YORK

GIANTS TOO.

THEY'RE NOT GOING TO GO ALL THE

WAY.

>> OKAY.

SO DON'T BET THE FARM.

>> Bill: I WOULD NOT BET

ANYTHING.

THEY'LL DO BETTER THAN THE JETS.

OKAY.

BUT YOUR RESUME HAS SOME OF MY

FAVORITE MOVIES OF THE CENTURY

ON IT.

THAT THING YOU DID WITH AMERICAN

PRIMEVAL WAS ONE OF THE GREATEST

THING EVER OR ANY SERIES I'VE

EVER SEEN.

YOU KNOW, YOUR STUFF INCLUDING

THE NEW ONE OF COURSE.

IT'S A LOT ABOUT MANLY MEN DOING

MANLY THINGS.

AND I'M VERY OKAY WITH THAT.

I JUST FEEL LIKE IT'S GOTTEN

VERY POLITICALLY INCORRECT YOU

KNOW.

MANLY MEN DOING MANLY THINGS.

SOME OF US WATCHED THE

HISTORY CHANNEL AND I'M TIRED OF

APOLOGIZING FOR IT.

DO YOU FEEL THE BACKLASH?

>> I DON'T REALLY FEEL A

BACKLASH.

I LIKE TO REFER TO MYSELF AS A

TRAUMA FILMMAKER.

MOST OF MY FILMS HAVE TRAUMA IN

THEM WITH THE KINGDOM, FRIDAY

NIGHT LIGHTS DIDN'T HAVE A HAPPY

ENDING.

LONE SURVIVOR WASN'T AN ENTIRELY

UPLIFTING FILM.

HUGE DAY ABOUT THE MARATHON

BOMBING.

I'M KIND OF DRAWN TO INTENSE

EVENTS BECAUSE INTENSE EVENTS

PROVIDE DRAMA AND EMOTION AND

OPPORTUNITY FOR CHARACTER.

I LIKE TO TRY TO FIND THE THEMES

OF LOVE AND BROTHERHOOD AND

COMPASSION, THAT CAN COME UP IN

THOSE.

>> Bill: THIS NEW ONE

CERTAINLY HAS ALL OF THAT.

"MOSQUITO BOWL" TELL US BRIEFLY

THE STORY BECAUSE IT'S A TRUE

STORY.

>> IT'S A TRUE STORY WRITTEN BY

MY COUSIN ABOUT FRIDAY NIGHT

LIGHTS.

WHEN BUZZ GETS ON ONE LIKE

FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS HE WRITES A

BOOK THAT YOU THINK IS ABOUT

FOOTBALL BUT IF YOU READ THE

BOOK IT'S REALLY ABOUT LIFE,

FAMILY COME OUT COMMUNITY, LOVE,

AND HATRED AND ALL THE THINGS

THAT MAKE US HUMAN.

AND THAT'S WHY HE RESPONDS TO

FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS.

"THE MOSQUITO BOWL" IS ABOUT A

WAR STORY.

FOUR ALL-AMERICAN COLLEGE

FOOTBALL PLAYERS FROM

PEARL HARBOR WENT DOWN.

THEY JOINED THE MARINE CORPS AND

THEY WENT AND FOUGHT--

>> Bill: COLLEGE PLAYERS.

>> VERY YOUNG, INCREDIBLE

PLAYERS.

IT'S THE STORY OF THEIR

EXPERIENCE IN WORLD WAR II AND

THE PACIFIC THEATER.

IT IS REALLY MEANT TO BE A VERY

STRONG ANTI-WAR FILM.

I BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN ADMIRE

AND SUPPORT TROOPS.

MY DAD WAS A MARINE IN KOREA AND

MY FATHER WAS IN THE MILITARY.

>> Bill: WORLD WAR II.

>> IN THE CASE OF "THE MOSQUITO

BOWL" YOU CAN VERY MUCH SUPPORT

THE MEN AND WOMEN WHO SERVE THIS

COUNTRY AND AT THE SAME TIME

REALLY QUESTION OUR LEADERS AND

THINK ABOUT WHY WE ARE ASKING

THEM TO GO, WHERE WE'RE ASKING

THEM TO GO, HOW THE FUCK WE ARE

GOING TO DEAL WITH IT WHEN IT'S

OVER.

THESE ARE IMPORTANT QUESTIONS

THAT THE MOSQUITO BOWL HAS ON

ITS MIND UNDERNEATH IS A PRETTY

SAD STORY OF THESE YOUNG MEN.

[APPLAUSE]

>> Bill: THEY MADE ANTIWAR

MOVIES BEFORE SAVING PRIVATE

RYAN.

THAT WAS THE FIRST ONE I THOUGHT

WAS A REALLY EFFECTIVE ONE

BECAUSE IT ACTUALLY SHOWED WHAT

WAR LOOKS LIKE.

THIS ONE DOES TOO IN THE SAME

WAY.

THIS IS A STORMING THE BEACH

SCENE.

ANY MOVIE THAT'S AN ANTIWAR

MOVIE SHOULD HAVE A STORMING THE

BEACH SCENE BECAUSE YOU JUST

SEE--

>> CARNAGE.

>> Bill: THE TERROR.

HOW ANYONE COULD THINK UNDER

THOSE CONDITIONS AND YOU HAVE

TO.

>> PEOPLE HAVE ASKED ME LIKE WHY

WOULD YOU DO ANOTHER WAR MOVIE?

THERE HAVE BEEN SOME REALLY

FUCKING GOOD WAR MOVIES.

MY ANSWER WAS I NEVER GOT TO TRY

ONE.

WHEN I WAS RESEARCHING THE FILM

I WENT TO OKINAWA WHICH IS WHERE

THE FINAL BATTLE OF OUR FILM

TAKES PLACE AND THE MARINE CORPS

AND THE HISTORIANS TOURED ME THE

ENTIRE ISLAND FROM WHERE IT

STARTED TO WHERE IT ENDED TO THE

SUICIDE CLIFFS WHERE WOMEN WERE

THROWING THEMSELVES OFF AND

THEIR CHILDREN.

AND IT WAS HARROWING.

AND THEN THEY TOOK ME BACK TO

THE CURRENT BASE AND I DIDN'T

REALIZE THAT WE HAVE HUNDREDS OF

THOUSANDS OF MILITARY ON OKINAWA

RIGHT NOW.

WE HAVE WARSHIPS AND ATTACK

AIRCRAFT AND TENS OF THOUSANDS

OF MARINES.

AND I MET WITH THE GENERAL OF

THE BASE THAT THEY WERE TOURING

ME AND I SAID, SIR, CAN I ASK

YOU A QUESTION AND HE SAID YEAH.

WHAT THE IS GOING ON HERE?

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

AND HE SAID OH, THAT'S A GOOD

QUESTION.

HE POINTED TO A MAP OF THE SOUTH

CHINA SEA AND HE SAYS SEE IT'S

ALL ABOUT THIS AND HE POINTS TO

THIS LITTLE ISLAND TAIWAN.

THEY WANT IT, THE CHINESE AND

I'M HERE TO MAKE SURE THEY

UNDERSTAND THEY CAN'T GET IT.

THIS IS NOW 88 YEARS AFTER

350,000 PEOPLE WERE KILLED ON

OKINAWA.

I'M THINKING WE DON'T NEED

ANOTHER WAR MOVIE.

WE'VE LEARNED A GREAT LESSON AS

A CULTURE.

DIDN'T REALLY FEEL THAT WAY TO

ME.

THAT WAS PART OF MY--

>> Bill: ANOTHER THING THAT

RESONATED WITH ME WHAT'S GOING

ON NOW IS THERE'S A BRIEF

CONVERSATION THAT THE TWO GUYS

HAVE WHEN THEY'RE OVER THERE AND

THE OTHER GUY KIND OF HIPS HIM.

YOU KNOW WHAT, WE CUT OFF

JAPAN'S OIL.

IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT OIL.

OIL AND JEWS.

EVERYTHING.

THOSE ARE THE TWO THINGS THAT

ALWAYS KEEP COMING UP NO MATTER

WHAT HAPPENS.

>> I HAD TO BE HONEST WITH

MYSELF WHEN I STARTED

RESEARCHING IT.

I'D BE CURIOUS HOW MANY PEOPLE

IN THIS ROOM ARE REALLY CLEAR ON

WHAT HAPPENED THAT LED TO THE

ATTACK ON PEARL HARBOR.

THE JAPANESE ATTACKED US.

THE BLIND SIDED U.S.

IN MY RESEARCH WELL WHY.

WHAT WAS HAPPENING?

AND THEN I REALIZED WELL JAPAN

DIDN'T HAVE ANY OIL.

THEY WERE INVADED CHINA DOING

HORRIBLE THINGS.

>> Bill: HORRIBLE HORRIBLE

THINGS.

AS BRUTAL AS ANYBODY.

I'VE HEARD PEOPLE SAY.

WAR HAS HAPPENED BECAUSE MEN

JUST LIKE TO FIGHT.

THAT'S NOT TRUE.

SOMETIMES YOU DO AND SOMETIMES

THE MEN DO LIKE TO FIGHT BUT

WARS HAPPEN BECAUSE MEN HAVE TO

FIGHT AND THIS WAR HAD TO BE

FOUGHT.

IT MUST BE A LITTLE EASIER

MAKING A WAR WITH THIS KIND OF

CARNAGE WHEN YOU KNOW IT WAS A

JUST WAR.

>> I CAN'T SAY THAT IT'S EASIER.

WHEN I REALLY LOOKED AT THE

CARNAGE I LOOKED AT THE FACT

THAT-- I DON'T MEAN TO GET TOO

HEAVY ON A SHOW THAT IS SO FUNNY

AND YOU'RE ONE OF THE FUNNIEST

PEOPLE--

>> Bill: I'LL MAKE UP FOR IT

LATER.

WE'LL GET HIM BACK.

DON'T WORRY.

>> SORRY.

WILL YOU INDULGE ME A LITTLE

BIT?

INDULGE ME A LITTLE BIT.

75 MILLION PEOPLE WERE KILLED

GLOBALLY IN WORLD WAR II ON THIS

PLANET.

RIGHT?

75 MILLION PEOPLE WERE KILLED

GLOBALLY.

YOU LOOK AT WORLD WAR ONE.

18 MILLION PEOPLE WERE KILLED.

18 MILLION, 75 MILLION.

I DON'T WANT THERE TO BE A

WORLD WAR III.

I TRULY DO NOT WANT THAT FOR MY

CHILDREN AND EVERYBODY'S

CHILDREN.

SO YOU KNOW YES.

WORLD WAR II.

WE REALLY NEED TO FIGHT THAT

WAR.

WE REALLY NEED DIPLOMATS, WE

NEED DIPLOMACY.

WE NEED PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT

MONETIZING PEACE.

WE NEED PEACEMAKERS.

>> Bill: YEAH, I KNOW.

>> WE DO.

WE DO.

>> Bill: NOBODY KNOWS BETTER

THAN YOU.

THAT'S KIND OF BULLSHIT BECAUSE

IT DOESN'T WORK WHEN ONE SIDE OF

THE TABLE DOESN'T WANT PEACE.

AND THERE'S PLENTY OF PEOPLE

WHO'VE TAKEN OVER COUNTRIES IN

THIS WORLD AND THEY DON'T WANT

PEACE.

AND THEN ALL THAT LIST OF THINGS

YOU SAID ARE LOVELY.

IT DOESN'T WORK AND THAT'S WHEN

YOU CALL IN THE MARINES.

>> YES, IT IS.

YES, SIR.

WE 100% NEED MARINES.

AND YOU KNOW MY FATHER WHO I

LOVE VERY MUCH MOST OF THE TIME.

MY FATHER IS BURIED IN ARLINGTON

DURING THE MAKING OF THIS FILM.

I WOULD GO DOWN THERE AND HAVE

THESE CONVERSATIONS, GREAT

CONVERSATIONS BECAUSE HE HAD TO

SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME.

I COULD TELL HIM ABOUT YOU KNOW

DAD, THE WORLD IS REALLY FUCKED

UP.

THERE'S SOME REAL PROBLEMS AND

SOME HORRIBLE ACTORS OUT THERE

AND WE DO NEED MARINES AND WE DO

NEED DELTA AND SPECIAL FORCES.

>> Bill: WE DON'T WANT TO USE

THEM WHEN WE DON'T HAVE TO.

>> THAT'S MY POINT.

>> Bill: WE AGREE AND I THINK

THE NEXT MOVIE YOU SHOULD MAKE A

ROMANTIC COMEDY.

ALL RIGHT.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

PETER BERG.

TERRIFIC MOVIE.

ALL RIGHT COME ON LET'S MEET OUR

PANEL.

♪

HEY, HOW ARE YOU?

OKAY.

SHE'S MS NOW'S SENIOR CAPITOL

HILL CORRESPONDENT AND THE HOST

OF "WAY TOO EARLY": ALI VITALI.

AND HE'S THE HOST OF THE

"CONVERSATIONS WITH COLEMAN"

PODCAST AND A CONTRIBUTOR TO THE

FREE PRESS: COLEMAN HUGHES.

BACK WITH US.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

ALL RIGHT.

OH, MY GOSH.

I WANT TO GET EVERYBODY'S

TAKEAWAYS.

THIS IS SUCH A FUN SHOW AFTER AN

ELECTION BECAUSE THE DECK GETS

SHUFFLED.

THINGS ARE NEW.

NEW CAST OF CHARACTERS.

IT'S A NEW SEASON OF TV.

LET ME START WITH THE THING I

MENTIONED IN THE MONOLOGUE WHICH

I THINK IS UNDERREPORTED SO FAR.

NOTHING IS SOLID RED.

WE GOT SO USED FOR SO LONG

LIVING IN THIS COUNTRY WHERE WE

JUST WRITE OFF THAT WHOLE PART

OF THE COUNTRY.

WE KNOW IT'S GOING TO BE RED.

TOXIC D.

THEY'LL NEVER VOTE NO.

ELECTIONS ARE LIKE PEOPLE SAYING

YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU HAVEN'T CHECKED IN WITH ME

IN A WHILE.

WE KIND OF LOST TOUCH DIDN'T WE?

HERE I AM.

I'M A LITTLE DIFFERENT NOW.

PEOPLE GROW, THEY CHANGE, THINGS

CHANGE.

IT'S AMAZING.

IT'S AFFIRMATIVE.

IT'S INSPIRING TO ME THAT THE

PLACES THAT WENT NO, WE ARE NOT

HICKS.

WE ARE NOT HICKS FOR LIFE.

YOU SPEAK NOW.

>> I THINK WE ALL HAVE A LITTLE

RECENCY BIAS BECAUSE WHEN YOU

SAY THESE PLACES HAVE BEEN SOLID

RED SINCE WHEN?

FOR A COUPLE DECADES.

OKAY THAT'S A GOOD AMOUNT OF

TIME.

BUT LET'S ZOOM OUT.

>> Bill: ALL THE PLAINS

STATES.

>> LET'S ZOOM OUT A LITTLE BIT

MORE AND LOOK AT IT

HISTORICALLY.

BASICALLY ALL BLACK PEOPLE USED

TO VOTE REPUBLICANS IN THE

1930s.

THAT WAS A BIG CHANGE HAPPENING

IN THE COUPLE DECADES.

LATEST 1980s AND 90 SECONDS

YOU COULD BE A SOUTHERN AMERICAN

DEMOCRAT.

THERE WERE SOUTHERN CONSERVATIVE

DEMOCRATS THAT WOULD NEVER DREAM

OF VOTING REPUBLICAN.

>> Bill: AND NORTHERN

REPUBLICAN LIBERALS.

>> IN MY LIFETIME WHEN I WAS A

BABY.

IT'S NOT QUITE THAT WE'RE LIVING

THROUGH A HISTORIC MOMENT.

HISTORIANS WILL WRITE ABOUT THIS

AS A MAJOR TECTONIC SHIFT IN THE

GEOPOLITICAL STRUCTURE OF OUR

PARTY, TWO-PARTY SYSTEM.

IT'LL BE SIMILAR TO TALKING

ABOUT HOW BLACK PEOPLE USED TO

VOTE REPUBLICAN AND NOW THEY

VOTE DEMOCRAT.

REPUBLICANS ARE GOING TO GET A

SIGNAL THAT WILL EITHER RESPOND

TO IT AND SHIFT, PIVOT TOWARD

THE CENTER OR PIVOT AWAY FROM

EXTREMELY CORRUPT CANDIDATES.

PIVOT AWAY FROM WHATEVER

CANDIDATE IS LOYAL TO TRUMP IS

THE ONE WE'RE RUNNING.

PIVOT AWAY FROM THE NONSENSE AND

IF THEY HEAR IT LOUD AND CLEAR

THEN ALL THESE STATES COULD GO

RED AGAIN IN TWO YEARS.

NONE OF THIS--

>> I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT TO TALK

TO THE FACT THAT SOME OF THE

PLACES THAT ENDED UP FLIPPING.

RIO GRANDE VALLEY FOR EXAMPLE SO

CRUCIAL TO JAMES TALARICO AND

FLIPPING IT TOGETHER RIGHT?

THERE'S DEMOCRATIC DNA IN SOME

OF THESE PLACES.

I DO THINK OTHER OF THESE PLACES

A PLACE LIKE KANSAS,

MISSISSIPPI.

EVEN MY MOST OPTIMISTIC

DEMOCRATIC SOURCES WERE NEVER

TRYING TO SELL ME ON THE IDEA

THAT THESE WERE GOING TO FLIP

AND THAT CHUCK SCHUMER AND

DEMOCRATS WOULD HAVE A 54-55,

POTENTIALLY 56 SEAT MAJORITY.

I THINK WE COINED A NEW

PROFESSIONAL TURN OF POLITICS

LIKE BONKERS WEIRD.

THIS MAP WAS SO BONKERS WEIRD I

DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO MAKE OF IT.

I'M STANDING AT THE BIG BOARD

3:00 IN THE MORNING GETTING ON

TV AND EVERY RACE THAT I LOOKED

AT WAS LIKE WHOA.

THAT FLIPPED?

NORTH CAROLINA CONGRESSIONAL

DELEGATION IN THE HOUSE

COMPLETELY FLIPPED FROM 10-4.

REPUBLICAN TO DEMOCRAT.

THEY'RE NOW LIKELY TO BE EXACTLY

OPPOSITE.

>> Bill: IT WAS A TOTAL

BACKFIRE BECAUSE THEY

GERRYMANDERED IT THINKING THEY

WERE GOING TO GET 10-4

REPUBLICAN TO DEMOCRAT AND THEY

GOT THE EXACT OPPOSITE.

TO ME IT'S ANOTHER GREAT THING

ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED THIS WEEK.

TRUST RESTORED.

PEOPLE THINK OH.

VOTING DOES MATTER AND THEY DO

COUNT THEM.

[APPLAUSE]

AND IT DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

WE ALMOST LOST AND YOU THINK

ABOUT ALL THE THINGS THAT PEOPLE

WERE SO WORRIED ABOUT THAT WAS

GOING TO FUCK UP THE ELECTION.

THE MUSK MONEY, FUCKING WITH

MAIL-IN VOTING, GERRYMANDERING,

CLOSING POLLING PLACES, THE

IMITATION OUTSIDE POLLING

PLACES.

REPUBLICANS DID ALL THAT.

DEMOCRATS FOUND ONE OTHER GUY

NAMED DAN SULLIVAN.

[LAUGHTER]

THAT'S THEIR CHEAT.

BUT ALL OF THAT DIDN'T MAKE ANY

DIFFERENCE.

YOU'VE GOT A SHOUT OUT TO THE

FOUNDING FATHERS.

I KNOW THEY'RE TERRIBLE AWFUL

CAUCASIANS.

BUT SOMEHOW THIS SYSTEM WHICH

I'VE HAD MUCH LESS FAITH IN TEN

YEARS AGO WHEN TRUMP WAS FIRST

THERE.

>> NOT ONLY SHOUT OUT TO THE

FOUNDING FATHERS BUT A BIT OF A

POO ON THE MEDIA THAT'S

CONSTANTLY TRYING TO TERRIFY US

IN ORDER TO GET US TO CLICK ON

WHATEVER THE LATEST THREAT TO

DEMOCRACY.

CHALLENGE RIGHT?

BUT WHEN YOU SEE THAT THERE'S A

CHALLENGE IN DEMOCRACY IT

DOESN'T MEAN DEMOCRACY IS OVER.

IT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S BEYOND THE

JOURNEY.

A LOT OF US HAVE BEEN TAKEN BY

THIS THE PAST FEW YEARS AND

WHAT'S GOOD ABOUT THE ELECTION

IS THAT ACTUALLY THIS SYSTEM

WORKS.

[APPLAUSE]

>> THE SYSTEM WORKS.

I COVER CAMPAIGNS FOR A LIVING

BECAUSE THERE IS SOMETHING SO

AMAZING ABOUT WATCHING DEMOCRACY

IN ACTION AND I LOVE WHEN VOTERS

TEACH US SOMETHING.

AND ALSO AFTER JANUARY 62021 I

DO NOT THINK WE CAN TAKE OUR

DEMOCRACY FOR GRANTED.

IT'S NOT FEARMONGERING.

IT IS LISTENING TO WHAT THE THEN

OUTGOING NOW CURRENT PRESIDENT

OF THE UNITED STATES SAID AND

DID AND REACTING TO THAT IN A

SERIOUS WAY THAT DOES NOT TELL

PEOPLE BE AFRAID TO VOTE

CERTAINLY THAT WAS NOT THE

MESSAGE I WOULD GIVE TO PEOPLE

WATCH MY SHOW WHEN I WAS ON

MSNBC ANYWHERE.

BUT IT'S BE VIGILANT ABOUT IT.

TAKE IT SERIOUSLY.

NO IT'S YOUR RIGHT AND THAT IT'S

NOT THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT WHO

CAN SEND ICE TO A POLLING PLACE

OR TELL YOU THAT ELECTION

RESULTS ARE INVALID AND THAT'S

THE LESSON OF JANUARY 6TH.

>> THE PROBLEM IS WHEN YOU GO

TOO FAR WITH THAT.

IT'S ALWAYS BEEN A REPUBLIC IF

YOU CAN KEEP IT.

SO VIGILANCE HAS ALWAYS BEEN

NECESSARY BUT WHEN YOU GO TOO

FAR AND PEOPLE LOSE FAITH IN THE

SYSTEM THEY GET SEDUCED BY

EXTREMISTS.

THERE ARE CERTAIN EXTREMISTS ON

THE LEFT ESPECIALLY THE DSA THAT

YOU GO TO THE WEBSITE THEY SAY

THAT WE NEED TO ABOLISH THE

SENATE.

DEMOCRACY HAS FAILED.

RIGHT?

>> Bill: THERE'S PEOPLE ON THE

LEFT I AGREE WITH YOU WHO ARE

THREATENED BY PROGRESS.

YOU THINK THEY'RE PROGRESSIVES,

YOU THINK THEY WOULD LIKE IT?

NO BECAUSE THEN IT'S LIKE

THERE'S ALWAYS MORE WORK TO BE

DONE AND THERE'S ALWAYS MORE

WORK TO BE DONE BUT THEY DON'T

ACKNOWLEDGE THE WORK THAT IS OR

WHERE WE ARE.

LET ME TELL YOU WHERE WE ARE.

FIRST A BLACK WOMAN GOVERNOR.

[APPLAUSE]

ANYWAY.

FIRST BLACK REPUBLICAN GOVERNOR,

FIRST MUSLIM SENATOR.

FIRST GAY MALE SENATOR.

OPEN MIND.

[LAUGHTER]

I'M NOT, I'M NOT I'M NOT NAMING

NAMES.

[LAUGHTER]

THE TEN MOST POPULOUS STATES,

NOT ONE OF THEM HAS A GOVERNOR

WHO IS A WHITE CHRISTIAN MAN.

[APPLAUSE]

WELL.

WE ARE NOT AGAINST WHITE

CHRISTIAN MEN.

WE ARE JUST SAYING THAT THINGS

HAVE CHANGED A LOT.

SCOTT COLUMN IN MISSISSIPPI.

HE FLIPPED THE COUNTY THAT'S

NAMED AFTER THE FIRST GRAND

WIZARD OF THE KU KLUX KLAN.

UNREAL.

IN 2003 GAY ORAL SEX WAS

OUTLAWED IN TEXAS.

NOW THE CHIEF JUSTICE OF THE

TEXAS SUPREME COURT IS A LESB

LESBIAN.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

IT'S JUST THIS COUNTRY CHANGES

AND THAT'S WHY ELECTIONS ARE

AWESOME.

CHECK IN WITH ME.

SEE WHO I AM NOW.

OKAY.

MY OTHER TAKEAWAY.

THE POWER OF MONEY NOT IN

ELECTIONS AS MUSK FOUND OUT

ALWAYS AND CERTAINLY HILLARY

SPENT A LOT MORE THAN TRUMP ON

THAT.

WHAT I MEAN IS WHAT YOU CAN GET

AWAY WITH AS PRESIDENT WHEN THE

PEOPLE ARE FLUSH.

YOU KNOW?

LAST ELECTION HE WAS TALKING

ABOUT ARNOLD PALMER'S GIANT

PENIS AND PEOPLE HAD MONEY.

IT WAS FUNNY.

NOW THIS STUFF ABOUT MEN'S ASSES

NOT SO FUNNY.

THINGS ARE NOT FUNNY WITHOUT

MONEY.

WHEN PEOPLE ARE FEELING GOOD

ABOUT THEIR WALLET, I MADE A

LITTLE LIST.

YOU COULD BE VULGAR, CRUEL.

KIND OF RACIST.

EGOMANIAC.

CORRUPT, GREEDY, INDULGE YOUR

ECCENTRICITIES LIKE LOVING

TARIFFS AND LOVING DICTATORS AND

JUST CRAZY.

RENAMING THINGS.

HIS CLOSING ARGUMENT AT THE

REFLECTING POOL.

IF THAT WASN'T A. LOUIS XIV

MOMENT LIKE THE CLOSING-- THE

DAY BEFORE THE ELECTION TALKING

ABOUT THE BLUE STUFF AND

THE FUCKING ALGAE IN THE

POOL?

HEY, CRAZY MAN, WE'VE HAD

ENOUGH.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YOU CAN KEEP RENAMING THINGS

AFTER YOURSELF BUT YOU KNOW?

THE CRAZY GOES SO FAR.

YOU CAN LIE TO ME ABOUT A LOT OF

THINGS.

CAN'T LIE TO ME ABOUT HOW MUCH

MONEY.

>> LET THEM EAT CAKE.

I THINK THIS PUBLIC EVERY TIME I

GO OUT AND TALK TO VOTERS THEY

ARE TALKING ABOUT ON DATA

CENTERS THE REPORTING I DID

THERE WAS WHY HASN'T ANYONE

CHECKED IN WITH ME AND ASKED IF

THEY COULD PUT THIS IN MY

COMMUNITY?

THERE'S A DEEP FEELING THAT THE

SYSTEMS DON'T WORK SO I THINK

THAT'S PART OF WHY THE WAVE WAS

SO BIG.

YES IT WAS COMPLETELY A

REFERENDUM ON TRUMP.

THE ANTI CENTER IN NEW YORK

EVERYWHERE FROM IOWA TO KANSAS.

TALK ABOUT REAL CONSEQUENCES OF

YOUR OWN ACTION?

SCOTT COLON IN MISSISSIPPI

DI.JOE BIDEN NOMINATED HIM TO TH

COURTS.

YOU KNOW WHO TOLD HIM SAID NO I

DON'T WANT THAT PERSON SERVING?

CINDY HYDE-SMITH.

THE PERSON WHO COULD LOSE HER

SEAT NOW BECAUSE SCOTT COLON

SAID I'M GOING TO COME BACK AND

RUN FOR A SENATOR.

THIS IS THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR

OWN ACTION AND YOU HAVE TO THINK

ABOUT PROGRESS.

>> PEOPLE USED TO SAY ALL THE

TIME.

I DON'T LIKE HIS POLICY THAT

DONALD TRUMP.

HIS PERSONALITY.

WHI LIKED HIS POLICIES.

NOBODY SAYS THAT.

>> WHAT'S THE CROWNING POLICY OF

THE LAST TWO YEARS FOR

REPUBLICANS WHO CONTROLLED BOTH

SIDES OF CONGRESS AND THE WHITE

HOUSE?

I COVERED IT AND THE BIG

TAKEAWAY WAS GETTING RID OF

HEALTH CARE SUBSIDIES THAT

PEOPLE NEEDED TO STAY ON

HEALTH CARE CUTTING SNAP AND

MAKING IT MORE DIFFICULT FOR

AMERICANS TO RECEIVE THINGS THAT

HELP THEM WITH SAFETY NETS IN

THIS COUNTRY.

>> WE WOULD AGREE THAT MORE

TRUMP 20208 IS NOT A WINNING

SLOGAN.

RIGHT.

MORE MAGA.

SO THE REPUBLICANS I THINK THEY

ALREADY KNOW THAT.

WE'RE THREE DAYS OUT.

I THINK WE KNOW THAT.

ARE THEY LIBERATED NOW FROM

MAGA?

BECAUSE FOR ME THE LITMUS TEST

IS ARE YOU GOING TO GO BACK TO

CONCEDING ELECTIONS?

I SEE RON DeSANTIS IS OUT

THERE.

I SAID SOME NICE THINGS ABOUT

RON DeSANTIS.

I THOUGHT HE HANDLED THE COVID

THING BETTER THAN THEY DID IN

LOTS OF PLACES.

HE'S NOT AN IDIOT AT ALL.

BUT HE DID CAMPAIGN ON ELECTION

DENIERS A FEW YEARS AGO.

OKAY.

TO ME THAT'S MY RED LINE.

TRUMP USED TO SAY ABOUT

IMMIGRATION IF WE DON'T FIX THIS

WE DON'T HAVE A COUNTRY.

ME.

MY I DON'T HAVE A COUNTRY IS

ELECTIONS.

WE DON'T GO BACK TO 2020 BUT YOU

CAN'T BE THE GUY, THEY ALWAYS

WERE WITH TRUMP.

WE KNOW HE'S WATCHING AND YOU

HAVE TO PRETEND 2020 IS AT BEST

WHAT WE DON'T KNOW.

THEY'VE GOT TO GET OVER THAT OR

ELSE MY VOTE IS NOT IN PLAY FOR

THEM.

>> MAGA HAS BEEN HELD TOGETHER

SIMPLY BY TRUMP'S IF YOU WANT TO

CALL IT CHARISMA YOU CAN BUT TO

HIS BASES CERTAINLY.

WHEN HE'S GONE LOOK THERE'S A

REASON HE WON TWICE.

I'M TRYING TO EXPLAIN IT.

WHEN HE'S GONE THERE'S NO ACTUAL

PHILOSOPHY THERE OUTSIDE OF

TRUMP'S HOLD OVER THESE PEOPLE.

WHAT ARE REPUBLICANS GOING TO

DO?

J.D. VANCE I THINK HE'S TRYING

TO TAKE A LIFEBOAT OFF THE

TITANIC BY APPEALING TO THE

ANTISEPTIC WING OF THE PARTY.

I DON'T KNOW IF THE LIFEBOAT IS

BIG ENOUGH TO SUSTAIN THEM I

DON'T THINK IT IS.

IT'S GOING TO BE A REMARKABLE

ELECTION BECAUSE BOTH SIDES ARE

UP FOR GRABS.

BOTH SIDES HAVE A CHANCE TO PUT

SOMEONE FORWARD THAT'S

FUNDAMENTALLY NEW AND

FUNDAMENTALLY DIFFERENT.

WE HAVE NOT SEEN THAT IN A WHI

WHILE.

>> Bill: I THINK J.D. VANCE IS

TOAST.

>> I THINK THE ONLY PERSON.

POTENTIALLY WHO HAD A WORST

NIGHT THAN TRUMP IS J.D. VANCE.

HE'LL BE THE GUY WHO'S THE

SECOND PART OF THE

BUMPER STICKER THAT SAYS

TRUMP-VANCE.

YOU CAN'T GET ENOUGH DISTANCE IF

YOU'RE TRYING TO RUN FOR

PRESIDENT ON YOUR OWN FROM THE

SPACE.

I THINK YES PAY ATTENTION TO

RON DeSANTIS, SOMEONE LIKE

SENATOR TED CRUZ WHO WHEN I

INTERVIEWED HIM A FEW MONTHS AGO

HE'S CLEARLY RUNNING FOR

PRESIDENT.

IT'S CLEAR THAT THERE'S GOING TO

BE A ROBUST DISCUSSION FOR WHAT

IT MEANS TO BE A REPUBLICAN IN

THE POST-TRUMP ERA AND I PUT AN

ASTERISK ON POST-TRUMP BECAUSE I

DON'T KNOW THAT THE PARTY IS

THERE.

I WATCHED THE TIME AFTER JANUARY

WERE DONE AND THEY WERE

DISGUSTED AND THEN ALL OF A

SUDDEN A FEW WEEKS LATER

KEVIN McCARTHY WAS DOWN AT MAR

A LAGO WITH A THUMBS UP.

I WAS TALKING TO A REPUBLICAN IN

THE SENATE RECENTLY WHO SAID I'M

DONE I'M NOT LISTENING TO

ANYTHING HE SAYS ANYMORE.

IS THAT TRUE?

THEY SAID YEAH, FIND.

I THINK THEY'RE TRYING TO FIGURE

OUT IN REAL TIME ARE THEY DONE

WITH THE PRESIDENT WHO HAS HAD A

POLITICAL EXPEDIENCY AROUND HIM

BECAUSE YOU'RE RIGHT.

EVERY ELECTION I FOLLOWED HIM IN

AND FIRST ONE ON THE ROAD WITH

HIM EVERYWHERE.

HE'S GOT A SKILLED PERSON AT

READING THE EMOTIONAL TENOR OF

WHERE THE COUNTRY IS.

HE SEEMS TO HAVE LOST THAT IN

THE MOST RECENT TERM.

HE SEEMS UNINTERESTED ACCORDING

TO SOURCES I TALKED TO CLOSE TO

HIM IN THE INS AND OUTS OF

GOVERNING WHEN I INTERVIEWED

FORMER PRESIDENT MIKE PENCE HE

DESCRIBED TRUMP AS BEING

POLITICALLY AGNOSTIC.

YOU'RE RIGHT THERE'S NO CORE

IDEOLOGICAL BELIEF THAT

UNDERPINS HIM AND I THINK THE

PARTY GOT LOST IN THAT.

THEY'RE AT A REAL RECKONING

MOMENT WITH SOME REAL QUESTIONS

TO ANSWER ABOUT WHAT THEY STAND

FOR GOING FORWARD BUT I'M JUST

NOT CONVINCED THREE OR FOUR DAYS

OUT THAT THEY ARE FULLY READY TO

UNTETHER.

>> Bill: NO, YOU HAVE TO TAP

DANCE LIKE THEY DID WITH

RONALD REAGAN FOR A WHILE.

HE WAS THE GREAT FOREFATHER OF

THE PARTY.

THE GREAT PATRIARCH AND NOW DOES

ANYBODY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT REAGAN

REAGAN?

NO.

BUT AT TIMES HE DID GREAT

THINGS.

CLOSED THE BORDER.

YOU HAVE TO ASK ACCOMPLISHMENTS.

>> LET'S REMEMBER HOW TRUMP GOT

HIS MOJO BACK BECAUSE A CRUCIAL

PIECE OF THE STORY IS HE WAS

LOSING IN THE POLLS TO

RON DeSANTIS UNTIL WHEN?

THE FIRST INDICTMENT CAME.

AND THEN THE SECOND INDICTMENT

CAME AND THEN HE STARTED GOING

UP AND UP AND UP AS THE

REPUBLICAN PARTY RALLIED AROUND

THE CANDIDATE THEY VIEWED AS

PERSECUTED.

THAT'S AN IMPORTANT LESSON FOR

DEMOCRATS TO LEARN RIGHT NOW.

YOU HAVE A MANDATE FOR SOMETHING

FOR SURE BUT IT'S NOT FOR

POLITICAL PROSECUTIONS.

IT'S FOR NON-CRAZY POLITICIANS.

>> Bill: LET'S TALK ABOUT THAT

IN A MINUTE.

FIRST OFF THERE'S OTHER NEWS.

OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS THAT

HAPPENED.

IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT POLITICS.

DISNEY HAS BEEN IN THE NEWS THIS

YEAR.

I TAKE NO JOY IN THIS JUST

BECAUSE THEY FIRED ME ONCE.

ANYWAY.

TWICE THIS HAS HAPPENED.

IN MAY 27 CRUISE SHIP WORKERS OF

THE DISNEY LINE WERE ARRESTED

FOR CHILD PORN.

UGLY STUFF.

THIS IS LAST WEEK.

13 DISNEY WORLD WORKERS ARRESTED

FOR CHILD TRAFFICKING, CHILD

PREDATOR OPERATIONS.

ONE WAS DRESSED AS MICKEY.

HE WAS A MICKEY IN THE PARK.

HE HAD A DIAPER FETISH.

I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP.

IT'S ALWAYS THE PEOPLE WHO ARE

MOST WHOLESOME THAT YOU KNOW.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.

ANYWAY I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING

ON AT DISNEY BUT IT LOOKS LIKE

IT MIGHT HAVE INFECTED THE MOVIE

DIVISION.

BECAUSE WE SEE SOME OF THE NEW

SLATE OF MOVIES.

I FEEL OVERSEXUALIZED.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE THEM?

FOR EXAMPLE THIS DOES NOT SOUND

VERY DISNEY.

SEEPING BOOTY.

LEZZIE MCGUIRE.

FINDING NYMPHO.

ONE HUNDRED AND ONE

EJACULATIONS.

DEEPER BY THE DOZEN.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

FREAK-OFF FRIDAY.

HERPE THE LOVE BUG.

AND MY FAVORITE.

THE HUNCHBACK OF ONLYFANS.

BACK TO THE DEMOCRATS PARK OF

THE PITTSBURGH OF THE PARTY.

WE CAN'T TALK ABOUT THE

PIT BULL.

WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THE

DEMOCRATS.

WHAT'S THEIR ACHILLES HEEL

BECAUSE WE AGREE ON THIS.

IT'S CATERING TO THE LEFT.

TO ME ONE OF THE GREAT RESULTS

OF THIS ELECTION WAS IT GAVE

MODERATES A BIG STICK TO BEAT

THEM OFF WITH.

I THINK THEY'VE GOT TO CUT THEM

LOOSE COMPLETELY BUT I DON'T

KNOW IF THEY'RE GOING TO DO

THAT.

LET'S SEE WHO HAS THE GUTS TO

SAY THIS IS THE

DEMOCRATIC PARTY.

YOU'RE DOING A WHOLE DIFFERENT

THING AND NO TENT IS BIG ENOUGH

-- THERE'S 8DSA.

TALKING ABOUT SOCIALISM.

I ALWAYS SAY THIS.

WE HAVE A LOT OF SOCIALISM AND I

AM FOR MOST OF IT.

WE NEED MOST OF IT BUT THESE

PEOPLE WANT COMMUNISM.

IF YOU LOOK AT WHAT THEY SAY I

TRY TO SAY THIS ALL THE TIME AND

PEOPLE KNOW IT.

READ WHAT THEY SAID.

IT'S COMMUNISM.

I'M NOT DOWN FOR THAT.

NOW SOME OF THESE PEOPLE WHO RAN

SAID THINGS THAT ARE VERY

ENCOURAGING.

A COUPLE OF THEM RAN ADS THAT

SAID NO GUYS ON WOMEN'S SPORTS

TEAMS.

WE NEED MORE OF THAT.

OF.

>> ABSOLUTELY.

THE DANGER FOR DEMOCRATS IS THEY

TAKE THE MASSIVE SUCCESS AS A

SIGN THAT THEY CAN JUST GO ALL

THE WAY.

THEY CAN RUN A HYPER PROGRESSIVE

CANDIDATES AND THE COUNTRY IS SO

MUCH ON THEIR SIDE THAT THEY CAN

GO AS EXTREME AS THEY WANT.

BUT IF YOU LOOK AT THE RESULTS

HERE THE MODERATE DEMOCRATS DID

BETTER THAN THE DSA BACKED

PROGRESSIVES ACROSS THE BOARD

RIGHT?

EL-SAYED IN MICHIGAN DID

SIGNIFICANTLY WORSE THAN MOST OF

THE MODERATE DEMOCRATS IN THIS

STATE RIGHT?

THAT'S ONE EXAMPLE.

THIS IS A PATTERN WE SAW.

THE REAL LESSON FOR DEMOCRATS AS

AMERICANS PREFER MODERATE

DEMOCRATS--

>> Bill: HE'S A GUY WHO SAYS

I'M NOT A DEMOCRATIC SOCIALIST.

HE'S ENDORSED BY THEM.

MOST ISSUES HE'S NOT AS FAR LEFT

AS THEY ARE.

HIS MAIN ISSUE IS ISRAEL AND

OF COURSE THAT TO ME IS GOING TO

BE THE FLY IN THE OINTMENT FOR

THE DEMOCRATS.

A LOT OF THE CANDIDATES ARE

JEWISH.

I WAS OUT LAST NIGHT BRIEFLY

LIKE A LITTLE HOOKY FOR

SOMEBODY'S BIRTHDAY PARTY NIGHT

BEFORE THE SHOW.

PEOPLE WANTED TO TALK ABOUT THE

ELECTION.

IT'S INTERESTING THE NAME THAT

WAS ON EVERYBODY'S LIPS.

TWO DAYS AFTER THE ELECTION.

JON OSSOFF.

C, A MURMUR WENT AROUND.

THIS IS ONLY LA.

THERE IS A FEELING I FELT AMONG

PEOPLE LAST NIGHT WHO WERE UP ON

POLITICS AND WANTED TO TALK

ABOUT IT THAT THIS IS THE GUY

THEY SEE.

HE DID WIN GEORGIA BY 18 POINTS

I THINK.

THAT'S A PRETTY BIG NUMBER FOR A

DEMOCRAT.

THE OTHER GUY WE HAD HERE ANDY

IS THE OTHER GUY WHO WINS BIG IN

A RED STATE.

THIS IS NOT GOOD NEWS FOR

SOMEBODY LIKE GAVIN NEWSOM.

THAT'S CALIFORNIA BAGGAGE.

>> WE DON'T KNOW.

I THINK ABOUT EVERYONE LOOKS AT

THE FIELD AS BEING OPEN.

WE HAVEN'T HAD A TRULY OPEN

FIELD ON BOTH SIDES IN TEN

YEARS.

IT'S GOING TO BE FASCINATING TO

SEE HOW THE PARTIES SORT THROUGH

THEMSELVES FOR SOMEONE LIKE ME

WHO'S A TOTAL NERD FOR HOW ALL

THIS PLAYS OUT.

I THINK FOR DEMOCRATS WHAT I'VE

HEARD FROM DEMOCRATS IN

WASHINGTON WHO ARE PARSING

THROUGH THIS EVERYONE'S LOOKING

FOR A TEA LEAF FOR THE KIND OF

CANDIDATE THEY WANT TO SEE.

THEY SOUND A LITTLE BIT OPRAH

ESQUE.

ELECTABILITY IN EVERY PARADIGM.

THEY LOOK AT EL-SAYED A

PROGRESSIVE CAN WIN IN A SWING

STATE.

C, JAMES TALARICO, YOU NEED A

MODERATE.

THERE'S PROOF OF PURCHASE FOR

EVERYONE UNTIL THERE ISN'T.

THIS IS A SEASON EVERYONE CAN

HAVE A GOOD TAKE BECAUSE YOU

DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF

CANDIDATE YOU'LL HAVE.

I'M NOT PERSONALLY CONVINCED.

J.B. PRITZKER.

THE NAMES I KEEP IN MY OFFICE

ARE 30 PEOPLE DEEP.

DEMOCRATS WILL HAVE OPTIONS.

WHEN YOU COME TO THE NEXT FEW

YEARS THIS IS A PERIOD WHERE

THERE'S NO CLEAR DEMOCRATIC

LEADER AND THAT MEANS THAT FOR

CHUCK SCHUMER AND JEFFRIES THE

TWO TWIN PILLARS RIGHT NOW WHO

ARE LEADING THE CONGRESS YES.

I THINK THEY HAVE TO WALK A

TIGHTROPE ON NOT OVERSTEPPING

AND LOOK DEMOCRATS DO THIS

OFTEN.

IT'S LIKE SNATCHING VICTORY FROM

THE JAWS OF DEFEAT I WILL SAY.

HOWEVER I THINK WHEN WE LOOK AT

WHAT THE ACCOUNTABILITY LOOKS

LIKE IT'S GOING TO BE NOT

IMPEACHMENT OF A PRESIDENT AT

LEAST NOT IN THE CONVERSATIONS

I'VE HAD BUT PEOPLE LIKE

PETE HEGSETH, TODD BLANCHE,

OTHERS IN THE ADMINISTRATION

WHERE THE LAWS OF POLITICAL

GRAVITY APPLY AND EVERY DEMOCRAT

I'VE SPOKEN TO IS KEENLY AWARE

OF THAT.

[APPLAUSE]

>> RAHM EMANUEL SAID IS WE DON'T

NEED IMPEACHMENT 2.0.

WE NEED ETHICS INVESTIGATIONS

RIGHT?

I THINK THAT'S THE RESPONSIBLE

WAY TO GO.

>> Bill: OF COURSE BECAUSE

IMPEACHMENT THEY TRIED IT TWICE.

YOU TALK ABOUT TRUMP EVEN WITH

HOW MANY SENATORS ARE THEY GOING

TO HAVE AT BEST 56?

HOW MANY DO YOU NEED TO CONVICT?

57?

>> YOU'RE RIGHT.

TWO-THIRDS.

>> Bill: YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO

GET THAT.

THEY'RE NOT GOING TO DO THAT.

HE IS STILL THE PATRIARCH OF THE

PARTY.

HE'S THE ABRAHAM OF THE DESERT.

OKAY.

CAN I QUOTE APROPOS OF THIS THE

NEW TEXAS GOVERNOR.

I'M STILL LEARNING HOW TO

PRONOUNCE HER NAME.

HINOJOSA.

>> HINOJOSA.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

>> Bill: NO H.

TWO DAYS BEFORE THE ELECTION SHE

SAID MY PRONOUNS ARE MOM, TEXAN,

AND SOON TO BE GOVERNOR.

MORE OF THAT.

AND ALSO JOSH TURK IS HE THE

FIRST OPENLY GAY GAY SENATOR?

SORRY, JOSH.

IF YOU LIKE IT, JOSH.

WONDERFUL WHATEVER YOU WANT TO

DO, JOSH.

HE SAID HE OPPOSES MALES

COMPETING IN FEMALE SPORTS.

I'M AGAINST TAXPAYERS PAYING FOR

SEX CHANGES TOO.

I THINK THESE ARE IMPORTANT.

DEMOCRATIC SPECIAL INTEREST

GROUPS AND OF COURSE HE'S GOTTEN

CRITICISM FROM THE LGBT

COMMUNITY AND OTHER PEOPLE.

DEMOCRATIC SPECIAL INTEREST

GROUPS ARE THE BIGGEST KARENS IN

THE WORLD.

THEY'RE ALWAYS COMPLAINING TO

MANAGEMENT.

I'M RIGHT.

THEY'RE ALWAYS COMPLAINING TO

MANAGEMENT AND TO ME THE

DEMOCRATIC POLITICIANS NEED A

WIN AND THE ONE I WANT TO VOTE

FOR IS THE ONE WHO STANDS UP TO

THAT.

THE ONE WHO DOESN'T RAISE HIS

HANDS BECAUSE THEY'RE GOING TO

GO WHO SAID GAZA IS A GENOCIDE?

AND THE GUY WHO DOESN'T HOLD

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

ASSHOLE?

TO ME THAT'S A BIG LITMUS TEST

FOR ME OR ANYBODY WHO THINKS--

>> WORSE THAN THAT.

NO ONE'S TALKING ABOUT THIS IS

ADAM FROM MY HOME STATE OF

NEW JERSEY FROM DISTRICT 11.

HE JUST WON DISTRICT 12 AND

THERE'S A GREAT PIECE IN THE

ATLANTIC ABOUT HOW HE WAS

HANGING OUT WITH THE BLIND

SHEIKH IN THE '90s.

THE BLIND SHEIKH'S POSSE WHO WAS

CONVICTED PLANNING TO BUILD UP

THE WORLD TRADE CENTER, THE

LINCOLN BUILDING.

JIHADIST PREACHER AND HE WAS

DRIVING AROUND WITH THIS GUY

CROSS COUNTRY TRIPS FOR 12 HOURS

AND HE'S NEVER REALLY GIVEN A

GOOD ACCOUNT OF WHAT HE BELIEVED

THEN BECAUSE LOOK.

YOU CAN HAVE A PAST.

EVERYONE CAN HAVE A PAST.

AS LONG AS YOU CAN TELL ME A

PERSUASIVE STORY ABOUT WHY YOU

AREN'T THAT NOW.

THAT'S THE KIND OF PERSON

THAT'LL BE A POISON TO THE

DEMOCRATIC PARTY.

THE FASTEST WAY THEY'LL LOSE THE

MOMENTUM IS TO NOT MARGINALIZE

THE PEOPLE WHO CANNOT CREDIBLY

CLAIM TO BE A MODERATE AND TALK

TO THE WHOLE AMERICAN PEOPLE.

THEY STILL HAVE TO GET THEIR

HOUSE IN ORDER AND NOT FALL INTO

HUBRIS AT THIS MOMENT.

[APPLAUSE]

>> Bill: IT IS INTERESTING

THAT IT'S ONLY THREE DAYS AFTER

AND WE'RE HARDLY TALKING ABOUT

TRUMP ALREADY.

IT'S A LITTLE WEIRD HE IS STILL

THERE.

HE HAD THE GIANT REBUKE AND NOW

LITERALLY A LAME DUCK.

LIKE IT'S LIKE TRYING TO CANCEL

YOUR SUBSCRIPTION BUT YOU'RE

STILL ON THE PLAN FOR A YEAR.

BUT YOU KNOW.

HE HAS BEEN AMAZINGLY HUMBLE I

THOUGHT.

BY THIS TIME HE WOULD BE SUING

THE VOTERS BY NAME INDIVIDUALLY.

AND ARRESTING THE POLL WORKERS

BUT INSTEAD EVEN HE WAS LIKE

EVEN I AM SICK OF ME A LITTLE

BIT.

BUT HE SAID WHEN YOU SAY MY

LEGACY I'LL END UP BEING A

BLOCKER.

L BLOCK THEIR BAD STUFF FOR TWO

YEARS.

I WON'T BE THE SAME.

HE SAID BLOCK FOUR TIMES IN TWO

SENTENCES.

I THINK HE WANTS TO BLOCK.

HE ALSO SAID WE'RE GOING TO WORK

WITH THE DEMOCRATS.

THEY'VE ALREADY CALLED-- WELL

WE KNOW THAT'S NOT TRUE.

BUT EVEN IF HE THINKS IT.

THEY'VE ALREADY CALLED AND THEY

WANT TO WORK WITH ME.

I HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS IN THE

DEMOCRATIC PARTY.

WOW.

I MIGHT GET TO GO AGAIN.

LOOK AT THAT.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

SO GIVEN ALL THAT WHAT DO YOU

THINK ABOUT THE FACT HE FIRED

SIOUXSIE WILES.

THAT WAS HIS LONGEST SERVING

CHIEF

OF STAFF.

BY ALL ACCOUNTS AN ADULT IN THE

ROOM.

REPLACED WITH STEPHEN MILLER WHO

WAS THE DEPUTY CHIEF OF STAFF.

BUT STEPHEN MILLER IS KNOWN TO

BE CERTAINLY REPUTED TO BE THE

HARD ASSES OF THE HARD ASS IN

THE ADMINISTRATION.

HAKEEM JEFFRIES TALKING ABOUT

STEPHEN MILLER IN GOVERNMENT

SHOULD BE ERADICATED LIKE A

MALIGNANT TUMOR.

WAY TO TAKE A VICTORY GRACI

GRACIOUSLY.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

WAY TO COOL THE TEMPERATURE DOWN

RIGHT AFTER.

>> IT TELLS US EVERYTHING ABOUT

THE CHALLENGE FOR DEMOCRATS

CERTAINLY HAVING THE AUTHENTIC

REACTIONS THAT FRANKLY THE BASE

WANTS THEM TO HAVE.

THE IDEA OF COMPROMISE I THINK

WILL BE VERY DIFFICULT TO SELL

THE BASE THAT ONLY WANTS TO HEAR

ABOUT FIGHT AND ACCOUNTABILITY.

I THINK THAT'S A CENTRAL TENSION

POINT BUT THIS TO ME IN TRUMP'S

VERY UNCHARACTERISTIC QUIET

AFTER SUCH A SHELLACKING IN

ELECTION FOR A MAN WHO NEVER

WANTS TO BE CALLED A LOSER EVER.

THE FACT HE'S STICKING BY SOME

OF THE CANDIDATES IS ALL VERY

ATYPICAL FROM THE MAN I'VE

COVERED UP CLOSE FOR A DECADE.

BUT THIS IS THE CLEAREST SIGNAL

OF THE KIND OF PERSON HE'S GOING

TO BE OVER THE COURSE OF HOWEVER

LONG THE MILLER TENURE ACTUALLY

LASTS.

FOR AS LONG AS I COVERED TRUMP

STEPHEN MILLER IS SOMEONE WHO IS

SEEN IN WHO WILL LEAN INTO HIS

MOST BASE INTENTIONS AND HE'S

THE ARCHITECT OF THE IMMIGRATION

AND DEPORTATION PLAN THAT WAS

MAYBE NOT THE TOP ISSUE BECAUSE

THAT WAS AFFORDABILITY BUT YOU

LOOK AT THE VOTER POLLS AND IT'S

RIGHT UP THERE IN THE TOP THREE.

WHEN I WAS TEXTING REPUBLICANS

BEFORE I CAME ON THE SHOW MANY

OF THEM WHO USED TO WORK FOR

TRUMP SAID TO ME WHAT ARE WE

THINKING PUTTING IN THE GUY WHO

IS THE CENTRAL CAUSE OF THE

THING WE GOT REPUDIATED OVER AT

THE POLLS AND THE GUY WHO'S

RUNNING THE SHOW NOW?

BUT IF THAT'S WHAT THE

PRESIDENT'S DOING IT TELLS US

EVERYTHING ABOUT WHERE WE'RE

GOING?

>> Bill: I LIKE YOUR POINT.

IT'S RIGHT ABOUT THE BASE LIKING

THE CONTEST.

THE PEOPLE ON THE PODCASTS AND

STUFF THEY LOVE THIS.

THEY LIKE BEING OUT OF POWER.

YOU CAN BITCH ABOUT EVERYTHING.

EVERYTHING NOW IS A DEMOCRAT'S

FAULT.

EVERY CONSPIRACY THEORY TAKES ON

NEW LIFE BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT IN

POWER.

THEY SECRETLY KIND OF LIKE IT.

ALL RIGHT.

THANK YOU COME ON GUYS.

IT'S TIME FOR "NEW RULES"

EVERYBODY.

♪

>> Bill: OKAY.

NEW RULE, WE DON'T NEED TO WRITE

ANY MORE GLOWING STORIES ABOUT A

CELEBRITY'S WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY.

THERE'S NO JOURNEY ANYMORE.

IT'S THE SAME FIVE MINUTE STORY

EVERY TIME.

I WENT TO CVS I HAD MY

PRESCRIPTION FOR OZEMPIC FILLED,

THE END.

NEW RULE, HEADLINE WRITERS CAN

GO AHEAD AND LEAVE OUT THE WORD

UNSOLICITED WHEN IT COMES TO

PICKS.

WE CAN ASSUME THEY WERE

UNWANTED.

NO WOMAN HAS EVER DM'D A GAY,

IT'S JULIE, REMEMBER ET ME, WE

MET AT STEVE'S PARTY LAST WEEK.

CAN I SEE YOUR DICK?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

NEW RULE, PROPS MUST BE GIVEN TO

CLIFTON EMERSON THE EMPLOYEE OF

THE PENNSYLVANIA FACTORY WHO

ASKED FOR MORE HOURS ON THE JOB.

AT A TIME WHEN THE COUNTRY HAS

GONE INCREASINGLY SOFT, CLIFTON

YOU CAN DO WORK ETHIC IS GREATLY

APPRECIATED.

UP UNTIL THE POINT THAT YOU

MURDERED YOUR BOSS.

WHEN YOU DIDN'T GET THOSE HOURS.

THAT'S TOO MUCH AMBITION.

AND DEFINITELY LEAVE IT OFF YOUR

LINKEDIN.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

NEW RULE: SPEAKERS AT SOCIALIST

GATHERINGS HAVE TO EXPLAIN: WHY

ARE YOU ALL STILL WEARING MASKS?

WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH

MAKING RENT?

THE PANDEMIC, IT'S OVER.

IT WAS IN ALL THE PAPERS.

STILL WEARING THE MASK IS AS

STUPID AS BEING A CIVIL WAR

REENACTOR, BUT EVEN THEY ONLY DO

IT ONCE A YEAR.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AT THIS POINT, THE ONLY THING

YOU'RE STOPPING FROM SPREADING

IS SOCIALISM.

NEW RULE: NOW THAT THE

"CROSSWORD BANDIT"-- YEAH, THE

SO-CALLED BECAUSE HE LEFT

CROSSWORD PUZZLES AT RESTAURANTS

THAT HE STIFFED-- HAS BEEN

ARRESTED, SOMEONE MUST TELL HIM:

STAY ALERT IN PRISON, YOU DON'T

WANNA GET FUCKED IN THE

THREE LETTERS STARTS WITH "A."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND FINALLY, NEW RULE

NOW THAT THE ELECTION'S OVER,

AND DEMOCRATS ARE THE BIG

WINNERS, THEY MUST TAKE A CUE

FROM THE OTHER RECENT BIG

WINNERS, THE MILWAUKEE BREWERS.

NOW--

[APPLAUSE]

EXACTLY.

EXACTLY WHY I'M GOING TO SAY

THIS.

I WON'T DWELL ON IT BECAUSE I

KNOW TO MANY PEOPLE BASEBALL IS

ABOUT AS INTERESTING AS C-SPAN,

BUT SUFFICE IT TO SAY, THE

BREWERS SHOCKED THE WORLD WHEN

AS LITERALLY THE SMALLEST MARKET

TEAM IN THE LEAGUE, THEY

WON IT ALL.

IT WAS LIKE IF THE A.I. RACE GOT

WON BY RADIO SHACK.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

EVERYONE THOUGHT THE DODGERS

WOULD WIN BECAUSE THEIR APPROACH

IS JUST TO SPEND MORE MONEY THAN

ANYBODY, MOSTLY IN ASIA.

BUT THE BREWERS KNOW HOW TO

DEAL.

AND IT'S ACTUALLY NOT A SECRET.

LET FELLOW SMALL-MARKET GENERAL

MANAGER ANDREW FRIEDMAN EXPLAIN:

HE SAID, "THE ONLY REASON WE GOT

GOOD PLAYERS IN RETURN IS

BECAUSE WE TRADED REALLY GOOD

PLAYERS."

YES, THAT'S THE LESSON I WANT

DEMOCRATS-- AND REPUBLICANS--

TO LEARN: DO YOU WANT TO GET

SOMETHING DONE?

THEN YOU ALSO HAVE TO GIVE UP

GOOD PLAYERS.

DO I LOVE THE IDEA OF A WALL ON

THE BORDER?

I DON'T.

BUT WOULD I GIVE UP ON THAT ONE

TO GET A PATHWAY TO CITIZENSHIP

FOR PEOPLE WHO CAME HERE

ILLEGALLY BUT HAVE CONTRIBUTED

YES, BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO GIVE UP

GOOD PLAYERS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

MOST PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT ON THE

FIGHTIN' FRINGES DON'T WANT THE

ENDLESS WARFARE AND ENDLESS

LAWFARE.

WHAT THEY WANT IS WHAT THE

PRESIDENT HIMSELF SO ELOQUENTLY

IDENTIFIED YEARS AGO.

>> WE WANT DEAL!

>> Bill: EXACTLY, TARZAN.

WE WANT DEAL.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

BUT THAT'S HARD TO GET IF YOUR

POLITICAL PHILOSOPHY IS ALSO

>> SHOVE IT UP THEIR ASS.

>> Bill: YEAH.

WELL, AFTER THIS WEEK, I THINK

THE "SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS"

OPTION IS OFF THE TABLE.

AND WHILE THE DEMOCRATIC

POLITICIANS ARE GENERALLY TOO

POLITE TO EVER SAY OUT LOUD

"SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS," THE WAY

AMERICA HAS BEEN GOVERNED IN

RECENT DECADES IS EXACTLY THAT.

ONE PARTY WINS, THE OTHER GETS

DRUNK WITH POWER, KOWTOWS TO

THEIR FRINGE AND SHOVES THEIR

IDEOLOGICAL AGENDA UP OUR ASSES

WHEN ALL WE WANT IS TO BE

GOVERNED EFFECTIVELY.

CONGRESS, YOU MAY HAVE HEARD, IS

KIND OF UNPOPULAR-- I MEAN,

LIKE MARTHA STEWART HALLOWEEN

COSTUME UNPOPULAR.

THEIR APPROVAL RATING IS 14%.

THIS-- RIGHT NOW-- IS ONE OF

THOSE RARE MOMENTS WHEN THAT CAN

CHANGE-- WHEN WE HAVE THE

OPPORTUNITY TO GET OUT OF THIS

DEATH SPIRAL WE'VE BEEN IN WITH

EACH OTHER, BUT IT DEPENDS ON

BOTH PARTIES BEING WILLING TO

"MAKE DEAL!"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

A GOOD DEAL IS LIKE A MARRIAGE:

BOTH PARTIES END UP A LITTLE

UNHAPPY, BUT YOU DO IT BECAUSE

WELL, I'M NOT SURE WHY YOU DO IT

BUT IN POLITICS YOU DO IT

BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T COMPROMISE,

NOBODY GETS ANYTHING.

SO LIBERALS, STOP PRETENDING

THAT EVERYONE WHO CROSSES THE

BORDER IS ANNE FRANK WITH A LEAF

BLOWER.

AND REPUBLICANS?

YOU'RE THE PARTY OF WHITE

PEOPLE, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS

PEOPLE WHO DON'T PICK

STRAWBERRIES, SO CUT THE CRAP

ABOUT THROWING PEOPLE OUT WHO

ACTUALLY UNDERGIRD THE WHOLE

ECONOMY.

I COULD DO THIS ALL DAY, NAME

ANY ISSUE AND IT REALLY COULD BE

SOLVED IF EVERYONE WOULD JUST GO

BACK TO "MAKE DEAL."

LET'S TRY THE LIGHTNING ROUND

SHALL WE?

GUNS: OWNING A GUN DOESN'T MAKE

YOU A GUN "NUT."

BUT WHEN YOU POSE WITH ONE ON

YOUR CHRISTMAS CARD?

YEAH, WE HAVE A LOT OF GUN NUTS

IN THIS COUNTRY.

SUPREME COURT: STOP TRYING TO

PACK IT.

I'M NOT THAT HAPPY WITH THE 9

PEOPLE WHO ARE THERE, I'M NOT

SURE 15 WOULD MAKE IT BETTER.

BUT WHEN ONE OF THEM CROAKS, THE

PRESIDENT WHO'S IN OFFICE, EVEN

IF IT'S ONE YOU DON'T LIKE, GETS

TO PICK THE NEXT ONE, NO MORE OF

THIS "WE CAN'T DO IT NOW BECAUSE

THE ELECTION IS A YEAR AWAY" OR

"MERCURY IS IN RETROGRADE" OR

"THE VIBE ISN'T RIGHT," OR

THERE'S AN EL NINO, NONE OF THAT

BULLSHIT.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

ENVIRONMENT: CONSERVATIVES, STOP

ACTING LIKE WIND AND SOLAR ARE A

PLOT TO TRANS MOTHER EARTH.

BUT ALSO, PAPER STRAWS SUCK,

BECAUSE THEY DON'T SUCK.

[APPLAUSE]

AND MAKING LAWS ABOUT THEM IS

NOT GOING TO AFFECT IF THE

PLANET SURVIVES OR NOT.

HOW ABOUT NO MORE

PLASTIC STRAWS OR PAPER STRAWS:

YOU'RE AN ADULT, YOU DON'T NEED

A STRAW AT ALL, IF YOU DO, WE'LL

GET YOU A SIPPY CUP.

TRANS: IT'S RARE, BUT IT'S REAL.

IT'S NOT BIGFOOT.

WOMEN WITH BIG FEET, YES.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

BUT IT'S RARE.

IF A NEWBORN HAS A PENIS, PUT

MALE ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE,

NOT "BEATS US, WE'LL ASK LATER."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

TEN COMMANDMENTS IN SCHOOLS?

[LAUGHTER]

I'LL GIVE YOU FIVE.

NO, THAT'S STUPID - HOW ABOUT

THE LEFT WILL ALLOW THE

COMMANDMENTS TO BE DISPLAYED

AS A "HISTORICAL DOCUMENT" AS

LONG AS THE RIGHT ADMITS THEY

DON'T FOLLOW ANY OF THEM.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

ALSO, I WILL GIVE IN ON-- I

WILL TRADE-- ALLOWING THE

BIBLE TO BE READ IN PUBLIC

SCHOOLS.

BUT ONLY BY A DRAG QUEEN.

YOU SEE ALL THESE ISSUES I'M

DEALING HERE.

POT, POT.

WE GET TO SMOKE IT, YOU GET TO

TAX IT.

DONE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

HOMELESS: THEY'RE HUMAN BEINGS

WHO SHOULD BE TREATED WITH

DIGNITY, BUT THEY ALSO CAN'T BE

ALLOWED TO JUST SHIT ON THE

STREET IN FRONT OF AMERICA'S

GREATEST MONUMENT, THE

CHEESECAKE FACTORY.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

OKAY, ONE MORE.

GOING TO MARS.

YOU'VE ALL HEARD ME ON THIS ONE.

I REALLY THINK IT'S STUPID TO

TRY TO LIVE ON A PLANET THAT'S

200 BELOW ZERO WITH NO AIR, BUT

FINE, I WILL, I WILL MAKE THE

TRADE-- WE CAN SEND PEOPLE TO

MARS.

BUT ELON HAS TO GO FIRST.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

OKAY, THAT'S OUR SHOW.

I WANNA THANK MY GUESTS

ALI VITALI, COLEMAN HUGHES, AND

PETER BERG.

"CLUB RANDOM" DROPS EVERY MONDAY

ON YOUTUBE, OR LISTEN WHEREVER

YOU GET YOUR PODCASTS.

NOW GO WATCH "OVERTIME" ON

YOUTUBE.

THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU, GUYS.