Original subtitles

he's just a visitor from out of town

welcome to planet Earth way out of town

he's not your average psycho and he

doesn't have your average tour guide we

are going to have to help each other I

would rather live in the Slime pits of

Zaron but they'll do whatever is

inhumanly possible to fit in on planet

Earth help me please try to stay out of

trouble suspect just went through a

chicken

ranch freeze you're not from around here

are you next the premere of hard time on

planet Earth this isn't going to be as

easy as I thought

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this is an outrage an insult to the

Grand Council

the accused is a menace and should be

called and destroyed you have forgotten

that we made him what he is a

magnificent Warrior who served us well

in the great anaran conflict we owe him

and his kind much better than this

enough the sentence must be carried out

Bring Forth the

prisoners you stand convicted of violent

offenses perpetrated against your fellow

citizens

your absolute disregard for the law will

not be tolerated you are exiled to this

primitive World your sentence to dwell

among the dominant life form called

humans doing Penance by performing

worthwhile tasks for them your life

Essence to be manifested in human form

can only be maintained by the crystal

that you now wear it must remain in your

possession at all

times a correctional unit identified as

control has been assigned to

you other than your initial orientation

phase its sole purpose is to provide a

record of your behavior and is forbidden

to provide assistance of any kind if his

records indicate that your rebellious

attitudes have changed the council May

judge you worthy of returning home

before sentence is passed you will kneel

before the grand Council in humility

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the sentence commences

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[Applause]

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of all the Despicable wastelands and my

first assignment and you what luck you

little mutated ball of

electrons Temper Temper your life

Essence is too powerful for this human

form w demonstrated an electrochemical

multiphasic neuron response these

creatures called

pain tell me what's it like it's only

the first of many

adjustments a hero you may have been but

things have certainly changed clashes

with the authorities brawling in the

pleasure centers an entire settlement

destroyed what do they expect I know

nothing else my only crime was to be

victorious in their Galactic Wars be

that as it may you simply must change

your ways if you ever expect to return

home believe me life among these aliens

won't be easy especially for

you please

follow although you can think and speak

as they do you know nothing of their

world their ideas emotions or

motivations you have much to

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do

they are rather hideous aren't

they you'll get used to

it yes I think this will do nicely let's

have a

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look my this is strange how crude these

devices

are I must be more careful with my

output please follow

inside oh sorry they're rather primitive

here turn the mechanism

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below

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a little tight but it'll have to do

until we can find something more

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suitable what is the function of this A

Primitive form of surface Transportation

I've analyzed it even a lower life form

can operate one so prove it

see nothing to it now for something

really fascinating uniquely alien it's

an information Processing Unit seems to

be what this culture is all about it's a

record of their entire Society watch and

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learn Merry Christmas will be h such

interesting behavioral patternss don't

you think you like them so much why

don't we just trade places fortunately

that's not the arrangement which for you

at the moment is to assimilate as much

human data as you

can I'm off to find the place they call

Los Angeles where we will establish you

as quietly as possible while I'm gone

please try to stay out of

trouble well hello Mr Bank

examiner

$8,000 I've a war for my

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arrest look at this

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[Applause]

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wonderful

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oh I got eat

job your mother we're looking for

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[Applause]

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you

oh are you

real the car next to you do you turn

into a green ad monster that is jealousy

my guests today say that jealousy and

envy ruined many relationships with

family members with husbands and with

friends my first guest

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mat

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let him have it oh no and lose our R in

here ain't your copper get up it won't

work Cody they'll shoot just the same

they won't shoot one of their own they

won't make any deals you better pray

that they do G you and your man might as

well

give excuse me me but you seem to be in

some position of authority here and I

was wondering if you might I I was

wondering if you might uh get give me a

little advice you see I've just arrived

here and a rather delicate assignment

and I'm not sure of the proper

protocol well I can see we're not in the

same way

Place incredibly odd no one seems to be

in charge of anything this isn't going

to be as easy as I

thought

G you haven't got a chance come out with

your hands up come out with your hands

up the man says how do you like that Ma

here's my answer you're

[Applause]

dirty pan outan

out Jesse working late so D I mentioned

half an hour

ago H with the

doors been forced 295 is Patrol 36 we a

21 in progress gas station Frontage

Newman Road question the backup we're

investigating the premises now get your

hands yeah that's

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it what the hell is that get the

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shotgun this is the police you there in

the station come out of the door with

your hands up

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drop the gun toop where the kid gets it

what the hell's he saying I think he's

got a hostage for a miracle wash day

whiteness try the magic of liquid blue I

think he's a psycho come on let's go

watch

yourself go

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away he's

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I didn't do it you got to believe me I'm

innocent You'll Never Take Me Alive

cover don't shoot I

we wait for

backup yeah

[Applause]

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yeah control where are

the

crystal the crystal I must go

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back but where am

I look like someone had one heck of a

party here last night look at this man

I've seen him on PCP before but this

station like it was a frisbee look at

that unbelievable let me take a look I

got to tell you six guys couldn't have

done this much damage looks like a

tornado came through this place okay

boys I want you to cover every square

inch I want it all and my truck how

could you let him take my truck chopper

couldn't find anything Sheriff just too

much desert tell him to keep

looking hey look at

what is it

Nelson uh I can't

remember I should have known better than

to leave him alone I've uncaged a

monster I've got to find him but there's

no Crystal failure Annihilation Doom

negative outcome not

good for the fifth time Charlie

506 Mark

0374 Mark

1467 you got that take it easy Karen we

got all

day maybe you've got all day in that air

condition to trailer I would like to be

out of here by 10: before my tires melt

that's the life of a geologist babe heat

and dust hey what's the hurry big day

with Mr Wright

Tonight butt out Charlie

at least he owns more than one

shirt I'm heading up to

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seven come on you old piece of junk just

one more

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time

come

on come on

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[Applause]

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now come

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no B to Karen Bas to Karen can you read

me I say again if you can hear this stay

where you are we're on our way to your

last

location I'm not going anywhere

Charlie oh please

hurry this is your fault where are

you

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oh my God no

stop you

idiot what the hell do you think you're

doing where am

I

what can't you see that I need help

here where am I

oh God are you going out of your mind

look this Jeep is about to go it's going

to fall at any second so please help me

now damn you help

[Applause]

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me what are you doing please let it go

it's a piece of

[Applause]

junk

it's

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no sorry with them Apaches done to your

husband

ma'am you better gather up your children

and your belongings and come with come

with us to for

Lo what

happened you passed

out you were

Delirious you said some very strange

things you must watch a lot of

TV I are you all

right weak no

kidding you're a little slow coming out

of the starting blocks but once you get

going you're really something what you

did was just

incredible I still can't believe it you

Saved My Life

Jesse that is your

name

Jesse hi I'm Karen

I think this is yours you dropped

it I must go I don't think you should go

anywhere um my friends are going to be

here soon we can take you to a

doctor I must find

him before it is too late

control

he went to find Los

Angeles what is a Los Angeles Los

Angeles it's a city where is the city

Los Angeles west of here about 120 miles

on Interstate 10 West H that

way you're not from around here are

you

no I am a

pris a

visitor look I think you need a doctor

now my friends are going to be here soon

and there's a hospital nearby there is

nothing you can do there is very little

time left I need to find control what

wait I don't know who you are or where

you're from or what's going on here but

you did save my life and I owe

you I must be going crazy look if you

need someone a friend in Los Angeles

this is my phone

number I'm sorry you have to be so

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ugly well next time I wear

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makeup no the highway

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sway why couldn't your state put your

insufferable L I should have known

better than to trust you when I find

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you

suspect just went through a chicken

ranch near Lancaster at high speed 21 in

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Pursuit contact Metro tell them they've

got trouble headed their way big

trouble Chopper waiting on the roof

Captain Ralston well tell me he lost the

sheriff two of our units and the highway

patrol on the Hollywood freeway we

across four lanes of oncoming traffic

right through a fence and in of the LA

River this guy is a real nutcase Captain

tell me something I don't know where is

he now still in the main Channel

southbound approaching downtown 5 units

in Pursuit okay where can we head them

off huh uh we hurry maybe the Sixth

overpass let's go I want to personally

call her this

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there he is there's a gate hang

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on just like the good old days huh

Captain H these are the good old days

just pass the Broadway over pass

proceeding du South get the chopper back

on him this guy's walking away from us

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Highway Patrol this is Captain Ralston

give us some room [ __ ] out buddy I've

been on this guy for 30 minutes find

your own slot hang

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on how far does this thing go Captain

still have time into the La

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hey

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suspect just went through a chain link

fence and is now heading west on

Davenport Service Road found you he's

left the CER road now on Ocean Avenue

heading for the Gerald Desmond Bridge

Roger

dispatch this is Ron block off that

bridge get someone down here to pick me

up now come on Mike now he's got me

mad yeah SM I think he's pulling

up where the hell is he SM justed here

ran up the bridge so the arm far as we

can see no thought we had a jumper so we

closed down the bridge now we can't get

near him without him going nuts all

right release some of that traffic maybe

we can distract this dude long enough

for me to get close to him and give me

somebody from SWAT as a back hey you

make sure everybody's ready to move on

my signal yes

sir let me borrow that St no Canon of

yours Captain R Who driving the car you

come with me

can Captain what did he do Captain R can

give us the information

please not here I have survived the

battlefield of

andarius I will not die here nobody said

anything about D lying

pal nobody's going to hurt you pal it's

all over

now we just want to help you

control I know you're up

there you hear

me damn your Masters to the Nexus Banks

listen man we'll take care of you get

you to a doctor there's no

time the crystal I don't know what your

problem is is pal but I know this you

need

help

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now colot I want that ship

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[Applause]

the crystal have you any idea of the

trouble you've put me through what a

mess you've made of this entire

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situation

damn

you

the directive number one a correctional

unit shall never under any circumstances

intercede with the activities of a

correctional subject

penalty immediate disc Corporation I am

forbidden to

intercede you

fool if I

die you will be

terminated finished and it's all your

fault fault I'll be lucky to wind up

tending an antimatter Sun Pool in

Cracker 11 but if I save you it's a

Nexus bank for sure oh what a

predicament put the

crystal on the

beam by my hand I don't see what good

that ah yes I see if I were to just

place the crystal there with no

intention of saving you and You Were

Somehow able to just do

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it uh perhaps I should look the other

way just in

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[Applause]

case

is it over yet are you

safe ah there now that wasn't so

difficult after

all now now let's not make things any

worse shall we I'd suggest we find you a

way down from here before those

authorities up there realize where you

are I couldn't escape from them they

were everywhere you're not supposed to

escape why do you think you were sent

here which brings us back to our

predicament since we are now Partners do

not get any ideas about what happened

back there you owed me one but don't you

see my success depends upon yours and

yours upon mine if I'm ever to prove

myself worthy and you are ever to return

home we are going to have to help each

other help you I would rather live in

the Slime pits of Zaron than help you if

you don't want my help fine but you have

a sentence to ser and you'd better start

helping these creatures or you are

finished until you're ready to come to

your senses don't expect any more

heroics from me for better or worse your

orientation is over welcome to planet

Earth

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hey

yo you see something you don't like do

your

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[Applause]

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hly

wo hey that's on me

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buddy give me one for the road coming

right

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up a wild man and a stolen off-road

racer LED police on a high speed chase

through the LA River today it ended in

tragedy when the man cornered by police

at top the Gerald Desmond bridge fell to

his death while officers attempted to

take him into

custody at least we still searching for

the body of a man which may have fallen

into the hold of a passing ship we'll

have further details on our 11:00 report

in other news city planners today

proposed a new Link in the Ventura

freeway which would serve to connect the

downtown

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area

ex there

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nothing

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hey somebody just ripped off your Clint

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where am I suppos on my

hi this is Karen I'm not in right now

but at the tone please leave a brief

message in the number and I'll return

your call as soon as I can thanks for

calling

Karen you said you

would help me I need a

friend hello Jesse is that

you yes

Jesse my God you're

Jesse Karen you said you would help

me I need help yes of course I'll help

you I'm with the

telephones yes I know that but there are

lots of telephones Jesse which

telephones where are you look around you

can you see a street sign a building

something

there's a big man on top of a

building his head is different than the

others a statue a statue you must be

near a park now um who is it whose

statue is

it hey F through me you freak who is

that that uh that's the chicken

boy that's the Chicken

Boy The Chicken Boy

Jesse you're downtown um I know the

corner stay there I'm

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minut

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[Applause]

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not

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oh isn't it lovely yes it's beautiful

it's very becoming on you it's just what

I was looking

for they're all so

beautiful I can't make up my

mind excuse me do you have a lady's room

of course mam it's just in that to your

left thank you

I'm sorry I was looking for the lady's

room it's right

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everybody freeze do what you told no one

gets hurt up against the

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take

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everything hurry it

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out make him open the

vault you open that Vault or everyone in

this room dies her first you last please

I'm only the manager the owner has the

combination he's not here you've got to

believe me we got 10 seconds

friend you have a sentence to serve and

you better start helping these creatures

so you're

finished please help me

now time's

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that would be a big

mistake let's get out of

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go go go what happened where's hurting

Frank the guy's crazy get the hell out

of here move move move you tears apart

Drive damn it oh

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[Applause]

[Applause]

bring

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in you idiot turn around it's a dead

end hey you can't do

that he just

[Applause]

did my God what is he doing run him down

run him

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[Music]

down big

mistake watch your back man look

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out

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get the Polar Roller I want a picture of

this

one give me any information you can on

him have you seen him before he came out

of nowhere like a crazy Savage an animal

you seem to be forgetting that he saved

all of our

lives so where are you can you describe

him well he was huge 6'4 at least light

hair wearing raggedy clothes like

overalls no no no this guy looked like

someone out of a western I don't know

like Clint Eastwood I mean he was

wearing a hat boots a vest the whole

[Music]

Jesse hey let

go

Jessie Jessie

wait that's

him this no run Jesse

run so what the hell was that all about

don't ask me I was following

you tough one to figure out huh

C

that thing at the jewelry store was that

weird or what yeah too weird a lot of

things don't make sense

Mikey this

guy he's not your average

psycho he's running from something

Captain I don't think this guy knows

what he's running

from I tell you one

thing I don't think we've seen the last

of this

[Music]

don't go away we'll be right

back I don't know what came over me but

by helping you I've become a prisoner

too even if you don't want my help we're

stuck with each other saving you is my

only hope perhaps if I I succeed you

succeed and I can throw myself at the

mercy of the high councel I can't do

it I can't change who I am so then you

can never go back but what about your

vow to return home your family what

about them think about it you know my

friend if you want to return you'll have

to prove to the council that you have

truly

changed how can I do that by putting

aside that headstrong independence of

yours is that so bad despite their

seeming Insanity these creatures may

have much to teach you in a way you have

already helped some of them I don't know

what came over me it's simple you're

becoming like them beginning to feel

human emotions and that I can put in my

report which by the way is overdue I

must

go cheer up while you've been

terrorizing this place I've been

analyzing it and I believe I know how it

works I have so many interesting things

to show you about this planet but get

some rest tomorrow we'll start

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again come back here you little zonian

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slug next on hard time on planet Earth

this Ain to Sal Army you got to pay I

don't have any money these machines are

located throughout the city they're

designed to dispense money to those who

need it exchange rate franch banking no

point low Point Grand Jackson Lincoln

this one has to offer metr police

tonight are looking for a daring robber

who took

teller machines in the Wilshire District

I'd like to give this back fre

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turn

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later tonight teranova goes undercover

to get a look at the CD side of the

record Biz Debbie Harry and Glen Fry

guest star on the first of a seven-part

wise guy but first equalizer turns

lawyer when he defends a friend on a

life or death charge of treason The

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