Original subtitles

Forward Anne Frank kept a diary from June 12, 1942, to August 1, 1944.

Initially she wrote it strictly for herself.

Then, one day in 1944, Gerrit Bolkestein, a member of the Dutch

government in Excel, announced in a radio broadcast from London that after

the war he hoped to collect eyewitness accounts of the suffering of the Dutch

people under the German occupation, which could be made available to the

public.

As an example, he specifically mentioned letters and diaries.

Impressed by this speech, Anne Frank decided that when the war was over she

would publish a book based on her diary.

She began rewriting and editing her diary, improving on the text, omitting

passages she didn't think were interesting enough and adding others

from memory.

At the same time, she kept up her original diary.

In the scholarly work The Diary of Anne Frank, The Critical Edition, 1989,

Anne's first, unedited diary is referred to as Version A, to distinguish it from

her second, edited diary, which is known as Version B.

The last entry in Anne's diary is dated August 1, 1944.

On August 4, 1944, the eight people hiding in the secret annex were

arrested.

Miep Gies and Bep Voskuel, the two secretaries working in the building,

found Anne's diaries strewn all over the floor.

Miep Gies tucked them away in a desk drawer for safekeeping.

After the war, when it became clear that Anne was dead, she gave the diaries,

unread, to Anne's father, Otto Frank.

After long deliberation, Otto Frank decided to fulfil his daughter's wish

and publish her diary.

He selected material from Versions R&B, editing them into a shorter version,

later referred to as Version C readers all over the world know this as the

diary of a young girl.

In making his choice, Otto Frank had to bear several points in mind.

To begin with, the book had to be kept short so that it would fit in with a

series put out by the Dutch publisher.

In addition, several passages dealing with Anne's sexuality were omitted.

At the time of the diary's initial publication, in 1947, it was not

customary to write openly about sex, and certainly not in books for young adults.

Out of respect for the dead, Otto Frank also omitted a number of unflattering

passages about his wife and the other residents of the secret annex.

Anne Frank, who was 13 when she began her diary and 15 when she was forced to

stop, wrote without reserve about her likes and dislikes.

When Otto Frank died in 1980, he willed his daughter's manuscripts to the

Netherlands State Institute for War Documentation in Amsterdam.

Because the authenticity of the diary had been challenged ever since its

publication, the Institute for War Documentation ordered a thorough

investigation.

Once the diary was proved, beyond a shadow of a doubt, to be genuine, It was

published in its entirety, along with the results of an exhaustive study.

The critical edition contains not only versions of B and C, but also articles

on the background of the Frank family, the circumstances surrounding their

arrest and deportation, and the examination into Anne's handwriting, the

document and the materials used.

The Anne Frank Fonds Anne Frank Foundation in Basel, Switzerland, which

as Otto Frank's legal heir had inherited his daughter's copyrights, then decided

to have a new expanded edition of the diary published for general readers.

This new edition in no way affects the integrity of the old one originally

edited by Otto Frank, which brought the diary and its message to millions of

people. The task of compiling the expanded edition was given to the writer

and translator Mirjam Pressler.

Otto Frank's original selection has now been supplemented with passages from

Anne's A and B versions.

Mirjam Pressler's definitive edition approved by the Anne Frank, Fons

contains approximately 30% more material and is intended to give the reader more

insight into the world of Anne Frank.

In 1998, the existence of five previously unknown pages of the diary

came to light.

Now, with the permission of the Anne Frank, Fons in Basel, a long passage

dated February 8, 1944, has been added to the end of the already existing entry

of that date.

A short alternative to the entry of June 20, 1942, has not been included here

because a more detailed version of it is already part of the diary.

Furthermore, in line with recent findings, the entry of November 7, 1942,

has been moved to October 30, 1943.

For more information, the reader is referred to the revised critical

edition.

In writing her second version B, Anne invented pseudonyms for the people who

would appear in her book.

She initially wanted to call herself Anne Orlees and later Anne Robin.

Otto Frank opted to call his family by their own names and to follow Anne's

wishes with regard to the others.

Over the years the identity of the people who helped the families in the

secret annex has become common knowledge.

In this edition the helpers are now referred to by their real names as they

so justly deserve to be.

All other persons are named in accordance with the pseudonyms in the

critical edition.

The Institute for War Documentation has arbitrarily assigned initials to those

persons wishing to remain anonymous.

The real names of the other people hiding in the secret annex are The Van

Pels family from Osnabrück, Germany August Van Pels, born September 9, 1900

Herman Van Pels, born March 31, 1898 Peter Van Pels,

born November 8, 1926

Called by Anne in her manuscript, Petronella Hans and Alfred van Daan, and

in the book, Petronella Herman and Peter van Daan.

Fritz Pfeffer born April 30, 1889 in Gießen, Germany.

Called by Anne in her manuscript and in the book, Albert Dussel.

The reader may wish to bear in mind that much of this edition is based on the B

version of Anne's diary, which she wrote when she was around 15 years old.

Occasionally, Anne went back and commented on a passage she had written

earlier. These comments are clearly marked in this edition.

Naturally, Anne's spelling and linguistic errors have been corrected.

Otherwise, the text has basically been left as she wrote it, since any attempts

at editing and clarification would be inappropriate in a historical document.

I hope I will be able to confide everything to you, as I have never been

able to confide in anyone, and I hope you will be a great source of comfort

and support.

June 12, 1942.

I hope I will be able to confide everything to you, as I have never been

able to confide in anyone, and I hope you will be a great source of comfort

and support.

Comment added by Anne, on September 28, 1942.

So far you truly have been a great source of comfort to me, and so has

Kitty, whom I now write to regularly.

This way of keeping a diary is much nicer.

and now i can hardly wait for those moments when i'm able to write in you oh

i'm so glad i brought you along sunday june 14 1942 i'll begin from

the moment i got you the moment i saw you lying on the table among my other

birthday presents i went along when you were bought but that doesn't count on

friday june 12 i was awake at six o'clock which isn't surprising since it

was my birthday But I'm not allowed to get up at that hour, so I had to control

my curiosity until quarter to seven.

When I couldn't wait any longer, I went to the dining room, where Mooch, the

cat, welcomed me by rubbing against my legs.

A little after seven I went to Daddy and Mama, and then to the living room to

open my presents, and you were the first thing I saw, maybe one of my nicest

presents. Then a bouquet of roses, some peonies and a potted plant.

From Daddy and Mama I got a blue blouse, a game, a bottle of grape juice.

which to my mind tastes a bit like wine after all wine is made from grapes a

puzzle a jar of cold cream 2.5 guilders and a gift certificate for two books i

got another book as well camera obscura but margaret already has it so i

exchanged mine for something else a platter of homemade cookies which i made

myself of course since i've become quite an expert at baking cookies lots of

candy and a strawberry tart from mother And a letter from Grammy, right on time,

but of course that was just a coincidence.

Then Hanalee came to pick me up, and we went to school.

During recess I passed out cookies to my teachers and my class, and then it was

time to get back to work.

I didn't arrive home until five, since I went to gym with the rest of the class.

I'm not allowed to take part because my shoulders and hips tend to get

dislocated. As it was my birthday, I got to decide which game my classmates would

play, and I chose volleyball.

Afterward, they all danced around me in a circle and sang, Happy Birthday.

When I got home, San Lederman was already there.

Ilse Wagner, Hannele Gosler and Jacqueline van Maassen came home with me

after gym, since we're in the same class.

Hannele and San used to be my two best friends.

People who saw us together used to say, There goes Anne, Han and San.

I only met Jacqueline van Maassen when I started at the Jewish Lyceum, and now

she's my best friend.

Ilse is Hannele's best friend, and San goes to another school and has friends

there.

They gave me a beautiful book, Dutch Sagas and Legends, but they gave me

volume II by mistake, so I exchanged two other books for volume II. Aunt Helene

brought me a puzzle, Aunt Stephanie a darling brooch and Aunt Lenny a terrific

book. Daisy goes to the mountains.

This morning I lay in the bathtub thinking how wonderful it would be if I

had a dog like Rin Tin Tin.

I'd call him Rin Tin Tin too.

And I'd take him to school with me, where he could stay in the janitor's

room or by the bicycle racks when the weather was good.

Monday, June 15, 1942.

I had my birthday party on Sunday afternoon.

The Rin Tin Tin movie was a big hit with my classmates.

I got two brooches, a bookmark and two books.

I'll start by saying a few things about my school and my class, beginning with

the students.

Betty Blomendahl looks kind of poor, and I think she probably is.

She lives on some obscure street in West Amsterdam, and none of us know where it

is. She does very well at school, but that's because she works so hard, not

because she's so smart.

She's pretty quiet.

Jacqueline Van Marsen is supposedly my best friend, but I've never had a real

friend. At first I thought Jack would be one, but I was badly mistaken.

DQ is a very nervous girl who's always forgetting things, so the teachers keep

assigning her extra homework as punishment.

She's very kind.

especially to gz es talks so much it isn't funny she's always touching your

hair or fiddling with your buttons when she asks you something they say she

can't stand me but i don't care since i don't like her much either henny metz is

a nice girl with a cheerful disposition except that she talks in a loud voice

and is really childish when we're playing outdoors unfortunately henny has

a girlfriend named beppy who's a bad influence on her because she's dirty and

vulgar

J.R.I. could write a whole book about her.

J. is a detestable, sneaky, stuck-up, two-faced gossip who thinks she's so

grown up.

She's really got Jack under her spell and that's a shame.

J. is easily offended, bursts into tears at the slightest thing and to top it all

off is a terrible show-off.

Miss J. always has to be right.

She's very rich and has a closet full of the most adorable dresses that are way

too old for her.

She thinks she's gorgeous but she's not.

J. and I can't stand each other.

Ilse Wagner is a nice girl with a cheerful disposition, but she's

extremely finicky and can spend hours moaning and groaning about something.

Ilse likes me a lot.

She's very smart, but lazy.

Hannele Gosler, or Liza she's called at school, is a bit on the strange side.

She's usually shy, outspoken at home, but reserved around other people.

She blabs whatever you tell her to her mother, but she says what she thinks,

and lately I've come to appreciate her a great deal.

Nanny van Praagsegaar is small, funny and sensible.

I think she's nice.

She's pretty smart.

There isn't much else you can say about Nanny.

Yves de Jong is, in my opinion, terrific.

Though she's only 12, she's quite the lady.

She acts as if I were a baby.

She's also very helpful and I like her.

GZ is the prettiest girl in our class.

She has a nice face but is kind of dumb.

I think they're going to hold her back a year, but of course I haven't told her

that.

Comment added by Anne A.T. a later date.

To my great surprise, GZ wasn't held back a year after all.

And sitting next to GZ is the last of us twelve girls, me.

There's a lot to be said about the boys, or maybe not so much after all.

Morris Costa is one of my many admirers, but pretty much of a pest.

Sally Springer has a filthy mind, and rumour has it that he's gone all the

way. Still, I think he's terrific because he's very funny.

Emile Bonewit is GZ's admirer, but she doesn't care.

He's pretty boring.

Rob Cohen used to be in love with me too, but I can't stand him anymore.

He's an obnoxious, two-faced, lying, snivelling little goof who has an

awfully high opinion of himself.

Max van der Velde is a farm boy from Medinblick, but a decent sort, as

Margaret would say.

Herman Koopman also has a filthy mind.

just like Jopie De Beer, who's a terrible flirt and absolutely girl

-crazy.

Leo Blom is Jopie De Beer's best friend, but has been ruined by his dirty mind.

Albert De Mesquita came from the Montessori school and skipped a grade.

He's really smart.

Leo Slager came from the same school, but isn't as smart.

Ru Stoppelman is a short, goofy boy from Olmilo, who transferred to this school

in the middle of the year.

CN does whatever he's not supposed to.

Jacques Cosenut sits behind us next to C, and we G and I laugh ourselves silly.

Harry Sharp is the most decent boy in our class.

He's nice.

Werner Joseph is nice too, but all the changes taking place lately have made

him too quiet, so he seems boring.

Sam Salomon is one of those tough guys from across the tracks, a real brat,

admirer.

A P. Rimm is pretty orthodox, but a brat too.

Saturday, June 20, 1942.

Writing in a diary is a really strange experience for someone like me.

Not only because I've never written anything before, but also because it

seems to me that later on neither I nor anyone else will be interested in the

musings of a 13-year-old schoolgirl.

Oh well, it doesn't matter.

I feel like writing, and I have an even greater need to get all kinds of things

off my chest.

Paper has more patience than people.

I thought of this saying on one of those days when I was feeling a little

depressed, and was sitting at home with my chin in my hands, bored and listless,

wondering whether to stay in or go out.

I finally stayed where I was, brooding.

Yes, paper does have more patience, and since I'm not planning to let anyone

else read this stiff-backed notebook Grandly referred to as a diary, unless I

should ever find a real friend, it probably won't make a bit of difference.

Now I'm back to the point that prompted me to keep a diary in the first place.

I don't have a friend.

Let me put it more clearly, since no one will believe that a thirteen-year-old

girl is completely alone in the world.

And I'm not.

I have loving parents and a sixteen-year-old sister, and there are

about thirty people I can call friends.

I have a throng of admirers who can't keep their adoring eyes off me, and who

sometimes have to resort to using a broken pocket mirror to try and catch a

glimpse of me in the classroom.

I have a family, loving aunts and a good home.

No, on the surface I seem to have everything except my one true friend.

All I think about when I'm with friends is having a good time.

I can't bring myself to talk about anything but ordinary everyday things.

We don't seem to be able to get any closer and that's the problem.

Maybe it's my fault that we don't confide in each other.

In any case, that's just how things are and unfortunately they're not liable to

change. This is why I've started the diary.

To enhance the image of this long-awaited friend in my imagination, I

don't want to jot down the facts in this diary the way most people would do, but

I want the diary to be my friend, and I'm going to call this friend Kitty.

Since no one would understand a word of my stories to Kitty if I were to plunge

right in, I'd better provide a brief sketch of my life, much as I dislike

doing so.

My father, the most adorable father I've ever seen, didn't marry my mother until

he was 36 and she was 25.

My sister Margaret was born in Frankfurt and Main in Germany in 1926.

I was born on June 12, 1929.

I lived in Frankfurt until I was four.

Because we are Jewish, my father immigrated to Holland in 1933 when he

became the managing director of the Dutch Okta Company, which manufactures

products used in making jam.

My mother, Edith Hollander Frank, went with him to Holland in September, while

Margaret and I were sent to Aachen to stay with our grandmother.

Margaret went to Holland in December, and I followed in February, when I was

plunked down on the table as a birthday present for Margaret.

I started right away at the Montessori Nursery School.

I stayed there until I was six, at which time I started first grade.

In sixth grade my teacher was Mrs. Cupris, the principal.

At the end of the year we were both in tears as we said a heartbreaking

farewell, because I'd been accepted at the Jewish Lyceum, where Margaret also

went to school.

Our lives were not without anxiety, since our relatives in Germany were

suffering under Hitler's anti-Jewish laws.

After the pogroms in 1938 my two uncles, my mother's brothers, fled Germany,

finding safe refuge in North America.

My elderly grandmother came to live with us. She was 73 years old at the time.

After May 1940 the good times were few and far between.

First there was the war, then the capitulation, and then the arrival of

the Germans.

which is when the trouble started for the jews our freedom was severely

restricted by a series of anti-jewish decrees jews were required to wear a

yellow star jews were required to turn in their bicycles jews were forbidden to

use street cars jews were forbidden to ride in cars even their own jews were

required to do their shopping between 3 and 5 pm jews were required to frequent

only jewish-owned barber shops and beauty parlors Jews were forbidden to be

out on the streets between 8pm and 6am.

Jews were forbidden to go to theatres, movies or any other forms of

entertainment. Jews were forbidden to use swimming pools, tennis courts,

hockey fields or any other athletic fields.

Jews were forbidden to go rowing. Jews were forbidden to take part in any

athletic activity in public.

Jews were forbidden to sit in their gardens or those of their friends after

8pm. Jews were forbidden to visit Christians in their homes.

Jews were required to attend Jewish schools, etc.

You couldn't do this and you couldn't do that, but life went on.

Jack always said to me, I don't dare do anything anymore because I'm afraid it's

not allowed.

In the summer of 1941, Grandma got sick and had to have an operation, so my

birthday passed with little celebration.

In the summer of 1940, we didn't do much for my birthday either, since the

fighting had just ended in Holland.

Grandma died in January 1942.

No one knows how often I think of her and still love her.

This birthday celebration in 1942 was intended to make up for the others, and

Grandma's candle was lit along with the rest.

The four of us are still doing well, and that brings me to the present date of

June 20, 1942, and the solemn dedication of my diary.

Saturday, June 20, 1942.

Dearest Kitty.

Let me get started right away. It's nice and quiet now.

Father and mother are out and Margaret has gone to play ping pong with some

other young people at her friend Treezy's. I've been playing a lot of

ping pong myself lately.

So much that five of us girls have formed a club.

It's called the Little Dipper Minus Two.

A really silly name, but it's based on a mistake.

We wanted to give our club a special name, and because there were five of us,

we came up with the idea of the Little Dipper.

We thought it consisted of five stars, but we turned out to be wrong.

It has seven, like the Big Dipper, which explains the Minus Two.

Ilse Wagner has a ping pong set, and the Wagners let us play in their big dining

room whenever we want.

Since we five ping pong players like ice cream, especially in the summer, and

since you get hot playing ping pong, our games usually end with a visit to the

nearest ice cream parlour that allows Jews, either Oasis or Delphi.

We've long since stopped hunting around for our purses or money.

Most of the time it's so busy in Oasis that we manage to find a few generous

young men of our acquaintance.

or an admirer to offer us more ice cream than we could eat in a week.

You're probably a little surprised to hear me talking about admirers at such a

tender age.

Unfortunately or not, as the case may be, this vice seems to be rampant at our

school. As soon as a boy asks if he can bicycle home with me and we get to

talking, nine times out of ten I can be sure he'll become enamoured on the spot

and won't let me out of his sight for a second.

His ardour eventually cools.

especially since I ignore his passionate glances and pedal blithely on my way.

If it gets so bad that they start rambling on about asking father's

permission, I swerve slightly on my bike, my school bag falls, and the young

man feels obliged to get off his bike and hand it to me, by which time I've

switched the conversation to another topic.

These are the most innocent types.

Of course, there are those who blow you kisses or try to take hold of your arm,

but they're definitely knocking on the wrong door.

I get off my bike and either refuse to make further use of their company or

act, as if I'm insulted, and tell them in no uncertain terms to go on home

without me.

There you are, we've now laid the basis for our friendship, until tomorrow.

Yours, Anne.

Sunday, June 21, 1942.

Dearest Kitty.

Our entire class is quaking in its boots.

The reason, of course, is the upcoming meeting in which the teachers decide who

will be promoted to the next grade and who will be kept back.

Half the class is making bets.

GZ and I laugh ourselves sick at the two boys behind us, CN and Jack Cosenute,

who have staked their entire vacation savings on their bet.

From morning to night it's you're going to pass.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are. No, I'm not.

Even G's pleading glances and my angry outbursts can't calm them down.

If you ask me, there are so many dummies that about a quarter of the class should

be kept back, but teachers are the most unpredictable creatures on earth.

Maybe this time they'll be unpredictable in the right direction for a change.

I'm not so worried about my girlfriends and myself.

We'll make it. The only subject I'm not sure about is math.

Anyway, all we can do is wait.

Until then, we keep telling each other not to lose heart.

I get along pretty well with all my teachers.

There are nine of them, seven men and two women.

Mr. Keizing, the old fogey who teaches math, was mad at me for the longest time

because I talked so much.

After several warnings he assigned me extra homework, an essay on the subject

A Chatterbox.

A chatterbox, what can you write about that?

I'd worry about that later, I decided.

I jotted down the assignment in my notebook, tucked it in my bag and tried

to keep quiet.

That evening, after I'd finished the rest of my homework, the note about the

essay caught my eye.

I began thinking about the subject while chewing the tip of my fountain pen.

Anyone could ramble on and leave big spaces between the words, but the trick

was to come up with convincing arguments to prove the necessity of talking.

I thought and thought, and suddenly I had an idea.

I wrote the three pages Mr. Keasing had assigned me and was satisfied.

I argued that talking is a female trait, and that I would do my best to keep it

under control, but that I would never be able to break myself of the habit.

since my mother talked as much as I did, if not more, and that there's not much

you can do about inherited traits.

Mr. Keizing had a good laugh at my arguments, but when I proceeded to talk

my way through the next class, he assigned me a second essay.

This time it was supposed to be on an incorrigible chatterbox.

I handed it in, and Mr. Keizing had nothing to complain about for two whole

classes. However, during the third class he'd finally had enough.

Anne Frank, as punishment for talking in class, write an essay entitled Quack,

Quack, Quack, said Mistress Chatterback.

The class roared. I had to laugh too, though I'd nearly exhausted my ingenuity

on the topic of chatterboxes. It was time to come up with something else,

something original.

My friend San, who's good at poetry, offered to help me write the essay from

beginning to end in verse.

I jumped for joy.

Keizing was trying to play a joke on me with this ridiculous subject, but I'd

make sure the joke was on him.

I finished my poem, and it was beautiful.

It was about a mother duck and a father swan with three baby ducklings who were

bitten to death by the father because they quacked too much.

Luckily, Kiesing took the joke the right way.

He read the poem to the class, adding his own comments, and to several other

classes as well.

Since then I've been allowed to talk and haven't been assigned any extra

homework. On the contrary, Kiesing's always making jokes these days.

Yours and...

Wednesday, June 24, 1942.

Dearest Kitty.

Sweltering. Everyone is huffing and puffing, and in this heat I have to walk

everywhere. Only now do I realise how pleasant a streetcar is, but we Jews are

no longer allowed to make use of this luxury.

Our own two feet are good enough for us.

Yesterday at lunchtime I had an appointment with the dentist on Jan

Leichenstraat. It's a long way from our school on Stadstimmertunen. That

afternoon I nearly fell asleep at my desk.

Fortunately, people automatically offer you something to drink.

The dental assistant is really kind.

The only mode of transportation left to us is the ferry.

The ferryman at Joseph Israelcade took us across when we asked him to.

It's not the fault of the Dutch that we Jews are having such a bad time.

I wish I didn't have to go to school.

My bike was stolen during Easter vacation, and father gave mother's bike

to some Christian friends for safekeeping.

Thank goodness summer vacation is almost here. One more week and our torment will

be over.

Something unexpected happened yesterday morning.

As I was passing the bicycle racks I heard my name being called.

I turned around and there was the nice boy I'd met the evening before at my

friend Wilmer's.

He's Wilmer's second cousin.

I used to think Wilmer was nice, which she is, but all she ever talks about is

boys, and that gets to be a bore.

He came toward me somewhat shyly and introduced himself as Hello Silberberg.

I was a little surprised and wasn't sure what he wanted, but it didn't take me

long to find out.

He asked if I would allow him to accompany me to school.

As long as you're headed that way, I'll go with you, I said, and so we walked

together. Hello is sixteen and good at telling all kinds of funny stories.

He was waiting for me again this morning, and I expect he will be from

now on.

And?

Wednesday, July 1, 1942.

Dearest Kitty.

Until today, I honestly couldn't find the time to write you.

I was with friends all day Thursday.

We had company on Friday, and that's how it went until today.

Hello and I have gotten to know each other very well this past week, and he's

told me a lot about his life.

He comes from Gelsenkirchen and is living with his grandparents.

His parents are in Belgium, but there's no way he can get there.

Hello used to have a girlfriend named Ursula. I know her too.

She's perfectly sweet and perfectly boring.

Ever since he met me, Hello has realised that he's been falling asleep at Ursul's

side, so I'm kind of a peptonic.

You never know what you're good for.

Jack spent Saturday night here.

Sunday afternoon she was at Hanley, S, and I was bored stiff.

Hello was supposed to come over that evening, but he called around six.

I answered the phone and he said, This is Helmuth Silberberg. May I please

speak to Anne?

Oh, hello, this is Anne.

Oh, hi, and how are yous?

Fine, thanks.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry, but I can't come tonight, though I would like

to have a word with you.

Is it all right if I come by and pick you up in about ten minutes?

Yes, that's fine, bye-bye.

Okay, I'll be right over, bye-bye.

I hung up, quickly changed my clothes and fixed my hair.

I was so nervous I leaned out the window to watch for him.

He finally showed up.

Miracle of miracles, I didn't rush down the stairs, but waited quietly until he

rang the bell.

I went down to open the door, and he got right to the point.

Anne, my grandmother, thinks you're too young for me to be seeing you on a

regular basis.

She says I should be going to the Lowenbarks, but you probably know that

I'm not going out with Ursul any more.

No, I didn't know. What happened? Did you two have a fight?

No, nothing like that.

I told Ursul that we weren't suited to each other and so it was better for us

not to go together anymore but that she was welcome at my house and I hoped I

would be welcome at hers.

Actually I thought Ursul was hanging around with another boy and I treated

her as if she were.

But that wasn't true.

And then my uncle said I should apologise to her but of course I didn't

feel like it and that's why I broke up with her.

But that was just one of the reasons.

Now my grandmother wants me to see Ursul and not you but I don't agree and I'm

not going to.

Sometimes old people have really old-fashioned ideas, but that doesn't

mean I have to go along with them.

I need my grandparents, but in a certain sense they need me too.

From now on I'll be free on Wednesday evenings.

You see, my grandparents made me sign up for a wood-carving class, but actually I

go to a club organised by the Zionists.

My grandparents don't want me to go because they're anti-Zionists.

I'm not a fanatic Zionist, but it interests me.

Anyway, it's been such a mess lately that I'm planning to quit.

So next Wednesday will be my last meeting.

That means I can see you Wednesday evening, Saturday afternoon, Saturday

evening, Sunday afternoon and maybe even more.

But if your grandparents don't want you to, you shouldn't go behind their backs.

All's fair in love and war.

Just then we passed Blankervort's bookstore and there was Peter Skiff with

two other boys.

It was the first time he'd said hello to me in ages and it really made me feel

good.

Monday evening Hello came over to meet Father and Mother.

I had bought a cake and some candy, and we had tea and cookies, the works, but

neither Hello nor I felt like sitting stiffly on our chairs.

So we went out for a walk, and he didn't deliver me to my door until ten past

eight. Father was furious.

He said it was very wrong of me not to get home on time.

I had to promise to be home by ten to eight in the future.

I've been asked to Hellos on Saturday.

Wilma told me that one night when Hello was at her house, she asked him, Who do

you like best, Ursul or Anne?

He said, it's none of your business.

But as he was leaving, they hadn't talked to each other the rest of the

evening, he said.

Well, I like Anne better, but don't tell anyone.

Bye, and whooshed he was out the door.

In everything he says or does, I can see that Hello is in love with me, and it's

kind of nice for a change.

Margaret would say that Hello is a decent sort, I think so too, but he's

more than that.

Mother is also full of praise.

A good-looking boy, nice and polite.

I'm glad he's so popular with everyone, except with my girlfriends.

He thinks they're very childish and he's right about that.

Jack still teases me about him, but I'm not in love with him.

Not really.

It's all right for me to have boys as friends.

Nobody minds.

Mother is always asking me who I'm going to marry when I grow up, but I bet

she'll never guess it's Peter, because I talked her out of that idea myself

without batting an eyelash.

I love Peter as I've never loved anyone.

And I tell myself he's only going around with all those other girls to hide his

feelings for me.

Maybe he thinks hello and I are in love with each other, which we're not.

He's just a friend, or as mother puts it, a beau.

Yours, Ant.

Sunday, July 5, 1942.

Dear Kitty.

The graduation ceremony in the Jewish theatre on Friday went as expected.

My report card wasn't too bad.

I got one D, a C in algebra and all the rest Bs.

except for two b plus and two b's my parents are pleased but they're not like

other parents when it comes to grades they never worry about report cards good

or bad as long as i'm healthy and happy and don't talk back too much they're

satisfied if these three things are all right everything else will take care of

itself i'm just the opposite i don't want to be a poor student i was accepted

to the jewish lyceum on a conditional basis i was supposed to stay in the

seventh grade at the montessori school But when Jewish children were required

to go to Jewish schools, Mr. Elt finally agreed, after a great deal of

persuasion, to accept Lies Gosler and me.

Lies also passed this year, though she has to repeat her geometry exam.

Poor Lies, it isn't easy for her to study at home. Her baby sister, a

spoiled little two-year-old, plays in her room all day.

If Gabby doesn't get her way, she starts screaming, and if Lies doesn't look

after her, Mrs. Gosler starts screaming.

So Lies has a hard time doing her homework, and as long as that's the

case, the tutoring she's been getting won't help much.

The Gosler household is really a sight.

Mrs. Gosler's parents live next door but eat with the family.

Then there's a hired girl, the baby, the always absent-minded and absent Mr.

Gosler, and the always nervous and irritable Mrs. Gosler, who's expecting

another baby.

Lies, who's all thumbs, gets lost in the mayhem.

My sister Margaret has also gotten her report card.

Brilliant, as usual.

If we had such a thing as come lord, she would have passed with honours she's so

smart.

Father has been home a lot lately.

There's nothing for him to do at the office.

It must be awful to feel you're not needed.

Mr. Clayman has taken over Opecta, and Mr. Cuggler, Gize and Co., the company

dealing in spices and spice substitutes that was set up in 1941.

A few days ago, as we were taking a stroll around our neighbourhood square,

Father began to talk about going into hiding.

He said it would be very hard for us to live cut off from the rest of the world.

I asked him why he was bringing this up now.

Well, Anne, he replied, you know that for more than a year we've been bringing

clothes, food and furniture to other people.

We don't want our belongings to be seized by the Germans, nor do we want to

fall into their clutches ourselves, so we'll leave of our own accord and not

wait to be hauled away.

But when Father, he sounded so serious that I felt scared.

Don't you worry, we'll take care of everything.

Just enjoy your carefree life while you can.

That was it. Oh, may these sombre words not come true for as long as possible.

The doorbell's ringing.

Hello's here. Time to stop.

Yours, Anne.

Wednesday, July 8, 1942.

Dearest Kitty.

It seems like years since Sunday morning.

So much has happened it's as if the whole world had suddenly turned upside

down. but as you can see kitty i'm still alive and that's the main thing father

says i'm alive all right but don't ask where or how you probably don't

understand a word i'm saying today so i'll begin by telling you what happened

sunday afternoon at three o'clock hello had left but was supposed to come back

later the doorbell rang i didn't hear it since i was out on the balcony lazily

reading in the sun a little while later margaret appeared in the kitchen doorway

looking very agitated

Father has received a call-up notice from the SS, she whispered. Mother has

gone to see Mr Van Dahn.

Mr Van Dahn is father's business partner and a good friend.

I was stunned. A call-up, everyone knows what that means.

Visions of concentration camps and lonely cells raced through my head. How

could we let father go to such a fate?

Of course he's not going, declared Margaret as we waited for mother in the

living room.

Mother esk on to Mr Van Dahn to ask whether we can move to our hiding place

tomorrow. The Van Darns are going with us. There will be seven of us

altogether.

Silence. We couldn't speak.

The thought of father off visiting someone in the Jewish hospital and

completely unaware of what was happening, the long wait for mother, the

heat, the suspense, all this reduced us to silence.

Suddenly the doorbell rang again.

That's hello, I said.

Don't open the door, exclaimed Margaret to stop me. But it wasn't necessary,

since we heard mother and Mr Van Darn downstairs talking to hello.

and then the two of them came inside and shut the door behind them.

Every time the bell rang, either Margaret or I had to tiptoe downstairs

to see if it was Father, and we didn't let anyone else in.

Margaret and I were sent from the room, as Mr Van Dahn wanted to talk to Mother

alone.

When she and I were sitting in our bedroom, Margaret told me that the call

-up was not for Father but for her.

At this second shock I began to cry.

Margaret is sixteen, apparently they want to send girls her age away on their

own. But thank goodness she won't be going, mother had said so herself, which

must be what father had meant when he talked to me about our going into

hiding. Hiding, where would we hide? In the city? In the country?

In a house? In a shack?

When, where, how?

These were questions I wasn't allowed to ask, but they still kept running through

my mind.

Margaret and I started packing our most important belongings into a school bag.

The first thing I stuck in was this diary, and then curlers, handkerchiefs,

school books, a comb and some old letters.

Preoccupied by the thought of going into hiding, I stuck the craziest things in

the bag, but I'm not sorry.

Memories mean more to me than dresses.

Father finally came home around five o'clock, and we called Mr. Clayman to

ask if he could come by that evening.

Mr. Van Dahn left and went to get Meep.

Meep arrived and promised to return later that night, taking with her a bag

full of shoes, dresses, jackets, underwear, and stockings.

After that it was quiet in our apartment.

None of us felt like eating.

It was still hot, and everything was very strange.

We had rented our big upstairs room to a Mr Goldschmidt, a divorced man in his

thirties, who apparently had nothing to do that evening, since despite all our

polite hints he hung around until ten o'clock.

Meep and Jan Gise came at eleven.

Meep, who's worked for father's company since 1933, has become a close friend,

and so has her husband Jan.

Once again, shoes, stockings, books and underwear disappeared into Meep's bag

and Jan's deep pockets.

At 11.30 they too disappeared.

I was exhausted, and even though I knew it'd be my last night in my own bed, I

fell asleep right away and didn't wake up until Mother called me at 5.30 the

next morning.

Fortunately, it wasn't as hot as Sunday.

A warm rain fell throughout the day.

The four of us were wrapped in so many layers of clothes it looked as if we

were going off to spend the night in a refrigerator.

and all that just so we could take more clothes with us.

No Jew in our situation would dare leave the house with a suitcase full of

clothes. I was wearing two undershirts, three pairs of underpants, a dress, and

over that a skirt, a jacket, a raincoat, two pairs of stockings, heavy shoes, a

cap, a scarf and lots more.

I was suffocating even before we left the house, but no one bothered to ask me

how I felt.

Margaret stuffed her school bag with school books.

Went to get her bicycle, and with Meep leading the way, rode off into the great

unknown. At any rate, that's how I thought of it, since I still didn't know

where our hiding place was.

At 7.30 we two closed the door behind us.

Muich, my cat, was the only living creature I said goodbye to.

According to a note we left for Mr. Goldschmidt, she was to be taken to the

neighbours, who would give her a good home.

The stripped beds, the breakfast things on the table, the pound of meat for the

cat in the kitchen.

all of these created the impression that we'd left in a hurry but we weren't

interested in impressions we just wanted to get out of there to get away and

reach our destination in safety nothing else mattered more tomorrow yours and

thursday july 9 1942 dearest kitty so there we

were father mother and i walking in the pouring rain each of us with a school

bag and a shopping bag filled to the brim with the most varied assortment of

items. The people on their way to work at that early hour gave us sympathetic

looks. You could tell by their faces that they were sorry they couldn't offer

us some kind of transportation.

The conspicuous yellow star spoke for itself.

Only when we were walking down the street did father and mother reveal,

little by little, what the plan was.

For months we'd been moving as much of our furniture and apparel out of the

apartment as we could.

It was agreed that we'd go into hiding on July 16.

Because of Margaret's call-up notice, the plan had to be moved up ten days,

which meant we'd have to make do with less orderly rooms.

The hiding place was located in Father's office building.

That's a little hard for outsiders to understand, so I'll explain.

Father didn't have a lot of people working in his office, just Mr Cuggler,

Mr Clayman, Meep and a 23-year-old typist named Bep Voskuel, all of whom

were informed of our coming.

Mr. Voscuail, Bep's father, works in the warehouse, along with two assistants,

none of whom were told anything.

Here's a description of the building.

The large warehouse on the ground floor is used as a workroom and storeroom, and

is divided into several different sections, such as the stockroom and the

milling room, where cinnamon, cloves and a pepper substitute are ground.

Next to the warehouse doors is another outside door, a separate entrance to the

office. Just inside the office door is a second door, and beyond that a stairway.

At the top of the stairs is another door with a frosted window on which the word

office is written in black letters.

This is the big front office, very large, very light, and very full.

Bep, Meep, and Mr. Clayman work there during the day.

After passing through an alcove containing a safe, a wardrobe, and a big

supply cupboard, you come to the small, dark, stuffy back office.

This used to be shared by Mr. Kugler and Mr. Van Dahn.

but now Mr. Cuggler is its only occupant.

Mr. Cuggler's office can also be reached from the hallway, but only through a

glass door that can be opened from the inside, but not easily from the outside.

If you leave Mr. Cuggler's office and proceed through the long, narrow hallway

past the coal bin and go up four steps, you find yourself in the private office,

the showpiece of the entire building.

Elegant mahogany furniture, a linoleum floor covered with throw rugs, a radio,

a fancy lamp, everything first class.

Next door is a spacious kitchen with a hot water heater and two gas burners,

and beside that a bathroom.

That's the second floor.

A wooden staircase leads from the downstairs hallway to the third floor.

At the top of the stairs is a landing, with doors on either side.

The door on the left takes you up to the spice storage area, attic and loft in

the front part of the house.

A typically Dutch, very steep, ankle-twisting flight of stairs also

runs from the front part of the house.

to another door opening onto the street.

The door to the right of the landing leads to the secret annex at the back of

the house.

No one would ever suspect there were so many rooms behind that plain grey door.

There's just one small step in front of the door, and then you're inside.

Straight ahead of you is a steep flight of stairs.

To the left is a narrow hallway opening onto a room that serves as the Frank

family's living room and bedroom.

Next door is a smaller room, the bedroom and study of the two young ladies of the

family.

To the right of the stairs is a windowless washroom with a sink.

The door in the corner leads to the toilet and another one to Margaret's and

my room.

If you go up the stairs and open the door at the top, you're surprised to see

such a large, light and spacious room in an old canal-side house like this.

It contains a stove, thanks to the fact that it used to be Mr Cuggler's

laboratory, and a sink.

This will be the kitchen and bedroom of Mr and Mrs Van Dahn, as well as the

general living room, dining room and study for us all.

A tiny side room is to be Peter Van Dahn's bedroom.

Then, just as in the front part of the building, there's an attic and a loft.

So there you are.

Now I've introduced you to the whole of our lovely annex.

Yours, Anne.

Friday, July 10, 1942.

Dearest Kitty.

I've probably bored you with my long description of our house, but I still

think you should know where I've ended up. How I ended up here is something

you'll figure out from my next letters.

But first let me continue my story, because as you know I wasn't finished.

After we arrived at 263 Prinsingracht, Meep quickly led us through the long

hallway and up the wooden staircase to the next floor and into the annex.

She shut the door behind us, leaving us alone.

Margaret had arrived much earlier on her bike and was waiting for us.

Our living room and all the other rooms were so full of stuff that I can't find

the words to describe it.

All the cardboard boxes that had been sent to the office in the last few

months were piled on the floors and beds.

The small room was filled from floor to ceiling with linens.

If we wanted to sleep in properly made beds that night, we had to get going and

straighten up the mess.

Mother and Margaret were unable to move a muscle.

They lay down on their bare mattresses, tired, miserable, and I don't know what

else. But Father and I, the two clean-uppers in the family, started in

right away.

All day long we unpacked boxes, filled cupboards, hammered nails and

straightened up the mess until we fell exhausted into our clean beds at night.

We hadn't eaten a hot meal all day, but we didn't care.

Mother and Margaret were too tired and keyed up to eat, and Father and I were

too busy.

Tuesday morning we started where we left off the night before.

Bep and Meep went grocery shopping with our ration coupons, Father worked on our

blackout screens, we scrubbed the kitchen floor and were once again busy

from sunup to sundown.

Until Wednesday, I didn't have a chance to think about the enormous change in my

life. Then, for the first time since our arrival in the secret annex, I found a

moment to tell you all about it and to realise what had happened to me and what

was yet to happen.

Yours, Anne.

Saturday, July 11, 1942.

Dearest Kitty.

Father, Mother and Margaret still can't get used to the chiming of the

Westertoren clock, which tells us the time every quarter of an hour.

Not me, I liked it from the start. It sounds so reassuring, especially at

night. You no doubt want to hear what I think of being in hiding.

Well, all I can say is that I don't really know yet.

I don't think I'll ever feel at home in this house, but that doesn't mean I hate

it. It's more like being on vacation in some strange pension.

Kind of an odd way to look at life in hiding, but that's how things are.

The annex is an ideal place to hide in.

It may be damp and lopsided, but there's probably not a more comfortable hiding

place in all of Amsterdam.

No, in all of Holland.

Up to now our bedroom with its blank walls was very bare.

Thanks to Father, who brought my entire postcard and movie star collection here

beforehand, and to a brush and a pot of glue, I was able to plaster the walls

with pictures.

It looks much more cheerful.

When the Van Darns arrive, we'll be able to build cupboards and other odds and

ends out of the wood piled in the attic.

Margaret and Mother have recovered somewhat.

Yesterday Mother felt well enough to cook split pea soup for the first time,

but then she was downstairs talking and forgot all about it. The beans were

scorched black, and no amount of scraping could get them out of the pan.

Last night the four of us went down to the private office and listened to

England on the radio.

I was so scared someone might hear it that I literally begged Father to take

me back upstairs.

Mother understood my anxiety and went with me.

Whatever we do, we're very afraid the neighbours might hear or see us. We

started off immediately the first day sewing curtains.

Actually, you can hardly call them that, since they're nothing but scraps of

fabric, varying greatly in shape, quality and pattern, which Father and I

stitched crookedly together with unskilled fingers.

These works of art were tacked to the windows, where they'll stay until we

come out of hiding.

The building on our right is a branch of the Keg Company, a firm from Zahndam,

and on the left is a furniture workshop.

Though the people who work there are not on the premises after hours, any sound

we make might travel through the walls.

We've forbidden Margaret to cough at night, even though she has a bad cold,

and are giving her large doses of codeine.

I'm looking forward to the arrival of the Van Darns, which is set for Tuesday.

It will be much more fun and also not as quiet.

You see, it's the silence that makes me so nervous during the evenings and

nights. and I'd give anything to have one of our helpers sleep here.

It's really not that bad here, since we can do our own cooking and can listen to

the radio in Daddy's office.

Mr. Clayman and Meep and Bep Voskuel too have helped us so much.

We've already canned loads of rhubarb, strawberries and cherries, so for the

time being I doubt we'll be bored.

We also have a supply of reading material, and we're going to buy lots of

games. Of course, we can't ever look out the window or go outside.

And we have to be quiet so the people downstairs can't hear us.

Yesterday we had our hands full. We had to pit two crates of cherries for Mr.

Cuggler to can.

We're going to use the empty crates to make bookshelves.

Someone's calling me.

Yours, Anne.

Comment added by Anne on September 28, 1942.

Not being able to go outside upsets me more than I can say, and I'm terrified

our hiding place will be discovered.

and that we'll be shot.

That, of course, is a fairly dismal prospect.

Sunday, July 12, 1942.

They were all so nice to me a month ago because of my birthday, and yet every

day I feel myself drifting further away from Mother and Margaret.

I worked hard today and they praised me, only to start picking on me again five

minutes later.

You can easily see the difference between the way they deal with Margaret

and the way they deal with me.

For example, Margaret broke the vacuum cleaner, and because of that we've been

without light for the rest of the day.

Mother said, Well, Margaret, it's easy to see you're not used to working,

otherwise you'd have known better than to yank the plug out by the cord.

Margaret made some reply, and that was the end of the story.

But this afternoon, when I wanted to rewrite something on Mother's shopping

list because her handwriting is so hard to read, she wouldn't let me.

She bawled me out again, and the whole family wound up getting involved.

I don't fit in with them, and I've felt that clearly in the last few weeks.

They're so sentimental together, but I'd rather be sentimental on my own.

They're always saying how nice it is with the four of us and that we get

along so well, without giving a moment's thought to the fact that I don't feel

that way.

Daddy's the only one who understands me now and again, though he usually sides

with Mother and Margaret.

Another thing I can't stand is having them talk about me in front of

outsiders, telling them how I cried or how sensibly I'm behaving.

It's horrible, and sometimes they talk about Murch and I can't take that at

all. Murch is my weak spot.

I miss her every minute of the day, and no one knows how often I think of her.

Whenever I do, my eyes fill with tears.

Murch is so sweet, and I love her so much that I keep dreaming she'll come

back to us.

I have plenty of dreams, but the reality is that we'll have to stay here until

the war is over.

We can't ever go outside, and the only visitors we can have a meep.

her husband Jan , though she hasn't come

because she thinks it's too dangerous.

Comment added by Anne in September 1942.

Daddy's always so nice.

He understands me perfectly, and I wish we could have a heart-to-heart talk

sometime without my bursting instantly into tears, but apparently that has to

do with my age.

I'd like to spend all my time writing, but that would probably get boring.

Up to now, I've only confided my thoughts to my diary.

I still haven't gotten around to writing amusing sketches that I could read aloud

at a later date.

In the future, I'm going to devote less time to sentimentality and more time to

reality.

Friday, August 14, 1942.

Dear Kitty, I've deserted you for an entire month, but so little has happened

that I can't find a newsworthy item to relate every single day.

The Van Darnes arrived on July 13.

We thought they were coming on the 14th, but from the 13th to 16th the Germans

were sending out call-up notices right and left and causing a lot of unrest, so

they decided it would be safer to leave a day too early than a day too late.

Peter Van Darn arrived at 9.30 in the morning, while we were still at

breakfast. Peter's going on 16, a shy, awkward boy whose company won't amount

to much.

Mr and Mrs Van Darn came half an hour later.

Much to our amusement, Mrs. Van Dahn was carrying a hatbox with a large chamber

pot inside.

I just don't feel at home without my chamber pot, she exclaimed, and it was

the first item to find a permanent place under the divan.

Instead of a chamber pot, Mr. Van D was lugging a collapsible tea table under

his arm.

From the first we ate our meals together, and after three days it felt

as if the seven of us had become one big family.

Naturally, the Van Darnes had much to tell about the week we'd been away from

civilization.

We were especially interested in what had happened to our apartment and to Mr.

Goldschmidt.

Mr. Van Darnes filled us in.

Monday morning at nine Mr.

Goldschmidt phoned and asked if I could come over.

I went straight away and found a very distraught Mr. Goldschmidt.

He showed me a note that the Frank family had left behind.

As instructed, he was planning to bring the cat to the neighbors, which I agreed

was a good idea.

He was afraid the house was going to be searched, so we went through all the

rooms, straightening up here and there and clearing the breakfast things off

the table.

Suddenly I saw a notepad on Mrs. Frank's desk, with an address in Maastricht

written on it.

Even though I knew Mrs. Frank had left it on purpose, I pretended to be

surprised and horrified and begged Mr. Goldschmidt to burn this incriminating

piece of paper.

I swore up and down that I knew nothing about your disappearance, but that the

note had given me an idea.

Mr. Goldschmidt.

I said. I bet I know what this address refers to.

About six months ago a high-ranking officer came to the office.

It seems he and Mr. Frank grew up together.

He promised to help Mr. Frank if it was ever necessary.

As I recall he was stationed in Maastricht.

I think this officer has kept his word and is somehow planning to help them

cross over to Belgium and then to Switzerland.

There's no harm in telling this to any friends of the Franks who come asking

about them.

Of course, you don't need to mention the part about Maastricht.

And after that I left.

This is the story most of your friends have been told, because I heard it later

from several other people.

We thought it was extremely funny, but we laughed even harder when Mr Van Daan

told us that certain people have vivid imaginations.

For example, one family living on our square claimed they saw all four of us

riding by on our bikes early in the morning, and another woman was

absolutely positive.

We'd been loaded into some kind of military vehicle in the middle of the

night.

Yours, Anne.

Friday, August 21, 1942.

Dear Kitty.

Now our secret annex has truly become secret.

Because so many houses are being searched for hidden bicycles, Mr. Kugler

thought it would be better to have a bookcase built in front of the entrance

to our hiding place.

It swings out on its hinges and opens like a door.

Mr. Voskuel did the carpentry work.

Mr. Voskuel has been told that the seven of us are in hiding, and he's been most

helpful.

Now whenever we want to go downstairs we have to duck and then jump.

After the first three days, we were all walking around with bumps on our

foreheads from banging our heads against the low doorway.

Then Peter cushioned it by nailing a towel stuffed with wood shavings to the

doorframe. Let's see if it helps.

I'm not doing much schoolwork. I've given myself a vacation until September.

Father wants to start tutoring me then, but we have to buy all the books first.

There's little change in our lives here.

Peter's hair was washed today, but that's nothing special.

Mr Van Dahn and I are always at loggerheads with each other.

Mama always treats me like a baby, which I can't stand.

For the rest, things are going better.

I don't think Peter's gotten any nicer.

He's an obnoxious boy who lies around on his bed all day, only rousing himself to

do a little carpentry work before returning to his nap.

What a dope.

Mama gave me another one of her dreadful sermons this morning.

We take the opposite view of everything.

Daddy's a sweetheart.

He may get mad at me, but it never lasts longer than five minutes.

It's a beautiful day outside, nice and hot, and in spite of everything, we make

the most of the weather by lounging on the folding bed in the attic.

Yours, Anne.

Comment added by Anne on September 21, 1942.

Mr. Van Dahn has been as nice as pie to me recently.

I've said nothing, but have been enjoying it while it lasts.

Wednesday, September 2, 1942.

Dearest Kitty, Mr.

and Mrs. Van Dahn have had a terrible fight.

I've never seen anything like it, since mother and father wouldn't dream of

shouting at each other like that.

The argument was based on something so trivial it didn't seem worth wasting a

single word on it. Oh well, to each his own.

Of course, it's very difficult for Peter, who gets caught in the middle,

but no one takes Peter seriously anymore since he's hypersensitive and lazy.

Yesterday he was beside himself with worry because his tongue was blue

instead of pink.

This rare phenomenon disappeared as quickly as it came.

Today he's walking around with a thick scarf on because he's got a stiff neck.

His Highness has been complaining of lumbago too.

Aches and pains in his heart, kidneys and lungs are also par for the course.

He's an absolute hypochondriac. That's the right word, isn't it?

Mother and Mrs. Van Dahn aren't getting along very well.

There are enough reasons for the friction.

To give you one small example, Mrs. Van D has removed all but three of her

sheets from our communal linen closet.

She's assuming that mothers can be used for both families.

She'll be in for a nasty surprise when she discovers that mother has followed

her lead.

Furthermore, Mrs. Van D is ticked off because we're using her china instead of

ours. She's still trying to find out what we've done with our plates.

They're a lot closer than she thinks, since they're packed in cardboard boxes

in the attic, behind a load of oak-to-advertising material.

As long as we're in hiding, the plates will remain out of her reach.

Since I'm always having accidents, it's just as well.

Yesterday I broke one of Mrs. Van D's soup bowls.

Oh, she angrily exclaimed.

Can't you be more careful? That was my last one.

Please bear in mind, Kitty, that the two ladies speak abominable Dutch.

I don't dare comment on the gentlemen.

They'd be highly insulted.

If you were to hear their bungled attempts, you'd laugh your head off.

We've given up pointing out their errors, since correcting them doesn't

help anyway.

Whenever I quote Mother or Mrs Van Dahn, I'll write proper Dutch instead of

trying to duplicate their speech.

Last week there was a brief interruption in our monotonous routine.

This was provided by Peter, and a book about women.

i should explain that margaret and peter are allowed to read nearly all the books

mr clayman lends us but the adults preferred to keep this special book to

themselves this immediately piqued peter's curiosity what forbidden fruit

did it contain he snuck off with it when his mother was downstairs talking and

took himself and his booty to the loft for two days all was well mrs van daan

knew what he was up to but kept mum until mr van daan found out about it he

threw a fit took the book away and assumed that would be the end of the

business. However, he'd neglected to take his son's curiosity into account.

Peter, not in the least phased by his father's swift action, began thinking up

ways to read the rest of this vastly interesting book.

In the meantime, Mrs. Van D asked Mother for her opinion.

Mother didn't think this particular book was suitable for Margaret, but she saw

no harm in letting her read most other books.

You see, Mrs. Van Dahn, Mother said, There's a big difference between

Margaret and Peter.

To begin with, Margaret's a girl, and girls are always more mature than boys.

Second, she's already read many serious books and doesn't go looking for those

which are no longer forbidden.

Third, Margaret's much more sensible and intellectually advanced, as a result of

her four years at an excellent school.

Mrs Van Dahn agreed with her, but felt it was wrong as a matter of principle to

let youngsters read books written for adults.

Meanwhile, Peter had thought of a suitable time when no one would be

interested in either him or the book.

At 7.30 in the evening, when the entire family was listening to the radio in the

private office, he took his treasure and stole off to the loft again.

He should have been back by 8.30, but he was so engrossed in the book that he

forgot the time and was just coming down the stairs when his father entered the

room.

The scene that followed was not surprising.

After a slap, a whack and a tug of war, the book lay on the table and Peter was

in the loft.

This is how matters stood when it was time for the family to eat.

Peter stayed upstairs.

No one gave him a moment's thought. He'd have to go to bed without his dinner.

We continued eating, chatting merrily away when suddenly we heard a piercing

whistle. We lay down our forks and stared at each other, the shock clearly

visible on our pale faces.

Then we heard Peter's voice through the chimney. I won't come down.

Mr. Van Dahn leapt up, his napkin falling to the floor, and shouted with

the blood rushing to his face, I've had enough.

Father, afraid of what might happen, grabbed him by the arm and the two men

went to the attic.

After much struggling and kicking, Peter wound up in his room with the door shut,

and we went on eating.

Mrs. Van Dahn wanted to save a piece of bread for her darling son, but Mr. Van D

was adamant.

If he doesn't apologise this minute, he'll have to sleep in the loft.

We protested that going without dinner was enough punishment.

What if Peter were to catch cold?

We wouldn't be able to call a doctor.

Peter didn't apologise and returned to the loft.

Mr Van Daan decided to leave well enough alone, though he did note the next

morning that Peter's bed had been slept in.

At seven Peter went to the attic again, but was persuaded to come downstairs

when father spoke a few friendly words to him.

After three days of sullen looks and stubborn silence, everything was back to

normal.

Yours, Anne.

Monday, September 21, 1942.

Dearest Kitty, Today I'll tell you the general news here in the Annex.

A lamp has been mounted above my divan bed so that in the future, when I hear

the guns going off, I'll be able to pull a cord and switch on the light.

I can't use it at the moment because we're keeping our window open a little,

day and night.

The male members of the Van Dahn contingent have built a very handy wood

-stained food safe.

with real screens.

Up to now this glorious cupboard has been located in Peter's room, but in the

interests of fresh air it's been moved to the attic.

Where it once stood, there's now a shelf.

I advised Peter to put his table underneath the shelf, add a nice rug and

hang his own cupboard where the table now stands.

That might make his little cubbyhole more comfy, though I certainly wouldn't

like to sleep there.

Mrs. Van Dahn is unbearable.

I'm continually being scolded for my incessant chatter when I'm upstairs.

I simply let the words bounce right off me.

Madame now has a new trick up her sleeve, trying to get out of washing the

pots and pans.

If there's a bit of food left at the bottom of the pan, she leaves it to

spoil instead of transferring it to a glass dish.

Then in the afternoon when Margaret is stuck with cleaning all the pots and

pans, Madame exclaims, Oh, poor Margaret, you have so much work to do.

Every other week Mr. Clayman brings me a couple of books written for girls my

age. I'm enthusiastic about the Jupteur Huel series.

I've enjoyed all of Sissy van Marksveldt's books very much.

I've read The Zaniest Summer four times, and the ludicrous situations still make

me laugh.

Father and I are currently working on our family tree, and he tells me

something about each person as we go along.

I've begun my schoolwork. I'm working hard at French, cramming five irregular

verbs into my head every day, but I've forgotten much too much of what I

learned in school.

Peter has taken up his English with great reluctance. A few school books

have just arrived, and I brought a large supply of notebooks, pencils, erasers

and labels from home.

Pim, that's our pet name for father, wants me to help him with his Dutch

lessons. I'm perfectly willing to tutor him in exchange for his assistance with

French and other subjects, but he makes the most unbelievable mistakes.

I sometimes listen to the Dutch broadcasts from London.

Prince Bernhard recently announced that Princess Juliana is expecting a baby in

January, which I think is wonderful.

No one here understands why I take such an interest in the royal family.

A few nights ago I was the topic of discussion, and we all decided I was an

ignoramus. As a result I threw myself into my schoolwork the next day, since I

have little desire to still be a freshman when I'm fourteen or fifteen.

The fact that I'm hardly allowed to read anything was also discussed.

At the moment, Mother's reading The House of Tavelink, and of course I'm not

allowed to read it, though Margaret is.

First I have to be more intellectually developed, like my genius of a sister.

Then we discussed my ignorance of philosophy, psychology and physiology.

I immediately looked up these big words in the dictionary.

It's true, I don't know anything about these subjects, but maybe I'll be

smarter next year.

I've come to the shocking conclusion that I have only one long-sleeved dress

and three cardigans to wear in the winter.

Father's given me permission to knit a white wool sweater.

The yarn isn't very pretty, but it'll be warm and that's what counts.

Some of our clothing was left with friends, but unfortunately we won't be

able to get to it until after the war, provided it's still there, of course.

I'd just finished writing something about Mrs. Van Dahn when she walked into

the room.

Thump, I slammed the book shut.

Hey Anne, can't I even take a peek?

No, Mrs. Van Dahn.

Just the last page, then.

No, not even the last page, Mrs. Van Dahn.

Of course, I nearly died, since that particular page contained a rather

unflattering description of her.

There's something happening every day, but I'm too tired and lazy to write it

all down.

Yours, Anne.

Friday, September 25, 1942.

Dearest Kitty, Father has a friend, a man in his mid-seventies named Mr.

Dreher, who's sick, poor and deaf as a post.

At his side, like a useless appendage, is his wife, twenty-seven years younger

and equally poor, whose arms and legs are loaded with real and fake bracelets

and rings left over from more prosperous days.

This Mr. Dreher has already been a great nuisance to Father, and I've always

admired the saintly patience with which he handled this pathetic old man on the

phone.

When we were still living at home, Mother used to advise him to put a

gramophone in front of the receiver, one that would repeat every three minutes.

Yes, Mr. Dreher, and no, Mr. Dreher, since the old man never understood a

word of father's lengthy replies anyway.

Today Mr. Dreher phoned the office and asked Mr. Kugler to come and see him.

Mr. Kugler wasn't in the mood and said he would send Meep, but Meep cancelled

the appointment.

Mrs. Dreher called the office three times.

But since Meep was reportedly out the entire afternoon, she had to imitate

Bep's voice.

Downstairs in the office as well as upstairs in the annex, there was great

hilarity. Now each time the phone rings, Bep says, that's Mrs Dreher.

And Meep has to laugh so that the people on the other end of the line are greeted

with an impolite giggle.

Can't you just picture it?

This has got to be the greatest office in the whole wide world. The bosses and

the office girls have such fun together.

Some evenings I go to the Van Darns for a little chat.

We eat mothball cookies, molasses cookies that were stored in a closet

that was mothproofed, and have a good time.

Recently the conversation was about Peter.

I said that he often pats me on the cheek, which I don't like.

They ask me in a typically grown-up way whether I could ever learn to love Peter

like a brother, since he loves me like a sister.

Oh, no, I said, but what I was thinking was, oh, er, just imagine.

I added that Peter's a bit stiff, perhaps because he's shy.

Boys who aren't used to being around girls are like that.

I must say that the Annex Committee, the men's section, is very creative.

Listen to the scheme they've come up with to get a message to Mr Brocks, an

Okta Co. sales representative and friend, who surreptitiously hidden some

of our things for us.

They're going to type a letter to a store owner in southern Zealand, who is,

indirectly, one of Okta's customers, and ask him to fill out a form.

and send it back in the enclosed self-addressed envelope.

Father will write the address on the envelope himself.

Once the letter is returned from Zealand, the form can be removed and a

handwritten message confirming that Father is alive can be inserted in the

envelope. This way Mr Brocks can read the letter without suspecting a ruse.

They chose the province of Zealand because it's close to Belgium, a letter

can easily be smuggled across the border, and because no one is allowed to

travel there without a special permit.

An ordinary salesman like Mr. Brocks would never be granted a permit.

Yesterday Father put on another act.

Groggy with sleep he stumbled off to bed. His feet were cold, so I lent him

my bed socks.

Five minutes later he flung them to the floor.

Then he pulled the blankets over his head because the light bothered him.

The lamp was switched off and he gingerly poked his head out from under

the covers.

It was all very amusing.

We started talking about the fact that Peter says Margaret is a Butinsky.

Suddenly Daddy's voice was heard from the depths.

Sits on her butt, you mean.

Mouseguy the cat is becoming nicer to me as time goes by, but I'm still somewhat

afraid of her.

Yours, Aunt.

Sunday, September 27, 1942.

Dearest Kitty.

Mother and I had a so-called discussion, today, but the annoying part is that I

burst into tears. I can't help it.

Daddy is always nice to me, and he also understands me much better.

At moments like these I can't stand, Mother.

It's obvious that I'm a stranger to her. She doesn't even know what I think about

the most ordinary things.

We were talking about maids, and the fact that you're supposed to refer to

them as domestic help these days.

She claimed that when the war is over, that's what they'll want to be called.

I didn't quite see it that way.

Then she added that I talk about later so often and that I act as if I were

such a lady, even though I'm not.

But I don't think building sandcastles in the air is such a terrible thing to

do, as long as you don't take it too seriously.

At any rate, Daddy usually comes to my defence.

Without him I wouldn't be able to stick it out here.

I don't get along with Margaret very well either.

Even though our family never has the same kind of outbursts they have

upstairs, I find it far from pleasant.

Margaret's and Mother's personalities are so alien to me. I understand my

girlfriends better than my own mother.

Isn't that a shame?

For the umpteenth time, Mrs. Van Dahn is sulking.

She's very moody and has been removing more and more of her belongings and

locking them up.

Its too-bad mother doesn't repay every Van Dahn disappearing act with a frank

disappearing act.

Some people, like the Van Dahn's, seem to take special delight not only in

raising their own children but in helping others raise theirs.

Margaret doesn't need it, since she's naturally good, kind and clever

perfection itself.

but I seem to have enough mischief for the two of us.

More than once the air has been filled with the Van Darnes, admonitions and my

saucy replies.

Father and mother always defend me fiercely.

Without them I wouldn't be able to jump back into the fray with my usual

composure.

They keep telling me I should talk less, mind my own business and be more modest,

but I seem doomed to failure.

If father weren't so patient, I'd have long ago given up hope of ever meeting

my parents.

Quite moderate expectations.

If I take a small helping of a vegetable I loathe and eat potatoes instead, the

Van Darnes, especially Mrs. Van Darn, can't get over how spoiled I am.

Come on, Anne, eat some more vegetables, she says.

No, thank you, ma'am, I reply.

The potatoes are more than enough.

Vegetables are good for you, your mother says so too.

Have some more, she insists, until father intervenes and upholds my right

to refuse a dish I don't like.

Then Mrs. Vandy really flies off the handle.

You should have been at our house where children were brought up the way they

should be. I don't call this a proper upbringing.

Anne is terribly spoiled.

I'd never allow that, if Anne were my daughter.

This is always how her tirades begin and end. If Anne were my daughter, thank

goodness I'm not.

But to get back to the subject of raising children, yesterday a silence

fell after Mrs. Vandy finished her little speech.

Father then replied, I think Anne is very well brought up. At least she's

learned not to respond to your interminable sermons.

As far as the vegetables are concerned, all I have to say is look who's calling

the kettle black.

Mrs. Vandy was soundly defeated.

The pot calling the kettle black refers, of course, to Madame herself, since she

can't tolerate beans or any kind of cabbage in the evening because they give

her gas.

But I could say the same.

What a dope, don't you think? In any case, let's hope she stops talking about

me.

It's so funny to see how quickly Mrs. Van Daan flushes. I don't, and it

secretly annoys her no end.

Yours, Anne.

Monday, September 28, 1942.

Dearest Kitty.

I had to stop yesterday, though I was nowhere near finished.

I'm dying to tell you about another one of our clashes, but before I do I'd like

to say this.

I think it's odd that grown-ups quarrel so easily and so often and about such

petty matters.

Up to now I always thought bickering was just something children did and that

they outgrew it.

Of course, there's sometimes a reason to have a real quarrel, but the verbal

exchanges that take place here are just plain bickering.

I should be used to the fact that these squabbles are daily occurrences, but I'm

not and never will be as long as I'm the subject of nearly every discussion.

They refer to these as discussions instead of quarrels, but Germans don't

know the difference.

They criticise everything, and I mean everything about me.

My behaviour, my personality, my manners, every inch of me, from head to

toe and back again, is the subject of gossip and debate.

Harsh words and shouts are constantly being flung at my head, though I'm

absolutely not used to it.

According to the powers that be I'm supposed to grin and bear it.

But I can't. I have no intention of taking their insults lying down.

I'll show them that Anne Frank wasn't born yesterday.

They'll sit up and take notice and keep their big mouths shut when I make them

see they ought to attend to their own manners instead of mine.

How dare they act that way?

It's simply barbaric.

I've been astonished time and again at such rudeness and most of all at such

stupidity, Mrs. Van Dahn.

But as soon as I've gotten used to the idea and that shouldn't take long, I'll

give them a taste of their own medicine, and then they'll change their tune.

Am I really as bad-mannered, headstrong, stubborn, pushy, stupid, lazy, etc.,

etc.? As the Van Darns say I am.

No, of course not.

I know I have my faults and shortcomings, but they blow them all out

of proportion.

If you only knew, Kitty, how I seethe when they scold and mock me. It won't

take long before I explode with pent-up rage.

But enough of that.

I've bored you long enough with my quarrels, and yet I can't resist adding

a highly interesting dinner conversation.

Somehow we landed on the subject of Pym's extreme diffidence.

His modesty is a well-known fact.

which even the stupidest person wouldn't dream of questioning.

All of a sudden Mrs. Van Dahn, who feels the need to bring herself into every

conversation, remarked, I'm very modest and retiring too, much more so than my

husband.

Have you ever heard anything so ridiculous?

This sentence clearly illustrates that she's not exactly what you'd call

modest.

Mr. Van Dahn, who felt obliged to explain the much more so than my

husband, answered calmly, I have no desire to be modest and retiring.

in my experience you get a lot further by being pushy and turning to me he

added don't be modest and retiring anne it will get you nowhere mother agreed

completely with this viewpoint but as usual mrs van daan had to add her two

cents this time however instead of addressing me directly she turned to my

parents and said you must have a strange outlook on life to be able to say that

to anne things were different when i was growing up though they probably haven't

changed much since then except in your modern household this was a direct hit

at mother's modern child-rearing methods which she's defended on many occasions

mrs van daan was so upset her face turned bright red people who flush

easily become even more agitated when they feel themselves getting hot under

the collar and they quickly lose to their opponents the non-flushed mother

who now wanted to have the matter over and done with as quickly as possible

paused for a moment to think before she replied.

Well, Mrs. Van Dahn, I agree that it's much better if a person isn't over

-modest. My husband, Margaret, and Peter are all exceptionally modest.

Your husband, Anne, and I, though not exactly the opposite, don't let

ourselves be pushed around.

Mrs. Van Dahn, oh, but Mrs. Frank, I don't understand what you mean.

Honestly, I'm extremely modest and retiring.

How can you say that I'm pushy?

Mother, I didn't say you were pushy, but no one would describe you as having a

retiring disposition.

Mrs. Van D, I'd like to know in what way I'm pushy.

If I didn't look out for myself here, no one else would, and I'd soon starve, but

that doesn't mean I'm not as modest and retiring as your husband.

Mother had no choice but to laugh at this ridiculous self-defense, which

irritated Mrs.

Van Dahn.

Not exactly a born debater.

She continued her magnificent account in a mixture of German and Dutch, until she

got so tangled up in her own words that she finally rose from her chair, and was

just about to leave the room when her eye fell on me.

You should have seen her. As luck would have it, the moment Mrs. Van D turned

around I was shaking my head in a combination of compassion and irony.

I wasn't doing it on purpose, but I'd followed her tirade so intently that my

reaction was completely involuntary.

Mrs. Vandy wheeled around and gave me a tongue-lashing, hard, Germanic, mean and

vulgar, exactly like some fat, red-faced fishwife.

It was a joy to behold.

If I could draw, I'd like to have sketched her as she was then.

She struck me as so comical, that silly little scatterbrain. I've learned one

thing. You only really get to know a person after a fight.

Only then can you judge their true character.

Yours, Anne.

Tuesday, September 29, 1942.

Dearest Kitty, The strangest things happen to you when you're in hiding.

Try to picture this.

Because we don't have a bathtub, we wash ourselves in a wash tub, and because

there's only hot water in the office, by which I mean the entire lower floor, the

seven of us take turns making the most of this great opportunity.

But since none of us are alike and are all plagued by varying degrees of

modesty, each member of the family has selected a different place to wash.

Peter takes a bath in the office kitchen.

even though it has a glass door when it's time for his bath he goes around to

each of us in turn and announces that we shouldn't walk past the kitchen for the

next half hour he considers this measure to be sufficient mr vandy takes his bath

upstairs figuring that the safety of his own room outweighs the difficulty of

having to carry the hot water up all those stairs mrs vandy has yet to take a

bath she's waiting to see which is the best place father bathes in the private

office and mother in the kitchen behind a fire screen while margaret and i have

declared the front office to be our bathing grounds since the curtains are

drawn on saturday afternoon we scrub ourselves in the dark while the one who

isn't in the bath looks out the window through a chink in the curtains and

gazes in wonder at the endlessly amusing people a week ago i decided i didn't

like this spot and have been on the lookout for more comfortable bathing

quarters it was peter who gave me the idea of setting my wash tub in the

spacious office bathroom I can sit down, turn on the light, lock the door, pour

out the water without anyone's help, and all without the fear of being seen.

I used my lovely bathroom for the first time on Sunday, and strange as it may

seem, I like it better than any other place.

The plumber was at work downstairs on Wednesday, moving the water pipes and

drains from the office bathroom to the hallway so the pipes won't freeze during

a cold winter.

The plumber's visit was far from pleasant.

Not only were we not allowed to run water during the day, but the bathroom

was also off-limits.

I'll tell you how we handled this problem. You may find it unseemly of me

to bring it up, but I'm not so prudish about matters of this kind.

On the day of our arrival, Father and I improvised a chamber pot, sacrificing a

canning jar for this purpose.

For the duration of the plumber's visit, canning jars were put into service

during the daytime to hold our calls of nature.

As far as I was concerned, this wasn't half as difficult as having to sit still

all day and not say a word.

You can imagine how hard that was for Miss Quack, Quack, Quack.

On ordinary days we have to speak in a whisper.

Not being able to talk or move at all is ten times worse.

After three days of constant sitting, my backside was stiff and sore.

Nightly calisthenics helped.

Yours, Anne.

Thursday, October 1, 1942.

Dear Kitty, Yesterday I had a horrible fright.

At eight o'clock the doorbell suddenly rang.

All I could think of was that someone was coming to get us, you know who I

mean, but I calmed down when everybody swore it must have been either

pranksters or the mailman.

The days here are very quiet.

Mr. Levinson, a little Jewish pharmacist and chemist, is working for Mr. Kugler

in the kitchen.

Since he's familiar with the entire building, We're in constant dread that

he'll take it into his head to go have a look at what used to be the laboratory.

We're as still as baby mice.

Who would have guessed three months ago that Quicksilver Anne would have to sit

so quietly for hours on end, and what's more that she could?

Mrs Van Dahn's birthday was the 29th. Though we didn't have a large

celebration, she was showered with flowers, simple gifts and good food.

Apparently the red carnations from her spouse are a family tradition.

Let me pause a moment on the subject of Mrs. Van Dahn and tell you that her

attempts to flirt with Father are a constant source of irritation to me.

She pats him on the cheek and head, hikes up her skirt and makes so-called

witty remarks in an effort to get Pim's attention.

Fortunately, he finds her neither pretty nor charming, so he doesn't respond to

her flirtations.

As you know, I'm quite the jealous type, and I can't abide her behaviour.

After all, Mother doesn't act that way toward Mr.

Van D.

which is what I told Mrs. Vandy right to her face.

From time to time Peter can be very amusing.

He and I have one thing in common, we like to dress up which makes everyone

laugh. One evening we made our appearance with Peter in one of his

mother's skin-tight dresses and me in his suit.

He wore a hat, I had a cap on.

The grown-ups split their sides laughing, and we enjoyed ourselves every

bit as much.

Bette bought new skirts for Margaret and me at the Byjenkov.

The fabric is hideous, like the burlap bag potatoes come in.

Just the kind of thing the department stores wouldn't dare sell in the olden

days, now costing 24 guilders, Margaret's, and 7.75 guilders, mine.

We have a nice treat in store.

Bepps ordered a correspondence course in shorthand for Margaret, Peter and me.

Just you wait, by this time next year we'll be able to take perfect shorthand.

In any case, learning to write a secret code like that is really interesting.

I have a terrible pain in my index finger on my left hand, so I can't do

any ironing. What luck!

Mr Van Dahn wants me to sit next to him at the table, since Margaret doesn't eat

enough to suit him.

Fine with me, I like changes.

There's always a tiny black cat roaming around the yard, and it reminds me of my

dear sweet Murch.

Another reason I welcome the change is that Mama's always carping at me,

especially at the table.

Now Margaret will have to bear the brunt of it.

Or rather won't, since Mother doesn't make such sarcastic remarks to her. Not

to that paragon of virtue.

I'm always teasing Margaret about being a paragon of virtue these days, and she

hates it.

Maybe it'll teach her not to be such a goody-goody.

High time she learned.

To end this hodgepodge of news, a particularly amusing joke told by Mr.

Van Dahn.

What goes click ninety-nine times and clack once?

A centipede with a clubfoot.

Bye-bye, Anne.

Saturday, October 3, 1942.

Dear Kitty, Everybody teased me quite a bit yesterday because I lay down on the

bed next to Mr. Van Dahn.

At your age, shocking, and other remarks along those lines.

Silly, of course, I'd never want to sleep with Mr. Van Dahn the way they

mean.

Yesterday Mother and I had another run-in and she really kicked up a fuss.

She told Daddy all my sins and started to cry, which made me cry too, and I

already had such an awful headache.

I finally told Daddy that I love him more than I do Mother, to which he

replied that it was just a passing phase, but I don't think so.

I simply can't stand Mother, and I have to force myself not to snap at her all

the time, and to stay calm when I'd rather slap her across the face.

I don't know why I've taken such a terrible dislike to her.

Daddy says that if Mother isn't feeling well or has a headache, I should

volunteer to help her, but I'm not going to because I don't love her and don't

enjoy doing it.

I can imagine mother dying someday, but daddy's death seems inconceivable.

It's very mean of me, but that's how I feel. I hope mother will never read this

or anything else I've written.

I've been allowed to read more grown-up books lately.

Eva's Youth by Nico van Suchtelen is currently keeping me busy.

I don't think there's much of a difference between this and books for

teenage girls.

Eva thought that children grew on trees, like apples, and that the stork plucked

them off the tree when they were ripe and brought them to the mothers.

But her girlfriend's cat had kittens and Eva saw them coming out of the cat, so

she thought cats laid eggs and hatched them like chickens, and that mothers who

wanted a child also went upstairs a few days before their time to lay an egg and

brood on it.

After the babies arrived, the mothers were pretty weak from all that

squatting. At some point, Eva wanted a baby too.

She took a wool scarf and spread it on the ground so the egg could fall into

it, and then she squatted down and began to push.

She clucked as she waited, but no egg came out.

Finally, after she'd been sitting for a long time, something did come, but it

was a sausage instead of an egg.

Eva was embarrassed.

She thought she was sick.

Funny, isn't it? There are also parts of Eva's youth that talk about women

selling their bodies on the street and asking loads of money.

I'd be mortified in front of a man like that.

In addition, it mentions Eva's menstruation.

Oh, I long to get my period.

Then I'll really be grown up.

Daddy is grumbling again and threatening to take away my diary.

Oh, horror of horrors, from now on I'm going to hide it.

Anne Franke.

Wednesday, October 7, 1942.

I imagine that... I've gone to Switzerland.

Daddy and I sleep in one room while the boys' study is turned into a sitting

room where I can receive visitors.

As a surprise, they've bought new furniture for me, including a tea table,

a desk, armchairs and a divan.

Everything's simply wonderful.

After a few days, Daddy gives me 150 guilders.

converted into swiss money of course but i'll call them guilders and tells me to

buy everything i think i'll need all for myself later on i get a gilder a week

which i can also use to buy whatever i want i set off with burned and buy three

cotton undershirts at 0.5 equals 1.5 three cotton underpants at 0

.5 equals 1.5

Three wool undershirts at 0.75 equals 2.25.

Three wool underpants at 0.75 equals 2.25.

Two petticoats at 0.5 equals 1.

Two bras smallest size at 0.5 equals 1.

Five pyjamas at 1 equals 5.

One summer robe at 2.5 equals 2.5.

One winter robe at 3 equals 3.

Two bed jackets at 0.75 equals 1.5.

One small pillow at 1 equals 1.

One pair of lightweight slippers at 1 equals 1.

One pair of warm slippers at 1.5 equals 1.5.

One pair of summer shoes, school, at 1.5 equals 1.5.

One pair of summer shoes, dressy, at 2 equals 2.

One pair of winter shoes, school, at 2.5 equals 2.5.

One pair of winter shoes, dressy, at 3 equals 3.

Two aprons at 0.5 equals 1.

25 handkerchiefs at 0.05 equals 1.25.

Four pairs of silk stockings at 0.75 equals 3.

Four pairs of knee socks at 0.5 equals 2.

Four pairs of socks at 0.25 equals 1.

Two pairs of thick stockings at 1 equals 2.

Three skeins of white yarn underwear, cap, equals 1.5.

Three skeins of blue yarn, sweater, skirt, equals 1.5.

Three skeins of variegated yarn, cap, scarf, equals 1.5.

Scarves, belts, collars, buttons equals 1.25.

Plus two school dresses, summer.

two school dresses winter two good dresses summer two good dresses winter

one summer skirt one good winter skirt one school winter skirt one raincoat one

summer coat one winter coat two hats two caps for a total of 108 guilders two

purses one ice skating outfit one pair of skates one case containing powder

skin cream foundation cream cleansing cream suntan lotion cotton First aid

kit, rouge, lipstick, eyebrow pencil, bath salts, bath powder, eau de cologne,

soap, powder puff.

Plus four sweaters at 1.5, four blouses at 1, miscellaneous items at 10 and

books, presents at 4.5.

Friday, October 9, 1942.

Dearest Kitty, Today I have nothing but dismal and depressing news to report.

Our many Jewish friends and acquaintances are being taken away in

droves. The Gestapo is treating them very roughly and transporting them in

cattle cars to Westerbork, the big camp in Drenthe to which they're sending all

the Jews.

Miep told us about someone who'd managed to escape from there. It must be

terrible in Westerbork.

The people get almost nothing to eat, much less to drink as water is available

only one hour a day, and there's only one toilet and sink for several thousand

people. Men and women sleep in the same room, and women and children often have

their heads shaved.

Escape is almost impossible.

Many people look Jewish and they're branded by their shorn heads.

If it's that bad in Holland, what must it be like in those far away and

uncivilised places where the Germans are sending them? We assume that most of

them are being murdered. The English radio says they're being gassed. Perhaps

that's the quickest way to die.

I feel terrible.

Miep's accounts of these horrors are so heart-trending and Miep is also very

distraught. The other day, for instance, the Gestapo deposited an elderly,

crippled Jewish woman on Miep's doorstep while they set off to find a car.

The old woman was terrified of the glaring searchlights and the guns firing

at the English planes overhead.

Yet Miep didn't dare let her in.

Nobody would. The Germans are generous enough when it comes to punishment.

Bep is also very subdued. Her boyfriend is being sent to Germany.

Every time the planes fly over, she's afraid they're going to drop their

entire bomb load on Bertus's head.

Jokes like, oh, don't worry, they can't all fall on him, or one bomb is all it

takes are hardly appropriate in this situation.

Bertus is not the only one being forced to work in Germany.

Trainloads of young men depart daily.

Some of them try to sneak off the train when it stops at a small station, but

only a few manage to escape unnoticed and find a place to hide.

But that's not the end of my lamentations.

Have you ever heard the term hostages?

That's the latest punishment for saboteurs.

It's the most horrible thing you can imagine.

Leading citizens, innocent people, are taken prisoner to await their execution.

If the Gestapo can't find the saboteur, they simply grab five hostages and line

them up against the wall.

You read the announcements of their death in the paper, where they're

referred to as fatal accidents.

Fine specimens of humanity, those Germans, and to think I'm actually one

of them.

No, that's not true, Hitler took away our nationality long ago.

And besides, there are no greater enemies on earth than the Germans and

the Jews.

Yours, Anne.

Wednesday, October 14, 1942.

Dear Kitty, I'm terribly busy.

Yesterday I began by translating a chapter from La Belle Nivernaise and

writing down vocabulary words.

Then I worked on an awful math problem and translated three pages of French

grammar besides.

Today, French grammar and history.

I simply refuse to do that wretched math every day.

Daddy thinks it's awful too.

I'm almost better at it than he is, though in fact neither of us is any

good, so we always have to call on Margaret's help.

I'm also working away at my shorthand, which I enjoy.

Of the three of us, I've made the most progress.

I've read The Storm Family.

It's quite good, but doesn't compare to Jupiter Huel.

Anyway, the same words can be found in both books, which makes sense because

they're written by the same author.

Sissy Van Marksvelt is a terrific writer.

I'm definitely going to let my own children read her books too.

Moreover, I've read a lot of Kerner plays.

I like the way he writes.

For example, Hedwig, the cousin from Brayman, The Governess, The Green

Domino, etc.

Mother, Margaret and I are once again the best of buddies.

It's actually a lot nicer that way.

Last night, Margaret and I were lying side by side in my bed. It was

incredibly cramped, but that's what made it fun.

She asked if she could read my diary once in a while.

Parts of it, I said, and asked about hers.

She gave me permission to read her diary as well.

The conversation turned to the future, and I asked what she wanted to be when

she was older.

But she wouldn't say and was quite mysterious about it. I gathered it had

something to do with teaching.

Of course, I'm not absolutely sure, but I suspect it's something along those

lines. I really shouldn't be so nosy.

This morning I lay on Peter's bed, after first having chased him off it.

He was furious, but I didn't care.

He might consider being a little more friendly to me from time to time.

After all, I did give him an apple last night.

I once asked Margaret if she thought I was ugly.

She said that I was cute and had nice eyes. A little vague, don't you think?

Well, until next time.

Anne Frank.

P.S. This morning we all took turns on the scale.

Margaret now weighs 132 pounds, mother 136, father 155 and 96, Peter

148, Mrs. Van Dahn 117, Mr. Van Dahn 165.

In the three months since I've been here, I've gained 19 pounds.

A lot, huh?

Tuesday, October 20, 1942.

Dearest Kitty.

My hand's still shaking, though it's been two hours since we had the scare.

I should explain that there are five fire extinguishers in the building.

The office staff stupidly forgot to warn us that the carpenter, or whatever he's

called, was coming to fill the extinguishers.

As a result, we didn't bother to be quiet until I heard the sound of

hammering on the landing, across from the bookcase.

I immediately assumed it was the carpenter and went to warn Bep, who was

eating lunch, that she couldn't go back downstairs.

Father and I stationed ourselves at the door so we could hear when the man had

left. After working for about fifteen minutes, he laid his hammer and some

other tools on our bookcase, or so we thought, and banged on our door. We

turned white with fear.

Had he heard something after all and now wanted to check out this mysterious

-looking bookcase?

It seemed so, since he kept knocking, pulling, pushing and jerking on it.

I was so scared I nearly fainted at the thought of this total stranger managing

to discover our wonderful hiding-place.

Just when I thought my days were numbered, we heard Mr. Clayman's voice

saying, Open up, it's me.

We opened the door at once.

What had happened?

The hook fastening the bookcase had gotten stuck, which is why no one had

been able to warn us about the carpenter.

After the man had left, Mr. Clayman came to get Bep, but couldn't open the

bookcase. I can't tell you how relieved I was.

in my imagination the man i thought was trying to get inside the secret annex

had kept growing and growing until he'd become not only a giant but also the

cruelest fascist in the world hugh fortunately everything worked out all

right at least this time we had lots of fun on monday meep and jan spent the

night with us margaret and i slept in father and mother's room for the night

so the gc's could have our beds the menu was drawn up in their honor and the meal

was delicious The festivities were briefly interrupted when Father's lamp

caused a short circuit and we were suddenly plunged into darkness.

What were we to do?

We did have fuses, but the fuse box was at the rear of the dark warehouse, which

made this a particularly unpleasant job at night.

Still, the men ventured forth, and ten minutes later we were able to put away

the candles.

I was up early this morning.

Jan was already dressed.

Since he had to leave at 8.30 he was upstairs eating breakfast by 8.

Meep was busy getting dressed, and I found her in her undershirt when I came

in. She wears the same kind of long underwear I do when she bicycles.

Margaret and I threw on our clothes as well and were upstairs earlier than

usual. After a pleasant breakfast, Meep headed downstairs.

It was pouring outside, and she was glad she didn't have to bicycle to work.

Daddy and I made the beds, and afterward I learned five irregular French verbs.

Quite industrious, don't you think?

Margaret and Peter were reading in our room, with Mouse-Kai curled up beside

Margaret on the divan.

After my irregular French verbs I joined them and read Beyond Sing the Woods.

It's quite a beautiful book, but very unusual.

I'm almost finished.

Next week it's Bep's turn to spend the night.

Yours, Anne.

Thursday, October 29, 1942.

My dearest Kitty.

I'm very worried.

Father's sick.

He's covered with spots and has a high temperature.

It looks like measles. Just think, we can't even call a doctor.

Mother is making him perspire in hopes of sweating out the fever.

This morning Miep told us that the furniture has been removed from the Van

Daan's apartment on Zuideramsteland.

We haven't told Mrs. Van D yet.

She's been so nervenmessig lately, and we don't feel like hearing her moan and

groan again about all the beautiful china and lovely chairs she had to leave

behind.

We had to abandon most of our nice things too.

What's the good of grumbling about it now?

Father wants me to start reading books by Hebel and other well-known German

writers. I can read German fairly well by now, except that I usually mumble the

words instead of reading them silently to myself.

But that'll pass.

Father has taken the plays of Goethe and Schiller down from the big bookcase and

is planning to read to me every evening.

We've started off with Don Carlos.

Encouraged by Father's good example, Mother pressed her prayer book into my

hands.

I read a few prayers in German just to be polite.

They certainly sound beautiful, but they mean very little to me.

Why is she making me act so religious and devout?

Tomorrow we're going to light the stove for the first time.

The chimney hasn't been swept in ages, so the room is bound to fill with smoke.

Let's hope the thing draws.

Yours, Anne.

Monday, November 2, 1942.

Dear Kitty, Bep stayed with us Friday evening.

It was fun, but she didn't sleep very well because she'd drunk some wine.

For the rest, there's nothing special to report.

I had an awful headache yesterday and went to bed early, Margaret's being

exasperating again.

This morning I began sorting out an index card file from the office, because

it had fallen over and gotten all mixed up.

Before long I was going nuts.

I asked Margaret and Peter to help, but they were too lazy, so I put it away.

I'm not crazy enough to do it all by myself.

And Frankie.

P.S. I forgot to mention the important news that I'm probably going to get my

period soon.

I can tell because I keep finding a whitish smear in my panties, and Mother

predicted it would start soon.

I can hardly wait.

It's such a momentous event.

Too bad I can't use sanitary napkins, but you can't get them anymore.

and mamma's tampons can be used only by women who have had a baby.

Comment added by anonjanuary221944 I wouldn't be able to write that kind

of thing anymore.

Now that I'm rereading my diary after a year and a half, I'm surprised at my

childish innocence.

Deep down I know I could never be that innocent again, however much I'd like to

be. I can understand the mood changes and the comments about Margaret, mother

and father, as if I'd written them only yesterday.

but I can't imagine writing so openly about other matters.

It embarrasses me greatly to read the pages dealing with subjects that I

remembered as being nicer than they actually were.

My descriptions are so indelicate, but enough of that.

I can also understand my homesickness and yearning for much.

The whole time I've been here I've longed unconsciously, and at times

consciously, for trust, love and physical affection.

This longing may change in intensity, but it's always there.

Thursday, November 5, 1942.

Dear Kitty, The British have finally scored a few successes in Africa and

Stalingrad hasn't fallen yet, so the men are happy and we had coffee and tea this

morning. For the rest, nothing special to report.

This week I've been reading a lot and doing little work.

That's the way things ought to be.

That's surely the road to success.

Mother and I are getting along better lately but we're never close.

Father's not very open about his feelings, but he's the same sweetheart

he's always been.

We lit the stove a few days ago and the entire room is still filled with smoke.

I prefer central heating, and I'm probably not the only one.

Margaret's a stinker, there's no other word for it. A constant source of

irritation, morning, noon and night.

Anne Franky.

Monday, November 9, 1942.

Dearest Kitty.

Yesterday was Peter's birthday, his 16th.

I was upstairs by eight and Peter and I looked at his presence.

He received a game of Monopoly, a razor and a cigarette lighter.

Not that he smokes so much, not at all, it just looks so distinguished.

The biggest surprise came from Mr Van Dahn, who reported at one that the

English had landed in Tunis, Algiers, Casablanca and Oran.

This is the beginning of the end, everyone was saying, but Churchill, the

British Prime Minister, who must have heard the same thing being repeated in

England, declared, This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end.

But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.

Do you see the difference?

However, there's reason for optimism.

Stalingrad, the Russian city that has been under attack for three months,

still hasn't fallen into German hands.

In the true spirit of the Annex, I should talk to you about food.

I should explain that they're real gluttons up on the top floor.

Bread is delivered daily by a very nice baker, a friend of Mr. Clayman, S.

of course we don't have as much as we did at home but it's enough we also

purchase ration books on the black market the price keeps going up it's

already risen from 27 to 33 guilders and that for mere sheets of printed paper to

provide ourselves with a source of nutrition that will keep aside from the

hundred cans of food we've stored here we bought 300 pounds of beans not just

for us but for the office staff as well we d hung the sacks of beans on hooks in

the hallway just inside our secret entrance but a few seams split under the

weight so we decided to move them to the attic and peter was entrusted with the

heavy lifting he managed to get five of the six sacks upstairs intact and was

busy with the last one when the sack broke and a flood or rather a hail storm

of brown beans went flying through the air and down the stairs since there were

about 50 pounds of beans in that sack it made enough noise to raise the dead

Downstairs they were sure the house was falling down around their heads.

Peter was stunned, but then burst into peals of laughter when he saw me

standing at the bottom of the stairs, like an island in a sea of brown, with

waves of beans lapping at my ankles.

We promptly began picking them up, but beans are so small and slippery that

they roll into every conceivable corner and hole.

Now each time we go upstairs, we bend over and hunt around so we can present

Mrs. Van Dahn with a handful of beans.

I almost forgot to mention that father has recovered from his illness.

Yours and... P.S. The radio has just announced that Algiers has fallen.

Morocco, Casablanca and Oran have been in English hands for several days.

We're now waiting for Tunis.

Tuesday, November 10, 1942.

Dearest Kitty.

Great news. We're planning to take an eighth person into hiding with us.

Yes, really.

we always thought there was enough room and food for one more person but we were

afraid of placing an even greater burden on mr cuggler and mr clayman but since

reports of the dreadful things being done to the jews are getting worse by

the day father decided to sound out these two gentlemen and they thought it

was an excellent plan it's just as dangerous whether there are seven or

eight they noted rightly once this was settled we sat down and mentally went

through our circle of acquaintances trying to come up with a single person

who would blend in well with our extended family.

This wasn't difficult.

After father had rejected all the Van Dahn relatives, we chose a dentist named

Albert Dussel.

He lives with a charming Christian lady who's quite a bit younger than he is.

They're probably not married, but that's beside the point.

He's known to be quiet and refined, and he seemed from our superficial

acquaintance with him to be nice.

Miep knows him as well, so she'll be able to make the necessary arrangements.

If he comes, Mr. Dussel will have to sleep in my room instead of Margaret,

who will have to make do with the folding bed.

We'll ask him to bring along something to fill cavities with.

Yours, Anne.

Thursday, November 12, 1942.

Dearest Kitty.

Meep came to tell us that she'd been to see Dr. Dussel.

He asked her the moment she entered the room if she knew of a hiding place, and

was enormously pleased when Meep said she had something in mind.

She added that he'd need to go into hiding as soon as possible, preferably

Saturday, but he thought this was highly improbable, since he wanted to bring his

records up to date, settle his accounts and attend to a couple of patients.

Meep relayed the message to us this morning.

We didn't think it was wise to wait so long.

All these preparations require explanations to various people who we

feel ought to be kept in the dark.

Meep went to ask if Dr. Dussel couldn't manage to come on Saturday after all,

but he said no.

and now he's scheduled to arrive on Monday.

I think it's odd that he doesn't jump at our proposal.

If they pick him up on the street it won't help either his records or his

patients, so why the delay?

If you ask me, it's stupid of Father to humour him.

Otherwise, no news.

Yours, Anne.

Tuesday, November 17, 1942.

Dearest Kitty.

Mr. Dussell has arrived.

Everything went smoothly.

Meep told him to be at a certain place in front of the post office at 11am when

a man would meet him, and he was at the appointed place at the appointed time.

Mr Clayman went up to him, announced that the man he was expecting to meet

was unable to come, and asked him to drop by the office to see Meep.

Mr Clayman took a streetcar back to the office while Mr Dussell followed on

foot.

It was 11.20 when Mr Dussell tapped on the office door.

Meep asked him to remove his coat, so the yellow star couldn't be seen, and

brought him to the private office, where Mr. Clayman kept him occupied until the

cleaning lady had gone.

On the pretext that the private office was needed for something else, Meep took

Mr. Dussel upstairs, opened the bookcase and stepped inside, while Mr. Dussel

looked on in amazement.

In the meantime, the seven of us had seated ourselves around the dining table

to await the latest addition to our family with coffee and cognac.

Meep first led him into the Frank family's room.

He immediately recognized our furniture, but had no idea we were upstairs, just

above his head.

When Meep told him, he was so astonished he nearly fainted.

Thank goodness she didn't leave him in suspense any longer, but brought him

upstairs.

Mr. Dussel sank into a chair and stared at us in dumbstruck silence, as though

he thought he could read the truth on our faces.

Then he stuttered, a burr but a unished in Belgium.

The officer, the auto, they were not coming.

Your escape was not working.

We explained the whole thing to him, about how we deliberately spread the

rumour of the officer, and the car to throw the Germans and anyone else who

might come looking for us off the track.

Mr. Dussel was speechless in the face of such ingenuity, and could do nothing but

gaze around in surprise as he explored the rest of our lovely and ultra

-practical annex.

We all had lunch together.

Then he took a short nap, joined us for tea, put away the few belongings meep

had been able to bring here in advance and began to feel much more at home

especially when we handed him the following typewritten rules and

regulations for the secret annex a van daan production prospectus and guide to

the secret annex a unique facility for the temporary accommodation of jews and

other dispossessed persons open all year round located in beautiful quiet wooded

surroundings in the heart of amsterdam no private residences in the vicinity

can be reached by street car thirteen or seventeen and also by car and bicycle

for those to whom such transportation has been forbidden by the german

authorities it can also be reached on foot furnished and unfurnished rooms and

apartments are available at all times with or without meals price free diet

low fat running water in the bathroom sorry no bath and on various inside and

outside walls cozy wood stoves for heating ample storage space for a

variety of goods two large modern safes private radio with a direct line to

london new york tell aviv and many other stations available to all residents

after 6 pm no listening to forbidden broadcasts with certain exceptions i.e

german stations may only be tuned in to listen to classical music it is

absolutely forbidden to listen to german news bulletins regardless of where they

are transmitted from and to pass them on to others rest hours from 10 pm to 7 30

am 10 15 am on sundays owing to circumstances residents are required to

observe rest hours during the daytime when instructed to do so by the

management to ensure the safety of all rest hours must be strictly observed

free time activities none allowed outside the house until further notice

use of language it is necessary to speak softly at all times only the language of

civilized people may be spoken thus no german reading and relaxation no german

books may be read except for the classics and works of a scholarly nature

other books are optional calisthenics daily singing only softly and after

6 pm movies prior arrangements required classes a weekly correspondence

course in shorthand Courses in English, French, Math and History, offered at any

hour of the day or night.

Payment in the form of tutoring, e.g. Dutch.

Separate department for the care of small household pets, with the exception

of vermin, for which special permits are required.

Mealtimes.

Breakfast at 9am daily except holidays and Sundays.

At approximately 11, 30am on Sundays and holidays.

Lunch a light meal.

From 1.15pm to 1.45pm.

Dinner may or may not be a hot meal.

Mealtime depends on news broadcasts.

Obligations with respect to the Supply Corps.

Residents must be prepared to help with office work at all times.

Baths. The wash tub is available to all residents after 9am on Sundays.

Residents may bathe in the bathroom, kitchen, private office or front office

as they choose.

Alcohol for medicinal purposes only.

The end.

Yours and.

Thursday, November 19, 1942.

Dearest Kitty.

Just as we thought, Mr. Dussel is a very nice man.

Of course he didn't mind sharing a room with me. To be honest, I'm not exactly

delighted at having a stranger use my things, but you have to make sacrifices

for a good cause, and I'm glad I can make this small one.

If we can save even one of our friends, the rest doesn't matter, said Father,

and he's absolutely right.

The first day Mr. Dussel was here, he asked me all sorts of questions, for

example, what time the cleaning lady comes to the office, how we've arranged

to use the washroom, and when we're allowed to go to the toilet.

You may laugh, but these things aren't so easy in a hiding place.

During the daytime we can't make any noise that might be heard downstairs,

and when someone else is there, like the cleaning lady, We have to be extra

careful.

I patiently explained all this to Mr. Dussel, but I was surprised to see how

slow he is to catch on. He asks everything twice and still can't

remember what you've told him.

Maybe he's just confused by the sudden change and he'll get over it.

Otherwise, everything is going fine.

Mr. Dussel has told us much about the outside world we've missed for so long.

He had sad news.

Countless friends and acquaintances have been taken off to a dreadful fate.

Night after night, green and grey military vehicles cruise the streets.

They knock on every door, asking whether any Jews live there.

If so, the whole family is immediately taken away.

If not, they proceed to the next house.

It's impossible to escape their clutches unless you go into hiding.

They often go around with lists, knocking only on those doors where they

know there's a big haul to be made.

They frequently offer a bounty, so much per head.

It's like the slave hunts of the olden days.

i don't mean to make light of this it's much too tragic for that in the evenings

when it's dark i often see long lines of good innocent people accompanied by

crying children walking on and on ordered about by a handful of men who

bully and beat them until they nearly drop no one is spared the sick the

elderly children babies and pregnant women all are marched to their death

we're so fortunate here away from the thermal We wouldn't have to give a

moment's thought to all this suffering if it weren't for the fact that we are

so worried about those we hold dear, whom we can no longer help.

I feel wicked sleeping in a warm bed, while somewhere out there my dearest

friends are dropping from exhaustion or being knocked to the ground.

I get frightened myself when I think of close friends who are now at the mercy

of the cruelest monsters ever to stalk the earth.

And all because they're Jews.

Yours and...

Friday, November 20, 1942.

Dearest Kitty.

We don't really know how to react.

Up to now very little news about the Jews had reached us here, and we thought

it best to stay as cheerful as possible.

Every now and then Meep used to mention what had happened to a friend, and

Mother or Mrs Van Dahn would start to cry, so she decided it was better not to

say any more.

But we bombarded Mr Dussel with questions.

and the stories he had to tell were so gruesome and dreadful that we can't get

them out of our heads.

Once we've had time to digest the news, we'll probably go back to our usual

joking and teasing.

It won't do us or those outside any good if we continue to be as gloomy as we are

now. And what would be the point of turning the secret annex into a

melancholy annex?

No matter what I'm doing, I can't help thinking about those who are gone.

I catch myself laughing and remember that it's a disgrace to be so cheerful.

But am I supposed to spend the whole day crying?

No, I can't do that. This gloom will pass.

Added to this misery there's another, but of a more personal nature, and it

pales in comparison to the suffering I've just told you about.

Still, I can't help telling you that lately I've begun to feel deserted.

I'm surrounded by too great a void.

I never used to give it much thought, since my mind was filled with my friends

and having a good time.

Now I think either about unhappy things or about myself.

It's taken a while, but I've finally realised that Father, no matter how kind

he may be, can't take the place of my former world.

When it comes to my feelings, Mother and Margaret ceased to count long ago.

But why do I bother you with this foolishness?

I'm terribly ungrateful, Kitty, I know, but when I've been scolded for the

umpteenth time and have all these other woes to think about as well, my head

begins to reel.

Yours, Anne.

Saturday, November 28, 1942.

dearest kitty we've been using too much electricity and have now exceeded our

ration the result excessive economy and the prospect of having the electricity

cut off no light for 14 days that's a pleasant thought isn't it but who knows

maybe it won't be so long it's too dark to read after 4 or 4 30 so we while away

the time with all kinds of crazy activities telling riddles doing

calisthenics in the dark speaking English or French, reviewing books,

after a while everything gets boring.

Yesterday I discovered a new pastime, using a good pair of binoculars to peek

into the lighted rooms of the neighbours.

During the day our curtains can't be opened, not even an inch, but there's no

harm when it's so dark.

I never knew that neighbours could be so interesting.

Hours are at any rate.

I've come across a few at dinner, one family making home movies and the

dentist across the way working on a frightened old lady.

Mr. Dussell, the man who was said to get along so well with children, and to

absolutely adore them, has turned out to be an old-fashioned disciplinarian and

preacher of unbearably long sermons on manners, since I have the singular

pleasure of sharing my far too narrow room with His Excellency, and since I'm

generally considered to be the worst behaved of the three young people, it's

all I can do to avoid having the same old scoldings and admonitions repeatedly

flung at my head, and to pretend not to hear.

This wouldn't be so bad if Mr. Dussel weren't such a tattletale and hadn't

singled out Mother to be the recipient of his reports.

If Mr. Dussel's just read me the riot act, Mother lectures me all over again,

this time throwing the whole book at me.

And if I'm really lucky, Mrs. Van D calls me to account five minutes later

and lays down the law as well.

Really, it's not easy being the badly brought-up centre of attention of a

family of nitpickers.

In bed at night, as I ponder my many sins and exaggerated shortcomings, I get

so confused by the sheer amount of things I have to consider that I either

laugh or cry, depending on my mood.

Then I fall asleep with the strange feeling of wanting to be different than

I am or being different than I want to be, or perhaps of behaving differently

than I am or want to be.

Oh dear, now I'm confusing you too.

Forgive me, but I don't like crossing things out, and in these times of

scarcity, tossing away a piece of paper is clearly taboo.

So I can only advise you not to re-read the above passage, and to make no

attempt to get to the bottom of it, because you'll never find your way out

again.

Yours, Anne.

Monday, December 7, 1942.

Dearest Kitty.

Hanukkah and St. Nicholas Day nearly coincided this year. They were only one

day apart.

We didn't make much of a fuss with Hanukkah, merely exchanging a few small

gifts and lighting the candles.

Since candles are in short supply, we lit them for only ten minutes, but as

long as we sing the song, that doesn't matter.

Mr. Van Dahn made a menorah out of wood, so that was taken care of too.

St. Nicholas Day on Saturday was much more fun.

During dinner Bep and Meep were so busy whispering to Father that our curiosity

was aroused, and we suspected they were up to something.

Sure enough, at eight o'clock we all trooped downstairs through the hall in

pitch darkness. It gave me the shivers, and I wished I was safely back upstairs.

To the alcove. We could switch on the light, since this room doesn't have any

windows. When that was done, Father opened the big cabinet.

Oh, how wonderful, we all cried.

In the corner was a large basket decorated with colourful paper and a

mask of Black Peter.

We quickly took the basket upstairs with us.

Inside was a little gift for everyone, including an appropriate verse.

Since you're familiar with the kinds of poems people write each other on St.

Nicholas Day, I won't copy them down for you.

I received a cupid doll, father got bookends, and so on.

Well, anyway, it was a nice idea, and since the eight of us had never

celebrated St. Nicholas Day before, this was a good time to begin.

Yours and... P.S. We also had presents for everyone downstairs.

A few things left over from the good old days, plus Meep and Bep are always

grateful for money.

Today we heard that Mr. Van Dahn's ashtray, Mr. Dussel's picture frame and

father's bookends were made by none other than Mr. Voskuel.

How anyone can be so clever with his hands is a mystery to me.

Thursday, December 10, 1942.

Dearest Kitty, Mr.

Van Dahn used to be in the meat, sausage and spice business.

He was hired for his knowledge of spices, and yet to our great delight

it's his sausage talents that have come in handy now.

We ordered a large amount of meat, under the counter, of course, that we were

planning to preserve in case there were hard times ahead.

Mr. Van Dahn decided to make bratwurst, sausages, and metwurst.

I had fun watching him put the meat through the grinder, once, twice, three

times. Then he added the remaining ingredients to the ground meat, and used

a long pipe to force the mixture into the casings.

We ate the bratwurst with sauerkraut for lunch, but the sausages, which were

going to be canned, had to dry first, so we hung them over a pole suspended from

the ceiling.

Everyone who came into the room burst into laughter when they saw the dangling

sausages. It was such a comical sight.

The kitchen was a shambles.

Mr. Van Dahn, clad in his wife's apron and looking fatter than ever, was

working away at the meat.

What with his bloody hands, red face and spotted apron, he looked like a real

butcher. Mrs. Van D was trying to do everything at once, learning Dutch out

of a book, stirring the soup, watching the meat, sighing and moaning about her

broken rib.

That's what happens when old, ladies do such stupid exercises to get rid of

their fat behinds.

Dussel had an eye infection and was sitting next to the stove dabbing his

eye with chamomile tea.

Pim, seated in the one ray of sunshine coming through the window, kept having

to move his chair this way and that to stay out of the way.

His rheumatism must have been bothering him because he was slightly hunched over

and was keeping an eye on Mr Van Dahn with an agonised expression on his face.

He reminded me of those aged invalids you see in the poorhouse.

Peter was romping around the room with Mouseguy, the cat, while Mother,

Margaret and I were peeling boiled potatoes.

When you get right down to it, none of us were doing our work properly because

we were all so busy watching Mr Van Dahn.

Dussel has opened his dental practice.

Just for fun, I'll describe the session with his very first patient.

Mother was ironing, and Mrs. Vandy, the first victim, sat down on a chair in the

middle of the room.

Dussel, unpacking his case with an air of importance, asked for some eau de

cologne, which could be used as a disinfectant, and Vaseline, which would

have to do for wax.

He looked in Mrs. Vandy's mouth and found two teeth that made her wince with

pain and utter incoherent cries every time he touched them.

After a lengthy examination,

lengthy as far as Mrs. Vandy was concerned, since it actually took no

longer than two minutes, Dussel began to scrape out a cavity, but Mrs. Vandy had

no intention of letting him.

She flailed her arms and legs until Dussel finally let go of his probe and

it remained stuck in Mrs. Vandy's tooth.

That really did it.

Mrs. Vandy lashed out wildly in all directions, cried, as much as you can

with an instrument like that in your mouth, tried to remove it, but only

managed to push it in even farther.

Mr. Dussel calmly observed the scene, his hands on his hips while the rest of

the audience roared with laughter.

Of course that was very mean of us.

If it had been me, I'm sure I would have yelled even louder.

After a great deal of squirming, kicking, screaming and shouting, Mrs.

Van D finally managed to yank the thing out, and Mr. Dussel went on with his

work as if nothing had happened.

He was so quick that Mrs. Van D didn't have time to pull any more shenanigans.

But then he had more help than he's ever had before, no fewer than two

assistants. Mr. Vandy and I performed our job well.

The whole scene resembled one of those engravings from the Middle Ages

entitled, A Quack at Work.

In the meantime, however, the patient was getting restless, since she had to

keep an eye on her soup and her food.

One thing is certain, it'll be a while before Mrs. Vandy makes another dental

appointment.

Yours and...

Sunday, December 13, 1942.

Dearest Kitty.

I'm sitting here nice and cosy in the front office, peering out through a

chink in the heavy curtains.

It's dusky, but there's just enough light to right by.

It's really strange watching people walk past.

They all seem to be in such a hurry that they nearly trip over their own feet.

Those on bicycles whiz by so fast I can't even tell who's on the bike.

The people in this neighbourhood aren't particularly attractive to look at.

The children especially are so dirty you wouldn't want to touch them with a ten

-foot pole.

Real slum kids with runny noses. I can hardly understand a word they say.

Yesterday afternoon, when Margaret and I were taking a bath, I said, What if we

took a fishing rod and reeled in each of those kids one by one as they walked by,

stuck them in the tub, washed and mended their clothes and then... And then

tomorrow they'd be just as dirty and tattered as they were before, Margaret

replied.

But I'm babbling.

There are also other things to look at, cars, boats and the rain.

I can hear the streetcar and the children and I'm enjoying myself.

Our thoughts are subject to as little change as we are.

They're like a merry-go-round, turning from the Jews to food, from food to

politics. By the way, speaking of Jews, I saw two yesterday when I was peeking

through the curtains.

I felt as though I were gazing at one of the seven wonders of the world.

It gave me such a funny feeling.

as if I'd denounced them to the authorities and was now spying on their

misfortune.

Across from us is a houseboat.

The captain lives there with his wife and children.

He has a small yapping dog.

We know the little dog only by its bark and by its tail, which we can see

whenever it runs around the deck.

Oh, what a shame, it's just started raining and most of the people are

hidden under their umbrellas.

All I can see are raincoats, and now and again the back of a stocking-capped

head. Actually, I don't even need to look.

By now I can recognise the women at a glance.

Gone to fat from eating potatoes, dressed in a red or green coat and worn

-out shoes, a shopping bag dangling from their arms, with faces that are either

grim or good-humoured, depending on the mood of their husbands.

Yours, Anne.

Tuesday, December 22, 1942.

Dearest Kitty.

The Annex was delighted to hear that we'll all be receiving an extra quarter

pound of butter for Christmas.

According to the newspaper, everyone is entitled to half a pound, but they mean

those lucky souls who get their ration books from the government, not Jews in

hiding like us who can only afford to buy four rather than eight ration books

on the black market.

Each of us is going to bake something with the butter.

This morning I made two cakes and a batch of cookies.

It's very busy upstairs, and Mother has informed me that I'm not to do any

studying or reading until all the household chores have been finished.

Mrs Van Dahn is lying in bed nursing her bruised rib.

She complains all day long, constantly demands that the bandages be changed and

is generally dissatisfied with everything.

I'll be glad when she gets back on her feet and can clean up after herself

because, I must admit, she's extraordinarily hardworking and neat,

and as long as she's in good physical and mental condition, she's quite

cheerful.

As if I don't hear S-H-H-S-H-H enough during the day because I'm always making

too much noise, my dear roommate has come up with the idea of saying shh shh

to me all night too according to him i shouldn't even turn over i refuse to

take any notice of him and the next time he shushes me i'm going to shush him

right back he gets more exasperating and egotistical as the days go by except for

the first week i haven't seen even one of the cookies he so generously promised

me he's particularly infuriating on sundays when he switches on the light at

the crack of dawn to exercise for ten minutes.

To me the torment seems to last for hours, since the chairs I use to make my

bed longer are constantly being jiggled under my sleepy head.

After rounding off his limbering-up exercises with a few vigorous arm

swings, his lordship begins dressing.

His underwear is hanging on a hook, so first he lumbers over to get it and then

lumbers back past my bed, but his tie is on the table, so once again he pushes

and bumps his way past the chairs.

But I mustn't waste any more of your time griping about disgusting old men.

It won't help matters anyway.

My plans for revenge, such as unscrewing the light bulb, locking the door and

hiding his clothes, have unfortunately had to be abandoned in the interests of

peace.

Oh, I'm becoming so sensible.

We've got to be reasonable about everything we do here.

Studying, listening, holding our tongues, helping others, being kind,

making compromises and I don't know what else.

I'm afraid my common sense, which was in short supply to begin with, will be used

up too quickly and I won't have any left by the time the war is over.

Yours, Anne.

Wednesday, January 13, 1943.

Dearest Kitty, This morning I was constantly interrupted, and as a result

I haven't been able to finish a single thing I've begun.

We have a new pastime, namely filling packages with powdered gravy.

The gravy is one of Jai's and Coe's products.

Mr. Cuggler hasn't been able to find anyone else to fill the packages, and

besides, it's cheaper if we do the job.

It's the kind of work they do in prisons.

It's incredibly boring and makes us dizzy and giggly.

Terrible things are happening outside.

At any time of night and day, poor helpless people are being dragged out of

their homes.

They're allowed to take only a knapsack and a little cash with them, and even

then they're robbed of these possessions on the way.

Families are torn apart.

Men, women and children are separated.

Children come home from school to find that their parents have disappeared.

Women return from shopping to find their houses sealed, their families gone.

The Christians in Holland are also living in fear because their sons are

being sent to Germany.

Everyone is scared.

Every night hundreds of planes pass over Holland on their way to German cities to

sow their bombs on German soil.

Every hour hundreds or maybe even thousands of people are being killed in

Russia and Africa.

No one can keep out of the conflict, the entire world is at war, and even though

the Allies are doing better, the end is nowhere in sight.

As for us we're quite fortunate, luckier than millions of people.

It's quiet and safe here and we're using our money to buy food.

We're so selfish that we talk about after the war and look forward to new

clothes and shoes.

when actually we should be saving every penny to help others when the war is

over to salvage whatever we can the children in this neighborhood run around

in thin shirts and wooden shoes they have no coats no socks no caps and no

one to help them gnawing on a carrot to still their hunger pangs they walk from

their cold houses through cold streets to an even colder classroom things have

gotten so bad in holland that hordes of children stop passers-by in the streets

to beg for a piece of bread

I could spend hours telling you about the suffering the war has brought, but

I'd only make myself more miserable.

All we can do is wait, as calmly as possible, for it to end.

Jews and Christians alike are waiting, the whole world is waiting, and many are

waiting for death.

Yours, Anne.

Saturday, January 30, 1943.

Dearest Kitty.

I'm seething with rage, yet I can't show it.

I'd like to scream, stamp my foot, give Mother a good shaking.

cry and I don't know what else because of the nasty words, mocking looks and

accusations that she hurls at me day after day, piercing me like arrows from

a tightly strung bow, which are nearly impossible to pull from my body.

I'd like to scream at Mother, Margaret, the Van Darns, Dussel and Father too.

Leave me alone, let me have at least one night when I don't cry myself to sleep

with my eyes burning and my head pounding.

Let me get away, away from everything, away from this world.

But I can't do that.

I can't let them see my doubts or the wounds they've inflicted on me. I

couldn't bear their sympathy or their good-humoured derision.

It would only make me want to scream even more.

Everyone thinks I'm showing off when I talk, ridiculous when I'm silent,

insolent when I answer, cunning when I have a good idea, lazy when I'm tired,

selfish when I eat one bite more than I should, stupid, cowardly, calculating,

etc., etc. All day long I hear nothing, but what an exasperating child I am.

And although I laugh it off and pretend not to mind, I do mind.

I wish I could ask God to give me another personality, one that doesn't

antagonise everyone.

But that's impossible.

I'm stuck with the character I was born with, and yet I'm sure I'm not a bad

person. I do my best to please everyone, more than they'd ever suspect in a

million years.

When I'm upstairs, I try to laugh it off because I don't want them to see my

troubles.

More than once after a series of absurd reproaches, I've snapped at Mother.

I don't care what you say. Why don't you just wash your hands of me? I'm a

hopeless case.

Of course, she'd tell me not to talk back and virtually ignore me for two

days. Then suddenly all would be forgotten and she'd treat me like

everyone else.

It's impossible for me to be all smiles one day and venomous the next.

I'd rather choose the golden mean, which isn't so golden and keep my thoughts to

myself. Perhaps sometime I'll treat the others with the same contempt as they

treat me.

Oh, if only I could.

Yours, Anne.

Friday, February 5, 1943.

Dearest Kitty, Though it's been ages since I've written to you about the

squabbles, there's still no change.

In the beginning Mr. Dussel took our soon-forgotten clashes very seriously,

but now he's grown used to them and no longer tries to mediate.

Margaret and Peter aren't exactly what you'd call young, they're both so quiet

and boring.

Next to them I stick out like a sore thumb and I'm always being told,

margaret and peter don't act that way why don't you follow your sister's

example i hate that i confess that i have absolutely no desire to be like

margaret she's too weak-willed and passive to suit me she lets herself be

swayed by others and always backs down under pressure i want to have more spunk

but i keep ideas like these to myself they'd only laugh at me if i offered

this in my defense during meals the air is filled with tension

Fortunately, the outbursts are sometimes held in check by the soup-eaters, the

people from the office who come up to have a cup of soup for lunch.

This afternoon Mr. Van Dahn again brought up the fact that Margaret eats

so little.

I suppose you do it to keep your figure, he added in a mocking tone.

Mother, who always comes to Margaret's defence, said in a loud voice, I can't

stand that stupid chatter of yours a minute longer.

Mrs. Van D turned red as a beet.

Mr. Vandy stared straight ahead and said nothing.

Still, we often have a good laugh.

Not long ago Mrs. Vandy was entertaining us with some bit of nonsense or another.

She was talking about the past, about how well she got along with her father

and what a flirt she was.

And you know, she continued, my father told me that if a gentleman ever got

fresh I was to say, remember, sir, that I'm a lady, and he'd know what I meant.

We split our sides laughing, as if she'd told us a good joke.

Even Peter, though he's usually quiet, occasionally gives rise to hilarity. He

has the misfortune of adoring foreign words without knowing what they mean.

One afternoon we couldn't use the toilet because there were visitors in the

office. Unable to wait he went to the bathroom but didn't flush the toilet.

To warn us of the unpleasant odour he tacked a sign to the bathroom door.

RSVP gas.

Of course he meant danger gas, but he thought RSVP looked more elegant.

He didn't have the faintest idea that it meant, please reply.

Yours, Anne.

Saturday, February 27, 1943.

Dearest Kitty.

Pym is expecting the invasion any day now.

Churchill has had pneumonia but is gradually getting better.

Gandhi, the champion of Indian freedom, is on one of his umpteenth hunger

strikes.

Mrs. Vandy claims she's fatalistic, but who's the most afraid when the guns go

off? None other than Petronella van Daan.

Jan brought along the Episcopal letter that the bishops addressed to their

parishioners. It was beautiful and inspiring.

People of the Netherlands, stand up and take action.

Each of us must choose our own weapons to fight for the freedom of our country,

our people and our religion.

Give your help and support.

Act now.

This is what they're preaching from the pulpit.

Will it do any good?

It's definitely too late to help our fellow Jews.

Guess what's happened to us now?

The owner of the building sold it without informing Mr. Kugler and Mr.

Clayman. One morning the new landlord arrived with an architect to look the

place over.

Thank goodness Mr. Clayman was in the office.

He showed the gentleman all there was to see, with the exception of the secret

annex. He claimed he'd left the key at home and the new owner asked no further

questions. If only he doesn't come back demanding to see the annex.

In that case we'll be in big trouble.

Father emptied a card file for Margaret and me and filled it with index cards

that are blank on one side.

This is to become our reading file, in which Margaret and I are supposed to

note down the books we've read, the author and the date.

I've learned two new words, brothel and coquette.

I've bought a separate notebook for new words.

There's a new division of butter and margarine.

Each person is to get their portion on their own plate.

The distribution is very unfair.

The Van Darnes, who always make breakfast for everyone, give themselves

one and a half times more than they do us.

My parents are much too afraid of an argument to say anything, which is a

shame, because I think people like that should always be given a taste of their

own medicine.

Yours, Anne.

Thursday, March 4, 1943.

Dearest Kitty.

Mrs. Van D has a new nickname.

We've started calling her Mrs. Beaverbrook.

Of course, that doesn't mean anything to you, so let me explain.

A certain Mr Beaverbrook often talks on the English radio about what he

considers to be the far too lenient bombardment of Germany.

Mrs Van Dahn, who always contradicts everyone, including Churchill and the

news reports, is in complete agreement with Mr Beaverbrook.

So we thought it would be a good idea for her to be married to him, and since

she was flattered by the notion, we've decided to call her Mrs Beaverbrook from

now on.

We're getting a new warehouse employee, since the old one is being sent to

Germany. That's bad for him but good for us because the new one won't be familiar

with the building.

We're still afraid of the men who work in the warehouse.

Gandhi is eating again.

The black market is doing a booming business.

If we had enough money to pay the ridiculous prices, we could stuff

ourselves silly.

Our greengrocer buys potatoes from the Wehrmacht and brings them in sacks to

the private office.

Since he suspects we're hiding here, he makes a point of coming during

lunchtime, when the warehouse employees are out.

So much pepper is being ground at the moment that we sneeze and cough with

every breath we take.

Everyone who comes upstairs greets us with an RCHOO.

Mrs. Van D swears she won't go downstairs.

One more whiff of pepper and she's going to get sick.

I don't think father has a very nice business.

Nothing but pectin and pepper.

As long as you're in the food business, why not make candy?

A veritable thunderstorm of words came crashing down on me again this morning.

The air flashed with so many coarse expressions that my ears were ringing

with Anne's bad this and Van Dahn's good that, fire and brimstone.

Yours, Anne.

Wednesday, March 10, 1943.

Dearest Kitty.

We had a short circuit last night, and besides that the guns were booming away

until dawn.

I still haven't gotten over my fear of planes and shooting, and I crawl into

Father's bed nearly every night for comfort.

I know it sounds childish, but wait till it happens to you. The Akak guns make so

much noise you can't hear your own voice.

Mrs. Beaverbrook, the fatalist, practically burst into tears and said in

a timid little voice, Oh, it's so awful.

Oh, the guns are so loud. Which is another way of saying I'm so scared.

It didn't seem nearly as bad by candlelight as it did in the dark.

I was shivering as if I had a fever and begged Father to relight the candle.

He was adamant there was to be no light.

Suddenly we heard a burst of machine-gun fire, and that's ten times worse than

anti-aircraft guns.

Mother jumped out of bed, and to Pim's great annoyance lit the candle.

Her resolute answer to his grumbling was, After all, Anne is not an ex

-soldier. And that was the end of that.

Have I told you any of Mrs. Van Deese's other fears?

I don't think so.

To keep you up to date on the latest adventures in the secret annex, I should

tell you this as well.

One night Mrs. Vandy thought she heard loud footsteps in the attic, and she was

so afraid of burglars, she woke her husband.

At that very same moment, the thieves disappeared, and the only sound Mr.

Vandy could hear was the frightened pounding of his fatalistic wife's heart.

Oh, Putty!

she cried.

Putty is Mrs. Vandy's pet name for her husband.

They must have taken all our sausages and dried beans.

And what about Peter?

Oh, do you think Peter's still safe and sound in his bed?

I'm sure they haven't stolen Peter.

Stop being such a ninny and let me get back to sleep.

Impossible. Mrs. Van D was too scared to sleep.

A few nights later the entire Van Dahn family was awakened by ghostly noises.

Peter went to the attic with a flashlight and, scurry, scurry, what do

you think he saw running away?

A whole slew of enormous rats.

Once we knew who the thieves were, We let Mousekye sleep in the attic and

never saw our uninvited guests again, at least not at night.

A few evenings ago, it was 7.30 and still light.

Peter went up to the loft to get some old newspapers.

He had to hold on tightly to the trapdoor to climb down the ladder.

He put down his hand without looking and nearly fell off the ladder from shock

and pain.

Without realising it, he'd put his hand on a large rat which had bitten him in

the arm.

By the time he reached us, white as a sheet and with his knees knocking the

blood had soaked through his pajamas no wonder he was so shaken petting a rat

isn't much fun especially when it takes a chunk out of your arm yours and friday

march 12 1943 dearest kitty may i introduce mama frank the

children's advocate extra butter for the youngsters the problems facing today's

youth you name it and mother defends the younger generation

After a skirmish or two, she always gets her way.

One of the jars of pickled tongue is spoiled.

A feast for Mousekai and Bosh.

You haven't met Bosh yet, despite the fact that she was here before we went

into hiding.

She's the warehouse and office cat who keeps the rats at bay in the storeroom.

Her odd political name can easily be explained.

For a while, the firm Gize and Co. had two cats, one for the warehouse and one

for the attic.

Their paths crossed from time to time, which invariably resulted in a fight.

The warehouse cat was always the aggressor, while the attic cat was

ultimately the victor, just as in politics.

So the warehouse cat was named the German, or Bosch, and the attic cat the

Englishman, or Tommy.

Sometime after that they got rid of Tommy, but Bosch is always there to

amuse us when we go downstairs.

We've eaten so many brown beans and navy beans that I can't stand to look at

them. Just thinking about them makes me sick.

Our evening serving of bread has been cancelled.

Daddy just said that he's not in a very cheerful mood.

His eyes look so sad again, the poor man.

I can't tear myself away from the book A Knock at the Door by Inay Bakabudia.

This family saga is extremely well written, but the parts dealing with war,

writers and the emancipation of women aren't very good.

To be honest, these subjects don't interest me much.

Terrible bombing raids on Germany. Mr Van Daan is grouchy. The reason, the

cigarette shortage.

The debate about whether or not to start eating the canned food ended in our

favour.

I can't wear any of my shoes, except my ski boots, which are not very practical

around the house.

A pair of straw thongs that were purchased for 6.5 guilders were worn

down to the soles within a week.

Maybe Meep will be able to scrounge up something on the black market.

It's time to cut father's hair.

Pim swears that I do such a good job he'll never go to another barber after

the war.

If only I didn't nick his ear so often.

Yours, Anne.

Thursday, March 18, 1943.

My dearest Kitty.

Turkey S entered the war. Great excitement.

Anxiously awaiting radio reports.

Friday, March 19, 1943.

Dearest Kitty.

In less than an hour, joy was followed by disappointment.

Turkey hasn't entered the war yet.

It was only a cabinet minister talking about Turkey giving up its neutrality

sometime soon.

The newspaper vendor in Dam Square was shouting, Turkey on England's side, and

the papers were being snatched out of his hands.

This was how we'd heard the encouraging rumour.

Thousand Guilder notes are being declared invalid.

That'll be a blow to the black marketeers and others like them, but

even more to people in hiding and anyone else with money that can't be accounted

for. To turn in a thousand-gilder bill, you have to be able to state how you

came by it and provide proof.

They can still be used to pay taxes, but only until next week.

The 500 notes will lapse at the same time.

Jyze and co.

still had some unaccounted-for thousand-gilder bills, which they used

to pay their estimated taxes for the coming years, so everything seems to be

above board.

Dussel has received an old-fashioned, foot-operated dentist's drill.

That means I'll probably be getting a thorough check-up soon.

Dussel is terribly lax when it comes to obeying the rules of the house.

Not only does he write letters to his Charlotte, he's also carrying on a

chatty correspondence with various other people.

Margit, the Annex's Dutch teacher, has been correcting these letters for him.

Father has forbidden him to keep up the practice and Margit has stopped

correcting the letters, but I think it won't be long before he starts up again.

The Fuhrer has been talking to wounded soldiers.

We listened on the radio and it was pathetic.

The questions and answers went something like this.

My name is Heinrich Schepel.

Where were you wounded?

Near Stalingrad.

What kind of wound is it?

Two frostbitten feet and a fracture of the left arm.

This is an exact report of the hideous puppet show aired on the radio.

The wounded seemed proud of their wounds, the more the better.

One was so beside himself at the thought of shaking hands, I presume he still had

one, with the furor that he could barely say a word.

I happened to drop Dussel's soap on the floor and step on it.

Now there's a whole piece missing.

I've already asked Father to compensate him for the damages, especially since

Dussel only gets one bar of inferior wartime soap a month.

Yours and...

Thursday, March 25, 1943.

Dearest Kitty.

Mother, Father, Margaret and I were sitting quite pleasantly together last

night when Peter suddenly came in and whispered in Father's ear.

I caught the words, a barrel falling over in the warehouse and someone

fiddling with the door.

Margaret heard it too but was trying to calm me down since I'd turned white as

chalk and was extremely nervous.

The three of us waited while Father and Peter went downstairs.

A minute or two later Mrs. Van Dahn came up from where she'd been listening to

the radio and told us that Pim had asked her to turn it off and tiptoe upstairs.

But you know what happens when you're trying to be quiet. The old stairs

creaked twice as loud.

Five minutes later Peter and Pim, the colour drained from their faces,

appeared again to relate their experiences.

They had positioned themselves under the staircase and waited.

Nothing happened.

Then all of a sudden they heard a couple of bangs, as if two doors had been

slammed shut inside the house.

Pim bounded up the stairs, while Peter went to warn Dussel, who finally

presented himself upstairs, though not without kicking up a fuss and making a

lot of noise.

Then we all tiptoed in our stockinged feet to the Van Darns on the next floor.

Mr. Van D had a bad cold and had already gone to bed, so we gathered around his

bedside and discussed our suspicions in a whisper.

Every time Mr. Van D coughed loudly, Mrs. Vandy and I nearly had a nervous

fit. He kept coughing until someone came up with the bright idea of giving him

codeine. His cough subsided immediately.

Once again we waited and waited, but heard nothing.

Finally we came to the conclusion that the Borglers had taken to their heels

when they heard footsteps in an otherwise quiet building.

The problem now was that the chairs in the private office were neatly grouped

around the radio, which was tuned to England.

If the burglars had forced the door and the air-raid wardens were to notice it

and call the police, there could be very serious repercussions.

So Mr Van Daan got up, pulled on his coat and pants, put on his hat and

cautiously followed farther down the stairs, with Peter, armed with a heavy

hammer, to be on the safe side right behind him.

The ladies, including Margaret and me, waited in suspense until the men

returned five minutes later and reported that there was no sign of any activity

in the building.

We agreed not to run any water or flush the toilet, but since everyone's stomach

was churning from all the tension, you can imagine the stench after we'd each

had a turn in the bathroom.

Incidents like these are always accompanied by other disasters, and this

was no exception.

Number one, the Westertorren bells stopped chiming, and I'd always found

them so comforting.

Number two, Mr. Voskuel left early last night, and we weren't sure if he'd given

Bep the key and she'd forgotten to lock the door.

But that was of little importance now.

The night had just begun and we still weren't sure what to expect.

We were somewhat reassured by the fact that between 8.15, when the burglar had

first entered the building and put our lives in jeopardy, and 10.30, we hadn't

heard a sound.

The more we thought about it, the less likely it seemed that a burglar would

have forced a door so early in the evening, when there were still people

out on the streets.

Besides that, it occurred to us that the warehouse manager at the keg company

next door might still have been at work.

What with the excitement and the thin walls, it's easy to mistake the sounds.

Besides, your imagination often plays tricks on you in moments of danger.

So we went to bed, though not to sleep.

Father and Mother and Mr. Dussel were awake most of the night, and I'm not

exaggerating when I say that I hardly got a wink of sleep.

This morning the men went downstairs to see if the outside door was still

locked, but all was well.

Of course, we gave the entire office staff a blow-by-blow account of the

incident, which had been far from pleasant.

It's much easier to laugh at these kinds of things after they've happened, and

Bep was the only one who took us seriously.

Yours and... P.S.

this morning the toilet was clogged and father had to stick in a long wooden

pole and fish out several pounds of excrement and strawberry recipes which

is what we use for toilet paper these days afterward we burned the pole

saturday march 27 1943 dearest kitty we

finished our shorthand course and are now working on improving our speed

aren't we smart let me tell you more about my time killers This is what I

call my courses, because all we ever do is try to make the days go by as quickly

as possible, so we're that much closer to the end of our time here.

I adore mythology, especially the Greek and Roman gods.

Everyone here thinks my interest is just a passing fancy, since they've never

heard of a teenager with an appreciation of mythology.

Well then, I guess I'm the first.

Mr. Van Dahn has a cold.

Or rather, he has a scratchy throat, but he's making an enormous to-do over it.

He gargles with chamomile tea, coats the roof of his mouth with a tincture of

myrrh and rubs mentholatum over his chest, nose, gums and tongue.

And to top it off, he's in a foul mood.

Rauter, some German bigwig, recently gave a speech.

All Jews must be out of the German-occupied territories before July

1. The province of Utrecht will be cleansed of Jews, as if they were

cockroaches, between April 1 and May 1, and the provinces of North and South

Holland between May 1 and June 1.

These poor people are being shipped off to filthy slaughterhouses like a herd of

sick and neglected cattle.

But I'll say no more on the subject.

My own thoughts give me nightmares.

One good piece of news is that the labour exchange was set on fire in an

act of sabotage. A few days later the county clerk's office also went up in

flames. Men posing as German police bound and gagged the guards and managed

to destroy some important documents.

Yours and...

Thursday, April 1, 1943.

Dearest Kitty, I'm not really in the mood for pranks, see the date.

On the contrary, today I can safely quote the saying, misfortunes never come

singly.

First, Mr. Clayman, our merry sunshine, had another bout of gastrointestinal

hemorrhaging yesterday and will have to stay in bed for at least three weeks.

I should tell you that his stomach has been bothering him quite a bit, and

there's no cure.

Second, Bep has the flu.

Third, Mr. Voskuel has to go to the hospital next week. He probably has an

ulcer and will have to undergo surgery.

Fourth, the managers of Pomersin Industries came from Frankfurt to

discuss the new Okta deliveries.

Father had gone over the important points with Mr. Clayman, and there

wasn't enough time to give Mr.

Kugler a thorough briefing.

The gentlemen arrived from Frankfurt, and Father was already shaking at the

thought of how the talks would go.

If only I could be there if only I were downstairs, he exclaimed.

Go lie down with your ear to the floor.

They'll be brought to the private office and you'll be able to hear everything.

Father's face cleared, and yesterday morning at ten-thirty Margaret and Pim,

two ears are better than one, took up their posts on the floor.

By noon the talks weren't finished, but Father was in no shape to continue his

listening campaign.

He was in agony from having to lie for hours in such an unusual and

uncomfortable position.

At 2.30 we heard voices in the hall, and I took his place.

Margaret kept me company.

The conversation was so long-winded and boring that I suddenly fell asleep on

the cold, hard linoleum.

Margaret didn't dare touch me for fear they'd hear us, and of course she

couldn't shout.

I slept for a good half hour and then awoke with a start, having forgotten

every word of the important discussion.

Luckily, Margaret had paid more attention.

Yours, Anne.

Friday, April 2, 1943.

Dearest Kitty.

Oh my, another item has been added to my list of sins.

Last night I was lying in bed, waiting for Father to tuck me in and say my

prayers with me, when Mother came into the room, sat on my bed and asked very

gently, Anne, Daddy isn't ready.

How about if I listen to your prayers tonight?

No, Momsy, I replied.

Mother got up, stood beside my bed for a moment and then slowly walked toward the

door. Suddenly she turned, her face contorted with pain, and said, I don't

want to be angry with you. I can't make you love me.

A few tears slid down her cheeks as she went out the door.

I lay still, thinking how mean it was of me to reject her so cruelly, but I also

knew that I was incapable of answering her any other way.

I can't be a hypocrite and pray with her when I don't feel like it. It just

doesn't work that way.

I felt sorry for Mother, very, very sorry.

because for the first time in my life I noticed she wasn't indifferent to my

coldness. I saw the sorrow in her face when she talked about not being able to

make me love her.

It's hard to tell the truth, and yet the truth is that she's the one who's

rejected me.

She's the one whose tactless comments and cruel jokes about matters I don't

think are funny have made me insensitive to any sign of love on her part.

Just as my heart sinks every time I hear her harsh words, that's how her heart

sank when she realised there was no more love between us.

She cried half the night and didn't get any sleep.

Father has avoided looking at me, and if his eyes do happen to cross mine, I can

read his unspoken words.

How can you be so unkind? How dare you make your mother so sad?

Everyone expects me to apologise, but this is not something I can apologise

for because I told the truth, and sooner or later mother was bound to find out

anyway. I seem to be indifferent to mother's tears and father's glances, and

I am.

because both of them are now feeling what I've always felt.

I can only feel sorry for Mother, who will have to figure out what her

attitude should be all by herself.

For my part, I will continue to remain silent and aloof, and I don't intend to

shrink from the truth, because the longer it's postponed, the harder it

will be for them to accept it when they do hear it.

Yours, Anne Tuesday,

April 27, 1943 Dearest Kitty

The house is still trembling from the aftereffects of the quarrels.

Everyone is mad at everyone else.

Mother and I, Mr. Van Dahn and Father, Mother and Mrs.

Van D terrific atmosphere, don't you think?

Once again Anne's usual list of shortcomings has been extensively aired.

Our German visitors were back last Saturday.

They stayed until six.

We all sat upstairs, not daring to move an inch.

If there's no one else working in the building or in the neighbourhood, you

can hear every single step in the private office.

I've got ants in my pants again from having to sit still so long.

Mr. Voskuel has been hospitalised, but Mr. Clayman's back at the office.

His stomach stopped bleeding sooner than it normally does.

He told us that the county clerk's office took an extra beating because the

firemen flooded the entire building instead of just putting out the fire.

That does my heart good.

The Carlton Hotel has been destroyed.

Two British planes loaded with firebombs landed right on top of the German

officers' club.

The entire corner of Weselstraat and Singel has gone up in flames.

The number of airstrikes on German cities is increasing daily.

We haven't had a good night's rest in ages, and I have bags under my eyes from

lack of sleep.

Our food is terrible.

Breakfast consists of plain, unbuttered bread and ersatz coffee.

For the last two weeks lunch has been either spinach or cooked lettuce with

huge potatoes that have a rotten, sweetish taste.

If you're trying to diet, the annex is the place to be.

Upstairs they complain bitterly, but we don't think it's such a tragedy.

All the Dutch men who either fought or were mobilised in 1940 have been called

up to work in prisoner-of-war camps.

I bet they're taking this precaution because of the invasion.

Yours, Anne.

Saturday, May 1, 1943.

Dearest Kitty.

Yesterday was Dussel's birthday.

At first he acted as if he didn't want to celebrate it, but when Meep arrived

with a large shopping bag overflowing with gifts, he was as excited as a

little kid.

His darling Lodge has sent him eggs, butter, cookies, lemonade, bread,

cognac, spice cake, flowers, oranges, chocolate, books and writing paper.

He piled his presents on a table and displayed them for no fewer than three

days, the silly old goat.

You mustn't get the idea that he's starving.

We found bread, cheese, jam and eggs in his cupboard.

It's absolutely disgraceful that Dussel, whom we've treated with such kindness

and whom we took in to save from destruction, should stuff himself behind

our backs and not give us anything.

After all, we've shared all we had with him.

But what's worse, in our opinion, is that he's so stingy with respect to Mr.

Clayman, Mr. Voscuail and Bep.

He doesn't give them a thing.

In Dussell's view the oranges that Clayman so badly needs for his sick

stomach will benefit his own stomach even more.

Tonight the guns have been banging away so much that I've already had to gather

up my belongings four times.

Today I packed a suitcase with the stuff I'd need in case we had to flee, but as

Mother correctly noted, where would you go?

All of Holland is being punished for the workers' strikes.

Martial law has been declared and everyone is going to get one less butter

coupon. What naughty children.

I washed mother's hair this evening, which is no easy task these days.

We have to use a very sticky liquid cleanser because there's no more

shampoo. Besides that, mom's had a hard time combing her hair because the family

comb has only ten teeth left.

Yours and... Sunday, May 2, 1943.

When I think about our lives here, I usually come to the conclusion that we

live in a paradise compared to the Jews who aren't in hiding.

All the same, later on, when everything has returned to normal, I'll probably

wonder how we, who always lived in such comfortable circumstances, could have

sunk so low.

With respect to manners, I mean.

For example, the same oarcloth has covered the dining table ever since

we've been here.

After so much use, it's hardly what you'd call spotless.

I do my best to clean it, but since the dishcloth was also purchased before we

went into hiding and consists of more holes than cloth, it's a thankless task.

The Van Darnes have been sleeping all winter long on the same flannel sheet,

which can't be washed because detergent is rationed and in short supply.

Besides, it's of such poor quality that it's practically useless.

Father is walking around in frayed trousers, and his tie is also showing

signs of wear and tear.

Mama's corset snapped today and is beyond repair, while Margaret is wearing

a bra that's two sizes too small.

Mother and Margaret have shared the same three undershirts the entire winter, and

mine are so small they don't even cover my stomach.

These are all things that can be overcome, but I sometimes wonder, how

can we, whose every possession from my underpants to father's shaving brush is

so old and worn, ever hope to regain the position we had before the war?

Sunday, May 2, 1943.

The Attitude of the Annex Residents Toward the War Mr. Van Dahn, in the

opinion of us all this revered gentleman has great insight into politics.

nevertheless he predicts we'll have to stay here until the end of 43 that's a

very long time and yet it's possible to hold out until then but who can assure

us that this war which has caused nothing but pain and sorrow will then be

over and that nothing will have happened to us and our helpers long before that

time no one that's why each and every day is filled with tension expectation

and hope generate tension as does fear for example when we hear a noise inside

or outside the house when the guns go off or when we read new proclamations in

the paper, since we're afraid our helpers might be forced to go into

hiding themselves sometime.

These days everyone is talking about having to hide.

We don't know how many people are actually in hiding.

Of course, the number is relatively small compared to the general

population, but later on we'll no doubt be astonished at how many good people in

Holland were willing to take Jews and Christians, with or without money, into

their homes.

There are also an unbelievable number of people with false identity papers.

Mrs. Van Dahn, when this beautiful damsel, by her own account, heard that

it was getting easier these days to obtain false IDs, she immediately

proposed that we each have one made, as if there were nothing to it, as if

Father and Mr. Van Dahn were made of money.

Mrs. Van Dahn is always saying the most ridiculous things, and her putty is

often exasperated.

But that's not surprising because one day Curly announces, when this is all

over I'm going to have myself baptised, and the next, as long as I can remember

I've wanted to go to Jerusalem, I only feel at home with other Jews.

Pym is a big optimist, but he always has his reasons.

Mr. Dussel makes up everything as he goes along, and anyone wishing to

contradict his majesty had better think twice.

In Albert Dussel's home his word is law.

but that doesn't suit Anne Frank in the least.

What the other members of the Annex family think about the war doesn't

matter. When it comes to politics, these four are the only ones who count.

Actually, only two of them do, but Madame Van Daan and Dussel include

themselves as well.

Tuesday, May 18, 1943.

Dearest Kit, I recently witnessed a fierce dogfight between German and

English pilots.

unfortunately a couple of allied airmen had to jump out of their burning plane

our milkman who lives in halfweg saw four canadians sitting along the side of

the road and one of them spoke fluent dutch he asked the milkman if he had a

light for his cigarette and then told him the crew had consisted of six men

the pilot had been burned to death and the fifth crew member had hidden himself

somewhere the german security police came to pick up the four remaining men

none of whom were injured After parachuting out of a flaming plane, how

can anyone have such presence of mind?

Although it's undeniably hot, we have to light a fire every other day to burn our

vegetable peelings and garbage.

We can't throw anything into the trash cans, because the warehouse employees

might see it. One small act of carelessness and we're done for.

All college students are being asked to sign an official statement to the effect

that they sympathise with the Germans and approve of the new order.

80% have decided to obey the dictates of their conscience, but the penalty will

be severe.

Any student refusing to sign will be sent to a German labour camp.

What's to become of the youth of our country if they've all got to do hard

labour in Germany?

Last night the guns were making so much noise that Mother shut the window. I was

in Pim's bed.

Suddenly, right above our heads, we heard Mrs Vandy leap up, as if she'd

been bitten by Mauskei.

This was followed by a loud boom, which sounded as if a firebomb had landed

beside my bed.

Lights, lights, I screamed.

Pim switched on the lamp. I expected the room to burst into flames any minute.

Nothing happened. We all rushed upstairs to see what was going on.

Mr. and Mrs. Vandy had seen a red glow through the open window, and he thought

there was a fire nearby, while she was certain our house was ablaze.

Mrs. Vandy was already standing beside her bed with her knees knocking when the

boom came.

Dussel stayed upstairs to smoke a cigarette, and we crawled back into bed.

Less than fifteen minutes later, the shooting started again.

Mrs. Vandy sprang out of bed and went downstairs to Dussel's room to seek the

comfort she was unable to find with her spouse.

Dussel welcomed her with the words, Come into my bed, my child.

We burst into peals of laughter, and the roar of the guns bothered us no more.

Our fears had all been swept away.

Yours and...

Sunday, June 13, 1943.

Dearest Kitty, The poem Father composed for my birthday is too nice to keep to

myself.

Since Pim writes his verses only in German, Margaret volunteered to

translate it into Dutch.

See for yourself whether Margaret hasn't done herself proud.

It begins with the usual summary of the year's events and then continues.

Margaret had trouble getting the part about food to rhyme, so I'm leaving it

out. but aside from that don't you think it's a good poem for the rest i've been

thoroughly spoiled and have received a number of lovely presents including a

big book on my favorite subject greek and roman mythology nor can i complain

about the lack of candy everyone had dipped into their last reserves as the

benjamin of the annex i got more than i deserve yours and tuesday june 15

1943 dearest kitty

Heaps of things have happened, but I often think I'm boring you with my

dreary chit-chat and that you just as soon have fewer letters, so I'll keep

the news brief.

Mr. Voskuel wasn't operated on for his ulcer after all.

Once the doctors had him on the operating table and opened him up, they

saw that he had cancer.

It was in such an advanced stage that an operation was pointless.

So they stitched him up again, kept him in the hospital for three weeks, fed him

well and sent him back home.

But they made an unforgivable error.

They told the poor man exactly what was in store for him.

He can't work any more and he's just sitting at home, surrounded by his eight

children, brooding about his approaching death.

I feel very sorry for him and hate not being able to go out.

Otherwise, I'd visit him as often as I could and help take his mind off

matters. Now the good man can no longer let us know what's being said and done

in the warehouse, which is a disaster for us.

Mr. Voskuel was our greatest source of help and support when it came to safety

measures. We miss him very much.

Next month it's our turn to hand over our radio to the authorities.

Mr. Clayman has a small set hidden in his home that he's giving us to replace

our beautiful cabinet radio.

It's a pity we have to turn in our big Philips, but when you're in hiding, you

can't afford to bring the authorities down on your heads.

Of course, we'll put the baby radio upstairs.

what's a clandestine radio when there are already clandestine jews and

clandestine money all over the country people are trying to get hold of an old

radio that they can hand over instead of their morale booster it's true as the

reports from outside grow worse and worse the radio with its wondrous voice

helps us not to lose heart and to keep telling ourselves cheer up keep your

spirits high things are bound to get better yours and sunday july 11

1943

Dear Kitty, To get back to the subject of child-rearing, for the umpteenth

time, let me tell you that I'm doing my best to be helpful, friendly and kind,

and to do all I can to keep the rain of rebukes down to a light drizzle.

It's not easy trying to behave like a model child with people you can't stand,

especially when you don't mean a word of it.

But I can see that a little hypocrisy gets me a lot further than my old method

of saying exactly what I think.

even though no one ever asks my opinion or cares one way or another of course i

often forget my role and find it impossible to curb my anger when they're

unfair so that they spend the next month saying i'm the most impertinent girl in

the world don't you think i'm to be pitied sometimes it's a good thing i'm

not the grouchy type because then i might become sour and bad-tempered i can

usually see the humorous side of their scoldings but it's easier when somebody

else is being raked over the coals

Further, I've decided, after a great deal of thought, to drop the shorthand.

First, so that I have more time for my other subjects, and second, because of

my eyes. That's a sad story.

I've become very near-sighted and should have had glasses ages ago.

Er, won't I look like a dope?

But as you know, people in hiding car.

Yesterday all anyone here could talk about was Anne's eyes, because Mother

had suggested I go to the ophthalmologist with Mrs. Clayman.

Just hearing this made my knees weak, since it's no small matter.

going outside just think of it walking down the street i can't imagine it i was

petrified at first and then glad but it's not as simple as all that the

various authorities who had to approve such a step were unable to reach a quick

decision they first had to carefully weigh all the difficulties and risks

though meep was ready to set off immediately with me in tow in the

meantime i'd taken my grey coat from the closet but it was so small it looked as

if it might have belonged to my little sister we lowered the hem but I still

couldn't button it.

I'm really curious to see what they decide, only I don't think they'll ever

work out a plan, because the British have landed in Sicily and fathers all

set for a quick finish.

Bep's been giving Margaret and me a lot of office work to do.

It makes us both feel important, and it's a big help to her.

Anyone can file letters and make entries in a sales book, but we do it with

remarkable accuracy.

Meep has so much to carry she looks like a pack mule.

She goes forth nearly every day to scrounge up vegetables, and then

bicycles back with her purchases in large shopping bags.

She's also the one who brings five library books with her every Saturday.

We long for Saturdays because that means books.

We're like a bunch of little kids with a present.

Ordinary people don't know how much books can mean to someone who's cooped

up. Our only diversions are reading, studying and listening to the radio.

Yours, Anne.

Tuesday, July 13, 1943.

The best little table.

Yesterday afternoon Father gave me permission to ask Mr. Dussel whether he

would please be so good as to allow me, see how polite I am, to use the table in

our room two afternoons a week, from four to five-thirty.

I already sit there every day from two-thirty to four while Dussel takes a

nap, but the rest of the time the room and the table are off-limits to me.

It's impossible to study next door in the afternoon, because there's too much

going on.

Besides, Father sometimes likes to sit at the desk during the afternoon.

So it seemed like a reasonable request, and I asked Dussel very politely, What

do you think the learned gentleman's reply was?

No, just plain no.

I was incensed and wasn't about to let myself be put off like that. I asked him

the reason for his no, but this didn't get me anywhere. The gist of his reply

was, I have to study too, you know, and if I can't do that in the afternoons I

won't be able to fit it in at all.

I have to finish the task I've set for myself, otherwise there's no point in

starting. Besides, you aren't serious about your studies.

Mythology, what kind of work is that?

Reading and knitting don't count either.

I use that table and I'm not going to give it up.

I replied, Mr. Dussel, I do take my work seriously.

I can't study next door in the afternoons, and I would appreciate it if

you would reconsider my request.

Having said these words, the insulted Anne turned around and pretended the

learned doctor wasn't there.

I was seething with rage and felt that Dussel had been incredibly rude, which

he certainly had been, and that I'd been very polite.

That evening, when I managed to get hold of Pim, I told him what had happened and

we discussed what my next step should be.

because I had no intention of giving up and preferred to deal with the matter

myself. Pim gave me a rough idea of how to approach Dussel, but cautioned me to

wait until the next day, since I was in such a flap.

I ignored this last piece of advice, and waited for Dussel after the dishes had

been done.

Pim was sitting next door, and that had a calming effect.

I began, Mr. Dussel. You seem to believe further discussion of the matter is

pointless, but I beg you to reconsider.

Dussel gave me his most charming smile and said, I'm always prepared to discuss

the matter, even though it's already been settled.

I went on talking, despite Dussel's repeated interruptions.

When you first came here, I said, we agreed that the room was to be shared by

the two of us. If we were to divide it fairly, you'd have the entire morning

and I'd have the entire afternoon.

I'm not asking for that much, but two afternoons a week does seem reasonable

to me.

Dussel leapt out of his chair as if he'd sat on a pin.

You have no business talking about your rights to the room. Where am I supposed

to go?

Maybe I should ask Mr. Van Dahn to build me a cubbyhole in the attic.

You're not the only one who can't find a quiet place to work.

You're always looking for a fight.

If your sister Margaret, who has more right to work space than you do, had

come to me with the same request, I'd never even have thought of refusing but

you.

And once again he brought up the business about the mythology and the

knitting. and once again Anne was insulted.

However, I showed no sign of it and let Dussel finish.

But no, it's impossible to talk to you. You're shamefully self-centred. No one

else matters as long as you get your way. I've never seen such a child.

But after all is said and done, I'll be obliged to let you have your way, since

I don't want people saying later on that Anne Frank failed her exams because Mr

Dussel refused to relinquish his table.

He went on and on until there was such a deluge of words I could hardly keep up.

For one fleeting moment I thought, him and his lies.

I'll smack his ugly mug so hard he'll go bouncing off the wall, but the next

moment I thought, calm down, he's not worth getting so upset about.

At long last Mr. Dussel's fury was spent, and he left the room with an

expression of triumph mixed with wrath, his coat pockets bulging with food.

I went running over to Father and recounted the entire story.

or at least those parts he hadn't been able to follow himself.

Pym decided to talk to Dussel that very same evening, and they spoke for more

than half an hour.

They first discussed whether Anne should be allowed to use the table, yes or no.

Father said that he and Dussel had dealt with the subject once before, at which

time he'd professed to agree with Dussel because he didn't want to contradict the

elder in front of the younger, but that, even then, he hadn't thought it was

fair. Dussel felt I had no right to talk as if he were an intruder laying claim

to everything in sight, but Father protested strongly, since he himself had

heard me say nothing of the kind.

And so the conversation went back and forth, with Father defending my

selfishness and my busy work, and Dussel grumbling the whole time.

Dussel finally had to give in, and I was granted the opportunity to work without

interruption two afternoons a week.

Dussel looked very sullen.

didn't speak to me for two days and made sure he occupied the table from five to

five thirty all very childish of course anyone who's so petty and pedantic at

the age of fifty-four was born that way and is never going to change friday july

sixteenth nineteen forty three dearest kitty there's been another break-in but

this time a real one peter went down to the warehouse this morning at seven as

usual and noticed at once that both the warehouse door and the street door were

open. He immediately reported this to Pim, who went to the private office,

tuned the radio to a German station and locked the door.

Then they both went back upstairs.

In such cases our orders are not to wash ourselves or run any water, to be quiet,

to be dressed by eight and not to go to the bathroom, and as usual we followed

these to the letter.

We were all glad we'd slept so well and hadn't heard anything.

For a while we were indignant because no one from the office came upstairs the

entire morning.

Mr. Clayman left us on tenterhooks until 11.30.

He told us that the burglars had forced the outside door and the warehouse door

with a crowbar, but when they didn't find anything worth stealing, they tried

their luck on the next floor.

They stole two cash boxes containing 40 guilders, blank checkbooks and, worst of

all, coupons for £330 of sugar, our entire allotment.

it won't be easy to wangle new ones mr cuggler thinks this burglar belongs to

the same gang as the one who made an unsuccessful attempt six weeks ago to

open all three doors the warehouse door and the two outside doors the burglary

caused another stir but the annex seems to thrive on excitement naturally we

were glad the cash register and the typewriters had been safely tucked away

in our clothes closet yours and

P.S. Landing in Sicily, another step closer to the... Monday, July 19, 1943.

Dearest Kitty... North Amsterdam was very heavily bombed on Sunday. There was

apparently a great deal of destruction.

Entire streets are in ruins, and it will take a while for them to dig out all the

bodies. So far there have been 200 dead and countless wounded.

The hospitals are bursting at the seams.

We've been told of children searching forlornly in the smouldering ruins for

their dead parents.

It still makes me shiver to think of the dull, distant drone that signified the

approaching destruction.

Friday, July 23, 1943.

Bep is currently able to get hold of notebooks, especially journals and

ledgers, useful for my bookkeeping sister.

Other kinds are for sale as well, but don't ask what they're like or how long

they'll last.

At the moment they're all labelled, no coupons needed.

Like everything else you can purchase without ration stamps, they're totally

worthless. They consist of twelve sheets of grey paper with narrow lines that

slant across the page.

Margaret is thinking about taking a course in calligraphy. I've advised her

to go ahead and do it.

Mother won't let me because of my eyes, but I think that's silly.

Whether I do that or something else, it all comes down to the same thing.

Since you've never been through a war, Kitty, and since you know very little

about life in hiding, in spite of my letters, Let me tell you, just for fun,

what we each want to do first when we're able to go outside again.

Margaret and Mr. Van Dahn wish, above all else, to have a hot bath, filled to

the brim, which they can lie in for more than half an hour.

Mrs. Van Dahn would like a cake Dussel can think of nothing but seeing his

Charlotte, and Mother is dying for a cup of real coffee.

Father would like to visit Mr.

Voscuail, Peter would go downtown, and as for me, I'd be so overjoyed I

wouldn't know where to begin.

Most of all I long to have a home of our own, to be able to move around freely

and have someone help me with my homework again, at last.

In other words, to go back to school.

Bep has offered to get us some fruit, at so-called bargain prices.

Grapes 2.5 guilders a pound, gooseberries 70 cents a pound, one peach

50 cents, melons 75 cents a pound.

No wonder the papers write every evening in big, fat letters.

Keep prices down.

Monday, July 26, 1943.

Dear Kitty, Yesterday was a very tumultuous day, and we're still all

wound up.

Actually, you may wonder if there's ever a day that passes without some kind of

excitement.

The first warning siren went off in the morning while we were at breakfast, but

we paid no attention, because it only meant that the planes were crossing the

coast. I had a terrible headache, so I lay down for an hour after breakfast,

and then went to the office at around two.

At 2.30 Margaret had finished her office work and was just gathering her things

together when the sirens began wailing again, so she and I trooped back

upstairs.

None too soon, it seems, for less than five minutes later the guns were booming

so loudly that we went and stood in the hall.

The house shook and the bombs kept falling.

I was clutching my escape bag, more because I wanted to have something to

hold on to than because I wanted to run away.

I know we can't leave here, but if we had to, being seen on the streets would

be just as dangerous as getting caught in an air raid.

After half an hour the drone of engines faded, and the house began to hum with

activity again.

Peter emerged from his lookout post in the front attic, Dussel remained in the

front office, Mrs. Van D. felt safest in the private office, Mr. Van Dahn had

been watching from the loft, and those of us on the landing spread out to watch

the columns of smoke rising from the harbour.

Before long the smell of fire was everywhere, and outside it looked as if

the city were enveloped in a thick fog.

A big fire like that is not a pleasant sight, but fortunately for us it was all

over and we went back to our various chores.

Just as we were starting dinner, another air-raid alarm.

The food was good, but I lost my appetite the moment I heard the siren.

Nothing happened, however, and forty-five minutes later the all-clear

was sounded.

After the dishes had been washed, another air-raid warning, gunfire, and

swarms of planes.

Oh, gosh, twice in one day, we thought.

That's twice too many.

Little good that did us, because once again the bombs rained down, this time

on the other side of the city.

According to British reports, Skiffle Airport was bombed. The planes dived and

climbed. The air was abuzz with the drone of engines.

It was very scary, and the whole time I kept thinking, here it comes, this is

it.

I can assure you that when I went to bed at nine, my legs were still shaking.

At the stroke of midnight, I woke up again.

More planes.

Dussel was undressing, but I took no notice and leapt up wide awake at the

sound of the first shot.

I stayed in Father's bed until one, in my own bed until one-thirty, and was

back in Father's bed at two.

But the planes kept on coming.

At last they stopped firing and I was able to go back home again.

I finally fell asleep at half-past two.

Seven o'clock I awoke with a start and sat up in bed.

Mr. Van Dahn was with Father.

My first thought was burglars.

Everything. I heard Mr. Van Daan say, and I thought everything had been

stolen. But no, this time it was wonderful news, the best we've had in

months, maybe even since the war began.

Mussolini has resigned and the King of Italy has taken over the government.

We jumped for joy.

After the awful events of yesterday, finally something good happens and

brings us hope, hope for an end to the war, hope for peace.

Mr. Kugler dropped by and told us that the Fokker aircraft factory had been hit

hard. Meanwhile, there was another air-raid alarm this morning, with planes

flying over and another warning siren.

I've had it up to here with alarms.

I've hardly slept, and the last thing I want to do is work.

But now the suspense about Italy and the hope that the war will be over by the

end of the year are keeping us awake.

Yours, Anne.

Thursday, July 29, 1943.

Dearest Kitty.

Mrs. Van Dahn, Dussel and I were doing the dishes.

and I was extremely quiet.

This is very unusual for me and they were sure to notice, so in order to

avoid any questions, I quickly racked my brains for a neutral topic.

I thought the book Henry from across the street might fit the bill, but I

couldn't have been more wrong. If Mrs. Van Dahn doesn't jump down my throat,

Mr. Dussel does.

It all boiled down to this.

Mr. Dussel had recommended the book to Margaret and me as an example of

excellent writing.

We thought it was anything but that.

The little boy had been portrayed well, but as for the rest, the less said the

better. I mentioned something to that effect while we were doing the dishes

and Dussel launched into a veritable tirade.

How can you possibly understand the psychology of a man?

That of a child isn't so difficult, but you're far too young to read a book like

that. Even a twenty-year-old man would be unable to comprehend it.

So why did he go out of his way to recommend it to Margaret and me?

Mrs. Vandy and Dussel continued their harangue. You know way too much about

things you're not supposed to. You've been brought up all wrong.

Later on, when you're older, you won't be able to enjoy anything any more.

You'll say, oh, I read that twenty years ago in some book.

You'd better hurry if you want to catch a husband or fall in love, since

everything is bound to be a disappointment to you. You already know

all there is to know in theory.

But in practice, that's another story.

Can you imagine how I felt?

I astonished myself by calmly replying, you may think I haven't been raised

properly, but many people would disagree.

They apparently believe that good child-rearing includes trying to pit me

against my parents, since that's all they ever do, and not telling a girl my

age about grown-up subjects is fine.

We can all see what happens when people are raised that way.

At that moment I could have slapped them both for poking fun at me.

I was beside myself with rage.

and if I only knew how much longer we had to put up with each other's company,

I'd start counting the days.

Mrs. Van Dahn's a fine one to talk. She sets an example all right, a bad one.

She's known to be exceedingly pushy, egotistical, cunning, calculating, and

perpetually dissatisfied.

Add to that vanity and coquettishness and there's no question about it.

She's a thoroughly despicable person.

I could write an entire book about Madame Van Dahn, and who knows, maybe

someday I will.

Anyone can put on a charming exterior when they want to.

Mrs. Van D is friendly to strangers, especially men, so it's easy to make a

mistake when you first get to know her.

Mother thinks that Mrs. Van D is too stupid for words, Margaret that she's

too unimportant, Pim that she's too ugly, literally and figuratively.

And after long observation, I'm never prejudiced at the beginning.

I've come to the conclusion that she's all three of the above and lots more

besides. She has so many bad traits.

Why should I single out just one of them?

Yours and... P.S. Will the reader please take into consideration that this story

was written before the writer's fury had cooled?

Tuesday, August 3, 1943 Dearest Kitty, Things are going well on the

political front.

Italy has banned the fascist party.

The people are fighting the fascists in many places. Even the army has joined

the fight.

How can a country like that continue to wage war against England?

Our beautiful radio was taken away last week.

Dussel was very angry at Mr Kugler for turning it in on the appointed day.

Dussel is slipping lower and lower in my estimation, and he's already below zero.

Whatever he says about politics, history, geography, or anything else is

so ridiculous that I hardly dare repeat it.

Hitler will fade from history.

The harbour in Rotterdam is bigger than the one in Hamburg.

The English are idiots for not taking the opportunity to bomb Italy to

smithereens, etc., etc.

We just had a third air raid. I decided to grit my teeth and practice being

courageous.

Mrs. Van Dahn, the one who always said, let them fall and better to end with a

bang than not to end at all, is the most cowardly one among us.

She was shaking like a leaf this morning and even burst into tears.

She was comforted by her husband, with whom she recently declared a truce after

a week of squabbling.

I nearly got sentimental at the sight.

Mouseky has now proved, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that having a cat has

disadvantages as well as advantages.

The whole house is crawling with fleas, and it's getting worse each day.

Mr. Clayman's sprinkled yellow powder in every nook and cranny, but the fleas

haven't taken the slightest notice.

It's making us all very jittery. We're forever imagining a bite on our arms and

legs or other parts of our bodies, so we leap up and do a few exercises.

since it gives us an excuse to take a better look at our arms or necks.

But now we are paying the price for having had so little physical exercise,

we're so stiff we can hardly turn our heads.

The real calisthenics fell by the wayside long ago.

Yours, Ant Wednesday, August 4, 1943 Dearest Kitty,

Now that we've been in hiding for a little over a year, you know a great

deal about our lives.

Still, I can't possibly tell you everything, since it's all so different

compared to ordinary times and ordinary people.

Nevertheless, to give you a closer look into our lives, from time to time I'll

describe part of an ordinary day.

I'll start with the evening and night.

Nine in the evening.

Bedtime always begins in the annex with an enormous hustle and bustle.

Chairs are shifted, beds pulled out, blankets unfolded, nothing stays where

it is during the daytime.

i sleep on a small divan which is only five feet long so we have to add a few

chairs to make it longer comforter sheets pillows blankets everything has

to be removed from dussel's bed where it's kept during the day in the next

room there's a terrible creaking that's margaret's folding bed being set up more

blankets and pillows anything to make the wooden slats a bit more comfortable

upstairs it sounds like thunder But it's only Mrs. Van Deese's bed being shoved

against the window so that Her Majesty, arrayed in her pink bed jacket, can

sniff the night air through her delicate little nostrils.

Nine o'clock.

After Peter's finished it's my turn for the bathroom.

I wash myself from head to toe, and more often than not I find a tiny flea

floating in the sink, only during the hot months, weeks or days.

I brush my teeth, curl my hair, manicure my nails and dab peroxide on my upper

lip to bleach the black hairs.

all this in less than half an hour 9 30 i throw on my bathrobe with soap in one

hand and potty hairpins panties curlers and a wad of cotton in the other i hurry

out of the bathroom the next in line invariably calls me back to remove the

gracefully curved but unsightly hairs that i've left in the sink 10 o'clock

time to put up the blackout screen and say good night for the next 15 minutes

at least the house is filled with the creaking of beds and the sigh of broken

springs

And then, provided our upstairs neighbours aren't having a marital spat

in bed, all is quiet.

11.30.

The bathroom door creaks.

A narrow strip of light falls into the room.

Squeaking shoes, a large coat, even larger than the man inside it, Dussel is

returning from his nightly work in Mr. Cuggler's office.

I hear him shuffling back and forth for ten whole minutes, the rustle of paper,

from the food he's tucking away in his cupboard, and the bed being made up.

Then the figure disappears again.

and the only sound is the occasional suspicious noise from the bathroom.

Approximately three o'clock.

I have to get up to use the tin can under my bed, which, to be on the safe

side, has a rubber mat underneath in case of leaks.

I always hold my breath while I go, since it clatters into the can like a

brook down a mountainside.

The potty is returned to its place, and the figure in the white nightgown, the

one that causes Margaret to exclaim every evening, Oh, that indecent

nightie, climbs back into bed.

A certain somebody lies awake for about fifteen minutes, listening to the sounds

of the night.

In the first place to hear whether there are any burglars downstairs, and then to

the various beds, upstairs, next door and in my room, to tell whether the

others are asleep or half awake.

This is no fun, especially when it concerns a member of the family named

Dr. Dussel.

First there's the sound of a fish gasping for air, and this is repeated

nine or ten times.

Then the lips are moistened profusely.

This is alternated with little smacking sounds, followed by a long period of

tossing and turning and rearranging the pillows.

After five minutes of perfect quiet, the same sequence repeats itself three more

times, after which he's presumably lulled himself back to sleep for a

while.

Sometimes the guns go off during the night between one and four.

I'm never aware of it before it happens, but all of a sudden I find myself

standing beside my bed, out of sheer habit.

Occasionally I'm dreaming so deeply, of irregular French verbs or a quarrel

upstairs, that I realise only when my dream is over that the shooting has

stopped and that I've remained quietly in my room, but usually I wake up.

Then I grab a pillow and a handkerchief, throw on my robe and slippers and dash

next door to father, just the way Margaret described in this birthday

poem.

Once I've reached the big bed, the worst is over except when the shooting is

extra loud.

6.45.

BRR-ing the alarm clock, which raises its shrill voice at any hour of the day

or night, whether you want it to or not.

Creak. Wham! Mrs. Vandy turns it off.

Screek. Mr. Vandy gets up, puts on the water, and races to the bathroom.

7.15.

The door creaks again.

Dussel can go to the bathroom.

Alone at last, I remove the blackout screen, and a new day begins in the

annex.

Yours and...

Thursday, August 5, 1943.

Dearest Kitty, Today let's talk about the lunch break.

It's 12.30.

The whole gang breathes a sigh of relief.

Mr. Van Maren, the man with the shady past, and Mr. de Cock have gone home for

lunch.

Upstairs you can hear the thud of the vacuum cleaner on Mrs. Van Deese's

beautiful and only rug.

Margaret tucks a few books under her arm and heads for the class for slow

learners, which is what Dussel seems to be.

Pim goes and sits in a corner with his constant companion, Dickens, in hopes of

finding a bit of peace and quiet.

Mother hastens upstairs to help the busy little housewife, and I tidy up both the

bathroom and myself at the same time.

12.45.

One by one they trickle in, first Mr. Gize and then either Mr.

Clayman or Mr. Cuggler, followed by Bep and sometimes even Meep.

One, clustered around the radio, they all listen raptly to the BBC.

This is the only time the members of the Annex family don't interrupt each other,

since even Mr Van Daan can't argue with the speaker.

1.15.

Food distribution.

Everyone from downstairs gets a cup of soup plus dessert if there happens to be

any. A contented Mr Gize sits on the divan or leans against the desk with his

newspaper, cup and usually the cat at his side.

If one of the three is missing, he doesn't hesitate to let his protest be

heard. Mr. Clayman relates the latest news from town, and he's an excellent

source.

Mr. Cuggler hurries up the stairs, gives a short but solid knock on the door, and

comes in either wringing his hands or rubbing them in glee, depending on

whether he's quiet and in a bad mood or talkative, and in a good mood.

1.45.

Everyone rises from the table and goes about their business.

Margaret and Mother do the dishes, Mr.

and Mrs. Vandy head for the divan, Peter for the attic.

Father for his divan, Dussel too, and Anne does her homework.

What comes next is the quietest hour of the day.

When they're all asleep there are no disturbances.

To judge by his face, Dussel is dreaming of food.

But I don't look at him long, because the time whizzes by and before you know

it, it'll be four p.m. and the pedantic Dr. Dussel will be standing with the

clock in his hand, because I'm one minute late clearing off the table.

Yours, Anne.

Saturday, August 7, 1943.

Dearest Kitty.

A few weeks ago I started writing a story, something I made up from

beginning to end, and I've enjoyed it so much that the products of my pen are

piling up.

Yours, Anne.

Monday, August 9, 1943.

Dearest Kitty.

We now continue with a typical day in the Annex, since we've already had

lunch, it's time to describe dinner.

Mr. Van Daan.

Is served first and takes a generous portion of whatever he likes.

Usually joins in the conversation, never fails to give his opinion.

Once he's spoken, his word is final.

If anyone dares to suggest otherwise, Mr. Vandy can put up a good fight.

Oh, he can hiss like a cat, but I'd rather he didn't.

Once you've seen it, you never want to see it again.

His opinion is the best. He knows the most about everything.

Granted, the man has a good head on his shoulders, but it's swelled to no small

degree.

Madame, actually the best thing would be to say nothing.

Some days, especially when a foul mood is on the way, her face is hard to read.

If you analyse the discussions, you realise she's not the subject, but the

guilty party.

A fact everyone prefers to ignore.

Even so, you could call her the instigator.

Stirring up trouble, now that's what Mrs Van Dahn calls fun.

Stirring up trouble between Mrs Frank and Anne.

Margaret and Mr Frank aren't quite as easy.

But let's return to the table.

Mrs. Van Die may think she doesn't always get enough, but that's not the

case. The choicest potatoes, the tastiest morsel, the tenderest bit of

whatever there is, that's Madame's motto.

The others can all have their turn as long as I get the best.

Exactly what she accuses Anne Frank of doing.

Her second watchword is, keep talking.

As long as somebody's listening, it doesn't seem to occur to her to wonder

whether they're interested.

She must think that whatever Mrs. Van Dahn says will interest everyone.

Smile coquettishly, pretend you know everything, offer everyone a piece of

advice and mother them.

That's sure to make a good impression.

But if you take a better look, the good impression fades.

One, she's hard-working. Two, cheerful.

Three, coquettish and sometimes a cute face.

That's Petronella Van Dahn.

The third diner says very little.

Young Mr. Van Dahn is usually quiet and hardly makes his presence known.

As far as his appetite is concerned, he's a Danoedian vessel that never gets

full. Even after the most substantial meal, he can look you calmly in the eye

and claim he could have eaten twice as much.

Number four, Margaret, eats like a bird and doesn't talk at all. She eats only

vegetables and fruit.

Spoiled, in the opinion of the Van Darnes, too little exercise and fresh

air in hours.

Beside her mamma, has a hearty appetite does her share of the talking.

No one has the impression, as they do with Mrs. Van Darn, that this is a

housewife. What's the difference between the two?

Well, Mrs. Vandy does the cooking and mother does the dishes and polishes the

furniture.

Numbers six and seven. I won't say much about father and me. The former is the

most modest person at the table. He always looks to see whether the others

have been served first.

He needs nothing for himself. The best things are for the children.

He's goodness personified.

Seated next to him is the annex's little bundle of nerves.

Dussel, help yourself. Keep your eyes on the food. Eat and don't talk.

and if you have to say something then for goodness sake talk about food that

doesn't lead to quarrels just to bragging he consumes enormous portions

and no is not part of his vocabulary whether the food is good or bad pants

that come up to his chest a red jacket black patent leather slippers and horn

-rimmed glasses that's how he looks when he's at work at the little table always

studying and never progressing this is interrupted only by his afternoon nap

food and his favorite spot the bathroom Three, four or five times a day there's

bound to be someone waiting outside the bathroom door, hopping impatiently from

one foot to another, trying to hold it in and barely managing.

Does Dussel care?

Not a whit.

From 7.15 to 7.30, from 12.30 to 1, from 2 to 2.15, from 4 to 4.15, from

6 to 6.15, from 11.30 to 12.

You can set your watch by them.

These are the times for his regular sessions.

He never deviates or lets himself be swayed by the voices outside the door,

begging him to open up before a disaster occurs.

Number 9 is not part of our Annex family, although she does share our

house and table.

Bep has a healthy appetite.

She cleans her plate and isn't choosy. Bep's easy to please and that pleases

us. She can be characterised as follows, cheerful, good-humoured, kind and

willing.

Tuesday, August 10, 1943.

Dearest Kitty.

A new idea.

During meals I talk more to myself than to the others, which has two advantages.

First, they're glad they don't have to listen to my continuous chatter, and

second, I don't have to get annoyed by their opinions.

I don't think my opinions are stupid, but other people do, so it's better to

keep them to myself.

I apply the same tactic when I have to eat something I loathe.

I put the dish in front of me, pretend it's delicious, avoid looking at it as

much as possible, and it's gone before I've had time to realise what it is.

When I get up in the morning, another very disagreeable moment, I leap out of

bed, think to myself, you'll be slipping back under the covers soon, walk to the

window, take down the blackout screen, sniff at the crack until I feel a bit of

fresh air and I'm awake.

I strip the bed as fast as I can so I won't be tempted to get back in.

Do you know what mother calls this sort of thing, the art of living?

Isn't that a funny expression?

We've all been a little confused this past week.

because our dearly beloved Westertorren bells have been carted off to be melted

down for the war, so we have no idea of the exact time, either night or day.

I still have hopes that they'll come up with a substitute, made of tin or copper

or some such thing, to remind the neighbourhood of the clock.

Everywhere I go upstairs or down, they all cast admiring glances at my feet,

which are adorned by a pair of exceptionally beautiful, for times like

these, shoes.

Meep managed to snap them up for 27.5 guilders.

burgundy colored suede and leather with medium-sized high heels i feel as if i'm

on stilts and look even taller than i already am yesterday was my unlucky day

i pricked my right thumb with the blunt end of a big needle as a result margaret

had to peel potatoes for me take the good with the bad and writing was

awkward then i bumped into the cupboard door so hard it nearly knocked me over

and was scolded for making such a racket They wouldn't let me run water to bathe

my forehead, so now I'm walking around with a giant lump over my right eye.

To make matters worse, the little toe on my right foot got stuck in the vacuum

cleaner. It bled and hurt, but my other ailments were already causing me so much

trouble that I let this one slide, which was stupid of me, because now I'm

walking around with an infected toe.

What with the salve, the gauze and the tape, I can't get my heavenly new shoe

on my foot.

"'Dussell has put us in danger for the umpteenth time.

"'He actually had meet bring him a book, "'an anti-Mussolini tirade, which has

been banned.

"'On the way here she was knocked down by an SS motorcycle.

"'She lost her head and shouted, "'You brutes!' and went on her way. "'I don't

dare think what would have happened "'if she'd been taken down to headquarters.

"'Yours and—' "'A daily chore in our little community.

"'Peeling potatoes.

"'One person goes to get some newspapers.

another the knives keeping the best for himself of course the third the potatoes

and the fourth the water mr dussel begins he may not always peel them very

well but he does peel non-stop glancing left and right to see if everyone is

doing it the way he does no they're not look anne i am taking peeler in my hand

like so and going from the top to bottom neen not so but so i think my way is

easier mr dussel i say tentatively

But this is best way, Anne, this you can take from me. Of course it is no matter

you do the way you want.

We go on peeling.

I glance at Dussel out of the corner of my eye.

Lost in thought he shakes his head over me no doubt, but says no more.

I keep on peeling.

Then I look at Father on the other side of me.

To Father peeling potatoes is not a chore but precision work.

When he reads he has a deep wrinkle in the back of his head.

But when he's preparing potatoes, beans, or vegetables, he seems to be totally

absorbed in his task.

He puts on his potato-peeling face, and when it's set in that particular way, it

would be impossible for him to turn out anything less than a perfectly peeled

potato.

I keep on working. I glance up for a second, but that's all the time I need.

Mrs. Vandy is trying to attract Dussel's attention.

She starts by looking in his direction, but Dussel pretends not to notice.

She winks, but Dussel goes on peeling.

She laughs, but Dussel still doesn't look up. Then Mother laughs too, but

Dussel pays them no mind.

Having failed to achieve her goal, Mrs. Vandy is obliged to change tactics.

There's a brief silence.

Then she says, Putty, why don't you put on an apron?

Otherwise, I'll have to spend all day tomorrow trying to get the spots out of

your suit.

I'm not getting it dirty.

Another brief silence.

Putty, why don't you sit down?

I'm fine this way. I like standing up.

Silence.

Putty, look out, do Spritz scone.

I know, Mommy, but I'm being careful.

Mrs. Vandy casts about for another topic.

Tell me, Putty, why aren't the British carrying out any bombing raids today?

Because the weather's bad, Curly.

But yesterday it was such nice weather, and they weren't flying then either.

Let's drop the subject.

Why can't a person talk about that or offer an opinion?

No. Well, why in the world not?

Oh, be quiet, Mamichan.

Mr. Frank always answers his wife.

Mr. Vandy is trying to control himself.

This remark always rubs him the wrong way, but Mrs. Vandy's not one to quit.

Oh, there's never going to be an invasion.

Mr. Vandy turns white, and when she notices it, Mrs. Vandy turns red, but

she's not about to be deterred.

The British aren't doing a thing.

The bomb bursts, and now shut up Donnerwitter Knockmal.

Mother can barely stifle a laugh, and I stare straight ahead.

Scenes like these are repeated almost daily, unless they've just had a

terrible fight.

In that case, neither Mr.

nor Mrs. Vandy says a word.

It's time for me to get some more potatoes.

I go up to the attic, where Peter is busy picking fleas from the cat.

He looks up, the cat notices it, and whoosh, he's gone.

Out the window and into the rain gutter.

Peter swears. I laugh and slip out of the room.

Freedom in the annex.

5.30.

Bep's arrival signals the beginning of our nightly freedom.

Things get going right away.

I go upstairs with Bep, who usually has her dessert before the rest of us.

The moment she sits down, Mrs. Vandy begins stating her wishes.

Her list usually starts with, Oh, by the way, Bep, something else I'd like. Bep

winks at me.

Mrs. Vandy doesn't miss a chance to make her wishes known to whoever comes

upstairs.

it must be one of the reasons none of them like to go up there 5 45 bep leaves

i go down two floors to have a look around first to the kitchen then to the

private office and then to the coal bin to open the cat door for mouse guy after

a long tour of inspection i wind up in mr cuggler's office mr van daan is

combing all the drawers and files for today's mail peter picks up bosch and

the warehouse key pim lugs the typewriters upstairs

margaret looks around for a quiet place to do her office work mrs vandy puts a

kettle of water on the stove mother comes down the stairs with a pan of

potatoes we all know our jobs soon peter comes back from the warehouse the first

question they ask him is whether he's remembered the bread no he hasn't he

crouches before the door to the front office to make himself as small as

possible and crawls on his hands and knees to the steel cabinet takes out the

bread and starts to leave At any rate, that's what he intends to do, but before

he knows what's happened, Mouse Guy has jumped over him and gone to sit under

the desk.

Peter looks all around him.

Aha, there's the cat.

He crawls back into the office and grabs the cat by the tail.

Mouse Guy hisses, Peter sighs.

What has he accomplished?

Mouse Guy's now sitting by the window licking herself, very pleased at having

escaped Peter's clutches.

Peter has no choice but to lure her with a piece of bread.

Mouse-Kai takes the bait, follows him out, and the door closes.

I watch the entire scene through a crack in the door.

Mr. Van Dahn is angry and slams the door.

Margaret and I exchange looks and think the same thing.

He must have worked himself into a rage again because of some blunder on Mr.

Kugler's part, and he's forgotten all about the keg company next door.

Another step is heard in the hallway.

Dussel comes in, goes toward the window with an air of propriety, sniffs,

coughs, sneezes, and clears his throat.

He's out of luck it was Pepper.

He continues on to the front office.

The curtains are open, which means he can't get at his writing paper.

He disappears with a scowl.

Margaret and I exchange another glance.

One less page for his sweetheart tomorrow, I hear her say. I nod in

agreement.

An elephant's tread is heard on the stairway.

It's Dussel, seeking comfort in his favourite spot.

We continue working.

Knock, knock, knock, three taps means dinner time.

Monday, August 23, 1943.

When die Uhr halb noon schlägt.

Margit and Mother are nervous.

SHH, Father.

Be quiet, Otto.

SHH, Pim, it's 8.30. Come here, you can't run the water anymore.

Walk softly.

A sample of what's said to Father in the bathroom.

At the stroke of half past eight he has to be in the living room.

No running water, no flushing toilet, no walking around, no noise whatsoever.

As long as the office staff hasn't arrived, sounds travel more easily to

the warehouse.

The door opens upstairs at 8.20, and this is followed by three gentle taps on

the floor, Anne's hot cereal.

I clamber up the stairs to get my doggy dish.

Back downstairs, everything has to be done quickly, quickly.

I comb my hair, put away the potty, shove the bed back in place.

Quiet, the clock is striking 8.30.

Mrs. Vandy changes shoes and shuffles through the room in her slippers.

Mr. Vandy too, a veritable Charlie Chaplin.

All is quiet.

The ideal family scene has now reached its high point. I want to read or study

and Margaret does too.

Father and mother ditto.

Father is sitting with Dickens and the dictionary, of course, on the edge of

the sagging, squeaky bed, which doesn't even have a decent mattress.

Two bolsters can be piled on top of each other.

I don't need these, he thinks.

I can manage without them.

Once he starts reading, he doesn't look up. He laughs now and then and tries to

get Mother to read a passage.

I don't have the time right now.

He looks disappointed, but then continues to read.

A little while later, when he comes across another interesting bit, he tries

again. You have to read this, Mother.

Mother sits on the folding bed, either reading, sewing, knitting or studying,

whichever is next on her list.

An idea suddenly occurs to her, and she quickly says, so as not to forget, Anne,

remember to Margaret, jot this down.

After a while it's quiet again.

Margaret slams her book shut, father knits his forehead, his eyebrows forming

a funny curve and his wrinkle of concentration reappearing at the back of

his head, and he buries himself in his book again, mother starts chatting with

Margaret, and I get curious and listen too.

Pim is drawn into the conversation, nine o'clock.

Breakfast.

Friday, September 10, 1943.

Dearest Kitty, Every time I write to you, something special has happened,

usually unpleasant rather than pleasant.

This time, however, something wonderful is going on.

On Wednesday, September 8, we were listening to the 7 o'clock news when we

heard an announcement.

Here is some of the best news of the war so far.

Italy has capitulated.

Italy has unconditionally surrendered.

the dutch broadcast from england began at 8 15 with the news listeners an hour

and 15 minutes ago just as i finished writing my daily report we received the

wonderful news of italy's capitulation i tell you i never tossed my notes into

the waste paper basket with more delight than i did today god save the king the

american national anthem and the russian international were played as always the

dutch program was uplifting without being too optimistic

The British have landed in Naples.

Northern Italy is occupied by the Germans.

The truce was signed on Friday, September 3, the day the British landed

in Italy.

The Germans are ranting and raving in all the newspapers at the treachery of

Badoglio and the Italian king.

Still, there's bad news as well. It's about Mr. Clayman.

As you know, we all like him very much.

He's unfailingly cheerful and amazingly brave, despite the fact that he's always

sick and in pain and can't eat much or do a lot of walking.

When Mr. Clayman enters a room, the sun begins to shine, Mother said recently,

and she's absolutely right.

Now it seems he has to go to the hospital for a very difficult operation

on his stomach, and will have to stay there for at least four weeks.

You should have seen him when he told us goodbye.

He acted so normally, as though he were just off to do an errand.

Yours, Anne.

Thursday, September 16, 1943.

Dearest Kitty.

Relationships here in the Annex are getting worse all the time.

We don't dare open our mouths at mealtime, except to slip in a bite of

food, because no matter what we say, someone is bound to resent it or take it

the wrong way.

Mr. Voskuel occasionally comes to visit us.

Unfortunately, he's not doing very well.

He isn't making it any easier for his family because his attitude seems to be,

what do I care, I'm going to die anyway.

When I think how touchy everyone is here, I can just imagine what it must be

like at the Voskuales.

I've been taking valerian every day to fight the anxiety and depression, but it

doesn't stop me from being even more miserable the next day.

A good hearty laugh would help more than ten valerian drops, but we've almost

forgotten how to laugh.

Sometimes I'm afraid my face is going to sag with all this sorrow, and that my

mouth is going to permanently droop at the corners.

The others aren't doing any better.

Everyone here is dreading the great terror known as winter.

Another fact that doesn't exactly brighten up our days is that Mr Van

Maren, the man who works in the warehouse, is getting suspicious about

the annex.

A person with any brains must have noticed by now that Meep sometimes says

she's going to the lab, Bep to the file room and Mr Clayman to the oak to

supplies, while Mr Cuggler claims the annex doesn't belong to this building at

all, but to the one next door.

We wouldn't care what Mr Van Maren thought of the situation, except that

he's known to be unreliable.

and to possess a high degree of curiosity.

He's not one who can be put off with a flimsy excuse.

One day Mr. Cuggler wanted to be extra cautious, so at twenty past twelve he

put on his coat and went to the drugstore around the corner.

Less than five minutes later he was back, and he sneaked up the stairs like

a thief to visit us.

At one-fifteen he started to leave, but Bep met him on the landing and warned

him that Van Maren was in the office.

Mr. Cuggler did an about-face and stayed with us until one-thirty.

Then he took off his shoes and went in his stockinged feet, despite his cold,

to the front attic and down the other stairway, taking one step at a time to

avoid the creaks.

It took him fifteen minutes to negotiate the stairs, but he wound up safely in

the office after having entered from the outside.

In the meantime, Bep had gotten rid of Van Maren and come to get Mr. Cuggler

from the annex, but he'd already left and at that moment was still tiptoeing

down the stairs.

what must the passers-by have thought when they saw the manager putting on his

shoes outside hey you there in the socks yours and wednesday september 29

1943 dearest kitty it's mrs van daan's birthday other than

one ration stamp each for cheese meat and bread all she received from us was a

jar of jam her husband dussel and the office staff gave her nothing but

flowers and also food such are the times we live in

Bep had a nervous fit last week because she had so many errands to do.

Ten times a day people were sending her out for something, each time insisting

she go right away or go again or that she'd done it all wrong.

And when you think that she has her regular office work to do, that Mr.

Clayman is sick, that Meep is home with a cold and that Bep herself has a

sprained ankle, boyfriend troubles and a grouchy father, it's no wonder she's at

the end of her tether.

We comforted her and told her that if she'd put her foot down once or twice

and say she didn't have the time, the shopping lists would shrink of their own

accord.

Saturday there was a big drama, the likes of which have never been seen here

before. It started with a discussion of Van Maren and ended in a general

argument and tears.

Dussel complained to Mother that he was being treated like a leper, that no one

was friendly to him, and that after all he hadn't done anything to deserve it.

This was followed by a lot of sweet talk, which luckily Mother didn't fall

for this time.

She told him we were disappointed in him, and that on more than one occasion

he'd been a source of great annoyance.

Dussel promised her the moon, but, as usual, we haven't seen so much as a

beam.

There's trouble brewing with the Van Darns, I can tell.

Father's furious because they're cheating us, they've been holding back

meat and other things.

Oh, what kind of bombshell is about to burst now?

if only i weren't so involved in all these skirmishes if only i could leave

here they're driving us crazy yours and sunday october 17 1943

dearest kitty mr clayman is back thank goodness he looks a bit pale

and yet he cheerfully set off to sell some clothes for mr van daan the

disagreeable fact is that mr van daan has run out of money He lost his last

hundred guilders in the warehouse, which is still creating trouble for us. The

men are wondering how a hundred guilders could wind up in the warehouse on a

Monday morning.

Suspicion abounds.

Meanwhile, the hundred guilders have been stolen.

Who's the thief?

But I was talking about the money shortage.

Mrs. Vandy has scads of dresses, coats and shoes, none of which she feels she

can do without.

Mr. Vandy's suit is difficult to sell and Peter's bike was put on the block,

but is back again since nobody wanted it.

But the story doesn't end there. You see, Mrs. Vandy is going to have to part

with her fur coat.

In her opinion, the firm should pay for our upkeep, but that's ridiculous.

They just had a flaming row about it, and have entered the oh, my sweet putty,

and darling curly stage of reconciliation.

My mind boggles at the profanity this honourable house has had to endure in

the past month.

Father walks around with his lips pressed together, and whenever he hears

his name, he looks up in alarm.

as if he's afraid he'll be called upon to resolve another delicate problem.

Mother's so wrought up her cheeks are blotched with red, Margaret complains of

headaches, Dussel can't sleep, Mrs. Van D frets and fumes all day long, and I've

gone completely round the bend.

To tell you the truth, I sometimes forget who we're at odds with and who

we're not.

The only way to take my mind off it is to study, and I've been doing a lot of

that lately.

Yours, Anne.

Friday, October 29, 1943.

My dearest Kitty.

Mr. Clayman is out again. His stomach won't give him a moment's peace.

He doesn't even know whether it's stopped bleeding.

He came to tell us he wasn't feeling well and was going home, and for the

first time he seemed really down.

Mr. and Mrs. Van D have had more raging battles.

The reason is simple. They're broke.

They wanted to sell an overcoat and a suit of Mr. Vandy's, but were unable to

find any buyers.

His prices were way too high.

Some time ago Mr.

Clayman was talking about a furrier he knows.

This gave Mr. Vandy the idea of selling his wife's fur coat.

It's made of rabbit skin, and she's had it for 17 years.

Mrs. Vandy got 325 guilders for it, an enormous amount.

She wanted to keep the money herself to buy new clothes after the war.

and it took some doing before Mr. Vandy could make her understand that it was

desperately needed to cover household expenses.

You can't imagine the screaming, shouting, stamping of feet and swearing

that went on. It was terrifying.

My family stood holding its breath at the bottom of the stairs, in case it

might be necessary to drag them apart.

All the bickering, tears and nervous tension have become such a stress and

strain that I fall into my bed at night crying and thanking my lucky stars that

I have half an hour to myself.

I'm doing fine, except I've got no appetite.

I keep hearing, Goodness, you look awful.

I must admit they're doing their best to keep me in condition.

They're plying me with dextrose, cod liver oil, brewer's yeast and calcium.

My nerves often get the better of me, especially on Sundays.

That's when I really feel miserable.

The atmosphere is stifling, sluggish, leaden.

Outside, you don't hear a single bird.

and a deathly, oppressive silence hangs over the house and clings to me as if it

were going to drag me into the deepest regions of the underworld.

At times like these, father, mother, and Margaret don't matter to me in the

least. I wander from room to room, climb up and down the stairs, and feel like a

songbird whose wings have been ripped off and who keeps hurling itself against

the bars of its dark cage.

Let me out, where there's fresh air and laughter.

A voice within me cries.

I don't even bother to reply any more but lie down on the divan.

Sleep makes the silence and the terrible fear go by more quickly, helps pass the

time, since it's impossible to kill it.

Yours, Anne.

Saturday, October 30, 1943.

Dearest Kitty.

Mother's nerves are very much on edge, and that doesn't bode well for me.

Is it just a coincidence that father and mother never scold Margaret and always

blame me for everything?

Last night, for example, Margaret was reading a book with beautiful

illustrations.

she got up and put the book aside for later i wasn't doing anything so i

picked it up and began looking at the pictures margaret came back saw her book

in my hands knitted her brow and angrily demanded the book back i wanted to look

through it some more margaret got madder by the minute and mother beauted in

margaret was reading that book give it back to her father came in and without

even knowing what was going on saw that margaret was being wronged and lashed

out at me I'd like to see what you'd do if Margaret was looking at one of your

books.

I promptly gave in, put the book down and according to them left the room in a

huff. I was neither huffy nor cross but merely sad.

It wasn't right of father to pass judgment without knowing what the issue

was. I would have given the book to Margaret myself and a lot sooner if

father and mother hadn't intervened and rushed to take Margaret's part as if she

were suffering some great injustice.

Of course Mother took Margaret's side, they always take each other's sides.

I'm so used to it that I've become completely indifferent to Mother's

rebukes and Margaret's moodiness.

I love them, but only because they're Mother and Margaret.

I don't give a darn about them as people.

As far as I'm concerned they can go jump in a lake.

It's different with Father.

When I see him being partial to Margaret, approving Margaret's every

action, praising her, hugging her, I feel a gnawing ache inside because I'm

crazy about him.

I model myself after Father, and there's no one in the world I love more.

He doesn't realise that he treats Margaret differently than he does me.

Margaret just happens to be the smartest, the kindest, the prettiest and

the best.

But I have a right to be taken seriously too.

I've always been the clown and mischief-maker of the family.

I've always had to pay double for my sins, once with scoldings and then again

with my own sense of despair.

I'm no longer satisfied with the meaningless affection or the supposedly

serious talks.

I long for something from Father that he's incapable of giving.

I'm not jealous of Margaret, I never have been. I'm not envious of her brains

or her beauty.

It's just that I'd like to feel that Father really loves me, not because I'm

his child, but because I'm me, Anne.

I cling to Father because my contempt of Mother is growing daily, and it's only

through him that I'm able to retain the last ounce of family feeling I have

left. He doesn't understand that I sometimes need to vent my feelings for

Mother. He doesn't want to talk about it, and he avoids any discussion

involving mother's failings.

And yet mother, with all her shortcomings, is tougher for me to deal

with. I don't know how I should act.

I can't very well confront her with her carelessness, her sarcasm and her hard

-heartedness, yet I can't continue to take the blame for everything.

I'm the opposite of mother, so of course we clash.

I don't mean to judge her, I don't have that right.

I'm simply looking at her as a mother.

She's not a mother to me, I have to mother myself.

I've cut myself adrift from them.

I'm charting my own course and will see where it leads me.

I have no choice because I can picture what a mother and a wife should be and

can't seem to find anything of the sort in the woman I'm supposed to call

mother.

I tell myself time and again to overlook mother's bad example.

I only want to see her good points and to look inside myself for what's lacking

in her.

But it doesn't work, and the worst part is that father and mother don't realise

their own inadequacies and how much I blame them for letting me down.

Are there any parents who can make their children completely happy?

Sometimes I think God is trying to test me, both now and in the future.

I'll have to become a good person on my own, without anyone to serve as a model

or advise me, but it'll make me stronger in the end.

Who else but me is ever going to read these letters?

Who else but me can I turn to for comfort?

I'm frequently in need of consolation, I often feel weak, and more often than not

I fail to meet expectations.

I know this, and every day I resolve to do better.

They aren't consistent in their treatment of me.

One day they say that Anne's a sensible girl and entitled to know everything,

and the next that Anne's a silly goose who doesn't know a thing, and yet

imagines she's learned all she needs to know from books.

I'm no longer the baby and spoiled little darling whose every deed can be

laughed at.

I have my own ideas, plans, and ideals, but am unable to articulate them yet.

Oh well.

so much comes into my head at night when i'm alone or during the day when i'm

obliged to put up with people i can't abide or who invariably misinterpret my

intentions that's why i always wind up coming back to my diary i start there

and end there because kitty's always patient i promise her that despite

everything i'll keep going that i'll find my own way and choke back my tears

i only wish i could see some results or just once receive encouragement from

someone who loves me

Don't condemn me, but think of me as a person who sometimes reaches the

bursting point.

Yours, Anne.

Wednesday, November 3, 1943.

Dearest Kitty.

To take our minds off matters as well as to develop them, Father ordered a

catalogue from a correspondence school.

Margaret poured through the thick brochure three times without finding

anything to her liking and within her budget.

Father was easier to satisfy and decided to write and ask for a trial lesson in

elementary Latin.

No sooner said than done. The lesson arrived, Margaret set to work

enthusiastically and decided to take the course, despite the expense.

It's much too hard for me, though I'd really like to learn Latin.

To give me a new project as well, Father asked Mr. Clayman for a children's Bible

so I could finally learn something about the New Testament.

Are you planning to give Anne a Bible for Hanukkah?

Margaret asked, somewhat perturbed.

Yes, well, maybe St. Nicholas Day would be a better occasion, Father replied.

Jesus and Hanukkah don't exactly go together.

Since the vacuum cleaner's broken, I have to take an old brush to the rug

every night.

The window's closed, the light's on, the stove's burning, and there I am brushing

away at the rug.

That's sure to be a problem, I thought to myself the first time.

There a bound to be complaints.

i was right mother got a headache from the thick clouds of dust whirling around

the room margaret's new latin dictionary was caked with dirt and pym grumbled

that the floor didn't look any different anyway small thanks for my pains we've

decided that from now on the stove is going to be lit at 7 30 on sunday

mornings instead of 5 30.

i think it's risky what will the neighbors think of our smoking chimney

it's the same with the curtains Ever since we first went into hiding they've

been tacked firmly to the windows.

Sometimes one of the ladies or gentlemen can't resist the urge to peek outside.

The result, a storm of reproaches. The response, oh, nobody will notice.

That's how every act of carelessness begins and ends.

No one will notice, no one will hear, no one will pay the least bit of attention.

Easy to say, but is it true?

At the moment the tempestuous quarrels have subsided.

Only Dussel and the Van Darns are still at loggerheads.

When Dussel is talking about Mrs. Vandy, he invariably calls her that old bat or

that stupid hag, and conversely Mrs. Vandy refers to our ever-so-learned

gentleman as an old maid, or a touchy neurotic spinster, etc.

The Pot Calling the Kettle Black Yours and Monday evening, November 8,

1943 Dearest Kitty

If you were to read all my letters in one sitting, you'd be struck by the fact

that they were written in a variety of moods.

It annoys me to be so dependent on the moods here in the Annex, but I'm not the

only one.

We're all subject to them.

If I'm engrossed in a book, I have to rearrange my thoughts before I can

mingle with other people, because otherwise they might think I was

strange. As you can see, I'm currently in the middle of a depression.

I couldn't really tell you what set it off.

But I think it stems from my cowardice, which confronts me at every turn.

This evening, when Bep was still here, the doorbell rang long and loud.

I instantly turned white, my stomach churned, and my heart beat wildly, and

all because I was afraid.

At night in bed I see myself alone in a dungeon, without father and mother.

Or I'm roaming the streets, or the annex is on fire, or they come in the middle

of the night to take us away, and I crawl under my bed in desperation.

I see everything as if it were actually taking place.

and to think it might all happen soon.

Meep often says she envies us because we have such peace and quiet here.

That may be true, but she's obviously not thinking about our fear.

I simply can't imagine the world will ever be normal again for us. I do talk

about after the war, but it's as if I were talking about a castle in the air,

something that can never come true.

I see the eight of us in the annex as if we were a patch of blue sky surrounded

by menacing black clouds.

The perfectly round spot on which we are standing is still safe, but the clouds

are moving in on us, and the ring between us and the approaching danger is

being pulled tighter and tighter.

We are surrounded by darkness and danger, and in our desperate search for

a way out we keep bumping into each other.

We look at the fighting down below and the peace and beauty up above.

In the meantime we've been cut off by the dark mass of clouds, so that we can

go neither up nor down.

It looms before us like an impenetrable wall, trying to crush us but not yet

able to.

I can only cry out and implore, Oh, ring, ring, open wide and let us out.

Yours, Anne.

Thursday, November 11, 1943.

Dearest Kitty, I have a good title for this chapter.

Ode to my fountain pen in memoriam.

My fountain pen was always one of my most prized possessions.

I valued it highly.

especially because it had a thick nib and i can only write neatly with thick

nibs it has led a long and interesting fountain pen life which i will summarize

below when i was nine my fountain pen packed in cotton arrived as a sample of

no commercial value all the way from arkhan where my grandmother the kindly

donor used to live i lay in bed with the flu while the february winds howled

around the apartment house this splendid fountain pen came in a red leather case

and I showed it to my girlfriends the first chance I got.

Me and Frank, the proud owner of a fountain pen.

When I was ten I was allowed to take the pen to school, and to my surprise the

teacher even let me write with it.

When I was eleven, however, my treasure had to be tucked away again, because my

sixth grade teacher allowed us to use only school pens and ink pots.

When I was twelve I started at the Jewish Lyceum, and my fountain pen was

given a new case in honour of the occasion.

Not only did it have room for a pencil, it also had a zipper, which was much

more impressive.

When I was thirteen, the fountain pen went with me to the annex, and together

we've raced through countless diaries and compositions.

I'd turned fourteen and my fountain pen was enjoying the last year of its life

with me when... It was just after five on Friday afternoon.

I came out of my room and was about to sit down at the table to write when I

was roughly pushed to one side to make room for Margaret and Father.

who wanted to practice their Latin.

The fountain pen remained unused on the table, while its owner sighing was

forced to make do with a very tiny corner of the table, where she began

rubbing beans.

That's how we remove mould from the beans and restore them to their original

state.

At a quarter to six I swept the floor, dumped the dirt into a newspaper, along

with the rotten beans, and tossed it into the stove.

A giant flame shot up, and I thought it was wonderful that the stove, which had

been gasping its last breath, had made such a miraculous recovery all was quiet

again the latin students had left and i sat down at the table to pick up where

i'd left off but no matter where i looked my fountain pen was nowhere in

sight i took another look margaret looked mother looked father looked

dussel looked but it had vanished maybe it fell in the stove along with the

beans margaret suggested no it couldn't have i replied

But that evening, when my fountain pen still hadn't turned up, we all assumed

it had been burned, especially because celluloid is highly inflammable.

Our darkest fears were confirmed the next day when Father went to empty the

stove and discovered the clip, used to fasten it to a pocket among the ashes.

Not a trace of the gold nib was left.

It must have melted into stone, Father conjectured.

I'm left with one consolation, small though it may be.

my fountain pen was cremated just as i would like to be someday yours and

wednesday november 17 1943 dearest kitty recent

events have the house rocking on its foundations owing to an outbreak of

diphtheria at beps she won't be allowed to come in contact with us for six weeks

without her the cooking and shopping will be very difficult not to mention

how much we'll miss her company Mr. Clayman is still in bed and has eaten

nothing but gruel for three weeks.

Mr. Cuggler is up to his neck in work.

Margaret sends her Latin lessons to a teacher, who corrects and then returns

them. She's registered under Bep's name.

The teacher's very nice and witty too.

I bet he's glad to have such a smart student.

Dussel is in a terminal and we don't know why.

It all began with Dussel saying nothing when he was upstairs.

He didn't exchange so much as a word with either Mr.

or Mrs. Van Dahn.

We all noticed it.

This went on for a few days, and then Mother took the opportunity to warn him

about Mrs. Van D, who could make life miserable for him.

Dussel said Mr. Van Dahn had started the silent treatment, and he had no

intention of breaking it.

I should explain that yesterday was November 16, the first anniversary of

his living in the annex.

Mother received a plant in honour of the occasion, but Mrs. Van Dahn, who had

alluded to the date for weeks and made no bones about the fact that she thought

Dussel should treat us to dinner, received nothing.

Instead of making use of the opportunity to thank us, for the first time, for

unselfishly taking him in, he didn't utter a word.

And on the morning of the 16th, when I asked him whether I should offer him my

congratulations or my condolences, he replied that either one would do.

Mother, having cast herself in the role of peacemaker, made no headway

whatsoever, and the situation finally ended in a draw.

I can say without exaggeration that Dussel has definitely got a screw loose.

We often laugh to ourselves because he has no memory, no fixed opinions and no

common sense.

He's amused us more than once by trying to pass on the news he's just heard,

since the message invariably gets garbled in transmission.

Furthermore, he answers every reproach or accusation with a load of fine

promises, which he never manages to keep.

Der Mann hat einen großen Geist.

Und ist so klein von Taten.

Yours, Anne.

Saturday, November 27, 1943.

Dearest Kitty.

Last night, just as I was falling asleep, Hanalee suddenly appeared before

me.

I saw her there, dressed in rags, her face thin and worn.

She looked at me with such sadness and reproach in her enormous eyes that I

could read the message in them.

Oh, Anne, why have you deserted me?

Help me, help me, rescue me from this hell.

And I can't help her. I can only stand by and watch while other people suffer

and die.

All I can do is pray to God to bring her back to us.

I saw Hanalee and no one else and I understood why.

I misjudged her, wasn't mature enough to understand how difficult it was for her.

She was devoted to her girlfriend and it must have seemed as though I were trying

to take her away.

The poor thing, she must have felt awful.

I know because I recognise the feeling in myself.

I had an occasional flash of understanding, but then got selfishly

wrapped up again in my own problems and pleasures.

It was mean of me to treat her that way, and now she was looking at me oh so

helplessly with her pale face and beseeching eyes.

If only I could help her.

Dear God, I have everything I could wish for while fate has her in its deadly

clutches. She was as devout as I am, maybe even more so, and she too wanted

to do what was right.

But then why have I been chosen to live while she's probably going to die?

What's the difference between us?

Why are we now so far apart?

To be honest, I hadn't thought of her for months, no, for at least a year.

I hadn't forgotten her entirely, and yet it wasn't until I saw her before me that

I thought of all her suffering.

Oh, Hanalee, I hope that if you live to the end of the war and return to us,

I'll be able to take you in and make up for the wrong I've done you.

But even if I were ever in a position to help, she wouldn't need it more than she

does now.

I wonder if she ever thinks of me and what she's feeling.

Merciful God, comfort her, so that at least she won't be alone.

Oh, if only you could tell her I'm thinking of her with compassion and

love, it might help her go on.

I've got to stop dwelling on this. It won't get me anywhere.

I keep seeing her enormous eyes and they haunt me.

Does Hanalee really and truly believe in God, or has religion merely been foisted

upon her? I don't even know that. I never took the trouble to ask.

Hanily, Hanily, if only I could take you away, if only I could share everything I

have with you.

It's too late.

I can't help or undo the wrong I've done.

But I'll never forget her again and I'll always pray for her.

Yours, Anne.

Monday, December 6, 1943.

Dearest Kitty.

The closer it got to St. Nicholas Day, the more we all thought back to last

year's festively decorated basket.

More than anyone, I thought it would be terrible to skip a celebration this

year. After long deliberation, I finally came up with an idea, something funny.

I consulted Pim, and a week ago we set to work writing a verse for each person.

Sunday evening, at a quarter to eight, we trooped upstairs carrying the big

laundry basket, which had been decorated with cutouts and bows made of pink and

blue carbon paper.

On top was a large piece of brown wrapping paper with a note attached.

Everyone was rather amazed at the sheer size of the gift.

I removed the note and read it aloud.

As each person took their own shoe out of the basket, there was a roar of

laughter. Inside each shoe was a little paper package addressed to its owner.

Yours, Anne.

Wednesday, December 22, 1943.

Dearest Kitty, A bad case of flu has prevented me from writing to you until

today. Being sick here is dreadful.

With every cough I had to duck under the blanket.

Once, twice, three times, and try to keep from coughing anymore.

Most of the time the tickle refused to go away, so I had to drink milk with

honey, sugar or cough drops.

I get dizzy just thinking about all the cures I've been subjected to.

Sweating out the fever, steam treatment, wet compresses, dry compresses, hot

drinks, swabbing my throat, lying still, heating pad, hot water bottles, lemonade

and every two hours the thermometer.

Will these remedies really make you better?

The worst part was when Mr. Dussel decided to play doctor and lay his

pomaded head on my bare chest to listen to the sounds.

Not only did his hair tickle, but I was embarrassed, even though he went to

school thirty years ago and does have some kind of medical degree.

Why should he lay his head on my heart?

After all, he's not my boyfriend.

For that matter, he wouldn't be able to tell a healthy sound from an unhealthy

one. He'd have to have his ears cleaned first since he's becoming alarmingly

hard of hearing.

But enough about my illness.

I'm fit as a fiddle again.

I've grown almost half an inch and gained two pounds.

I'm pale but itching to get back to my books.

Orsnamswise, the only word that will do here, we're all getting on well

together. No squabbles, though that probably won't last long.

There hasn't been such peace and quiet in this house for at least six months.

Bep is still in isolation, but any day now her sister will no longer be

contagious.

For Christmas, we're getting extra cooking oil, candy, and molasses.

For Hanukkah, Mr. Dussel gave Mrs. Van Dahn and Mother a beautiful cake, which

he'd asked Meep to bake.

On top of all the work she has to do, Margaret and I received a brooch made

out of a penny, all bright and shiny.

I can't really describe it, but it's lovely.

I also have a Christmas present for Meep and Bep.

For a whole month, I've saved up the sugar I put on my hot cereal, and Mr.

Clayman has used it to have fondant made.

The weather is drizzly and overcast, the stove stinks, and the food lies heavily

on our stomachs, producing a variety of rumbles.

The war is at an impasse, spirits are low.

Yours, Anne.

Friday, December 24, 1943.

Dear Kitty, As I've written you many times before, moods have a tendency to

affect us quite a bit here, and in my case it's been getting worse lately.

Himmelhoch-Georgesend, zoo-toed, betrooped, certainly applies to me.

I'm on top of the world when I think of how fortunate we are and compare myself

to other Jewish children, and in the depths of despair when, for example,

Mrs. Clayman comes by and talks about Jopi's hockey club, canoe trips, school

plays and afternoon teas with friends.

I don't think I'm jealous of Jopi, but I long to have a really good time for once

and to laugh so hard it hurts.

We're stuck in this house like lepers.

especially during winter and the Christmas and New Year's holidays.

Actually, I shouldn't even be writing this since it makes me seem so

ungrateful, but I can't keep everything to myself, so I'll repeat what I said at

the beginning.

Paper is more patient than people.

Whenever someone comes in from outside, with the wind in their clothes and the

cold on their cheeks, I feel like burying my head under the blankets to

keep from thinking, when will we be allowed to breathe fresh air again?

I can't do that, on the contrary, I have to hold my head up high and put a bold

face on things, but the thoughts keep coming anyway.

Not just once, but over and over.

Believe me, if you've been shut up for a year and a half, it can get to be too

much for you sometimes.

But feelings can't be ignored, no matter how unjust or ungrateful they seem.

I long to ride a bike, dance, whistle, look at the world, feel young and know

that I'm free, and yet I can't let it show.

Just imagine what would happen if all eight of us were to feel sorry for

ourselves or walk around with the discontent clearly visible on our faces.

Where would that get us?

I sometimes wonder if anyone will ever understand what I mean, if anyone will

ever overlook my ingratitude and not worry about whether or not I'm Jewish

and merely see me as a teenager, badly in need of some good plain fun.

I don't know, and I wouldn't be able to talk about it with anyone, since I'm

sure I'd start to cry.

Crying can bring relief.

as long as you don't cry alone.

Despite all my theories and efforts I miss, every day and every hour of the

day, having a mother who understands me.

That's why with everything I do and write I imagine the kind of mom I'd like

to be to my children later on.

The kind of mom who doesn't take everything people say too seriously, but

who does take me seriously.

I find it difficult to describe what I mean, but the word mom says it all. Do

you know what I've come up with?

In order to give me the feeling of calling my mother something that sounds

like mom, I often call her momsy.

Sometimes I shorten it to moms, an imperfect mom.

I wish I could honor her by removing the S. It's a good thing she doesn't realize

this, since it would only make her unhappy.

Well, that's enough of that.

My writing has raised me somewhat from the depths of despair.

Yours, Anne.

It's the day after Christmas.

and I can't help thinking about Pym and the story he told me this time last

year. I didn't understand the meaning of his words then as well as I do now.

If only he'd bring it up again, I might be able to show him I understood what he

meant.

I think Pym told me because he, who knows the intimate secrets of so many

others, needed to express his own feelings for once.

Pym never talks about himself, and I don't think Margaret has any inkling of

what he's been through.

Poor Pym, he can't fool me into thinking he's forgotten that girl.

He never will.

It's made him very accommodating since he's not blind to mother's faults.

I hope I'm going to be a little like him without having to go through what he

has.

And Monday, December 27, 1943.

Friday evening, for the first time in my life, I received a Christmas present.

Mr. Clayman, Mr. Cuggler and the girls had prepared a wonderful surprise for

us. Meep made a delicious Christmas cake with Peace 1944 written on top.

And Bette provided a batch of cookies that was up to pre-war standards.

There was a jar of yoghurt for Peter, Margaret and me, and a bottle of beer

for each of the adults.

And once again everything was wrapped so nicely, with pretty pictures glued to

the packages.

For the rest, the holidays passed by quickly for us.

And Wednesday, December 29, 1943.

I was very sad again last night.

Grandma and Hannele came to me once more.

Grandma, oh, my sweet Grandma, how little we understood what she suffered,

how kind she always was, and what an interest she took in everything that

concerned us, and to think that all that time she was carefully guarding her

terrible secret.

Grandma was always so loyal and good. She would never have let any of us down.

Whatever happened, no matter how much I misbehaved, Grandma always stuck up for

me. Grandma, did you love me, or did you not understand me either? I don't know.

How lonely Grandma must have been in spite of us.

You can be lonely even when you're loved by many people, since you're still not

anybody's, one and only.

And Hanalee, is she still alive?

What's she doing? Dear God, watch over her and bring her back to us.

Hanalee, you're a reminder of what my fate might have been. I keep seeing

myself in your place.

So why am I often miserable about what goes on here?

Shouldn't I be happy, contented and glad, except when I'm thinking of

Hanalee and those suffering along with her?

I'm selfish and cowardly.

why do i always think and dream the most awful things and want to scream in

terror because in spite of everything i still don't have enough faith in god

he's given me so much which i don't deserve and yet each day i make so many

mistakes thinking about the suffering of those you hold dear can reduce you to

tears in fact you could spend the whole day crying the most you can do is pray

for god to perform a miracle and save at least some of them and i hope i'm doing

enough of that and

Thursday, December 30, 1943.

Dearest Kitty.

Since the last raging quarrels, things have settled down here, not only between

ourselves, Dussel, and upstairs, but also between Mr. and Mrs. Vandy

nevertheless. A few dark thunderclouds are heading this way, and all because of

food. Mrs. Vandy came up with the ridiculous idea of frying fewer potatoes

in the morning, and saving them for later in the day.

Mother and Dussel and the rest of us didn't agree with her.

so now we're dividing up the potatoes as well.

It seems the fats and oils aren't being doled out fairly, and Mother's going to

have to put a stop to it.

I'll let you know if there are any interesting developments.

For the last few months now we've been splitting up the meat, theirs with fat,

ours without.

The soup they eat it, we don't. The potatoes, theirs peeled, ours not. The

extras and now the fried potatoes too.

If only we could split up completely.

Yours and...

P.S. Bep had a picture postcard of the entire royal family copied for me.

Juliana looks very young and so does the Queen.

The three little girls are adorable.

It was incredibly nice of Bep, don't you think?

Sunday, January 2, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

This morning, when I had nothing to do, I leafed through the pages of my diary

and came across so many letters dealing with the subject of mother in such

strong terms that I was shocked.

I said to myself, Anne, is that really you talking about hate?

Oh, Anne, how could you?

I continued to sit with the open book in my hand, and wonder why I was filled

with so much anger and hate that I had to confide it all to you.

I tried to understand the Anne of last year and make apologies for her, because

as long as I leave you with these accusations and don't attempt to explain

what prompted them, my conscience won't be clear.

I was suffering then, and still do, from moods that kept my head underwater.

figuratively speaking, and allowed me to see things only from my own perspective,

without calmly considering what the others, those whom I with my mercurial

temperament had hurt or offended, had said, and then acting as they would have

done.

I hid inside myself, thought of no one but myself and calmly wrote down all my

joy, sarcasm and sorrow in my diary.

Because this diary has become a kind of memory book, it means a great deal to

me. but I could easily write over and done with on many of its pages.

I was furious at Mother, and still am a lot of the time.

It's true she didn't understand me, but I didn't understand her either.

Because she loved me, she was tender and affectionate, but because of the

difficult situations I put her in, and the sad circumstances in which she found

herself, she was nervous and irritable, so I can understand why she was often

short with me.

I was offended.

took it far too much to heart and was insolent and beastly to her, which in

turn made her unhappy.

We were caught in a vicious circle of unpleasantness and sorrow.

Not a very happy period for either of us, but at least it's coming to an end.

I didn't want to see what was going on, and I felt very sorry for myself, but

that's understandable too.

Those violent outbursts on paper are simply expressions of anger that, in

normal life, I could have worked off by locking myself in my room and stamping

my foot a few times, or calling mother names behind her back.

The period of tearfully passing judgment on mother is over.

I've grown wiser and mother's nerves are a bit steadier.

Most of the time I manage to hold my tongue when I'm annoyed, and she does

too, so on the surface we seem to be getting along better.

But there's one thing I can't do, and that's to love mother with the devotion

of a child.

I soothe my conscience with the thought that it's better for unkind words to be

down on paper, than for Mother to have to carry them around in her heart.

Yours, Anne Thursday, January 6, 1944 Dearest Kitty,

Today I have two things to confess.

It's going to take a long time, but I have to tell them to someone, and you're

the most likely candidate, since I know you'll keep a secret, no matter what

happens.

The first is about Mother.

As you know, I've frequently complained about her and then tried my best to be

nice. i've suddenly realized what's wrong with her mother has said that she

sees us more as friends than as daughters that's all very nice of course

except that a friend can't take the place of a mother i need my mother to

set a good example and be a person i can respect but in most matters she's an

example of what not to do i have the feeling that margaret thinks so

differently about these things that she'd never be able to understand what

i've just told you and father avoids all conversations having to do with mother

I imagine a mother as a woman who, first and foremost, possesses a great deal of

tact, especially toward her adolescent children, and not one who, like Momsy,

pokes fun at me when I cry.

Not because I'm in pain, but because of other things.

This may seem trivial, but there's one incident I've never forgiven her for.

It happened one day when I had to go to the dentist.

Mother and Margaret planned to go with me and agreed I should take my bicycle.

When the dentist was finished and we were back outside, margaret and mother

very sweetly informed me that they were going downtown to buy or look at

something i don't remember what and of course i wanted to go along but they

said i couldn't come because i had my bike with me tears of rage rushed to my

eyes and margaret and mother began laughing at me i was so furious that i

stuck my tongue out at them right there on the street a little old lady happened

to be passing by and she looked terribly shocked i rode my bike home and must

have cried for hours

Strangely enough, even though Mother has wounded me thousands of times, this

particular wound still stings whenever I think of how angry I was.

I find it difficult to confess the second one because it's about myself.

I'm not prudish, Kitty, and yet every time they give a blow-by-blow account of

their trips to the bathroom, which they often do, my whole body rises in revolt.

Yesterday I read an article on blushing by Sis Haster.

It was as if she'd addressed it directly to me.

Not that I blush easily, but the rest of the article did apply.

What she basically says is that during puberty girls withdraw into themselves

and begin thinking about the wondrous changes taking place in their bodies.

I feel that too, which probably accounts for my recent embarrassment over

Margaret, mother and father.

On the other hand, Margaret is a lot shyer than I am, and yet she's not in

the least embarrassed.

I think that what's happening to me is so wonderful.

and I don't just mean the changes taking place on the outside of my body, but

also those on the inside.

I never discuss myself or any of these things with others, which is why I have

to talk about them to myself.

Whenever I get my period, and that's only been three times, I have the

feeling that in spite of all the pain, discomfort and mess, I'm carrying around

a sweet secret.

So even though it's a nuisance, in a certain way I'm always looking forward

to the time when I'll feel that secret inside me once again.

Sis Haster also writes that girls my age feel very insecure about themselves and

are just beginning to discover that they're individuals with their own

ideas, thoughts and habits.

I just turned 13 when I came here, so I started thinking about myself and

realised that I've become an independent person sooner than most girls.

Sometimes when I lie in bed at night, I feel a terrible urge to touch my breasts

and listen to the quiet, steady beating of my heart.

Unconsciously, I had these feelings even before I came here.

Once when I was spending the night at Jack's, I could no longer restrain my

curiosity about her body, which she'd always hidden from me and which I'd

never seen.

I asked her whether as proof of our friendship we could touch each other's

breasts. Jack refused.

I also had a terrible desire to kiss her, which I did.

Every time I see a female nude such as the Venus in my art history book, I go

into ecstasy.

Sometimes I find them so exquisite I have to struggle to hold back my tears.

If only I had a girlfriend.

Thursday, January 6, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

My longing for someone to talk to has become so unbearable that I somehow took

it into my head to select Peter for this role.

On the few occasions when I have gone to Peter's room during the day, I've always

thought it was nice and cosy.

But Peter's too polite to show someone the door when they're bothering him, so

I've never dared to stay long.

I've always been afraid he'd think I was a pest.

I've been looking for an excuse to linger in his room and get him talking

without his noticing, and yesterday I got my chance.

Peter, you see, is currently going through a crossword puzzle craze, and he

doesn't do anything else all day.

I was helping him, and we soon wound up sitting across from each other at his

table, Peter on the chair and me on the divan.

It gave me a wonderful feeling when I looked into his dark blue eyes and saw

how bashful my unexpected visit had made him.

I could read his innermost thoughts.

and in his face I saw a look of helplessness and uncertainty as to how

to behave, and at the same time a flicker of awareness of his masculinity.

I saw his shyness, and I melted.

I wanted to say, tell me about yourself, look beneath my chatty exterior, but I

found that it was easier to think up questions than to ask them.

The evening came to a close, and nothing happened, except that I told him about

the article on blushing.

Not what I wrote you, of course, just that he would grow more secure as he got

older.

That night I lay in bed and cried my eyes out, all the while making sure no

one could hear me.

The idea that I had to beg Peter for favours was simply revolting.

But people will do almost anything to satisfy their longings.

Take me, for example.

I've made up my mind to visit Peter more often, and somehow get him to talk to

me.

You mustn't think I'm in love with Peter, because I'm not.

If the Van Darns had had a daughter instead of a son, I'd have tried to make

friends with her.

This morning I woke up just before seven and immediately remembered what I'd been

dreaming about.

I was sitting on a chair and across from me was Peter, Peter Skiff.

We were looking at Mary Bowes' sketchbook. The dream was so vivid I can

even remember some of the drawings.

But that wasn't all, the dream went on.

Peter's eyes suddenly met mine and I stared for a long time into those

velvety brown eyes.

Then he said very softly, if I'd only known I'd have come to you long ago.

I turned abruptly away, overcome by emotion.

And then I felt a soft, oh-so-cool and gentle cheek against mine, and it felt

so good, so good.

At that point I woke up, still feeling his cheek against mine and his brown

eyes staring deep into my heart, so deep that he could read how much I'd loved

him and how much I still do.

Again my eyes filled with tears, and I was sad because I'd lost him once more,

and yet at the same time glad because I knew with certainty that Peter is still

the only one for me.

It's funny.

but I often have such vivid images in my dreams.

One night I saw Grammy so clearly that I could even make out her skin of soft,

crinkly velvet.

Another time Grandma appeared to me as a guardian angel.

After that it was Hanalee, who still symbolises to me the suffering of my

friends, as well as that of Jews in general, so that when I'm praying for

her, I'm also praying for all the Jews and all those in need.

And now Peter, my dearest Peter.

I've never had such a clear mental image of him.

I don't need a photograph, I can see him oh so well.

Yours, Anne.

Friday, January 7, 1944.

Dearest Kitty, I'm such an idiot, I forgot that I haven't yet told you the

story of my one true love.

When I was a little girl, way back in kindergarten, I took a liking to Sally

Kimmel. His father was gone, and he and his mother lived with an aunt.

One of Sally's cousins was a good-looking, slender, dark-haired boy

named Appy, who later turned out to look like a movie idol and aroused more

admiration than the short, comical, chubby Sally.

For a long time we went everywhere together, but aside from that, my love

was unrequited until Peter crossed my path.

I had an out-and-out crush on him.

He liked me too, and we were inseparable for one whole summer.

I can still see us walking hand-in-hand through our neighbourhood, Peter in a

white cotton suit and me in a short summer dress.

At the end of the summer vacation, he went to the seventh grade at the middle

school while I was in the sixth grade at the grammar school.

He, Dee, picked me up on the way home, or I'd pick him up.

Peter was the ideal boy, tall, good-looking and slender, with a

serious, quiet and intelligent face.

He had dark hair, beautiful brown eyes, ruddy cheeks and a nicely pointed nose.

I was crazy about his smile, which made him look so boyish and mischievous.

I'd gone away to the countryside during summer vacation.

And when I came back, Peter was no longer at his old address.

He'd moved and was living with a much older boy, who apparently told him I was

just a kid, because Peter stopped seeing me.

I loved him so much that I didn't want to face the truth.

I kept clinging to him until the day I finally realised that if I continued to

chase after him, people would say I was born crazy.

The years went by.

Peter hung around with girls his own age and no longer bothered to say hello to

me. i started school at the jewish lyceum and several boys in my class were

in love with me i enjoyed it and felt honored by their attentions but that was

all later on hello had a terrible crush on me but as i've already told you i

never fell in love again there's a saying time heals all wounds that's how

it was with me i told myself i'd forgotten peter and no longer liked him

in the least But my memories of him were so strong that I had to admit to myself

that the only reason I no longer liked him was that I was jealous of the other

girls. This morning I realised that nothing has changed.

On the contrary, as I've grown older and more mature, my love has grown along

with me.

I can understand now that Peter thought I was childish, and yet it still hurts

to think he'd forgotten me completely.

I saw his face so clearly.

I knew for certain that no one but Peter could have stuck in my mind that way.

I've been in an utter state of confusion today.

When Father kissed me this morning I wanted to shout, Oh, if only you were

Peter. I've been thinking of him constantly, and all day long I've been

repeating to myself, Oh, Petal, my darling, darling Petal.

Where can I find help?

I simply have to go on living and praying to God that if we ever get out

of here, Peter's path will cross mine and he'll gaze into my eyes, read the

love in them and say, Oh, Anne, if I'd only known, I'd have come to you long

ago.

Once, when Father and I were talking about sex, he said I was too young to

understand that kind of desire.

But I thought I did understand it, and now I'm sure I do.

Nothing is as dear to me now as my darling Petal.

I saw my face in the mirror, and it looked so different.

My eyes were clear and deep, my cheeks were rosy, which they hadn't been in

weeks, my mouth was much softer.

I looked happy, and yet there was something so sad in my expression that

the smile immediately faded from my lips.

I'm not happy since I know Petal's not thinking of me, and yet I can still feel

his beautiful eyes gazing at me and his cool, soft cheek against mine.

Oh, Petal, Petal, how am I ever going to free myself from your image?

Wouldn't anyone who took your place be a poor substitute?

I love you, with a love so great that it simply couldn't keep growing inside my

heart, but had to leap out and reveal itself in all its magnitude.

A week ago, even a day ago, if you'd ask me.

Which of your friends do you think you'd be most likely to marry?

I'd have answered, Sally, since he makes me feel good, peaceful and safe.

But now I'd cry, Petal, because I love him with all my heart and all my soul.

I surrender myself completely.

Except for that one thing. He may touch my face, but that's as far as it goes.

This morning I imagined I was in the front attic with Petal, sitting on the

floor by the windows, and after talking for a while we both began to cry.

Moments later I felt his mouth and his wonderful cheek.

Oh, Petal, come to me. Think of me, my dearest Petal.

Wednesday, January 12, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

Bep's been back for the last two weeks, though her sister won't be allowed back

at school until next week.

Bep herself spent two days in bed with a bad cold.

Meep and Jan were also out for two days, with upset stomachs.

I'm currently going through a dance and ballet craze, and am diligently

practising my dance steps every evening.

I've made an ultra-modern dance costume out of a lacy lavender slip belonging to

Momsy. Bias tape is threaded through the top and tied just above the bust.

A pink corded ribbon completes the ensemble.

I tried to turn my tennis shoes into ballet slippers, but with no success.

My stiff limbs are well on the way to becoming as limber as they used to be.

A terrific exercise is to sit on the floor, place a heel in each hand and

raise both legs in the air.

I have to sit on a cushion.

because otherwise my poor backside really takes a beating.

Everyone here is reading a book called Salute to Freedom.

Mother thought it was extremely good because it describes a number of

adolescent problems.

I thought to myself, a bit ironically, why don't you take more interest in your

own adolescence first?

I think Mother believes that Margaret and I have a better relationship with

our parents than anyone in the whole wide world, and that no mother is more

involved in the lives of her children than she is.

She must have my sister in mind, since I don't believe Margaret has the same

problems and thoughts as I do.

Far be it from me to point out to Mother that one of her daughters is not at all

what she imagines.

She'd be completely bewildered, and anyway she'd never be able to change.

I'd like to spare her that grief, especially since I know that everything

would remain the same.

Mother does sense that Margaret loves her much more than I do, but she thinks

I'm just going through a phase.

Margaret's gotten much nicer.

She seems a lot different than she used to be.

She's not nearly as catty these days and is becoming a real friend.

She no longer thinks of me as a little kid who doesn't count.

It's funny, but I can sometimes see myself as others see me.

I take a leisurely look at the person called Anne Frank and browse through the

pages of her life as though she were a stranger.

Before I came here, when I didn't think about things as much as I do now, I

occasionally had the feeling that I didn't belong to Momsy.

Pim and Margaret, and that I would always be an outsider.

I sometimes went around for six months at a time pretending I was an orphan,

then I'd chastise myself for playing the victim, when really I'd always been so

fortunate. After that I'd force myself to be friendly for a while.

Every morning when I heard footsteps on the stairs, I hoped it would be Mother

coming to say good morning.

I'd greet her warmly, because I honestly did look forward to her affectionate

glance. but then she'd snap at me for having made some comment or other and

i'd go off to school feeling completely discouraged on the way home i'd make

excuses for her telling myself that she had so many worries i'd arrive home in

high spirits chatting 19 to the dozen until the events of the morning would

repeat themselves and i'd leave the room with my school bag in my hand and a

pensive look on my face sometimes i'd decide to stay angry But then I always

had so much to talk about after school that I'd forget my resolution and want

Mother to stop whatever she was doing and lend a willing ear.

Then the time would come once more when I no longer listened for the steps on

the stairs and felt lonely and cried into my pillow every night.

Everything has gotten much worse here, but you already knew that.

Now God has sent someone to help me, Peter. I fondle my pendant, press it to

my lips and think, what do I care? Petal is mine and nobody knows it.

With this in mind, I can rise above every nasty remark.

Which of the people here would suspect that so much is going on in the mind of

a teenage girl?

Saturday, January 15, 1944.

My dearest Kitty.

There's no reason for me to go on describing all our quarrels and

arguments down to the last detail.

It's enough to tell you that we've divided many things like meat and fats

and oils, and are frying our own potatoes.

Recently, we've been eating a little extra rye bread, because by four o'clock

we're so hungry for dinner we can barely control our rumbling stomachs.

Mother's birthday is rapidly approaching.

She received some extra sugar from Mr. Cuggler, which sparked off jealousy on

the part of the Van Darns, because Mrs. Van D didn't receive any on her

birthday. But what's the point of boring you with harsh words, spiteful

conversations and tears when you know they bore us even more?

Mother has expressed a wish, which isn't likely to come true any time soon, not

to have to see Mr. Van Dahn's face for two whole weeks.

I wonder if everyone who shares a house sooner or later ends up at odds with

their fellow residents, or have we just had a stroke of bad luck?

At mealtime, when Dussel helps himself to a quarter of the half-filled gravy

boat and leaves the rest of us to do without, I lose my appetite and feel

like jumping to my feet, knocking him off his chair and throwing him out the

door.

Are most people so stingy and selfish?

I've gained some insight into human nature since I came here which is good

but I've had enough for the present.

Peter says the same.

The war is going to go on despite our quarrels and our longing for freedom and

fresh air so we should try to make the best of our stay here.

I'm preaching but I also believe that if I live here much longer I'll turn into a

dried up old beanstalk and all I really want is to be an honest to goodness

teenager.

Yours, Anne.

Wednesday evening, January 19, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

Ay, there I go again.

Don't know what's happened, but since my dream I keep noticing how I've changed.

By the way, I dreamed about Peter again last night, and once again I felt his

eyes penetrate mine, but this dream was less vivid and not quite as beautiful as

the last.

You know that I always used to be jealous of Margaret's relationship with

Father. There's not a trace of my jealousy left now.

I still feel hurt when father's nerves cause him to be unreasonable toward me,

but then I think, I can't blame you for being the way you are.

You talk so much about the minds of children and adolescents, but you don't

know the first thing about them.

I long for more than father's affection, more than his hugs and kisses.

Isn't it awful of me to be so preoccupied with myself?

Shouldn't I, who want to be good and kind, forgive them first?

I forgive mother too.

but every time she makes a sarcastic remark or laughs at me, it's all I can

do to control myself.

I know I'm far from being what I should. Will I ever be?

Anne Franke.

P.S. Father asked if I told you about the cake.

For Mother's birthday, she received a real mocha cake, pre-war quality, from

the office.

It was a really nice day, but at the moment there's no room in my head for

things like that.

Saturday, January 22, 1944.

Dearest Kitty, Can you tell me why people go to such lengths to hide their

real selves?

Or why I always behave very differently when I'm in the company of others?

Why do people have so little trust in one another?

I know there must be a reason, but sometimes I think it's horrible that you

can't ever confide in anyone, not even those closest to you.

It seems as if I've grown up since the night I had that dream, as if I've

become more independent.

You'll be amazed when I tell you that even my attitude toward the Van Darns

has changed.

I've stopped looking at all the discussions and arguments from my

family's biased point of view.

What's brought on such a radical change?

Well, you see, I suddenly realized that if Mother had been different, if she'd

been a real mom, our relationship would have been very, very different.

Mrs. Van Darn is by no means a wonderful person, yet half the arguments could

have been avoided if Mother hadn't been so hard to deal with every time they got

onto a tricky subject.

Mrs. Van Dahn does have one good point, though. You can talk to her.

She may be selfish, stingy and underhanded, but she'll readily back

down as long as you don't provoke her and make her unreasonable.

This tactic doesn't work every time, but if you're patient you can keep trying

and see how far you get.

All the conflicts about our upbringing, about not pampering children, about the

food, about everything, absolutely everything, Might have taken a different

turn if we'd remained open and on friendly terms instead of always seeing

the worst side.

I know exactly what you're going to say, Kitty.

But Anne, are these words really coming from your lips?

From you who have had to put up with so many unkind words from upstairs?

From you who are aware of all the injustices?

And yet they are coming from me. I want to take a fresh look at things and form

my own opinion, not just ape my parents, as in the proverb, the apple never falls

far from the tree.

I want to re-examine the Van Darnes and decide for myself what's true and what's

been blown out of proportion.

If I wind up being disappointed in them, I can always side with father and

mother, but if not, I can try to change their attitude.

And if that doesn't work, I'll have to stick with my own opinions and judgment.

I'll take every opportunity to speak openly to Mrs. Van D about our many

differences and not be afraid, despite my reputation as a smart aleck, to offer

my impartial opinion.

I won't say anything negative about my own family, though that doesn't mean I

won't defend them if somebody else does, and as of today, my gossiping is a thing

of the past.

Up to now I was absolutely convinced that the Van Darns were entirely to

blame for the quarrels, but now I'm sure the fault was largely ours.

We were right as far as the issues were concerned, but intelligent people, such

as ourselves, should have more insight into how to deal with others.

I hope I've got at least a touch of that insight.

and that I'll find an occasion to put it to good use.

Yours, Anne.

Monday, January 24, 1944.

Dearest Kitty, A very strange thing has happened to me.

Actually, happened isn't quite the right word.

Before I came here, whenever anyone at home or at school talked about sex, they

were either secretive or disgusting.

Any words having to do with sex were spoken in a low whisper, and kids who

weren't in the know were often laughed at.

That struck me as odd, and I often wondered why people were so mysterious

or obnoxious when they talked about this subject, but because I couldn't change

things, I said as little as possible or asked my girlfriends for information.

After I'd learned quite a lot, Mother once said to me, Anne, let me give you

some good advice.

Never discuss this with boys, and if they bring it up, don't answer them.

I still remember my exact reply.

No, of course not, I exclaimed.

Imagine, and nothing more was said.

When we first went into hiding, Father often told me about things I'd rather

have heard from Mother, and I learned the rest from books or things I picked

up in conversations.

Peter Van Dahn wasn't ever as obnoxious about this subject as the boys at

school, or maybe just once or twice in the beginning, though he wasn't trying

to get me to talk.

Mrs Van Dahn once told us she'd never discussed these matters with Peter, and

as far as she knew, neither had her husband.

Apparently she didn't even know how much Peter knew or where he got his

information.

Yesterday, when Margaret, Peter and I were peeling potatoes, the conversation

somehow turned to Bosh.

We are still not sure whether Bosh is a boy or a girl, are we? I asked.

Yes, we are, he answered. Bosh is a tomcat.

I began to laugh.

Some tomcat if he's pregnant.

Peter and Margaret joined in the laughter.

You see, a month or two ago Peter informed us that Bosh was sure to have

kittens before long, because her stomach was rapidly swelling.

However, Bosh's fat tummy turned out to be due to a bunch of stolen bones.

No kittens were growing inside, much less about to be born.

Peter felt called upon to defend himself against my accusation.

Come with me, you can see for yourself.

I was horsing around with the cat one day, and I could definitely see it was a

he.

Unable to restrain my curiosity, I went with him to the warehouse.

Bosh, however, wasn't receiving visitors at that hour and was nowhere in sight.

We waited for a while, but when it got cold we went back upstairs.

Later that afternoon I heard Peter go downstairs for the second time.

I mustered the courage to walk through the silent house by myself and reached

the warehouse.

Bosh was on the packing table, playing with Peter, who was getting ready to put

him on the scale and weigh him.

Hi, do you want to have a look?

Without any preliminaries, he picked up the cat, turned him over on his back,

deftly held his head and paws and began the lesson.

This is the male sexual organ, these are a few stray hairs and that's his

backside.

The cat flipped himself over and stood up on his little white feet.

If any other boy had pointed out the male sexual organ to me, I would never

have given him a second glance.

But Peter went on talking in a normal voice about what is otherwise a very

awkward subject.

Nor did he have any ulterior motives.

By the time he'd finished, I felt so much at ease that I started acting

normally too.

We played with Bosh, had a good time, chatted a bit and finally sauntered

through the long warehouse to the door.

Were you there when Mouseky was fixed?

Yeah, sure, it doesn't take long. They give the cat an anaesthetic, of course.

Do they take something out?

No, the vet just snips the tube.

There's nothing to see on the outside.

I had to get up my nerve to ask a question, since it wasn't as normal as I

thought. Peter, the German word Geschlichstahl means sexual organ,

doesn't it?

But then the male and female ones have different names.

I know that.

The female one is a vagina that I know, but I don't know what it's called in

males.

Oh, well,

I said. How are we supposed to know these words?

Most of the time you just come across them by accident.

Why wait, I'll ask my parents.

They know more than I do and they've had more experience.

We were already on the stairs, so nothing more was said.

Yes, it really did happen.

I'd never have talked to a girl about this in such a normal tone of voice.

I'm also certain that this isn't what Mother meant when she warned me about

boys.

All the same, I wasn't exactly my usual self for the rest of the day.

When I thought back to our talk, it struck me as odd.

But I've learned at least one thing. There are young people, even those of

the opposite sex who can discuss these things naturally without cracking jokes

is peter really going to ask his parents a lot of questions is he really the way

he seemed yesterday oh what do i know yours and friday january

28 1944 dearest kitty in recent weeks i've developed a great

liking for family trees and the genealogical tables of royal families

I've come to the conclusion that once you begin your search, you have to keep

digging deeper and deeper into the past, which leads you to even more interesting

discoveries.

Although I'm extremely diligent when it comes to my schoolwork and can pretty

much follow the BBC Home service on the radio, I still spend many of my Sundays

sorting out and looking over my Movistar collection, which has grown to a very

respectable size.

Mr Cuggler makes me happy every Monday by bringing me a copy of Cinema and

Theatre magazine.

The less worldly members of our household often refer to this small

indulgence as a waste of money, yet they never fail to be surprised at how

accurately I can list the actors in any given movie, even after a year.

Bep, who often goes to the movies with her boyfriend on her day off, tells me

on Saturday the name of the show they're going to see.

and I then proceed to rattle off the names of the leading actors and

actresses and the reviews.

Moms recently remarked that I wouldn't need to go to the movies later on,

because I know all the plots, the names of the stars and the reviews by heart.

Whenever I come sailing in with a new hairstyle, I can read the disapproval on

their faces, and I can be sure someone will ask which movie star I'm trying to

imitate. My reply, that it's my own invention, is greeted with scepticism.

As for the hairdo, it doesn't hold its set for more than half an hour.

By that time I'm so sick and tired of their remarks that I race to the

bathroom and restore my hair to its normal mass of curls.

Yours, Anne.

Friday, January 28, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

This morning I was wondering whether you ever felt like a cow.

Having to chew my stale news over and over again.

until you're so fed up with the monotonous fare that you yawn and

secretly wish Anne would dig up something new.

Sorry, I know you find it dull as ditch water, but imagine how sick and tired I

am of hearing the same old stuff.

If the talk at mealtime isn't about politics or good food, then Mother or

Mrs. Van Detrot outstories about their childhood that we've heard a thousand

times before, or Dussel goes on and on about beautiful racehorses, his

Charlotte's extensive wardrobe, leaky rowboats, boys who can swim at the age

of four aching muscles and frightened patients it all boils down to this

whenever one of the eight of us opens his mouth the other seven can finish the

story for him we know the punch line of every joke before it gets told so that

whoever's telling it is left to laugh alone the various milkmen grocers and

butchers of the two former housewives have been praised to the skies or run

into the ground so many times that in our imaginations they've grown as old as

Methuselah. There's absolutely no chance of anything new or fresh being brought

up for discussion in the Annex.

Still, all this might be bearable if only the grown-ups weren't in the habit

of repeating the stories we hear from Mr. Clayman, Jan or Meep, each time

embellishing them with a few details of their own, so that I often have to pinch

my arm under the table to keep myself from setting the enthusiastic

storyteller on the right track.

Little children, such as Anne, must never... ever correct their elders, no

matter how many blunders they make or how often they let their imaginations

run away with them.

Jan and Mr. Clayman love talking about people who have gone underground or into

hiding. They know we are eager to hear about others in our situation, and that

we truly sympathise with the sorrow of those who have been arrested as well as

the joy of prisoners who have been freed.

Going underground or into hiding has become as routine as the proverbial pipe

and slippers, that used to await the man of the house after a long day at work.

There are many resistance groups, such as Free Netherlands, that forge identity

cards, provide financial support to those in hiding, organise hiding places,

and find work for young Christians who go underground.

It's amazing how much these generous and unselfish people do, risking their own

lives to help and save others.

The best example of this is our own helpers, who have managed to pull us

through so far and will hopefully bring us safely to shore.

because otherwise they'll find themselves sharing the fate of those

they're trying to protect.

Never have they uttered a single word about the burden we must be, never have

they complained that we're too much trouble.

They come upstairs every day and talk to the men about business and politics, to

the women about food and wartime difficulties, and to the children about

books and newspapers.

They put on their most cheerful expressions, bring flowers and gifts for

birthdays and holidays, and are always ready to do what they can.

That's something we should never forget.

While others display their heroism in battle or against the Germans, our

helpers prove theirs every day by their good spirits and affection.

The most bizarre stories are making the rounds, yet most of them are really

true. For instance, Mr Clayman reported this week that a soccer match was held

in the province of Gelderland.

One team consisted entirely of men who had gone underground, and the other of

eleven military policemen.

In Hilversum, new registration cards were issued in order for the many people

in hiding to get their rations you have to show this card to obtain your ration

book or else pay 60 guilders a book the registrar asked all those hiding in that

district to pick up their cards at a specified hour when the documents could

be collected at a separate table all the same you have to be careful that stunts

like these don't reach the ears of the germans yours and

Sunday, January 30, 1944.

My dearest Kit.

Another Sunday has rolled around.

I don't mind them as much as I did in the beginning, but they're boring

enough.

I still haven't gone to the warehouse yet, but maybe sometime soon.

Last night I went downstairs in the dark, all by myself, after having been

there with Father a few nights before.

I stood at the top of the stairs while German planes flew back and forth, and I

knew I was on my own that I couldn't count on others for support.

My fear vanished.

I looked up at the sky and trusted in God.

I have an intense need to be alone.

Father has noticed I'm not my usual self, but I can't tell him what's

bothering me.

All I want to do is scream, let me be, leave me alone.

Who knows, perhaps the day will come when I'm left alone more than I'd like.

Anne Frank Thursday,

February 3, 1944 Dearest Kitty

Invasion fever is mounting daily throughout the country.

If you were here, I'm sure you'd be as impressed as I am at the many

preparations, though you'd no doubt laugh at all the fuss we're making.

Who knows, it may all be for nothing.

The papers are full of invasion news and are driving everyone insane with such

statements as, In the event of a British landing in Holland, the Germans will do

what they can to defend the country, even flooding it if necessary.

They've published maps of Holland with the potential flood areas marked.

Since large portions of Amsterdam were shaded in, our first question was what

we should do if the water in the streets rose to above our waists.

This tricky question elicited a variety of responses.

It'll be impossible to walk or ride a bike, so we'll have to wade through the

water.

Don't be silly, we'll have to try and swim.

We'll all put on our bathing suits and caps and swim underwater as much as we

can, so nobody can see we are Jews.

Oh, baloney, I can just imagine the ladies swimming with the rats biting

their legs.

That was a man, of course. We'll see who screams loudest.

We won't even be able to leave the house. The warehouse is so unstable

it'll collapse if there's a flood.

Listen, everyone, all joking aside, we really ought to try and get a boat.

Why bother? I have a better idea.

We can each take a packing crate from the attic and row with a wooden spoon.

I'm going to walk on stilts. I used to be a whiz at it when I was young.

Jan Gies won't need to.

He'll let his wife ride piggerback and then Meep will be on stilts.

So now you have a rough idea of what's going on, don't you, Kit?

This light-hearted banter is all very amusing, but reality will prove

otherwise. The second question about the invasion was bound to arise.

what should we do if the germans evacuate amsterdam leave the city along

with the others disguise ourselves as well as we can whatever happens don't go

outside the best thing to do is to stay put the germans are capable of herding

the entire population of holland into germany where they'll all die of course

we'll stay here this is the safest place we'll try to talk clayman and his family

into coming here to live with us We'll somehow get hold of a bag of wood

shavings so we can sleep on the floor.

Let's ask Meep and Clayman to bring some blankets just in case.

And we'll order some extra cereal grains to supplement the 65 pounds we already

have. Jan can try to find some more beans.

At the moment we've got about 65 pounds of beans and 10 pounds of split peas.

And don't forget the 50 cans of vegetables.

What about the rest, Mother? Give us the latest figures.

10 cans of fish.

40 cans of milk, 20 pounds of powdered milk, 3 bottles of oil, 4 crocks of

butter, 4 jars of meat, 2 big jars of strawberries, 2 jars of raspberries, 20

jars of tomatoes, 10 pounds of oatmeal, 9 pounds of rice.

That's it.

Our provisions are holding out fairly well.

All the same, we have to feed the office staff, which means dipping into our

stock every week, so it's not as much as it seems.

We have enough coal and firewood candles too.

Let's all make little money bags to hide in our clothes, so we can take our money

with us if we need to leave here.

We can make lists of what to take first in case we have to run for it, and pack

our knapsacks in advance.

When the time comes, we'll put two people on the lookout, one in the loft

at the front of the house and one in the back.

Hey, what's the use of so much food if there isn't any water, gas or

electricity?

We'll have to cook on the wood stove, filter the water and boil it, We should

clean some big jugs and fill them with water.

We can also store water in the three kettles we use for canning and in the

wash-dub.

Besides, we still have about 230 pounds of winter potatoes in the spice

storeroom. All day long that's all I hear.

Invasion, invasion, nothing but invasion.

Arguments about going hungry, dying, bombs, fire extinguishers, sleeping

bags, identity cards, poison gas, etc., etc., not exactly cheerful.

A good example of the explicit warnings of the male contingent is the following

conversation with Jan.

Annex, we're afraid that when the Germans retreat, they'll take the entire

population with them.

Jan, that's impossible. They haven't got enough trains.

Annex, trains. Do you really think they'd put civilians on trains?

Absolutely not. Everyone would have to hoof it. Or, as Dussel always says, per

pedes apostolorum.

Jan, I can't believe that.

You're always looking on the dark side.

What reason would they have to round up all the civilians and take them along?

Annex, don't you remember Goebbels saying that if the Germans have to go,

they'll slam the doors to all the occupied territories behind them?

Jan, they've said a lot of things.

Annex, do you think the Germans are too noble or humane to do it?

Their reasoning is, if we go under we'll drag everyone else down with us.

Jan, you can say what you like, I just don't believe it.

Annex, it's always the same old story.

No one wants to see the danger until it's staring them in the face.

Jan, but you don't know anything for sure.

You're just making an assumption.

Annex, because we've already been through it all ourselves.

First in Germany and then here. What do you think's happening in Russia?

Jan, you shouldn't include the Jews.

I don't think anyone knows what's going on in Russia.

The British and the Russians are probably exaggerating for propaganda

purposes, just like the Germans.

Annex, absolutely not.

The BBC has always told the truth.

And even if the news is slightly exaggerated, the facts are bad enough as

they are.

You can't deny that millions of peace-loving citizens in Poland and

Russia have been murdered or gassed.

I'll spare you the rest of our conversations.

I'm very calm and take no notice of all the fuss.

I've reached the point where I hardly care whether I live or die.

The world will keep on turning without me, and I can't do anything to change

events anyway.

I'll just let matters take their course and concentrate on studying and hope

that everything will be all right in the end.

Yours, Anne Tuesday, February 8, 1944 Dear Kitty,

I can't tell you how I feel.

One minute I'm longing for peace and quiet and the next for a little fun.

We've forgotten how to laugh, I mean, laughing so hard you can't stop.

This morning I had the giggles.

You know, the kind we used to have at school.

Margaret and I were giggling like real teenagers.

Last night there was another scene with Mother.

Margaret was tucking her wool blanket around her when suddenly she leapt out

of bed and carefully examined the blanket.

What do you think she found?

A pin.

Mother had patched the blanket and forgotten to take it out.

Father shook his head meaningfully and made a comment about how careless Mother

is. Soon afterward Mother came in from the bathroom, and just to tease her I

said, Do bist doch ein etcht Rabenmutter.

Of course she asked me why I'd said that, and we told her about the pin

she'd overlooked.

She immediately assumed her haughtiest expression and said, You're a fine one

to talk.

When you're sewing the entire floor is covered with pins, and look you've left

the manicure set lying around again.

You never put that away either.

I said I hadn't used it, and Margaret backed me up since she was the guilty

party.

Mother went on talking about how messy I was until I got fed up and said, rather

curtly, I wasn't even the one who said you were careless.

I'm always getting blamed for other people's mistakes.

Mother fell silent, and less than a minute later I was obliged to kiss her

goodnight. This incident may not have been very important, but these days

everything gets on my nerves.

As I seem to be going through a period of reflection at the moment, and letting

my mind range over anything and everything, my thoughts have naturally

turned to father and mother's marriage.

It has always been presented to me as an ideal marriage.

Never a quarrel, no angry faces, perfect harmony, etc., etc.

I know a few things about father's past, and what I don't know I've made up.

I have the impression that father married mother because he felt she would

be a suitable wife.

I have to admit I admire Mother for the way she assumed the role of his wife and

has never, as far as I know, complained or been jealous.

It can't be easy for a loving wife to know she'll never be first in her

husband's affections, and Mother did know that.

Father certainly admired Mother's attitude and thought she had an

excellent character.

Why marry anyone else?

His ideals had been shattered and his youth was over.

What kind of marriage has it turned out to be?

No quarrels or differences of opinion, but hardly an ideal marriage.

Father respects mother and loves her, but not with the kind of love I envision

for a marriage.

Father accepts mother as she is, is often annoyed, but says as little as

possible, because he knows the sacrifices mother has had to make.

Father doesn't always ask her opinion, about the business, about other matters,

about people, about all kinds of things.

He doesn't tell her everything because he knows she's far too emotional, far

too critical, and often far too biased.

Father's not in love.

He kisses her the way he kisses us.

He never holds her up as an example because he can't. He looks at her

teasingly or mockingly but never lovingly.

It may be that Mother's great sacrifice has made her harsh and disagreeable

toward those around her, but it's guaranteed to take her even farther from

the path of love, to arouse even less admiration, and one day Father is bound

to realize that while on the outside she has never demanded his total love, on

the inside she has slowly but surely been crumbling away.

She loves him more than anyone.

and it's hard to see this kind of love not being returned.

So should I actually feel more sympathy for mother? Should I help her, and

father? I can't, I'm always imagining another mother, I just can't. How could

I? She hasn't told me anything about herself, and I've never asked her to.

What do we know of each other's thoughts?

I can't talk to her, I can't look lovingly into those cold eyes, I can't.

Not ever, if she had even one quality an understanding mother is supposed to

have, gentleness or friendliness or patience or something, I'd keep trying

to get closer to her.

But as for loving this insensitive person, this mocking creature, it's

becoming more and more impossible every day.

Yours, Anne.

Saturday, February 12, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

The sun is shining, the sky is deep blue, there's a magnificent breeze and

I'm longing, really longing for everything, conversation, freedom,

friends, being alone.

I long to cry, I feel as if I were about to explode.

I know crying would help, but I can't cry, I'm restless.

I walk from one room to another, breathe through the crack in the window frame,

feel my heart beating as if to say, fulfill my longing at last.

I think spring is inside me.

I feel spring awakening, I feel it in my entire body and soul.

I have to force myself to act normally.

I'm in a state of utter confusion, don't know what to read, what to write, what

to do.

I only know that I'm longing for something.

Yours, Anne.

Monday, February 14, 1944.

Dearest Kitty, A lot has changed for me since Saturday.

What's happened is this, I was longing for something, and still am, but a

small, a very small, part of the problem has been resolved.

On Sunday morning I noticed, to my great joy, I'll be honest with you, that Peter

kept looking at me.

Not in the usual way.

I don't know, I can't explain it, but I suddenly had the feeling he wasn't as in

love with Margaret as I used to think.

All day long I tried not to look at him too much, because whenever I did I

caught him looking at me and then, well, it made me feel wonderful inside, and

that's not a feeling I should have too often.

Sunday evening everyone, except Pim and me, was clustered around the radio,

listening to the immortal music of the German masters.

Dussel kept twisting and turning the knobs, which annoyed Peter and the

others too.

After restraining himself for half an hour, Peter asked somewhat irritably if

he would stop fiddling with the radio.

"'Dussell replied in his haughtiest tone, "'Ick mack discon!' Peter got

angry and made an insolent remark.

"'Mr. Van Dahn sided with him, and Dussell had to back down.

"'That was it!' "'The reason for the disagreement wasn't particularly

interesting in and of itself, "'but Peter has apparently taken the matter

very much to heart, "'because this morning, when I was rummaging around in

the crate of books in the attic, "'Peter came up and began telling me what had

happened. "'I didn't know anything about it.

but Peter soon realised he'd found an attentive listener and started warming

up to his subject.

Well, it's like this, he said.

I don't usually talk much since I know beforehand I'll just be tongue-tied.

I start stuttering and blushing and I twist my words around so much I finally

have to stop because I can't find the right words.

That's what happened yesterday.

I meant to say something entirely different, but once I started I got all

mixed up.

It's awful.

I used to have a bad habit, and sometimes I wish I still did.

Whenever I was mad at someone I'd beat them up instead of arguing with them.

I know this method won't get me anywhere, and that's why I admire you.

You're never at a loss for words. You say exactly what you want to say and

aren't in the least bit shy.

Oh, you're wrong about that, I replied.

Most of what I say comes out very differently from the way I'd planned.

Plus I talk too much and too long, and that's just as bad.

Maybe, but you have the advantage that no one can see you're embarrassed.

You don't blush or go to pieces.

I couldn't help being secretly amused at his words.

However, since I wanted him to go on talking quietly about himself, I hid my

laughter, sat down on a cushion on the floor, wrapped my arms around my knees

and gazed at him intently.

I'm glad there's someone else in this house who flies into the same rages as I

do. Peter seemed relieved that he could criticise Dussel without being afraid

I'd tell.

As for me, I was pleased too, because I sensed a strong feeling of fellowship,

which I only remember having had with my girlfriends.

Yours, Anne.

Tuesday, February 15, 1944.

The minor run-in with Dussel had several repercussions, for which he had only

himself to blame.

Monday evening Dussel came in to see Mother and told her triumphantly that

Peter had asked him that morning if he'd slept well, and then added how sorry he

was about what had happened Sunday evening. He hadn't really meant what

he'd said.

Dussel assured him he hadn't taken it to heart, so everything was right as rain

again.

Mother passed this story on to me, and I was secretly amazed that Peter, who'd

been so angry at Dussel, had humbled himself, despite all his assurances to

the contrary.

I couldn't refrain from sounding Peter out on the subject, and he instantly

replied that Dussel had been lying.

You should have seen Peter's face. I wish I'd had a camera.

Indignation, rage, indecision, agitation, and much more crossed his

face in rapid succession.

That evening, Mr. Van Dahn and Peter really told Dussel off, but it couldn't

have been all that bad, since Peter had another dental appointment today.

Actually, they never wanted to speak to each other again.

Wednesday, February 16, 1944.

Peter and I hadn't talked to each other all day, except for a few meaningless

words. It was too cold to go up to the attic, and anyway it was Margaret's

birthday. At 12.30 he came to look at the presents and hung around chatting

longer than was strictly necessary, something he'd never have done

otherwise. But I got my chance in the afternoon.

Since I felt like spoiling Margaret on her birthday, I went to get the coffee,

and after that the potatoes.

When I came to Peter's room, he immediately took his papers off the

stairs, and I asked if I should close the trapdoor to the attic.

Sure, he said, go ahead.

When you're ready to come back down, just knock and I'll open it for you.

I thanked him, went upstairs and spent at least ten minutes searching around in

the barrel for the smallest potatoes.

My back started aching and the attic was cold.

Naturally, I didn't bother to knock but opened the trapdoor myself.

but he obligingly got up and took the pan out of my hands.

I did my best, but I couldn't find any smaller ones.

Did you look in the big barrel?

Yes, I've been through them all.

By this time I was at the bottom of the stairs, and he examined the pan of

potatoes he was still holding.

Oh, but these are fine, he said and added as I took the pan from him, my

compliments.

As he said this, he gave me such a warm, tender look that I started glowing

inside.

i could tell he wanted to please me but since he couldn't make a long

complimentary speech he said everything with his eyes i understood him so well

and was very grateful it still makes me happy to think back to those words and

that look when i went downstairs mother said she needed more potatoes this time

for dinner so i volunteered to go back up when i entered peter's room i

apologized for disturbing him again as i was going up the stairs he stood up went

over to stand between the stairs and the wall grabbed my arm and tried to stop

me.

I'll go, he said. I have to go upstairs anyway.

I replied that it wasn't really necessary, that I didn't have to get

only the small ones this time.

Convinced, he let go of my arm. On my way back he opened the trapdoor and once

again took the pan from me.

Standing by the door I asked, What are you working on?

French, he replied.

I asked if I could take a look at his lessons.

then i went to wash my hands and sat down across from him on the divan after

i'd explained some french to him we began to talk he told me that after the

war he wanted to go to the dutch east indies and live on a rubber plantation

he talked about his life at home the black market and how he felt like a

worthless bum i told him he had a big inferiority complex he talked about the

war saying that russia and england were bound to go to war against each other

and about the jews

He said life would have been much easier if he'd been a Christian or could become

one after the war.

I asked if he wanted to be baptised, but that wasn't what he meant either.

He said he'd never be able to feel like a Christian, but that after the war he'd

make sure nobody would know he was Jewish.

I felt a momentary pang.

It's such a shame he still has a touch of dishonesty in him.

Peter added, the Jews have been and always will be the chosen people.

I answered, just this once, I hope they'll be chosen for something good.

But we went on chatting very pleasantly, about father, about judging human

character and all sorts of things, so many that I can't even remember them

all.

I left at a quarter past five because Bep had arrived.

That evening he said something else I thought was nice.

We were talking about the picture of a movie star, ID once given him, which has

been hanging in his room for at least a year and a half.

He liked it so much that I offered to give him a few more.

No, he replied.

I'd rather keep the one I've got.

I look at it every day and the people in it have become my friends.

I now have a better understanding of why he always hugs Mousekai so tightly.

He obviously needs affection too.

I forgot to mention something else he was talking about.

He said, no, I'm not afraid, except when it comes to things about myself, but I'm

working on that.

Peter has a huge inferiority complex.

For example, he always thinks he's so stupid and we're so smart.

When I help him with French, he thanks me a thousand times.

One of these days I'm going to say, oh, cut it out. You're much better at

English and geography.

Anne Frank.

Thursday, February 17, 1944.

Dear Kitty.

I was upstairs this morning since I promised Mrs. Vandy I'd read her some of

my stories.

I began with Eva S. Dream, which she liked a lot.

and then I read a few passages from The Secret Annex, which had her in stitches.

Peter also listened for a while just the last part, and asked if I'd come to his

room sometime to read more.

I decided I had to take a chance right then and there, so I got my notebook and

let him read that bit where Katie and Hans talk about God.

I can't really tell what kind of impression it made on him.

He said something I don't quite remember, not about whether it was good,

but about the idea behind it.

I told him I just wanted him to see that I didn't write only amusing things.

He nodded and I left the room.

We'll see if I hear anything more.

Yours, Anne Frank.

Friday, February 18, 1944.

My dearest Kitty.

Whenever I go upstairs, it's always so I can see him.

Now that I have something to look forward to, my life here has improved

greatly.

At least the object of my friendship is always here.

and I don't have to be afraid of rivals except for Margaret.

Don't think I'm in love because I'm not, but I do have the feeling that something

beautiful is going to develop between Peter and me, a kind of friendship and a

feeling of trust.

I go see him whenever I get the chance, and it's not the way it used to be when

he didn't know what to make of me.

On the contrary, he's still talking away as I'm heading out the door.

Mother doesn't like me going upstairs.

She always says I'm bothering Peter and that I should leave him alone.

Honestly, can't she credit me with some intuition?

She always looks at me so oddly when I go to Peter's room.

When I come down again, she asks me where I've been.

It's terrible, but I'm beginning to hate her.

Yours, Anne M. Frank Saturday, February 19, 1944 Dearest

Kitty It's Saturday again, and that should tell you enough.

This morning all was quiet.

I spent nearly an hour upstairs making meatballs, but I only spoke to him in

passing.

When everyone went upstairs at 2.30 to either read or take a nap, I went

downstairs with blanket and all to sit at the desk and read or write.

Before long I couldn't take it any more.

I put my head in my arms and sobbed my heart out.

The tears streamed down my cheeks and I felt desperately unhappy.

Oh, if only he had come to comfort me.

It was past four by the time I went upstairs again.

At five o'clock I set off to get some potatoes, hoping once again that we'd

meet, but while I was still in the bathroom fixing my hair, he went to see

Bosch. I wanted to help Mrs. Van D and went upstairs with my book and

everything, but suddenly I felt the tears coming again.

I raced downstairs to the bathroom, grabbing the hand mirror on the way.

I sat there on the toilet, fully dressed, long after I was through, my

tears leaving dark spots on the red of my apron, and I felt utterly dejected.

Here, S what was going through my mind.

Oh, I'll never reach Peter this way.

Who knows, maybe he doesn't even like me and he doesn't need anyone to confide

in. Maybe he only thinks of me in a casual sort of way.

I'll have to go back to being alone, without anyone to confide in, and

without Peter, without hope, comfort, or anything to look forward to.

Oh, if only I could rest my head on his shoulder and not feel so hopelessly

alone and deserted.

Who knows, maybe he doesn't care for me at all and looks at the others in the

same tender way.

Maybe I only imagined it was especially for me.

Oh, Peter, if only you could hear me or see me.

If the truth is disappointing, I won't be able to bear it.

A little later I felt hopeful and full of expectation again, though my tears

were still flowing on the inside.

Yours, Anne M. Frank Sunday, February 20, 1944 What happens in

other people's houses during the rest of the week happens here in the Annex on

Sundays. while other people put on their best clothes and go strolling in the sun

we scrub sweep and do the laundry eight o'clock though the rest of us prefer to

sleep in dussel gets up at eight he goes to the bathroom then downstairs then up

again and then to the bathroom where he devotes a whole hour to washing himself

9 30 the stoves are lit the blackout screen is taken down and mr van daan

heads for the bathroom One of my Sunday morning ordeals is having to lie in bed

and look at Dussel's back when he's praying.

I know it sounds strange, but a praying Dussel is a terrible sight to behold.

It's not that he cries or gets sentimental, not at all, but he does

spend a quarter of an hour, an entire fifteen minutes, rocking from his toes

to his heels.

Back and forth, back and forth.

It goes on forever, and if I don't shut my eyes tight, my head starts to spin.

10.15.

The Van Dahn's whistle, the bathroom's free.

In the Frank family quarters the first sleepy faces are beginning to emerge

from their pillows.

Then everything happens fast, fast, fast.

Margaret and I take turns doing the laundry.

Since it's quite cold downstairs we put on pants and headscarves.

Meanwhile Father is busy in the bathroom.

Either Margaret or I have a turn in the bathroom at eleven and then we're all

clean.

Eleven-thirty. Breakfast.

I won't dwell on this since there's enough talk about food without my

bringing the subject up as well.

12.15.

We each go our separate ways.

Father, clad in overalls, gets down on his hands and knees and brushes the rug

so vigorously that the room is enveloped in a cloud of dust.

Mr. Dussel makes the beds, all wrong, of course, always whistling the same

Beethoven violin concerto as he goes about his work.

Mother can be heard shuffling around the attic as she hangs up the washing.

Mr. Van Daan puts on his hat and disappears into the lower regions,

usually followed by Peter and Mousekye.

Mrs. Van D. dons a long apron, a black wool jacket and overshoes, winds a red

wool scarf around her head, scoops up a bundle of dirty laundry, and with a well

-rehearsed washerwoman's nod, heads downstairs.

Margaret and I do the dishes and straighten up the room.

Wednesday, February 23, 1944.

My dearest Kitty.

The weather's been wonderful since yesterday, and I've perked up quite a

bit. My writing, the best thing I have, is coming along well.

I go to the attic almost every morning to get the stale air out of my lungs.

This morning when I went there, Peter was busy cleaning up.

He finished quickly and came over to where I was sitting on my favourite spot

on the floor.

The two of us looked out at the blue sky, the bare chestnut tree glistening

with dew, the seagulls and other birds glinting with silver as they swooped

through the air, and we were so moved and entranced that we couldn't speak.

He stood with his head against a thick beam while I sat.

We breathed in the air, looked outside, and both felt that the spell shouldn't

be broken with words.

We remained like this for a long while, and by the time he had to go to the loft

to chop wood, I knew he was a good, decent boy.

He climbed the ladder to the loft, and I followed.

During the fifteen minutes he was chopping wood, we didn't say a word

either. I watched him from where I was standing, and could see he was obviously

doing his best to chop the right way and show off his strength.

But I also looked out the open window.

letting my eyes roam over a large part of Amsterdam, over the rooftops and on

to the horizon, a strip of blue so pale it was almost invisible.

As long as this exists, I thought, this sunshine and this cloudless sky, and as

long as I can enjoy it, how can I be sad?

The best remedy for those who are frightened, lonely or unhappy is to go

outside, somewhere they can be alone, alone with the sky, nature and God.

For then and only then can you feel that everything is as it should be, and that

God wants people to be happy amid nature's beauty and simplicity.

As long as this exists, and that should be forever, I know that there will be

solace for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances.

I firmly believe that nature can bring comfort to all who suffer.

Oh, who knows, perhaps it won't be long before I can share this overwhelming

feeling of happiness with someone who feels the same as I do.

Yours and P.S. Thoughts to Peter

We've been missing out on so much here, so very much and for such a long time.

I miss it just as much as you do.

I'm not talking about external things, since we're well provided for in that

sense. I mean the internal things.

Like you, I long for freedom and fresh air, but I think we've been amply

compensated for their loss.

On the inside, I mean.

This morning, when I was sitting in front of the window and taking a long,

deep look outside at God and nature, I was happy, just plain happy.

Peter, as long as people feel that kind of happiness within themselves, the joy

of nature, health and much more besides, they'll always be able to recapture that

happiness.

Riches, prestige, everything can be lost, but the happiness in your own

heart can only be dimmed, it will always be there as long as you live to make you

happy again.

Whenever you're feeling lonely or sad, try going to the loft on a beautiful day

and looking outside, not at the houses and the rooftops but at the sky.

As long as you can look fearlessly at the sky, you'll know that you're pure

within and will find happiness once more.

Sunday, February 27, 1944.

My dearest Kitty.

From early in the morning to late at night, all I do is think about Peter.

I fall asleep with his image before my eyes, dream about him and wake up with

him still looking at me.

I have the strong feeling that Peter and I aren't really as different as we may

seem on the surface, and I'll explain why.

neither peter nor i have a mother his is too superficial likes to flirt and

doesn't concern herself much with what goes on in his head mine takes an active

interest in my life but has no tact sensitivity or motherly understanding

both peter and i are struggling with our innermost feelings we're still unsure of

ourselves and are too vulnerable emotionally to be dealt with so roughly

whenever that happens i want to run outside or hide my feelings Instead, I

bang the pots and pans, splash the water and am generally noisy, so that everyone

wishes I were miles away.

Peter's reaction is to shut himself up, say little, sit quietly and daydream,

all the while carefully hiding his true self.

But how and when will we finally reach each other?

I don't know how much longer I can continue to keep this yearning under

control.

Yours, Anne M. Frank Monday, February 28, 1944

My dearest Kitty.

It's like a nightmare, one that goes on long after I'm awake.

I see him nearly every hour of the day and yet I can't be with him, I can't let

the others notice, and I have to pretend to be cheerful, though my heart is

aching.

Peter Skiff and Peter Van Dahn have melted into one Peter, who's good and

kind and whom I long for desperately.

Mother's horrible, father's nice, which makes him even more exasperating, and

Margaret's the worst.

since she takes advantage of my smiling face to claim me for herself, when all I

want is to be left alone.

Peter didn't join me in the attic, but went up to the loft to do some carpentry

work. At every rasp and bang, another chunk of my courage broke off and I was

even more unhappy.

In the distance a clock was tolling, be pure in heart, be pure in mind.

I'm sentimental, I know. I'm despondent and foolish, I know that too.

Ohs help me!

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

Wednesday, March 1, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

My own affairs have been pushed to the background by a break-in.

I'm boring you with all my break-ins, but what can I do when burglars take

such pleasure in honouring Gize and Co.

with their presence?

This incident is much more complicated than the last one, in July 1943.

Last night at 7.30 Mr.

Van Daan was heading, as usual, for Mr. Cuggler's office when he saw that both

the glass door and the office door were open.

He was surprised, but he went on through and was even more astonished to see that

the alcove doors were open as well and that there was a terrible mess in the

front office.

There's been a burglary flashed through his mind, but just to make sure he went

downstairs to the front door, checked the lock and found everything closed.

Bep and Peter must just have been very careless this evening.

mr van d concluded he remained for a while in mr cuggler's office switched

off the lamp and went upstairs without worrying much about the open doors or

the messy office early this morning peter knocked at our door to tell us

that the front door was wide open and that the projector and mr cuggler's new

briefcase had disappeared from the closet peter was instructed to lock the

door mr van daan told us his discoveries of the night before and we were

extremely worried

The only explanation is that the burglar must have had a duplicate key, since

there were no signs of a forced entry.

He must have sneaked in early in the evening, shut the door behind him,

hidden himself when he heard Mr. Van Daan, fled with the loot after Mr.

Van Daan went upstairs, and in his hurry, not bothered to shut the door.

Who could have our key?

Why didn't the burglar go to the warehouse?

was it one of our own warehouse employees and will he turn us in now

that he's heard mr van daan and maybe even seen him it's really scary since we

don't know whether the burglar will take it into his head to try and get in again

or was he so startled when he heard someone else in the building that he'll

stay away yours and p.s we'd be delighted if you could hunt up a good

detective for us obviously there's one condition he must be relied upon not to

inform on people in hiding

Thursday, March 2, 1944.

Dearest Kitty, Margaret and I were in the attic together today.

I can't enjoy being there with her the way I imagine it'd be with Peter, or

someone else.

I know she feels the same about most things as I do.

While doing the dishes, Bette began talking to Mother and Mrs. Van Dahn

about how discouraged she gets.

What help did those two offer her? Our tactless mother especially only made

things go from bad to worse.

do you know what her advice was that she should think about all the other people

in the world who are suffering how can thinking about the misery of others help

if you're miserable yourself i said as much their response of course was that i

should stay out of conversations of this sort the grown-ups are such idiots as if

peter margaret bep and i didn't all have the same feelings the only thing that

helps is a mother's love or that of a very very close friend but these two

mothers don't understand the first thing about us Perhaps Mrs. Van Dahn does a

bit more than Mother.

Oh, I wish I could have said something to poor Bep, something that I know from

my own experience would have helped.

But Father came between us, pushing me roughly aside.

They're all so stupid.

I also talked to Margaret about Father and Mother, about how nice it could be

here if they weren't so aggravating.

We'd be able to organise evenings in which everyone could take turns

discussing a given subject.

But we've already been through all that.

It's impossible for me to talk here.

Mr. Van Dahn goes on the offensive, mother gets sarcastic and can't say

anything in a normal voice, father doesn't feel like taking part nor does

Mr. Dussel, and Mrs. Van D is attacked so often that she just sits there with a

red face, hardly able to put up a fight anymore.

And what about us? We aren't allowed to have an opinion.

My, my, aren't they progressive, not have an opinion.

People can tell you to shut up but they can't keep you from having an opinion.

You can't forbid someone to have an opinion, no matter how young they are.

The only thing that would help Bep, Margaret, Peter and me would be great

love and devotion, which we don't get here.

And no one, especially not the idiotic sages around here, is capable of

understanding us, since we're more sensitive and much more advanced in our

thinking than any of them ever suspect.

Love, what is love? I don't think you can really put it into words.

Love is understanding someone, caring for him, sharing his joys and sorrows.

This eventually includes physical love.

You've shared something, given something away and received something in return,

whether or not you're married, whether or not you have a baby.

Losing your virtue doesn't matter, as long as you know that for as long as you

live you'll have someone at your side who understands you, and who doesn't

have to be shared with anyone else.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

At the moment, Mother's grouching at me again. She's clearly jealous because I

talk to Mrs. Van Dahn more than to her.

What do I care?

I managed to get hold of Peter this afternoon and we talked for at least 45

minutes. He wanted to tell me something about himself but didn't find it easy.

He finally got it out, though it took a long time.

I honestly didn't know whether it was better for me to stay or to go, but I

wanted so much to help him. I told him about Bep and how tactless our mothers

are. He told me that his parents fight constantly, about politics and

cigarettes and all kinds of things.

As I've told you before, Peter's very shy, but not too shy to admit that he'd

be perfectly happy not to see his parents for a year or two.

My father isn't as nice as he looks, he said, but in the matter of the

cigarettes, Mother's absolutely right.

I also told him about my mother, but he came to Father's defence.

He thought he was a terrific guy.

Tonight when I was hanging up my apron after doing the dishes, he called me

over and asked me not to say anything downstairs about his parents.

having had another argument and not being on speaking terms i promised

though i'd already told margaret but i'm sure margaret won't pass it on oh no

peter i said you don't have to worry about me i've learned not to blab

everything i hear i never repeat what you tell me he was glad to hear that i

also told him what terrible gossips we are and said margaret's quite right of

course when she says i'm not being honest Because as much as I want to stop

gossiping, there's nothing I like better than discussing Mr. Dussel.

It's good that you admit it, he said. He blushed and his sincere compliment

almost embarrassed me too.

Then we talked about upstairs and downstairs some more.

Peter was really rather surprised to hear that we don't like his parents.

Peter, I said, you know I'm always honest, so why shouldn't I tell you this

as well? We can see their faults too.

I added, Peter, I'd really like to help you.

Will you let me?

You're caught in an awkward position, and I know, even though you don't say

anything, that it upsets you.

Oh, your help is always welcome.

Maybe it'd be better for you to talk to Father.

You can tell him anything, he won't pass it on.

I know he's a real pal.

You like him a lot, don't you?

Peter nodded, and I continued, Well, he likes you too, you know.

He looked up quickly and blushed. It was really touching to see how happy these

few words made him. You think so?

he asked.

Yes, I said. You can tell from the little things he lets slip now and then.

Then Mr. Van Dahn came in to do some dictating.

Peter's a terrific guy, just like father.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

Friday, March 3, 1944.

My dearest Kitty.

When I looked into the candle tonight I felt calm and happy again.

It seems Grandma is in that candle, and it's Grandma who watches over and

protects me and makes me feel happy again.

But there's someone else who governs all my moods and that's Peter.

I went to get the potatoes today, and while I was standing on the stairway

with my pan full he asked, What did you do during the lunch break?

I sat down on the stairs and we began to talk.

The potatoes didn't make it to the kitchen until 5.15, an hour after I'd

gone to get them.

Peter didn't say anything more about his parents. We just talked about books and

about the past.

Oh, he gazes at me with such warmth in his eyes. I don't think it will take

much for me to fall in love with him.

He brought the subject up this evening.

I went to his room after peeling potatoes and remarked on how hot it was.

You can tell the temperature by looking at Margaret and me, because we turn

white when it's cold and red when it's hot.

i said in love he asked why should i be in love it was a pretty silly answer or

rather question why not he said and then it was time for dinner what did he mean

today i finally managed to ask him whether my chatter bothered him all he

said was oh it's fine with me i can't tell how much of his reply was due to

shyness kitty i sound like someone who's in love and can talk about nothing but

her dearest darling And Peter is a darling.

Will I ever be able to tell him that?

Only if he thinks the same of me, but I'm the kind of person you have to treat

with kid gloves, I know that all too well.

And he likes to be left alone, so I don't know how much he likes me.

In any case, we're getting to know each other a little better.

I wish we dared to say more.

But who knows, maybe that time will come sooner than I think.

Once or twice a day he gives me a knowing glance, I wink back, and we're

both happy.

It seems crazy to talk about his being happy.

and yet I have the overwhelming feeling he thinks the same way I do.

Yours, Anne M. Frank Saturday, March 4, 1944 Dear Kitty

This is the first Saturday in months that hasn't been tiresome, dreary and

boring. The reason is Peter.

This morning as I was on my way to the attic to hang up my apron, Father asked

whether I wanted to stay and practice my French and I said yes.

We spoke French together for a while and I explained something to Peter.

and then we worked on our English.

Father read aloud from Dickens, and I was in seventh heaven since I was

sitting on Father's chair, close to Peter.

I went downstairs at quarter to eleven.

When I went back up at eleven-thirty, Peter was already waiting for me on the

stairs. We talked until quarter to one.

Whenever I leave the room, for example, after a meal, and Peter has a chance and

no one else can hear, he says, Bye, Anne, see you later.

Oh, I'm so happy.

I wonder if he's going to fall in love with me after all.

In any case, he's a nice boy, and you have no idea how good it is to talk to

him.

Mrs. Vandy thinks it's all right for me to talk to Peter, but today she asked me

teasingly, can I trust you two up there?

Of course, I protested. I take that as an insult.

Morning, noon and night I look forward to seeing Peter.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

P.S. Before I forget, last night everything was blanketed in snow.

Now it's thawed and there's almost nothing left.

Monday, March 6, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

Ever since Peter told me about his parents, I've felt a certain sense of

responsibility toward him.

Don't you think that's strange?

It's as though their quarrels were just as much my business as his, and yet I

don't dare bring it up any more, because I'm afraid it makes him uncomfortable.

I wouldn't want to intrude, not for all the money in the world.

I can tell by Peter's face that he ponders things just as deeply as I do.

Last night I was annoyed when Mrs. Vandy scoffed. The thinker!

Peter flushed and looked embarrassed, and I nearly blew my top.

Why don't these people keep their mouths shut?

You can't imagine what it's like to have to stand on the sidelines and see how

lonely he is, without being able to do anything.

I can imagine, as if I were in his place, how despondent he must sometimes

feel at the quarrels.

And about love!

Poor Peter, he needs to be loved so much.

It sounded so cold when he said he didn't need any friends.

Oh, he's so wrong, I don't think he means it.

He clings to his masculinity, his solitude and his feigned indifference so

he can maintain his role, so he'll never, ever have to show his feelings.

Poor Peter, how long can he keep it up?

Won't he explode from this superhuman effort?

Oh, Peter, if only I could help you, if only you would let me.

Together we could banish our loneliness, yours and mine.

I've been doing a great deal of thinking but not saying much.

I'm happy when I see him, and happier still if the sun shines when we're

together. I washed my hair yesterday, and because I knew he was next door I

was very rambunctious.

I couldn't help it. The more quiet and serious I am on the inside, the noisier

I get on the outside.

Who will be the first to discover the chink in my armour?

It's just as well that the Van Darnes don't have a daughter.

My conquest could never be so challenging, so beautiful and so nice

with someone of the same sex.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

P.S. You know I'm always honest with you, so I think I should tell you that I

live from one encounter to the next.

I keep hoping to discover that he's dying to see me, and I'm in raptures

when I notice his bashful attempts.

I think he'd like to be able to express himself as easily as I do.

Little does he know it's his awkwardness that I find so touching.

Tuesday, March 7, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

When I think back to my life in 1942, it all seems so unreal.

The Anne Frank who enjoyed that heavenly existence was completely different from

the one who has grown wise within these walls.

Yes, it was heavenly.

Five admirers on every street corner, twenty or so friends, the favourite of

most of my teachers, spoiled rotten by father and mother, bags full of candy

and a big allowance.

What more could anyone ask for?

You're probably wondering how I could have charmed all those people.

Peter says it's because I'm attractive, but that isn't it entirely.

The teachers were amused and entertained by my clever answers, my witty remarks,

my smiling face and my critical mind.

That's all I was, a terrible flirt, coquettish and amusing.

I had a few plus points, which kept me in everybody's good graces.

I was hardworking, honest and generous.

I would never have refused anyone who wanted to peek at my answers.

I was magnanimous with my candy, and I wasn't stuck up.

Would all that admiration eventually have made me overconfident?

It's a good thing that at the height of my glory, I was suddenly plunged into

reality. It took me more than a year to get used to doing without admiration.

How did they see me at school?

As the class comedian, the eternal ringleader, never in a bad mood, never a

crybaby. Was it any wonder that everyone wanted to bicycle to school with me or

do me little favours?

I look back at that Anne Frank as a pleasant, amusing but superficial girl

who has nothing to do with me.

What did Peter say about me?

Whenever I saw you, you were surrounded by a flock of girls and at least two

boys. You were always laughing and you were always the centre of attention.

He was right.

What's remained of that Anne Frank?

Oh, I haven't forgotten how to laugh or toss off a remark.

I'm just as good, if not better, at raking people over the coals.

And I can still flirt and be amusing if I want to be.

But there's the catch.

I'd like to live that seemingly carefree and happy life for an evening a few days

a week.

At the end of that week I'd be exhausted and would be grateful to the first

person to talk to me about something meaningful.

I want friends, not admirers.

People who respect me for my character and my deeds, not my flattering smile.

The circle around me would be much smaller, but what does that matter as

long as they're sincere?

In spite of everything, I wasn't altogether happy in 1942.

i often felt i'd been deserted but because i was on the go all day long i

didn't think about it i enjoyed myself as much as i could trying consciously or

unconsciously to fill the void with jokes looking back i realize that this

period of my life has irrevocably come to a close my happy-go-lucky carefree

school days are gone forever i don't even miss them i've outgrown them i can

no longer just kid around since my serious side is always there

I see my life up to New Year's 1944 as if I were looking through a powerful

magnifying glass.

When I was at home, my life was filled with sunshine.

Then, in the middle of 1942, everything changed overnight.

The quarrels, the accusations, I couldn't take it all in.

I was caught off guard, and the only way I knew to keep my bearings was to talk

back.

The first half of 1943 brought crying spells, loneliness and the gradual

realisation of my faults and shortcomings.

which were numerous and seemed even more so.

I filled the day with chatter, tried to draw Pim closer to me and failed.

This left me on my own to face the difficult task of improving myself so I

wouldn't have to hear their reproaches, because they made me so despondent.

The second half of the year was slightly better.

I became a teenager and was treated more like a grown-up.

I began to think about things and to write stories, finally coming to the

conclusion that the others no longer had anything to do with me.

They had no right to swing me back and forth like a pendulum on a clock.

I wanted to change myself in my own way.

I realised I could manage without my mother, completely and totally, and that

hurt.

But what affected me even more was the realisation that I was never going to be

able to confide in father.

I didn't trust anyone but myself.

After New Year's the second big change occurred.

My dream, through which I discovered my longing for a boy, not for a girlfriend

but for a boyfriend,

I also discovered an inner happiness underneath my superficial and cheerful

exterior. From time to time I was quiet.

Now I live only for Peter, since what happens to me in the future depends

largely on him.

I lie in bed at night, after ending my prayers with the words Ich dank dir für

all das Gut und Leben schoen, and I am filled with joy.

I think of going into hiding my health and my whole being as das Gut, Peter's

love which is still so new and fragile and which neither of us dares to say

aloud. The future, happiness and love as does Lieb.

The world, nature and the tremendous beauty of everything, all that

splendour, as does Schoen.

At such moments I don't think about all the misery, but about the beauty that

still remains.

This is where Mother and I differ greatly.

Her advice in the face of melancholy is, think about all the suffering in the

world and be thankful you're not part of it.

My advice is, go outside to the country, enjoy the sun and all nature has to

offer. go outside and try to recapture the happiness within yourself think of

all the beauty in yourself and in everything around you and be happy i

don't think mother's advice can be right because what are you supposed to do if

you become part of the suffering you'd be completely lost on the contrary

beauty remains even in misfortune if you just look for it you discover more and

more happiness and regain your balance a person who's happy will make others

happy a person who has courage and faith will never die in misery

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

Wednesday, March 8, 1944.

Margaret and I have been writing each other notes, just for fun, of course.

Anne, it's strange, but I can only remember the day after what has happened

the night before.

For example, I suddenly remembered that Mr. Dussel was snoring loudly last

night. It's now quarter to three on Wednesday afternoon and Mr. Dussel is

snoring again, which is why it flashed through my mind, of course.

When I had to use the potty, I deliberately made more noise to get the

snoring to stop.

Margaret, which is better, the snoring or the gasping for air?

Anne, the snoring's better, because it stops when I make noise, without waking

the person in question.

What I didn't write to Margaret, but what I'll confess to you, dear Kitty, is

that I've been dreaming of Peter a great deal.

The night before last I dreamed I was skating right here in our living room

with that little boy from the Apollo ice skating rink.

He was with his sister.

the girl with the spindly legs who always wore the same blue dress.

I introduced myself, overdoing it a bit, and asked him his name.

It was Peter.

In my dream I wondered just how many Peters I actually knew.

Then I dreamed we were standing in Peter's room, facing each other beside

the stairs.

I said something to him, he gave me a kiss but replied that he didn't love me

all that much and that I shouldn't flirt.

In a desperate and pleading voice I said, I'm not flirting, Peter.

When I woke up, I was glad Peter hasn't said it after all.

Last night I dreamed we were kissing each other, but Peter's cheeks were very

disappointing. They weren't as soft as they looked. They were more like

father's cheeks, the cheeks of a man who already shaves.

Friday, March 10, 1944.

My dearest Kitty.

The proverb, misfortunes never come singly, definitely applies to today.

Peter just got through saying it.

Let me tell you all the awful things that have happened and that are still

hanging over our heads.

First, Meep is sick, as a result of Henk and Argo's wedding yesterday.

She caught cold in the Westerkirk where the service was held.

Second, Mr. Clayman hasn't returned to work since the last time his stomach

started bleeding, so Bep, Espen left to hold down the fort alone.

Third, the police have arrested a man, whose name I won't put in writing.

It's terrible not only for him, but for us as well.

since he's been supplying us with potatoes, butter and jam.

Mr M, as I'll call him, has five children under the age of thirteen, and

another on the way.

Last night we had another little scare.

We were in the middle of dinner when suddenly someone knocked on the wall

next door.

For the rest of the evening we were nervous and gloomy.

Lately I haven't been at all in the mood to write down what's been going on here.

I've been more wrapped up in myself.

Don't get me wrong.

I'm terribly upset about what's happened to poor, good-hearted Mr M, but there's

not much room for him in my diary.

Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday I was in Peter's room from 4.30 to 5.15.

We worked on our French and chatted about one thing and another.

I really look forward to that hour or so in the afternoon, but best of all is

that I think Peter's just as pleased to see me.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

Saturday, March 11, 1944.

Dearest Kitty, I haven't been able to sit still lately.

I wander upstairs and down and then back again.

I like talking to Peter, but I'm always afraid of being a nuisance.

He's told me a bit about the past, about his parents and about himself, but it's

not enough and every five minutes I wonder why I find myself longing for

more. He used to think I was a real pain in the neck and the feeling was mutual.

I've changed my mind, but how do I know he's changed his?

I think he has, but that doesn't necessarily mean we have to become the

best of friends, although as far as I'm concerned, it would make our time here

more bearable.

But I won't let this drive me crazy.

I spend enough time thinking about him and don't have to get you all worked up

as well, simply because I'm so miserable.

Sunday, March 12, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

Things are getting crazier here as the days go by.

Peter hasn't looked at me since yesterday.

he's been acting as if he's mad at me i'm doing my best not to chase after him

and to talk to him as little as possible but it's not easy what's going on what

makes him keep me at arm's length one minute and rush back to my side the next

perhaps i'm imagining that it's worse than it really is perhaps he's just

moody like me and tomorrow everything will be all right again i have the

hardest time trying to maintain a normal facade when i'm feeling so wretched and

sad i have to talk help around the house Sit with the others and, above all, act

cheerful. Most of all I miss the outdoors and having a place where I can

be alone for as long as I want.

I think I'm getting everything all mixed up, Kitty, but then I'm in a state of

utter confusion.

On the one hand I'm half crazy with desire for him, can hardly be in the

same room without looking at him, and on the other hand I wonder why he should

matter to me so much and why I can't be calm again.

Day and night during every waking hour I do nothing but ask myself, Have you

given him enough chance to be alone?

Have you been spending too much time upstairs?

Do you talk too much about serious subjects he's not yet ready to talk

about? Maybe he doesn't even like you. Has it all been your imagination?

But then why has he told you so much about himself?

Is he sorry he did? And a whole lot more.

Yesterday afternoon I was so worn out by the sad news from the outside that I lay

down on my divan for a nap.

All I wanted was to sleep and not have to think.

I slept until four.

but then I had to go next door.

It wasn't easy, answering all Mother's questions and inventing an excuse to

explain my nap to Father.

I pleaded a headache, which wasn't a lie, since I did have one on the inside.

Ordinary people, ordinary girls, teenagers like myself, would think I'm a

little nuts with all my self-pity.

But that's just it.

I pour my heart out to you, and the rest of the time I'm as impudent cheerful and

self-confident as possible to avoid questions and keep from getting on my

own nerves.

Margaret is very kind and would like me to confide in her, but I can't tell her

everything. She takes me too seriously, far too seriously, and spends a lot of

time thinking about her loony sister, looking at me closely whenever I open my

mouth and wondering, is she acting or does she really mean it?

It's because we're always together.

I don't want the person I confide in to be around me all the time.

When will I untangle my jumbled thoughts?

When will I find inner peace again?

Yours, Anne.

Tuesday, March 14, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

It might be amusing for you, though not for me, to hear what we're going to eat

today. The cleaning lady is working downstairs, so at the moment I'm seated

at the Van Darns.

oilcloth covered table with a handkerchief sprinkled with fragrant pre

-war perfume pressed to my nose and mouth you probably don't have the

faintest idea what i'm talking about so let me begin at the beginning the people

who supply us with food coupons have been arrested so we have just our five

black market ration books no coupons no fats and oils since meep and mr clayman

are sick again bep can't manage the shopping the food is wretched and so are

we As of tomorrow, we won't have a scrap of fat, butter or margarine.

We can't eat fried potatoes for breakfast, which we've been doing to

save on bread, so we're having hot cereal instead, and because Mrs. Van D

thinks we're starving, we bought some half-and-half.

Lunch today consists of mashed potatoes and pickled kale.

This explains the precautionary measure with the handkerchief.

You wouldn't believe how much kale can stink when it's a few years old. The

kitchen smells like a mixture of spoiled plums, rotten eggs and brine.

Er, just the thought of having to eat that muck makes me want to throw up.

Besides that, our potatoes have contracted such strange diseases that

one out of every two buckets of pommes de terre winds up in the garbage.

We entertain ourselves by trying to figure out which disease they've got,

and we've reached the conclusion that they suffer from cancer, smallpox and

measles. Honestly, being in hiding during the fourth year of the war is no

picnic. If only the whole stinking mess were over.

To tell you the truth, The food wouldn't matter so much to me if life here were

more pleasant in other ways.

But that's just it.

This tedious existence is starting to make us all disagreeable.

Here are the opinions of the five grown-ups on the present situation.

Children aren't allowed to have opinions, and for once I'm sticking to

the rules.

Mrs. Van Dahn, I'd stopped wanting to be Queen of the Kitchen long ago, but

sitting around doing nothing was boring, so I went back to cooking.

Still, I can't help complaining.

It's impossible to cook without oil, and all those disgusting smells make me sick

to my stomach.

Besides, what do I get in return for my efforts?

Ingratitude and rude remarks.

I'm always the black sheep.

I get blamed for everything.

What's more, it's my opinion that the war is making very little progress.

The Germans will win in the end.

I'm terrified that we're going to starve, and when I'm in a bad mood, I

snap at everyone who comes near.

Mr. Van Daan.

I just smoke and smoke and smoke.

Then the food, the political situation, and Curly's moods don't seem so bad.

Curly's a sweetheart.

If I don't have anything to smoke, I get sick, then I need to eat meat. Life

becomes unbearable, nothing's good enough, and there's bound to be a

flaming row.

My Curly's an idiot.

Mrs. Frank, food's not very important, but I'd love a slice of rye bread right

now because I'm so hungry.

If I were Mrs. Van Dahn, I'd have put a stop to Mr. Van Dahn smoking long ago.

But I desperately need a cigarette now because my head S in such a whirl.

The Van Darns are horrible people. The English may make a lot of mistakes, but

the war is progressing.

I should keep my mouth shut and be grateful I'm not in Poland.

Mr. Frank, everything's fine. I don't need a thing.

Stay calm. We've got plenty of time. Just give me my potatoes and I'll be

quiet. Better set aside some of my rations for BEP. The political situation

is improving.

I'm extremely optimistic.

Mr. Dussel.

I must complete the task I've set for myself.

Everything must be finished on time.

The political situation is looking gut.

It's impossible for us to get caught.

Me, me, me.

Yours, Anne.

Thursday, March 16, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

Hugh released from the gloom and doom for a few moments.

All I've been hearing today is, if this and that happens, we're in trouble, and

if so-and-so gets sick, we'll be left to fend for ourselves, and if...

Well, you know the rest, or at any rate I assume you're familiar enough with the

residents of the Annex to guess what they'd be talking about.

The reason for all the ifs is that Mr. Cuggler has been called up for a six-day

work detail, Bep is down with a bad cold and will probably have to stay home

tomorrow, Meep hasn't gotten over her flu, and Mr. Clayman's stomach bled so

much he lost consciousness.

What a tale of woe.

We think Mr Cuggler should go directly to a reliable doctor for a medical

certificate of ill health, which he can present to the City Hall in Hilversum.

The warehouse employees have been given a day off tomorrow, so Bep will be alone

in the office.

If there's another if, Bep has to stay home, the door will remain locked and

we'll have to be as quiet as mice so the keg company won't hear us.

At one o'clock Jan will come for half an hour to check on us poor forsaken souls,

like a zookeeper.

this afternoon for the first time in ages jan gave us some news of the

outside world you should have seen us gathered around him it looked exactly

like a print at grandmother's knee he regaled his grateful audience with talk

of what else food mrs p a friend of meep s has been cooking his meals The day

before yesterday Jan ate carrots with green peas, yesterday he had the

leftovers, today she's cooking marrow fat peas, and tomorrow she's planning to

mash the remaining carrots with potatoes.

We asked about Meep's doctor.

Doctor, said Jan. What doctor? I called him this morning and got his secretary

on the line.

I asked for a flu prescription and was told I could come pick it up tomorrow

morning between eight and nine.

If you've got a particularly bad case of flu, the doctor himself comes to the

phone and says, Stick out your tongue and say, ah, oh, I can hear it, your

throat's infected.

I'll write out a prescription and you can bring it to the pharmacy.

Good day.

And that's that.

Easy job he's got, diagnosis by phone.

But I shouldn't blame the doctors.

After all, a person has only two hands, and these days there are too many

patients and too few doctors.

Still, we all had a good laugh at Jan's phone call.

I can just imagine what a doctor's waiting room looks like these days.

Doctors no longer turn up their noses at the poorer patients, but at those with

minor illnesses.

Hey, what are you doing here?

they think.

Go to the end of the line. Real patients have priority.

Yours, Anne.

Thursday, March 16, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

The weather is gorgeous, indescribably beautiful.

I'll be going up to the attic in a moment.

I now know why I'm so much more restless than Peter.

He has his own room where he can work, dream, think and sleep.

I'm constantly being chased from one corner to another.

I'm never alone in the room I share with Dussel, though I long to be so much.

That's another reason I take refuge in the attic.

When I'm there or with you I can be myself, at least for a little while.

Still, I don't want to moan and groan.

On the contrary, I want to be brave.

Thank goodness the others notice nothing of my innermost feelings, except that

every day I'm growing cooler and more contemptuous of Mother.

less affectionate to father and less willing to share a single thought with

margaret i'm closed up tighter than a drum above all i have to maintain my air

of confidence no one must know that my heart and mind are constantly at war

with each other up to now reason has always won the battle but will my

emotions get the upper hand sometimes i fear they will but more often i actually

hope they do oh it's so terribly hard not to talk to peter about these things

but i know i have to let him begin It's so hard to act during the daytime, as if

everything I've said and done in my dreams had never taken place.

Kitty, Anne is crazy, but then these are crazy times and even crazier

circumstances.

The nicest part is being able to write down all my thoughts and feelings,

otherwise I'd absolutely suffocate.

I wonder what Peter thinks about all these things.

I keep thinking I'll be able to talk to him about them one day.

He must have guessed something about the inner me, since he couldn't possibly

love the outer Anne he's known so far.

How could someone like Peter, who loves peace and quiet, possibly stand my

bustle and noise?

Will he be the first and only person to see what's beneath my granite mask?

Will it take him long?

Isn't there some old saying about love being akin to pity?

Isn't that what's happening here as well?

Because I often pity him as much as I do myself.

I honestly don't know how to begin, I really don't, so how can I expect Peter

to when talking is so much harder for him?

If only I could write to him, then at least he'd know what I was trying to

say, since it's so hard to say it out loud.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

Friday, March 17, 1944.

My dearest darling.

Everything turned out all right after all.

Bep just had a sore throat, not the flu, and Mr. Cuggler got a medical

certificate to excuse him from the work detail.

The entire annex breathed a huge sigh of relief.

Everything's fine here.

except that Margaret and I are rather tired of our parents.

Don't get me wrong, I still love father as much as ever and Margaret loves both

father and mother, but when you're as old as we are you want to make a few

decisions for yourself, get out from under their thumb.

Whenever I go upstairs they ask what I'm going to do, they won't let me salt my

food, mother asks me every evening at 8.15 if it isn't time for me to change

into my nightie, and they have to approve every book I read.

I must admit, they're not at all strict about that and let me read nearly

everything, but Margaret and I are sick and tired of having to listen to their

comments and questions all day long.

There's something else that displeases them. I no longer feel like giving them

little kisses morning, noon and night.

All those cute nicknames seem so affected, and Father's fondness for

talking about farting and going to the bathroom is disgusting.

In short, I'd like nothing better than to do without their company for a while.

And they don't understand that.

Not that Margaret and I have ever said any of this to them.

What would be the point?

They wouldn't understand anyway.

Margaret said last night, What really bothers me is that if you happen to put

your head in your hands and sigh once or twice, they immediately ask whether you

have a headache or don't feel well.

For both of us, it's been quite a blow to suddenly realise that very little

remains of the close and harmonious family we used to be at home.

This is mostly because everything's out of kilter here.

By that I mean that we're treated like children when it comes to external

matters, while inwardly we're much older than other girls our age.

Even though I'm only 14, I know what I want, I know who's right and who's

wrong, I have my own opinions, ideas and principles, and though it may sound odd

coming from a teenager, I feel I'm more of a person than a child.

I feel I'm completely independent of others.

I know I'm better at debating or carrying on a discussion than Mother.

I know I'm more objective.

I don't exaggerate as much.

I'm much tidier and better with my hands, and because of that I feel, this

may make you laugh, that I'm superior to her in many ways.

To love someone, I have to admire and respect the person, but I feel neither

respect nor admiration for Mother.

Everything would be all right if only I had Peter, since I admire him in many

ways. He's so decent and clever.

Yours, Anne M. Frank Saturday, March 18, 1944 Dearest Kitty,

I've told you more about myself and my feelings than I've ever told a living

soul, so why shouldn't that include sex?

Parents and people in general are very peculiar when it comes to sex.

Instead of telling their sons and daughters everything at the age of

twelve, they send the children out of the room the moment the subject arises

and leave them to find out everything on their own.

Later on, when parents notice that their children have, somehow, come by their

information, they assume they know more, or less, than they actually do.

So why don't they try to make amends by asking them what's what?

A major stumbling block for the adults, though in my opinion it's no more than a

pebble, is that they're afraid their children will no longer look upon

marriage as sacred and pure once they realise that, in most cases, this purity

is a lot of nonsense.

As far as I'm concerned, It's not wrong for a man to bring a little experience

to a marriage.

After all, it has nothing to do with the marriage itself, does it?

Soon after I turned eleven, they told me about menstruation.

But even then I had no idea where the blood came from or what it was for.

When I was twelve and a half, I learned some more from Jack, who wasn't as

ignorant as I was.

My own intuition told me what a man and a woman do when they're together.

It seemed like a crazy idea at first.

But when Jack confirmed it, I was proud of myself for having figured it out.

It was also Jack who told me that children didn't come out of their

mother's tummies.

As she put it, where the ingredients go in is where the finished product comes

out. Jack and I found out about the hymen and quite a few other details from

a book on sex education.

I also knew that you could keep from having children, but how that worked

inside your body remained a mystery.

When I came here, father told me about prostitutes, etc.

but all in all there are still unanswered questions.

If mothers don't tell their children everything, they hear it in bits and

pieces, and that can't be right.

Even though it's Saturday, I'm not bored.

That's because I've been up in the attic with Peter.

I sat there dreaming with my eyes closed, and it was wonderful.

Yours, Anne M. Frank Sunday, March 19, 1944 Dearest Kitty

Yesterday was a very important day for me.

After lunch everything was as usual.

At five I put on the potatoes and mother gave me some blood sausage to take to

Peter. I didn't want to at first but I finally went.

He wouldn't accept the sausage and I had the dreadful feeling it was still

because of that argument we'd had about distrust.

Suddenly I couldn't bear it a moment longer and my eyes filled with tears.

Without another word I returned the platter to mother and went to the

bathroom to have a good cry.

Afterward I decided to talk things out with Peter.

Before dinner the four of us were helping him with a crossword puzzle, so

I couldn't say anything, but as we were sitting down to eat I whispered to him,

Are you going to practice your shorthand tonight, Peter?

No, was his reply.

I'd like to talk to you later on.

He agreed.

After the dishes were done I went to his room and asked if he'd refused the

sausage because of our last quarrel.

Luckily that wasn't the reason, he just thought it was bad manners to seem so

eager. It had been very hot downstairs and my face was as red as a lobster.

So after taking down some water for Margaret, I went back up to get a little

fresh air.

For the sake of appearances, I first went and stood beside the Van Darnes

window before going to Peter's room.

He was standing on the left side of the open window, so I went over to the right

side. It's much easier to talk next to an open window in summer darkness than

in broad daylight, and I think Peter felt the same way.

We told each other so much, so very much, that I can't repeat it all.

But it felt good. It was the most wonderful evening I've ever had in the

Annex. I'll give you a brief description of the various subjects we touched on.

First we talked about the quarrels, and how I see them in a very different light

these days, and then about how we've become alienated from our parents.

I told Peter about Mother and Father and Margaret and myself.

At one point he asked, You always give each other a goodnight kiss, don't you?

One, dozens of them, you don't, do you?

No, I've never really kissed anyone.

Not even on your birthday?

Yeah, on my birthday I have.

We talked about how neither of us really trusts our parents, and how his parents

love each other a great deal and wish he'd confide in them, but that he

doesn't want to.

How I cry my heart out in bed and he goes up to the loft and swears.

How Margaret and I have only recently gotten to know each other.

and yet still tell each other very little, since we're always together.

We talked about every imaginable thing, about trust, feelings and ourselves.

Oh, Kitty, he was just as I thought he would be.

Then we talked about the year 1942 and how different we were back then, we

don't even recognise ourselves from that period, how we couldn't stand each other

at first.

He, Dee, thought I was a noisy pest, and I'd quickly concluded that he was

nothing special.

i didn't understand why he didn't flirt with me but now i'm glad he also

mentioned how he often used to retreat to his room i said that my noise and

exuberance and his silence were two sides of the same coin and that i also

liked peace and quiet but don't have anything for myself alone except my

diary and that everyone would rather see the back of me starting with mr dussell

and that i don't always want to sit with my parents We discussed how glad he is

that my parents have children and how glad I am that he's here.

How I now understand his need to withdraw and his relationship to his

parents and how much I'd like to help him when they argue.

But you're always a help to me, he said.

How, I asked, greatly surprised.

By being cheerful.

That was the nicest thing he said all evening.

He also told me that he didn't mind my coming to his room the way he used to.

In fact, he liked it.

I also told him that all of father's and mother's pet names were meaningless,

that a kiss here and there didn't automatically lead to trust.

We also talked about doing things your own way, the diary, loneliness, the

difference between everyone's inner and outer selves, my mask, etc.

It was wonderful.

He must have come to love me as a friend and for the time being that's enough.

I'm so grateful and happy I can't find the words.

I must apologise, Kitty, since my style is not up to my usual standard today.

I've just written whatever came into my head.

I have the feeling that Peter and I share a secret.

Whenever he looks at me with those eyes, with that smile and that wink, it's as

if a light goes on inside me.

I hope things will stay like this and that we'll have many, many more happy

hours together.

Your grateful and happy Anne.

Monday, March 20, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

This morning Peter asked me if I'd come again one evening.

He swore I wouldn't be disturbing him, and said that where there was room for

one, there was room for two.

I said I couldn't see him every evening, since my parents didn't think it was a

good idea, but he thought I shouldn't let that bother me.

So I told him I'd like to come some Saturday evening, and also asked him if

he'd let me know when you could see the moon.

Sure, he said, maybe we can go downstairs and look at the moon from

there. I agreed, I'm not really so scared of burglars.

In the meantime, a shadow has fallen on my happiness.

For a long time I've had the feeling that Margaret likes Peter.

Just how much I don't know, but the whole situation is very unpleasant.

Now every time I go see Peter I'm hurting her without meaning to.

The funny thing is that she hardly lets it show.

I know I'd be insanely jealous, but Margaret just says I shouldn't feel

sorry for her.

I think it's so awful that you've become the odd one out, I added.

I'm used to that, she replied, somewhat bitterly.

I don't dare tell Peter.

Maybe later on, but he and I need to discuss so many other things first.

Mother gave me a warning tap last night, which I deserved.

I mustn't carry my indifference and contempt for her too far.

In spite of everything, I should try once again to be friendly and keep my

remarks to myself.

Even Pim isn't as nice as he used to be.

He's been trying not to treat me like a child, but now he's much too cold.

We'll just have to see what comes of it.

He's warned me that if I don't do my algebra, I won't get any tutoring after

the war.

I could simply wait and see what happens, but I'd like to start again,

provided I get a new book.

That's enough for now. I do nothing but gaze at Peter and I'm filled to

overflowing.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

Evidence of Margaret's goodness.

I received this today, March 20, 1944.

Anne, yesterday when I said I wasn't jealous of you, I wasn't being entirely

honest. The situation is this, I'm not jealous of either you or Peter.

I'm just sorry I haven't found anyone with whom to share my thoughts and

feelings, and I'm not likely to in the near future.

But that's why I wish from the bottom of my heart that you will both be able to

place your trust in each other.

You're already missing out on so much here, things other people take for

granted.

On the other hand, I'm certain I'd never have gotten as far with Peter, because I

think I'd need to feel very close to a person before I could share my thoughts.

I'd want to have the feeling that he understood me through and through, even

if I didn't say much.

For this reason, it would have to be someone I felt was intellectually

superior to me, and that isn't the case with Peter.

But I can imagine you're feeling close to him.

So there's no need for you to reproach yourself, because you think you're

taking something I was entitled to.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

You and Peter have everything to gain by your friendship.

My answer... Dearest Margaret...

Your letter was extremely kind, but I still don't feel completely happy about

the situation, and I don't think I ever will.

At the moment, Peter and I don't trust each other as much as you seem to think.

It's just that when you're standing beside an open window at twilight, you

can say more to each other than in bright sunshine.

It's also easier to whisper your feelings than to shout them from the

rooftops. I think you've begun to feel a kind of sisterly affection for Peter and

would like to help him just as much as I would.

Perhaps you'll be able to do that someday, though that's not the kind of

trust we have in mind.

I believe that trust has to come from both sides.

I also think that's the reason why Father and I have never really grown so

close. But let's not talk about it any more.

If there's anything you still want to discuss, please write, because it's

easier for me to say what I mean on paper than face to face.

You know how much I admire you, and only hope that some of your goodness and

Father's goodness will rub off on me.

Because, in that sense, you two are a lot alike.

Yours, Anne.

Wednesday, March 22, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

I received this letter last night from Margaret.

Dear Anne.

After your letter of yesterday, I have the unpleasant feeling that your

conscience bothers you whenever you go to Peter's to work or talk.

There's really no reason for that.

In my heart, I know there's someone who deserves my trust, as I do his.

and I wouldn't be able to tolerate Peter in his place.

However, as you wrote, I do think of Peter as a kind of brother, a younger

brother. We've been sending out feelers, and a brotherly and sisterly affection

may or may not develop at some later date, but it's certainly not reached

that stage yet.

So there's no need for you to feel sorry for me.

Now that you've found companionship, enjoy it as much as you can.

In the meantime, things are getting more and more wonderful here.

I think, Kitty, that true love may be developing in the annex.

All those jokes about marrying Peter if we stayed here long enough weren't so

silly after all.

Not that I'm thinking of marrying him, mind you. I don't even know what he'll

be like when he grows up, or if we'll even love each other enough to get

married.

I'm sure now that Peter loves me too, I just don't know in what way.

I can't figure out if he wants only a good friend, or if he's attracted to me

as a girl or as a sister.

When he said I always helped him when his parents were arguing, I was

tremendously happy.

It was one step toward making me believe in his friendship.

I asked him yesterday what he'd do if there were a dozen Anne's who kept

popping in to see him.

His answer was, if they were all like you it wouldn't be so bad.

He's extremely hospitable, and I think he really likes to see me.

Meanwhile, he's been working hard at learning French, even studying in bed

until 10.15.

Oh, when I think back to Saturday night, to our words, our voices.

I feel satisfied with myself for the very first time.

What I mean is, I'd still say the same and wouldn't want to change a thing, the

way I usually do.

He's so handsome whether he's smiling or just sitting still.

He's so sweet and good and beautiful.

I think what surprised him most about me was when he discovered that I'm not at

all the superficial, worldly Anne I appear to be, but a dreamer like he is,

with just as many troubles.

Last night after the dinner dishes, I waited for him to ask me to stay

upstairs, but nothing happened, I went away.

He came downstairs to tell Dussel it was time to listen to the radio and hung

around the bathroom for a while, but when Dussel took too long, he went back

upstairs. He paced up and down his room and went to bed early.

The entire evening I was so restless I kept going to the bathroom to splash

cold water on my face.

I read a bit, daydreamed some more, Looked at the clock and waited, waited,

waited, all the while listening to his footsteps.

I went to bed early, exhausted.

Tonight I have to take a bath and tomorrow.

Tomorrow's so far away.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

My answer.

Dearest Margaret.

I think the best thing is simply to wait and see what happens.

It can't be much longer before Peter, and I will have to decide whether to go

back to the way we were or do something else.

I don't know how it'll turn out.

I can't see any farther than the end of my nose.

But I'm certain of one thing. If Peter and I do become friends, I'm going to

tell him you're also very fond of him and are prepared to help him if he needs

you. You wouldn't want me to, I'm sure, but I don't care.

I don't know what Peter thinks of you, but I'll ask him when the time comes.

It's certainly nothing bad, on the contrary.

You're welcome to join us in the attic or wherever we are.

You won't be disturbing us.

Because we have an unspoken agreement to talk only in the evenings when it's

dark.

Keep your spirits up. I'm doing my best, though it's not always easy. Your time

may come sooner than you think.

Yours, Anne.

Thursday, March 23, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

Things are more or less back to normal here. Our coupon men have been released

from prison, thank goodness.

Meep has been back since yesterday.

But today it was her husband's turn to take to his bed, chills and fever, the

usual flu symptoms.

Bep is better, though she still has a cough, and Mr Clayman will have to stay

home for a long time.

Yesterday a plane crashed nearby.

The crew was able to parachute out in time.

It crashed on top of a school, but luckily there were no children inside.

There was a small fire and a couple of people were killed.

As the airmen made their descent, the Germans sprayed them with bullets.

The Amsterdammers who saw it seethed with rage at such a dastardly deed.

We, by which I mean the ladies, were also scared out of our wits.

B-R-R-R, I hate the sound of gunfire.

Now about myself.

I was with Peter yesterday, and somehow, I honestly don't know how, we wound up

talking about sex.

I'd made up my mind a long time ago to ask him a few things.

He knows everything.

When I said that Margaret and I weren't very well informed, he was amazed.

I told him a lot about Margaret and me and mother and father and said that

lately I didn't dare ask them anything.

He offered to enlighten me and I gratefully accepted.

He described how contraceptives work and I asked him very boldly how boys could

tell they were grown up.

He had to think about that one. He said he'd tell me tonight.

I told him what had happened to Jack and said that girls are defenceless against

strong boys.

Well, you don't have to be afraid of me, he said.

When I came back that evening, he told me how it is with boys.

Slightly embarrassing, but still awfully nice to be able to discuss it with him.

Neither he nor I had ever imagined we'd be able to talk so openly to a girl or a

boy, respectively, about such intimate matters.

I think I know everything now.

He told me a lot about what he called presentive Matteln in German.

That night in the bathroom, Margit, and I were talking about Bram and trees, two

friends of hers.

This morning I was in for a nasty surprise.

After breakfast Peter beckoned me upstairs.

That was a dirty trick you played on me, he said.

I heard what you and Margaret were saying in the bathroom last night.

I think you just wanted to find out how much Peter knew and then have a good

laugh.

I was stunned.

I did everything I could to talk him out of that outrageous idea.

I could understand how he must have felt, but it just wasn't true.

Oh no, Peter, I said.

I'd never be so mean. I told you I wouldn't pass on anything you said to me

and I won't. To put on an act like that and then deliberately be so mean. No,

Peter, that's not my idea of a joke.

It wouldn't be fair. I didn't say anything honest.

Won't you believe me?

He assured me he did, but I think we'll have to talk about it again sometime.

I've done nothing all day but worry about it.

Thank goodness he came right out and said what was on his mind.

Imagine if he'd gone around thinking I could be that mean.

He's so sweet.

Now I'll have to tell him everything.

Yours, Anne.

Friday, March 24, 1944.

Dear Kitty.

I often go up to Peter's room after dinner nowadays to breathe in the fresh

evening air.

You can get around to meaningful conversations more quickly in the dark

than with the sun tickling your face.

It's cosy and snug sitting beside him on a chair and looking outside.

The Van Darns and Dussel make the silliest remarks when I disappear into

his room.

And Zwaite Heimat, they say, or is it proper for a gentleman to receive young

girls in his room at night with the lights out?

Peter has amazing presence of mind in the face of these so-called witticisms.

My mother, incidentally, is also bursting with curiosity and simply dying

to ask what we talk about, only she's secretly afraid I'd refuse to answer.

Peter says the grown-ups are just jealous because we're young and that we

shouldn't take their obnoxious comments to heart.

Sometimes he comes downstairs to get me, but that's awkward too, because in spite

of all his precautions his face turns bright red and he can hardly get the

words out of his mouth.

I'm glad I don't blush, it must be extremely unpleasant.

Besides, it bothers me that Margaret has to sit downstairs all by herself, while

I'm upstairs enjoying Peter's company.

But what can I do about it? I wouldn't mind it if she came, but she'd just be

the odd one out, sitting there like a lump on a log.

I've had to listen to countless remarks about our sudden friendship.

I can't tell you how often the conversation at meals has been about an

annex wedding, should the war last another five years.

Do we take any notice of this parental chitchat?

Hardly, since it's all so silly.

Have my parents forgotten that they were young once?

Apparently they have.

At any rate, they laugh at us when we're serious, and they're serious when we're

joking.

I don't know what's going to happen next, or whether we'll run out of things

to say.

But if it goes on like this, we'll eventually be able to be together

without talking.

If only his parents would stop acting so strangely.

It's probably because they don't like seeing me so often.

Peter and I certainly never tell them what we talk about.

Imagine if they knew we were discussing such intimate things.

I'd like to ask Peter whether he knows what girls look like down there. I don't

think boys are as complicated as girls.

You can easily see what boys look like in photographs or pictures of male

nudes, but with women it's different.

In women, the genitals, or whatever they're called, are hidden between their

legs. Peter has probably never seen a girl up close.

To tell you the truth, neither have I boys are a lot easier.

How on earth would I go about describing a girl's parts?

I can tell from what he said that he doesn't know exactly how it all fits

together. He was talking about the muttermund, but that's on the inside

where you can't see it.

Everything's pretty well arranged in us women.

Until I was eleven or twelve, I didn't realise there was a second set of labia

on the inside, since you couldn't see them.

What's even funnier is that I thought urine came out of the clitoris. I asked

Mother one time what that little bump was, and she said she didn't know.

She can really play dumb when she wants to.

But to get back to the subject, how on earth can you explain what it all looks

like without any models?

Shall I try anyway? OK, here goes.

When you're standing up, all you see from the front is hair.

Between your legs there are two soft, cushiony things, also covered with hair,

which press together when you're standing so you can't see what's inside.

They separate when you sit down and they're very red and quite fleshy on the

inside. In the upper part between the outer labia there's a fold of skin that

on second thought looks like a kind of blister.

That's the clitoris.

Then come the inner labia which are also pressed together in a kind of crease.

When they open up you can see a fleshy little mound, no bigger than the top of

my thumb.

The upper part has a couple of small holes in it which is where the urine

comes out.

The lower part looks as if it were just skin, and yet that's where the vagina

is. You can barely find it because the folds of skin hide the opening.

The hole's so small I can hardly imagine how a man could get in there, much less

how a baby could come out.

It's hard enough trying to get your index finger inside.

That's all there is, and yet it plays such an important role.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

Saturday, March 25, 1944.

Dearest Kitty, You never realise how much you've changed until after it's

happened. I've changed quite drastically. Everything about me is

different. My opinions, ideas, critical outlook.

Inwardly, outwardly, nothing's the same.

And I might safely add, since it's true, I've changed for the better.

I once told you that after years of being adored, it was hard for me to

adjust to the harsh reality of grown-ups and rebukes.

but father and mother are largely to blame for my having to put up with so

much.

At home they wanted me to enjoy life, which was fine, but here they shouldn't

have encouraged me to agree with them and only shown me, their side of all the

quarrels and gossip.

It was a long time before I discovered the score was fifty-fifty.

I now know that many blunders have been committed here, by young and old alike.

Father and mother's biggest mistake in dealing with the Van Darnes is that

they're never candid and friendly.

Admittedly, the friendliness might have to be feigned.

Above all, I want to keep the peace, and to neither quarrel nor gossip.

With father and Margaret that's not difficult, but it is with mother, which

is why I'm glad she gives me an occasional rap on the knuckles.

You can win Mr. Van Dahn to your side by agreeing with him, listening quietly,

not saying much and most of all, responding to his teasing and his corny

jokes with a joke of your own.

Mrs. Van D can be won over by talking openly to her, and admitting when you're

wrong.

She also frankly admits her faults, of which she has many.

I know all too well that she doesn't think as badly of me as she did in the

beginning. And that's simply because I'm honest and tell people right to their

faces what I think, even when it's not very flattering.

I want to be honest.

I think it gets you further and also makes you feel better about yourself.

Yesterday Mrs. Vandy was talking about the rice we gave Mr. Clayman.

All we do is give, give, give.

But at a certain point I think that enough is enough.

If he'd only take the trouble Mr. Clayman could scrounge up his own rice.

Why should we give away all our supplies?

We need them just as badly.

No, Mrs. Van Dahn, I replied.

I don't agree with you.

Mr. Clayman may very well be able to get hold of a little rice, but he doesn't

like having to worry about it.

It's not our place to criticize the people who are helping us.

We should give them whatever they need if we can possibly spare it.

One less plate of rice a week won't make that much difference. We can always eat

beans.

Mrs. Vandy didn't see it my way, but she added that even though she disagreed,

she was willing to back down, and that was an entirely different matter.

Well, I've said enough.

Sometimes I know what my place is and sometimes I have my doubts, but I'll

eventually get where I want to be. I know I will, especially now that I have

help since Peter helps me through many a rough patch and rainy day.

I honestly don't know how much he loves me and whether we'll ever get as far as

a kiss.

In any case, I don't want to force the issue.

I told Father I often go see Peter and asked if he approved, and of course he

did.

It's much easier now to tell Peter things I'd normally keep to myself.

For example, I told him I want to write later on, and if I can't be a writer, to

write in addition to my work.

I don't have much in the way of money or worldly possessions, I'm not beautiful,

intelligent or clever, but I'm happy, and I intend to stay that way.

I was born happy, I love people, I have a trusting nature, and I'd like everyone

else to be happy too.

Your devoted friend, Anne M. Frank.

I wrote this a few weeks ago, and it no longer holds true, but I included it

because my poems are so few and far between.

Monday, March 27, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

At least one long chapter on our life in hiding should be about politics.

but I've been avoiding the subject since it interests me so little.

Today, however, I'll devote an entire letter to politics.

Of course, there are many different opinions on this topic, and it's not

surprising to hear it frequently discussed in times of war, but arguing

so much about politics is just plain stupid.

Let them laugh, swear, make bets, grumble and do whatever they want as

long as they stew in their own juice, but don't let them argue, since that

only makes things worse.

The people who come from outside bring us a lot of news that later proves to be

untrue. However, up to now our radio has never lied.

Jan, Meep, Mr Clayman, Bep and Mr Cuggler go up and down in their

political moods, though Jan least of all.

Here in the Annex the mood never varies.

The endless debates over the invasion, air raids, speeches, etc., etc., are

accompanied by countless exclamations such as impossible,

Um gots willen if they're just getting started now, how long is it going to

last? It's going splendidly gut great.

Optimists and pessimists, not to mention the realists, air their opinions with

unflagging energy, and as with everything else, they're all certain

that they have a monopoly on the truth.

It annoys a certain lady that her spouse has such supreme faith in the British,

and a certain husband attacks his wife because of her teasing and disparaging

remarks about his beloved nation.

And so it goes from early in the morning to late at night. The funny part is that

they never get tired of it.

I've discovered a trick, and the effect is overwhelming, just like pricking

someone with a pin and watching them jump.

Here, S how it works, I start talking about politics.

All it takes is a single question, a word or a sentence, and before you know

it, the entire family is involved.

As if the German Wehrmacht News and the English BBC weren't enough, they've now

added special air raid announcements.

In a word, splendid, but the other side of the coin is that the British Air

Force is operating around the clock, not unlike the German propaganda machine,

which is cranking out lies 24 hours a day.

So the radio is switched on every morning at 8, if not earlier, and is

listened to every hour until 9, 10 or even 11 at night.

This is the best evidence yet that the adults have infinite patience, but also

that their brains have turned to mush, some of them, I mean, since I wouldn't

want to insult anyone.

One broadcast, two at the most, should be enough to last the entire day.

But no, those old nincompoops never mind, I've already said it all.

Music while you work, the Dutch broadcast from England, Frank Phillips

or Queen Wilhelmina, they each get a turn and find a willing listener.

If the adults aren't eating or sleeping, they're clustered around the radio

talking about eating, sleeping and politics.

Hugh, it's getting to be a bore and it's all I can do to keep from turning into a

dreary old crone myself.

Though with all the old folks around me, that might not be such a bad idea.

Here's a shining example, a speech made by our beloved Winston Churchill.

Nine o'clock Sunday evening.

The teapot under its cosy is on the table and the guests enter the room.

Dussel sits to the left of the radio, Mr. Vandy in front of it and Peter to

the side.

Mother is next to Mr. Vandy, with Mrs. Vandy behind them.

Margaret and I are sitting in the last row and Pim at the table.

I realize this isn't a very clear description of our seating arrangements,

but it doesn't matter.

The men smoke, Peter's eyes close from the strain of listening, Mama is dressed

in her long, dark negligee, Mrs. Vandy is trembling because of the planes,

which take no notice of the speech but fly blithely on toward Essen, Father is

slurping his tea, and Margaret and I are united in a sisterly way by the sleeping

mouse-guy, who has taken possession of both our knees.

Margaret's hair is in curlers and my nightgown is too small.

too tight and too short it all looks so intimate cozy and peaceful and for once

it really is yet i await the end of the speech with dread they're impatient

straining at the leash to start another argument psd psd like a cat luring a

mouse from its hole they goad each other into quarrels and descent yours and

tuesday march 28 1944 my dearest kitty

As much as I'd like to write more on politics, I have lots of other news to

report today.

First, Mother has virtually forbidden me to go up to Peter, s since according to

her Mrs Van Dahn is jealous.

Second, Peter's invited Margaret to join us upstairs.

Whether he really means it or is just saying it out of politeness, I don't

know. Third, I asked Father if he thought I should take any notice of Mrs

Van Dahn's jealousy, and he said I didn't have to.

What should I do now?

Mother's angry, doesn't want me going upstairs, wants me to go back to doing

my homework in the room I share with Dussel.

She may be jealous herself.

Father doesn't begrudge us those few hours and thinks it's nice we get along

so well.

Margaret likes Peter too, but feels that three people can't talk about the same

things as two.

Furthermore, Mother thinks Peter, S in love with me.

To tell you the truth, I wish he were.

Then we'd be even and it'd be a lot easier to get to know each other.

She also claims he's always looking at me.

Well, I suppose we do give each other the occasional wink, but I can't help it

if he keeps admiring my dimples, can I?

I'm in a very difficult position.

Mother S against me and I'm against her.

Father turns a blind eye to the silent struggle between Mother and me.

Mother is sad because she still loves me, but I'm not at all unhappy because

she no longer means anything to me.

As for Peter, I don't want to give him up.

He's so sweet and I admire him so much.

He and I could have a really beautiful relationship, so why are the old folks

poking their noses into our business again?

Fortunately, I'm used to hiding my feelings, so I manage not to show how

crazy I am about him.

Is he ever going to say anything?

Am I ever going to feel his cheek against mine, the way I felt Petal's

cheek in my dream?

Oh, Peter and Petal, you're one and the same.

They don't understand us. They'd never understand that we are content just to

sit beside each other and not say a word.

They have no idea of what draws us together.

Oh, when will we overcome all these difficulties?

And yet it's good that we have to surmount them, since it makes the end

that much more beautiful.

When he lays his head on his arms and closes his eyes, he's still a child.

When he plays with Mouseky or talks about her, he's loving.

When he carries the potatoes or other heavy loads, he's strong.

When he goes to watch the gunfire or walks through the dark house to look for

burglars, he's brave.

And when he's so awkward and clumsy, he's hopelessly endearing.

It's much nicer when he explains something to me than when I have to

teach him.

I wish he were superior to me in nearly every way.

What do we care about our two mothers?

Oh, if only he'd say something.

Father always says I'm conceited, but I'm not, I'm merely vain.

I haven't had many people tell me I was pretty, except for a boy at school who

said I looked so cute when I smiled.

Yesterday Peter paid me a true compliment, and just for fun I'll give

you a rough idea of our conversation.

Peter often says, smile.

I thought it was strange, so yesterday I asked him, why do you always want me to

smile?

Because you get dimples in your cheeks. How do you do that?

I was born with them. There's also one in my chin.

It's the only mark of beauty I possess.

No, no, that's not true.

Yes, it is. I know I'm not beautiful.

I never have been and I never will be.

I don't agree. I think you're pretty.

I am not.

I say you are and you'll have to take my word for it.

So of course I then said the same about him.

Yours Anne M. Frank.

Wednesday, March 29, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

Mr. Bolkestein, the cabinet minister, speaking on the Dutch broadcast from

London, said that after the war a collection would be made of diaries and

letters dealing with the war.

Of course, everyone pounced on my diary.

Just imagine how interesting it would be if I were to publish a novel about the

secret annex.

The title alone would make people think it was a detective story.

Seriously, though, ten years after the war people would find it very amusing to

read how we lived, what we ate, and what we talked about as Jews in hiding.

Although I tell you a great deal about our lives, you still know very little

about us.

How frightened the women are during air raids.

Last Sunday, for instance, when 350 British planes dropped 550 tonnes of

bombs on IJ Muiden so that the houses trembled like blades of grass in the

wind.

Or how many epidemics are raging here.

You know nothing of these matters, and it would take me all day to describe

everything down to the last detail.

People have to stand in line to buy vegetables and all kinds of goods.

Doctors can't visit their patients, since their cars and bikes are stolen

the moment they turn their backs.

burglaries and thefts are so common that you ask yourself what's suddenly gotten

into the dutch to make them so light-fingered little children 8 and 11

year olds smash the windows of people's homes and steal whatever they can lay

their hands on people don't dare leave the house for even five minutes since

they're liable to come back and find all their belongings gone every day the

newspapers are filled with reward notices for the return of stolen

typewriters persian rugs electric clocks fabrics etc

The electric clocks on street corners are dismantled. Public phones are

stripped down to the last wire.

Morale among the Dutch can't be good.

Everyone's hungry.

Except for the ersatz coffee, a week's food ration doesn't last two days.

The invasion's long in coming. The men are being shipped off to Germany. The

children are sick or undernourished.

Everyone's wearing worn-out clothes and run-down shoes.

A new soul costs 7.5 guilders on the black market.

Besides, few shoemakers will do repairs, or if they do, you have to wait four

months for your shoes, which might very well have disappeared in the meantime.

One good thing has come out of this.

As the food gets worse and the decrees more severe, the acts of sabotage

against the authorities are increasing.

The ration board, the police, the officials, they're all either helping

their fellow citizens or denouncing them and sending them off to prison.

Fortunately, only a small percentage of Dutch people are on the wrong side.

Yours, Anne.

Friday, March 31, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

Just imagine it's still fairly cold, and yet most people have been without coal

for nearly a month.

Sounds awful, doesn't it?

There's a general mood of optimism about the Russian front because that's going

great guns.

I don't often write about the political situation, but I must tell you where the

Russians are at the moment.

They've reached the Polish border and the Prut River in Romania.

They're close to Odessa, and they've surrounded Ternopol.

Every night we're expecting an extra communique from Stalin.

They're firing off so many salutes in Moscow, the city must be rumbling and

shaking all day long.

Whether they like to pretend the fighting's nearby, or they simply don't

have any other way to express their joy, I don't know.

Hungary has been occupied by German troops.

There are still a million Jews living there, they too are doomed.

Nothing special is happening here.

Today is Mr Van Dahn's birthday.

He received two packets of tobacco, one serving of coffee which his wife had

managed to save, lemon punch from Mr Cuggler, sardines from Meep, eau de

cologne from us, lilacs, tulips and, last but not least, a cake with

raspberry filling, slightly gluey because of the poor quality of the flour

and the lack of butter, but delicious anyway.

All that talk about Peter and me has died down a bit.

He's coming to pick me up tonight.

Pretty nice of him, don't you think, since he hates doing it. We're very good

friends. We spend a lot of time together and talk about every imaginable subject.

It's so nice not having to hold back when we come to a delicate topic, the

way I would with other boys.

For example, we were talking about blood and somehow the conversation turned to

menstruation, etc.

He thinks we women are quite tough to be able to withstand the loss of blood, and

that I am too. I wonder why.

My life here has gotten better, much better.

God has not forsaken me and he never will.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

Saturday, April 1, 1944.

My dearest Kitty.

And yet everything is still so difficult.

You do know what I mean, don't you? I long so much for him to kiss me but that

kiss is taking its own sweet time.

Does he still think of me as a friend?

Don't I mean anything more?

You and I both know that I'm strong, that I can carry most burdens alone.

I've never been used to sharing my worries with anyone, and I've never

clung to a mother, but I'd love to lay my head on his shoulder and just sit

there quietly.

I can't, I simply can't forget that dream of Peter's cheek when everything

was so good.

Does he have the same longing?

Is he just too shy to say he loves me?

Why does he want me near him so much? Oh, why doesn't he say something?

I've got to stop, I've got to be calm.

I'll try to be strong again, and if I'm patient, the rest will follow.

But... and this is the worst part i seem to be chasing him i'm always the one who

has to go upstairs he never comes to me but that's because of the rooms and he

understands why i object oh i'm sure he understands more than i think yours anne

m frank monday april 3 1944 my dearest kitty

contrary to my usual practice i'm going to write you a detailed description of

the food situation

since it's become a matter of some difficulty and importance not only here

in the annexe but in all of holland all of europe and even beyond in the 21

months we've lived here we've been through a good many food cycles you'll

understand what that means in a moment a food cycle is a period in which we have

only one particular dish or type of vegetable to eat for a long time we ate

nothing but endive endive with sand endive without sand endive with mashed

potatoes endive and mashed potato casserole Then it was spinach, followed

by kohlrabi, salsify, cucumbers, tomatoes, sauerkraut, etc., etc.

It's not much fun when you have to eat, say, sauerkraut every day for lunch and

dinner, but when you're hungry enough you do a lot of things.

Now, however, we're going through the most delightful period so far because

there are no vegetables at all.

Our weekly lunch menu consists of brown beans, split pea soup, potatoes with

dumplings, potato kugel and, by the grace of God, turnip greens or rotten

carrots and then it's back to brown beans because of the bread shortage we

eat potatoes at every meal starting with breakfast but then we fry them a little

to make soup we use brown beans navy beans potatoes packages of vegetable

soup packages of chicken soup and packages of bean soup there are brown

beans in everything including the bread for dinner we always have potatoes with

imitation gravy and thank goodness we've still got it beet salad i must tell you

about the dumplings We make them with government-issue flour, water and yeast.

They're so gluey and tough that it feels as if you have rocks in your stomach,

but oh well.

The high point is our weekly slice of liverwurst and the jam on our unbuttered

bread, but we're still alive and much of the time it still tastes good too.

Yours, Anne M. Frank Wednesday, April 5, 1944 My dearest

Kitty For a long time now I didn't know why I was bothering to do any

schoolwork. The end of the war still seemed so far away, so unreal, like a

fairy tale.

If the war isn't over by September, I won't go back to school, since I don't

want to be two years behind.

Peter filled my days, nothing but Peter, dreams and thoughts until Saturday

night, when I felt so utterly miserable.

Oh, it was awful.

I held back my tears when I was with Peter, laughed uproariously with the Van

Darns as we drank lemon punch and was cheerful and excited.

But the minute I was alone I knew I was going to cry my eyes out.

I slid to the floor in my nightgown and began by saying my prayers very

fervently.

Then I drew my knees to my chest, lay my head on my arms and cried, all huddled

up on the bare floor.

A loud sob brought me back down to earth and I choked back my tears since I

didn't want anyone next door to hear me.

Then I tried to pull myself together, saying over and over, I must, I must, I

must, stiff from sitting in such an unusual position.

I fell back against the side of the bed and kept up my struggle until just

before 10.30, when I climbed back into bed.

It was over.

And now it's really over.

I finally realise that I must do my schoolwork to keep from being ignorant

to get on in life to become a journalist because that's what I want.

I know I can write.

A few of my stories are good, my descriptions of the secret annex are

humorous, much of my diary is vivid and alive, but it remains to be seen whether

I really have talent.

Eva's dream is my best fairy tale, and the odd thing is that I don't have the

faintest idea where it came from.

Parts of Katie's life are also good, but as a whole it's nothing special.

I'm my best and harshest critic.

I know what's good and what is.

Unless you write yourself, you can't know how wonderful it is. I always used

to bemoan the fact that I couldn't draw, but now I'm overjoyed that at least I

can write.

And if I don't have the talent to write books or newspaper articles, I can

always write for myself.

But I want to achieve more than that.

I can't imagine having to live like Mother, Mrs. Van Dahn and all the women

who go about their work and are then forgotten.

I need to have something besides a husband and children to devote myself

to. I don't want to have lived in vain like most people.

I want to be useful or bring enjoyment to all people, even those I've never

met.

I want to go on living even after my death.

And that's why I'm so grateful to God for having given me this gift, which I

can use to develop myself.

and to express all that's inside me when i write i can shake off all my cares my

sorrow disappears my spirits are revived but and that's a big question will i

ever be able to write something great will i ever become a journalist or a

writer i hope so oh i hope so very much because writing allows me to record

everything all my thoughts ideals and fantasies i haven't worked on katie's

life for ages In my mind I've worked out exactly what happens next, but the story

doesn't seem to be coming along very well.

I might never finish it and it'll wind up in the waste paper basket or the

stove. That's a horrible thought, but then I say to myself, at the age of

fourteen and with so little experience you can't write about philosophy.

So onward and upward with renewed spirits.

It'll all work out because I'm determined to write.

Yours Anne M. Frank

Thursday, April 6, 1944.

Dearest Kitty, You ask me what my hobbies and interests are and I'd like

to answer, but I'd better warn you. I have lots of them, so don't be

surprised.

First of all, writing, but I don't really think of that as a hobby.

Number two, genealogical charts.

I'm looking in every newspaper, book and document I can find for the family trees

of the French.

german spanish english austrian russian norwegian and dutch royal families i've

made great progress with many of them because for a long time i've been taking

notes while reading biographies or history books i even copy out many of

the passages on history so my third hobby is history and fathers already

bought me numerous books i can hardly wait for the day when i'll be able to go

to the public library and ferret out the information i need

Number four is Greek and Roman mythology.

I have various books on this subject too. I can name the Nine Muses and the

Seven Loves of Zeus.

I have the Wives of Hercules, etc., etc., down pat.

My other hobbies are movie stars and family photographs.

I'm crazy about reading and books.

I adore the history of the arts, especially when it concerns writers,

poets, and painters.

Musicians may come later.

I loathe algebra, geometry, and arithmetic.

I enjoy all my other school subjects, but history's my favourite.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

Tuesday, April 11, 1944.

My dearest Kitty.

My head's in a whirl, I really don't know where to begin.

Thursday, the last time I wrote you, everything was as usual.

Friday afternoon, Good Friday, we played Monopoly. Saturday afternoon, too. The

days passed very quickly.

Around 2 o'clock on Saturday heavy firing began, machine guns, according to

the men. For the rest, everything was quiet.

Sunday afternoon Peter came to see me at 4.30 at my invitation.

At 5.15 we went to the front attic, where we stayed until 6.

There was a beautiful Mozart concert on the radio from 6 to 7.15. I especially

enjoyed the Klain Natch music.

I can hardly bear to listen in the kitchen, since beautiful music stirs me

to the very depths of my soul.

Sunday evening Peter couldn't take his bath, because the washtub was down in

the office kitchen, filled with laundry.

The two of us went to the front attic together, and in order to be able to sit

comfortably, I took along the only cushion I could find in my room.

We seated ourselves on a packing crate.

Since both the crate and the cushion were very narrow, we were sitting quite

close, leaning against two other crates.

Mauskei kept us company, so we weren't without a chaperon.

Suddenly, at a quarter to nine, Mr. Van Dahn whistled and asked if we had Mr.

Dussel's cushion.

We jumped up and went downstairs with the cushion, the cat and Mr. Van Dahn.

This cushion was the source of much misery.

Dussel was angry because I'd taken the one he uses as a pillow, and he was

afraid it might be covered with fleas. He had the entire house in an uproar

because of this one cushion.

In revenge, Peter and I stuck two hard brushes in his bed.

but had to take them out again when Dussel unexpectedly decided to go sit in

his room.

We had a really good laugh at this little intermezzo, but our fun was short

-lived. At 9.30 Peter knocked gently on the door and asked Father to come

upstairs and help him with a difficult English sentence.

That sounds fishy, I said to Margaret. It's obviously a pretext. You can tell

by the way the men are talking that there's been a break-in. I was right.

The warehouse was being broken into at that very moment.

Father, Mr. Van Dahn and Peter were downstairs in a flash.

Margaret, Mother, Mrs. Van D and I waited.

Four frightened women need to talk, so that's what we did until we heard a bang

downstairs. After that all was quiet.

The clock struck quarter to ten.

The colour had drained from our faces, but we remained calm, even though we

were afraid.

Where were the men?

What was that bang?

Were they fighting with the burglars? We were too scared to think all we could do

was wait.

Ten o'clock, footsteps on the stairs.

father pale and nervous came inside followed by mr van daan lights out

tiptoe upstairs were expecting the police there wasn't time to be scared

the lights were switched off i grabbed a jacket and we sat down upstairs what

happened tell us quickly there was no one to tell us the men had gone back

downstairs the four of them didn't come back up until ten past ten two of them

kept watch at peter's open window the door to the landing was locked the

bookcase shut We draped a sweater over our nightlight, and then they told us

what had happened.

Peter was on the landing when he heard two loud bangs.

He went downstairs and saw that a large panel was missing from the left half of

the warehouse door.

He dashed upstairs, alerted the home guard, and the four of them went

downstairs. When they entered the warehouse, the Borglers were going about

their business.

Without thinking, Mr. Van Daan yelled, Police!

hurried footsteps outside.

The Borglers had fled.

The board was put back in the door so the police wouldn't notice the gap, but

then a swift kick from outside sent it flying to the floor.

The men were amazed at the burglar's audacity.

Both Peter and Mr Van Dahn felt a murderous rage come over them.

Mr Van Dahn slammed an axe against the floor and all was quiet again.

Once more the panel was replaced, and once more the attempt was foiled.

Outside, a man and a woman shone a glaring flashlight through the opening,

lighting up the entire warehouse.

What they mumbled one of the men, but now their roles had been reversed.

Instead of policemen, they were now burglars. All four of them raced

upstairs.

Dussel and Mr Van Dahn snatched up Dussel's books, Peter opened the doors

and windows in the kitchen and private office, hurled the phone to the ground,

and the four of them finally ended up behind the bookcase.

End of part one.

In all probability, the man and woman with the flashlight had alerted the

police. It was Sunday night, Easter Sunday.

The next day, Easter Monday, the office was going to be closed, which meant we

wouldn't be able to move around until Tuesday morning.

Think of it, having to sit in such terror for a day and two nights.

We thought of nothing, but simply sat there in pitch darkness, in her fear.

Mrs. Van D had switched off the lamp.

We whispered, and every time we heard a creak, someone said, S-H-H-S-H-H.

It was ten-thirty, then eleven. Not a sound.

Father and Mr. Van Dahn took turns coming upstairs to us.

then at 11 15 a noise below up above you could hear the whole family breathing

for the rest no one moved a muscle footsteps in the house the private

office the kitchen then on the staircase all sounds of breathing stopped eight

hearts pounded footsteps on the stairs then a rattling at the bookcase this

moment is indescribable now we are done for i said and i had visions of all 15

of us being dragged away by the gestapo that very night more rattling at the

bookcase twice then we heard a can fall and the footsteps receded we were out of

danger so far a shiver went though everyone's body i heard several sets of

teeth chattering no one said a word we stayed like this until 11 30.

there were no more sounds in the house but a light was shining on our landing

right in front of the bookcase was that because the police thought it looked so

suspicious or because they simply forgot was anyone going to come back and turn

it off we found our tongues again There were no longer any people inside the

building, but perhaps someone was standing guard outside.

We then did three things, tried to guess what was going on, trembled with fear

and went to the bathroom.

Since the buckets were in the attic, all we had was Peter's metal waste paper

basket.

Mr. Van Dahn went first, then Father, but Mother was too embarrassed.

Father brought the waste basket to the next room, where Margaret, Mrs. Van Dahn

and I gratefully made use of it.

Mother finally gave in. There was a great demand for paper.

and luckily I had some in my pocket.

The wastebasket stank, everything went on in a whisper, and we were exhausted.

It was midnight.

Lie down on the floor and go to sleep.

Margaret and I were each given a pillow and a blanket.

Margaret lay down near the food cupboard, and I made my bed between the

table legs.

The smell wasn't quite so bad when you were lying on the floor, but Mrs. Van

Dahn quietly went and got some powdered bleach and draped a dish towel over the

potty as a further precaution.

Talk, whispers, fear, stench, farting and people continually going to the

bathroom. Try sleeping through that.

By 2.30, however, I was so tired I dozed off and didn't hear a thing until 3.30.

I woke up when Mrs. Vandy lay her head on my feet.

For heaven's sake, give me something to put on, I said.

I was handed some clothes, but don't ask what.

A pair of wool slacks over my pyjamas, a red sweater and a black skirt, white

understockings and tattered knee socks.

Mrs. Vandy sat back down on the chair, and Mr. Vandy lay down with his head on

my feet.

From 3.30 onward I was engrossed in thought, and still shivering so much

that Mr. Van Dahn couldn't sleep.

I was preparing myself for the return of the police.

We detail them we were in hiding.

If they were good people we'd be safe, and if they were Nazi sympathisers we

could try to bribe them.

We should hide the radio, moaned Mrs. Vandy.

Sure in the stove, answered Mr. Vandy. If they find us, they might as well find

the radio.

Then they'll also find Anne's diary, added Father.

So burn it, suggested the most terrified of the group.

This and the police rattling on the bookcase were the moments when I was

most afraid.

Oh, not my diary. If my diary goes, I go too. Thank goodness Father didn't say

anything more.

There's no point in recounting all the conversations.

So much was said.

I comforted Mrs. Van Dahn, who was very frightened.

We talked about escaping, being interrogated by the Gestapo, phoning Mr.

Clayman and being courageous.

We must behave like soldiers, Mrs. Van Dahn.

If our time has come, well then, it'll be for Queen and country, for freedom,

truth and justice, as they're always telling us on the radio.

The only bad thing is that we'll drag the others down with us.

After an hour Mr.

Van Dahn switched places with his wife again.

and Father came and sat beside me.

The men smoked one cigarette after another, an occasional sigh was heard,

somebody made another trip to the potty, and then everything began all over

again.

Four o'clock, five, five-thirty.

I went and sat with Peter by his window and listened, so close we could feel

each other's bodies trembling.

We spoke a word or two from time to time and listened intently.

Next door they took down the blackout screen.

they made a list of everything they were planning to tell mr clayman over the

phone because they intended to call him at seven and ask him to send someone

over they were taking a big chance since the police guard at the door or in the

warehouse might hear them calling but there was an even greater risk that the

police would return i'm enclosing their list but for the sake of clarity i'll

copy it here burglary police in building up to bookcase but no father Burglars

apparently interrupted. Forced warehouse door fled through garden.

Main entrance bolted. Kugler must have left through second door.

Typewriter and adding machine safe in black chest in private office.

Meep saw Bep's laundry in wash tub in kitchen.

Only Bep or Kugler have key to second door.

Lock may be broken.

Try to warn Jan and get key. Look around office.

Also feed Kat.

For the rest, everything went according to plan.

Mr. Clayman was phoned, the poles were removed from the doors, the typewriter

was put back in the chest.

Then we all sat around the table again and waited for either Jan or the police.

Peter had dropped off to sleep and Mr. Van Dahn, and I were lying on the floor

when we heard loud footsteps below.

I got up quietly.

It's Jan.

No, no, it's the police, they all said.

There was a knocking at our bookcase.

Meep whistled.

This was too much for Mrs. Van Dahn, who sank limply in her chair, white as a

sheet. If the tension had lasted another minute, she would have fainted.

Jan and Meep came in and were met with a delightful scene.

The table alone would have been worth a photograph, a copy of cinema and

theatre, opened to a page of dancing girls and smeared with jam and pectin,

which we'd been taking to combat the diarrhoea, two jam jars, half a bread

roll, A quarter of a bread roll, pectin, a mirror, a comb, matches, ashes,

cigarettes, tobacco, an ashtray, books, a pair of underpants, a flashlight, Mrs.

Van Dahn's comb, toilet paper, etc.

Jan and Meep were of course greeted with shouts and tears.

Jan nailed a pinewood board over the gap in the door and went off again with Meep

to inform the police of the break-in.

Meep had also found a note under the warehouse door from Sligars, the night

watchman, who had noticed the hole and alerted the police.

Jan was also planning to see Sligas.

So we had half an hour in which to put the house and ourselves to rights.

I've never seen such a transformation as in those thirty minutes.

Margaret and I got the beds ready downstairs, went to the bathroom,

brushed our teeth, washed our hands and combed our hair.

Then I straightened up the room a bit and went back upstairs.

The table had already been cleared, so we got some water, made coffee and tea,

boiled the milk and set the table.

Father and Peter emptied our improvised potties and rinsed them with warm water

and powdered bleach.

The largest one was filled to the brim and was so heavy they had a hard time

lifting it. To make things worse it was leaking, so they had to put it in a

bucket.

At eleven o'clock Jan was back and joined us at the table, and gradually

everyone began to relax.

Jan had the following story to tell.

Mr Sligars was asleep.

but his wife told Jan that her husband had discovered the hole in the door

while making his rounds.

He called in a policeman, and the two of them searched the building.

Mr Sligars, in his capacity as night watchman, patrols the area every night

on his bike, accompanied by his two dogs.

His wife said he would come on Tuesday and tell Mr Cuggler the rest.

No one at the police station seemed to know anything about the break-in, but

they made a note to come first thing Tuesday morning to have a look.

On the way back Jan happened to run into Mr. Van Hoeven, the man who supplies us

with potatoes, and told him of the break-in.

I know, Mr. Van Hoeven calmly replied.

Last night when my wife and I were walking past your building I saw a gap

in the door.

My wife wanted to walk on but I peeked inside with a flashlight and that's when

the burglars must have run off.

To be on the safe side I didn't call the police.

I thought it wouldn't be wise in your case.

I don't know anything but I have my suspicions.

Jan thanked him and went on.

Mr Van Hoeven obviously suspects we're here because he always delivers the

potatoes at lunchtime.

A decent man.

It was one o'clock by the time Jan left and we'd done the dishes.

All eight of us went to bed.

I woke up at quarter to three and saw that Mr Dussel was already up.

My face rumpled with sleep. I happened to run into Peter in the bathroom, just

after he'd come downstairs.

We agreed to meet in the office.

I freshened up a bit and went down.

After all this, do you still dare go to the front attic?

he asked.

I nodded, grabbed my pillow with a cloth wrapped around it, and we went up

together. The weather was gorgeous, and even though the air-raid sirens soon

began to wail, we stayed where we were.

Peter put his arm around my shoulder, I put mine around his, and we sat quietly

like this until four o'clock, when Margaret came to get us for coffee.

We ate our bread, drank our lemonade, and joked. We were finally able to

again, and for the rest everything was back to normal.

That evening I thanked Peter because he'd been the bravest of us all.

None of us have ever been in such danger as we were that night.

God was truly watching over us.

Just think, the police were right at the bookcase, the light was on and still no

one had discovered our hiding place.

Now we're done for, I'd whispered at that moment, but once again we were

spared. When the invasion comes and the bombs start falling, it'll be every man

for himself, but this time we feared for those good, innocent Christians who are

helping us.

We've been saved, keep on saving us, that's all we can say.

This incident has brought about a whole lot of changes.

As of now, Dussel will be doing his work in the bathroom, and Peter will be

patrolling the house between 8.30 and 9.30.

Peter isn't allowed to open his window anymore, since one of the keg people

noticed it was open.

We can no longer flush the toilet after 9.30 at night.

Mr Sligars has been hired as night watchman.

and tonight a carpenter from the underground is coming to make a

barricade out of our white frankfurt bedsteads debates are going on left and

right in the annex mr cuggler has reproached us for our carelessness jan

also said we should never go downstairs what we have to do now is find out

whether sliggers can be trusted whether the dogs will bark if they hear someone

behind the door how to make the barricade all sorts of things

We've been strongly reminded of the fact that we are Jews in chains, chained to

one spot without any rights but with a thousand obligations.

We must put our feelings aside.

We must be brave and strong, bear discomfort without complaint, do

whatever is in our power and trust in God.

One day this terrible war will be over. The time will come when we'll be people

again and not just Jews.

Who has inflicted this on us? Who has set us apart from all the rest?

Who has put us through such suffering?

It's God who has made us the way we are, but it's also God who will lift us up

again. In the eyes of the world we're doomed, but if after all this suffering

there are still Jews left, the Jewish people will be held up as an example.

Who knows, maybe our religion will teach the world and all the people in it about

goodness, and that's the reason, the only reason, we have to suffer.

We can never be just Dutch, or just English, or whatever, we will always be

Jews as well.

And we'll have to keep on being Jews, but then we'll want to be.

Be brave, let's remember our duty and perform it without complaint.

There will be a way out.

God has never deserted our people.

Through the ages Jews have had to suffer, but through the ages they've

gone on living, and the centuries of suffering have only made them stronger.

The weak shall fall and the strong shall survive and not be defeated.

That night I really thought I was going to die.

I waited for the police and I was ready for death, like a soldier on a

battlefield. I'd gladly have given my life for my country.

but now now that i've been spared my first wish after the war is to become a

dutch citizen i love the dutch i love this country i love the language and i

want to work here and even if i have to write to the queen herself i won't give

up until i've reached my goal i'm becoming more and more independent of my

parents young as i am i face life with more courage and have a better and truer

sense of justice than mother i know what i want i have a goal i have opinions a

religion and love If only I can be myself, I'll be satisfied.

I know that I'm a woman, a woman with inner strength and a great deal of

courage.

If God lets me live, I'll achieve more than Mother ever did, I'll make my voice

heard, I'll go out into the world and work for mankind.

I now know that courage and happiness are needed first.

Yours, Anne M. Frank Friday, April 14, 1944 Dear Kitty

Everyone here is still very tense.

Pim has nearly reached the boiling point.

Mrs. Vandy is lying in bed with a cold, grumbling.

Mr. Vandy is growing pale without his cigarettes.

Dussel, who's having to give up many of his comforts, is carping at everyone,

etc., etc.

We seem to have run out of luck lately.

The toilet's leaking and the faucet's stuck.

Thanks to our many connections, we'll soon be able to get these repaired.

I'm occasionally sentimental, as you know, but from time to time I have

reason to be.

When Peter and I are sitting close together on a hard wooden crate among

the junk and dust, our arms around each other's shoulders, Peter toying with a

lock of my hair.

When the birds outside are trilling their songs, when the trees are in bud,

when the sun beckons and the sky is so blue, oh, that's when I wish for so

much.

All I see around me are dissatisfied and grumpy faces, all I hear are sighs and

stifled complaints.

You'd think our lives had taken a sudden turn for the worse.

Honestly, things are only as bad as you make them.

Here in the Annex no one even bothers to set a good example.

We each have to figure out how to get the better of our own moods.

Every day you hear, if only it were all over.

I really believe, Kit, that I'm a little nutty today, and I don't know why.

My writing's all mixed up, I'm jumping from one thing to another, and sometimes

I seriously doubt whether anyone will ever be interested in this drivel.

They'll probably call it the musings of an ugly duckling.

My diaries certainly won't be of much use to Mr.

Bolkestein or Mr.

Gerbrandy.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

Saturday, April 15, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

There's just one bad thing after another.

When will it all end? You can sure say that again. Guess what's happened now.

Peter forgot to unbolt the front door.

As a result, Mr. Cuggler and the warehouse employees couldn't get in.

He went to kegs, smashed in our office kitchen window and got in that way.

The windows in the annex were open and the keg people saw that too. What must

they be thinking? And Van Maren, Mr Cuggler's furious.

We accuse him of not doing anything to reinforce the doors, and then we do a

stupid thing like this.

Peter's extremely upset.

At the table, Mother said she felt more sorry for Peter than for anyone else,

and he nearly began to cry.

We're equally to blame, since we usually ask him every day if he's unbolted the

door, and so does Mr Van Dahn.

Maybe I can go comfort him later on. I want to help him so much.

Here are the latest news bulletins about life in the secret annex over the last

few weeks.

A week ago on Saturday, Bosh suddenly got sick.

He sat quite still and started drooling.

Meep immediately picked him up, rolled him in a towel, tucked him in her

shopping bag and brought him to the dog and cat clinic.

Bosh had some kind of intestinal problem, so the vet gave him medicine.

Peter gave it to him a few times, but Bosh soon made himself scarce.

I'll bet he was out courting his sweetheart.

But now his nose is swollen and he meows whenever you pick him up.

He was probably trying to steal food and somebody smacked him.

Mousekai lost her voice for a few days.

Just when we decided she had to be taken to the vet too, she started getting

better.

We now leave the attic window open a crack every night.

peter and i often sit up there in the evening thanks to rubber cement and oil

paint our toilet could quickly be repaired the broken faucet has been

replaced luckily mr clayman is feeling better he's going to see a specialist

soon we can only hope he won't need an operation this month we received eight

ration books unfortunately for the next two weeks beans have been substituted

for oatmeal or groats our latest delicacy is piccalilli if you're out of

luck all you get is a jar full of cucumber and mustard sauce vegetables

are hard to come by there's only lettuce lettuce and more lettuce our meals

consist entirely of potatoes and imitation gravy the russians are in

possession of more than half the crimea the british aren't advancing beyond

casino we'll have to count on the western wall there have been a lot of

unbelievably heavy air raids the registry of births deaths and marriages

in the hague was bombed All Dutch people will be issued new ration registration

cards.

Enough for today.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

Sunday, April 16, 1944.

My dearest Kitty.

Remember yesterday's date, since it was a red-letter day for me.

Isn't it an important day for every girl when she gets her first kiss?

Well then, it's no less important to me. The time Bram kissed me on my right

cheek or Mr. Woudster on my right hand doesn't count.

How did I suddenly come by this kiss, I'll tell you.

Last night at eight I was sitting with Peter on his divan, and it wasn't long

before he put an arm around me.

Since it was Saturday, he wasn't wearing his overalls.

Why don't we move over a little, I said, so I won't keep bumping my head against

the cupboard.

He moved so far over he was practically in the corner.

I slipped my arm under his and across his back, and he put his arm around my

shoulder so that I was nearly engulfed by him.

We've sat like this on other occasions, but never so close as we were last

night. He held me firmly against him, my left side against his chest. My heart

had already begun to beat faster, but there was more to come.

He wasn't satisfied until my head lay on his shoulder, with his on top of mine.

I sat up again after about five minutes, but before long he took my head in his

hands and put it back next to his.

Oh, it was so wonderful.

I could hardly talk, my pleasure was too intense.

He caressed my cheek and arm a bit clumsily and played with my hair.

Most of the time our heads were touching.

I can't tell you, Kitty, the feeling that ran through me.

I was too happy for words and I think he was too.

At 9.30 we stood up.

Peter put on his tennis shoes so he wouldn't make much noise on his nightly

round of the building and I was standing next to him.

How I suddenly made the right movement I don't know, but before we went

downstairs he gave me a kiss, through my hair, half on my left cheek and half on

my ear.

I tore downstairs without looking back, and I long so much for today.

Sunday morning, just before eleven.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

Monday, April 17, 1944.

Dearest Kitty, Do you think father and mother would approve of a girl my age

sitting on a divan and kissing a seventeen-and-a-half-year-old boy?

I doubt they would, but I have to trust my own judgment in this matter.

It's so peaceful and safe, lying in his arms and dreaming. It's so thrilling to

feel his cheek against mine.

It's so wonderful to know there's someone waiting for me.

But, and there is a but, will Peter want to leave it at that?

I haven't forgotten his promise, but he is a boy.

I know I'm starting at a very young age.

Not even fifteen and already so independent.

That's a little hard for other people to understand.

I'm pretty sure Margaret would never kiss a boy unless there was some talk of

an engagement or marriage.

Neither Peter nor I has any such plans.

I'm also sure that Mother never touched a man before she met Father.

What would my girlfriends or Jack say if they knew I'd lain in Peter's arms with

my heart against his chest, my head on his shoulder and his head and face

against mine?

Oh, Anne, how terribly shocking!

But seriously, I don't think it's at all shocking. We're cooped up here, cut off

from the world, anxious and fearful, especially lately.

Why should we stay apart when we love each other?

Why shouldn't we kiss each other in times like these?

Why should we wait until we've reached a suitable age?

Why should we ask anybody's permission?

I've decided to look out for my own interests.

He'd never want to hurt me or make me unhappy.

Why shouldn't I do what my heart tells me and makes both of us happy?

Yet I have a feeling, Kitty, that you can sense my doubt.

It must be my honesty rising in revolt against all this sneaking around.

Do you think it's my duty to tell Father what I'm up to?

Do you think our secret should be shared with a third person?

Much of the beauty would be lost, but would it make me feel better inside?

I'll bring it up with him.

Oh yes, I still have so much I want to discuss with him, since I don't see the

point of just cuddling.

Sharing our thoughts with each other requires a great deal of trust, but

we'll both be stronger because of it.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

P.S. We were up at six yesterday morning because the whole family heard the

sounds of a break-in again.

It must have been one of our neighbours who was the victim this time.

When we checked at seven o'clock, our doors were still shut tight, thank

goodness.

Tuesday, April 18, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

Everything's fine here.

Last night the carpenter came again to put some sheets of iron over the door

panels. Father just got through saying he definitely expects large-scale

operations in Russia and Italy, as well as in the West, before May 20.

The longer the war lasts... the harder it is to imagine being liberated from

this place.

Yesterday Peter and I finally got around to having the talk we've been postponing

for the last ten days.

I told him all about girls, without hesitating to discuss the most intimate

matters. I found it rather amusing that he thought the opening in a woman's body

was simply left out of illustrations.

He couldn't imagine that it was actually located between a woman's legs.

The evening ended with a mutual kiss near the mouth.

It's really a lovely feeling.

I might take my favourite quotes notebook, up with me sometimes so Peter

and I can go into things more deeply.

I don't think lying in each other's arms day in and day out is very satisfying

and I hope he feels the same.

After our mild winter we've been having a beautiful spring.

April is glorious, not too hot and not too cold with occasional light showers.

Our chestnut tree is in leaf and here and there you can already see a few

small blossoms.

Bette presented us Saturday with four bouquets of flowers, three bouquets of

daffodils, and one bouquet of grape hyacinths for me.

Mr. Cuggler is supplying us with more and more newspapers.

It's time to do my algebra, Kitty.

Bye.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

Wednesday, April 19, 1944.

Dearest Darling.

That's the title of a movie with Dorit Krasler, Ida Wust and Harold Paulson.

What could be nicer than sitting before an open window, enjoying nature,

listening to the birds sing, feeling the sun on your cheeks and holding a darling

boy in your arms?

I feel so peaceful and safe with his arm around me, knowing he's near and yet not

having to speak.

How can this be bad when it does me so much good?

Oh, if only we were never disturbed again, not even by Mouseky.

Yours, Anne M. Frank Friday, April 21, 1944

My dearest Kitty.

I stayed in bed yesterday with a sore throat, but since I was already bored

the very first afternoon and didn't have a fever, I got up today.

My sore throat has nearly verschwunden.

Yesterday, as you've probably already discovered, was our Fuhrer's 55th

birthday. Today is the 18th birthday of Her Royal Highness Princess Elizabeth of

York. The BBC reported that she hasn't yet been declared of age, though royal

children usually are.

We've been wondering which prince they'll marry this beauty off to, but

can't think of a suitable candidate.

Perhaps her sister, Princess Margaret Rose, can have crowned Prince Baudouin

of Belgium.

Here we've been going from one disaster to the next.

No sooner have the outside doors been reinforced than Van Maren rears his head

again. In all likelihood, he's the one who stole the potato flower, and now

he's trying to pin the blame on Bep.

Not surprisingly, the annex is once again in an uproar.

Bep is beside herself with rage.

Perhaps Mr. Cuggler will finally have this shady character tailed.

The appraiser from Betho Venstraat was here this morning.

He offered us four hundred guilders for our chest.

In our opinion the other estimates are also too low.

I want to ask the magazine The Prince if they'll take one of my fairy tales,

under a pseudonym, of course.

But up to now all my fairy tales have been too long, so I don't think I have

much of a chance.

Until the next time, darling.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

Tuesday, April 25, 1944.

Dearest Kitty, For the last ten days Dussel hasn't been on speaking terms

with Mr. Van Dahn, and all because of the new security measures since the

break-in.

One of these was that he's no longer allowed to go downstairs in the

evenings. Peter and Mr. Van Dahn make the last round every night at 9.30, and

after that no one may go downstairs.

We can't flush the toilet any more after eight at night or after eight in the

morning.

The windows may be opened only in the morning when the lights go on in Mr.

Cuggler's office, and they can no longer be propped open with a stick at night.

This last measure is the reason for Dussel's sulking.

He claims that Mr. Van Dahn bawled him out, but he has only himself to blame.

He says he'd rather live without food than without air, and that they simply

must figure out a way to keep the windows open.

I'll have to speak to Mr. Kugler about this, he said to me.

I replied that we never discussed matters of this sort with Mr. Kugler,

only within the group.

Everything's always happening behind my back. I'll have to talk to your father

about that.

He's also not allowed to sit in Mr. Kugler's office anymore on Saturday

afternoons or Sundays, because the manager of Kegs might hear him if he

happens to be next door.

Dussel promptly went and sat there anyway.

Mr Van Dahn was furious, and Father went downstairs to talk to Dussel, who came

up with some flimsy excuse, but even Father didn't fall for it this time.

Now Father's keeping his dealings with Dussel to a minimum, because Dussel

insulted him.

Not one of us knows what he said, but it must have been pretty awful.

And to think that that miserable man has his birthday next week.

How can you celebrate your birthday when you've got the sulks? How can you accept

gifts from people you won't even talk to?

Mr. Voscuail is going downhill rapidly.

For more than ten days he's had a temperature of almost 104.

The doctor said his condition is hopeless.

They think the cancer has spread to his lungs.

The poor man, we'd so like to help him, but only God can help him now.

I've written an amusing story called Blurry the Explorer, which was a big hit

with my three listeners.

I still have a bad cold and have passed it on to Margaret as well as mother and

father. If only Peter doesn't get it.

He insisted on a kiss and called me his El Dorado.

You can't call a person that silly boy, but he's sweet anyway.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

Thursday, April 27, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

Mrs. Van D was in a bad mood this morning.

All she did was complain, first about her cold, not being able to get cough

drops and the agony of having to blow her nose all the time.

Next she grumbled that the sun wasn't shining, the invasion hadn't started, we

weren't allowed to look out the windows, etc., etc., we couldn't help but laugh

at her, and it couldn't have been that bad since she soon joined in.

Our recipe for potato kugel, modified due to lack of onions.

Put peeled potatoes through a food mill and add a little dry government tissue

flour and salt.

Grease a mould or ovenproof dish with paraffin or steer in and bake for two

and a half hours.

Serve with rotten strawberry compote.

Onions not available.

Nor oil for mould or dough.

At the moment I'm reading Emperor Charles V, written by a professor at the

University of Göttingen. He spent forty years working on this book.

It took me five days to read fifty pages.

I can't do any more than that.

Since the book has five hundred ninety-eight pages you can figure out

just how long it's going to take me, and that's not even counting the second

volume. But very interesting.

The things a schoolgirl has to do in the course of a single day.

Take me, for example.

First I translated a passage on Nelson's last battle from Dutch into English.

Then I read more about the Northern War, 1721, involving Peter the Great, Charles

XII, Augustus the Strong, Stanislaus Lexinski, Maisper, von Goers,

Brandenburg, Western Pomerania, Eastern Pomerania and Denmark, plus the usual

dates.

Next I wound up in Brazil.

where I read about Bahia tobacco, the abundance of coffee, the one and a half

million inhabitants of Rio de Janeiro, Pernambuco and Sao Paulo, and last but

not least the Amazon River.

Then about negros, mulattos, mestizos, whites, the illiteracy rate over 50%,

and malaria.

Since I had some time left, I glanced through a genealogical chart.

John the Old, William Louis, Ernest Casimir I, Henry Casimir I, right up to

little Margaret Francisca.

Born in 1943 in Ottawa.

Twelve o'clock. I resumed my studies in the attic, reading about deans, priests,

ministers, popes, and a hue. It was one o'clock.

At two the poor child, ho-hum, was back at work.

Old World and New World monkeys were next.

Kitty, tell me quickly, how many toes does a hippopotamus have?

Then came the Bible, Noah's Ark, Shem, Ham, and Japheth.

After that, Charles V then, with Peter, Thackeray's book about the Colonel in

English. A French test, and then a comparison between the Mississippi and

the Missouri.

Enough for today.

Adieu.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

Friday, April 28, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

I've never forgotten my dream of Peter Skiff. See the beginning of January.

Even now I can still feel his cheek against mine, and that wonderful glow

that made up for all the rest.

Once in a while I'd had the same feeling with this Peter, but never so intensely

until last night.

We were sitting on the divan, as usual, in each other's arms.

Suddenly the everyday Anne slipped away and the second Anne took her place.

The second Anne, who's never overconfident or amusing, but wants only

to love and be gentle.

I sat pressed against him and felt a wave of emotion come over me.

Tears rushed to my eyes. Those from the left fell on his overalls, while those

from the right trickled down my nose and into the air and landed beside the

first. Did he notice?

He made no movement to show that he had.

Did he feel the same way I did? He hardly said a word.

Did he realize he had two Anne's at his side?

My questions went unanswered.

At 8.30 I stood up and went to the window, where we always say goodbye.

I was still trembling. I was still Anne No. 2.

He came over to me, and I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him on his

left cheek.

I was about to kiss the other cheek when my mouth met his, and we pressed our

lips together.

In a daze we embraced, over and over again, never to stop, oh.

Peter needs tenderness.

For the first time in his life he's discovered a girl.

For the first time he's seen that even the biggest pests also have an inner

self and a heart, and are transformed as soon as they're alone with you.

For the first time in his life he's given himself and his friendship to

another person.

He's never had a friend before, boy or girl.

Now we've found each other.

I, for that matter, didn't know him either, had never had someone I could

confide in, and it's led to this.

The same question keeps nagging me.

Is it right?

Is it right for me to yield so soon, for me to be so passionate, to be filled

with as much passion and desire as Peter?

Can I, a girl, allow myself to go that far?

There's only one possible answer.

I'm longing so much and have for such a long time.

I'm so lonely and now I've found comfort.

In the mornings we act normally, in the afternoons too, except now and then.

But in the evenings the suppressed longing of the entire day, the happiness

and the bliss of all the times before come rushing to the surface, and all we

can think about is each other.

Every night after our last kiss I feel like running away and never looking him

in the eyes again.

Away, far away into the darkness and alone.

And what awaits me at the bottom of those fourteen stairs?

Bright lights, questions and laughter.

I have to act normally and hope they don't notice anything.

My heart is still too tender to be able to recover so quickly from a shock like

the one I had last night.

The gentle Anne makes infrequent appearances, and she's not about to let

herself be shoved out the door so soon after she's arrived.

Peter's reached a part of me that no one has ever reached before, except in my

dream. He's taken hold of me and turned me inside out.

Doesn't everyone need a little quiet time to put themselves to rights again?

Oh, Peter, what have you done to me?

What do you want from me?

Where will this lead? Oh, now I understand Bep.

Now, now that I'm going through it myself, I understand her doubts. If I

were older and he wanted to marry me, what would my answer be?

Anne, be honest, you wouldn't be able to marry him.

But it's so hard to let go.

Peter still has too little character, too little willpower, too little courage

and strength.

He's still a child, emotionally no older than I am. All he wants is happiness and

peace of mind.

Am I really only fourteen?

Am I really just a silly schoolgirl?

Am I really so inexperienced in everything?

I have more experience than most. I've experienced something almost no one my

age ever has.

I'm afraid of myself, afraid my longing is making me yield too soon.

How can it ever go right with other boys later on?

Oh, it's so hard, the eternal struggle between heart and mind.

There's a time and a place for both, but how can I be sure that I've chosen the

right time?

Yours, Anne M. Frank Tuesday, May 2, 1944 Dearest Kitty

Saturday night I asked Peter whether he thinks I should tell Father about us.

After we'd discussed it, he said he thought I should. I was glad. It shows

he's sensible and sensitive.

As soon as I came downstairs I went with Father to get some water.

While we were on the stairs I said, Father, I'm sure you've gathered that

when Peter and I are together we don't exactly sit at opposite ends of the

room. Do you think that's wrong?

Father paused before answering, No, I don't think it's wrong.

But Anne, when you're living so close together as we do you have to be

careful. He said some other words to that effect and then we went upstairs.

Sunday morning he called me to him and said, Anne, I've been thinking about

what you said.

Oh, oh, I knew what was coming.

Here in the annex it's not such a good idea. I thought you were just friends.

Is Peter in love with you?

Of course not, I answered.

Well, you know I understand both of you.

But you must be the one to show restraint.

Don't go upstairs so often. Don't encourage him more than you can help.

In matters like these it's always the man who takes the active role, and it's

up to the woman to set the limits.

Outside, where you're free, things are quite different.

You see other boys and girls, you can go outdoors, take part in sports and all

kinds of activities.

But here, if you're together too much and want to get away, you can't.

You see each other every hour of the day, all the time, in fact.

Be careful, Anne, and don't take it too seriously.

I don't, father, but Pete is a decent boy, a nice boy.

Yes, but he doesn't have much strength of character.

He can easily be influenced to do good, but also to do bad.

I hope for his sake that he stays good because he's basically a good person.

We talked some more and agreed that Father would speak to him too.

Sunday afternoon when we were in the front attic, Peter asked, Have you

talked to your father yet, Anne?

Yes, I replied, I'll tell you all about it.

He doesn't think it's wrong, but he says that here, where we're in such close

quarters, it could lead to conflicts.

We've already agreed not to quarrel, and I plan to keep my promise.

Me too, Peter.

But Father didn't think we were serious. He thought we were just friends.

Do you think we still can be?

Yes, I do. How about you?

Me too. I also told Father that I trust you. I do trust you, Peter, just as much

as I do Father.

And I think you're worthy of my trust. You are, aren't you?

I hope so. He was very shy and blushing.

I believe in you, Peter.

I continued.

I believe you have a good character and that you'll get ahead in this world.

After that we talked about other things.

Later I said, if we ever get out of here I know you won't give me another

thought.

He got all fired up.

That's not true, Anne. Oh no, I won't let you even think that about me.

Just then somebody called us.

Father did talk to him, he told me Monday.

Your father thought our friendship might turn into love, he said.

but I told him we'd keep ourselves under control.

Father wants me to stop going upstairs so often, but I don't want to, not just

because I like being with Peter, but because I've said I trust him.

I do trust him, and I want to prove it to him, but I'll never be able to if I

stay downstairs out of distrust.

No, I'm going.

In the meantime, the dussel drama has been resolved.

Saturday evening at dinner he apologised in beautiful Dutch.

Mr Van Daan was immediately reconciled.

Dussel must have spent all day practising his speech.

Sunday, his birthday, passed without incident.

We gave him a bottle of good wine from 1919, the Van Darns, who can now give

their gift after all, presented him with a jar of Piccalilli and a package of

razor blades, and Mr. Cuggler gave him a jar of lemon syrup to make lemonade,

Meepabook, Little Martin, and Bepperplant.

He treated everyone to an egg.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

Wednesday, May 3, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

First the weekly news.

We're having a vacation from politics.

There's nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, to report.

I'm also gradually starting to believe that the invasion will come.

After all, they can't let the Russians do all the dirty work.

Actually, the Russians aren't doing anything at the moment either.

Mr. Clayman comes to the office every morning now.

He got a new set of springs for Peter's divan, so Peter will have to get to work

roofelstering it.

Not surprisingly, he isn't at all in the mood.

Mr. Clayman also brought some flea powder for the cats.

Have I told you that our Bosh has disappeared?

We haven't seen hide nor hair of her since last Thursday.

She's probably already in cat heaven, while some animal lover has turned her

into a tasty dish.

Perhaps some girl who can afford it will be wearing a cat made of Bosh's fur.

Peter is heartbroken.

For the last two weeks we've been eating lunch at 11.30 on Saturdays. In the

mornings we have to make do with a cup of hot cereal.

Starting tomorrow it'll be like this every day. That saves us a meal.

Vegetables are still very hard to come by.

This afternoon we had rotten boiled lettuce.

Ordinary lettuce, spinach and boiled lettuce, that's all there is.

Add to that rotten potatoes and you have a meal fit for a king.

I hadn't had my period for more than two months, but it finally started last

Sunday. Despite the mess and bother, I'm glad it hasn't deserted me.

As you can no doubt imagine, we often say in despair, what's the point of the

war? Why, oh, why can't people live together peacefully?

Why all this destruction?

The question is understandable, but up to now no one has come up with a

satisfactory answer.

Why is England manufacturing bigger and better airplanes and bombs, and at the

same time churning out new houses for reconstruction?

Why are millions spent on the war each day?

While not a penny is available for medical science, artists or the poor,

why do people have to starve when mountains of food are rotting away in

other parts of the world?

Oh, why are people so crazy?

I don't believe the war is simply the work of politicians and capitalists.

Oh no, the common man is every bit as guilty.

Otherwise, people and nations would have rebelled long ago.

There's a destructive urge in people, the urge to rage, murder and kill.

And until all of humanity, without exception, undergoes a metamorphosis,

wars will continue to be waged and everything that has been carefully built

up cultivated and grown will be cut down and destroyed only to start all over

again i've often been down in the dumps but never desperate i look upon our life

in hiding as an interesting adventure full of danger and romance and every

privation as an amusing addition to my diary i've made up my mind to lead a

different life from other girls and not to become an ordinary housewife later on

What I'm experiencing here is a good beginning to an interesting life, and

that's the reason, the only reason, why I have to laugh at the humorous side of

the most dangerous moments.

I'm young and have many hidden qualities.

I'm young and strong and living through a big adventure.

I'm right in the middle of it and can't spend all day complaining because it's

impossible to have any fun.

I'm blessed with many things.

Happiness, a cheerful disposition and strength.

Every day I feel myself maturing. I feel liberation drawing near.

I feel the beauty of nature and the goodness of the people around me.

Every day I think what a fascinating and amusing adventure this is.

With all that, why should I despair?

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

Friday, May 5, 1944.

Dear Kitty.

Father's unhappy with me.

After our talk on Sunday he thought I'd stop going upstairs every evening.

He won't have any of that nuture going on. I can't stand that word.

Talking about it was bad enough.

Why does he have to make me feel bad too? I'll have a word with him today.

Margaret gave me some good advice.

Here, s more or less what I'd like to say.

I think you expect an explanation from me, father, so I'll give you one.

You're disappointed in me, you expected more restraint from me, you no doubt

want me to act the way a fourteen-year-old is supposed to.

But that's where you're wrong.

Since we've been here, from July 1942 until a few weeks ago, I haven't had an

easy time.

If only you knew how much I used to cry at night, how unhappy and despondent I

was, how lonely I felt, you'd understand my wanting to go upstairs.

I've now reached the point where I don't need the support of Mother or anyone

else. It didn't happen overnight.

I've struggled long and hard and shed many tears to become as independent as I

am now.

You can laugh and refuse to believe me, but I don't care.

I know I'm an independent person, and I don't feel I need to account to you for

my actions.

i'm only telling you this because i don't want you to think i'm doing things

behind your back but there's only one person i'm accountable to and that's me

when i was having problems everyone and that includes you closed their eyes and

ears and didn't help me on the contrary all i ever got were admonitions not to

be so noisy i was noisy only to keep myself from being miserable all the time

i was overconfident to keep from having to listen to the voice inside me i've

been putting on an act for the last year and a half day in day out I've never

complained or dropped my mask, nothing of the kind, and now, now the battle is

over.

I've won, I'm independent in both body and mind.

I don't need a mother anymore, and I've emerged from the struggle a stronger

person.

Now that it's over, now that I know the battle has been won, I want to go my own

way, to follow the path that seems right to me.

Don't think of me as a fourteen-year-old since all these troubles have made me

older. I won't regret my actions, I'll behave the way I think I should.

Gentle persuasion won't keep me from going upstairs.

You'll either have to forbid it or trust me through thick and thin.

Whatever you do, just leave me alone.

Yours, Anne M. Frank Saturday, May 6, 1944 Dearest Kitty

Last night before dinner I tucked the letter I'd written into Father's pocket.

According to Margaret, he read it and was upset for the rest of the evening.

I was upstairs doing the dishes.

Poor Pym, I might have known what the effect of such an epistle would be.

He's so sensitive.

I immediately told Peter not to ask any questions or say anything more.

Pym said nothing else to me about the matter.

Is he going to?

Everything here is more or less back to normal.

We can hardly believe what Jan, Mr. Cuggler and Mr. Clayman tell us about

the prices and the people on the outside.

Half a pound of tea costs 350 guilders, half a pound of coffee 80 guilders.

a pound of butter 35 guilders one egg 1.45 guilders people are paying 14

guilders an ounce for bulgarian tobacco everyone's trading on the black market

every errand boy has something to offer the delivery boy from the bakery has

supplied us with darning thread 90 cents for one measly skein the milkman can get

hold of ration books an undertaker delivers cheese break-ins murders and

thefts are daily occurrences Even the police and night watchmen are getting in

on the act.

Everyone wants to put food in their stomachs, and since salaries have been

frozen, people have had to resort to swindling.

The police have their hands full trying to track down the many girls of 15, 16,

17 and older who are reported missing every day.

I want to try to finish my story about Ellen the fairy.

Just for fun, I can give it to Father on his birthday, together with all the

copyrights. See you later.

Actually, that's not the right phrase.

In the German programme broadcast from England they always close with Auf

Wiederhören. So I guess I should say, until we write again.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

Sunday morning, May 7, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

Father and I had a long talk yesterday afternoon.

I cried my eyes out and he cried too.

Do you know what he said to me, Kitty?

I've received many letters in my lifetime, but none as hurtful as this.

You who have had so much love from your parents.

You whose parents have always been ready to help you who have always defended you

no matter what.

You talk of not having to account to us for your actions.

You feel you've been wronged and left to your own devices.

No, Anne, you've done us a great injustice.

Perhaps you didn't mean it that way, but that's what you wrote.

No, Anne, we have done nothing to deserve such a reproach.

Oh, I've failed miserably.

This is the worst thing I've ever done in my entire life.

I use my tears to show off, to make myself seem important so he'd respect

me. I've certainly had my share of unhappiness, and everything I said about

Mother is true.

But to accuse Pim, who's so good and who's done everything for me, no, that

was too cruel for words.

It's good that somebody has finally cut me down to size, has broken my pride,

because I've been far too smug.

Not everything Mistress Anne does is good.

Anyone who deliberately causes such pain to someone they say they love is

despicable, the lowest of the low.

What I'm most ashamed of is the way Father has forgiven me.

He said he's going to throw the letter in the stove, and he's being so nice to

me now, as if he were the one who'd done something wrong.

Well, Anne, you still have a lot to learn.

It's time you made a beginning instead of looking down at other people and

always blaming them.

I've known a lot of sorrow, but who hasn't at my age?

I've been putting on an act but was hardly even aware of it.

I've felt lonely but never desperate.

Not like father who once ran out into the street with a knife so he could put

an end to it all.

I've never gone that far.

I should be deeply ashamed of myself and I am.

What's done can't be undone but at least you can keep it from happening again.

I'd like to start all over and that shouldn't be difficult now that I have

Peter. With him supporting me I know I can do it. I'm not alone anymore.

He loves me, I love him, I have my books, my writing and my diary.

I'm not all that ugly or that stupid, I have a sunny disposition, and I want to

develop a good character.

Yes, Anne, you knew full well that your letter was unkind and untrue, but you

were actually proud of it.

I'll take father as my example once again, and I will improve myself.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

Monday, May 8, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

Have I ever told you anything about our family?

I don't think I have, so let me begin.

Father was born in Frankfurt and Maine to very wealthy parents.

Michael Frank owned a bank and became a millionaire, and Alice Stern's parents

were prominent and well-to-do.

Michael Frank didn't start out rich. He was a self-made man.

In his youth, father led the life of a rich man's son.

Parties every week, balls, banquets, beautiful girls, waltzing dinners, a

huge house, etc., after Grandpa died.

most of the money was lost and after the great war in inflation there was nothing

left at all up until the war there were still quite a few rich relatives so

father was extremely well bred and he had to laugh yesterday because for the

first time in his 55 years he scraped out the frying pan at the table mother's

family wasn't as wealthy but still fairly well off and we've listened open

mouth to stories of private balls dinners and engagement parties with 250

guests

We're far from rich now, but I've pinned all my hopes on after the war.

I can assure you I'm not so set on a bourgeois life as Mother and Margaret.

I'd like to spend a year in Paris and London learning the languages and

studying art history.

Compare that with Margaret, who wants to nurse newborns in Palestine.

I still have visions of gorgeous dresses and fascinating people.

As I've told you many times before, I want to see the world and do all kinds

of exciting things, and a little money won't hurt.

This morning Meep told us about her cousin's engagement party, which she

went to on Saturday.

The cousin's parents are rich, and the groom, S, are even richer.

Meep made our mouths water telling us about the food that was served.

Vegetable soup with meatballs, cheese, rolls with sliced meat, hors d'oeuvres

made with eggs and roast beef, rolls with cheese, genis, wine and cigarettes,

and you could eat as much as you wanted.

Meep drank ten schnapps and smoked three cigarettes.

Could this be our temperance advocate?

If Meep drank all those, I wonder how many her spouse managed to toss down.

Everyone at the party was a little tipsy, of course.

There were also two officers from the Homicide Squad, who took photographs of

the wedding couple.

You can see we are never far from Meep's thoughts, since she promptly noted their

names and addresses in case anything should happen, and we needed contacts

with good Dutch people.

Our mouths were watering so much.

We, who'd had nothing but two spoonfuls of hot cereal for breakfast and were

absolutely famished, we who get nothing but half-cooked spinach for the vitamins

and rotten potatoes day after day we who fill our empty stomachs with nothing but

boiled lettuce raw lettuce spinach spinach and more spinach maybe we'll end

up being as strong as popeye though up to now i've seen no sign of it if meep

had taken us along to the party there wouldn't have been any rolls left over

for the other guests if we'd been there we'd have snatched up everything in

sight including the furniture I tell you, we were practically pulling the

words right out of her mouth.

We were gathered around her as if we'd never in all our lives heard of

delicious food or elegant people.

And these are the granddaughters of the distinguished millionaire.

The world is a crazy place.

Yours, Anne M. Frank Tuesday, May 9, 1944 Dearest Kitty

I've finished my story about Ellen the Fairy.

I've copied it out on nice notepaper, decorated it with red ink and sewn the

pages together.

The whole thing looks quite pretty, but I don't know if it's enough of a

birthday present.

Margaret and Mother have both written poems.

Mr. Cuggler came upstairs this afternoon with the news that starting Monday, Mrs.

Brocks would like to spend two hours in the office every afternoon.

Just imagine!

The office staff won't be able to come upstairs, the potatoes can't be

delivered, Bep won't get her dinner.

We can't go to the bathroom, we won't be able to move and all sorts of other

inconveniences. We proposed a variety of ways to get rid of her.

Mr. Van Dahn thought a good laxative in her coffee might do the trick.

No, Mr. Clayman answered, please don't or we'll never get her off the can.

A roar of laughter.

The can, Mrs. Vandy asked.

What does that mean? An explanation was given.

Is it all right to use that word? She asked in perfect innocence.

Just imagine, Bep giggled, there you are shopping at the Byjenkov and you ask the

way to the can.

They wouldn't even know what you were talking about.

Dussel now sits on the can, to borrow the expression, every day at twelve

-thirty on the dot.

This afternoon one boldly took a piece of pink paper and wrote, Mr. Dussel's

toilet timetable, mornings from seven, fifteen to seven, thirty a.m. afternoons

after one p.m. otherwise, only as needed.

I tacked this to the green bathroom door while he was still inside.

I might well have added, transgressors will be subject to confinement, because

our bathroom can be locked from both the inside and the outside.

Mr Van Dahn's latest joke.

After a Bible lesson about Adam and Eve, a thirteen-year-old boy asked his

father, Tell me, father, how did I get born?

Well, the father replied, The stalk plucked you out of the ocean, set you

down in Mother's bed and bit her in the leg hard.

It bled so much she had to stay in bed for a week.

Not fully satisfied, the boy went to his mother.

Tell me, Mother, he asked, how did you get born and how did I get born?

His mother told him the very same story.

Finally, hoping to hear the fine points, he went to his grandfather.

Tell me, Grandfather, he said, how did you get born and how did your daughter

get born?

and for the third time he was told exactly the same story.

That night he wrote in his diary, After careful inquiry, I must conclude that

there has been no sexual intercourse in our family for the last three

generations.

I still have work to do. It's already three o'clock.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

P.S.

Since I think I've mentioned the new cleaning lady, I just want to note that

she's married, sixty years old and hard of hearing.

Very convenient, in view of all the noise that eight people in hiding are

capable of making.

Oh, Kit, it's such lovely weather. If only I could go outside.

Wednesday, May 10, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

We were sitting in the attic yesterday afternoon working on our French when

suddenly I heard the splatter of water behind me.

I asked Peter what it might be.

Without pausing to reply, he dashed up to the loft, the scene of the disaster.

and shoved mouse guy who was squatting beside her soggy litter box back to the

right place this was followed by shouts and squeals and then mouse guy who by

that time had finished peeing took off downstairs in search of something

similar to her box mouse guy had found herself a pile of wood shavings right

over a crack in the floor the puddle immediately trickled down to the attic

and as luck would have it landed in and next to the potato barrel the ceiling

was dripping and since the attic floor has also got its share of cracks, little

yellow drops were leaking through the ceiling and onto the dining table,

between a pile of stockings and books.

I was doubled up with laughter, it was such a funny sight.

There was Mousekye crouched under a chair, Peter armed with water, powdered

bleach and a cloth, and Mr Van Dahn trying to calm everyone down.

The room was soon set to rights, but it's a well-known fact that cat puddles

stink to high heaven.

The potatoes proved that all too well, as did the wood shavings.

which Father collected in a bucket and brought downstairs to burn.

Poor Mouse Guy, how were you to know it's impossible to get Pete for your

box?

And Thursday, May 11, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

A new sketch to make you laugh.

Peter's hair had to be cut, and as usual his mother was to be the hairdresser.

At 7.25 Peter vanished into his room and reappeared at the stroke of 7.30.

stripped down to his blue swimming trunks and a pair of tennis shoes.

Are you coming?

he asked his mother.

Yes, I'll be up in a minute, but I can't find the scissors.

Peter helped her look, rummaging around in her cosmetics drawer.

Don't make such a mess, Peter, she grumbled.

I didn't catch Peter's reply, but it must have been insolent because she

cuffed him on the arm.

He cuffed her back, she punched him with all her might, and Peter pulled his arm

away with a look of mock horror on his face.

Come on, old girl.

Mrs. Vandy stayed put.

Peter grabbed her by the wrists and pulled her all around the room.

She laughed, cried, scolded and kicked, but nothing helped.

Peter led his prisoner as far as the attic stairs, where he was obliged to

let go of her.

Mrs. Vandy came back to the room and collapsed into a chair with a loud sigh.

Die entfuhrung der Mutter, I joked.

Yes, but he hurt me.

I went to have a look and cooled her hot, red wrists with water.

Peter, still by the stairs and growing impatient again, strode into the room

with his belt in his hand, like a lion tamer.

Mrs. Vandy didn't move but stayed by her writing desk looking for a handkerchief.

You've got to apologise first.

All right, I hereby offer my apologies, but only because if I don't we'll be

here till midnight.

Mrs. Vandy had to laugh in spite of herself.

She got up and went toward the door where she felt obliged to give us an

explanation.

By us I mean father, mother, and me. We were busy doing the dishes.

He wasn't like this at home, she said.

I'd have belted him so hard he'd have gone flying down the stairs.

He's never been so insolent.

This isn't the first time he's deserved a good hiding.

That's what you get with a modern upbringing, modern children.

I'd never have grabbed my mother like that.

Did you treat your mother that way, Mr. Frank?

She was very upset, pacing back and forth, saying whatever came into her

head, and she still hadn't gone upstairs.

Finally, at long last, she made her exit.

Less than five minutes later she stormed back down the stairs, with her cheeks

all puffed out and flung her apron on a chair.

When I asked if she was through, she replied that she was going downstairs.

She tore down the stairs like a tornado, probably straight into the arms of her

putty.

She didn't come up again until eight, this time with her husband.

Peter was dragged from the attic, given a merciless scolding and showered with

abuse. ill-mannered brat no good bum bad example and this margaret that i

couldn't hear the rest everything seems to have calmed down again today yours

and m frank p.s tuesday and wednesday evening our beloved queen addressed the

country she's taking a vacation so she'll be in good health for her return

to the netherlands she used words like soon when i'm back in holland a swift

liberation heroism and heavy burdens

This was followed by a speech by Prime Minister Gerbrandy. He has such a

squeaky little child's voice that Mother instinctively said, Ooh!

A clergyman, who must have borrowed his voice from Mr. Edel, concluded by asking

God to take care of the Jews, all those in concentration camps and prisons, and

everyone working in Germany.

Thursday, May 11, 1944 Dearest Kitty, Since I've left my entire

junk box, including my fountain pen upstairs, and I'm not allowed to disturb

the grown-ups during their nap time, until 2.30, you'll have to make do with

a letter in pencil.

I'm terribly busy at the moment, and strange as it may sound, I don't have

enough time to get through my pile of work.

Shall I tell you briefly what I've got to do?

Well then, before tomorrow I have to finish reading the first volume of a

biography of Galileo Galilei, since it has to be returned to the library.

I started reading it yesterday and have gotten up to page 220 out of 320 pages,

so I'll manage it.

Next week I have to read Palestine at the Crossroads and the second volume of

Galilee. Besides that, I finished the first volume of a biography of Emperor

Charles V yesterday, and I still have to work out the many genealogical charts

I've collected and the notes I've taken.

Next I have three pages of foreign words from my various books, all of which have

to be written down.

memorized and read aloud number four my movie stars are in a terrible disarray

and are dying to be straightened out but since it'll take several days to do that

and professor anne is as she's already said up to her ears in work they'll have

to put up with the chaos a while longer then they're a theseus oedipus peleus

orpheus jason and hercules all waiting to be untangled since their various

deeds are running crisscross through my mind like multicolored threads in a

dress

Myron and Phidias are also urgently in need of attention, or else I'll forget

entirely how they fit into the picture.

The same applies, for example, to the seven years, war and the nine years,

war. Now I'm getting everything all mixed up.

Well, what can you do with a memory like mine?

Just imagine how forgetful I'll be when I'm eighty.

Oh, one more thing, the Bible.

How long is it going to take before I come to the story of the bathing

Susanna? And what do they mean by Sodom and Gomorrah?

Oh, there's still so much to find out and learn, and in the meantime I've left

Charlotte of the Palatine in the lurch.

You can see, can't you, Kitty, that I'm full to bursting.

And now something else.

You've known for a long time that my greatest wish is to be a journalist and

later on a famous writer.

We'll have to wait and see if these grand illusions or delusions will ever

come true, but up to now I've had no lack of topics.

In any case, after the war I'd like to publish a book called The Secret Annex.

It remains to be seen whether I'll succeed, but my diary can serve as the

basis.

I also need to finish Katie's life.

I've thought up the rest of the plot.

After being cured in the sanatorium, Katie goes back home and continues

writing to Hans.

It's 1941, and it doesn't take her long to discover Hans's Nazi sympathies, and

since Katie is deeply concerned with the plight of the Jews and of her friend

Marion, they begin drifting apart.

They meet and get back together.

but break up when Hans takes up with another girl.

Katie is shattered, and because she wants to have a good job, she studies

nursing. After graduation, she accepts a position, at the urging of her father's

friends, as a nurse in a TB sanatorium in Switzerland.

During her first vacation, she goes to Lake Camus, where she runs into Hans.

He tells her that two years earlier he'd married Katie's successor, but that his

wife took her life in a fit of depression.

Now that he's seen his little Katie again, he realises how much he loves

her, and once more asks for her hand in marriage.

Katie refuses, even though in spite of herself she loves him as much as ever,

but her pride holds her back.

Hans goes away, and years later Katie learns that he's wound up in England,

where he's struggling with ill health.

When she's 27, Katie marries a well-to-do man from the country named

Simon. She grows to love him, but not as much as Hans.

She has two daughters and a son.

Lillian, Judith and Nico.

She and Simon are happy together, but Hans is always in the back of her mind

until one night she dreams of him and says farewell.

It's not sentimental nonsense.

It's based on the story of father's life.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

Saturday, May 13, 1944.

My dearest Kitty.

Yesterday was father's birthday, father and mother's 19th wedding anniversary, a

day without the cleaning lady.

and the sun was shining as it's never shone before in 1944.

Our chestnut tree is in full bloom.

It's covered with leaves and is even more beautiful than last year.

Father received a biography of Linnaeus from Mr. Clayman, a book on nature from

Mr. Kugler, the canals of Amsterdam from Dussel, a huge box from the Van Darns,

wrapped so beautifully it might have been done by a professional, containing

three eggs, a bottle of beer, a jar of yoghurt and a green tie.

It made our jar of molasses seem rather paltry.

My roses smelled wonderful compared to Meep and Bep's red carnations.

He was thoroughly spoiled.

Fifty Petty's Fours arrived from Seaman's Bakery delicious.

Father also treated us to spice cake, the men to beer and the ladies to

yoghurt. Everything was scrumptious.

Yours, Anne M. Frank Tuesday,

May 16, 1944 My dearest Kitty

Just for a change, since we haven't had one of these in so long, I'll recount a

little discussion between Mr.

and Mrs. Vandy last night.

Mrs. Vandy, the Germans have had plenty of time to fortify the Atlantic Wall,

and they'll certainly do everything within their power to hold back the

British. It's amazing how strong the Germans are.

Mr. Vandy, oh yes, amazing.

Mrs. Vandy, it is.

Mr. Vandy, so strong they're bound to win the war in the end, is that what you

mean?

Mrs. Vandy, they might, I'm not convinced that they won't.

Mr. Vandy, I won't even answer that.

Mrs. Vandy, you always wind up answering. You let yourself get carried

away every single time.

Mr. Vandy, no, I don't. I always keep my answers to the bare minimum.

Mrs. Vandy.

But you always do have an answer and you always have to be right.

Your predictions hardly ever come true, you know.

Mr. Van D, so far they have.

Mrs. Van D, no they haven't.

You said the invasion was going to start last year, the Finns were supposed to

have been out of the war by now, the Italian campaign ought to have been over

by last winter, and the Russians should already have captured Lembeck.

Oh no, I don't set much store by your predictions.

Mr. Van D, leaping to his feet.

Why don't you shut your trap for a change? I'll show you who's right.

Someday you'll get tired of needling me. I can't stand your bellyaching a minute

longer. Just wait, one day I'll make you eat your words.

End of Act One Actually, I couldn't help giggling.

Mother couldn't either, and even Peter was biting his lips to keep from

laughing. Oh, those stupid grown-ups. They need to learn a few things first

before they start making so many remarks about the younger generation.

Since Friday we've been keeping the windows open again at night.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

What our Annex family is interested in.

A. Systematic survey of courses and reading matter.

Mr. Van Dahn. No courses. Looks up many things in Knorr's Encyclopedia and

Lexicon. Likes to read detective stories, medical books and love stories,

exciting or trivial.

Mrs. Van Dahn. A correspondence course in English.

Likes to read biographical novels and occasionally other kinds of novels.

Mr. Frank is learning English Dickens, and a bit of Latin, never reads novels,

but likes serious, rather dry descriptions of people and places.

Mrs. Frank, a correspondence course in English, reads everything except

detective stories.

Mr. Dussel is learning English, Spanish and Dutch with no noticeable results,

reads everything, goes along with the opinion of the majority.

Peter van Daan, is learning English, French, correspondence course, shorthand

in Dutch, English and German, commercial correspondence in English, woodworking,

economics and sometimes math, seldom reads, sometimes geography.

Margaret Frank, correspondence courses in English, French and Latin, shorthand

in English, German and Dutch, trigonometry, solid geometry, mechanics,

physics, chemistry, algebra, geometry, English literature, French literature,

German literature, Dutch literature, bookkeeping, geography, modern history,

biology, economics, reads everything, preferably on religion and medicine.

Anne Frank, shorthand in French, English, German and Dutch, geometry,

algebra, history, geography, art history, mythology, biology, Bible

history, Dutch literature, likes to read biographies, dull or exciting and

history books, sometimes novels and light reading.

Friday, May 19, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

I felt rotten yesterday.

Vomiting me of all people.

Headache, stomachache and anything else you can imagine.

I'm feeling better today. I'm famished but I think I'll skip the beans we're

having for dinner.

Everything's going fine between Peter and me. The poor boy has an even greater

need for tenderness than I do.

He still blushes every evening when he gets his goodnight kiss and then begs

for another one.

Am I merely a better substitute for Bosh? I don't mind.

He's so happy just knowing somebody loves him.

After my laborious conquest, I've distanced myself a little from the

situation, but you mustn't think my love has cooled.

Peter's a sweetheart, but I've slammed the door to my inner self.

If he ever wants to force the lock again, he'll have to use a harder

crowbar.

Yours, Anne M. Frank Saturday, May 20, 1944 Dearest Kitty

Last night when I came down from the attic I noticed, the moment I entered

the room, that the lovely vase of carnations had fallen over.

Mother was down on her hands and knees mopping up the water and Margaret was

fishing my papers off the floor.

What happened?

I asked with anxious foreboding, and before they could reply I assessed the

damage from across the room.

My entire genealogy file, my notebooks, my books, everything was afloat.

I nearly cried, and I was so upset I started speaking German.

I can't remember a word, but according to Margit I babbled something about

Anubisabera Shaddon, Shreklik, Entsetzlik, Nizu Ersetzen and much more.

Father burst out laughing and Mother and Margit joined in, but I felt like crying

because all my work and elaborate notes were lost.

I took a closer look and luckily the incalculable loss wasn't as bad as I'd

expected. Up in the attic I carefully peeled apart the sheets of paper that

were stuck together and then hung them on the clothesline to dry.

It was such a funny sight, even I had to laugh.

Maria de' Medici alongside Charles V, William of Orange and Marie Antoinette.

It's Rassenshand, Mr. Van Dahn joked.

After entrusting my papers to Peter's care, I went back downstairs.

Which books are ruined? I asked Margaret, who was going through them.

Algebra, Margaret said.

But as luck would have it, my algebra book wasn't entirely ruined.

I wish it had fallen right in the vase.

I've never loathed any book as much as that one.

Inside the front cover are the names of at least twenty girls who had it before

I did.

It's old, yellowed, full of scribbles, crossed-out words and revisions.

The next time I'm in a wicked mood, I'm going to tear the darn thing to pieces.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

Monday, May 22, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

On May 20, father lost his bet and had to give five jars of yoghurt to Mrs Van

Daan. The invasion still hasn't begun.

I can safely say that all of Amsterdam, all of Holland, in fact the entire

western coast of Europe, all the way down to Spain, are talking about the

invasion day and night, debating, making bets and hoping.

The suspense is rising to fever pitch.

By no means has everyone we think of as good Dutch people kept their faith in

the English.

not everyone thinks the english bluff is a masterful strategical move oh no

people want deeds great heroic deeds no one can see farther than the end of

their nose no one gives a thought to the fact that the british are fighting for

their own country and their own people everyone thinks it's england's duty to

save holland as quickly as possible what obligations do the english have toward

us what have the dutch done to deserve the generous help they so clearly expect

Oh no, the Dutch are very much mistaken.

The English, despite their bluff, are certainly no more to blame for the war

than all the other countries, large and small, that are now occupied by the

Germans. The British are not about to offer their excuses.

True, they were sleeping during the years Germany was rearming itself, but

all the other countries, especially those bordering on Germany, were asleep

too.

England and the rest of the world have discovered that burying your head in the

sand doesn't work.

and now each of them especially england is having to pay a heavy price for its

ostrich policy no country sacrifices its men without reason and certainly not in

the interests of another and england is no exception the invasion liberation and

freedom will come someday yet england not the occupied territories will choose

the moment to our great sorrow and dismay we've heard that many people have

changed their attitude toward us jews We've been told that antisemitism has

cropped up in circles where once it would have been unthinkable.

This fact has affected us all very, very deeply.

The reason for the hatred is understandable, maybe even human, but

that doesn't make it right.

According to the Christians, the Jews are blabbing their secrets to the

Germans, denouncing their helpers and causing them to suffer the dreadful fate

and punishments that have already been meted out to so many.

All of this is true.

But as with everything, they should look at the matter from both sides.

Would Christians act any differently if they were in our place?

Could anyone, regardless of whether they're Jews or Christians, remain

silent in the face of German pressure?

Everyone knows it's practically impossible, so why do they ask the

impossible of the Jews?

It's being said in underground circles that the German Jews who immigrated to

Holland before the war and have now been sent to Poland shouldn't be allowed to

return here.

They were granted the right to asylum in Holland, but once Hitler is gone, they

should go back to Germany.

When you hear that, you begin to wonder why we're fighting this long and

difficult war.

We're always being told that we're fighting for freedom, truth and justice.

The war isn't even over, and already there's dissension and Jews are regarded

as lesser beings.

Oh, it's sad, very sad that the old adage has been confirmed for the

umpteenth time.

What one Christian does is his own responsibility.

what one Jew does reflects on all Jews.

To be honest, I can't understand how the Dutch, a nation of good, honest, upright

people, can sit in judgment on us the way they do.

On us, the most oppressed, unfortunate and pitiable people in all the world.

I have only one hope, that this anti-Semitism is just a passing thing,

that the Dutch will show their true colours, that they'll never waver from

what they know in their hearts to be just, for this is unjust.

and if they ever carry out this terrible threat, the meagre handful of Jews still

left in Holland will have to go.

We too will have to shoulder our bundles and move on, away from this beautiful

country, which once so kindly took us in and now turns its back on us.

I love Holland, once I hoped it would become a fatherland to me since I had

lost my own, and I hope so still.

Yours, Anne M. Frank Thursday, May 25, 1944

Dearest Kitty.

Bep's engaged.

The news isn't much of a surprise, though none of us are particularly

pleased. Bertus may be a nice, steady, athletic young man, but Bep doesn't love

him, and to me that's enough reason to advise her against marrying him.

Bep's trying to get ahead in the world, and Bertus is pulling her back.

He's a labrador without any interests or any desire to make something of himself,

and I don't think that'll make Bep happy.

I can understand Bep's wanting to put an end to her indecision.

four weeks ago she decided to write him off but then she felt even worse so she

wrote him a letter and now she's engaged there are several factors involved in

this engagement first bep's sick father who likes burtis very much second she's

the oldest of the voskuel girls and her mother teases her about being an old

maid third she's just turned 24 and that matters a great deal to bep mother said

it would have been better if bep had simply had an affair with burtis I don't

know, I feel sorry for Bep and can understand her loneliness.

In any case they can get married only after the war, since Bertus is in

hiding, or at any rate has gone underground.

Besides, they don't have a penny to their name and nothing in the way of a

hope chest.

What a sorry prospect for Bep, for whom we all wish the best.

I only hope Bertus improves under her influence, or that Bep finds another

man, one who knows how to appreciate her.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

The same day.

There's something happening every day.

This morning Mr. Van Hoeven was arrested.

He was hiding two Jews in his house.

It's a heavy blow for us, not only because those poor Jews are once again

balancing on the edge of an abyss, but also because it's terrible for Mr. Van

Hoeven.

The world's been turned upside down.

The most decent people are being sent to concentration camps, prisons and lonely

cells, while the lowest of the low rule over young and old, rich and poor.

One gets caught for black marketeering, another for hiding Jews or other

unfortunate souls.

Unless you're a Nazi, you don't know what's going to happen to you from one

day to the next.

Mr. Vanhoe Evan is a great loss to us too.

Bep can't possibly lug such huge amounts of potatoes all the way here, nor should

she have to, so our only choice is to eat fewer of them.

I'll tell you what we have in mind, but it's certainly not going to make life

here any more agreeable.

Mother says we'll skip breakfast, eat hot cereal and bread for lunch and fried

potatoes for dinner, and if possible, vegetables or lettuce once or twice a

week. That's all there is.

We're going to be hungry, but nothing's worse than being caught.

Yours, Anne M. Frank Friday, May 26, 1944 My dearest

Kitty At long, long last I can sit quietly at my table before the crack in

the window frame and write you everything, everything I want to say.

I feel more miserable than I have in months.

Even after the break-in I didn't feel so utterly broken, inside and out.

On the one hand, there's the news about Mr Van Hoeven, the Jewish question,

which is discussed in detail by everyone in the house, the invasion, which is so

long in coming, the awful food, the tension, the miserable atmosphere, my

disappointment in Peter.

On the other hand, there's Bep's engagement, the Pentecost reception, the

flowers, Mr. Kugler's birthday, cakes and stories about cabarets, movies and

concerts. That gap, that enormous gap, is always there.

One day we're laughing at the comical side of life in hiding, and the next

day, and there are many such days, we're frightened, and the fear, tension and

despair can be read on our faces.

Meep and Mr. Kugler bear the greatest burden for us, and for all those in

hiding, Meep in everything she does and Mr Cuggler through his enormous

responsibility for the eight of us, which is sometimes so overwhelming that

he can hardly speak from the pent-up tension and strain.

Mr Clayman and Bep also take very good care of us, but they're able to put the

annex out of their minds, even if it's only for a few hours or a few days.

They have their own worries, Mr Clayman with his health and Bep with her

engagement, which isn't looking very promising at the moment, but they also

have their outings, their visits with friends, their everyday lives as

ordinary people, so that the tension is sometimes relieved, if only for a short

while, while ours never is, never has been, not once in the two years we've

been here.

How much longer will this increasingly oppressive, unbearable weight press down

on us?

The drains are clogged again.

We can't run the water, or if we do, only a trickle. We can't flush the

toilet, so we have to use a toilet brush.

And we've been putting our dirty water into a big earthenware jar.

We can manage for today, but what will happen if the plumber can't fix it on

his own? The sanitation department can't come until Tuesday.

Meep sent us a raisin bread with Happy Pentecost written on top.

It's almost as if she were mocking us, since our moods and cares are far from

happy.

We've all become more frightened since the Van Hoeven business.

Once again you hear SHH from all sides, and we're doing everything more quietly.

The police forced the door there. They could just as easily do that here too.

What will we do if we ever know? I mustn't write that down.

But the question won't let itself be pushed to the back of my mind today.

On the contrary, all the fear I've ever felt is looming before me in all its

horror.

I had to go downstairs alone at eight this evening to use the bathroom.

There was no one down there, since they were all listening to the radio.

I wanted to be brave, but it was hard.

I always feel safer upstairs than in that huge, silent house.

When I'm alone with those mysterious muffled sounds from upstairs and the

honking of horns in the street, I have to hurry and remind myself where I am to

keep from getting the shivers.

Meep has been acting much nicer toward us since her talk with Father, but I

haven't told you about that yet.

Meep came up one afternoon all flushed and asked Father straight out if we

thought they two were infected with the current antisemitism.

Father was stunned and quickly talked her out of the idea, but some of Meep's

suspicion has lingered on.

They're doing more errands for us now, and showing more of an interest in our

troubles, though we certainly shouldn't bother them with our woes.

Oh, they're such good, noble people.

I've asked myself again and again whether it wouldn't have been better if

we hadn't gone into hiding, if we were dead now and didn't have to go through

this misery, especially so that the others could be spared the burden.

But we all shrink from this thought.

We still love life, we haven't yet forgotten the voice of nature, and we

keep hoping, hoping for everything.

Let something happen soon, even an air raid.

Nothing can be more crushing than this anxiety.

Let the end come, however cruel.

At least then we'll know whether we are to be the victors or the vanquished.

Yours, Anne M. Frank Wednesday, May 31, 1944 Dearest Kitty

Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday it was too hot to hold my fountain pen,

which is why I couldn't write to you.

Friday the drains were clogged, Saturday they were fixed.

Mrs. Clayman came for a visit in the afternoon and told us a lot about Jopai.

She and Jack Van Marsen are in the same hockey club.

Sunday Bep dropped by to make sure there hadn't been a break-in and stayed for

breakfast.

Monday, a holiday because of Pentecost, Mr. Gize served as the annex watchman,

and Tuesday we were finally allowed to open the windows.

We've seldom had a Pentecost weekend that was so beautiful and warm.

Or maybe hot is a better word. Hot weather is horrible in the annex.

to give you an idea of the numerous complaints i'll briefly describe these

sweltering days saturday wonderful what fantastic weather we all said in the

morning if only it weren't quite so hot we said in the afternoon when the

windows had to be shut sunday the heat's unbearable the butter's melting there's

not a cool spot anywhere in the house the bread s drying out the milk's going

sour the windows can't be opened We poor outcasts are suffocating while everyone

else is enjoying their Pentecost.

According to Mrs. Van D.

Monday, my feet hurt I have nothing cool to wear I can't do the dishes in this

heat. Grumbling from early in the morning to late at night.

It was awful.

I can't stand the heat.

I'm glad the wind's come up today but that the sun's still shining.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

Friday, June 2, 1944.

Dear Kitty.

If you're going to the attic, take an umbrella with you, preferably a large

one. This is to protect you from household showers.

There's a Dutch proverb, high and dry, safe and sound, but it obviously doesn't

apply to wartime guns, and to people in hiding cat box.

Mauskei S. gotten into the habit of relieving herself on some newspapers or

between the cracks in the floorboards, so we have good reason to fear the

splatters and even worse the stench.

The new mooch in the warehouse has the same problem.

Anyone who's ever had a cat that's not housebroken can imagine the smells,

other than pepper and thyme, that permeate this house.

I also have a brand new prescription for gunfire jitters.

When the shooting gets loud, proceed to the nearest wooden staircase.

Run up and down a few times, making sure to stumble at least once.

What with the scratches and the noise of running and falling, you won't even be

able to hear the shooting, much less worry about it.

Yours truly has put this magic formula to use with great success.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

Monday, June 5, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

New problems in the annex.

A quarrel between Dussel and the Franks over the division of butter.

Capitulation on the part of Dussel.

Close friendship between the latter and Mrs. Van Dahn.

Flirtations, kisses, and friendly little smiles.

Dussel is beginning to long for female companionship.

The Van Darnes don't see why we should bake a spice cake for Mr. Cuggler's

birthday when we can't have one ourselves.

All very petty.

Mood upstairs, bad.

Mrs. Van D has a cold.

Dussel caught with Brewer's yeast tablets while we've got none.

The Fifth Army has taken Rome.

The city neither destroyed nor bombed. Great propaganda for Hitler.

Very few potatoes and vegetables.

One loaf of bread was mouldy.

Charming Celt, name of new warehouse cat, can't stand pepper.

She sleeps in the cat box and does her business in the wood shavings.

Impossible to keep her.

Bad weather, continuous bombing of Pas-de-Calais and the west coast of

France.

No one buying dollars, gold even less interesting.

The bottom of our black money box is in sight.

What are we going to live on next month?

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

Tuesday, June 6, 1944.

My dearest Kitty.

This is D-Day, the BBC announced at 12.

This is the day. The invasion has begun.

This morning at 8, the British reported heavy bombing of Calais, Boulogne, Le

Havre and Cherbourg, as well as Pas-de-Calais, as usual.

Further, as a precautionary measure for those in the occupied territories,

everyone living within a zone of 20 miles from the coast was warned to

prepare for bombardments.

Where possible, the British will drop pamphlets an hour ahead of time.

According to the German news, British paratroopers have landed on the coast of

France. British landing craft are engaged in combat with German naval

units, according to the BBC.

Conclusion reached by the Annex while breakfasting at nine, this is a trial

landing like the one two years ago in Dieppe.

BBC broadcast in German, Dutch, French and other languages at ten, the invasion

has begun, so this is the real invasion.

BBC broadcast in German at 11.

Speech by Supreme Commander General Dwight Eisenhower.

BBC broadcast in English.

This is D-Day.

General Eisenhower said to the French people, stiff fighting will come now but

after this the victory.

The year 1944 is the year of complete victory.

Good luck.

BBC broadcast in English at 1.

11,000 planes are shuttling back and forth or standing by to land troops and

bomb behind enemy lines.

4,000 landing craft and small boats are continually arriving in the area between

Cherbourg and Le Havre.

English and American troops are already engaged in heavy combat.

Speeches by Gerbrandy, the Prime Minister of Belgium, King Harkon of

Norway, de Gaulle of France, the King of England, and last but not least

Churchill.

A huge commotion in the Annex.

Is this really the beginning of the long-awaited liberation?

The liberation we've all talked so much about which still seems too good, too

much of a fairy tale ever to come true?

Will this year, 1944, bring us victory?

We don't know yet.

But where there's hope, there's life.

It fills us with fresh courage and makes us strong again.

We'll need to be brave to endure the many fears and hardships and the

suffering yet to come.

It's now a matter of remaining calm and steadfast, of gritting our teeth and

keeping a stiff upper lip.

France, Russia, Italy and even Germany can cry out in agony, but we don't yet

have that right.

Oh Kitty, the best part about the invasion is that I have the feeling that

friends are on the way.

Those terrible Germans have oppressed and threatened us for so long that the

thought of friends and salvation means everything to us.

Now it's not just the Jews, but Holland and all of occupied Europe.

Maybe, Margaret says, I can even go back to school in September or October.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

P.S. I'll keep you informed of the latest news.

This morning and last night.

Dummies made of straw and rubber were dropped from the air behind German

lines, and they exploded the minute they hit the ground.

Many paratroopers, their faces blackened so they couldn't be seen in the dark,

landed as well.

The French coast was bombarded with 5,500 tonnes of bombs during the night,

and then, at six in the morning, the first landing craft came ashore.

Today there were 20,000 airplanes in action.

The German coastal batteries were destroyed even before the landing.

A small bridgehead has already been formed.

Everything's going well despite the bad weather. The army and the people are one

will and one hope.

Friday, June 9, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

Great news of the invasion.

The Allies have taken Bayou, a village on the coast of France, and are now

fighting for Cannes.

They're clearly intending to cut off the peninsula where Cherbourg is located.

Every evening the war correspondents report on the difficulties.

the courage and the fighting spirit of the army.

To get their stories, they pull off the most amazing feats.

A few of the wounded who are already back in England also spoke on the radio.

Despite the miserable weather, the planes are flying diligently back and

forth. We heard over the BBC that Churchill wanted to land along with the

troops on D-Day, but Eisenhower and the other generals managed to talk him out

of it.

Just imagine, so much courage for such an old man.

He must be at least 70.

The excitement here has died down somewhat.

Still, we're all hoping that the war will finally be over by the end of the

year. It's about time.

Mrs. Van Dahn's constant griping is unbearable.

Now that she can no longer drive us crazy with the invasion, she moans and

groans all day about the bad weather.

If only we could plunk her down in the loft in a bucket of cold water.

Everyone in the annex except Mr. Van Dahn and Peter has read the Hungarian

Rhapsody Trilogy, a biography of the composer, Piano Virtuoso and Child

Prodigy France Liszt.

It's very interesting, though in my opinion there's a bit too much emphasis

on women.

Liszt was not only the greatest and most famous pianist of his time, he was also

the biggest womaniser, even at the age of 70.

He had an affair with Countess Marie Daggelt, Princess Caroline

Seinwichenstein, the dancer Lola Montes, the pianist Agnes Kingworth, the pianist

Sophie Mentor, the Circassian Princess Olga Janina, Baroness Olga Meyendorff,

actress Lilla What's-Her-Name, etc., etc., and there's no end to it.

Those parts of the book dealing with music and the other arts are much more

interesting.

Some of the people mentioned are Schumann, Clara Weick, Hector Berlioz,

Johannes Brahms, Beethoven, Joachim, Richard Wagner, Hans von Bülow, Anton

Rubinstein, Frédéric Chopin, Victor Hugo, Honoré de Balzac, Hiller, Hummel,

Czerny, Rossini, Cherubini, Paganini, Mendelssohn, etc., etc.

List appears to have been a decent man, very generous and modest, though

exceptionally vain.

He helped others, put art above all else, was extremely fond of cognac and

women, couldn't bear the sight of tears, was a gentleman, couldn't refuse anyone

a favour, wasn't interested in money and cared about religious freedom and the

world.

Yours, Anne M. Frank Tuesday, June 13, 1944 Dearest Kit

Another birthday has gone by, so I'm now fifteen.

I received quite a few gifts.

Springer's five-volume art history book, a set of underwear, two belts, a

handkerchief, two jars of yoghurt, a jar of jam, two honey cookies, small, a

botany book from father and mother, a gold bracelet from Margaret, a sticker

album from the Van Darns, biomalt and sweet peas from Dussel, candy from Meep,

candy and notebooks from Bep, and the High Point, the book Maria Teresa and

three slices of full cream cheese from Mr. Kugler.

Peter gave me a lovely bouquet of peonies.

The poor boy had put a lot of effort into finding a present, but nothing

quite worked out.

The invasion is still going splendidly, in spite of the miserable weather,

pouring rains, gale winds and high seas.

Yesterday Churchill, Smuts, Eisenhower and Arnold visited the French villages

that the British have captured and liberated.

Churchill was on a torpedo boat that shelled the coast.

Like many men, he doesn't seem to know what fear is.

an enviable trait from our position here in fort annexe it's difficult to gauge

the mood of the dutch no doubt many people are glad the idol british have

finally rolled up their sleeves and gotten down to work those who keep

claiming they don't want to be occupied by the british don't realize how unfair

they're being their line of reasoning boils down to this england must fight

struggle and sacrifice its sons to liberate holland and the other occupied

countries after that the british shouldn't remain in holland They should

offer their most abject apologies to all the occupied countries, restore the

Dutch East Indies to its rightful owner, and then return, weakened and

impoverished, to England.

What a bunch of idiots.

And yet, as I've already said, many Dutch people can be counted among their

ranks. What would have become of Holland and its neighbours if England had signed

a peace treaty with Germany, as it's had ample opportunity to do?

Holland would have become German, and that would have been the end of that.

All those Dutch people who still look down on the British, scoff at England

and its government of ageing lords, call the English cowards yet hate the

Germans, should be given a good shaking, the way you'd plump up a pillow.

Maybe that would straighten out their jumbled brains.

Wishes, thoughts, accusations and reproaches are swirling around in my

head. I'm not really as conceited as many people think.

I know my various faults and shortcomings better than anyone else,

but there's one difference.

I also know that I want to change, will change, and already have changed

greatly.

Why is it I often ask myself that everyone still thinks I'm so pushy and

such a know-it-all?

Am I really so arrogant?

Am I the one who's so arrogant, or are they?

It sounds crazy, I know, but I'm not going to cross out that last sentence,

because it's not as crazy as it seems.

Mrs. Van Dahn and Dussel, my two chief accusers, are known to be totally

unintelligent, and not to put too fine a point on it, just plain stupid.

Stupid people usually can't bear it when others do something better than they do.

The best examples of this are those two dummies, Mrs. Van Dahn and Dussel.

Mrs. Van D thinks I'm stupid because I don't suffer so much from this ailment

as she does.

She thinks I'm pushy because she's even pushier.

She thinks my dresses are too short because hers are even shorter.

And she thinks I'm such a know-it-all because she talks twice as much as I do

about topics she knows nothing about.

The same goes for Dussel.

but one of my favorite sayings is where there's smoke there's fire and i readily

admit i'm a know-it-all what's so difficult about my personality is that i

scold and curse myself much more than anyone else does if mother adds her

advice the pile of sermons becomes so thick that i despair of ever getting

through them then i talk back and start contradicting everyone until the old

familiar and refrain inevitably crops up again no one understands me this phrase

is part of me And as unlikely as it may seem, there's a kernel of truth in it.

Sometimes I'm so deeply buried under self-reproaches that I long for a word

of comfort to help me dig myself out again.

If only I had someone who took my feelings seriously.

Alas, I haven't yet found that person, so the search must go on.

I know you're wondering about Peter, aren't you, Kit?

It's true, Peter loves me, not as a girlfriend, but as a friend.

His affection grows day by day, but some mysterious force is holding us back.

and I don't know what it is.

Sometimes I think my terrible longing for him was over-exaggerated, but that's

not true because if I'm unable to go to his room for a day or two, I long for

him as desperately as I ever did.

Peter is kind and good, and yet I can't deny that he's disappointed me in many

ways. I especially don't care for his dislike of religion, his talk of food

and various things of that nature.

Still, I'm firmly convinced that we'll stick to our agreement never to quarrel.

Peter is peace-loving, tolerant and extremely easy-going.

He lets me say a lot of things to him that he'd never accept from his mother.

He's making a determined effort to remove the blots from his copperbook and

keep his affairs in order.

Yet why does he hide his innermost self and never allow me access?

Of course he's much more closed than I am, but I know from experience, even

though I'm constantly being accused of knowing all there is to know in theory,

but not in practice, that in time... Even the most uncommunicative types will

long as much, or even more, for someone to confide in.

Peter and I have both spent our contemplative years in the Annex.

We often discuss the future, the past and the present, but as I've already

told you, I miss the real thing, and yet I know it exists.

Is it because I haven't been outdoors for so long that I've become so smitten

with nature?

I remember a time when a magnificent blue sky, chirping birds, moonlight and

budding blossoms wouldn't have captivated me.

Things have changed since I came here.

One night during the Pentecost holiday, for instance, when it was so hot, I

struggled to keep my eyes open until 11.30 so I could get a good look at the

moon, all on my own for once.

Alas, my sacrifice was in vain, since there was too much glare and I couldn't

risk opening a window.

Another time, several months ago, I happened to be upstairs one night when

the window was open.

I didn't go back down until it had to be closed again.

The dark, rainy evening, the wind, the racing clouds, had me spellbound.

It was the first time in a year and a half that I'd seen the night face to

face.

After that evening, my longing to see it again was even greater than my fear of

burglars, a dark rat-infested house or police raids.

I went downstairs all by myself and looked out the windows in the kitchen

and private office.

Many people think nature is beautiful.

Many people sleep from time to time under the starry sky.

and many people in hospitals and prisons long for the day when they'll be free to

enjoy what nature has to offer.

But few are as isolated and cut off as we are from the joys of nature, which

can be shared by rich and poor alike.

It's not just my imagination.

Looking at the sky, the clouds, the moon and the stars really does make me feel

calm and hopeful.

It's much better medicine than valerian or bromide.

Nature makes me feel humble and ready to face every blow with courage.

as luck would have it i'm only able except for a few rare occasions to view

nature through dusty curtains tacked over dirt caked windows it takes the

pleasure out of looking nature is the one thing for which there is no

substitute one of the many questions that have often bothered me is why women

have been and still are thought to be so inferior to men it's easy to say it's

unfair but that's not enough for me i'd really like to know the reason for this

great injustice

Men presumably dominated women from the very beginning because of their greater

physical strength.

It's men who earn a living, beget children and do as they please.

Until recently, women silently went along with this, which was stupid, since

the longer it's kept up, the more deeply entrenched it becomes.

Fortunately, education, work and progress have opened women's eyes.

In many countries they've been granted equal rights.

Many people, mainly women, But also men now realise how wrong it was to tolerate

this state of affairs for so long.

Modern women want the right to be completely independent.

But that's not all.

Women should be respected as well.

Generally speaking, men are held in great esteem in all parts of the world,

so why shouldn't women have their share?

Soldiers and war heroes are honoured and commemorated.

Explorers are granted immortal fame.

Martyrs are revered. But how many people look upon women too as soldiers?

In the book Men Against Death I was greatly struck by the fact that in

childbirth alone, women commonly suffer more pain, illness and misery than any

war hero ever does.

And what's her reward for enduring all that pain?

She gets pushed aside when she's disfigured by birth, her children soon

leave, her beauty is gone.

Women, who struggle and suffer pain to ensure the continuation of the human

race, make much tougher and more courageous soldiers.

than all those big-mouthed freedom-fighting heroes put together.

I don't mean to imply that women should stop having children.

On the contrary, nature intended them to, and that's the way it should be.

What I condemn are our system of values and the men who don't acknowledge how

great, difficult, but ultimately beautiful women's share in society is.

I agree completely with Paul de Cruyff, the author of this book, when he says

that men must learn that birth is no longer thought of as inevitable and

unavoidable in those parts of the world we consider civilized it's easy for men

to talk they don't and never will have to bear the woes that women do i believe

that in the course of the next century the notion that it's a woman's duty to

have children will change and make way for the respect and admiration of all

women who bear their burdens without complaint or a lot of pompous words

yours anne m frank

Friday, June 16, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

New problems.

Mrs. Van D is at her wit's end.

She's talking about getting shot, being thrown in prison, being hanged and

suicide. She's jealous that Peter confides in me and not in her, offended

that Dussel doesn't respond sufficiently to her flirtations, and afraid her

husband's going to squander all the fur coat money on tobacco.

She quarrels, curses, cries, feels sorry for herself, laughs and starts all over

again.

What on earth can you do with such a silly, snivelling specimen of humanity?

Nobody takes her seriously, she has no strength of character, she complains to

one and all, and you should see how she walks around.

Von Hinton Lyceum, Von Vaughan Museum.

Even worse, Peter's becoming insolent, Mr Van Dahn irritable and Mother

cynical. Yes, everyone's in quite a state.

There's only one rule you need to remember, laugh at everything and forget

everybody else.

It sounds egotistical.

but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity.

Mr. Kugler's supposed to spend four weeks in Alkmaar on a work detail.

He's trying to get out of it with a doctor's certificate and a letter from

Okta. Mr. Clayman's hoping his stomach will be operated on soon.

Starting at 11 last night, all private phones were cut off.

Yours, Anne M. Frank Friday, June 23, 1944 Dearest Kitty

Nothing special going on here.

The British have begun their all-out attack on Cherbourg.

According to Pim and Mr Van Daan, we're sure to be liberated before October 10.

The Russians are taking part in the campaign.

Yesterday they started their offensive near Vitebsk, exactly three years to the

day that the Germans invaded Russia.

BEP's spirits have sunk lower than ever.

We're nearly out of potatoes.

From now on we're going to count them out for each person, then everyone can

do what they want with them.

Starting Monday, Meep s taking a week of vacation.

Mr. Clayman's doctors haven't found anything on the x-rays.

He's torn between having an operation and letting matters take their course.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

Tuesday, June 27, 1944.

My dearest Kitty.

The mood has changed.

Everything's going enormously well.

Cherbourg, Vitebsk and ZH Lobin fell today.

They're sure to have captured lots of men and equipment.

Five German generals were killed near Cherbourg and two taken captive.

Now that they've got a harbour the British can bring whatever they want on

shore. The whole Cotentin Peninsula has been captured just three weeks after the

invasion. What a feat.

In the three weeks since D-Day there hasn't been a day without rain and

storms, neither here nor in France, but this bad luck hasn't kept the British

and the Americans from displaying their might.

And how.

Of course, the Germans have launched their wonder weapon.

but a little firecracker-like that won't hardly make a dent, except maybe minor

damage in England and screaming headlines in the Kraut newspapers.

Anyway, when they realise in Kroatland that the Bolsheviks really are getting

closer, they'll be shaking in their boots.

All German women who aren't working for the military are being evacuated,

together with their children, from the coastal regions to the provinces of

Groningen, Friesland and Gelderland.

Musset has announced that if the invasion reaches Holland, he'll enlist.

Is that fat pig planning to fight?

He could have done that in Russia long before now.

Finland turned down a peace offer some time ago, and now the negotiations have

been broken off again.

Those numbskulls, they'll be sorry.

How far do you think we'll be on July 27?

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

Friday, June 30, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

Bad weather from one at a stretch to the 30 June.

Don't I say that well?

Oh yes, I already know a little English.

Just to prove it I'm reading An Ideal Husband with the help of a dictionary.

War's going wonderfully.

Bob Reisk, Modulov and Orsha have fallen. Lots of prisoners.

Everything's all right here.

Spirits are improving. Our super-optimists are triumphant.

The Van Darns are doing disappearing acts with the sugar.

Bep's changed her hair and Meep has a week off.

That's the latest news.

I've been having really ghastly root canal work done on one of my front

teeth. It's been terribly painful.

It was so bad Dussel thought I was going to faint, and I nearly did.

Mrs. Vandy promptly got a toothache as well.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

P.S. We've heard from Basel that Bernd played the part of the innkeeper in

Minna von Barnhelm.

He has artistic leanings, says Mother.

Thursday, July 6, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

My blood runs cold when Peter talks about becoming a criminal or a

speculator. Of course he's joking, but I still have the feeling he's afraid of

his own weakness.

Margaret and Peter are always saying to me, if I had your spunk and your

strength, if I had your drive and unflagging energy, I could.

Is it really such an admirable trait not to let myself be influenced by others?

Am I right in following my own conscience?

To be honest, I can't imagine how anyone could say I'm weak and then stay that

way. If you know that about yourself, why not fight it, why not develop your

character? Their answer has always been, because it's much easier not to.

This reply leaves me feeling rather discouraged.

Easy? Does that mean a life of deceit and laziness is easy too?

Oh no, that can't be true. It can't be true that people are so readily tempted

by ease and money.

I've given a lot of thought to what my answer should be, to how I should get

Peter to believe in himself and, most of all, to change himself for the better.

I don't know whether I'm on the right track.

I've often imagined how nice it would be if someone were to confide everything to

me, but now that it's reached that point, I realise how difficult it is to

put yourself in someone else's shoes and find the right answer, especially since

easy and money are new and completely alien concepts to me.

Peter's beginning to lean on me and I don't want that, not under any

circumstances.

It's hard enough standing on your own two feet, but when you also have to

remain true to your character and soul, it's harder still.

I've been drifting around at sea, have spent days searching for an effective

antidote to that terrible word easy.

How can I make it clear to him that, while it may seem easy and wonderful, it

will drag him down to the depths, to a place where he'll no longer find

friends, support or beauty, so far down that he may never rise to the surface

again?

We're all alive but we don't know why or what for, we're all searching for

happiness, we're all leading lives that are different and yet the same.

We three have been raised in good families, we have the opportunity to get

an education and make something of ourselves.

We have many reasons to hope for great happiness, but we have to earn it, and

that's something you can't achieve by taking the easy way out.

Earning happiness means doing good and working, not speculating and being lazy.

Laziness may look inviting, but only work gives you true satisfaction.

I can't understand people who don't like to work, but that is Peter's problem

either. He just doesn't have a goal.

plus he thinks he's too stupid and inferior to ever achieve anything.

Poor boy, he's never known how it feels to make someone else happy, and I'm

afraid I can't teach him.

He isn't religious, scoffs at Jesus Christ and takes the Lord's name in

vain, and though I'm not orthodox either, it hurts me every time to see

him so lonely, so scornful, so wretched.

People who are religious should be glad, since not everyone is blessed with the

ability to believe in a higher order.

You don't even have to live in fear of eternal punishment.

The concepts of purgatory, heaven and hell are difficult for many people to

accept, yet religion itself, any religion, keeps a person on the right

path. Not the fear of God, but upholding your own sense of honour and obeying

your own conscience.

How noble and good everyone could be if, at the end of each day, they were to

review their own behaviour and weigh up the rights and wrongs.

They would automatically try to do better at the start of each new day, and

after a while would certainly accomplish a great deal.

Everyone is welcome to this prescription.

It costs nothing and is definitely useful.

Those who don't know will have to find out by experience that a quiet

conscience gives you strength.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

Saturday, July 8, 1944.

Dearest Kitty.

Mr. Brocks was in Beverwake and managed to get hold of strawberries at the

produce auction.

They arrived here dusty and full of sand, but in large quantities.

No less than twenty-four crates for the office and us.

That very same evening we canned the first six jars and made eight jars of

jam. The next morning Meep started making jam for the office.

At twelve-thirty the outside door was locked, crates were lugged into the

kitchen, with Peter, Father and Mr Van Dahn stumbling up the stairs.

Anne got hot water from the water heater, Margaret went for a bucket, all

hands on deck.

With a funny feeling in my stomach, I entered the overcrowded office kitchen.

Meep, Bep, Mr. Clayman, Jan, Father, Peter.

The annex contingent and the supply corps all mixed up together, and that in

the middle of the day.

Curtains and windows open, loud voices, banging doors. I was trembling with

excitement. I kept thinking, are we really in hiding?

This must be how it feels when you can finally go out into the world again.

The pan was full, so I dashed upstairs where the rest of the family was hulling

strawberries around the kitchen table.

At least that's what they were supposed to be doing.

but more was going into their mouths than into the buckets.

They were bound to need another bucket soon.

Peter went back downstairs, but then the doorbell rang twice.

Leaving the bucket where it was, Peter raced upstairs and shut the bookcase

behind him. We sat kicking our heels impatiently. The strawberries were

waiting to be rinsed, but we stuck to the house rule.

No running water when strangers are downstairs.

They might hear the drains.

Jan came up at one to tell us it had been the mailman.

Peter hurried downstairs again.

ding-dong the doorbell about face i listened to hear if anyone was coming

standing first at the bookcase then at the top of the stairs finally peter and

i leaned over the banister straining our ears like a couple of burglars to hear

the sounds from downstairs no unfamiliar voices peter tiptoed halfway down the

stairs and called out bep once more bep his voice was drowned out by the racket

in the kitchen so he ran down to the kitchen while i nervously kept watch

from above

Go upstairs at once, Peter, the accountant.

S here, you've got to leave.

It was Mr. Cuggler's voice.

Sighing, Peter came upstairs and closed the bookcase.

Mr. Cuggler finally came up at 1.30.

My gosh, the whole world's turned to strawberries.

I had strawberries for breakfast, Jan's having them for lunch, Clayman's eating

them as a snack, Meep's boiling them, Bep's hulling them, and I can smell them

everywhere I go.

I come upstairs to get away from all that red and what do I see?

People washing strawberries.

The rest of the strawberries were canned.

That evening, two jars came unsealed.

Father quickly turned them into jam.

The next morning, two more lids popped up, and that afternoon, four lids.

Mr. Van Dahn hadn't gotten the jars hot enough when he was sterilizing them, so

Father ended up making jam every evening.

We ate hot cereal with strawberries, buttermilk with strawberries, bread with

strawberries, strawberries for dessert, strawberries with sugar, strawberries

with sand.

For two days there was nothing but strawberries, strawberries,

strawberries.

and then our supply was either exhausted or in jars, safely under lock and key.

Hey Anne, Margaret called out one day, Mrs Vanhoeven has let us have some peas,

twenty pounds.

That's nice of her, I replied, and it certainly was, but it's so much work er.

On Saturday you've all got to shell peas, Mother announced at the table.

And sure enough, this morning after breakfast, our biggest enamel pan

appeared on the table, filled to the brim with peas.

If you think shelling peas is boring work, you ought to try removing the

inner linings.

I don't think many people realise that once you've pulled out the linings, the

pods are soft, delicious and rich in vitamins.

But an even greater advantage is that you get nearly three times as much as

when you eat just the peas.

Stripping pods is a precise and meticulous job that might be suited to

pedantic dentists or finicky spice experts, but it's a horror for an

impatient teenager like me.

We started work at 9.30.

I sat down at 10.30, got up again at 11, sat down again at 11.30.

My ears were humming with the following refrain.

Snap the end, strip the pod, pull the string, pod in the pan, snap the end,

strip the pod, pull the string, pod in the pan, etc., etc.

My eyes were swimming.

Green, green, worm, string, rotten pod, green, green.

To fight the boredom and have something to do, I chatted all morning, saying

whatever came into my head and making everyone laugh.

The monotony was killing me.

Every string I pulled made me more certain that I never, ever want to be

just a housewife.

At twelve we finally ate breakfast, but from twelve-thirty to one-fifteen we had

to strip pods again.

When I stopped, I felt a bit seasick, and so did the others.

I napped until four, still in a daze because of those wretched peas.

Yours, Anne M. Frank Saturday, July 15, 1944 Dearest Kitty

We've received a book from the library with the challenging title What Do You

Think of the Modern Young Girl?

I'd like to discuss this subject today.

The writer criticises today's youth from head to toe, though without dismissing

them all as hopeless cases.

On the contrary, she believes they have it within their power to build a bigger,

better and more beautiful world, but that they occupy themselves with

superficial things, without giving a thought to true beauty.

In some passages, I had the strong feeling that the writer was directing

her disapproval at me, which is why I finally want to bear my soul to you and

defend myself against this attack.

I have one outstanding character trait that must be obvious to anyone who's

known me for any length of time.

I have a great deal of self-knowledge.

In everything I do I can watch myself as if I were a stranger.

I can stand across from the everyday Anne and without being biased or making

excuses, watch what she's doing, both the good and the bad.

This self-awareness never leaves me, and every time I open my mouth I think, you

should have said that differently, or that's fine the way it is.

I condemn myself in so many ways that I'm beginning to realise the truth of

father's adage.

Every child has to raise itself.

Parents can only advise their children or point them in the right direction.

Ultimately, people shape their own characters.

In addition, I face life with an extraordinary amount of courage.

I feel so strong and capable of bearing burdens, so young and free.

When I first realized this, I was glad, because it means I can more easily

withstand the blows life has in store.

But I've talked about these things so often.

Now I'd like to turn to the chapter, Father and Mother Do Understand Me.

My parents have always spoiled me rotten, treated me kindly, defended me

against the Van Darns, and done all that parents can.

And yet for the longest time I've felt extremely lonely, left out, neglected,

and misunderstood.

Father did everything he could to curb my rebellious spirit, but it was no use.

I've cured myself by holding my behaviour up to the light and looking at

what I was doing wrong.

Why didn't Father support me in my struggle?

Why did he fall short when he tried to offer me a helping hand?

The answer is, he used the wrong methods.

He always talked to me as if I were a child going through a difficult phase.

It sounds crazy, since Father's the only one who's given me a sense of confidence

and made me feel as if I'm a sensible person.

But he overlooked one thing. He failed to see that this struggle to triumph

over my difficulties was more important to me than anything else.

I didn't want to hear about typical adolescent problems, or other girls, or

you'll grow out of it.

I didn't want to be treated the same as all the other girls, but as Anne in her

own right, and Pim didn't understand that.

Besides, I can't confide in anyone unless they tell me a lot about

themselves, and because I know very little about him, I can't get on a more

intimate footing.

Pym always acts like the elderly father who once had the same fleeting impulses,

but who can no longer relate to me as a friend, no matter how hard he tries.

As a result, I've never shared my outlook on life or my long-pondered

theories with anyone but my diary, and once in a while, Margaret.

I've hid anything having to do with me from father.

never shared my ideals with him, deliberately alienated myself from him.

I couldn't have done it any other way.

I've let myself be guided entirely by my feelings.

It was egotistical, but I've done what was best for my own peace of mind.

I would lose that, plus the self-confidence I've worked so hard to

achieve, if I were to be subjected to criticism halfway through the job.

It may sound hard-hearted, but I can't take criticism from Pim either.

because not only do I never share my innermost thoughts with him, but I've

pushed him even further away by being irritable.

This is a point I think about quite often.

Why is it that Pim annoys me so much sometimes?

I can hardly bear to have him tutor me, and his affection seems forced.

I want to be left alone, and I'd rather he ignored me for a while until I'm more

sure of myself when I'm talking to him.

I'm still torn with guilt about the mean letter I wrote him when I was so upset.

Oh, it's hard to be strong and brave in every way.

Still, this hasn't been my greatest disappointment.

No, I think about Peter much more than I do Father.

I know very well that he was my conquest and not the other way around.

I created an image of him in my mind, pictured him as a quiet, sweet,

sensitive boy badly in need of friendship and love.

I needed to pour out my heart to a living person.

I wanted a friend who would help me find my way again.

I accomplished what I set out to do and drew him slowly but surely toward me.

When I finally got him to be my friend, it automatically developed into an

intimacy that, when I think about it now, seems outrageous.

We talked about the most private things, but we haven't yet touched upon the

things closest to my heart.

I still can't make head or tail of Peter.

Is he superficial, or is it shyness that holds him back, even with me?

But putting all that aside, I made one mistake.

I used intimacy to get closer to him, and in doing so I ruled out other forms

of friendship.

He longs to be loved, and I can see he's beginning to like me more with each

passing day.

Our time together leaves him feeling satisfied, but just makes me want to

start all over again.

I never broach the subjects I long to bring out into the open.

I forced Peter, more than he realises, to get close to me, and now he's holding

on for dear life.

I honestly don't see any effective way of shaking him off.

and getting him back on his own two feet.

I soon realised he could never be a kindred spirit, but still tried to help

him break out of his narrow world and expand his youthful horizons.

Deep down the young are lonelier than the old.

I read this in a book somewhere and it's stuck in my mind. As far as I can tell

it's true.

So if you're wondering whether it's harder for the adults here than for the

children, the answer is no, it's certainly not.

Older people have an opinion about everything and are sure of themselves

and their actions.

It's twice as hard for us young people to hold on to our opinions at a time

when ideals are being shattered and destroyed, when the worst side of human

nature predominates, when everyone has come to doubt truth, justice and God.

Anyone who claims that the older folks have a more difficult time in the annex

doesn't realise that the problems have a far greater impact on us.

We're much too young to deal with these problems.

But they keep thrusting themselves on us until, finally, we're forced to think up

a solution, though most of the time our solutions crumble when faced with the

facts. It's difficult in times like these.

Ideals, dreams and cherished hopes rise within us, only to be crushed by grim

reality.

It's a wonder I haven't abandoned all my ideals.

They seem so absurd and impractical.

Yet I cling to them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that

people are truly good at heart.

It's utterly impossible for me to build my life on a foundation of chaos,

suffering and death.

I see the world being slowly transformed into a wilderness.

I hear the approaching thunder that one day will destroy us too, I feel the

suffering of millions.

And yet when I look up at the sky, I somehow feel that everything will change

for the better, that this cruelty too will end, that peace and tranquility

will return once more.

In the meantime, I must hold on to my ideals.

Perhaps the day will come when I'll be able to realise them.

Yours, Anne M. Frank Friday, July 21, 1944 Dearest

Kitty I'm finally getting optimistic.

Now at last things are going well.

They really are great news.

An assassination attempt has been made on Hitler's life, and for once not by

Jewish communists or English capitalists, but by a German general

who's not only a count but young as well.

The Fuhrer owes his life to divine providence.

He escaped, unfortunately, with only a few minor burns and scratches.

A number of the officers and generals who were nearby were killed or wounded.

The head of the conspiracy has been shot.

This is the best proof we've had so far that many officers and generals are fed

up with the war and would like to see Hitler sink into a bottomless pit so

they can establish a military dictatorship, make peace with the

Allies, rearm themselves, and after a few decades... start a new war perhaps

providence is deliberately biding its time getting rid of hitler since it's

much easier and cheaper for the allies to let the impeccable germans kill each

other off it's less work for the russians and the british and it allows

them to start rebuilding their own cities all that much sooner but we

haven't reached that point yet and i'd hate to anticipate the glorious event

still you've probably noticed that i'm telling the truth the whole truth and

nothing but the truth For once I'm not rattling on about high ideals.

Furthermore, Hitler has been so kind as to announce to his loyal, devoted people

that as of today all military personnel are under orders of the Gestapo, and

that any soldier who knows that one of his superiors was involved in this

cowardly attempt on the Fuhrer's life may shoot him on sight.

A fine kettle of fish that will be.

Little Johnny's feet are sore after a long march and his commanding officer

balls him out.

Johnny grabs his rifle, shouts, You you tried to kill the Fuhrer, take that, one

shot and the snooty officer who dared to reprimand him passes into eternal life,

or is it eternal death?

Eventually, every time an officer sees a soldier or gives an order, he'll be

practically wetting his pants because the soldiers have more say-so than he

does.

Were you able to follow that, or have I been skipping from one subject to

another again?

I can't help it, the prospect of going back to school in October is making me

too happy to be logical.

Oh dear, didn't I just get through telling you I didn't want to anticipate

events? Forgive me, Kitty.

They don't call me a bundle of contradictions for nothing.

Yours, Anne M. Frank Tuesday, August 1, 1944 Dearest Kitty,

A bundle of contradictions was the end of my previous letter and is the

beginning of this one.

Can you please tell me exactly what a bundle of contradictions is?

What does contradiction mean?

Like so many words it can be interpreted in two ways, a contradiction imposed

from without and one imposed from within.

The former means not accepting other people's opinions, always knowing best,

having the last word, in short, all those unpleasant traits for which I'm

known.

The latter, for which I'm not known, is my own secret.

As I've told you many times, I'm split in two.

One side contains my exuberant cheerfulness, my flippancy, my joy in

life, and above all my ability to appreciate the lighter side of things.

By that I mean not finding anything wrong with flirtations, a kiss, an

embrace, an off-colour joke.

This side of me is usually lying in wait to ambush the other one, which is much

purer, deeper and finer.

No one knows Anne's better side, and that's why most people can't stand me.

Oh, I can be an amusing clown for an afternoon, but after that everyone's had

enough of me to last a month.

Actually, I'm what a romantic movie is to a profound thinker. A mere diversion,

a comic interlude, something that is soon forgotten, not bad but not

particularly good either.

I hate having to tell you this, but why shouldn't I admit it when I know it's

true? My lighter, more superficial side will always steal a march on the deeper

side and therefore always win.

You can't imagine how often I've tried to push away this Anne, which is only

half of what is known as Anne, to beat her down, hide her.

But it doesn't work and I know why.

I'm afraid that people who know me as I usually am will discover I have another

side, a better and finer side.

I'm afraid they'll mock me, think I'm ridiculous and sentimental and not take

me seriously.

I'm used to not being taken seriously, but only the light-hearted Anne is used

to it and can put up with it. The deeper Anne is too weak.

If I force the good Anne into the spotlight for even fifteen minutes, she

shuts up like a clam the moment she's called upon to speak, and lets Anne

number one do the talking.

Before I realise it, she's disappeared.

So the nice Anne is never seen in company.

She's never made a single appearance, though she almost always takes the stage

when I'm alone.

I know exactly how I'd like to be, how I am on the inside.

But unfortunately I'm only like that with myself.

And perhaps that's why, no, I'm sure that's the reason why, I think of myself

as happy on the inside and other people think I'm happy on the outside.

I'm guided by the pure Anne within.

but on the outside I'm nothing but a frolicsome little goat tugging at its

tether.

As I've told you, what I say is not what I feel, which is why I have a reputation

for being boy-crazy as well as a flirt, a smart aleck and a reader of romances.

The happy-go-lucky Anne laughs, gives a flippant reply, shrugs her shoulders and

pretends she doesn't give a darn.

The quiet Anne reacts in just the opposite way.

If I'm being completely honest, I'll have to admit that it does matter to me.

that I'm trying very hard to change myself, but that I'm always up against a

more powerful enemy.

A voice within me is sobbing. You see, that's what's become of you.

You're surrounded by negative opinions, dismayed looks and mocking faces, people

who dislike you, and all because you don't listen to the advice of your own

better half.

Believe me, I'd like to listen, but it doesn't work, because if I'm quiet and

serious, everyone thinks I'm putting on a new act and I have to save myself with

a joke.

And then I'm not even talking about my own family, who assume I must be sick,

stuff me with aspirins and sedatives, feel my neck and forehead to see if I

have a temperature, ask about my bowel movements and berate me for being in a

bad mood, until I just can't keep it up anymore.

Because when everybody starts hovering over me, I get cross, then sad, and

finally end up turning my heart inside out, the bad part on the outside and the

good part on the inside.

and keep trying to find a way to become what I'd like to be and what I could be

if, if only there were no other people in the world.

Yours, Anne M. Frank.

Anne's diary ends here.

One initials have been assigned at random to those persons who prefer to

remain anonymous.

Two Anne's cousins Bernhard, Bernd, and Stefan, Elias.

Three nervous.

Four after Dussel arrived, Margit slept in her parents' bedroom.

Five, now you're splashing.

Six, mommy.

Seven, four, crying out loud.

Eight, when the clock strikes half-past eight.

Nine, a well-known expression.

The spirit of the man is great, how puny are his deeds.

Ten, by way of exception.

Eleven, a famous line from Goethe. On top of the world or in the depths of

despair.

Twelve, Anne's grandmother was terminally ill.

13. Grammy is Anne's grandmother on her father's side, and grandma her

grandmother on her mother's side.

14. The last four paragraphs of this entry have never been published before.

For a further explanation, see page Roman 7 of the foreword.

15. Oh, you are cruel.

16. I'll decide that.

17. Thank you, God, for all that is good and dear and beautiful.

18. Should be preservative, Mattelne.

Prophylactics.

19. Anne's second home.

20. Cervix.

21. O, for heaven's sake.

22. Gerrit Bolkestein was the Minister of Education, and Pieter Gerbrandy was

the Prime Minister of the Dutch Government in Exel in London.

See Anne's letter of March 29, 1944.

23. Disappeared.

24. Necking.

25. Until we speak again.

26. The Abduction of Mother, a possible reference to Mozart's opera The

Abduction from the Seraglio.

27. Incalculable Loss, Terrible, Awful, Irreplaceable.

28. An Affront to Racial Purity.

29. Acts Like a Schoolgirl, Looks Like a Frump.

30. The Leader of the Dutch National Socialist, Nazi Party.

31. Anne's English.

32-cousin Bernhard Buddy, Elias.

Afterward, on the morning of August 4, 1944, sometime between 10 and 10.30, a

car pulled up at 263 Prinzingracht.

Several figures emerged.

An SS sergeant, Karl-Josef Silberbauer, in full uniform, and at least three

Dutch members of the security police, armed but in civilian clothes.

Someone must have tipped them off.

They arrested the eight people hiding in the annex, as well as two of their

helpers, Victor Kugler and Johannes Kleeman, though not Miep Gijs and

Elisabeth Bepp-Voskuweil, and took all the valuables and cash they could find

in the annex.

After the arrest, Kugler and Kleeman were taken to a prison in Amsterdam.

On September 11, 1944, they were transferred, without benefit of a trial,

to a camp in Amersfoort, Holland.

Kleeman, because of his poor health, was released on September 18, 1944.

He remained in Amsterdam until his death in 1959.

Kugler managed to escape his imprisonment on March 28, 1945, when he

and his fellow prisoners were being sent to Germany as forced laborers. He

immigrated to Canada in 1955 and died in Toronto in 1989.

Elizabeth Bepp, Voskuel Wake died in Amsterdam in 1983.

Miep Santrauskits Gijs is still living in Amsterdam.

Her husband Jan died in 1993.

Upon their arrest, the eight residents of the Annex were first brought to a

prison in Amsterdam and then transferred to Westerbork, the transit camp for Jews

in the north of Holland.

They were deported on September 3, 1944, in the last transport to leave

Westerbork and arrived three days later in Auschwitz, Poland.

Herman van Pels van Daan was, according to the testimony of Otto Frank, gassed

to death in Auschwitz in October or November 1944, shortly before the gas

chambers were dismantled.

August van Pels, Petronella van Daan, was transporting from Auschwitz to

Bergen-Belsen, from there to Buchenwald, then to Diasienstadt on April 9, 1945,

and apparently to another concentration camp after that.

It is certain that she did not survive, though the date of her death is unknown.

Peter van Pels van Daan was forced to take part in the January 16, 1945, death

march from Auschwitz to Mauthausen, Austria, where he died on May 5, 1945,

three days before the camp was liberated.

Fritz Pfeffer, Albert Dussel, died on December 20, 1944, in the Neuengam

concentration camp, where he had been transferred from either Buchenwald or

Sachsenhausen.

Edith Frank died in Auschwitz-Birkenau on January 6, 1945, from hunger and

exhaustion.

Margit and Anne Frank were transporting from Auschwitz at the end of October and

brought to Bergen-Belsen, a concentration camp near Hanover,

Germany. The typhus epidemic that broke out in the winter of 1944-1945,

as a result of the horrendous hygienic conditions, killed thousands of

prisoners, including Margit and a few days later.

Anne. She must have died in late February or early March.

The bodies of both girls were probably dumped in Bergen-Belsen's Mass Grave.

The camp was liberated by British troops on April 12, 1945.

Otto Frank was the only one of the eight to survive the concentration camps.

After Auschwitz was liberated by Russian troops, he was repatriated to Amsterdam

by way of Odessa and Marseille.

He arrived in Amsterdam on June 3, 1945, and stayed there until 1953, when he

moved to Basel, Switzerland, where his sister and her family, and later his

brother, lived.

He married Alfred Markowitz-Jeringer, originally from Vienna, who had survived

Auschwitz and lost a husband and son in Morthorsen.

Until his death on August 19, 1980, Otto Frank continued to live in Bursfelden,

outside Basel, where he devoted himself to sharing the message of his daughter's

diary with people all over the world.