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1
00:00:11,324 --> 00:00:13,393
- What the hell?
- How does this even happen?
2
00:00:13,426 --> 00:00:15,361
- Single puncture wound
to the abdomen.
3
00:00:15,394 --> 00:00:16,605
We need to stop
this bleeding ASAP.
4
00:00:16,629 --> 00:00:19,232
- Don't help me.
Help the dummy.
5
00:00:19,265 --> 00:00:20,967
Make sure he's okay.
6
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:24,170
- I'm-I'm just gonna grab it.
7
00:00:24,203 --> 00:00:26,172
- Never move an injured person.
8
00:00:26,205 --> 00:00:27,340
- He's right.
9
00:00:27,373 --> 00:00:29,342
{\an1}- Ike, it's not alive.
10
00:00:29,375 --> 00:00:31,077
{\an1}- Does the blonde know
mouth to mouth.
11
00:00:31,110 --> 00:00:32,412
- Watch it, dummy!
12
00:00:32,445 --> 00:00:33,722
- Both of you,
stop talking to the dummy.
13
00:00:33,746 --> 00:00:34,981
Sir, what happened here?
14
00:00:35,014 --> 00:00:35,715
- It was an accident.
15
00:00:35,748 --> 00:00:37,417
{\an1}- Isn't it obvious.
16
00:00:37,450 --> 00:00:39,719
He stabbed himself and now
he's trying to blame me.
17
00:00:39,752 --> 00:00:40,553
- Why are you holding
the knife then?
18
00:00:40,586 --> 00:00:42,221
- Ike, stop talking
to the dummy.
19
00:00:42,254 --> 00:00:43,356
{\an1}His pulse is dropping.
20
00:00:43,389 --> 00:00:44,533
{\an1}Lucy, get
the heart monitor ready.
21
00:00:44,557 --> 00:00:46,559
- Help my dummy.
- Don't get agitated, sir.
22
00:00:46,592 --> 00:00:48,962
- Give him CPR!
He needs CPR!
23
00:00:48,995 --> 00:00:50,405
{\an3}- Ike, I need this guy
to calm down, okay?
24
00:00:50,429 --> 00:00:52,098
Give the dummy CPR.
- What?
25
00:00:52,131 --> 00:00:53,399
- Tell him it's gonna be okay.
26
00:00:53,432 --> 00:00:55,243
- Hey, it's... it's gonna...
It's gonna be okay.
27
00:00:55,267 --> 00:00:57,437
- Ike, give the dummy CPR.
Andy, talk to the dummy.
28
00:00:57,470 --> 00:00:59,172
- I don't wanna talk to a dummy.
29
00:00:59,205 --> 00:01:00,983
{\an3}- Lucy, had me the lead
so I can hook this guy up.
30
00:01:01,007 --> 00:01:03,376
- Hey, dummy, everything
is gonna be okay.
31
00:01:03,409 --> 00:01:06,145
Ike is my friend.
He's gonna give you CPR.
32
00:01:06,178 --> 00:01:07,689
{\an1}- We're performing CPR.
It's gonna be fine.
33
00:01:07,713 --> 00:01:09,649
{\an3}- Yeah, it'll be okay.
Go, go, go, go.
34
00:01:09,682 --> 00:01:11,451
- Ah.
[heart monitor beeping]
35
00:01:11,484 --> 00:01:12,752
{\an7}Ah.
[breathing]
36
00:01:12,785 --> 00:01:16,155
{\an8}- Oh, I'm much better now.
37
00:01:16,188 --> 00:01:17,690
{\an8}- Oh, the mouth hole.
The mouth hole.
38
00:01:17,723 --> 00:01:20,126
{\an8}- Shh, relax.
Stay relaxed.
39
00:01:20,159 --> 00:01:21,461
{\an3}He's gonna do it again.
Relax.
40
00:01:21,494 --> 00:01:23,196
{\an1}- I need both of you.
41
00:01:23,229 --> 00:01:25,431
{\an1}- What in the horrifying fuck?
42
00:01:25,464 --> 00:01:27,300
- I don't know.
[monitor flat-lines]
43
00:01:27,333 --> 00:01:28,477
- Oh, my God, we're losing him.
44
00:01:28,501 --> 00:01:30,303
Lucy, prepare the paddles.
- Oh, shit.
45
00:01:30,336 --> 00:01:32,438
[defibrillator charging]
46
00:01:32,471 --> 00:01:34,240
- Pinch his dick.
- Oh.
47
00:01:34,273 --> 00:01:36,409
- Yeah, give it a pinch.
48
00:01:36,442 --> 00:01:38,979
It'll wake him up.
- What the hell?
49
00:01:40,646 --> 00:01:42,648
[slow beeping]
- Oops, sorry, you guys.
50
00:01:42,681 --> 00:01:44,417
{\an3}A malfunction.
He's still alive.
51
00:01:44,450 --> 00:01:47,253
- No shit.
[laughter]
52
00:01:47,286 --> 00:01:48,330
{\an8}- You almost pinched his dick.
53
00:01:48,354 --> 00:01:49,398
{\an7}- I was not
gonna pinch his dick.
54
00:01:49,422 --> 00:01:50,456
{\an8}- No, you were close.
55
00:01:50,489 --> 00:01:51,500
{\an7}- I'm just gonna take the knife.
56
00:01:51,524 --> 00:01:53,059
{\an8}- Touch it and die!
- Whoo.
57
00:01:53,092 --> 00:01:55,795
[Foreigner's "Hot Blooded"]
58
00:01:55,828 --> 00:01:59,632
♪ ♪
59
00:01:59,665 --> 00:02:03,069
- ♪ Well I'm hot blooded ♪
60
00:02:03,102 --> 00:02:05,405
♪ Check and see ♪
61
00:02:05,438 --> 00:02:09,108
♪ I got a fever of 103 ♪
62
00:02:09,141 --> 00:02:11,578
{\an8} ♪ I'm hot blooded ♪
63
00:02:13,312 --> 00:02:14,514
{\an8} [thunder crackles]
64
00:02:14,547 --> 00:02:16,516
{\an8}- Wow, big storm.
65
00:02:16,549 --> 00:02:18,351
{\an8}- Supposed to go all day.
- Yeah?
66
00:02:18,384 --> 00:02:19,528
{\an8}- Hey, you guys wanna
play a game?
67
00:02:19,552 --> 00:02:21,220
{\an8}- Hey, let's start a new show.
68
00:02:21,253 --> 00:02:22,697
{\an8}Bet you we could binge our way
through a few episodes.
69
00:02:22,721 --> 00:02:24,290
{\an8}- Let's watch "Queer Beer."
70
00:02:24,323 --> 00:02:26,201
{\an8}It's about those fabulous guys
that own a brewery.
71
00:02:26,225 --> 00:02:27,369
{\an8}- I watched the first season.
It's pretty good.
72
00:02:27,393 --> 00:02:29,362
{\an8}- How 'bout "Fresno Fire"?
73
00:02:29,395 --> 00:02:31,431
{\an7}- Nah, sitcoms about
firemen are lame.
74
00:02:31,464 --> 00:02:33,433
{\an8}There's maybe
one fire per season,
75
00:02:33,466 --> 00:02:35,068
{\an8}and there's a black guy,
an Asian guy,
76
00:02:35,101 --> 00:02:37,303
{\an8}a woman, one dude who
you don't realize is Latin,
77
00:02:37,336 --> 00:02:39,439
{\an8}a bunch of white people,
you know what I mean?
78
00:02:39,472 --> 00:02:41,541
{\an8}- Hmm, hey, we could jump
back into "Montana Bush."
79
00:02:41,574 --> 00:02:43,309
{\an8}- No, I don't love nature shows.
80
00:02:43,342 --> 00:02:44,386
{\an7}- Thought that show
was about something else.
81
00:02:44,410 --> 00:02:45,678
{\an8}- What?
- Teenage pop star
82
00:02:45,711 --> 00:02:47,213
{\an8}who was a landscaper.
- [chuckles]
83
00:02:47,246 --> 00:02:49,182
{\an8}That's impossible.
- Ooh, you guys!
84
00:02:49,215 --> 00:02:53,086
{\an8}How about "Mrs. Winchester?"
85
00:02:53,119 --> 00:02:54,129
{\an7}- Never heard of it.
What's that?
86
00:02:54,153 --> 00:02:55,197
{\an8}- Oh, that's a British show.
87
00:02:55,221 --> 00:02:56,622
{\an7}- No!
No foreign language stuff.
88
00:02:56,655 --> 00:02:58,157
{\an9}- Hold on, hold on, just listen.
89
00:02:58,190 --> 00:03:00,093
{\an8}"As Britain enters World War II,
90
00:03:00,126 --> 00:03:02,562
{\an8}"one woman makes a difference,
Mrs. Winchester.
91
00:03:02,595 --> 00:03:05,231
{\an9}"This small-town nurse
is determined to tend
92
00:03:05,264 --> 00:03:08,568
{\an9}to Briarfield Township
while also solving crimes!"
93
00:03:08,601 --> 00:03:10,503
{\an8}- [fake snoring]
- Mrs. Lamechester.
94
00:03:10,536 --> 00:03:12,380
{\an7}- What's with you and these
British shows anyway?
95
00:03:12,404 --> 00:03:14,373
{\an8}- They're critically acclaimed
and strongly acted.
96
00:03:14,406 --> 00:03:15,408
{\an8}Really quite bully.
97
00:03:15,441 --> 00:03:17,643
{\an7}- That show sounds like
bully-shit.
98
00:03:17,676 --> 00:03:19,412
{\an8}[laughter]
[thunder crackles]
99
00:03:19,445 --> 00:03:21,414
{\an8} [mellow country music]
100
00:03:21,447 --> 00:03:25,251
{\an8} - ♪ Well I missed the things
that I used to do ♪
101
00:03:25,284 --> 00:03:29,255
{\an8} ♪ So I went and bought me
a bag of chew ♪
102
00:03:29,288 --> 00:03:33,359
♪ Hocked in my truck
without a care ♪
103
00:03:33,392 --> 00:03:37,130
♪ And drove it through
the sassafras air ♪
104
00:03:37,163 --> 00:03:39,866
- Ah, God, sassafras air.
So colorful.
105
00:03:39,899 --> 00:03:41,734
- ♪ Oh yeah ♪
- Oh.
106
00:03:41,767 --> 00:03:43,136
[music stops]
- We need to talk.
107
00:03:43,169 --> 00:03:44,504
{\an1}- Hey, do you like
country music?
108
00:03:44,537 --> 00:03:45,614
- Not particularly.
- I've been getting
109
00:03:45,638 --> 00:03:47,140
into it lately.
- Uh, listen...
110
00:03:47,173 --> 00:03:48,574
{\an1}- Lyrics tell
such great stories,
111
00:03:48,607 --> 00:03:50,409
{\an1}about memories and days gone by,
112
00:03:50,442 --> 00:03:51,744
{\an1}especially this band
Leigh Weigh.
113
00:03:51,777 --> 00:03:54,147
Have you heard of them?
- No. But Chief...
114
00:03:54,180 --> 00:03:56,249
- They're my new favorite band.
- Awesome.
115
00:03:56,282 --> 00:03:58,151
{\an3}You should write about it
in your yearbook.
116
00:03:58,184 --> 00:04:00,153
{\an3}We have a problem.
There's a firefighter blog
117
00:04:00,186 --> 00:04:01,921
{\an3}coming from this station
that's sharing
118
00:04:01,954 --> 00:04:03,589
{\an3}a lot of dirty laundry
on the Internet.
119
00:04:03,622 --> 00:04:05,391
{\an1}- A blog?
From my station?
120
00:04:05,424 --> 00:04:06,626
- Tacoma Station 24.
121
00:04:06,659 --> 00:04:08,161
Look for yourself.
122
00:04:08,194 --> 00:04:09,896
{\an3}Search for
"Fired up in Tacoma."
123
00:04:09,929 --> 00:04:11,731
- Really?
- I'm sure you're aware
124
00:04:11,764 --> 00:04:13,799
{\an3}we have a zero-tolerance
policy on social media
125
00:04:13,832 --> 00:04:14,934
by municipal employees.
126
00:04:14,967 --> 00:04:16,469
{\an1}- Hey.
127
00:04:16,502 --> 00:04:19,572
Station 24, "A" shift.
- Mm-hmm.
128
00:04:19,605 --> 00:04:20,907
{\an1}- I can't see
my guys doing this.
129
00:04:20,940 --> 00:04:23,376
Oh, look at this,
"Our chief is an authoritarian,
130
00:04:23,409 --> 00:04:24,777
overweight blowhard."
131
00:04:24,810 --> 00:04:26,788
{\an1}Well, there you go, it couldn't
possibly be my station.
132
00:04:26,812 --> 00:04:28,781
{\an1}[chuckles]
133
00:04:28,814 --> 00:04:31,217
{\an3}- Yep, well, we don't need
this stuff out in the open.
134
00:04:31,250 --> 00:04:32,594
{\an3}It's already racking up
a lot of views.
135
00:04:32,618 --> 00:04:33,819
Put a stop to it.
136
00:04:33,852 --> 00:04:35,354
{\an1}- Okay, well,
I'll tell you what.
137
00:04:35,387 --> 00:04:36,831
{\an1}I don't think it's us,
but I will sniff around.
138
00:04:36,855 --> 00:04:39,258
- Thanks.
[dramatic music]
139
00:04:39,291 --> 00:04:41,627
- Mrs. Winchester,
whatever is the bother?
140
00:04:41,660 --> 00:04:44,964
- Lord Hastings, we both know
the bloom on the rose
141
00:04:44,997 --> 00:04:47,266
is oft not wet.
142
00:04:47,299 --> 00:04:49,569
- [laughing]
- What does that mean?
143
00:04:49,602 --> 00:04:51,571
- Things aren't always
what they seem.
144
00:04:51,604 --> 00:04:53,406
- And then she and
Lord Hastings are related?
145
00:04:53,439 --> 00:04:54,807
- Shh.
146
00:04:54,840 --> 00:04:56,284
{\an1}- No, I just don't understand
the relationships, man.
147
00:04:56,308 --> 00:04:57,910
- Just watch then.
- I'm just lost.
148
00:04:57,943 --> 00:04:59,412
Here, let me rewind it then.
149
00:04:59,445 --> 00:05:00,689
- No, you can't
rewind streaming.
150
00:05:00,713 --> 00:05:02,615
{\an3}Just watch, man.
No, no, no, that's too far!
151
00:05:02,648 --> 00:05:04,483
- Okay, I'll fast-forward.
- No, no!
152
00:05:04,516 --> 00:05:05,851
That's the end of the episode!
153
00:05:05,884 --> 00:05:07,587
- And that is
how Tilda Fowlington
154
00:05:07,620 --> 00:05:08,654
killed the boot-binder.
155
00:05:08,687 --> 00:05:09,922
{\an3}- No!
156
00:05:09,955 --> 00:05:11,791
- How'd you get us
to watch this snoozefest
157
00:05:11,824 --> 00:05:13,793
in the first place?
- What's a boot-binder?
158
00:05:13,826 --> 00:05:14,836
- Hey, can you guys
pause that, please?
159
00:05:14,860 --> 00:05:16,229
- Gladly.
160
00:05:16,262 --> 00:05:17,663
{\an1}- Okay, it has come
to my attention
161
00:05:17,696 --> 00:05:19,599
{\an1}that there is a blog
coming from this station.
162
00:05:19,632 --> 00:05:20,900
[laughter]
- A blog?
163
00:05:20,933 --> 00:05:22,435
That's so five years ago.
164
00:05:22,468 --> 00:05:23,812
{\an1}- I just want to know
if any of y'all
165
00:05:23,836 --> 00:05:25,338
{\an1}are blogging
about station business.
166
00:05:25,371 --> 00:05:26,772
- [laughs] Y'all?
167
00:05:26,805 --> 00:05:29,875
- Is anyone here doing a blog
or building or blog
168
00:05:29,908 --> 00:05:31,553
or writing a blog or whatever
it is you do with a blog?
169
00:05:31,577 --> 00:05:33,980
- Yeah, I blog right after
I record my makeup tutorials.
170
00:05:34,013 --> 00:05:35,548
[laughter]
171
00:05:35,581 --> 00:05:37,550
- My unboxing videos
have a huge following.
172
00:05:37,583 --> 00:05:39,452
{\an3}- Yeah, and I'm more
of a vlogger.
173
00:05:39,485 --> 00:05:40,886
[laughter]
174
00:05:40,919 --> 00:05:43,823
- Yeah, I got a blog about a...
175
00:05:43,856 --> 00:05:45,958
[laughs]
That's so stupid.
176
00:05:45,991 --> 00:05:47,827
{\an1}- Great, anybody else?
Anybody else got one?
177
00:05:47,860 --> 00:05:49,528
{\an1}Funny, funny stuff,
but listen to me.
178
00:05:49,561 --> 00:05:52,031
If I find out that anyone
from this station is blogging,
179
00:05:52,064 --> 00:05:54,333
I will cancel
the Hulu subscription.
180
00:05:54,366 --> 00:05:56,836
- No, no, no, we watch
so much on Hulu!
181
00:05:56,869 --> 00:05:58,571
- Take it back!
- Carry on.
182
00:05:58,604 --> 00:05:59,848
{\an1}Can I see you
in my office, please?
183
00:05:59,872 --> 00:06:01,283
- Am I in trouble?
- Come on, let's go.
184
00:06:01,307 --> 00:06:02,842
- What is going on?
A blog?
185
00:06:02,875 --> 00:06:05,511
{\an1}- By the way,
do not start watching
186
00:06:05,544 --> 00:06:06,988
a new TV show without me.
- Yeah, whatever.
187
00:06:07,012 --> 00:06:08,881
{\an3}You're just gonna
go to sleep anyway.
188
00:06:08,914 --> 00:06:10,425
- Not if we find a show
better than "Mrs. Winchester."
189
00:06:10,449 --> 00:06:11,717
You got that?
[laughter]
190
00:06:11,750 --> 00:06:14,053
I'm the captain.
191
00:06:14,086 --> 00:06:15,988
[mellow country music]
192
00:06:16,021 --> 00:06:20,026
- ♪ Well the way she looked
made me wanna sing ♪
193
00:06:20,059 --> 00:06:24,430
♪ So I grabbed a beer
and my old six-string ♪
194
00:06:24,463 --> 00:06:26,766
♪ We sang about blue jeans
and black beans ♪
195
00:06:26,799 --> 00:06:28,768
- Okay, what did I do?
What did I do?
196
00:06:28,801 --> 00:06:31,604
- ♪ And being 18
and farm machines ♪
197
00:06:31,637 --> 00:06:33,739
{\an3}- What the hell
are you listening to?
198
00:06:33,772 --> 00:06:35,041
{\an1}- Leigh Weigh.
199
00:06:35,074 --> 00:06:36,451
- Why are you listening
to Leigh Weigh?
200
00:06:36,475 --> 00:06:38,444
{\an1}- 'Cause they're
an awesome band.
201
00:06:38,477 --> 00:06:40,413
- Okay, Leigh Weigh is not a
band. It's a guy.
202
00:06:40,446 --> 00:06:42,315
That's his name.
Lee. Way.
203
00:06:42,348 --> 00:06:43,616
- Oh, that makes sense.
Okay.
204
00:06:43,649 --> 00:06:44,884
Leigh Weigh's a guy.
205
00:06:44,917 --> 00:06:47,553
Like Jethro Tull
or Lynyrd Skynyrd.
206
00:06:47,586 --> 00:06:50,089
- How is that I know more
about Leigh Weigh than you do?
207
00:06:50,122 --> 00:06:52,425
- I'm just getting into it.
- You know, if I had a dime
208
00:06:52,458 --> 00:06:54,098
for every one of my
midlife crisis friends
209
00:06:54,126 --> 00:06:56,929
who found country music,
I'd have a lot of dimes, Terry.
210
00:06:56,962 --> 00:06:58,640
- Hey, this guy sings
about things that speak to me.
211
00:06:58,664 --> 00:07:00,633
All right, like, being the boss
212
00:07:00,666 --> 00:07:02,601
and driving on the open road
213
00:07:02,634 --> 00:07:03,903
and windburn.
- Yeah.
214
00:07:03,936 --> 00:07:05,938
- Chili cook-offs.
- So cool.
215
00:07:05,971 --> 00:07:07,907
- Smell of wheat fields.
- You like wheat fields?
216
00:07:07,940 --> 00:07:10,643
- Gossamer spider webs.
- Yeah, cool, all right.
217
00:07:10,676 --> 00:07:12,645
- Check this out.
218
00:07:12,678 --> 00:07:14,580
- ♪ Well it's tough to be ♪
219
00:07:14,613 --> 00:07:17,450
♪ The lone big dog ♪
220
00:07:17,483 --> 00:07:20,986
♪ Barking by myself
in the hazy fog ♪
221
00:07:21,019 --> 00:07:22,130
♪ I can picture... ♪
- Okay, look.
222
00:07:22,154 --> 00:07:23,756
{\an1}I like country music too,
223
00:07:23,789 --> 00:07:25,825
but this dude sucks.
224
00:07:25,858 --> 00:07:27,927
- Agree to disagree.
[music stops]
225
00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:29,495
{\an1}All right, listen,
this blog thing.
226
00:07:29,528 --> 00:07:31,430
Is this you?
- You really think it could be?
227
00:07:31,463 --> 00:07:32,841
{\an1}- It's the kinda shit
you do for laughs.
228
00:07:32,865 --> 00:07:34,442
Remember when you sent me
the John Travolta picture
229
00:07:34,466 --> 00:07:35,744
{\an1}with the personalized
signature on it?
230
00:07:35,768 --> 00:07:37,069
- I do. I do.
231
00:07:37,102 --> 00:07:39,138
{\an3}"Dear Terry, keep staying alive.
232
00:07:39,171 --> 00:07:40,573
Best, Johnny."
233
00:07:40,606 --> 00:07:41,816
{\an1}- You denied that
for three years.
234
00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:43,551
{\an3}- Yeah, that was the perfect
amount of time,
235
00:07:43,575 --> 00:07:45,620
but this is not me, and you
really think it's one of us?
236
00:07:45,644 --> 00:07:47,113
- Come here, look at this.
237
00:07:47,146 --> 00:07:48,957
[thunder rumbles]
Huh? This is right on the nose.
238
00:07:48,981 --> 00:07:50,850
Tacoma FD.
239
00:07:50,883 --> 00:07:52,752
Station 24.
"A" shift.
240
00:07:52,785 --> 00:07:56,622
{\an3}- "Our captain thinks
he's got a good dye job.
241
00:07:56,655 --> 00:07:58,791
{\an1}"He's not fooling anyone.
242
00:07:58,824 --> 00:08:01,460
{\an3}"His hair is as white
as a polar bear's muff.
243
00:08:01,493 --> 00:08:03,929
{\an3}"He also has textbook
Peter Pan Syndrome.
244
00:08:03,962 --> 00:08:05,865
{\an3}He's so immature,
no one takes him seriously."
245
00:08:05,898 --> 00:08:07,633
{\an3}This is on the goddamn Internet.
246
00:08:07,666 --> 00:08:09,010
{\an3}Who the hell do these people
think they are?
247
00:08:09,034 --> 00:08:10,178
{\an3}I'm gonna go straighten
somebody out.
248
00:08:10,202 --> 00:08:11,202
- Okay, hold on, hold on.
249
00:08:12,571 --> 00:08:13,681
Don't go out there half-cocked.
250
00:08:13,705 --> 00:08:15,016
- I'm going out there
full-cocked.
251
00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:16,709
[lively music]
252
00:08:16,742 --> 00:08:18,182
{\an1}- Why does this guy
have an accident?
253
00:08:18,210 --> 00:08:19,210
- It's Dave Bautista.
254
00:08:20,813 --> 00:08:22,114
In 18th century Canada.
255
00:08:22,147 --> 00:08:23,716
{\an1}- And then what's
with that piano?
256
00:08:23,749 --> 00:08:25,160
{\an3}- Just stop.
He's also teaching music
257
00:08:25,184 --> 00:08:26,728
{\an3}to the other fur trappers
on the frontier.
258
00:08:26,752 --> 00:08:28,187
- What?
- Shush!
259
00:08:28,220 --> 00:08:30,055
- I will trade me furs
for an ivory piano,
260
00:08:30,088 --> 00:08:32,057
and we will sing
and dance with the beavers.
261
00:08:32,090 --> 00:08:33,893
- You're not gonna sing
with beavers.
262
00:08:33,926 --> 00:08:36,028
- Quiet, please!
- It doesn't make sense!
263
00:08:36,061 --> 00:08:37,639
{\an1}I'm not watching this
any longer than you have.
264
00:08:37,663 --> 00:08:39,765
{\an3}No, no, no, Captain,
don't... don't-what?
265
00:08:39,798 --> 00:08:41,976
- I wanna know right now who's
writing this goddamn blog.
266
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:43,769
- Whoa.
- Again with the blog?
267
00:08:43,802 --> 00:08:45,738
- Yeah, and who's the
Peter Pan Syndrome expert?
268
00:08:45,771 --> 00:08:47,907
- Wait, the what?
- Someone accused me
269
00:08:47,940 --> 00:08:50,009
of having Peter Pan Syndrome.
- Like you wanna fly?
270
00:08:50,042 --> 00:08:51,710
- It means he doesn't want
to grow up.
271
00:08:51,743 --> 00:08:53,588
- Seems like he already has.
I mean, how old are you, Cap?
272
00:08:53,612 --> 00:08:55,080
- None of your fucking business.
273
00:08:55,113 --> 00:08:57,516
And to whoever wrote this,
I do not dye my hair.
274
00:08:57,549 --> 00:08:58,693
- Your hair looks great.
[chuckles]
275
00:08:58,717 --> 00:09:00,152
- Calm down, Cap.
- Yeah, calm down.
276
00:09:00,185 --> 00:09:01,729
Hey, you should watch
the new show with us.
277
00:09:01,753 --> 00:09:03,889
It's called "Pelts."
Dave Bautista's an 18 century
278
00:09:03,922 --> 00:09:05,724
fur trapper in
the Canadian frontier,
279
00:09:05,757 --> 00:09:08,093
and he also runs a music school
for the other trappers.
280
00:09:08,126 --> 00:09:10,095
Andy loves it.
- Not into it yet.
281
00:09:10,128 --> 00:09:11,530
- I don't wanna watch
a new show.
282
00:09:11,563 --> 00:09:12,841
I wanna get
to the bottom of this.
283
00:09:12,865 --> 00:09:13,908
- You guys should
check out this blog.
284
00:09:13,932 --> 00:09:15,534
It's pretty incriminating.
285
00:09:15,567 --> 00:09:17,178
{\an1}- I have a feeling it's Granny.
I mean, he likes to write.
286
00:09:17,202 --> 00:09:18,780
- Dude, you're the one
who likes to gossip.
287
00:09:18,804 --> 00:09:20,873
- What? I do not.
- Okay, well, I set my phone
288
00:09:20,906 --> 00:09:22,675
to alert me anytime
a new blog drops.
289
00:09:22,708 --> 00:09:24,610
All right, you've been warned.
290
00:09:24,643 --> 00:09:27,012
- Cap, no one here is blogging.
291
00:09:27,045 --> 00:09:28,681
[thunder rumbles]
Aw, man!
292
00:09:28,714 --> 00:09:30,115
- Great, that's...
- Aw, come on!
293
00:09:30,148 --> 00:09:31,759
- Hey, nobody go anywhere.
- Somebody hit the genny.
294
00:09:31,783 --> 00:09:33,027
[overlapping chatter]
- The one that always sticks.
295
00:09:33,051 --> 00:09:34,920
- Yeah, great.
296
00:09:34,953 --> 00:09:36,489
- Oh, there we go.
- Good.
297
00:09:36,522 --> 00:09:38,257
- Bingo.
New blog just dropped.
298
00:09:38,290 --> 00:09:40,059
- Someone sent a blog
in the dark?
299
00:09:40,092 --> 00:09:41,660
That's crazy.
- It says here
300
00:09:41,693 --> 00:09:43,629
that captain just found out
about the blogging,
301
00:09:43,662 --> 00:09:46,131
and he's pissed.
Stay tuned.
302
00:09:46,164 --> 00:09:48,968
Someone in this room
is blogging.
303
00:09:49,001 --> 00:09:50,870
And we're gonna find out who.
304
00:09:50,903 --> 00:09:52,939
[thunder crashing]
305
00:09:58,610 --> 00:10:01,113
- Got a new blog post?
- No, I'm sleuthing.
306
00:10:01,146 --> 00:10:02,748
- "To Catch a Blogger," huh?
307
00:10:02,781 --> 00:10:04,759
So you're reading a blog
about how to catch a blogger.
308
00:10:04,783 --> 00:10:06,060
- Yeah, well, who better
to help with a blog hunt
309
00:10:06,084 --> 00:10:07,219
than a blogger?
310
00:10:07,252 --> 00:10:09,288
Says here misspelled words
311
00:10:09,321 --> 00:10:11,924
and unique phrasing
are red flags.
312
00:10:11,957 --> 00:10:14,927
Our blogger happens to misspell
the word "exhilarating"
313
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:16,595
quite a bit.
- Huh.
314
00:10:16,628 --> 00:10:17,997
- How do you spell exhilarating?
315
00:10:18,030 --> 00:10:20,165
- E-X-I-L-I-Rating.
316
00:10:20,198 --> 00:10:21,834
- Wrong.
Maybe you're the blogger.
317
00:10:21,867 --> 00:10:23,611
- Maybe you're the blogger.
- What are you doing?
318
00:10:23,635 --> 00:10:25,638
- I'm taking Leigh Weigh's
words to heart.
319
00:10:25,671 --> 00:10:27,015
I'm setting up
a face-to-face here.
320
00:10:27,039 --> 00:10:29,008
I'm gonna look a man
dead in the eye
321
00:10:29,041 --> 00:10:31,243
'cause then they can never lie.
322
00:10:31,276 --> 00:10:33,212
Like a frog on a frozen pond
323
00:10:33,245 --> 00:10:36,782
or a wizard with a magic wand.
324
00:10:36,815 --> 00:10:38,626
- You're gonna zap the blogger
with a magic wand?
325
00:10:38,650 --> 00:10:39,694
- No, I'm gonna do
what Leigh Weigh says
326
00:10:39,718 --> 00:10:40,795
and I'm gonna have
a face-to-face.
327
00:10:40,819 --> 00:10:41,963
- You are neck-deep
in the school
328
00:10:41,987 --> 00:10:43,122
of Leigh Weigh, aren't you?
329
00:10:43,155 --> 00:10:44,123
- Well, 'cause he's cool
and he's tough,
330
00:10:44,156 --> 00:10:45,291
like all men should be.
331
00:10:45,324 --> 00:10:46,992
- You know what
this guy looks like?
332
00:10:47,025 --> 00:10:49,345
Come here. You don't know what
this guy looks like, do you?
333
00:10:51,229 --> 00:10:52,831
This is your guy right here.
334
00:10:52,864 --> 00:10:54,667
- Huh.
335
00:10:54,700 --> 00:10:55,877
I didn't know he spelled
his name that way.
336
00:10:55,901 --> 00:10:58,671
Leigh Weigh.
337
00:10:58,704 --> 00:11:00,148
- That's your takeaway
when I show you this photo?
338
00:11:00,172 --> 00:11:01,740
This dude's a poser.
339
00:11:01,773 --> 00:11:02,784
- Yeah, well, I don't judge
a book by its cover.
340
00:11:02,808 --> 00:11:04,643
{\an3}So what if he wants to
enjoy the latest trends
341
00:11:04,676 --> 00:11:06,145
in hair and fashion?
342
00:11:06,178 --> 00:11:07,355
{\an3}Doesn't make his music
any less poignant.
343
00:11:07,379 --> 00:11:08,881
- Yes, it does.
- You guys.
344
00:11:08,914 --> 00:11:10,692
{\an3}I think I have a handle
on finding this blogger.
345
00:11:10,716 --> 00:11:12,651
{\an3}I'm gonna do some deep dive
investigating.
346
00:11:12,684 --> 00:11:13,552
- Well, I appreciate that,
Granny,
347
00:11:13,585 --> 00:11:15,120
but at this point
everyone's a suspect.
348
00:11:15,153 --> 00:11:16,622
[thunder crashes]
349
00:11:16,655 --> 00:11:18,657
{\an3}- Chief, a wise woman once said,
350
00:11:18,690 --> 00:11:20,960
{\an3}the bloom on the rose
is oft not wet.
351
00:11:20,993 --> 00:11:22,161
- What does that mean?
352
00:11:22,194 --> 00:11:23,662
- Things aren't always
as they seem,
353
00:11:23,695 --> 00:11:25,130
and that's where
we have to start.
354
00:11:25,163 --> 00:11:26,674
- Tell you what,
how 'bout the three of us
355
00:11:26,698 --> 00:11:28,601
start right here?
Pull up a chair, partner.
356
00:11:28,634 --> 00:11:30,836
- Partner?
- It has to be Granny.
357
00:11:30,869 --> 00:11:32,714
{\an1}- The guy loves to write.
You've seen his reports, right?
358
00:11:32,738 --> 00:11:34,707
{\an3}- Yeah, he's in Chief's office
right now
359
00:11:34,740 --> 00:11:35,917
{\an3}probably trying
to throw him off the scent.
360
00:11:35,941 --> 00:11:37,643
{\an1}- Yes, exactly.
361
00:11:37,676 --> 00:11:39,745
- Hey, who's up
for some more "Pelts"?
362
00:11:39,778 --> 00:11:42,348
I am hooked.
- Now's not the time, Ike.
363
00:11:42,381 --> 00:11:44,350
- Really? Bautista
is about to play a concerto
364
00:11:44,383 --> 00:11:46,819
for the Iroquois chieftain
and his daughter.
365
00:11:46,852 --> 00:11:48,329
- I think we're cool.
- Pretty big moment, right?
366
00:11:48,353 --> 00:11:49,722
- Nah.
- I'm not kidding.
367
00:11:49,755 --> 00:11:51,099
I'm gonna start it right now.
- Okay.
368
00:11:51,123 --> 00:11:52,625
- "Pelts!"
Argh!
369
00:11:52,658 --> 00:11:53,492
{\an1}- Cool, cool, cool,
cool, cool, cool, cool.
370
00:11:53,526 --> 00:11:55,394
- Oh, cool, cool, cool.
Okay, great.
371
00:11:55,427 --> 00:11:58,731
Don't come crying
to me later, okay?
372
00:11:58,764 --> 00:12:02,167
- There's no chance it's him.
- [chuckles] No way.
373
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,903
[mysterious music]
374
00:12:04,936 --> 00:12:10,376
♪ ♪
375
00:12:10,409 --> 00:12:12,711
- Need anything to drink?
- Nope.
376
00:12:12,744 --> 00:12:15,047
- You sure?
Soda, coffee, water?
377
00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:17,116
- I'm good.
- [smacks lips]
378
00:12:17,149 --> 00:12:18,784
I gotta give it to you, man.
379
00:12:18,817 --> 00:12:20,653
{\an3}The writing on that stuff's
really good.
380
00:12:20,686 --> 00:12:22,388
Where do you come up with it?
- With what?
381
00:12:22,421 --> 00:12:24,823
- The blog stuff.
- Oh, it's not me.
382
00:12:24,856 --> 00:12:26,768
{\an1}- Come on, it's got
your fingerprints all over it.
383
00:12:26,792 --> 00:12:28,369
{\an1}The writing reads just like
your incidence reports.
384
00:12:28,393 --> 00:12:30,162
- I don't think it does.
- Oh, no?
385
00:12:30,195 --> 00:12:31,730
Spell "exhilarating."
386
00:12:31,763 --> 00:12:34,266
- E-X-E...
387
00:12:34,299 --> 00:12:36,736
- Wrong.
[thunder crashes]
388
00:12:40,172 --> 00:12:41,740
- Where does Granny
keep his laptop?
389
00:12:41,773 --> 00:12:43,409
{\an3}- He's constantly on his phone.
390
00:12:43,442 --> 00:12:44,952
{\an3}That's what we need
to pry away from him.
391
00:12:44,976 --> 00:12:47,112
{\an1}- Under the bed is just
candy wrappers and puppets.
392
00:12:47,145 --> 00:12:50,282
{\an1}Wait a minute.
Hello.
393
00:12:50,315 --> 00:12:51,959
{\an1}Since when does Granny
care about technology
394
00:12:51,983 --> 00:12:53,919
and the Internet?
- And look at the main article!
395
00:12:53,952 --> 00:12:55,287
- "To blog or not to blog."
396
00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:57,289
Oh, shit, we got him!
397
00:12:57,322 --> 00:12:58,800
{\an3}- Hey, what the hell
are you all doing?
398
00:12:58,824 --> 00:13:01,760
{\an1}- Oh, cleaning.
We're cleaning up your...
399
00:13:01,793 --> 00:13:04,063
Your bed is made.
- You know what? Enough!
400
00:13:04,096 --> 00:13:05,264
Granny, we know it's you.
401
00:13:05,297 --> 00:13:06,131
{\an3}Look what we found
under your bed.
402
00:13:06,164 --> 00:13:07,800
[mysterious music]
403
00:13:07,833 --> 00:13:09,277
- That's not mine.
- It was under your bed.
404
00:13:09,301 --> 00:13:12,438
- Look at the name.
405
00:13:12,471 --> 00:13:13,305
- Yeah, right, like
I'm supposed to believe
406
00:13:13,338 --> 00:13:15,841
that Ike gets "Blog AF."
407
00:13:15,874 --> 00:13:18,410
{\an3}- The bloom on the rose,
it's oft not wet.
408
00:13:18,443 --> 00:13:20,713
{\an1}- Ugh, stop it with
the "Mrs. Winchester" crap.
409
00:13:20,746 --> 00:13:23,248
- Andy, you're up.
Chief's office now.
410
00:13:23,281 --> 00:13:24,783
- Up for what?
411
00:13:24,816 --> 00:13:27,219
[dramatic music]
412
00:13:27,252 --> 00:13:28,487
- Interrogation.
413
00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:31,290
[thunder crashes]
414
00:13:31,323 --> 00:13:34,259
[mysterious music]
415
00:13:34,292 --> 00:13:36,028
♪ ♪
416
00:13:36,061 --> 00:13:38,964
- Was this always here?
- Don't worry about that.
417
00:13:38,997 --> 00:13:41,042
- Hey, man, I just wanna shake
the hand of the blogger.
418
00:13:41,066 --> 00:13:42,801
- Hey... whoa, no.
419
00:13:42,834 --> 00:13:44,479
- How many blog posts
have you already done now, huh?
420
00:13:44,503 --> 00:13:45,271
- I just like shaking hands.
You extend your hand,
421
00:13:45,304 --> 00:13:47,473
I'm gonna take it.
- Come on, Andy!
422
00:13:47,506 --> 00:13:49,274
{\an3}Admit it,
you're a tech-savvy guy.
423
00:13:49,307 --> 00:13:51,219
- What, because I'm Asian?
- 'Cause you're a wiseass.
424
00:13:51,243 --> 00:13:52,745
- Cool it, Chief.
425
00:13:52,778 --> 00:13:55,481
Hey, did you do a blog
called "Andy and D."
426
00:13:55,514 --> 00:13:57,158
- My "Dungeons & Dragons"
blog in high school.
427
00:13:57,182 --> 00:13:59,284
- You know, it sounds like
you're super familiar
428
00:13:59,317 --> 00:14:00,986
with blogging.
- Uh.
429
00:14:01,019 --> 00:14:02,121
- Spell "exhilarating."
430
00:14:02,154 --> 00:14:03,856
- X...
- Wrong.
431
00:14:03,889 --> 00:14:06,859
[thunder rumbles]
432
00:14:08,894 --> 00:14:10,829
{\an1}Granny tells me you got
yourself a burner phone.
433
00:14:10,862 --> 00:14:13,065
- No, I-I don't.
- You calling him a liar?
434
00:14:13,098 --> 00:14:15,501
- Okay, well, my phone broke,
and I got a temporary one,
435
00:14:15,534 --> 00:14:16,802
but it's not a "burner phone."
436
00:14:16,835 --> 00:14:18,537
{\an1}- This temporary phone of yours,
437
00:14:18,570 --> 00:14:20,439
{\an1}does it have
Internet capability?
438
00:14:20,472 --> 00:14:22,508
- Yes.
- So hypothetically,
439
00:14:22,541 --> 00:14:23,918
you could be writing
all this stuff,
440
00:14:23,942 --> 00:14:25,019
and none of it
would be traceable to you.
441
00:14:25,043 --> 00:14:27,312
- What are you guys gonna do,
trace my IP address?
442
00:14:27,345 --> 00:14:28,347
- What's an IP address?
443
00:14:28,380 --> 00:14:30,015
- Spell "exhilarating."
444
00:14:30,048 --> 00:14:32,417
- Uh... can I use my phone?
445
00:14:32,450 --> 00:14:34,028
- Don't touch your phone.
- No, no, no, no, no.
446
00:14:34,052 --> 00:14:37,923
[thunder rumbles]
447
00:14:37,956 --> 00:14:39,424
- [exhales]
448
00:14:39,457 --> 00:14:41,927
- E-X-H-I-L-A-R-A-T-I-N-G.
449
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:44,396
{\an1}- You're the only person
who got that right.
450
00:14:44,429 --> 00:14:47,032
- Yeah, um...
[mutters]
451
00:14:47,065 --> 00:14:49,334
- You seem kinda fidgety, huh?
452
00:14:49,367 --> 00:14:51,904
Nervous.
- No, I'm not...
453
00:14:51,937 --> 00:14:53,539
Just 'cause, um...
454
00:14:53,572 --> 00:14:56,475
I... it's my time with the TV,
and they... I'm...
455
00:14:56,508 --> 00:14:59,378
[breathing heavily]
456
00:14:59,411 --> 00:15:02,080
I really want to get back
to watching "Pelts."
457
00:15:02,113 --> 00:15:03,925
The British have banned
the playing of all music
458
00:15:03,949 --> 00:15:06,051
on the frontier, and now
Bautista is being driven
459
00:15:06,084 --> 00:15:08,587
deeper into the wilderness
just to play music.
460
00:15:08,620 --> 00:15:10,222
- Who's Bautista?
- Dave Bautista.
461
00:15:10,255 --> 00:15:11,390
The actor.
- Wrestler.
462
00:15:11,423 --> 00:15:12,558
- He was a wrestler.
463
00:15:12,591 --> 00:15:14,259
He's a critically
acclaimed actor now.
464
00:15:14,292 --> 00:15:16,061
He's the lead actor in "Pelts."
465
00:15:16,094 --> 00:15:17,896
He plays Jeremiah Pelt.
466
00:15:17,929 --> 00:15:19,898
Here's the thing,
Andy messes with stuff,
467
00:15:19,931 --> 00:15:21,075
and I think he's gonna
fast-forward it,
468
00:15:21,099 --> 00:15:22,577
and then when I get there,
it's, like, the next episode
469
00:15:22,601 --> 00:15:23,902
and I've missed
a bunch of stuff.
470
00:15:23,935 --> 00:15:25,370
I watch my television seriously.
471
00:15:25,403 --> 00:15:26,872
I take Dave Bautista seriously.
472
00:15:26,905 --> 00:15:28,473
I take the show "Pelts"
very seriously.
473
00:15:28,506 --> 00:15:30,209
I know it seems like I'm...
474
00:15:30,242 --> 00:15:31,577
- Tell you what, man.
475
00:15:31,610 --> 00:15:33,612
Confess and this will
all be over.
476
00:15:33,645 --> 00:15:35,414
You'll be out there
watching "Pelts"
477
00:15:35,447 --> 00:15:38,450
with your buddies in no time.
478
00:15:38,483 --> 00:15:41,253
- Wait, is that true?
479
00:15:41,286 --> 00:15:43,288
- Yeah, just say the word.
"Pelts."
480
00:15:43,321 --> 00:15:46,258
[thunder crashes]
481
00:15:50,629 --> 00:15:52,898
- Sending a new blog post?
- Oh!
482
00:15:52,931 --> 00:15:54,967
- Oh, you're a little jumpy.
- Oh, yeah?
483
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:56,144
{\an1}Gonna write about that
in your new blog?
484
00:15:56,168 --> 00:15:58,503
{\an3}- That's exactly what
I would expect a blogger to say
485
00:15:58,536 --> 00:16:02,140
{\an3}who didn't want anyone
to know he was blogging.
486
00:16:02,173 --> 00:16:04,443
- Guys, they found the blogger.
- Who?
487
00:16:04,476 --> 00:16:07,079
- It was Ike.
- Really? No way.
488
00:16:07,112 --> 00:16:09,047
{\an1}- He confessed.
489
00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:10,616
- Come on.
- What? That is impossible.
490
00:16:10,649 --> 00:16:12,985
- Yes, okay?
I did it.
491
00:16:13,018 --> 00:16:14,286
Whatever.
Sorry.
492
00:16:14,319 --> 00:16:16,455
{\an3}- It's the writing.
It doesn't sound like you.
493
00:16:16,488 --> 00:16:17,422
- What's that supposed
to mean, Granny?
494
00:16:17,455 --> 00:16:19,024
I write good.
495
00:16:19,057 --> 00:16:20,525
{\an3}- And you're not really
a tech guy.
496
00:16:20,558 --> 00:16:22,427
- I read "Blog AF" magazine,
Andy.
497
00:16:22,460 --> 00:16:24,429
Ever heard of it?
498
00:16:24,462 --> 00:16:26,064
- Yeah, where did you get that?
499
00:16:26,097 --> 00:16:28,634
{\an1}- Came as a bonus mag
in my "Chiseled AF."
500
00:16:28,667 --> 00:16:31,036
Okay, I haven't got around
to reading it quite yet,
501
00:16:31,069 --> 00:16:33,438
{\an1}because I misplaced it.
Is that a crime?
502
00:16:33,471 --> 00:16:36,141
- What did Chief say?
- Nothing.
503
00:16:36,174 --> 00:16:38,510
Oh, he said that I can
start watching "Pelts" again
504
00:16:38,543 --> 00:16:39,978
if I clean up the bathrooms
505
00:16:40,011 --> 00:16:42,481
and hoses
and the turnouts and stuff.
506
00:16:42,514 --> 00:16:44,449
- So you made a deal to confess
507
00:16:44,482 --> 00:16:45,626
{\an1}just so that you could
watch "Pelts" again?
508
00:16:45,650 --> 00:16:48,620
- Oh, my God!
I did it, okay?
509
00:16:48,653 --> 00:16:51,490
I'm the blogger.
I admit it, I'm sorry.
510
00:16:51,523 --> 00:16:53,392
Eh, it was me!
What do you want?
511
00:16:53,425 --> 00:16:56,328
Leave me alone.
512
00:16:56,361 --> 00:16:58,196
[thunder crashes]
What was that?
513
00:16:58,229 --> 00:16:59,598
- You don't know
what thunder is?
514
00:16:59,631 --> 00:17:02,067
- No, I didn't say... what?
515
00:17:06,037 --> 00:17:07,481
- No, councilwoman,
not a blog post since.
516
00:17:07,505 --> 00:17:10,075
The blog is shut down.
517
00:17:10,108 --> 00:17:11,576
You can call me the sheriff.
518
00:17:11,609 --> 00:17:14,646
I cleaned up this town,
put the bad guys down.
519
00:17:14,679 --> 00:17:16,715
That's Leigh Weigh.
520
00:17:16,748 --> 00:17:19,551
By the way, it's a guy,
not a band.
521
00:17:19,584 --> 00:17:22,154
Oh, yeah, I gotta go too.
522
00:17:22,187 --> 00:17:26,058
Great.
Bye now.
523
00:17:26,091 --> 00:17:29,594
[mellow country music]
524
00:17:29,627 --> 00:17:34,266
- ♪ And the sheriff
cleaned up that town ♪
525
00:17:34,299 --> 00:17:38,036
♪ After he shot
those Pettis Brothers down ♪
526
00:17:38,069 --> 00:17:42,074
♪ Not one soul
thought he could ♪
527
00:17:42,107 --> 00:17:45,610
♪ But he and his horse
knew he'd make good ♪
528
00:17:45,643 --> 00:17:48,146
- Yeah.
- ♪ Oh yeah ♪
529
00:17:48,179 --> 00:17:50,115
{\an1}- Is there really such
a thing as a sex addict?
530
00:17:50,148 --> 00:17:51,383
{\an1}- Shh, Cap, Cap, come on.
531
00:17:51,416 --> 00:17:52,617
- That seems like a stretch.
532
00:17:52,650 --> 00:17:54,119
Like that's really a problem?
533
00:17:54,152 --> 00:17:56,088
- Hey, Granny,
just started this new show.
534
00:17:56,121 --> 00:17:57,465
Just a couple episodes in
if you wanna join in.
535
00:17:57,489 --> 00:17:59,291
- Oh, thanks for the invite
at the beginning.
536
00:17:59,324 --> 00:18:00,701
- You can catch up anytime.
It's pretty straightforward.
537
00:18:00,725 --> 00:18:02,527
- What is it?
- It's about this guy
538
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:03,738
struggling with sex addictions
539
00:18:03,762 --> 00:18:05,630
so he cries when he masturbates.
540
00:18:05,663 --> 00:18:06,741
- It's called "Tearjerker."
541
00:18:06,765 --> 00:18:09,001
- Oh.
- It's the best show on TV.
542
00:18:09,034 --> 00:18:11,136
- Yeah, except all these
limited interruptions suck.
543
00:18:11,169 --> 00:18:13,238
- This episode of "Tearjerker"
is brought to you by
544
00:18:13,271 --> 00:18:14,639
Sniff-X Tissues.
545
00:18:14,672 --> 00:18:16,475
{\an3}- Ooh, that one has
lotion in it.
546
00:18:16,508 --> 00:18:18,243
- Guys, I've been
going over this blog,
547
00:18:18,276 --> 00:18:19,644
and something isn't adding up.
548
00:18:19,677 --> 00:18:20,645
I get no sense that it was Ike.
549
00:18:20,678 --> 00:18:22,381
{\an1}- No, he confessed.
I was there.
550
00:18:22,414 --> 00:18:24,016
- It bothers me too.
551
00:18:24,049 --> 00:18:25,559
I just don't think Ike
could have done it.
552
00:18:25,583 --> 00:18:27,085
It's like in
"Meet the Fockers"...
553
00:18:27,118 --> 00:18:29,021
{\an3}- No, no, no, no, no.
Please, please, please.
554
00:18:29,054 --> 00:18:31,390
I haven't seen it yet, so...
- It came out 15 years ago.
555
00:18:31,423 --> 00:18:33,025
{\an3}- It doesn't matter
when it came out.
556
00:18:33,058 --> 00:18:35,160
{\an3}I just haven't seen it
and I don't want any spoilers.
557
00:18:35,193 --> 00:18:37,029
{\an1}- You gotta watch it.
That movie's dope.
558
00:18:37,062 --> 00:18:38,773
- What are you guys watching?
- It's a show about a guy
559
00:18:38,797 --> 00:18:40,775
who cries when he masturbates,
called "Tearjerker."
560
00:18:40,799 --> 00:18:42,276
- Huh.
- I get where he's coming from.
561
00:18:42,300 --> 00:18:44,136
- Is it porn?
- Not yet.
562
00:18:44,169 --> 00:18:46,104
- Hey, Chief, I don't think
Ike is the blogger.
563
00:18:46,137 --> 00:18:47,739
- No, he's the guy,
since he confessed
564
00:18:47,772 --> 00:18:49,374
there have been
no more blog posts.
565
00:18:49,407 --> 00:18:51,676
{\an1}- There may be an innocent
man in there cleaning toilets.
566
00:18:51,709 --> 00:18:53,311
- Sounds like guilt.
- Say what?
567
00:18:53,344 --> 00:18:54,755
{\an1}- If it's not him,
then it has to be you.
568
00:18:54,779 --> 00:18:56,524
{\an3}- Shh, guys, guys, guys,
it's coming back on.
569
00:18:56,548 --> 00:18:57,749
- Yeah.
- All right, hold on.
570
00:18:57,782 --> 00:18:59,217
You know what?
Give me that.
571
00:18:59,250 --> 00:19:00,528
- Oh, come on.
- Pause it, pause it, okay?
572
00:19:00,552 --> 00:19:02,120
- He's about to cry!
573
00:19:02,153 --> 00:19:03,522
- Now come on.
574
00:19:03,555 --> 00:19:05,266
{\an3}We're gonna talk this Ike thing
through as a crew.
575
00:19:05,290 --> 00:19:06,691
- What is this?
- Oh, really?
576
00:19:06,724 --> 00:19:08,736
- Yeah, it's just a little
Americana background music
577
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:10,362
{\an3}so we can figure this thing out.
578
00:19:10,395 --> 00:19:11,839
{\an1}- "Fresh Cut Grass
and a Piece o' Ass."
579
00:19:11,863 --> 00:19:13,507
{\an1}That's what we're listening to
right now, Chief?
580
00:19:13,531 --> 00:19:15,200
Come on, man.
- This Leigh Weigh clown
581
00:19:15,233 --> 00:19:17,202
isn't even American.
He's French.
582
00:19:17,235 --> 00:19:18,770
- She's right, Chief.
- What?
583
00:19:18,803 --> 00:19:20,639
- He's part of the French
country new wave.
584
00:19:20,672 --> 00:19:22,074
- I thought he was American.
585
00:19:22,107 --> 00:19:23,451
That makes this whole thing
even better.
586
00:19:23,475 --> 00:19:25,610
Look at him, sacre bleu!
[laughter]
587
00:19:25,643 --> 00:19:27,421
- Well, you know, that's
all right, we like the French.
588
00:19:27,445 --> 00:19:29,681
- You hate the French.
- No, I-I love the French.
589
00:19:29,714 --> 00:19:31,617
{\an7}- [speaking French]
590
00:19:35,386 --> 00:19:36,788
- It's a beautiful language.
591
00:19:36,821 --> 00:19:39,458
[thunder rumbles]
- What the...
592
00:19:39,491 --> 00:19:41,731
New blog post just dropped.
- Ike, get in here right now!
593
00:19:41,759 --> 00:19:43,737
- No, no, no, I took away
all of Ike's electronics.
594
00:19:43,761 --> 00:19:45,797
- We watching "Pelts" now?
595
00:19:45,830 --> 00:19:47,432
Toilets are clean.
Try 'em out, boys.
596
00:19:47,465 --> 00:19:49,577
- "Paramedic is so lazy he's
either always on his phone
597
00:19:49,601 --> 00:19:51,403
or napping."
- "Cap thinks he's sexy,
598
00:19:51,436 --> 00:19:53,839
but he actually smells funny."
Funny how?
599
00:19:53,872 --> 00:19:55,574
- "The lady probie
has a higher salary
600
00:19:55,607 --> 00:19:57,476
than the next senior officer."
Is that true?
601
00:19:57,509 --> 00:19:58,719
- I don't know.
- "The dumb guy reads
602
00:19:58,743 --> 00:20:00,879
tech magazines to make
himself seem smarter."
603
00:20:00,912 --> 00:20:02,647
- "The Chief is
a Leigh Weigh fan,
604
00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:04,758
"and doesn't even know he's
playing Tacoma next week.
605
00:20:04,782 --> 00:20:06,885
Hope he doesn't
ask me to go."
606
00:20:06,918 --> 00:20:09,387
Huh. Is Leigh Weigh really
playing Tacoma next week?
607
00:20:09,420 --> 00:20:10,755
- Better bone up on your French.
608
00:20:10,788 --> 00:20:12,700
- Who's doing this?
- Granny's been on his phone.
609
00:20:12,724 --> 00:20:14,326
- So has Andy.
- I was writing a review
610
00:20:14,359 --> 00:20:15,669
for "Tearjerker"
on Au Gratin Tomatoes.
611
00:20:15,693 --> 00:20:17,229
Check the site.
612
00:20:17,262 --> 00:20:18,739
- Maybe these things
are on a time release.
613
00:20:18,763 --> 00:20:21,399
[phones chime]
- Shit, Linda Price.
614
00:20:21,432 --> 00:20:24,169
[buzzer]
- Station 24, extrication.
615
00:20:24,202 --> 00:20:25,537
Man stuck in appliance.
616
00:20:25,570 --> 00:20:27,606
458 White and Preston.
617
00:20:27,639 --> 00:20:29,383
- Okay, we're all gonna go
on this call together,
618
00:20:29,407 --> 00:20:30,885
and I'm gonna keep my eye
on everyone.
619
00:20:30,909 --> 00:20:32,577
And if I see anyone
type anything,
620
00:20:32,610 --> 00:20:34,179
there will be hell to pay.
621
00:20:34,212 --> 00:20:36,615
Move out!
[thunder rumbles]
622
00:20:39,651 --> 00:20:41,453
- So you meant to get in there?
623
00:20:41,486 --> 00:20:44,256
- Yeah, I thought it'd be funny
to jump out and scare my wife.
624
00:20:44,289 --> 00:20:46,458
- And was it funny?
- Well, I scared her for sure,
625
00:20:46,491 --> 00:20:48,260
but now I'm stuck
and she's pissed.
626
00:20:48,293 --> 00:20:49,470
- All right, let's get him
outta there, come on.
627
00:20:49,494 --> 00:20:50,871
- I don't know,
feeling pretty lazy.
628
00:20:50,895 --> 00:20:52,631
- Maybe if I wasn't so dumb,
629
00:20:52,664 --> 00:20:54,308
I'd figure out
how to get him out of there.
630
00:20:54,332 --> 00:20:55,734
{\an1}- Maybe we should
have Lucy do it
631
00:20:55,767 --> 00:20:57,636
{\an1}since she gets paid
more than me anyway.
632
00:20:57,669 --> 00:20:59,804
- I do not get paid more.
- How much do you get paid?
633
00:20:59,837 --> 00:21:01,649
- How much do you get paid?
- No, tell me first.
634
00:21:01,673 --> 00:21:03,742
- Guys, a little help.
- All right, enough, enough.
635
00:21:03,775 --> 00:21:05,186
- Okay, guys, get him up.
- All right, let's go.
636
00:21:05,210 --> 00:21:06,578
- Man, you do smell.
- You smell.
637
00:21:06,611 --> 00:21:08,480
- Your mama smells.
- Ow.
638
00:21:08,513 --> 00:21:09,790
{\an1}- The sooner
we get him outta here,
639
00:21:09,814 --> 00:21:11,683
{\an1}the sooner we get to watch
more "Tearjerker."
640
00:21:11,716 --> 00:21:14,586
- You guys watch "Tearjerker?"
That's the best show on TV.
641
00:21:14,619 --> 00:21:15,763
{\an1}- Yeah, we think
it's pretty good.
642
00:21:15,787 --> 00:21:17,255
- Can you believe
that guy's wife
643
00:21:17,288 --> 00:21:18,766
thought he was a peeping Tom
and shot him dead?
644
00:21:18,790 --> 00:21:20,559
All: No!
- What is wrong with you?
645
00:21:20,592 --> 00:21:22,794
- What? [gasps]
- Do you guys watch "Pelts"?
646
00:21:22,827 --> 00:21:24,296
- No!
647
00:21:24,329 --> 00:21:27,265
[mellow rock music]
648
00:21:27,298 --> 00:21:31,803
♪ ♪
649
00:21:31,836 --> 00:21:33,305
- [sighs]
650
00:21:35,540 --> 00:21:36,875
{\an1}- Can I at least check my texts?
651
00:21:36,908 --> 00:21:38,343
{\an1}I have plans tonight.
652
00:21:38,376 --> 00:21:39,911
- I said no electronics.
653
00:21:39,944 --> 00:21:42,681
We are all gonna sit here
quietly until the shift's over.
654
00:21:42,714 --> 00:21:45,217
Hey, Granny,
I said no electronics.
655
00:21:45,250 --> 00:21:47,419
- But Chief, I need electronics
656
00:21:47,452 --> 00:21:50,522
to show you who the blogger is.
657
00:21:50,555 --> 00:21:51,932
[dramatic musical sting]
[thunder rumbles]
658
00:21:51,956 --> 00:21:55,560
- What?
- Come on, everybody.
659
00:21:55,593 --> 00:21:58,930
Now, first I must give
credit to "Mrs. Winchester."
660
00:21:58,963 --> 00:22:00,999
- Ugh.
- In episode 104,
661
00:22:01,032 --> 00:22:03,235
"The Tories' Wig,"
Mrs. Winchester had to look
662
00:22:03,268 --> 00:22:04,669
beyond appearances.
- Okay.
663
00:22:04,702 --> 00:22:06,404
- So I've studied this blog,
664
00:22:06,437 --> 00:22:09,241
and I thought some things
smelled pretty odd.
665
00:22:09,274 --> 00:22:10,976
- Like Cap.
- [fake laughs] Okay.
666
00:22:11,009 --> 00:22:12,978
- First I noticed words
the blogger used,
667
00:22:13,011 --> 00:22:15,313
such as "pop" instead of "soda,"
668
00:22:15,346 --> 00:22:17,515
"frappe" instead of
"milkshake."
669
00:22:17,548 --> 00:22:19,718
Words we don't use around here.
670
00:22:19,751 --> 00:22:22,420
- Huh, okay, which one of you
guys grew up in the Midwest?
671
00:22:22,453 --> 00:22:24,356
- Next I noticed the blogger
said Leigh Weigh
672
00:22:24,389 --> 00:22:26,391
was coming to Tacoma.
673
00:22:26,424 --> 00:22:27,826
I searched every concert venue.
674
00:22:27,859 --> 00:22:29,527
No sign of Leigh Weigh.
675
00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:32,030
That's because he's not
playing in Tacoma, Washington.
676
00:22:32,063 --> 00:22:33,898
He's play in Tacoma, Ohio.
677
00:22:33,931 --> 00:22:35,533
{\an1}- Wait, there's
a Tacoma in Ohio.
678
00:22:35,566 --> 00:22:37,035
- And a Station 24.
679
00:22:37,068 --> 00:22:38,036
{\an3}- Well, what about
the smelly guy?
680
00:22:38,069 --> 00:22:40,705
- Yeah, or the dumb guy.
- And the lady probie.
681
00:22:40,738 --> 00:22:42,941
- Y'all ready for this?
682
00:22:42,974 --> 00:22:44,276
- Whoa.
- Wow.
683
00:22:44,309 --> 00:22:45,744
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, look at that.
684
00:22:45,777 --> 00:22:48,280
Black guy, an Asian guy, a girl,
685
00:22:48,313 --> 00:22:51,383
and a guy that looks like he's
Italian but is probably Latin.
686
00:22:51,416 --> 00:22:53,360
- Yeah, I like his hairdo.
- And then a bunch of whites.
687
00:22:53,384 --> 00:22:55,520
{\an1}- Huh.
I did not see that coming.
688
00:22:55,553 --> 00:22:57,856
{\an1}You know, I guess firefighters
are the same everywhere.
689
00:22:57,889 --> 00:22:59,491
{\an3}- Same circus, different clowns.
690
00:22:59,524 --> 00:23:00,859
- Same burrito, different salsa.
691
00:23:00,892 --> 00:23:02,894
- Same ball game,
different sport, right, guys?
692
00:23:02,927 --> 00:23:05,063
{\an3}- Yeah, yeah, well, you know,
693
00:23:05,096 --> 00:23:07,299
{\an3}I think we all said some things
that we shouldn't have.
694
00:23:07,332 --> 00:23:09,000
- Yeah, we said some
pretty hurtful things
695
00:23:09,033 --> 00:23:10,602
that are tough to take back.
- Yeah.
696
00:23:10,635 --> 00:23:12,337
{\an3}- Well, I didn't mean
any of it, guys.
697
00:23:12,370 --> 00:23:13,905
- Me neither.
- No.
698
00:23:13,938 --> 00:23:15,640
- [sighs]
699
00:23:15,673 --> 00:23:16,817
{\an3}- You guys know I don't
dye my hair though, right?
700
00:23:16,841 --> 00:23:18,076
- Yeah.
- [laughs]
701
00:23:18,109 --> 00:23:19,611
- Hey, what are we gonna watch?
702
00:23:19,644 --> 00:23:21,446
- "Mrs. Winchester!"
- No, no, no, no.
703
00:23:21,479 --> 00:23:23,382
- Can I pick for once?
704
00:23:28,353 --> 00:23:29,631
- Gail, without music,
there'd be no radio stations.
705
00:23:29,655 --> 00:23:33,058
- No, without radios
there'd be no radio stations.
706
00:23:33,091 --> 00:23:35,093
[laughter]
- Oh, no, they didn't.
707
00:23:35,126 --> 00:23:38,029
{\an1}- Hey, guys, huh?
Huh? Check this out.
708
00:23:38,062 --> 00:23:40,098
- Hey!
- Whoo!
709
00:23:40,131 --> 00:23:41,700
{\an1}- Pretty good, huh?
You are looking
710
00:23:41,733 --> 00:23:43,077
{\an1}at the newest member
of the Leigh Weigh fan club.
711
00:23:43,101 --> 00:23:44,869
I'm officially a Weigh Watcher.
712
00:23:44,902 --> 00:23:46,647
- Hey, congrats, Chief.
You know what, losing weight
713
00:23:46,671 --> 00:23:48,449
at your age is one of
the toughest things you can do.
714
00:23:48,473 --> 00:23:51,042
- Ike, that's not really
what I was... okay.
715
00:23:51,075 --> 00:23:52,043
- I thought
the whole French thing
716
00:23:52,076 --> 00:23:53,478
was a deal-breaker for you.
717
00:23:53,511 --> 00:23:54,822
- Well, I'm not
that closed-minded, Lucy.
718
00:23:54,846 --> 00:23:56,081
I still like the guy's music.
719
00:23:56,114 --> 00:23:56,982
I'm into the message,
not the man.
720
00:23:57,015 --> 00:23:58,092
- Can we just watch the show,
please?
721
00:23:58,116 --> 00:23:59,451
- Yeah, what's this one?
722
00:23:59,484 --> 00:24:00,985
- It's about two
transgender sisters
723
00:24:01,018 --> 00:24:02,420
who run a radio station.
724
00:24:02,453 --> 00:24:04,389
It's called
"Trans-Sister Radio."
725
00:24:04,422 --> 00:24:06,091
- Huh.
Sounds pretty good.
726
00:24:06,124 --> 00:24:07,092
Mind if I watch it
with you guys?
727
00:24:07,125 --> 00:24:08,560
- Please.
- Sure.
728
00:24:08,593 --> 00:24:11,129
- Come on over, partner.
- All right, great.
729
00:24:11,162 --> 00:24:12,964
- You know, this show's
got great buzz.
730
00:24:12,997 --> 00:24:15,142
It's really about how things
don't seem as they appear.
731
00:24:15,166 --> 00:24:18,503
{\an8}[overlapping shouting]
732
00:24:20,505 --> 00:24:21,782
{\an8}- Press play,
we're watching this now.
733
00:24:21,806 --> 00:24:22,741
{\an8}- Come on.
734
00:24:22,774 --> 00:24:25,610
{\an8} - ♪ All right
come on baby ♪
735
00:24:25,643 --> 00:24:29,614
{\an8} ♪ Fresh cut grass
and a piece o' ass ♪
736
00:24:29,647 --> 00:24:33,385
{\an8} ♪ Two blessed things
that were born to last ♪
737
00:24:33,418 --> 00:24:37,389
{\an8} ♪ Get your fill now
'cause they're going fast ♪
738
00:24:37,422 --> 00:24:40,992
{\an8} ♪ You got your fresh cut grass
and a piece o' ass come on ♪
56887
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