Original subtitles

"Strange Toys"

Downloaded from YTS.BZ

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ

Cinema

[Garbled Transmission]

All right, all right, good morning, Snottsville!

It's 78 and sunny today.

Hey, did you all catch that comet last night?

Hope you all made some wishes,

cause it looked like a shooting star.

Speaking of shooting stars,

here's a hot track coming at you at the top of the hour.

You're listening to Snottsville's own 816FM,

and I am the dangling daddy Dino,

getting you through the work week, one track at a time.

A comet was spotted late last night

crossing the Snottsville skyline.

If you were awake, you might have caught it.

If not, you missed it like the rest of us.

No evidence from the meteor landing last night has been recovered.

Investigators suspect it deteriorated shortly after entering the atmosphere.

I'm gonna kill you, creep!

You're dead meat, dweeb!

Real jerk move, kid. Now you're dead!

Now you're fucking dead, you're fucking dead!

[Car Honks]

Spin move!

Fuck! Ah, fuck!

I believe this is mine.

I'm gonna turn you in.

You're not getting away with this.

No proof, no crime.

Nice try, squeak.

- Now it's time to pay. - Ah, game over, Jinxy.

Game over.

[Beating]

[Sighs]

All right, well,

- that killed about an hour of our time. - Mm-hmm.

You guys wanna kill the rest of it and uh...

go get fucked up on some nitro?

- Fuck yeah! - Alright.

[Laughing]

Yes, sir.

Prepare to taste my mighty rat, Skeletar!

You mortal fool! [Laughing]

You have fallen for a trap, hero dude.

The trap I have set, Skeletar, the almighty. Prepare to die!

[Screaming And Swords Colliding]

God damn it!

Cut, cut, cut, cut. Susie, I need you to get down here,

hair and makeup on Roger's stack.

Listen, baby, listen.

You're looking good, you're looking good.

I don't need you to lose momentum here, okay?

We're burning daylight. You are a hero dude.

Susie, I'm gonna need some adhesive for this wig.

We need to tack it down better, okay?

We can't be having our star's fucking hair fall off.

It's ridiculous.

How much longer?

Well, we still gotta finish the episode,

so sadly it depends on how long it's gonna take you guys

and the wig to cooperate.

My agent said I wrap at four.

Well, your agent, as charming as they are, uh...

doesn't realize it's... Oh God,

he's starting to... He's lighting a cigar!

It's gonna... We're gonna lose 20 minutes

every time he lights a goddamn cigar.

- Sally, get down here, fix his makeup! - [Laughing]

We gotta roll! He's already smoking cigars.

Listen, four o'clock's out of the question, Roger.

I'm sorry, dear friend, okay?

- But it's... It's 3.30 - [Laughing]

and we still haven't even gotten through the scene.

Polly, I like you. In fact, you have excellent taste because you chose me.

And this has been the highlight of your life

and I respect that working with me has been important to you.

But I'm gonna need to get paid today.

No one gets paid, you know, sadly, unfortunately,

dear friend Roger, actor, hero dude.

Nobody's gonna be able to get paid

until after the entire production wraps.

This is just the first scene

that we're trying to get through.

It's just the first scene.

You don't get it, Polly.

Either I get paid or you're gonna have to find yourself another hero dude.

- You're putting me on the spot like that. - Hm, hm. Hm, hm.

Hey, can I get paid today too?

What? You too? Are you fucking kidding me?

- Get out of here! - Oh, fuck.

Fucking...

Now you've got all the mess to get fucking paid, jackass.

Well...

Tough kitty for the episode then.

You're making a huge mistake, Roger.

You're making a huge fucking mistake.

Whoa, stay back old man.

No creepy stuff, okay?

Where am I? Get back.

I... I know karate.

No, no, no, no,

it's... it's... it's not like that, son.

I'm Mr. Willy, and

you're in Mr. Willy's Weird Wonders

and Strange Toy Store.

What... the, the... What? What?

My new little friends found you, and I had just found them earlier in the night

while taking out the garbage.

Look, Dr. Weirdo, or whatever,

I really don't want to meet your little friends.

You freaking pervert.

Real funny, Pops. Creepy as hell, but real funny.

I wouldn't test them if I were you.

This is a joke, right?

Arousal dazzle, gentlemen.

Ah, can it, Darla. Yeah.

- Oh, fuck yes. - Yeah. Get in there, baby.

- Oh, shit, I love nitro. - Oh, yeah.

- Goddamn, that's some good stuff. - Yeah.

Careful. Slow down, slow down, okay?

This is all we got left. We're running really low.

Oh, shit. Yeah, on nitro and money.

Let's see...

if we can shake some people down

- and get donations. - Okay.

Oh, fuck!

- One more, one more, one more. - Yes! [Laughing]

Oh, goddamn, it's good.

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Ready? Ready? Let's go.

Oh, yes. Fucking hot dogs.

Yeah, oh yeah, thank you.

[INAUDBILE]

Yeah, I'll take one [INAUDIBLE]

I've only got eyes so [INAUDIBLE]

Alright, gorgeous.

Alright.

- Ah, this is good shit. - Alright, alright, come on, come on.

Hey, man, you can't take my tips.

I have to feed my kids.

What, your kids don't like hot dogs?

Thanks again.

- Damn it. - [Laughing]

[Baby Crying]

[Cat Meowing]

Kitty, kitty, kitty. Kitty, kitty, kitty.

You want to come on with the bass?

You want to come on with the bass?

Yeah, you do, yeah, you do.

[Cat Meowing]

What's up with that?

[Cat Meowing]

Hi. [Giggling]

- How are you, cutie. - Hi.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

[INAUDIBLE]

Oh, thank you.

How are you doing?

I'm doing well. What about a handsome guy like you?

Just... just out, you know,

- making a magic happen. Yeah. - Making a magic happen?

Yeah, you looking... you looking to make... make some more magic happen?

Yeah? [INAUDIBLE]

Well, yeah. Yes, ofcourse.

[INAUDIBLE]

Come, come, come. Come.

We'll go somewhere private.

- We can have a place. Uh-huh. - We can start with candy.

Yeah, we'll start with candy. We're starving.

OK... What the... What the fuck is that?

Sit down.

I don't got anything. Get the fuck off of me.

Oh, yeah, yeah. You got shit.

I ain't got shit. No, no.

Does this look like not shit to you?

Stop. Stay the fuck down until we leave.

Mr. Willy's Weird Wonders and Strange Toys.

What's this place?

- It looks like a toy store. - Yeah.

No, no, no.

- It looks like a piggy bank to me. - Yeah, yeah.

Let's clean it out, get some money, and get more nitro.

Buddy, are you thinking you want to, like, stick it up, maybe?

- Maybe. Yeah. - Yeah? Hmm.

Actually, yeah, I got the perfect idea.

- Come on. - Okay.

That's cool. [Giggling]

Meet the kids, kid. This is Baby Doll Daisy.

- You named them? - Well, who named you, little brat?

- They talk? - They... They talk? [Laughing]

Put your tongue back in your head, squeak.

You're seeing what you're not believing, honey.

[Laughing]

I'm the only one with the vocal cords around here.

And quite the foul mouth she has.

- Bite me, old fart. - How in the... Is it magic?

Magic? Well, it's, it's something else altogether, my lad.

Now, don't interrupt. This is that fine gentleman, Raxo.

There's Slink. Slink's a sneaky booger.

He likes to lurk around a lot.

And there's Teddy. Kind of adorable.

Kind of scary as shit.

And then, the piece de l'existence.

I present to you, Spindle.

Are... Are they friendly?

Well, friendly, uh, are we?

Is anybody really friendly?

I mean, all in all, it's been a pretty successful 24 hours.

As long as Dirty Willy over here

keeps being such a great house guest

and keeps Teddy fed,

I think we're good.

I can't really vouch for the rat and these guys.

- They're fucking crazy! - I'm dead, right?

Or... or those bullies that put me in the hospital.

Yeah, that's... that's right. I'm in a coma.

Yeah. Or there's a gas leak or something.

Yeah. It's all in my head.

It's all a dream. It's just a weird, weird-ass dream.

- Where, where did they... - Come from?

Well, long ago on a night unlike any other.

You stupid old fool.

How'd you get yourself into this salty pickle?

Nice night, huh, Papa?

I don't want any trouble.

Why don't you just hand over your wallet, old man?

Then you can get back to watching Pornhub

or dicking around with whatever you're doing in this dumpster.

I, I don't have any money. I just...

- I, I just... - What a joke.

Get out of my way, old man.

I wouldn't go into that dumpster if I were you.

What's in this dumpster, anyway?

What's so special?

What the... What the fuck is that?

I, I found... I found that kid in there just like you did.

And all the others.

What do you mean, the others?

What else is in here? What is that?

Is that a teddy bear moving around?

[Screaming]

Fuck! Oh God.

Let go of me! Let go of me!

[Screaming]

That's a lot to take-in.

Mr. Willy, where's your restroom?

Yes, taking a lot in, sometimes things have to come out.

- It's over there. - Shake it twice for me, Skippy.

[Laughing] Slink at you, winky.

No, no, kid,

hey, kid, please,

please wait, wait.

I could, I could really use a hand.

You're getting really annoying, old man.

Oh, hey. Watch where you're going!

- Oh. Heya, Jinx. - Heya, Jinxy.

You know what? Actually, I have to admit, Darla.

I almost did actually kind of like it whenever you rubbed me up.

- Mother fucker. - Shut up!

You know what? You're coming with us.

- You wouldn't want me to miss this. - Yeah, you poop.

Okay, down to business.

[Giggling]

Hi, kids.

Uh, uh, what can we do for you?

Uh, uh, A new toy?

- Yeah, I'm gonna go with, uh, no. - Uh, how about a magic trick?

Aww.

Hmm...

Baby, you've never gotten me flowers before.

Baby?

- What? - Focus.

Enough of the bullshit. Where's the register, Father Time?

Registers? We don't sell registers here.

This is a, this is a...

This is a robbery, you dumb fuck!

Nice fucking gun, Joey.

I mean, Toe Tag.

Look, just, just give us your money and we'll get out of here, okay?

We, we don't have any money.

No sales, no money.

You have ten seconds to improve my mood.

- Uh, I don't... - Eight.

I don't know what to tell you.

- Seven. - I have,

I have something better. I have something better.

- Just wait, right here. - Better than money.

- What is better than money? - I don't know.

Better than money. Okay.

- What the fuck is better than money? - Okay?

- Drugs? - Nitro?

Yeah.

I have Daisy.

She's, she's kind of a,

an emotional support doll.

You can actually sleep with her.

- Um... - A fucking...

- You can sleep with her. - ...doll!

But you can sleep with her.

Eww.

She's like sticky and weird.

- Jesus. - And gross.

Who the fuck makes this shit up?

- Oh, yeah. Give her a kiss! - Get it out of my face, come on.

I don't know, I'll try to sleep with it.

[Laughing]

- Yeah, you would. - Speak for yourself, bitch.

The fuck did you just say to me, creep?

Oh, you don't talk to my lady like that, turd sniffer.

- Yeah, you poop! - Come on, Joey, it wasn't me, man.

Fuck! Damn it, our fucking shoe laces, are you fucking serious?

Oh, you fucked up, JC.

I guess I didn't beat your ass hard enough last time.

You know, we won't make that mistake again, bud, will we?

Yeah.

Don't do it.

Hey, you burnt out nitro head!

- Oh my God. - Leave the boy alone!

I told you, we don't have any money!

What the fuck? God.

God. Get away from my fucking leg! Ah! [Gun Shot]

Get it off. [Screaming]

Get it off. [Screaming]

[INDISTINCT SCREAMING]

Kid! [Screaming]

- No, wait, don't go! - Dammit.

Fuck! It's onto my fucking leg!

Fuck! Goddammit.

Sorry.

[Screaming And Gun Shot]

No, no, no, no, no!

No! No!

No! No!

No! No!

So there I was, running away.

Well, blading away, anyways. For my problems, like usual.

Oh wow, there I am.

Jeez, I look terrible. Anyways, I was running, running away.

I didn't know where to go, or what I should do.

I just knew fight or flight, and I flew. So do I go to the police?

Fat chance, they won't believe this.

They'll want to lock me up, thinking it's a prank.

'Demonic toys? Puppet master's childs? Play bullshit?'

'Are you crazy, kid?'

'We, we don't have...'

'You can't be wasting our time here.'

'We have real crimes, you know?'

'Come here, Jon Bon Jovi.'

A waste of time but what if I just...

Oh, no, no.

Oh my God.

- I'm so sorry - Oh, man.

- Sure, let me help you. - You mess me up back there.

Got my books flying and everything.

What's the rush man?

You got concert tickets or something?

I wish. You won't believe me if I told you.

Oh, hey,

- you like hero dude? - I love hero dude.

It's my favorite comic.

Hero dude is my favorite comic.

I've never met anybody that loves hero dude.

- Wait, no way. - Yeah. - Yeah, this is my favorite thing.

Did you see that there's a movie coming out.

I did. A buddy of mine got an early screening

and he told me that...

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Don't tell me, don't tell me, I wanna...

I wanna be fresh going into it, you know.

[Screaming]

[Giggling]

- Don't kill them. - [Giggling]

[Screaming]

Get out of my way.

No, no.

You're right. I'm... I'm sorry.

Uh, God. Well, so I'm pretty inquisitive in nature and uh...

Now I kinda have to know what's going on,

since it's all unbelievable and everything.

I was, I was running...

running away actually.

And I was getting pretty damn far but

I just start, I start feeling really guilty,

you know, like these...

Thoughts just going over and over in my head about

how I just left Mr. Willy in possible danger.

Mr. Willy? in possible danger?

No, no. Spindle, don't use it.

- [Screaming] - ♫ Background Song ♫

♫ Background Song ♫

Are you going soft on us now, big Willy?

[Gun shot]

♫ Background Song ♫

[Screaming]

They were gonna rob you, they killed the kid.

[Screaming]

♫ Background Song ♫

Is there a medication you should be on or something?

Cause that's a pretty fucked up thing to do.

Damn it.

Come on. I'll put you on the way over

but just know that there's some really strange things happening.

Well, lucky for you, I like strange things.

[Screaming]

Oh my god, they're dead?

Who? What are those things?

- And who is she? - It is the bully I was talking about.

They were, they were trying to rob the toy store.

Get out of the [INAUDIBLE]

- They're toys but alive and evil somehow. - What?

- No. - Darn it.

No, no, no.

- Where are you going? - No.

- [INAUDIBLE] - No.

Please, no. Help!

Help me!

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

♫ Background Song ♫

Hey, don't feel bad for them.

They were evil and nobody knows that better than you.

Murder is murder and that's just not right, Mr Willy.

I don't care, fucking shitty, but they didn't deserve this.

I, I don't think anybody's gonna go for that train of thought.

Get me out of here.

- I wanna go. - Hey, Jinx, who's your new friend?

We just met actually.

- I, I ran into her while I was bleeding. - Literally

Well, you were running away from me and, you know,

all your... all my problems.

I mean what? Out of sight? Out of mind?

- Yeah. - Yes.

Well, you saw how that worked.

So where do you think you're going now?

We got a lot of clean up to do.

Well, can you at least turn on some lights in here first?

Alright, no problem.

[Background Music]

[Background Music Continues]

[Background Music Continues]

Ah, what are we gonna do with them?

Where are we gonna put them?

Gonna need a clean up on aisle 14.

Hey dudes, how goes it?

Hey, kid, he's hungry.

And aisle 14.

Well, that takes care of that, and I saved money on dog food.

[Laughing]

Well, there we go.

Uh, I'll, I'll get that, here.

Oh, no, that's not good. Who could that be?

I can't hear shit.

Shh.

Excuse me for living.

Here you go, Willy.

Have all your shit out of here by the first.

Hey, it's just business. Here, have a snort on me.

No, suit yourself.

Hey, you know, I had an idea.

They'll probably put up an adult toy store right

on this very site. How's that for irony?

- Have a nice day, asshole. - Feelings mutual, bitch.

- What are... - Well, it's the end of an era.

What are those?

Well, they sold the land the store's on,

and I have 60 days to get out.

- Gentrification. Brutal. - They're gonna build condos here.

How can they do that? That's not fair.

I am so lost.

I think it's called progress.

Well, how much is it?

There's no way I can come up with that kind of money.

[Laughing]

Well, maybe we can have a sale.

Some kind of big special to raise money.

- Like a bake sale? - Bikini car wash.

- Talent show. - Sense of talentless one.

Hey, now how do you know?

I have some pretty sick moves on the rollerblades.

Now, let's not let this place go down.

At least not without a fight.

- We need $500, 000. - Whoa.

That's a lot, but... But guys, we can have a sale.

We can still have a sale. We can raise money,

and we can raise all the money, and then we'll be good to go.

Huh?

Ah, you kids are sweet, but, uh, I think you...

You have no idea what you're talking about.

I, I really appreciate it,

but I think you guys should go home and get some sleep.

- It's been a long day. - Well, Mr. Willy, I'll be back tomorrow.

So will I. We are going to help you sell your ass off or die trying, Mr. Willy.

Sweet kids.

- Let's go. - Yeah, go.

Get out of here. Yeah, yeah.

Ah, sweet kids.

Not too bright, but really great hearts.

So, uh, so like a first date, huh?

Date?

Uh, meeting?

You are something else, Mr. Jinx.

I'll see you tomorrow, lover boy.

Oh, wow. In a day?

Wow.

What do you want now?

Hmm?

Hey, you want a ride, girl?

No way. No thanks.

Hey, a pretty little thing like you shouldn't be out here all alone.

You're 18, aren't you?

I'm 20, but that doesn't fucking matter.

I said no, okay?

I'm just saying it's not very safe out here, you know?

The freaks and creeps are all out tonight.

You can say that again.

Okay, I'm just a half mile up the road,

but I am warning you,

don't you try anything, you inappropriate boomer.

Boomer? I'm losing it, huh?

So, what's a suit like you doing out around these parts?

Looking for innocent girls to creep on?

Never looking, but you know,

if it happens, it happens.

Name's Zach Gunderson. I'm here to serve papers on some old gleep.

And what kind of papers are we talking?

Oh, the old shitbag who owns the toy store there.

His building's sitting on prime land.

We're gonna evict him, demolish the building,

and set up a whole new development.

It's gonna be really nice.

That's Mr. Willy's place. You can't do that.

It's been there for 30 years. It's historic.

Give it two months and you're gonna be sipping lattes at the new

Loco Bean and buying your panties at one of them

Vicky No-Tell shops in the strip mall we set up.

You are literally not a good person.

The word is successful.

I am a successful person with a hunger.

- Oops. That was a juicy one. - Aww. Gross!

What the fuck?

Must have been the chilli I had for lunch.

Hey, why don't you and me go grab a bowl

and then go up to my place and really heat things up, darling?

I wouldn't go with you to your room or any other place in the world,

you disgusting fucking creep.

I don't even know what a guy like you

would even do with me if you got there. Ew.

Even if I can't cut the mustard,

I can always lick the jar, darling.

- Ew. - Hey, let's get it on right here

- if you don't want to go to my place. - Ew, you smell like my grandpa.

That is a scent of fine bourbon and 20-year-old pot tobacco, baby.

- Come here. - Ah!

Ah!

Good evening, folks of Snotville.

This is the Snotville 7 News at 7.

Hi, folks. Dr. Danny Kaufman here.

Do you suffer from itchy hemorrhoids?

Today, I'm selling a solution.

And I'm standing near the operating room.

You can hear a little of the surgeon's, uh, talk.

Kaufman's special hemorrhoid cream

My cream will clear up your dirty Harry and you'll be...

you'll be singing in the rain.

You can call down for a relief. By the way...

Folks, Ned Wallen here from Zooka Toys.

I'm here to introduce you to some new toys

that we came up with for you and your kids.

Supersonic Skatey Slug.

Zooka Toys. Almost the best thing you'll ever play with.

Oh, I don't know about that guy.

He kind of creeps me out.

Does the boring cereals give you the creeps?

Yeah. [Both]

Then try Booby Trap. It's tragically delicious.

Um, okay.

I'm willing to try anything.

- Holy shit! - If you can get into the box, that is.

Ah! Oh my God! Ah!

Ah! Ah!

Whoa, that sucks. You just lost your hand.

Booby Trap is fortified with grenades, poison spikes...

Whoa, this is pretty good.

And every Booby Trap known to mankind.

So dig right in if you don't lose an eye or your hand or your life.

This looks good. Leave this for a while.

Let's just check it out and see how it goes.

Oh, I can't wait until that show comes out.

We gotta watch it, Teddy.

Well Daisy,

what do you think of all our new friends here?

This is my fourth show today.

I need a better agent.

[Laughing and Clapping]

It plays like gangbusters, Willy.

Look at these people, they ate him up with a spoon.

Well, you know, I, I am kind of behind in the rent

- and I didn't really want to... - Think nothing.

I got plans for this place.

I got plans for you. I got plans for you.

- Big plans. - Hands off the merchandise.

[Laughing]

Big plans.

- Big plans. - Oh.

Oh, no way.

- I love this one. - These ones are so cool.

[INAUDIBLE]

- This one's 15 each. - 15 each?

Grab your change.

Did you check the bill.

- You're good - Thank you so much.

- Enjoy. - Thank you.

There's your change, bud.

- Thank you. - There's your toy.

- Thank you. - Enjoy.

- And another one. [Giggling] - Yeah.

I'm going back to get a...

another case of the supersonic slugs because, uh,

you know, we've got to restock.

[Laughing]

Alright. [Coughing]

That's odd.

Surlac. Come in.

Surlac. Wake up. Wake up, Surlac.

Come in. Put that mammal trash away.

Is that your problem? Are you slacking because you're

slowly rotting your brain with Earth comics?

Well, I'm going to do you a favor.

I am going to send you to the planet Earth.

We have a very serious situation on our hands at the moment.

We've had a contaminant spill.

I need you down there right away, if not sooner.

I need you to put these comic books down

and pay attention to what's going on.

This can cause great harm

to everyone on Earth.

It's in Sector D.

You'll find it under 74-19.

I wouldn't waste a moment, Surlac. Be careful.

Let's go.

I'm heading to earth.

[Background Music]

Hey there. Welcome to Mr. Willy's Weird Wonders and Strange Toys.

I'm Jinx. Anything I can help you with today?

Are you the owner?

No, that would be Mr. Willy.

- I can go get him for you. - What's this regarding?

He's not in any kind of trouble, is he?

Well, I've got a couple questions about a missing person.

Uh, I've never seen that guy.

Yeah, me neither.

Never once.

The funny thing is, this was his last known whereabouts.

Well... Well, it's not very uncommon.

We're having a lot of foot traffic lately.

We are having a sale right now.

Big sale.

Well, he was headed this way to serve papers on a gun to your boss.

Are you going to go get him still? Or...

Yep, yeah. On my way.

Uh, so, um, have any crazy arrest stories this week?

- No. - Oh.

Well, I guess things have been pretty quiet around town

since you guys finally apprehended Martin Mai, huh?

Yeah. A.K.A. the Serial Flasher.

- Real sicko. - Tell me about it.

But now we're looking for is an accomplice.

Angela Anderson.

Did... Did you say Angela Anderson?

Yeah, what about it?

Uh, I think you might be ooking for my cousin.

Hey, Mr. Willy,

there's a cop out front and he... Fuck!

Oh, no, no, no, no.

It's not looking good, sugar.

Well, what do I do? Fuck! Think, Chantel, think!

Uh, hey, wait, wait.

Ah.

Oh, hey, kid. You alright?

Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Thanks.

Listen, kid. All I have is a couple questions.

If I gotta come back, I'm coming back with a warrant

and I can really jam you up.

Do you want me to jam you up, huh?

- Do ya? - Come on, Chantel, think!

What do I do? What do I do? Ah.

Oh, jeez, girlie. Get it together.

No, no, no. Please, please. None of that.

I'll go see what the hold up is. Stay here.

What the hell is going on?

It's Mr. Willy.

- He's dead. - What?

No. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

What happened? And, and why is he dressed like that?

Well, it's just, there was the cop and, and then I saw the hat... I don't know.

It's the weekend at Bernie's, Chantel. Really?

I was on the spot. I thought I was clever.

Hey, hey.

What is going on back there?

Look, kids. You got... Holy Mario Van Peebles.

Hold it right there, you psychopath.

No, no, no, no.

We didn't do it. It wasn't us.

- I swear. - What was it?

The drugs? The rap music?

- [Chantel And Jinx] Rap music? - Goddamn video games?

No, no, sir. Please, just listen to Chantel.

There's a special place in hell for people like you two.

Killing that ugly in some type of drug-sex-filled fantasy.

What are you going to do next after you clean them out, huh?

Where were you going to take the show on the world to next,

- Mickey and Mallory? - No, sir. Officer.

Listen to what they're saying, you delusional scum dog.

[Screaming]

Oh, my God!

- This is so fucking gross. - I don't know what to do.

Okay, okay, calm your tits.

Teddy will be fine cleaning up the cop's remains,

but what are you going to do with this one?

What was that?

I don't know.

Make this quick. Get in.

Destroy the waste and anything it has come into contact with.

And then get out.

The Queen awaits your success, so be successful.

You don't want to piss off the Queen.

[Groaning]

Oh, Chantel, what's happening?

I don't know. All I know is I'm so scared.

Holy shit, is that Hero Dude?

Who the hell are you, mister?

I'm here in Sector 2814,

tracking a highly toxic radioactive substance that hit this planet a week ago.

That green sludge!

It must be destroyed to keep from spreading.

It is fatal to humans, and exposure can cause sterility,

among other horrible side effects.

But, but these are our friends!

Lonely human boy.

These are merely toxic objects brought to life from your delusions.

Another side effect from exposure.

You're not going to take me down without a fight, spaceman.

Well, looks like we're fighting a space bounty hunter from another planet.

- That's a good guy. - Oh yeah, definitely the hero.

But he wants to kill my friends. Our friends.

Confused human boy.

Take the female, and go.

Stop playing with toys, and save yourselves.

You shall no longer keep me from [INAUDIBLE]

What are you waiting for? Make a run for it, dorks!

[Fighting Grunts]

[Fighting Grunts Ends]

[Screaming]

Hey, can you buy a used video tape?

I'm going to fuck up.

I'll just come back some other time, yeah? Holy shit!

[Screaming]

[Beeping]

[Screaming And Beeping]

[Explosion]

What in tarnation was that?

I don't know how we made it out of that.

It's nice, yeah.

Hey, uh, you don't think that bounty hunter guy was

serious about that toxic, sterility stuff, do you?

Well, I wasn't wanting to have kids anyway, so...

Now kiss me, big goof.

I guess this is the end. We did it.

I got the girl. This guy saved the day.

What more could you want? I'm out of here.

So I guess I'm just chopped liver, huh?

Stupid, horny little rat. I guess I didn't do nothing.

You know, just saved your friggin' life. No biggie.

[INAUDBILE]

What happened?

It's gone.

What happened? Where is my dream?

Where is my dream?

Where is it?

These toys just destroyed us all. God, what happened?

What is going on? It's all ruined!

[Crying]

Oh!

Oh!

No.

Oh, boohoo, can it, you big baby!

Hey, hey, put me down, creep.

I told you before, not to get handsy.

I've got you! I am gonna be rich. This is so great.

- We're gonna make millions together. - Sounds exhausting, Slick.

Incredible. [Laughing]

♪ As we get together again, ♪

♪ We suffer all this tangent strain. ♪

♪ I've heard us repeating my failure. ♪

♪ Our scientific advisory board ♪

♪ Makes the decision to shield the sword. ♪

♪ But those low-knights are out of control. ♪

♪ Woah-oh! ♪

♪ Ho ho ♪

♪ Here comes never-ending snow. ♪

♪ Woah-oh! And those things should not slow. ♪

♪ Woah-oh! They're having a disable. ♪

♪ Woah-oh! Short-eyed fools! ♪

♪ As we become terrified again, Enemies are on the payroll. ♪

♪ Everything can no longer be the same. ♪

♪ The exposure has its own blame. ♪

♪ All this human cannot detain. ♪

♪ It's too late. ♪

Good evening, folks of Snotsville.

You're watching the Snotsville News at 7 on Channel 7.

I'm Skip McLarson, and I'm your reporter this evening.

There's been a horrible accident at a local toy store.

I'm getting in here.

Uh, a mysterious explosion, and the owner is still missing.

We have a... we have a couple eyewitnesses

live at the scene of the crime.

We're gonna go there now. Take it away.

Are you live? You going? Throw it to him.

I've seen the whole thing. I was just waking up,

went outside to smoke my morning bowl,

I mean, go for a jog, and ba-boom.

Huge explosion. Shit was flying everywhere.

I had to duck behind my homie's car and shit, dude.

Wow. Truly riveting stuff.

Up next is Cat Feces, the next caviar.

Well, we interview two gentlemen that seem to think so tomorrow night

as they teach us all about this new crunchy umami snack.

Stay tuned, folks.

That's the news tonight.

Skip McLarson, and I'm outta here.

Donna. It's Ned.

Give me the boy's stat. Listen.

I got the old man's secret. We got the doll. The talking one.

That's right. No, I've got it here at my house with me. Listen.

Here's what I want. I want a crew working 24 hours a day.

I want to take her apart.

I want to know exactly what makes this doll tick.

We're gonna make a hundred million of them,

and we're gonna sell them at $30 a piece.

I'm telling you, we're gonna be rich.

We're all gonna be rich. Donna, I'm gonna make you rich. You're gonna love it.

This is gonna be amazing.

No. No. No. No. I want my best guys on this.

Only the best guys. You understand me?

Oh, what did you think? You were just gonna cut me out?

Throw me to the side? [Laughing]

I couldn't wait to get my hands around your neck.

Oh, this feels so good. How do you like it?

[Background Music]

Glue. Don't they have any glue?

I even said staple it to my head.

I'm just so sick of this thing falling off.

Look at this. This is my crown. I'm a fucking hero, dude.

This is what they give me?

Some plastic fucking toy? I'm a fucking man. I'm a fucking hero.

Please? Can you... Nobody can do that. I'm...

[Background Song]

[Background Song]

They said that they might replace me with Michael.

Michael who?

Michael St. Michael's? Maybe hero of a nursing home.

The guy's so freaking old.

He doesn't have a body like this either.

Michael McHale Mattson?

Too Swedish.

David Sheridan?

Too pretty.

I don't need this kind of headache

for that kind of money.

So yeah.

I'm gonna get paid today.