Original subtitles

C'mon lads, hurry it up. I don't wanna get raided.

I have to check the tracking.

The tracking...

If you don't want it, go watch fuckin' Ghostbusters, yeah?

Relax Christy, will ya?

Give us a minute.

- Is it real? - Yeah, it's genuine.

First generation.

Look, this is the last of the money, alright?

Don't throw it away, just stick to the plan,

follow my lead and don't show any weakness, yeah?

- Yeah. - Not a penny over 25.

- Mm. - Let's go.

The best we can do is 20, alright? That's all we have.

You're fuckin' joking? I'm taking all the risks here.

The distributor of that film, he's in prison, you know that lads?

Okay then, 30, alright, but no more.

It's number 71, it's worth it.

Ah...71.

You've nearly got the full Video Nasty collection.

And you need this one.

Forty or I walk.

Lads, do yourselves a favour...

Leg it.

♪ Is this the age of the thunder and rage ♪

♪ Can you feel the ground move 'round your feet ♪

♪ If you take one step closer, it'll lead to another ♪

♪ The crossroad above's where we meet ♪

♪ I shout out for shelter I need you for something ♪

♪ The whole world's out ♪

♪ They're all on the street ♪

♪ Control yourself ♪

♪ Love is all you need ♪

♪ Control yourself ♪

♪ In your eyes... ♪

‘You have been warned' is the message to video retailers.

If you stock any of the titles on a list circulated by Scotland Yard,

you could end up in court.

Public concern is growing

as more evidence of the videos' corruption

of children comes to light.

Video Nasty has replaced The Conjurer

and the party games at parties.

I haven't seen it, I have far too much respect for my mind.

We actually saw people eating live monkeys' brains.

The DPP has compiled a list of 72 films that are to be banned.

10,000 tapes have been seized.

Police seized 22,000 cassettes.

One of 4,000 Video Nasties seized in the biggest raid yet.

I can't understand people who get entertainment value

from death, gore, torture and horror.

♪ Love is all you need ♪

These films not only affect young people, but I believe they affect dogs as well.

♪ Open up your heart ♪

♪ Sanctify yourself ♪

♪ Sanctify ♪

♪ Be a part of me ♪

♪ Sanctify ♪

♪ Sanctify... ♪

Enjoy your Catholic couples' course.

- It's a religious retreat. - Mm-hm.

We'll be checking everything when we get back.

Homework, chores, everything.

One step out of line, you'll be grounded till after your exams.

Yeah, you'd love that, me stuck here

so you don't have to speak to each other.

There he is now.

And Billy... again.

Keep an eye on her, will you, okay?

Make sure she goes in tomorrow. You're the responsible one.

I'm the older one!

Lads, you off to watch a movie?

Yeah, um... Karate Kid, right?

- Yeah, wax on, wax off. - Yeah.

See yous on Sunday.

See you Sunday.

Has your dad even seen Karate Kid?

Has he fuck.

Look, you behave yourself, alright?

Rent a movie and get a few cans of Coke.

I want chipper too.

Wha'?

And I need materials for my art project.

- Okay, but that's it. - Okay, bye now.

Alright. Number 71.

Usual rules, no screaming, no looking away.

- And no shitting yourself. - That was one time.

Is there tits in this or what?

Nah, the sex is all implied in the sound design.

I'm just fuckin' with you.

I thought you were going all Kubrick on me.

Fuck Kubrick.

The Shining was tame.

Me and you, we'll top that.

Oh, wait till we get to London next year,

get some work on sets, work our way up, make some proper gory shit.

Yeah.

Yeah, let's just... finish the collection first,

before anyone cops where the Debs money went.

Look, stop freaking out about the money, alright?

It's just a stupid graduation dance.

You're the treasurer.

You're entitled to invest that money.

Invest?

I'm not sure people at school will see it that way.

It's their money we spent on these videos.

They won't have to see it.

I haven't even booked a venue.

Yeah, we'll pay it all back when we sell the full collection

Right, all we have to do is find the final tape.

We already have a lead.

What? Your pen pal?

She's not a pen pal, she's a source!

Yeah, well, she's in the middle of nowhere

in the middle of Middle England.

She can't do a postal exchange on this one.

Even if she does get her hands on the tape.

Well then, we'll find it here, alright?

Don't lose your nerve now.

Aaargh! Aaargh! Aaaaaargh!

Get out, the girls are on their way.

No, this is our time. You've the whole house.

Uhh! There's no video player.

What are you even watching anyway?

Girl Gets Killed in the Woods 4?

Spoiler, she gets killed in the woods... again!

It's Nightmares in a Damaged Brain.

It's extremely rare and valuable

And weird. Take your messed up video and get out!

You're not using my VCR to watch Flashdance again.

Do you want me to tell Mam and Dad about your video collection?

They left their phone number.

Who are they gonna believe?

I'm the altar boy.

You're the one they think is going mental.

I'll get their camera as well,

give them a nice surprise when the roll is developed.

Alright, alright, fine!

You can have the room.

But I'm taking this.

Oh, come on, don't be an arsehole.

You're on your bike. How are you even gonna carry it?

I can carry the plug.

Billy, what are you doing?

Billy?! Put it back!

Put it back!

Prick!

I don't know what he's got over you.

He's gonna get you strung up over that cash.

Shut up about it, will you?

I knew we shouldn't have told you.

Have you told him about next year yet?

Jesus, Con.

You're gonna have to tell him eventually, you know?

Da, will you turn it down?

Shut up.

That's Tony Allen, don't disrespect.

This is your music.

I don't even know what he's saying.

It's Naija.

Irish boy, you'll pick it up, if you listen properly.

Can you not put things back?

Then how would you learn to look after the place?

Someone has to prepare you for the real world.

What are you even doing making a sandwich? I'm cooking.

Stop complaining.

You'll be a happy man when you see what I've got.

Did you get some more of those seized tapes?

Some idiots tried to smuggle them in from Italy.

I don't know why you can't trade some nice comedies.

They're not as valuable.

Hm.

At least you are showing some initiative.

Take what you need, bring the rest over to the video shop.

See what TJ will pay me for them

There's a few good ones in here, but it's mostly Italian Giallo

that I already have and some mainstream shit that TJ won't take.

What about this girl in England, your pen pal? Fangoria Fun Girl.

Trade them with her.

Figure it out.

Nobody's gonna hold your hand.

It's Fangirl, not Fungirl.

And she's not a pen pal.

She's a fellow collector.

Ha, is she collecting boyfriends?

Why does she write to you so much?

Hello?

Right then, let's go through...

Look, let's just do it.

Why?

Because it's hurling today and faking off P.E. is fuckin' cliché.

I want it to be authentic.

But I'm good at faking injuries.

Stop fucking with my vision, Con!

Eyes on the prize.

Now, we've got the hotplate heating the mantle.

Right then, fuck it.

Okay, on the count of three, yeah?

Three, two, one...

Gaargh!

♪ It would be good if we could get out tonight ♪

♪ It would be great if we could make something happen ♪

♪ We could run, we could run, we could run, we could run around all night ♪

♪ We could find, we could find, we could find a place to hang around ♪

♪ No one's man enough, no ♪

♪ No one's bad enough, no ♪

♪ No one's crazy anymore ♪

♪ No one's man enough, no ♪

♪ No one's bad enough ♪

Any leads in the classifieds?

I can't see anything.

It's hard to decipher some of these messages.

Got one for you, The Ginger Dead Man.

You know, like The Gingerbread Man.

What's it about?

Ginger zombies, but if they bite you, your pubes turn red.

Run, run, as fast as you can, you can't escape...

- The Ginger Dead Man. - Yeah!

That's a good one.

Alright, queers?

What is it this week, wanking injury?

What? That's it? You're predictable.

Look at yous with your gay little bandages.

You people are just scared to get a whack off a hurl.

You people?

Whatever happened to me being a Paki?

Oh, that was fun.

Wildly inaccurate, obviously, but fun.

Shut the fuck up.

Oooh!

You're really phoning it in today, aren't ya?

You'd wanna watch your mouth.

You see, I've been hearing things,

throwing around money on video tapes.

Dalo's sister works in the hotel, says er,

there's no booking for the Debs ball.

If I find out you're after taking my money,

I'll burst ya.

Get the fuck away from me.

Oooh!

♪ No one's bad enough, no ♪

♪ No one's crazy anymore ♪

♪ No one's man enough, no ♪

♪ No one's bad enough, no ♪

♪ No one's crazy anymore ♪

You alright?

Me? Yeah, I'm grand.

You can't let them get to you, man.

I mean, we watch heads explode,

entrails getting torn out.

We deal in illegal contraband, Con.

They think they're hard, we're fuckin'...

rocks.

Yeah, well, they'll still smash us to pieces

if we don't get their Debs money back.

Yeah, well, we'll push TJ on it, see if he has any leads.

Are you sure you're alright?

Yeah.

I said it right to his face, I was like...

"Sir, get fucked. Like, the only reason you failed me

is ‘cause my Mam won't have sex with ya. ”

In fairness, that's a pretty messed up way to talk to your dad.

Yeah, I know, but like, I told him not to take the job at our school. Dick.

Since when did you drop out of Honours Maths?

When you were out sick...

for weeks.

What?

Nothing.

It's just, you never came to the phone, like,

what was wrong with you?

Who are you, my ma?

Who cares?

Are we sorting this party or what?

It's midterm, I wanna get shitfaced.

Hey, Con?

Can you nick us some holy wine from Father Pervert?

No, he can't.

He nearly got caught last time.

Like you care, the shit you drag him into.

I'm right here.

You're not invited to my party by the way.

You can stay at home and shag your video player.

And why don't you go home and cry and hide out in your room again?

Yeah, well you can forget about dragging him to London

with you next year, he's not going.

- Zoe... - What? It's true.

I'm doing you a favour here.

She...

she's...

Zoe!

It's not what you think. I want to go, I do! I just can't

What are you talking about, "can't"?

My folks, they won't let me.

I have to go to college, Billy, here.

Why are you such a pushover?

Go on, go home.

Hey!

You shitheads wanna come to a party?

Now, this scene was actually cut from the US version.

So we actually see the inside of the skull.

Now, you wouldn't see that on RT É 1.

Yeah, they used, er, cow intestines for this scene.

Yeah, so this tape was actually transferred from the Italian master.

Them sick bastards need to chill out.

Yeah, well, apparently the lead actor was paid in drugs.

Hm.

So, if you're looking to buy, sale price is negotiable.

For rentals I charge double for nasties,

triple for bluies, quadruples for blasphemies,

oh, and an extra special fiver for Life of Brian.

- Nice one. - Come on.

You're on.

Ha ha! What has my favourite freak got for me today?

Is that supposed to be a compliment?

Alright. Bad day at the office?

Don't let the bastards grind you down.

Unless you're gonna film it.

Ah, na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-nuh!

Dad got another haul.

Let's see what we can do.

No.

Yes.

Ooh, exposé, yes please.

Any luck with, er, Damaged Brain?

Fuck me.

This is a first generation original.

Mm-hm.

Oh, you can smell the wrongness of it.

Too much?

Alright, what is wrong with you today?

You're down to the final film, I thought you'd be doing cartwheels.

It's nothin', just...

money issues.

Con's not coming to London next year.

- Oh, man. - I mean I'm fine.

It's just, he could've told me, you know?

That was the plan.

The dream.

To work on a real film set.

Oh, well, you still have the rest of the year.

I mean, finish the collection together for a start.

You're down to the last tape!

William Asher's Nightmare Maker,

AKA Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker,

AKA...Night Warning.

Do you have any leads?

Because I can't find anything local.

Nah, the trail's gone as cold as a witch's tit.

Here, what about hitting up that sexy pen pal of yours?

She's not...

I don't even know what she looks like.

Oh, whatever. I thought she had a lead on one?

But man, you should see what people are paying

for the full collection on the black market.

You get that tape, I'll get you three grand within a week.

If I was you, I'd be swimming over to England to get that tape.

Tell your old Dad I'll drop that money down to him.

Oh, and tell him I'm running low on blasphemy.

Keep them coming.

Class.

After six increasingly bitter months of strike,

to ask how and where it might end...

Ah-ha, waiting!

How did we do?

Ah-ah!

There's plenty left here.

He didn't need many.

You should have convinced him.

Here, another letter from your pen pal.

Don't get carried away with that girl.

She'll take you for an idiot.

Not every girl's like Mam.

- I don't understand. - We're going to England!

She has the tape, Nightmare Maker.

If we don't go tomorrow, it's gone!

This is our chance, Con.

We-we get the tape, we sell the collection,

we pay back the money.

Wait, just slow down for a second, will you?

Look, she'd rather do a tape exchange with us.

We have doubles of three films on her list.

This is the trip, man!

One last fuckin' hurrah before all the shit hits!

Okay, well, if I can't go to London to...

Con, by the time you get back from this trip,

you'll be gagging to come with me next year.

So, are you in?

Yeah.

Good, because I already wrote back and told her we're coming.

Okay, but we-we've no cash left,

so how do we pay for the ferry, the bus, everything?

- Your sister. - Oh...

Look, she's the only one who knows how screwed we are.

She has to help.

I mean, all we need is... a few quid.

Fine, I'll do it.

Wait, you're not gonna go ask her now, are you?

Well, would you rather ask her now when she's drunk

or tomorrow when she's hungover?

- Oh, yeah. - Yeah?

Okay, let's...

Er, wait.

We're alright, aren't we?

Yeah! I'm not gonna let your parents ruin this for us, okay?

- Yeah. - Yeah, you and me,

we need to finish this.

We can get it done in, like, two days, easy.

Great, okay. I'll call my parents at the hotel.

I'll tell them I'm going to Catholic Boy Scouts.

Sound. We're going camping!

Oi! Thin Lizzy!

You have some fuckin' neck showing up here.

I live here!

Are we doing a shot or what?

Oh, pour me one of them, yeah?

It's the last lemon.

Don't worry, I've a lemon flavoured dick right here.

Have you seen Zoe? No?

Here, what are you doing here? Everyone's talking about ya.

What, me? Where's Zoe?

- Where's Zoe? - What?

Zoe, where is she?

She's upstairs with those skinheads.

She was talking about you.

Everybody's talking about you.

Oi, come back here!

I wanna have a fucking word with you!

Hey, er, what's going on?

Oh man, some hammered bird just lost a game of pinfinger.

Zoe! Oh my God, your hand!

Someone call an ambulance!

Here, Con!

I knew you stole my Debs money, you prick!

- You okay? - Yeah.

Thanks...

...for looking after me.

And I'm sorry that everyone found out you took their Debs money.

I only told Rachel, but...

she was off her tits. Everyone was.

It's alright.

Just get some sleep.

I, um, cleaned up the blood in the bathroom,

tidied up...

- What did she say? - I didn't ask her.

I mean, I can't.

Look, we'll figure it out. We'll find the tape somewhere else.

Yeah, but what about the money, Con?

Everyone is out for blood.

The police are gonna be on this.

- I don't wanna get charged... - Look, I can't just take off, alright?

There's a lot going on. I need to be here.

Stop sucking up to your parents, Con. This is about us...

Look, you know I want to go, I just, I just can't...

I'm just sick of this place, Con

This isn't even about the money.

This is me and you.

I'm getting packed and I'm getting the first bus to the ferry,

and if you're not at that bus stop in the morning,

I'll know exactly what you think

I'll find a way to finish this myself.

Roadkill! The trip from hell!

- Oh shit! You got the money? - Yeah.

You see, I told ya!

Born producer. Yes!

Just a couple of strings.

Wha'?

No! No way!

Yeah, yeah! Yes way!

I'm gonna be grounded for life now.

There's no way I'm going home to them.

As soon as I get my cut, I'm moving out!

Excuse me? Her cut?

Yeah!

If I'm funding this, we're gonna split the profit three ways.

I get the deposit for a room, everyone's happy.

No. This is our trip, our collection.

I don't want some fuckin' fire starter tagging along...

Yeah, you're the one who started this fire, okay?

- Getting Con in over his head. - Oh yeah?

Well, you're the one who blabbed about the money.

And now I'm making it right.

I'm not going home.

I'm getting on that boat with Con.

You can come with us, or you can go and cry about it.

We're doing this.

We're gonna get that tape.

Hello?

Aaaargh! Aaargh, aargh!

I've got a knife!