Original subtitles

- ♪ I need that heat like a baker ♪

♪ Lip-glossin' like makeup

♪ One time with the best beat ♪

♪ Make a toast to the good life ♪

- Okay, let's go.

- For years, I've been hearing,

"I would love to see all the housewives come together."

- This is "Housewives" on crack.

- Whoo-hoo!

Can I do the "woo-hoo" over?

- The Bravo universe collide.

- The most drama in New York

is the dramatic cosmetic surgery.

- I've heard Kenya can be a little difficult

and a little tough.

But I think I can be a little difficult and tough too.

- Let's do the work.

Let's get to really know each other

and not just be surface.

- Kyle and Melissa will be the most fun.

- Atlanta goes for the jugular.

But I love Ramona's confidence.

- They're not all OGs.

Melissa's not an OG.

Just saying.

- This dress is totally sheer and see-through.

It looks like a bathing suit underneath,

but to me, it's a dress.

- You need to make sure you get the master.

- How am I gonna do that?

- Just tell her that I set up the property for you

and that--and that, you know, it is what it is.

- I mean, what am I gonna do, be funny and run and take it?

They'll be like, "That's not funny, bitch."

Out of the group, I know Luann the least

and I would say Melissa or Ramona the most.

You've met Romana in New York and Aspen.

- I know Ramona.

She used to date a friend of mine.

- She did? - A long, long time ago.

♪

- It's gonna be a little crazy.

Seven nights, seven girls. Listen.

You better have my back, Lu, 'cause I have your back.

You know what, can we have each other's backs?

- Well, of course, until you put your foot in your mouth.

Then you're on your own.

- How do you really handle Teresa, like,

for long periods of time?

Because she's not exactly-- she reminds me

a little bit of the Scarecrow.

If she only had a brain.

- Oh, my God.

- So listen.

I'm not coming from a bad place.

- I-- - If I put my foot

in my mouth, you just say, "Ramona, you did it again.

I'm gonna zip-- I'm gonna sew up your"--

- I will always tell you the truth,

and I'll always be upfront with you.

- So let me get back to my stuff.

♪

- I'm going to, like, a gorgeous villa.

- All housewives together?

- I'm a little hoarse today.

I'm gonna have, like, a hoarse interview.

- Sorry, dear. - My voice is hoarse.

Teresa and I are-- obviously go away back.

Kyle and I have been on vacations together.

We've had a lot of double dates with our husbands.

And Ramona, we've done a couple work things together.

And I think I'm the only one who can honestly say

that I'm good friends with all of them.

- "I'm the party girl, everybody."

- He's making fun of me.

- Oh, he's making fun of you.

- Are you mocking me, you little cutie-cutie?

- So-- - Oh, my God.

What did you bring me?

What is this? A bracelet?

- Yeah, 'cause you're on your journey.

Eight cards to open up each day.

- Babe, I love you. - I love you too.

- Oh, my God, look at the villa.

- That's so cool. - So beautiful.

This amazing villa even comes with a "con-see-air."

- "Concierge." - "Con-see-air"?

Michael seemed really sweet,

and I guess he's gonna be our butler for the week.

- Hi. It's Ramona. - Oh, hey, Ramona. Yeah.

- They didn't tell me you're this good-looking.

- How many bedrooms are there in the house?

- Six bedrooms. - Six?

- I heard there's one small room that has, like, bunk beds.

- Do you have a preference?

- I definitely don't want the bunk bed room.

- I'm getting the master bedroom.

I don't care what anyone says.

We gotta go pack.

- We're going on a plane?

- Yeah, Mommy has to go on a plane,

but this time, Mommy is not going

on the plane with you, okay?

- Okay. - Let's call Auntie Cynthia.

- Aunt Cynthia! Aunt Cynthia! - Yeah.

We're going on this trip, and it's eight days.

We're all gonna get to know each other better.

- I spoke to Kyle yesterday, and she's the only

Beverly Hills housewife that's coming.

Pretty much all of these ladies called me,

and they were, like, asking me about Kenya.

- I don't know Kenya at all.

- I think you're going to love her.

She is...

- There was a little trepidation there.

- Well, no, she is an acquired taste.

They watch the show.

They see the shade assassin at work.

- I don't know her. Do you know Romana?

No, sorry, not Ramona, not Ramona.

I'm sorry, what's the one with the crazy eyes?

♪

- Oh, Ramona. Okay. I'm saying the name right.

♪

- ♪ I'm the type of queen that don't like riding ♪

♪ With the broke bitches

♪ Show up in Versace, Gucci, Prada all over it ♪

♪ Bad bitch, bad bitch

♪ I'm not just an average

♪ I'm freakin' freakin', freakin', freakin' ♪

♪ Freakin' savage

- I'm gonna go right into the pool.

It's gonna be amazing.

- I know. - Turks and Caicos,

here we come.

- Hi, honey. How did you sleep last night?

- Terrible, 'cause I didn't have you next to me.

- Aww.

I had a hard time falling asleep last night also.

- Okay, I need some lotion.

- Listen, ashy!

I got you a good, strong oil, honey.

- Ooh! Does it have a scent to it?

- It does. It smells great.

- Yes, Cynthia!

- Aren't you so happy your sister-in-law's with you?

- So happy. -

When we're old ladies, we'll be like,

"Remember when we did all that stuff,

"and we really didn't like each other,

but we tried hard, and then we liked each other?"

♪

- I have to say I really enjoyed my flight over

with Melissa and Teresa,

and I got to know Teresa better, and I really like her.

- 'Cause you were like... - I wasn't sure.

- "I don't know about Teresa." - Yeah, I wasn't sure

if--you know, what I would think about her.

And I really--

- She's been through a lot. - No, she's been through a lot.

And I'm just so happy she's happy now.

- Me too. - She's got that nice man.

- There's one thing I want to tell you.

I didn't want to tell you until you were in this car

and coming, and you're stuck, and you have to come.

- Why? - Um...

Well, it's nothing really bad.

But Kyle called me while I was packing,

and she said she spoke to Ramona

and that Ramona thought--

like, she called you the Scarecrow.

And, like, do you get it?

- Yeah, no, I don't get it. - Well, she was saying,

basically, like, the Scarecrow has no brain.

- Like, if you kind of look at her

and the way she acts... - Well, yeah.

- She looks like she doesn't have a brain.

- She's, like--she's a little out there, you know.

- She looks like--no,

she looks like the Tin Man that needs a brain.

- Yeah. - The Tin Man needed a brain.

- The Tin Man has no heart. - Oh, heart.

How does a tin man have a brain?

- No, the Tin Man has--

- Not, but--no, but I mean, I'm saying it's the same thing.

Tin Man and the Scarecrow to me have no brain.

- They're empty. They're empty. - They're empty. Exactly.

- They're both empty.

♪

- All right.

- Hi, ladies. - Oh, there she is.

- Oh, here you are.

Ooh, look at you all dressed...

- How are you? - So pretty in that dress.

- Thank you. It's very comfortable.

- Cheers. Cheers.

- To a great trip. - Good morning.

- To a wonderful trip.

- Yeah, take your mask off, doll.

- Beautiful. You're so beautiful.

- Nice to see you. How are you doing?

- So good to see you. This is crazy!

- Hi. - Hi, Ramona. Hi.

- Lovely to meet you finally.

- Yeah! You too! - Oh, my God.

Wow. How long did that take?

- I'm ready! - Hello, ladies.

- Well, look who the cat dragged in!

- How are you?

- Oh my God! - You made it!

Whoo!

- Ramona, put your seat belt on.

- I'm a rebel.

- We're taking off!

Look out the window!

♪

- Ooh! - Mary, Mother of God.

- Turks and Caicos, here we come!

- Whoo!

- Housewives in the island, baby!

♪ Housewives in the island, baby ♪

♪ So let the party start

♪ Them women beautiful as ever ♪

♪ The sun is hot, boy

♪ Are you ready, ha

♪ To move your body

♪ When the Caribbean rhythm touches ♪

♪ Ooh, that make ya go crazy

♪ Fever

♪ Feel it

♪ Can you feel the island fever? ♪

♪ Feel it, mon

♪ Fever

- Does anyone want a muffin?

I always need a carb in the morning.

- I'm heavy right now. - You look great.

You know, it is what it is. - I'm 125 right now.

- My low weight now is, like, 121.

My high weight is 125.

So I go down to 121. - I'm bigger than you.

- I go up to 125, and then I go down again to 121.

But yeah, it's tough. It's a battle.

- I'm very hard on myself. - I know you are.

You make my upset.

- The side of me that's very shy,

which people don't know-- - Who's shy?

- I have a very shy side of my personality,

which people would never believe.

- I'm the same, and I can be a little socially awkward too.

Like, I don't like a lot of attention when I go places.

I want to go but very much like,

"Hey, can you put me in the corner?"

- It took me years to admit

that I was a celebrity-- somebody famous.

I don't get that. I don't understand it.

- Ramona, we're on a TV show!

- You are on a TV show!

That makes no sense.

- How long have you been on the show now?

- I started in 2006.

- So you're 13 years?

- I've been around with her from the beginning.

- It started out with Orange County, but...

- I know. - But no one knew

where Orange County was.

You and I, with New York City,

put Bravo on the map with the franchise, okay?

- What did you just say?

- Kenya, I know my facts.

One thing I know are facts.

Our show came on, and you know what?

We were in--first week-- "Wall Street Journal,"

"Daily News."

We were called a "cool water show."

People get up the next morning and talk about us.

- Watercooler. - Watercooler, not cool water.

- Fine. Well, thank you. I mess up my words.

- '"Cool water show!" - Yeah.

- So because of us, then you all came.

- Oh... - Whoo!

You're welcome, you're welcome, you're welcome.

- Has New York ever been number one?

- Doesn't matter. -

We're international. We're international.

- Cynthia, in our own minds, in our own minds.

It's like saying, "Because of me,

you're here right now,"

which is not a good way to start.

- Call me when you invented a move

that defines a franchise.

I literally invented table-flipping.

Bitch!

- New York?

Maybe she got them confused.

Maybe it's her dementia.

- Right now, Beverly Hills has the highest rating, so...

- Excuse me, everyone.

I would like to have everyone's attention.

This is Brooklyn.

- What is this?

- This is the wind beneath Miss Kenya's wings.

Aww.

- This is the first time Kenya has left this little girl

in two and a half years. - Aww.

- I have been through it with her.

I've seen the evolution of this beautiful relationship.

This is a big deal,

because this is really the first time

this woman has left her child,

and I know all the mothers here can...

- Relate. - Relate to that.

- It's so hard. - It's so hard.

- So, Kenya Moore, in... - Yeah.

- Celebration of you cutting the umbilical cord,

I'm proud of you,

I love you,

and we're gonna have a bomb-ass time in Turks and Caicos.

We got eight days together.

Don't use these same scissors to cut me later.

All right? Cut the cord.

- I don't know, I might have to cut a bitch

with these scissors.

- Cut the cord!

Whoo!

- Mwah! I love you.

- Cynthia, that was so thoughtful.

That was so thoughtful.

- Having my girlfriend Cynthia with me

definitely makes things a lot easier.

I have so many sources of stress in my life,

and she knows them more than anyone else.

- In the spirit of Kenya

not only leaving her baby for the first time,

she's also going through a divorce.

- I actually--yeah, I have a court date this week.

- Court date while we're here. It's just a lot.

It's just a lot, so I would like to request

that we think about considering giving Kenya the master.

♪

- I think it's a little bit out of left field.

I mean, everybody could sit here and say they have a reason

why they should have the master bedroom.

- I'm fine to give up my room

to make sure you have a nice room.

- Wow, Kenya, that's a girlfriend right there.

I didn't realize they were such great friends.

- I don't' know, Ramona.

I don't know if she would do the same.

- I remember when I was getting divorced.

I think I lost, like, 15 pounds.

I couldn't eat.

It is traumatic, I mean,

going through a divorce.

So yeah, I agree, give it to Kenya,

and I'll take one of the next best rooms.

I just want to tell you about tonight,

what's gonna happen, 'cause I'm hosting--I know

everyone's doing something different every night.

I contacted my friend John McDonald.

He owns this really great restaurant.

It's on the ocean, beach, whatever,

and he has great music.

It's called Da Conch Shack.

Actually, Luann and I were there, like--

like, four, five, six years ago.

- Uh-huh. I'll never forget it. - Don't tell them.

- This is the one that you cockblocked everybody?

- Ooh!

- Wait, what are you-- wait, what are you saying?

What did she say?

- She went in and said,

"I don't give a about these girls.

I might marry this guy and live on this island."

- I don't know; I was into him. I was flirting.

- "I was into him." Oh, okay.

- Wait a minute. What happened?

- That was when I decided I couldn't be

with my ex-husband anymore; it was over.

- You were married at the time? - Yeah.

- So you were flirting with this guy?

- No, I was getting divorced.

He was cheating on me for a year.

- You just said you were flirting

with him one minute ago.

- Yeah, 'cause I was getting divorced, bitch.

- Wait, what? - Yeah.

- Excuse me? - 'Cause you don't understand

anything I say.

- Why are you calling me a bitch?

- Because you don't listen to my words.

- Wait a minute. That's unacceptable.

What you're not gonna do on this trip is call me a bitch.

♪

- You just said you were flirting with him.

- Yeah, 'cause I was getting divorced, bitch.

- Excuse me?

- 'Cause you don't understand anything I say.

- Why are you calling me a bitch?

- Because you don't listen to my words.

- That's unacceptable.

You're not gonna--what you're not gonna do on this trip

is call me a bitch.

♪

I don't know how you are in New York,

but, bitch, you're not gonna disrespect me on this plane...

- Then don't respect me. Don't put words--

- Or anywhere else.

- Do not put words in my mouth. - You said you were flirting!

- Do not-- - Who else heard her?

- And I was getting divorced!

- I actually listened to the crazy of you.

- And I was getting divorced. - Okay.

- I'm not allowed to flirt if I'm getting divorce?

- You do not know who I am. You better ask somebody.

Okay, I don't even like being called a bitch on a normal day.

But from a near-perfect stranger?

Bitch, please.

This is insane.

- All right, Ramona, apologize for calling her a bitch.

- I'm sorry. Maybe I'm taking it wrong.

- Take that back. - And I apologize.

- You're taking a lot wrong.

- Wait, how did that-- how did that just go south?

- She apologized for calling you a bitch.

- By the way, the flight attendant

just left the building.

- She just closed the door.

- The flight attendant just parachuted out of the plane.

Thank you both.

I mean, we haven't even landed yet.

This is not a good sign.

- All right, I'm gonna let it go.

I'm gonna be the bigger person.

- Fasten your seat belt, girls.

This is gonna be one hell of a ride.

♪

- We're here. - Wow.

- So excited. - Oh, wow.

- Oh, yeah. That's what I'm talking about.

- ♪ We make the whole place turn over ♪

- Look at the color of this water, girls.

- ♪ We make all types come together ♪

- Hello, Turks and Caicos.

♪

♪ Oh, welcome to us

- Ahh!

- Oh, my God, it's so hot.

- Welcome. - Thank you.

- You all have a great time.

- Hey, you want to close the door, sweetie?

- Yeah, I will. - It's hot.

- I'm just trying to get my shoe bucked.

Ugh, forget it.

- Okay, first of all, that whole thing of her

calling me out on my name was intense.

- But the funny thing is, is I was looking at,

like, things online about all of us coming here,

and they're like,

"She's gonna start calling Kenya Porsha."

And I didn't know what that meant.

And then today she did.

- I actually think Porsha

should get the master.

Porsha's not here!

- I meant Kenya.

- Why do you call Kenya Porsha?

- I don't know, 'cause I don't really know Kenya.

I just know Porsha.

I've never really watched the show recently.

- I think it was an honest mistake.

But I don't think she should do it again.

- So who do you guys get along with on your show,

and who you don't?

- I pretty much get along with everyone for the most part,

but I'm the closest to Kenya and Kandi.

- And you? - I get along with Cynthia,

Kandi, Marlo, LaToya, Falynn.

- Everyone but Porsha. - Right.

- I'm so excited just to be on an island right now.

- Turks and Caicos is beautiful.

- It's so--the water. - The water is breathtaking.

- You know, the fish swim at your feet here.

- I don't like that.

- No, they're nice fish.

They're cute little ones

that would be in, like, your fish tank.

- I don't like no fish touching me.

- They're like little Nemos fish.

- Patrick, can you turn the air just a little down?

I wonder how big this island is.

- It's not that big. I mean,

I could--it's not that big. It's small, actually.

- Patrick? - Patrick?

Right? It's a small island, right?

♪

- I think he's got a headpiece in.

He's listening to somebody else.

- Oh, your nipple's showing. - Oh, great.

- They're always showing. - It was gonna happen.

I knew it was bound to happen.

- At least they're pretty. - Thank you.

- Yeah, they are pretty. - Thank you very much.

- Aww, thanks, I showed my mine too.

Hold on.

There's our house.

- ♪ The ladies are back

♪ And we not takin' checks

♪ The drip is cash only

♪ And you know we want respect ♪

♪ I'ma tell you how it's magic ♪

♪ See I got the clout

- Yeah, forward, forward, forward.

Keep going, keep going, keep going.

Yeah, here they come, guys. Cars are rolling in.

- Here we are.

- ♪ Like an airhead let me see ♪

- Oh, wow. Nice.

- Oh, my God, it's beautiful. - We're here.

- Home sweet home for the week.

- Hey, guys. - Hello.

- Welcome, welcome to Triton Villa.

- Is that Michael? - Hi.

- Thank you. - Hi. How are you? I'm Teresa.

- So nice to see you. - Are you Michael?

- Yes. - I'm Kyle.

So nice to meet you. - Hey, Kyle.

So nice to meet you too. Welcome to Triton.

- Thank you so much. - Michael.

- So nice to meet you. - Luann.

Talking to Michael on the phone is one thing,

but actually meeting him in person

is a whole nother experience, because he's quite cute.

- He's kind of easy on the eyes.

You know, I kind of got my eye out for my girl Kenya.

- Hi, I'm Cynthia. Mwah!

- He's a cutie pie.

I know that voice. - How was your flight?

- I mean, Michael seems like a great guy.

I'm also very scared for this man.

- My boobs look good? That's all that matters.

- Where's the nearest ladies' room?

Teresa, Kenya, Melissa, Cynthia, Luann.

- Okay, ladies' room. She said to the left.

- Oh, my God, Ramona's already in the house.

- No.

- What is she doing?

- She's trying to get her room already.

- Ramona wants the master bedroom.

- Of course she wants the master bedroom.

- We're living together. She's my husband.

- I already got me stuff in it. Sorry.

- She always does this. - Where is Ramona?

- She's probably getting her room right now.

- I'm peeing on my territory.

- I should have one of the nicest rooms.

- Are you serious?

- Okay, well, we'll see about this.

- I know the layout already. Master bedroom, three-bedroom.

- Welcome. Welcome to Triton. - Crazy.

- Wow. Wow.

- Oh, my God! - Wow. Wow.

- Did you find Ramona? - Up claiming a room.

- These are the two best rooms. Maybe this one.

- Girls, can we take a tour and at least see the house?

- Upstairs. - Can't claim a room.

You can look and not claim. How about that?

- Yeah, we just look. - Okay, this is it. Done.

- Is this the master? - Yes.

- Yeah, this is the master. - Oh, man.

- This is amazing.

- They all have oceanfront views,

except that one room downstairs.

- Oh, let's see the other two rooms.

- So they share the bath?

So whoever's here shares this bathroom.

- Oh, so we put Ramona in here. - Yeah, so let's just do that.

- Do you think Ramona's gonna come here?

- Kyle is there. - She's gonna kick and scream.

- She doesn't have a choice. - I deserve the best room.

- Listen, as I said before, I'm the most senior here.

And all my fans are saying,

"You better get the best room."

Well, maybe I should get the best room.

Maybe I should care.

I mean, I gotta support what my fans think.

- Where's Kyle?

- I'm fine with that room down there.

- Luann.

- Kyle's out there living her best life.

- Ahh. - What is she doing out there?

- Kyle's over it.

- You ladies can fight over these rooms

as long as you want.

We don't play like that in Beverly Hills.

- Ramona. - Ramona! Ramona!

- Seniority.

I picked one of the bedrooms, not the bedroom.

I'm taking this bedroom.

- Get your ass out of the bed. - No, no, no.

- It doesn't--it doesn't work like that.

- Uh-uh. - Sorry.

- There's other women here.

- Who died and made you the boss?

- 'Cause I'm the eldest. The eldest rules.

- I'm so used to being embarrassed by Ramona

that it kind of doesn't faze me anymore.

So it's kind of nice to see her

getting called out finally.

Karma's a bitch, isn't it?

- No, no, no, no, no, no. - This is my room.

Porsha, you get the other--you get the--

- Her name is not Porsha. - If you call me

that one more time-- - Her name is Kenya.

- Kenya. - Oh, my God.

- Oh, that was a big faux pas.

- Diana. - Are you talking to me?

- Michelle. - I meant Diana.

- No, I'm Michelle. - No, you didn't. Michelle.

- The fact that Tinsley stopped seeing Brian--

- Brian?

- Who's Brian? - Bruce.

- Oh. - Oh, Bruce.

- She calls KeKe KeKa.

- Hello, boatman, how are you? I refer to you as the boatman.

Maybe I know that down deep, and that's why I said it.

Who knows? I don't know. I don't think so, though.

- You're being ridiculous. - Come on.

- Ramona, I'm gonna need you to act properly, darling. Come on.

- She's not being a team player.

- You're putting your dirty feet

inside somebody's sheets already.

Get out of the bed. You're not special. Come on.

- Yeah, I am.

- I have a feeling Ramona's my roommate in the bunk room.

Holy Mary, Mother of God. I know I'm Jewish, but still.

- Get out. I'm gonna take a shower.

Can they bring me luggage up here with the gold thing?

- I just want to have lunch.

Guys, I can't be fighting for a room.

It's beneath me.

- Is this six?

- Let's just do that. - So that's me and you.

- I'm not gonna fight with people.

- Okay. - I don't care.

- All right.

- We have beautiful homes in LA.

- All right. This will be our suite.

Me and Kyle, we're gonna share this as a big suite.

- What she's not getting is she cannot do all the things

that she's done and then feel like she gets the best room.

- Ramona.

Ramona.

- Pardon?

- Ramona? - She's in the shower.

- Ramona. Can we talk to you for a minute?

- She's naked. She's in the shower.

- I haven't known this lady a day,

and now I've already seen her naked.

- Give her some privacy. Really? Like...

Oh, my God.

We just got here, and we got seven more days to go.

- Kyle and Melissa are taking downstairs.

- I like the last one on the end.

So you have a tub, Luann. - I do?

- You're good with that? 'Cause I just have a shower.

- Michael! Which one's my room?

- Will be the third one down from the master.

- Is this the one that she was in?

- This is where Ramona is, I think.

Or that's the one she laid claim to.

- Oh. Oh, my God, she's naked. Oh, my God. I went in there.

Me and Michael-- Michael saw her naked.

She don't give a She's like--

- She's trying to hit on Michael, that's why.

- Michael, did you like what you saw?

- Huh? What?

- You didn't sign up for a senior citizen, did you?

- I didn't see too much.

- Michael can stay with me.

- I didn't see too much.

- There's an old saying, you know, when you show

your ass--we've literally seen Ramona's ass.

♪

- ♪ Yeah

♪ Adding Os to my bank account ♪

♪ It's all a girl can think about ♪

- We're sharing this bathroom, Kyle.

- ♪ You can flex and think you found me ♪

- Oh, my God, it's so hot.

- I kind of feel like I'm with college girls,

and we're dorming, and this is my dorm or something.

- This had a lock on the side, I remember. Hey, Sean.

So listen, thank you for putting a lock on my luggage,

even though, you know, it did have a lock.

Cute. How do I open it? You never sent me the code.

9-2-8.

- Hi.

- She's sleeping? Okay. Call me when she wakes up. Bye.

- I would love a margarita on the rocks.

- On the rocks. - Light salt.

- I'll do the same, no salt. - Heavy on the tequila.

- Yeah, I need one after that. - Oh, my gosh!

- Yeah. - What pisses me off

is, I literally, like,

the whole ride here, took up for Ramona.

It's only been two and a half, three hours with her.

- We haven't even gotten there yet.

- I'm going to...

- I've been called a bitch. I've been cursed at.

- Reset the button... - Ahh!

- And give Ramona another chance.

- Thank you. Right.

- So it's unacceptable for--what she's doing.

- Oh, we need some ground rules, or it's gonna suck,

because the worst is to be in a group of women

and nobody wants to hang out with you.

She's literally gonna be on an island by herself,

no pun intended.

The whole, like, you know, seniority thing, I'm like,

I've been on this show for 11 years.

And I'm probably-- - I started my show.

I need my phone, sweetheart. Who's more popular?

- You or Ramona? - Based on Instagram.

Ramona has 869,000.

Let's see how many I have.

2.2 million.

- If you are the oldest, you are the grownest,

you need to act like you got the most sense.

- Right. How old is she?

- I have to Google it. I didn't bring my phone.

- Is she closer to 65, I heard? - 65? I don't know.

- So if that's the case, like, I don't know,

does that whole dementia thing start happening?

- Oh, Lord. - Yeah. I don't know.

- So I'm taking a poll. We're on a TV show.

I am the longest-running original OG.

You know, I've been filming since 2006.

But Kenya, she's going through some really difficult times,

so I said, you know what?

Give her the best room, and I'll take another.

Explain what I did wrong, 'cause I'm not getting it.

- You come with a very direct approach.

- Well, isn't that good?

Shouldn't we be all direct here?

- No, no, I think that's what makes you so wonderful.

- And you just met me. Wow.

- And, like, I understand. And I think--

- And I think--I think-- - Oh, that's your son?

- Yeah, this is my mother.

- Aww. All in the family. I love it.

- Oh, my God, she's naked. Her butt is hanging out.

Why do I have to see her ass crack

when I'm eating right now? She's an exhibitionist.

- Is that panties? - I think it's a thong.

- Wow, this is nice. Is that her asshole?

- Come here. Sit here. Yeah.

- Oh. - Are you naked?

- No! I have a coverup on. - What's underneath?

- Is that your underwear? - Yeah.

- Her underwear and nipple covers.

- I don't see a nipple cover. I see nipples.

- No, I have nipple covers.

- No, she has some nipple covers.

- Hey, girls. - Look at you. Wow.

- I was gonna go for a swim.

- I'm looking--I'll go in with you. I'll go in.

- What? - I'll go with you, baby.

- Wow, these New Yorkers. - I was gonna put on my--

- They don't see beaches often.

- I know. I want to go swimming so bad.

- They get right into their nakedness.

- Me too.

- I think I'm gonna go for a swim and then sit down.

- Okay.

- Well, that's why you look like that.

- My luggage, they put a lock on it for security.

they gave me the code, but the code doesn't work.

I can't open it.

- That's not right that she--

- Right? - I never start a fight.

Like, I always finish it. I know--I never start it.

Like--and she threw the first punch

by saying the Scarecrow thing--something

about me not having a brain or something?

- Which, we didn't even know about the Scarecrow thing.

- She doesn't care. Clearly, she doesn't care.

- Yeah, she don't want to--I don't think

she wants to make friends. I think she don't even care.

- Probably warmer than the pool.

I can't! I got nothing on!

I don't know if this is washable or dry cleanable.

It could shrink in the saltwater!

- Hi. - Oh, you didn't change?

- No. I was...

You okay? - Me? Yeah, I'm good.

- Are my eyes black or no? - No, you look gorgeous.

- Yeah? - You look like Sophia Loren.

- Aww. Thank you, baby.

- But I don't look like I'm naked-naked, right?

I just look sexy naked--like, sexy something, right?

- Oh, wow, that orzo looks amazing.

- Do you call this "conch" or "conk"?

- "Conk."

- "Conk"--like, "conk," right? Not "conch."

- What are we wearing tonight? I mean,

can we--is it bare feet, or in the sand, or we can--

- Look at how beautiful. - Oh, I don't know.

- This place is beautiful. It really is.

- I heard it was, like, sand. - Michael?

Can you describe what tonight looks like?

- Yeah. Da Conch Shack is--it's on the beach.

- Okay. - Yeah. So--

- So we should wear, like, flats.

- Definitely wear flats. - Okay.

- Uh-oh. - What?

- Uh-oh. - I don't have many of those.

- All right, I'm gonna get ready.

- This is, like, interesting.

I always wondered how it would be with all of us together.

- Right? - And it's almost like

the way they act on their own shows

is kind of--is what you get.

It's the same, like, from whatever you watch.

- Well, if they're being themselves, then yes.

- Then that's that.

Here, let's--I want to show Joe.

Maybe I'll FaceTime Joe.

- Let's FaceTime Joe. - Let's say hi to Joe.

- I haven't seen Joe since we did a double date in Vegas.

- I know.

Well, we saw you in Beverly Hills that night too.

At Mr. Chow.

- Right. - Hi. Kyle wants to say hi.

- What's up, girl? - How are you?

- Hi. How are you? - Good. Nice to see you.

- Yes. Yes. I miss you. Where's your--where's

your husband, your good-looking husband?

- He's in LA holding down the fort.

- How's it going, Mel?

- Ramona's on the beach right now in a thong

with just nipple covers on.

- No. - I swear.

- She's normal. I was gonna say--

- They say I'm the normal one.

- I'll stick with my girl over here.

- What we saw today was not normal.

- The normal ones stay together.

Although we have a little--we're a little off.

But...

- A little off. No one's totally normal here.

- Hey, Cynthia, it's Michael. - Hi.

- Hey. Just to let you know, the taxis are ready,

and we're ready to take you out to Da Conch Shack.

- Okay. All right. I'll be down in two seconds.

- Okay.

- Okay, let's call John.

Johnny, Johnny, it's Ramona.

- Hey. - Hey. Are you like me?

Are you just, like, out of the shower?

- I just stepped out of the shower,

and I just gotta get over to Da Conch Shack.

- Well, I got out of the shower,

and I just had my hair done. What do you think?

- Looks wonderful. - Aww.

The last time I physically saw John was years ago.

Hi. - I'm John.

- Wow, you're, like-- you work out.

So tonight I feel like making a bit of an entrance.

Like, I want to just kind of look really good for John.

It'll be interesting to see if any sparks will fly or not.

The girls are ready. We're gonna be there,

I think, earlier than later.

I think we're gonna get there probably, like, 6:30.

- Oh. Okay. Well, I gotta run,

'cause I'm not dressed or anything.

- Well, you could just go naked, baby.

- Okay. I'll see you there shortly.

- Okay. Bye. So funny.

Very cute. He looks kind of cute.

- ♪ La-la-la-la, la-la

I have no spot for my shoes.

- Where are you? - Here.

- I think I'm gonna do my own makeup the whole time.

- Me too.

Your necklace is on backwards, by the way.

- Melissa? - Yeah.

- No, it's not. - In the mirror it's not.

- Oh, - I was like, is that English?

So it goes this way. Yeah, you put it backwards...

- Oh, my God. - So that it looks correct.

- Thank you.

- I know that Melissa and Teresa

are not blood related,

but is there something in the Jersey water?

- Are you seeing that somebody is literally writing

on Twitter every move. - What we've been doing?

- Verbatim. Somebody's talking. I don't know who.

I mean, it's not me.

- It's not me. - I don't do that.

- I don't do that either. Okay, let's look.

Okay, it says,

"The Housewives have arrived at the house in Turks and Caicos.

"I'm told Ramona instantly ran to the best bedroom

"and has pissed off the other women.

"She's already called Kenya a bitch,

"and they haven't even been there for an hour.

Buckle up."

- That's--that's bullshit.

That is word-for-word.

Come on.

- Well, someone's talking.

So who is it?

- Like, who is the guy saying it?

- Well, here's a picture of this guy.

Well, he's with Kenya here.

- And this is the guy that's writing everything.

- So hold on. Let's see who follows him.

TMZ.

Kenya.

- Yeah. Come on. Someone's telling him.

You won't--are you gonna ask her?

- Sure! I'll ask her.

- I'm just saying, someone is telling the guy word-for-word.

- It's someone that she follows, and he follows her

that has all the scoop.

- And there's a picture of them together.

- And a picture.

And it's saying that Ramona called her a bitch.

Okay, well, we're gonna find out.

- All right, girls, we gotta go,

'cause we're gonna be late.

- So beautiful. - This is house is beautiful.

- We have three in this taxi here, four in this taxi here.

Four in this one, three in this one. Yeah.

- I'll get in this one. Just sit here.

- I'll sit in the back.

- No, no, don't sit in the back.

- Can you sit--can I sit in the back?

Yeah. No, no, I'll sit in the back.

- Oh, my God. Okay, wait. - No.

- So oh, God, I picked the car with the asshole in it.

I wonder how long this car ride is going to be.

- I know I can be tough and controlling,

but even I would not be that way

to someone I met the first time.

- I brought a book. How ridiculous is that?

- A book?

- Like, who the hell is gonna--I know, so stupid.

- Oh, do you really think you're gonna read that book?

I know. I brought a book too, and I'm like--

- Like, that's never gonna happen.

- I was, like, looking outside my window,

and it's so beautiful. - I have no window.

- Oh, you don't? - No.

- There's no window in your room?

- I have no balcony.

I have no window. I have nothing.

- Okay, I don't have a balcony. - I'm just saying.

Like, it's eight days.

It's a long time to, like, whatever.

- Oh my God, Ramona's with the two people

that she was having an issue with.

- Yeah.

- Is sunset, like, what, 7:30?

I hope we can get there by sunset.

Be nice to see the sun on the beach.

- Wow, this place is hopping.

♪

- Popping off!

- Yeah, it's a party.

- This place is popping off.

- Conch Shack, here we go.

- ♪ Just wanna party, party

♪ You're gonna be stress-free, stress-free ♪

- Ramona doesn't even need us here.

- Like, she doesn't even notice.

- If we all left, she wouldn't notice.

- ♪ Excuse me miss

- Hey, you.

- How are you? - Oh, my God.

- This is so cute. - Oh, my gosh.

You guys, how gorgeous is this?

- Beautiful.

- All of a sudden, I'm in a very good mood now.

- ♪ Pretty girls that we love ♪

- Excuse me, ladies.

So there's appetizers on the menu.

So I love the shrimp.

Does anybody else want grilled shrimp?

- Yes. Love grilled shrimp. - Yeah.

- That would be great.

- Hey, ladies. Ramona. Hi.

- I know what you like.

- What do I like?

- It's the tequila you like. -

- Seeing him for the first time in six years is nice.

He has a rock-hard body. He has a beautiful smile.

And he's a good flirt. So what's not to like?

- This is your restaurant? - Yes, it is.

- It's beautiful. - So beautiful.

- You guys say the sweetest stuff.

- No, really is so nice. Love this.

Oh, boy.

- Here's to Turks and Caicos. - Ladies.

- Cheers. - Cheers, cheers, cheers.

So are happy to be back on the island?

- I mean, I love this island.

Like, it's small; it's intimate.

- It's got friendly people. You know, it's beautiful.

The water is more beautiful than any else.

Just a place that-- - And it has you.

- Me. - You're a man of many talents.

- Thank you. - Is she flirting?

Is this flirting mode?

- Kyle is crazy. You got to watch Kyle.

- This is Ramona's game right now.

You watching her game? - I see it.

- This is her game. - I see it.

- This is her game. - She's like...

- Oh, right. - Her top is see-through.

- Right, right. I'm, like, embarrassed for her.

It's so awkward. And it's funny as shit.

- "Hi, John." - Hey. Hi.

- Thrusting her chest out. Thrusting and thrusting.

- It's so natural that I don't even realize

I'm flirting that way.

- I know.

I know what I'm doing.

- Thank you. - I love shellfish.

- Okay, so you guys, I'm curious--well,

Ramona's too busy with her boyfriend.

But I have a question.

Where do we think these stories are coming from,

that are leaking online, about all of us?

- I would like to know that as well.

- All right, I'll circle back.

I don't want to interrupt further.

- No, no. - They've been leaking

a lot of stuff. - Thank you.

- Well, there's one specific guy.

What was his name? - He's from TMZ.

- The TMZ guy. What's his name?

- Anthony. - Anthony.

- You know Anthony from TMZ. - I know Anthony.

- You have a picture with him on his Instagram.

- I know Anthony.

- But you're not talking to him at all.

- No. Why would I call him from Turks and Caicos?

The people in the press love me.

It doesn't mean that I give them information.

- I ain't swaying Kenya leaked it.

All I'm saying is, I know that she knows Anthony.

Awkward.

- Whenever a story like this comes out,

you always have to think about, who does this benefit?

Getting my detective hat on now.

- As Ramona did what she did with the room,

it was written on Instagram in real time.

- Stop. - Yes. It literally writes out

that Ramona ran and got the best room.

- I heard she does that all the time.

- No, no, no.

- You heard what all the time? You don't know me.

I don't talk to the press. I hate the press.

♪

- It was written on Instagram in real time

that Ramona ran and got the best room.

- I heard she does that all the time.

- No, no, no.

- You heard what all the time? You don't know me.

I don't talk to the press. I hate the press.

- No, no, I'm not saying that.

My point was someone told me you run to the room every time.

- Bottom line, you got the best room.

That's all that counts.

- But I have a question. - Yeah, what?

- Not all your friends are on a TV show.

So what do you do when you're with your friends?

- They always give me the best room.

Why? - 'Cause I'm Ramona.

- 'Cause you are Ramona?

- I'm very lucky. I'm a blessed girl.

- "I'm a blessed girl."

Ramona, you came in looking on the hunt for the room.

- I have a bad delivery. I admit it.

I apologize for my bad delivery, bad behavior. Sorry.

- She always apologizes. You gotta give her that.

- Well, I'm the apologizer. Don't you know?

I'm the apologizer.

♪ Apologizer, that's me

- Ladies and gentlemen, the one, the only...

♪ Ramona the apologizer

♪

- I'm sorry.

- There are people here that don't want to be

in the same car as you or be in the same room as you.

- Oh, I don't care. Sorry. - But at the same time,

do you want to be by yourself here?

- I don't know. - Like--no, no, you do know.

Do you want to be a friend to anyone?

- We have eight days here. - Do you want people to think

you're a complete asshole?

- I'm not an asshole.

- Well, you have behaved like one.

- Well, I'm sorry you feel that way.

- No, I--it's not how I feel.

I think everyone feels that way.

- Well. - You are being an asshole!

I'm saying that you're behaving like an asshole.

So if it looks like an asshole, walks like an asshole,

talks like an asshole, it's an asshole.

- Well, I actually said you should get the best room,

so is that being an asshole?

- No, Ramona, but you disregarded everyone else!

- That's the real issue.

- I think I don't like everyone to come at you at one time.

- Yeah, I don't--

- I'm happy to have a side conversation with you.

- Let's have a side conversation.

- All right, come on.

- I respect that,

and I will listen to you.

- Cynthia's always the peacemaker in our group,

but I just think she's wasting her time.

Ramona can't see herself.

I don't know if there's any peace

to really be made with her.

- Ramona does not know how to read a room.

She need somebody to say, "Friend, you up."

- Some of us know each other. Some of us don't.

I've told every person over there

that you've always been nice to me.

- And I feel the same way about you.

- Without question.

But once we got here, you just went

into this whole other thing that was, like,

not really necessarily trying to get to know everybody.

And I understand, like, you and Kenya went at it.

You know, I do think that,

you know, the way you handled the situation

on the plane--you know, calling her a bitch

and whatever, that didn't have to happen.

- You know, I call my girlfriends a bitch, you bitch.

- I know. But you don't--you guys

don't have that relationship yet.

- Right. No, you're right.

- You know, this is a group situation.

But today you just weren't being a team player.

- In my mind, I don't think I did anything wrong.

But now hearing you,

I did something wrong, so I'm taking it in.

- Well, but you came in the house,

got in the bed of the room that you chose.

- Well, I was trying to be funny.

- I'm just saying, we kind of came together

to actually try to get to know each other and bond together.

- I'm not disagreeing.

- You know, we all have these things out there

that people think about our personalities,

about who we are. - Yeah, sure.

- But I think it's unfair to go on a girls' trip together

and not just kind of give people

the benefit of the doubt.

- Do you think Ramona's upset right now?

- She doesn't care.

- I would be mortified right now.

- I don't know what's happening!

- So how can I rectify? What should I do?

- All right, this is how you can rectify it.

You can go back and say, "Hey, you know what, guys?

"I had the best of intentions, but maybe I didn't handle today

the way I could have."

- Yeah, I always--I always have the worst delivery. Seriously.

- I will be your wingman, to help you out.

- I have the worst delivery. - If I feel like you're going--

- No, I have the worst delivery.

- Okay. - I admit, I'm tough.

I grew up tough.

I had to be tough in my marriage.

I have to be tough in life. I'm self-made.

And sometimes I just go-- you know, I steamroll.

It's not that I want to be mean or aggressive.

It's just the way it happens.

- So you're gonna go over there,

and what are you gonna say? - I'm gonna say--okay.

Here, let's role-play.

Ladies, I now realize I started off on the wrong foot

and I created a little animosity.

So I want to make it up to you all,

and can we start fresh tomorrow?

- "Please allow me the opportunity to..."

- Please allow me to do that.

Okay. Good? - That's good.

Humble. - Thank you.

- One thing about Cynthia Bailey-Hill is,

everybody gets a chance.

So I'm still trying to see the good in Ramona.

I'm trying to understand this woman.

'Cause I'm confused.

Ramona would like to say something

to everyone that's here. - All right, Cynthia.

What'd you-- what'd you do, Cynthia?

- No, seriously. No, I'm being really serious.

- All right, we're gonna take you seriously.

- I really started off on the wrong foot

when we got to the house, and I made the energy bad.

We're all together to have a good time.

- Yes. - And there was no intention

to be, like, this person

that you aren't feeling receptive to.

And please forgive me, and I want to start fresh.

And I did put my--I did--

I did the wrong thing.

- I'm so glad that Cynthia's getting in there.

But, you know, I'm not holding my breath

until she makes another faux pas.

♪

- Yeah, what about the Scarecrow thing?

♪

- Please forgive me, and I want to start fresh.

And I did put my--I did--

I did the wrong thing.

- Yeah, what about the Scarecrow thing?

- I didn't know you.

- But to say that about someone is horrible, Ramona!

- I never said anything terrible

about someone that I didn't know.

I would have to care about you to get my feelings hurt.

- Oh, got it. - Oh, Cynthia,

where do you get all of these strays from, honey?

The fact is, you were a real

Okay, yes, I have said things that are terrible to people,

but it was always justified after I got to know them.

Case closed.

- I appreciate your apology. - Thank you. Thank you, Kyle.

- You said it, and now all the girls heard it.

- Well, no, no, no, because, you know what?

We were, like--I was, like, talking about

every girl on the trip. - Yeah.

- And I really love smart women.

I only surround myself with smart women.

- Get closer. She can't hear you.

- And I wasn't really sure how bright you were.

You even said-- - Kenya can't hear.

- I'm talking to you. It's about you and I.

- Oh, okay. Oh, okay, okay. - It's not about her.

- Now, but they all heard this comment now.

- I just have to clear the air with you.

- Okay, okay, okay. - Okay?

I wanted this conversation with you.

- Okay. - I don't really care

about them; it's about you and I.

- But you said it to Kyle. - I will tell you--

- All right. So go on. All right. Finish.

- I just don't sugarcoat things.

And when you're doing an apology,

sometimes you have to do it a little softer.

- "I'm sorry. That's just the way it is.

I don't care. I don't care."

- Told ya.

- On your show, they say

all these things, like you're not smart.

And I heard all these, like, little noises.

- Yeah. - Then, when I was on the plane

with you, I realized, holy moly,

you have your stuff so together.

You are unbelievable.

You have overcome so much.

And on that plane ride here, I learned about who Teresa is.

- I'm a four-time "New York Times" bestselling author.

I don't have to prove to you anything.

- And I admire you tremendously.

- Okay, I'm glad. I'm glad. Thank you.

- And Teresa is a strong woman, caring, and smart.

- Thank you. - Okay, you are.

- Thank you. - Okay, I changed my opinion.

I told you that yesterday. Okay?

- Thank you.

Just, like, whatever.

Sometimes you just gotta accept people for how they are.

I'm a "New York Times" bestselling author.

I wrote six books, so I know

I definitely have brains up there.

- All right, so let's all start fresh.

We all have preconceived notions from bull

Let's just start fresh and get to know each other

on a new leveling plane. - I like it. I like it.

- Level plane. - Yeah.

- Let's start fresh. - Level, not leveling.

- We know what you mean, Ramona.

- Is that wrong? Did I say it wrong?

- Yes, you did. - Fine. Fine. Fine.

- Whoo!

- Ahh!

- Whoo!

- We had the best time at Da Conch Shack,

but there's always drama when you have seven women together.

I figure, seven days we're bonding together

and probably drinking a lot together.

Bring it on. Let's have some fun.

- Whoo!

♪

- Where's everybody going?

♪

- Oh, my God, I've never been more happy to see my room!

- They need to buy us regular soap.

I can't use this body wash

- What's happening? You need--you need soap?

- I mean, you can't put this kind of stuff on your vajayjay.

It's too, like, smelly and fragrancy.

- Are you sure you don't want a little pump of this

for your vajayjay?

- My vajayjay--I don't like to--I don't like all this,

like, fragrancy stuff on my vajayjay.

- Do you have a green soap in there for your vajayjay?

- Hit record.

We just got here.

Ain't nobody got time to just be mad at Ramona,

and I'm really glad that I stepped up

and had a real conversation, and it worked.

You know, I'm an Atlanta housewife,

so it was like--eh, okay, that was, like, a paper cut.

- It's cute laying down in the right lighting.

- I want your stomach. I don't have that.

- No. No. standing up, no. No.

- You're crazy. You're, like, psycho.

- I am a little psycho. - No, I'm telling you. I mean--

- Well, I have--I have issues about eating and my body, yes.

That's a fact.

- But you were always thin your whole life.

- No, I was not. Not at all.

- No, but my sisters were really skinny.

- Right. - Blonde, skinny, and I wasn't.

I was in a movie when I was about 11 years old,

and I went to school, and a bunch of kids said,

"Oh, we saw you in the movie, and you looked fat."

But all I could say was, "I know."

- You're curvy. I like it better.

- I also have, like, stuff.

Like, I have, like, you know, meat on me.

- Oh, you gotta just stop.

I'm really getting upset with you.

You guys--remember, I see you guys on Instagram.

You guys are wearing your bathing suit. I don't do that.

- Well, you can, because your body's beautiful.

- I have maybe one good shot, and I get,

like--okay, that's it, one good shot for the year.

- You have a great body. I'm being serious. You do.

Thank God your husband doesn't feel that way.

I'd feel bad if you feel that way.

- He's like, "If you-- I don't want you

"wearing any cover-ups.

You look amazing. No cover-ups."

- So sorry you feel this way about your body.

It makes me sad.

- This is the side of Ramona

that I was hoping really existed.

I mean, Ramona, I've met at certain things,

and I figured, you know, she's going to offend someone.

That's just a given. But everything she's saying

to me tonight feels like a very good girlfriend.

I'm happy to know that she has this in her,

because the other side of Ramona is a little scary.

- So maybe being with us--this is maybe

something you could work on.

'Cause now you're with women...

- Yeah.

- Women who care about you and like you.

And maybe you can work on your body image with us

and slowly show more of your body

as you're comfortable over the next seven days.

- Okay. - Try.

- I'm gonna try. - I'll right, good night.

- I'm gonna try.

Good night.

- ♪ You can drip me down in Gucci ♪

♪ Or you can drip me down in Prada ♪

- Well, I want to thank John for allowing us to do this.

Thank you, John. - Oh, my pleasure.

Thank you for coming.

I've spent some time with you guys,

and I was expecting a little more drama.

And you guys all seem to like each other.

- You should have seen what happened

on the yacht the other day.

- What happened on the yacht the other day?

- Oh, it was nuts. - We both want to hear.

- Do we have to repeat stories? - Yeah!

- We're all on such a good page right now.

- Oh, my God, we were--we just had a--

we had a crazy, crazy day.

- Do we have to really talk about it right now? Really?

- They were talking about how Ramona tried to blackmail...

- Actually, no, it's not true, and you're wrong.

- Luann.

- I would never blackmail anyone,

so why are you making up lies, Kenya?

- And then, what else-- what else happened?

- Oh, my gosh.

♪

- Wow.