Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

♪

- Good morning. It's day number two.

We're here in Turks and Curcos--Caicos.

I had a lot of tequila last night.

Today is Luann's catamaran day and my shady Bailey Q.

Trying to get it together. We have a big day today.

- Make sure that the table's all set for breakfast.

- Right.

- And then let's take this tray up to the ladies.

See if they want any coffee.

- Did you put butter in the eggs?

'Cause I usually don't put butter in it.

- Good morning.

- Hey, morning. - How are you doing?

- I'm wonderful. How are you?

- Good--oh, my goodness. This is so beautiful.

- Would you like coffee? - Yes, please.

- We're getting breakfast prepared.

We're gonna go out to the deck, have breakfast

overlooking the ocean, and then, at 10:00,

we have a tennis instructor coming over.

- I heard Ramona wants to do that by herself.

- Good morning. - Good morning, honey.

- Don't let Ramona scare you out of tennis.

- I want to play tennis with you.

- Hi, Michael. - Good morning.

- What are you wearing? - Nothing.

- Ooh. - You want to see?

- Oh, my God!

Jesus Christmas, can I get some coffee first?

Michael, we're so sorry to be inappropriate.

I just saw your little puss. That's so cute.

- Yeah.

- And I haven't seen hair in such a long time.

- Do you take any creamers?

- I do, but I'm gonna get a spoon and a larger cup.

- Okay.

- Saw one over here. I might have one.

- Good morning, gorgeous. - I know, I know.

- Oh, oh, oh, oh, I saw you.

- It's the dancing queen. Good morning.

- Did you see? She flashed me.

- Yeah, let me see. Flash me. Okay!

Wow, hello, kitty.

- Good morning.

- She's been flashing us. - Oh, you have? Oh, nice.

- Face that way. They'll blur you.

- Let's see. Let's see what you got.

- Yeah. They'll blur you. They'll blur you.

- Poor Michael! - Ahh!

- What goes down in the villa stays in the villa.

- Housewives in the island, baby!

[upbeat music]

♪ Housewives in the island, baby ♪

♪ So let the party start

♪ Them women beautiful as ever ♪

♪ The sun is hot, boy

♪ Are you ready, ha

♪ To move your body

♪ When the Caribbean rhythm touches ♪

♪ Ooh, that make ya go crazy

♪ Fever

♪ Feel it

♪ Can you feel the island fever? ♪

♪ Feel it, mon

♪ Fever

- Louie gave me a card for each day.

So day two.

"Go on with your day knowing that you are loved and adored.

Love you forever, Louie."

Aww, that is so cute.

- I'm really tired.

It's three hours earlier for me.

I can hear everybody out there screaming.

- Ooh, is that turkey bacon?

- I'll take another coffee, too, please.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

- Were you up early? Do you get up early?

- Not really, no.

I basically--I wake up around 8:00,

and I just lull in bed till 9:00.

- I'm a person who believes in second chances.

Some people can just have a bad day.

I don't really know Ramona that well,

so I'm gonna wipe the slate clean

and let her prove to me who she really is.

both: Good morning. - How are you?

- Did John call you last night? - No.

- Did you want him to? - No.

- So what's the deal? I sense some chemistry.

- You think? - You into him a little bit?

'Cause you guys-- - I think he's a nice guy.

- You don't think he's attractive?

- Yeah, he's nice, but, you know, we'll see.

- Well, we have, what, six more days?

I think you should shoot your shot.

- Pardon? - Meaning you should go for it.

- Yeah.

- But jokes aside, are you actually interested?

- You know, I don't know. - He was really nice.

- If something happens, great. Something doesn't, it doesn't.

- How long were you married? - Excuse me, can I have...

- Over 20 years. - Half and half?

- That's a long marriage. - Thank you.

- How did you guys meet?

- He used to watch my butt in the gym.

- Nice. - No, that's what he said.

'Cause I was always working out.

Anyway, I was at my local restaurant Ciao Bella.

It was like the hotspot in town. Like...

- Mm-hmm.

- So I was waiting at the bar for my table,

and he said, "I know you from the gym."

- Morning. - Hi, how are you?

- He goes, "You are the girl who wears the black G-string

with the green ruffle."

I was a trendsetter, so whenever I would get, like--

- Come on! - The neon colors--

- A trendsetter. - I was, it's true.

I was in the fashion business.

I mean, I spent so much money on clothes.

You know, I was Miss Versace.

Whatever outfit I come in in,

all of a sudden, I see everyone.

I would start with a crop top like that.

No one was wearing it.

- You started wearing crop tops first?

- Very fashionable.

- In the gym. Got it, got it. got it, got it.

- Ramona looks amazing for her age,

but she's definitely not a trendsetter.

- You started a global trend

because you wore it at your local gym.

Okay. - It's Ramona's world,

and we all just ----ing live in it.

- Wow.

- You have very high self-esteem.

- Good morning, everybody.

- Sunshine.

- Are you guys dressed in clothes?

Oh, my God. - No.

- In order for me to go and have fun today,

I had to be able to sleep a little bit.

- You came the farthest, so understandable.

- Good morning. - Hi.

- Oh, look at you with your golf gloves.

Or are those tennis gloves?

- No, tennis, to protect my hands.

- Wow. - In the sun.

All right, guys. I'll see you in a little bit.

- Oh, go play tennis. Not with me.

You don't want to play with me.

- Come the last 20 minutes.

- Well, Kenya and I are gonna have a match together.

- Okay. - All right, I'm gonna change.

I'll meet you back down here, like, soon.

- I'm gonna be ten minutes. - Okay.

- But listen, I'm using the court

for the first 40 minutes. You get the last 20.

- Ramona, oh, my gosh.

- Everyone is, like, in shock

over how Ramona is so about Ramona.

- Are you a major player?

- No. That's why I want to play.

She won't let me play tennis 'cause I'm not good at it.

- I need a workout. Sorry, I'm being selfish now.

- We're all on vacation together.

We are not at Ramona's villa. Like, she needs to share.

- You didn't book it. I did.

So I'm doing it first, and then you can do it after.

- Who made this one the boss of tennis?

- It's concierge, not "conch-ierge."

It's a French word. Concierge.

- Thank you for correcting me. - Who raised her?

A pack of wolves?

♪

- Exercise is very important to me.

I need 40 minutes straight.

So I offered them my last 20. That was generous.

What's the way to get out to the tennis court?

I forget. All right, yeah, I see.

I mean, excuse me.

I asked Melissa, "Do you play singles or doubles?"

I don't even know what I did with my tennis racket.

She's like, "Well, what's doubles?"

I'm like, "Oh, my God."

I can't share a lesson with her.

she doesn't even know what doubles is.

- I'm good. I'm here just a little late.

I just want to start hitting.

'Cause I have to get ready to go on a boat.

- Cynthia, want to go out for a walk?

- Yeah.

- So are you having fun? - Yeah.

- Is it, like, what you expected?

'Cause I didn't know what to expect.

- Did you ever go away to college?

- I did not.

- Neither did I. - I moved to New York.

- This is like going away to college

and getting to know, like, girlfriends.

- So I didn't know who I would

just kind of organically connect with,

and you are, like,

the sweetest, coolest, like, just good vibes.

You're one of my favorites here, to be honest.

- Aww, thank you, and I feel the same way about you.

Like, I'm all about energy. - Yeah.

- And, like, I feel the love from you.

- Yeah. - And, like, I love that.

- Well, it's intention.

I want to have a good time here.

I know it's gonna be some, like,

drama and stuff here and there,

but I was really glad, last night...

that we were able to reboot. - Yeah, that awesome

what you did with Ramona.

- No, 'cause it, like, pissed me off.

I was like, "We cannot start this trip like that."

I mean, we're on an island,

but you don't want to be on an island.

- An island by yourself. - Like, by yourself.

- Right. - That sucks.

You know, I feel like...

- Backhand, forehand.

- You know, she has good intentions, but she just...

- Bam. - Just is who she is.

It is just what it is.

- Well, don't do it that far over.

- Approach, come forward.

- No, I want another long shot.

- And Kenya was upset about it which, you know,

I have to say, I never had anybody stick up for me.

- To say that about someone is horrible, Ramona!

- Well, that's the thing about Kenya.

You know, if she's with you, she goes hard for you.

- That meant a lot, because even on my cast,

I don't have that.

- But it feels like you and Melissa, like--

- No, I don't feel it from her.

- Oh, wow. - And with us,

there was a lot of turmoil, like, in the past.

- I am asking you to stop.

- I didn't do nothing to you, and you know it.

- I'll get on my knees again, 'cause I have no problem...

- Yeah. - Baby girl.

- Because you know-- - No pride!

- Now, like, I'll never go

to that place with Melissa, you know?

- Yeah. - We are in a good place.

But, like, Melissa could have been like,

"Ramona, you really don't know Teresa."

I live by the "Godfather" movie,

and I'm all about loyalty and respect.

Yeah, and Melissa's never watched it.

[laughs] Just saying.

Kenya, like, really touched me yesterday.

- Yeah. - She really did.

And I feel bad for her.

Like, she's going through a divorce,

and I know how it feels.

And her leaving her child for the first time.

Like, the first time I left my kids is, like,

when I went away, when I went to jail,

and, like, that was, like, the hardest thing, you know.

- 11 months. - 11 1/2 months.

- 11 1/2. - And then I came home.

Three months later, Joe went in,

and then he never came home.

- Not to be too personal. - Yeah, no, yeah.

- Did you think that you guys

were gonna work it out when he got out,

or were you guys pretty much done?

- When I went in, I still thought it was gonna work out.

When it hit me is, like, after my mom passed.

I got so resentful. - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

- 'Cause I was like, I lost time with my mom.

And if I didn't go away,

I would have never lost that time.

And then when he got out, I was like, "When I see him,

this'll be my true test when I see if I feel"--

- What was it like... when you saw him?

- Daddy!

- Hi. - Oh, yeah.

- How are you?

I didn't feel anything.

- Did you guys... - I hate to even say this.

- Ever actually have-- - I mean, he laid on top of me.

But, like, with our clothes on...

- Right.

- And he was trying to kiss me, and I just didn't--

I couldn't even open my mouth.

I never thought that Joe and I would ever get divorced,

but we went through a lot.

I was just-- - Disconnected.

- Disconnected, yes.

Our marriage could not survive that.

- I don't think people realize who you really are, you know?

- Thanks, but thank God.

- But you're so, like, strong though.

Teresa Giudice is a real one. I got mad respect for her.

All the things that happened to her,

and she came out stronger, happy, and in love.

- I wrote six books, four cookbooks.

- Six?

- I'm a four-time bestselling author,

so obviously, I'm doing something right, you know?

- It's your time now. It's Teresa time.

[upbeat music]

- ♪ It's a celebration

♪

- The catamaran, we're gonna see through to the bottom.

- No, no, no, it's a big yacht. - Okay.

- And there's gonna be a lot of activities.

We're gonna have a ton of food.

About 45 minutes, we'll be hitting the road.

- Okay.

- Plug's not working there,

so I have to do hair like this.

♪

- Whew, okay. - Oh, my God.

My visor doesn't-- it's two different brands.

- My God, I'm horrified. - Dorit would kill me.

I have Prada and Versace.

This is so illegal in Beverly Hills.

- Okay, not bad for a senior. - I think it's too small.

You're gonna be fighting

with your areola the whole time.

- I'm gonna bring another one.

- I mean, it'll be fighting the good fight.

- I'm always ready on time, and no one else is ready.

- Did we manage to make some frosé or...

- I'm just about to go check it.

It's been on ice for a while.

- Let's do the crushed ice,

and then we just pour the rosé over the top.

- Yeah, okay. - Look at me.

I don't even drink, and I'm making cocktails

for the ladies.

I just want them to have a good time,

and we're gonna need some rosé, that's for sure.

- Come on, girls! Let's get the buggy going.

I hope it's nice and cold in the car.

- That it is, that it is.

- Whew. - Thank you.

- Turn-up time. - Yes.

- ♪ Don't worry, don't worry, no ♪

- This is nice. This is beautiful.

- I definitely don't go out as much, at all.

- Yeah, I don't either.

- People come up when I'm out and they go to give me a hug,

and I'm like, "Uh, 6 feet, 6 feet."

- ♪ All I need is a good vibe ♪

- We're at the marina.

- Whoop-whoop.

- Let the games begin.

[whistling]

- ♪ Everything will be just fine ♪

- Thank you.

- Gorgeous. Look at this water. Yes!

- Like there's food coloring in it.

- Wow, I wonder which boat is ours?

I'm not even quite sure.

- Well, hopefully the biggest and the nicest.

- I like these big yachts.

- I think we all do. - Welcome, ladies.

- Thank you. - We are so excited.

- Yes. - This is gorgeous.

- Hi! - This is Garin.

- Garin. Nice to meet you. This is your boat?

- Yes. - Everything's loaded up.

We have plenty of food, plenty of drinks.

Go have a good time.

- Awesome. - Go enjoy it.

- Thank you so much. - How beautiful!

Look at this, ladies.

- Oh! - This is not a catamaran.

- Have some champagne. - This is a yacht.

- I just wanted to say I love you.

- I love you, too. - You like my bathing suit?

- Oh, you look gorgeous, babe.

- ♪ Ah, ah

- Hang onto your weaves.

[laughter] - Yes.

- That's the money shot.

- Whoa! - Whoo-hoo.

- ♪ On the deck looking sexy in my 'kini suit ♪

- I'm gonna have a margarita. Yes, yes!

- Let's have lunch, and then we can

lounge around and digest.

- Okay.

- This is perfection. Look at this hard body.

- Aw, thank you, baby doll. - Ridiculous.

Melissa.

- I love Kenya. She's absolutely fabulous.

- I have completely fallen in love with Melissa.

- Kenya, what are you gonna drink, babe?

- I'll try a margarita. Is that what we want?

- It's tequila, though, right?

She parties, and we have fun together.

- She just has really good energy.

- She's my kind of girl.

Can I do one with vodka instead of tequila?

- I feel the same.

- I need one pic. I didn't get a pic yet.

I know Kenya will get me a good one.

- I'll get you a good one.

- I'm just really impressed with you so much.

- Oh, you're sweet.

- What was your first career?

- I mean, I was a buyer before I gave birth--

- I was a buyer, too. - I was a buyer for Macy's.

- Me--I was a buyer for Macy's!

- At Harold Square. - Yes, me too.

- I worked right in Harold square.

- Oh, my God, so did I.

- I worked in handbags. - Yeah, I worked in--

- Well, because then I went on the other--

I was a sales rep for Calvin Klein handbags.

- And then I went to the other side,

and I worked for Calvin Klein sportswear.

- Oh, my God. - Holy--

- Girls! - Yes?

- We're having lunch. both: Okay.

- Just finishing a conversation.

We'll be right there.

- Ramona and I started off rocky.

- I admit that I said Teresa is a scarecrow.

Teresa, she reminds me a little bit of a scarecrow.

If she only had a brain.

- Oh, my God! - So you are smart.

- I went to Berkeley College. - That right there.

Now I know you're really smart,

'cause to be a buyer for Macy's is major.

- But it's crazy how much Ramona and I have in common.

- You know what? She has brains.

- She just needed to get to know me.

- You have to be really smart to be a buyer.

There's a lot of math involved there.

- I don't know what it is.

Every time I have one drink here,

I feel like I had three.

- Every time I have one,

I feel like I need three more.

- Really?

No, like, Kenya and I only had, like, a drink and a half

last night, and we were, like--

- You a lightweight?

- Yeah. - Yeah, she is.

- I am definitely a lightweight.

- She's a good drunk though. - Who's a drunk?

Are you talking about me?

- No, no, no. [laughter]

- Being on a catamaran is super sporty,

and I love being on the water,

so it's kinda easy not to drink.

God knows, a lot of people get sloppy when they drink,

so when I get tempted

I just think about those moments,

and it's not so attractive.

- Let me ask you girls this: who do you feel like you knew

the least coming in, and now you know them better?

- I feel like I knew Luann the least...

- Right. - And I adore her.

- Aw, I like you, too, Kyle.

- Oh, this is so pretty. Look at this.

- I knew Luann the most and Kenya the most.

- And I pretty much know everyone here, but I would love

to get to know everybody deeper and build a friendship.

- Cynthia I know really well, and Ramona, girlfriend.

She takes getting used to.

- Yes. - But to know her--

- She's high maintenance. - Right.

- To know her is to love her.

- I don't know anything about Kenya,

except for what I kind of Googled, so--

- She Googled her. - I Googled.

'Cause that's who I am. I like to research things.

- No, but you get a preconceived notion of people.

- Right. I'm not into Googling people.

I have a great story for that.

So I was in Miami,

and two separate girls were like, "Luann,

"you have to meet this guy.

"He's perfect for you.

He's older. He just got divorced."

And so I was like, "Wow, I'm so excited."

I get a call from him. I miss the call.

And in the interim, he Googled me.

- Aww.

- And he saw that I had been arrested.

- You're going to jail. - No, don't touch me.

I'm gonna kill you. He never called me.

- It scared him off. - Aww.

- I stayed home that night, and I was just in tears,

like, the whole night. I was so heartbroken.

- Because you were hopeful.

- You're going to get it, Luann.

- You're so beautiful and so smart...

- Yeah. - And so elegant.

You're gonna find the right person.

- It'll be the right guy. - Yeah.

I think it's very difficult

to maintain a relationship in a normal life,

never mind being on a reality TV show,

being such a public person.

It's very scary for men.

Sorry, I'm having, like, a day.

- I know, it's okay! It's okay. I get that.

We've known each other for years, at this point.

- She was at my wedding to Tom.

- Yeah, it's a whole thing.

- So what happened with that, Luann?

Because I don't want to go by what--

- Oh, my God. - I'll be back.

- Ramona, where are you going?

- I'll be back. - All right.

- Ramona, we want a fellowship with you, like--

- I'm going downstairs.

- You're going downstairs?

- She's sharing. Why are you going downstairs?

- Yeah, come back, Ramona. - 'Cause I know the story.

- Well, that's okay. She's still sharing.

- I'm gonna go down. I'll come back up.

[tense music]

- Why are you going downstairs? - Yeah, come back, Ramona.

- 'Cause I know the story.

- But that's okay. She's still sharing.

- I'm gonna go down. I'll come back up.

- Luann's too nice.

Like, she puts up with a lot that Ramona does.

Like, all right, I get you've heard it already,

but don't be rude. Like, I don't know.

I just would never act that way.

- I want to hear Luann's story.

- I want to hear Luann's story, too.

- Were you madly in love with him?

- I was madly in love with Tom.

Everybody told me not to marry him.

- Wait, is that the one that Bethenny said she saw?

- Yes.

- I have to tell you something.

- Please don't let it be about Tom.

- It's about Tom,

and I'm gonna show you some pictures.

- Don't do this to me.

He cheated on me when we were engaged,

and I still married him.

- Oh, my God.

- He just didn't know how to be a husband.

- Mm-hmm. - Yes.

- I really kind of married my drinking buddy.

- Oh. - I hate to say it.

- You drank a lot? - We had--yeah.

I was with him for, like, a year,

and I really loved him, and I thought, "You know what?

He needs a woman like me."

We always think-- - Oh.

- You thought you could change him.

- That we can change him. - You and I are a lot alike.

- "You're the one."

- I can relate to Luann.

Sometimes, we are so in love with someone,

we feel like we can somehow love the bad away,

and it just doesn't work like that.

- I'm gonna take this up. - Let's go.

- Are you sure you're not gonna drop that?

- No, I'm fine. - Are you sure--ooh.

- I do that every day.

- Oh, here she comes. Here she comes.

- So I have a gift for everyone.

- Oh.

- I want a gift of, like, being sincere and genuine.

- I will give it to you, at some point.

- What? You don't like lip glosses?

Everyone likes lip glosses. - We're talking about Luann.

We're not talking about lip glosses.

- Fine. You have your point of view.

I was married for 22 years.

You don't see me crying over stuff,

and she was married to Tom for, like, less than a year,

and she knew he was a [bleep]-up.

Sorry, Luann, but not sorry.

- Well, listen to me. She just complimented you.

She said how amazing you are, and then she's crying,

so maybe you should sit and listen to her story.

- Okay, the whole thing about Tom D'Agostino

would kind of, like, push his buttons,

'cause it was in the press that I dated him,

and I really didn't date him, and that's what that's about.

- Oh, so that was a trigger for you?

- Yeah, it was a trigger.

- Wait, wait, wait.

That was a trigger for you?

- Ramona is acting like a self-centered little monster.

I think she thinks she's on this vacation by herself,

and maybe she will be pretty soon.

- Ramona, the level of your selfishness right now,

it's just beyond. - Honestly, it is.

- I was married to Tom.

- I know you were married to Tom.

- Okay, he broke my [bleep] heart.

- I know he did. - Okay, and now you're

gonna make it about you? - I didn't make it about me.

- You did. You made it about you.

- I just left to get a goddamn drink...

- Okay, okay, okay.

- And to get her a drink, and now you're

turning it around and making this a big thing,

and I'm so sorry you feel all this way, but you know what?

I don't care.

- I just think it came off wrong, you getting up--

- So we have to be together 24/7 all the time talking?

- Well, maybe there's a time...

- I can't get up to go to the bathroom,

go get a drink. - Oh, my God, Ramona.

[overlapping shouting] - Here's the problem.

Ramona, you're not even hearing what we're saying.

- No, you're saying I got up at an inopportune time.

- You just said you got up because it was about you.

- She was triggered by my divorce.

I call out bull-[bleep].

- Excuse me, this isn't about me,

so I'm just gonna leave.

Excuse me. Sorry.

- There's not enough lip gloss in the world

to cover up her rudeness.

Girls, don't move, okay?

She's missing the empathy, and she's missing the timing.

I can't. - I can't either.

You just took up for her,

made her seem like she wasn't a horrible person.

- I know. I tried.

- Then she shows herself to be a horrible person.

[laughing]

I can't do it. [both laugh]

- Can I just have a second? - Hey, sure.

- I'm okay, but she's such a [bleep] asshole.

- I hope you think of it as constructive criticism.

- No, I'm listening to what you're saying.

You know, I think maybe I have a little bit of ADD.

I just can't, like, you know--

- I mean I have it, too,

but, I mean I try to do the right thing.

- Like, right now, I want to get up again.

But I'm just gonna stay here. - I get it.

You definitely are, like, all over the place, so...

- Well, now I think is

the appropriate time to disperse,

and I'm gonna go lay in the sun.

[upbeat music]

- We're gonna lay out now. That's the end of that.

- We have this beautiful blue water.

- Take it off. - [laughing]

- Look at this ass!

- I cannot talk about the Ramona situation anymore.

I just want to have fun.

- Oh, my God. - I'm just gonna molest her.

- It's a Gorga sandwich.

- Yeah. I'm gonna go swimming. Who's coming?

- I potentially will if I'm not too scared.

Oh, my God.

You guys, if you see any kind of creature, please--

shut up, Kenya!

- What's that?

- Are you kidding me?

[squeals] - Is that dangerous?

- Can someone look out for the stingray?

- Let me see.

- Can you see it?

- What does a stingray look like?

- I've got Ramona on the boat,

a stingray in the water, I mean--

- No, I just see sand.

- I'll take the stingray.

Esther Williams, watch out.

- Oh, my God, a stingray! - Shut the [bleep] up!

- I'm teasing. I'm teasing. - I hate you!

- Teasing, teasing. Joke, joke, joke.

- Where's Melissa?

Melissa's not available to take a photo?

- No, I'm just saying.

You know, she's so gorgeous and everything.

Wait, come on--wait a minute. Are we modeling?

Okay!

- Ready? - Come on, Luann!

- Here I go.

- Oh my God. Oh, my God. - Oh, this booty.

- What is this? - Oh, yeah.

Melissa has an ass fetish.

- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

- Ahh! - Okay, get a room!

Honey, at this point, it looks like

I'd better start getting close to these new friends,

because my old one--

- Damn. That is like unedited magic.

- Seems like she's busy making new friends as well.

- ♪ I thought this was endless ♪

- Look at Kyle.

- ♪ And I can't seem to get out what I gave in ♪

♪ My love stretch for miles

♪ And it seems like it's endless ♪

- Can I speak with you please?

- Me? - Yes.

- Oh, for sure. Ah!

- I know you've been with your husband for 25 years.

I've been married for six months.

This is my second marriage.

I would really like for it to work.

I don't want to be one of those people who are married

just to be married, and I can't stand my husband.

You know, he's not my best friend.

- So much of that. - I feel like it's settling.

- Yeah. - With the world now,

it's so different, especially with Instagram.

You got hos sliding in people's--you know.

- Oh, my God. Are you kidding me?

- These women are sliding in my man's DMs

every five seconds, and it's like...

- Oh, yeah, I know. - Young, hot girls.

- Gonna say the same thing, and you know, it's so funny,

because my husband doesn't know how to work Instagram,

so he didn't even know that existed.

So he was like, "Can you post this?

I don't know how to do it." - Right.

- And I look at the DMs and I'm like,

"Are you [bleep] kidding me?"

- [laughing] You looked at his DMs?

- And don't think it doesn't mess with my head.

And meanwhile, I'm getting mad at him,

and he doesn't know they're there.

- Yeah.

- And it's like, I get so protective because

I love him so much,

and I'm like, I never knew I could have

a relationship like this.

My parents were divorced. - It's amazing.

- It's the most important thing in the world to me.

- You guys seem really compatible.

I know, like, communication is really important,

and that's something that Mike and I are working on.

We don't have the best communication skills.

Tone is something I have to work on

when I get irritated and frustrated.

- Me too. - Really? Oh, my God.

- Oh, yeah, 100%. You have to remember, like,

I sit there and I think, "Okay, this is annoying me.

Ugh, I want to strangle him right now."

- Right.

- But would I want anyone else's husband?

- No. - Hell no.

The best advice I could give is,

it's really important to surround yourself

with other happily-married couples,

because you know how you have that one guy

that's not happy, cheats on the wife.

You don't want that person hanging out with your husband.

- No. - Right?

- No. - And there's gonna be things

that are annoying and things we don't love.

But our common goal is, we want to grow old together.

The fact that you care so much sounds like

you're putting your whole heart and soul into this.

- Yes. - And he has to feel that, too.

- Yeah, and he does. He does.

And I can't wait for you to meet him.

I want the opportunity to get to know you better

and definitely hang out with your man, too.

- Aww, I'm so happy. both: Mwah.

- I'm excited to get to know Kyle better.

She is just being so open and transparent.

Like, I really dig her.

- To love. - Yes, to love.

- I think today is the beginning

of a beautiful friendship.

- Honestly, like, I see--there's a [bleep] bee.

- Ahh! - Oh, my God!

- See, that's like the girls coming in the DMs!

[bleep] you, asshole!

[both laugh]

- What a day. I could get used to this.

[upbeat music]

- ♪ Whether you like it or not ♪

- ♪ I'ma make my mark

- ♪ Whether you like it or not ♪

- ♪ I'ma still be me, it's my destiny ♪

♪ You can't take my spot whether you like it or not ♪

- ♪ Whether you like it or not ♪

- ♪ You can never take my spot ♪

- No! - What's that?

- I posted a story to my Instagram without knowing.

- No, you did not. - Delete, delete, delete.

- What story? - An ugly picture.

[dramatic music]

- Just delete it. Just delete it.

- 58,000 people saw it already.

- All right, so just delete it. - What's the picture of? You?

- A picture of me, like--

oh, God, I don't know what happened.

- Hey, I posted my bank account by mistake on my Insta story.

- She posted her whole bank account!

I was dying. I saw that.

- Oh, my God. I'm gonna post something

so I can get people thinking about something else.

- Oh, my God. That's hysterical.

[upbeat music]

- Okay, fun shade.

My favorite kind of shade.

"Shade at your own risk."

Oh, boy, better hope it's more fun shade.

Don't shade below the belt.

- Whoo-hoo!

- Can you stop being Beyoncé for a moment and tie this?

- No, I gotta keep being Beyoncé.

- You have been drunk for hours.

- Ramona, do not create drama tonight.

Do not create drama tonight.

Do not create drama. Go with the flow.

Be a team player. Don't upset anybody.

You like all these girls. You want them to like you.

You have good eyes.

Create the drama with your eyes.

Keep your mouth freaking shut.

- Okay, so we have Lu's Lightning,

non-alcoholic, the Shady Champagne,

the Messy Margarita, and the Vicious Vodka.

- Hi! Oh, it smells so good.

- Cynthia, I made this for you. - Oh, my God!

It's lit.

I love it. Thank you so much.

I've hosted maybe three Bailey Qs in Atlanta.

Who do you guys think, in the group...

- Shamea. - Is the best twerker?

- Come on, back! - Okay.

[all cheering] - Hey, hey, hey!

- And now we have taken it to the islands.

These are good. Did you put some sugar?

- Mm-hmm. - You're the bomb.

I'm gonna put a few more pickles in here.

My cast members in Atlanta call the Bailey Q the Shady Q,

'cause it can get a little shady.

The next award is the thirstiest person.

- I nominate Marlo. - Me?

- Who's the freakiest?

She's freaky and try to keep it a secret.

- The only one-- I don't do backdoor.

- You mean you don't do it anymore.

all: Oh!

- This is like an icebreaker.

We're getting to know each other,

and not just on a surface level.

Like, really going in there and digging a little deeper.

♪

- How you doing?

- Can I come in?

Look at you.

- I don't even know what it means.

- I'm doing the Bailey Q, but you need a red outfit.

You gotta come ready to read or get read.

- Basically, it's telling someone off

in a really, like, clever way, so you either...

both: Wear red. - Or you're gonna...

both: Get read. - Right.

- Oh, there she is! Read or get read.

Oh, my God, you look gorgeous.

- Thank you. - I'm ready to get read.

- Let's open up. - Whoo!

- Oh, my God, glorious.

Can we have three

of the fabulous margaritas again for us?

- I'm gonna have a glass of Camus please.

- She's going the elegant route.

I'm going the party route.

Where are all the other ladies? We're always the first ones.

- I know. I'm always on time. - Who knew?

Beverly Hills, low maintenance. Shocker.

- We're all in red,

so does that mean nobody's getting read?

- Well, someone may get read.

- Oh, my God. - I don't want to be shady.

I have to be drama-free tonight,

and if she asks me a shady question,

I'm just gonna say, "I pass."

- This is actually your day you're allowed to be shady.

- Don't hold back tonight.

Tonight is not the night to hold back.

- I don't believe them, 'cause I'll say something,

and they'll get pissed off, so I'm zipping it tonight.

- Hi, guys. Hi. How are you?

- Oh, you look beautiful.

- We have every different shade of red

under the sun at this point. - I love it though.

It's perfect. - Wow!

- Hi. - So pretty.

- Aww, you girls look gorgeous. - Who are we missing now?

- Do I have a highlight down on here?

- Yes. - Has anyone spoken to Kenya?

- No, where is she? - I went to check on her.

And she was still doing her hair and makeup.

- Hair and makeup, all right.

- Does she have a person helping her?

- Two. - Two people helping her?

- I did my own hair and makeup. It's like, you know...

- Okay, so we're going to go ahead and get started.

First of all, welcome, you guys,

to my third annual Bailey Q.

Kenya's played the game before. - Oh, okay.

- So we won't start without her,

but I will at least start to explain the rules.

She's played it, like, a million times.

- Yeah, yeah, it's all good.

If I showed up, like, an hour late,

I'd be dead meat so quickly.

- In this very unattractive envelope are some shady awards.

For each award, we decide as a group who gets the award.

- Okay. - All right.

For example, this is the sexiest award.

- The sexiest. Okay.

- So we have to decide who is the sexiest.

- Okay.

But to me, sexy isn't about who has the best body.

- Well, it depends on who you're asking.

'Cause we all have different definitions

of what we consider sexy.

- It would be really hard to pick in this group,

'cause everyone is a very sexy person depending on--

- That's only one subject. There's 17 more.

- I know, but I'm just already thinking about that.

- We're all sexy. There we go.

All right, next. We're all sexy.

- The next one is the smartest. This is the pettiest award.

- It's getting shady now. - Who is the prettiest?

- Oh, this feels weird.

- You can say, "You know what? I pick Cynthia because"...

- I could never say that though.

- "Not only is she beautiful

on the outside, she's beautiful on the inside."

- I don't know.

It's 2021.

- Who has the best butt? And we've seen a lot of asses.

- Yeah.

- We're going to vote

who the prettiest woman at the table is?

I'm not comfortable with that.

- We need Kenya, no, for this? - Yeah.

- We can't start it without her.

- But can we eat though? 'Cause I'm kinda hungry.

- Can somebody check on her?

- Kenya's having her hair and makeup done by three people.

- Speaking of appetizers.

- I don't know, whatever. You're the host.

- Oh, my God. It smells so good in here.

Can I have a little burger? I just want to grab something.

I'm starving.

- I feel weird

about saying who's the prettiest or whatever.

Like, that's like saying, "Who's your favorite child?"

Like, I have all favorites. - Oh, there she is!

- But I'm gonna figure it out as we go along

'cause it's tricky.

- Wait, what's going on? - Oh, hi, gorgeous woman.

No, we're talking about the questions,

and I'm not that comfortable with the questions.

Like, who is the prettiest?

Like, everyone here is gorgeous.

- It's like...

- Kenya's played this game before.

She knows that it's never my intention

to make anyone uncomfortable,

so for Kenya to jump on Kyle's bandwagon

instead of saying, "You're in a safe space,"

it's like a slap in the face.

- What have you got there? - Where did you get that from?

I stole it from the table. I'm so hungry.

- I'm hungry, too.

- And then my friend,

the one friend I knew I had coming on this trip,

twirls on in,

helps herself to some macaroni and cheese, no apologies.

Like we haven't sat here and waited a whole hour.

Thanks, friend.

Okay, well, they're putting out the food,

and Kenya's already started eating.

- Yes, I have low blood sugar.

- The food's just being served at the buffet now.

- Kenya's already started eating, so...

- Yeah, so let's eat. - Can we just make a plate?

- Let's make a plate, and then we can play.

- Then we'll start the games? - Yeah, sounds good.

- I can tell Cynthia's really annoyed by the fact

that Kenya was late.

It was her night. That's her good girlfriend.

But I don't think anybody

really wanted to make a big deal of it.

- Wait, hold on, I just want to read you

what some of these things say.

This one here is, who's the smartest?

- Oh. - That's kind of weird, right?

I don't want to diss her game, but sexiest.

- It's marginalizing us. - Best butt.

You know what I mean? It's weird.

- This is my potato salad. Hope you guys enjoy.

- Ooh, this is some Southern nice cooking right here.

- Thank you. - I'm really liking this.

- Made a nice little barbecue. - Yes, we got some cornbread.

- Bon appetit. - Thank you so much.

[upbeat music]

- Do you want to grab something to eat, Kyle?

- Okay, yes.

- Goddess, you okay?

- Here's the thing.

You've played these games before.

You know, it can be what you want it to be.

My intention is for it to be fun and for us

to get to know each other a little better.

- Can we play Taboo? - Maybe on your night we can.

Then we can play it on the yacht.

- It's not the nicest game, but Atlanta,

we throw shade like it's nothing,

and it's cool.

But here it's just maybe not.

- Taboo, I used to play that all the time.

- Oh, I love Taboo.

So I think that Cynthia just needs to give these ladies

a little pass on this one.

- So how do we play?

- Everyone's gonna pick a question.

- So now, if she picks the question,

she answers the question?

- Correct. - Okay.

- Okay, and these come last or what?

- The awards will be last.

- All right, so let's get the party started.

- Pass it down to Ramona.

- Okay, Ramona. - Pick one.

- Uh-oh. I'm scared of these questions.

- I'm so curious. I want to know.

- Ugh, I'm changing for a new question.

- Oh, no. You're not allowed to--

- Ramona, come on. - No, no, no, no, no.

Go back and-- - Okay, no, I can't.

- Come on. Like-- - I can't.

- Just-- - Why?

- It's gonna create shade for me,

and I didn't want the shade.

- I know, but this is the shady room.

- Please be a team player.

Pick one, and then whatever you get...

- So you can reflect. - You have to do.

- Fine. - Is it the same question?

- No, who has the best butt in the group?

Actually, we all have great butts.

- Okay. Which one is your favorite?

- When we were leaving the boat,

Teresa, you had that thing on,

and you were kind of shimmering,

and your butt was kind of bouncing.

I'm like, "Jesus Christ, her butt looks good."

- Boom, boom, boom. - It's like, "Wow."

- So Teresa's was your favorite butt?

See how easy that was? And we're all still alive.

The question was not that complicated.

Have fun with it. Who's next?

- Who would you sex, marry, kill in this group?

- All right, who would you have sex with first?

- Okay, but you have to think about this.

Like, if you-- - Luann.

[laughter] - Oh, wow.

- Sex with Luann. - I love it.

- Well, because I saw her today,

and she kind of turned me on.

- Yeah. - Marry?

Let's see, marry. Cynthia.

She's like--she's very touchy-feely, and so am I.

- We have the same love language.

- Yes, and who would I kill, in this group?

I mean, she did say something mean about me

without knowing me,

but now you do know me.

So Ramona. But I wouldn't kill her.

- Come on, it's a game.

She knows you're not gonna kill her.

- And I accept it. - Although the night is young.

[laughter]

- Thank you, thank you for being a team player

and answering the question.

- Cynthia's very upset right now.

- Upset about what? - I'm not upset.

Let me just be very clear about that.

I know, for sure, that I'm a team player,

so I was a little irritated, because I was excited

about putting this together for you guys.

But if you guys are uncomfortable,

we can have that conversation,

but I would like that same respect.

- Cynthia's taking this far too seriously.

Can we have fun and just do the questions again?

You're the host. You're not making this fun.

- Let's go. Let's move it. Who is the most disrespectful?

Well, hands down, that's Ramona.

- Own it, own it! - I own it, I own it!

Keep it moving.

This is how you want the game to go.

- Oh, my God, you're not gonna

believe this question, you guys.

- Yes! Read it, read it.

- What is your biggest insecurity?

[laughter]

- Ramona. - No, my biggest insecurity...

- Oh, the biggest.

- Like, I have body image issues.

I had an eating disorder when I was younger.

I don't anymore, but it never really leaves you.

And then when you're in the public eye,

I mean, people say things, and I get more self-conscious,

and I look at people like Luann move and just,

like, run around and be free, and I just am not that person.

I don't think I'll ever be that person.

- I really like this question, and if you guys are okay,

I would like to actually pass that question around the table.

- I thought we were trying to keep this light?

[laughs] - I kind of fear getting older.

Just, like, things that change with your body...

- Join the club. - And everything.

- Join the club.

- Yes, so that does make me a little insecure.

- My biggest insecurity was-- before Brooklyn,

was never finding unconditional love.

But now, it is never finding that in a man.

- Oh. - Yeah.

- One of my biggest insecurities

was finding love again.

You know, I have a great life,

and none of it's fun by yourself.

It's just not, you know?

- I come off as if I'm confident, I would say,

but the truth is, I'm very insecure

about leaving my husband alone,

and I've never caught Joe ever doing anything wrong,

but it's a real...

- Wow. - Problem for me.

And I think it relates, for me, back to daddy issues.

I saw my dad cheat his whole life.

I watched my mother suffer,

and she taught me not to trust a man.

- Yes.

- And I'm always worried that my family is going to break,

and I'm envious when you walk out that door,

and you enjoy your girls' night without any stress,

'cause I can't do it.

- You're not alone! - I am [bleep] crazy!

No, I am a psycho!

- Right. - Right.

- Ever since she married my brother,

they were both very jealous of each other.

They both were not allowed to go out with their friends.

They were always together, but you know what?

Every relationship is different.

I don't like to cast judgment on anyone.

Whatever works for your marriage,

that's what you should go with.

- Ramona, what is your biggest insecurity?

- My body image.

- What?

- My body image. I don't feel good about it.

- Ramona.

- Didn't she come out in a G-string and pasties?

- Ramona, I would not say

you're insecure about your body.

- Is that her asshole? - Right here. Yeah.

- She's an exhibitionist.

- Sometimes, when people are insecure,

they put out the opposite.

If that's what you say you're insecure about, I receive it.

- Luann, what's your insecurity?

- I'm just terrified I'm gonna grow old with Ramona,

and I'm gonna have to push her around Central Park

in a wheelchair!

[laughter]

- In my opinion, this is amazing.

Like, everybody started opening up,

which is why I had the Bailey Q in the first place.

I personally am loving this, and at the end--

- Me too. I love this.

And I'm really sorry if I took it too seriously.

[thunderclap]

- I appreciate that. - Hmm.

These ladies are finally getting a glimpse of 50-Cynt.

- I didn't realize you actually were upset.

Were you upset? - I was a little irritated.

- By me? - Yes.

- Uh... - Yes.

- Well, you kind of kicked it off.

- Yes.

- Beware, and be very afraid.

- You just seemed very unwilling

to go with it and have fun.

[tense music]

- Okay.

♪

- Were you upset? - I'm not upset.

I was annoyed, and I was a little irritated.

- By me? - Yes.

- Uh... - Yes.

- Well, you kind of kicked it off.

- I don't know why Cynthia's really upset.

I think that she just might be just a little bit jealous

that I am connecting with some of these ladies.

- Okay, I'm sorry.

- Do you understand why I was irritated?

- I do, but do you understand why I thought it was weird

to do an award about who looks prettiest?

- I do, but... - Okay.

- It's a game, and, you know,

we're just having fun with this.

- Because the thing with me, with four daughters, it's like,

when I hear "who has the prettiest this"

or whatever, I just go to that place,

so I don't mean to take the fun away from it.

Yeah, let's do it. Let's do the awards.

I'm not gonna be the person who says that's not fun.

- No, no, you already said it.

It's fine, and we've had the conversation.

And it's okay. We can move on.

- I did not mean to be a buzzkill.

I'm so sorry. - I accept your apology.

Thank you for apologizing. - Okay.

- Totally fine.

So anyone that feels comfortable

will give the award.

- So go ahead, Ramona. You go first.

- Okay, sweetest.

- Who's the sweetest? - Oh, my--you know what?

- Who is the sweetest, Ramona?

- I'm giving you the sweetest.

- Melissa! all: Aww.

- I'd like to just take this moment--

[laughter]

I'd like to share this award with Ms. Cynthia,

because I feel sweet can be underrated,

but it takes a lot to be sweet,

so I'm wearing this with pride, Ramona.

- All right. - I'd like to thank Jesus.

I'd like to thank God.

- Hallelujah. - I'm taking this win.

Thank you, Jesus!

Okay, the smartest. Ms. Kenya.

- Yes!

Oh, this is easy. Kyle!

- Luann.

To be sober in this group takes a lot of strength.

- Ramona, you have a great butt.

- I accept the butt award!

- You are just a fashion icon, baby.

- Yes! - You are amazing.

- I agree. - The award is the sexiest.

- So this is very difficult.

[laughter] - But...

- What are you gonna say?

Who's the sexiest one here, Kenya?

[trills]

- Oh!

I don't know. I'm sorry.

all: Aww!

- Do you guys want me to do the prettiest?

- I'm keeping my mouth shut.

- Whatever you want. It's your thing.

- Well, you know, it's not whatever I want, obviously.

It's whatever we want, and I'm fine with it.

- Cynthia is so salty right now,

and she's playing the "it's fine" bit.

Are you kidding me?

I'm sorry that I was such a buzzkill, sorry.

She's not fine.

- This one. Here we go. Shadiest.

[laughter]

Well, that's [bleep] easy.

[laughter]

That was a no-brainer!

- The shadiest person here calls me the shadiest?

Now that's shady.

- Cynthia, we want to toast you for a beautiful shady evening.

- Well, this was the third annual Bailey Q,

and it may be the last.

- I'm sorry!

- I appreciate everyone's honesty.

I really do think it was powerful.

- Yay, Cynthia!

- Cheers to shady bitches.

- Shady bitches, whoo!

[sexy music]

♪

- [laughing]

[upbeat music]

- That'd be, like, a best moment.

- She really is not mad at me?

- No, she's not mad at you. - For sure?

- No, for sure.

- It's just so funny to me that a group of women

that can be so petty

had such a problem with talking about being petty.

- And so I hope that Cynthia's not mad at me.

- She's not! - I do, too.

- Cynthia was being a little shady

toward me at the Bailey Q.

- I was disappointed that Kenya was, like, late.

I would never be late to anything that she's doing.

She definitely was being short with me.

It's kind of a trigger for me because I do feel like people

sometimes take my kindness for weakness.

- I feel like everyone truly wanted it.

- Yeah. It's the right award.

- For real, and I--honestly, I do think

you're smart as [bleep].

- I'm gonna have a conversation with her.

- It was just about the respect.

- Cynthia, I think, is just a little jealous.

- For all the petty people out there,

I accept this award, on their behalf.

- I mean, since I am the shadiest,

Cynthia's potato salad

probably should have stayed in Atlanta.

- You won shadiest bitch, bitch.

- ♪ Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad ♪

♪ I'm the baddest in the room, you the number two ♪