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1
00:00:09,385 --> 00:00:10,618
It's my stuff, okay?
2
00:00:10,651 --> 00:00:13,382
Just keep your hands off
my stuff! Phil: Hey!
3
00:00:13,417 --> 00:00:14,816
I didn't put my hands on your stuff!
4
00:00:14,851 --> 00:00:16,815
Hey! Just a second, derek.
5
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,281
What is the problem?
6
00:00:18,316 --> 00:00:20,514
Alex read my journal. I did not!
7
00:00:20,548 --> 00:00:22,980
Why would I even want to read
your stupid journal?
8
00:00:23,014 --> 00:00:25,145
Because it contains the details of a life,
9
00:00:25,179 --> 00:00:26,477
And yo don't have one!
10
00:00:26,512 --> 00:00:27,678
Ohh!
11
00:00:27,712 --> 00:00:29,044
Alex, don't read haley's journal. Uhh!
12
00:00:29,078 --> 00:00:31,509
Sorry. My daughters.
13
00:00:31,543 --> 00:00:33,509
You got kids?
14
00:00:33,543 --> 00:00:34,943
Oh. What grade are you in?
15
00:00:34,977 --> 00:00:36,808
Phil! Oh, that's my wife, claire.
16
00:00:36,843 --> 00:00:38,740
Luke was using my computer.
17
00:00:38,775 --> 00:00:40,173
For this.
18
00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:43,639
I'm gonna have to, uh, call you back.
19
00:00:43,674 --> 00:00:45,705
He told me he needed it to do homework,
20
00:00:45,772 --> 00:00:46,904
And then I find this --
21
00:00:46,939 --> 00:00:48,537
A-a picture of a topless woman,
22
00:00:48,572 --> 00:00:50,536
With the biggest boobs I
have ever seen,
23
00:00:50,571 --> 00:00:51,836
Driving a tractor.
24
00:00:53,369 --> 00:00:56,001
Okay, um, uh, first of all,
25
00:00:56,036 --> 00:00:58,201
That's a combine, not a tractor. Phil!
26
00:00:58,235 --> 00:01:00,767
Phil, it is smut, and our 1
0-year-old is looking at smut!
27
00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:01,866
It's disgusting!
28
00:01:01,900 --> 00:01:04,031
Completely unacceptable.
29
00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:05,797
Here's the thing -- that was my picture.
30
00:01:05,832 --> 00:01:07,031
Well, not really mine.
31
00:01:07,065 --> 00:01:08,930
There's this guy at work
who sends out these links.
32
00:01:08,964 --> 00:01:11,062
Does-- doesn't matter who. Gil thorpe.
33
00:01:11,096 --> 00:01:12,296
He sent out another one
34
00:01:12,330 --> 00:01:14,495
Of the same woman dressed as a battleship.
35
00:01:14,529 --> 00:01:16,560
You know, the -- you get -- yeah.
36
00:01:16,594 --> 00:01:18,393
And then one of the transformers.
37
00:01:18,427 --> 00:01:19,693
And then it -- it...
38
00:01:19,727 --> 00:01:23,292
Anyway, I had every
intention of telling claire.
39
00:01:23,326 --> 00:01:26,157
I just wanted her to calm down first.
40
00:01:26,192 --> 00:01:27,324
Where are you going?
41
00:01:27,358 --> 00:01:28,889
I'm going to pick up
luke from his sleepover.
42
00:01:28,924 --> 00:01:31,155
We need to talk to him about this now.
43
00:01:31,190 --> 00:01:33,222
Claire, this isa very delicate .
44
00:01:33,256 --> 00:01:34,720
If we don't handle it right,
45
00:01:34,755 --> 00:01:37,420
Luke might end up having an
unhealthy attitude about sex.
46
00:01:37,454 --> 00:01:39,152
Or agribusiness.
47
00:01:39,187 --> 00:01:42,051
We'll talk about it when he gets home.
48
00:01:42,085 --> 00:01:43,984
Okay. Fine.
49
00:01:44,019 --> 00:01:46,317
But I am telling him that
every time he looks at porn,
50
00:01:46,351 --> 00:01:48,482
God kills a puppy.
51
00:01:48,516 --> 00:01:50,349
Maybe I should be the one to talk to him.
52
00:01:50,383 --> 00:01:52,682
I am a very lucky woman.
53
00:01:52,716 --> 00:01:56,180
I have a wonderful family, a beautiful home.
54
00:01:56,214 --> 00:01:58,646
There's nothing that I would change.
55
00:02:02,379 --> 00:02:04,544
I hate the dog butler.
56
00:02:06,410 --> 00:02:07,776
I keep forgetting it's there,
57
00:02:07,811 --> 00:02:10,376
And every time it happens,
it scares me all over again.
58
00:02:10,410 --> 00:02:14,640
Sometimes, at night, I think ithe devil.
59
00:02:14,674 --> 00:02:16,906
El diablo.
60
00:02:16,940 --> 00:02:19,205
Barkley? He's hilarious.
61
00:02:19,238 --> 00:02:21,404
I was in vegas last month,
and I was winning...
62
00:02:22,539 --> 00:02:24,536
...And I thought, I could do the usual --
63
00:02:24,570 --> 00:02:26,835
Be a chump, give the money
back to the casino --
64
00:02:26,869 --> 00:02:29,701
Or I could do something smart
and buy something for myself
65
00:02:29,736 --> 00:02:31,634
At the casino store.
66
00:02:31,701 --> 00:02:33,167
He's already a family favorite.
67
00:02:33,201 --> 00:02:35,233
Rub his chin a little under there.
He likes that.
68
00:02:35,268 --> 00:02:36,698
There you go. Beautiful.
69
00:02:36,733 --> 00:02:38,631
There you go.
70
00:02:38,665 --> 00:02:41,130
He's a dog and a butler.
71
00:02:41,165 --> 00:02:42,864
I mean, who couldn't love him?
72
00:02:56,292 --> 00:02:57,925
stupid dog.
73
00:03:09,721 --> 00:03:12,586
-- Captions by vitac --
74
00:03:13,354 --> 00:03:14,618
Okay, ready to go.
75
00:03:14,652 --> 00:03:15,751
Oh, make sure you pee first.
76
00:03:15,786 --> 00:03:16,918
What am I, 7 years old?
77
00:03:16,951 --> 00:03:18,484
No, you do not want to go during the show.
78
00:03:18,519 --> 00:03:20,017
The marionettes stop what they're doing,
79
00:03:20,051 --> 00:03:21,883
March to the edge of the stage,
and point at you.
80
00:03:21,917 --> 00:03:23,715
Okay, that sounds terrifying.
81
00:03:23,749 --> 00:03:24,815
It's really funny.
82
00:03:24,849 --> 00:03:27,580
Oh, one of my favorite childhood memories
83
00:03:27,615 --> 00:03:30,514
Was attending the moscow marionette theater.
84
00:03:30,548 --> 00:03:33,311
I grew up one mile away from
missouri's largest water slide,
85
00:03:33,346 --> 00:03:34,978
And third-largest in the country.
86
00:03:35,012 --> 00:03:37,244
Oh, really? Cam,
you never mentioned that before.
87
00:03:37,278 --> 00:03:38,277
You feel --
88
00:03:38,311 --> 00:03:40,042
Feel like a torpedo.
89
00:03:41,977 --> 00:03:44,708
Hey, cam, does the gardener
usually work on saturdays?
90
00:03:44,742 --> 00:03:46,141
I don't know. He comes when we need him.
91
00:03:46,175 --> 00:03:47,573
He's like batman, but straight.
92
00:03:47,608 --> 00:03:50,039
Is he crying?
93
00:03:50,074 --> 00:03:51,472
Oh, yeah.
94
00:03:51,507 --> 00:03:53,139
We should probably...
95
00:03:53,206 --> 00:03:54,670
Probably go out the back, huh?
96
00:03:54,705 --> 00:03:56,037
He's clearly in pain.
97
00:03:56,072 --> 00:03:58,935
How can you just turn your
back on a friend like that?
98
00:03:58,970 --> 00:04:01,136
A friend? Really? Yeah. W-what's his name?
99
00:04:01,170 --> 00:04:03,768
Cesar sal...Azar.
100
00:04:03,802 --> 00:04:04,933
You made that up.
101
00:04:04,968 --> 00:04:07,233
You were gonna say "caesar salad."
102
00:04:07,267 --> 00:04:08,367
Was not.
103
00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:10,600
Cam. Come on. Really?
104
00:04:10,634 --> 00:04:12,598
ugh.
105
00:04:12,632 --> 00:04:14,131
All right, don't worry, lily.
106
00:04:14,165 --> 00:04:15,464
I'm sure we'll get to the show on time.
107
00:04:15,499 --> 00:04:17,029
I'm sure dad is just gonna go out
108
00:04:17,064 --> 00:04:18,928
And give an encouraging
word to the gardener,
109
00:04:18,963 --> 00:04:21,762
Hopefully mention the snail problem,
110
00:04:21,796 --> 00:04:23,694
And then we are gonna be --
111
00:04:23,728 --> 00:04:24,726
No.
112
00:04:24,761 --> 00:04:26,493
No, no. Cam, no.
113
00:04:29,093 --> 00:04:30,458
Hello.
114
00:04:30,493 --> 00:04:31,724
I don't think he speaks english.
115
00:04:31,759 --> 00:04:33,491
Okay, this might be a good
time to mention to you
116
00:04:33,525 --> 00:04:35,457
That the marionettes are
not kind to latecomers.
117
00:04:35,492 --> 00:04:37,388
They bend over and show their bloomers.
118
00:04:37,423 --> 00:04:38,988
Okay, I speak a little spanish.
119
00:04:39,022 --> 00:04:42,954
¿señor, te gustaría hacer el agua
120
00:04:42,988 --> 00:04:46,786
Y tenemos nuestra cama?
121
00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:49,951
Gracias.
122
00:04:49,985 --> 00:04:51,318
What was that?
123
00:04:51,352 --> 00:04:53,418
I just asked him if he wanted
to have a glass of water
124
00:04:53,452 --> 00:04:54,915
And sit down for a minute,
125
00:04:54,950 --> 00:04:57,282
Like any kind person would.
126
00:05:14,737 --> 00:05:16,003
I didn't find any more porn.
127
00:05:16,038 --> 00:05:17,303
That was hardly porn.
128
00:05:17,337 --> 00:05:18,702
It was a topless woman on a tractor.
129
00:05:18,736 --> 00:05:20,668
You know what they call that in europe?
130
00:05:20,702 --> 00:05:22,234
A cereal commercial.
131
00:05:22,268 --> 00:05:23,434
I should go talk to him.
132
00:05:23,468 --> 00:05:24,900
Honey, honey, honey, I got this!
133
00:05:24,934 --> 00:05:25,966
I got this!
134
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,498
No, no, no, no, no. I-I got this.
135
00:05:27,532 --> 00:05:28,798
I got this. I was his age once.
136
00:05:28,832 --> 00:05:32,796
Breasts are like these scary,
mystical things
137
00:05:32,830 --> 00:05:36,728
That he's drawn to, like frodo to mordor.
138
00:05:36,763 --> 00:05:38,395
Okay, I'm definitely going to
talk to him. No, no, no, no!
139
00:05:38,429 --> 00:05:40,661
Boys don't want their moms
talking to them about sex
140
00:05:40,695 --> 00:05:43,060
Any more than girls want
their dads talking to them
141
00:05:43,094 --> 00:05:46,724
About periods, bras,
and girdles and all that stuff.
142
00:05:46,759 --> 00:05:49,224
You do know that women stopped wearing
girdles like 30 years ago, right?
143
00:05:49,258 --> 00:05:50,357
Honey, I know. I know.
144
00:05:50,392 --> 00:05:51,622
That -- that is --
145
00:05:51,657 --> 00:05:54,289
That is exactly the kind
of sexual revolution
146
00:05:54,323 --> 00:05:56,123
That our son is going through right now,
147
00:05:56,157 --> 00:05:57,354
So...
148
00:05:57,389 --> 00:05:59,854
Just -- let's just -- just trust it.
149
00:05:59,888 --> 00:06:01,520
fix that step.
150
00:06:01,555 --> 00:06:05,552
Just know I will handle this, okay?
151
00:06:10,517 --> 00:06:11,749
Iel diablo!
152
00:06:11,783 --> 00:06:13,716
Hey, gloria, do you have any idea
153
00:06:13,751 --> 00:06:15,715
Why barkley was in the guest room?
154
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:18,648
I was just doing a little redecorating.
155
00:06:18,682 --> 00:06:20,613
Sometimes it's good to move things around
156
00:06:20,648 --> 00:06:21,979
Just to see how they look.
157
00:06:22,014 --> 00:06:23,879
Yeah, but the guest room -- that's crazy.
158
00:06:23,913 --> 00:06:26,212
He's not a guest. He works for us.
159
00:06:26,246 --> 00:06:28,111
Hey, give me a hand here, will you?
160
00:06:28,145 --> 00:06:29,843
I think his jacket shifted
while I was moving him.
161
00:06:31,111 --> 00:06:33,242
We can't have you untucked,
our little butler.
162
00:06:33,277 --> 00:06:35,041
That doesn't make any sense, does it, boy?
163
00:06:35,075 --> 00:06:36,208
ay!
164
00:06:36,242 --> 00:06:37,674
"ay"? What was that? Is he all right?
165
00:06:37,707 --> 00:06:39,540
Ay, no. My bracelet got
caught a little bit here.
166
00:06:39,574 --> 00:06:41,672
Well, don't panic. I'm not panicking.
167
00:06:41,705 --> 00:06:43,172
All right, try to relax.
168
00:06:43,206 --> 00:06:44,871
We can fix him. Let me take a better look.
169
00:06:44,906 --> 00:06:45,971
Come here, boy.
170
00:06:47,371 --> 00:06:48,370
Luke?
171
00:06:48,404 --> 00:06:50,103
Hey, dad. Hey, buddy.
172
00:06:50,137 --> 00:06:52,801
Um...Look,
173
00:06:52,836 --> 00:06:55,500
You and I need to have a little talk.
174
00:06:55,535 --> 00:06:57,100
About what?
175
00:06:57,134 --> 00:06:59,999
Well, it's about computer stuff.
176
00:07:00,033 --> 00:07:03,765
Um...
177
00:07:05,965 --> 00:07:07,896
How do you make sure
you've deleted something
178
00:07:07,930 --> 00:07:09,096
After you read it?
179
00:07:11,663 --> 00:07:13,561
Sorry, jay. It was an accident.
180
00:07:13,595 --> 00:07:14,960
You know, I'm beginning to think
181
00:07:14,995 --> 00:07:16,394
You don't like barkley that much.
182
00:07:16,428 --> 00:07:17,760
I mean, first you hide
him in the guest room,
183
00:07:17,794 --> 00:07:18,859
And now this.
184
00:07:18,894 --> 00:07:21,058
It's ridiculous! I didn't mean to hurt it!
185
00:07:21,093 --> 00:07:22,891
First of all, let's cut the "its."
186
00:07:22,925 --> 00:07:24,092
He is a he.
187
00:07:24,125 --> 00:07:26,290
And you can pretend to
be innocent all you want,
188
00:07:26,324 --> 00:07:28,022
But action speaks louder than words.
189
00:07:28,056 --> 00:07:31,089
Yeah. They can be very revealing.
190
00:07:31,123 --> 00:07:33,821
What are you trying to say?
191
00:07:33,855 --> 00:07:35,920
Nothing, but you have to admit
192
00:07:35,954 --> 00:07:38,685
That the dog butler is a little ridiculous.
193
00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:40,118
You know what else I think is ridiculous?
194
00:07:40,153 --> 00:07:41,652
That mountain of pillows
you have on our bed.
195
00:07:41,685 --> 00:07:43,451
I feel like I'm working on a loading dock
196
00:07:43,519 --> 00:07:44,983
Just trying to get under the covers.
197
00:07:45,017 --> 00:07:47,849
They're pretty. They're a damn nuisance.
198
00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:50,381
Okay, forgive me for trying
to make our home beautiful.
199
00:07:50,415 --> 00:07:52,147
Well, you know, if I can put up with those,
200
00:07:52,181 --> 00:07:53,647
You can put up with a piece of art.
201
00:07:53,681 --> 00:07:55,579
This is not art.
202
00:07:55,614 --> 00:07:58,178
It's an unholy mix between man and beast.
203
00:07:58,212 --> 00:07:59,611
But fine.
204
00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:01,977
If you love it so much,
put it wherever you want.
205
00:08:02,011 --> 00:08:03,343
Thank you.
206
00:08:03,377 --> 00:08:05,575
Where you going, to get some more pillows?
207
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,242
no, don't worry.
208
00:08:07,276 --> 00:08:08,709
It'll be a long time
209
00:08:08,743 --> 00:08:11,741
Before I bother you again with my pillows.
210
00:08:14,208 --> 00:08:16,472
Why is dad in luke's room
with the door closed?
211
00:08:16,507 --> 00:08:18,104
They are having a little talk.
212
00:08:18,139 --> 00:08:19,470
Is luke being punished?
213
00:08:19,505 --> 00:08:20,904
Is that your favorite thing,
214
00:08:20,938 --> 00:08:23,169
When your brother or
sister gets into trouble?
215
00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:25,102
My favorite is when they're both in
trouble.
216
00:08:25,137 --> 00:08:26,169
So, what'd he do?
217
00:08:26,203 --> 00:08:27,934
Did he cheat on a test? He's a cheater.
218
00:08:27,969 --> 00:08:29,666
He did not cheat on a test.
219
00:08:29,701 --> 00:08:30,967
Did he lie? Alex.
220
00:08:31,001 --> 00:08:32,099
He lies all the time.
221
00:08:32,134 --> 00:08:33,333
Alex. Sorry.
222
00:08:33,367 --> 00:08:35,931
I'm -- I'm just worried about luke.
223
00:08:35,966 --> 00:08:37,798
A lot of parents are hitting again.
224
00:08:37,832 --> 00:08:39,298
I appreciate your concern,
225
00:08:39,333 --> 00:08:41,163
But your father has it under control.
226
00:08:41,197 --> 00:08:43,295
24.
227
00:08:44,562 --> 00:08:46,595
25.
228
00:08:46,629 --> 00:08:48,594
Flincher!
229
00:08:48,628 --> 00:08:50,826
Free slap. Bring it up.
230
00:08:56,025 --> 00:08:57,190
Ow! 29.
231
00:08:57,225 --> 00:08:59,589
Cai be on the bottom now? Yeah.
232
00:09:04,257 --> 00:09:06,020
Mm. How'd it go?
233
00:09:06,055 --> 00:09:07,753
Well, he was really embarrassed,
234
00:09:07,788 --> 00:09:09,919
But everything's -- everything's fine now.
235
00:09:09,954 --> 00:09:11,019
What'd you say?
236
00:09:11,054 --> 00:09:12,685
Well, you know, I kind of promised him
237
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,152
We'd keep everything between us.
238
00:09:14,186 --> 00:09:16,051
Mm-hmm. Matter of fact,
239
00:09:16,085 --> 00:09:18,516
He'd be mortified if you
brought it up with him...
240
00:09:18,550 --> 00:09:19,748
Ever.
241
00:09:19,783 --> 00:09:22,049
Oh, god. Really? Yeah.
242
00:09:22,083 --> 00:09:24,847
That actually makes me feel kind of bad.
243
00:09:24,881 --> 00:09:27,213
Well...
244
00:09:27,247 --> 00:09:30,679
You're probably just feeling
a little tense from alis.
245
00:09:30,713 --> 00:09:32,444
I know I am.
246
00:09:33,745 --> 00:09:36,111
You know what might help the situation?
247
00:09:37,677 --> 00:09:39,110
Really?
248
00:09:39,144 --> 00:09:40,242
Right now?
249
00:09:42,110 --> 00:09:46,240
I meant goint for a few pizzas.
250
00:09:46,274 --> 00:09:49,406
Where's your mind?
251
00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:52,106
I guess I live in a house
full of sex maniacs.
252
00:09:54,439 --> 00:09:56,403
Amigo?
253
00:09:56,437 --> 00:09:58,869
We can't help you if you won't come out.
254
00:09:58,903 --> 00:10:00,935
Gracias por invitarme a su casa.
255
00:10:00,969 --> 00:10:02,533
Me averguenzo de mis lágrimas.
256
00:10:02,568 --> 00:10:04,933
What'd he say? Something...
House... Something.
257
00:10:04,967 --> 00:10:06,433
Oh, come on!
258
00:10:06,468 --> 00:10:08,165
The show starts in a half-hour,
and we still have to pick up manny.
259
00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:09,466
Can -- can we just --
260
00:10:09,500 --> 00:10:10,932
Come on, move this thing along.
261
00:10:10,965 --> 00:10:12,330
Okay, this m is in crisis.
262
00:10:12,364 --> 00:10:13,730
He could have a family-health issue
263
00:10:13,765 --> 00:10:15,496
Or a personal-health issue
or a financial matter.
264
00:10:15,530 --> 00:10:16,763
Okay, wait, stop.
265
00:10:16,797 --> 00:10:19,162
You're getting all this from
"something house something"?
266
00:10:19,197 --> 00:10:22,326
Let's just call gloria and
have her deal with it, okay?
267
00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:24,761
"it" is a human being, mitchell!
268
00:10:24,793 --> 00:10:25,960
Named caesar salad.
269
00:10:25,994 --> 00:10:27,991
Okay, what's going on with you?
270
00:10:28,026 --> 00:10:29,957
Cam, you -- mnh! You always do this!
271
00:10:30,025 --> 00:10:32,623
It's like you're incapable
of hearing anyone's sad story
272
00:10:32,658 --> 00:10:34,490
Without making it your job to fix it,
273
00:10:34,524 --> 00:10:37,555
And then my needs -- my needs come second.
274
00:10:37,589 --> 00:10:40,420
Your needs right now are a puppet show.
275
00:10:40,455 --> 00:10:43,253
This man could have lost his
brother in a cable-car accident!
276
00:10:43,288 --> 00:10:45,585
You understood "casa."
277
00:10:45,619 --> 00:10:46,919
Okay, fine.
278
00:10:46,953 --> 00:10:48,884
If it'll prove to you that I'm
not the obsessive help-aholic
279
00:10:48,919 --> 00:10:50,284
That you make me out to be,
280
00:10:50,318 --> 00:10:52,184
Let's go to the puppet show.
281
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:53,183
Cam...
282
00:10:53,217 --> 00:10:55,082
Let's go.
283
00:10:55,116 --> 00:10:56,615
Ay, ¿dónde está mi novio?
284
00:10:56,650 --> 00:10:57,881
Su camión está aparcado fuera.
285
00:10:57,916 --> 00:11:00,180
I think this has something
to do with the gardener.
286
00:11:00,214 --> 00:11:02,247
You think?
287
00:11:02,282 --> 00:11:04,512
Um, just down the hall to the right.
288
00:11:04,547 --> 00:11:05,845
Ay, gracias, gracias.
289
00:11:05,879 --> 00:11:07,744
Perdón. Okay.
290
00:11:07,778 --> 00:11:09,845
Okay. Let's go.
291
00:11:09,879 --> 00:11:11,409
Oh, no, please -- I know it's killing you
292
00:11:11,444 --> 00:11:13,042
Not to get back there in the middle of that.
293
00:11:13,077 --> 00:11:14,974
Oh, no, no, no, no. We are going.
294
00:11:15,009 --> 00:11:17,241
These folks can find their own way out.
295
00:11:17,276 --> 00:11:19,774
And now you'll know that I'm not
a manic mother teresa out there
296
00:11:19,809 --> 00:11:21,107
Collecting lost souls.
297
00:11:21,141 --> 00:11:23,272
Oh, come on!
298
00:11:29,171 --> 00:11:30,068
Is manny ready?
299
00:11:30,102 --> 00:11:31,902
Didn't you get the message? He's not going.
300
00:11:31,937 --> 00:11:33,202
What?
301
00:11:33,236 --> 00:11:36,000
Oh, some mandatory cleanup at school.
302
00:11:36,035 --> 00:11:37,500
What's the real reason?
303
00:11:37,533 --> 00:11:39,333
It's a puppet show, mitch.
304
00:11:39,367 --> 00:11:41,233
Perfect.
305
00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:43,031
All right, it's just you and me, then, lily.
306
00:11:43,065 --> 00:11:44,398
How's the little fortune cookie?
307
00:11:44,432 --> 00:11:46,264
Oh, she's -- she's good. She's good.
308
00:11:46,299 --> 00:11:47,629
Where's cam?
309
00:11:47,664 --> 00:11:49,663
We got into a fight.
310
00:11:49,697 --> 00:11:52,062
Because of him,
I have a house full of latinos.
311
00:11:52,096 --> 00:11:53,495
Welcome to my world.
312
00:11:53,529 --> 00:11:55,927
So, trouble in gay paradise, huh?
313
00:11:55,961 --> 00:11:58,293
Well, he just can't say no
to anybody who needs help,
314
00:11:58,327 --> 00:12:00,791
And why do you have to always add the
word "gay" where it doesn't belong?
315
00:12:00,826 --> 00:12:02,558
Hey, hey -- you're not mad at me.
316
00:12:02,592 --> 00:12:04,291
You're mad at the old balls and chain.
317
00:12:04,325 --> 00:12:05,957
Okay, dad, good talk. See you later.
318
00:12:05,991 --> 00:12:07,423
Oh, come on. I didn't mean it.
319
00:12:07,458 --> 00:12:09,389
Hey, I didn't mean it. I'm a little cranky.
320
00:12:09,423 --> 00:12:11,122
I got into it with gloria a little bit.
321
00:12:11,156 --> 00:12:12,222
Oh, no. What happened?
322
00:12:12,256 --> 00:12:14,587
Ah, she hates barkley.
323
00:12:14,621 --> 00:12:16,853
It's the same stuff I went over
with your mom all the time --
324
00:12:16,887 --> 00:12:19,286
Get rid of the boat,
get rid of the motorcycle.
325
00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:20,984
You know, I liked those things.
326
00:12:21,019 --> 00:12:23,317
Why do you have to get rid of it, then?
327
00:12:24,685 --> 00:12:26,549
You know, actually, I don't.
328
00:12:26,583 --> 00:12:29,148
Anyway, I'm gluing his hand on over here.
329
00:12:29,183 --> 00:12:30,247
His hand came off.
330
00:12:30,282 --> 00:12:31,449
Rough day, dad.
331
00:12:31,482 --> 00:12:33,914
Your hot, young wife doesn't like your doll.
332
00:12:33,948 --> 00:12:36,079
yeah. Unlike your big problem --
333
00:12:36,114 --> 00:12:37,878
"my boyfriend's too nice to people."
334
00:12:37,913 --> 00:12:40,112
No, see -- mm. That's not all it is.
335
00:12:40,113 --> 00:12:41,478
He -- he helps animals.
336
00:12:41,512 --> 00:12:43,677
He's always volunteering for things.
337
00:12:43,711 --> 00:12:46,042
T-trust me, it -
it - it's worse than it sounds.
338
00:12:46,076 --> 00:12:48,642
Who are we kidding?
We both got it pretty good.
339
00:12:48,676 --> 00:12:50,474
Hell, I'm probably fighting with your mom
340
00:12:50,508 --> 00:12:52,574
More than I'm fighting
with gloria on this thing.
341
00:12:52,608 --> 00:12:55,206
A bird fell out of a tree,
and he fed it with an eyedropper.
342
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:56,506
Just drop it, kid.
343
00:12:56,541 --> 00:12:58,738
We're both with people different from us,
344
00:12:58,772 --> 00:13:01,471
And that's gonna create stuff,
but you want different.
345
00:13:01,505 --> 00:13:03,636
Your mom and I were perfect on paper,
346
00:13:03,670 --> 00:13:05,368
And you know how that ended.
347
00:13:05,402 --> 00:13:09,301
What I got now is a lot better.
348
00:13:09,335 --> 00:13:10,866
Sure, people look at us sometimes,
349
00:13:10,901 --> 00:13:12,932
And sometimes even I can't
believe we're together.
350
00:13:12,966 --> 00:13:14,000
But we're happy.
351
00:13:14,034 --> 00:13:15,799
At the end of the day,
352
00:13:15,866 --> 00:13:18,898
There's no one I'd rather come home to.
353
00:13:23,663 --> 00:13:26,429
You mean gloria?
354
00:13:26,463 --> 00:13:28,560
Who else?
355
00:13:28,594 --> 00:13:31,126
No one.
356
00:13:31,161 --> 00:13:32,627
I'll see you later.
357
00:13:32,661 --> 00:13:35,159
See you, kid.
358
00:13:36,592 --> 00:13:39,124
Did you draw on my poster?
359
00:13:39,159 --> 00:13:40,124
Yeah, I did.
360
00:13:40,159 --> 00:13:41,523
Maybe you'll think about that
361
00:13:41,557 --> 00:13:43,054
The next time you read my journal.
362
00:13:43,089 --> 00:13:44,588
I didn't read your stupid journal,
363
00:13:44,623 --> 00:13:47,788
And I waited in line to
get this signed, haley.
364
00:13:47,822 --> 00:13:49,353
Oh, don't be such a baby.
365
00:13:49,387 --> 00:13:51,219
It's just some dude with weird hair.
366
00:13:52,454 --> 00:13:55,118
That's maya angelou, you idiot.
367
00:13:55,153 --> 00:13:57,551
Ohh, sorry I don't follow the wnba.
368
00:13:57,585 --> 00:13:58,650
You know what?
369
00:13:58,684 --> 00:14:01,249
This is the worst thing you've ever done,
370
00:14:01,283 --> 00:14:03,114
And I'll never forgive you!
371
00:14:03,149 --> 00:14:04,282
You started it!
372
00:14:05,382 --> 00:14:07,547
What are you looking at? Well, I just heard-
373
00:14:09,214 --> 00:14:11,379
I was the one who read haley's diary.
374
00:14:11,414 --> 00:14:14,278
I was playing on her computer,
and it just opened.
375
00:14:15,878 --> 00:14:17,943
Okay, I opened it.
376
00:14:17,978 --> 00:14:20,442
But I didn't mean for anyone to fight.
377
00:14:20,476 --> 00:14:23,041
Oh. Home already.
378
00:14:23,076 --> 00:14:24,708
Mitchell, hi! Hi!
379
00:14:24,742 --> 00:14:26,039
Hi, cam. Hi.
380
00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:27,740
Did you forget the tickets?
381
00:14:27,775 --> 00:14:30,306
No. You know, I was never gonna
enjoy the show without you, so...
382
00:14:30,341 --> 00:14:31,671
Oh, but you were so excited
383
00:14:31,706 --> 00:14:33,704
To take lily to see the russian marionettes.
384
00:14:33,738 --> 00:14:35,371
She's probably a little young anyways.
385
00:14:35,406 --> 00:14:37,803
We can just prop her in front
of the dryer for a half-hour.
386
00:14:37,837 --> 00:14:41,268
Listen, cam, I-I love that
you try and help the world.
387
00:14:41,302 --> 00:14:44,100
And I-I'm very lucky to have you in my life.
388
00:14:44,135 --> 00:14:45,300
Oh, mitchell.
389
00:14:45,335 --> 00:14:46,867
How'd everything work out with the gardener?
390
00:14:46,901 --> 00:14:47,900
Uh, great. Great.
391
00:14:47,934 --> 00:14:49,133
Turned out it was his wedding day,
392
00:14:49,167 --> 00:14:50,564
And he was just a little nervous.
393
00:14:50,599 --> 00:14:52,731
But you know what?
There's no need to apologize to me.
394
00:14:52,732 --> 00:14:54,431
No, I need to. I've been very selfish.
395
00:14:54,465 --> 00:14:56,429
No, no. Sometimes I take things too far.
396
00:14:56,463 --> 00:14:58,962
Okay, well, if that ever happens,
I will let you know.
397
00:14:58,996 --> 00:15:00,595
okay.
398
00:15:04,495 --> 00:15:05,825
Is there a reason I can't go inside?
399
00:15:05,860 --> 00:15:08,026
No. No, no. No.
400
00:15:09,092 --> 00:15:12,190
Y ahora te pronuncio hombre y esposa.
401
00:15:12,225 --> 00:15:13,456
La puedes besar.
402
00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:24,619
Mom, can I talk to you?
403
00:15:24,653 --> 00:15:25,753
Sure, honey. What's going o
404
00:15:25,787 --> 00:15:28,517
I feel bad about something I did.
405
00:15:28,551 --> 00:15:30,717
Oh, sweetie.
406
00:15:30,752 --> 00:15:33,384
Is this about the computer? Yeah.
407
00:15:33,417 --> 00:15:35,682
Something you shouldn't
have been looking at? Yeah.
408
00:15:35,716 --> 00:15:37,815
It was just so freaky.
409
00:15:37,850 --> 00:15:39,115
I couldn't stop looking.
410
00:15:39,149 --> 00:15:40,381
I know, sweet pea,
411
00:15:40,415 --> 00:15:42,713
Buthe important thing
is you did stop looking.
412
00:15:42,748 --> 00:15:43,779
Yeah.
413
00:15:43,813 --> 00:15:45,912
After about an hour.
414
00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:47,311
Okay.
415
00:15:47,345 --> 00:15:50,677
Well, it's perfectly normal to
be curious about these things.
416
00:15:50,711 --> 00:15:52,144
Some parts were funny. Mm-hmm.
417
00:15:52,178 --> 00:15:54,242
And some parts just seemed crazy.
418
00:15:54,276 --> 00:15:55,908
Well, I hope you realize
419
00:15:55,943 --> 00:15:58,308
That some of those parts weren't real.
420
00:15:58,342 --> 00:16:00,507
Obviously.
421
00:16:00,541 --> 00:16:02,306
But they can be totally real, right?
422
00:16:02,340 --> 00:16:04,139
Hmm. Like anne frank's?
423
00:16:04,173 --> 00:16:05,672
What?
424
00:16:05,705 --> 00:16:07,637
All I know is, it really
made me wonder about haley.
425
00:16:08,904 --> 00:16:11,402
That's disturbing, sweetie. Why haley?
426
00:16:11,436 --> 00:16:13,069
It was her journal.
427
00:16:13,104 --> 00:16:15,001
You read my journal?
You little creep!
428
00:16:15,036 --> 00:16:17,068
I'm sorry! I couldn't help it!
429
00:16:17,103 --> 00:16:18,500
Wait, haley's journal, too?
430
00:16:18,534 --> 00:16:19,933
Luke, you are now banned from the computer.
431
00:16:19,967 --> 00:16:20,933
What?
432
00:16:20,967 --> 00:16:22,632
What happened? Who's in trouble?
433
00:16:22,667 --> 00:16:23,997
Luke read my journal!
434
00:16:24,032 --> 00:16:25,365
I told you it wasn't me!
435
00:16:25,399 --> 00:16:26,564
I'm gonna kill you!
436
00:16:26,598 --> 00:16:27,630
Haley, calm down.
437
00:16:27,665 --> 00:16:29,397
What, you're not even gonna yell at him?
438
00:16:29,431 --> 00:16:30,763
That was private! Oh, please.
439
00:16:30,796 --> 00:16:32,428
The most shocking thing in
there was your spelling.
440
00:16:32,463 --> 00:16:33,928
You read it, too?
441
00:16:33,962 --> 00:16:35,828
Am I the only one who hasn't read it?
442
00:16:35,862 --> 00:16:37,693
I was looking through the
computers in the house
443
00:16:37,728 --> 00:16:38,826
For pornography.
444
00:16:38,860 --> 00:16:39,827
sick.
445
00:16:39,861 --> 00:16:40,992
Not for me.
446
00:16:41,027 --> 00:16:42,559
I wanted to see what you
guys are looking at.
447
00:16:42,593 --> 00:16:44,257
So you're violating our privacy.
448
00:16:44,292 --> 00:16:45,957
When I find out that my children
449
00:16:45,991 --> 00:16:47,957
Are looking at a naked picture online,
450
00:16:47,991 --> 00:16:49,489
They don't have any privacy.
451
00:16:49,523 --> 00:16:50,855
Who was looking at naked pictures?
452
00:16:50,889 --> 00:16:52,289
That doesn't matter.
453
00:16:52,323 --> 00:16:53,421
I wasn't.
454
00:16:53,456 --> 00:16:55,054
It wasn't me!
455
00:16:55,089 --> 00:16:56,386
That's gross! I'm 10!
456
00:16:56,420 --> 00:16:57,454
Wait a minute.
457
00:16:57,487 --> 00:16:58,985
What's wrong with you people?
458
00:16:59,020 --> 00:17:00,653
If it wasn't you, who was it?
459
00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:03,318
Mangia!
460
00:17:06,317 --> 00:17:07,683
Rosa, thank you for coming. Gracias.
461
00:17:07,718 --> 00:17:09,682
Carlos, let me know how it
works out with that dentist.
462
00:17:09,717 --> 00:17:12,082
Victor, you owe me a dance.
463
00:17:12,116 --> 00:17:14,413
Yes, I'm a caring person,
and without mitchell,
464
00:17:14,448 --> 00:17:16,746
I would just keep giving
and giving and giving.
465
00:17:16,780 --> 00:17:19,179
I'm like a big, runaway charity truck,
466
00:17:19,213 --> 00:17:22,244
And mitchell is my of
f-ramp full of safety gravel.
467
00:17:22,279 --> 00:17:23,843
He knows how to say no.
468
00:17:23,877 --> 00:17:26,210
He always can put himself first.
469
00:17:26,244 --> 00:17:29,108
He certainly can turn his
back on someone's suffering.
470
00:17:29,142 --> 00:17:30,974
Um...
471
00:17:33,008 --> 00:17:35,606
No, really, keep going.
472
00:17:35,641 --> 00:17:36,605
He --
473
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:39,237
Don't keep going!
474
00:17:39,272 --> 00:17:42,071
Gracias. Goodbye.
475
00:17:42,105 --> 00:17:43,737
that was nice.
476
00:17:46,270 --> 00:17:47,768
Oh, god! Dad.
477
00:17:47,803 --> 00:17:49,635
Looks like I missed the party, huh?
478
00:17:49,669 --> 00:17:51,534
What I-- what is that doing here?
479
00:17:51,568 --> 00:17:53,866
He is a gift for you and cam.
480
00:17:53,901 --> 00:17:56,066
Thank you. He lost his monocle on the drive.
481
00:17:56,100 --> 00:17:58,131
Head was out the window.
482
00:17:58,166 --> 00:17:59,464
Well, they love that.
483
00:17:59,498 --> 00:18:01,197
I'll just put him here for now.
484
00:18:01,231 --> 00:18:02,297
I don't want that.
485
00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:04,162
I think he's cute. Let's give him a chance.
486
00:18:04,196 --> 00:18:05,896
I came as soon as I heard your message.
487
00:18:05,930 --> 00:18:07,961
Did you say that somebody
was getting married?
488
00:18:07,996 --> 00:18:09,761
Gloria, there you are!
489
00:18:09,796 --> 00:18:11,393
I've got good news!
490
00:18:16,659 --> 00:18:18,091
What's the matter?
491
00:18:20,425 --> 00:18:21,623
Honey?
492
00:18:21,657 --> 00:18:23,889
Hey.
493
00:18:23,923 --> 00:18:25,889
I'm really sorry.
494
00:18:25,923 --> 00:18:28,455
That picture was just something
that someone sent me.
495
00:18:28,489 --> 00:18:29,987
Doesn't matter who.
496
00:18:30,021 --> 00:18:31,986
Gil thorpe.
497
00:18:32,020 --> 00:18:33,919
Anyway...
498
00:18:33,953 --> 00:18:35,851
I don't do that stuff.
499
00:18:35,886 --> 00:18:37,017
You're all the porn I need.
500
00:18:37,052 --> 00:18:38,017
that's --
501
00:18:38,052 --> 00:18:41,317
Honey, it's fine. It's fine.
502
00:18:42,717 --> 00:18:44,082
Aah!
503
00:18:44,115 --> 00:18:45,415
Now it's fine.
504
00:18:47,316 --> 00:18:49,446
I couldn't care less about the picture.
505
00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:52,846
I was just upset when I thought it was luke.
506
00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:55,111
Haley, honey, I really wish
you would give me a hand
507
00:18:55,146 --> 00:18:56,577
With all this laundry.
508
00:18:56,612 --> 00:18:57,844
Never, ever...
509
00:18:57,879 --> 00:19:00,244
Haley's off in her own world.
510
00:19:00,278 --> 00:19:03,475
Alex has never really been a kid.
511
00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:05,175
But luke is my baby.
512
00:19:05,209 --> 00:19:07,407
Is it really too much to ask
513
00:19:07,441 --> 00:19:10,673
That he stay a sweet, innocent kid...
514
00:19:10,707 --> 00:19:13,238
Forer?
515
00:19:17,271 --> 00:19:19,468
Hey, buddy.
516
00:19:19,503 --> 00:19:21,235
Um...Here, sorry.
517
00:19:21,269 --> 00:19:23,235
We'll -- we'll dribble later.
518
00:19:23,269 --> 00:19:25,302
Um...I just, uh,
519
00:19:25,336 --> 00:19:27,166
I just want to say I'm sorry.
520
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:30,599
I never meant to blame you
for that whole picture thing.
521
00:19:30,633 --> 00:19:32,164
Your mom sort of thought it was yours,
522
00:19:32,198 --> 00:19:35,563
And I-I should have stopped it,
but I didn't.
523
00:19:35,598 --> 00:19:37,497
So what was the picture of?
524
00:19:38,730 --> 00:19:41,827
Well, it was a woman on a tractor,
525
00:19:41,862 --> 00:19:43,528
And she had her shirt off.
526
00:19:43,562 --> 00:19:45,160
Was it hot?
527
00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:48,660
Okay, we're being honest here.
528
00:19:48,694 --> 00:19:52,257
Um... This particular woman --
529
00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:54,990
Well, my tastes do run to the curvy,
530
00:19:55,025 --> 00:19:57,589
And the cowboy hat did not hurt one bit.
531
00:19:57,623 --> 00:19:59,088
Couple that with the cut-off jeans --
532
00:19:59,123 --> 00:20:01,022
And you were asking about
the weather, weren't you?
533
00:20:01,056 --> 00:20:01,920
Yeah.
534
00:20:04,288 --> 00:20:08,053
Well, this is good. This is good.
535
00:20:08,087 --> 00:20:10,485
You're gonna be going
through some changes soon,
536
00:20:10,519 --> 00:20:12,317
And I think now you can feel safe
537
00:20:12,351 --> 00:20:13,751
Talking to me about whatever.
538
00:20:24,897 --> 00:20:27,229
sadly, I've been summarily dismissed.
539
00:20:27,263 --> 00:20:30,695
From the employ of masters
cameron and mitchell --
540
00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:32,627
The former being an utter delight,
541
00:20:32,661 --> 00:20:34,758
And the latter being a humorless snoot.
542
00:20:34,793 --> 00:20:37,225
Just -- come on, get him in the car.
The thrift shop's closing.
543
00:20:37,259 --> 00:20:39,991
What is this exciting
thrift shop you speak of?
544
00:20:40,025 --> 00:20:42,423
Many of my relatives were
taken out of their homes
545
00:20:42,457 --> 00:20:45,323
To be released into the green
pastures in their maturity!
546
00:20:45,357 --> 00:20:46,689
Did you just say "maturity"?
547
00:20:46,723 --> 00:20:48,521
Unhand me, you brute!
548
00:20:48,555 --> 00:20:50,120
I regret nothing!
549
00:20:50,155 --> 00:20:51,954
I'll pay you. I'm a comfortable man.
550
00:20:51,988 --> 00:20:54,552
I've been stealing from
your father for days.
551
00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:56,618
Oh, is there any better feeling in the world
552
00:20:56,652 --> 00:20:58,551
Thanaving your ears flap in the wind?
553
00:20:58,586 --> 00:20:59,950
You know what? Get out.
554
00:20:59,984 --> 00:21:01,417
You mean it? Sweet freedom?
555
00:21:01,451 --> 00:21:02,716
No. No, not you, barkley.
556
00:21:02,750 --> 00:21:03,983
Cameron. Out. Oh.
39502
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