Original subtitles

f Yippee yi-o ki-a, Galloping all the way

JS Here comes Quick Draw McGraw Sf

[announcer] Kellogg's, the best

to you each morning from Kellogg's

f Yippee yi-o ki-a, Galloping all the way

~ Great big star on his chest f

£ Outdraws all of the rest f

~ Fastest gun in the west f

£ Yippee yi-o ki-a, Riding around your way J

JS Here comes Quick Draw McGraw Sf

£ The high-falutin'est, Fastest shootin'est

~ Cowboy you ever saw f

J That's Quick Draw McGraw Sf

[announcer] Brought to you by Kellogg's...

Uh, good morning class.

[Blabber] Good morning, teacher.

Is the class ready to, uh, continue

our Private Eye lessons?

The class is ready and ! put an apple on your desk

this morning, too.

A most worthy contribution.

And now for our lessons.

Today, we deal with strange

odd-ball capers.

This is the Leaning Tower of pizza.

[Blabber] What makes it lean, Snoop?

[Snooper] It doesn't lean, Blab.

Gosh, Snoop. It looks leany to me.

Me clever deductions prove that the ground leans,

not the tower.

How astute, how perceptive,

how ingenious.

But nevertheless true.

Me toughest caper was

figuring out why bats

hang upside down by their teeny feet.

Did you solve it, Snoop?

Only after a scalp tingling solution.

l hung by my feet for 37 days looking for a clue.

[Blabber] And what did you get, Snoop?

A tingly scalp. It was quite an experience.

Gee, I'll say, "Wowee!" "Gee whiz!" "Gosh!"

Then like a flash flash ! had the solution.

What was it, Snoop?

The suspense is awful.

Elementary, me dear Blab.

l merely ordered a couple of chairs

to rest our worrisome feet.

Here you see the little fella saying,

"Thanks, pal. That's a load off me feet."

A well-deserved accolade

for a humane private eye.

[phone rings]

Pardon me, class.

Snooper Detective Agency.

If your case is strange, we don't work for small change.

You're saying you'll pay us fifty thousand bucks

uh, just to guard a birthday party?

For an extra buck and a half,

we'll blow the siren on the way over.

Isn't it a strange odd-ball Caper, Snoop?

No, Blab.

Only a 1203.

Garden birthday gifts.

[siren wailing]

Mr. and Mrs. J. Evil Scientists.

Uh, this is it, Blab.

1 got an eerie feeling

this is gonna be a strange odd-ball caper after all.

Parlay your fears, Blab.

A happy birthday is a happy birthday.

[sound of loud screaming]

[man] Ah, good evening, gentlemen.

My, what a handsome pair of heads.

[laughs]

I'm an artist.

Would you pose for me sometime?

Uh, certainly.

Do you paint heads?

No, ! shrink them.

[laughs]

So long, Snoop.

I'm shrunk enough.

Come back, you booby Blab.

He's only joking.

l hope.

Who is it, dear?

[man] It's the birthday party experts, dear.

Good. Let's be on our way.

You're going out?

Yes. We're going to a scary movie.

It's called Ben Horror.

But, uh, what about the party?

Where are all the frolicking and cajoling guests?

A good private eye never overlooks the slightest detail.

There are no guests.

This is just a simple little birthday party.

for Junior.

I'm sorry, madam, but, uh,

emceeing a kid's birthday party

is a little out of me private eye line.

Would $60,000 be more in line?

Don't say another dollar. I'll do it.

! wonder where Junior is, Snoop.

Perchance he's in his play penitentiary, Blab.

Getting ready for the festivities.

Hey, Junior.

Leave us start earning

my 60,000 clams.

[creaking]

-Wuh, wuh. -Nah.

Nah.

Here comes our guest of honor, Blab.

Hi, Junior.

Wuh, wuh, wuh.

[Snooper] Cute little tyke, isn't he?

Happy birthday, Junior.

That goes double, ! assure you.

Wuh, wuh, wuh.

Leave the jovial fun begin.

[blows]

Wuh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.

Huh. [blows]

Yikes.

Watch it, Snoop. That's a gun.

Don't be silly, Blab. It's only a toy.

[firing]

Children.

Look, Snoop.

Junior is absconding with the cake.

Wuh, wuh! Wuh, wuh!

Hey, come back here with that happy birthday cake

before you ruin it.

Wuh, wuh.

Uh, uh, uh.

[chomps]

You ragged little naughty muffin.

Where's the cake?

Wuh, wuh, wuh.

In the playpen, eh?

Well, leave us retrieve it and get on with the party.

Wuh, wuh, wuh.

! don't see it, Junior.

Are you sure you put the cake in here?

Ya-ouch.

Help.

Quick. Where did Snoop go?

Wuh, wuh, wuh.

In the playpen, huh?

Snoop, are you in there?

Run for your life, Blab. It's a 707.

What's a 707, Snoop?

A crocky-dile on the loose.

Leave us get out of here.

You're right, Snoop.

1 don't care about the $60,000 either.

1 forgot about that.

That's a lot of forgetting to do, isn't it, Snoop?

Now what do you say we open some presents, Junior?

Wah, wah, wah.

Here's a swell one, Snoop.

It's a do-it-yourself monster kit.

Good. That ought to keep him busy till his folks come home.

[banging]

Wah, wah.

Gosh, Snoop, he's finished already.

[monster grunting]

Wah, wah.

-Gosh, Snoop, is it for real? -Search me, Blab,

But here it comes, and here we go.

-[monster grunting] -[crashing]

[Junior] Wah, wah.

Sounds like they're having a great party, my dear.

[monster grunting]

-[crashing] -[monster grunting]

Gangway!

Look, darling, it's the babysitters.

They didn't even wait for the $60,000 fee.

Too bad.

1 wanted to tell what a good movie

Ben Horror was,

especially the chariot race.

[laughs]

What a pileup.

[laughs]

[theme music]

[gentle music]

[snoring]

Sleep on and rest, father who is fatigued.

Your dutiful son has not forgotten your birthday.

Surprise number one: a scrumptious birthday cake.

Surprise number two: a birthday gift.

Surprise number three: a ten-gallon hat, daddy-size.

And surprise number four will be a rousing, hero-type

birthday awakening.

[drums beating]

Jupin' jumpiter! The sky is fallin’!

Augie, what's all the racket about?

[Augie] It's your birthday!

Many happy returns, dear old dad,

on this, your natal day.

For a minute, l thought it was my doomsday.

Do you like your hat, western-type dad?

Thanks, Augie, it's very western, heh-heh!

[laughs]

Come on, deserving dad,

there are more surprises.

After all, it's a father's birthday duty

to withstand surprises.

Be aghast with wonderment at your gift, dear old dad.

I bet it's a cement mixer, for the man who has everything.

Open it, open it, open it already, open it!

Stop the stampede there, pardner!

I'll open it, if if takes me all day.

And from the size of that package,

! wouldn't be surprised if it did.

[wrapper rustling]

There now, what's the big surprise?

Huh? Who's this, Augie?

That's Roscoe.

Say hello to dad, Roscoe.

[Roscoe neighs]

[thudding]

Augie, get this beast off me!

Do something, quick!

Here, Roscoe.

[neighing]

He goes with the ten-gallon hat, dad.

[Daddy] That's all right with me, Augie. Here.

Now, go, with the ten-gallon hat.

[whining]

[Augie] Gee, dad...

All right, the hat can stay,

but Roscoe goes.

Oh, the shame of it.

Because my dear old dad rejected my birthday gift,

l shall grow up with a trauma.

! wouldn't want my boy to grow up with a trauma.

They're the worst kind.

Does that mean Roscoe can stay,

dear father of all time?

l guess so, Augie.

[neighing cheerfully] Oh, boy!

[thuds and starts licking]

One thing, Augie:

unless Roscoe learns

to cut this out,

out he goes.

It's a breathtaking cake, Augie my son.

Thanks, grateful dad. Now make a wish.

-Hmm, now-- -Not you, you hay burner.

Me. It happens to be my birthday.

Now, lemme see.

[fly buzzing]

Shoo, you old fly, you, shoo!

! wish, uh...

Hey, get off my nose!

Can't you see I'm thinkin’ to make a wish?

Get the fly swatter, Augie.

What happened?

[Augie] It was only a fly, dear old dad.

It felt more like a horsefly to me.

You can blow the candles out now.

[inhales and blows]

Now you done it! You blew my cake right out the window.

-[man] Hi there! -Huh?

I'm an innocent passer-by. [laughs]

[Daddy] Oh, I'm very sorry, sir.

We were just celebratin' my birthday.

A little family fun, you understand.

[man] Of course!

And here's a little gift for you.

Ha-ha-ha, happy birthday, sir!

That does it. Roscoe will have to go.

But, dad, you're not gonna break your word, are ya?

Augie my boy, be reasonable.

What can ! do with him?

Well, he can take you for healthy

horseback rides, flabby Dad,

can't you, Roscoe?

[neighs] I'll say.

Augie, make him stop!

Help!

Get me off, Augie, get me off!

[crashes]

Are you hurt, tall in the saddle dad?

! only hope I make it to my next birthday.

Go tell dad you're sorry, Roscoe.

l refuse to accept his apology.

[whining]

! remain terra firma and terra cotta.

[crying]

It's no use, my mind is made up.

[cries loudly]

You can throw all the transoms you want,

but I ain't budgin’.

Why, you... Grrr!

Augie, get me offa here!

Attaboy, dad, ride him, cowboy!

Help!

[crashing and thudding]

You did it again, ditto dad.

l give up, Augie, l give up.

l accept your birthday gift.

You're welcome, dad.

[whispering]

Really?

Oh, Dad, what do you think

of anyone who would separate

a father and a son?

Words cannot elucidate a low-down, no-good low life

who would dare do such a thing.

Hey, hear that, Roscoe?

That means it's okay.

[whistles]

[galloping]

[neighing]

[both neighing]

Meet Roscoe Jr., Dad, he'll stay here too.

But, Augie, what can we do with two horses in the house,

and of what earthly use could they be?

[both neigh]

Look, Dad, there's your answer.

[Daddy] Well, wnaddya know?

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

After all, how many homes can boast a pair

of real live horse bookends?

[laughs]

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

[narrator] When gold was discovered in the old west...

[metal clangs]

Gold! Gold!

[narrator] ...the gold rush was on.

In their hasty greed for gold,

the miners overlooked many of life's necessities.

[thudding]

-I'm hungry, Zeke. -Me too, Jeb.

Maybe it's because we haven't eaten in three weeks.

By jingos.

In our hasty greed for gold,

we plumb forgot to bring something.

Yep, food.

And so it was that common ordinary chicken eggs

sold for $25 each and more.

Easy terms arranged.

This is a stick-up!

Give me a couple of eggs, scrambled.

Scrambled, too.

[narrator] To meet the demand for more eggs,

the first chicken ranch was started...

[chickens cluck]

...by a former cattle baron.

Yes, sirree.

Cattle can't lay eggs,

and besides,

whoever heard of chicken rustlers?

[narrator]] But he was wrong,

for the first chicken rustler

was already at work.

Ah, that's right, you know.

Like, I'm a natural-born chicken rustler,

on account of I'm a chicken hawk.

Eh, there's a connection there somewheres.

[chicken clucking]

Like, if l was a potato bug,

this sack would be full of potatoes instead of chickens.

It figures.

[chickens cluck]

My chickens are being stolen.

Where's the sheriff?

Out hunting gold to buy eggs with.

Then who's going to stop this chicken-rustling chicken hawk?

There's one and only one who can,

[singsong] that high falutin'est,

fastest shootin'est Quick Draw McGraw!

Hey, Queeks Draw,

why do you thin’ the cattle baron

want you for?

To catch a no-good cattle rustler,

Baba Looey. What else?

[cattle baron] I'll tell you what else, McGraw.

To catch a no-good chicken rustler.

Chicken rustler? Well now, that's a little out of my line.

How about a $10,000 reward?

Is that a little bit out of your line too?

Let's face it, Queeks Draw.

It's not chicken's fee.

Then I'll catch that chicken hawk,

or my name ain't

Quick Draw chicken rustler catcher McGraw.

How you thin’ you're gonna catch him, Queeks Draw?

With this, Baba.

My, oh, single-shot radar-returner shooter.

Hey, don't point that thing at me.

It won't hurt you, Baba.

[plops]

[bullet sniffs]

See.

It only goes after chicken hawks.

Ahem, uh, pardon the intrusion, gentlemen,

but I'm in dire need of loose chicken feathers.

My pillow is dreadful and lumpy without 'em.

Why sure, little stranger.

There's plenty of them in the chicken coop.

Just help yourself.

I'm overwhelmed by your generosity.

Not at all.

Hey, Queeks Draw, I thin’ that's a chicken hawk.

Chicken hawk? Are you sure?

Well, ! don't thin’ he's a canary.

[chickens cluck]

Relax. All l want is your eggs.

Hold on thar!

so I can blast you with my chicken hawk single-shooter.

Uh-oh, time for a little horse sense.

Dum-de-dum de-dum de-dum.

Ah, as one horse to another,

how'd you like to be a chicken hawk?

Oh hey! Hey!

[mumbling] Hey, who did that?

[bullet sniffs]

[blast]

Well, we've proved one thing.

My radar chicken hawk gun works.

[laughs]

] thin' Queeks Draw

is a bird brain.

What did you say?

I-l said I thin’ it's going to rain.

That's a real-looking chicken, dummies, Queeks Draw.

Exceptin' it's loaded with TNT, Baba Looey.

And when the chicken hawk grabs it, whammo!

Nothin’ but chicken hawk feathers.

Oh, th-that's a terrible thing to contemplate.

What is, son?

Well, uh, look,

I'm an honest chicken hawk,

and one of your chickens is runnin’ around loosed.

Thank you, honest chicken hawk.

I'll take care of it.

Here, chick, chick, chick, chick.

[dummy chicken clucking]

Ah, there you are.

It's back in the coop for you.

Oh, there's a chicken hawk on the line.

Here goes.

[boom]

No more chicken rustlin’.

-McGraw! -Yes, sir?

Remember that $10,000 1 promised you?

-Yes, sir. -Well, it's down to $1.30.

But, Queeks Draw, I don't thin' l want to be a chicken.

I'll do the thin'in' around here.

So make like a chicken.

[imitates clucking]

Now, now, that's what ! call a Sunday-sized chicken

with enough left over for snicky snacks.

Snack this, you chicken rustler.

Yikes!

Hey, watch it, will you, Queeks Draw?

Gorsh, I'm sorry, Baba Boy.

Oh, sir, better hasten.

Quick Draw is like shootin’ up your chickens.

Oh, he is, is he?

-McGraw? -Yes, sir?

That $1.30 reward is now down to nothin’.

Well, I'll catch that chicken hawk for nothin’.

My dander is up.

One and a two.

Aone, and a two.

1 don't thin' that chicken's gonna

beat up that chicken hawks.

I know a bandy fightin’ rooster when I see one, Baba.

[alarm rings]

Go on, bandy, get up.

Give that chicken hawk the old one-two.

[clucking]

Huh?

That's what I tried to tell you, Queeks Draw.

He's no fightin’ bandy.

He's a lady chicken.

[clucking]

Queeks Draw, don't you think the rooster is a little too young

to be a fightin’ rooster?

Nope, Baba boy.

That chicken hawk's gotta go.

That's why I'm trainin’ this little rooster early.

[panting]

That Queeks Draw's pretty smart.

He never ends up with egg on his face.

Hehehehe.

[theme music]

~ There goes Quick Draw McGraw f

[announcer] Kellogg's, your best choice in cereals...

...has brought to you...

f Yippee yi-o ki-a, Galloping all the way

~ Great big star on his chest f

£ Outdraws all of the rest f

~ Fastest gun in the west f

f Yippee yi-o ki-a, Galloping all the way

~ There goes Quick Draw McGraw f

£ The high-falutin'est, Fastest shootin'est

~ Cowboy you ever saw f

[McGraw] Hey, Baba Looey, are you all right?

S'awright.