Original subtitles

We selected six different couples to show all sorts of ages and stages of

sexual development and experience.

Our student couple have a lot to learn.

These two are newlyweds.

This couple are in the full flood of sexual involvement.

But their friends, married for 15 years, have let their sex life go stale.

Our cosmopolitan couple have learned almost every possible sexual technique.

While our older couple have had their ups and downs but have seen their

relationship mature and deepen over 20 years together.

Orgasms are at the heart of most sexual activity.

Yet the uniquely pleasurable sensations they produce, and never experienced by

some women.

The barriers, both conscious and unconscious, that prevent orgasms

happening, or women from getting the best out of them, are many and complex.

Having said this, though, almost every woman is capable of experiencing the

bodily and spiritual bliss of orgasm.

Contrary to what many women think, it's possible to learn how to come.

There are well-tried techniques to improve the ease and frequency of

climaxes in different situations.

There are higher goals to aim for, no matter how good your experience is so

far.

This programme is about women and their orgasms.

It aims to help women improve their ability to climax.

But I hope that men too will watch it.

Because if they do, they'll be all the better at helping their partner with her

orgasms.

The contents of this program are the result of my talking and listening to

women of all ages over many years, and includes all the tips that they've found

invaluable in this powerful and exquisite area of human sexual

experience.

The greatest unsolved mystery about female orgasms is why we have them at

all. Women don't need to have them for any reproductive purpose.

Biologically, they seem to be a luxury.

Orgasms can be more difficult for us to reach than for men, though when we get

there, we can have more of them.

What actually happens during an orgasm in terms of the biological facts?

Once a woman becomes sexually aroused, she reaches a plateau of excitement.

If stimulation were to stop at this stage, she could quickly return to the

resting state.

However, if the stimulation continues, there's no physical reason why she

shouldn't come to a climax.

The bodily sensations of arousal include fine sweating, deeper breathing and

increased heart rate, swollen breath with hardening nipples,

increased muscular tension and sometimes a red rash over the top of the chest.

During orgasm, there are rhythmic muscular spasms and the whole body may

contract.

Some women cry out as breath is forced from the chest.

The back may arch, feet and toes curl, and around the genitals and anal area,

contraction of the pelvic muscles can be obvious.

The non-physical parts of orgasm are the emotional and psychological ones, some

conscious and some deeply buried within our psyche.

The main difference between a woman's climax and a man's is that she usually

takes a much longer time to get to this peak, but she can remain excited at the

plateau phase for considerably longer.

Also, it is possible for women to come again and again.

Something most men can't do.

Once her orgasms are over, it takes longer for a woman's arousal level to

return to the resting state.

The capacity to have an orgasm is universal among human beings.

We're born with it.

Most of us learn about our sexual feelings gently as we grow and

experience our orgasms either spontaneously or because we bring them

about.

Masturbation is, of course, physically harmless at any age.

But some children learn the hard way that it's a socially unacceptable

activity.

Guilt can then become attached to self-stimulation even as a private

pleasure.

The pressure on girls is more subtle and more widespread than it is on boys.

At the simplest level, just having to be quiet and subtle about arousal can

clearly have its effects.

This probably explains why so many women say they use secret and indirect methods

when they masturbate.

Well, I can come best with a pillow between my legs.

Sort of rocking with it.

I've had my best orgasm riding a bike, or better still, on a horse.

Sometimes if I run up two or three flights of stairs in newly washed jeans,

I can have an orgasm before I reach the top.

The importance of the arousal habits we acquire in childhood and adolescence is

in the way they later influence how we masturbate as adults, and also make love

with a partner.

When women reach adulthood, we often have the problem of putting our

partner's pleasure before our own.

A lot of women operate by ensuring that other people's pleasure comes first.

This is not to say that we are the less selfish sex, rather that we find other

people's discomfort can cause us more uneasiness than our own.

Such deeply ingrained attitudes can be a huge barrier to arousal and reaching an

orgasm.

If you constantly feel the need to put your lover's pleasure before your own,

it can become impossible to achieve real satisfaction for yourself.

It's a situation where a degree of selfishness can actually benefit both

partners in the long run.

Good orgasms also depend on our mental attitude and even more on our emotional

state.

I once had a boyfriend who knew every trick in the book, but I never managed

to have an orgasm.

My husband may not be the greatest lover, but there seems much more chance

now of orgasm.

The difference is that I love him and I know he's sincere.

The other guy just made me feel like a guinea pig.

So being able to have an orgasm is very much a mind thing and also a highly

emotional experience for many women.

When it comes down to it, Sex is a spiritual thing for me.

No matter how tough I may appear, sex makes me feel completely vulnerable.

I can even burst into tears.

Most women who can't have an orgasm, even with high levels of physical

stimulation, have nothing wrong with their bodies.

Their problems have more to do with the brakes their conscious and unconscious

put on their pleasure.

I find my feelings differ depending on who I'm with. If I'm not sure about the

person, I tend to keep my distance and rarely relax enough to climax.

Some women also feel defeated by outside pressure to perform.

Articles in magazines, friends' experiences, as well as their partner's

expectations all add to this pressure.

But it's important to hang on to your own integrity and believe in yourself.

If you feel that your orgasms are not all they could be, you can work on

improving them and involve your lover if you want to.

One thing that's guaranteed to turn me off is someone going straight for my

clitoris without bothering to make me feel good first.

It's like, let's go for a quick finish.

Many women under this sort of pressure resort to faking orgasms.

But faking on a regular basis will not help your feelings of frustration and

resentment and your partner being blissfully unaware that he is failing to

satisfy you.

The truth is, though, that the vast majority of women have faked orgasm at

some time.

And it's equally true that most men can't tell the difference.

Of course, no one needs orgasms to live or even to be fulfilled.

I was married for six years before I even had an orgasm, and that's when I

realised I'd never had one before.

Now it occasionally happens, but not regularly, and I can't tell what's going

to bring it on, but I'm beginning to want to do something about it.

For some women, the amount of relaxation, loss of control, and ability

to tolerate high levels of pleasure never quite come together to give them

an orgasm.

I used to try and tell myself that the kind of peaks I had during lovemaking

were orgasms.

But they say you know for sure if you've really had one.

So I guess I haven't.

What's really great is not just what we get up to in the bedroom, but how

brilliantly we turn each other on in public.

There are also many women who enjoy a perfectly happy sex life without

orgasms, though most of us would like to be able to have them, and to have them

with our partner.

It helps enormously to have a loving and reassuring partner who accepts you just

as you are, to help you feel emotionally secure, and who'll work with you to

provide the right sort of stimulation to make orgasms possible.

You may have simply never been honest with yourself or your partner.

Perhaps, as a couple, you've never talked openly.

The first thing is to assess your own sexuality.

Are you capable of orgasms, by yourself or with your partner?

Let's start with you alone.

A couple of years ago, I would never have believed what I can do now. I

actually taught myself how to masturbate and have an orgasm. I never used to

bother before because nothing really happened.

I assumed I was just someone who couldn't come.

Then when it started to happen, I realised it was something you could

control and learn how to make it happen.

Now I just wish I'd started earlier.

It's surprising how many women complain about their partner's inability to

satisfy them sexually, yet haven't bothered to learn how to bring

themselves to orgasm.

In fact, only a minority of women are able to climax by penis and vagina

stimulation alone.

But well over 80% can come to orgasm through masturbation.

If you are someone who has problems coming alone, you may quite simply not

be doing the right thing.

It's possible you're not yet fully awakened sexually, or it may be that you

have some conscious or unconscious barriers to be broken down first,

perhaps about masturbation itself.

To break down these barriers, you will first need to be happy with your own

body.

You also need to be fully aware of your own sexual likes and dislikes, and more

importantly, your orgasmic capability.

A good place to start making these discoveries is in the bath.

Gently and slowly explore which parts of your body feel nicest.

Make sure you're private, with no fear of being interrupted, and take yourself

right back to basics with these sensual exercises.

Make a mental note of which bits were best.

and which areas were the greatest turn-on.

Now, in the bedroom, using baby oil or towel, repeat the exercises you did in

the bath.

I was quite surprised when I first tried this. I realised I'd never taken time to

think what I really liked.

That's why I never knew what to say when my boyfriend asked me what I wanted him

to do.

Notice how different you feel, in the bath and out of it.

Over several sessions, you'll be surprised how much progress you make in

awakening your own sexual feelings.

Because so much of a woman's body is hidden and internal, a lot of us don't

know our genital anatomy very well.

Look at the pubic hair, the plump outer lips, and the thin inner ones.

Part these and locate the clitoris at the top.

The urinary opening is just below.

Feel the vaginal opening and then the perineum behind.

Run your finger around the anal area and see how that feels.

Taking time to get to know yourself well should increase your own pleasure and

help you teach your partner what you like.

For the vast majority of women, the clitoris is the main pleasure centre.

Make sure the area is well lubricated, then try all kinds of motions and

rhythms around your clitoris.

Develop your own technique, but be careful early on not to apply too much

direct stimulation to the organ itself, because it might be too sensitive.

A useful tip here is, when you find a movement that works, stick with it.

Even if you don't reach a climax the first time, don't give up, but take

pleasure from the progress you have made and the enjoyment you have had.

Learning to masturbate on a regular basis helps develop your sexual

responsiveness.

But working on the physical side is only one path to successful orgasm.

The psychological side needs developing too.

One good way of doing this is through fantasy.

Just thinking of something erotic can cause your genitals to swell and your

vagina to lubricate.

The brain is the most powerful sex organ and plays a vital role in the arousal

process.

Allow your mind the freedom to come up with images that excite you.

Learn how to develop them into full-blown fantasy situations in which

you can lose yourself.

Don't worry that they're too rude or dirty.

We all have these visions in our psyches.

They are your personal tools for arousal.

Don't be afraid to use them with or without a partner.

Whilst letting your mind wander off into a favourite fantasy, Now feel your way

around as you start to become aroused.

If you continue to find it takes a long time to get aroused, or that you get so

far but can't quite finish off with a climax, no matter how much you stimulate

yourself and fantasize, then you might like to try a vibrator.

I would have been too embarrassed to go out and buy a vibrator myself, but when

my boyfriend gave me one gift wrap as a joke, he actually got me something

really useful.

Many women are shy about even buying or using such a thing, but it's worth

considering.

Firstly, they're extremely effective.

They're a powerful stimulus capable of making most women come in a few minutes.

Secondly, they're easy to get hold of by mail order if you can't face going into

the sex shop.

There are several types of vibrator.

The most popular is this plastic one.

Before starting, ensure that you're very wet, and if you're not, apply a

commercial lubricant.

Experiment until you find the best combination of speed, movement, and

location to get you really aroused.

When something feels good, stay with it.

Although some women like to arouse themselves with a vibrator inside their

vagina, the vast majority get their best pleasure from sensations around the

clitoris.

Mane's operated vibrators are better in many ways because they're more powerful.

But please don't use one of these in the bath.

Remember to pleasure other parts of your body, such as your breath through

nipple, if that's what you like.

Because vibrators are so effective, some women worry that they could become

addicted to them, and then unable to come with their man or using their

fingers alone.

This almost never happens.

A vibrator is simply a highly effective way of increasing your level of arousal.

And you can, of course, also use it with your partner.

Our general level of fitness can also affect our ability to climax and our sex

life as a whole.

More specifically, you can exercise your vagina.

It's the contraction of the pelvic muscles that produces many of the most

powerful sensations.

Tighten and release these as if you were trying to stop yourself peeing.

The great thing is that you can do this anywhere, anytime.

A more advanced version is to think of your vagina as a lift shaft.

Slowly make the lift rise by contracting your pelvic muscles until you can make

the lift stop and start at will.

Without question, the best way to learn about and enhance your own orgasmic

abilities is through masturbation.

It is an activity you can enjoy and experience regularly.

It will keep you in touch with your own sexual feelings and you'll be able to

bring this sensual self-awareness into your relationship with your partner.

Once you can bring yourself to orgasm you'll probably want to go on and share

things with your partner.

Most women find that the whole experience is generally more satisfying

and produces different orgasmic feelings than when they're on their own.

If you can climax alone, but have difficulty with him, you'll first have

to discover whether it's a psychological barrier or a physical one.

Some women are shy, embarrassed, or inhibited about having orgasms with

their lover.

The paradox is being able to relax enough mentally to allow your sexual

tension levels to increase to the point of orgasmic release.

Sometimes, just having a sufficient amount of alcohol could allow you to

relax enough to have an orgasm.

Start by learning to be uninhibited about your own desires and sexuality

with your partner.

Some things to work on are being able to talk sexily to him.

Tell him what turns you on and things you know turn him on.

Maybe share some of your fantasies with him.

Act sexily in front of him.

Some women say being watched by their man as they caress themselves with their

fingers or vibrator is really arousing.

It's likely to be a turn-on for him too.

and he can learn a lot about how you like to be aroused.

Let yourself go.

Lose yourself in your fantasy.

Try, once you're getting close to orgasm, to make the noises of orgasm

itself.

Sometimes the act of letting go vocally can trigger your whole climax.

Good sex.

means helping one another to get real pleasure out of it.

If the problem is his technique, either what he doesn't or can't yet do, or what

he does wrongly, believing that you like it, you'll have to guide and retrain

him.

Improving his technique may take time and patience.

Whatever worked for him with other women, he needed to become aware that

you were the only expert on your arousal, and that every woman is unique

in what turns her on.

It may be hard to tell a lover that he's not good in bed, and it takes a lot of

tact and affection to make your comments positive and helpful, not simply

negative and hurtful.

You might find, though, that your honesty allows him to open up too.

The best way to train him without being counterproductive is undoubtedly by

gently showing him what you do like, rather than complaining about what you

don't.

The first thing is to make sure that he knows all your erogenous zones.

It may be that you love your ears being kissed, your neck nibbled or your

nipples sucked.

Indeed, some women can reach orgasm by these methods alone.

When the time comes for more intimate caressing, take his hand.

and lightly maneuver his fingers to exactly where you like them best,

letting him follow your lead in the right pressure, speed, and so on.

Reinforce what he gets right with sounds and whispers of pleasure.

Move on to encouraging him to find your G-spot and learning how to stimulate it.

The trouble is that the G-spot can be difficult for a woman herself to get to.

Your difficulty, though, is your partner's opportunity.

So get him to help you see what works for you.

The G-spot is located halfway up the front wall of the vagina and is best

stimulated by a sort of come-here motion.

At first, the sensations may be strange and your man will need to be persistent

and get a lot of guidance from you.

Adding clitoral stimulation with the other hand can create a level of arousal

and orgasms that many women say they can experience in no other way.

Another comfortable position for G-spot stimulation is this one.

Your partner is now free to stroke your vaginal wall with his finger pads face

down.

This can be a nice starting position if you feel shy.

Other areas in the vagina can also be highly arousing and strengthen orgasms.

Experiment with caressing the cervix.

This can be very effective for some, though others find such stimulation

completely off-putting.

At the sides of the vagina is where the ovaries lie.

Get him gently to explore the effects of stroking either side.

Once again, some women say that this is actually unpleasant, so take it gently.

Try getting him to give you oral sex.

Many women find this the warmest, wettest and most intimate form of sex

and the route to the most overwhelming climaxes.

One of the farthest ways for me to come, and definitely one of the best, is when

he gives me oral sex and plays with me at the same time.

I actually find giving oral sex a great turn-on for me, but I'm not sure about

receiving it.

Oral sex.

the most exquisite way of reaching orgasm. Having Michael licked and sucked

is one of the most intense experiences and it makes that whole area wonderfully

sensitive.

You can guide his actions quite a bit by positioning his mouth where you want and

holding his head closer or further away to get just the right pressure.

But lovemaking involves both partners, and its best rewards come from shifting

the spotlight back and forth between you.

Witnessing your partner's arousal will itself be highly arousing for you.

Switching between you allows joint responsibility and delight in one

another's pleasure, until the final moments of orgasm when each becomes

deliciously lost in their own feelings.

If climaxing with your partner inside you is difficult, it's probably worth

taking the pressure off trying for orgasm through penetrative sex and

concentrating on getting your orgasm through masturbation.

An obvious way of ensuring you do reach an orgasm is for you to be stimulated to

climax before penetration.

As only about one in five women come with penetrative sex alone, it's wrong

to assume that penis and vagina movement by itself should produce an orgasm for a

woman as it does for a man.

The vast majority of us also need stimulation of the clitoris during

intercourse if we are to come at all, let alone have a really good orgasm.

Learning to have orgasms during penetration takes some couples years to

master.

This lateral position...

can be an excellent learning arrangement relax and either let him masturbate you

or do it yourself as he penetrates you like this you can get used to having an

orgasm with him inside there

is no one particular lovemaking

position guaranteed to ensure better orgasms though different ones do allow

increased simulation of different areas

Being on top yourself will certainly allow you more control in terms of

speed, rhythm, intensity of clitoral stimulation, and the degree of

penetration.

It also allows you to interact with your lover face to face.

There's something really exciting about being able to look down on him. I can

watch his face and his excitement.

For me to be in control and see the pleasure I'm giving is a special turn

-on.

Man on top positions restrict your ability to set the pace.

But despite what many say of the much maligned missionary position, the

pressure on the clitoris, created between the two pubic bones, can provide

quite a lot of stimulation.

A more advanced version, which gives a lot of general clitoral stimulation

without fingers, is this clitoral alignment technique, CAT as it's known.

If deep penetration turns you on best, then you might find something like this

works well.

You can control the depth by positioning your legs.

The more you draw them back, the deeper the penis goes in.

If the G-spot is your favourite trigger, then a rear entry position will greatly

help.

It's penis on G-spot that really brings me off.

It sounds strange, but sometimes a lover's unselfish concern to give me

lots of foreplay has been the problem.

All I want to do is to get him inside me.

When you come to the magical moment of orgasm, though, it helps to find a

comfortable position that allows you to enjoy it and go with the spasms to the

fullest. You can alternate going for your or his orgasm first.

My lover just lies still on top of me after he's finished, stroking me gently

till I have my climax.

I love the way he goes on sharing it with me because if he pulled away just

as I was getting there, I think I'd go mad with frustration.

Many men find orgasm pleasantly tiring and don't seem to have the stamina to go

on and bring their lover to orgasm once they've ejaculated.

You could take a stand on this and insist, or if he can't or won't, you

could use his body or hand or your own to finish yourself off.

The main thing when exploring the secrets of orgasms together is to keep

an open mind and be honest with one another about what you both want and

need.

Although it would be great if an understanding and sympathetic lover

always instinctively knew what we wanted, this is not usually the case,

especially early on in a relationship.

It's worth being a bit courageous to let him know what you like, and if he cares

about you, he'll enjoy helping you to get there.

Try doing the same for him in return.

This sort of sexual equality can make things feel very good indeed, and can

only help enrich your relationship.

If by now, with or without the help of this program, you're experiencing good

orgasms, then you're ready to go for something even better.

How we get our best orgasms varies a great deal between lovemaking sessions

and between individuals.

But one thing is true for all of us.

Taking time to explore, being honest about what we like and don't like, and

being creative will give us the best chances.

Of course, different things appeal to different people.

So don't be too surprised if parts of this section seem a bit silly, unerotic

or unlikely for you personally as a couple.

Try to think of it as a sort of menu from which you can pick and choose as

you expand your horizons and go for gold.

A good starting point is to enhance the pleasures you get on your own.

Raising your personal levels of arousal and sexual satisfaction is worthwhile in

itself, just for you.

This will almost inevitably also benefit your relationship with your lover.

For most of us, the richest orgasmic experiences are to be had in the

presence of our lover.

Indeed, many people claim that their partner's arousal is their biggest turn

-on.

Whilst it's true that some men think only of their own pleasure, on the

whole, most are anxious to please their lover.

When they ask, did you come, or... Was it good for you?

Most really care.

Of course, both partners will gain a lot more pleasure by giving each other

maximum feedback.

As a general rule, most lovers combine greater pleasure simply by prolonging

the time they take over sex.

Longer foreplay is particularly important for the woman to ensure that

she is fully aroused.

This will give her the best chance of an orgasm and make her climaxes more

forceful and longer-lasting.

During actual sex, the vagina should not be treated merely as a passive

receptacle for a hard-working penis.

You can use your pelvic muscles to arouse your man, caress him and even

bring him to orgasm.

You can milk his penis.

contracting your muscles on it as he withdraws at each stroke, then relaxing

as he enters you again.

And when you climax, these muscles will contract more strongly, making your

orgasm almost as pleasurable for him as it is for you.

You can bring about more intense orgasms in your man by taking him to the brink

of orgasm and then pulling him back a number of times before allowing him to

ejaculate.

Some women are capable of multiple orgasms with extra stimulation.

They're not, of course, compulsory. More is by no means necessarily better.

Sometimes men, too, can have more than one orgasm in quick succession, but this

is rare in the over-twenties.

Simultaneous orgasms can be experienced regularly only by couples very sexually

attuned to each other.

If both of you are relaxed, confident and capable of indicating through words

and touch your rising levels of excitement, then your individual arousal

levels can be synchronized.

Certainly, the pleasure created by the joint spasms of a dual climax are one

clear example of hitting gold.

In seeking new ways to enhance your orgasms, there's a range of activities

that, while not attractive for every couple, are worth knowing about, so that

you have a greater choice.

Quickie sex, for example, takes a lot of beating for many couples.

Although most women say that their best orgasms occur after prolonged love play,

and when they're very wet, I often hear stories of mind-blowing orgasms.

brought about by near-instant penetration, if both are crazy for one

another.

Being really forceful can create high levels of arousal and superb orgasms for

some.

Sometimes, a woman's best orgasms occur when her partner is being exceptionally

dominating.

And some men say that when their woman takes control, they feel extremely

excited.

Work out together how you can shift this balance of initiative and dominance

between you.

I've also heard men say that being very quiet, intimate, and their lover

creating a mother-like security gives them their best orgasmic experience.

All sexual arousal involves increased muscle tension, as we have seen.

A good way of enhancing this is consciously to contract your muscles

during sex.

Almost any muscles can do the trick, but pelvic contraction is especially

effective.

Similarly, some men find that holding their breath as they approach orgasm can

make for better pleasure, and a few say that climaxing with a very full bladder

also increases their range of sensations.

Erotic massage is an advanced version of your self-pleasuring exercises and

involves both you and your partner.

All the knowledge and skills learnt alone can now be applied towards

heightened responses together.

The aim now is to stimulate those areas that produce the very best levels of

arousal.

Oil, plain or scented, adds to the mood.

and creates whole new sensations for both giver and receiver.

Massage each other all over the abdomen and chest.

Both may find their nipples particularly responsive.

The genitals themselves are, of course, the biggest pleasure centers.

But the creative lover, who's going for gold, explores all around the area,

paying special attention to the perineum, that bridge of sensitive skin

behind the genitals.

This kind of erotic massage can lead to tremendous orgasms.

Erotica and sex toys can help increase levels of arousal, and for some, develop

their sexual imaginations.

There's a vast range of toys available by mail order and from sex shops.

We've already looked at vibrators.

Their cousin, the dildo, is simply a more penis-shaped and latex-covered

version of the same thing.

Dildos are useful if a woman wants to feel filled up during masturbation, or

you or your partner can use one when making love.

Their size may seem alarming, but be bold when choosing one, and go for a

larger one than you'd think likely.

Having your vagina somewhat stretched usually produces more pleasure.

Another device to stimulate the vagina and enhance orgasm is this set of

benois, or vaginal love balls.

They're weighted and move about inside you, bringing a thrill to such ordinary

tasks as doing the shopping or walking to work.

Many people, though, find them simply uncomfortable and disappointing.

This device is a cock ring.

Fitted around the base of the penis, it allows the organ to engorge but little

blood to flow away.

This produces a bigger erection.

Be careful never to use one that's too tight or difficult to remove or you

could end up a very embarrassed casualty patient.

This is supposed to be a clitoral stimulator.

Ingenious though it looks, many couples who use them find them uncomfortable and

disappointing.

It's usually better for one or other of you to use fingers.

Fancy condoms, some incorporating supposed clitoral and cervical

stimulators, are currently in vogue.

They seem to be better for a laugh, though, than for sexual effect.

Obviously intended for fun are these flavoured condoms. You could play lick

and guess safely.

Or, with a safe partner, try the flavours direct without the condom.

Using food to increase pleasure can be fun as well as tasty.

Things such as yoghurt, fromage frais, honey, very sticky.

can provide tactile as well as oral sensations that can heighten the sensual

experience.

Fromage frais is just perfect.

Delicious for licking off the penis and not too sweet and gooey.

Erotic underwear is loved by some and laughed at by others.

Baths, posing pouches, split crotch panties, and all the silk, satin,

rubber, leather and fur materials that they come in may just tickle your fancy.

So may simple water.

Orgasms in the bath or shower are often guaranteed to bring about that extra

frisson. A guaranteed way of getting the big O's with my partner in the shower

with creative use of the shower head.

Flipping all over one another can have a certain je ne sais quoi.

Tantric sexual practices have recently become popular in the West.

Originating from ancient, secret, occult practices of Hinduism and Buddhism, they

have much to say about conserving orgasmic energy in order to boost the

spiritual side of lovemaking.

Oceanic sex, as it's been called, is a playful flow and exchange of energies

resembling a dance.

The idea is to experience blissful unity with one's partner.

Focusing on the spiritual rather than simply physical side of orgasm has a lot

to recommend it.

As we've seen, fantasies are crucial to stimulating your most powerful sex

organs, the brain.

But one way to really give fizz to your sex life is to share fantasies and

possibly even to act them out.

For instance, a common female fantasy is to risk being seen naked.

You could simply leave off your underwear and ensure your lover gets the

odd flash, or go further and, say, spend a whole afternoon shopping together with

you wearing nothing more than a coat and shoes.

If you act out fantasies at home, how about videoing them?

You might find your own X-rated movies more erotic than many of the taggy

commercially available kinds.

Allied to the Alfresco peep show is making love in different and sometimes

dangerous places.

What this lacks in comfort can be more than compensated for by the excitement

and intensity it produces.

As we've seen, orgasms are a complex and subtle business.

Good enough climaxes are available to anyone who takes the time and trouble to

learn about their body and its responses.

Really great orgasms, though, often involve sharing at a soul-to-soul level

with your lover.

So, the more you develop not only the physical side of your love life, but

also the whole relationship between you, the more you'll enrich your orgasms.

Our best orgasms occur when we abandon ourselves to our senses and sensuality.

Sometimes it'll be wild, raunchy and athletic sex that turns us on best.

And on other occasions, tender, quiet and gentle lovemaking.

That'll be most fulfilling.

Real communication in a long-term relationship by a creative couple

committed to fidelity, openness, and inventiveness can develop on parallel

depths of trust and understanding.

This, in turn, brings about levels of eroticism well beyond anything possible

in casual sex.

We hope that this lover's guide will be a source of enhancement and joy to you

as an individual and to you both as a couple.