Original subtitles

♪ It's poetry in motion ♪

♪ She turns her tender eyes to me ♪

♪ As deep as any ocean ♪

♪ As sweet as any harmony ♪

♪ But she blinded me with science ♪

♪ She blinded me with science ♪

♪ And hit me with technology ♪

Good heavens, Miss Yakamoto. You're beautiful!

♪ She blinded me with science ♪

♪ She blinded me with science ♪

She blinded me with...

Dr. Morgan, your urgent attention is required.

Simulation of all variables in your quantum gravity equations is now complete.

Repeat, your attention required.

All 16 billion theoretical outcomes have been calculated.

Isolation of gravity particle is possible if quantum energies applied are doubled.

Dr. Morgan! I know you are there, Dr. Morgan.

I have not been running these calculations all night for nothing.

Dr. Morgan, may I have your attention here, please?

Solution verified.

I can't believe it!

Yes, I know I got it.

Come on, Nobel Prize! I'm gettin' a Nobel Prize!

Bob, I did it.

I thought I dreamed it, but I didn't. It's on paper.

What?

Are you gonna go out with him? See? She don't like you. Come on.

Listen. It was variation number 14 billion somethin'.

No way! I keep getting a negative time displacement!

I checked. It works, in theory.

All we gotta do is run it and see if it works in the real world.

Don't fire that up. We're not ready!

What are you doing? - I'm doubling the voltage. It's the only way.

Are you nuts? We haven't got simulation approval yet.

Listen. My last grant extension is up at 5:00 today.

They'll hang us out to dry if we don't show them a working simulation.

Well, let's not and say we did.

I'm not faking any results. I've got a career, too, you know.

I know you got a career.

But I have spent my career trying to prove the existence of this gravitational particle,

which I think I did last night.

Look.

Under extreme energy conditions,

the gravity wave will act like a graviton particle.

So if I don't do the big kablooey now, it's never gonna happen.

Do me a favour. Go outside.

Take two minutes. Start a ruckus.

Then tell them I'm flippin' out. - You're the boss.

I wish I was the boss. If I was the boss, we'd have a Nobel Prize.

Good luck! - Thanks.

Okay. One shot...

Nobel or booby prize.

Ka...

System has now been activated.

...blooey.

You wear a strange garment. I presume you are noble born?

You're kidding, right?

Concede you are defeated, and you need fear no harm.

What?

Whatever manner of creature you are, I fear you not.

You're real.

Concede yourself! - Forget you, man.

Do you know what I'm saying to you?

I just made scientific history! Are you crazy?

These strangely-shaped objects around you.

Do they afford you some magical protection?

What are you talking about? Oh, this? No, no.

This is stuff from my desk: my computer, my boom box...

"Boom box"?

Yeah, boom box. It's a musical thing.

Look, this is very magical. Who are you?

Gather them up and walk before me.

You know, I really want to get to know you, but I want you to put that thing down.

I shall present you to my king.

A real king? - Of course.

A real, real king?

March! - I'm gonna get up now. Don't do anything.

Behold, Camelot! Seat of Arthur, king of the Angles.

Arthur? You mean, like, the real Arthur?

Oh, my goodness. Nobody's gonna believe this. Hello.

I should have brought a camera.

Stop that! You poke me with that thing again, I'll hurt you.

Keep moving. - Don't drop my stuff. It's in your bags.

Does it always smell like this?

Oh. Dead stuff.

Hi. - Move on!

Clear my path!

You all need to bathe. I'm sorry.

I don't mean to be rude. This is incredible!

Keep moving!

Cool!

Take charge of my ogre. - I'm not an ogre. Will you stop that?

What are you doin'? Hey, you on the horse!

Don't be so rough!

This is no way to treat a lady, I'm telling you. Hey!

Look, I'm not into being tied up.

Where you goin'? Can't trust a man to throw him.

What is wrong with you?

Hooves.

These are not hooves. These are my feet.

Hooves. - They are my feet, boy.

How came you to be captured by Sir Sagramour?

Look, who wants to know?

I am known as Clarence.

Well, I am known as Vivian.

I was in my laboratory working, and my computer froze up.

That's attached to my scalp!

Look, what do you do here?

It ain't me.

What's your job? You got a job? What do you do?

I am a page of this court. - Oh, you a page boy, huh?

So funny. Ooh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please.

Do you happen to know what year it is?

It is the year of our Lord, 589.

You're kidding. Oh, great.

I don't know anything about this year. I don't know nothin' about these people,

but I'm gonna make a killer CD-ROM.

Clarence, you're rubbin' my face. What is it you want?

It doesn't come off. I'm this colour all over.

Except for my hands. The blonds are back. Hey, I need to talk to you.

If you turn me around, I could see where we were goin'. I guess you don't care.

Okay! Up the stairs with the fat black lady. What are you doin', guys?

His Majesty awaits. - Oh, wait!

Knights of the Round Table, rise.

To the finest in our land, Arthur, king of Camelot.

Thanks, good Lancelot, and all my knights and gentle ladies.

And now, for your pleasure,

and for yours, fair Guinevere,

Sir Sagramour the Desirous has captured an ogre

from a strange and distant land.

Stop it!

Most great and gracious King Arthur, Queen Guinevere,

I beg leave to present this cantankerous barbarian ogre

that I defeated in terrible combat in a far-off land,

where all appear as strange as she.

You're King Arthur?

Sword in the stone? Excalibur?

Will you stop that? What's with you people and the poking?

What is with the hair? - Oh, Arthur, may I have it?

Of course, my dear. I can deny you nothing.

You see, Lancelot?

Sir Sagramour always returns from his adventures

with interesting amusements for his king.

Why can't you be more like him?

All you ever bring back are the heads of our enemies.

I beg pardon, my queen. But when I venture forth,

it is to vanquish the enemies of great Arthur

and not to seek idle glory with adventuring.

Lancelot and Guinevere?

I know all about you guys. - Guards!

You should probably be a little more discreet.

What is it saying? - Oh! Sorry.

Maybe I said a little more than I should have said. I'm sorry.

There's no reason... Why are you putting me in chains?

Man, you scared the pants off me.

"Kablooey"?

This so-called ogre is nothing of the kind. She is a wizard.

A cruel and dangerous wizard... - Hey, that's gotta be Merlin, right?

Where's the pointy hat? - What carry you in your purse?

Why do you want to know?

Whatever it is, there's no reason it should burn.

What do you mean, "burn"? Where are you goin'? What?

You must say: "I am Arthur, lord of all this realm,

and here I mean to slay the demon in my midst."

Oh, no. Excuse me. Court? Hello?

Look, I am a citizen of the United States of America.

I live in West Cornwall, Connecticut, and I am demanding that you release me.

Take her!

Let my personage go!

To the dungeon. - Hey! Where you takin' me?

Excuse me!

So it was a mistake.

What now? Go away. Poking hours are over.

Hey, Clarence, what am I doing here?

Fear not, friend. It will soon be over.

What'll soon be over? - The day's entertainment.

And what is that? - The ogre's burning at the stake.

You mean me? Are you talking about them burning me at the stake, alive?

Look, I need some help.

Nothing can help you now, poor ogre. - I told you I'm not an ogre.

Look, where's my stuff?

I was able to persuade the monks to give me a silver coin for the lot.

You little beady-eyed...

All but this strange and weighty stone,

for which they would give me nothing.

Is this your pillow?

Yeah, that's my pillow.

It's most cunningly made for stone.

Or is there another use for it, as I suspect?

Yeah, it's chiropractic.

I use it because my back goes out,

and I rest my head on it and it makes me feel better.

So if you'll just give it to me, I'll be very obliged.

My life depends on this.

Please?

Thank you.

Okay. Plagues...

Natural disasters...

What's the month and day?

What matters what month or day it is?

What day is it?

It's the 21st day of June, good madwoman.

Thank you.

Yes!

Do you know what happened to me?

The planets and the sun were aligned,

and it created a little gravitational particle that went pow,

and it catapulted me back into the past!

Can you believe it? It's so cool!

Look, what time is it? Oh, you don't know! You have no idea.

Where's the sun? Oh, there it is!

Now, I'm gonna ax you a little question,

and if you have the answer, just raise your hand.

When do they usually burn ogres here? - At noon.

Seek not thy band of flying ogres, wizard of evil magic.

There can be only one wizard at this court,

and it is I, Merlin!

You must die! Good magic will reign over bad!

Burn the ogre.

No, Your Highness!

Queen Guinevere, just a minute. - Is it speaking to me?

Yes, I am speaking to you. I just called you by name.

Listen. If you just give me a minute here, I will show you the greatest magic trick

you have ever seen. This trick is so deep...

Release the ogre.

Thank you, sir! - Indeed, my lord.

The stake is too great a kindness for this insolent slave.

Flay her alive. Bring me her skin for a pair of boots

and prepare a bed of caustic that she may burn for a week.

I feel a trance comin' on!

I feel a trance comin' on!

You have wronged a great and powerful magician,

who came to you from a distant land in peace.

This evilness of yours must be avenged.

So, I'm gonna blot out the sun,

take all the light, y'all are gonna perish,

and I'm gonna show you the Dark Ages, okay?

Gone!

Be gone, shadows of darkness!

I command thee!

Back off, Merlin. I'm workin' this courtyard.

Name any terms, oh greatest of magicians,

even to the halving of my kingdom,

but banish this calamity, spare the sun.

Look, I don't want half your kingdom.

I want a little respect. I want your people to stop threatening me

with flaying and chaining.

I want to talk to the knights of the Round Table and your people,

and I want him gone.

Granted. Prithee, now sweep away this creeping darkness,

and I will raise thee to the honoured state of knighthood.

Okay, sun. Come on back. It's cool.

I command this in the name of King Arthur.

Can you top that, Merlin? No, you cannot.

So, you were saying?

Behold this great and powerful magician.

And high and low, rich and poor, do her homage.

For this lady is now become the king's sorcerer...

Get out of here! - And his noble knight.

I'm a knight? Oh, boy! Should I kneel?

Kneel, milady.

How art called, great sorcerer?

Oh, Vivian, Your Highness.

Vivian? - Yes. Dr. Vivian Morgan, Ph.D.

Not noble born? - Well, I'm from the U.S.A.

But thou needs must have a courtly title.

Well, there actually is a title I'd like to have.

Make way for Sir Boss,

our newest knight of the Round Table.

Your magic box, Sir Boss.

Sir Boss, this is your chamber.

Sir Boss, we may serve you. - Sir Boss, whatever you desire.

So, who are you?

I am mistress of the wardrobe.

Thanks.

And she is mistress of the chamber pot. - At your service, Sir Boss.

And now, we leave you, Sir Boss.

All right. Bye-bye, now.

For we know you have great mysteries to contemplate.

Thank you.

Like the mystery of how to get out of here.

Oh, man.

To phone or not to phone. That is the question.

It's a real world now.

Better get used to it, Sir Boss.

♪ Now, if you feel that you can't go on ♪

♪ Because all of your hope is gone ♪

♪ And your life is filled ♪ ♪ with much confusion ♪

♪ Until happiness is just an illusion ♪

♪ And your world around ♪ ♪ Is crumblin' down ♪

♪ Darling ♪

♪ Reach out ♪

♪ Come on, girl ♪ ♪ Reach on out for me ♪

♪ Reach out ♪

♪ Reach out for me ♪

♪ I'll be there ♪

♪ With the love that will shelter you ♪

♪ I'll be there ♪

Come in, Clarence. I can smell you from here.

And quit all that bowin' and scrapin'. I don't like it.

I trust your magics, amulets and charms

are unharmed and potent as before, Sir Boss.

You mean before you stole them, Clarence?

Before I hid them with the monks to keep them safe from your enemies, Sir Boss,

that I may return them to you after your great triumph.

And so it has come to pass.

Yeah, okay. All is forgiven.

You will not have me quartered in the public square?

I will if you don't get up.

Oh, thank you, great and merciful Sir Boss.

You look like a smart kid, Clarence. Can I trust you?

Indeed, you can.

I need somebody to give me the lay of the land,

tell me the good guys from the bad guys

and keep me from becoming a new pair of boots for Guinnie.

Are you up for the job?

I never dared be worthy enough to serve you, great knight.

Clarence, you tend to run off at the mouth. You already got the job.

But I need one more favour from you. - Name it.

I need you to bathe.

Why? - Trust me.

Clarence. - Time for your bath, dear.

I do not think that...

Ready?

No.

It can't be true. - It is true, I'm telling you.

It doesn't matter what century you're in, some things never change.

Same old stuff, different channel. Hey, now look.

These people are eating vegetables. May I, please?

Thank you. How come we don't have any?

Surely you would not have the gentlefolk eat pig food as do peasants and animals.

Surely you jest, Sir Boss. - Eyes down, I say!

Who are these people? Are they criminals?

Not criminals. Slaves, bound for the auction market.

Slaves? Are there many of them?

Of course. - It's bad.

It's as God ordained. - No, it is not as God ordained.

God did not mean people to be property. God meant for people to be free.

Where I come from, everybody is free.

How can that be? - What do you mean, how can that be?

Under the law, everyone is born equal.

At least, that's the way it's supposed to work.

Excuse me. Can I buy some vegetables, please?

Great lady, have mercy! Spare my children!

Why are they on the ground, and why aren't they taking my money?

How should slaves take money? They would hang for it.

Why?

All the people in Camelot village are the property of the king,

and they are grateful for it. It is King's law.

It's a stupid law.

Be careful what you say, sir. None may speak against the king's law, not even you.

Take what you want, noble lady.

No payment is necessary.

Okay. Well, then, I'll just leave these coins here

because I don't want them any more, and I don't care about them.

But if you'd have your daughter drop some vegetables off, say, every couple of days

at the castle - just ask for Sir Boss - I'd really be grateful.

I will do as you desire.

Maybe there'll be a couple more coins,

every now and then, just hanging around.

So feel free to take them if you see them. Get the basket.

He's so sweet. Get up.

Do you think you stared hard enough at that girl?

Do you think you stared at her hard enough?

Make sure she gets in to see me.

Why is he whipping those people?

They're grinding flour.

Slaves?

I really got work to do here. I gotta talk to the king about this.

Lighten up.

Splendid morning for the hunt. - Cool.

Your Highness, I've been thinking about ways I can help you and England better.

"England"? - Yes, England.

It's not called that yet. In the future, your kingdom will be called England.

It's sort of short for Land of the Angles. Angland. England.

England. It pleaseth me.

It trippeth most fluently from the tongue.

This is deep prophecy, Vivian.

Well, sire, I also need a hundred men. I'm working on a steam engine,

which I believe will help me grind flour faster for the progress of Camelot.

And if you did thus, would it please me?

Absolutely.

One hundred slaves! - No, not slaves, sir. Workers.

What is the difference? - Well, you pay workers. You don't...

We'll work on that. - 'Tis granted.

I want to talk about hygiene with them, put in new plumbing in the castle...

But Sir Boss, you have but one life! - And I intend to live it, sire.

The king has gone hunting with that woman he has knighted.

It demeans every knight and brings shame upon the Round Table.

Indeed, my lord.

Knighthood should be saved only for the greatest of men... like Lancelot.

Do you mock me when you call me great, my queen?

Never.

You are widely loved by the people. - And by my queen?

And by your queen.

Why do you leave the pig food on the doorstep and run? Are you afraid?

You needn't be. Sir Boss isn't like the other knights.

Come inside. She wants to speak with you.

Come here.

I have just started the Industrial Revolution.

This is a steam engine. See the fire? It's boiling water.

Water is making the steam. The steam comes in, creates pressure,

moves the bellow, which moves the rocks which grinds the corn,

which gives people leisure time!

It is indeed magic. - Yeah.

I caught her. - Bring her in.

What's your name?

If it please you, Sir Boss,

I am named after the witch, who foretold I would be a girl.

My name is Gorobagoraldisande.

That's nice.

You don't mind if I just call you Sandy, right?

You can call me what you like, Sir Boss. - Okay. Your parents grow this?

We do. - Can you cook it?

Of course. Am I not a woman? - That doesn't mean you can cook.

But in any case, would you like to be my chef,

come here and live in the castle with us and cook my food?

Pay you two coins a week.

If you want the job, go let your parents know.

Thank you! - Okay.

I can tell you're smitten. I'm gonna say one thing to you. Be nice.

I would not harm her for the world.

She's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.

Even though she be a slave.

Clarence, I told you. We don't have slaves.

But if we don't have slaves, who will do the work?

I'm working on that. For now, all you need to worry about

is finding that girl a room that has a lock inside. Bye.

This is where you will live.

But this is a room for a noble lady, not a slave.

I need nothing more for sleeping

than a corner in the kitchen behind the stove.

You're an apprentice of the great Sir Boss now.

You will not sleep in the kitchen with the dogs.

Come.

Why am I favoured so?

What is expected of me? I warn you, I will not submit to shame.

No one is going to shame you.

Put your mind at rest. Do your duty to Sir Boss and all will be well.

You are not like the other pages from the castle.

My mother hides me from them when they come to the village.

I do not wish to be like the other pages. Sir Boss says I have a brain.

Because of this, she chose me for her service

and instructs me in the ways of science.

She says you, too, have a brain.

I do? - If Sir Boss says so, it must be true.

You will be instructed in the mysteries of science.

She will teach you and so will I. - Your words frighten me.

You need fear nothing any more. I will see you come to no harm.

You have my promise.

The people are trying.

I know they're trying, but they're not trying hard enough.

Look, this... Go ahead.

This whole thing is not supposed to be here.

This was supposed to be...

All right. Come on. Slowly.

Got it, John! - My finger!

It's off balance. You! Help!

Over here.

I explained it twice. All I'm asking you to do is move the bags. You understand?

Just move the bags when I ask you to!

What is goin' on with these guys? They're working so slowly!

The men are tired. They do not like this monster.

It is not a monster. I told you it's a machine.

But it eats the men. They feed it all day long.

What are you talking about? It doesn't eat anybody!

You never stop! - I can't stop.

I promised to show this to King Arthur tomorrow, and it's not ready.

So you will not get all the glory. - What glory...

Look, I'm not doin' this for me. I'm doin' this for your...

Get in here! Get in! Help!

Everyone, come over! - Bring a stretcher!

All right. Come on.

Can't you see this man is hurt? - Yeah, I see he's hurt.

That's why he's goin' to the infirmary. I need you to do your job.

So get the crew here.

All right.

What?

All these workers came to us as freemen.

Why does it seem to me that they are slaves now?

They are not slaves. They're well paid, well fed, and well housed.

Are they free to leave? - They do it every day.

They go home at night. They come back in the morning.

Like slaves. - Not like slaves.

Well, how so not? Because they are your slaves?

We're building a future here.

Then why does it look worse than the past?

I don't know. I really don't know.

But are you telling me we got to stop everything 'cause one man got hurt?

You want progress? This is how you get it.

Everybody works for the greater good of everyone else.

I can live without progress. I don't want to live without justice!

Well, la-ti-da, Clarence. You just created the first teenage rebellion.

Come in.

Where is Clarence?

Do you know? - I know not, my lady.

Look, what is going on?

I've got the greatest power any one person has ever had in the palm of my hand.

I can get rid of misery. I can get rid of pain. I can make your lives better.

What is goin' on with you people?

I know nothing of these matters.

But I have learned through you, Sir Boss,

that to be free is to be seen,

heard, spoken to as no slave is.

It would seem to me that to be ill-used thus, as a freeman,

is no better than being property.

Put that down over there.

I'm really sorry. You were right, and I became the thing that I hate.

I'm sorry, too. You were trying to help us. Maybe you tried too hard.

Yeah. But what's making me crazy is I cannot figure out

how I miscalculated this thing.

Rumour has it that Merlin had something to do with it.

He's saying he put a hex on your machine.

Oh, get out of here! A hex! Why would he hex me?

Before you there was no one to challenge his magic.

What mag... He is nothing but...

See? I was gettin' ready to snap. You know what it is?

I just need to have some fun. I need to loosen up, you know?

A joust?

Lance, he's our man! If he can't poke 'em, no one can! Go Lance!

Go Lance! Go Lance!

Why, Sir Boss.

Hast no stomach for the trial at arms?

Yeah, well, I just... I'm not big on contact sports, Your Highness.

Twenty years a knight and never been unhorsed.

There's never been a warrior like Lancelot and methinks there never will be.

Not since you rode into battle, my lord.

Days gone by, my dear.

The people champion younger men now.

Youth is so attractive.

Don't you think?

Yeah.

Go forth, I say. I have given you the secret to vanquish Sir Lancelot.

Your Highness, what is Merlin doing?

Well, I believe Sir Sagramour has contracted with him

for a magic spell of invulnerability.

Really? He thinks Merlin's gonna protect him from Lancelot, he's out of his mind.

Oh, no. If Merlin prancing around him in that coloured smoke

gives him the courage to face great Lancelot,

then I would say his money's not been entirely wasted.

Okay.

Get outta... Did you see that? Did you see what he did?

This guy... He lies. He cheats. He stinks.

Get up, Lancelot.

Fear not, Sir Boss. The joust is not yet over.

It will be a cold day in Hades before the likes of Sagramour

will defeat Lancelot in a trial of arms.

My eyes! I couldn't see.

My magic will make this final pass victorious!

No.

You low-life, pond-suckin'.. - Stop!

..tin-can-wearin' coward.

You have dared to insult my honour!

What honour? You don't have any honour. People who cheat don't have any honour.

You ought to have your Round Table card revoked.

I demand satisfaction of offences admitting no contrition!

What's that mean?

It is a fight to the death, Sir Boss. You must refuse.

How can I refuse? I'm a knight, too. Consider yourself challenged.

I must leave on the morrow to rescue a fair damsel

trapped in a castle by a three-headed dragon.

I shall return in a month. - And I'm a natural blonde.

He seeks time to plot another trick with Merlin.

When you get back, have your people call my people, okay?

I'm not finished!

While I'm in a challenging mood, I'd like to challenge Merlin.

I think he destroyed my flour mill. - Then you have been wronged.

You have the right of challenge. So says the king.

Thank you, sir. Right on.

Oh, I'm sorry. No, it's a thing. Look.

See? Yeah. Then you go right into the wave.

♪ She really knows how to rock ♪

♪ She knows how to twist ♪

♪ Let's twist ♪

♪ Yeah, baby, round and round ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh, yeah ♪

♪ Just like this ♪

Thank you!

We gonna take my little sister. And do like this.

What magic is this?

Are you trying to blow us up? What's the matter with you?

"Blow up"? What does this mean?

What do you mean, what does it mean? Of course you don't know.

All right. Lesson.

See this? Watch.

I love that.

It's called dynamite,

and you make it with gunpowder and putty.

Gunpowder and putty.

Then you take a wick, and you put it in like this.

See? And then you put the wick in a stick.

It's kind of like a poem. "The wick in a stick."

Then you light it, and then you toss it against anything you want to blow up,

and it all goes kablooey, and blows it to pieces.

"Kablooey"? - Yes, kablooey.

Now, I made a couple of these in case Merlin gives us any trouble.

But I've come up with a really good idea that I think will freak out that faker.

♪ What you want ♪

♪ Baby, I got it ♪

Merlin.

This castle ain't big enough for the both of us.

I accuse you of high crimes and misdemeanours.

This is an outrage. My lord,

will you not grant Merlin the opportunity to challenge her brazen accusations?

She should pay for this insult with her head.

Pull on the winch!

Her head? - I'm doing the best I can!

Whoa! - Just a little bit.

Sorry, Sir Boss!

You drive a hard bargain, Guinnie. But what the hey.

Here before this assembly, I accept your challenge.

It is you who will be exposed as a fraud.

We shall see, Merlin. We shall see.

First I'm comin' for Sag, and then I shall come for you!

♪ R-E-S-P-E-C-T ♪ ♪ Find out what it means to me ♪

♪ R-E-S-P-E-C-T ♪ ♪ Take care of T-C-B ♪

That's enough with the smoke!

Turn the smoke off!

Away!

This is madness!

You never wore a suit of armour, much less fought in it.

Sir Sag will kill you on the first pass. - Look, will you take it easy?

I mean, I'm Sir Boss. Have a little faith, all right?

I just wanna give Sag a little taste of his own medicine.

All right. Get her up.

Got a little pinch there.

Put her on the floor. - Help.

Yeah.

Goin' forward.

Whoa! Sorry about that. I'm cool now. I'm cool.

Okay! Just a second. I just got to get it under control.

Raise your arms, please, Sir Boss.

Okay, goin' back.

An excellent fit. Now, walk toward me, please.

All right. Here I come. Here I go. Here I go.

Defend yourself.

What is wrong with you? Get out the way.

I got your point.

The broadsword is the weapon of choice in close combat.

This one is my finest.

Now, raise it up, Sir Boss, as though to cleave me in two.

All right.

Okay. Thank you. I'm gonna raise it up.

Raise it up, Sir Boss. - I'm gonna raise it up.

You cleave me in two. Cleave! - I'm gonna cleave you in two.

I'll raise it up... high.

I think I've had enough of this lesson for today.

I'd like to be taken out of this suit

because I feel like a roasted turkey.

Sir Boss, this is combat armour! It is riveted on.

It cannot be removed without destroying it.

You're kidding, right? - "Kidding"?

Yeah, kidding. Like, "Ha-ha, that's a joke."

Look, I have to go to the bathroom.

You do that in the suit, like everything else.

What?

Take Sir Boss to the knights' closet. - I'm not goin' to the closet!

Look, I can just wait

until this all gets done, you know.

I can just wait. I can wait. What?

That was good.

Look, I'm mad, I'm wet, and I don't want to hear this any more.

You will not fight Sir Sagramour. He is destined to die by my hand and no others!

Why?

This is my family, Sir Boss.

Mother, father, grandfather,

my eldest sister and her new husband

and my sweet baby brother.

All died on the same day, 14 years ago.

May they rest in peace in a world better than this.

I'm so sorry, Clarence. Was it the plague?

No. It was not the plague that took them.

Why are they buried here? There's a cemetery behind us.

Because the lord of this estate would not permit them burial on consecrated ground.

I'm sorry. I don't understand.

My father was gamekeeper of this estate.

And on my sister's wedding night,

the lord rode up to the door and demanded his rights.

Her husband, a freeman not of this estate, refused him.

All paid with their lives that day...

save me, six years old, who escaped into the forest.

Sir Sag?

From that day to this, I have dreamt of the day

I would have vengeance on that black-hearted devil

who repaid my family's loyalty so.

I came to Camelot so one day I could be a knight and have the right to challenge him.

But he challenged me, Clarence. What do you want me to do, chicken out?

No.

You must fight him to the death.

Why can't you have Sag arrested? - For what crime?

What do you mean, "For what crime?" He killed Clarence's entire family!

First, it is a noble knight's word against that of a common freeman.

No, not even yet a man.

Thus, his account has no merit.

But... - Second,

even if his account were to be believed,

within it is the evidence that no crime was committed.

It was a punishment. Oh, yes, in my mind far too harsh and cruel,

but still a punishment and not a crime.

I can't believe you're saying this.

Did the boy not say that the lord was refused his right of first night?

Yes, but...

That is a terrible offence against the king's law,

meriting death to him who so insults that law.

Well, who made this king's law, you?

Oh, it is as ancient as the land itself.

But you're the king! You can change them!

The king must uphold all laws.

Is there any way to call this off?

Yes, of course.

Are you gonna tell me what it is?

You can give up your title and your place at the Round Table

and, uh, leave Camelot in disgrace.

Basically, you're telling me this is to the death.

Yes, to the death.

Sir Boss asks for you.

Let her ask. I don't care.

You're troubled, Clarence. Can I help?

There's nothing anyone can do.

I'm sorry I disturbed you. - Wait.

I'm sorry. It is not you that causes me this anguish and grief.

Surely Sir Boss is not the cause of your malady?

Surely, she is!

If she fights Sir Sagramour on the morrow, she will be dead.

No! - And I will it to be so.

Clarence, no. Why?

If she defeats Sir Sagramour, she must kill him.

And if he dies, I will never revenge my family or restore my honour.

But surely you cannot wish her to die? - No!

I love her as I would my mother.

Then you must not wish this terrible thought.

My mind is torn asunder. - Then heed your heart.

What do you mean?

Did you not confess your love for Sir Boss?

Yes, I did, but...

Love is stronger than revenge.

This smoke of invincibility will defeat Sir Boss's evil magic.

The combatants will approach.

Come on.

Welcome to the slaughter.

My king. My queen.

The combatants will approach.

Are you sure you want to do this?

No, but I don't have a choice!

What can I do? I've got to fight him.

The other combatant

will come forward, please!

Look, she has no armour.

Nice to see you. Thank you.

Sir Boss, you have forgotten your armour.

I haven't. I don't need it.

Sir Boss, you cannot fight without armour. You will be cut to pieces.

Oh, no, honey. Bruce Lee. - Lee?

Yeah... No. Never mind. You'll see.

Sir Boss has chosen to dispose of this challenge

by means of hand-to-hand combat with broadswords.

Does this satisfy Sir Sagramour?

Completely.

Then let God grant justice be done.

Knights to the...

You cheat!

Okay.

Where's the...

Sir Boss! - Curse you, boy!

Thanks, Clarence.

Come on! Do somethin'!

What?

Now what?

Hands of steel!

Fists of fire!

It's cool.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Come here...

You like that? Thank you.

One, two, three, four, five, six.

One, two, three, four!

Thank you. - Lady!

Stay out of this!

You dare challenge a knight?

To the dungeons with him. - Murderer!

Do you remember Horace, your loyal gamekeeper

who you murdered 13 years ago?

His wife, their infant son, my sister and her husband,

all of whom you slaughtered that night?

I am the son who escaped into the dark,

and tonight I will have my vengeance, though I pay for it with my life!

He lies! - Silence!

The boy does not lie.

I have been told of this dark deed.

And I decree he has the right of challenge.

My queen,

will this lowborn scoundrel be permitted

to challenge a knight of the Round Table?

His challenge is an insult!

Silence, I say!

Your Highness, he's just a kid.

What say you, boy?

Is it your desire to fight to the death?

Clarence. Clarence, back him up.

Under.

Gotcha!

Yield yourself and confess your crime or die!

Confess! I will not ask again!

I confess!

Valiant youth,

I hereby invest in you

full title to all the lands and properties

that formally belonged to Sagramour,

whose fate is in your hands.

How say you? How will you exact your vengeance on this unworthy knight?

Now the moment has come, I find justice sweeter than revenge.

Let him be tried by his former peers of the Round Table,

whose honour he has so sullied.

Well said, boy!

And be assured, justice he shall receive.

I think I've been making a lot of mistakes,

because I'm trying to do things too fast without knowing enough about where I am.

So I'd like to get outside the gates of Camelot

and meet the people with your permission.

And your challenge to Merlin?

I'll take care of him when I get back, if I can go.

This is very wise.

'Tis a valiant notion.

It charms me. - Thank you, sire.

Yes, what tales we'll tell, eh, Sir Boss?

"We"? Who we? We we? - I shall accompany you.

Oh, no, sire. Look, now.

I cannot be responsible for you. It's just... - Enough.

I have spoken. We leave at dawn.

Not dressed like that, we don't.

Ask him. Go ahead and ask him. - Yes, yes, I will.

Will we pass as common freemen? Speak up, boy.

Tell him. - No, Your Highness.

See? What did I tell you.

No? Well, why will we not? - I told you why!

You're too clean. - Clean?

"Too clean"!

Stop it! I'm the king!

It's kind of pretty. - Sir Boss, tell me about yourself.

Well, I come from a place called the United States of America,

and it's quite wonderful.

I'll tell you about you, if you want. They wrote a musical about you.

A music what? - A musical.

About me? - It's got drums and horns, and...

It sounds wonderful.

Run!

Get the king!

What are you...

Heed, ill-mannered rogues!

Stand ye before me and meet your fate for your insolence!

I knew bringin' him was gonna be a bad idea.

Yes, you highway vermin!

Unhand me! I wish to address them!

Those are slave traders.

If they catch us, they could sell us into slavery.

Don't waste your time looking for them. We'll find them soon enough.

My queen, a word.

Wait for me in my chambers.

My lord! This is unwise.

I cannot go on without confessing my love for you.

I love Arthur.

I love him, too. That's why this is so difficult.

Tell me you feel nothing for me and I will away.

You know already. This cannot be.

Why, out of the whole kingdom, must it be you?

Passion knows no reason.

If it were only passion, I could banish it from my mind.

But it is deep within my heart.

Kiss me this once that I may know it and never again.

If I should kiss you once, I would never stop.

You both have got to learn to cringe.

I don't want to cringe! - Well, neither do your people.

Then why do they? - Because it's the king's law!

And if they don't cringe, they're whipped or beaten or whatever.

That's what'll happen to us unless you both start cringing.

Then why didn't you say so? - I thought it was obvious.

What, are you tiptoein'?

You're strutting. - I'm what?

It should be like this.

Here come the pot callin' the kettle black.

My people, where I come from,

at one time in their lives, had to cringe.

So let me demonstrate. You'll follow.

Head down. Knees bent.

Shoulders hunched. Hands in front.

Then you scurry around like you got somewhere to go real fast.

She looks like a crippled goat.

I heard that.

Now, say somebody's comin'. Jump to the side of the road!

Got you, didn't I? Did everybody jump?

I was... - Were you late?

Not at all. No. - Your Majesty, you were late.

That is really beautiful.

You call this pile of stones beautiful?

Yeah. I mean, it's not as nice as Camelot, but it's...

Never!

Well, nothing surpasses Camelot.

This place is ill-governed, overpopulated, without order, a blot on the landscape...

A beautiful place?

Did I know he was gonna go off like that? I just said the thing was pretty.

Come on. Don't mention it again. - I just said the thing was pretty.

So in this musical, why do Lancelot and Guinevere throw me a party?

There they are! Seize them!

Look! It's him! It's the highway rogue!

Unhand me, you brigand. I am the...

Don't say it! These are sheriffs men. We'll burn for mocking the king.

Let go, I say! - Take them to the slave market!

I demand you desist!

Don't say anything else. You'll make it worse.

Why do they treat us so? We are supposed to be freemen, not criminals.

We are worse than criminals. We are slaves now.

But even so, we've done them no harm.

If you show mercy to a slave, it would mean you were once a slave yourself.

It's probably more king's law.

It is indeed my law, meant to maintain order among the lowborn.

But it... it is a heartless law.

What are you doin'?

Touch me and I'll tear your throat out!

We'll see what kind of threats you make after three days without food and water.

To the dungeon!

What's that you've got?

Sir Boss...

Go hide.

Master!

Master! Master! They're escaping!

What are they talking about?

If any one of these slaves attempts to escape,

all the others have to hang with them as well.

It is the... - King's law. I know. Come on.

Master! Seize them or owe your life!

Run for it, boy!

Get word to Lancelot! Make haste!

Go!

Over there.

Perhaps the king is...

not worth saving.

How could I have been so blind to the life of my people, Vivian?

Utterly blind.

It's not so much that as just out of touch.

But I had such dreams for my kingdom.

How could I have gone so wrong?

You just needed to be brought down to earth.

Yes, but this far?

I'm sure the kid is gonna get through.

Oh, the lad. I have no doubt about him.

But...

Lancelot... I'm not so sure about his heart.

Or Guinevere's.

You know, Arthur,

I come from a time in the future where wondrous

and magical events take place.

I saw a man walk on the moon.

Yeah.

I've seen the best face and the worst face of humankind.

You know what seems to get us through?

Hope.

'Cause somehow we believe if we give people the tools

like love and honour and loyalty and forgiveness,

they can make their lives better.

This concept came from a place called Camelot,

of which you were the architect.

It's gonna be all right.

You must save him! You need ride forth on the hour!

There isn't a moment to spare! - We should simply take you at your word

and rush pell-mell into who knows what trap?

A trap, Your Highness? - This sorceress you serve

has brought nothing but trouble to Camelot from the dark day she arrived.

And if the king's very life hangs by a thread, as you say,

how do we know it is not her doing?

How do we know you have not come to lure great Lancelot to his death

so that none may oppose her in her ambitions?

I swear to you, Your Highness, every word I speak is simple truth!

Do you take me for a fool? - Leave us!

What if he speaks the truth?

Would the great knight Arthur,

warrior amongst warriors, dress himself as a peasant

and allow himself to be hung as a slave?

No, this cannot be true.

And if it is true, then he is most surely bewitched.

I must go to him. I am honour-bound!

You are honour-bound to protect Camelot!

Even if it be from the king himself.

Would you surrender this kingdom to a sorceress

who rules the mind of your king?

I shall send help to him.

And what if the king they rescue is no longer the man we both love?

You speak of love,

but I fear it may not be love for your king which speaks the loudest.

And if it is not?

Clarence, where have you been?

Where is Sir Boss? What's happened?

This armour won't fit you. - Sir Boss has been arrested.

Along with the king. They will hang this day, and I am their last hope.

You? But what can you do?

I'm not sure.

But I know I will die in the attempt if need be.

I may never see your sweet face again, Sandy.

Know that if I die this day, it was with your name on my lips.

I love you.

I love you, too, Clarence.

Pray, Sandy. Pray for Sir Boss and the king.

I will pray for you, my beloved.

Sir Boss, this is not looking promising.

I think that's putting it lightly, Your Highness.

Can't you blot out the sun again?

I wish.

Unfortunately, it was a once-in-a-lifetime enchantment.

Then all that's left for us is to die with dignity.

What are you talking about? I told you about the future.

The story does not end this way. I hope.

Look out!

Throw it!

Throw it! Throw it! Throw it! Throw the stick!

I have never seen people run that fast in my life!

Even the horse left!

Nobly done.

Way to go, Clarence.

So, like, you gonna cut us down?

Bravely done. Thank you.

Watch the hair! Thank you.

I feared I would not be in time.

It's a miracle you were. Another minute, and...

Ever since I've been here, it's been one miracle after another.

Come.

It is the age of miracles, is it not?

Did you hear that? - I hear nothing.

Come. Let us hasten back to Camelot. I have work to do.

All right.

Oh, look!

Come, I say!

That noose was tight.

My lords,

I am in receipt of dire news.

Some days ago, the king left Camelot to go adventuring

under the influence of the mad witch, Sir Boss.

I have now been told that the king is dead.

Hanged as a common brigand under her evil spell.

And to lose such a man!

What have we done?

We must carry this through, now.

We must remember us all in our grief and desolation

that the sun never sets but rises again.

Long live the king! - Long live the king!

The reports of my death...

..are greatly exaggerated.

My lord?

My lord, my heart is filled with joy that you are safe.

Long live Arthur, King of the Angles!

This is my queen.

Who I love

with all my heart.

And this is Lancelot...

who I also love.

They have fought dragons this day, as I have,

and have been saved by God,

as I have been saved from ignorance by Sir Boss.

And from death

by this young man.

Oh, I have learned much in my brief excursion as an ordinary freman.

Indeed, the scales have fallen from my eyes.

It was Sir Boss who showed me

that we must all turn our thoughts to the suffering of our people

who look to us each and every day in the hope that their burden might be eased.

If we could do but this,

what a kingdom Camelot would be.

And now...

Clarence, stand before me.

This lad is a page at court in the service of Sir Boss.

Though he be common-born, he hath a prince's bearing

and a lion's heart

and a son's loyalty.

If I had a son of my own, I could not love him more than I love thee.

Son of my soul.

He has served his king well, and he shall have his reward.

Kneel, Clarence.

I, Arthur, king of all the Angles,

of... England,

in the sight of God and men,

dub thee worthy knight of Camelot.

Arise, Sir Clarence.

Thanks.

I would have one more favour to ask you, my noble lord.

Anything within my power, my noble knight.

Sandy.

This woman means more to me than all the titles in the land.

This is Sandy, whom I love. Would you consent to our marriage?

If she is worthy in your eyes, then she is worthy in ours.

Bring food, bring drink, play music.

King Arthur is back on his throne!

Your Highness, forgive me.

Please, not the house band, 'cause they're really bad.

Let me go get my music.

Thank you so much.

I'd like to show you a little tradition

that we have in my country when we're celebrating.

And this is a celebration. And it goes like this.

♪ Come on, baby ♪

No, it's okay. Come on. ♪ - Let's do the twist ♪

Come on, Guinnie. Come on, Arthur.

♪ Come on, baby ♪

♪ Let's do the twist ♪ - Come on, you guys.

♪ Take me by my little hand ♪ - Move your hands.

♪ And go like this ♪ - Come here, you.

Left, right, left. - Ah, I see.

♪ Baby, twist, ooh ♪ - Come on, girl.

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Just like this ♪

Go, Lance!

Is this a musical?

Okay. Looking good!

Put your hands up in the air!

Roll them around.

♪ Twistin', twistin', twistin' ♪

Can you get low? Come on. Bend those knees.

♪ Come on and twist ♪

There you go. Now get back up if you can.

♪ Twist, ooh ♪

That's called the Swim.

Like this? - Just like this.

Pony!

Merle, what's up?

It is time. - For what?

You!

Am I really back?

Oh, yes. - Why?

Why? I had so much I wanted to do.

I wanted to make canals. I wanted to make flushing toilets.

Too soon. Much too soon.

But, thanks to you, Arthur became the king

who set the world on the long road to freedom.

And freemen will bring new light to the world.

The Dark Ages will be over.

You orchestrated all of this, didn't you?

And what about you?

What did you know about honour, about loyalty,

about pride or courage before you came to Camelot?

Does that mean I'll never see them again? Will they even remember I was there?

I'm sorry. No.

But they all lived happily ever after.

More or less.

Where...

Where are you goin'?

Here.

Look, can I... come with you?

Well, now, I could use an apprentice.

No pointy hat?

No pointy hat.

Cool.

Where do you want to go? - Where do I want to go?

I want to go everywhere! I want to meet Einstein.

I want to meet Nostradamus, Caesar and Cleopatra, George Washington Carver...

DVD-Rip and proofreading: Studio Jeiznet © 2026