Original subtitles

What is that, like a tripod?

Yeah, it came with a tripod.

Okay, say what your name is, where we are, what you do.

My name is Chris Carlisle. We're in Santiago, Chile, and I'm a big shot in

the CIA, and I'm cross-eyed. And can you say where you're a veteran of?

Say what I'm a what?

What are you doing?

Oh, God damn it. Wiping a smudge.

A smudge. Say what I'm a what?

A veteran of.

Where are you a veteran of?

I'm a veteran of Guatemala, 1954,

success.

Congo, 1960, success.

Bay of Pigs, 1961, less successful.

Where else?

Dallas, 63.

Well, the less sad about that on camera, the better, right?

Having said that... And do you like your work?

What is it, honestly?

Do I like my work? Just say, I'm testing the sound.

I used to.

Why don't you now?

You get old.

You start to, I don't know, question shit, regret shit.

What do you regret?

Do you get moths in your place?

Moths? Me?

Nah. Lots?

Nah. I've been escorting them outside.

You've been escorting the moths outside?

I don't want to kill them, but nor do I want holes in all my stuff. So, yeah,

I've been escorting them into a window.

We've been here in Chile, what, a year?

Since he got elected?

That's a lot of moths.

You should keep mothballs, maybe.

I feel bad when I'm outside in this.

Rain. I don't know how they cope with the rain.

Probably drown or some shit.

Sometimes I feel like I care more about the moths of Chile than I do about the

people of Chile.

You care about the people.

Sometimes I wish people, right?

Hey, Chris.

Oh, hi, MJ.

Just wanted to wish you a great trip.

You wish a what?

A great trip. You reached our island trip.

Handshakes, right?

What? I'm wishing you a bon voyage. You don't have to make a big fucking thing

about it. We're going to be back in a week, man. So bon voyage for a fucking

week. Fucking handshakes.

I didn't even want to wish you a bon fucking voyage. He made me wish you a

bon fucking voyage.

And I retract the fucking handshake, too.

Retract this.

What's the matter with you?

What is the matter with you? What, are you late?

He just wanted to say have a nice trip.

Why do you have to be such a fucking hard ass all the time? Fuck him.

Fuck him.

Easter Island boy.

The heads, you know what I hope?

I hope they're going to be extraordinarily mysterious.

It's actually called Rapa Nui.

How's that, miss?

Easter Island.

Its indigenous name is Rapa Nui.

Oh, and what is this?

You shouldn't even know the word indigenous at your age.

We are going to Easter Island, all right?

Indigenous. Okay.

Girls, can I ask you something?

How do you like your new president?

Your new left-wing president.

What did I say about before, Chris? Yes, we like him. Everybody likes him. Not

everybody. That wouldn't be true.

Well, enjoy him while you can, ladies.

And what's that supposed to mean, enjoy him while you can?

No, I'm saying nothing.

I'm just saying enjoy him while you can, that's all.

And who the fuck are you? The CIA?

We are the CIA, actually. We're totally the CIA. We're not the CIA, obviously.

Yes, we are, I swear. He's just being shy. We came down here to destabilize

your democracy, and it is going great.

So we decided to take a little side trip to Easter Island.

And see the big cat. How about we board the fucking airplane, Chris?

The girls don't believe me about destabilizing their democracy thing.

Of course they don't, because it isn't true.

Your country's going to get fucked. Your country's going to be absolutely fine.

I'm going to keep saying that kind of stuff.

What kind of stuff?

Destabilizing their democracy.

of stuff i was just chatting to the girls who kill joy there was some hot

girls shut the up how about you shut the up about everything shut the up just

everything you you're always eating how come you never get fat i mean you never

stop eating i stop eating yeah if you're sleeping or if you're shooting a guy hey

chris go on an airplane all right shut the up Don't pull rank on me, all right?

I was killing people before you were even born. Fuck me. Shut the fuck up.

Fucking shut the fuck up. I've killed people in countries you can't even

spell. Why don't you shut your mouth in a fucking airplane?

I'm trying to. You keep annoying me.

Countries I can't even spell. Name one country you killed someone in that I

can't spell. One.

One. Go ahead.

Czechoslovakia.

You never killed anyone in Czechoslovakia. I can't spell it.

We'll never know now.

We'll never know.

You're an asshole.

Huh?

Where are we flying to?

We're flying Easter Island. What are you talking about?

Oh, yeah. I got distracted by pretty girls.

This is my island in the sun.

Where my people have toiled since time begun.

I may sail.

The shores will always be home to me.

Oh, island in the sun, built to

me by my father's hand.

All my days I will sing in praise of your forest

waters, your shining sun.

As morning breaks, the heavens are calling.

Sir, can you direct us which way to the nearest big head?

We're not going to the heads now. We just got here. We're going to the hotel

now. All right. Well, let's go by your schedule. Let's do everything your way.

Traveling with a yoke on?

Oh, no.

You wish.

Yeah. Do you think they are wild?

They look wild. They seem wild.

I like wild horses in a place.

I like that.

I've been thinking about writing my memoirs.

That's four times you've told me that, Chris. Remember when I told you the

first time?

What?

How are you going to write your memoirs when you can't remember anything?

Well, don't you think that writing my memoirs would help with that whole

memory gap shit? Well, I'm sure MJ won't be very happy about you getting all that

secret stuff down on paper.

Fuck that junkie.

Junkie? What are you talking about? He's a junkie.

MJ's the head of the entire South American operation.

You don't get to be the head of the entire South American operation at the

CIA if you're a junkie. Oh, you're so naive.

What evidence you got? Remember that time he fell asleep in the middle of

that meeting that time?

That's your evidence sleeping?

I never fell asleep in a meeting, did you?

His wife gave birth the night before. He'd been up for 48 hours.

Yeah, right.

Did we ever actually see the baby?

Yes, we saw the baby many times. We saw the baby.

If I recall, you held the baby.

And did you notice he always wears long-sleeved shirts even when it's warm?

Jack Marks, junkie.

Wow.

You're a piece of work.

Senor Carlson, you'll be staying here in number nine.

And Senor Chesterfield, here in number ten.

What, we ain't gonna bunk together?

No, do you want to bunk together?

No, no, let's do it your way.

It ain't doing it my way, it's doing it the way we always do.

Hey, I ain't gonna get into a fucking fight about it.

Mr. Chesterfield, you've had two telephone calls from Mrs.

Chesterfield.

Is that Jay?

Hey. Is the line secure?

Yeah, I just cleaned it.

What's going on? Is Chris there with you?

No, he's next door. Because we hear he's been acting problematic again.

Problematic? No, he's acting the same exact pain in the ass he's always acted.

No. Because we overheard he was acting problematic at the airport.

Who told you that? You.

Hungry?

Has he said anything more about this memoir shit?

Because that would be a major fucking mistake.

What's that, a threat?

You can take it any way you fucking want.

Oh, really?

Yeah, really.

Well, how about you take it and you shove it up your flappy little ass? How

about that?

Who was that, your mom?

My what?

Your mom.

MJ. It was MJ.

MJ.

Desmond, what's that dope head one?

Hey, Chris, can we just keep a little bit of a low profile while we're here?

Can we just have a nice time and go see the heads and not say or do anything

that'll reveal anything that we don't want revealed?

What else are we going to do?

I.e., we're not in the CIA. We are not here to destabilize anything, and we

like the president they already got.

How about that?

You're telling me? Yes, I am telling you. I'm totally telling you.

Hey, the girls from the airport, do you think they're staying here, too?

Well, if they are, you know what we're doing, right?

We are zipping it.

Oh, they're just sitting over there. I wish they were sitting over here instead

of these guys.

No, I'm just kidding.

Where are you guys from? Um, the UK.

Ah, the UK.

Well, I was always on Ireland's side, but that's just me.

Have you guys seen the big heads yet?

They're called Moai?

What's that?

No, their indigenous name is Moai.

The heads.

Another one of the indigenous.

We're getting him from all angles. Are you explaining it to us?

No, I'm not explaining it. It's just that name.

Are you a professor?

Are you a professor?

Well,

how about you shut the fuck up about the indigenous and we'll call the big heads

whatever the fuck we want.

How about that?

Yeah?

This mess.

My, my.

God.

I've been here an hour and it's already a mess.

What am I, a candid camera?

One of the good things about morphine is even when your best friend is whining

like a bitch, it all just sounds like Christmas with all the trimmings.

What a Christmas year with all the trimmings. I always thought I would have

liked a girlfriend who did heroin with you.

They sleep a lot. They're quiet.

They have a goal in life.

Some more heroin.

Whereas boozers like your wife... I see where you're heading with this. I see

Christmas didn't last long. They always want to go out. They never shut up.

They always want to fuck other people. Hey, hey.

She did that once, all right?

So... Uh, twice, if we're counting.

And didn't she sleep with a clown one time?

Like an actual clown, uh, with the shoes?

That was a one-night-stand guy, and he was a former clown, all right?

There were no shoes involved.

Balloons.

You're a real comedian, aren't you?

My point being that in our line of work, which is to a degree secretive, maybe a

drunk wife who fucks clowns is in the ballpark of the security risk.

Hmm. This from a guy who just told two left-wing student girls in an airport

the only reason we're down here is to destabilize their fucking democracy. So,

you know, enough with the genius spy shit.

I did do that. And you know what? That was wrong.

Because that was never going to get explained.

You know what I've come to realize?

Morphine is wonderful.

Okay, I'm going to hold on to the morphine. All right, so make a note to

yourself.

If you need to make a note to yourself, okay?

I can't wait to see the heads, can you?

Like at this moment, we still have not...

Yeah.

Surprise is the cornerstone of a good memoir.

I've actually been thinking a lot lately about the dinosaurs, and did the

dinosaurs have souls?

And if they did have souls, would the good dinosaurs get into heaven? Because

if they didn't, wait, aren't we going to be surprised we get to heaven and

there's a lot of dinosaurs there?

That'd be a really good heaven, actually.

So we're going to start dinosaurs.

They're the ones who are going to be expecting that.

Make me expecting the CIA stuff.

Don't mind if I do.

I just go crazy at buffets. Look at this. What a fucking pig.

All the way to Easter Island and what do we get?

Kraft cheese slices.

You only have to taste American cheeses once to understand why we lost Vietnam.

Even the gay countries have nicer cheeses.

Which are the gay countries?

Switzerland. Oh, France, the gay countries.

I didn't know Holland was gay. Oh, it's way gay.

Despite the Edam, Gouda, Beamster, Leardom.

I didn't know there was a correlation between gay and cheeses.

No correlation. Russia?

Not a gay country. Not one single good fucking cheese.

You know what Russia's got instead of cheese? What?

Cabbage. Wow.

England, gay as hell, you had some surprisingly nice cheeses.

You got your cheddar, you got your red Leicester, if you like blue, you got

your Shropshire blue.

So what you're saying is most of the major Western democracies are gay and

have nice cheeses?

Democracy leads to gay, leads to cheeses.

I did not know that. Well, it's actually official.

Does Chili have a nice cheese?

Chili had the potential for a nice cheese until me and you showed up and

said they're gonna have whatever fucking cheese we tell them to have. It's gonna

look a lot like this.

Is this another one of your things to make me look stupid? Maybe.

Uh, Molotov. They invented the Molotov cocktail.

No, stupid.

Finland invented the Molotov cocktail. Finland?

The whole of Finland?

Molotov was one of Stalin's guys who sent the tanks into Finland. Finland

said, I don't think so, bitch.

Here's a new invention we just invented.

Boom. The Molotov cocktail.

Is that true?

I did not know that.

Talking of bombs, do you know how the IRA come up with their new bombs last

year? Me?

You didn't teach the IRA how to make bombs, man. The Irish have been making

bombs for fucking centuries.

Not good ones.

Why do you just lie all the time with the lies?

Here's a quick tip for when you're making a bomb in Ireland.

Whatever you got it hidden in.

cookie tin or whatever.

Stick a photo on the outside if it does.

Confusing. Like, I don't know, a photo of a dwarf carrying a basketball.

Something in common.

Dwarves don't play basketball.

The British soldier, he picks up the cookie tin and just as he's thinking,

Is there a photo of a... ...carrot fucking... You

got one dead British guy.

What? Don't look for carrot present.

Get the fuck outta here.

first big heads.

They're actually called Moai.

So I started buying memoirs, but so far they're all about dinosaurs.

Dinosaurs?

Did you say dinosaurs?

How do dinosaurs come into a memoir?

I guess if it's going to touch on the nature of regret and souls and heaven,

then I got to wondering, well, that beat dinosaurs in heaven because they were

not bad.

Right. Didn't they have, like, vegetarian dinosaurs?

Ain't no dinosaurs in heaven, Chris. I guarantee it.

Well, how about moths? Moths?

Shit me. Give me a break.

Heaven's just humans. You're the fucking Catholic.

You think any Nazis will make it into heaven?

Oof. I often worry about that. Right.

That'd be tough to take. You think the Jews are pissed now?

I guess if a Nazi jumped on a hand grenade to protect his mom or something.

That guy got in and the moths didn't. What?

Hey, I don't like to host.

No host.

It's just hoping there'd be moths there.

What are you talking about putting a good word? You're going to heaven,

Chris.

This whole country is going to be free if not for you.

Guatemala?

Indonesia?

That place in Africa. I can never remember the name of it.

Sure, you killed some people. They were so fucking wild. Right. And if that Nazi

handling guy got him. Exactly.

Way better than that guy. Like a hundred times better.

A hundred times better.

These heads aren't as aloof and mysterious as this morning's heads.

These heads, they let one of the local retarded guys carve these heads. They

thought, how wrong can it go?

These are like the five ugly sisters of the big head world, and then they

brought along a dwarf. Did you get the dwarf?

I got the dwarf. One sister got half her head cut off in a sword fight, and

another one brought along a dwarf.

I feel like at one time or another, I've dated every single one of these girls.

Except for the dwarf.

I never dated a dwarf.

I always wanted to, but... But I guess I just never got out the

courage. You understand it is a sacred site, right?

Oh, no. Is it bad to film them? We didn't know.

No, it isn't bad to film them. No, it's bad to compare them to a dwarf you'd

like to fuck.

No, it was just the one on the end. Yeah.

Why do you even come to a place like this if you're just going to make fun of

it? Why?

We didn't mean to. We just got carried away.

You and your stupid camera. You never used to be on your camera all the time.

It wasn't the camera that was the issue. It was the dwarf shit.

Oh, can I get the car keys for later?

Uh, okay.

How come you get to control the car keys?

It's our rental car, isn't it? I never said it wasn't our rental car. Where are

you going to go? Where am I going to go?

Where am I going to go in our rental car?

Out is where I'm going to go, an hour rental car. I'll have the morphine too,

come to think of it. How come you get to control the morphine? Because you'll

forget how much fucking morphine you've taken, and you'll fucking die.

It's how come I get to control the morphine. Here, have a fucking overdose,

why don't you? Yeah, my overdose, not your overdose. My overdose.

What would my cancer say if it was narrating it?

Woke up.

My cancer has a lisp.

Woke up somewhat bigger than yesterday.

So why am I so fat?

Is it because when Chris died, I died?

Why do I keep biting the hand that feeds me like a stupid fucking idiot?

Every single time.

My poor cancer getting all sad.

Well, cancer does too. We forget that.

Does cancer have a heaven?

What should heaven then be?

Hello. So how's Easter fucking Island, big shot?

It's great, Marge. They got all these big stone heads here.

They remind me of you, actually, except they're quiet.

I know they got big heads there. What am I, an idiot?

Chile wasn't far enough away, huh?

You had to go even further away?

Yeah, I actually asked if they could put me on a spaceship to get me even further

away from you, but there wasn't room, so Easter Island was next furthest. I

stopped listening in the middle of that. Was it funny?

How are the kids?

Oh, who cares?

So anyway, I kind of accidentally slept with that lawyer guy again.

I guess I should just be grateful it wasn't the clown guy, right?

Oh, it's always the fucking clown guy with you. He was a former clown, all

right? And I haven't seen that guy in months.

You said it was a one-night stand.

Yeah, one or two.

You drove me to it anyway.

Jesus Christ. How the hell did I drive you to fuck a fucking clown, man?

What I said was I could turn a blind eye if you slept with a woman one time,

because I know that isn't something I can give you. Not once did I say...

Fuck a clown.

A woman, a clown, whatever.

What were you calling about anyway, Marge? Fucking another idiot?

No. I think the house got broken yesterday.

Nothing got stolen.

Nothing even got touched, really. It just felt like everything was much

tidier. Didn't the Manson family used to do that kind of thing?

Break in and tidy?

No. Break in and creepy crawl around.

Break out again.

Once or twice they did that. They're more famous for not doing that.

You used to remind me of Charles Manson sometimes, you know that?

Oh, fuck me.

Remember those times they'd break up and you'd just be staring at me?

I don't remember ever staring at you, Marge. That must have been some other

clown. Well, it was somebody.

It wouldn't have been your people, would it?

Breaking in?

Why would they do that?

The fuck should I know?

How's Chris anyway?

He's all right.

He's all right?

Well, no, he's fucked.

Oh.

Is he in a lot of pain?

He doesn't say he is.

But he is.

And is he still forgetting shit?

He's forgetting shit. He's saying stuff he ain't supposed to be saying.

People he ain't supposed to be saying it to.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, right?

I don't think he even remembers he asked me to kill him.

Oh, shit, Mike.

That's what woke me up.

So what are you going to do?

What can I do?

Can't do nothing either way, can I? I'm just stuck.

Well, I hope I'll see you soon.

Both of you, actually.

That ain't gonna happen, is it?

Not in this life.

Poor Chris.

There's something I want to talk to you about, but it's slightly momentous. I

like momentous.

I was thinking when we're on Easter Island

next month, after we've seen the head, I was thinking maybe I could give you some

kind of pre-ring signal or code word, and I was thinking...

You could take me out.

Take you out? As in

take you out, like in a sense of... Like you should be in the head on Insur

Island.

Yeah, that's what I was worried you meant.

Yeah.

Can't you shoot yourself in your own head?

Nah.

Nah? Just nah?

You know I'm a Catholic shit. I know, but Jesus fucking Christ.

I don't want to risk going to hell at the very last second.

And I prefer to be in the hands of someone I care about and someone

professional. I don't want to.

Half my skull left hanging off. I'm gurgling in a hospital another eight

weeks.

Fuck me, Chris.

I'm not right.

It's sad.

Anyway, it takes some time to think about it.

It's a big thing to ask.

But what are your initial thoughts?

Chris, I mean, I... Well, it'd

be good to get away with it, obviously.

Easy. We do. It's not easy, no.

We do it somewhere where there's no one around.

Like a hill or a clump of trees.

We do the prearranged code word, boom.

You wipe the handle, put the gun in my hand, I'll have the suicide note already

on me. Et voila.

Et voila.

Wow. He really thought this through.

And it's Easter Island. What are they going to have on Easter Island? Homicide

squad? No.

Jesus Christ.

I hate asking.

We gotta do technical things for the greater good, right? We love

that.

Sorry.

Yeah.

What's the... What's the prearranged code word?

I don't know. I have to prearrange it.

How about Arkansas?

Arkansas is good, yeah. That's why Arkansas.

Because nobody ever accidentally says it or ever thinks about it or would ever

want to go there.

So.

Still here.

Still here.

Jesus fucking Christ!

What the fuck are you doing in my room?

This is your room?

shit out of me.

I should probably telephone my brother sometime.

I haven't spoken to him in years.

He hit me with a potato one time.

We never spoke again after that.

After the potato? When was the potato?

November 63.

November 63?

Did it have anything to do with the county assassination?

How could a potato have anything to do with the Kennedy assassination?

The timing, the argument.

No, he was just a dick.

He was a musician, actually.

One of those peace and love, hippy-dippy types.

Yeah, peace and love, and then he hits you with a potato.

You're right.

Ditchbag.

Still, I should probably call him.

Just to say goodbye.

How was your night, anyway? What'd you get up to?

Just drove around.

Saw a horse.

Saw some heads.

And a thing we've been for.

Sometimes I think I should have read out more on the history of the places I

arrived in before I arrived in the Congo and Africa.

For instance, the Belgian army had already got hold of President Lumumba

the week before. He'd just been elected or whatever.

So I flew in to take a view, a dim view, as it turned out. Although I

liked Lumumba.

I liked Patrice.

But the Belgians had a whole history with that country since slave trade

time. So what are you going to do?

You know, let him go.

Mostly I remember his little reading glasses and how light the bag was that

they carried him away in.

The night before they shot him, he said, Chris, don't you know that if you kill

me, you will be killing democracy in Africa for the next 50 years?

I said, Patrice, what do you think we're trying to do?

And I regret saying that because he got sad that it was probably one of the last

things he ever heard. But it's easy to think these things in retrospect.

The big thing I learned since November is no one ever remembers the names of

the black persons you helped kill.

But you kill one white one, the whole fucking world goes crazy.

Hello. Hey.

We feel as though you're not staying as close to him as you said you would.

He's never out of my sight. What are you talking about?

And you were with him when he shot up the car last night.

Uh, no, I must have missed that.

Yes, you must have.

Has anybody... Has anybody heard?

No, no, it was just a minor diplomatic incident.

Is there anything further on this memoir thing?

Well, he's writing it.

He is writing it. I see.

Except the first chapters are about the dinosaurs, so I think it could take

quite some time.

How do dinosaurs come into a fucking memoir?

That's what I said.

So he isn't up to Dallas yet?

Dallas? No.

Unless Kennedy gets shot by a Diplodocus.

You don't seem to be taking any of this very seriously.

I know, right?

Why are you being such a stupid little cunt?

How much of it have you read?

I haven't read any of it.

It's all an addictive phone, I think.

You'll need to start listening to it.

To his dinosaur shit?

No. Just the Dallas parts.

Do you ever get paranoid you're not being paranoid enough?

No. I'm always at the perfect level of paranoid.

Because I think we're being followed.

Uh-huh.

Is that why you shot up a car last night?

Did somebody say I shot up a car last night?

Yes. How are you going to believe that person?

That person.

Don't you think it'd be worthwhile to question why that person put that idea

in your head and what they stand to gain from it?

Absolutely. I also think you shot up a car last night. That's because I did

shoot up a car last night. You said you just drove around. I drove around and I

shot up a car. What are we, hippies now?

Better shake up, chump. I was being followed, all right? I was being

photographed. Who told you you're a junkie friend, MJ? No.

Yes. Oh, so MJ sent them. I don't know if he sent them. I just know he knows

you shot them up. Well, if he sent them, he's dead, too.

What the fuck are you talking about?

He's dead, too. We're on Easter fucking Island.

And you're 72 years old. You got a major fucking illness.

What's the matter if someone's taking photos of us? Wow.

When did you die and become the Arch Pussy Ferdinand?

And they weren't taking photos of us.

They were taking photos of me.

Okay. If I catch someone spying again on me, boy, they're fucking dead.

As we can see,

these are the beach big heads.

These heads, you come and see the heads, and then you can go to the beach.

I've got red hats.

Do you think it would seem pervy if I go talk to her?

Yeah, she's all alone, and you're really weird.

I'll go talk to her.

Oh, hi.

It's you.

Hi.

How are you liking the hotel?

The hotel's nice.

I'm not sure about some of the people in it, but the hotel's nice.

Those English people, right?

See?

Yes. Thank you.

What? Really?

Sorry, I was weird at the airport and at the ads.

I've been a little stressed because my son is autistic and

he's dying, unfortunately.

He's your son?

He doesn't seem like he's your son.

No? No. You're right, he doesn't. He's just a guy I work with.

And is he dying?

No.

He's not even autistic.

Are you dying?

Yeah.

I'm done.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Really?

Well, thanks.

Maybe in the time you've got left, you could... I don't know, just... try

not to lie so much?

This is the quarry where they used to carve them and track them to all the

other places on the island.

I can't see the whole island from here.

What are we even doing

here? It's all just a load of fucking heads.

You wanted to come here.

You wanted to see them. Well, we've seen them.

Don't you like them? Sure.

I like them, but once you've seen one big head, you've seen them all.

Okay, okay, okay.

What's better?

Was that girl mean to you?

She wasn't mean. I wish she was mean.

She's alive, and I'm leaving.

Oh, shit.

Hey, you remember anything about a conversation we had recently about

Arkansas?

Why the fuck would anybody ever have a conversation about Arkansas?

You asked me to kill you on Easter Island.

Arkansas was our code word for it.

When did we agree to this? A month ago. We just paid off all the Pinochet guys,

and you said Easter Island might be a good place to bow out.

You always wanted to see the heads and didn't want to be alone.

And with all your Catholic shit, I said, sure, I'd do it for you.

Do you remember that?

Some things ring a bell on Easter Island.

Yeah. I definitely said Easter Island.

Yeah, yeah.

Because I always wanted to go to Venice.

I always wanted to go to Venice, Italy. I've never been.

Well, you never mentioned anything to me about Venice, Italy.

I didn't? No, I didn't remember that. You only mentioned East Rhyme.

But how much time I got left if we don't...

You usually got like six months.

You got six months, six months to go.

On Easter fucking Island, though.

Are you sure?

Sure, I'm sure. That I didn't say anything about Venice, because I got

this thing in my head that before I die, I'd like to go to Venice, see the canals

and stuff, go on a gondola. I got nothing in my head about Easter Island,

like nothing.

Well, what the fuck am I supposed to do about it? If you'd said anything about

Venice, Italy, or dying in Venice, Italy, or wanting me to shoot you in the

head in Venice, Italy, maybe right now, we'd be in Venice, Italy, and I'd be

shooting you in the head.

Easter Island was the only place you mentioned.

I think I'd rather go to Venice.

I think part of your thinking was, apart from your having always wanted to see

the heads, well-ish.

I think part of your thing was, somewhere as remote and strange as East

Ireland, it'd be easier for me to get away with it. Also, we were already in

Santiago, so it has direct flights.

Venice is really far.

You'd have to change planes like five times.

Listen, I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but a lot of this sounds like

what you wanted to do. None of this is about what I wanted to do. None of this

is about what I wanted to fucking do.

I don't want to fucking be here, man.

You think I want to be here?

Well...

I'd like to go to Venice, Italy.

All right, let's go to Venice, Italy.

And I'll kill you in Venice, Italy. I'll throw you off a fucking boat.

A gondola.

Yeah. Not a boat.

What'd you say?

It's lonely here.

It'd be a lonely place to die here.

Don't you think?

I'm not trying to be difficult.

Yeah, man, it's lonely here. It's lonely everywhere.

If you're gonna die, right?

But they've got nice facilities there. They've only got big heads here.

Hey, man, listen, I'll do anything you want. I'll book the fine flights. I'll

do anything.

I just don't want to get to Venice, Italy and realize it was Easter Island

all the fucking long.

You'll be dead by then.

I'd like to die in Venice, Italy.

I'll get us a flight out of here tomorrow.

Nice. Maybe we head into town tonight and have ourselves a couple of drinks

for last night.

Oh.

Oh, what?

I would, but I said I'd meet that girl from the beach. There's a folk singer

playing in town. Don't you want to go see?

Oh, okay.

You don't mind, do you? It's only to take the car again.

Boy, you're in the mood now. I'm not in the mood.

Seems like you're in the mood. I'm not in a fucking mood.

Maybe you could come towards the F?

Did you book us a couple of flights to Venezuela?

Sometimes the young people say to me, Chris, on a day that was so momentous,

how come you hardly remember a fucking thing about it?

What they fail to realize is on most assassination days, things go real

speedy. The planning takes a while, the cop uniforms, the hobo outfits, the who

shoots from where, but the thing is sub 17 minutes max.

You know, you park the car, you hand him the rifle, you watch over

the fence.

The thing happens.

And you bag the rifle, you roll the car to the train tracks. You don't speed the

car, you roll the car.

You drop on the boxcar, you drive off with the gun.

17 minutes start to finish.

And then every year it's, where did you hide the rifle, Chris?

One, if you want to screw it right, cut the stock in two. You don't have to hide

it anywhere. You can keep it with you.

Where do they hide the rifle?

The Super 8, they should be worried about.

You'd think it was a pruder. It had a good angle.

I can still see it.

Yeah.

What's going to happen is you're going to collect all his memoir stuff.

I listen to it all, read it all, and then I want him gone by morning.

Yeah, first thing, we'll be on an airplane in the morning.

Oh, he ain't gonna be on the fucking island, Lee.

You better start paying some attention or he won't be the only one.

Is that supposed to scare me?

You think he should get to choose where he dies?

Jack Kennedy didn't, so fuck Chris.

Listen to the tapes, find out where the guns hid, do it in the morning.

What gun?

The Dallas fucking...

Man, you believe that shit?

Even if he survives the flights.

He'll be gone in a week. I'll check the tapes then.

No. I'll see you on Easter Island in the morning.

Okay. We'll be waving to you from the plane as we're taking off.

I guess you haven't spoken to your wife today?

I spoke to her yesterday.

Oh. That explains why you're so calm.

I'll see you on Easter Island in the morning.

It's coming up to like almost an hour.

An hour?

Jesus Christ.

I don't think an hour is anything to worry about, Marge.

They're 17.

They might be in detention.

You don't care. I've never fucking heard. The house dickhead got burgled,

all right?

There's a connection.

Well, what's been stolen?

Nothing, I don't think. But the whole house has been turned upside down.

And the whole garden's been dug up.

What kind of burglars dig up a garden?

Jimmy says it's junkies.

The junkies don't dig up your garden. What are they?

Gardening junkies?

What were they looking for?

Oh, wait.

Wait. What? What? What? What? What?

The kids.

They're walking up the path.

Phew.

Maybe they did have detention.

Yeah, maybe they did.

You fucking dits.

Jesus Christ. Are they in now?

There's a bag in the house, Lee.

Santiago office.

Put MJ on. It's urgent. Who's calling, please?

It's Lee fucking Chesterfield, Danny. Put MJ on. MJ isn't in the office at the

moment, and we're not sure when he'll be back.

Put MJ on, you dumb Iowa cunt.

As I say, MJ isn't in the office at the moment, and you better fucking watch

yourself, Chesterfield.

Don't you like me anymore?

Have you heard something?

Thank you.

She insisted.

Thank you.

What happened to your arm? Did you punch a girl?

Yes, a bunch of fatties like you.

Girl punch though, I'm sure he's fine.

How did you guys meet anyway?

At a march for women's equality.

And did you get it?

Get what?

The women's equality?

Of course not. It was a march.

I would think if you're not going to get the thing you're marching for, you may

as well just stay in bed.

So we should all just stay home, stay quiet, and never protest.

Is that it?

I just don't think marches ever scared anybody.

The people you're marching against aren't going to change until there is a

likelihood they're going to get shot in the head by some fucking wacko. Shooting

people changes stuff.

Marches are just the places where we can get the cleanest photos of you without

you knowing.

Do you want to die tonight?

Did MJ send you?

What are you looking for?

A tape machine and a big gun.

Was a tape machine and a big gun worth your life?

I bet you never booked those flights that bad. I see that, did you?

Well don't you think you should go and do that So I don't have to kill you

Do you like him?

I do like him.

He's on a lot of our lists, actually.

Lists?

How do you mean?

Listen, you think it's crazy.

I don't think you guys should go back to Santiago.

What are you talking about?

We live there. We study there. But I just don't think you should go back

there.

He says we shouldn't go back to Santiago.

That sounds interesting.

Go on.

I've been reading up a lot about your president, Allende, and he does seem

like a nice fellow.

he's the first democratically elected marxist ever i know right unfortunately

he's gonna be dead by september yeah

september the 11th i think and after that the army is gonna take over and

it's gonna get really bad so i was thinking yeah uh you guys should maybe

move somewhere else

Hey, listen. Hey. I was just telling girls about Chile in September.

Hey, what about Chile in September? You know, all the military coup stuff.

Oh, all right.

Well, long story short, from September, there won't be

any more marches or any protests or anything because of all of you.

All the students, all the journalists, all the trade unions.

All the folk singers.

All the folk singers.

You're all going to be rounded up and you're all going to be taken to the

Santiago soccer stadium.

And all of you are going to be tortured in there.

All of you. And a lot of you are going to die in there.

A lot of you.

So, yeah.

I was thinking, if you want to avoid all that stuff, you guys should maybe move

somewhere else.

Why are you saying all this?

You asked me to stop lying, so I stopped lying.

I hope you guys...

Just don't ever let them get you in a car.

You fight, you die in the street.

You don't ever let them get you in a car.

MJ's coming in the morning.

Who are they?

They're holding Marge and the kids.

Oh, yeah. What?

I think they think you've sent me something for safekeeping.

Like what?

I don't know. A rifle, maybe.

A rifle?

That's weird.

Did you book our flights to Venice? No, I didn't book our fucking flights to

Venice. You don't sound very concerned about my wife and kids, Chris. You know

they come at you through your loved ones, don't they? The trick is, don't

sweat it.

Why didn't you book them flights? I asked the fucking receptionist to do it.

She's in cahoots with MJ, too.

Cahoots? Yes, cahoots.

Cahoots? Cahoots.

That's right, cahoots, motherfucker.

Cahoots.

Chris, you got a bomb in your room.

What? A bomb in your room.

Why would I have a bomb in my fucking room?

That sounds dangerous. When I put a gun to the head of the receptionist, she

said she thought she saw a bomb in your room. And you said she's in cahoots with

MJ, so?

Mr. Chesterfield, you will fly to Venice.

You will fly to Santiago in the morning at 11 o'clock. Then from Santiago, you

leave for Sao Paulo on to Frankfurt.

And then from Frankfurt, you leave to...

Roam for Michino. That's nice.

Very well done.

Do you expect us to believe this shit?

What shit?

This shit!

This shit!

This shit!

It's an itinerary.

It's bullshit!

No, that's great, Rosa. Thank you.

Also, did you say you found a bomb in my room?

Is this a joke?

Of course. Of course it's a joke.

Who would bring a bomb to a hotel?

I like that receptionist.

Very trustworthy.

You and your burgers.

Remember that time in Saigon you killed that PC guy who was still eating a

cheeseburger?

What about it?

I always thought you could put your food down while you're killing a guy.

Smacks of a certain coldness.

I've killed eight people, Chris. You've killed 68 people.

We ain't talking about numbers. We're talking about eating German.

So I'm cold now? You can be cold, yeah.

You shoot John F. Kennedy in the head, and I'm cold?

I didn't shoot John F. Kennedy in the head.

Who says I shot John F. Kennedy in the head? I was just in the general area

when some other person shot John F. Kennedy in the head, so don't get fresh.

All right, listen up.

In the morning, I'm going to meet MJ off the airplane. I'm going to find out what

the fuck's going on with my wife. In the morning, I think we should meet MJ off

the airplane and kill him.

Why would we do that, Chris?

Why would we do that?

And how's that going to help with the Mars situation?

If there is a Mars situation?

Wow. It just feels slightly unusual, doesn't it? The CIA kidnapping a

CIA guy's wife and kids. I ain't putting it past them. We know what we're like.

I'm just saying it feels kind of random.

Well, let me just make it clear. We are not killing MJ at the airport.

I can kill MJ at the airport. Oh, when you kill MJ at the airport, you're not

the boss of me. I just think if we did it together, like in the old days, might

convince me of some stuff.

What stuff?

That you're on my side, not their side.

So me agreeing to come here and do this thing for you, like you asked,

that's a thing I'll never know.

Whether you're killing me because I asked you to or because they asked you

to. Now, I'll never know.

And you say I'm cold.

How about I just leave the island now and I'll leave you two to it. You and MJ

can go fuck each other. How's that sound?

I just wish I could die knowing I could trust you.

finger inside.

What the fuck kind of fucking time do you call this fucker?

Who is this?

It's Chris.

Chris who?

Andrew. What the fuck

do you want?

I just wanted to say hi.

After ten fucking years.

Fuck you, man.

I'm dying, Jim.

Oh, yeah.

When?

When?

Today, I think.

Oh, that's just... You've got some really accurate doctors out there.

Right.

Where do you go?

Same thing as mine.

You never should have killed him, Chris.

The whole country went to shit after that.

Our country was already shit.

They just didn't know it.

I'm going back to bed.

I'll see you, Jim.

Where are you calling from, anyway?

Venice.

I'm gonna go catch MJ and hopefully defuse some of this shit.

And maybe don't be around the hotel this morning.

Oh, hey, Alicia.

Hey. Oh, gosh.

It's warm, huh?

Your friend just gave away every detail of the coup.

The start date, the torture places, everything.

What did he tell?

Me and that student chick, Monica.

Oh, that's a shame.

But that's manageable, right?

Manageable how?

Manageable. I thought you said the other guy could be trusted.

Wait, he could be trusted?

What the fuck is this?

Everybody relax, will ya? For fuck's sake.

Open the fuck up, MJ.

What you doing waving your gun around at an airport like a fucking amateur?

Open the fucking door!

But you're gonna wait for us.

How about you open the fucking door first? Come on, open it up. It's all

right. Hey, keep your hair on. Don't open it. You calm down, too.

What the fuck?

Oh, I see.

It all falls into place now. Alicia, Lee, Lee, Alicia.

Is the other chick ours, too?

No, just this one.

Where's my wife, MJ?

She's fine. What are we, animals?

Well, she'll be fine if we all start acting a little bit professional. How

about we start by putting our guns away?

Thank you.

Where's Big Mouth?

All right, here's the deal, MJ. I'm going to go find him, and I'm going to

take him straight to the fleet out of here, and that way everything he's got

in his room, all his memoir stuff, everything, you can take all of it.

Just be careful of his briefcase with the photo of the dwarf on it. There's a

bomb in it.

Are you fucking... Are you kidding me?

Leave him! Shut up. Hey, whoa.

What the fuck? You're a fucking junkie? I ain't a fucking junkie. I just like

heroin.

What the fuck are you doing? Get out of my car!

Maybe you can't see the gun I have pointed at your spine.

My friend took my car, so I'm gonna have to ask you to drive me someplace.

But I'll miss my flight.

Then you'll miss your flight.

Drive to work.

Did you actually see the bomb in the briefcase?

No, I didn't actually see the actual bomb, no. Good, good.

Hey, that's great, actually.

That'll be where the rifle is.

How's even a CIA guy gonna get a bomb on a plane, man? Use your noggin.

Let's take your car. This one's making me sleepy.

You follow us in this car, honey.

Listen, Lee, you can go to Venice, you can do whatever you want, but your wife

will be dead by nightfall.

If the boys don't get a call from me to call her off, she'll be dead by

nightfall. So I guess it all depends on how much you like Chris and how much you

dislike your wife.

But I liked Chris.

He's the entire history of the CIA, man, but you already gave him his final wish,

right? You took him to see the heads.

You can't keep giving him a final wish.

That defeats the object of a final wish.

After Venice, it'll be the fucking pyramid, so no.

We'll go to where he is, and we'll get it done together, and we'll take the

first flight home.

And your wife and kids will be happy, and you'll be happy, and from what I've

heard, Chris will be happy.

And I know it's a sad situation, but life's sad.

Everything's sad.

Why did you tell us that last night?

They're going to kill us all?

No, just a few thousand.

How can we stop it?

The best thing would be to go back in time and vote for somebody else.

I thought I was done with all this.

For what?

Are you going to kill me?

What happened to your bare golden shield?

A stone flew up and hit it.

I see.

That's what Alicia said anyway. I wasn't with her. That's how she hurt her arm, I

think.

What? How long have you known each other? I thought you went way back.

Me and her?

No.

A month, maybe?

A month?

Your remarks for women's equality was a whole month ago and still nothing.

Fuck you.

Fuck me?

Yeah. Fuck you.

You want to know what you can do to stop it?

Whenever you see a guy in a uniform, any kind of a uniform, a soldier,

a cop, kill him.

Whenever you see a guy in a CIA suit and tie or a KGB suit and tie, kill

him.

And if you see a little kid who wants to join the army when he grows up because

he likes the camaraderie, he likes the boots, kill him.

Kill him as a child.

And you know what? You still won't stop him. There will always be more of him.

So what you do instead is find yourself a hut on the beach somewhere, somewhere

remote.

Keep your bag to the ocean and your eyes on the treeline and wait there with a

gun until they come for you.

You'll still die, but at least you'll die with the wind in your hair.

Just make sure you start shooting first.

That all sounds like a business team.

Let's take a... Shall we

go?

What happens now?

Do you like moths?

Moths?

I do.

Sure.

Except for all that flying into candles and stuff.

They always seem so doomed.

One of ours.

Hey. Is it really all true?

I'd better start checking out some beaches.

Beach is over for my presents.

Try and write a poem about a horse now.

My first ever poem.

I met a horse.

I met a horse.

It was, uh... It was very nice, the horse.

It made me a lot less scared about dying.

And that's the end of my horse poem.

That's probably why I don't write poems.

But he did.

It made me a lot less scared about dying.

What, are you in a fucking mood now?

I'm not in a mood.

Let me just talk to him alone, okay?

Fuck no.

What if he kills you first? Then I'll have to do it with just these fucking

bozos.

Can you help me?

It's still a garden.

Lo siento.

Let me go up to him alone, MJ.

Some of us liked him.

Some of us liked him.

Yeah, I know, but sometimes you gotta do a terrible thing for the greater good,

right?

You know what?

He was a junkie.

He was?

Yeah.

I was just goofing around.

What's his story with Marge?

He said if they haven't heard from him by tonight, she's dead.

I'm sure you'll figure something out.

Oh, right. Thanks.

Still want to go to bed?

Nah, I think that ship has sailed.

Gondola.

Gondola. Gondola.

Easter Island kind of grew on me.

You know, I always thought they should have made a western from the point of

view of the horse.

You know, you start out fighting with the cavalry, you end up dying with the

Indians.

You know what kind of western that would be?

Shit western?

Downbeat.

That would be a downbeat western.

There's no way I'm staying at Western.

It's all about a horse.

That said, I was hoping maybe you could scatter my ashes in Mun Valley.

Shit, Chris.

Maybe you and Marge, maybe.

Yeah. Yeah,

we can do that.

It's mythic, right?

Right.

Also,

my brother lives near there.

What's this?

It's a Super 8 of the Kennedy thing, but from the front.

Yeah.

Thanks.

You know what song I want to play at my funeral?

You know, the Hank Williams one?

They ought to write more songs about suicidal birds.

He was my favorite ever drug addict, Hank Williams.

Whenever I hear that song, I always get the feeling that Hank and little Robin

used to do heroin together in the back of his car.

Robin would have to lift his little wing for Hank to inject him, and on that

final night, when Hank OD'd for the very last time,

the last thing Hank ever did was to roll down the window and let the little bird

out.

and lonely road in West Virginia.

I think it was West Virginia.

You know where it may have been.

Yeah, yeah, I know where it may have been.

I'll see you

Suicide note brief, or I fear the reviewers will complain even his suicide

note shit wasn't just his entire life.

Like there's some kind of New York Times review of suicide notes.

All I know is, all in all, I could have

killed a few less people than I should have now.

That's about it.

Don't know what's going on.

We've been a little far too long.

We can't go back. I think you must feel bad.