Original subtitles

And I reserved a four-wheel drive. I just gotta pick it up at the airport and

hit the road.

See, the road runs out about six miles from the landing.

I'm gonna have to hike the rest of the way in.

This place is out back in the middle of nowhere. I mean, they make it hard to

get there.

Weed out the sissies before they get to the tough part.

Look, this is where we start. And we end up way down here. Now, here, here, here,

here, and here.

That... is whitewater.

Fighting the elements.

Pitting myself against the rapids.

Doesn't sound great, John.

See,

once I get there, they give me a crash course on whitewater technique and

survival, and they set me off down the river. It's just 200 miles of Mother

Nature and me.

Another one? Yes, please.

Well, me, Mother Nature, and the other people on the raft, but they screen you

pretty carefully.

Be right there, Chris. You're gonna be able to carry your own weight.

Doesn't sound great.

You're welcome.

Kate.

Kate.

What? Doesn't sound great.

Your vacation?

Yes, my vacation.

Give me $5.

Why? $5 right here on the bar.

I've heard this before.

You're going to take two weeks off. You're going to go to California, to

Canada, to Kathmandu, but you never go.

You always decided to wait until next year.

My ten to your five says you ain't going anywhere.

Oh, yeah?

The raft holds eight people.

Two of them are the guys who own the raft, and the other six are people like

me.

There's two days of safety training.

And then there's seven days for the trip itself.

No, no, no. Only about 40 miles of it are whitewater.

There's four different sections of rapids. And the longest one is 15 miles.

Man.

Clean water hitting you in the face.

Clean air filling up your lungs.

No phone, no car, no crime.

Ah, Tess.

Doesn't it sound great?

Sounds great.

But... Bears and snakes

and wildcats?

It'll be a welcome relief after crooks and judges and lawyers.

Oh, good, Cobb. You're here. Captain Pinkston and I need to talk to you.

Sure.

You gentlemen can have 30 minutes. The plane leaves in three and a half hours.

I still got to put my backpack together and take John to the doggy hotel.

Let's go.

No. You and Harley Decker will trade off with each other. 12 hours on and 12

hours off.

We don't know how long it'll take because we don't know when Frank Teague

will show up.

This is a non-refundable ticket. I cannot change the dates, and I cannot

get my money back. You will be babysitting Dr.

Marvin Sizemore. Now, he is... He is the surgeon who gave Frank Teague new face

and a new set of prints, and the only one on the planet, except for the nurse,

who can identify Frank Teague now.

You've got 27,000 cops at your disposal!

She says Detective Cobb has not had a vacation in five years, and surely you

can find someone else to stand across the street with a pair of binoculars and

wait for Frank Teague to visit his girlfriend.

I've been waiting ten years to nail Frank Teague. I want somebody from my

office on the stakeout. I want somebody I know I can trust.

And I don't have anybody else I can spare.

That's it, Cobb.

You're up to bat.

That's an order, detective.

Little lady.

Sorry about the plans.

Yeah.

My plans to go down the river just went up the creek.

Hey!

There is a law against littering. You want to die today, Burke.

Everybody knows you're a real tough guy, Cobb, all right? But you don't have to

prove it every five minutes.

Burke!

In my office.

Gotta go.

You rang, Arthur?

Maggie Zombrow paid me a visit.

Begging for mercy?

Well, she seems to think you're being vindictive about Bruce Kaufman. She

wants to make a deal.

Sure, she wants to have him plead to some sort of misdemeanor, have him do a

little community service.

What's your counteroffer? He pleads guilty to the felony charges or he faces

a jury of his peers.

Well, I think there's room for flexibility here. I mean, we have to

demand some jail time, but I don't think we have to crucify him, do we?

Arthur, everybody in this country thinks lawyers are a bunch of thieving rats.

Okay, I want to hold up Bruce Kaufman as the aberration and not the norm.

I want to show that the law is an ethical profession, and we will not

tolerate this kind of transgression.

Very stirring.

Look, we can't afford to go that soft on him, all right? It'll make it look like

we're giving him a break because of Tess.

Can't you just see the editorials?

Well...

However you proceed, don't spend your life on it.

Some personal advice, Burke?

Don't make an enemy of Maggie Zombro.

If only you were as deadly in court.

If only I were allowed to shoot cockroaches within the city limits.

You tried a little end run with gold.

I just stopped by to let you know it's not gonna work.

Arthur lets me manage all my own cases, Maggie. Use all the smoke and mirrors

you want. This one is going to trial.

It's no wonder you're alone.

I mean, what man would want to spend his free time with a woman who has a higher

testosterone level than he does?

I'll see you in court, Mr.

Zombro.

Why are you so excited?

It's a stakeout. It's slow.

It's boring.

Usually the company leaves something to be desired.

It's about time, Cobb.

Wanna back up, Decker? Yeah, sure.

Where's the guest of honor?

He's in the bathroom.

He's a great little guy. You're gonna love him.

Hey.

How about filling me in? What's to fill in? You keep tabs on Dr.

Sizemore, Marvin to his friends, and you wait around for Frank Teague to call his

girlfriend. Decker!

because I'm allergic.

And you uncuff me so I can go out and kill that son of a bitch Decker.

And you get me some decent food instead of that Chinese crap that Decker

ordered. And you might want to tell me who the hell you are like I give a damn.

See?

I'll get you.

It's a story on Teague's girlfriend.

She go out much?

I finally get some real food.

Can I enjoy it? No.

Can I even eat it? No.

Because my tongue is the size of a watermelon.

And my throat is so constricted, I can hardly breathe.

Much less eat.

You guys come after me.

You frame me with these bogus check-cutting charges.

You tell me you'll go easy on me if I'll ID Frank Teague for you. Out of the

goodness of my heart, Cobb.

Goodness of my heart, I agree.

And you treat me like this. I'm wearing a sheer negligee.

Open at the front.

Oh, I really like it that way.

Will you take it off?

Of course I will, Norman.

I'm taking it off right now.

Are you wearing anything underneath?

Phone sex.

Teague's girlfriend does phone sex.

It's legal.

The dog has got to go, Cobb. The dog stays, Marvin.

It's about damn time.

If I see that dog back here one more time, Cobb, the deal is off.

You guys can wonder for the rest of your natural lives and in the hereafter, for

all I care, what the new Frank Teague looks like.

Oh, trust me, you don't want to know what he's saying.

Today, I discovered the upside of being deaf.

Does this dog belong to you?

He's the key.

He has nowhere else to go.

Well, you're going to have to find somewhere else for him to go. This is

not a kennel.

And there will be no dogs here unless they have business with the justice

system.

In my opinion, that contingency is somewhat remote.

You're 20 minutes late. I'm sorry.

I had a date with a squid.

How'd it go with Arthur Gold the other day?

We're way past Arthur Gold, Bruce.

We're gonna rip out Darren Burke's tiny little black heart and feed it to him.

You're gonna sue him for malicious prosecution, and if it actually goes to

court, I'm gonna represent you for free.

What happened?

When I'm through, not even a buzzard is gonna want what's left of him.

Yeah, I like that.

Yeah, well...

He didn't bite me. That's a point in his favor.

Oh, about tomorrow.

No, no.

I'm busy tomorrow.

I have lots to do.

There's no time. Really, sorry. No time at all.

See you later.

I did a really good job on Tig.

I took a bunch of fat out of his butt.

And I used that to reshape his entire face.

You'd never even know it was the same guy.

I didn't want to do the job in the first place, Cobb.

It's hard to sleep at night when you know you're one of only two people who

can identify a cycle. Who knows where you live?

Did you ever think about it that way, Cobb?

Tend to jump at every noise.

No, I don't know how you hear anything except the sound of your own voice.

Anything I need to know?

Oh, I love this job.

Another thing was when... Marvin, the only reason I am still here is because I

have to wait for my boss to bring me my dog.

I don't want to hear another word out of you.

Little job burnout, bless his heart.

Boy, that guy could talk the horn off of a

rhinoceros.

Really? You miss me?

Yeah, well, I miss you at the office.

Hey, John, you got caught, huh?

That gold made you get rid of John.

What'd you do with him?

Spend cooking.

No, no, no, I don't want to make you do that.

Don't worry about it.

I'll figure something out.

early for you, isn't it, Dickie?

You like my dog, don't you?

Is this leading to something?

Can he stay with you today?

Yeah, I guess so. Why?

Because I'm on a stakeout and I don't have time to go home and walk him.

You're back to being a real cop. Yeah.

Yeah, I am.

Temporarily. Tess said she'd pick him up after she gets off work.

Just don't give him any chili and he'll be fine.

Okay.

Thanks.

Guess our girl's a late sleeper, huh?

I guess talking dirty must wear her out.

You mad at me, Marvin?

Just because I called you a motor mouth?

Oh, my God.

Teague killed my nurse.

He's gonna get me next. I'm dead. I'm a dead man. Calm down, Marvin. You got

nothing to worry about.

Teague comes to visit Sarah Jane over there. You point him out, we grab him

over and out.

If he shows up, if he shows up... You said it was a sure bet.

What?

Yeah.

Right. It's a sure bet.

If there's one thing certain about Frank Teague...

What the f-

Tell me what you want. Joey the nose?

With the whipped cream on your toes.

In a health club?

Yes.

Now cover the nail completely.

Ooh, feels nice.

This must be one of your favorites.

I was hoping it'd be your favorite. I love it. You really know how to make a

girl feel special.

What's your name? Don't make me chase you, Marvin.

I'm a mystery man. The deal is off, Cobb. I want out.

I want to leave town.

I want a new identity. I want to go someplace where Teague will never find

me. Be safe here.

Come in.

No, forget it.

My signing vocabulary isn't up to translating this stuff for you.

Where's Tucker?

I don't know.

You don't have to stay.

Unless you still miss me.

I do.

Why'd you do that?

Why'd you take my hand like this and then take it back?

Because I...

There's something you want to tell me Tess you

felt that

Marvin, your timing stinks.

You're not going anywhere, Marvin.

You're not telling me any more of your life story, and you are not giving me

any more trouble.

You hurt my shoulder.

You're a doctor.

Go prescribe yourself something.

Tess, the door, please.

Miss Kaufman.

If you're looking for a date, Pinkston, I'm busy.

If you're looking for Decker, you can sit down and wait with the rest of us.

I'm looking for you.

To tell you that Decker's not coming, family emergency.

I am not doing a double shift with this guy.

You hurt my shoulder.

And my feelings.

No!

I just, uh...

Stretching my legs.

I want pancakes and bacon.

Shut up.

You hold me here against my will.

You handcuff me to a chair, and then when I ask you to feed me, you tell me

to shut up?

Well, hello.

What?

Susie. There's no film in here.

It's okay. We have plenty of pictures of the girls.

I know you from somewhere.

No, you're kidding me.

Are you sure?

Anything I need to know?

Everything okay with your family?

Sure. Why wouldn't it be?

Pinkston said you had an emergency.

Kingston was just having fun with you. I was at my daughter's piano recital.

I'm sorry, okay? I had to.

What do you think's going on at this aerobics place?

Well, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say aerobics.

Oh, yeah?

Well, how long you think it's been?

Since Al Lombardi there took some exercise.

Oh, yeah.

Al doesn't look like he's won any battles with the Stairmaster lately.

But I think that pastrami's put a step-over toehold on his gut.

Hello, Mr.

Burke.

Hi. Hi.

We work out here, huh? Yeah. What a coincidence. I, too, work out here. Oh,

yeah? Yeah.

Look at young slick here.

Maybe let's move on the hard body Maybe it's time. I took up a little exercise

You have yourself a ball

I Want pancakes and bacon

I'll get your pancakes and bacon

Al, you're looking good.

Isn't that class in there where you go up and down the steps like that?

Really helping, huh?

Well, thank you, Cobb. You're looking pretty good yourself. Thanks. What's

going on in there?

No lawyer, no chit-chat. Ah, you really want to push it, Al, huh?

It's a booking charge, okay?

Okay.

No. Where's my dog?

He's with Kate.

Kate?

You want some coffee?

No.

No, thanks. I, uh, drank enough coffee today to float a battleship.

Yes.

About last night.

We came this close to kissing each other.

I want some coffee.

Hey.

Maybe it meant something.

Maybe it didn't.

But I think we need to try to figure it out.

Why?

Because.

It's sort of just hanging there between us.

Hey.

Don't do that.

If you don't want to talk to me, say so. I'll leave.

But don't... turn away from me and leave me standing there talking to myself.

Yes, it's very effective.

It's also very infuriating.

You mean a lot to me, Tess.

I don't want it to be awkward between us.

Me either. So, can we talk about this now?

Yes.

Possibly not this moment.

Come here.

I hope you don't mind I... Oh,

sorry. I didn't think you'd have any company now.

He'll start leaving.

He has to pick up his dog.

No. Okay, then, so how about this? I testify from behind a screen.

You know what the drug guys do at Senate hearings? And they can electronically

alter my voice so it won't be recognizable.

No.

Okay, then, so how about this? I testify from another room.

There's a video feed from where I am into the courtroom.

That way Frank Teague can't see me but just my image.

Marvin, I am supposed to be on a raft floating down the Colorado River

listening to water ripple and birds sing.

Yes, so? If you don't shut up, I am going to cuff both of your hands and put

tape over your mouth.

So how about this? You know, I...

Yeah, there's nothing like silence, Marvin.

What's that you say?

You agree with me?

Hello, may I have your credit card number, please?

Yeah, I got your name from a friend. He said I should call.

A good friend?

You might say that. Best friend.

That is Frank T.

That's Frank T. See,

he asked me to remind you that his mother was born in 1930.

1930. Thank you. I'll remember that. That's a time code.

Frank T. always uses military time.

1930 hours.

He says he's a day and a half away.

That's 730 tomorrow night. We should both be here then.

No problem.

You sure you don't have to go to your grandmother's birthday party or

something?

Temper, temper.

He's gonna kill me.

He'll find a way. You guys can't protect me. He's murdering... I found it more

restful this way. You can do what you like.

Egg roll, Marvin?

Just the woman I am looking for.

For you.

You probably want to get these framed.

Darren Burke and... My God.

How much silicone do you think those tuck? No, see, it's not the woman that's

important. It's the place.

City body shop?

Can you imagine Darren Burke working out?

That'd be a stretch, so to speak.

Are they supposed to mean something?

Well, you didn't hear this from me, but this place is a front

for a bookie joint.

Is that a fact?

Mm-hmm.

Big case?

I was thinking about my life.

Yeah, well, it's a good thing to think about your life every once in a while.

Did you come to any conclusions?

Yes.

I don't have one.

What did Bruce want last night?

Just talk.

Was he scared?

Not as much as he was.

Well, I have a feeling...

Old Bruce is gonna come out of this better than you think.

Before Bruce showed up last night, you and I were talking.

About us.

Can we continue the conversation?

Yes.

Not now.

Not now.

I have a meeting.

A meeting.

Later.

I promise.

So, I stood up and I said, Your Honor, if it is counsel's position that the

defendant should be examined by a psychiatrist, Let me hasten to assure

you that the people concur.

The people?

Hello, Burke.

Maggie, Maggie, pull up a stool.

Bruce Kaufman is filing a civil suit against you.

Malicious prosecution.

You disappoint me. I expected better. For the next two years, you'll be giving

depositions, you'll shell out thousands of dollars to an attorney, you'll sit

through a cross-examination you wouldn't put your worst enemy through.

And at the end of it, you're gonna have to explain to your superiors, of whom

there must be many, why they should promote someone who can't keep dirty

laundry private.

Bambi, sweetheart, why don't you go powder your nose?

Oh, excuse me.

Is that your idea of a real woman, Darren?

The body of a goddess?

The brain of an eggplant.

Look, if you think you can scare me with these cheap threats, you... You know,

the other day, the district attorney was giving me this speech about how

defenders of the law must lead blameless lives.

Obviously, he doesn't know about Benny Baxter.

That's Benny the bookie Baxter, who operates out of a back room at the city

body shop.

Now, you win more often than you lose, but right now, you're into him for $2

,500.

What do you want?

What I want, you can't give me.

What I'll settle for is a good deal for Bruce Goffman.

You can threaten me all you want, but you can't drop jail time.

Then give me the minimum.

In light of the defendant's demonstrated remorse, and because he constitutes no

threat to society, the people have agreed to allow him to plead guilty to a

reduced charge.

One count of petty theft.

In exchange for the plea, the people recommend that he be sentenced to six

months' incarceration at a minimum security facility, to be followed by

community service, not to exceed ten hours a week for a period of one year.

You've done quite an about-face since I last saw you, Counselor.

The District Attorney's Office seeks to expedite justice wherever possible, Your

Honor. And the court appreciates it, Mr. Burke.

Miss Ombro?

Judge Mayans, my claim agrees to the stipulations in the agreement.

He would also like to express his gratitude to Mr. Burke, whose devotion

to the even-handed administration of justice is notorious.

Mr. Kaufman.

Yes, sir. Are you in agreement with the plea bargain?

Yes, sir.

The court accepts your guilty plea and sentences you to six months at

Bentonville, plus the agreed-upon period of community service.

You'll also be referred to the state bar for suspension proceedings.

This court is in recess.

Six months isn't that long, Bruce.

When you get out, you can petition to have your license reinstated.

Thank you, Maggie.

My pleasure.

He'll be okay.

Who knows? Maybe he'll learn something.

Think who?

Incredible.

Ah, give it a rest, Marvin. Don't give yourself a coronary.

Your reaction to these bodies, Cobb, might be glandular.

Mine, purely professional.

You see, Cobb, to me, the body is an unfinished sculpture.

Something to be nipped and tucked.

Damn.

Molded and firmed into perfection.

Now this one, I can't think of a thing to do with it.

Then what you need is plastic surgery on your imagination.

No, no, that's your trouble, Cobb. See, your trouble is that you can't

appreciate... Oh, no.

Oh, no?

A flaw in the body? No, it's big.

Where? See, outside.

Black jacket.

It's only 7 o'clock. You sure that's him? I went back to his face, didn't...

And if you try to move out of this chair, I'm going to rebuild yours.

You just can't leave me here unprotected.

Hey! Hey!

Hey! Watch it!

Gene!

Gene! Police!

Stop, you stupid...

Sizemore said it was made of some of your best parts. He told you that?

Butt face.

Sorry we're late. Some last-minute paperwork.

I guess this is it.

Just try to keep your spirits up. Read books, write songs, get some exercise.

In those six months, I'll go by like that.

Yeah.

Then when?

We'll come up with something.

Don't forget to write.

Let's have lunch someday.

Real sentimental, isn't she?

She did a good job for you.

I hate for you to see me like this, Tess.

It's okay.

Be positive.

Be positive?

Around this scum?

This shouldn't be happening to me. I don't deserve it. Oh, yes, you do.

You're right.

I do.

Take care of yourself.

You all right?

Hey, Kaufman.

Got your papers?

Just say goodbye and get on board.

I write.

Maybe even visit.

I like that.

He'll become a jailhouse lawyer, Tess.

He'll be doing rich for everyone in the joint.

Hey, he doesn't deserve your pity.

He got off light.

You make me dinner? No.

No, no, I don't think so.

Aren't you the one who said that you...

Couldn't cook frozen food without burning it?

No, no, I think we'll go out.

We can finish our talk.

Door.

Hey, John.

How are you, bud?

I brought your dog back.

Thanks, Kay. Thanks for taking care of him. I appreciate it.

Come on in.

Uh, I think I'm gonna head back to my bar.

You sure?

Yeah.

Well,

Sean's gone.

Bruce is gone, and Kay's gone.

And I got my dog back.

And you're not... due anywhere until tomorrow.

So... No more excuses.

Do we really have to talk about this? Yes, Tess.

We need to talk about this.

Because if we don't, you and me could end up...

Uh... And... And not...

You know what I mean?

And then what?

Then I don't know.

Look, I know... I am so tired.

Lonely.

I could disappear in you for six months.

I feel the same way.

That's my point.

See, sometimes when things go so fast like this, maybe we

need to slow it down.

You're the best friend that I have ever had.

Except for a guy in high school who can make fake IDs and get all the

babes.

I don't want to mess it up.

Lovers come and go.

Friends are forever, right?

I wanna keep you forever.

I'm gonna poop.

Saturday night. Wrap up your Thanksgiving weekend with two of the

biggest idiots around.

See Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels in Dumb and Dumber. Saturday night at 8 on TNT.

Now, grab your badge and your gun and hit the streets of Sparta. In the Heat

of the Night is next on TNT Daytime Justice.