Original subtitles

This programme contains some scenes

which some viewers may find upsetting, some violent scenes,

very strong language and some scenes of a sexual nature.

Why should you be allowed to live here

when you don't do your job properly? I'm trying to run a care home here.

Do you think you could organise safe passage?

It's not great timing for me, Stanley.

This is the last jammer I'm bleeding jacking. Ma Baker know that?

The queer fella was moaning in his sleep, so he was.

What if he wakes up and then murders me?

Can you help me or not, Bunny?

It won't be the most glamorous job in the world now.

We don't have to wash their arses, do we?

If you want me to, I will, but...

I want you on your best behaviour for the matron here, yeah?

There's a bit of history there.

Fuck me, Bunny!

There's people coming.

What people? Bad people.

It's a map for where the treasure is.

Millions.

Did he say "million" or "millions"?

Oh, fuck!

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

What is it, Brother Clive?

Yes, well, uh...

Bad news, I'm afraid, Father Abbott.

Quite terrifying, in point of fact.

A boat, Father Abbott.

I saw a boat from the belfry when I was about to

ring the bell for Maddens.

Prime. Sorry?

Prime.

Maddens is night-time.

Prime is break of day.

Did you not learn the divine office in your previous monastery?

Canterbury, wasn't it?

Huddersfield, actually.

Christ.

Before that, Whitby and a couple of others.

I'm a little...flustered is what it is, Father Abbott, because...

Well, I think the boat that I saw, it was in fact a Viking ship.

Are you certain?

Well, yes, I mean in so far as one can be certain of anything.

Yes, it was a Viking ship.

I had a vision.

It was foretold.

It seems to be a monk facing off against a dragon,

if I'm not mistaken?

And the monk appears to be fighting the dragon with a...

..cup of wine.

It's not a cup of wine,

it's the consecrated blood of the risen Christ!

Of course, my mistake. I see it now.

Blimey!

So, that's the plan then.

We scare the savage hordes with the consecrated wine/blood of Christ.

May Christ, the King, guide us in this, the hour of our martyrdom.

Sorry, did you say martyrdom?

Yes.

Martyrdom.

But not for you, Brother Clive.

That's a shame.

Yours is a different path.

You know the ways of the world.

You are familiar with the depravity of the evil one.

Well, I wouldn't put it quite like that, but...

I mean, I am a man of the world, as you say, or at least, I was.

But, yes, I'm at your service, here to serve.

"Thy will be done" and all that.

There is only God's will. Of course, of course.

You must take our precious manuscripts,

our golden chalices, our silver crosses, the riches of our

monastery and you must travel first to our brothers in Clonmacnoise.

Clonmacnoise.

Got ya.

And I presume I'll be having an armed escort?

# I am nowhere but home by the sea

# Le na iascaire, agus a bhriongloidi

# Whisper my secrets

# Embracing thee

# Oh, carry my song

# Across the sea. #

CORK POPS

Do you always keep one of these handy?

One of the residents left this for the day he was going to go home

but unfortunately he didn't make it.

I'm sure he wouldn't want it to go to waste.

Cheers. Slainte.

To millions. To millions.

I think most people wouldn't know how to even spend millions

if they got it. Do you know the first thing I'd do?

I'd go into one of them fancy boutiques, like in Brown Thomas,

you know, where they'd be looking down their snooty noses at you,

like, "Who the fuck is she?"

And I'd come back in with the money in my pocket -

"How about now, you snobby bastards? "Big mistake. Big. Huge."

That's the dream, anyway.

Like in Pretty Woman.

Was she not a brasser in that movie?

That's not the point.

A girl can dream, can't she?

ALARM SOUNDS

What the fuck is that sound?

Not good news.

FLATLINE TONE

Bollocks! I thought we were going to be millionaires.

This always happens to me.

You think you're going to get a bleeding break,

and then you get fucked!

It would've been nice to have a bit of money, all the same.

Fuck!

KEYPAD BEEPING

RINGING TONE

"It's Bunny Boy, leave a message."

BEEP

Yeah, er, Bunny...

I'm not sure where you are, but, um...

..give us a bell, will you, when you get a chance?

It's all good, but...

Well, it's not good, but...

Fuck it, I'll send you a text.

HE EXHALES HEAVILY

PHONE BUZZES

Where are you off to, Bunny?

I thought we might go again.

Round two.

I feel bad with himself downstairs.

You didn't feel bad half an hour ago, did you?

I know, but...

The man was injured in the line of duty, like,

and this is the reward he gets.

I mean, what does he think we'd be doing up here anyways?

I told Maurice you do moonlight as a part-time plumber.

Well, that's hardly believable, is it?

The man was a detective, for fuck's sake.

He's not thick.

Who'd believe that?

People believe what they want to believe, Bunny.

Anyway...

Maurice can't hear a thing, can he?

Are you sure he can't?

Would I lie to you, Bunny?

WATER RUNNING

Paul?

I'm in here.

I might just wash this.

This situation's fucked.

Lookit, we'll wash him, change the sheets, fluff up the pillows.

We can say he must've fallen out of bed.

Fluff his pillows?

Are you fucking nuts?

He looks like he's been in a fucking car crash.

Yeah, you're right, it'll never work...

..which is why we need to consider, you know, getting rid of the body.

No, bad idea, bad idea, Bridget!

You'll probably get picked up on CCTV at the hardware store

buying bags of lime.

What are you fucking on about?

What?

Look, er,

I already...

..called someone.

Oh, you fucking eejit!

Who did you call?

LOUD GRUNTS AND PANTING

Oh, that's it, Bunny.

That's the ticket!

Fucking destroy me!

Make shite o' me all together!

I love you, Maurice, baby...

Love you too, baby.

What did you say?

Nothing.

Did you say, "Maurice"?

I don't think so.

I think you did.

It was a slip of the tongue, is all.

I do get confused, Bunny.

Get yourself bet into me there, Bunny.

Don't hold back.

PHONE VIBRATES

Leave it alone.

I said leave it alone to fuck!

Why are you ringing him again?

Do you think he really does have millions buried somewhere?

They're prison tats, they are,

so he must've been a gangster at one point or another,

so, yeah, it's a possibility.

You know, if we found his money, we could fuck off.

Wait. Do you mean, like, the two of us?

This doesn't even look like a map.

Looks like it was done by a madman.

Well, it could be X marks the spot.

But what's it even a map of?

I mean, where would we even begin?

If we knew where he was from,

it'd be a start, you know.

Or who he was, even.

All we know is he was called Grinner

and he said there was bad people after him.

Come with me, I've an idea.

What about him?

Well, he's not going anywhere, is he?

Wow, it's like Aladdin's cave in here.

I know, I'm a bit of a hoarder.

Was Aladdin bipolar too?

Why are you living here?

I can't afford to rent.

And there's literally not a room to be had in the whole country,

so this is home, like.

What's this?

It's a duck?

It's a duck lamp.

Don't touch it.

You've a lot of books.

Are they all crime?

Not all.

But I do love a good murder.

Ooh!

Bad Lads.

It's an A to Z of Irish gangsters,

so if he isn't in this then he wasn't worth a damn.

Fingers crossed.

There's a Grinner McNair in the index.

Are you serious? Yeah.

'92.

"In the 1990s, the self-styled Robin Hood's Gang were one of the

"most brutal and successful gangs of armed robbers operating in Dublin.

"Well known to the Gardai and notorious for their use of violence,

"they were ruthless operators,

"their name is synonymous with Ireland's criminal underworld.

"The leaders of the gang were two men from Belfast -

"Wesley Swanson and his brother, Waldo."

This one's a bleeding beast.

"In a few short years,

"they developed a fearsome reputation for extreme violence.

"Whether it was extortion, intimidation or revenge,

"no-one was safe from the Swansons' vicious attacks.

"Not even their own men.

"They became prolific robbers of jewellery stores, banks,

"security vans, striking with speed, precision and absolute ruthlessness.

"In their ranks were some of the most notorious hardened criminals

"of their day.

"There was 'Mad Dog' Murphy - expert locksmith.

"'Crazy' Christy McCrum - the armourer.

"'Pretty Boy' Buckley - the enforcer.

"'Harry the Hippo' - the getaway driver.

"He knew the Dublin rat runs like the back of his hand.

"And finally, Grinner McNair."

Why Grinner?

"He was known to give his enemies a Glasgow grin

"with a butcher's boning knife."

Not a man to fuck with then? No.

I'll read on.

"Half the gang were brutally murdered during their last robbery.

"The others were never heard from again."

DISTANT CLANK

Did you hear that?

What are you looking for?

Something I can use as a weapon.

Not the duck lamp.

It was my mother's.

She'd mind?

It's all I really have belonging to her, so...

FLOORBOARDS CREAK

Bridget.

Ah, sweet mother fuck, Rose!

What are you doing up?

Someone did a wee on Mr Pickles.

I think Stanley was the one who did the wee.

I don't think it was Stanley, Rose.

WHISPERS: He's dead.

Come on, pet, come on.

Come on.

I know.

Won't be long.

Thanks very much, Bunny, how much do I owe you?

What?

WHISPERS: You have to charge me something,

otherwise it's not realistic.

30 Euros should do it.

WHISPERS: Sure a call-out from a real plumber is at least 75!

But I'm not a real plumber, I'm supposed to be doing you a favour!

I suppose...

..with parts and labour, it'd be like...

..60 Euro.

Great. I'll just get Maurice to write you out a cheque, so...

No! Yes!

Maurice, darling, could you write out a cheque for Bunny there,

if you don't mind?

You can get me again, there's no rush.

Oh, it's no problem at all, Bunny.

No problem at all, we do like to pay our bills on time, so we do.

Never let it be said.

Isn't that right, Maurice? That's right, that's right.

What are you doing, sitting here?

The aul snooker was on.

You haven't seen a cheque book, Maurice, have ye,

till I write Bunny a cheque?

Last time I saw it was in the kitchen.

How are things with you, Maurice? Ah, sure.

How are you goin' on yourself, Bunny?

So, she was dripping, was she?

What's that, Maurice?

The pipe upstairs was dripping?

Leaking something rotten, she said.

That's right, yeah.

But you fixed her up good?

Ah, well...

Yeah.

That'd be, uh...

Should be like no, like, problems, you know, for the...

..for the foreseeable.

Maurice, I can't find it.

Try beside the cookie jar.

Not the large cookie jar,

the small cookie jar.

Have you found it? Here we are.

You'll have it so.

I'll just make out the correct amount to you now, Bunny.

I'll get Maurice here to sign it.

Bollocks.

What is it, Bunny?

PHONE VIBRATES

He's not answering his phone.

I'll try my girl.

PHONE VIBRATES

I don't like it.

Not one bit.

Whatever they're at,

it's not good.

What could they be at?

Enough of that shite talk out of you now, Maurice, you've had your fun.

I'll have Mr Pickles clean and tidy for you in no time.

I won't be able to sleep without him.

You will, pet.

So?

It says the last robbery the gang did before they disappeared,

they got away with a fortune.

A bank?

No, it was Celtic gold. Chalices and shit like that.

It was found on a field here.

"The gang's final robbery was also their most au..."

Audacious.

Audacious. Would it be quicker if I read?

"The largest hoard of Celtic period gold objects ever to have

"been found in Ireland was first unearthed by men cutting turf

"in County Wicklow in 1999."

Would you take a look at fucking this, Tony?

"The discovery was made on land owned by

"Lord and Lady Aubrey Fitzgibbon of the barony of Kilnamanagh."

Looks like another chalice.

Give it here.

Good lord!

This lot must be worth an absolute fortune.

Our days of penury are at an end.

Oh, no, that wouldn't be the case, Your Lordship.

This all belongs to the State.

It has to be accounted for, so it does.

Does it, indeed?

There's something else down here.

It looks like a body.

A body? Whose body?

I don't know, it doesn't say.

"On the afternoon of June 12th..."

Easiest job in the world.

"..a gang of armed robbers attacked the security guards

"hired by Lord Fitzgibbon to watch over the treasure."

Easy, enough big 'uns.

Like candy from a baby.

How's this work for a living, huh!

"The gang made off with the entire haul, worth millions of Euros.

"Police tracked them to a warehouse in the docks, but it was too late.

"Harry the Hippo..."

I'd like all of that separately marked and bagged, please.

"'Pretty Boy' Buckley...

"'Mad Dog' Murphy,

"and 'Crazy' Christy McCrum lay dead.

"Some stabbed, some shot, all brutally slain."

It's a bloodbath in here, Chief.

No sign of the others? No sign of them.

No sign of the stolen treasures.

Peculiar.

Most peculiar.

So, Grinner's probably a murderer.

He had to have been if it was a bloodbath and he got out.

Fuck it, we look like a pair of axe murderers ourselves.

We may get out of these clothes.

What size are you?

I don't know. Why?

I'd say you're about a women's 16.

Are you not getting changed?

I am.

You've gone all shy on me?

Do you mind me asking, are you gay? What?!

No.

Why are you saying that?

I'm only asking, like.

It's OK, everybody's a little bit gay these days.

I'm not.

You just don't like looking at girls stripping off then?

Or maybe it's just me.

I am a bit of an ugly duckling.

That's what my sister used to say when I was younger.

You're not. Big giraffe neck on me, so I have.

You have a nice neck.

Do you think?

Well, you have a nice neck, too.

You still have a bit of blood on it though.

I can't fucking believe this.

There's patients to be minded and the two of you are here,

having sex.

We weren't! We weren't having sex, were we?

There's blood on your vest.

It wasn't his fault, the man attacked him. What man?

The anonymous man, he woke up and attacked me.

I thought I was going to die and Paul saved me.

What the fuck did you do?

We hit him on the head with a...

uh...

A bed pan. ..a bed pan.

Yous are a pair of fucking clowns.

He was all right, he woke up.

Then he told us his name was Grinner.

Not Grinner McNair? Yeah.

Fuck me!

I'd better get the Uzi from the car.

Well, that's the thing...

He's dead, isn't he?

I knew it.

You murdered him.

Oh, fuck!

This is a disaster!

I don't know what I'm going to do, Bunny.

It'll be all right.

We'll think of something.

I am sorry, Matron, if it's any use to you.

It's not.

You're a useless so-and-so, Bridget.

A fucking useless so-and-so.

Easy now, easy.

Again, I do apologise.

I fucking rue the day I took her in, I do.

She's after saying she's sorry.

There's no need to be such a bleeding geebag about it.

Paul, shut up, will you?

Grinner McNair.

Of all the places to end up.

You knew him? I did, right enough.

I went up against him as a young guard.

Grinner was bad.

But the two lads in charge of the gang he was in...

Waldo and Wesley Swanson...

..they were absolute animals.

Well, he did say there was bad people coming for him.

We don't have time for this bullshit. Take me to the body.

One night, that's all it took you.

Fuck off, Bunny, will ya? I've done nothing wrong.

No, you're a real hero.

You need a fuckin' medal.

What's the story with you and that mad aul one?

What's the story with you and that mad young one?

Nothing.

Well, same for me.

What the fuck? Where the hell is he?

What in the name of God is going on?

TOILET FLUSHES

It's a miracle. Thanks be to fuck!

I swear, Bunny, these two will be the death of me.

How I haven't had a heart attack tonight, I do not know.

Oh, thank God.

Are you OK?

How are you feeling?

We were all worried there, you had a...

..a nasty fall out of bed.

I need to get out of here.

You need to lie down.

I need to get out of here right now.

I said you need to fucking lie down.

Jaysus, will you take it handy?

We already had one death this week, I don't need another one.

They're coming.

They're coming to kill me.

Who wants to kill you?

Is it Wesley Swanson?

Yeah.

No-one's seen Wesley since that night at the warehouse.

He vanished into thin air

like magic.

Every couple of years, you'd hear tell of a rumour.

Some lad had seen him in Moscow or Morocco,

or fucking God knows where.

Myself, I always thought he was dead.

He's not dead.

So, what happened after the robbery?

It was his brother...

..Waldo.

He tried to kill us all.

You know, if you ask me, I think that was his plan all along.

Wesley wanted us out of the way

and the two of them run off with the treasure.

You weren't in on it then?

Jaysus, no.

This all just happened.

Waldo came in, guns blazing.

I had no choice but to shoot back.

I managed to get out to the van and away with the treasure.

What did you do with it, the treasure?

Took some with me,

buried the rest, most of it, in fact.

I was too frightened to come back, but then...

The money ran out?

Always does.

First day back in Dublin, I was just trying to keep the head down,

having a couple of late night drinks in a place no-one knew my name.

I came out at closing time - bang!

Next thing,

I wake up hanging upside down in a shed.

He tortured you?

Did you tell him where the gold was?

If I did that...

..then I was a dead man.

That's how you ended up here, most likely.

He needed to keep you alive.

So, he's waiting for you to come out of a coma

so he can start torturing you again?

We need to go before he comes back.

Get me away from him and I'll cut yous in.

You can keep your treasure.

The only people who know you're awake are in this room.

Where is she?

Get him out of here, and you, go too.

Where are you going?

You rang 'em, didn't you?

Well done, detective.

How long have we got?

Not long, he's on the way.

How did you get caught up in all this?

Oh, it's a long story, Bunny.

There's a lot I want to tell you but I just can't.

We can disappear

until it gets sorted.

We could even get 24-hour protection from the guards.

The guards won't protect us, not from him.

He has too many of them in his pocket.

Come with me, Marion.

I can't, Bunny, I just can't.

What are you going to say to that maniac when he turns up

and there's no Grinner?

You could always walk away, Bunny, leave Grinner to his fate.

I can't leave him here to be tortured.

No matter what the man did, it's not right.

For once, Bunny, could you not be a fucking boy scout?

For once, could you just look the other way?

You know I could never look the other way, Marion.

It's not who I am.

Then you're leaving me to face the music alone, so are you?

I'm not letting him die.

And I'm not going to let you die.

And Maurice?

We'll figure something out.

Come with me, Marion.

Please.

For fuck's sake!

Do you not need to plug that in?

It's battery operated as well as electrical.

My mother was very practical-minded like that.

Where the fuck is Bunny?

What's the story with her? They're coming.

Who?

Who do you think? Let's get out of here.

Wait! Stop, stop!

What now? Mr Pickles.

For God's sake, drive, Bunny, will you? No, I have to go back.

Rose can't sleep without Mr Pickles.

She can do without him for one night.

Who the fuck is Mr Pickles?

Rose's cuddly toy.

He had wee on him so I put him in the wash.

I left him in the tumble dryer.

Bridget, fuck Mr Pickles, you're not going back.

I am!

Bridget, get back in the fucking car!

Fuck off!

Mind my mother's lamp, will you?

I'm coming with you.

Mind the duck lamp, it's her mother's.

Jesus, here, mind the duck.

Paul, you're coming with me.

Paul!

Fuck me! What did you do that for?

Sorry, Bunny, I can't go with you.

I can't leave the girl on her own.

Go on!

I'll buzz ya, Bunny.

HE COUGHS

Thanks.

You didn't have to stay.

It's all right.

Wait, hang on.

Fuck. What?

They're here.

LOUD CLANK

Oh, for God's sake!

Rose.

Rose, darling, you're out of bed.

What are you like?

You had a bit of an accident?

I did.

Not to worry, pet, we'll get you all tidied up, OK.

Bridget, we don't have time. We do.

And look who I have here. Mr Pickles!

Come on, pet, come on.

Yeah. Come on, pet. Come on.

Right, let's do this.

Waldo Junior...

Stay you in the car, wee man.

Can we get ice cream after, Uncle Wes?

If you're good and stay in the car, yes.

Chocolate and vanilla with sprinkles, and popping candy?

There's something off.

I can smell it.

There's foulness afoot.

Nail gun?

Why not?

Stick a silencer on that thing.

We are civilised cunts, are we not?

There is no need to wake the whole fucking neighbourhood up.

Yes, sir.

Right, Grinner.

You fuck!

Let's be having ye.

Bridget!

Water's there if you get thirsty, OK?

They're here. OK.

DOOR BUZZES

Bridget, come on.

Night-night, pet.

DOOR BUZZES

Let's go!

Can we get out the back way?

I still have one more thing to do.

Are you fucking serious?

Got ye!

Are you getting another book? No.

A bag?

It's called a reticule.

We'll also need a first aid kit, won't we?

Yeah, yeah. Come on.

Everything all right, boss?

Is it fuck!

Go on.

Find the bastard.

Hello, can I help you?

WHISPERS: What are you doing?

WHISPERS: Run.

Boss, someone's here.

You have a wee friend with ye?

You're not supposed to be here.

Who are you?

Night staff.

Security.

Oh, aye?

So, which one is it?

Why have you got weapons?

You're a sharp one, I can see that.

Now, you know rightly what this is about.

So, there's no point in playing dumb now...

Is there?

We don't know what you want.

OK...

..let's play dumb then.

GUNFIRE

Watch out for the wee.

Wait.

THEY GROAN IN PAIN

Get the fuck up.

Get out after them.

They'll never think to look back inside.

I'm not so sure about that.

If we stay real quiet,

no-one likes being in the same room as a dead man.

Thank you, Stanley.

You have a nail in your back.

What? Can you not feel it?

I can, now you mention it.

You have another one there in your leg. What?

Agh! Mother of God.

Fuck. Go to the wardrobe.

Told you the first aid kit would come in handy.

Fuck! This is sore.

They'll kick in soon enough.

Tell me something.

Like what?

Like, I don't know, a story or something.

Anything, so I can stop thinking about this pain.

Um, let me see...

Oh, I know, there's something interesting.

In the book,

it said that all them years ago, when they found the treasure,

it wasn't some fella the gang murdered, it was a bog body.

A bog body?

Yeah, it'd been in the bog for hundreds of years,

preserved by the acid in the bog water.

Who was he?

They don't know.

Think he may have been connected to the treasure in some way.

The only thing they know about him is what his last meal was.

How do they know that?

From analysing the contents in his stomach.

That's fucking disgusting.

What was it?

His last meal?

It was chicken, cheese, bread, apples,

and wine, a lot of wine apparently.

Not a bad way to go out.

BELL TOLLS

So, as I said, perhaps I should get going,

get a headstart on the old marauding hordes of Vikings.

Pray with me.

Sure. OK.

Always good to begin the day with a prayer.

Lord, Thou art my island

In Thy bosom, I rest

Thou art the calm of the sea

In that peace I stay

Thou art the deep waves in the shining ocean

With their eternal sound, I sing

Thou art the tune of the birds

In that song I rejoice

Thou art the smooth white sand on the shore

In Thee is no gloom

Thou art the breaking waves upon the rocks

Thy praise is echoed in that swell

O, Thou art the Lord of my life

Amen.

Beautifully said.

Nice one. Amen.

Oh, fuck!

Do you see that Jaguar?

I'm going to run it.

Stop. Fuck!

What's important is we find Grinner.

There's nowhere safe from Wesley.

He'll hunt you to the ends of the Earth.

Maurice wouldn't point them here, he wouldn't do that to us.

He won't have a choice, Marion.

Do you know who that is? Is she off the telly?

There is all that buried treasure.

I'll cut you in on it. I said fucking no.

Who's Ma Baker?

Somebody I'm getting off my back.

GUNSHOT

Are we going somewhere? It's a surprise.

I am fucked.