Original subtitles

People think I'm dumb for making movies, but I'm about to be filthy rich.

And then who's dumb?

My first movie sucked, but I don't care. It was my masterpiece.

Made it with my best friend Tyler.

You know, I looked at the poster today, and I really have some objections.

Oh, we actually thought it was pretty cool.

I sold it to a crooked distributor for zero dollars. First off, my film's a

comedy. Well, it's a dramedy. Comedy drama. Oh, we didn't see that at all.

They sold it to Redbox for $140,000. You saw it as more of a B-horror movie? I

never saw a penny of it. The thing is, there's no bloody knife in the movie,

right? So that's kind of false advertising.

There is a knife. I'm sorry. That's what it is. It's false advertising.

There is a knife. There is a knife.

What? Oh, please. Are you talking about the dream sequence? My childhood... My

character's childhood fear of long division and circumcision?

That's a metaphorical knife.

Now you're telling me I'm not gonna make any fucking money on this movie.

I don't have any other fucking money. I could make another movie and I would

give it to your company. If only you could give me some fucking residuals.

I can't fucking believe this. Tell me honestly, will I see any money? Give me

a yes or no answer right now.

Yes or no.

That's no.

That's no.

No!

No!

Sorry.

Sorry.

That's my all-American girlfriend, Lauren.

Things were going great between us. We'd finally moved in together, or at least I

was couch surfing at her parents' house.

It's just New York. It's not the other side of the world.

What was that? Your hair tie there?

Oops.

Sorry.

Why do you have that worried face? Just because I'm going to be gone for a

little bit.

That's the face I want to see.

I'll be back. I just need to get my money from Tyler.

I'll be back.

Now? Right now?

I know.

She was such a good girlfriend that on the day before I was leaving, she gave

me a very special surprise that I didn't deserve at all.

Hey, Lauren. What?

Get off.

What were you doing, man?

What was going on in here, man?

Go back up!

You gotta back the fuck up right now.

You gotta back the fuck up right now, man. Lauren, Lauren, go back downstairs.

Go downstairs, Lauren.

Go downstairs.

What was going on in here?

He just, uh... Now is it possible that my own evasiveness and neglect had

pushed her into this other man's arms?

I honestly don't think so. Now, I've been called a selfish person from time

to time, but I generally consider myself a man of science, a good Christian

neighbor, and a socialist.

But of course, I still needed money, and at that time I was completely broke.

There was only one person in the world who owed me anything.

Tyler had been living at his grandfather's house on Long Island,

unemployed and sleeping 12 hours a day. So without telling him, I bought a one

-way ticket to Long Island, New York.

The worst place in the world.

Hello, Tyler.

Door's open.

Door's open, coming in.

Coming up.

Tyler?

You do.

Hello. Ah, sorry.

I'm looking for Tyler. Is Tyler in?

I don't know.

Okay, sorry to open the door on you. You want me to close this?

Please. Sorry.

Tyler, is this you?

Uh-huh.

Jordan! What the hell are you doing in my house? Sorry to barge in, but the

door was open in the front, and I've been calling your name. Oh, you're good,

you're good. You mean Grandpa?

Yeah. Well, welcome to my workshop.

What is this, man?

This is just where I work. Can I touch this?

That's urine, so don't touch that. You don't want that to break.

And what you do is, if you treat it right, that

is a perfume.

Someday soon, it's going to smell like steak.

Steak? Yeah.

Fragrances for bodybuilders.

It gets you pumped.

Good to see you. How long are you going to hang out for?

Let's go downstairs and talk.

So your grandpa doesn't hear all this.

I doubt he'd be able to hear anyway.

I can't believe you let yourself get scammed by the distributor. No, you

believed them. You thought they were going to give us money. You were like, I

can't wait until I get my money.

I told you that this kind of thing sounded too good to be true.

Meanwhile, you're supposed to pay me back the $4,000 you owed me in the next

fucking month.

And then what happened instead?

Here we are fucking two years later.

Give me my fucking money. I'm here for that money You you can stay for a few

days and we can try to figure out no man I'm staying here until you give me that

money in my fucking hand. You can't stay here I mean this my grandfather lives

here my no, but I just live and take over my house Well, I don't care you

tell them I need $4,000. There's this guy. He's gonna have some horrible

things to me They'll call the police and they'll kick you out. I think the police

would be on my side. Because you owe me money.

Okay. Look, if we get $4,000, we make a fucking movie with it, turn it into $80

,000.

Or more.

Maybe less.

Movie would be fun.

Yeah. With the money you owe me.

With the money you owe me.

Okay, sure.

So to air things out between us, we went drinking in Manhattan.

Partying with Tyler is always a visceral thing, by which I mean you always end

the night vomiting.

Of course, I can hold my liquor really well, but even I understand that we both

look a little stupid here.

What you have to remember is that our generation was brought up on gangster

rap videos and hardcore porn.

And that's a good thing.

So fucking tired.

Yeah. This is the last time we stay out all night.

What we're going to do, I'm going to get a job, and then I'm going to get an

apartment, and you can live in it. Really? In the back.

In return, you have to write me a screenplay. I guess I can do this. That

is like tailor-made. I can do that. For my character, my sensibilities. I know

you. My energy. I like this. My vibe. I love your vibe. And it's got to be so

well-written that it's like Good Will Hunting. If you give me two months max,

two months min max, in a New York apartment, I can write us something like

Good Will Hunting.

Let's agree. You get the place.

Let's do it.

Son of a bitch.

Predator. Brittany, have you ever seen Predator?

Um, I'm driving.

Overdrive doesn't want to talk. That's okay.

In retrospect, I'd gone a little too far drinking that night, so I needed at

least a little nappy before I started writing our screenplay.

What I never understood was how Tyler could keep drinking the next night,

night after night.

Hey. Come on. Want a drink?

Yeah, you got anything?

No, I'm going to offer you a drink. I'm not going to have any.

Any ice drinks would be preferable if that's something that you want.

Ice-based beverages, a.k.a.

water Ask him for the car. Well, okay. Sure. Yeah, so Chuck Miller We're gonna

need to use your car this weekend and we're gonna make a movie in New York.

That's awesome.

I was yeah Yeah, if you give us your car executive producer drive us to the city.

Yeah Yeah, we can steal my mom's car. I mean executive producer. I like yeah

We're not gonna go tonight go Thursday at the latest that sounds

good Sounds good to me.

What?

I've been

looking

at you from my window. What?

Oh, creep.

You know, my mom used to call me that when I was a kid.

Yeah. Yeah.

What?

Let me suck it. Hmm?

You're acting all shocked. No. No, you aren't.

What? Hmm?

Let me suck it. Hmm.

Hmm?

Okay. Yeah?

Okay.

Okay It

worse

Our ride to the city.

I'll be back. He left last night.

He just said we were going to go in the morning.

Yeah. Said we were going to go to the city in his car to buy a production van.

If we make plans, let's follow through on them for real.

I put my dick in his mouth last night.

Okay. He was like, uh... What?

I swear to God. No.

Yeah, I don't know. He just, like, pressured me into it. I felt like it was

a good move to make, so I did it. Wait.

How? How did that happen?

Maybe you should be so judgy about it.

I know. I'm not trying to judge you. I understand.

Just gotta get with the times.

I've never been one to subscribe to binary sexuality, so... I know.

Hello?

There he is. Be good devil.

Na na na na na.

You got some pipes on you. This is good. Oh, thanks.

I used to sing.

I used to do musical theater. I get it. We can do a three-man barbershop

quartet. Do do bop.

Bop. Do do bada bop. Do do bop.

Bop. Do do bada bop. Do do bop. Bop.

Do do bada bop. Do do bada bop.

Bop.

Do do bada bop. Do do bada bop. Bop.

Are you sure this is where we're meeting the van guy? This is it. This is it.

Kind of looks like we're about to get Brooklyn mugged right now. Nah, young

people don't get mugged in Brooklyn no more.

When I came out here when I was in Tisch, I got mugged every day.

What's Tisch?

NYU acting school.

Oh.

Cuz it wants to hang out tonight. She's broke up with a boyfriend gonna party it

up. She wants to party.

That's right All right, that's cool. But after we see the apartment, yeah, yeah

get this film going Can you call the van guy?

Cheaper than a thousand bucks Let's go stick make this deal

you got it make this deal

Hi. Thanks. Jordan. Hello.

Tyler.

Look at that.

Looks great.

$900?

Good for me.

Sweet.

I'm going to show you the car. Yeah, yeah, please.

It's my money, man. I mean, what are we talking about here?

What is this stuff? Useful. Signing bonus.

We can go hunting.

We got to take the car and get a move on. Get things moving, huh?

Oh, stop.

Okay, when you want to start the car you have to use this tube and push this

button all the way to the right Okay Okay, then you want to stop the

engine?

Push to the left.

Okay, it's easy.

So no no key. Don't Okay, all right, yeah All

right, dude. We're trying to do this deal man. It's my last $900 You get a

car, dude, with a whole bunch of bonuses and an archery kit.

All right.

Okay, guys. Let's do it.

Let's do it. Okay, guys.

Everything's fine.

Except only Venmo.

Only except Venmo? Yes. Sure. Okay.

Deal.

Easy does it now. I just spent my fortune on this car.

I know.

I don't know why you didn't enforce the check. You said the whole time. You

said... Oh, we're buying it. We're buying it right now. I was playing the

guy that wants to do the deal. I was playing good cop. You were supposed to

play bad cop. When you do good cop, bad cop, you tell the guy before you go into

it. I put on a yarmulke. That means I'm playing the merchant. I'm playing the

good cop.

No way. You're too reckless. You're about to hit the girl with a fucking

case. Helen! That's my cousin. That's your cousin? Helen!

No!

You wanna hop in the back? Sure, whatever, I'm down. Okay.

Okay,

so

what's up with that shitty van outside?

The van?

Yeah. We just bought that shit.

That's a production van.

For what? For movies.

For movies? About what?

Well, it's going to be about nothing. It's whatever I want. About my life. The

story of my life.

But we're going to bill ourselves as Christian Bales and Bradley Coopers.

Oh, I see. Like a plural.

Yeah, and we're going to trick people into coming to see the movie and get

filthy rich.

We might do deepfake technology as needed.

Very illegal.

I don't know.

I don't care.

I'm going to get a lawsuit from Christian Bales?

Seems like the kind of dude who would probably sue you. Get off my name!

I can't believe you, man!

What are you talking about? Do I understand in your frame?

Was that Michael Caine?

I'm Australian Michael Caine. I love people.

Now the thing is, I'm a really good dancer.

But I must admit I sometimes have anxiety when it comes to crowded rooms.

and when people are drunker than I am, which is normally the case.

What to do with a drunken sailor, what to do with a drunken sailor, early in

the morning.

Hoorah, and up she rises, hoorah, and up she rises, hoorah, and up she rises

early in the morning.

All right. All right, open up, open up. All right, let's go, let's go.

Come here.

Thanks, team.

Yay!

You can go back down to the family house down south now.

Or we could all sleep in the van.

Makes sense.

All right, fine.

We'll do it, but I'm going to sleep right now. Let's go. And I call the

front part. I call the best part. I'll sleep on... I don't need... Woo!

One

time,

this guy was choking me out, and I started disassociating.

I was like, are you okay afterwards? And I started crying. I was like, I don't

think I like that. Yeah, you disassociate until you're in the nether

realms and you find yourself dead.

I think I'm gonna go head to the train.

Good partying with you. Yeah.

Tyler?

Yeah?

I wish you had just gone ahead and fucked me last night.

All right.

All right.

I'll see you later.

See you later.

All right, if I can actually get you to get to work, we're going to have to make

a schedule. We're going to have to break down my screenplay.

Schedule's here.

That's a lot of work.

Yeah. If you can't do this, we're off.

Okay, well, you take a look. I want to go to the bathroom. I don't give a shit.

Okay, I appreciate that you're allowing me to talk scheduling with you while

you're going to the bathroom, but you actually have to focus on it because I'm

not going to say this twice.

the script is basically you're tom cruise i'm bradley cooper am i tom

cruise like in theory like i'm the number one man or i'm playing tom cruise

my movie idea involves a a stork who delivers babies

we deep fake your face on a bird's face so my body is me but you're gonna cgi

my head to be a bird oh no your body is a bird but the bird's face is cgi to be

your face it's called deep Fake technology.

Have you seen porn?

So we have to get a bunch of bird actors.

We could do it in stop motion animation.

Claymation? Yeah, we'll do a claymation or bird stock footage. I'm gonna sculpt

all these birds.

Fine, we'll buy bird stock footage. Put your face on it.

Dude, this is how we're gonna get rich.

What even is a stork?

Fuck!

What's the problem, man? Can't even make pasta, dude.

Fucking lonely and ashamed, dude.

What do you got to be ashamed about? Show I'm not rich.

Show I'm not fucking beefed, ripped, shredded, hot.

Not putting my good genes to any use.

Yeah, your good genes.

Bro, I got a good brow.

I got a good Roman nose on my right side.

I got good intelligence.

I'm good talking to people, talking to crowds, being on stage.

Yeah, you are.

You're great.

I can't bring myself to, like, hold a job.

I hear that, brother.

The only time I ever had anything, I had $50,000 from when my dad died, and I

spent it all.

On what? I have none of it.

What did you spend it on?

$10,000. I went to the lawyer because I went to jail for a night because I stole

a pen.

An Apple pen.

oh yeah yeah another 7k i lost on penny stocks and the

rest of it i just spent because i had a rich girlfriend in new york that's what

happened yeah it's not really like i made a big mistake i just didn't get

a second chance

Ladies! Monopoly!

Are you still in college, Rebecca?

We've all graduated.

I'm so fucking sorry. I just graduated from FIT.

Oh! Very fancy.

Ooh, look at that weed.

Oh my god.

I suck in?

I'm gonna need you to not have four.

I need you to put one down and give me three.

Are you being serious? Why are you this high? I don't know why you're here.

Dude, I'm here because you owe me money. That's obvious.

Give me three beers and you're going to sleep down here tonight.

This is my night.

I don't want to fuck that girl.

Okay, this is my house. You need to get your own grandfather.

This is my ancestral home. You're just too crazy. You're not the fucking...

Yeah, no, you said foursome before you said we won't fuck together. No, you're

you're just you're just a globular fucking parasite that comes out of

somebody's ass and all you care about is money.

You don't fucking care about me or friendship because if you did you would

understand what I'm going through and you would see that I'm more sensitive

than you and that I need more time with with the the feminine and you can be

around the boys.

We're thirsty.

Hello.

Oh, hi. Thank you.

You're welcome. The other two people are, like, dancing downstairs or

something. Oh, that's cute.

It's cute, but it's weird.

I have to watch this.

This is something they teach you. This is something they don't teach you in FIT

Fashion Film Institute.

The thing.

Oh, my God. Sorry, did I hit you in the boot? Yeah. And then I spilled this all

over your fucking leg.

I am so sorry.

Opa! I'll, like, get that for you. Oh, thanks. Thank you.

Um, I'm gonna get some strawberry vanilla ice cream cake from downstairs.

Cool. Is that okay?

Oh, yeah.

Okay, cool.

Yeah.

Maybe Tyler can open the screen down there, too.

Where's Tyler?

Um, sorry, I think he's on a date.

Oh, that's nice.

Yeah.

That night, Tyler had his first menage a trois, and in the coming weeks, the

three of them engaged in a kind of thruple-style relationship.

Helen became the dominatrix of their thruple, so Tyler quickly gravitated to

the more submissive Rebecca.

The worst part about it was the entire time Tyler was with the girls, he never

once thought of our film. Of course I disapproved of the whole thing and

stayed out of it.

I wouldn't want to be part of a weird three-way sex thing anyway.

I had a screenplay to finish.

I like this one.

Why do you like that one? Because it's green.

You like green? Yeah. I like green. It's my favorite color.

You know who else liked green?

Who? Einstein.

I like green.

Since when?

I've always liked green. It makes my eyes look really good. Oh, nice.

So here, take this with your left hand.

Can you put some makeup on my acne?

Yeah.

I want to learn how to do eyeliner.

Just don't move your eyes too much.

Okay. Let's see how it goes. Let me see.

No, yeah. That's cute.

Okay.

Okay.

Oh, that's easy.

There were a few times during those weeks when Helen complained to me about

Tyler's neglect.

Of course, all I could do is agree with her and remind her that Tyler would be

Tyler. I'm just telling you that it hurts my feelings.

Okay.

I'm not trying to control you.

Okay.

I told you before I even introduced the two of you that I want you to have an

independent relationship with Rebecca.

Be your own friend, nothing to do with me. Yeah, I just didn't really

understand how honest that proposition was.

Okay. In order to get your needs met, you have to express what they are, okay?

I don't really feel like I'm getting my needs met in this friendship right now.

Well, people aren't obligated to give you what you need.

That was the last time either of us saw Helen in New York. And I really did miss

her presence around the house, mostly because her absence made me into a kind

of third wheel.

But I knew Tyler wasn't intentionally trying to hurt Helen's feelings.

He was simply unaware of the workings of other people's emotions.

Where even is your grandpa?

He's upstairs, he's alright.

He simply acted on his own innate sexual urges.

Hey Tyler.

Driven entirely by the id.

And I did kind of envy that about him.

Nothing is tying us to other people except our desires.

And even those, we're alone with them.

We're alone with our desires.

All right, well, I'll call you after I'm done with work.

Bye.

Hey, what's up? Can we talk for a sec?

Uh, yeah, sure.

Can we talk right now for a sec?

Uh, yeah.

I want to ask you why you said you would get a job to start the fucking film

company. Now you have a job working for some credit bureau.

Care repair company.

And you can't even begin to pay me back.

You can't even begin paying me back.

You said before, I'm gonna get a job and pay for everything.

You said we were gonna do auditions and actually shoot a film.

I came and I said, let's make movies together. I was gonna make you something

out of your life, man. Give you something to do.

Right? And instead, you're just fucking bimbos. We couldn't even make it a

movie. Well, I can do both.

Obviously you can't. You've done nothing. Well, I've got an important

job.

Your job is a work from home fucking no supervision bullshit job. You could have

been making a film all day long. Dude, if I wanted to be making movies, I would

have been making movies years ago. You don't understand.

You don't get it.

I don't get it because we have just different views. We have different

plans, different visions, and that's fine.

I want to actually do something with my life, and you want to just fucking

expand your harem.

Harem's a respectable thing, baby.

Look, I'll get an audition space, and we'll try to do something with it this

weekend. But in the meantime, you gotta chill the fuck out.

I am chill. I'm taking it too easy. When I'm fucking chilling this much, I

fucking explode.

That's your character flaw, not mine.

I'm enjoying it day by day. I love my life.

Tyler, you're supposed to be here at the audition space.

There's no reservation under your name.

I thought you did this last week.

No, it's in Brooklyn.

Man, you gave me the address.

Let's get inside. Let me just dump this chip. What are you? Why are you dumping

this shit now? What is this? I gotta get rid of all my fucking all my fucking

experimental shit my whole perfume lab I got to pack it up. Why cuz my fucking my

aunt and uncle are gonna put the house on the market we're gonna have to get

out of here to put my grandpa on a home when a week or two no no no dude yeah

but i thought we won't have that but we're gonna have that yeah so we might

as well do a do a road trip take that and go somewhere where we can live

yeah back to la you and me rebecca rock and rolling

Rebecca. I can't just leave her here, man.

Are you guys still having fights? Yeah, but not like in a way that's gonna ruin

anything. Just small couple fights, you know? Dude, the way you guys have couple

fights is not the way that a couple who's only known each other for a couple

months should have fights.

How do you know that? Your girlfriend hates you.

Well, dude, I mean, she's not really my girlfriend.

Okay, so you're not one to talk.

I just think you guys are becoming too codependent too fast.

Honestly. And I think that you want her.

To need you and I think that that's dead. I want her to come All

right, but you guys aren't sleeping in the fucking van with me You're still

banned from where am I gonna sleep you figure that out?

We're not in your house anymore now that we're in my van.

I called the shots Fine all right, but I'm liking this idea. We're fucking road

trip buddies. Let's do it Hey grandpa

Um, so, Uncle Dino and Carol are, um, they're gonna come over on Tuesday

and they're gonna move you to somewhere else.

Oh. Yeah.

So if you have anything they want to take with you on that day, just, I

guess, gather it up.

Okay. Okay? I'll take care of everything else.

Love you.

Thank you.

I'm gonna bring you some more tissues in a little bit, okay? That's a good boy.

Okay.

You should make us pizza.

From scratch?

Yeah.

I thought this was going somewhere.

I think it's going somewhere, and I want it to go somewhere, but... I don't know,

like, don't you care about this?

Yeah, I care, I just... I don't think I'm... I'm nobody.

Okay, but you shouldn't be thinking like that.

I don't need you to be thinking like that.

Well, I know I shouldn't, but I do. I don't feel comfortable the way that I

am. I don't feel comfortable in my body.

Oh, I didn't know that.

That's what I'm trying to say.

I mean, that's kind of sad.

It's all right.

I can act confident, that's for sure.

Yeah, I mean, you usually are very confident.

That's how I perceive you.

I act like a big oaf. A whole bunch of dumb jokes, you know?

Are you kidding?

What?

You're going to whatever me?

What do you want?

You are like so annoying right now. I want some kind of receptive sympathy.

I'm annoying?

I'm telling you that I'm not comfortable in my body?

What do you want me to do? And you're like, whatever, make me a pizza from

scratch?

You can't be serious right now. You can't be serious. You can't be serious

right now.

You cannot be serious right now.

I really was serious, and then I just said that I'm supposed to make you a

pizza from scratch, and I can't believe that that is something that you think is

real. Why are you being so sensitive?

It's really not that serious.

It's just your identity.

All right, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry if you think that I'm being insensitive.

Okay. I think you are being insensitive, but I accept that you... I'm sorry,

sorry. I'm sorry.

Okay.

It's okay.

I just, I don't mean that.

Let's get out of here.

Oh, holy folks!

Alright, say your last words.

It's been real.

End of an era.

Beginning of an era.

I like the way you think.

The reality of a cross-country road trip when you're broke is, it kind of fucking

sucks. But we found ways to enjoy ourselves.

Because that was a time in my life when I still romanticized poverty.

And frankly, I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Red light.

You gotta put on the red light.

What are you doing?

Stop jerking. It's not me jerking. It's when I'm taking my foot off the gas,

it's doing that.

It was doing a little bit before, but now it's doing it a lot, actually.

Can you pull over?

Alright, I'll look up a mechanic.

What's up with this thing, man?

tell me something good tell me something real good it was just stolen out right

like i mean it's not gonna really get it to california because the whole engine's

flooded the engine is flooded yeah you flooded the engine somehow how long

would it take to fix and how much um it would be 1200 about how long

would that take and like about a day there is another van that i know my

friend has

it's kind of it like really it doesn't look as good as yours but the engine's

better so we could like do a trade that's saying a lot this doesn't look

too good um but i can call the guy yeah make that call you know right cool all

right all right appreciate it oh yeah

hey

is that it

Pretty nice.

Best fan I've ever seen.

Best purchase I've ever made.

Let me ask you though, like, what are proteins?

Potato chip with added protein.

Great for recovery, for bodybuilders. Wow, yeah.

Jeez, man.

That's so cool that you did that. I had an idea where I would take a substance

and I would make a perfume out of it and I would mix it with steak.

The essence of steak.

Yeah, the price is right, man. Get this right now and we'll be fine. Yeah, dude,

I'm so pumped now. I'm jazzed.

We want it. You want it bad?

I want it real bad. All right, then. Thank you. No, thank you.

Thank you. Oh, my God.

All right, thanks again, guys.

That's it now.

All right.

Tyler, what the hell are you doing? Give me a second. I got to do this thing for

work really quick. I just got to copy and paste into this Slack. No, no, no.

We're going to get killed, okay? I don't want to die on the side of the road in

Tennessee. No, no. Keep your eyes on the road. We got it. Does someone else want

to drive?

Does someone else want to drive?

No, just drive.

Stop. No. Don't hit me while I'm driving. I got to do this. Okay. I just

don't get why you have to do this. Hey, I'm pulling over.

Change with me.

All right, I'm gonna drive, but how about throwing me a couple hundred

towards your debt?

I don't know, man. How about that?

At my job, I have access to all these credit cards.

I might just copy some down, take some money off of them, live a good life.

No. That's major fraud, my friend.

But if you did it without my knowledge, quote unquote...

I wouldn't be angry.

Jordan, how long until Vegas?

Just like seven hours.

Do you really want to live in Las Vegas?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I want to take in all the kitschiness.

Yeah, that's fun Make

sure you don't miss you're not missing are you we're good

Arriving

in Las Vegas really did get our spirits up even though I hate Las Vegas I Was

especially pissed at Tyler because he decided to stay there and live with

Rebecca Which was a real betrayal, because it meant Tyler would never have

anything to do with our film production.

But I guess I never expected him to come through in the first place.

Take on any shit. I still got fucking five and a half hour drive to LA Dude

help me.

Oh, I got it. I got it. Oh my god.

Oh my god All

right, oh that's that it

was a really bad mattress anyway

I guess that's it then.

End of an era.

Yeah, well, you took the last ten minutes with me to fuck up my life even

more. I appreciate it. Much appreciated.

Bye!

Bye!

Arriving back in Los Angeles, which was where I was born, felt like a

homecoming. Even though I'd lost Tyler to Rebecca, I had new hope that I'd be

able to finish my film no matter what.

Conquering the road trip made me feel like Forrest Gump or something.

Now all I needed was a shrimp boat crew.

So I called up my old girlfriend Lauren, and she welcomed me with semi-open arms.

I guess I did miss you.

I guess I missed you too.

What did you mean before you left when you said...

you felt love for me i don't know love is subjective it means

a different thing depending on who says it what did you mean when you said you

felt love for me i guess it was just a safer way of saying

that i loved you the less committed way i mean you

didn't really say anything back when i said it i know because i

Don't know how I feel about us.

I think it's fine.

Yeah. You don't have to know what your definition of love is.

I don't really know mine.

For instance, take my friend Tyler.

For him, love means that you're emotionally and financially reliant on

someone. It's about being obsessed with and possessed by.

That's not love.

That's not love to me.

What is love to you?

I don't know.

Love is sex to me.

Sex is love.

Okay.

We have a spectacular, all right? What we just had was spectacular. Okay, just

keep saying that.

We should do it a lot.

Keep saying that. Can I stay here?

Can I sleep here for a bit?

Honestly, only until I get my own place. There we go. I'm going to get my own

place really soon, and I'm going to make the movie no matter fucking what,

whether I have help or not.

I mean...

This is, I'm living with my parents.

Oh yeah, you live with your parents.

Yeah, I do.

Forget it.

Can't ask them.

We are in a bad fucking situation.

You're fucked.

I'm fucked and I love it.

Okay, fuck, fuck, shut up. I'm not fucked, boy.

You got me wrong.

You got me wrong.

Ouch.

I then desperately turn to my old acting friend, Gavin.

hoping he could replace Tyler. I would like to kind of be a part of the film

production. Yeah?

Alright, I'm gonna need some help, man.

I think maybe coming on as a producer, I'm fine with that, but I also would

like to be the lead actor.

Oh, and assistant director.

Sorry, I forgot about that.

I wanted to ask you also if I could maybe just sleep here for a bit while I

get back on my feet.

Yeah. Yeah?

Yeah, you know what, that's cool. Hey, listen to this. Your lead actor is going

to let you, guess what, use his place for the hub of the film production.

Come on, come on, come on. Hey, we got a deal? We got a fucking deal, man.

We're going to make a fucking movie.

Gavin and I started to work on the film production pretty immediately.

Gavin spat out some ideas for the music.

Hey.

What?

And I got down and dirty with the storyboards.

What? What you laughing at?

Apparently Tyler's back in L.A.

Oh, okay.

Wait, wait, wait. I thought he was in Vegas with... Yeah, I thought he was

staying in Vegas. I gotta hear this.

What is this?

Hello. Hello.

Oh.

You're, uh, dressed in women's clothes.

I am?

You actually look, you look surprisingly good. Thank you very much. I didn't

really thank you for a drag queen, though.

I have some good news.

Is it that you're gonna dress as a woman from now on? Dude, maybe I will, maybe I

won't. It's my choice.

Of course. Of course it is, but know this.

Your girlfriend giving you some clothes does not mean you can transition your

gender. First off, she's not my girlfriend.

She didn't even make it through Las Vegas. She had to fly back home to mom.

I knew it. I knew she was not going to like Vegas. Also, don't tell me how I

identify. Okay.

I respect you for any personal choice you make. I promise that.

Now, do you want to hear the good news?

Yeah. All right.

Open that bag.

What?

Tell me. So, I've recently come into a little bit of money. No, you haven't.

You can't tell anybody about this Okay, what been running down credit card

numbers in my job?

Taking a little bit of money off the top. No you haven't I mean, oh pretty

good penny so far Cash all cash Gonna

get you paid back your finance I'm gonna

be executive producer. Okay, and I want to act okay, but as Tyler

Tyler yeah, what's that? Let's call my character Tyler.

All right, we can do that We could do all of this, you know three so much

fucking money off this no Just let me do my thing. Let me be me. Don't make a big

deal out of it Okay, okay, we can do that. I love you Love you

Gavin Tyler's here.

Tell us gonna be our executive producer

Oh, hey, what's going on?

It's very good timing, too, because we're about to go into production.

Sweet. Happy to be here.

Lauren's calling. Here, give me a sec, guys, and we'll celebrate.

Sure.

Hello, I got good news.

Hey.

Hey, what's wrong? I just had a fight with my parents. Can I stay with you?

I'm sorry.

Stay with me? I mean, I don't really have a home. Oh.

Wait, but we're in a really good mood right here. I can actually ask Gavin

right now. We're about to make a movie. Oh. Hey.

Gavin, would it be cool if Lauren stayed here for a bit too? Yeah, that's cool.

She's only staying here for a couple of days, right? Yeah, he says it's cool. He

says it's cool. This is going great.

I was asking. Let's do it. Let's make a fucking movie.

Okay, this is good.

Tyler, I'm texting with the location manager now. They want to be paid.

They're not going to accept that cash. I don't know what you get out of this

cash. Jordan, is this too vaudeville?

No, I mean, that's not vaudeville. That might be a little interpretive dance,

but that's a character choice.

I'm just wondering if this is too, like, 80s dance video.

No, it's completely your decision with the actor. I'm sorry. I mean, that's

just not my prerogative. Can you help me with the choreography for this

rehearsal?

Guys, one, start from the top. Two, three, four. And like we were on the

day. With their internal feeling. That was not good.

Great job, guys. They want $200 for the whole box for, you know, sequence

location. No, no. We can't do $200. I could get that place for free. Okay, I

get that. I get they're absolutely not on my phone. Okay, so give me one

second. So $200 is not that bad for L.A. I mean, honestly. Tyler, tell them.

They're doing us a favor. We could do 200 if it's big. Get some teeth. It's

big. It is big. It's big.

If it's big, it's going to look fucking empty because there aren't going to be

any people in it. For fuck's sake. It's good. I'm going to get it filled out. I

don't understand what's wrong with you.

Don't you remember when I did the ayahuasca scene with the chief and the

general and the horses and the kids? Okay, fine, fine. But that's your

responsibility. And they better look fucking Jewish.

Jordan, can I talk to you for a second?

There are actresses who feel like you don't give a shit about the costumes. I

told them from the start that they could just wear whatever they're wearing on

the day. I really don't care as an artist about that. It's not my

prerogative. And I get it, but you should care about the costumes because

they kind of make the film. This is not a costume drama or a musical, okay?

Guys, can we choreograph this thing? One, two.

Okay,

take five.

I have to go.

Get the towels.

The costumes look great. They look great.

I don't know.

Ma'am, okay. So, Jordan, okay, $200 is okay?

No. Yeah, $600 is fine, ma'am. What's the problem?

It's Helen.

What? She's in L.A., and she says that she wants to hang out with you.

What do you mean, hang out with me? She wants to stay with you. Stay with me or

stay with you? Stay with you.

I'm staying here, and you're staying here, too.

Well, I'm here off and on.

She can stay here. What's going on here?

This is Dakota, personal videographer.

You don't need to look at her.

You don't need to talk to her.

You don't need to call her by her name.

Okay, she's just here to take video.

Yeah, you just have so much else to do. Tell Helen she can come. I'm just

apprehensive about inviting her to come. Why?

You remember what happened?

Are you sure we should be letting a videographer?

Dakota?

Just take a step back or two, please.

Okay. Why Helen though?

Do you like love her or something?

Are you an idiot? She's my family. I care about it. So if you could just talk

to Gavin and make sure that she has a place here, that'd be great.

I don't think we need to mention it to Gavin. He's not going to notice at this

point with all these people staying here. And also, he might even say no. So

just tell her she can come. It's not my house, but tell her she's welcome.

Okay. Come on, Dakota. Let's go.

Hey. Hi.

Hi. Come on in.

Thanks. Long time no see.

Yeah.

Oh, where's Tyler?

I don't know.

He said, uh, your first day of shooting is tomorrow?

Yeah, actually it is.

Okay.

You're just coming for free because it might be fun.

Cool. Thanks.

I will.

I told you I'd give you the good stuff.

This is fucking awesome.

All right.

Make it songs.

Make it movies. Make it songs. Fight around the world.

But don't actually do anything.

Jesus.

What the?

Is that good? Is that working? We can hear you. Okay, guys. I just wanted to

take this moment to say a couple things to the cast and crew because I'm a man

of few words.

I'm not one to make speeches.

I'm not one to stand on a pedestal.

I just wanted to say that... This is a very personal project to me, and it's

going to be a really chill set. I don't really give a fuck about anything, as

long as we make a good movie, right?

All right, let's make some movies, guys.

This is the actual shirt. This is the thing, the real deal. Yeah, no, I'm

probably not going to wear that. Yeah, just put your arm through it. What do

you mean? I don't think it's going to... Oh, okay, well, okay. I think the way

this is kind of small.

Yeah, and it hurts a little bit. Okay, yeah, okay.

So I'm costume Helen does does it look like me?

Yeah, yeah This thing doesn't fit on how does this thing work on a journey

a minute real quick over here Someone figure this thing out for me Get the

green screen up. I don't like those colors What's going on?

Hey, you know, I've been doing this quite a while This is kind of loosey

-goosey. You're not going to get the stuff you want. What kind of stuff are

we talking about? Just be a little more prepared and organized.

I know what you mean, but we don't have the money for that kind of thing. You

don't need money. It's just being organized.

I'm telling you, you're going to get better stuff if you... Yeah, I hear you.

Okay.

Alright, alright.

Thanks. Why don't you have some grapes?

I'll take a few.

Alright. Alright, quiet on set for a second, guys.

Alright, this will be take three.

It's beautiful.

Action on my talent.

Tyler, you owe me $8,000, and if you don't give me my money, I'm gonna kill

your sister.

If you want to kill her, you have to find her, and she doesn't love you

anymore, Jordan.

What is this? Just keep going.

Tyler,

you owe... Wait, hold it up, hold it up. That thing's fucked up.

I was in the mojo.

All right, just change it to another rig. Let's go.

Fuck.

Motherfucker. Okay.

And I'll take care of this. Yeah, yeah. Take five.

Why is it on that fucking broken S3? How long until you get the Terradex on this?

Jesus Christ.

Hey, Tyler, can we go over the blocking for the next scene? Just wait for the

director.

You're a fucking diva, you know that?

Why are you... You're a fucking amateur actor. Why are you giving me shit? I'm

just trying to help you. God damn it.

You're not a fucking diva. I didn't say anything.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Yo.

Hey, what's going on here? What's going on? Stop.

What's going on?

Alright, I can't work like this. It's amateur hour. Are you kidding me? Do I

look like I'm fucking kidding? Five seconds ago, we were having a scene

here. Alright, I can't work like this. Alright, I'm walking.

Alright, walk.

I told you what kind of fucking movie we were doing.

Let that guy go. Let that guy go.

What happened even?

He's fucking calling me out on some bullshit. Wait one second. Albert?

What's up with this thing?

Oh my god.

Don't worry, guys.

What's happening here, man?

Guys,

it was just a small fire on set. It's contained now.

Don't worry about it. We're going to keep going.

We don't need the gaffer. We just need a little air in here to air it out. It

smells like electrical fire.

Small electrical fire.

Help me with this door.

You guys are all doing wonderful.

Don't worry about it.

I'm going to take a sec. I'm going to just take a sec.

I considered our first day of production a smashing success.

I was giddy to begin editing the dailies.

Hey, Helen. Would you mind helping me with something?

Sure.

This is the dailies from yesterday. I'm choosing between take three and take

eight. Just honest opinion, please.

Action on the leaf blower.

Action challenge.

You will never fuck my sister again!

Cut, cut.

That was take three.

That's an unusual line. And here's take eight.

Oh my god, dude.

You talk to people like that on set?

I talk to Tyler like that. You gotta work on your anger.

I don't have anger, okay? I just get very explosive when I'm working. It's a

very tense moment.

Are you tense?

Yes. I'm working now. You are tense.

I get explosive when I'm working. That's it.

Okay, well you also told me that you get explosive when you're not working

because you can't handle downtime.

Did I say that too?

Yes, you did.

Then both, I guess.

Alright.

Thanks a lot for your input, though.

It's really hard for me to ask for help, basically ever.

I mean, you ask everyone working on this movie for help.

Yeah, but Tom's paying them with blood money. It's different.

That's good.

That's the keeper.

Hey.

Oh, my God.

Wait.

Action. Say your line.

There. Look, shoot!

Oh my god, I'm so sorry.

Don't throw it at the camera, man. Oh my god.

I'm feeling it now. I gotta go right now. I'm feeling it.

There.

It's there.

Look!

Look!

Look! That was fucking good.

Alright, now let's get the shit.

Come in.

One step closer. This is important.

These are the hard drives for the film. You can do the DIT offload with the SD

cards from the footage, but no one touches these drives except for me.

Okay? If someone fucks with these, that could be the end of the film. Got it?

Thank you.

Why is there a chair up here?

It was a disaster of a shoot, but actually it turned out pretty good.

There! I see it!

Look!

That's funny.

That's not a disaster. It did turn out good. It always turns out good. You're a

fucking genius.

You are.

I'm not a genius. No, you are, dude.

Oh, please, please, please. Dude, you're fucking composing the music to your own

movie as we speak. That's true. That's not normal.

The only thing I didn't do is get the money for it.

Well, you cast someone who was going to give you the money. It's the Hollywood

way. Yeah, I mean, but you know how Tyler got the money, right?

He got credit card numbers through his job.

basically fraudulently.

Jordan, don't tell people that.

Don't tell people that.

No, here, wait. You've inspired a musical instrument inside of me because

you think I'm a genius, and I'll prove to you that I'm not a genius right now,

all right? I think you're going to prove that you are a genius. All right.

Something like this.

What do you think?

Look how it plays inside of the scene.

There, I see it.

Look!

Look!

Perfect. Yeah, Be Still My Beating Heart. Wow.

That was titled Helen.

It was titled Helen of Troy.

The Helen song.

Hey, Rolla Girl.

All

right,

I'm going to put you, we're going to read you. You're going to play it.

It is very important for you to maintain your independence and self-sufficiency,

and you often prefer autonomy to intimate relationships.

Even though you do want to be close to others, you feel uncomfortable with too

much closeness and tend to keep your partner at arm's length.

You don't spend much time worrying about your romantic relationships or about

being rejected.

We tend not to open up to your partners, and they often complain that you are

emotionally distant.

In relationships, you are often on high alert for any signs of control or

impingement on your territory by your partner.

Well, ding, ding, ding, ding.

Does that ring a bell?

Yeah, I guess so.

Do you want to hear secure?

Secure is the ideal.

You don't even want to hear what could go, right?

Well, I don't need to hear.

Hey. What's up?

The majority of the credit cards that had the money taken from them, they got

canceled.

Dakota, would you mind stepping out for a second?

I'm sorry.

You can't.

steal another credit card number through your job no no no i don't want to why

not because it was foolhardy to start off with i don't want to do it again so

now you've come around you changed your mind when we're in the middle of film

production like oh i realize that major fraud is wrong yeah

well that's a big step for you i know we haven't talked about it very much

but you're gonna be okay are you going to jail like have they tied it back to

you

No. Well, I worry about you. You really do have to watch out.

Don't worry about me.

I don't think I'm going to go to jail.

I don't think so.

Just make it good, you know?

Dude,

we're on to something here. I really think so.

Definitely have a chance at a Sundance.

This is like classic sexy.

Yeah, if you're into cupcakes.

Helen, are you ready for your close-up? No, Jordan.

I'm not ready for my close-up. I haven't got my makeup done.

Can we do it in ten?

She said she's not ready.

Dude, I'll let you know. Sure.

And action on Helen. Take it from your one, Helen.

Do you really want me dead?

Ow, my hand.

Stop!

That is my sister.

It's good.

Hasten the romance. Just straight for the kiss there.

Oh, okay.

Oh, okay.

Oh, okay. Oh, whoa, whoa. Cut.

Cut. What? Cut. What's the problem? The real Jordan wouldn't kiss Tyler. No

offense. No offense. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

don't tell me don't tell me what the real jordan would do all right the scene

plays as dramatic funny heartfelt romantic it's possessive it's regressive

it's uh transcendent bro i don't know i don't feel comfortable with that i mean

you don't feel comfortable not getting a real boner and it's really making me

feel a little pissed look can you get a real boner gavin well okay get a real

boner i don't know how to just do it under pressure like okay helen it's not

you're beautiful it's not the boner means nothing I don't know, Jordan. I'm

not comfortable.

I have a solution. I have a solution.

Alright, what's the solution? Look, I'll reverie in between them so they don't

actually physically touch, but we can still get the shot.

Well, we want them to touch. Roll camera.

Action. Go, go, go, go, go.

Okay. Okay. Let's try it.

Oh, my God. The fog machine just... Okay. I like it. It's good. It's

perfect. Okay. The fog machine's gone haywire. Alright, action.

Is that okay?

Okay, okay.

Ow!

Okay, okay.

Okay, you're biting my boob a little. It's the hair. That works. It's the hair

for me. Cut, cut. Yeah, that was great. That works. Good? That worked?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, totally.

That was good.

That was good.

The costume worked great. Thanks.

Helen, it was amazing.

You single-handedly saved my scene. Really? I owe you the fucking world.

What about your lead actor?

My lead actor? Yeah. You're all great. You're all my shining stars, and I love

every one of you.

Let's go home.

Let's go home. That's a wrap, folks.

Good night.

Good night, Helen.

Good night.

Good night, Helen.

Good night. Sweet dreams.

Alright, we're outside.

What is it?

Gavin wants Helen to get out of the house.

Bullshit. Once we're out by the end of the week. Come on. Put her out on the

street for no fucking reason.

What's the reason?

Personal reasons.

Personal reasons?

Personal reasons, right?

I got personal problems with people living on my fucking floor.

Okay, alright.

Are you calm?

Are you calling? Can I talk to you? Explain it. He told you it was personal.

She told you it was personal. Sorry, sorry, sorry. When someone says that

it's personal, you don't ask them what it is. I know why. It's because of the

scene we shot.

Jordan, come on. I'm not like that. It's not because of that at all.

Get over it.

It's not because of that.

You and Lauren probably need to find some words to say too, man.

We're still in the film production.

We're rolling.

Yeah, I know.

So. I know.

Why are you fucking pulling the plug on me?

Bro, I thought this was going to be a real movie.

What do you mean real movie? Not in a disrespectful way. That is a completely

disrespectful thing to say. Let me talk to him.

I'll talk to him. That is the worst fucking thing you can say right in the

throes of production when you haven't even seen an edit. I'm sorry. I've been

working fucking day and night for this shit. He doesn't know what he's talking

about because he's never made a movie in his life.

I think we all just thought it would be a little bit of a different movie.

Different how?

Like a, we thought it would be Hollywood watchable, show it to your mom, fun.

It's an indie fucking movie, man. You've never even seen a movie in your life.

I've seen plenty of movies. Oh yeah, you saw Bambi. Well, yeah, I mean, it's a

good movie. Oh, I saw a Martin Scorsese movie one.

Well, I saw The Irishman. Oh, I saw The Irishman. It was a long movie. That

means it's good.

You are letting me down. And now you want me to kick Helen out for no fucking

reason. She was stealing from the guy. Oh, stealing.

What? He's Lexapro.

Please, that's bullshit.

Can I ask her? Oh, come on. I can't do that. You tell her. She's your fucking

cousin. No, we're not on good terms. I don't want to stoke a fire. My god, I'm

so disappointed in you as a person. Why?

Because you don't believe in the fucking production anymore.

I gave a lot. I jumped through a ton of hoops to get you that money.

Yeah, and now if you pull out now, it's a fucking waste.

You fucked me in the ass.

You're fucking me in the ass. You're taking Gavin's side over me and Helen's

side. That's what it's become.

Split down the middle of the fucking house.

I'll talk to her because I'm a fucking man.

I'm the fucking man here. What exactly does that mean to you? What? Being a

Hollywood man?

Being a man just means you do what you say you're going to do. You don't pull

out in the last minute.

You stay in there until the deed is done and the seed is sown. Yeah, I guess

women pull out at the last minute and they don't take what they want. No, I'm

not saying that at all. Whatever.

Just a word. Everything I said about manhood could also be said about

womanhood. But you didn't say womanhood. I'm just talking about being a

fucking... You didn't say adulthood.

You said manhood. Dude, I'm not a sexist, okay? I'm a feminist.

I'm a feminist.

You want me to talk to Helen? Fine, I'll do it because I'm a person. Good.

Because I'm an adult, let's say. Oh, nice.

And we'll finish the movie and we'll move on.

Sounds good.

Hey, Helen.

Would you come with me for a sec?

I'm not really that hungry.

We don't have to get food if you don't want it, but I do have to talk to you

about something.

Okay, yeah.

Gavin says that you can't live there anymore.

He didn't give me reasons.

That's between you and him. Don't know.

Are you going to be all right, though?

You know what you're going to do.

Jordan, can I ask you something?

Yeah.

I think you know how I feel about you.

I don't know what you mean.

You know, I have a really big crush on you. Everyone knows.

Yeah, I guess you kind of do.

And how does that make you feel?

Yeah, I mean, it makes me feel good. But, you know, well, we're just

friends.

Just friends?

Yeah, like...

Really good friends.

Do you typically sit at your computer and edit sex tapes with your friends?

What the fuck are you talking about?

In the movie, I'm his sister. In real life, I'm his cousin.

You offered to play the role. It was written before you were his cousin.

Jordan? What?

Why did you make us have sex on camera? It was fake. It was for a movie.

Okay. What did you mean when you said that you and I had a special connection?

I don't know, man. Why did you say it? Because we have a good time together.

I wasn't trying to say anything big or anything.

Don't use my words against me.

Okay.

That's fucked up because I love you where you're the only person who wants

to touch me.

Come on. That's crazy. That's not...

It's not like that. That's crazy.

I'm crazy for loving you. No, but come on.

I'm crazy for thinking that we have a connection and you can read my thoughts.

Well, I can't read your thoughts.

That's a little psychotic, maybe. A little delusional, maybe.

I'm not psychotic.

No, you're not.

Why are you doing this to me, dude?

I'm not doing anything.

You're playing games with me. I'm not playing games at all. I'm trying to take

you to food. I'm sorry You have to move out.

I'm trying to help you with that Shit, they're texting me. They want to fucking

party out tonight. Mmm. Let's go have a good time fucking party Yeah, let's have

a good time to be fun.

Come on. That's gonna be fun.

Sorry Hello,

hi, how do I look?

Do I look like royalty?

You look Hollywood.

You're royal Helen, do you want to go for a ride in the swan truck? No, I

don't. Thank you, Tyler.

Helen did not take it well at all. I don't know why you fucking put me up to

that shit. What did she say?

Well, for one, she said she was in love with me.

She told me that, too.

When we first had sex.

Really?

So you don't actually think she's in love with me?

I don't know. I mean, you know how the way she is.

Yeah, she's really fucked up. She deserves help.

Well, yeah. She deserves to know that we support her. What are we supposed to do

for her?

Reiterate that we support her and that we care about her. I know, I agree with

that.

Let's go.

All right, you dirty fucks. So let's get this bullshit done so we can be done

with this shitty movie, all right?

Can you sleep me up?

She gave me a slate.

Where's the rest of the slate?

We don't need the rest of the slate. What? Can I talk to you in private for a

minute? Okay, just wait. If you can find the rest of it, go ahead. That's the

only part of the slate that you need.

Did he give you that?

Helen's threatening to tell my company that I stole money from the customer's

credit cards.

Fuck.

Just call me, too.

We need to talk to her. I need you to talk to her. Why don't we both talk to

her? You two have come together. Man, I wish I never... fucking stole money for

your fucking goddamn movie. Hey, it's our fucking goddamn fucking movie. I'll

never do this shit again. I will never do this shit again. The irony is that

you are only guilty about it after Helen threatens you with the consequences.

Fuck you, man. Fuck you. Fuck you, man.

Fuck you. I tried to be nice. Fuck you. Fuck you.

Fuck you. Fuck you.

Fuck you. Fuck you.

Let's go shoot. Let's shoot.

Let's shoot.

Oh, Jordan, question.

Yeah. What is my motivation?

Shut the fuck up.

All right, look.

I'm merciful, so I'll give you this.

This is for Tyler.

Tyler and Jordan find out that they're the same person. Like Fight Club?

No, it's not like Fight Club. No, it's not like Fight Club. All right.

Then Tyler destroys their hard drive, which contains all their memories. It's

kind of surreal.

And metaphorical more than anything.

Okay, yeah.

Action. I went, and... And action.

Why do you think we have the same revel... Why do you think we share the

same revelations and have the same thoughts at the same time?

Because we're the same person.

Fuck. Fuck. Did they see you bring the camera in?

No. No, I don't think so. Did you pay?

No, I couldn't pay. I put the bounced credit card on there. They're probably

coming up for that. Look, you guys just fucking hide. Go under, under,

underneath, over, get up. Go down, down, down.

Hello.

Hey.

Look, we can talk, Helen.

But it has to be after the shoot. Ah, we can talk.

Nice.

Guys, it's just Helen.

Just Helen, you can come out. Just Helen, what a thing to say.

On second thought, Gavin, Gavin and the PA, can you guys go back to the closet?

Tyler, you stay here. I have a name, you know?

Richard, yes, I'm sorry. It's Rickard.

Rickard, yes, yes, Rickard.

Ice cream on me tonight.

Thank you for your work. Thank you for your time.

Okay, um, I just came by to let you guys know that you might as well stop

shooting this fucking movie right now because if you ever release this with me

in it, you'll be spending a very long time in court.

Court?

Yeah, then I'll sue you. For what?

For practically raping me on screen.

What are you talking about?

That was part of the plan, right?

What are you... Why? Why?

I'm just doing unto others as they do unto me.

And I'm very sorry.

Are you? I didn't know you were capable of being sorry.

I really am sorry.

I'm sorry, too. You don't really care about people, Tyler. Dude. And that's

kind of fucked up. I do care, and I know in the past I was really shitty.

But you and Jordan helped me discover a better me where I'm more comfortable

with myself, more compassionate.

I'm just trying to figure out what we can do to make you feel more included

and supported.

I want to help work towards something better for you. You're so fucking

clueless. Yeah, I'm dumb.

Yeah, you are fucking dumb. Yeah.

I want to know what I can do to... Is there something that he could do to

prove that he's not a fucking dickwad? No! I can't think of a single thing. You

should think of something that we can do. Because we want to prove it to you.

We want to prove it to you that we're here for you.

Well, figure it out yourself. It's not my fucking job. You have Jordan to do

that for you.

Don't bring me into this now.

Yeah, you're fucking worse than Tyler.

That's a big overstatement. You've never cared about another fucking human being

in your entire life.

At least Tyler pretends that he loves you in the moment.

I do.

I do love you. I pretend to love people all the time.

You can't even be serious for five seconds.

The reason I'm joking around is because I think this entire conversation is a

bit much.

I bet you do.

I mean, you two are like my family, you know? Like, I swear to God, at this

point in my life, I'm never going to leave you guys. All right, all right.

You know what?

I hope for your own sake that you can come up with some way to show how much

you care for me so that you can feel better for yourself and sleep at night.

I don't give a fuck.

I've said my piece, and I'm out.

Have fun fucking each other over.

It's what you do best.

Jesus.

Don't listen to her, man.

Jesus, man.

Ripped us a new ass.

Yeah.

Because she's got a point.

You can't just justify being good people after everything she said.

We did something wrong. I don't know what, but we did something wrong. That's

for sure.

We have to figure something out.

Gavin,

Rickard Gavin.

You guys can come back in.

Don't forget you promised Rickard ice cream.

True. True that.

Slate it.

Action. You're doing this the last one, okay?

Action. I'm sick of this. Action.

No, Tyler, don't.

That drive contains all of our memories.

Yeah, great, cut.

That's cut.

That's good.

Shit, I don't know.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

That was one of the master drives, man!

That's not a prop!

I know, I... I told you that!

Okay, okay, we got backups, though. No, we don't! We can't afford backups!

You know this! I told you! What are you talking about, man? Why would you do

that? Why would you do that to me? That's the drive with all of Helen's

material. You did that on purpose?

Yes, I did it for her. I knew you'd never let me touch those drives. Of

course not!

Why would I?

Why would you do that to me?

To step in the right direction.

To reconciling with Helen.

You know it.

Fuck.

Oh my god.

Why?

I want to get an Airbnb for Helen.

You and I could go there too.

I can talk it all out.

Okay.

Okay.

Hey.

How you doing?

Good. Thanks for getting this Airbnb.

I wasn't sure where I was going to go today. Yeah, no problem.

I need a place to stay too, so... Wanna marry her?

Whoops.

We, uh, got rid of the drive that had all of your footage on it.

Really?

That's the truth, but Tyler got rid of it.

I approved of it, after much deliberation.

Thank you, Tyler.

And I'm sorry, Jordan.

I know that the movie means a lot to you. Yeah. Also, I wanted to tell you

guys that I have decided...

that I'm not going to go to the cops. Oh, good. Or sue you. That's good. Good.

Perfect. If you meet certain conditions.

What kind of demands could you possibly have?

First of all, we reshoot all my scenes.

No fucking dumb corset and no dumb sex scenes.

Okay. No corset. The sex scenes, though, they were in good taste. They were not

in good taste. The sex scenes were not in good taste. Thank you, my sister.

Look, we can come to a compromise.

I haven't said anything, but you really desperately need a woman's perspective

in the writer's room.

It's awful to watch.

No comment.

Okay. And?

You might not like this one.

I get 5% royalties on this film. That's absolutely out of the question. It's

definitely gonna fucking happen.

Why would that happen?

Because you've been fucking scamming everyone to make this movie.

For free, on stolen money.

That's 5%. Sort of like... Just 5%. That's a producer fee.

Okay, sure. Give me a producer credit, too.

What?

Come on.

Fine. 5% royalties. That's fine.

I think those demands are very reasonable. Thank you very much. Except

for the 5% thing. But we're doing it.

All right.

Shake it.

Let me get in there.

Try part.

Should we binge drink?

Yes! Let's finish drinking.

Let's do it. Cheers.

Slow dance. You're a kid and you dance on your dad's feet. Dance on the toes?

Yeah, that's good.

Whoops.

Try it. See if it looks good at all. Don't smack me. I'll smack you.

You like the part? Yeah.

Not really, actually.

Let me see those baby blues.

Like these eyes, too.

Hi,

love. Come over here, cousin.

It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be I want a big long kiss

What the fuck? Don't worry about it. I found this under the sink. You are

making a mess. No, it washes out. I promise. You almost spilled it on the

carpet. Where's Helen? She would know how to do this.

Helen left.

What do you mean?

She left.

Where'd she go?

I don't know.

I guess she feels like her work here is done or something.

How so?

I don't know.

Because she got us together or whatever.

Yeah, that.

Let me help you with that. You're fucking it up.

Okay.

Let me help you.

You're so uptight.

Come on.

I mean, what just happened there?

You know, it just feels weird because we've known each other forever.

I don't think it feels weird.

No, it doesn't feel that weird. It feels good.

This feels good.

What are we going to do?

You know I love you, obviously.

We're more than just friends. Like, we're not just brothers.

No, we're... I fucking hate you.

But I fucking love you too, obviously.

I know.

Yeah.

I've always known, and I don't think this changes anything.

No, it doesn't.

But it does, you know.

cool with it.

Are you?

Yeah, me too.

The details of what happened next is kind of another story.

Suffice it to say we reshot the film and I couldn't have been happier with the

results.

Looks pretty good.

Tyler never even went to jail for credit fraud.

Hey guys, settle down for a second. I'll give a little introduction to the film.

As you know, we all worked on this film in one way or another. You guys helped

out and I super appreciate that.

And I never said it enough while I was on set because I was too caught up in my

own thing, which I do a lot.

And we didn't get into any international or local film festivals,

but this is the premiere that I wanted because I'm sharing it with the people

that I love.

Sorry.

Excuse me.

You guys just mean a lot to me, and I know we've been through a lot.

It's a really funny movie.

Sorry.

I'm only emotional because we've been through a lot to make it. We've been

through a lot.

And I love you guys.

And I couldn't have done it without you.

Alright, let's have fun.

Let's watch the movie.

You will never fuck my sister again Father

to a murdered son husband to a murdered wife And

I will have my vengeance in this life of the next There

I see it look

where should i go what should i do frankly my dear i don't give a damn

i don't know if this film will be the one

to make us rich but the sequels with tyler will be everything i need