Original subtitles

Hey, all due respect to your expertise.

However, any way you could expedite the process?

Five minutes checking for trip wires now saves us

a lot of problems five minutes from now.

Okay. Well,

that ship has probably already sailed.

You said not to worry.

Yeah, because I didn't want you to worry.

So how many alarms have we tripped already?

Come on, man. Let's not make a big deal out of this, yeah?

Just blow the safe, fill the bag, and let's get out of here.

Come on, nice and easy.

If it's that simple, what'd you need me for?

Because this is a two-person job, buddy.

One for the safe, and one to shoot the first responders.

First responders?

Yup.

They're supposed to respond to the alarms we tripped. Come on.

Alarms you didn't disable.

Let's not dwell on the past, buddy.

Those are cops.

Well, technically. Come on, come on. Okay. We're good. Come

on. This is not $11 million.

Really?

F**k!

Coke. Coke. A little bit of cash.

A tiny bit of cash.

What the f**k is this?

I don't know, but come on. Can we f*****g talk about this in the car? Let's go.

You don't know?

Holy s**t.

There's almost 100,000 here.

65 isn't almost.

You told me it was a stash house.

It was,

an FBI stash house.

Thoroughly corrupt FBI agents.

That ever made a difference?

What, so you're telling me you won't steal from cops, dirty or otherwise?

Not even for $11 million?

An academic question, since there isn't 11

million, and no way if you told me we had to shoot

six feds.

Six thoroughly corrupt feds.

I don't shoot any kind of six people, certainly

not for 65,000.

All right, well, in my defense, I assumed there'd be more in the safe.

Yeah, 11 million.

Well, no. Kind of pulled that number out of my a*s.

What's on the hard drive?

Nothing.

Some personal s**t.

Personal?

Mm-hmm.

What, you peeved?

You wouldn't be?

You know what? F**k it.

You keep the money. All of it.

All?

Merry Christmas. All yours.

The whole 65.

Listen, buddy, I'm trying to do the right thing here.

The right thing?

For you.

Danny. The right thing.

Danny, okay?

You're keeping the whole stash.

That's...

No, that's fine.

Hey, what the f**k?

It's not like you're going to kill me over this.

Oh, buddy. Oh, come on. Come on, man.

If it turns into that kind of thing, where you shoot me, I shoot you-

I want to get some ice cream.

What?

Yeah.

Now?

Yeah.

No. No, no. We should stay on this road for a few more hours.

I don't think they're going to report it to the local cops necessarily, but we

should def- No, I

want to get some ice cream. I'm hungry. I know a place.

Are you out of your mind? No.

I'm not.

No. Ice cream.

Where the f**k are we going to get ice cream right now?

I said I know a place.

Ice cream, you scream. I'll scream for ice cream.

What?

Come on, it'll feel good.

All right.

Ice cream it is.

So

you own a diner?

I had a problem with some Albanians a few years back.

Yeah, and?

It's a long story.

The short version is I had to surgically remove

my fingerprints, but I kept the diner.

There's a lot missing from that version, buddy.

All right, diner.

Danny,

what's on the hard drive?

Let it go, man. It's nothing that can be monetized.

Everything can be monetized.

Trust me, man, this is one of those cases where the less you know, the better off

you are.

Trust you.

I get it, yeah.

You're right. Ironic choice of words.

No, not ironic. I like irony. I don't like this.

Yeah. You know what? This has been fun, buddy, but I think I'm going to go

before things escalate. Before things get said that can't be

taken back, feelings get hurt. No,

I'm saying, do you like sprinkles?

I'm trying to find my-

Forget the sprinkles

... rainbow sprinkles, the confetti sprinkles.

Listen, buddy.

Where did I put them?

Bye. Here they are.

Listen, the money-

Oh, sweet.

Creamy.

Subtly floral aromatic.

Dying over 11 million

would've made some sense,

had some dignity.

So I hope, for both of our sakes, that

whatever's on this,

I can

weave into a little bit of gold.

S*n o* a

b***h.

Yeah.

So good. Mm.

Mm. You can have me,

if you want me.

All I need is a little strip of money.

I need a place for all the s**t in my closet.

I need a place to put all my electronics. Ain't nice.

I ain't nice.

You ain't that nice, but you got a nice face.

Hope I can fit all my s**t at your place.

Got a collection of vintage calculators.

Got any bars?

What bar?

Bars.

Oh.

Sometimes when it rains, the tower goes out.

It ain't raining.

Well,

maybe it's raining somewhere else.

Good one.

All right.

Okay.

Can I get y'all anything else?

Decaf. No.

Sorry.

Oh, yeah, just sit anywhere

Mm-mm.

Mm. Come on.

Oh, here.

You want a coffee or anything? It's just all-

Hey.

Excuse me?

I'm going to need you to stay right there for a second.

Oh, really?

It's for your own safety.

Now, I would tell you to put your hands where I could see them, but if I was in

your place, I sure as hell wouldn't.

Listen,

we are open to a scenario where we walk out, drive away, and just

continue to drive.

Yeah. No, I don't doubt it.

But?

Yeah. But.

We need to cover the door.

We were looking at the door.

If you weren't so busy shoveling food in your face, you would've seen him pull up.

You didn't see him.

You have been a s**t partner. I've covered you for eight years.

I still can't believe I f****d you.

You f****d me? I f****d you.

Not so I noticed.

Classy. Last minutes on Earth, and you go for a d**k joke?

Well, more like seconds, actually.

Look, we actually have a lot to get done.

Do you guys want to go down as victims or Vikings?

So,

Dolly,

who's here?

Just me and Cookie,

the cook.

Is Cookie still breathing?

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Ah.

Cookie,

you got a mop and a bucket?

Yeah. In the storage room out back.

Get a broom and a dustbin, too,

and some duct tape to cover the bullet holes in the booths.

If he ends up dead or incapacitated, you're going to be doing the sweeping and

mopping.

I heard you loud and clear on the last one.

Yet it bears repeating.

You run marathons?

Huh?

Do you run marathons?

No.

I can barely feel your pulse.

I guess I've seen worse.

Wow.

I'd like to hear that story.

I'll take that coffee now.

You paying?

So,

what happened last time?

Unclench. I'm not a homicidal maniac, if that's what you're asking.

Wow.

You sure made a sound, though, buddy.

The f*****g guy's never heard of positive reinforcement.

How about, "Nice headshot, French.

Good shot discipline, French."

Anyway, what's the story with the waitress?

You think about asking her out on a date?

You're kind of a smart a*s for a guy with a gun to his head.

I'm sorry.

Sometimes my mouth gets ahead of me.

Ah, easy.

Easy.

I'm getting the duct tape.

This should

cover breakfast for everyone,

plus a substantial tip.

What kind of civilian traffic can I expect over the next few hours?

It's pretty dead until lunch.

How big's the lunch rush?

Well, you pretty much just killed the entire breakfast rush.

Phone.

Phone.

Purse?

Coffee?

Please.

Give me the keys.

Hey, hold on a second.

Yours?

It's my Charger. Her Honda.

Slash the tires

It's not a f*****g trick. I already said

I'm not going to hurt you.

So did everyone who's ever hurt anyone, ever.

What the actual f**k?

Pair of pros. 50s, 60s, husband-wife vibes.

For a moment there,

I wondered if maybe they were yours.

Hmm. Before or after you killed them?

Were they regulars?

I've only been here a few weeks.

Sir, you seen them before?

I've been here like six months. I've never seen them.

Okay.

Not yours.

Not ours.

Must've been CIA.

CIA?

Yeah.

S*n o* a b***h didn't tell you?

He doesn't tell us s**t. We're security, not

co-conspirators.

Do you think you can convince him to press pause?

I don't think so. The time it would take to agree on someplace new, not to mention

black out three square miles of comms. See you on Arbor Day.

Well, guess we put a shine on this turd.

Let's go.

Hey.

Number three. Wheat toast, bacon.

Heard that, Cookie?

Hey, Otto.

You're out there, okay?

I've already got a guy there.

Okay.

There.

Then the sun will be at his back.

So?

My long gun can't see your long gun. What do you think is going to happen?

Okay, how about there? North-south line of sight on each other.

That's good.

Good.

Ike, Duke on the side. You inside.

You need two in there.

Why?

Got a guy in the kitchen watching the cook.

Why does the cook need to be in the kitchen?

Paid for breakfast. Our breakfast.

Why do we have to be matchy-matchy?

These guys aren't one for one. Everyone can see what everyone else is doing.

You know we will come back to eight dead bodies.

Okay.

Okay.

Duke inside.

Keep an eye on the waitress.

You good? We matchy-matchy?

See you in an hour.

What a d**k.

Hmm.

So,

you buying breakfast or what?

What for? You got guns.

"Best pancakes in the county?"

What, they were reviewed somewhere?

Food Network or something?

She says they're the best, that is good enough for me.

I'm not saying it. Menu says it.

Yeah, but how are they, though?

I don't eat pancakes.

What do you eat, Dolly?

That ever work with anyone?

Anywhere?

No.

Has not.

Do you want the pancakes?

Just guessing.

She's intrigued.

Tell me, are you intrigued, Dolly?

You don't know if she even likes guys.

You like guys, don't you, Dolly?

Nope.

Only men.

So these pancakes, they never won an award or anything?

People seem to like them.

So that's just some s**t y'all put on the menu.

You want me to ask, Cookie?

Man.

Let me get the burger medium,

Swiss and bacon,

onion rings and fries,

chocolate milkshake.

Seriously? After all that?

I'm not a breakfast person.

I'll take the pancakes,

turkey bacon, grapefruit juice, and don't forget Blondie's order.

Yes.

A number three.

Uh-huh.

White toast, bacon.

Wheat toast.

Do you want something?

County's best pancakes. Bacon.

Head out, see what Ike wants.

Verrado.

Or Travis. BLT?

He's vegan.

They can pick out the bacon.

Oh, like a LT?

Yeah.

No, that's not a thing.

Do you have any vegan options?

We've got...

She's got a hummus and avocado wrap.

Hummus and avocado wrap.

Yeah, let's do that.

Man.

She's got a mouth on her.

Makes me want to just pursue it, I think she's playing.

Hey, man. You need me to add it too?

No. Just making a milkshake.

Mm-hmm.

Trying to.

Don't look at me like that.

Not even looking at you.

Looking at me like I'm an a*****e.

Yeah? You sure it wasn't like, "This is twice as many orders I've ever had to fill

at once?"

The two of you, the way you're handling this,

something ain't right.

Oh, yeah? You guys take over a lot of diners, do you?

Too calm.

Don't kid yourself. As soon as I get these orders out, I'm gonna

go in the bathroom and have myself a real good cry.

Ryder, where are you? We're taking fire.

They seem too old to be shooters.

Subcontractors.

CIA hires them in all shapes and sizes for the stateside f*****y

of it.

I ordered turkey bacon.

Oh.

We'll just swap them out. All right. There we go.

Thank you.

Either way,

Oakes will never admit that anything ever happened here.

Now, if they did,

they would just have to explain what the hell the son of the b***h was selling.

What?

Waiting on you to try those pancakes.

So, what's up, K? How are they?

They're fine.

Nothing special though, right?

Jesus Christ. Do you want to try them?

No.

Maybe a little bit.

Order your own. It's on me, all right?

Another order of pancakes.

Yep.

Do you still want the burger?

No, I don't.

Yeah, I do.

Okay.

You're late.

This don't look like CIA.

Aryan Nation.

What'd you do to them?

I don't remember.

All right. Well, I'm going to get someone to clean this up.

Ryder,

why'd you think CIA?

The feds, they said that they had something to do with this.

They had a whole crew waiting to ambush you out back of the diner.

And?

That's why you pay me the big bucks.

Site's sterile. There's

five FBI, five of my guys. No comms.

But

seeing as it seems everyone knows you're back,

I mean, I got to ask.

So much work sneaking in and out of the country.

You always have to factor in just a little bit of mayhem.

Did you get what I want?

Yeah.

It's in the backseat there.

Good.

Over easy, rye bread, ham.

At least I wasn't the eggs.

We're not a drive-through.

Need silverware, too.

Right

Here you go.

Can I get coffee?

Milk or sugar?

Cream.

You need silverware too, don't you? Okay.

Yeah.

Coffee for me, too.

I need a side of

ham and toast.

White wheat or rye?

I'll just make one of each.

Thank you.

All right.

For the guys across the road.

Yeah, no, I've got to make a pot of coffee.

Well,

you want me to take

it? Yeah, sure. Go

ahead.

I put the toast in. You need to make sure it don't burn.

Mm-hmm.

Ow.

Whoa, hey, hold on. Why you asking him?

Asking him what?

Permission to go outside.

I don't know. What am I supposed to ask?

So what, you want to take a vote?

Let me get something straight. You're not the goddamn alpha here.

Hey, sweetie.

Go ahead.

But you're not the alpha either. What are you-

You know who definitely isn't the alpha?

Incel who s***s his pants whining about who's the alpha.

Ha.

Their sniper's over there,

about 300 yards.

Yeah. Ours is right over there, about 250.

I'm not going with him.

Yes, you told me.

Yeah. That's some serious alpha male mojo for you.

Just get out of here, man.

Don't

shoot. S**t.

Don't shoot.

Hey, I don't think coffee or silverware is coming any time soon.

What do you say to a Christmas truce?

What's that?

The Germans and British in World War I.

They came out of the trenches, played soccer, sang Christmas carols.

So you want to sing Christmas carols?

I want to go inside and eat like a human being.

Got some food here.

Right. What we got here? What we got?

There you go.

Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir.

Yes, sir.

Okay. Whoa, whoa.

What the f**k is this?

It's a hummus wrap.

Or houmus wrap.

Houm-

Hummus or houmus.

Houm-

Hou?

Okay, now tell me about the decision-making process that went into giving me

this.

Well, we have limited vegan options, sir.

Vegan? Who told you I was vegan?

The person who's kind of a small-

Okay.

It was a seven-day detox. Now, see, this is the problem with being the long

gun. You're always on the outside.

People thinking you're vegan and-

All due respect, sir, I don't care. I can go make you something else.

Well, what's that?

It's a cheeseburger and fries. It was for the other

long gun.

Hummus wrap

is for her.

Thank you.

Okay.

All right.

Vegan.

What the f**k are you doing inside?

Eating my cold food.

Guess you're up, stud.

Goddamn. Come on, man. I just got a little food left, man.

Can I just finish that?

French.

This a b***h.

What?

You're just sitting there. Why don't you go out back?

Fine.

Come on, Dolly. Keep me company.

F*****g hell, French.

What the hell's the matter with you?

Nothing.

I'm 100% operational male.

All right, scumbag. I'm going out.

Nope. Mm-mm.

You want to shoot the whole place up over a waitress, huh?

I think the question is, are any of you

going to shoot the place up over Dolly?

Hmm?

Is this how he usually is?

No.

Not typically.

Jesus Christ.

Ryder's going to have something to say about this.

Another stern talking to.

Oh, no.

Hey.

Mm-mm.

It's disgusting.

He's a piece of s**t.

But you know we can't let you do that

If this turns into the O.K. Corral, you know I'm with you.

But we both know what the boss is going to say.

I'm sorry.

For what?

Come on, Dolly.

Just got some

food here.

It's just some food.

What the f**k is this?

It's hummus wrap.

I can make you something else. Go on.

French do this? You think it's a joke?

Yes.

Well?

That's my hamburger?

Yeah, I guess there was a mistake with his order.

So, he took mine?

Maybe he figured-

I'm a female, so I eat bird food?

Well,

not

actual bird food, but maybe just lighter.

Forget it. I'm not hungry.

Look, I can make you another burger. It's no problem.

Oh, yeah?

I'll be back here in 10, 15 minutes.

Forget it.

All right. Sorry about that.

Well...

No.

Hey, Dolly.

Where's Dolly?

She's out back.

Out back?

Mm-hmm.

Where's the...

You're very calm.

I'm calm because I know you're not going to rape me.

You're right.

I'm not going to rape you.

I am going to seduce

the living s**t out of you.

This day and age, you can't say what you want,

but you still want it.

You okay with this?

Huh? You okay with that?

Huh?

What the f**k is wrong with you people?

Well, I'm cutthroats and paid killers.

Something to keep in mind, my friend.

Right. I'm

sorry.

Where you going?

To make a goddamn cheeseburger deluxe because turns out the armed cutthroat out

there isn't a vegan. He's just a pissed-off carnivore.

Otto isn't a vegan?

No, he's just on a cleanse.

What do you want,

smack me around and pull me by my hair?

Caveman style it, huh? That is not my go-to, no.

If you're going to shoot me, he wants it medium rare with Swiss.

I'm looking out for you, big dog.

If you try to be a hero, I'm going to have to put you down.

I look like a hero to you?

So you're more like a classy

kind of gal, right?

Yeah, something more like from the

1940s.

Pancakes were good.

Best in the county, though?

Small county.

Some crazy s**t to put in print, though, don't you think?

Don't take this the wrong way, but you're lucky I didn't

hock a loogie in them.

Hey.

Better watch how you talk to me now.

Or what? Rape gets a pass, but bad attitude, that's frowned upon?

Huh.

I'll be Bogie,

you be Bacall. Hmm?

Where he grabs her like this, and then

he forces to kiss her, and then she fights him off, and then she kisses him back.

Yeah.

The guy's a piece of s**t, okay?

What you want us to do, shoot each other over it?

You're right.

Yeah?

Like this?

F**k!

I like it rough.

How does that feel, huh?

You like it? Okay.

Oh, Jane. Me, it's me. Jesus.

What the hell happened to you?

Oh, just a fight to the death to defend your virtue.

He's intact. Come on.

Oh, yeah. I see that.

Watch the knife.

Watch that gun.

Okay.

Okay.

Is he dead?

Very.

That's great.

Okay. Please have car keys.

Ugh, please have car keys.

S**t.

Ah, this is gross. F**k! Okay.

Look, you better give me the gun.

B******t. It's my gun now.

You know how to shoot?

Try and take it and you will find out.

Just because... Look, I can stall them while you make a run

for it.

Stall them?

Yeah.

You going to dance? Recite poetry?

Okay. You don't know me, but I've...

I don't know how to say this. I've got some skills. Okay?

Honestly, I really hope so, because cooking ain't one of them.

Oh, ha ha. Well, maybe we can fill out peer performance cards because I've got some

observations about the rate of food that was sent back, and maybe you don't know

how to place an order.

All right. While you stall them, what am I doing? Running?

That sounds like a good option. Yes, running.

Terrain is flat in four directions, two snipers across the road with maybe a half a

mile range, and a field of fire that covers

pretty much everywhere except for where we're standing right now.

So how far do you figure I'll get?

Field of fire? Jesus. What-

You want to run? I'll distract him.

Look,

I took this off the one I killed in the kitchen.

FBI.

Yeah, and seriously bent, which is the worst of both worlds.

Nothing good is going to happen to us if we stay here, and it's going to happen

very freaking fast. I really wish you'd give me the gun. Come on.

Are you that good?

Probably.

Okay. I don't f**k with probably.

Wait, wait. Darling, wait. F**k.

S**t.

Mega-fucking-tive, man.

Postprandial smoke's a time-honored ritual.

Not indoors, not in this century.

F**k that tyranny.

That would be our long gun,

taking exception at your bad manners.

And that would be ours.

Think it might be a good time for you to get back in the car anyway.

F**k that. Duke can take a shift.

Duke,

watch the back for me.

Duke.

What the hell's going on?

Why are you looking at me?

Because your guy went outside, and now our guy's not answering up.

More than one explanation for that.

Any of them good?

All right. Look, guys,

we all need to be very careful, right?

One bad move,

those long guns are going to respond. Right?

And that's a train none of us can get off.

Okay?

I'm going to check the kitchen.

You're going to leave me here two on one?

Yeah, I bet you've been there before.

You want this to end in bloodshed?

All right. One of ours, one of yours. Okay?

Got

you. Blondie, what's up?

The waitress shot me.

The waitress?

She knows what she's doing.

My fed is splattered.

Truce, all right? Look.

We still got to figure out the waitress.

Kind of hard to put it out of my head that you just shot me.

Yeah, well, you just shot me, too. I'm already over it.

How do we tell the snipers to stand down?

Uh,

jeez.

Body language?

All right, look,

we'll come up

slow.

No, the comm's been blacked out and

we're both bleeding. We can't just sit here and wait for more things to happen

to us. Come on.

F**k.

Okay, look.

Look, I'll go first.

Okay?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Where's the red?

Who'd you get that... Duck! Duck.

Duck.

Of course you're not a waitress.

Are you here to kill the s*n o* a b***h, too?

Actually, kind of the opposite.

Then we have a problem.

Oh, yeah?

What'd he do to you?

Nothing. It's a money job.

That's okay. Then in that case, hear me out.

Nope.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Just listen. Listen.

I promise you, he's worth a lot more if you don't shoot him right away.

I'm dealing with a glass ceiling, so if I flake out, I'll never work again.

Okay.

We're friends, right? We know each other.

I bailed you out of countless orders. Just listen to me.

A year ago, s*n o* a b***h hid a stash house for $11 million.

Cops found his partner dead in this diner the same night.

And?

Obviously, he killed him and got away with the money.

Yeah. Well, then why would he come back here?

Hire all this muscle? It doesn't make sense.

Do you know how much space $11 million takes up?

If you haven't found it here in six months-

It's in Bitcoin on a hard drive, boomer.

It's like the size of a phone.

F**k. Bitcoin. Well, this just gets even better. Okay.

I've waited three weeks to kill the s*n o* a b***h.

When he shows up, that is exactly what I'm going to do.

You probably don't want to be here, and you definitely don't want to be in my way.

Look,

either the s*n o* a b***h hid the drive, or Denny hid the key.

I'm going to shoot you now.

Don't do that.

That would've served you right.

They're going to shoot you, too, you know.

Not they.

She.

There's no red one anymore.

I think when the s**t popped off, the one sniper shot the other.

Why?

I don't know. It could've been panic. Could've been part of the plan.

But I'm pretty sure it had something to do with that hummus wrap.

Okay, listen, if you cover me, I'll go up there, I'll take her out.

Cover you, as in get my head shot off.

I know where she is and I'm fast.

I'm fast, too.

Okay. Well then, give me the machine gun and I'll cover you.

You're really that stupid?

If I shoot you, who's going to cover me? Use your head.

All right, I'll cover you. You go.

All right. Thank you. So,

she's about 300 yards to the north, other side of the road,

right across from the fence by the access road.

Okay, got it.

Okay. Three round burst, walk it out.

I know how to lay down cover fire.

Okay, well, excuse me. You don't know how to take a basic breakfast order, so

just playing catch-up.

F**k.

F**k. F**k.

F**k.

F**k. Oh, it's a big one. Okay. Oh, yeah.

Okay. Y*u f**k.

You m**********r!

10 minutes! Give me 10 minutes with him.

F**k you!

Five! Five!

F**k you!

I take him alive or I scare him away. Good?

You're not going to scare him away.

Oh, you are so...

F**k. I'm not going to let you kill him.

Oh. Hey, you got incoming.

What's it going to be?

Hey. Hey, hey, hey.

F**k it. Forget it.

We're good.

I'm over it.

Okay.

Oh, you m***********g,

two s***s.

Oh, that's cute.

You think I won't?

This isn't right.

Maybe a little more mayhem than I was expecting.

Waitress?

God damn you, Cookie!

Let me see me middle finger now, tough guy.

And who's Cookie?

The cook.

They both appear handy with a gun.

Very handy.

Could be useful.

What are you-

Hi there.

Just a word before you shoot me.

Blow you up.

And nope.

No! All

right.

CIA?

Subcontractor.

And you? FBI?

Interested third party.

Everybody else dead? Theirs and mine?

It's just us.

Okay, but the two of you don't seem to be on the same

page, vis-a-vis me.

Not so as it'll work in your favor.

Well, it seems like I'm the only one the FBI drone is interested in

not shooting.

Can you see the value in that? So what do you say we all step

inside and figure out how not to die?

F**k. S*n o* a b***h.

Yeah, that'll confound them.

These are a steel and Kevlar composite.

Won't keep him out forever, but we don't have forever.

I'll ask. What's in the box?

Could be just about anything.

Huh.

Kevlar and steel.

How did I not notice this?

Why would you?

Oh, he's been on a scavenger hunt, thinks you hid an 11 million Bitcoin key in the

cushions.

Bitcoin? I'm too old to learn a new hustle.

Yeah, but Denny Marco wasn't.

Two of you close?

Sure, he sold for a lot.

But were you close?

I'm out here for you, just the drive.

For what?

There's no Bitcoin on it, I swear.

Oh, you swear. Okay, well, that's a relief.

Cross your heart, hope to die?

Hit the stand back.

That's why I spent a little extra for the lithium thionyl chloride

batteries.

They're here.

Okay.

When I say don't shoot,

trust me,

do not

shoot.

I'll talk to them.

I put down a 50% non-refundable

deposit on all that security.

Should've checked their Yelp review.

All I want to do is open the goddamn box.

Yeah, no s**t.

You do it.

Ha ha.

That's funny.

You scared?

Yeah. They call him the s*n o* a b***h for a reason.

It's not his Christian name, you know.

Now, are you gonna be a grownup about this, or am I gonna have to shoot off your

kneecaps?

You want to renegotiate?

Not for something you stole from us in the first place.

That mentality is the worst. Any excuse to

avoid paying fair market value.

Kneecaps it is.

About nine years ago,

the Albanian mafia was irked at me for something else

I'd done,

so I bought this diner with the idea that when they came for

me, I'd blow them up and fake my own death.

But the Albanians turned out to be surprisingly

reasonable, which left me with a diner filled with

undetonated gelignite, which I have

just primed.

Wiring is booby-trapped, and the charges are

very sensitive to impact.

For instance, any bullets you might send in this direction...

Uh-huh.

Why do you think I insisted on meeting here?

For the pancakes?

F**k. F**k.

Well, I gotta tell you, it inspires a lot of confidence that you have relied on a

giant suicide bomb twice now.

Oh, you're funny.

You guys hungry?

I'm hungry. I like to cook. It relaxes me.

Plus, I make the best pancakes in the county.

Says so on the menu

Is this batter?

The trick is not to overbeat the batter.

Hey, what did you guys take?

$65,000. However- The

FBI's not here for $65,000.

However, there was a hard drive.

Dirt on the CIA,

a nine-figure black money fund, plus all the heinous s**t you'd

imagine, plus a few fun surprises.

Then you have to rest it at least, oh,

15, 20 minutes for the flour to hydrate,

and the baking powder needs a chance to permeate the batter.

That's what makes those little air bubbles.

A good pancake is all about carbon dioxide.

Can we back up to the CIA?

Oh, no. I'd like to hear more about pancakes.

The FEB outside put together a pretty good

case.

Then she took a second look at the numbers involved.

Figured the CIA could afford to pay her to keep her quiet.

You got it. Isn't it interesting when public servants go

bad?

Denny's name was in there.

It's on a hard drive.

Some personal s**t.

CIA was sitting on a lot.

And the

FBI, they were sitting on proof he was innocent.

Denny was CIA?

Denny was... No. Well, yeah. Denny's CIA adjacent.

Oh, I thought he was your cellmate.

He was my cellmate.

In a redacted country, we did 39 months eating rats, getting creatively

abused before someone bars back for a couple of

used terrorists.

Eating rats.

Oh, God. So anyway, I uploaded the files and trashed the drive.

Gave the FEB some motivation to keep me alive.

While you extorted them.

Eh.

But the CIA figured once the evidence dies with you, once Dolly's dead,

they get

to- Whoa, wait a minute. Why do I have to die?

Outside contractors, they make the best scapegoats.

Story ends when you get killed in the crossfire.

The old geezers with the machine guns.

Ding.

Oh, those cheap CIA f***s weren't even going to pay me.

That's what you're taking away from this?

I told you.

The glass ceiling.

Do not shoot in here.

That would be the FBI's new offer.

What offer?

Very intrigued to hear it myself. Let him in.

Christ.

What?

A fiasco.

Unless they started printing

million-dollar bills,

you're considerably fleeced.

It's not for you. It's for them.

500,000 to walk out the door.

You could split it. One of you could shoot the other and keep it all.

I really don't care.

What am I doing while this is going on?

Right.

You're going to have to get the detonator away from him.

Shoot his hand off, break his arms, his legs.

Your call, as long as he can still talk.

No clock on the offer?

They're surrounded by guns, sitting on top of a bomb.

Don't think it's going to take that long.

Well,

since I don't like the idea of being tortured, my best

option is blowing all of us up.

You're kind of f****d any way you look at it.

Any chance you just let us walk out first?

Nah, the second we do, they're going to shoot us anyway, take the money back.

Does sound a lot more likely given their shameful

behavior thus far.

Hey,

they might want us alive in case you told us something useful.

Which you didn't.

I know.

It's not going to stop them from torturing the s**t out of us just to be sure.

So,

since I'm the only thing keeping the two of you alive, what do you say

we become a team?

Soup's on.

God damn.

These are great.

You weren't kidding.

Don't talk to him.

That wily f**k had us figured for his plan B the whole goddamn time.

Boxed us in.

You were going to kill him.

I was going to rob him, so

not exactly victims here.

Why are you so chipper?

You spent six months scraping grease for nothing.

All the more reason for me to enjoy this delicious pancake in front of me

that someone else prepared.

Oh, wait, you done?

It's all yours.

Really?

Do mind if I don't.

Parting gift.

You thinking about killing me?

You are, aren't you?

I don't know. For 500,000? I was planning on killing him

for a lot less.

Then I really better enjoy this pancake.

Mm.

Why didn't you kill me?

Well, why would I?

You can shoot, and you had your angle more than once, and you went out of your way

not to kill me.

I'm not a professional killer.

Okay. A pretty talented amateur.

I know you. I mean, I don't, obviously, but

we spent three weeks alone together, 10 hours a day.

No, don't-

No, I don't-

Don't do that.

Calm down. I don't mean that romantically.

Good.

Or even sexually.

Great.

I guess I couldn't separate the Dolly in my crosshairs from the one

who wouldn't b***h about tips or

shoving ketchup packets in her purse and hoarding them for later.

Something I didn't notice.

I knew you. I know you. Whatever. What is it?

I don't know.

Why

didn't you kill me?

Because I didn't have a clear shot.

Wait, where are you going?

I'm not going to die looking at more dirty dishes you forgot to bus.

I didn't forget.

You are one strange cookie.

You know my name isn't Cookie, right?

So? My name isn't Dolly.

Yeah, well, Dolly's the name on your shirt,

and you call me Cookie because you never bothered to ask my name.

First day I walked in, you said, "Call me Cookie."

Still, that was three weeks ago. Never occurred to you to ask me since?

Fine. What's your name?

It's too late now.

Okay, so

what do you want to do?

This is assuming you're not going to kill me and take the 500.

Yes. This is assuming that.

Front door's no good.

I don't like the back door either.

It's no good in here.

Well, I kind of like it in here.

In here, with the bombs.

The bombs keep them from shooting us.

Keep us from shooting them.

Okay, two of us hand to hand against we don't know how many.

How many more crooked feds could there possibly be?

Eh.

I mean that are involved in this

one thing.

She's not going to wait forever.

See, I don't think she is waiting.

She knows she can't use guns or charges because the bombs.

So I think, as we speak, they are tooling up

whatever weapons they can get their hands on.

No guns, no crossfire. They're going to hit us from both sides at the same time.

Except

we have a secret weapon.

That.

No, not this, but this did turn out pretty cool, huh?

No.

Yeah. Okay.

It's going to take some convincing. Let me do the talking.

Mm-hmm.

Okay. So, we made a plan.

Yeah.

Does it involve using me as a human shield?

We are open to other ideas.

Well, that was my only one.

Oh. Okay.

Great.

Oh, that was a lot easier than I thought it'd be.

You going to cut me off a little piece of that,

partner?

I'll tell you what. I'll give you 100,000 for the trigger,

partner.

Touché.

Okay, that was fast.

Okay.

Time to stab our way to freedom.

I can't find my thumb.

Your thumb?

I can't find my thumb.

Enough already.

I can't find my thumb. I can't find my thumb.

There's shirts around here somewhere.

I can't find my thumb.

All right. Shh. Here, wrap it up.

Ah.

You want to stop the bleeding before you get too lightheaded.

Did you forget I was still inside?

I knew, yeah.

You two have an

even third.

Third of what?

The who gives a f**k files no one wants to pay for?

We run a bidding war.

Feds versus CIA.

Even if that wasn't as crazy as it sounds, I can't do it.

I owe my friend, I owe Denny.

For what?

Eating

rats?

For saying no when he asked me to help him break into an FBI stash house.

You spent the last six months slinging hash browns out of

guilt?

Guilt, yeah, probably. But mostly I did it so I could get those

files to every reporter and internet crank with an email address or Twitter

account.

For free?

I said free? It was far from free. It cost Denny's life.

It cost me six months of mine. How many more fingers is it going to cost you, you

s*n o* a b***h?

You're just going to let them take all the f*****g money?

Why'd you feed me all that b******t about Bitcoin?

Oh, come on, you were shooting at me.

I didn't think I let down an old friend would make you stop.

No, it wouldn't have.

Shoot him.

Shoot him. Him. You can have...

You can have...

You didn't take the shot when you could have. That's got to count for something.

All right, get in the car. Get in the f*****g car!

Get your mangled thumb and your mangled face. Let's go for a ride.

Hey. Hey.

What about the 250?

Yours or mine?

I'm not going to give you mine.

Okay.

But what I was thinking

is you should give me yours.

Well, I would've, but you just said you couldn't shoot me.

No, I didn't say couldn't, exactly.

Oh, come on.

Besides, good guys, they don't take dirty money.

I'm not a good guy.

I'm just a guy trying to do a good thing.

F**k.

Turns out I don't have the head for the business part of this business.

Hey, what is your name by the way?

Goodnight.

Well,

let's close this diner.

Here we go. What am I doing? You should do the honors. Go for it.

It's

a good

diner.

A good diner?

Well,

oven burners go out at least twice a day, and the fuse box has got to be 30

years out of date. And yeah, there are about two dozen dead bodies

inside, so-

You

... why don't we put it down?

Owe me

a thumb.

Okay.

What do you figure a thumb's worth?

We

negotiate.

Okay. Yes.

You can have me

if you want

me. But I need to keep a little bit of money.

I need to pay for all the s**t in my closet.

I need a place to put all the things you make

me hate. Just squeeze it out.

Whatever you want. I ain't nice.

You like the mess? Well, you're

in luck, spice.

We got another one.

Shit's out of place. Got a collection of vintage

f*****g

faces. You want some

pancakes? If you don't like it, well, babe, I'll see you later. Ain't nice.

Oh! Woo!

I ain't nice.

I ain't nice.

Well, trust me, honey.

You don't want me. I start a screamimg if you look at me

funny. Ain't nice.

I ain't nice.

I borrow your stuff and never put it back.

I'm kinda hungry, can you get me a snack? I ain't nice.

I ain't nice.

I

ain't

nice.

I ain't nice. Ain't nothing nice. I

ain't nice. No, I ain't nice. Ain't nothing nice. Ain't

nothing nice. I ain't nothing nice. I

ain't nice. I ain't nice.

I ain't nice. I ain't nice. I ain't nice. I ain't nice. I ain't

nothing nice. I ain't nice.