Original subtitles

*Deku Running & Panting Heavily*

DEKU: "Why didn’t you warn me?!?!?!"

SMALL MIGHT: *cough blood in surprise*

"Huh? Warn you about what?"

DEKU: "About wha- You said all that stuff about my pudding bod and meringue!"

"You said my limbs wouldn’t blow off!"

SMALL MIGHT: "I said what?"

"That doesn’t even make sense! Meringue isn’t pudding-"

"You make it out of… I dunno. Eggs?"

"That’s where you went wrong, my boy."

DEKU: "Oh, I see. I guess that makes sense."

"Wait, no it doesn’t! That’s just gibberish!"

SMALL MIGHT: "Eh… alright, fine. Maybe I should’ve told you, but it was just a bit of hazing, you know?"

"It’s like a sacred tradition among One For All users!"

DEKU: "Oh, really? So you were just putting me through the same thing you went through?"

"That’s actually kinda cool!"

SMALL MIGHT: "Who, me?! Nah, I was sorta the exception to the rule.”

“Mastered it right outta the gate. Didn’t even break a sweat, much less a bone."

*Small Might laughs* "You shoulda seen the look on master Shimura’s face!"

"Her words said she was proud, but her eyes? Those eyes wanted blood."

"But don’t get too hung up on that, my boy."

"Just because others were born with more power than you, doesn’t mean you can’t catch up to them."

"With a little time and training under your belt, I know you’ll be able to handle it."

*Deku gasps in awe*

ALL MIGHT: "Because after all… the only Quirk a hero really needs… is Perseverance!"

DEKU: "Wooooooow."

WOMAN: "Oooh, is that a hero over there?!"

MAN: "Yea… Oh, wait. Shit, look at the hair. I think it’s All Might."

WOMAN: "Oh no, really? Do you think he heard us?"

MAN: "I’m not sure. Let’s get outta here before he tries to give us his autograph."

WOMAN: "He’s soooooo pathetic..."

*All Might Gloom*

DEKU: "Aww, don’t worry, sir."

"I’m sure they’re talking about a-"

"...different All Might."

*Long All Might sigh*

*"I'm no Superman" - Lazlo Bane* 🎵"I can't do this all on my own"🎶

🎵"No, I know, I'm no Superman"🎶

🎵"I'm no Superman"🎶

DEKU: "It’s finally here! My first day at UA!"

"Sure, I may have only gotten in through some less-than-savoury means”

“-but we’re just not gonna think about that!"

"Say hello to The Box™, uncomfortable realities!"

*audible bottling up of emotions followed by a satisfied sigh*

"There we go. That’s the good stuff."

"Alright, this is it."

"Time to get in there and meet the future heroes of Japan!"

IIDA: "Goodness gracious!"

"Where is your tie, student?! Your collar is- completely ungarmented like a common streetwalker!"

"Your heaving bosoms flapping in the breeze for all to see! I’ve never seen such a shameful display!"

DEKU: "Well… everyone’s the hero of their own story..."

IIDA: "I know you lesbians like to wear the men’s clothes, but you’re taking things a bit far, don’t you think?"

"Those pants look ridiculous on you!"

BAKUGOU: "As amusing as this is, who the fuck do you think you’re talking to, you fucking preppy fuck?"

IIDA: "What?! You’re a MAN?! But your eyes sparkle so!"

BAKUGOU: "Eh?!"

MINA: "Kiss kiss kiss kiss…"

IIDA: "Huh? Did you hear something?"

MINA: "I said you should stick your tongue down his throat!"

DEKU: "Um, hi. Nice to meet you all."

MINA: "GODDAMN IT! They were supes gonna french."

DEKU: "Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to interrupt!"

IIDA: *gasp* "It’s you!"

"My name is Tenya Iida, and you will teach me your ways, prophet!"

DEKU: "Eh! I’m not sure what you mean."

"My name’s Izuku Midoriya. We actually met before."

IIDA: "Oh, I know. I would never forget such a trailblazer as yourself."

DEKU: "Huh?"

IIDA: "You are a practitioner of the Old Ways, are you not? It was a truly brilliant stratagem!"

"I mean, prioritizing civilian safety over personal glory?"

"Tell me, however did you strike upon such a novel idea?"

DEKU: "Please don’t take this the wrong way, but everything you’re saying makes me so sad."

URARAKA: "Hey, you didn’t die! Rock on!"

DEKU: "Bweh?"

*Deku Shriek of Baddie Detection*

URARAKA: "That nurse was really going ham with that rock."

"I was pretty out of it, so I thought maybe it was like a mercy killing or something."

"But hey! You’re alive! That’s neat."

DEKU: "Beh! Thank you! I did my best!"

URARAKA: "Oh hey, you CAN say people words!"

"Good for you."

BAKUGOU: "Wait, what?"

"He’s actually here? But I thought..."

*FLASHBACK*

TEACHER: "This is outstanding news, kids!"

"It’s nearly impossible to get into UA-"

"-but to think that both of you made the cut? Quite impressive!"

BAKUGOU: *snicker* "Yeah. Both of us."

TEACHER: "Especially you, young Midoriya! I’m sorry I didn’t have more faith in you.

"But it looks like all your hard work is really paying off!"

BAKUGOU: *snicker* "Goddamn, you fuckin’ savage."

TEACHER: "I couldn’t be more proud of you two."

"You both deserve a big thumbs- ohhhhh..."

*Blood Splatters on Deku as he screams girlish-ly*

BAKUGOU: "My god."

"So… that must mean…"

"Teach got UA in on the joke?!"

"Aw, that little bastard’s gonna wash out day one!"

"Goddamn, Teach. You’re my hero."

"Fuck, What was your name again?"

URARAKA: "Oh um… Anyway, I’m really looking forward to learning how to be a good hero with you guys"

“-so I can save babies and… puppies and shit."

DEKU: *nervous Deku sounds* "That’s cool! You’re cool!"

ERASERHEAD: "Hey."

*Deku Gasps*

*Scared Uraraka Sounds*

ERASERHEAD: "You kids wanna see a cocoon turn into a beautiful butterfly?"

*slurp Capri Sun*

DEKU; URARAKA; IIDA: "Gah!"

ERASERHEAD: "Behold. The majesty of…"

*Eraserhead struggles to step out of sleeping bag*

"-of nature."

IIDA: "My word! Some vagrant seems to have wandered onto the premises!"

"Probably hopped up on the angel’s dust! Beware, my fellows! The drug will have made his reflexes quite remarkable."

ERASERHEAD: "Look, I may be homeless but I’m still your teacher. Call me Mr. Aizawa."

KIRISHIMA: "No offence, stinky dude, but I call bullshit."

"And… smell bullshit."

ERASERHEAD: "Alright, put these on. I’ve already warmed ‘em up for you, so you don’t need to bother stretching."

"-Let’s get this over with."

URARAKA: "Uh, do we really have to-"

KAMINARI: "I smell like sadness and cigarettes."

MOMO: "I think mine’s been soaked in whiskey."

ERASERHEAD: "Hey! I’m gonna need that back."

URARAKA: "Uh, sir? Aren’t we supposed to be at opening ceremonies right now?"

"Are we gonna get in trouble if we miss it?"

"...uwu?"

ERASERHEAD: "Save the cutesy act for someone who’s buyin’, kid. You should have plenty to choose from around here."

URARAKA: "Dah, whaaaaaat?"

*nervous laughter* "-what do you mean…?"

ERASERHEAD: "Well... at least for now. We’re gonna have us a little contest, kids."

"-And depending on how well you do, one of you is going home."

KAMINARI: "Sweet! Winner gets a half day!"

MOMO: "No. Whoever scores the lowest is going to be expelled."

KAMINARI: "Aaaah, I see. So it’s like golf."

URARAKA: "Beg your pardon, sir, but are you fucking high?!"

"I mean… it’s our first day. Maybe you could go a little easier on us?"

"Lube us up a little first."

ERASERHEAD: "Life doesn’t give ya lube, kid... and neither do I."

"You’re going to be competing in all those little fitness tests you’re probably familiar with from grade school.”

“But with a twist."

"I’m not gonna be kneecapping you by saying you can’t use your Quirks to your advantage.”

“You’re gonna go all out."

"-That way, there’ll be no question as to which of you has the least potential."

BAKUGOU: *snicker* "Oh yeah? Damn. Man, I wonder who it’ll be, right guys?"

TODOROKI: "I… I don’t know you yet."

BAKUGOU: *Bakugou scoffs* "...Bitch."

ERASERHEAD: "Riiiiiiight."

"Well, you seem excited, ya little chucklefuck. Why don’t you go first?"

BAKUGOU: "Huh? Oh, so you’re starting with the best? Grading on a curve? I like your style."

ERASERHEAD: "...Sure."

"Why don’t you put a little pepper on it? Show us what you’ve gooooooot."

BAKUGOU: "Oh… you wanna see what I’ve got?"

"Well... if you insist."

ERASERHEAD: "I do."

BAKUGOU: "Uh… well… watch me."

ERASERHEAD: "I am. That’s my job."

BAKUGOU: "...Good! Cuz I’m about to blow your fuckin’ mind!"

ERASERHEAD: "Are you trying to intimidate me, kid? What are you gonna do? Fuck my wife?"

"Sorry to say that ship has sailed."

BAKUGOU: "What?!"

ERASERHEAD: "I said throw the ball."

*We Fly High, No Lie, You know he's BALLIN'!*

IIDA: "Extraordinary. And you’re sure he’s a man?"

DEKU: "Yeah, he’s a guy alright."

IIDA: "It boggles the mind. Next you’ll be telling me Todoroki has a penis."

TODOROKI: "Uuuuuuh…"

MINA: "NO ONE TELL HIM!!!"

ERASERHEAD: "705.2, huh?"

"-Eh, I’ve seen worse, but I guess it’s something."

BAKUGOU: "Hey!"

ERASERHEAD: "Alright, I think you brats get the idea."

"So… who’s ready to start?"

SERO: "Oh, hell yeah! We finally get to show off as much as we want!"

MINA: "This is perfect! If any of you sluts get in my way, I WILL melt your faces off."

KIRISHIMA: "She means it! I’ve seen her do it!"

ERASERHEAD: "Ugh. Disappointing. You’re just like the rest…"

DEKU: "Okay, granted. This seems pretty bad."

"Sure, I may have a monstrously powerful new quirk that will tear me to shreds”

“-if I so much as blink wrong, but that’s not gonna be a problem today because…"

"-was really hoping for some instant inspiration there."

"Nope, I’m just gonna die? Cool… cool."

IIDA: "Curses. Just shy of my best time. I shall endeavour to improve next time, sir!"

ERASERHEAD: "WHAT?! JESUS, I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER YOUR THUNDEROUS CALVES! TURN ‘EM OFF!"

IIDA: "Apologies, sir!"

*IIDA’s legs turn off with the sound of a car locking “bee-boop”*

DEKU: "AH! My eyes!"

"AH! MY SKIN!"

DEKU: "Okay, you can do this. Just tap into the massive power within you…"

"-and then ask it politely, yet firmly, to please not cripple you again."

"Alright, here goes!"

*feeble effort sound*

"Oh heck! That’s a personal best!"

SERO: "Damn, dude! You hit 540 kg! You stud! You beast! You absolute freak!"

MINETA: "You are an abomination in the eyes of our Lord!"

SHOUJI: "Uh… thanks, fellas…"

URARAKA: "Byyyyye, biiiiiitch~ I mean, golly! How was that sir?"

BAKUGOU: *freaking the fuck out* "W-what...WHAT?!"

URARAKA: "Jeepers! Well, I guess now the aliens will have something to play with~"

BAKUGOU: "I mean… you don’t really think it’s gonna get that far, right?!?!"

*Bakugou Manic Laughter* "Right?!?!"

TODOROKI: "Dude, let go of me."

*Mineta Infinite Bounce*

IIDA: "My word! Not only is he not slowing down with each bounce, he actually seems to be INCREASING in velocity!"

"He is CREATING energy! This changes everything we know about thermodynamics!"

MINETA: "I can’t stop! Someone help me!"

IIDA: "Take heart, young man!”

“Your noble sacrifice to scientific progress shall not be forgotten!"

*Mineta weeping*

ERASERHEAD: "Alright, looks like you’re up… uh… Freckles?"

"Fuck it. I’m too tired for this. Just imagine I said something devastating."

DEKU: "Don’t worry, sir. I’ve got a few in reserve all ready to go."

DEKU: "Alright, Izuku. This is your last chance."

"You and I both know you blew every event so far.”

“It’s all you can do to keep from killing yourself, much less compete with everyone else."

"They’ve all got such amazing quirks and they’re so talented. I mean, did you SEE that purple kid?"

*Mineta begins to reach Apotheosis*

MINETA: "You guys! I don’t feel so good!"

*Mineta screaming in Horror*

IIDA: "Gadzooks! Time and space are being torn asunder before our very eyes!"

*Mineta screaming in Horror*

DEKU: "You know what you have to do. And yeah. You KNOW how bad it’s gonna hurt."

"But not nearly as much as it would to get kicked out after you fought so hard to be here."

"So if I gotta lose an arm to keep my spot, then that’s just what I’ll do!"

"After all… no tuition is too unreasonable…"

"FOR A HERO!!!"

*Eye Zappies of Quirkn't*

*Deku Scream of Quirklessness*

*Ball Drop of Embarrassment and Futility*

BAKUGOU: "HA!"

*Deku Gloom*

DEKU: "But… but “hya” though..."

ERASERHEAD: "Oh, so that’s your thing, huh?"

DEKU: "Bah?!"

ERASERHEAD: "You’re gonna be the self-sacrificing idiot?"

"Pulling out one clutch save before the rest of your team has to carry your broken ass?"

"You proud of being a burden? You feel good about yourself?"

DEKU: "Not even once, sir."

MINA: "Aw, he has such pain inside him..."

"That’s so fucking hot."

ERASERHEAD: "Do you really think I haven’t seen this bit a thousand times?"

"Kids like you always think someone’s just gonna come along and pick up after you."

"But news flash!"

"Sometimes there’s no one else there! And you’re just lying there, broken and alone!-"

"-Eating top ramen you made on a fuckin’ space heater!"

DEKU: "Wait… what?"

IIDA: "Ah, I see now! He cancelled out Midorya’s power with his eyes. So that filthy hobo is the D-lister, Eraserhead?"

"I’ve heard a lot about him from my brother but… he’s certainly not what I would have expected..."

ERASERHEAD: "And all you can think is “maybe if you’d paid more attention to her needs instead working all the damn time,-"

"-maybe you wouldn’t be hiding out in the school’s rafters like some kind of rat!”

"Except even the rat has a fuckin’ house to go home too!"

DEKU: "I don’t mean to interrupt, but is this still about me and my quirk?"

ERASERHEAD: "You really thought that love was enough to keep her around?! You selfish prick! You were only holding her back!"

"You really couldn’t tell all those late-night pottery classes were a cry for help?!”

“No one’s making flowerpots at 4 am, you fucking idiot!"

"She was fucking the whole town raw, and you just let it happen! Because you’re a coward!"

"Why couldn’t you pay attention to someone other than yourself for five fuckin’ minutes?!"

DEKU: "You’re right! I should have treated her better!"

ERASERHEAD: "You’re damn right!"

*Eraserhead clearing his throat*

"Okay. So… glad we’re clear on that."

"Why don’t you take another crack at that pitch and, uh…"

"-maybe don’t tell the- the- the principal about what we just talked about?"

Sound good, champ?"

DEKU: "Yes sir…"

"-thank you, sir."

"You idiot! Now look what you did!"

"You upset Mr. Aizawa on your FIRST DAY! Probably thinks you’re the worst student in U.A. history."

ERASERHEAD: "I wonder how many wet wipes I’d have to steal to get a full bath in..."

DEKU: "This is as far as I go, isn’t it?"

"I can’t beat the other kids if I don’t go all out, but I still can’t do it without going all goopey-armed."

"I’m really in hot water here…"

"Wait! That’s it!"

*You Say Run intensifies*

DEKU: "He’s talking about the ball!"

"I’ve been so focused on keeping myself from exploding…"

"-that I’ve completely ignored the ball’s needs!"

DEKU: "Of course. It’s all so clear now."

"My finger… is the space heater…"

"-and the ball…"

"IS THE RAMEEEEEEEN!!!"

*Crowd Oohs and Aaahs*

BAKUGOU: "WHAT THE FUCK?!"

DEKU: "Mr. Aizawa…"

"I get what you were trying to teach me!"

"All I needed… was one finger to get 'er done."

ERASERHEAD: "Uh… yea."

"You get 'em..."

MINA: "Hot damn. Y’all heard that too, right?"

KAMINARI: "I know… Now I really want ramen..."

ERASERHEAD: "Well, would you look at that. 705.3."

"See that, kids? Now that’s a real score."

"I mean, 705.2 is okay, I suppose, but 705.3?"

"That .1 is what divides the heroes-"

"from the sidekicks."

BAKUGOU: "What the fuck is this!? Stupid Deku doesn’t have a Quirk!"

"-I would’ve known! Why wouldn’t he have used it all those times I wailed on him?!"

"Unless… unless he WANTED me to do it.

"That sick son of a bitch! Using me for his own sexual gratification!"

"All these years…"

"I’ve been his unknowing WHORE."

*Bakugou Angry Growl*

"I’M NOBODY’S WHORE, DEKU!!!"

*Johnny Test Whip SFX of Bakugou Capture*

DEKU: "Beh?!"

ERASERHEAD: "Yeah, I’m gonna need you kids to stop finishing your thoughts out loud."

"It’s either one or the other. None of this half-and-half shit."

TODOROKI: "Huh? What? Sorry, I was just thinking about… no."

"-It’s too painful."

ERASERHEAD: "Now, can I let you go, or are you gonna keep throwing your little temper tantrum?"

"Hot heads like you need to know when to submit."

BAKUGOU: "I told you! I’m nobody’s whore!"

ERASERHEAD: "Then you’re in the wrong line of work, son."

MINA: "Y’all are killing me!"

ERASERHEAD: "Alright, now stand aside you two."

"There are other students in this class waiting to take their disappointing throws."

"Tape boi, you’re up."

SERO: "Yeah! Wait, what?"

DEKU: "Um… your throw was really awesome, Kacchan. I’m sure I JUST GOT LUCKY!"

KIRISHIMA: "That was an amazing throw, man!"

KAMINARI: "I totally thought he was gonna kill you!"

DEKU: "Heheh. Yeah, Kinda same."

BAKUGOU: "Fucking pervert."

ERASERHEAD: "Alright, moment of truth. Who’s excited to go home early?"

KAMINARI: "WOOOO!!!"

ERASERHEAD: "Forever~"

KAMINARI: "Oh right! No! No?"

JIRO: "No."

KAMINARI: "No! Nailed it."

DEKU: "Oh heck! Oh heck heck higgity heck! It’s gonna be me!"

"I broke my finger and still only managed one decent score! Unless this is going by golf rules, I’m completely screwed!"

KAMINARI: "Nah, brah. I made the same mistake. You know what they say, It’s a no-go on the golf...o"

"Anyway, you seem upset. You doing okay?"

DEKU: "Kaminari? Are-- Are you in my head?!"

KAMINARI: "Totes, bro!"

"Sometimes I use electricity to make my think box talk to other people’s think boxes."

DEKU: "Does that make sense?!"

KAMINARI: "I dunno… Anyway, here’s Wonderwall."

"BECAUSE MAYBAYYY-"

*Eraserhead Activates Hologram*

ERASERHEAD: "Okay, looks like the winner is…"

"Terrence!"

CLASS: "WHAT?!"

TERRENCE: "Well, Looks like this is the end of the road for ol’ Terry."

KIRISHIMA: "No...NOOO!!!"

IIDA: "You can’t send him away! He was the best of us!"

TERRENCE: "Aw, there’s no need to cry, friends. You’re all going to do such amazing things."

SERO: "We’ll never forget you, Terrence! And all that you taught us!"

MINA: "Thanks to him, I was able to fix my relationship with my parents!"

TERRENCE: "No, Mina. You did that all on your own."

"-By admitting your love of breakdancing to your weird Footloose dad."

"Now I must leave you. Goodbye, everyone!"

"Goodbyyyyyyyyyyyye…"

ERASERHEAD: "Yeah, so anyway, the rest of you get to stay, I guess."

"Congratulations..."

*“Footloose” by Kenny Loggins starts playing*

DEKU: "Ah, that feels so much better."

"Recovery Girl’s power is really amazing. She only had to reset it twice this time."

IIDA: "Midoriya! May I have a word?"

DEKU: "Aaaargh! I mean, yes?"

IIDA: "I have decided that we shall enter into a friendship. Would you be amenable to this?"

DEKU: "What? You really want to be friends with me?"

"I mean. I don’t know if I’m cool enough to deserve that."

IIDA: "Nonsense! By my reckoning, you are totes the raddest dude in class!"

"I hear self-harm is all the rage these days!"

DEKU: "Oh no!"

IIDA: "Now that that’s settled, why don’t I have my lawyers fax your lawyers a contract of camaraderie”

“-and we can hammer out the details?"

DEKU: "Oh, I don’t think we need all that. We could just make it like an informal thing."

IIDA: "You goddamn maverick."

URARAKA: "Hey! Slow your roll, bitches!"

IIDA: "That kind of language is hardly appropriate for a hero, young lady."

URARAKA: "Oh fuck, it’s not?!"

"-Shit, I mean…"

"please slow your roll…"

"Bitches?"

IIDA: "Much better."

URARAKA: "Anywho, Deku! You wanna walk me home? I feel like we have so much to teach each other!"

DEKU: "Uh, Deku?"

URARAKA: "Yeah, Deku! That’s what good ol’ Triple-B called you, right?"

IIDA: "Triple-B? To whom are you referring?"

URARAKA: "You know! Triple-B! Bitch Boi Bakugou!"

DEKU: "Um, actually, Deku’s kinda just like a nickname Kacchan calls me."

"Like out of love! Or-- or like the opposite of that? To hurt me! Yeah. He does it to hurt me."

URARAKA: "I get that energy."

IIDA: "Ah, I think I understand."

"So it’s basically just a Japanese pun. Since kanji often have multiple pronunciations and meanings-"

"the character for the “Izu” part of Izuku’s name can also be read as..."

URARAKA: "I’mma be honest with you, Freak Legs. I spaced out around the word “basically”.

"Started looking at a really cool bird."

TOKOYAMI: "Ca-caw."

URARAKA: But like real talk? I think Deku kinda works for ya. You could, like, roll into battle and be all like “I’m Deku”

"-and then the villains are all like “I’m not afraid of some Zelda shrub motherfucker”

"And then BAM! Fisted. Also, it’s pretty cute."

DEKU: "SO MY NAME’S DEKU NOW IS WHAT’S HAPPENING!!!"

IIDA: "What?! For goodness sake, man! Have some self-respect!"

DEKU: "Why start now?!"

"Well, all in all"

"-My first day of school was a lot more touch-and-go-and-finger-smashing than I would have liked,”

“-but I’m still standing."

"And now... I’ve got two new friends to have my back along the way!"

URARAKA & IIDA: "Reveal your secrets to me…" "Reveal your secrets to me…"

DEKU: "Hey, did anyone ever help that purple kid?"

MAN: "Oh God! It's getting bigger!"

*Horrifying Screams as the dimensional rift grows*