Original subtitles

You know how it is some mornings. You wake up and wish you hadn't.

You burn the toast and undercook the eggs, and your family eats it all in

cold, uncomprehending silence.

And then they leave.

Quickly.

And the girls are coming over in an hour to play Mahjong.

Well, when I'm tired and depressed and need a quick energy pickup, I reach for

the jar of Yonkers peanut butter.

Its high protein content gives me the lift I need to get through the day.

Younger's peanut butter.

Chock full of natural energizing vitamins.

Either crunchy or smooth.

I love them both.

It's a natural high.

Yonkers peanut butter.

It's irresistible, and now so am I.

Try Yonkers in the giant size for quick energy for the entire family.

Look for Yonkers in chunky or smooth at your favorite grocery store.

You'll love it too.

Anything interesting happen at the bank today, Brenda?

Just the routine, deposits and withdrawals.

Your order, sir.

Um, another open-faced peanut butter sandwich, please. Will that be chunky or

smooth this time, sir?

Chunky.

One OFS PBC, Herman.

They were all right.

I mean, for a group that's relatively inexperienced, they did all right, don't

you think?

Yeah, they were pretty good.

Yeah, they were, weren't they?

I mean, you know, considering everything,

they did all right.

Yeah, I guess so.

Well,

did you have a good time?

Oh, sure.

Well, I guess I should be going home.

Well, why don't you come up for a while?

Uh, sure. I mean, uh, sure.

Are you sure it's all right?

Brenda, it's rather late and, uh... You're absolutely right, Billy. It is

late. Why don't we make it some other time?

Brenda.

You know that door won't open.

Good night, Billy. It's been a wonderful evening.

Hi, Billy. How you doing?

Hi, Priscilla.

Give me a couple of bucks of super regular, please.

Right on, kiddo.

Hey, Billy, I'm off in 10 minutes. If you could take me home tonight, you can

taste this wild, natural peanut butter I've got.

It'll blow your mind.

Gosh, that would be swell.

Come on in, Billy.

Boy, have I got a treat for you.

Sit down and relax, Billy. I'll be right back.

Would you like some wine or beer?

Peanut butter's fine, Priscilla.

Don't do anything special for me.

Come on, sit down. Take your coat off and stay a while.

Your orders, sir.

Well, how do you like it?

Gee, it's terrific.

I've heard you're going to drop out of school.

Is that true?

Yeah,

I sort of lost interest.

Well, then what do you do with yourself?

Well, I don't know.

Maybe I'll join the Marines.

Here, sweetie, have some wine.

Yes.

Why are you so nervous?

Nervous?

I'm not nervous.

Well, you certainly aren't relaxed.

Um, well, um... What's the matter? Are you afraid of me or something?

Uh...

No, no, I'm not afraid of you or anything. It's just that I find it

hard to relate

to girls.

Really?

Yeah.

You know, I... Thank

you.

It's almost 11 o'clock.

Marilyn Monroe's on a tube tonight in a

movie called Some Like It Hot.

Oh, ow!

You want to watch it?

Not especially.

I'd rather listen to you, Billy.

Oh, I'm sorry.

That's okay. Don't worry then. I'll clean it.

Billy, are you always this nervous around girls?

Well, um... Can't you relax with me?

It's not you, um... It's just that... Well, when

I was a kid... I had some

experiences... Okay.

That, um...

Makes it hard for me.

It might help if you tell me about them.

Well, I've never told them to anyone before.

Try me. I'm a good listener.

I, uh... When I was...

15, I used to... Used to what?

To...

Masturbate?

Yeah, yeah. I used to masturbate a lot.

This friend of mine gave me some sexy magazines.

And one time when I was really excited

by them, my Aunt Opal came to visit us.

My mother wasn't in at the time, and so she wanted to wait for her.

And anyway, I was so excited that I figured she...

She'd wait in the living room while I finished masturbating.

But she didn't.

What on earth do you think you're doing?

Oh my god!

Come here, Billy. Kiss me and then feel my breasts.

That's not how you touch a woman.

Like this.

First you go into the blouse and... Here, I'll show you.

Do you like sucking Aunt Opal's breasts, Billy?

Mm-hmm.

Use your tongue.

Lick them.

You see what I mean, Billy?

The mouth, the tongue.

Yes, Aunt Opal.

Did you see how I did that?

Now you do that to me.

I can't do that.

Billy, do as I tell you. You'll like it.

But... No buts. Just get down there and act like a man.

No, no.

Do what I did to you.

I can't.

Yes, you can. It won't hurt you.

No. You better do as I tell you, Billy, or else I'm going to have to tell your

mother you were playing with yourself.

Oh, no, I don't. But please don't do that.

Then do as you're told.

I'm going to show you how much better sex is with a woman than with yourself,

whether you like it or not.

Here, let's give it a little flavor.

Now your penis, Billy.

Your penis.

In the vagina, Billy. In the vagina.

Huh? I can't.

God damn!

Feel my breast, Billy.

Squeeze me.

Fuck me.

You'd better get dressed.

And remember, don't ever tell anyone about this.

All of a sudden, I was alone.

She'd gone.

And I started masturbating again, like right after she left.

Because even though her screaming like that and everything had confused me, I

still was aroused.

I just couldn't help myself.

What's happened to me before?

It's terrible to be left alone in a time like that.

I can't understand your aunt doing that to you.

How can anybody do such a thing to anyone?

I don't know.

Do you still masturbate?

Sometimes.

Has it affected you?

Are you crippled?

No.

Are you blind?

Well, I do have to wear glasses.

But I guess I can see okay.

Has your brain turned into mush?

Are you insane?

Would you like another peanut butter sandwich, Billy?

Hey, Billy, why don't you come in here and look at the coarse-grind chunky I

got from the health food store?

When I was younger, I used to masturbate, too.

Really?

Did you do it a lot?

I guess so.

Sometimes three or four times a day.

Do you still masturbate?

Yes, but not as often.

Oh, gee, I'm sorry.

Okay.

Oh, God, I'm so clumsy tonight.

I'm sorry, I really am.

Don't worry about it.

What about those other experiences you had?

Were they anything like the Aunt Opal episode?

Well, yeah, but in different ways.

She...

Aunt Opal really didn't give me any confidence like she said she would.

In fact, I found it even more difficult to relate to girls after that.

Anyway, a few months after the Aunt Opal thing, I went to visit another aunt and

uncle in Petaluma.

My aunt and uncle were both at work. The front door was unlocked, so I went in.

I heard some noises upstairs and figured it was my cousin Renee who was home from

college for the summer.

Oh, Jesus Christ, Debbie, it's been so long.

Oh, God, you feel so good to me.

Come on, let me love you. Oh, sweet angel, yes.

Bye.

I really love you.

Now I have a surprise for you.

I want you to fuck me.

I've always wanted to try this.

You little twerp. I'm sorry.

He's fucking sorry.

I don't give a damn if you're sorry, you little cretin. Well, I heard some sounds

up here and... When you walk in on someone without their knowing it, that's

fine, idiot.

Well, I'm sorry. I really am. Do you know what happens to spies, little boy?

No. They get screwed.

I'm sorry.

Hold him down, Debbie. I'm going to go to Daddy's room to get some handpuffs.

You better learn to join in instead of standing around watching with your hands

in your pockets. I'm sorry.

Jerk. Oh, man.

What are you doing?

Here,

put it over there, hon.

We're gonna teach you a lesson you'll never forget.

Please, don't do that.

No.

No, no.

Hey, looky, looky, it's Tootsie.

Get his shoes, Renee.

Perfect. Uh-huh.

Oh, my. What have we here?

Oh, no.

Please, don't do that. No.

I'm sorry. Not sorry enough, silly boy.

You wanted to look at it sweetie, so you're getting a nice close-up

I'm gonna cry on Sunday.

the curves all right

Oh.

It was as if I weren't there, as if I'd never been there.

They made love again, completely ignoring me.

Finally I got dressed and went home. I couldn't stay there after that.

Did she get pregnant?

No, but I didn't hear from her for a couple of months, and I was scared she

was.

I don't know.

After that, I got worried about getting girls pregnant and everything, and

it's like I was even more afraid of girls.

You know about contraception, don't you? Yeah, but, you know, I...

Let me pour you some more wine. No.

No, no, that's all right. I'll do it myself.

I think I know how you felt.

Well, not about pregnancy, but about being toyed with like that.

When I was living in the country a few years ago, I used to run around the

woods with older boys.

I was somewhat of a tomboy then and didn't think about things in terms of

sets.

One time these two guys wanted to play hide and seek, which was okay with me,

only I didn't realize the dangers involved in their special variation of

that game.

Instead of the person who was it trying to find the others, the others tried to

find and catch the person who was it.

You weren't considered caught until you said, Uncle, of course I was it and my

friends Lester and George had to catch me.

Maybe she's in there

Hey

George Whoever finds it first gets the baller

first great idea less let's split up You go over there, and I'll go around here.

No, you go around that way.

And I'll go around here.

I'm coming!

Haha you turkeys you haven't got me yet

Let's get her! Come on!

Thank you, Miss Dilla!

You ready to say I'm fit to sell out? That's not fair!

Anything's fair in this game!

Oh yeah?

You bitch!

I've got you, Priscilla.

Okay, so you got me, uncle.

So the big bear claims his reward.

Hey, that's not part of the game.

This is a new game.

I'm not sure if I like this game so much.

Well, let's find out.

Hey, what? What about me?

Hey, dogs, come on in.

The water's fine.

Hey,

what are you doing?

You're going to suck my cock.

Oh, no, I've never done that before.

It's about time you did.

But I don't know how.

Put it in your mouth and suck on it. But make sure you don't bite it.

Open up.

Try mine too, Priscilla.

Now, how do you like this game, Priscilla?

It's not bad. Have you ever played this before, George?

Sometimes Lester and I play it together.

George, George.

Let's see if she can suck both of us at the same time.

I'll try.

Priscilla. This is really nice. Do you like it too?

Yeah. Don't stop.

Just don't stop.

At the same time.

Suck on it, Priscilla. Suck on it.

I was to return the favor, madame.

I'm a judge.

Hey, Les, how about letting me get a little action?

Now, come on.

Hey, Georgie, don't come over.

We don't want to get our friend last.

Everything's under control, Les.

Oh god, here I go!

Well boys, I caught you, so I guess I win this game.

Good game, Les.

Right on.

Come on!

Do I just go screw the cat? Right on!

Still can't keep mud from the first game and come from the second.

I was left lying there alone and unsatisfied.

I was really mad at them.

They treated me like an object.

Well, that's what reminded me of what happened to you with your cousin and her

friend.

Those girls used you like those boys used me.

Even though it was sexually stimulating, it was still empty and

incomplete.

Would you like a bite of my sandwich?

But my experience wasn't exactly the same as yours because, I mean, at least

you knew you were playing a game, but I wasn't really sure at all. I mean, it

felt nice at times, but...

At other times, it was humiliating and painful.

Do you know what I mean?

I think so.

Do you?

It was, of course, a very confusing situation for me, but... I

know this may sound ridiculous, but I didn't have another affair for another

year after that.

Well, that doesn't sound ridiculous, because that's how long it was for me,

too.

Oh, really?

Could we continue this conversation in the bedroom?

Oh, are you tired? If you are, I could... No, I'm fine. I just feel like

going to lay down.

Care to join me?

Well, can I make a peanut butter sandwich first?

If you want, bring the jar with you.

No, this will be the last one.

Why don't you bring the jar along just in case?

Well, all right.

When I finally had another encounter,

it was because of this friend of mine.

He was the same guy who gave me those magazines I told you about.

Jeff was his name.

Anyway, he used to kid me a lot about being afraid of girls and everything.

But he'd always try to help me out.

Making friends with him anyway But I never really could get it together

to go Along with any of his schemes But

one day I went to this to store where he worked and he had this strange proposal

Hi, Jeff.

The time has come, my friend.

Think of other things.

Billy, I fixed you up with a comely way in search of her Lothario.

I've no doubt but that out of innate impetuosity, she will allow you, old

buddy, to cockatoo her.

What do you mean?

It's elementary, my dear boy, elementary.

This gal, Gloria, is gorgeous and game.

Uh, I don't... I'm not sure I understand what you're getting at.

She's hungry for the hirsute horn.

My lad, on such affairs as these, you may, nay, you must,

trust me that I know what I'm talking about.

Know what?

She wants to ball you. This girl will ball you.

Well, I... What's she like?

You'll like her, okay?

There's just one thing.

What's that?

Well, she's a little tiny bit strange, if you know what I mean.

She's, uh, a chess master, and, uh, well, you know how they are.

Hey, Wawa King!

Well, what's happening, Jeff? How's it going, man?

Look!

What's up, Wawa?

See you later.

He's a strange dude, man. What are they like?

Uh, hey, she's horny, you know? That's all that counts.

I'll see you later, my little peanut. About it. Eight o'clock at my place.

Don't be late.

Cheerio.

Okay.

Jeff was quite a ladies' man, but I didn't really think he'd actually found

a girl who'd make love with me.

But I was curious.

So I went to his apartment just to see what happened.

Relax, Billy, my boy. She'll be here any minute.

What did I tell you? Come on. Let's go.

Come on.

Hi, Gloria.

Billy, this is Gloria. And Gloria, this is the young man I told you about.

Do you play chess?

No, but I play checkers.

Make yourself comfortable, Gloria. Just have a seat anywhere.

You two have fun. Keep yourselves entertained, and I'll be in in just a

minute.

What are you reading?

A magazine.

Oh.

What are you reading about?

I mean, what is the article you're reading about?

Chess.

Chess is...

It's a fascinating game. It's like life in many ways, isn't it?

Excuse me.

I have to relieve myself.

What's the matter, kid? The dame wants her. Why not just give her to her?

Are you sure? I mean, she doesn't look horny to me.

Listen, would I lie to you? Would I tell you the chick was horny if she wasn't?

No, but...

She's so beautiful. She could have any man she wanted. Why wouldn't she want

me? Listen, you're asking me that?

Any man can have that thing.

You know, when a woman wants it, she wants it. All you gotta do is give her a

confident smile and then take her, you know?

This bullshit you've been coming up with, it ain't gonna get you nowhere.

But I don't know what to say to her.

Listen, Billy boy, I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

I'm going to go in there and set her up for you, okay?

And you stand out here and just watch, you see?

Maybe you'll even learn something.

And then when I got her so turned on, she can't even resist you, then I'll

signal you, you come in and take over. Now you think you can do that?

Yeah, I guess so.

Come on, Billy boy. I need more than a boy's whimper. Now tell me, can you do

it?

Yeah, sure.

Okay, Billy boy, okay.

Breathe in deep.

Let it out.

Now just relax and take your time. Get undressed.

And watch for my signal, okay?

Fuck me Jen, fuck me Jen!

Oh, no.

Oh my god.

Yeah, ah

Oh, you need it.

Oh,

Jeff.

Oh, God.

Oh,

suck.

Oh, suck me.

Oh, suck me, Jeff.

I needed these.

Oh, fuck me.

Oh, God.

I want more.

Oh, yes.

I can't do it.

I can't do it.

Oh, no.

Oh, I need it.

Oh, I need it. It's all yours, kid.

Oh, Jeff.

Oh, Jeff.

Oh, fuck me, Jeff.

Oh, fuck me, Jeff.

Oh, my king.

Oh, Jeff,

I need it.

Yuck.

I'm coming, Jeff.

Oh, Jeff, come to me.

Oh, I'm coming.

Oh, my God.

Ow.

Get out, creep pig.

Yuck. God damn it, Jeff. That swine's got a slime all over me.

Take it easy, Gloria. You're a goddamn creep yourself, Jeff.

How could you even allow that little pond to touch me?

No more chess lessons for you.

Gloria was the last girl that I've ever made love to.

She's also the last girl that Jeff or anyone's tried to turn me on to. And

I've been pretty much alone since then.

It's not that I don't want to make love. It's just that I

can't do it.

That's so sad.

I guess I don't really understand what's expected of me.

Nothing's expected of you.

Yes, I know.

Come on, Billy, I didn't mean it that way. What I meant was if you'd just be

yourself and not worry about making love, it'd work out fine.

Well, I don't.

really worry about it. It's a simple fact.

I can't seduce a girl.

If a girl wants you to make love to her, it's a very simple thing to do.

Well, no girl really wants me to make love to them.

I do.

What?

I do.

I'd like you to make love to me.

Why?

Because I love you.

You do?

Yes.

I'm afraid.

What could you possibly be afraid of?

I'm afraid I'd disappoint you.

Oh, Billy, you can never disappoint me.

Love you.

You're beautiful.

You're beautiful too.

Priscilla, I love you. Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

God. God.

Oh, man.

Oh, Priscilla, my peanut butter baby.

I think I'm going to... Oh, come now.

Oh, now.

Now.

Tastes good.

Want some?

No, thanks.

Go ahead, try it. You'll like it.

Is that good?

I wonder how that tastes with peanut

butter.

Well, there's one way to find out.

Pax Vabiscum.

Wild,

natural peanut butter I've got.

What on earth do you think you're doing? Do you know what happens to spies,

little boy?

The mouth?

Blessed art thou, O Lord, who hallowest thy people.

I love you. Try to excite me. Throw it. You'll like it. That would be swell.

In the vagina!

By the right of this nuptial wine.

Get down there and act like a man.

And the sacred covenant of marriage.

Pig!

Why are you so nervous, Billy?

Masturbate a lot.

Oh my God.

I love you.

I act like a man because... I act like a man because... I love you.

Do you, Billy, take Priscilla to be your lawful wedded wife, to

love, to honor, and to cherish?

Nothing's expected of you.

I do.

And do you, Priscilla, take Billy to be your lawful wedded husband,

to love, to honor, and to cherish?

I do.

You do?

I now pronounce you man and wife.

Billy, you may now kiss your bride.

I love you. I love

you.

I love you. I love you.

Dominus Vibiscum

E cum spiritu tumo. Pax obiscum.

Mi adir al hako.

E voruch al hako.