Original subtitles

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

(WHISTLING)

Hey!

Mmm.

Wow.

Not for you, Maury.

You okay, Gramps?

Is there something up with you and Terrance?

What makes you think that? Just the general rudeness.

Some people can't take a bit of banter

about their pathetic team.

Is this a soccer thing?

Over here we call it football, Goldie.

Right. It's so confusing.

What do you guys call American football then?

A load of rubbish.

And it's synced.

New toy? It's a Dolfit, Rainbow.

It tracks my movements, motivates my workouts

and generally nags me until I submit to its will.

Yes, Esther and I have them too.

(DOLFITS CHIRPING)

It's really got me moving. Right.

But with me, it's not so much about getting me moving as me

beating everything it throws at me.

You're quite competitor, aren't you, Sherri?

No, that's just something losers say about me.

You know, Esther and I have a little Dolfit club.

We keep track of each other's --

Oh!

Oh, clumsy me. It just shot off my plate.

Wait, this means I can go to the sink, extra steps.

Sherri cannot join our fitness club.

She takes everything far too seriously.

(DOLFITS CHIRPING)

Hey, ladies, just joined your group.

You know, you really should have set that to private.

You didn't set it to private? I like to share.

I've renamed us Stride or Die.

Meet you in the hall in 10 minutes to walk off lunch.

Oh, we're certainly going to share in some misery.

Guys, have Gramps and Terrance had a falling out?

Oh, you noticed.

Their football teams played each other last week.

There were chants and scoreline-based jeering.

Such a shame. They usually watch their games together.

Still, they'll be over it by next season.

Next season?

But that means Gramps is going to have to watch

his matches alone until however long that is.

Hey, I've got a plan. We should get Gramps

a new footie friend to watch his games with.

I'm thinking...

(LAUGHTER)

What?

No one who says "footie friend"

should ever be allowed to watch football.

Okay, so maybe I don't know the difference

between a lineskeeper and a ref or umpire,

but I'll pick it up.

How hard can it be?

(LAUGHTER)

Hi, kiddo. You in fancy dress?

No, just watching the game.

We want a pitcher, not a belly itcher!

What are you doing? It's a chant.

I learned it at a baseball game.

It's not a pantomime, Goldie.

Football songs go more like, you stink, and you know you do.

Seems a bit mean to the other team.

I was singing it at our winner.

Oh, don't hoof it, you donkey!

Donkey! Nice one, Gramps!

Foul, he picked up the ball! Put it down, donkey hands.

Goldie, that's the goalkeeper.

It's the outfield players can't handle the ball.

You're right there, Gramps. You want the ball.

You can't handle the ball.

Score! Yeah!

(AIR HORN BLARING)

Oh. Why aren't you celebrating?

The other side scored. Right.

Yeah, I'm just going to go out and check on the air.

Hashtag footie fail.

(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC)

# I've got a plan #

# I flew over the ocean to tell you how #

# Me and my fam #

# We caused a commotion #

# When we landed on my granddad #

# It's chaos at home but it's always fun #

# Fun fun fun fun #

# 'Cause you're never too old and you're never too young #

# Around here #

# So this is me #

# Just trying to keep it all together #

Mine, mine now too.

I can't believe some sucker dropped all this money.

Oh, no, I'm the sucker. What do you want?

Gramps needs a footie friend. I don't know what that is,

and more importantly, I don't care.

Danny, I'll do your chores.

I already pay Loren to do them.

Fine, then I'll make the ultimate sacrifice.

You'll let me use your planning board

for business pitches?

Twice a year, but you have to wash your hands first.

Done.

What's the madcap scheme?

I want you to watch soccer with Gramps,

but for him to accept you, you're going to have to

convince him you know all about the game.

Okay, I'm starting to see a small problem with this.

Ya-huh, you don't know an off-kick from a side throw.

Are those real things? Who knows?

But it doesn't matter, because you're going to pause the game

for a few seconds while Gramps isn't looking.

Then I watch the game up here,

tell you everything the expert guys

say before you see it downstairs.

So we're a few seconds behind.

Right.

I'll sound like a soccer genius.

And Gramps will have a back-of-the-net BFF.

Please don't call me that.

Just a few thousand more steps before we reach our goal.

But that walk always meets our goal!

Not that goal, I set a new one.

Unbelievable! Right.

Meet back here later for pre-dinner lunges.

Stride or die!

She's ruining my new shoes. This can't go on.

We must destroy her.

Hey, Gramps. Sorry, Danny, football.

TV is taken.

Wait, you follow these guys too?

I was just coming to watch this.

Since when did you watch football?

Since forever.

You never heard of California City United?

No. Well, that's a shame,

because I've been to every match they've ever played,

and that's actually true, but now that I'm in England,

these are my guys all the way.

Well, you better sit down.

It's not long until the second half.

Yes, that's my favorite half.

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

And we're in. Now distract him and pause the game.

On it. Now shush. What was that?

I said, "Bonnet mashoosh."

It's Swedish for, "Let's do this."

Mm. You look thirsty.

You should get a drink.

Cool, cool, cool.

Snacks, got any snacks?

Oh, man, I'm so sorry.

You go get some more. I'll clean this up.

Okay, I've paused.

Such a waste of good chips.

Who's wasting them?

You eating floor crisps? Taste like carpet.

Concentrate, Danny! Gramps' team almost scored.

This team shows again why they're so dangerous

on the counter-attack.

Apparently they're known for their counter-attacks.

Here comes one of our patented counter-attacks,

might be a goal here.

Norris heads it. Oh! This team shows again

why they're so dangerous on the counter-attack.

What's happening? Did it work?

Is it working? Give me something!

(CHIPS CRUNCHING)

Mmm, bowl chips, so much better than carpet chips.

Ahh!

Why are you in my room?

I've worked out how to take down Sherri.

Jazzercise!

Join me, Jaguar Jenkins,

for a workout you'll never forget.

Hmm? (ROARS)

Jazzing with Jaguar Jenkins,

well, his class nearly killed us.

Exactly.

I've seen grown men weep and throw their Dolfits

to the ground after a session with him.

So we book Sherri into his class.

And by the end of it, she's really fit,

fit to collapse and never exercise again.

We'll talk later.

Esther, that's my clothes rail. Esther?

Okay, kicker guy went top left.

It's going left! I can feel it!

Free kick, a save means victory.

Yes! Yes, yes, yeah!

Oh, oh, this is fun,

watching football with you way better than with Terrance.

Oh, thanks, Gramps. You know what?

You might be able to help me with something.

Me and a few of the guys play a bit of five-a-side,

and I reckon you've got a flair for reading the game.

Me, seriously? Oh, yeah, every year

we get a right thrashing from the retired bus drivers.

But with you on the touchline, we might have a chance.

So what do you say?

Oh, my gosh, can you imagine, you coaching a soccer team?

You've got to find a way to let him down gently.

I'd love to! I'm in! What?

(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC)

I can't believe you said you'd coach his soccer team.

You should have seen his face, Goldie.

He looked so proud.

I've never made anyone look like that before.

They're usually disappointed and angry

and demanding a refund.

Well, he's going to look like that soon

when he loses his match

because you know nothing about soccer.

It's okay. It's just a pre-match team talk,

and I downloaded the book you told me to get.

Great. What does it say? I don't know.

I didn't read it.

I was watching "The Remarkables."

My friends, heroes don't choose their battles,

but when the fight comes,

we summon our power and strength.

Danny!

I was waiting for you to come up with a plan.

Reading the book was the plan!

You should have been more specific.

Anyways, I've made my own soccer kit.

Are those Mom's?

Like I'd have my own knee-high socks.

Time to go, Danny!

Bonnet mashoosh!

Swedish? (CHUCKLES)

I think we're going to need another plan,

like, really quick.

Great. I'll get right onto that.

Terrance, I need a huge favor.

If Rainbow has been eating prunes, again,

the plunger is under the sink.

No. No.

It's just I'm researching a paper about soccer,

and I need an expert who really knows the game.

So why don't you ask Maury?

I said I needed an expert.

Correct answer.

I'd love to help... Yes!

After I've finish watching "You've Been Sharked."

(GROANS)

Ready, Dolfitters? Is this still the 1980s?

Or were the last 40 years some terrible dream?

Oh, yeah, laugh up, ladies.

This is my old exercise gear from back in the day.

I used to love Jazzercise and Funkrobics.

I created that last one myself.

Tell me you don't have leg warmers to go with that.

Actually, I don't.

Huh. Maybe I left them at home.

I'll call Danny now and ask him to bring them.

Great, she's an expert Jazzerciser.

We'll never break her!

Jaguar will.

He's like lightning wrapped in skin.

The important thing is, is to stay at the back

and slip away before class starts,

or we'll go down with her.

Jaguar, looking forward to your class,

and we brought a friend.

That's nice.

Are you all right, sweetheart?

No, no, I'm not.

My beautiful Patricia, she's...she's gone.

Oh, no. That's awful. What happened?

She was eaten by a rabbit.

Okay. Now I'm interested.

What's going on?

Well, clearly Patricia was a houseplant.

Is that right? You poor thing. I know what it's like.

I once lost a chrysanthemum to a guinea pig.

You will be okay for the class, won't you?

Our friend needs a really good workout. She's full of beans.

(WHIMPERS)

I grew Patricia from a bean.

What?

Danny, I'm confused.

Why do you have my leg warmers again?

I'm helping Gramps with something.

And now I'm more confused.

(PHONE BEEPING)

Hold on, Mom. Goldie is calling.

Hey, so Terrance is going to give me

a lesson in football tactics,

but he can't know it's to help Gramps, so he'll tell me.

I'll tell you, and you tell Gramps' team.

That's ridiculous, totally unworkable.

Come on, boys. But worth a shot. Do it.

Just a teeny-tiny problem,

Terrance is watching TV right now.

What?

My boy, this is the tactical genius Danny.

Meet Bumpy, Top Knot, Cheap-Cheap, and Boring Nigel.

Fantastic to meet you.

So how are we going to beat these Big Wheelers?

Their striker's unstoppable.

Mm-hmm.

Terrance, what's the best way to stop a really good striker?

Feed them to a Great White!

No more football until my program is finished.

But-- Ah, ah, ah! Program.

I'll tell you, we've got to listen to this lad.

His instinct for the game is remarkable.

Remarkable. So come on, Danny.

What's the game plan?

My friends, heroes don't choose their battles,

but when the fight comes, they don't back down.

They dig deep to the birthplace of the fire that fuels them.

Feed your flame. Bring the light to the dark.

Only we can save the world--

I mean, beat the bus drivers.

Onward to victory!

Victory! Wow, you so nailed that.

I guess you don't need Terrance after all.

Great team talk, Danny!

I've never seen the lads so fired up.

Hey, how about you stick around for a bit,

give us a bit of coaching from the touchline?

But I have-- I'm counting on you, Danny!

For the record, not my fault.

Not leaving, are you, ladies?

No. Just didn't want to cramp your style.

Stride or Die-rs stick together, right?

Come on!

It's time for Jazzing with Jaguar Jenkins.

I'm Jaguar. Roar!

Come on.

Let's take it nice and easy for you beginners,

and let's plant the left foot.

Plant, oh, I miss you, Patricia!

(SOBBING)

(ALL SOBBING)

Come on!

Do something, guys! They're going to score!

Can we get some help here, coach?

Goldie, help! What do I tell him?

Un-uh!

Okay, ad break.

Great. How do you stop a really good striker?

Well, you press the striker.

Press the striker. Press that guy.

Force a pass... Force a pass.

Force the pass.

To see if the rest of the team are as good as him.

See if the rest of the... The team is any good.

Come on, Nigel.

(CHATTER)

Go for it, Nigel!

Go!

(LAUGHS)

Okay. Move it further.

Move it further. Come on. Come on.

Okay, come on!

Goal!

Yeah! Ahh! Yes!

We scored!

Yes!

Are you okay?

Yes, just love toothpaste ads.

Take that, gum disease!

(SOBBING)

This is a bit tamer than I expected.

Can we go for a 10-mile run?

No! Maybe he'll find his inner Jaguar in a second.

Someone has got to. No, no, you can't!

It's all right, Jaguar. I've got this.

Right. Rainbow, Esther, come up to front.

Let's show these amateurs

how we Stride or Die-rs Jazzercise.

Everybody ready?

And kick and bend and lunge

and lunge and lunge and lunge and...

(CHATTER)

Try pinging a long ball over the defense.

Go for the long ball,

the long ball!

Yes, yes!

Gramps scored! Way to go, Gramps.

Gramps? What are you talking about?

Uh...

I said way to go, Stamps.

That's what I call you,

because you remind me of the mail, so reliable.

Nice goal, Gramps. That long ball, eh?

a heck of a coach.

"Long ball," "Coach,"

I know it's Maury's five-a-side match today.

Are you using me to tell you

to tell Danny to tell Maury how to play football?

Maybe.

And kick and lunge and kick and lunge

and kick and lunge and kick and lunge and kick and lunge...

Coach, what next? And kick,

lunge, and kick.

You know, you really sound like Mom when you get excited.

Please give me my phone. I have to call Danny back.

Terrance!

I got to get to Danny.

And lunge and kick and... Spin.

Bend. And bend and thrust.

Stop! Time-out!

Danny doesn't know about soccer.

I had Terrance feed him advice, but he figured it out,

and then my phone went in juice,

and now you're going to lose to a bunch of stupid bus drivers!

Sorry. Sorry, everyone, I'm really sorry.

Goldie, we're winning.

We are?

We are.

Ignore that. Time in.

What was that, and how can you be here when you're--

And step the jazz crack right, left, right...

Is that Mom?

Left and kick and lunge and kick...

That was worse than Jaguar.

I don't feel my anything. Hey, ladies!

Wasn't that amazing? Oh, I feel so pumped!

And guess what. Jaguar has asked me to take his class

while he chisels his plant's gravestone.

How about it, ladies, same time tomorrow?

That's okay, Sherri.

I don't think we'll be exercising for a while.

(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC)

I still can't believe we won or how much the team

loved Jazzercise.

We'll be the fittest team in the league.

Here you go.

The rice will soak up the orange juice.

Thanks, Terrance, and sorry about tricking both you guys.

I just wanted Gramps to have a soccer sidekick.

Actually, I'm not that bothered,

just proves I know more about football than him.

We'll see about that next Saturday.

Oh, I'll be there. Don't you worry about that.

both: Footie friends!

Yeah, yeah, don't get carried away.

And you're having that rice for your dinner tonight.

Great, the rugby, who wants to watch it with me?

Busy. Got a thing.

See you.

(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC)

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0