Original subtitles

Deku: (Narration) After yesterday’s… “spirited”… orientation...

Deku: we’re finally starting our classes today!

Deku: First thing in the morning, we have English.

Present Mic: Alright, you lot.

Present Mic: Which of these sets of dicky birds’ll getcha in the least Barney Rubble

Present Mic: -if you need a new pair of dinky doos for your dog’s meat,

Present Mic: -but the gaffer’s being a real Hampton Wick, charging a bullseye instead of a pony?

Deku: (Narration) I think...?

Deku: Later, we can get lunch in the school’s cafeteria.

Deku: -It’s shockingly delicious considering how affordable it is!

Lunch Rush: Eat up, children! I excreted it through my face tube!

*Audible disgust & judgement from Iida* *Shock & Awe radiates from Deku*

Uraraka: "Don’t need to know how the hot dog’s made, my dude. Just shovel it in me."

Deku: So useful~"

Lunch Rush: Oh? Looks like someone’s running low!

Lunch Rush: Let me top you up!

*Horrid retching noise of food production*

*Noise continues*

*NOISE INTENSIFIES*

*3D Printed Lunch Rush Steak 80% complete*

Deku: (Narration) But then, in the afternoon-

Deku: It’s time for the class we’ve all been waiting for.

Deku: -Hero Basic Training!

All Might: WHAT DOES IT… DO, CHILDREN?!

All Might: Who’s ready to get BASIC?!

*Unamused Class 1-A murmurs...aside from Deku*

Uraraka: Weird… his voice sounds so familiar…

Mina: Oh my god! Whoever’s dad that is, get him the hell out of here!

Kirishima: Uh, Mina? Pretty sure that’s our teacher.

*Mina audibly cringes*

Mina: Ugh! I have nothing to learn from someone dressed like that!

*sassy Mina finger snap*

All Might: Now, I know many of you youngins may not know me, but if you give me a chance, I think you’ll find I’m a pretty hip cat!

Kaminari: It’s an old meme, but it checks out. Show us whatchu got, bestie!

All Might: Preesh, family!

All Might: - Now, “the Man” wants me to spend this first class going over things like “quirk safety” and “responsibility”

All Might: but your cool uncle Mr. All Might’s got a better idea.

All Might: Who’s ready to jump into some fight training?!

Bakugou: OH GOD YES!

Deku: oh god no...

Deku: Uh, sir? Are you sure that's such a-

All Might: Now now. There’ll be plenty of time for questions…

All Might: -after I give you your super cool new costumes!

*Class 1-A erupts in excitement and cheers...aside from Deku*

All Might: Yes, children! Mr. All Might’s the best! Love All Might!

*"I'm no Superman" - Lazlo Bane* 🎵"I can't do this all on my own"🎶

🎵"No, I know, I'm no Superman"🎶

🎵"I'm no Superman"🎶

*🎶My Hero Academia OST - Hero A🎵 kicks in*

All Might: (Holding back tears) Young heroes… I really must say…

All Might: you all look so poggers right now!

All Might: (Retching) And one of you smells… just awful! Who is that?!

Bakugou: You like it? It’s my sweat.

*Uraraka projectile vomits onto her visor*

Bakugou: Heh. Overwhelmed by my natural musk.

All Might: What god would allow this?

Iida: Sir, for what reason have you brought us here in our formal battle regalia?

Iida: -Are we to be engaging in duels of honour?

All Might: Surprisingly close, Hockey Boy!

Iida: Excellent! *Iida brandishes a British Model 1813 Tower Flintlock Pistol*

All Might: W-Whoa There!

All Might: -Love the enthusiasm, but no. I’m gonna be splitting you kiddos into teams of two!

All Might: One side will play the heroes, while the other will be the-

Kirishima: PIRATES!

All Might: You were so close to being my favourite, blondie.

*The moment Deku's heart was ripped in twain*

All Might: But no. Villains.

All Might: Villains is what you will be. Villains with a bomb.

All Might: Heroes no like bomb. Heroes stop villains before time run out or villains do big bad with big boom.

All Might: Any questions?

Tsuyu: Just so you know, I’m gonna be streaming this...

Bakugou: What are the consequences for killing our opponents...? None? Cool that’s what I thought.

Uraraka: I need to clean my visor.

Iida: Sir, it appears my dueling pistol has gone off by mistake. (Dueling pistol is noticeably and terrifyingly absent...)

Aoyama: 🥖 I've been shot...🍷

All Might: None of those were questions!

All Might: -Heck it, let’s just go straight to drawing lots!

All Might: First up will be… Team D vs Team A! Let’s go!!!

Iida: Uh, sir? You neglected to assign us to any teams.

Iida: Those letters are meaningless.

All Might: Sounds like villain talk to me. Congratulations, Hockey Boy.

All Might: You just bought yourself a team-up with Pig Pen over there.

Bakugou: Hey, don’t say that like it’s a punishment! He’d be lucky to get himself a waft of my rich..."musk"

*Poor Uraraka projectile vomits once more*

Uraraka: Please stop saying “musk”.

All Might: Ah, looks like we have another volunteer! Space Girl, why don’t you team up with…

All Might: this handsome lad in green over here? I’ve never met you before. Yes, you two would make quite the power couple.

All Might: Everyone else head to the observation room, and you two can go find somewhere to… strategize…

All Might: Yes, you can’t tell, but I’m winking at you, Mathuzela.

All Might: -I MEAN I DON’T KNOW YOUR NAME!

Deku: No... No you don’t...

Deku: Hm?

*🎵My Hero Academia OST - Bōsō sentō🎶beats ominously*

Deku: Ah! Oh right! I gotta fight Kacchan! Oh, this is gonna be bad. He’s gonna…

Deku: -No. I can’t insult him by just giving up before it’s begun! He’d want me to give it my all and treat him like an equal!

Deku: Go on! Show ‘em your gameface!

Bakugou: Is that freckley-ass motherfucker gamefacing at me?! Like some kinda fuckin’ equal?!

Bakugou: How fuckin’ DARE he?!

Bakugou: I’M GONNA RIP OUT HIS FUCKING SPINE AND DRINK HIS MARROW LIKE A FUCKIN’ STRAW!

Deku: I think it’s working!

*🎵My Hero Academia OST - Tsuppari hankō-ki🎶*

Iida: In order to truly embrace the spirit of this assignment,

Iida: I believe we should fully immerse ourselves in our roles as antagonists.

Iida: Perhaps we should come up with villainous code names... Any ideas, Bakugou?

Bakugou: Motherfucking Deku ass candy ass bitch ass piece of fucking shit…

Iida: Hmm, well a little vulger for my taste. Plus, we already have a Deku.

Bakugou: What the fuck does he think he’s doing? He can’t do that.

Bakugou: I gotta show him what’s what. Make him pay.

Iida: Oh, don’t let it get you down. Yes, I suppose growing up alongside Midoriya couldn’t have been easy.

Iida: Living in the shadow of someone with such a clearly superior Quirk.

Iida: Ugh, Must have simply been too much for someone like you to bear.

*Bakugou: Rage Mode Activates*

Iida: Hm? Oh you’re simply getting into character, Ha! Outstanding. Yes grrrrrrr! Let us grrr together! Grrrrrrr!

*🎵Light Hearted Xylophone-based OST🎶*

Uraraka: Hey, so… since it’s just you and me here…

Uraraka: I’ve been meaning to pick your brain about something.

Uraraka: Seems like we might have similar ideas about this whole goodie-goodie-

Uraraka: OH GOD! ARE YOU OKAY?!

Deku: Oh, I was just thinking about all the innocent people whose lives might be torn apart if we fail to disarm the bomb.

Deku: Their blood on my hands.

Deku: The families of the deceased sending me old photos with the faces scratched out saying “you did this”

Deku: so that I never forget my failure. Nor should I…

Uraraka: Uhhh, you know this is just an assignment, right?

Uraraka: I doubt they’re actually gonna kill anybody today. It’s like our first week.

Deku: Oh, of course. I get that. But this isn’t just about fighting and tactics.

Deku: We also need to prepare ourselves for the weight of responsibility that comes with being heroes.

Deku: People’s lives are going to depend on us one day. If we don’t take this seriously now,

Deku: -then who knows how we’ll handle the stress when it’s real?

Uraraka: Huh?

Deku: And I’m sure our opponents feel the same way.

Deku: That’s why we need to treat Kacchan like he actually is a deranged maniac that wants to blow us up! Yeah, I heard it.

Uraraka: (Internally) What the fuck? Is he for real?

Uraraka: I thought this uwu good boi schtick was just a gimmick for the cameras like me, but I think he actually means it!

Uraraka: What a freak! Aw, whatever. I can still get some good tips from him. They’ll just be… slightly more authentic then I thought.

Deku: Oh, I’m so sorry! I’m just over here mansplaining being a hero to you like you don’t already know all this!

Deku: Um, you said you wanted to pick my brain about something?

Uraraka: Gah! Forget about that! Let’s get in there and fist him good! Yeah!

*cute Deku smile noise*

All Might: (Intercom) Alright, children!

All Might: This match is scheduled for One Fall!

All Might: Team A, fighting for truth, justice, and the Japanese way! Team D…

All Might: crimin’ it up!

All Might: Let’s do this! *The Loud Air Horn means Go!*

All Might: You like that? I bought an air horn application for my intelligent cellular telephone.

All Might: I figured it out, and it should really help us raise the roof on this bad mamajama.

Kaminari: He… he a little confused, but he got the spirit.

*🎵Cue the Infiltration Ost🎵*

Deku: Alright, I think our best bet is to try and sneak our way to the bomb.

Deku Lucky for us, years of using his quirk has really messed with Kacchan’s hearing.

Deku: I doubt he’d even notice your high heels coming.

Uraraka: (Loud Whispered Echo) The fuck is that supposed to mean-

Deku: Shh... *Deku sniffs the surrounding air*

Deku: Oh no...

Bakugou: Surprise, shit nerd!!!

*Deku & Uraraka Scream while getting attacked*

*Deku straining noises as he gets back up*

Uraraka: Ass dicks! It’s Triple B!

Bakugou: (Genuine Confusion) Triple B?

*Enter the Triple B Slot Machine!*

*Best Boi Bakugo is the winner Ladies & Gentlemen!*

Bakugou: Triple B, huh? Yeah… I like the sound of that.

Uraraka: (Genuine Confusion) …Okay.

Deku: I’d hoped that we could avoid fighting you directly, but it looks like we’ve got no choice.

Bakugou: What’s this? You decided to grow a pair? You trying to show off for your little girlfriend?

Uraraka: Pfft. He wishes.

Deku: Oh, let me make one thing very clear, Kacchan. I am absolutely terrified right now.

Bakugou: Heh, damn straight. You’re just a sad little weakling, and I’m about to wipe the floor with you.

Deku: That’s exactly what I’m afraid of. Your strength. Your speed. It’s all incredible. I couldn’t hope to measure up.

Bakugou: Wh-what are you doing? I’m not falling for your mind games!

Deku: Of course not. Someone as brilliant as you would never fall for such a cheap ploy.

Bakugou: I hate this! Stop it!

*Deku is rightfully making terrified noises*

Bakugou: You’ll never beat me, Deku! I’M THE BEST!!!

*Bakugou shocked & confused noise*

*Deku yells while throwing Bakugou like a sack of dirt*

*Bakugou gasps out in pain* *🎵 My Hero Academia OST - You Say Run begins to swell🎶*

*🎵 My Hero Academia OST - You Say Run begins to swell🎶*

Deku: You’re right, Kacchan. But it’s because you’re the best that I paid so much attention.

Deku: Every fight you ever had. Every workout. I was there. Watching. Every drop of sweat recorded and cataloged.

*Mina audibly salivating*

Bakugou: I knew it. You WERE tricking me. Vindication. Get absolutely roasted, Deku.

Bakugou: I’m so smart. Oh god…

Iida: (over the radio) BAKUGOU! BAKUGOU! COME IN!

Bakugou: What?! I’m kinda busy here!

Iida: I shall be Slapshot! A real rough customer from the mean streets of Montreal!

Bakugou: What the fuck are you talking about?!

Iida: My villain persona! I figured it out!

Iida: I’ve decided to lean into the “🏒hockey boy🥅” motif our dear Mr. All Might so eloquently suggested!

Iida: Kicked out of the NHL for killing too many players,

Iida: I now roam the ice, seeking vengeance against the league that wronged me.

Bakugou: This really isn’t the time, numb nuts!

Iida: My signature slapshot, from which my felonious nom de guerre is derived, carries enough force to cleave even steel… or skulls.

Bakugou: (Interrupting) Yeah… I’m hanging up now, Goodbye.

Iida: Bakugou, wait! How 🍷French🥐 should I be?!

Deku: Uraraka, help!

Uraraka: You got this!!

Deku: (Internally) Of course! She’s going for the bomb!

Deku: Thank goodness I’ve got a partner with such a clear head on her shoulders!

*Angry exploding Bakugou noise*

Deku: Gotta stay focused! Can’t let her plan go to waste.

Uraraka: Where the fuck’s the exit in this place!

Sero: The only thing that’ll put him back together is the amazing adhesive power of Sero Tape!

Sero: Available at all major retailers for 9.95?!

Sato: WHAT A DEAL!

Kirishima: You want I should get in there? Maybe hold him down and kiss his neck a little til he calms down?

All Might: No, I don’t think that’ll be necessary. Though, I suppose Moist Melvin is getting a bit rowdy down there.

All Might: (Internal) Hmm… what would my father say at a time like this?

Dr. Ishirō Serizawa: (All Might's Father) Let them fight...

All Might: Well, you heard the man.

Tsuyu: What?

Bakugou: Hey, Deku. Allow me to show you something I’ve been cookin’ up for a-

*Deku rightfully runs away*

Bakugou: Hey! Don’t you run away in the middle of my thing! You rude bitch!

Iida: Ho… ho ho HO… ho HO ho… No, that’s just 🍷🥐French French🥖🍷!

Iida: I need 🥐🥅QUEBECOIS!🏒🍷

*Iida sighs at his français dilemma*

Iida: The line between poutine and croissant is a fine one indeed. Greater men than I have gone mad trying to find a distinction.

Iida: But find it I must! They shall drown in my curds!

Uraraka: Yeah… this is definitely not the exit.

*Uraraka's heels click* Iida: Sacre bleu!

Iida: (Imitating a français québécois accent) I’d know those heels anywhere! Show yourself, Uraraka!

Uraraka: God damn it… Hey, buddy. What’s good?

Iida: You, mon amis! Whereas I… am the very incarnation of evil!

Iida: Welcome, le petite hero… to my RINK OF RUINATION!!! HO HO HO!!!

Uraraka: Did… did you wax in here?

Iida: Oui! This sub-standard facility lacks a proper zamboni, but even still… EVIL FINDS A WAY!!!

Iida: (Breaks Character) But in all seriousness, watch your step. It is very slippery in here. Safety is no joke.

Bakugou: You think you can run from me, you bunny-eared bitch?!

Bakugou: Yeah, didn’t think I noticed your costume, didja?! Cuz I kept such a cool head in the face of your CRUEL MOCKERY!

Bakugou: Well, I never met a bunny I couldn’t kill! Except for…

Bakugou: 🌮El Conejo del Diablo…⚽ *Spanish guitar riff*

Kaminari: Man… he’s really going through it right now. Poor Melvin.

Kirishima: Yeah, makes me wanna wrap these big ol’ pythons around him and let him know everything’s gonna be okay.

Jiro: How are you just letting all these slide?

Mina: What? He just cares about his classmate. Not everything has to be dirty, Jiro.

Kirishima: Yeah, I would let him cum in my mouth.

Mina: Boys supporting boys. You love to see it.

Iida: Bakugou? Come in! What the devil are you doing down there?! The entire building is shaking!

Uraraka: (Internal) Now’s my shot!

Uraraka: Triple B’s a whole time, but I can take this nutjob easy!

Iida: *Iida réagit* HO?

Uraraka: I just gotta touch the bomb, pick up an easy A, then I can go home and watch Hannah Montana!

Iida: Incroyable!

Uraraka: Piece of cake!

Uraraka: Aw, now I want cake. I should treat myself. I deserve oh no-

*Uraraka audibly tumbles painfully across the waxed floor* *followed by a mouse-toy squeak*

Uraraka: Aw, my hubris. My sweet sweet hubris.

Iida: Foolish girl! You’ll never outpace me! For l embody the spirit of French-Canadian hockey legend

Iida: Maurice “The Rocket” Richard! Both in his speed… and his propensity… FOR VIOLENCE!!!

Uraraka: Ooooh… you just made yourself a nemesis, my friend.

*Angry Bakugou Growl*

Deku: (Confabulation) I’m gonna go to UA just to spite you, Kacchan.

Deku: (Mocking Confabulation) You really thought I didn’t have a quirk, Kacchan! Everyone knew but you!

Deku: I fucked your mom, Kacchan! She was only slightly better than your dad!

Deku: Your dad’s a bad lay, Kacchan!

Deku: YOU CARE ABOUT THIS, KACCHAN!

Bakugou: (Internally) Fuckin’ Deku. He’s always been like that. Even when we were kids…

Baby Bakugou: (ABBA - Dancing Queen Instrumental) 🎵Dancing queen! Feel the beat from the tambourine!🎶

Baby Bakugou: 🎵Oh- Argh!!!

Hat Lackie: Bakugou!

Non-Hat Wearing Lackie: Bruh, you good?!

Winged Lackie: Don’t worry. Kacchan, he's super tough. See?

*Baby Bakugou is clearly drowning*

*Somebody please save him...*

Winged Lackie: He’s a cookin’ a somethin’ up

Bakugou: I’m not gonna let you keep getting away with this, Deku!!!

Uraraka: (Over comms) Uh, Deku? You there?

Deku: Uraraka?! Yeah, is everything alright?

Uraraka: I’mma be real with you, fam. It’s a bit rough up here.

Uraraka: Do you know if there’s like some kind of medication Iida’s supposed to be taking?

Uraraka: (Over Comms) He’s lookin’ a bit… unhinged…

Deku: Yeah, seems to be going around. I’ve just been hiding out listening to Kacchan scream for… wait…

Deku: (Internally) Why don’t I hear him?!

*Bakugou's Arm Grenade announces his presence*

*Deku's spooked noise*

Bakugou: I’m laden with juice, Deku…

Deku: Oh No!

Bakugou: Yeah, get a big whiff. I got 12 gallons of psychological warfare packed into these babies.

Bakugou: I think it’s time we break the seal~

*Bakugou's sweat steam hisses*

*Bakugou gives a sinister chuckle before getting light-headed*

Bakugou: You should’ve never come to UA. You’ll never measure up to me, no matter how you change your form…

Deku: You... you mean my costume? I mean, I know it’s not as nice as yours but-

Bakugou: Save your pity! You’ll never save the future, Frank! Not now that I have all six stones…

Deku: Kacchan, you’re not making sense!

*Sound of BAKUGOU snapping repeatedly off-screen*

Todoroki: Is it just me, or is that exploding guy somehow getting worse?

Momo: Oh, you noticed that as well? Top marks, Todoroki. *🎵Death Note OST - L's Theme B🎶softly fades in*

Momo: Yes, due to the high concentration and potency of Bakugou’s sweat, coupled with the near non-existent ventilation

Momo: -in that building, he appears to be experiencing a severe bout of hallucinations.

Kaminari: So he’s getting high off his own supply?

Momo: Yes, that’s what I said.

Kaminari: Okay, then what’s his excuse?

*Iida laughs 🥐Frenchily🍷*

Momo: That one… will require further study…

Bakugou: Interesting… it seems you’re immune to the gauntlet’s power. You’re proving to be a worthy foe after all.

Deku: I know you’re kinda losing your mind right now, Kacchan, but that’s easily the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.

Bakugou: Well then… let’s see how you handle the power of a true saiyan prince!

Bakugou: KAAAAAAMEEEEEHAAAAAAMEEEE…

Deku: Ah Okay, I think I’ve got a handle on your thought process.

Deku: You think you’re Vegeta right now, but the Kamehameha is actually Goku’s move. So you should really be saying-

Bakugou: -HAAAAA!!!

*🎵Guitar Riff Heavy OST🎵*

Deku: Final… flash…

Bakugou: So, it seems you survived my Bankai… You’ll never possess the One Piece.

Bakugou: Only a true Uchiha can claim its power!

Bakugou: Yo ho ho, he took a bite of Sharingan! Oh, my head feels funny.

All Might: Young man, trying to murder your classmate is one thing, but I will not stand for drug use. At least not on school grounds.

Bakugou: Drugs?! Deku you roofied me?! You sick fuck!

Bakugou: You knew you couldn’t beat me in a fair fight so you tried to get me expelled on a technicality?! Oh that’s just classic you!

Deku: What?! I would never do something so horrible! Don’t you know me better than that?

Bakugou: Oh, I know you reeeeeal well, mom fucker!

Deku: WHAT?!

Uraraka: (Over Comms) Dude, you fucked his mom?

Deku: No, I didn’t make love to his BEAUTIFUL mother!

Bakugou: DON’T YOU TALK ABOUT MY MOM!!!!

Deku: (Terrified) AH!

*Bakugou lets out a surprised grunt*

*Bakugou lets out a strained grunt while manoeuvring*

*Deku howls out in pain after taking an exploding backshot*

Bakugou: You really think I wouldn’t catch on?!

*Deku yells out in pain as Bakugou breaks his arm*

Bakugou: Always offering a helping hand…

Bakugou: …But when my back is turned… the knives come out!

*Deku lets out a winded noise as his spine shatters*

Deku: I don’t get it… What is this feeling?... Oh...Oh I see… It’s my breaking point.

Tokoyami: Caw Caw... (Translation: I’m starting to think they’ve got beef)

Kaminari: I think you’re right Bird Boi. Whatever they got runs deep.

Mina: Oh, and now the poor little bean’s running away.

*Deku making terrified noises through the tv*

Kirishima: Nah, I’d call that more of a scamper or maybe a gallop, like a horse? *Deku's running sound mimics a horse gallop*

Kirishima: What a Majestic stead...

*Deku frantically panicking attempting to escape Bakugou*

Bakugou: This is what you’ve been waiting for, right?!

Bakugou: Your chance to bend me over and fuck me with your secret quirk!!!

Deku: No… No that’s not…

Bakugou: Well, now’s the time! Show everyone how much you’ve always hated me!!!

Deku: Is that really what you think...? Kacchan… All I ever wanted…

Deku: WAS TO BE YOUR FRIEND!!!

Entire Class of 1-A: aww...

Deku: BUT YOU’VE ALWAYS BEEN TOO MUCH OF A CUNT TO NOTICE!!!

Entire Class of 1-A: Hoah!

Kirishima: Sir, this is getting kinda personal, you think maybe you should stop this?

All Might: What are you crazy? He’s about to turn this whole thing around!

Deku: WHY WON’T YOU LET ME LOVE YOU?!!!

Bakugou: THAT’S DUMB! FIGHT ME!!!

*Bakugou & Deku cry out for battle* *🎵You Say Run🎶Swells & Intensifies*

All Might: Now I know this looks bad… but what you kids need to remember… is those wavers you signed were also NDAs.

Sero: We didn’t sign anything.

All Might: GET OUTTA THERE MIDICHLORIAN!!!

*🎵You Say Run🎶Crescendos as Deku screams out for battle*

*Bakugou shocked noise*

*Building begins to breakdown from the shockwave*

Uraraka: You like to roleplay, huh!

Uraraka: Well I’m possessed by the spirit of the greatest hockey player to ever play the game!

Uraraka: Shaquille O'Neal! KAZAAM, MOTHERFUCKER!

Iida: That is not even remotely correct!

*Uraraka flies up to the bomb as debris and rubble pelts Iida*

*SHE DID IT! ^_^*

Uraraka: Did it! Suck my massive dong, you french slut.

Iida: MON DIEU!!!

*🎵You Say Run🎶as Bakugou looks at the impact of Deku's blow*

Bakugou: Yeah! I knew it! I knew you were lying to me this whole time!

Deku: (weakly) Kacchan... I’m so sorry...

Bakugou: Gah!

Deku: I didn’t hold back to mock you. I just didn’t wanna accidentally kill you.

Deku I’m also sorry I called you a cunt. I mean, I meant it, but I shouldn’t have said it.

*Surprised Bakugou Sounds*

*Deku groans as he falls to the ground*

All Might: Oh my god… HE WON!!!!!!

All Might: Call an ambulance.

*🎵My Hero Academia OST - PLUS ULTRA🎵*