Original subtitles

Just look sexy, please.

Come on. You always look sexy.

God, I'm so happy I married you.

What are you going to do to me in there?

If you stop taking pictures and come inside, we can find out.

This place is amazing.

You think we're still going to want to bang each other when we're 80?

You better. Otherwise, I'm going to leave your ass.

Admit it. I'm the best you've ever had.

Actually, there was this one guy.

Shut up. Shut up.

You are so sexy.

Come on.

Let's go inside.

Last stop on the haunted honeymoon tour.

Better make it good.

Here comes the bride.

Oh, my God.

Built in 1908, Briarcliff Manor was the largest tuberculosis ward on the East

Coast.

46,000 people died here.

Do you think it's haunted?

They shuttled the bodies out through an underground tunnel called the Death

Chute.

We should totally do it in the Death Chute. Oh my God, you are so demented. I

love you.

What are we going to tell our kids about the honeymoon?

Tell them the truth.

We visited the 12 most haunted places in America and screwed our brains out in

every single one. Or that Mommy's a horror freak and Daddy lives to make

Mommy happy.

He does.

Come on.

Let's keep exploring.

All right.

We got an hour before sunset. Let's make it quick. The Catholic Church bought

this place in 62 and turned it into a sanitarium for the criminally insane.

Legend has it that once you were committed at Briarcliff, you never got

out. Their most famous resident was a serial killer named... Bloodyface.

Say Bloodyface!

Bloodyface!

I'm sick, doctor.

Can you help me?

No.

You seem to have a very bad case of morbid erotomania.

Ready for the injection?

What is that?

What is that?

What is that? Let's go see. Let's go find out. Come on.

I promise I might get up to you. We're coming back here. Promise me we'll come.

I promise.

Maybe it's slutty face. Maybe it's just old pipes.

You can totally put it in my ass right now.

I can't see.

Hey, take it easy.

What? You scared, pussy?

I can't.

You are such a prick.

You are such a prick.

Speaking of which.

No. I want to know what's in there.

Do it again and I'll blow you.

Stop it!

Thank you.

That'll be $3 even.

30 cents a gallon.

You think because you're out here in the tollies you can gouse people?

I don't set the prices, sir.

Kids got a coloring book?

Yeah, that'd be Texaco. Come on, Jack. I just want to go home.

Whoa. Nice.

Drive safely.

Asshole.

Science is closed.

in this cabinet? Look anything like this?

You just want to borrow it.

Nicker tried to mess with Randy's little sister.

You guys insane?

Come on, Kit.

We're just going to scare him. Come with us. I'm not going with you guys. And

neither is the gun, so just leave.

How much is I paying you these days?

I hear you got yourself a maid.

That's what I hear anyway.

Some smells good, Mrs. Walker.

I'm not used to you putting those two words together.

But I like it, Mr.

Walker.

So, how are you?

I'm good.

How are you?

I'm good.

Let's do it, babe.

Let's tell everyone.

Come on, we didn't commit a crime.

We drove to Provincetown and got married.

Your family, my folks, they should know.

The world will change one day.

The world is wrong.

You need to keep it a secret.

Baby,

it makes me feel like I can't protect my own family.

The rest is just about ready.

That's not what I'm...

Okay.

Oh,

babe. I hope you like your beef toffee joint because that's what we're having

for dinner tonight.

The first course was delicious.

Where are you going?

To make you dinner.

Oh, good.

Alma, you stay in the kitchen no matter what, you hear me?

Get out here, Billy.

Start playing games.

Hannah Winters from the Gazette. I'm doing a story on your bakery. I have an

appointment with Sister Jude.

Stay with me.

Ow. Pepper, leave the lady alone. Oh, it's fine.

She was only trying to make friends.

It was harmless. She's not harmless.

She drowned her sister's baby and sliced his ears off.

Follow me, miss.

No!

No!

I don't want to go to bed!

Sister Jude calls this her stairway to heaven.

I told you I would come find you, Sister Mary Eunice.

Brush yourself off, Shelly.

You think I'm full of shame and regret for what I've done now, Sister?

You can shave me bald as a cue ball and I'll still be the hottest tamale in this

joint.

Take her to the common room so the others can witness her newfound

immaculacy. And next time, knock.

Remind me of your name? Lana.

Lana Winters.

Can I ask what Shelly did? I assume you were punishing her for something. I

assumed you were here to do a story on our bakery.

Oh, believe me, no one loves that molasses spread more than I do. I toast

it for my breakfast every single morning.

Shelly was brought to us having been given the preposterous diagnosis by a

psychiatrist, comparing her to a wood nymph.

You mean a nymphomania? Just more nonsense from the charlatans. That young

woman is a victim of her own lust.

There's no other name for it.

Mental illness is the fashionable explanation for sin.

You said your name's Lana? After the movie star.

Now there's a train wreck of a soul.

Jennifer Jones, however, there's a true lady. You've seen Song of Bernadette.

Oh, it's a classic.

Yeah. But at Briarcliff, I hear you're the true star.

Well, no, not me.

The Monsignor Timothy Howard.

He's the real visionary.

Sit down. You're making me nervous.

You know what this place was just two years ago?

A hellhole.

And I'm told the bakery was your idea.

It was, but it was based on his philosophy.

Well, write it down.

He believes the tonic for a diseased mind lies in the three Ps.

Productivity, prayer, and purification.

The bakery's just the tip of the iceberg.

Oh, we have such dreams for this place.

Are all of your patients remanded here by this date?

Not all.

Monsignor's a man of charity.

You know where most of our wards come from?

The gutter.

They said to tell you that... Oh, I didn't knock. I'm sorry, Sister. Who

said to tell me what? Said to tell you... What?

The bad person will arrive any minute.

Thank you, Sister.

Well, are we ready for our bakery tour? She's talking about the maniac.

The killer of those women, isn't she?

Bloody face.

Bloody face? An eyewitness caught a glimpse of him leaving one of the crime

scenes wearing a mask, which appeared to be made of human flesh.

I heard he's going to be admitted here today. Is there any way I could meet

him? You're not in the least bit interested in our good works. Our town

is in a collective panic. This maniac is decapitating women, three of them so

far. I see you for exactly who you are. Three minutes.

Give me three minutes with him and I swear to God I will write an amazing...

Swear to God!

that's rich coming from you people want to understand what's in the mind of

someone there's not a pious bone in your body where's the harm in that you're out

of your depth miss lana banana you want a story write this down your killer is

being turned over to us by the authorities until it is determined

whether he is fit to stand trial

It's an odd deal, I know.

Odd checking procedures.

Though not a patch on what you put your victims through.

Sister, I didn't kill anybody.

The Cards have given you over to my care.

Not for correction, but for storage while they were your fate.

This is not a meat locker.

Here you will repent for your crimes to the only judge that matters, the

Almighty God.

There is no God.

Not a God who would create the things I saw.

Yes, Starry, my little green men.

No, that won't do here.

They weren't human.

They were monsters.

All monsters are human.

You're a monster.

I wonder, did her dark meat slide off the bone any easier than the other

victims?

Ooh. Sister Jude is on the warpath.

Hey, stop it.

Can't make the welts go away.

But I can make you forget you had them.

Nurse already gave me a salve.

A salve can't cure you like I can.

You need a session in the hydrotherapy room with me.

I speak French. I'm Greek.

He's mine.

He's mine.

I

can't

take it.

Don't touch that.

Any one of them will sell you out. They get a piece of candy, you get another

five watts on your ass.

It's a rule. As long as the common room is open, the song plays.

There's a rule for everything here.

I learned them all the hard way. Trust me.

Why should I trust you?

Because I'm not crazy.

Hey, boyface.

You're him, right? You must be the most dangerous man here. I heard you skinned

him alive.

Last one?

A colored girl. I guess she didn't like a color.

He started it.

No. No!

You gotta eat

How'd

you get back here?

Kitchen detail

Why are you being so nice to me?

What you put out into the world comes back to you.

So what'd you put out into the world to get locked up in a place like this?

They say I chopped up my family.

You can ask.

Did you?

No.

Did you murder your wife?

No.

And I'm not crazy.

That's unfortunate.

If they decide you're sane, you're going someplace way worse than this.

What could be worse than this? You think it's bad not having a chair?

Just think of the one that I'll strap you into.

I'll try to come back later.

Hey.

What's your name?

Grace.

He's gone, Will. He's gone. There was a medical emergency last night. I didn't

even know he was sick.

Why wasn't I informed?

Dr. Arden asked to have him taken directly to his wing.

I demand you give me access to your laboratory.

When the Monsignor brought me out of retirement to run Briarcliff's medical

unit, we made a gentleman's agreement.

Curious, since only one of you is a gentleman.

Please look at me when I speak to you. I'm not one of your charges, sister.

Quaking in my boots.

Do you have any idea what this is?

It's a plant.

A little Eleanor. This particular strain of Alstroemeria has never existed

before. It was created by bombarding the plant with gamma rays.

It is an affirmation of the power of science over nature. Your little

mutation doesn't change the fact that in order for this institution to thrive, I

need to manage your operation.

Sister, if you can manage to stay out of my business...

I'll try and stay out of yours.

Let's discuss another matter. The patients, four of them, including Willie

last night, have disappeared under your supervision.

They died.

That's it. Period.

No explanation. Patients committed here suffer not only diseases of the mind,

but also of the body. Where are the bodies?

Cremated. Ashes to ashes.

Dust to dust.

Cause of death documented in their death certificates.

I find it interesting that of all the patients that died since you've been

here, none have family.

No one to grieve or to ask questions.

I think you're lying.

And in time, whatever it is you're hiding will come to see the light of

day. I've dealt with bigger monsters than you, Dr. Arden.

Let me give you fair warning.

I'll always win.

Against the patriarchal male.

Bully for you.

I'm telling you, Wendy, that battle axe had secrets.

Under all that piousness and fidelity, there's a real darkness.

Getting high before dinner?

Makes your food taste better.

If your gut says there's a story, then there is. Blow the lid off the place

like Mizell did with Bedlam 1946.

Get yourself a Pulitzer.

Problem is, your editor won't let you do it. Emmerman's an asshole.

He thinks the Canada geese leaving Chicopee a month early is a column A

story, and he wants me to write the cooking column. Your cooking is

horrible. Why do you think I never eat it?

I'm not doing this for Emmerman.

I write it on my own, and I get it out to life.

Or look.

This is my shot.

I know, baby, and I am behind you 100%. If you need to take some time off to get

the story done, I want you to do it.

The blinds are open.

No one can see.

Pot's making you paranoid.

You think the PTA is going to be cool if they find out a dyke is teaching little

Bobby and Susie science?

I'm gonna have to fight to get evolution on the curriculum.

You're right.

I'm sorry.

Anything I do in my life, I can do because you love me.

I know, baby.

So how are you gonna get in?

Harvey's sister June.

What does that mean?

It means rare bird in Latin.

And it's a compliment or a criticism?

It's a compliment.

Most women of the cloth feel they have to deny all sensory life when they take

their vows.

No.

I've renounced spirits.

Are you sure?

Your cooking reveals an almost decadent palate.

Decadent. Is that a subtle reprimand, Father? Oh, you know me better than

that. I always say what I mean.

I'd appreciate the same from you.

As usual, you've seen right through me, Father.

When you put me in charge here, I thought your faith in me was based on

our mutually shared vision of madness as a spiritual crisis, an absence of God.

That remains true.

I want to know where you found Dr. Arden.

He is not a man of God. Church approved him.

He was sent here by people better equipped to judge his godliness than

you.

Say what you will.

Your rare bird has a nose for rodents.

You mustn't be so fearful.

It was God, after all, who created both science and heaven. God put the idea in

a doctor's head to... to create the antibiotic that cured tuberculosis.

These are amazing times. If you just look at it in another light... There is

no other light. We're literally almost on the moon.

Our dear departed John F. Kennedy, a Catholic, was elected president.

This is a time when anything can happen if someone wants it enough.

What on earth do we want if not to save souls?

I want this institution to become a place of such promise and renown that we

are asked to be Cardinal of New York.

We? Wherever I go, you go.

You're my right hand.

You'll become Mother Superior, overseeing thousands of nuns who will

address you as Reverend Mother.

And then with God and you on my side.

I see no reason why I couldn't ascend to the office of First Anglo-American Pope.

You'd enjoy Rome, wouldn't you, sister?

I need you to be a team player.

The doctor needs full oversight of his domain.

You look after yours.

Do you hear them?

They sound like they're getting hungrier.

It's to be expected.

The weather's changing.

They'll need some meat.

What are they?

Do you trust me?

Don't.

Always in such a hurry, sister.

Why are you out so late at night? Please don't tell Sister Jude.

What is that? Some kind of animal? We can't stay here. We have to go.

Grace?

When there's so much to learn.

Am I bleeding out, huh? We gotta get you back into town. It's only five miles

away. Leo, Leo, don't fall asleep.

Come on, baby. We can make it to the car.

Where's your phone?

Is it in your car?

Leo!

Okay, I'll be right back.

What is this place?

It's my shortcut from the woods.

What were you feeding out there?

I guess I'll have to ask Sister June.

Why?

Why would you do that?

She scares you, doesn't she? She scares you to death.

You let me look around.

And I won't tell Mr. Horrible about your nighttime forays.

Or your secret tunnel.

Hello, Mr. Walker.

I'm Dr.

Arthur Arden.

I run this institution.

I thought Sister Jude ran this place. So does she.

Five minutes, and then you leave.

Scouts Honor, where are you keeping Bloodyface?

Is he in here?

There was a time when a fanatic like Sister Jude could have had me.

Thrown in prison for my ideas.

Tortured.

Maybe even castrated.

Like Brother Abelard.

These are not the Middle Ages.

No matter how tightly the good sister and her bruise try to hold on to their

fairy tale.

No.

This is my time.

The time of science.

Miss, please.

Not in here. This is the men's ward.

What's this?

Two little chicks looking for a place to roost. Go back to bed, Mr.

Spivey. You shouldn't be out. Oh, I'm up.

I made a mess, sister.

You want to see it?

I'll be right back, Miss Winters. Please don't go anywhere.

I got more for you, lady.

I hope you don't mind if I don't use anesthetic.

It interferes with my readings.

You're not supposed to be in here. I guess you better report me then.

Unless nobody saw anything.

I'm sorry about your hair.

Is this where they're keeping the maniac?

Which one? Kit Walker.

No, he misbehaved. They took him to solitary.

He'll have to play with himself for a while. Solitary? Where's that?

Alfred, get your hands out of your pants.

Why are you doing this to me? The devil doesn't reside in hell, Mr. Walker.

He lives right here in the frontal gyrus, the occipital lobes.

Inside those beautiful brains lies the secret to understanding the darkness of

the human psyche.

And ten of them put together are not as dark as what resides right here

in this cute blonde melon.

The victim was found naked.

Preliminary findings indicate that the skinning occurred while the victim was

still pregnant.

Kid!

Alma!

Help me!

Alma!

You sliced her from the feet up.

What did you do with the skin?

I'm not here to pass judgment, Mr. Walker.

I'm merely interested in methodology.

No, no, what's this?

Way too hard to be a tumor.

Temptation! The life's work of our great Monsignor, all his future dreams.

I use bad judgment, Sister.

Bad judgment?

Like eating too much cake? Is that what you mean, Sister?

Mr. Winters got me very confused.

Maybe the sin is mine.

Maybe my faith in you is nothing but the sin of pride. No, you're not a sinner,

Sister. I favored you. I coddled you. I refused to see what others saw when they

said you were stupid.

I said, no, it was simply that you were more pure than the others. Sup?

Big enough, sis.

Get up and get out. I don't have time for this.

It's too good to me, sister.

And if I ever hear you call yourself stupid again, I'll cane you bloody.

I'm so relieved.

What's going on?

You had an accident.

Something attacked me. You writers, with your very fertile imaginations, you took

a tumble.

Get me out of this thing. No, no.

You mustn't move.

You've got a long recovery ahead of you. You can't keep me here. No. There are

people who will come looking for me.

Do you think so?

You said she was hurt?

While trespassing.

You and Miss Winters have a charming home here, Miss Pizer. Very cozy.

I need to see her.

But surely you're not her family.

Lana's parents don't speak to her anymore.

I'm practically family.

We're very close.

Are you now? Like sisters.

But point in fact, you're not sisters.

Are you, Miss Pizer? I mean, you have no legal standing.

I have a moral standing.

Moral? There's an interesting word.

You're a spinster schoolteacher, I think? I teach the third grade. Oh, I

admire that.

The molding of young minds is a sacred charge.

You would never intentionally do anything to put these precious

youngsters at risk.

Of course not.

So when you agreed to room with Miss Winters, you couldn't possibly have been

aware of her inversion.

Inversion? I mean, you would never intentionally expose these little

angels. to a homosexual, would you?

And we both know what that so-called monster in the closet really is, don't

we, Miss Winters?

That's why you've come here.

Because something in you knew that you needed help.

Are you threatening me, sister?

It is I who have been threatened, young woman.

Your friend gained access to my facility under false pretenses. She had no

interest in our bakery. She wanted an inside look into a mental ward, and I

intend to see that she gets it. You can't do this. Oh, yes, I can.

I can do it either by exposing the shenanigans that took place in this

little love nest, or I can do it discreetly. She will, of course, receive

the finest of care.

I have no legal standing. You are a respected member of this community, at

least for now.

Your sworn statement, along with our professional diagnosis, is more than

enough for a friendly judge to remand Miss Winters into my custody.

It's a small town.

A scandal will work just as well.

You'll be ruined.

You'll never step into a classroom again.

Wait!

Wait!

We're gonna slay that monster together, you and I.

Morning devotionals are at 6 a.m. sharp.

No exceptions.

No!

Let me out of here!

Come back here, you bitch!

Chin up.

We're gonna get you killed.

Help me!

Did you manage it? Yes, Sister Jude.

Thou shalt not steal.

Well, hopefully that's the only commandment you had to break in order to

get these.

Sister Jude.

Come to lend a hand? What's going on in here?

Just a little spring cleaning.

That odor.

What is it?

Disinfectant. Standard sanitary procedure.

Cleanliness is, after all, next to godliness.

Something's been living in here.

That's absurd.

This room's been closed up for years.

I'm in need of some extra storage space. I...

I think this will do quite nicely. Don't think you can pull one over on me,

Doctor. I'll ferret it out.

Whatever it is you're up to.

A ferret.

Delightful creature.

I used to keep one as a pet.

Until it bit me.

And I broke its neck.

You brought me my keys?

Thank you.

You may think my mind is closed, Doctor.

But my eyes are wide open, I promise you.

Do you hear me?