Original subtitles

f Yippee yi-o ki-a Galloping all the way

JS Here comes Quick Draw McGraw Sf

[male narrator] Kellogg's, the best to you each morning.

From Kellogg's.

f Yippee yi-o ki-a Galloping all the way

~ Great big star on his chest f

£ Outdraws all of the rest f

~ Fastest gun in the west f

f Yippee yi-o ki-a Riding around your way J

JS Here comes Quick Draw McGraw Sf

f The high-falutin'est f

f Fastest shootin'est Cowboy you ever saw J

~ That's Quick Draw McGraw JS

[male narrator] Brought to you by Kellogg's,

[reading]

[theme music]

[narrator] This is Dry Gulch Junction,

a wild and woolly town in the middle of Arizona

famous for its opera house,

the only theater west of the Mississippi.

One day two strangers get off the train

at Dry Gulch Junction.

The notorious dandy Bumbershoot Bam

and his partner Baba Looey.

Howdy.

The only weapon

Bumbershoot Bam carries

is an innocent-looking umbrella,

which he uses with great dexterity

against his enemies.

[fly buzzing]

Beat it, fly, or I'll bumber you good.

Watch this lightning draw.

[thud]

Ooh, that smarts.

[laughs]

[fly buzzing]

[thwack]

Hey, watch it, will you?

[speaking Spanish]

In reality, Bumbershoot Bam is none other than

the famous lawman Quick Draw... McGraw.

~ The high-falutin'est Fastest shootin'est

£ Cowboy you ever saw Jf

! think it's safer with the Bumbershoot.

-Oh, Quick Draw. -Yes, what can ! you for do?

Oh, foo for you?

l mean, do for you?

Why are you disguised as Bumbershoot Bam?

I'm after Box Office Smash, the theater bandit.

ls he in town?

I know he is

because wherever Sage-brush Sal,

the Kansas Canary goes,

he follows.

Hey, Quick Straw, look,

there's Smash at the box office now.

One in the front row.

I'll hold up the box office after 1 see the show.

Let's go, Baba boy.

There's dirty work afoot in the mezzanine.

[poing]

[screech]

Did you see a suspicious-looking

character around here?

You're the first one today.

Well, let me have two tickets.

One adult and one itty-bitty child.

That's an itty-bitty child?

Sorry, Quick Straw. 1 forgot to shave this morning.

[gunshots]

1 want Sal. ! want Sal.

[gunshots]

Bring on Sal.

Hold on there, Box Office Smash.

You're under arrest,

and it's only fair to warn you

that I'm the fastest bumbershoot in the West.

-[thwip] -What the...

[plop]

Who put the lights out?

What is this? A comedy act?

-Beat it. -[gunshots]

Ooch, ouch, ow! Ooh, ooh, ow, ooh, ouch, itch.

-[gunshots] -[Quick Draw] That smarts.

You again?

Never mind your lip.

Let me have a ticket.

This way, sir.

Thank you mindly. Uh, ! mean kindly.

The best seats are in the balcony, sir.

[Quick Draw] Is that a fact?

Just one more flight, sir.

Good. My feet are getting out of breath.

Right through here, sir.

Much obliged, usher.

And watch that last step.

Yikes!

[crash]

Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

Let me have two more tickets.

Well, you'd better hurry.

The show is just starting.

-[gunshots] -[Box Office] Yippee! Yahoo!

Welcome to Dry Gulch Junction, Sal.

[gunshots]

Start the show.

The boy stood on the burning deck.

His feet were full of blisters.

He tore his pants on a rusty nail.

And now he wears his sister's.

[clangs]

[sobs] Oh, swung.

She tears my heart out.

-[gunshots] -Encore! Encore!

[gunshots]

! don't thin’ it will work, Quick Straw.

Well, all right. Then it will.

I'll ask for a volunteer from the audience.

And when Box Office comes up here,

I'll slip these cuffs on him.

[piano music]

For my first magical act,

will conjuree a rabbit from a hat.

Hello. ! am a rabbit, I thin’.

[Box Office] Boo! Boo!

Get off the stage and get Sage-brush Sal back.

If you'll volunteer for my next trick, sir,

I'll introduce you to Sal.

You will?

[screech]

I'm the best volunteer west of the Mississippi.

What do I do?

Hold out your hands

whilst I slip these bracelets on.

[locks handcuffs]

[laughs] I tricked you, Box Office,

with my trick handcuffs.

Trick handcuffs?

[snap]

What do you know?

They are trick handcuffs.

[Box Office] Now I'll show you a trick.

-[gunshots] -Ooh, ooh, ouch!

Ooh, ow, ooh, ooh, ouch!

Hey, Quick Straw, wait for the rabbit.

Two, please.

Why don't you buy a season pass?

You'll save money.

[Sal] Help! Help!

Somebody save me.

Hey, Quick Straw, look.

Box Office Smash is running away with Sage-brush Sal.

Please marry up with me, Sal.

I'm Joco about you.

Never.

Hold on there, Box Office.

Drop that Kansas City canary.

I'll rob the bank for you if you'll hitch up with me.

Never.

[Box Office] If you'll wed with me,

I'll get you a booking at the Palace.

My hero.

Hey, look at that, Quick Straw.

[screech]

We'll get hitched right away,

Box Office,

and spend our honeymoon at the Palace.

What do we do now, Quick Straw?

1 bought 47 theater tickets,

and I'm gonna see a show.

Bring on the show. Bring on the show.

-[gunshots] -Encore, encore.

[pleasant music]

The boy stood on the burning deck.

His feet was full of blisters.

But that's show business, I thin’. [laughs]

[theme music]

Snooper to Hazel. Hooper to Snazel.

Come in, Hozel. ! mean, Hazel.

[Hazel] Hello, Chief. How's your new prowl cycle working out?

Fine. It's a great gas saver.

Ask her how her parakeet's cold is today, Snoop.

Okay, Blab. H-how's your parakeet's cold, Hazel?

[Hazel] He's still got it, Boss. Listen.

[Parakeet] Ahchoo. Ahchoo. Ahchoo.

-Gesundheit. -[Parakeet] Thank you.

Well, uh, keep his feet warm, and I'll, uh, check back later.

Snoop's a bird lover at heart.

Any occupational calls, Hazel?

[Hazel] Only one, boss.

The All Out Insurance Company

wants to talk to you right away.

What is it, Snoop?

It's either a 503 or a 7-14.

What's the difference, Snoop?

Well, uh, they're either dropping me policy

or we got a job.

Uh, let's go.

No, I'm not dropping your policy.

I've got a job for you.

Uh, Mr. J.P. Lavishly is giving his wife

the famous Boon De Ay Tiara for her birthday.

Gee, I love birthday parties, Snoop.

[Snooper] Quiet, Blab.

Also, the international jewel thief

Light Fingers Francois is back in town.

Uh, unless I've been misled,

you want us to guard the said Tiara Boon De Ay

from the said Light Fingers Francois.

Snoop catches on fast.

The mark of a good detective.

Can you plant a butler and a maid

in the J.P. Lavishly home tonight?

Say, Snoop, Hazel can be the maid.

What? And leave her parakeet alone?

Where is your family togetherness, Blab?

Then whom will you use, Snooper?

Uh, Blab and I will presume the role of butler and maid.

[giggles] You're gonna look funny dressed up as a maid, Snoop.

Gosh, Snoop. These high heels make me dizzy.

You'll get used to it, Blab.

[clears throat] Your slip is showing.

Oops.

That's better.

Uh, we must enter the premises.

[doorbell rings]

[door opens]

Yes?

The agency, uh, sent us to help

with the birthday festivities.

My name is Snooperson, and, uh,

this is the downstairs scullery maid, Miss Blabson.

How's it do? I'm sure.

[Butler] Uh, coochie, coochie, coochie.

[giggles]

[Butler] Uh, you're a cute, little rascal.

! think the domestics have arrived, J.P.

Uh, will you ring, my dear?

Um, yes, my dove.

[bell rings]

Did you, uh, ding-a-ling, sir?

Yes. Uh, take this birthday gift to my wife.

[Snooper] How monetary kind of you, sir.

Ooh, J.P. You remembered.

l hope it's expensive.

Oh, uh, Miss Blabson,

bring in the natal date birthday cake.

fA happy birthday to you Ma'am f

fA happy birthday to you Ma'am f

~ 1 know you look Like a million f

£ You're only 55 f

~ You're only 55 JS

[dramatic music]

Oh, my expensive gift.

It's gone.

Get someone to scream for me.

Don't worry, dear.

It's heavily insured.

[in French accent] ! Light Fingers Francois.

Dig the cake for the brains, no?

[snickers]

[Blabber] Hey, Snoop, the cake is getting away.

And so is the Tiara Boon De Ay.

Stop, thief, in the name

of the Private Eye Group Insurance Plan.

Yeah, stop. These high heels are killing me.

[Snooper] Hey, Officer.

[screech]

Did you see a fugitive birthday cake

fleeing by this way?

A fugitive birthday cake, is it?

And did it have candles on it?

Yeah, it just stole a million-dollar tiara.

And it speaks with a French accent.

Woosh. I've hit the jackpot, I have.

Say, how would you like to come along with me

and meet an apple strudel that talks Portuguese?

Gee, that sounds like fun.

Quiet, Blab.

Come along quietly now,

and we'll talk it over with the sergeant.

[whoosh]

Hey, what am ! doing up here?

Pardonnez-moi, Monsieur Policeman,

but you are standing on my candles.

[clang]

-What in the world? -[footsteps]

[Snooper] It's the absconding French pastry.

After him, Blab.

Sure, it's meself who'll be talking Portuguese

to that apple strudel.

[laughs]

[blowing a raspberry]

There he goes, Snoop. He ran right into that bakery.

We got him colder than a frozen custard pie now, Blab.

Good evening. Can! help you?

Uh, we're looking for a birthday cake.

Well, you certainly came to the right place.

We're loaded with them. Take your pick.

I'll take me pick with this pick.

-[squish] -[Snooper] That's not it.

-[squish] -That's not it.

-[squish] -That's not it.

-[jabs] -[Francois] Ouch!

[Francois] 1 am ze stuck.

[Snooper] That's it.

Come on out, Light Fingers Francois.

1 got you dead to lefts and rights.

[Francois] May ! make a suggestion, monsieur?

-Sure, sure. -[Francois] Bleh.

[Francois] Always wear blueberry pie, monsieur.

It goes good with your complexion.

Did we bake that cake?

Ooh. Aren't we clever?

Folly that birthday cake.

[screech]

-l see him, Snoop. -Where?

[Blabber] He jumped in that barrel.

[Snooper] Well, he won't be in there for long.

How do you know, Snoop?

It's elemental, Blab.

Why don't we substitutes these dynamite sticks

for the birthday candles?

Then I enlightens ‘em...

[sizzling]

...and waits for the blast.

[boom]

And viola, no more barrel.

My dear old mother always said 1 was a lot of noise.

And she was right.

~ Happy birthday, Mrs. J.P. f

~ Happy birthday, Mrs. J.P. f

£~ Although you look Like a million f

~ You're only 56 JJ

Uh, 55.

Leave us face it, Mrs. J.P.

-You'll never see 60 again. -[smack]

-[Mrs. J.P.] How dare you? -[Blabber giggles]

Snoop always was a stickler for figures. [giggles]

[theme music]

[snoring]

Look at him, dear old tired Dad.

It says in my psychology book,

even when daddies don't feel well,

they won't show it so their children won't worry.

Oh, the shame of it. I've been a selfish son.

But things are gonna be different from now on.

First, I'll cover him with this blanket

so he won't catch cold when he takes a nap.

[Doggie Daddy] Hey, what happened?

I'm suffering-cating.

Help, Augie, get me out of here.

[crash]

Did you hurt yourself, frantic Father?

It's nothing, Augie. l just stubbed my toe.

You have a broken leg, but you don't want me to worry.

No, no, Augie, my son. I'm in the best of health.

It's no use hiding it from me, Dad. I'm taking care of you.

It would be unfatherly of me

to stifle his ambition to be a doctor.

[laughs]

You're absolutely right, Augie.

l think my leg is broken.

Ooh! Ouch! Ooh, oh, it's me.

Ow. Ow. Ouch. Ow.

[Doggie Daddy] Augie, this cast weighs a ton.

How will l prepare dinner?

I'm preparing dinner, helpless Dad.

Uh-oh. Something tells me I'm gonna wish

l really broke my leg.

Here you are, famished Father.

This T-bone steak will mend your broken leg.

Thanks, Augie, my son. It looks scrumptious.

Well, what do you know? My favorite fruit, T-bone steak.

Call me when you finish, Dad.

Maybe stubbing my toe ain't so bad after all.

[laughs]

Huh? Hey, Augie.

Finished already, hungry Dad?

Well, here's another steak.

What finished? The first steak

wasn't even here for me to start.

Don't apologize, Dad.

There's more where that came from.

1 don't get it. I'm sure l didn't land on my head.

Ah-ha. Oh, Augie.

Bless your heart, dear old hungry Dad.

Here's another steak.

l haven't had a steak yet.

That cat's been stealing them.

But, Dad, we have no cat.

It's a hallucination.

Well, the hallu-cil-ilation is eating my dinner.

Poor Dad is feverish. l better get some ice.

Hello, sorehead. You can't move, can you?

No, lucky for you.

If ! could get my hands on you, I'd...

[clang]

[Cat] Oh, shut up.

Augie, that cat just whacked me with that steak.

And I can show you the T-bone mark.

Sure, he did. Mm-hmm.

But this ice will cool you off, perspiring Papa.

Now, isn't that better?

Offhand, I can enumerate a dozen situations

that I think is better.

Cool your fevered brow, Dad.

I'll fix another steak.

[Doggie Daddy] Another steak?

I'll settle for the first one.

-Gotchi gotchi gotchi go. -Ooh. [laughs]

-[Cat] Gotchi gotchi gotchi. -[laughs]

-[Cat] Gotchi gotchi gotchi. -Make him stop. [laughs]

-Make him stop, Augie. -[Cat] Gotchi gotchi gotchi.

[Cat] Gotchi gotchi gotchi.

Glad you're feeling better, convalescent Dad.

l feel terrible, Augie, my son.

That cat is tickling my foot.

-[Cat] Gotchi gotchi gotchi. -[laughs]

-[Cat] Gotchi gotchi gotchi. -[laughs]

He's hysterical.

The ice must be too much for him.

Does that feel better, uncooperative parent?

Augie, my son, if you don't tie me loose,

I'll be forced to do something drastic.

Oh, gosh, Dad, 1 don't know if ! should.

[thud]

Dad, you struck me.

Augie, my son, ! did nothing.

For the first time, you struck me.

[Doggie Daddy] Augie, hitting you would make me very sad.

[laughing hysterically]

Dear old Dad has gone off the deep end.

I'd better get some help.

Help, help!

[screech]

Somebody get a doctor.

You called? [chuckles]

l happen to be a doctor happening by

by a mere happenstance.

Are you happy?

Your troubles are over, dear old Dad.

1 got a doctor to help me.

Good. Maybe he can convince Augie

that I just got a stubbed toe.

Hoo-hoo-hoo.

-! got here just in time. -Huh?

It's a clear case of Catophrena Hallucinotions.

See? I told you, Dad.

But, Doc, I only stubbed my toe.

[Cat] That is the way that it starts.

Now tell me, does he have a craving

for T-bone steaks?

-Mm-hmm. -Then does he insist

some, uh, you should pardon the expression, cat stole them?

[Augie] That's right.

Is there a cure?

Only one. Lots of T-bone steaks.

Go get them.

Yes, sir.

T-bone steaks coming up.

And as for you, I'm afraid we will have to operate.

Operate for a stubbed toe?

Stubbed toe, eh?

When I get finished, you won't even have that.

[thwip]

Augie, help!

Coming, suffering Dad.

Ah, the steaks.

[snickers] Give them to me, boy,

and go wait outside.

-[Augie] Right, Doctor. -[slurp]

[Cat] And as for you, sorehead, I'll operate

as soon as I finish my lunch.

Huh? Why, you're no doctor.

You're that steak-stealing cat.

Uh-uh-uh. Watch your language, sir.

When I can't go to the doctor, the doctor comes to me.

Must you go so soon, Doc?

Well, I, uh, ! could stick around

for a game of checkers.

Good. [laughs]

And I'll make the first move.

[thudding]

[Augie] Hey, Doctor.

[screech]

Is my daddy all right?

He was never healthier.

-[pan sizzling] -[Augie] Oh, Dad?

Yes, my son, my son.

In the future, let me know

when you're not feeling well, so I can help you.

If l did that, Augie... [laughs]

...I'm afraid I'd have no future. [laughs]

f Yippee yi-o ki-a Galloping all the way

~ There goes Quick Draw McGraw f

Yahoo!

[male narrator] Kellogg's, your best choice in cereals...

[reading]

f Yippee yi-o ki-a Galloping all the way

~ Great big star on his chest f

£ Outdraws all of the rest f

~ Fastest gun in the west f

f Yippee yi-o ki-a Galloping all the way

~ There goes Quick Draw McGraw f

~ The high-falutin'est Fastest shootin'est

£ Cowboy you ever saw Jf

[Quick Draw] Hey, Baba Looey. Are you all right?

S'awright.