Original subtitles

Mr. Sycamore, please.

Mr. and Mrs. Kirby.

Are we too early?

I'll say.

It's perfectly all right.

Why, of course.

Only we thought it was to be tomorrow night.

Tomorrow night?

Tomorrow night?

Very funny. Really, Tony, this is most embarrassing. No, no, no, no. We weren't

doing a thing.

Why, no, just having a quiet evening at home.

Oh, don't let that bother you. Please, come in.

Come in, won't you?

This is Alice's mother.

How do you do?

And this is Alice's sister.

And Mr.

Carmichael, her husband.

And this is Mr.

Kolenkoff.

And the discus thrower is Mr.

De Pinner.

How do you do? How do you do?

Excuse my costume. I'll take it right off.

Jim. Jim.

Alice.

Alice. What is it?

Will you come down? We have a big surprise for you.

Sit right down.

Well, won't you take your things off?

Will you hang your father's coat up over there?

Shall I?

I'm very uncomfortable, Tony. This is all very embarrassing, very.

Oh, now, anybody can get mixed up. A chair for Mrs. Kirby.

Get that out of the way. The rug, dear, the rug.

That chair for Mrs. Kirby, I think. And that one for Mr. Kirby.

Ed, that chair.

Thank you. Thank you,

Ed. Well,

Penny, what about some dinner for these good people?

After all, they did come to dinner, you know.

Please don't bother. Oh, it's no trouble at all.

Ed, tell Donald to run down to Murphy's and get half a dozen bottles of beer and

some canned salmon. Yes, ma'am. Oh, wait a minute.

Mr. Kirby, do you like canned salmon? Don't trouble, please. I'm not hungry.

We're having frankfurters, but I don't think there'll be enough now that you've

come. Ed, make it frankfurters. Tell Donald to get... Tell Donald to get a

dozen more and an extra can of corn and see if Reba has enough sauerkraut.

Tell Donald to hurry. Yes, ma'am. Won't take long.

Murphy's Delicatessen is right next door.

This is Alice's father, Mr.

and Mrs. Kirby.

How do you do? How do you do?

I hope you'll pardon my appearance.

I couldn't find my other pants down in the cellar. It's quite all right.

Without holding.

Oh.

Oh, my.

What do you think, Alice?

They... He thought it was tonight.

Oh, Tony, don't you remember?

Have you all met?

Oh, yes.

Oh, dear, I'm so confused. You see, I had such a nice party arranged for

tomorrow night.

Well, perhaps we can go back again tomorrow night.

Yes, of course.

Sit down, Mr. Kirby.

Thank you.

Well, Mother, I guess... We'd better see about getting dinner.

Oh, that's all done, Alice.

You didn't touch second.

Mother, what did you send out for?

Mr. Kirby should have told you that he suffers from indigestion. Now, now,

Miriam, it isn't as serious as all that.

Perhaps it is not indigestion. Perhaps it is stomach ulcers.

Ulcers?

Don't pay any attention to Mr.

Kalenkoff. He's Russian, and the Russians are inclined to look on the

dark side.

All right, I'm a Russian. A friend of mine, a Russian, died from stomach

ulcers.

Mr. Kelenkov, Mr.

Kirby has indigestion and that's all. All right, let him vape.

Oh, please, folks, let's not discuss Mr.

Kirby's ulcers.

Grandpa, please talk about something else. Ask Mr. Kirby about business.

I'll be right back.

Well, as a matter of fact, Mr. Kirby, how are business conditions?

Huh? What?

Oh, oh, well, it depends on what side of the fence you're on.

Personally, I find an improvement.

All right, well, there are two schools of thought on that subject, and I have

no ulcers.

You wait.

Do you mind if I smoke a cigar?

Oh, not at all. Of course not.

What about the unemployment problem?

Unemployment? Oh, all right.

Unemployment is not the main problem, Mr. Mendenhall.

No? Well, that's funny. I just thought... Yes, yes, I know, but that

sort of viewpoint is purely emotional, not economic.

Now, for instance, in 1929... Goodness,

that's wonderful.

It really frightened you, didn't it?

Mr. Poppins.

Mr. and Mrs. Kirby.

Oh, how do you do?

How do you do? Mr. Poppins makes up these masks as a sort of a hobby.

Oh, really?

I think he ought to warn people before he pops up in front of them like that.

Now, let me see. What can we talk about?

Have you any hobbies, Mr. Kirby?

Business is my hobby.

Grandpa plays the harmonica.

Really?

Did you ever try one, Mr. Kirby?

Well, I... He used to be champ. He won first prize in amateur night. Told me so

himself, didn't you, Dad?

Oh.

Well, well.

Say, I bet you and I can do a mean duet.

I'm too busy a man to fool around with her. Oh, here we are.

Did I get everything, Donald?

Yes, and only I... They didn't have no more wheelies, so I got pickle pickle

beans. Come on, Donald, let's go.

Mr. Kirby, I'll have some scrambled eggs made for you in a plain salad. Will that

be all right? That'll be fine, thank you.

Dr. Mustard!

Oh, that's that, I guess.

Fine impression we're making.

Oh, Tony, how could you have made such a dreadful mistake? You knew it was for

tomorrow night.

Yeah, I guess it wasn't such a hard idea.

You mean you did it on purpose?

But, Tony, that's dreadful.

How could you do such a thing? Well, now, Alice, you know I didn't want to

bring them down here at all.

But you insisted. But if they have to meet you, I want them to meet you as you

are. I'm not in some trumped-up evening with everybody acting unnaturally.

There's nothing unnatural in wanting them to like us. Well, if they don't

like you the way they are, it's just too bad.

And besides, I don't... It doesn't make any difference to me what they think.

Oh, if you'd just left things alone, everything would have been all right.

No, you had to go and get funny.

Spoil everything.

That was a pretty stupid idea, I know.

I'm just trying to be honest about this thing.

I brought my family down to you just as they are, stuffed shirts and all.

I'm not trying to put on an act with them. Why should you have to do with

yours? Look, I'm trying to be honest, too.

Can't you understand?

I've got to get their approval.

I'm not going to stand for your mother looking at me as if I were a thief or

something. What do you think I am, a goop?

Happy eggs, Reba.

Have you any hobbies, Mrs. Kirby?

Well, as a matter of fact, I have.

I'm a student of occultism.

What's that?

That's spiritualism, dear.

Spiritualism? Oh, Mrs. Kirby, I'm surprised.

Why, everybody knows spiritualism's a fake.

I beg your pardon. Now, Penny, you mustn't criticize other people's

hobbies. You've got one or two of your own, you know.

Yes, but not silly ones.

The perfect hobby should improve the body as well as the mind.

The Romans were great people. Why? What was their hobby?

Wrestling. In wrestling, you must think quick with the mind and act quick with

the body.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I agree with you.

When I was young, I was pretty good at it myself.

Unfortunately, as one grows older... Foolishness. Once a wrestler, you never

forget. I have not done it for six years, but I forget nothing.

Look.

My glasses. Where are my glasses?

Here they are.

Oh, Mr. Kirby, they're broken.

I am sorry, but when you wrestle again, Mr. Kirby, you will, of course, not wear

your glasses.

I do not intend to wrestle again.

That was very silly, Kalenkov. I'm sorry you did that.

I'm sorry, Mr. Kirby.

If you don't mind, I think we'd better be going.

It's the best idea I've heard yet. Oh, please don't go. You're absolutely

right, Mrs. Kirby. I think you should go.

The whole thing was a mistake.

I'm terribly sorry for everything.

Alice, now, let me stay. I want to talk to you. No, no. I'd rather you wouldn't.

There's nothing to talk about. Good night, Mrs. Kirby.

Good night.

Good night, Mr. Kirby. I hope you didn't get hurt.

No, no.

It's a pleasure to have met all of you.

Tony, come on. Alice.

But will I see you tomorrow?

I don't know.

But good night, Tony.

Stay right where you are, everybody.

Well, for heaven's sake. What's this all about?

Which one is it? That one over there.

Who, me? What do you mean?

Look here, we don't belong in this house. Keep your mouth shut, you.

What's your name?

Ed Carmack, and I haven't done anything.

Say, see here, this seems very high-handed. What's it all about?

Police department.

Oh, J-Man.

G-Man, Penny.

Ed, what have you done? Nothing. I told you somebody was following me.

But... These people don't belong here. Please let them go.

Don't let anybody out that door.

Oh, this is outrageous.

Do you realize who I am?

What's your name?

Where are you from?

Omsk.

Where?

Omsk.

These stairs lead to the cellar? Yes, they do.

Look out, Chief!

What do you call this?

It's called the new monster.

Oh, playing boogeyman, huh?

Yeah, get over there.

My goodness, he must have gotten out of the wrong side of the bed this morning.

Mike, Bill, take a look.

Come here, you.

Ever see these before?

Yes, sir. I printed lots of them. Oh, you print this stuff?

Yes, sir.

And you put them into candy boxes to get them into people's homes, huh?

I love dreams. But I didn't mean anything.

You didn't, huh? No, sir.

Watch for the revolution.

Radicals.

The red flag will sweep the country.

But I didn't mean that. I just like to print. That's all.

Oh, see here. The government isn't in any danger from Ed.

Well, printing is just his hobby, that's all.

Well, he'd print anything.

It's just like a play, isn't it?

Come on, get up.

Don't be so silly. I must get my pipe.

We were right, Chief. There's enough gunpowder down there to blow up the

whole town. But we only use that... Shut up. Everybody in this house is under

arrest. Watch out. You knocked my pipe out of my mouth. Stay right here. I tell

you, I must get it. Stay where you are.

It's lit.

Home again?

Just like Siberia, only it stinks.

He was fine being fingerprinted, wasn't he?

Mr. Kirby didn't think so. It took three men to hold him down. Never a dull

moment, that's what I say.

Never a dull moment.

I could walk alone.

I never heard of anything so outrageous in all my life. All right, never mind

the argument. Stop pushing me around like this, you fools.

I'm Anthony P. Kirby, do you hear that? Okay, pal, I'm George Washington.

Telephones, I want a telephone. I want to telephone my attorneys, you

numbskulls. Two phone calls for you already, mister. Keep your shirt on. But

this is Mr.

Kirby, the banker.

Yeah, well, that ain't my fault.

Night court's in session right now. He left a waiter's turn.

I'm sorry, Mr. Kirby.

Oh, you're sorry. Well, that's something after what I've been through.

Well, after all, you didn't come on the wrong night, you know.

The mayor will hear of this, and so will the commissioner. I'll have you all

fired, every one of you. Now, don't get excited. In a couple of hours... In a

couple of hours, I hope you're satisfied with your mother in there.

with a lot of cheap and common... I doubt they got me what music.

Hit her up, Papa, and make her hot.

If you'll give me a private room. A private room? We keep those for the

insane cases. Please do. She doesn't belong here with us. Never throw a

couple of fits late in. I'll try to fix it.

Mrs. Kirby, please believe me. I'm so sorry to have gotten you all this

trouble. I'll appreciate it if you'll leave me strictly alone.

Don't let it get you, sister.

They're getting tougher every place.

Say, where you been operating?

You got class. That's the kind of a connection I'm looking for.

Wasn't it exciting in that car with the sirens screaming?

Excuse me, Mrs. Kirby. It gets kind of cold after you sit a while.

All right, but don't say that I didn't tell you when you began to feel it.

Oh, good heavens!

Why don't you come down off your high horse, babe? I might be able to do you

some good.

If you don't mind, I don't need anyone to do me good. You never can tell, Sugar

Plum. Now, I know a good lad. Please, let her alone. Can't you see she's a

lady? A lady, huh?

They sure get around nowadays.

You needn't waste your time trying to protect me. That won't help you.

If you had any sense, young woman, you'd stay where you belong and stop being

ambitious.

Shall I suck her, Alice?

I spend a quarter of a million dollars a year for attorneys and I can't get one

of them.

Will you get me some bicarbonate of soda?

What flavor?

Well, I got you to thank for this.

I hope it'll teach you a lesson.

Fooling around with stenographers. Now, listen, Dad.

I intend to marry that girl.

Yeah, I know, I know. I was going to marry a waitress once.

Fortunately, my father knocked it out of me.

If you'll excuse me, Mr. Kirby, I don't believe anyone has the right to

interfere with young people in love.

Why don't you relax?

Relax? My son practically being stolen from under my nose, me being locked up

like a common criminal.

Relax. You know what'll happen if the newspapers get a hold of this?

It'll jeopardize the biggest deal of my career.

Well, now, stop worrying.

If I know my granddaughter, she isn't going to marry Tony without your

blessing. So the only thing you've got to be concerned about is this big deal

of yours.

And what if it does fall through?

What if all your deals fall through?

Might be a good thing for you. Man, you're crazy.

Well, maybe I am.

I used to be just like you.

Then one morning when I was going up in the elevator, it struck me I wasn't

having any fun.

So I came right down and I never went back.

Yes, that was 35 years ago.

Admirable. And you haven't done a thing since, huh?

Oh, yes, yes, yes. Well, just the things I wanted to do.

Collected stamps.

Went to the zoo and I got the notion. Took up the harmonica and even found

time to notice when spring came around.

This would be a fine country if we all spent our time in the zoo and played the

harmonica. Well, you used to play one yourself.

Tony said so.

Maybe you ought to take it up again.

Maybe it'd stop you trying to be so desperate about making more money than

you can ever use.

You can't take it with you, Mr. Kirby. So what good is it?

As near as I can see, the only thing you can take with you is the love of your

friend. Oh, why don't you go out and get yourself a pulpit somewhere?

Well, I'm sorry.

Which one is Vanderhoof? Right here.

Hello, Mr. Vanderhoof. Remember me?

Oh, Twitchface.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I heard that you were in trouble, and I came over to see if I could help you

out. Why should you want to help me?

Well, to tell the truth, I thought that if I did you a favor, I... Oh, you're

wasting your time, Mr. Twit, Mr.

Blakely. I've no intention of selling my home.

Well, we'll see how long you can hold out. Wait till a few more things happen

to you.

Oh, so you arranged this arrest.

Yes, and it's just a starter. By the time I get through, you'll be willing

and glad to sell.

Oh, so you did this?

Mr. Kirby. You blockhead, do you know what you've done?

But, Mr. Kirby, I never dreamed that you knew these people.

I told you the police were on that trail, and you told me to go ahead and

make them sell. You blithering idiot, get out! And if you get an ounce of

sense left, you'll dig up my attorneys. I've been here for hours.

Yes, sir, I'll phone them all.

So you're the one that's been holding up my deal, huh?

It's kind of funny, isn't it? What's funny about it?

Well, the idea of your engineering this whole thing and being caught in your own

trap.

Well, maybe it won't be so funny when I take that house away from you.

Oh, now I begin to see what's been going on. A fine trick, Mr. Vanderhaap. Using

my son to get information and then trying to make me pay through the nose.

Oh, wait a minute. Nobody will make me pay for anything unless I want to.

You've got this all wrong. I'll show you how to do business the Kirby way.

Business? You're no businessman. You're like a lion in Dijon. Yes, and I've got

the longest and the sharpest claws, too. That's how I got where I am, on top. And

scum like this is still in the gutter.

You're an idiot, Mr. Kirby. What? A stupid idiot. You can't talk to me like

that. Oh, yes, I can.

Scum, are we?

What makes you think you are such a superior human being?

Your money?

If you do, you're a dull-witted fool, Mr. Kirby, and a poor one at that.

You're poorer than any of these people that you call scum, because I'll

guarantee you at least they've got some friends. But you, with your jungle and

your long claws, as you call them, you will wind up your miserable existence

without anything you can call friend.

You may be a high mogul to yourself, Mr. Kirby, but to me, you're a failure.

Failure as a man.

Failure as a human being.

Even a failure as a father.

When your time comes, I doubt if a single tear will be shed over you. The

world will probably cry, good riddance.

That's a nice prospect, Mr. Kirby. I hope you'll enjoy it. I hope you'll get

some comfort out of all this calling you've been sweating over then.

I don't know what came over me.

I didn't mean anything I said.

I wish you'd told me to mind my own business.

If there's any way I could make up for it, I... I would.

Here. How would you like to have my harmonica?

It's a new one.

Good, too.

I want to play at something.

Oh, after all, who am I to criticize anybody?

All right. Everybody out for night court.

Have your flip ready.

I'm Mr. Kirby's attorney. Where is he?

Kirby? Yes, Kirby. Kirby.

Oh, yes. Just going to be a rain. Right through there.

Wonder what he's so excited about.

Have you arranged for Mr. Kirby?

Not yet. Right through that door.

Kirby.

Anthony P. Kirby!

That's not Kirby the banker. Just a minute, please.

Yes, that's Anthony P. Kirby.

That's all we wanted to know.

Oh, boy.

Now, what did you say your name was?

Anthony P. Kirby.

Psychopathic word.

I sentence you to 31 days in the city jail.

But I'll suspend 30 days of that sentence if you give me your word that

as soon as you get out tomorrow morning, you'll go back to your folks in Kansas.

Thank you, sir. Thank you. That's all right. Run along. Run along.

Your Honor, would you take the Vanderhoof case next?

Why? We just found out that one of them is A.P. Kirby.

The banker? Yes.

What are the charges?

Disturbing the peace and manufacturing fireworks without a license.

Fireworks?

You mean to tell me that A.P. Kirby's been held in the drunk tank?

Well, well, well.

Is that why all these spectators are here tonight?

No, they're Vanderhoff's friends.

Oh, I didn't know anybody had that many friends anymore.

Newspaper men heard about Kirby yet? I don't think so. That's good.

Boy, what a holiday they'd have if any A.P. Kirby was in the drunk tank.

Well, bring him in right away. There's no use crucifying him. Bring in the

Vanderhoffs. Vanderhoff, Jason.

Order, order.

Order.

Your Honor, in arresting Mr. and Mrs. Kirby and their son, a grave blunder was

made. And we would suggest... Do all four of you represent Mr. Kirby? Yes,

Your Honor.

Quite an array of talent for a misdemeanor.

If there's any objection, Your Honor, to Mr. Kirby being represented by

counsel... Oh, not at all. Not at all. In fact, this court feels quite

flattered.

Thank you.

The charge is disturbing the peace.

How do you plead?

Not guilty, of course.

Of course.

Mister, are you represented or any of your people by counsel?

No, no, sir. I guess we were disturbing the peace if anyone took the trouble to

make out a complaint against us.

And if it's against the law to make fireworks without a license, I guess

we're guilty of that, too, because we've been doing it a long time.

I don't feel guilty.

Order, order, please.

Mr. Vanderhoff.

On the charge of disturbing the peace, you and the rest of your family are, by

your own plea, guilty.

However, I shall suspend sentence.

Oh, thank you.

But the manufacturing of explosives without a license, I'm sorry.

I am forced to fine you $100.

$100?

$100?

Say, that's a lot of money.

Your Honor, Mr. Kirby, who is noted for his charitable work, would like to pay

the fine.

for this poor, unfortunate family.

Oh, no, no, no, thank you. I couldn't let you do that.

No, you don't. Grandpa don't need your money. We'll...

There you are, Judge. Is that enough?

Yes, I think so.

Take the money over to the clerk's desk.

Mr. Vanderhoff.

You're a very lucky man to have so many friends.

Yes. Oh, how about it, Lieutenant?

You can't come in here.

Oh, come on, will you? Let us take just one flash.

Now, gentlemen, I'd like to dismiss the charges against the Kirby's of

disturbing the peace. But unfortunately, they were present at the time of the

arrest. And if these people were guilty, then I must naturally assume that the

Kirby's were guilty also.

But, Your Honor, that's absurd.

Unless, of course, they can explain what they were doing there.

Don't say a word.

I've got you, Mother.

Do you realize, Your Honor, that this gentleman is Mr. Anthony P. Kirby?

I've been made to realize that fact. And perhaps Mr.

Anthony P. Kirby himself can explain what they were doing there.

Well, Your Honor... I don't think that that's important.

Haven't we been embarrassed enough?

Seems to me a little more respect should be shown for our position.

Your Honor, this charge is absolutely ridiculous.

Failing a satisfactory explanation, I shall be obliged to have them stand

trial. But, Your Honor... Your Honor,

please.

Mr. Kirby came to see me about buying my house.

About buying your house?

Yes. You see, he's been interested in the property for some time now. And,

well, he just came there to talk the deal over. That's all.

Why, of course that was why we were there.

And I don't see why we should be held accountable for anything that these

people might have done.

That's not true.

Now, Alice. That I won't stand for it.

I won't stand for our being humiliated like this.

They're ashamed of me why they were there. They're ashamed to admit they

came to look my family over to see if I was good enough to marry their precious

aunt. Why, I never heard anything so ridiculous about... Now, just a minute,

Your Honor. She's right. That's the reason we were there.

About time you spoke up.

Well, Alice, I didn't want to say anything because... You know, I've

decided it's your family that isn't good enough.

Why, I wouldn't be related to a bunch of snobs like that for anything in the

world. Oh, Alice.

Your mother's all in a dither because of her social reputation.

That's telling them, Alice.

Who do they think they are?

Order! Your reputation's safe as far as I'm concerned, and so's your son, and

so's your old man!

Order! What's up? Just a minute.

Cinderella just told Prince Charming to go take a flying leap.

Oh, that's taking a flying leap. That's a good idea!

Order! Order!

Dadgummit, Alice should have let us know where she's going. Don't you think so,

Essie?

Any word from her yet?

I've been all over town.

The detective agency worked all night on her. They checked every hotel for a

hundred miles around.

Mrs. Sycamore, won't you please tell me where she is? I don't know, Tony, and

even if I did, I'm sorry. I couldn't tell you.

Well, if I wrote her a letter, would you see that she's... Don't you understand,

Tony? She doesn't want to see you. That's why she went away, mostly.

So there's no use in your coming here anymore and trying to find her. You'll

only make things worse for her.

We're all awfully sorry, Tony. Thank you, sir.

Boy, I sure do feel sorry for Tony.

People say you want something to eat, somebody.

Why, if I'm friendlier with you?

I ought to be cleaning up the cellar. It's a little awful, man.

Here's a letter from Alice.

How is she?

Where did you get it?

Nick, the postman, chased me down the street and gave it to me. He recognized

the handwriting.

I've read it, Penny.

Read it loud, Penny. Where's it from, Mother? Oh, wait a minute. My hands are

shaking. She's staying with Helen, that school friend in Riverside. That's in

Connecticut, isn't it, Grandpa?

Read the letter, Mother.

Let me see.

And I was so miserable and confused, I had to do something.

I do hope you'll understand.

It's peaceful here, and I've thought it all out.

I know now the situation between Tony and me is impossible.

Mrs. Kirby was right. I should have stayed in my own backyard.

Don't worry about me, Mother. I'll get over it.

Oh, my darlings, I'm so lonesome for you. I don't know how I can stand it.

Last night I cried myself to sleep, and that helped a little.

But this morning when I woke up and realized I wasn't in my own bed...

I wish I could rush back home.

But how can I if I want to forget?

The newspapers and Tony and the million little things make it impossible.

Forgive me, my darling.

I promise to write every day, sometimes twice or even more.

Please, everybody, take good care of yourself.

And don't let anything happen to you.

All my love, Al.

Sounds to me like she's not coming back.

Mr. Blakely, please.

Blakely? Dad, you don't mean you're thinking of selling the house?

Alice is right.

She can never come back here. It'd only make her miserable.

I won't let her live alone.

We'll find a place up there with us.

Mr. Blakely, this is Vanderhoff. You still want to buy the house?

You only pay 25 now.

Well, all right.

Certainly today.

All right, that's all. Goodbye.

Well, we had to leave this house sometime anyway.

I had a hard time, but I made the old codger sell.

Now Mr. Kirby's got all 12 blocks solid.

All right, Henry, we can go ahead. We've got the Vanderhoff property. Line up

Kincaid right away.

If that old gent hadn't sold, the whole deal would have been blocked. What a

spotty head, this sucker.

All tenants in the 12-block area, notice.

You are hereby notified... You are hereby notified that 10 days from this

date, your premises must be vacated.

That's the same as I've got.

Well, it certainly doesn't give us much time, does it? No.

Look, the Jensens must have gotten their notice. Let's go see.

Mr. Jensen, did you get one of these?

Sure, we have to get out in 10 days. I can't understand.

Grandpa says if they couldn't buy his house... Nobody would have to move.

Sorry, Mr. Kirby can't be disturbed.

Hello? Sorry, Mr. Kirby's not available.

Hello?

He's not answering his phone. Sorry.

I've just been upstairs.

All our board members are there, and so are the heads of those six little

companies. Oh, boy, is this merger going to make history.

I hear the market's gone crazy. They don't know whether to buy or sell. I

hope we're right. I have everything I own sunk in this. Stop bellyaching. We

can't miss.

Come on, let's get this over with. Where's Kirby? In there. We've been

waiting half an hour for him. Who's with him?

Nobody's probably taking vows in front of the other Kirbys on the wall. Well,

he deserves it. No, tell the senator to keep his shirt on. Kirby wants him to

stay in Washington.

Yeah. No, no, no newspapers till after the meeting.

Ramsey make trouble for us? You're crazy. He's broke. He's finished. Kirby

hasn't even left in car fare.

You've got to hand it to the old man. How he squeezed down on old Ramsey.

Beautiful. I saw Ramsey this morning. You know, it wouldn't surprise me if he

would have blown his brains out. I tell you, they're waiting up there. Let's get

Kirby and get this thing over with before something happens.

Good idea. I'll see what he's doing. No, no, no. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

You know he doesn't like that.

Good heaven, man. Look at the time.

I'll get him on the phone. Maybe he won't mind that.

Give me Mr. Kirby and the conference room.

Come on, what are you waiting for?

Hello, AP.

How are you?

Better get up there. Good. Have we got your proxies? Right here, including

Kincaid's. He was tough, but when we offered to make him president, he jumped

at it. When you offered to make him what? I explained to him that all you

wanted to be was chairman of the board of directors. Well, tell him it's a

mistake. I've already chosen a president. But we were saving that to

negotiate... Anthony Kirby Jr.

is going to be president. Tony? Yes. He's much too young, AP. Oh, is he? What

about our promise to Kincaid? Well, you've got his proxy. Forget about him.

But, AP, we have our obligations. I say forget about him. Come on.

Mr.

Kirby's very busy.

Well,

Mr. Kirby, I suppose you're very proud of yourself.

Another victory.

The greatest of your career.

What do you want, Ramsay?

You know something?

I actually thought of coming here to ask for mercy.

But I couldn't figure out a basis on which to do it.

Certainly not friendship.

Once a long time ago, that might have been possible.

But you destroyed that, Anthony.

Remember?

Look at me, Anthony.

Tomorrow the world will read that Ramsey is broke.

Doesn't that please you?

I've seen men jump out of windows for this.

But I'm going to fool you, Anthony.

Because I've suddenly realized that I haven't lost a thing.

That I never gained one moment's happiness out of it.

And I warn you, Anthony.

And neither will you.

In spite of your victories, you can't shut out every decent impulse and

survive. You're top-heavy with power right now, Anthony, but you're going to

crack under it. You're bound to crack under it.

Do you know what's going to happen, Mr. Anthony P. Kirby?

You'll scream for help and suddenly find yourself alone in the world.

You'll wriggle on the hook and find that nobody gives a hang. I know.

Because that's what happened to me, and it'll happen to you.

That's what happens to all men like us, Anthony.

It's coming to us.

It's coming to...

He's

taking

it kind of hard, isn't he?

Oh, this was a week, sister.

Sounded crazy to me. They're waiting upstairs.

Let's get up there. Come along, F.E. Come along.

You get upstairs and start things. I'll be up in a minute.

I'll be up in a minute.

Hello,

Dad. Can I come in? Oh, hello, son. Yeah, come on in.

How are you?

Glad to see you. Sit down.

I want to talk to you.

You know what I always said about the Kirby's in Tennyson's Brook?

They go on forever.

I'm talking about that meeting upstairs, Dad. I know all about that.

Congratulations. Oh, thank you.

That's nothing at all. There's more to it than that. When I get through with

them upstairs, there'll be a new president.

You know who that's going to be? Dad, I know you're going to be busy, so I...

I'm quitting.

You're quitting?

I just handed in my resignation.

I've been thinking about it for a long time.

So, you're quitting. What are you going to do?

I don't know.

I think I'll go away for a while.

Try to get myself organized.

I was going to hang on to my job until this thing with Alice got all

straightened out.

I don't know.

I thought maybe after I get back, I could start work on that grass thing.

You remember that thing that Bob Smith and I fooled around with in college?

Well, Dad, if you think it's funny, I'm sorry.

I came in here to say goodbye.

Goodbye?

Are you serious? Yes, I'm serious.

I don't want any part of this, Dad.

I never did.

You can't do this after all the plans I've made for you.

Dad, if I can just make you understand this.

I think this business is great. It's good for you because you like it. I

don't. And I never will.

Oh, I... I've tried to talk to you so many times about it, but I just couldn't

get it out. I... I used to be able to talk to you, Dad.

I'll probably be gone before you get home tonight.

Maybe when I get back we could sit down and have a good old-fashioned gap.

Yes. It's about Mr. Ramsey, sir. They just found him dead in the washroom. The

doctor said it was heart failure.

Yes? What did you say?

They just found Mr. Ramsey dead.

I'm getting impatient upstairs. I can't hold them any longer.

Get everything set. We're on our way up.

50 seconds, son.

Take me down.

Down? Where are you going?

Take me down.

What's

the

matter, Mr. Kirby? Is there something wrong?

If I don't think they enjoy this movie, don't be silly. It's killing them.

Certainly he's going to be gay around here when you leave, Grandpa.

Grandpa found the cutest place near where Alice is, right on the ocean.

Lake, Penny, lake.

That's what I said, lake.

We're going to invite you all up to go deep sea fishing.

Gee, Mr.

Kalinkov, isn't it exciting?

Exciting? With you moving and the Grand Duchess out of a job?

Where do I eat?

Why won't you tell me where she is?

Because there's an unwritten law in our family against snitching.

Look, Mr. Vanderhoff, I just sort of feel I can talk to you about this thing.

I've left my job, and I'm going away tonight.

But I love Alice, and she loves me, and this whole thing's ridiculous.

Well, I'm convinced, young man, but you're not marrying me.

After all, Alice is the one.

I guess you're right.

I just thought I'd take a parting shot before I left.

I certainly haven't messed things up beautifully, have I?

Yeah. Well, goodbye, sir.

The trouble with young squirts nowadays is they have no imagination.

What?

Don't use the old bean.

Well, I'll do anything you say, sir.

Well, you want to see Alice again, don't you? Yes, sir. And we can't tell you

where she is. Yes, sir. No, no, sir.

There's a big trunk of Alice's upstairs, and they're going to take it right where

she is. Just don't say another word.

Grandpa!

Grandpa, I came just as soon as I got your telegram. I'm too late. You've

already sold the house. Of course I've sold the house. I got tired of it,

that's why.

Don't be childish, Alice. The thing is done. Now go on upstairs and pack your

things.

Alice, will you give me a chance to talk to you?

Well, they wanted the house and they got it with the mighty curries. Oh, no, no,

wait. What are you doing here anyway?

Now wait a minute. I have something to tell you and I want you to listen to me.

Go ahead and scream. That's the way you've gotten everything since you were

a baby. Scream your head off and see what it gets you now.

We sure feel sorry for Grandpa.

I walked in the room and he was looking at a picture of Grandma and he was

crying. Crying?

Yeah, and he got kind of soaked too because he caught me looking at her and

threw something at me.

There's only one thing worrying me.

How's they got relief up there?

Sure there is. They got relief everywhere now.

There is, ain't it? Yeah. Well, let's get on up there then.

Well, I guess we've moved everything out of here.

Yeah, that's about all.

Here's one that didn't go off.

Be careful with it, especially the typewriter.

I have a feeling I'm going to do my best working on a new place.

Oh, Dad!

Oh, now, Penny.

We've had enough wailing for one day.

No, no, not at all. Come right in.

We aren't quite prepared for visitors, but... Donald, put that chair down for

Mr. Kirby.

Let me have that stool too, will you, Donald?

Thank you.

Mr. Vanderhoff, could we be alone?

Oh, sure, Penny.

Mr. Vanderhoff, you once told me I was a failure as a father. Oh, well, I didn't

mean that.

I know.

But I am.

Tony's walked out on me, and it's just about made a wreck of me.

Mr. Kirby, you're beginning to act quite human.

Look, you know about these things. I don't.

I need your advice. I'd give a fortune.

Now, there you are.

You've got to stop thinking in terms of fortune.

You know what I do when I run smack into a crisis?

I just take out my harmonica and I play on it until that crisis just fades away.

Oh, please don't joke about this. I'm not joking about it. You ask my advice

and I'm giving it to you.

I think that if we played a duet together... You and I. On the harmonica.

You brought it with you, didn't you?

Well,

I... Ah, yes. Fine.

Now, let's play a duet. Good and loud.

You'll be surprised what might happen.

Let's see. What do we play?

You know Polly Wolly Doodle?

You ought to know it. Polly Wolly Doodle? Yeah, we drove you almost crazy

with it once.

You know it, of course you do.

Come on.

Let's play it. Good and loud now.

And swing it.

What's that, Grandpa?

Nobody on our block has to move, and with right handling, I think we can even

thaw out Mrs. Kirby in time.

We've all got our health, and as far as anything else is concerned, we still

leave that up to you.

Thank you.

Bring it on, Reba!