Original subtitles

f Yippee yi-o-ki-a galloping all the way J

JS Here comes Quick Draw McGraw Sf

Kellogg's. The best to you each morning from Kellogg's.

f Yippee yi-o-ki-a galloping all the way J

~ Great big star on his chest f

£ Outdraws all of the rest f

~ Fastest gun in the west f

f Yippee yi-o-ki-a riding around your way f

JS Here comes Quick Draw McGraw Sf

~ The high-falutin'est fastest shootin'est

~ Cowboy you ever saw f

~ That's Quick Draw McGraw JS

Brought to you by...

[instrumental music]

Say, Snoop, you wanna see how my new fingerprint set works?

No, Blab, ! wanna see how you work.

Now get busy, and straighten up this place, it's a mess!

But, Snoop, I'm an assistant private eye!

Well, you can start assisting

by dusting off those habeas corpusals.

Gee, I'm not important around here at all.

I'm a mere surf.

And when you're finished, Polish me handcuffs,

straighten out the clue file,

shine me badge, and scrub the floor.

Yes, chief.

In the erstwhile, go get me a sandwich.

And on your way out, empty the garbage.

-[door slams] -And fix that door.

I'll never be an important big shot, like Snoop.

l guess I'll always be a nobody assistant.

[knock on door]

Come in, the door is ever open.

Mr. Snooper, I'm a scientist, and I need help.

Well, shooting off rockets

is out of my line, but I'll give you a match.

I'm being followed by international spies.

They're after this.

What in tarken would an

international spy want with a peanut?

This is not just a plain peanut, it's a highly concentrated

explosive that could wreak havoc, if disturbed in any way.

Take it back, I'm allergic to wreaked havoc!

Guard it for me, and I'll pay you $30,000.

So, uh, what's a little havoc that's been wreaked.

I'll take the case, and the money.

Remember, the slightest jar could explode it.

Be careful.

Here you are, Snoop. Your lunch is ready.

What's this? A peanut.

1 guess that's all 1 get for lunch.

Jumpin’ grasshoppers, Blab!

You just swallowed a dangerous explosive

that will wreak us all to havoc!

-1 did, Snoop? -Don't, don't move.

Relax. Take it easy!

Why, Snoop? Am ! important now?

Well, in so far as blowing me to smithereens,

1 guess you could say that you're important.

What do you know? He-he-he-he.

All of a sudden, l feel a surge of power.

Blab, what in carnation are you doing?

Get busy, and clean up this office, Snoop!

Do my ears receive me, or have you flipped your lid, Blab?

I'm important now, remember?

Start cleaning, or I'll jump off this cabinet!

Nothing doing, Blab!

Smithereenies, here !1 come!

-[swoosh] -Yikes!

Nice catch, assistant! Now get to work.

Uh, will there be anything else, your high importance majesty?

Well, uh, you can feed me my lunch now.

What do you mean your lunch? It's my lunch!

I'll just skip Some rope and build up an appetite.

Here's the lunch, Blab. ! don't look good in smithereens!

That was delicious, Snoop!

Too bad there wasn't any lunch left for you.

Now repeat a thousand times,

"Blab is important, Snoop is a nothing".

Not on your life, Blab.

l have me professional pride to think of!

Okay, you can think it over in never never land!

So long, Snoop!

Out of the way, Blab, just thought it over!

Blab is important, Snoop is a nothing.

Blab is important, Snoop is a nothing.

Blab is important, Snoop is a nothing.

I think it's time to clean the office again, Snoop.

But, sir, l just cleaned it for the tenth time!

Well, once more will make it an even dozen!

Get busy, slave!

That does it, you just broke the straw with the camel's back!

Careful, it's eighty-four stories to the street, Snoop!

Who cares? Jump.

Bon voyage.

I'm not worried. Snoop will save me.

He's down to the fiftieth floor, but I'm not budging.

Snoop won't let me down.

The twenty-fifth floor, but I got me pride.

The tenth floor, Snoop will be here in a second.

He's passing the fifth floor, but I'm not leaving.

Like heck I ain't! He's my pal, l can't let him go kaboom!

[instrumental music]

I'll save you, Your Majesty!

[thud]

Thanks, slave. He-he-he-he!

[telephone rings]

Oh, lowly assistant, answer the phone.

Of a certainty, O Important One.

Blab Detective Agency,

this is his unworthy assistant, Snoop, talking.

Oh, hello Mr. Scientist, uh, what's up?

You can forget about the bomb now, Mr. Snooper.

It loses all its power after two hours.

Oh, it does, eh?

Thanks, ever so largely.

Hmm, time was up a minute ago.

All right, Blab, the game's over.

Remove yourself from my desk, or I'll pulverize you good.

Flirting with disaster, huh?

Careful, or I'll hit myself with this paddle.

Allow me to assist you, lowly assistant.

[kaboom]

Jumpin tonkits! I forgot.

Me watch is running one minute fast!

Snap into it, Blab, put up that wall!

-Right, Snoop! -Fix that cabinet!

-Right, Snoop! -Repair the ceiling!

-Right, Snoop! -And, uh, whilst you're at it...

-Run out and get me some lunch! -Right, Snoop!

Anyway, for a while there l was really living it up!

[giggles]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Augie, my son, how is your homework comin' along?

Not so good, dear old dad.

I'm afraid I'm gonna need help.

Heh-heh-heh, and as usual, your helpful daddy

will come to your intellectual rescue.

Thanks, thoughtful dad, but ! won't need your help anymore.

And why not, may I ask? [chuckles]

Because I got Irving.

And who is this Irving who's takin' my place?

Irving is just about the smartest friend I have.

-Smarter than your brainy dad? -I'm afraid so, brainy dad.

That hurt, Augie, that wounded me in the deep.

See you later, sensitive dad. 1 gotta ask Irving something.

Wait, wait, Augie! I'm as smart as your friend Irving.

-Uh, ask me something. -Okay, dad.

Um, what is grass made of?

Grass? Uh, grass, uh...

Grass is made of green stuff.

Yeah, yeah, that's it. Green stuff.

Irving is waiting, dad, so long!

To think that my boy would prefer an Irving

to his own dad.

Not that I'm jealous, you understand.

But I'd be less than a dad

if 1 didn't put this Irving in his place.

! hope I'm not late.

Ah-ha, he's goin’ into the republic library.

Now I'll see who this Irving is.

Oh, Irving, are you there?

It's me, your friend Augie.

Good morning, Augie.

It is indeed a pleasure to see you again.

The pleasure is all mine, Irving.

After all, you're the smartest bookworm in the world.

If you're referring to the tutoring I've given you

with your lessons, I assure you, the effort was minuscule.

Oh, Augie, where are you, my educated offspring?

My good man, this is a library!

-Can't you read? -Huh?

Q-U-I-E-T. So, who's smokin'?

For your information, sir, the sign says...

-Q-U-I-E-T, quiet! -I'm sorry, madame.

[squeaking]

Heh-heh-heh, I forgot to oil my feet this morning.

Let me have the head librarian, please.

Hello, Mr. Rouser?

Yes, this is Mr. Rouser.

You'd better come right away.

We have a real noisy one on the main floor.

I'll be right down, Miss Bookend.

I've gone up the history aisle and down the geography aisle,

but there's no sign of...

Uh-oh, there's Augie in the philosophy aisle,

and he's talkin’ to a... Huh?

Thanks for helping me with my homework, Irving.

Tut-tut, Augie, only too glad to be of assistance.

Howdya like that? I've been replaced by a worm.

One side, Augie,

I'm gonna squish Irving out of first place.

But, dad, Irving is my friend!

You mean, he was your friend.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. How intellectual offsprings

can be the progeny of lack-brain fathers

is one of the great scientific mysteries.

I'll squish him with this bicylepedia.

! wouldn't try it, dad, Irving is too smart for you.

If there's one thing I'm sure of,

it's that I'm smarter than a worm.

[thud]

Where did he go? 1 don't see any squish marks.

This will hurt the book more than it does him.

-[thud] -Yowch!

My, aren't we noisy!

-[swish] -[thud]

Yowch!

And funny, too.

[bam]

Yowch!

Now, any more disturbance and out you go.

Good. These sonnets by Shakespeare

should disturb him no end.

-[swoosh] -Yikes!

Its an alphabetical avalanche!

Uh-oh, looks like ! need another arm.

[instrumental music]

[thud]

We don't allow paper bag lunches in the library.

Hand it over at once.

If you insist. But ! wouldn't open it, if l were you.

Yowch!

So, there you are, you squirmy squirt.

I'll get you, you fugitive from a fishhook!

This ladder can roll faster than you can run.

Wait, dad. That's public property!

The public can have it back anytime, Augie.

[whirr]

Officer O'Toole reportin’, sergeant.

Throw a dragnet out.

A second-story man just stole a ladder from the library.

Good mornin’, Augie.

Did you explain to the sergeant what happened?

Yes, dear old incarcerated dad, but he wouldn't believe it.

-So, uh, ! brought you a lawyer. -That's a lawyer.

Being a counselor at law is one of my numerous

intellectual accomplishments.

And in my present predicament,

who am I to argue with a worm? [chuckles]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[narrator] The town of Laramie in the old west.

And the early morning stillness

is shattered by gunfire coming from the bank.

[gunfire]

It's another daring hold-up by the Shadow Bandit.

All right, you! Give!

And another mysterious getaway.

The trail always ends at the foot of a sheer cliff

leaving a perplexed and puzzled sheriff.

Where could he go, sheriff?

Don't ask me, I'm perplexed and puzzled.

[gunshots]

Dodge City. Again, the Shadow Bandit strikes.

All right, you! Give!

[galloping]

And again, a mysterious getaway.

I'm perplexed and puzzled too.

It was the same story in Abilene.

I'm perplexed and puzzled ditto.

Wichita!

1 am perplexed and puzzled and I'm quittin’.

And in a dozen other towns.

[all] We're all perplexed and puzzled.

It was then that the Slinkerton Detective Agency

sent for the one and only Quick Draw McGraw

and his partner, Baba Looey.

Where'd you think the Shadow Bandit

would strike next, Quick Draw?

l figures he'll hit this town next.

How do you figure that, McGraw?

The pins on that map show the towns he's robb-ed.

They spell G-I-V-E give

Thunderation! ! hadn't noticed that.

He's got to come back and dot the I, which is this town.

In school, Quicks Draw always got A's in spelling.

How you gonna keep from being perplexed and puzzled

like the rest of us, Quick Draw?

[Quick Draw] My dog, Snuffles, will catch him.

[male #1] He don't look like much to me.

Oh, no. He'll do anythin’ for a dog biscuit.

Baba Looey, toss Snuffles a biscuit.

Right, Quicks Draw, but I thin’ you better stand back.

Ah, ah, ah, ah.

[Baba Looey] Here, Snuffles, catch!

[gulps] Mmmm.

Mm-m-m-m. Mm-m-m-m-m.

Mmmm.

[sighs]

He sure loves them dog biscuits.

-[gunshots] -[footsteps approach]

Hey, chief! The Shadow Bandit just robbed our li'l ol’ bank.

Here's your chance, Quick Draw.

Catch that bandit, and I'll give you a $10000 reward.

Snuffles, go and fetch that bandit!

Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Not now, Snuffles. You can have a biscuit later.

[grumbling] Why you cheapskate.

[grumbles] ...ungrateful.

[swoosh]

Hey, wait! Wait for Quicks Draw!

Hold on thar, Shadow Bandit,

Snuffles and Baba Looey! In that order!

Stop, Snuffles, or you get no more biscuits.

[screech]

-[crash] -Ah, ah, ah, ah.

[grumbling in Spanish]

... hound dog!

[Shadow Bandit] Whoa, my shadowy horse!

Huh? It's the Shadow Bandit, I thin’.

Open sesame.

Close sesame.

Where at did he go, Baba Boy?

-He went in that cave. -What cave?

Wait, show you.

Open, uh, enchilada.

Open enchilada?

No, no, no, that's not it.

Open cucaracha.

Open cucaracha? Ha, you're plum loco, Baba Boy.

1 told you he's in there, Quicks Draw.

-Says who? -Says me!

[creaking]

Look, Quicks Draw, it opened!

Your mysterious getaways are over, Shadow Bandit!

Close sesame.

-[creaking] -[crash]

-[thud] -Open Mississippi.

Uh, open mustard plaster.

The magic words, is open sesame, Quicks Draw.

[creaking]

Go fetch him, Snuffles!

Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Okay, here's your biscuit.

[gulps]

Mmmmm. Mm-m-m-m-m.

Mm-m-m-m-m-m-m. Mmmm.

[sighs]

Hurry it up, will ya? We gotta catch a bandit.

[growling]

[screech]

You were lookin' for someone?

[screech]

What's wrong with you, Snuffles?

-Go get him. -Uh-uh.

-I'll give you a dog biscuit. -Uh-uh.

I'll give you two dog biscuits.

Ah, ah, ah.

All right, make it three. Catch.

[gulps] Mmmm.

Mm-m-m-m-m. Mm-m-m-m-m-m-m-m.

Ahhh ahh ah ah ah ahh.

[growling]

Good grief! Eh, close sesame.

[bam]

[Shadow Bandit] Help! ! give up!

Hey, look, Quicks Draw.

Snuffles has put a finish

to the Shadow Bandit's career.

Good work, Snuffles! You captured him.

Now, for your reward.

Huh? Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

Sorry, I'm out of dog biscuits,

but here's the $10000 reward instead.

It's all yours. What do you think of that, Snuffles?

[clank]

[grumbling] Why you no good cheapskate.

[mumbles] Who wants money.

[chuckling] Money isn't everything

to Snuffles, that's for sure.

[chuckles]

[instrumental music]

f Yippee yi-o-ki-a galloping all the way J

~ There goes Quick Draw McGraw f

Kellogg's, your best choice in cereal.

The best to you each morning has brought you...

f Yippee yi-o-ki-a galloping all the way J

~ Great big star on his chest f

£ Outdraws all of the rest f

~ Fastest gun in the west f

f Yippee yi-o-ki-a galloping all the way J

~ There goes Quick Draw McGraw f

~ The high-falutin'est fastest shootin'est

£ Cowboy you ever saw Jf

[Quick Draw] Hey, Baba Looey, are you all right?

S'awright.