Original subtitles

See me down the disco mama.

Twilight really hurts my eyes.

I'd rather stay and dance with you to the funky music playing on our stereo.

I still can't see him.

She shouldn't be too much longer.

It's still busy.

What's he doing?

Dad?

I'm running out of material. If you don't get down here quick, I'm going to

have to play these people some Billy Ray Cyrus, and no one should have to sit

through that.

And, uh, no pressure, but a hubby-to-be is looking pretty stressed.

I can actually hear his blood pressure rising from here.

It doesn't look like your dad's coming.

I don't want to walk down there without him.

You sure that's the only reason?

What's he doing?

Where's the gemstone?

The what?

You have very toned arms.

Thanks. I work out.

Where's the gemstone?

The what?

Is that part of your workout routine?

I'm only going to ask you one more time.

Where's the gemstone?

I'll tell you. I'll tell you. I promise.

I changed my mind.

I'm going to have to do this.

Good luck.

Can you hold this, please?

Hello? Hello, Nikki.

I know it's a terrible time to call, but are you married yet?

Well, not quite.

Oh, good.

Look, I'm having a little trouble getting out of the house. Some unwelcome

guests have dropped by, and I just won't leave.

Dad? Dad, what was that?

Dad?

I'm sorry.

I have to go.

Please, please, if you could all just take your seats. We'll probably use the

minor here though, okay?

Excuse me, do I still get paid?

Nicky!

Come on!

That looked really painful.

Where's the gemstone? What gemstone?

things off.

Dad! Thanks for coming, darling.

Leave him alone!

Back off, Wedding Barbie.

Put him down!

Whatever you say.

No!

What a shame. He was such an entertaining old fossil.

You're going to pay for what you did to my father.

Really?

I think I'll forget about it the minute I walk out of here. What makes you think

you're walking anywhere?

Oh, I don't know. It's just a feeling.

Well, hello there little gemstone.

Looks like I'm walking out of here after all.

Okay, let's cross the road and frame it.

Oh, that can't be good.

Okay, roll it!

Three, two, one, bye-bye.

Let's go.

Yes, I need an ambulance at 137 Dixon Street now.

Hang on, Dad.

I'll find the people who did this.

They will pay.

No, no, no.

Dial your number.

What? Your voicemail. What?

Just do it.

Pull the phone up to my ear, Nicky.

I gotta say this.

If it's the last thing I ever tell you...

You must learn to deal with your anger without resorting

to violence.

Or else it will forever control you.

You got that?

Yes.

Listen to your voicemail whenever you feel anger.

I will.

Did they find the gemstone?

No, they got the fake one in the border.

Oh, good.

The three gemstones must never fall into the wrong hands.

Or it'll be most unfortunate.

Why? What will happen?

I... I... I'm out of here.

Dad! No, Dad!

Dad! Quick!

Delicious.

Show me the gemstone.

While I get it, take a look at this.

We're making $15,000 a minute.

The tally is currently 1.1 million.

I always wondered how to make the internet pay, and it's so damn simple.

Film a really visual crime and charge everyone five bucks to watch it. Now,

where's my gemstone?

Show me

It's

not it what You got the wrong one. It doesn't have the symbol inside. Oh, are

you sure? Yes, I am and I can't believe it must I do everything myself I'm just

flabbergasted at your incompetence. Go easy. You don't have to put me through

hell. What I should have done was put you through school.

Maybe then you could identify the right gemstone.

I'm sorry. Don't be sorry.

Be finding it.

Be finding it?

Is that correct grammar?

Sorry.

I'll be finding it.

straight away

i

look forward to killing that bottle blonde again

no no i want to speak to the detectives

you know they're the ones who detect don't put please don't put me on hold oh

hello knox investigations

Yeah, can you hold?

Hi, yeah, she's out right now.

Can I take a message?

Yeah? Okay.

Sorry, I have to go.

Finally, someone answers the phone.

What are you people doing over there?

It's not good enough.

It's been a week. You've got the composite photo.

I'm looking at it right now. It's a good match.

I just... I don't seem to... I don't seem to have it yet.

Has anybody seen that composite?

Anybody?

There's even a website, for goodness sake.

Yeah, I heard that.

But I don't seem to be able to download it.

I'll just access it in three seconds. What more do you need to solve this

crime? A new computer?

Connor, this next bit might interest you.

Do you have any idea who she is?

Well, if I knew her identity, I'd find her myself and I wouldn't need the

police to help, would I?

I quit. Have a nice life. Wait a second. You can't do that.

I will.

No.

Damn it.

Wait up. Wait up.

We'll talk about it. We'll do lunch.

Snack. Snack. Let's go now.

I don't think that's a good idea. Just put down your toys and let's go. I don't

think that she's in the mood for that conversation right now. Look, she'll be

fine as long as you keep your mouth shut and do as I tell you. She's been a bit

of a dragon recently. Look, I can always get someone else.

Ellie, her father's in a coma.

Don't you think I know that? She'll be fine. Just keep your mouth shut and

agree with everything that I say.

I assume you agree to my 15% agenting commission for the next three years?

What? No way.

Not now.

We need to talk.

Go away.

You see, the concept is when I say go away, that means you don't. Come in.

Nick, I know things are really hard for you right now, what with your dad and

everything, but I really think we need to replace him.

Yes, yeah.

Absolutely. Come on, Nick. It's been a week already. We're dealing with Daryl's

cases as well as our own. It's too much.

Then maybe you should give up your second job.

What second job? I would if I thought that that would help, but...

It's going to take much more than that. We're totally snowed under. She knows

who you should hire.

Who?

You're not ready.

When am I going to be ready? When I say, and I don't say yet.

Now's not the time for this. I'll deal with it later.

Okay?

Okay, but God, we need to get someone, Nick. It's going crazy around here.

Oh, one more thing.

Here's a little something to help cheer you up.

It turns into a smoke bomb when you throw it on the ground.

Perfect for that city of pants escape.

Thank you.

That stuff that she was saying about me being an investigator and stuff, that...

Her idea.

He called you a dragon when we were outside?

I did not. Did too.

I did not. Did too.

I did not. Did too. I did not. Did too.

The three gemstones must never fall into the wrong hands, or it will be most

unfortunate.

There's got to be something I can say that will make you change your mind.

All right, all right.

No, still quitting.

I can't understand why.

Why?

Let's consider the facts, okay?

The money sucks, the owls are terrible, and I've been shot five times.

You say that like it's a negative thing. Look at the bright side. You got to

return fire five times.

I mean, where else can you get paid for legally shooting at people?

All right. I want you to look at this, okay?

You see that?

Now, the time is going to come when I run out of space on this arm, and then

I'm going to get shot somewhere less aesthetically pleasing.

Come on. It's not that bad. Not that bad. You know, you carry a gun.

People are going to try to shoot at you. I don't know. That's not healthy. I

don't like that.

I mean, the crime rates only got up since I became a cop. Maybe I'm the

problem.

Babe-alicious.

Connor,

you ever wish, um... You ever wish you found that somebody special?

Huh? That someone who you know that she's the one.

She's a soulmate.

Are you okay? You sound like a chick.

Sandy Simons here with breaking news.

Apparently, the man who is still lying in a coma in the medical center right

behind me is in fact the future father-in-law of Jackson Lee.

Of course, one of the city's most famous entrepreneurs.

It seems, apparently, that Daryl Knox was thrown from the building by three

unidentified attackers just moments before the explosion.

And police, of course, are very anxious to speak to Mr. Knox, but as I said, he

remains unconfirmed.

I remember when I was eight, and I was playing violin at school, and this girl

beside me... God, what was her name?

Rhonda.

Rhonda Jackelby.

She went to hit some high note, but she slipped and jabbed me with her bow.

I nearly lost my eye.

Man, that hurt.

Every morning when I woke up in hospital, you were there.

Do you remember that?

I'm going to go back to work, so I'll see you then. Hi, baby.

Sorry I'm late. Got caught in a meeting.

Hi. Hello.

You ready for lunch? Yeah.

Thanks for the ride. I'll see you back at the office.

I know it's hard.

Hey!

What are you doing here?

I work here one afternoon a week.

Nursing is your second job? Uh-huh. That's very charitable.

Actually... I've got the best inside line on soon-to-be-vacated real estate.

I've already sublet three places this month.

Did I say charitable? Because what I really meant was appalling.

Move.

Whatever you do, just don't tell Nick.

She thinks I work here to find new cases to investigate.

I've scored one or two, but I'm telling you, the big bucks is in the real

estate.

You wouldn't be shaking your head if you were earning what I'm earning.

Probably not.

Usher could use some extra cash.

Really?

Do you work out?

Oh, yeah.

Feel that.

Hmm, not bad.

I may have something for you. Like what? I'll get back to you.

Hey, you want to hear a joke? Nope.

So I was thinking, you know, when should we reschedule the wedding?

Oh, um, I don't know.

Well, we should at least talk about it.

I can't do that right now.

Why not?

Jackson, my father's in a coma.

Well, that shouldn't change our plans.

Oh, what?

Look, no, I'm sorry. That didn't come out right.

Thanks for being so supportive.

Oh, Nicky, come on.

Now, look, what time should I pick you up for the showing tonight?

I don't know if I'm going.

What?

But that was supposed to be our first formal function as husband and wife.

I'm sorry, Jackson.

Call if you want to talk.

You can't quit. What are you going to live on? Why do you always order these

scary chicken feet things? I want a plate of chicken feet. Chicken feet are

all finished. You disrespecting me, boy?

I have a respect.

I just don't have chicken feet.

What are you going to do?

Who, me? No, no, no. I quit. I don't remember that.

And then wait 30 minutes. Forget it. No. You're wrong. You deal with this.

I don't have any chicken feet.

Why is your hand shaking? Why are arms making me ugly?

Easy.

Hey,

you're that famous cop who keeps getting shot, right?

Yeah, and you're the annoying guy who's giving me indigestion. Put the gun down,

will you? I second that motion.

Shut up.

When I get the chicken feet, then I let him go.

That's it. You want the chicken feet, you can have my chicken feet.

If you let him go.

These tender little morsels are just waiting for you.

Come and eat me, I'm suckling and yummy. I feel so good inside your tummy.

What the hell?

Hold it there. I'll shoot.

Grab it. Grab it.

Back off.

I swear.

I'll shoot her.

Well, go ahead.

I don't even know her.

I guess you're right.

I shoot her when I can shoot you.

Oh, damn again.

Thanks for getting me shot.

I saved your life.

After telling him to shoot me, I shouldn't have bothered.

That wasn't being serious, sweetheart.

I was trying to get the guy to point the gun at me. Didn't you see me wink?

Don't call me sweetheart.

You're the cop who solved the Pullman murders.

Steve Hartman, isn't it?

The one who's always getting shot.

Yeah, that's right. That's me.

Hey, wait a second. You're a...

You're that world champion kickboxing chick.

It's Jeet Kune Do, world champion.

World, yeah, right, of course.

Steve, are you okay?

And there's Mr. Look on the bright side. Do you see this?

This is why I'm quitting.

You're quitting?

That's right.

I've got a proposition for you. Really?

And what would that be?

A job as a private investigator at my company.

Knox Investigations.

How much?

How's 70 grand a year sound?

Like not enough. Make it 80. 60.

90. 70 is my final offer. With one proviso.

You start straight away.

I don't carry a gun.

Whatever makes you happy.

You know you're the first person I've ever heard use proviso in regular

conversation. Subtle. Tell me. Does it come in yellow?

That was a joke.

Oh, it was.

Next time, I'll open the ripsaw and know.

There are three gemstones, all different colors.

He said if they fell into the wrong hands, it would be unfortunate.

Unfortunate as in, isn't it unfortunate the Doobie Brothers broke up? Or is it

unfortunate that the world is coming to a conclusion this afternoon? What?

Can you change the channel?

It's a CD.

Look, the only lead I have is this composite photo I had made up.

Ooh, babelicious.

She's responsible for putting my father in a coma.

Oh, well, actually, from this angle, she looks kind of plain.

I want to find her as soon as possible.

I'll give it a shot.

Is that a Game Boy cartridge?

Hey.

What are you on, monkey boy?

What? Can't a guy say hello?

No. Take a hike.

What a charming individual.

And so sweet-smelling. Can we leave now?

Who's this?

My new boss. I quit the police.

I suppose you hired him because you thought he solved the pool man murders.

Yeah. Why?

Shouldn't I think that?

He's laughing like the joke's on me. Why is he doing that?

Have you seen this woman? Know where we can find her?

Babe-o-licious.

Oh, I don't know.

You sure about that, huh?

Well, I'm off caffeine.

Keeps me up at night. It's hard enough to sleep on this thing as it is.

And you're absolutely sure, right? I mean, absolutely sure?

Ionic commando.

Yeah.

Ah.

Eh?

She's running with a pair of hoodby-if-they-could-be's out of

Chinatown.

You want to find her, you'd be best suited looking in your own backyard.

All will be revealed in the fullness of time.

That's it?

That's the magical piece of information that's meant to solve this case?

Well, granted, he may be a tad cryptic, but his info is usually solid.

Listen to the man, sweetheart.

Excuse me if I remain unconvinced.

And don't call me sweetheart.

Okay. Your name's Nicky Knox.

Live on Dixon Street.

Drive white 328 IBMW.

We're an investigation security firm called Knox Investigations. Usually

dress glamorous, mainly in beige and cream, though sometimes you wear a blue

sweatsuit when you make a quick run to the store for milk, hoping to hell no

one sees you.

Usually wear your hair down, but personally, I think it looks better up,

sweetheart.

Come on, let's go.

Of course.

And make it caffeine-free next time.

Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome.

I invite you all to move upstairs and find yourselves a comfortable position

from which to enjoy tonight's presentation.

Please.

Good evening. Hi, Gary. How are you?

Hi.

It is my pleasure to introduce the chairman of our museum's fundraising

committee. Please give it up for our fine city's favorite entrepreneur,

Mr. Jackson Lee.

Thank you.

I'm glad you could all be here tonight.

Now you can see exactly how the museum is wasting your money firsthand.

But seriously, folks, you're here for a very special reason. A sneak preview

from our new collection from the Zhang Dynasty before it's installed in the

museum next month.

So, I proudly introduce to you all the centerpiece of the collection.

Straight off the boat from Beijing, the mighty sun god, Ban...

So what are we doing now?

Nothing important.

Well, why don't we draw up my employment contracts?

Okay.

That was $80,000, right?

Pretty sure it was $60,000.

Well, I think your hair does look good down.

Eh, then again.

We go through the door on three.

One, two... Do we go through the door on three or after three? We

go through on three.

You ready? Right.

One, two, three.

Oh, man.

I love what you've done with the place.

What do you think did this?

My best bet?

Babalicious.

What, uh, what are you doing?

Trying to control my anger.

Ah.

And what are you angry about?

What am I angry about?

I'm no closer to finding this woman, and I'm not exactly impressed with your

investigative skills.

Okay.

I have been at this job for under two hours.

I suggest if you don't like my performance thus far, you fire me or zip

it, because this...

She's the way I operate.

I'm sorry.

Listen.

Don't worry.

We're going to find her.

I'll draw up your contract.

Oh, and by the way, that's your cubicle.

Enjoy.

I hope I have a decorating budget. Keep hoping.

Looking for someone, Nicky Knox?

Well, this is heaven.

Your girl's got about 20 minutes to stop that.

That was supposed to make you let go.

You'll regret what you did to my father for the rest of your life.

Scary, scary.

How are we doing?

Could be better.

You know, you are much prettier than your composite photo.

No, really. I mean, your eyes are exquisite.

Listen, why are we fighting when we could be loving?

Come on, why don't we retire to the executive lounge and continue with it?

Why don't we retire to the executive lounge and I beat you up?

We could do both.

the gemstone I don't know not you her sorry

give it to me or he's gonna suffer a

serious case of cement poisoning hmm

how did I get myself into this

where's the stone I don't have it.

I'll drop him. Go ahead.

I don't even know him!

Excuse me!

Excuse me!

Okie dokie.

He didn't scream quite as loud as dear old Dad, did he?

Didn't take you too long to come around, did it?

Grab her!

Thanks for letting her drop me! I knew about the awning.

That's why I said grab her. Chase her!

Thanks for the reminder. I was just gonna lie here and let her escape.

I'm really not that good at the jumping thing.

Okay.

Oh, there you many!

I guess you're right.

Drive me to Dixon Street.

Sorry lady, it's not on the route.

Huh? Until I'm Britain, afterwards it becomes a major feature in our tour.

What are you doing?

Deli's new business.

City bus tours. With a little extra for the females in the draft.

I need the money.

Who's this?

A real pain in the ass. Out of the way, jungle boy.

Let me deal with this.

I want to show you I'm ready for that promotion.

You're only wearing underpants.

Yeah, that's my element of surprise.

Come on.

Come on, come on.

Get

out

of the car or you're going to stretch the paint.

Steve, this is Snag. Snag, this is Steve, our new investigator.

New investigator?

That's some funny looking underwear, buddy.

But that's my job!

Charging you for miles. This is a work-related chase.

Well, as long as I'm paying.

Did you see him? Yeah.

Didn't I tell you we were splitting tips?

Who do you think she is?

If I knew that, I wouldn't be wandering around trying to find her. All right,

all right. There's no need to get snippy. Keep your voice down.

Yeah.

Somebody might hear you.

I'll handle this, okay? Get ready to run.

Ooh!

Snack. Oh, that went well.

Let me try some.

How you doing, baby?

Yeah, I'm good.

Oh!

Wow, that's smart.

Hey, you know, I've been wanting to tell you, I really enjoyed our time together

on the awning. Really?

You know what they say, you only hurt the ones you love.

I like a strong woman. You do? That's the thing you got going. I think it can

really work for us.

Jackson?

What are you doing here?

I have an apartment in the building upstairs.

And when I saw you all on the security cameras, I came right down to say hello.

I can't believe you would bring them here of all places.

Are you mental?

Look, boss, you know I... Boss? What boss?

Jackson, what's going on? Where's the gemstone, Nicky?

Excuse me, but I've got one silly old question here.

Steve!

Steve! Send him for a ride on the escalator, boys.

Where's the gemstone, Nicky? She was working for you when she tried to kill

my father?

Blow up his apartment.

You tried to kill me. No.

That was a mistake.

When I realized Daryl had one of the gemstones, I knew the only way to get

close to him was through you.

I just never planned on falling in love with you, Nikki.

Well, I don't love you.

And I don't think I ever did.

You will.

But I will if need be.

I have my priorities.

Oh, what? Like blowing up a building and charging people to watch it on the

Internet? This is the last time I'm gonna ask.

Where's the gemstone?

It's Kevlar. I always wear protection. Four against two. I don't like the odds.

What's that noise?

A little later than ever.

God, I hate running down these things.

God damn it!

Our location here is to be compromised.

We go to Plan B.

What? What, here?

Yes, here!

Now you know what to do.

Then be doing it!

Be doing it?

Correct grammar?

Where's the gemstone?

I thought you weren't going to ask me that again.

You got nowhere to go and no time to get there.

You're trapped.

You're the one who's trapped.

Yeah, the hunter has become the hunted.

Okay, that was unnecessary.

Just so we're clear, the wedding is off!

I got away safe and delicious.

Now activate the camera.

Yeah. We're filming. Nick, who's this?

Our new investigator, Steve Hardman.

Oh, hi.

Sneaky near the building.

No, she's clear.

She just drove away.

Then do it!

Shut up.

Excuse me, but does anybody know what that is?

It's a bomb!

Come on, let's go! Run!

Run!

Run! Run!

Then I quit.

You can't do that now.

Oh, really?

Watch.

We've got to nail these guys. They're strength in numbers.

Oh, yeah, well, three's a number. Are you guys okay?

Yeah, I'm okay, but I'm dead on the bus. Come on, they're going to keep coming at

me. Well, if it's a fight they want, can't someone else give it to them?

Steve.

Look, I don't want to die.

And the more time I spend with you people, the more I think that's likely

to happen in the near future.

All right.

75,000. I'm sorry.

80,000.

I'm sorry. I made up my mind.

Is the new footage online?

Yes. What's the gross?

We're doing $6,000 a minute. The telly is $220,000.

That's terrible. Well, what did you expect?

Blowing up buildings?

How boring. Where is the human interest?

And you'd already done it once anyway.

Well, I wouldn't have done it again if you hadn't have led them there, would I?

I really like that place.

It's by far my favorite lair.

You've got this place.

Sure. But I liked that place better.

Show me the footage.

Nikki was right next to the explosion.

You killed her.

Serves her right.

She had the last gemstone. Why would you do that?

If you can't work it out, you don't deserve to know.

What are you talking about?

Thank God she's still alive.

What?

My next pay-per-view has to be something very special.

Not only must it cash in, it needs to give Nikki a first-rate incentive.

Hand over that gemstone.

Whatever.

Where are you going?

What are you, my mother?

What is up with you today?

Forget it.

And you're not allowed to hurt Nikki unless you have my express permission.

Sure.

Yeah, hello. Hey, hey, Scott Hartman. Uh, Steve Hartman, yeah.

Steve, Steve, look, it's Billy Ronquist. We used to work together.

Oh, yeah, yeah, hey.

How's it hanging?

Uh, well, yeah, low and to the left.

Look, look, I'll cut to the... Take a card, buddy, take a card. Look, I'll cut

to the chase. I'm a corporate headhunter, you got a solid rep, and I

need a guy in Tahiti to run security for me at a new beach resort.

The guy I had dropped out. He's a bastard.

Well, I've never done hotel security before.

Well, it pays $100,000 a year.

But I could always learn.

Good, you leave tomorrow.

What? Well, no, the resort opens in two days.

Could you, uh... Give me at least a day to think about it, all right?

Well, I'll need an answer by nine tomorrow morning. Nine tomorrow morning?

I'll call you, okey-doke.

You do that.

Oh, good. $100,000 a year, huh?

$100,000 a year.

Okay.

Hello? Yeah, it's Ronquist. You made a decision yet?

No. Are you playing hardball with me? Ronquist, I'll call you tomorrow.

But you can't. You don't have my number. Oh, okay. Good point.

Good point. Give me a second.

Listen, we need to go here.

Just read the card, buddy. Can you read? Just read the card.

Go. Okay, it's 555-5454. Make sure you call me,

Scotty.

It's Steve, Ronquist. Steve, yeah, sorry, of course. Steve, Steve, Steve.

Ronquist.

You know, you really should lock your windows.

That's right.

You never know who might crawl in.

Lose the shirt.

What's that?

Lose the shirt.

Better than I thought.

Why don't we, uh, sign our other trousers?

Why don't we put the gun down first?

Oh, uh, I always travel all fresco.

Does, uh, that mean you're glad to see me?

Oh, don't be flattered.

Changing wind direction can cause that.

Get in the bed.

Whoa.

What's a nice girl like you doing in lace like that?

What are you doing?

I'm going to do you and I'm going to film it with this.

Then I'm going to put it on the internet for everyone to see.

Just remember one thing, baby. What's that?

This is my good side.

I can't do this.

What happened to, why don't we retire to the executive lounge and get jiggy with

it? Yeah, well, you know what? I'm just as surprised as you are.

Listen.

There are other fish in the sea.

I am not upset.

Because of you.

You're not?

Then why?

Because Jackson means everything to me, and I

don't seem to mean anything to him.

So all of this, all of this was to get his attention, wasn't it?

Wake up, Dad.

Please.

I need you.

Get the cart in here, quick.

Dad?

Dad! It's all right, ma'am. We'll take care of it. Dad! Let's try again.

Increase the flow. What's happening?

We'll do everything we can. Okay.

Increase the flow.

We need oxygen.

Come on, move along. There's still no pulse.

Blood pressure's dropping.

How are we going, people? What do we got?

There's still no pulse.

We're losing him.

Please, come with me.

I know she was your sister.

Huh?

You know what?

Oh.

Ronquist? Hey, when you didn't call, I realized you were playing hardball, so

I, uh... I spoke to the guy who owns the resort. I told him you'd have to sweeten

the deal a little.

Look out your window.

but one just like it will be waiting for you when you get off the plane in tahiti

and you have to be there today the plane leaves in three hours are you in i am

so good good so let's get back scotty it's steve

steve yeah sorry sorry

Don't cry, sweetheart.

Dad?

Where did you come from?

Limbo. What?

The place between heaven and hell.

You're a ghost?

Well, I prefer spiritual apparition engineer.

I really haven't got the hang of Limbo yet, you know.

But I do know how to move around.

Uh-oh.

You know, I really don't have to click my fingers, but I really love the

effect.

Dad... You know you can't touch me, darling.

I'm a poltergeist.

Don't get upset.

It's not that bad.

You're dead.

It's that bad.

I guess I'm here until my killers are brought to justice.

And if that doesn't happen soon, my spirit just starts to fade away.

Forever.

It's not happening now, is it?

No. But there isn't much time until it does.

Jackson was responsible.

I never liked that boy.

The three gemstones must never fall into the wrong hands, otherwise it would be

unfortunate.

Dad?

Dad?

I'm going nuts.

Soon, Nicky.

Soon.

I've got an image. We are recording.

Hey!

Why do you have a camera on your head?

Yeah, that'd be the one.

Well, it's none of your business.

Oh, nice joker. I'm not really into them myself.

You went to that big boy? Shut up!

You're coming with me.

Oh, okay.

Nah.

Of course, you know, I didn't really have anything planned for today, so...

Just get out of the bath!

Look, Mr.

Pistol Boy, cameraman, whatever your name is, can you turn around so you can

at least, like, give me some privacy?

Cover your eyes. Cover your eyes, idiot!

The camera, too, dumbo!

Ready, big boy.

for the other one.

I want this hippo laid out in La La Land with a minimum amount of fuss.

Come on, come on. What's my head, will you? Hey!

Play nice, or I'll do you both.

Ellie.

Let's go.

What the hell are they doing? Whoops.

Come back here.

Snack?

That was easy.

Hello?

I have alien snack.

What?

If you need verification.

Log on to www.thatsgonnahurtyou.com.

What are you doing to them?

Killing them as entertainingly and as profitably as possible.

Alright, alright.

What do you want?

If you're not at the main...

by seven o'clock tonight.

They will drown.

And don't involve the police, or I will kill them.

Just bring the gemstone.

God damn it!

The water smells refreshing.

Would you shut up? Why?

Do you realize somebody's trying to drown us?

No, they're not.

This is one of your money-making schemes.

What? The footage goes out over the internet.

You make some cash so people log on to watch us drown.

Then you pull the plug before it gets dangerous.

You stole the idea from the explosion that wrecked Darren's apartment.

As much as I admire this as a financial venture, I had nothing to do with it.

You're at my apartment when I was knocked out. That's because they just

kidnapped me.

Right.

How'd you get permission to use this place anyway?

I didn't!

You don't need to get snappy.

Look, if I were behind this, why would I tie myself up? So people wouldn't think

you're involved.

Yeah, right.

Next time, get your fellas to go a little bit easier, will you? I think

they busted my shoulder.

It's official.

Not only are you dumb...

You're a complete moron.

Hello.

Yeah, come on. The plane leaves in two hours. Get a hustle on.

If you didn't call me every 12 seconds, I could hustle more efficiently.

What a pain in the butt.

Oh.

Hey. Hey.

I need your help.

Jackson's kidnapped Ellie and Snack.

He's holding them hostage.

If I'm not at his warehouse by 7 o'clock, he'll drown them.

He wants the gemstone.

Mm-hmm.

But you don't have it.

Do you?

Wait a second. You got it?

Mm-hmm. After you told me you... You have it.

Why didn't you tell me?

You quit. Before that. Why?

Because!

Because why?

Just because.

Just because?

What are you, in kindergarten?

Because that girl dropped me out of that window because you said you didn't have

it. I didn't know if I could trust you then.

Oh, but you can trust me now, can't you, huh? Now that you're in trouble or your

friends have been abducted or they're in the hospital.

Dad died last night.

I'm sorry.

I can't go to the police, or Jackson will kill them.

Look, I got a job in Tahiti, hotel security.

Pays 100 grand a year, and they're throwing in a new Corvette as a sign-on

bonus.

Oh.

Plane leaves in two hours.

Jackson must have the other two stones.

Dad said if the wrong person got hold of all three, it would be... It would be

unfortunate. I remember.

I remember.

Did we ever find out what unfortunate actually means?

No.

You know, the only

thing I've really ever wanted in my whole life was a brand new Corvette.

That's pretty shallow.

Newsflash.

I'm pretty shallow.

I'm asking for your help.

Please.

I don't want to do this alone.

Okay.

I'm in.

Steve!

Ronquist. Scott.

I mean, Steve.

I have bad news.

They're in the main hall. It's in the center of the building.

I'll go in from the top. You come in from the side.

Use that entrance and go left, left, right, left. Okay, one question.

How do you know all this?

I'm reading the map.

Okay. Left, right, left, left. Left, left, right, left.

Left, left, right, left. I'll take care of Jackson and Delicious. You look after

Ellie and Snack.

We go in in exactly five minutes.

Five minutes. Good luck.

It's easier if you take the stairs.

Let us never speak of this again.

Let me out of here.

For the last time, I had nothing to do with this snack.

She's right.

You two are bait.

See?

But I don't want to be bait.

Hmm? What do you want?

I'm not giving the big speech that explains my motives and goals until

Nikki arrives.

Which should be in about four minutes.

Or... She's never gonna make it here in time!

Shut up!

You're embarrassing me now in front of the kidnappers!

Hello?

Hey, Hardman, are you near a computer?

Yeah.

Because I think I... got something for you.

Long life to that's-gonna-hurt-you.com.

Oh, Jackson!

How's gross?

When the water hit their shoulders, the numbers went ballistic.

We're making $70,000 a second. We just hit $2.4 million.

Now that's the kind of ka-ching I've been looking for.

I'm sinking.

Before we, um... What, die?

Yeah, before that.

I'd like to tell you that, um...

I love you.

Please, now.

Thanks.

Thanks for making what could be my last living moment socially awkward.

Damn it!

Where the hell is she?

Right here.

Right,

left, left.

Right.

Right.

Right, left, left.

Right.

Where's my stone? Right here!

You can't beat me.

I was a captain. My fancy did it.

Well, I hope you're better with this sword than you were with the other one.

Give me the gemstone or

they all...

Jackson, let her out of there.

Jackson, let her out of there.

How are we doing?

Unprecedented. We're making $100,000 a second.

I'm sorry.

I don't think so.

I can now bring together the three gemstones that created the sun god

Banshar 25 centuries ago.

I will become omnipotent and immortal and rule the city with the force of my

will. I can't believe I ever wanted to marry you. Hey, shut up! What you want

means nothing now.

Once I possess the power of Bansha, no one can resist my command, including

you. Uh, hello?

You will be mine for eternity.

Uh, excuse me, but then why did you blow up those buildings and why are you

trying to drown these people? Because it's an easy way to make money. But if

good old Bansha over there is going to give you the power to control

everybody's mind, then...

Why don't you just make everybody give you their money?

Mighty Sun God Bancha I command you to show yourself and

infuse me with your divine power So I can rule this

kingdom as you did during your glorious

I command you to love me.

Nah, I don't think so.

Love me!

Jackson, the cops!

Jackson,

where are you?

Keep the police at bay until she drowns.

And us?

Whatever.

Wake up.

No balls.

Give it up, Jackson.

You're trapped. You think I'd set this whole thing up and not have an escape

plan, Nicky? Huh?

Well, yeah. You've got such an ego, you wouldn't have thought it could go wrong.

Whatever, sweetheart.

Don't call me sweetheart.

Come on, breathe!

It's over, Jackson.

You should stop right there.

I so don't think so. Jackson, I'm serious.

You're right Well,

come on get up you heard me Now he should have taken the stairs

Okay,

let's go there it is boss

We found this upstairs.

Was it your dad's?

Yes.

Connects Jackson to your father's death.

This is the fake gemstone.

Can I look at the real ones?

Thank you.

See you around, monkey boy.

Nice switch.

Nice cough.

You saved my life.

Thanks.

Thanks for coming with me, monkey boy.

I'm everywhere I need to be.

I better get going.

Right. So I'll see you at work tomorrow then. Mm-hmm.

Right. Oh,

thanks.

No, no, I can do this.

Okay. You must learn to deal with your anger without resorting to violence.

Otherwise, it will forever control you.

Hmm. I'm glad to see you finally memorized that little nugget of advice.

You're back.

Apparently. But I still haven't worked out how to control when it happened, you

know.

But I brought Jackson to justice.

Well, sort of.

Really? But I'm still in limbo.

Hmm. Tell me what happened.

Exactly. Well, Jackson got the three gemstones and put them into a statue

of... Sun God Bansha.

Yeah. And then he read from some ancient Chinese scroll thing.

Did thunder and lightning and wind suddenly appear in a spooky, out-of-the

-blue kind of way?

Yeah.

Then what happened?

Well, nothing.

Because he died.

That's bad.

Why?

Because I'm still in limbo.

And Jackson, he's... He's now immortal.

And that is most unfortunate.

I don't go to parties, baby.

Cause people tend to freak me out.

Watch their lips to work it out. I can hear the words, but I still don't know

what it's all about.

Won't see me down at Disco Mama.

Twilight really hurts my eyes.

I'd rather stay and dance with you to the funky music, play it on our stereo.

to concerts, baby.

The music's always up too loud.

Cigarettes and alcohol get up my ass. I always lose you in the crowd, yeah.

You won't see me travel even, baby.

Cause I won't ever look that good.

I'd rather dance in ugly pants in the comfort of a lounge room in suburbia.