Original subtitles

f Yippee yi-o-ki-a galloping all the way J

JS Here comes Quick Draw McGraw Sf

Kellogg's. The best to you each morning from Kellogg's.

f Yippee yi-o-ki-a galloping all the way J

~ Great big star on his chest f

£ Outdraws all of the rest f

~ Fastest gun in the west f

f Yippee yi-o-ki-a riding around your way f

JS Here comes Quick Draw McGraw Sf

~ The high-falutin'est fastest shootin'est

~ Cowboy you ever saw f

~ That's Quick Draw McGraw JS

Brought to you by...

[instrumental music]

[humming]

-Oh, dear old dad. -What is it, Augie my boy?

Have you got change for a 50?

All I've got is 38 cents.

I'll have to owe you the rest. [chuckles]

Never mind.

[humming]

He must have saved his allowance

for a whole month to have 50 cents.

-[chuckles] -Oh, dad.

What is it, my newspaper reading interrupting son of mine?

What is the one thing you want most

that costs lots and lots of money?

[machine whirring]

Well, now I could use a new car.

The differential is interfering

with the coverlater on the old one. [chuckles]

Why do you ask, my son?

Here, poverty stricken dad,

get yourself a couple of new Cars.

Thanks, Augie, my rich son.

You're welcome, grateful father.

And there's lots more where that came from.

Augie! Where did you get all this money?

From my money making machine, suddenly rich father of mine.

How do ya like that? My son's a counterfooter.

And ! wanted him to be a supermarket checker?

1 suppose the next question is,

where did I get the machine, eh, inquisitive dad?

You took the supposin' right outta my mouth, Augie.

Well, a gentleman dropped it outta his car.

Believe me, Augie, he was no gentleman.

He wasn't? What was he then, father who knows all?

None other than Lefty Louie, the international counterfooter.

Your law abiding son was unaware of that, understanding dad.

I'll call the police right away.

! wouldn't do that if! was you.

Lefty Louie, the counterfooter.

All right, kid, you picked up my machine, get it.

Is there a reward out for you, Lefty?

There's always a reward for Lefty Louie.

Is there enough for a couple of new cars?

At least. Now get that machine or your old man gets it.

Do what the nice gentleman says, Augie boy.

[humming]

Well, that's that.

All right, uh, where's the machine?

l hid it, where no one will ever find it.

-Augie! -Don't worry, petrified dad.

He won't hurt ya. I'm the only one who knows where it is.

You gotta admit, my boy has a point there.

l get it. You want me to cut ya in on it.

[humming]

You better humor him, Lefty.

I've seen that stubborn look of his before.

All right, now give me that machine.

-Or I'll, uh, I'll... -Or you'll what?

Oh, or I'll do anything you want. Just name it.

1 know, let's play games.

Okay, what'll it be?

Uh, checkers, parcheesis, tiddlywinksies?

Uh-uh. I feel like playing circus.

Okay, let's play circus.

Don't go away, folks, this could be interesting.

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the great diver,

who will dive a height of 100 feet into a tub of water.

And there he goes!

[whoosh]

[thud]

Whoops, I forgot the water.

Water coming right up.

[splash]

Thanks, I needed that.

And now, for your edification,

we present the great high-wire expert

who will cross the wire on a unicycle.

And there he goes!

1 gotta play along, or I'll never get that machine.

This is a cinch.

Hey, I made it.

Help!

[thud]

What's the next act, ringmaster?

It's the incomparable trapeze artist, Captain Fly-Right,

who will astound you with his famous triple flip somersault.

Ah, look, kid, why can't we play hopscotch instead, uh?

[humming]

There's that stubborn look again.

All right, a-all right!

Hey, this is fun.

[thud]

Look, kid, what say we split

50/50 on the machine and call it quits?

[humming]

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

For sheer perspicacity,

and audacity in the face of danger to life and limb...

[chuckles] That's my boy there

who's uttering those big words.

We will now bring you speed wizard,

who will ride his motorcycle at 100 mph

right through a brick wall.

Boy, what some people won't do for money.

[bam]

[thud]

[crash]

You win, kid. Keep the machine. I'm leaving.

But there's just one more act to do.

Then can I have the machine?

-Sure, if you do this final act. -1 will, } will, } will.

l reiterate, don't go away, folks.

And now, for the stupendous finale,

l give you Claude Bridges, the lion tamer.

Lion, ha-ha, probably some mangy alley cat.

Here kitty, kitty.

[roars]

Ouch, ooh, ooch, help! Ouch, ouch, help! Help!

Police, this is Lefty Louie, former bad guy.

Come and get me, please. Hurry.

And don't forget the reward.

That's my law-abiding son who said that.

After all, how many fathers can say

their boy bought them a big new car

with a small one for a spare? [chuckles]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Howdy, folks, this is your old Indian fighter

bringing you another thrilling saga of the Old West.

Today, my story is about Cactus Cecil.

The meanest, toughest hombre

that ever slapped leather, or robbed a bank.

All right, folks, I'm Cactus Cecil,

the meanest, toughest hombre

that ever slapped leather, or robbed a bank. Stick 'em up.

I I'll never forget the day ! fell for Cactus Nell f

I'll count to three, then hand over the loot.

One, two, three.

£ Sitting on a thumb tack J

S Made me tall and subtle f

Do I get the money, or must I count to ten?

~ Oh, ! won't be a browned up Nelly I

~ Because I'm such a square ff

If 1 count to 127, will you give me the loot?

All right, buster. Stop annoying the man.

Now, go play outside.

-[thud] -Oh, pshaw!

Nobody would believe ! want to rob that bank.

Oh, pshaw, pshaw!

Cactus Cecil's mind was made up to rob that bank.

But how?

Then one day somethin’ happened that gave him an idea.

Marry up with me, Lily Bell.

So! can steal your ranch, nice and legal.

-He he he. -Never, you villain.

What's with this never? Who's going to stop me?

None other than that right-er of wrong, El Kabong.

El Kabong? What's an El Kabong?

! don't see any El Kabong.

You will. Help!

-E] Kabong, help! -Ole!

Kabong!

[kabong]

-Oh, that's El Kabong. -Yup.

And there's more kabongs

where that kabong, kabonged from.

I'm gettin’ out of here.

San Francisco, open up your golden gate.

Extra, extra El Kabong runs villain.

I'll take a paper, son. Of course, this is a stick up.

The price is still a nickel. Take it or leave it.

Oh, pshaw. I'll take it.

And if you're a female in distress

just yell for El Kabong.

El Kabong doesn't know it,

but he's going to help me rob a bank.

[laughs]

Meanwhile, El Kabong, who was really the famous lawman

Quick Draw McGraw was just lopping along

singing the good old songs of the West.

f Oh I'm a lonesome cowboy J

f 'Cause the girls don't like my face IS

Hey, Quicks Draw.

What is it, my faithful companion?

This lopping along is tough on my feet.

But your singing is tougher on my ears. Don't you thin'?

I'll do the thinin' around here, Baba boy.

And do-o-on't you disremember it.

[babbling]

[Quick Draw] What's that again?

! said, I thin’ you sing

like a bird, Quicks Draw.

[laughs] Who would ever suspect a helpless

appearing little old lady.

[man] Hey, come back here with that money,

you helpless appearing little old lady.

Help! El Kabong, help! Help!

That sounds like a helpless appearing

little old lady in distress.

Undisturb yourself, helpless appearing little old lady.

Because...

El Kabong will save you!

1 don't thin’ you'll save anybody

lookin’ like that, Quicks Draw.

Oops, wrong costume.

El Kabong will save you in the right costume.

-Help! El Kabong, help! -Ole!

Kabong!

[kabong]

1 don't Know how to thank you, Mr. Kabong.

Oh, shucks, ma'am.

Just knit me a holster.

There he is, sheriff. He's the one that kabonged me.

1 don't believe it. El Kabong has turned out, oh,

and took up with that helpless appearing little old lady,

who is really Cactus Cecil in disguise.

Oh, they're after my money again. What shall 1 do?

You just scurry off

on your helpless appearing little old legs.

I'll take care of 'em.

-Stop! Or I'll shoot. -Hold on there!

-[gunshot] -Ooh, does that ever smart.

You, butterhead!

That was Cactus Cecil with the bank money.

You get that money back, El Kabong,

or it's the El Kaboose for you.

Kabonger an all.

Oh, pshaw! They're onto me.

Ole! Kabong!

[kabong]

There's nothin’ I hate worst than being in jail.

Oh, yes, there is.

[bang]

Timber!

[thud]

I think I'll spend it all at one place.

Ole!

Ole yourself. Will see how you land.

How come I'm flying in the wrong direction?

[thud]

Thanks for breakin’ my fall, sheriff.

"Don't go west", my mother said. "You'll get hurt", she said.

But would I listen? No, not me.

You was right, mom. You're boy is a-comin' home.

Ha ha, at last I think ! can afford a long vacation.

l think so too. Stick 'em up, Cactus Cecil.

Oh, pshaw, pshaw!

And so ended Cactus Cecil's bank robbing career.

Now, we have a surprise guest on our program.

None other than El Kabong himself

and his faithful companion Baba Looey.

Howdy, everybody out there in TV land.

Likewise.

! was just tellin' our audience

how the great El Kabong goofed.

Hey, what have you got to say for yourself?

[Quick Draw] Just this, Kabo-o-ong!

[kabong]

If there's anything l can't stand

it's an old Indian fighter tattle tale.

And that was for me too, I thin’.

[laughing]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Gosh, Snoop, I'm getting tired.

Do you suppose we'll ever get our patrol car back?

Uh, aS soon as we can make up the payments, Blab,

the repossesser will possess it back to us.

Mean whilst, lets hope that we get

a caper that pays lost of money.

Right, Snoop. A first class private eye

never gets discouraged

just because he happens to be flat broke.

Hazel to Snoop, Hazel to Snoop.

Come in, Hazel. Say, Hazel.

1 thought they disconnected our phone,

what phone are you using?

I'm not using a phone,

I'm shouting out the window!

Necessity is the mama of invention.

Are there any signs of business, Hazel?

Oh, yes. J. Richley Richley was over.

Oh, you mean the well to do millionaire.

Yes, he wants to see you right away.

Blab, this may be the monetary job we've been waiting for.

-So, uh, make like a siren. -Right, Snoop.

[imitates siren]

Gee, J. Richley Richley

has a swell abode of a mansion, Snoop.

-Try not to look hungry, Blab. -Right, Snoop.

That must be those two-bit private eyes.

All the good ones are out of town.

You are Super Sumer, l presnoop, I mean.

I Know what you mean, and you're presuming up the right tree.

You sent for us, ! take it?

Or we wouldn't be here, would we?

-Quiet, you booby, Blab! -Right, Snoop.

1 shall pay you $50,000 to find my stolen gems.

And I suspect Grimes, my butler is the thief.

Come, I'll show you.

1 don't mean to differentiate with you,

but the only times the butler did it

is in them old, old movies on the late, late show.

Grimes and myself are the only ones who live here.

l keep my priceless gem collection

in this vault-like room.

Only I know the combination.

And here is my fabulous gem collection.

Just one a day has been stolen. No more.

Might I interject, uh...

They must be worth millions!

[Blab] Thousands even!

1 bet you must be well off, Mr. Richley.

! want you to pose as window washers,

and when my butler returns from the market, watch him.

Even though this ain't the late late show, we'll do it.

Anyone skulking near the vault door, Blab?

No, Snoop. Anything new inside the vault?

Yeah, something we missed before, Blab.

-A clue, Snoop? -And what a clue!

Footprints from the gems that get smaller and smaller,

and then disappear into a mouse hole.

How devilishly clever of the culprit.

What better place to hide gems than in a mouse hole?

[Snoop] What's more devilishly clever

is that the crook walks into the mouse hole.

Hark, as they say!

Someone is at the vault door.

Time to put away another bloomin' gem!

[glugging]

Downsy daisy, and under the door.

J. Richley Richley was right! It was the Butler!

And there he absconds with a gem, into the mouse hole!

Soon I'll have the whole ruddy lot,

and then it's me for the Auckney Islands, for a jolly time!

[chuckles]

Okay, Blab, go after him!

You're asking me to drink that stuff, Snoop?

Socially, ! would ask you, but officially it's an order.

Aye aye, sir!

Downsy daisy, and under the door!

Uh-oh, ! hears footsteps.

They couldn't be the master's.

All right, Grimes, the jig is up,

so come out with your arms akimbo!

How's this?

-[gunshot] -Help, Snoop! Help!

Stop, or I'll shoot!

He's fully armed, Snoop! Help!

Worry not, help is coming!

Downsy daisy, and under the door!

-Help, help! -Stop.

Stop in the name of the private eye institute

fife and drum corp!

Drop it, drop it I say!

Ow! Me blinkin' arm!

-Youch! -Youch!

-[splash] -Help, Blab!

I'll spear him like a bloomin' halibut!

-[gunshots] -Oh, no you won't!

It's that blinkin' assistant!

One swig of that potion,

and I'll squish them both under my foot!

Don't let him get to that potion, Blab,

or we'll be squished for good!

! won't let him, Snoop!

Fore!

-[boing] -Ow!

Don't worry about the potion, Snoop.

I'll make sure he won't use it.

Hold it, Blab! Don't!

-[lass shatters] -That did it!

You made sure we won't use it, you booby Blab!

Gosh, Snoop. ! never thought of that!

Seven million goes into forty-seven million six times.

-[doorbell rings] -Come in.

I'm happy to relate we recovered your stolen gems!

And the devilishly clever butler, too!

Oh, what's the blinking use.

Good work, Snooper! Where are you, Snooper?

This is no time to play games!

Here we are, sir!

Now, how did those fleas get on my desk?

Yikes!

We must get out of here!

It'll take us six weeks

to get back our normal size without the potion.

Oh, fine, fine.

What'll we do meanwhile, Snoop?

Hmm, let me think.

Well, as I see it, there's only one thing we can do,

and we may as well get at it. Come on!

Ladies and gentlemen, step right up

and see the famous Fink's Flea Circuses new act!

The Three Sophisticates!

My blinkin' legs are getting tired.

Ready? Here we go again.

1 don't get it, Snoop.

Why did we have to join the flea circus?

Well, Blab, I'll tell you.

It was either this, or go to the dogs.

Hah! I get it, Snoop. [chuckles]

Go to the dogs! [chuckles]

[instrumental music]

f Yippee yi-o-ki-a galloping all the way J

~ There goes Quick Draw McGraw f

Kellogg's, your best choice in cereal.

The best to you each morning has brought you...

f Yippee yi-o-ki-a galloping all the way J

~ Great big star on his chest f

£ Outdraws all of the rest f

~ Fastest gun in the west f

f Yippee yi-o-ki-a galloping all the way J

~ There goes Quick Draw McGraw f

~ The high-falutin'est fastest shootin'est

£ Cowboy you ever saw Jf

[Quick Draw] Hey, Baba Looey, are you all right?

S'awright.