Original subtitles

taking the time to look round the property, we'll let you know when it

becomes available, Mr Streeting.

Please, call me Prime Minister.

Please call me Prime Minister.

And will it just be yourself, or is there a Mrs Streeting?

Actually, I'm gay, but not gay in the fun way.

I'm less Graham Norton gay, more Derren Brown gay.

What else can I tell you? Oh, central location, gated community, and plenty of

storage space.

Give me another chance!

Just 45 more days!

I told you, Liz Trask, you can't keep living in the cupboards.

Right.

I'm sorry about her. She's so weird.

So, what do you think?

It's an amazing property.

There must be some kind of catch.

Yeah, there is a bit of a catch. If you live here, everyone in the country is

going to hate you.

That's OK. I don't have any feelings.

Not so fast, sunshine.

That must be our next viewing, Mr... Burnham.

Andy is my first name.

Andy, what are you doing here? I thought you were in Manchester.

I took the tram down.

The tram doesn't go to London.

Explains why it took so bloody long.

So, this is how you lot live down here. Well, la-dee-da.

Andy, I don't remember you being this northern.

I don't remember you at all, Shagger.

Point is, it's time for a change.

For an outsider.

A disruptor.

Weren't you an MP for 16 years?

You voted all the Iraq war.

Oh, that was five wars ago.

Besides, you're not exactly Mr Progressive yourself.

I'll have you know I'm a proud member of the LGBT community.

Lesbian, gay, bi, and texting Peter Mandelson.

Room for a red one!

You said you weren't interested.

I'm not. I'm just having a look.

Hey, Andy, how much do you reckon stamp duty is in a place like this?

And would I have to pay it?

Well, you are interested. Well, get in line, pal.

Right.

This is the one programme I still enjoy.

Every time I turn on the news, it's just a sad picture of me.

Your revision's the only show left with any integrity.

I love how they stood up to Russia after they invaded Ukraine.

And I love the wonderful song Israel sang.

But here, you're probably wondering why we're all doing here. I know why you're

here, Burnham.

You want me out.

And you know what?

Maybe you're right.

Maybe I should step down.

Two years is pretty good going for a prime minister these days.

That's like 24 me's.

Look,

I don't know how or if history will remember me, but

whatever you think of me, at the end of the day, I was here.

Was I doing a good job?

No.

But was I doing the best I could do?

No.

But when I look at all of your faces, it makes me think.

It makes me think.

Labby!

Labby! Labby, will you turn that Eurovision down, please?

Labby!

And you know what?

I'm Shruti Gatwa, and I am buzzed to be here hosting SNL UK.

We're making history tonight.

I'm the first black host.

I'm the first queer host. And I'm the first openly Scottish host.

It's the last episode of the season, so they had to do it all in one.

It has been very exciting to be here. When he asked me to do this show, I'll

admit, I was nervous.

But then I realized it was maybe the only way I'd get to play my dream role.

That's right.

Guy Goma, a.k.a. the man mistakenly interviewed on BBC News 20 years ago.

So what does all this mean for the industry and the growth of music online?

Well, Guy Cuny is the editor of the technology website News Wireless.

Hello, good morning to you.

I have had so many fantastic roles in my career.

Millions of you watched me as Eric in Sex Education.

And then about 12 of you watched me in Doctor Who.

Hey, maybe that's why I kept crying.

Joking aside, it was genuinely a magical role. In fact, it was the first time my

parents were truly proud of my career.

When I told them I got the part, they said, finally, a doctor in the family.

And even though I... since regenerated into billy piper i don't understand it

either i still love doctor who and i got to meet so many crazy characters sort of

a bit like this place yes i have had an amazing week here getting stuck into

things in fact it's allowed me to dust off a few old skills for instance did

you know i used to be a go-go dancer That's right.

I went from shaking these globes to the stage at Shakespeare's Globe. I am a

proper theatre actor.

That's why tonight I'd really like to show you my hamlet.

OK, so you'll be needing this, then.

Amy Lewis!

What are you doing here?

Hi! Hi!

Yeah,

I just do a little bit of everything.

Oh, my God.

Do you know what? I thought I saw you with the caterers. Yes, yes, I made that

lasagne that served 200 people, so...

Very good.

I'm just in my monologue now. Do you mind if I get back to my Shakespeare?

Sorry, sorry, of course. You've got this. I love you.

Anyway, as I was saying, I am a classically trained actor, and so I

think it's time I get my soliloquy out.

To be or not to be, that is the question!

We have got a great show for you tonight with music from the incredible Holly

Humberstone. So stick around and watch this.

Impossible.

Why are you down there?

Impossible.

Hey, please do that. We are Birds of Prey.

We're basically delivery for gospel choirs.

Every Sunday I would watch the choir.

Move people into giving up their life savings and I just thought to myself I

can do that. Yes, the numbers make sense Lawrence.

Yes. I'm on the phone We found the perfect iteration of gospel that won't

send the whites into a panic So previously it was something along the

lines of this so We don't do that anymore it's much more gentle so it's

more

It is quite lucrative.

We've done all the finals.

We've done Ant and Dec, Saturday Night Takeaway.

Essentially anything that makes Stephen Mulhern look more soulful. But it was

happy and Megan's wedding that changed everything for us.

Caucasian institutions quickly realized what a little praise and worship can do.

Our bank got done for discriminatory lending against the black community, but

birds of praise came in and sang lean on me and by Monday Everyone had moved on

We need Caucasian songs Any

song by Coldplay no Phil Collins, he's black

problems that you can't throw a gospel choir at. Having birds of prey sing

amongst hundreds and hundreds of stolen artifacts essentially says, this is

okay.

It's good. We've done this.

It's good.

And then 2020 came around.

What is this?

The black squares almost finished us.

This is amended.

It was a dark time for everyone.

It was Dua Lipa's year for sure.

Then, Trump came back on the scene.

It'll get better.

He won!

Better! Back to business.

Racism pro-mox.

And business has been booming.

It's going to be good.

It's going to be good. It's going to be good.

It's going to be good. Whoa,

sorry.

beautiful day on the island of Sodor, but Henry was not feeling like himself.

Cheer up, Henry, said Thomas.

Sorry, Thomas, my lovely paint just doesn't feel so shiny today, said Henry.

Oh, look, here comes the owner of the railway, Sir Topham Hatt. I wonder if he

can cheer Henry up.

Morning, Thomas.

Morning, Henry.

Morning, Fat Controller.

Stop the music.

Sorry, what?

Morning. No, no, no. What did you say? Morning what?

Fat Controller.

It's just a nickname that we've all been using.

You've all been calling me the Fat Controller behind my back. Don't you

like it? No, obviously I don't like it. What the hell is wrong with you?

Said the Fat Controller.

Very sweatily and out of breath.

Oh, here he comes, chiming in. You as well, is it, Ringo?

What's wrong with my actual name? Sir Topham Hatt.

Well, it is a bit of a silly name, but... Oh, with that silly name, Ringo

Starr. Calm down, Topham. That's Sir Topham to you. What did you get knighted

for again?

It was, uh, services to the food industry. It makes sense. Oh, yeah,

yeah, right, yeah.

Laugh it up.

The guy who runs a train station on his own, by the way, occasionally likes a

treat. Occasionally? You know what?

Perhaps you shouldn't get your breakfast from the West Cornwall Pasty Company

every morning.

Well, actually, I've got a thyroid issue, and I've got a note from my

doctor to prove it, so what do you think of that, eh?

That's a Burger King rap.

You know, I think Fat Controller is a very nice nickname.

It shows that you're in control.

Yeah, funnily enough, it's not the controller part I've got an issue with.

Because you learn nothing from that respect in the workplace seminar that we

all sat through. We learnt that Gordon wants to be referred to by he, they

pronouns. Aw, good for them. Yeah, it's good for them, but my point is, name

-calling is exactly the kind of workplace bullying that makes people go

off the rails. Hey, that is not right.

What? We don't really say that sort of thing.

Off the rails.

It's anti-train language.

Peace and love. Peace and love.

Yeah, peace and... OK, yeah. Peace and love right here for you, Ringo. How

about that? Peace and love.

Oh. The controller!

No, I didn't... Oh.

Well, that's going to end up in the village newsletter.

You know what? I don't even know why I bother with this.

Here's me coming in with a tin of paint to give you a fresh lick, make you feel

good about yourself, cos I heard you weren't feeling great, right? What do I

get? A knife in the back!

Excuse me for caring. I guess that's my problem. I care too much. I don't think

that's your main problem. Thank you. Sir, maybe if you walked more and

stopped riding us to get around all the time, you wouldn't be overweight.

Right, that's me gone. If I don't come in tomorrow, I've toppled myself.

All right, good riddance.

The Fat Controller waddled off obesely in a big fat hut.

For the record, by the way, steam trains are a thing of the past, all right?

You're nothing more than a hobby for weird kids and pedos, so enjoy that, all

right? I'm not going to stick around here just to be laughed at, OK?

Whoa!

We are sorry to announce that your 3.30 train to Sodor Town Centre is

delayed due to what appears to be a very, very fat man wearing a top hat

stuck on the track.

Hello, old friends.

I'm Louis Theroux, a bespectacled documentarian who makes documentaries

about difficult subjects like cults, prisons, and Ann Widdicombe.

I've had tapas with the Tiger King and done karaoke with the KKK, everything a

boy could dream of.

But there's always been one person I've wanted to interview, and of all the

places I was to meet him, in a travel lodge in Bromsgrove.

This is looking through the mirror.

Hi, Louis.

Firstly, can I call you Louis?

You can call me Louis, yeah, yeah. Is that all right, Louis? Can I call you

Louis? Louis, how are you? Are you finding this awkward?

I'm good, yeah, yeah. This isn't about me. How are you? Are you all right? Is

that fair to say?

I'm good, I'm good. But this isn't about me. This is about you, Louis Theroux.

Should we get started?

Yeah, that's right. Should we get started?

Louis and I seem to be bonding.

I wanted to make sure I wasn't getting the wrong impression, so I decided to

ask more.

So, Louis, you always seem to be, look at other weird people and not at your

weird self.

Does that get old?

Do you think I'm getting old?

Can I say that? Is that fair to say?

This is starting to feel like a bit of a weird weekend.

Is that fair to say? Should we get started?

I'd like to. Should we get started?

I thought we were going to get started.

Have you backtracked already?

I was getting the sense that Louis was getting somewhat tired of my questions.

So, Louis, would you describe yourself as a self-reflective person?

Should I answer that?

Is this a bit awkward now?

Yeah. Yeah.

Should we get started?

Yeah.

Even though we were clearly disassociating, I felt hopeful that we

were about to get started.

But my eye was caught by the other mirror.

Hi, Louis.

Louie. Hello, Louie. Shall we get started?

Yeah, hi, Louie. Shall we get started?

Yes. Shall we get started?

Yeah.

It was then I realised there was more to me than just the awkward Louie people

see on television.

I contained multitudes of Louie, and they were all awkward.

Awkward. Oh, really?

So were all these, all the parts of Louie through which combined to complete

one whole Louie through? Can I say that?

Are we all individually Louis Theroux, but also Louis Theroux? Really?

Really. Can I say that? Can you say that? Remember when we met those

swingers? Yeah. Can I say that?

It was in that moment where you had noise complaints.

Sorry to be a bother, but you're actually being quite loud.

Is that fair to say?

Oh, gosh. Is that right? We're being quite loud.

Is that fair to say? That's fair to say. Is that fair to say?

Fair to say.

I learnt a lot on my trip to the travel lodge.

Over the course of the weekend, the new reason I swapped many stories and much

saliva. Yes, we had a four-way tongue kiss.

I was too bashful to ask for a session for water.

So I ravaged my way through those tiny UHC milks, and I heard all eight of my

thumbs opening the packets.

Is it eight?

Is that right?

Is that fair to say?

Hey, Louis!

Want to try the trouser press?

Shall we get started?

Yeah!

My name's Ray Tranter. I was a coal miner at Brunthorpe Colliery in

Nottinghamshire.

It was quite a normal morning, to be honest with you. The first thing we knew

anything was wrong was the smell.

It smelled like sulphur, like death.

Then we heard the screams.

So we run round the corner and that's when we saw it, like.

It became apparent that the miners had broken through a wall on the ground and

had awoken something.

An entity.

They were a young lad, Jack, from Long Eaton.

That grabbed him, just pulling his arms off.

They were deployed to throw a perimeter around the mine. I was a desert storm.

I've seen all sorts.

I ain't seen nothing like that.

The creature was unstoppable.

It just kept going.

Blobbing. Blobbing.

Blobbing, blobbing, blobbing!

We all made a bright foot.

Get back to the lift.

But that bastard's followed us all the way out.

And all of a sudden, it just stopped.

It was a complete coincidence.

I happened to be in one of the... ..a gotcha segment in which

we had tricked Roy Keane into berating a Chinese takeaway owner.

That's when I heard the commotion and I...

I ran round the corner and there he was.

We can't be certain whether it's something in Noel's pheromonal signature

that Blobby responds to, or whether there is a sexual aspect.

Well, well, reconnaissance ascertains that there were, in fact, multiple

entities concealed in the room.

One thing was clear.

The mines had to be sealed.

Immediately.

Mrs. Thatcher ate the pill for all of us. It killed her. What her party did to

her beloved miners.

Loving is an atom bomb made flesh.

What keeps me up at night is what happens when Edmunds cops it.

I've seen what one of them can do.

And there's millions of them down there.

Ladies and gentlemen, Holly Humberstone.

And the critics call the trash It's how you die you feel too much for you

right down to the question Oh break sound it always sucks. It all works out

It always doesn't think they say in the songs you love the greatest six and the

deepest cup it all breaks down It always sucks. It all works out. It always does

Is to know you're only human, honey To love somebody To hurt somebody

To lose somebody Well, at least you got to love somebody Well, at

least you got

to love somebody

You feel a little better.

This blue and green ball keeps spinning to the beat.

You've got to try and move your feet.

Got to be poached and clever.

And you feel too much. You've had it all on a summer crush.

It all breaks down. It always stops. It all works out. It always does. You wear

his t-shirt. You hate his guts. You read the handbook. Take the drugs. He said,

from here on out, it's tough. It always works. It always does.

It's

It all works out. It always does. The things they say in the songs you love.

The greatest hits and the deepest cuts. It all breaks down. It always does. It

all works out. It always does. To love somebody, to hate somebody, to

lose somebody, is to know you're only human, honey. To love somebody, to

hate somebody,

to lose somebody, world gets too far.

So you're burning me up

Welcome to Weekend Update. I'm Paddy Young. And I'm Anya Magliano.

We start with some breaking news from the Labour Party.

Wes Streeting has just confirmed that if there is a leadership contest, he will

challenge Keir Starmer. And now we've had reports from inside Westminster that

Wes Streeting could be right on the verge of hitting puberty.

More on those balls as they drop.

Earlier this week, Keir Starmer, seen here... Hang on, sorry, which one is he?

Thank you.

Earlier this week, Starmer met with Wes Streeting at Number 10.

Starmer's allies insisted the meeting was just two men having a coffee.

Oh, my God, they're fucking... Streeting and Starmer's meeting lasted only 16

minutes. A disappointment for Wes.

who'd met with himself before he left the house in the hope he'd last longer.

There's now a real chance Wes Streetine might become the Prime Minister.

Truly, the worm has turned.

And I'm not calling Wes a worm because I don't respect his policies.

I'm calling him a worm because he looks like a worm.

Members of Reform UK have expressed worries that Wes Streetine is a friend

of Mandelson.

Sorry, it's 2026, just say gay.

Another potential challenger for the leadership is Andy Burnham, whose key

policy difference to streeting is that his hair goes in the other direction.

And what about the other parties? Let's turn now to the Lib Dems.

Now let's turn away from the Lib Dems.

The former deputy prime minister, Angela Rayner, is also in the mix and could

make history as the first female red-headed prime minister who doesn't

understand tax. Sorry, I'm welling up.

Thicky Wrangler and Luton's angriest twink, Tommy Robinson, led the Unite the

Kingdom march in London today.

The Met Police said they had deployed over 4,000 officers.

Luckily, they were going to go anyway.

No.

It was actually quite a diverse crowd.

There were 20,000 bald men, 40,000 XL bullies and one mini bully.

Wide facial recognition technology was used by the police for the first time at

the protest.

It's a huge breakthrough, proving the technology is finally advanced enough to

work on munters.

A recent report has found that progress on gender equality at the top of

Britain's biggest businesses remains achingly slow, with still only nine

female bosses in the FTSE 100.

Here to comment is the woman who can't be ignored!

Time to focus. Don't look away. Focus. Now, that's good. That's very good.

What was your name again?

Jenny Heselbo Aruga.

Jenny, how is it that in 2026 we still have so few female CEOs?

Well, I tell you whose fault it is. The women's. Wait for it.

I'm joking.

The problem is structural.

And I'm coming like...

Do you have any tips for a woman going into a job interview for a high-up

position? God, yeah. Now, when you arrive at the interview, you say very

loudly, I drove here.

Now, give me this job.

Are you in a leadership role yourself?

Of course I am. I slept my way to the top. And by that, I mean I nap and I'm

gifted.

Dream a little dream of me.

And what line of work is that?

Advertising. Remember the slogan, Red Bull gives you wings?

I punished the guy who came up with that.

Now, he was great in bed, but he played me for a fool.

He's got three kids and lives in Teddington now, of course. Hey, I'm ma

-ma-ma.

Jenny, I'm so jealous of your confidence.

Oh, yeah? Are you jealous?

Yeah. Well, if you're that jealous, why not ask me out for a drink?

Why not ask me to be your girlfriend?

Try it. See what I say.

I don't know. It seems a little forward. Well, as I always say to every person I

ever meet, your loss.

She will be loved.

OK, fine.

I can't ignore you, Jenny. Want to get a drink sometime?

Ah, yes. Well, let me check. With my husband, I'm married, you bellend.

I'm a woman in a female leadership position. Someone put a ring on this

piece of impressive ass yonks ago.

Wow! It's a woman who can't...

Wiltshire has set up a website promoting safe routes for women running alone.

As we know, running alone is one of the most dangerous things you can do as a

woman, apart from walking alone, travelling alone, dining alone, sleeping

alone, living alone and living with a partner.

The Royal Navy has been forced to redesign a uniform after complaints that

two of the buttons are in the same place as nipples.

The uniform is here being worn by Princess Anne and the buttons chart the

progression downwards of her nipples throughout the years.

A US member of Congress has suggested that a strange object filmed hovering

over a military base in the Middle East could in fact have been an angel.

Impossible. I've never been to the Middle East.

Now, this week was the centenary of the legendary comedian Eric Morkham.

Yeah, he's a personal hero of mine and I'd like to take this opportunity to

deliver this tribute to him.

Halle, Eric Walker, Halle, National

Treasure, BTS,

K-Pop, Jimmy Eric Walker has

joined the bubble.

Thank you, Eric.

Rest in power.

Anya?

Yeah, OK.

Tonight,

that's what that was. Tonight is the grand final of the Eurovision Song

Contest.

And the vote is happening live, right now.

Here to explain the Eurovision scoring work, here to explain how Eurovision...

I'm still thinking about the beatboxing.

and to explain how the eurovision scoring works we can now go live to one

of the judges hello

for how hot you look in a denim. Very nice.

And then take away two points if you've done a genocide.

Naughty, naughty. Slap on the wrist.

And then we all drink orange wine together and Caesar.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sounds clear to me. So did you like the UK entry?

Yes, yes. I hated it very much so. Yes, yes, yes. Anyway.

I'm off to make sex now with the drummer from Lithuania. Bye!

And that's just himself, everyone!

An Amazon delivery driver caught on a doorbell camera taking a cat from a

garden in Yorkshire has claimed he did not know it had an owner, that the cat

was returned the following day by every who rang the bell once and then booted

it over the wall.

Women's Only Mental Health Crisis Centre is set to open in Swindon next month.

For those of you who don't know, a Women's Only Mental Health Crisis Centre

is more commonly referred to as Oliver Bonas.

In Halifax, a strongman has become the first person in the world to pull a car

with his penis while on fire.

Although, sadly, he lost the biggest battle, custody of his children.

New artworks placed outside a church in Somerset... have been described by

locals as looking like giant sex toys.

I mean, they really do. I have that one at home, the one in the coat.

The cost of living crisis looks set to worsen. To discuss some tips and tricks

on managing your personal finances, Ayawadi Bamboye!

We need to be here, Harvey.

Let's get into it.

Money tip one. Remember, debt is just a number.

£34,000.

Those are just numbers.

HMRC. Those are just letters.

But I am not opening.

What is it, Arnie?

I think it means you owe HMRC 34 grand.

Arnie, when you speak, I get a migraine in my spine.

What is it, too?

If you have debt, remember, it's not always your fault.

Sorry, whose fault is it? Lily Allen. So Lily Allen lived as a black woman from

the years 2011 to 2014.

Once you rejoin the white community, UK borrowing costs shut off.

Coincidence? That does sound like the coincidence, yeah.

Paddy, understand that when you talk, my nipples become concave.

Please!

Please! Mummy tip three.

Find a man with an old money name like Jasper, Richard or Tarquin. Then you

break into his house and you take all of his things.

His tapestries, his Fabergés, his children.

And you sell them on Facebook Marketplace.

You deserve to have a nice life.

This is terrible advice.

Oh, yeah?

Let's get a second opinion.

From an expert.

Martin, where are you?

Oh, my God.

It's Martin Lewis. Martin says an expert.

Your heart is in the right place.

But I can't condone this advice.

You should not sell children on Facebook Marketplace.

Vinted is way more lucrative.

new producer. I just want to say I'm so excited about this new James Bond. I

think you've made an excellent casting choice. Yes, Chitty Gatwa is incredible.

And I'm just so happy we finally get a black James Bond. It's been a long time

coming. And that is exactly what we have here. A black James Bond.

Technically.

Technically?

Sorry?

What's this?

bond, but obviously we want to avoid any backlash around that, so we found a

loophole in society.

A loophole? Yes.

Cynthia Erivo's character in Wicked taught us that audiences are happy to

have a black lead in a major blockbuster as long as they're painted green.

Oh, um, like Zoe Saldana's character in Guardians of the Galaxy. She was green.

She was green, exactly.

But I'm not just green, am I? I'm Shrek.

Yes.

Yes, the most beloved green of them all.

Yeah, think about what Shrek is.

He's an outsider that refuses to assimilate, steals a royal and marries

them. He's basically Meghan Markle.

But everyone still loves him. I guess.

Trust me.

Let's give it a go, shall we? All right, quiet on set.

And action.

Martini.

Shaken, not stirred.

Cut! OK, love that, love that, love that.

Um, my only note is way more Shrek.

But I thought I was James Bond.

Yes, and no, you're Nshutigatwa who's playing Shrek, who's playing the new

James Bond. It's all very logical. It should be like, Martini, shake and not

stir. There we go.

Martini, shake and not stir. No, no, let's try, Martini, shake and not stir.

Better out than in, I always say.

martini shaking not start burp better than i always say

do you care about being the first black trekker

because it doesn't seem like you care let's try what are you doing in my

casino what are you doing in my casino with me here people are in your casino

and you're asking them what are you doing in my casino

Not getting it. Because it doesn't make sense to put Shrek in the James Bond

world. Not just putting Shrek in the James Bond world. Bring in M, the end of

MI6.

I've got a new assignment for you, 007.

Do you know the muffin man? What the hell is happening here?

We believe he's a puppet for a much larger operation.

Here to take you down, Mr. Bond.

With my Spanish boot, we're in cut.

Meow, meow.

Por favor.

Now we're cooking.

Bring in Q, the gadget man sidekick.

Oh, my.

Don't do the voice.

Really sorry, man.

This gadget makes waffle. Right, I quit.

If this is what it takes to be the first black James Bond, then I...

last option. The only black person that's allowed to fully be themselves in

mainstream media.

Coming soon, Alison Hammond is James Bond.

Once again,

Holly Humberstone.

It's just my voice I gotta go through the stages While exercising

my voice Sometimes the busiest places

Can make you feel so alone, alone, alone, alone

Play that song, DJ, I just wanna sway

Oh.

It's just why the-

100%, my love.

Are you sure we should be letting our girls do that?

Mary, the dancing.

Oh, no, not this again. I know you think it's silly, but the curse.

Oh, come off it, Beth.

You know that curse is a load of bollocks.

Mum, come and be in the dance.

Me? Oh, no.

You don't want my crispy old disgusting arse in your top top.

Be right there.

Come on then, move over.

OK,

mum's still got it.

Oh, my God.

Oh, God.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ, no.

No. No.

It's happening, isn't it? Good God!

What's happening?

Darling, you're going to have to be really brave for mummy.

Your mothers, us, were cursed by a witch. Evil.

She caught us doing pre-marital erotic grinding on boys at the inaugural

Boomtown Festival in 2009.

She said, if we ever popped our pussies again, we'd pop them until...

You know.