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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:12,045 --> 00:00:15,285 Ooh. A woman, right? Huh! 2 00:00:15,365 --> 00:00:17,861 Fallen in love with somebody who's got the vote this time. 3 00:00:17,885 --> 00:00:19,685 How old is she? 20? 4 00:00:20,805 --> 00:00:23,045 No, she's about 30. 5 00:00:37,525 --> 00:00:38,605 Do you like my tits? 6 00:00:41,045 --> 00:00:42,765 Hello? Tits! 7 00:00:43,445 --> 00:00:45,005 Yeah. I love your tits. 8 00:00:47,085 --> 00:00:48,125 Do you wanna come on them? 9 00:00:48,965 --> 00:00:51,125 Sure. Let me just get this off. 10 00:00:52,765 --> 00:00:55,885 Actually, don't. I got a rash last time. Let's do it from behind. 11 00:00:56,365 --> 00:00:57,365 Okay. 12 00:01:03,405 --> 00:01:04,405 Mm! 13 00:01:09,845 --> 00:01:12,085 I'm gonna come. Are you gonna come? 14 00:01:18,765 --> 00:01:19,845 Mm! 15 00:01:32,965 --> 00:01:34,885 Did you just fake it? 16 00:01:35,285 --> 00:01:36,365 Don't be stupid. 17 00:01:40,645 --> 00:01:42,261 - Why are you staring? - Show me the condom. 18 00:01:42,285 --> 00:01:43,285 No way. 19 00:01:47,565 --> 00:01:49,045 Where's the spunk, Adam? 20 00:02:48,445 --> 00:02:50,645 Whoa, there. 21 00:02:50,805 --> 00:02:52,445 This is not the bathroom. 22 00:02:53,565 --> 00:02:55,365 Sorry, man. I'm very sorry. I'm, uh... 23 00:02:55,445 --> 00:02:56,765 - Uh... - Sleeping with my mother? 24 00:02:58,205 --> 00:02:59,645 Correct. 25 00:03:00,525 --> 00:03:01,765 Awkward. I'm Dan. 26 00:03:01,845 --> 00:03:03,605 - And you are... - Otis. 27 00:03:03,805 --> 00:03:04,805 Ah... 28 00:03:05,725 --> 00:03:07,245 Don't worry. Left-handed. 29 00:03:11,445 --> 00:03:13,685 - First door on your left. - Cheers, dude. 30 00:03:23,805 --> 00:03:25,645 - Morning, darling. - Morning. 31 00:03:26,765 --> 00:03:28,925 - Coffee? - I've got some. 32 00:03:29,245 --> 00:03:30,245 Toast? 33 00:03:30,565 --> 00:03:32,845 Um... Maybe... 34 00:03:32,925 --> 00:03:34,885 Uh, I've got clients in a few minutes. 35 00:03:36,565 --> 00:03:38,165 Oh, Otis, this is, um... 36 00:03:38,485 --> 00:03:39,605 We've met. 37 00:03:41,925 --> 00:03:43,805 - Coffee? - Oh, yes, please. 38 00:03:49,525 --> 00:03:50,605 How old are you, Dan? 39 00:03:51,245 --> 00:03:52,805 How old am I... Uh, I'm 32. 40 00:03:53,765 --> 00:03:56,325 You having some kind of preemptive midlife crisis? 41 00:03:56,685 --> 00:03:59,045 - Otis... - Mum, he rides a motorbike. 42 00:03:59,125 --> 00:04:00,885 I'll take you for a ride in it, if you like? 43 00:04:00,965 --> 00:04:03,045 No, thanks. 44 00:04:03,325 --> 00:04:04,885 Do you have an Oedipal complex? 45 00:04:04,965 --> 00:04:07,285 As in, you mean do I wanna have sex with my mum? 46 00:04:07,365 --> 00:04:09,085 - Mm. - Uh, not really. 47 00:04:09,165 --> 00:04:12,125 - It's not really my thing, that. - Just ignore him. He's teasing you. 48 00:04:12,205 --> 00:04:14,445 Otis, it's perfectly normal for a younger man 49 00:04:14,525 --> 00:04:17,125 to be sexually attracted to a mature woman. 50 00:04:17,205 --> 00:04:19,885 In fact, when you stigmatize his choice, 51 00:04:19,965 --> 00:04:21,845 then you feed into an unhealthy narrative 52 00:04:21,925 --> 00:04:23,485 on masculinity in middle age. 53 00:04:23,925 --> 00:04:26,965 That's why I say you should never date a shrink, huh? 54 00:04:27,045 --> 00:04:29,885 Sex and relationship therapist, thank you very much. 55 00:04:31,845 --> 00:04:32,845 That's me. 56 00:04:33,205 --> 00:04:35,805 Yeah, I should probably, uh, shoot off as well. 57 00:04:39,045 --> 00:04:40,045 - Thanks. - Okay. 58 00:04:40,125 --> 00:04:41,565 - Mm-hm. - Um... 59 00:04:41,645 --> 00:04:44,645 Thanks for everything, Mum. Uh, Jean. Jean. Definitely Jean. 60 00:04:45,965 --> 00:04:46,965 Okay. 61 00:04:50,005 --> 00:04:52,205 - Hopefully see you again, then, dude. - Yeah. 62 00:04:52,845 --> 00:04:53,885 Unlikely. 63 00:04:54,605 --> 00:04:58,805 Your mum's new boyfriend is a big hot sticky wet dream. 64 00:04:59,205 --> 00:05:00,205 Yeah. 65 00:05:00,725 --> 00:05:01,885 Mum doesn't do boyfriends. 66 00:05:02,005 --> 00:05:04,525 Ah-ah! Are those the ones that like to do it in animal costumes? 67 00:05:04,605 --> 00:05:07,605 No, he wants her to wear a strap-on. She's not really into it. 68 00:05:07,965 --> 00:05:09,765 It's a classic power dynamic issue. 69 00:05:09,845 --> 00:05:12,045 Aww! I wish my mum was a sex guru. 70 00:05:12,125 --> 00:05:14,245 Trust me, you don't. 71 00:05:18,205 --> 00:05:19,205 Marjorie... 72 00:05:19,965 --> 00:05:22,085 how are you getting on with your penis? 73 00:05:23,805 --> 00:05:26,325 - I'm not hating it. - Fantastic. 74 00:05:26,405 --> 00:05:27,765 Okay, let's proceed. 75 00:05:34,445 --> 00:05:36,125 So, did you do it? 76 00:05:37,445 --> 00:05:39,685 Don't tell me you choked again. 77 00:05:40,165 --> 00:05:41,165 Ha-ha! 78 00:05:41,285 --> 00:05:43,045 - You didn't even try. - I've given up. 79 00:05:43,125 --> 00:05:46,085 It's too much. I don't... I don't wanna talk about it. 80 00:05:46,165 --> 00:05:50,325 I mean, what exactly is the problem here? I mean, can you even get a hard-on? 81 00:05:50,405 --> 00:05:53,245 Of course I can. I'm not a fucking eunuch, all right? 82 00:05:53,325 --> 00:05:55,085 I just... I wait for them to go away. 83 00:05:55,165 --> 00:05:58,485 I don't like how it feels. Can we drop it now, please? 84 00:05:58,565 --> 00:06:00,405 No offense, but that is super weird. 85 00:06:01,125 --> 00:06:02,125 Super weird. 86 00:06:31,285 --> 00:06:34,445 Oh, my God, the Untouchables have a car. 87 00:06:34,525 --> 00:06:37,645 Just when you thought they couldn't get any more elusive, now they have wheels! 88 00:06:37,885 --> 00:06:40,301 You reckon Anwar's been workin' out? He's lookin' extra tight. 89 00:06:40,325 --> 00:06:42,381 Just because he's the only other gay in our year, 90 00:06:42,405 --> 00:06:44,765 - it doesn't mean you have to fancy him. - Yeah, correction. 91 00:06:44,965 --> 00:06:46,245 Only other gay we know of. 92 00:06:46,485 --> 00:06:47,725 Could be anywhere. 93 00:06:48,405 --> 00:06:50,165 What are you lookin' at, El Pervo? 94 00:06:50,525 --> 00:06:51,525 Did you hear that? 95 00:06:51,925 --> 00:06:54,645 He spoke to me! With actual words! 96 00:06:54,725 --> 00:06:57,925 - He called you a Spanish pervert. - Oh, this is gonna be such a good year! 97 00:06:58,005 --> 00:06:59,005 I can feel it! 98 00:07:08,165 --> 00:07:09,725 - Is that Tom Baker? - Yup. 99 00:07:10,165 --> 00:07:13,165 Captain of the Warhammer Society. His balls finally dropped. 100 00:07:13,525 --> 00:07:16,885 Yeah, I keep telling you, man, everyone has had sex over the summer. 101 00:07:16,965 --> 00:07:19,325 - Everyone except you. - And you. 102 00:07:19,405 --> 00:07:23,325 Excuse me, I gave two and a half hand jobs to that guy I met in Butlin's. 103 00:07:23,405 --> 00:07:25,725 - Why the half? - We got interrupted. 104 00:07:26,525 --> 00:07:28,165 Stupid surprise karaoke. 105 00:07:28,565 --> 00:07:30,565 Still, not exactly a player. 106 00:07:30,645 --> 00:07:32,805 Yeah, at least I can touch my own penis. 107 00:07:36,885 --> 00:07:38,325 I'm worried about you, man. 108 00:07:38,725 --> 00:07:39,765 Like, look around. 109 00:07:39,845 --> 00:07:42,005 Everybody's either thinking about shagging, 110 00:07:42,485 --> 00:07:43,525 about to shag, 111 00:07:45,445 --> 00:07:46,645 or actually shagging, 112 00:07:47,125 --> 00:07:49,005 and you can't even jack your beanstalk. 113 00:07:49,085 --> 00:07:51,085 - I've got plenty of time. - Mm, I don't know, man. 114 00:07:51,245 --> 00:07:53,925 Everything's changing round here, and it's changing fast. 115 00:07:54,045 --> 00:07:56,525 Case in point, even Maeve Wiley's boobs have gotten bigger, 116 00:07:56,605 --> 00:07:58,285 which I thought was technically impossible. 117 00:07:58,325 --> 00:07:59,685 They look the same to me. 118 00:08:00,165 --> 00:08:02,125 I heard she bit Simon Furthassle on the scrote, 119 00:08:02,645 --> 00:08:03,885 and now, it's all wonky. 120 00:08:03,965 --> 00:08:06,165 - Like a discount avocado. - I don't think that's true. 121 00:08:06,245 --> 00:08:08,421 I heard she sucked off 12 guys in ten minutes for a dare. 122 00:08:08,445 --> 00:08:10,485 - That's definitely not true. - What a slag. 123 00:08:10,565 --> 00:08:12,781 Look at that greasy hair. Maybe she can't afford shampoo. 124 00:08:12,805 --> 00:08:15,205 - Or deodorant. - Told you. 125 00:08:15,525 --> 00:08:17,165 She's basically a nympho. 126 00:08:22,645 --> 00:08:25,365 This is a new frontier, my sexually repressed friend. 127 00:08:25,765 --> 00:08:28,645 Our chance to finally move up the social food chain. 128 00:08:28,725 --> 00:08:30,125 We shall transform 129 00:08:30,965 --> 00:08:34,765 from lowly caterpillars into... awesome killer whales. 130 00:08:35,805 --> 00:08:36,805 Do we have to? 131 00:08:37,085 --> 00:08:39,485 Prepare for the best two years of our lives. 132 00:09:09,165 --> 00:09:10,165 I'm sorry. 133 00:09:10,885 --> 00:09:13,805 Thank you, Eric, for that rendition of the school anthem. 134 00:09:14,285 --> 00:09:15,285 It was... 135 00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:16,805 adequate. 136 00:09:21,445 --> 00:09:23,725 So, just a few things to get us started. 137 00:09:23,805 --> 00:09:30,685 The toilet block behind the gymnasium is full of asbestos, so, please, keep out. 138 00:09:30,845 --> 00:09:34,085 Running in the corridors is the scourge... 139 00:09:34,165 --> 00:09:36,446 - Told you not to do it. - I wanted to impress Swing Band. 140 00:09:36,525 --> 00:09:40,245 ...the story of James Cairney and the pencil. 141 00:09:40,325 --> 00:09:43,525 I have spoken to his mother. He, uh, has recovered. 142 00:09:43,605 --> 00:09:47,045 However, the mental scars still remain. 143 00:09:47,765 --> 00:09:49,405 A lesson for us all. 144 00:09:50,125 --> 00:09:51,165 Calmly moving on. 145 00:09:51,245 --> 00:09:53,845 It is my great pleasure to introduce to you 146 00:09:53,925 --> 00:09:56,245 our brand-new head boy... 147 00:09:57,485 --> 00:09:58,645 Jackson Marchetti. 148 00:10:13,525 --> 00:10:14,645 Whoo! 149 00:10:22,965 --> 00:10:24,045 We are taking over. 150 00:10:38,085 --> 00:10:39,485 Hi, Adam. 151 00:10:40,325 --> 00:10:42,725 - Good summer? - Shut the fuck up, Tromboner. 152 00:10:42,845 --> 00:10:43,885 Give me what you've got. 153 00:10:53,445 --> 00:10:55,525 - What's in the bag? - My lunch. 154 00:10:55,885 --> 00:10:57,965 You know that, because you always eat it. 155 00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:09,301 - I think you forgot something. - It's just a pencil case. 156 00:11:09,325 --> 00:11:11,485 Don't give a fuck about your pencil case. Curly Wurly. 157 00:11:11,565 --> 00:11:13,885 Come on, man. Not my Curly Wurly. 158 00:11:15,205 --> 00:11:16,685 Give me that Curly Wurly... 159 00:11:17,605 --> 00:11:19,045 or I will break your face. 160 00:11:21,365 --> 00:11:22,365 Okay. 161 00:11:41,245 --> 00:11:42,245 Aah! 162 00:11:43,485 --> 00:11:45,205 Yeah, see you tomorrow. 163 00:11:45,285 --> 00:11:46,285 Shit biscuit. 164 00:12:11,885 --> 00:12:14,085 - Are you a complete moron? - No, I'm not. 165 00:12:14,165 --> 00:12:15,501 That was a rhetorical question. 166 00:12:15,525 --> 00:12:16,621 - Here. - Don't touch my shit. 167 00:12:16,645 --> 00:12:17,845 - Just trying to help. - Don't. 168 00:12:17,965 --> 00:12:20,125 Guys! You're not supposed to run in the hallway. 169 00:12:20,205 --> 00:12:22,525 It was my fault. Fuck off, snowflake. 170 00:12:23,405 --> 00:12:25,045 Nice rack, Wiley. 171 00:12:27,645 --> 00:12:28,805 Are you going to write me up? 172 00:12:28,845 --> 00:12:30,685 I'll let you off. This time. 173 00:12:30,765 --> 00:12:32,725 I'm eternally grateful for your kindness. 174 00:12:32,805 --> 00:12:35,605 Actually, on second thought... 175 00:12:38,245 --> 00:12:40,885 Head Boys notoriously peak too early. I'd watch out, if I were you. 176 00:12:41,205 --> 00:12:42,205 Oh, yeah? 177 00:12:42,485 --> 00:12:44,845 I said, nice rack, Wiley. 178 00:12:47,525 --> 00:12:49,565 - Say that again. - Nice... ra... 179 00:12:53,485 --> 00:12:55,165 You did kind of deserve that, man. 180 00:13:09,365 --> 00:13:10,925 Settle down, class. 181 00:13:11,445 --> 00:13:13,885 Settle down. Thank you. 182 00:13:13,965 --> 00:13:15,205 Ahh! 183 00:13:15,285 --> 00:13:19,485 We're jumping straight in to the romantic world of the immortal Bard. 184 00:13:19,565 --> 00:13:21,245 Shakespeare, obviously. 185 00:13:21,325 --> 00:13:24,245 This year's first assignment will be on As You Like It. 186 00:13:24,325 --> 00:13:27,245 Set in the fictional forest of Arden. 187 00:13:27,325 --> 00:13:30,125 Uh, nice of you to join us, Adam. 188 00:13:30,525 --> 00:13:32,205 Uh, you'll be doing presentations 189 00:13:32,285 --> 00:13:35,365 on Shakespeare's relationship with love and disguise. 190 00:13:35,445 --> 00:13:39,405 The person you are sat next to now will be your partner for the project. 191 00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:41,365 So if you just look at your sheets, 192 00:13:41,445 --> 00:13:43,285 you're gonna go through all the five points. 193 00:13:43,365 --> 00:13:45,045 I want you to talk in pairs. 194 00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:48,525 Please listen, right? Listening is key. 195 00:13:48,605 --> 00:13:50,845 So, um, the assignment brief, um... 196 00:13:50,925 --> 00:13:55,205 Examine the ways that Rosalind, uh, tests Orlando's love for her 197 00:13:55,285 --> 00:13:57,085 - in act four... - And who are you? 198 00:13:57,165 --> 00:14:01,325 - Um... I'm Otis. Yeah. - Act four, scene one. The impression... 199 00:14:01,405 --> 00:14:04,005 - I guess we're partners for the project. - Are you new? 200 00:14:04,085 --> 00:14:06,525 No. No, no, no. I've been here since first year. 201 00:14:06,885 --> 00:14:08,741 - We had chemistry together... - Explore the ways 202 00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:10,845 - Shakespeare uses witty wordplay... - ...last term. 203 00:14:10,925 --> 00:14:13,765 - You set my desk on fire. - ...sport and wrestling analogies... 204 00:14:13,845 --> 00:14:15,805 - Anyway. - ...to reveal his characters' views 205 00:14:15,885 --> 00:14:19,645 - on the subject of love. - Maybe later on we can get together. 206 00:14:19,725 --> 00:14:21,725 I know the library's open... 207 00:14:22,405 --> 00:14:24,045 I don't do after hours, new kid. 208 00:14:24,125 --> 00:14:26,421 - Uh, discuss the concepts of fortune... - Where do you live? 209 00:14:26,445 --> 00:14:30,165 ...and nature as they apply to Orlando and, um, and Oliver. 210 00:14:30,245 --> 00:14:32,725 - 43 Ashford Street. - Compare and contrast the relationship... 211 00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:33,845 I'll be there at 6:00. 212 00:14:33,925 --> 00:14:35,301 ...Orlando with Rosalind and Celia. 213 00:14:35,325 --> 00:14:39,085 Um... If you have any questions, please, uh, do ask. 214 00:14:39,165 --> 00:14:42,125 But what I'd like you to do is, really, first, just mind map. 215 00:14:42,205 --> 00:14:43,805 Mind map together... 216 00:14:44,365 --> 00:14:45,445 - Um... - Boring. 217 00:14:45,525 --> 00:14:47,765 What? Excuse me, this is boring? 218 00:14:48,205 --> 00:14:49,485 Okay, um... 219 00:14:57,085 --> 00:14:58,605 You told Adam where you live? 220 00:14:59,045 --> 00:15:00,085 He asked me. 221 00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:03,525 Dude, your mum has a lot of weird sex shit in the house. 222 00:15:03,965 --> 00:15:05,285 I'm cool with it, obviously, 223 00:15:05,365 --> 00:15:10,045 but if that guy even sees a Kama Sutra, he will destroy your life. 224 00:15:10,125 --> 00:15:12,325 - She won't be home. - Oh. She better not be. 225 00:15:13,485 --> 00:15:16,045 He still calls me Tromboner. It's been four years. 226 00:15:16,325 --> 00:15:17,485 Four years. 227 00:15:17,885 --> 00:15:21,565 You did get an erection on the stage, in front of the entire school. 228 00:15:21,645 --> 00:15:23,005 It was a semi! 229 00:15:26,085 --> 00:15:27,965 The nickname doesn't even make sense. 230 00:15:28,645 --> 00:15:29,845 I play the French horn. 231 00:15:30,405 --> 00:15:31,765 Such a philistine. 232 00:15:31,845 --> 00:15:34,885 Look, he'll be in my house for an hour, tops. It will be fine. 233 00:15:35,965 --> 00:15:38,845 Do you reckon his brain is so small 'cause his dick is so big? 234 00:15:39,485 --> 00:15:41,205 - That's a myth. - Well, it's not. 235 00:15:41,525 --> 00:15:43,165 A friend of a friend saw it once. 236 00:15:43,245 --> 00:15:46,085 She said it was the size of two Coke cans. One on top of the other. 237 00:15:46,165 --> 00:15:47,725 Length and width. 238 00:15:48,085 --> 00:15:50,885 - You don't have any friends. Except me. - Not for long. 239 00:15:51,285 --> 00:15:54,005 Because Adam is going to kill you in your own home. 240 00:16:01,445 --> 00:16:04,365 Do you really think this place has asbestos in it? 241 00:16:04,525 --> 00:16:07,365 I don't know. There's worse ways to go, I suppose. 242 00:16:07,445 --> 00:16:10,925 God, yeah. My auntie got eaten by wasps. 243 00:16:11,205 --> 00:16:13,805 What? Was she stung to death? 244 00:16:13,885 --> 00:16:14,885 No. 245 00:16:15,045 --> 00:16:16,165 She was eaten. 246 00:16:19,485 --> 00:16:21,925 Scabby Queen. I win! I win! 247 00:16:22,005 --> 00:16:24,405 No, you don't. You have to get rid of the queen. 248 00:16:25,005 --> 00:16:27,685 - You lost, sorry. - I still don't get this game. 249 00:16:27,765 --> 00:16:28,765 Hand them over. 250 00:16:30,325 --> 00:16:31,525 Thank you. 251 00:16:39,845 --> 00:16:42,845 - How’s it going with Knobzilla? - He can't come. 252 00:16:44,165 --> 00:16:47,085 So, the other night, we're, like, goin' and goin'. 253 00:16:47,165 --> 00:16:50,061 - And I'm losin' my shit. - And I, you know... 254 00:16:50,085 --> 00:16:51,925 - Reached the summit. - Yeah. 255 00:16:52,005 --> 00:16:54,125 But he, like... 256 00:16:54,205 --> 00:16:56,525 - Slipped and dropped the yogurt? - No, I wish. 257 00:16:56,925 --> 00:16:57,925 He faked it. 258 00:16:58,365 --> 00:16:59,365 You sure? 259 00:17:01,445 --> 00:17:03,085 I don't know what I'm doin' wrong. 260 00:17:03,965 --> 00:17:05,541 Maybe he was nervous or something. 261 00:17:05,565 --> 00:17:07,765 Ruby and Olivia think I should dump him. 262 00:17:07,845 --> 00:17:10,325 They say he's bringin' down my social status, but... 263 00:17:11,125 --> 00:17:14,165 The thing is, he can be really sweet when nobody's watchin'. 264 00:17:14,925 --> 00:17:17,005 Don't know why you listen to those dickheads. 265 00:17:17,165 --> 00:17:18,685 If you like him, do what you want. 266 00:17:19,765 --> 00:17:20,845 Tits. 267 00:17:21,125 --> 00:17:22,365 They're looking for me. 268 00:17:23,925 --> 00:17:25,605 - Thanks for the game. - No worries. 269 00:17:25,685 --> 00:17:26,725 And the chat. 270 00:17:29,285 --> 00:17:31,485 - Oh, and... - Don't worry, you were never here. 271 00:17:32,045 --> 00:17:33,885 - Ta-ra, lad. - See you later, pet. 272 00:17:38,925 --> 00:17:39,925 Hiya! 273 00:17:41,165 --> 00:17:43,005 - Where have you been? - Nowhere. 274 00:17:43,485 --> 00:17:44,485 Biology went over. 275 00:17:44,525 --> 00:17:47,125 We thought you were doin' it with your whale dick boyfriend. 276 00:17:47,925 --> 00:17:49,645 You know he's a delinquent, right? 277 00:17:52,045 --> 00:17:54,925 Yuck. Is that ham? We're vegan now, remember? 278 00:17:55,005 --> 00:17:56,461 Oh, right, yeah, I forgot. 279 00:17:56,485 --> 00:17:57,685 Have you been smokin' again? 280 00:17:58,005 --> 00:17:59,405 - No, I haven't. - Good. 281 00:17:59,485 --> 00:18:01,445 Because smoking is definitely not vegan. 282 00:18:04,725 --> 00:18:05,845 My ham. 283 00:18:12,845 --> 00:18:13,845 Have you got the money? 284 00:18:14,965 --> 00:18:16,245 You taking the piss? 285 00:18:17,285 --> 00:18:18,445 Take it or leave it. 286 00:18:27,045 --> 00:18:29,685 - Tell anyone and I'll maim you. - This better be an A. 287 00:19:11,045 --> 00:19:13,605 - You're on time. - How long is this gonna take, new kid? 288 00:19:13,885 --> 00:19:15,005 Well, um... 289 00:19:15,085 --> 00:19:16,245 I'm already bored. 290 00:19:19,685 --> 00:19:21,005 Have you got any Nesquik? 291 00:19:22,165 --> 00:19:23,845 On... Only Mana. 292 00:19:34,205 --> 00:19:35,445 Do you wanna get monged? 293 00:19:35,845 --> 00:19:36,845 Um... 294 00:19:37,405 --> 00:19:38,845 No, thank you. 295 00:19:47,405 --> 00:19:50,485 - Why is there a minge on your wall? - What? Where? That's... 296 00:19:50,565 --> 00:19:51,445 Uh... 297 00:19:51,525 --> 00:19:53,125 That's just an orchid. 298 00:19:53,205 --> 00:19:54,805 It's... My mum's super into... 299 00:19:55,125 --> 00:19:56,445 flora and fauna. 300 00:19:57,885 --> 00:19:59,085 Ooh, uh... 301 00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:00,725 Maybe not inside, sorry. 302 00:20:02,805 --> 00:20:05,805 I mean, Adam, we've only been working for half an hour, so... 303 00:20:05,885 --> 00:20:06,805 Yeah. 304 00:20:06,885 --> 00:20:08,365 You should keep goin'. 305 00:20:12,165 --> 00:20:14,085 That's it, just rolling the testicle... 306 00:20:14,165 --> 00:20:16,925 - There's a ball bag on the TV. - Good. 307 00:20:17,005 --> 00:20:18,885 Sorry. Sorry, I, uh... 308 00:20:19,125 --> 00:20:21,645 I forgot to take my... my DVD out. It's my... 309 00:20:22,245 --> 00:20:24,325 - It's my porn. - A bit old school. 310 00:20:25,885 --> 00:20:28,565 You should get on Pornhub. There's loads of stuff on there. 311 00:20:28,845 --> 00:20:31,005 You could watch a CGI demon fuck a horse. 312 00:20:32,405 --> 00:20:34,085 - Hm. - I need to piss. 313 00:20:35,205 --> 00:20:36,925 Upstairs, on your right. 314 00:22:05,325 --> 00:22:06,805 New kid! 315 00:22:09,325 --> 00:22:10,485 Adam? 316 00:22:11,605 --> 00:22:12,605 Get in here! 317 00:22:13,045 --> 00:22:13,925 Oh! 318 00:22:14,005 --> 00:22:15,005 Adam! 319 00:22:15,805 --> 00:22:17,005 Oh... 320 00:22:19,245 --> 00:22:20,685 - You've got a sex dungeon. - No. 321 00:22:20,765 --> 00:22:22,325 No, this is not. I... 322 00:22:22,765 --> 00:22:26,005 I can explain. This is my mum's office and she's a therapist. 323 00:22:26,085 --> 00:22:27,845 - Sex therapist. - I don't know what that is. 324 00:22:28,125 --> 00:22:30,285 She helps people with sex problems. 325 00:22:30,725 --> 00:22:32,125 - She's a prostitute. - No. 326 00:22:32,445 --> 00:22:35,325 - Like a pimp. - No, no, she's like a... a shrink. 327 00:22:35,605 --> 00:22:38,965 But instead of talking about mental health stuff, she talks about sex. 328 00:22:39,085 --> 00:22:40,085 People's sex lives. 329 00:22:40,925 --> 00:22:42,845 She... She helps people bone better. 330 00:22:43,605 --> 00:22:45,005 Yes, in essence. 331 00:22:47,045 --> 00:22:48,285 Look, um... 332 00:22:50,165 --> 00:22:52,245 Could you not tell anyone about this, please? 333 00:22:52,325 --> 00:22:54,605 Otis, darling? 334 00:22:54,685 --> 00:22:56,085 I'm home! 335 00:23:08,445 --> 00:23:10,125 Mm! Mmm... 336 00:23:14,525 --> 00:23:16,925 God, that's strong stuff. 337 00:23:18,125 --> 00:23:21,205 It is chronic shit. 338 00:23:21,725 --> 00:23:23,925 I'm already hungry. 339 00:23:24,725 --> 00:23:27,445 It's snack time. 340 00:23:35,845 --> 00:23:36,845 Your mum's cool. 341 00:23:37,205 --> 00:23:38,285 Why aren't you cool? 342 00:23:39,685 --> 00:23:41,605 And she's hot. Why didn't you say she was hot? 343 00:23:42,165 --> 00:23:43,925 Because she's my mum. 344 00:23:44,005 --> 00:23:46,965 - I mean, seriously, are you adopted? - No. 345 00:23:47,045 --> 00:23:48,845 - Then why are you so shit? - Adam. 346 00:23:48,925 --> 00:23:49,925 Yeah? 347 00:23:51,205 --> 00:23:52,765 Do you smoke every day? 348 00:23:53,525 --> 00:23:56,285 Yeah. Yeah, most days, Mrs., um... 349 00:23:56,365 --> 00:23:57,685 Oh, just call me Jean. 350 00:23:58,325 --> 00:24:01,085 You know, they've been doing some interesting studies with cannabis. 351 00:24:01,485 --> 00:24:03,885 They're just starting to wake up to its health benefits. 352 00:24:03,965 --> 00:24:05,645 Yeah? Like, um... 353 00:24:06,525 --> 00:24:08,405 How it makes everything funny? 354 00:24:08,645 --> 00:24:10,685 - You know, like your face. - Hm? 355 00:24:10,765 --> 00:24:12,005 Ever so serious, 356 00:24:12,685 --> 00:24:14,125 like a... atlas. 357 00:24:21,845 --> 00:24:26,685 However, it has been linked to early onset impotence. 358 00:24:27,565 --> 00:24:29,005 Nothing conclusive yet. 359 00:24:30,285 --> 00:24:32,125 But be careful with how much you smoke. 360 00:24:32,205 --> 00:24:33,205 Mum... 361 00:24:33,605 --> 00:24:37,285 I only bring it up because I have a number of clients 362 00:24:37,365 --> 00:24:40,125 who were heavy drug users at your age, 363 00:24:40,645 --> 00:24:43,085 and now they have trouble with sexual performance. 364 00:24:43,765 --> 00:24:46,565 - Sexual performance? - They have trouble finishing. 365 00:24:48,965 --> 00:24:50,605 - Ejaculation. - Hm. 366 00:24:50,845 --> 00:24:52,365 Jizz, spunk. 367 00:24:53,245 --> 00:24:54,085 Man milk! 368 00:24:54,165 --> 00:24:56,365 - Mum, Jesus Christ! - Don't have a problem with that. 369 00:24:56,445 --> 00:24:59,045 What makes you think I've got a problem with that? 370 00:24:59,485 --> 00:25:01,565 I didn't say you had a problem with that. 371 00:25:03,965 --> 00:25:07,005 - But if you want to talk about it... - I... Uh, okay, I'm gonna go. 372 00:25:07,085 --> 00:25:08,085 I'm gonna go. 373 00:25:09,805 --> 00:25:11,325 Okay, Adam! 374 00:25:12,085 --> 00:25:14,005 - Nice to meet you! - Mum! 375 00:25:14,725 --> 00:25:16,205 Come and hang out again. 376 00:25:16,965 --> 00:25:19,765 Adam! Adam, wait. Wait. 377 00:25:19,845 --> 00:25:22,565 You and your mum are freaks. 378 00:25:31,165 --> 00:25:33,165 I hope I didn't touch a nerve. 379 00:25:33,565 --> 00:25:35,965 Your friend is very sensitive. 380 00:25:36,205 --> 00:25:37,845 Ooh, my mouth is immensely dry. 381 00:25:37,925 --> 00:25:40,045 Mum, how many times have I said 382 00:25:40,125 --> 00:25:42,845 you can't go around therapizing people you don't know? 383 00:25:42,925 --> 00:25:45,405 Your generation is so touchy. 384 00:25:45,485 --> 00:25:48,485 - Information is empowering. - No, it's fucked up! 385 00:25:48,685 --> 00:25:51,565 Okay, calm down, take a breath. 386 00:25:51,645 --> 00:25:54,325 Let's... 387 00:25:54,405 --> 00:25:56,485 Let the negative energy dissipate. 388 00:25:59,805 --> 00:26:01,645 Okay. 389 00:26:05,045 --> 00:26:07,045 Two... 390 00:26:10,685 --> 00:26:11,805 Sorry I yelled. 391 00:26:12,485 --> 00:26:16,365 And I'm sorry... if I upset your friend. 392 00:26:20,445 --> 00:26:21,445 Come on. 393 00:26:30,605 --> 00:26:31,685 Sweetheart... 394 00:26:35,605 --> 00:26:38,125 I've noticed you're pretending to masturbate 395 00:26:38,205 --> 00:26:40,845 and I was wondering if you wanted to talk about it. 396 00:26:42,405 --> 00:26:44,245 It was the hand cream that gave it away. 397 00:26:44,325 --> 00:26:47,645 And, well, the magazine was a bit overkill. 398 00:26:48,285 --> 00:26:52,565 Anyway, I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything. 399 00:26:52,645 --> 00:26:53,845 No judgment. 400 00:26:54,205 --> 00:26:55,765 This is a safe place. 401 00:26:55,845 --> 00:26:57,405 This is not a safe place, Mum. 402 00:26:57,485 --> 00:27:00,805 You... need to stop analyzing everything I do. 403 00:27:02,165 --> 00:27:05,885 I will when you stop creating performative situations 404 00:27:05,965 --> 00:27:07,725 that you clearly want me to observe. 405 00:27:07,805 --> 00:27:09,765 Okay. 406 00:27:10,925 --> 00:27:15,085 I'm going to my room, because I'm angry and I need some space. 407 00:27:15,165 --> 00:27:17,085 Okay. 408 00:27:17,165 --> 00:27:19,165 We'll talk about it when you're ready. 409 00:27:22,405 --> 00:27:26,125 Darling! It's too loud! 410 00:27:30,205 --> 00:27:31,205 Otis! 411 00:27:32,645 --> 00:27:34,125 Turn it down! 412 00:27:53,605 --> 00:27:56,021 Eric, come help your mother. 413 00:27:56,045 --> 00:27:57,525 Down in a minute! 414 00:28:14,525 --> 00:28:16,925 Oh-ho-ho! 415 00:28:33,045 --> 00:28:34,365 Did you... you know? 416 00:28:35,085 --> 00:28:36,845 Yeah. I'd tell you if I didn't. 417 00:28:39,085 --> 00:28:41,205 - Do you want me to drive you home? - Nope. 418 00:28:41,285 --> 00:28:42,165 Where do you live? 419 00:28:42,245 --> 00:28:44,645 - Honestly, I'm fine. - Come on, let me drive you home. 420 00:28:44,725 --> 00:28:46,165 We're just fucking, Jackson. 421 00:28:46,285 --> 00:28:48,245 We don’t need to know each other's postcodes. 422 00:28:48,525 --> 00:28:49,605 See you at school. 423 00:29:07,525 --> 00:29:09,245 Shh! 424 00:29:10,685 --> 00:29:11,685 Adam? 425 00:29:20,765 --> 00:29:22,445 You're five minutes past curfew. 426 00:29:23,285 --> 00:29:24,445 Sorry, Dad. 427 00:29:25,325 --> 00:29:27,765 - Lost track of time. - Don't let it happen again. 428 00:29:29,445 --> 00:29:30,925 You know the rules. 429 00:29:39,645 --> 00:29:41,485 You can have it back in the morning. 430 00:29:50,165 --> 00:29:51,765 - Hello, lover. - Ooh! Fuck. 431 00:29:52,365 --> 00:29:54,445 How did you get in? You've gotta go. 432 00:29:58,605 --> 00:30:00,365 Your hand's a bit dry. 433 00:30:12,445 --> 00:30:14,285 Can you not even get hard now? 434 00:30:15,285 --> 00:30:16,725 - Am I that bad? - Yes. 435 00:30:16,805 --> 00:30:19,925 No! No, I meant no. I got confused. 436 00:30:20,565 --> 00:30:22,005 I don't know why I bother. 437 00:30:25,245 --> 00:30:26,725 Well... Leave out the window. 438 00:30:30,525 --> 00:30:31,685 Good night, Mrs. Groff. 439 00:30:32,325 --> 00:30:33,805 Good night, Headmaster Groff. 440 00:30:34,245 --> 00:30:36,165 What is wrong with you? 441 00:30:36,245 --> 00:30:37,925 Adam, get down here now! 442 00:30:46,725 --> 00:30:49,765 Your mum talked to Adam about ejaculation? 443 00:30:49,845 --> 00:30:51,765 - She used the words "man milk." - Oh, my... 444 00:30:51,845 --> 00:30:54,085 It's worse than I thought. 445 00:30:54,205 --> 00:30:56,525 No, I mean... I mean... It's fine. 446 00:30:56,605 --> 00:30:58,725 He was baked, he's probably forgotten all about it. 447 00:30:59,125 --> 00:31:00,205 Shit. 448 00:31:00,285 --> 00:31:02,085 Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit... 449 00:31:02,605 --> 00:31:03,605 Don't look. 450 00:31:07,005 --> 00:31:08,485 Watch where you’re going, fag. 451 00:31:08,565 --> 00:31:11,285 Hey, Adam, you know homophobia is so 2008, right? 452 00:31:11,725 --> 00:31:12,805 Totes passé. 453 00:31:19,965 --> 00:31:20,965 Thanks, Anwar. 454 00:31:21,365 --> 00:31:22,605 - Not your friends. - Okay. 455 00:31:24,805 --> 00:31:27,005 See? I told you he'd forget. 456 00:31:27,445 --> 00:31:28,445 Yeah... 457 00:32:05,845 --> 00:32:07,245 Yeah! 458 00:32:07,325 --> 00:32:08,325 I'm only saying. 459 00:32:29,925 --> 00:32:31,005 Great, it's you. 460 00:32:31,565 --> 00:32:33,605 I get it. You're mean. 461 00:32:34,645 --> 00:32:35,765 Okay, so... 462 00:32:36,485 --> 00:32:38,085 what was gonna be biology 463 00:32:38,165 --> 00:32:42,845 is now an emergency SRE class. 464 00:32:43,045 --> 00:32:45,445 Apparently, there's been an outbreak of pubic lice. 465 00:32:46,445 --> 00:32:48,365 Mr. Groff felt you needed a refresher. 466 00:32:48,685 --> 00:32:50,325 Lucky me, huh? 467 00:32:50,605 --> 00:32:53,365 I'm joking. This is actually gonna be incredibly awkward. 468 00:32:53,445 --> 00:32:55,085 You'll be working in pairs. 469 00:32:55,285 --> 00:32:56,845 You'll need worksheets, 470 00:32:56,925 --> 00:32:58,245 two prophylactics, 471 00:32:58,325 --> 00:33:00,085 and a plastic cock and balls. 472 00:33:14,405 --> 00:33:15,405 Um... 473 00:33:22,925 --> 00:33:24,725 Jesus Christ! 474 00:33:26,965 --> 00:33:27,965 What's next? 475 00:33:34,445 --> 00:33:36,845 Uh... That's not the hymen. 476 00:33:37,485 --> 00:33:39,325 I think I know where the hymen is, but thanks. 477 00:33:39,445 --> 00:33:42,485 Okay, well, I mean, you're... quite wrong. 478 00:33:43,645 --> 00:33:44,645 What is it, then? 479 00:33:46,605 --> 00:33:49,885 They are the paraurethral glands. 480 00:33:50,805 --> 00:33:52,645 The female prostate. 481 00:33:53,885 --> 00:33:54,885 Where's the hymen, then? 482 00:33:58,805 --> 00:33:59,805 Hymen. 483 00:34:01,005 --> 00:34:02,005 Hm. 484 00:34:08,125 --> 00:34:09,365 See me after. 485 00:34:12,925 --> 00:34:15,765 Okay, yeah... Phones away, please! 486 00:34:15,845 --> 00:34:16,885 Phones away! 487 00:34:17,765 --> 00:34:18,765 People! 488 00:34:19,445 --> 00:34:20,445 What is it? 489 00:34:21,165 --> 00:34:22,165 Nothing. 490 00:34:22,725 --> 00:34:25,045 The head of the penis is incredibly sensitive. 491 00:34:25,405 --> 00:34:28,805 Feel free to stimulate it with your fingers in a circular motion. 492 00:34:28,885 --> 00:34:32,325 As he gets closer to orgasm, you can speed up. 493 00:34:32,605 --> 00:34:36,845 You'll feel him throbbing in your hand like a volcano about to erupt. 494 00:34:37,245 --> 00:34:38,565 Look at that! 495 00:34:38,645 --> 00:34:40,245 Huh. Here we go. 496 00:34:40,765 --> 00:34:43,565 - I can feel it. Look, it's throbbing. - Can we turn this off, please? 497 00:34:43,645 --> 00:34:45,125 Throbbing... 498 00:34:46,085 --> 00:34:47,285 Look... 499 00:34:47,365 --> 00:34:49,165 Oh, fantastic! 500 00:34:50,125 --> 00:34:51,165 And then he comes. 501 00:34:54,205 --> 00:34:55,685 Can you go and see if he's all right? 502 00:34:56,845 --> 00:34:58,245 Oh, fuck it. 503 00:34:58,525 --> 00:35:01,285 Okay, thank you everyone. That's enough drama for today. 504 00:35:05,205 --> 00:35:06,685 Oh, my God. 505 00:35:11,125 --> 00:35:12,165 Do you want one? 506 00:35:19,365 --> 00:35:20,605 Was that really your mum? 507 00:35:21,165 --> 00:35:22,565 Mm. Could have been a lot worse. 508 00:35:23,285 --> 00:35:25,045 She could have been stroking an actual penis. 509 00:35:26,565 --> 00:35:29,125 Oh, God. Yeah, I just think I'm gonna die now. 510 00:35:29,925 --> 00:35:31,005 Don't worry about it. 511 00:35:31,485 --> 00:35:34,405 Speaking as a long-term member of the Moordale Social Pariah Club, 512 00:35:34,525 --> 00:35:35,725 you'll survive. 513 00:35:50,045 --> 00:35:51,725 Oh, ow! 514 00:35:56,365 --> 00:35:57,365 Shit! 515 00:35:57,605 --> 00:35:58,925 Oh, my God. 516 00:36:01,685 --> 00:36:02,525 - Get out! - Okay. 517 00:36:02,605 --> 00:36:03,885 - Fine. - No, wait! 518 00:36:04,685 --> 00:36:05,685 Don't go. 519 00:36:06,245 --> 00:36:07,125 Help me. 520 00:36:07,205 --> 00:36:09,445 I know it was you who sent that video around. 521 00:36:09,885 --> 00:36:11,445 - So? - So I'm not gonna help you. 522 00:36:11,525 --> 00:36:13,845 Please, new kid. It feels... like it's gonna explode. 523 00:36:13,925 --> 00:36:16,245 - And not in a good way. - Well, that's not my problem. 524 00:36:16,325 --> 00:36:17,325 No, wait! 525 00:36:18,045 --> 00:36:19,805 Please, don't go. 526 00:36:19,885 --> 00:36:22,565 - Should we get the nurse? - No! No, you can't tell anyone. 527 00:36:23,365 --> 00:36:25,165 - What if he dies or something? - Dies? 528 00:36:25,245 --> 00:36:26,245 Adam... 529 00:36:27,285 --> 00:36:28,285 what did you take? 530 00:36:30,045 --> 00:36:31,045 Viagra. 531 00:36:31,125 --> 00:36:32,125 How much Viagra? 532 00:36:33,845 --> 00:36:36,045 Hey, look, um... 533 00:36:36,565 --> 00:36:39,285 Think of this room as being four walls of trust. 534 00:36:39,365 --> 00:36:41,485 Anything you say is fine. There's no judgment. 535 00:36:42,725 --> 00:36:44,365 - Three Viagras. - Jesus Christ. 536 00:36:44,445 --> 00:36:46,205 - You said there'd be no judgment. - Sorry. 537 00:36:46,285 --> 00:36:49,045 Is three Viagras bad? Her reaction made it seem like it was bad. 538 00:36:49,125 --> 00:36:51,245 I feel lightheaded and I can taste scampi. 539 00:36:51,325 --> 00:36:54,605 - No wonder. You could besiege a castle. - I said stop staring at it! 540 00:36:54,685 --> 00:36:55,965 Sorry! It's like a third leg. 541 00:36:58,565 --> 00:36:59,645 What now? 542 00:37:01,445 --> 00:37:02,445 We wait. 543 00:37:07,845 --> 00:37:10,405 - How is it looking? - Still large, still... 544 00:37:11,885 --> 00:37:12,725 angry. 545 00:37:12,805 --> 00:37:15,645 - Where did you even get the Viagra from? - None of your business. 546 00:37:15,725 --> 00:37:17,565 Please don't tell me you got it from your dad. 547 00:37:20,445 --> 00:37:21,445 I didn't. 548 00:37:24,405 --> 00:37:25,325 Why did you take it? 549 00:37:25,405 --> 00:37:28,205 I don't know. Heard it gives you a good buzz. 550 00:37:28,285 --> 00:37:30,445 You should try it instead of being such a joy fucker. 551 00:37:30,525 --> 00:37:31,565 He's having dick problems. 552 00:37:31,605 --> 00:37:34,285 - Yeah? What would you know, Wiley? - Girls talk, clodpole. 553 00:37:34,485 --> 00:37:35,805 Aimee said you can't come. 554 00:37:42,045 --> 00:37:43,165 It's too much pressure. 555 00:37:45,205 --> 00:37:47,285 - What is? - Everyone knows I've got a giant penis. 556 00:37:47,365 --> 00:37:49,125 - So you wanted to make it bigger? - No. 557 00:37:50,005 --> 00:37:51,565 I just wanted it to get hard. 558 00:37:51,645 --> 00:37:54,125 - Well, why do you think it couldn't? - I don't know. 559 00:37:55,565 --> 00:37:57,405 I can't stop thinkin' about stuff when we shag. 560 00:37:57,445 --> 00:37:59,645 "What if I'm not good at this? Maybe I'm doin' it wrong. 561 00:37:59,685 --> 00:38:02,285 Maybe she knows I'm doin' it wrong. What if my dad walks in? 562 00:38:02,365 --> 00:38:04,821 What if my dad walks in and it's right when I'm blowing my load 563 00:38:04,845 --> 00:38:07,085 and I can't stop, and he sees my jizz face? 564 00:38:07,165 --> 00:38:09,765 - What if..." - Okay. Um... Yeah, no, we get it. 565 00:38:12,565 --> 00:38:13,725 Okay. 566 00:38:13,805 --> 00:38:14,805 Well... 567 00:38:15,965 --> 00:38:20,285 Sounds to me like you're experiencing some performance anxiety. 568 00:38:20,925 --> 00:38:24,805 Perhaps the mythology surrounding the size of your penis doesn't help things. 569 00:38:24,885 --> 00:38:27,045 It is interesting you mention your father. 570 00:38:27,765 --> 00:38:29,501 How does being the headmaster's son affect you? 571 00:38:29,525 --> 00:38:31,125 Well, it's shit, obviously. 572 00:38:31,765 --> 00:38:32,605 Go on. 573 00:38:32,685 --> 00:38:34,741 Everyone's watching me all the time. Everyone's like, 574 00:38:34,765 --> 00:38:37,045 "There goes Adam Groff, headmaster's son. 575 00:38:37,125 --> 00:38:39,965 He's got a big massive elephant's cock." I've got feelings. 576 00:38:44,285 --> 00:38:45,325 I guess that... 577 00:38:48,725 --> 00:38:50,285 I wish I could be a normal kid. 578 00:38:53,045 --> 00:38:54,485 With a normal dick. 579 00:38:58,205 --> 00:38:59,325 And a normal dad. 580 00:39:01,845 --> 00:39:03,125 I think... 581 00:39:03,765 --> 00:39:06,765 that you need to own your narrative, 582 00:39:07,125 --> 00:39:08,645 not let it control you. 583 00:39:08,725 --> 00:39:11,005 Yes, you have a large appendage. 584 00:39:11,365 --> 00:39:14,085 Yes, you're very visible in the school due to your father's position. 585 00:39:14,605 --> 00:39:16,685 But neither is likely to change. 586 00:39:17,165 --> 00:39:18,365 But your outlook can. 587 00:39:19,645 --> 00:39:20,685 Does that make sense? 588 00:39:21,165 --> 00:39:22,165 Not really. 589 00:39:24,045 --> 00:39:26,805 It shouldn't matter what anyone in the school thinks. 590 00:39:26,925 --> 00:39:28,125 You are who you are. 591 00:39:28,205 --> 00:39:30,205 Don't let anyone take that away from you. 592 00:39:30,725 --> 00:39:32,845 So everyone's wrong, and I'm basically... 593 00:39:33,965 --> 00:39:34,965 awesome. 594 00:39:36,885 --> 00:39:39,805 Be proud of your penis and your heritage. 595 00:39:40,085 --> 00:39:41,845 'Cause neither are going anywhere. 596 00:39:42,285 --> 00:39:43,845 You should work with what you've got. 597 00:39:53,485 --> 00:39:54,885 It's going down, new kid. 598 00:39:56,445 --> 00:39:57,445 Thank God. 599 00:40:00,925 --> 00:40:03,485 Uh, you won't tell anyone about this, will you? 600 00:40:04,165 --> 00:40:06,165 You said that thing about the four walls of trust. 601 00:40:06,285 --> 00:40:07,445 We won't tell anyone. 602 00:40:07,725 --> 00:40:10,285 If you leave my friend Eric alone. 603 00:40:11,445 --> 00:40:13,525 - For good. - Tromboner? 604 00:40:13,765 --> 00:40:14,765 It's your choice. 605 00:40:15,845 --> 00:40:16,845 Fine. 606 00:40:18,045 --> 00:40:19,805 I think you owe Otis an apology. 607 00:40:23,125 --> 00:40:26,605 Sorry for sending the video around, but your mum... 608 00:40:27,685 --> 00:40:29,325 really got in my head, new kid. 609 00:40:30,165 --> 00:40:31,445 She's like some kind of... 610 00:40:32,645 --> 00:40:33,645 sexy witch. 611 00:40:42,165 --> 00:40:43,405 Well, that was unusual. 612 00:40:46,285 --> 00:40:47,645 See you around, Otis. 613 00:41:01,805 --> 00:41:04,685 Do you think Headmaster Groff is well hung too? 614 00:41:05,245 --> 00:41:06,725 Yogurt's vegan, right? 615 00:41:16,005 --> 00:41:18,445 Hey! 616 00:41:18,525 --> 00:41:20,325 Can I have everyone's attention, please? 617 00:41:23,045 --> 00:41:24,165 I have something to say. 618 00:41:24,685 --> 00:41:27,645 My name is Adam Groff. Headmaster Groff is my dad. 619 00:41:28,045 --> 00:41:30,605 Which is weird, 'cause I'm quite shit at school. 620 00:41:32,885 --> 00:41:34,525 And this... 621 00:41:36,085 --> 00:41:37,285 This is my dick. 622 00:41:43,845 --> 00:41:44,845 No. 623 00:41:45,405 --> 00:41:46,725 Yes, it is large. 624 00:41:48,045 --> 00:41:49,981 - Oh, my God. - But I've done some googling. 625 00:41:50,005 --> 00:41:52,485 - Oh, my God. - And it's actually just above average 626 00:41:52,565 --> 00:41:55,405 in terms of worldwide adult statistics. 627 00:41:56,565 --> 00:41:57,565 So, yeah. 628 00:41:58,045 --> 00:42:00,165 That's me. 629 00:42:00,845 --> 00:42:01,925 And that's my dick. 630 00:42:13,965 --> 00:42:15,605 You have to break up with him. 631 00:42:16,285 --> 00:42:17,485 Yeah, I do. 632 00:42:26,205 --> 00:42:27,525 I have to tell you something. 633 00:42:32,045 --> 00:42:33,045 I'm owning my narrative. 634 00:42:33,125 --> 00:42:35,701 I'm owning my narrative! 635 00:42:47,885 --> 00:42:50,005 I owned it! 636 00:42:55,845 --> 00:42:58,445 Welcome back, old friend. How I've missed you. 637 00:43:01,125 --> 00:43:03,045 Uh, what did you wanna talk about? 638 00:43:05,165 --> 00:43:06,605 We have to break up. 639 00:43:08,645 --> 00:43:11,005 - We just had sex. - Yeah. 640 00:43:11,325 --> 00:43:12,965 I wanted to do it one last time. 641 00:43:13,645 --> 00:43:15,165 For, like, memories. 642 00:43:16,285 --> 00:43:17,805 But I don't understand. 643 00:43:18,885 --> 00:43:20,085 I thought it was me. 644 00:43:21,005 --> 00:43:22,445 But it's definitely you. 645 00:43:23,045 --> 00:43:25,205 - What is? - Everything. 646 00:43:26,925 --> 00:43:29,485 Just everything about us is wrong. 647 00:43:30,765 --> 00:43:31,845 Sorry. 648 00:43:32,685 --> 00:43:33,965 But it's over. 649 00:43:42,485 --> 00:43:45,125 Adam Groff to the headmaster's office, please. 650 00:43:48,045 --> 00:43:50,245 Adam Groff to the headmaster's office, please. 651 00:43:55,485 --> 00:43:56,765 And thank you for coming. 652 00:44:04,405 --> 00:44:06,485 Do you have any idea what you have done? 653 00:44:08,405 --> 00:44:11,725 I've had multiple parents threatening to take their children out of school. 654 00:44:11,805 --> 00:44:15,605 They were going to charge you with public indecency if I hadn't intervened. 655 00:44:17,565 --> 00:44:19,125 Detention for the rest of term. 656 00:44:19,205 --> 00:44:20,925 - What? Dad... - You heard me. 657 00:44:21,645 --> 00:44:22,645 Now get out. 658 00:44:24,565 --> 00:44:26,285 I can't even bear to look at you. 659 00:44:34,125 --> 00:44:35,685 I broke up with Adam. 660 00:44:36,005 --> 00:44:37,925 - Still couldn't come? - No, he did. 661 00:44:38,365 --> 00:44:39,645 We had goodbye sex. 662 00:44:40,085 --> 00:44:43,405 Thing is, school's hard enough without having to date an actual flasher. 663 00:44:43,845 --> 00:44:46,021 I need to find someone a bit more socially acceptable... 664 00:44:46,045 --> 00:44:48,165 - Rewind, he came? - Yeah. 665 00:44:48,725 --> 00:44:51,525 It was like something clicked in his brain. Boom! 666 00:46:05,405 --> 00:46:06,405 No! 667 00:46:08,445 --> 00:46:10,885 Faster! Faster! 668 00:46:10,965 --> 00:46:12,965 Faster! Oh, oh, oh! 669 00:46:13,045 --> 00:46:15,645 Don't stop! Don't stop! Don't stop! 670 00:46:15,725 --> 00:46:18,085 - Okay! Good! Keep going! - Yes! Yes! 671 00:46:18,165 --> 00:46:20,165 Don't... don't... 672 00:46:20,245 --> 00:46:22,526 Don't stop! Don't stop! 673 00:46:56,165 --> 00:46:57,165 Oh! 674 00:46:57,285 --> 00:46:58,365 Very sorry. 675 00:46:58,445 --> 00:46:59,765 This isn't the bathroom. 676 00:46:59,845 --> 00:47:01,485 No, this is not the bathroom. 677 00:47:01,565 --> 00:47:03,005 I'm Harry, by the way. 678 00:47:14,365 --> 00:47:16,085 - Mum. - Yes, darling? 679 00:47:16,965 --> 00:47:18,325 I can't masturbate. 680 00:47:21,125 --> 00:47:22,405 Sweetheart, I'm glad you... 681 00:47:22,485 --> 00:47:24,845 I can't masturbate. But I don't wanna talk about it. 682 00:47:25,445 --> 00:47:26,645 I'm dealing with it on my own. 683 00:47:28,125 --> 00:47:29,685 Thank you for telling me. 684 00:47:36,605 --> 00:47:38,365 Yeah, I think I'd better leave too. 685 00:47:39,085 --> 00:47:41,045 I think that's probably best. 686 00:47:51,805 --> 00:47:55,965 Well, only 376 days of sixth form left. 687 00:47:56,045 --> 00:47:57,325 Yeah! 688 00:47:57,405 --> 00:48:00,205 I thought this was supposed to be the best two years of our lives. 689 00:48:00,285 --> 00:48:02,045 At least you got Adam to leave me alone. 690 00:48:02,125 --> 00:48:03,765 Thank you very much for that, man. 691 00:48:04,645 --> 00:48:06,445 - We had a deal. - Yeah, your advice was shit. 692 00:48:06,525 --> 00:48:07,965 My girlfriend's broken up with me. 693 00:48:08,045 --> 00:48:10,005 Everyone's got a picture of my lovely big dick. 694 00:48:11,005 --> 00:48:12,005 Deal's off. 695 00:48:13,325 --> 00:48:14,365 See you later... 696 00:48:15,085 --> 00:48:16,085 Tromboner. 697 00:48:21,965 --> 00:48:23,965 See? That's why you always wear a helmet. 698 00:48:27,165 --> 00:48:29,645 Um, Maeve Wiley's coming straight over here. 699 00:48:29,725 --> 00:48:32,925 She's literally walking straight towards us with purpose. 700 00:48:34,125 --> 00:48:36,005 Uh, Otis. Otis! Otis. 701 00:48:36,085 --> 00:48:38,085 - Okay, she's here. - Nice helmet. 702 00:48:38,765 --> 00:48:40,765 It's just, safety first. 703 00:48:40,885 --> 00:48:42,205 Can I talk to you for a sec? 704 00:48:44,605 --> 00:48:47,165 Oh, do you want me... Do you want me to go? 705 00:48:47,485 --> 00:48:49,085 - Yeah. - Oh, good. 706 00:48:50,125 --> 00:48:51,245 I'll just, um... 707 00:48:52,165 --> 00:48:53,805 leave, then, shall I? 708 00:49:02,605 --> 00:49:04,925 What did you wanna talk about? 709 00:49:06,765 --> 00:49:07,885 See those two over there? 710 00:49:08,205 --> 00:49:11,205 The one on the right has never been in a lesbian relationship before. 711 00:49:11,285 --> 00:49:13,245 She's terrified of her new girlfriend's vagina. 712 00:49:14,365 --> 00:49:15,245 See her? 713 00:49:15,325 --> 00:49:18,445 She believes that flicking the bean might make her clit drop off. 714 00:49:18,685 --> 00:49:21,565 She hates herself. But she just can't stop wanking. 715 00:49:22,485 --> 00:49:23,685 Do you see them? 716 00:49:24,205 --> 00:49:26,725 Yeah, he's definitely giving everyone pubic lice. 717 00:49:27,005 --> 00:49:28,325 What's your point? 718 00:49:29,445 --> 00:49:31,805 The students at this school need your help, Otis. 719 00:49:32,485 --> 00:49:33,485 And we need their money. 720 00:49:34,005 --> 00:49:36,781 I haven't really worked out the details yet, but I'm good with numbers, so, 721 00:49:36,805 --> 00:49:39,525 I'll deal with the business end of things and you can do the therapy. 722 00:49:39,605 --> 00:49:41,541 We'll charge for every appointment and split the cash. 723 00:49:41,565 --> 00:49:43,485 - Therapy? - Yeah, sex therapy. 724 00:49:44,045 --> 00:49:46,245 You have a gift. It would be irresponsible to waste it. 725 00:49:46,845 --> 00:49:51,085 - Look how you helped Adam. - But I didn't. He hates me now. 726 00:49:51,165 --> 00:49:52,405 He came, Otis. 727 00:49:53,045 --> 00:49:55,125 Your words made him come. 728 00:49:56,765 --> 00:49:57,845 Sort of. 729 00:50:00,285 --> 00:50:02,405 Look, I haven't got all day. Are you in or out? 730 00:50:03,245 --> 00:50:05,645 - Uh... - Okay, fine. Don't worry about it. 731 00:50:10,405 --> 00:50:12,485 Uh... Okay. Maeve! 732 00:50:12,565 --> 00:50:13,565 Wait! Wait! 733 00:50:17,325 --> 00:50:18,325 I'm in!52786

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