Original subtitles

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

Ivujivik... Kuujjuaq...

Ooh, is it talking backwards day?

I mean "gniklat sdrawkcab yad"?

No, they're towns my dad's playing

on his Canadian Wilderness tour.

Awesome place names,

but not-so-awesome cell phone service.

No phone signal? (SCOFFS)

How do they survive? I don't know.

He hasn't been able to call for the last three weeks,

but if my calculations are right,

he should be coming

into satellite range sometime around...

(CELL PHONE JINGLES) Ooh, ooh, sorry, that's me.

Feeding time on my zoo app.

(SIGHS) Electronic lions can eat tofu.

Who knew? (LION ROARS)

I went veggie once.

Ooh, Lamborghini! Yes!

Quite a funny story, actually.

Whoa, limited edition sneakers?

Prepared to be sniped.

Nope, lost them.

Maybe I could try talking to them

via a podcast.

Ooh, yes please.

I was kidding, I don't know what a podcast is.

No, not that.

I've been sent four tickets

to the Great Skate Off Final tomorrow.

The Great Skate Off? How'd you pull that?

Some of us have very grateful clients.

And a full diary.

I don't suppose any of you--

(CHEERING) Yes, are you kidding?

You can't all have them.

Hey, guys, what's going on?

Mom's got four tickets to the Skate Off Final.

Imagine actually being there,

seeing a screen thing in real life.

Real life?

You wouldn't know real life

if it posted itself on ClakClak.

Look at you!

you're never off these things.

Come on, the Oldies are always on tech too.

Hey, I only use this

to watch unbroadcastable sea monster attacks.

I could stop any time.

You youngsters,

you wouldn't survive five minutes without your screens.

Hang on.

Getting an idea.

This--this is how we decide

who gets the Skate Off tickets.

We see who can stay off tech for the longest,

Oldies versus Young...ies.

And the best part about it,

I get to plan the rules.

Whoo! (LAUGHS)

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

Okay, from now until the end of the competition,

no one can use anything with a screen on it.

Is that everything? Yes, ma'am.

Any more? Yep, that's it.

Esther?

Ah, I don't know how that got there.

You're so kooky, Gram.

Kooky like a tiger.

Oh. (LAUGHS)

I don't know what came over me.

You should be the competitive one, Shawn, dear, not me.

So we keep all the tech locked in here.

It's Oldies versus Young, and Shawn can't leave me.

Hmm? I mean the house.

I mean, no one can. Mom, you're the referee.

Ooh, do I get a whistle?

You sure we're gonna need one?

Goldie makes the rules. Goldie, do I get a whistle?

Uh, maybe.

Yes! I think I've got one somewhere.

Okay, anyone caught with a screen is out,

and they have to go straight to their room.

Everyone clear? all: Mm-hmm.

Fine, let's get started already.

I love watching young people lose.

(LAUGHS)

Hey, ha!

Let the games begin.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

Guys, come on.

We're not gonna let those Oldies beat us.

Make sure you keep that planning board turned off.

Mom, I'm not gonna just

turn it on for no reason.

Then why are you holding the remote?

Okay, now we're not gonna let those Oldies beat us.

Yeah.

We don't need tech to enjoy ourselves.

There's plenty of fun stuff

we can do without tech.

Like, uh...

Hmm. Hmm.

Mmm.

Guys, any ideas?

(SIGHS)

Mmm.

It won't swipe.

Why won't it swipe?

(MOANS)

Let me out!

This was a terrible idea.

We are so gonna lose!

(CRIES)

# I've got a plan #

# I flew over the ocean to tell you how #

# Me and my fam #

# We caused a commotion #

# When we landed on my granddad #

# It's chaos at home but it's always fun #

# Fun fun fun fun #

# 'Cause you're never too old and you're never too young #

# Around here #

# So this is me #

# Just trying to keep it all together #

Goldie... Ugh.

Plan.

Make a plan.

(MOANS)

Yes. Yes, a plan!

Shawn, tell us about tennis.

Shawn, didn't you get in a tournament or something?

Don't know.

Maybe.

They're gonna email me today.

Hang on, what if they've already sent it?

What am I doing? I need my phone.

I need to reply. No, no.

Shawn, no, we have to be strong.

I know it's tough waiting for someone to get in touch.

Like your dad.

Yeah, like my...

What if he gets a signal? My dad!

My zoo! My sneakers!

We need to call this off.

I'm with tennis boy. Me too.

Are you giving up?

No! No.

Come on, guys, we have to be strong.

But my email, I have to--

Quit?

Maybe Esther was right about you, Shawn.

What do you mean?

You heard her earlier.

She doesn't think you're competitive enough.

But I am competitive.

I'm the best. Top four.

Well, definitely top seven.

See? This is what she means.

You need a killer instinct.

Stay here with me, win this thing,

and crush anyone who gets in your way.

Whoa.

You're right.

I can't go into a tournament as a quitter.

Thanks, Goldie.

Hey, once this is over, maybe you could be my...

Yes?

Sports psychologist.

Oh.

Um, okay, great.

But first let's beat those Oldies

and win those Skate Off tickets.

Yes, destroy my sweet, old Gram

so I can win back her love.

Cool.

all: Yes!

But it's gonna be a tough battle

because those guys come from a time

when there was no internet

and only, like, two channels on the TV.

They know how to deal with boredom.

(SIGHS) Why is the print so small?

I've been staring

at the road for hours.

Not a single skid, swerve,

or ravine drop.

Real traffic is so boring.

I hate every second of my existence.

Will someone please

find something to distract me?

Come on, people.

We're better than this.

What did we do before all of these gadgets?

Wilderness survival training?

Fighting with sea gulls?

Music.

We listened to music.

Let's put on a CD.

Stop.

Look.

It's got a tiny screen.

(ALL SIGH)

Come on. Be positive.

If we're finding it tough,

just imagine how hard a time those kids are having.

Eh...

You know,

we don't

have to imagine.

Where'd you get that?

(CLEARS THROAT)

Standard issue for ship's cooks.

So we can check people are eating their weevils.

I have to say,

it's suspiciously quiet up there.

(SNEAKY MUSIC)

The sort of quiet

you only get with teens

when they're on their...

all: Screens.

So let's catch them.

Ha.

You ready?

Say cheese. (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

(CAMERA WHIRS)

Aw, yes, great photo.

You wanna give it a like?

This is such a good idea. You're so smart, Goldie.

Well, you could write that in the comments.

(LAUGHS)

"You're so smart." (LAUGHS)

(WARM MUSIC)

Like.

"Danny's Sneaker Emporium."

Great savings on rare styles.

Danny, get your ads off my timeline.

Can't do that unless you opt out.

How? Simple.

Just check the opt out box in my terms and conditions

which I've hidden somewhere in this room.

So like the real internet.

(GASPS) Half price on circuit boards?

Just what I wanted.

It's like you really did steal all my data.

(SNEAKY MUSIC)

(LAUGHS)

They've adapted. (ALL SIGH)

You said they wouldn't last five minutes.

There's an octopus attack video coming online this afternoon.

I have to be the first to comment on it.

Relax.

You'll see your awful video,

and we will all get to enjoy

the warm glow

of a morally dubious victory.

I thought you'd handed that in.

Darling, I've two boots.

I hope you're not suggesting underhand tactics.

Hope whatever you like.

I'm just going to put a little temptation in their way.

So who's with me?

I want no part in this.

What would I have to do?

(LIGHT SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

Oh, hey, Rainbow.

Check out my zoo simulation.

Who even needs a--

phone.

(GASPS) (WHISPERS) Target acquired.

Go on.

Pick up the phone.

Look at its screen. You know you want to.

Who said that?

It's just your inner voice.

Whoa, hello, inner voice.

You sound just like Esther.

Just pick up the phone.

Now you sound like Terrance.

That's because you have

lots of inner voices.

And they're all telling you

to take the phone

and check your stupid game.

Well, normally I wouldn't do that,

but seems like I've been outvoted here.

Loren, no!

I'm sorry. It was my inner old people.

They made me do it. And the worst thing is,

my game isn't even downloaded on that phone.

Looks like it's time for plan B.

Where did you have that hidden?

Don't ask,

but I wouldn't put it too close to your face.

Ugh. (BEEPS)

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

What do we do? Ignore it.

Let's just pretend it's not there,

and eventually it'll...

Stop.

Hello?

There's no one there.

(WHISTLE BLOWS) Disqualified.

Out. You're out.

This is why you never give her a whistle.

She was just like this playing snakes and ladders as a kid.

Up to your room, Dad. Come on.

(WHISTLE BLOWS) All right, all right.

What's going on?

Someone's playing dirty.

This means... Trousers!

Radiators! Endoscope!

War.

(DRUMMING MUSIC)

(MEDITATIVE MUSIC)

(KNOCKS) (SIGHS)

Hey, Rainbow. Whatcha doing?

Just cleansing my karma.

This competition seems to be

bringing out the worst in people.

Mmm, oh, but not you, right?

Like I said,

cleansing karma.

Mmm.

On the plus side,

this whole thing must save a ton of power.

Absolutely. Mmm.

Devices are such a drain on the planet.

(SIGHS)

If only there was some way

to know how much good we were doing.

Well, wonder no more.

I bet you're curious how I always know

when someone's wasting energy.

This monitor shows me exactly.

See?

We've saved half a penguin's leg since this morning.

Isn't that wonderful? (WHISTLE BLOWS)

Rainbow, you're out.

An establishment setup.

I might've known.

(EXCITING MUSIC)

(SIGHS)

Two down, two to go.

You guys are so much fun.

We should hang out more.

(ROMANTIC MUSIC)

That'd be nice.

I would throw up, but my stomach's empty.

I'm getting a snack.

(SNEAKY MUSIC)

My sneakers.

I hear they're selling out fast.

Danny, no!

(GRUNTS)

Must buy sneakers.

Look, money!

Here, look!

Money. Shiny money.

Money.

Sneakers. Money.

Sneakers.

Money.

Don't look at the screen.

What have you done

to my kitchen?

Take that stuff down!

Although, I might just...

Terrance, don't!

(KEYS CLACKING)

(GASPS)

Look at the size of that octopus.

Ooh!

No one wants a tentacle there.

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

Guys, emergency meeting!

We got lucky that time.

Their traps are getting more elaborate.

We need a new plan.

I say we split up, make ourselves a harder target.

But don't people get picked off

one by one when they split up?

I'm with Loren. It's a terrible idea.

The old are wily.

It'll work.

I'll go upstairs. Loren, you take the basement.

Goldie, you pair up with Shawn.

Stick close.

On the other hand, maybe it's a great idea.

Let's go.

That was such a good idea.

You think?

Yeah. Getting us away from Loren

without making her too suspicious.

Right, yeah. Hang on, what?

Well, think about it.

Who do you think rigged that trap for Danny?

It's gotta be her.

What do you think the Oldies gave her to turn against us?

But that was obviously Esther.

(LAUGHTER) Yeah, right.

My sweet, old Gram rigged this massive trap in the kitchen.

Shawn, there's a couple things you need to know

about your sweet, old Gram. (BEEPS)

What was that?

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

(GASPS)

It's Gram's game console.

How'd that get there?

I wonder.

Wait, the screen. Is it on?

No, I think it only powers up when you release the...

(GASPS)

Don't move your foot.

(SIGHS)

Okay, um,

I saw a situation like this in a movie.

We need something heavy.

(SIGHS)

Trust me.

(SIGHS)

Okay.

Just lift up your foot a bit more.

I can't. It's too risky.

Shawn, you go. Save yourself.

I'm not quitting on you.

We're winners, remember?

Okay.

Just lift up your foot.

(TENSE MUSIC)

(GASPS) (LAUGHS)

We did it! That was amazing!

(LAUGHTER)

Uh, so... (LAUGHS)

What should we do about Loren turning against us?

No one's turned against us.

We're a team.

The only way we can do this is if we stick together.

The question is:

what are you prepared to do to win?

"To Goldie. All my love, Shawn."

(LAUGHS)

Let's see her resist opening this.

(CHUCKLES)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Oh, Shawn, dear. (LAUGHS)

You're leaving?

Yeah, sorry, Gram.

This is all just getting a bit too competitive.

Goldie asked me to turn against you.

Are you telling me you're too much of a wuss

to turn on your own grandmother?

Huh? If you want to be a champion,

you have to learn to fight to the end,

take no prisoners.

Yeah, yeah, but I've got a tournament.

I need to check my emails.

Okay, well...

(SNEAKY MUSIC)

You can check them

on this.

But don't tell anyone-- (WHISTLE BLOWS)

Sorry, Gram. You set me up.

I'm so proud. (LAUGHS)

That's all the Oldies. We did it.

Winners! (LAUGHTER)

(SIGHS)

We better go tell Loren and Danny.

Where are they anyway?

(LION ROARS)

Hello? Liony?

Is that you?

(LION ROARS)

Would you like some more celery?

(TENSE MUSIC)

(GASPS)

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

(VIDEO GAME BLIPS) (LION ROARING)

No!

(ELEPHANT TRUMPETING)

(CASH REGISTER DINGING) Yes!

(VIDEO GAME BLIPS) It's locked.

Loren! (KNOCKS)

(GASPS) (WHISTLE BLOWS)

Loren, you're out.

Get to your house.

But someone locked me in here.

Who would do that? There's no one left.

Danny!

This is why he wanted to split us up.

He's turned on us.

But why?

We've won, haven't we?

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Goldie, Shawn, how nice of you to drop by.

This is my room.

Danny, you wanna explain what you did to Loren?

Of course.

There's a flaw in your rules, sis.

You said that the winner gets the Skate Off tickets,

not the winning team.

I'm gonna be that winner

and sell the tickets online for a small fortune.

You won't trick us like you tricked Loren.

Don't have to.

I know you're both dying to look at your phones,

and oh, look, here they are,

freshly swiped from the TV room.

Knew it was worth cutting my own set of keys.

You think we're dumb enough to touch those?

Nothing dumb about saying you're playing a tournament,

right, Shawn?

Don't want them to choose someone else.

And how many times has Dad called today, Goldie?

He must think you don't wanna talk to him.

Shawn, no!

No, he's right. They're gonna replace me.

Then let me.

Mom, I think you'll wanna see this!

Yeah, yeah, she will.

You know the secret to good planning, Danny?

Staying one step ahead. Shawn, get down!

Sold out. No!

(WHISTLE BLOWS) Gotcha.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

You know what this means?

Last one standing, winner takes all.

Game on.

# Hey, hey, hey, hey #

Come on, Goldie. You've got this.

Remember, you're a winner, Shawn.

There's no shame in second place, Goldie.

It's better than your dad thinking you don't care.

(ALL OOHING)

Dad will understand,

but how will the tennis selectors feel

about you ignoring their emails?

You'll never play again.

(ALL OOHING)

(TENSE MUSIC)

(SIGHS)

(LION ROARS) Sorry.

(ALL SIGHING)

You know, this is ridiculous.

Why don't we just turn on our phones at the same time?

That way we're both winners.

Yeah, I can live with that.

On one?

Three, two,

one.

(PHONE CHIMES)

Both winners. (LAUGHS)

There can only be one winner, Shawn.

(LAUGHTER) Whoa.

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

Goldie is the winner,

and Shawn is the loser.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

Oh, I'm gonna miss you, little fella.

You played me.

Nice move.

(LAUGHS)

(CELL PHONE DINGS)

Yes, I made the tennis tournament!

Oh!

(LAUGHS)

Hey, Dad. Finally.

(ROCK MUSIC)

This is nice.

So glad there's no hard feelings.

I'm so glad you invited me.

Me too. Pass me the popcorn.

Ah.

Isn't this great?

100% live.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Yep.

Not a screen in sight.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

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