Original subtitles

Yes? Who is this?

Who are you calling? Who am I speaking to?

Wrong number.

Who's that?

Oh, nobody. Did you pick a movie?

Yeah. We're gonna go scary.

Saw IV.

Ugh, I saw that in theaters.

It sucks.

It's not scary. It's gross. I hate all that torture porn shit.

How do you really feel?

Well, I like Jigsaw. I think he kills people very creatively.

But you don't give a shit who dies because there's no character

development. There's just body parts ripping and blood spewing. Ugh.

Who do you keep texting?

I have a Facebook stalker. He keeps leaving me messages.

Like what?

Just stuff. Like, hey, what's up? You're hot. I want to kill you.

I want to lead him.

I did, but he hacked his way back in.

Go report him.

He's really hot, though.

You want to see?

That's Channing Tatum.

It is not.

Is it?

Yeah, from his Abercrombie days.

You are being punked.

Hello? Who is this?

The more impatient version of the person you just spoke to. I'm sorry.

You don't have to be a bitch about it.

Yeah, of course I don't. Eat me. You hang up on me and I'll cut through your

neck until I feel bone!

Who is it?

It's for you.

Hello? Who is this?

It's Trudy. Who's this?

This is the last person you're ever gonna see alive.

It's a prank. Hang up.

Why'd you hand the phone to me?

You're the one with the stalker.

Are the doors locked? Don't freak out.

Let it ring.

It's from Stalker Boy.

He said, answer the phone.

For God's sake, it's a joke, Trudy. It's probably Lexi or Karen.

Where are you going? To make sure the front door is locked.

No, don't open it. You're overreacting.

It's a joke, Trudy. Okay, somebody made a dummy profile. They're just trying to

scare you.

Wait, who is it?

Let's call the cops.

I dare you to open the door.

No, Sherry, don't. No, don't. I'm scared.

It could be anyone that we know.

Lisa, Bailey, Wayne, or the hopeful long shot, Channing Tatum.

There's nobody out here What does it

say it says I'm not outside I'm right beside you

Fucking kidding me.

What?

That was so fucking stupid.

Pure horseshit. The death of horror right here in front of us. I jumped.

Scared me.

A fucking Facebook killer? You're kidding me, right?

I guess now it would be Twitter that make more sense.

A bunch of articulate teens sit around and deconstruct horror movies until

Ghostface kills them one by one.

It's been done to death.

The whole self-aware post-modern meta shit.

I was sick of working in 1996 already.

I like the stab movies.

They're scarier.

It's not aliens or zombies or little Asian ghost girls. There's something

real about a guy with a knife who just... snaps.

It could really happen.

I can't do it. These sequels don't know when to stop. They just keep recycling

the same shit.

Even the opening scene, there's always some random girl who gets a call that

undoubtedly ends up getting her killed. It's all so predictable. There's no

element of surprise. You can see everything coming.

Did that surprise you?

It's your own fault.

Why? Because you talk too much.

Now shut the fuck up and watch the movie.

Oh my god, I love it. I've seen it five times and it still gets me every time.

You're kidding.

I don't get it.

Okay.

It's like the Twilight Zone.

Twilight Zone. A movie within a movie. I get that. But it's illogical. It begs

the question that if the beginning of stab seven is stab six, then is the

beginning of stab six stab five? And if so, what is stab four about?

You're overthinking it.

Am I or did whoever make it just underthink it? There's a reason I don't

watch these movies.

I can't believe you haven't seen them.

We live in Woodsboro.

That has nothing to do with Woodsboro.

I thought you said STAB was based on true stories.

The first three, the original trilogy, is based off of Sidney Prescott.

But then she threatened to sue them if they used her story, so then they just

started making stuff up.

STAB 5 has time travel, which is by far the worst.

Don't we hear enough about this story every year?

At least Woodsboro's known for something.

Did you hear that?

Uh, no, I didn't hear anything.

I did.

Jenny, don't try to scare me. I'm not trying to scare you. You do it all the

time. No, I don't. Where are you going?

I told you, I heard something.

I know you're trying to scare me.

I'm not.

What is it?

I must have left a window in my room open.

Could you get that?

Marnie? Yeah.

Hello? Hello.

Who is this?

Marnie, who is this?

This is the last person you're ever gonna see alive.

What?

Somebody falls for it every year.

I don't see why you get off on this shit.

Marnie?

Marnie?

Marnie?

Good one, Marnie.

Lights out, phone on the floor.

You really should direct horror films.

Wherever you are.

Let me guess.

You want me to walk by an open door frame so you can pop out, huh?

Okay, timing.

Timing is perfect.

But you don't have the app on your phone, so you can't talk like Ghostface.

Can you?

Yes, I can.

Who is this?

Not an app.

Is this Trevor?

Do I sound like a Trevor to you? Think of me as your director.

You're in my movie. You got a fun part, so don't blow it. What movie?

Same one Marnie's in. Only her part got cut way back.

But you, you're the dumb blonde with the big tits. We'll have some fun with you

before you die.

I have a 4.0 GPA and 135 IQ, asshole.

What did you do with Marnie?

She's on the cutting room floor.

That's not funny. This isn't a comedy. It's a horror film. People live, people

die. And you'd better start running.

Marnie?

Thank you.

Let the time just pass me by. You might think you know me, but it's all just a

phase. Trying to ignore people screaming my name.

When something's right and something's worth it.

Well, I guess today is the anniversary.

Kids. No, I meant the display.

Oh.

It's good.

Told the owner I'd kill his cat if he didn't get it right.

Nice.

Hey, before you get in the car you have to promise not to kill me.

Why? What did you do?

Trevor called me last night.

Why is he calling you?

Because you won't take his calls. He knows I have your ear and he wants to

know.

Know what?

How upset you are.

Can we just not talk about this?

Okay,

so Trevor called me last night.

He called you too. He's worried your cousin coming to Woodsboro is

distracting you from knowing how sorry he really is.

Well, that's inventive.

Problem with Trevor is he never quits.

By the way, have you seen The Grim Reaper?

Angel of Death?

What are you talking about?

Your cousin, Sydney.

Last stop on her book tour, first stop on her road to a new life. It's very

dramatic.

She's the reason why I love horror movies.

I'm sure she'd love to hear that.

If I knew her, which I don't really.

Wherever she went, people died.

Other people. It was never her.

I mean, Stab is the wrong franchise for her.

It should be Final Destination.

Okay, why is Jenny Randall calling me? Oh, the other woman.

Hello. Hello, Jill.

I can't stand Jenny.

Jenny, is this you?

What's your favorite scary movie?

Okay, who is this?

What is she on?

I said, who is this?

I asked you a question.

What's your favorite scary movie?

I'm hanging up.

Wow.

That was original.

I got a call like that this morning from Marnie the carny.

What? Watch out!

You just ruined a stop sign.

Sorry.

Angel of death.

The mayor wants you down before lunch.

Only 25 more to go.

Morning, Sheriff.

Morning, Deputy.

Joe. Morning, Sheriff.

Looks like the celebration's begun.

High school kids, probably.

Yeah. One generation's tragedy is the next one's joke.

Sorry you can never get away from this.

You know, I wish I'd been old enough to be a part of the force when you were

solving those crimes.

Why's that?

Those intense investigations that really bond relationships.

Yeah.

How is Gail, by the way?

Gail's good.

She's writing.

Fiction.

I'm trying.

Hey, I made some lemon squares in my car.

Thanks,

deputy, but no thanks.

Sheriff, you're not cheating on your wife if you eat my lemon square.

Yeah, but I would be cheating on my diet.

This is Sheriff Riley. Go ahead.

You gotta get over to the Randall house right away. It's bad, Sheriff.

Real bad.

The

book

is Out of Darkness, and its author, Sidney Prescott, is here with us today.

Have the seven stab movies all based on Gail Weathers' books about you made it

even harder to go on?

I don't blame Gail. That's in the past.

Now, if I was a victim for too long, it was up to me to reinvent myself.

That's why I wrote this book.

Sidney Prescott, everybody.

And a rave reviews for her book, Out of Darkness.

All right, Gail, let's do it.

Let's reinvent myself.

Except... I have no fucking idea what

to... Right.

Is that

new? It's a 2.0 upgrade version. I'm totally mobile now.

Nice. Look.

Oh, this is Hall Pass with Robbie Mercer. Here with the luscious Olivia,

don't look at my tits, I have a mind, Morris. Here is my Woodsboro Massacre

anniversary question.

What is your favorite scary movie?

Is that all you got? Some stupid douche question?

Yeah, where'd you hear that anyways?

It's a line from Stab One, duh.

Hey, Charlie.

You're a genre nut, Kirby. What's your favorite scary movie?

Bambi.

Dork. What?

That's funny, Kirby.

Completely unaware you exist.

Nah, man, she wants me.

Yeah, wish, right?

Asshole.

I think Charlie likes you.

And I like him.

To tease, to torment, to make him squirm. You could do a lot worse. Trust

me.

Oh, hi, Trevor.

Hi, Trevor.

Can we talk?

Somebody cares about you over here, you know?

Someone who made you really happy once.

Someone who never should have let you go.

When you're done with a phone call, you let someone go. Or when you...

take someone to the airport you let them go but when you tell someone you love

her she gives you everything and then you just go out with someone else that

is not letting her go that's dumping her okay that's that's betrayal trevor

sheldon denied live on hall pass with robbie mercy what is your favorite scary

movie man i'll show you

I began to believe myself that that was all I was, a victim.

And that was unacceptable to me.

So, I sat down and began to write a new role that would be my

own. A role for a woman who could leave the walls of fear behind and step out

into the sunlight, out of darkness.

Thank you.

Okay, we're gonna start the book signing in a sec, so buy your copies while they

last. I'm looking at you, ladies.

New York Times bestseller.

Great.

Gail, I'm glad you came.

Congratulations, Sydney.

I haven't had a chance to read it yet, but I know where you can get one.

Dewey! Hey!

Hey, Sydney.

Gail, you made it. What are you doing here?

Oh, Sydney, I'm sorry. I gotta do something here.

I'm really sorry.

Excuse me!

This will only take a minute. I need you all to stay where you are and remain

silent. Nobody leaves yet. The sheriff thanks you. Can this wait, Barney Fife?

I'm running an event here.

Ma'am, this is a police event now.

What's going on?

Gail, this is police business. If you could just let us handle this. I'm

talking to my husband, Deputy Judy.

Listen, there's a phone we believe may have been taken from the scene of a

crime. Deputy Hicks has traced its location back to these coordinates.

The rest is need to know.

What, I'm not need to know?

Shh.

I'm hearing something. Sheriff, bring it out here.

There.

It's coming through.

There.

Dewey, we're going to need everyone to stay back.

Not now, Sid.

It's my rental.

Okay, it's now official crime scene. Let's lock it down. Get that camera out

of here. Everybody back.

Please tell me this is a prank, Dewey.

I'm afraid not, Sid.

Everybody get back.

Henry, you're not going to believe what just happened. Stand back, Gail.

Gail, I just want to see.

Okay,

essays are due Tuesday. Why Woodsboro is the best...

Anything with an on-off switch should be off. That's the rule.

Somebody want to share?

Jenny Randall and Marnie Cooper were murdered last night.

What?

Stabbed to death.

What's your favorite scary movie? Shut up!

Yo, it's Newsman. Class is not over.

That was fast.

This week marks the anniversary of the infamous Woodsboro murders. Two girls

killed the exact day local celebrity victim, Sidney Prescott... chose to

return to her hometown it'll be something right out of a gail weathers

bestseller and where is she now well living right here in woodsboro first

lady perkins excuse me gail he's conducting an interview

great i love interviews you'll have to wait gail sorry can't let you in there

what are you gonna do arrest me deputy judy if it comes to it civilian

interference with a police investigation poses many a problem in a court of law

okay Listen to me, Judy.

I don't mind that you're working with my husband, or that you even bake him those

little treats, as you do.

But if you're going to start acting like him, you ought to put a mustache on him,

because you sound ridiculous. Gail!

Judy! Gail!

Deputy?

Gail?

Come, please.

Sidney, if you don't mind giving us a minute.

Sid? Hi, Gail.

Dewey, would you please explain to Betty Crocker that I have every right to be

here? If there's been another murder in Woodsboro, obviously... What?

That is not public information.

It is all over the internet, Dewey.

It is?

Yes, the whole world knows about it before me.

She wants to be a part of the investigation, Sheriff.

Okay, hang on.

Are you familiar with the phrase, I wrote the book on this?

Gail, with all due respect... I don't see how that pertains to... Because I

wrote the book on this.

The Woodsboro Murders by Gail Weathers.

But you're not a reporter anymore, Gail. Even if you were.

Don't treat me like I'm the media.

I helped solve these things.

Three times, remember?

You and me.

Together.

But I'm the sheriff now, Gail.

Right?

What, you're not going to let me help you with this?

I can't.

All right, then I'm going rogue.

This is what I'm good at, Dewey. This is what I know how to do.

Your lemon squares taste like ass.

They don't.

They really don't.

Thank you, sir.

Sheriff. Yeah.

We've got a couple of high school kids in here.

Two of them, they say they got threatening phone calls this morning

from the victim's phones.

Names are Olivia Morris and Jill Roberts.

That's Sid's cousin.

Damn.

She's right in here, Sheriff.

Hey, Jill.

Sidney.

Hi. Hi.

It's nice to see you even under the circumstances.

You okay?

Yeah. So two of you got phone calls?

Yeah, us two.

What's your favorite scary movie?

It was the killer's voice.

From Stab.

Or, I mean, you know, from your life.

I'm Kirby, by the way. I'm their friend.

And the killer didn't call you?

No.

Is that a bad thing?

Does that mean that I'm not going to live as long as these two?

No.

Maybe.

Of course not.

Just, uh, just be careful.

Oh, my God, did you hear that? I'm gonna be next. I shouldn't be here. I should

leave town.

I'm afraid that's not really possible, Sydney.

Look, nobody thinks you're involved, but everyone's a suspect.

I'm sorry.

And there was evidence in your car connecting the killer to you. You may be

a material witness.

So, look, you'll have a 24-hour police protection.

That's comforting.

This is Rebecca.

Oh my fucking god, Henry!

Yes, it's true.

Two girls butchered.

Payday. I was so not feeling Woodsboro. I was like, lame PR move, right? Well,

fuck me wow.

Best idea ever.

Henry, I'll call you back.

Excuse me, I have to geek out. I didn't get a chance to say something earlier,

but it's- Such an honor to meet you.

Thank you. Rebecca Walters. Hi. When I was a kid, it was all about top story

with Gail Weathers. You were my 90s.

Well, it's Gail Riley now.

You gave it all up for love, and I know that. How long have you and Dewey been

married? Ten years.

Oh, just like your characters in Stab 3.

Wow.

Wow.

I didn't mean bad wow. It just, it always seemed like more of a movie

romance than a real one, because it was a movie. And in real life, you two would

never be.

Oh, dug a hole.

climbing out here.

So anyway, kudos on being brave enough to drop off the professional map. Any

plans on revitalizing your tarnished brand?

Listen, in about two seconds, I'm going to revitalize your face with my

tarnished brand.

I still got it.

Test it.

So pretty.

When you think about what she survived, she must have scars everywhere.

Shh.

Her mom was my sister.

I have scars, too.

No one ever asked me about my scars.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Roberts.

She means knife scars, Mom.

Oh. Well, fine.

How are you?

How's Gail?

I'm all right.

Well, I read somewhere once, just when you think things can't get any worse,

sometimes they don't.

Sometimes they get better.

Out of Darkness by Sidney Prescott, page 220.

Gotta get going.

It's nice to see you, Dewey.

Been through a lot together.

We'll get through this too, okay?

Lock up.

Hey,

be cool.

It's okay. It's just me. Relax, relax.

It's just me.

What the hell are they doing here? There are cops right up front.

No match for the ninja, baby.

Anyway, what are you doing in the house with Sidney Prescott?

I mean, that's like being on Top Chef with Jeffrey Dahmer.

Can you please get away from the window?

You have no right to be in here. Not anymore.

Hang on.

I heard you got a phone call from the killer.

Is that true?

You can't.

Don't you think you'd be a lot safer with me around?

I don't trust you, Trevor.

Hey.

I'm just gonna have to make sure that you do.

Alright?

Oh, sorry. I didn't... No, he's just leaving. It's my ex.

Oh.

Yeah.

Not one and only.

Hi. Hey.

It's cool to meet you.

Officially. I keep meaning to pick up a copy of your book, but...

You're smaller in person.

What?

Nothing, you just, uh, you remind me of, uh, me.

Lock your window, okay?

Yeah. Good night.

Night.

Sorry about that.

making my rounds before taking off.

Great, thanks.

You don't remember me, do you?

Sorry?

We went to high school together.

Judy Hicks.

We had the same homeroom and drama club too.

We were in Peter Pan together.

I played a lost boy.

You were... Tiger Lily.

I'm sorry it was a long time ago.

It's okay.

You had a lot of stuff going on back then.

Well, it's nice to see you again, Judy.

You too.

Everything okay upstairs?

You're supposed to be out front, Perkins.

Four-letter word for courage?

Guts.

It's Olivia Morris. She lives next door.

She's on the list.

She can live next door to me.

Now, seriously, Mary,

I'm warning you, okay? I'm going to have to get physical. I mean it.

This is it. Just fuck off!

Hello. What are you guys up to?

Oh, we're watching Shot of the Dead.

You know there are two zombies sitting outside the house in a car?

Yeah, they're cops.

You want to come up?

The Angel of Death leave?

No, she's in the guest room.

Forget it. Next door's close enough.

Your mom home?

She's at her boyfriend's.

It's creepy around here tonight.

Well, the zombies are still in their car, so you should be all right.

Call me tomorrow, okay?

She didn't want to come up?

She fears the Reaper.

Watch this.

Speaking.

What's your favorite scary movie, Olivia?

It's the worst imitation I've ever heard, Jill.

Speaking of stab, you heard where the Stabathon's gonna be yet?

No, it doesn't matter to me anyways.

My mom doesn't let me go.

It's Trevor. I'll handle this.

Trevor's calling.

Again. What do you want?

I want to talk to Jill.

Uh, no. It's Kirby.

Sorry, Trevor.

Jill is screening her calls from all past relationships.

What's going on over there?

Hang on a sec. What is he saying?

What?

I can barely hear you, Trevor.

This isn't Trevor.

Oh, all right. Well, then why do you have his phone, whoever this is?

He's trying to do Ghostface.

He's being weird.

I want to talk to Jill.

Okay, well, she doesn't want to talk to you.

Come on, Mr. Ghostface, whisper to me.

Aren't you supposed to ask me a question?

All right.

How's the movie?

What movie?

How did you know that?

Because I'm standing in the closet.

Stop, you are not.

What's going on?

Trevor's being weird. I mean, if it is him, I don't know. What?

This is not fucking Trevor.

Well, then who the fuck are you?

Open the closet door.

You do know there are cops all over this house.

I think I...

Kirby. Shh.

Kirby. Come on. Do it.

There's no way you're in there.

See for yourself.

Kirby?

Kirby, come on. Talk to me. This isn't funny.

Kirby!

Liar. I'm over this.

I never said I was in your closet.

Oh my god.

What? Welcome home, Sidney.

Preview of coming events.

Why don't you come for me? You got the balls for that? Oh, poor Sidney. You

think this is all about you? You think you're still the star?

This isn't a fucking movie!

It will be. These are innocent people. Spare me the lecture!

You've done very well by all this bloodshed, haven't you? Well, how about

the town you left behind?

I've got plans for you.

I'm gonna slit your eyelids in half so you don't blink when I stab you in the

face. You'll die when I want you to, Sidney. Not a moment before.

Until then, you're going to suffer.

Sidney!

Jill! Stay right there!

Do not look, okay?

She said you were the angel of death.

What's going on in here?

He's in here.

Where is he?

Ma'am?

He was.

We'll check out back.

Jill?

Don't.

What happened?

Oh my god, Jill.

Come on, let's go. Let's go.

Jill?

Oh, my God. Are you okay?

Put your hand here. Put pressure on it. There's nobody back there.

Pulse, call it in. Right.

Hey, are you okay?

You should look upstairs.

Let's get the coroner's man brought around, please.

The kids are over there. What about our tree?

It's all your fault, Cindy.

Just like your mother.

Paws, clear these people out. I thought this was over.

Come on, leave her alone.

The bug's gone. Come on.

I'm sorry about what I said.

Do you want to go get that looked at?

Yeah.

What the hell happened?

Okay, I saw him going to that yard two houses down right before.

And I circled around to cut him off.

And?

And I met Haas coming from the other direction. No, no, he must have circled

back around somehow. He's like a ghost.

Chief, we're sorry.

I feel terrible.

All right, get out of here.

This is Hall Pass with Robbie Mercer webcasting live in our darkest hour.

What began as a day of remembrance has ended with serial murder.

Olivia Morris, who officially will never go out with me, is dead.

So is Jenny Randall and Marnie Cooper.

Our local legacy, the Stab Movies, is coming to life.

Excuse me.

Are you recording with that thing?

Live video blog upload.

He's webcasting right now.

Mind turning it off for a little old school off the record?

Can't. I owe it to my audience.

Turn the fucking thing off.

Okay.

So, you two are the boys that run the movie club at Woodsboro High, huh?

Oh, Charlie runs it. I'm just VP. Casey takes a bullet. It's called Cinema Club.

So you must have a very unique insight into the movie buffs at your school.

Maybe.

What if we could catch the killer by working together?

Two generations of cutting-edge journalists intertwining our passions

for media.

What would you say?

I love you.

Very good.

Now, you give me your expertise on the gore geek scene at Woodsboro High, and

maybe I give you something in return.

Say, a celebrity visit to your cinema club?

By me?

What about Sydney?

What about Sydney?

Yeah, you know her, right? I mean, you're friends with her?

No offense, but that'd be a big deal for Cinema Club.

A visit from Sydney Prescott? I mean... She's the star.

Ooh.

Yes, she's Daniel Radcliffe to my J.K. Rowling.

What without the book sales and the box office?

Whatever.

There's no broken bones.

I think you'll be fine. Take it easy.

You were lucky, Sidney.

So, Sidney. Ooh, ow.

Anyway, long story short, Random wants to lock you into three more books now.

See the blank line in your contract?

You can name your price.

And as soon as you're clear in this investigation, we're on the next plane

to New York. I've booked today, The View, Nancy Grace, MTV News. Excuse me,

can I ask you a question?

Did you read my book?

I thought I'd wait for the movie.

Book tour's over.

Sydney.

Accept your situation.

You're a victim for life.

So embrace it. Use it.

I know you care about your readers, all those little downtrodden fucks that just

need a light at the end of their tunnel so they don't jump off a bridge. And a

lucky break like this, I'm talking 100% increase in sales, minimum.

That's maybe a million more people get your message, and you get a ton more

checks. Win-win.

I won't be needing you anymore.

Sydney, you're fired.

Fired?

Have you even read my book, Rebecca?

The

problem

with Sydney is that she never gets laid.

Or even a little shit-faced once in a while.

She'll call me tonight and apologize.

Just watch.

Gotta just give her time. Sydney will come around.

Ah.

This is Rebecca.

Sydney Prescott, please.

I'm handling Miss Prescott's calls and appearances. May I take a message?

You are the message.

Are you writing this down?

Yes, I am.

It's kind of hard to hear you. I'm in the hospital with Sydney.

If you could just hang on one second.

I've got time.

It's you that doesn't.

You know, Rebecca, it doesn't sound to me like you're in the hospital.

Sounds like you're in a parking garage.

A dark and deserted parking garage.

But if you want to be in the hospital, I'd be happy to put you there.

In the fucking morgue!

Cut and run, you fucking bastard!

I love you.

This is an ongoing investigation.

Rest assured, we're pursuing a number of leads.

The less I say about that, the better.

So, in taking questions, please... Sheriff!

Sheriff! Sheriff! Dale?

Any comment on the fact that these killings seem to resemble the pattern of

the original Woodsboro murders?

Honey? Later.

As I was saying, uh...

My officers are hard at work, and we just want the community to know that we

are very close to bringing this whole situation under control.

Oh, shit!

All right, someone get up to the top of the structure!

Go, go!

Everyone, back!

Stay back! All right, so where do you move?

Listen, I want a man on each stairwell.

You see anybody?

It's all under control, huh, Sheriff?

What am I supposed to say?

Listen, I may not be wearing a uniform, but I happen to have a lead, and you

don't.

So let me know when you're back on Team Gale.

Move it! And remember,

students, tonight's town curfew is 9 o'clock.

You should be home when your door is locked.

Okay, Cinema Club, we are now in session. Welcome.

Tell you a little bit about ourselves.

We are a sanctioned after-school activity.

One rung below the Glee Club, two above Nintendo Wii Fit, and let me just say to

our guest, Sidney Prescott, it's an honor.

Beyond Jamie Lee Curtis, forget Linda Blair. I mean, this is the ultimate.

Thanks, I guess.

This... You film your entire high school experience and, what, post it on the

net? Everybody will be doing it someday, Syd.

It's kind of the one component the killer is missing.

Wait, what do you mean?

Well, if you want to be the new, new version, the killer should be filming

the murders.

It's like the natural next step in a psycho slasher innovation.

I mean, you film them all real time, and then before you get caught, you upload

them into cyberspace. Making your art as immortal as you.

Not to implicate me.

So who do you think is behind the murders?

Well, it's a stab fanatic, clearly.

Working on less of a shrequel and more of a screen make.

Copyrighted terms, by the way. Because all there are now are remakes.

Only horror in the studio is green light.

I mean, there are still rules, but the rules have changed.

The unexpected is the new cliche.

Yeah, you gotta have an opening sequence that blows the doors off, dial up some

flashy music video direction, and the kill's gotta be way more extreme.

Modern audiences get savvy to the rules of the originals.

So the reversals become the new standard.

In fact, the only surefire way to survive a modern horror movie, you

pretty much have to be gay.

So why are you so sure that the killer's working by the rules of a horror remake?

Well, the original stab structure is pretty apparent.

Two kids killed in a house when their parents are away?

And then the school's hot chicks savaged beyond recognition?

We all know where it goes from there.

A party.

Exactly. A party.

Guaranteed third act main cast bloodbath.

Fingers crossed on some nudity for a change.

Okay, so do you know of a party that's happening tonight?

Well, there's Stabathon.

Stabathon?

It's a movie marathon.

All seven stabs back to back. We do it every year.

And it's tonight?

There's a killer out there patterning his murders after the original movie.

I know.

It's pretty wild.

Well, you have to call it off.

Um... Okay, I mean, it's Friday.

I'm sure we're not the only party that's going on in Woodsboro.

Hey, where is this circle jerk going to take place?

So who's ready for this Q&A?

No, no, no. I really want the location.

You know, it's kind of an underground thing.

Email invites, pretty secret.

But you're not going to tell me?

Really?

We're working together.

Remember?

So you ready for that Q&A? Fuck you.

Let's go.

That was awesome.

I feel like I'm under house arrest.

You know when people say, I know how you feel?

But you know they're just saying that because they really have no...

Frickin idea how you feel I Know how you feel

I'm so sorry about Olivia

I'm sorry about your publicist

How do you handle it

people staring at you all the time

People stare at me.

I could never handle that kind of attention.

I just feel like it would take over your whole life.

What I do is I try not to think about

me.

I have people I care about.

I focus on them.

And the rest it, uh...

You saved my life last night.

I mean, I know we're family, but you hardly know me.

Makes me wonder, you know, if I'd have been brave enough to do the same thing.

I really hope you never have to find that out.

No. If you need me, you know where to find me.

I'll be up in my cell, or, I mean, my room.

Her room's all boarded up.

That's the view from my cell.

It's really weird.

I think Olivia would understand, okay? She'd want me to be around other people.

Holy shit.

Even if I did just crash land on Planet Orc.

Speaking of which, Trevor's here.

What? Hey, Kirby.

What is he doing there? That is so not his scene. I have no idea. Maybe he

thought you would be here.

Yeah, fat chance. After what happened last night, I mean, my mom is just

completely freaked out.

it's not pretty all right look you go do your good girl thing and i will drink

for the both of us i will keep you posted all right be safe

And the club thanks you for coming out for our third annual Stabathon. Safety

numbers, my friend. Safety numbers.

Who's ready to drink every time someone can't get a cell phone signal?

Who's ready to drink every time someone shuts the refrigerator door? Oh, my God,

there's a harmless character right behind it.

Who's ready to drink every time someone screams the word?

Welcome to the game.

Perfect. New work in progress, chapter one.

When I moved to Woodsboro, I never in a million years dreamed that I would again

play the critical role in solving another series of these... What

the

hell?

Gail, where are you?

I followed the kids to the Stabathon.

There's an old abandoned farm on Fort Dillon Road.

Listen, I've got it under surveillance, and I think the killer's about to make

his move.

What makes you so sure?

You do a remake to outdo the original. That's what the kids said.

This party is all about the Stab movies. Come on.

How meta can you get?

How whatta can you get?

I don't know. I heard him say it.

Dewey, listen to me. You have to get out here.

Come on, you catch the killer, I get the story. It's a win-win.

Well, I thought you were going rogue, Gail.

Oh, come on. Are you serious? Come on.

Forget it. Thanks for having faith in me.

I've got to fix my equipment.

Gail!

That'll do. Yeah. Yeah, she wants it, right?

Hello?

Hello.

Who is this?

Were you expecting somebody?

No.

You know, I don't even know you.

I just like you already.

Hicks, how far are you from Fort Dillon Road?

Five minutes at the most, sir.

Well, step on it.

Put pressure on that.

Did you catch him?

No. Hopefully your camera's got something.

They weren't the only ones, do they? What?

There's a webcam that's sitting up there.

It was watching me.

A webcam?

He's recording the murders.

What? This time, he's making the movie.

Sidney Prescott detail, man. I don't like it.

The cops guard in the house. They always get it.

What are you talking about?

It's a movie cop rule.

Sucks to be a cop in a movie, unless you're Bruce Willis.

Not all cops die in movies.

No, but if it's your last day before retirement, you do.

If you're a rookie, just found out your wife is pregnant, you do.

Or if your partner's better looking than you, you do. And by the way, I know that

one.

You know what? I'll take the next perimeter.

I'll be right back.

Shit.

I know this one. You're not supposed to say that, are you? Eh, new decade, new

rules. You know, these days, you might come back, find me dead, eyes gouged

out, tongue sticking out. Could go either way. I gotta learn this shit.

I'll take this one.

Hey, Hoss.

Be careful.

I'm always careful.

walking.

Perkins, was there a window open on your last parameter check?

Perkins, come in. Over.

Damn it.

You should have seen the look on your face, rookie.

False!

What the fuck?

Oh, shit.

Fuck Bruce Willis.

Guys, we're over here.

That was me. I was trying to fix them. Sorry.

I'm just back from the store.

You're shopping?

I'm a stress buster.

I've got one more bag in the car. I'll be right back.

Robert's residence.

You're a survivor, aren't you, Sydney?

You're one and only skill. You survive.

Well, I have one question for you.

What good is it to be a survivor in this little drama if everyone close to you is

dead?

Who are you? Turn on the TV to Channel 6.

Who the fuck are you? Turn it on.

Watch the teaser.

But it nearly turned deadly tonight, with the latest victims of these attacks

being the wife of the Woodsboro Sheriff.

Gail Riley, a.k.a. Gail Weathers, who's in serious condition tonight after being

stabbed. Her assailant then disappeared in a sea of identical... Glad you came

home, Sydney.

Has it been worth it yet? Why are you doing this?

Friends count, but it's the family ties that cut deep, right?

Am I right?

What do you mean?

The ones you care about most. And what's closer than family?

The bond of blood. Don't. You can't save them.

Is watch.

Jill!

Kate!

Sid? Jill's not in her room.

Oh my god. She's gone to Kirby's. You gotta call her and get her back here.

Okay.

Come on, Jill. Leave a message.

She's not picking up.

What's going on?

The killer called. He's coming after me.

But he wants my family first.

Oh, God, Jill.

Let's get the cops.

The cops aren't there. What? They were there when I first came in, but they're

not there now.

Let's get Kirby's.

Out the front.

Raise it from the bottom.

Can you?

Let's get out of here.

What are you doing?

I just saw somebody coming around the side of the house. Where are Haas and

Perkins? I couldn't get them on the radio.

Whose blood is that?

It's Kate's. We were just attacked.

She's dead.

Where is she?

Front door.

Show me. Okay.

Stay here.

This is Deputy Hicks.

I've got a homicide at the Roberts residence.

No sign of Perkins or Haas.

I'm so sorry.

Hey!

Hold!

You're gonna be fine.

All right? I swear.

No more on your own.

It's you and me. Forever.

One, two, three.

Dewey? Yeah?

Promise me something.

Anything.

Catch that motherfucker.

Absolutely. I love you. I love you.

You missed chaos.

Utter chaos.

I can't believe that. It's your wife, man.

She told us to cancel it and we didn't. And now this? What are we supposed to

do? Robbie, calm down. It makes sense.

This is what the reboots do. They one-up the original ending.

The Woodsboro murders ended at a party. So in the remake... The party's the

false ending.

New rules.

Exactly.

Okay, no offense, guys, but I'm going to put in Stab 7. Nobody cancels my film

fest. Whoa, I don't want to watch that, not after what happened to Olivia.

Oh, come on. It was her favorite.

Oh, wow, Kirby.

You got some classics here.

Yeah. Suspiria, Don't Look Now.

You know it.

Like a trivia-your-ass-under-the-table cinema boy.

Oh, yeah?

Who played Leatherface first?

Gunnar Hansen.

Wow.

Did you feel that?

That charge that moved between us just then?

Oh, that was me.

I have powers.

So sexy.

You guys are unbelievable.

You're playing fucking trivia games?

The cops are gonna come for us. They're gonna shut down my website.

We're so dead.

Yeah, I agree.

Jesus Christ, where'd you come from?

The front door.

By the way, Kirby, with everything that's going on right now, you probably

shouldn't leave that unlocked.

Sorry.

And, um, may I ask what the hell you're doing here? What?

Didn't I find the after-party?

No, you found the anti-party, and it's invitation only.

Yeah, well, I got an invitation.

From Jill.

So, what's the story?

What?

You sent me a text message.

After party at Kirby's house?

I mean, it was from your phone.

What do you mean, from my phone?

Where is my phone?

I think you left it in your car. I didn't text him.

I didn't text you.

And I'll prove it.

So, Charlie, I'm Robbie.

How does it feel to be accessories to a crime, huh?

I mean, really?

Dewey's wife?

My life is over.

So which one of you guys sent me a text message from Jill's phone, huh?

We're just supposed to accept that you're telling the truth?

Isn't your phone missing?

Got a new one.

Really? Oh, that's incredibly convenient.

Dewey, it's Hicks. What's up?

Kate Roberts is dead.

Huh? And Sidney fled the scene.

What? What happened to Kate?

She was stabbed just like the others.

What about Jill?

No sign of her at all.

Where the hell were Haas and Perkins?

They were found dead in their car two blocks away.

Multiple stab wounds.

Okay.

I'm on my way.

Yes, sir.

it sucks it's not silly it's gross You want to sit over here next to me?

Alright.

Alright.

Get ready for a hall pass with Robbie Mercer Extra.

Now, tonight, there is a good chance that Charlie Walker, yes, my Charlie

Walker, may get lucky with a girl.

Now, I'm unable to divulge my exact location.

However...

Suffice it to say, Woodsboro High may be in store for some geek history.

Hello?

Who's there?

Hey Charlie. Yeah?

I'm sorry, I know you're into the movie and all, but now would be a really good

time to make a move.

For me to make a move?

Mm-hmm.

Couldn't you make a move?

I just did.

Because you're actually pretty cute.

Especially when I'm scared and lonely.

Hey guys, did you see Jill?

Come in. I didn't see her outside.

Yes, Trevor. She is upstairs.

Thank God you are here to protect her when you can't even find her.

There's nobody out here.

Oh, dude, I love this part of the movie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just when you think they're all safe and comfortable in the house... Ghostface

comes in a band!

Did I just interrupt something right here?

Shut the fuck up.

Who invited you, Trevor?

All right.

Clearly not you.

Wow. I'm gonna be upstairs.

Get out of my house!

Oh, yeah.

Okay, I'm a little drunk, so don't blame me on that connection.

let's see what charlie's up to shall we or the saga of trevor and jill oh the

intrigue of woodsboro high who needs a killing round there's so much drama

That's better.

Wait, no. You can't. You can't. There's rules.

I'm gay. I'm gay.

If it helps.

Herbie, I found my phone. It was up in your room. There was no text message

sent to Trevor. He is such a liar.

Where is he?

What do you mean, where is he? He just went upstairs looking for you.

He's not upstairs.

Trevor?

Charlie? Robbie?

Maybe they're outside.

Jill? Sydney!

I'm sorry. I should have told you and mom where I was going.

No, it's okay. It's just I need you to come with me. Come with me right now,

okay?

Run!

Run!

Mommy!

Two stories.

Forge yourself.

Get out of the bed. What? Just do what I say. Get out of the bed. Don't make a

sound and don't come out until I come get you, okay?

Just trust me.

You

got

it? You okay?

Jill's right. Just keep running. Get help!

Sydney, where are you? I'm at Kirby's. The killer is here. I need your help.

I'm on my way.

Okay.

Sydney? Sydney!

I need all units to 329 Whispering Lake.

All units, 329 Whispering Lake!

It's just me. Look, I tried to call 911, but the landline's dead and someone

smashed the router. I think I could throw it myself.

Okay, where's Jill?

Go on, get in. Go, go, go.

There's a room down here. We can lock ourselves in.

I heard you yelling to Jill. Did she get away?

I think she's safe.

Kirby, let me in.

No, no, no, no, I just found Robbie.

This is his blood. Please, please, there is someone else out here. Let me in. If

you can't trust him, don't open the door.

My God, let me in.

Get away from the door, Charlie.

Kirby, it is me. Please, let me in. Get away from the door, Charlie. It's me.

It's Charlie's phone.

Tell Sidney heads are gonna roll tonight.

Tell Sidney it's all because of her.

Or maybe she wants to take his place.

I promise to be quick.

It's him. Okay, okay. I'm gonna get Jill. We should be in the same place.

Just keep him on the phone. I'll be right back, okay?

Let him go, please.

I hear you like horror movies, Kirby.

But do you like them as much as him?

Forget watching, stab.

You get to live it.

No, no, no, no, no, no. He's the expert. It's not me.

Warm-up question.

Jason's weapon.

Uh, it's a machete.

There, you see? You do know the genre.

Michael Myers.

Uh, butcher knife. Latherface.

Chainsaw, please. Just ask Sidney if he needs some help. Freddy Krueger. Uh, uh,

raise your hands.

Name the movie that started the slasher craze. Halloween, Texas Chainsaw

Massacre, Last House on the Left, or Psycho? Psycho. None of the above.

Beeping Tom, 1960, directed by Michael Powell. First movie to ever put the

audience in the killer's POV.

Wait. Wait. No, no, no, no. Please just ask me one more question. Just one more.

All right, Kirby.

Then it's time for your last chance question.

Name the remake of the groundbreaking horror movie in which...

Halloween, Texas Chainsaw, Dawn of the Dead, The Hills Have Eyes, Amityville

Horror, Last House on the Left, Friday the 13th, A Nightmare on Elm Street, My

Bloody Valentine, When a Stranger Calls, Prom Night, Black Christmas, House of

Wax, The Fog, Piranha.

It's one of those, right?

Right?

Got it right.

I was fucking right

Herbie, this is making a move.

Four years of clashes together, and you notice me now?

Stupid bitch.

It's too late.

Shh, I know, I know.

It's okay, we'll take our time.

It doesn't happen as fast as it does in the movies, I know.

Kirby?

You know, you learn a lot when you watch movies over and over.

All the plots are about trying to kill you.

Where's Jill?

You think she's gonna get away?

You think anyone gets away?

Hello, Sidney.

Surprised?

Watch this.

This is the part, my dear cousin, when the cameras turn off.

Charlie? Already taken care of.

Man, I got great footage of my Robbie kill.

Better than Jenny and Marty or Olivia even.

Good, we'll cut and upload it later. Make it all traceable to Trevor.

Speaking of which...

Mind you of anything?

Jill, please.

Shut up, dick.

Everything I learned, I learned from you.

You think you had a shitty boyfriend, Sydney?

Here's one that fucks you, dumps you, and doesn't even make you famous.

What the fuck, Jill? I loved you.

Shut the fuck up already.

I'm sure those cops want you to have this, Jill.

For your protection.

No.

Mary, please.

Mary, please.

You shouldn't have killed all those people, Trev.

Gone and put it on video even.

But it means a lot that you did it for me.

What the fuck are you talking about?

I am not the girl you cheat on.

I've gone through everything. We're definitely good on timeline.

Oh, yeah.

We're perfect. No, no.

Should we keep them quiet?

Ready for act three?

Got it figured out yet, Sydney?

Keeping with the remake theme, Trevor's this generation's Billy Loomis, and

we're the innocent victims, Sydney and Randy.

See, with you, the world just heard about what happened, but with us,

they're gonna see it. It's gonna be a worldwide sensation.

I mean, people gotta see this shit.

It's not like anyone reads anymore.

You're gonna know fame like you never even dreamed of.

Last two teenagers standing.

This time Randy gets the girl.

You are amazing.

You're the perfect victim.

I was so believable today, wasn't I? I mean, I told so many lies that I

actually started to believe them.

I really think that I was born for this.

How could you do this?

Do you know what it was like growing up in this family?

Related to you?

I mean, all I ever heard was Sydney this and Sydney that and Sydney, Sydney,

Sydney.

You were always just so fucking special!

Well, now I'm the special one.

You'll slip, they always do.

Come on, Charlie, let's get on with this.

You have to be strong and hold still.

Okay? Yeah. Yeah, old school.

Like Billy and Stu.

Come on, baby. Get it up.

Come on.

Slow to me. Slow to me. Slow to me. Get it up!

The heart.

The way we rehearsed it. You said it, Charlie. Billy and Stu.

Trevor and you.

But the media really loves baby.

as a sole survivor.

Just ask you-know-who.

Trevor was your partner.

You, you were the idea man.

Even your friends.

My friends?

What world are you living in? I don't need friends.

I need fans.

Don't you get it?

This has never been about killing you.

It's about becoming you.

I mean, for fuck's sake, my own mother had to die. No great loss there, so I

could stay true to the original.

But sick, right?

Well, sick is the new saying.

You had your 15 minutes. Now I want mine!

I mean, what am I supposed to do? Go to college?

Grad school?

Work?

Look around.

We all live in public now. We're all on the internet. How do you think people

become famous anymore?

You don't have to achieve anything.

You just gotta have fucked up shit happen to you.

So you do have to die, Sid.

Those are the rules.

New movie, new franchise.

There's only room for one lead, and let's face it, your ingenue days,

they're over.

Don't tell me you didn't know this day would come

Let's move it!

He's gone.

Check the rooms both sides and upstairs.

Yes, ma'am.

Jill, can you give us a description? Jill, how

does

it feel to be a hero?

It's okay.

You're gonna be okay.

Jill, you made it.

That's all that matters.

Trevor and Charlie, they tried to kill me.

And I heard they killed my mom and Robbie and Kirby, too.

Shh.

Just lay back.

Try to rest.

Is your wife... She's gonna be fine.

She's recovering.

If I ever write a book one day, I'd want her to write it with me.

We'd be a good team with our matching wounds and all.

We're survivors now.

I just wish Sydney was too.

Chill.

They're not sure yet.

It's still touch and go.

But she's in ICU.

And they think Sydney just might make it.

What?

But I saw Trevor kill her.

Look, we don't know yet, but she's hanging on.

I want to see her.

She's not awake yet.

And she may not remember anything. You'll have to help her with that.

All in time.

She gonna be okay?

Yeah.

She's a strong kid.

She's gonna have to be.

She asked if you were okay.

She thinks you guys should write a book together with your matching wounds.

Why, she was stabbed in the shoulder?

How did she know I was too?

Damn it!

You just won't die, will you?

Who are you, Michael fucking Myers?

Yeah, I don't think so.

Fucking die!

How are those stitches?

Sidney!

Hey, go get up to Sidney Prescott's room and call for backup!

Be right up, sir!

Sid?

This is how it's gonna be, Sid.

The ending of the movie was supposed to be at the house. I mean, this is just

silly.

Consider this an alternate ending.

You're never gonna get out of this, Jill.

Of course I will. Do we?

Sid.

Easy.

Okay, wait.

What about the book?

Looks like I'll just have to write it myself.

Damn it!

Don't even think about shooting, or I'll blow Dewey's head off.

You think I won't do it? Give me your gun.

Do it.

You heard her.

Just had to be the hero, huh?

Give me your gun.

Give it to her.

What are you, deaf?

Give me.

Your gun!

Now get up.

And keep your hands over your head.

Don't do anything stupid.

Don't fucking tell me what to do.

Oh god.

Now get up, bitch.

Okay.

Get up.

Now!

She's not going to help you.

Come on.

Neither is he.

Do we?

Let's go.

Get your skinny ass out here.

Okay.

I'm going to enjoy blowing your head off.

Okay, but can I just have one final word?

What? Please?

Clear. Clear?

Clear.

You forgot the first rule of remakes, Jill.

Don't fuck with the original.

Oh my God, Dewey.

What hit me?

Don't ask.

You okay?

She was standing right behind me.

They always are.

Nice

one.

Hicks, you're alive?

Wear the vest.

Save your chest.

We got two officers down, several injuries, and a new suspect.

We need a doctor, goddammit!

I don't know about you, but I feel a whole lot better.

Where the hell is everybody?

We're live at Woodsboro Community Hospital, awaiting a first public

statement from Jill Roberts, survivor.

A survivor of what is now being called... The Woodsboro Massacre reboot.

Jill Roberts is her name, a name the whole world will now know. Who single

-handedly put a stop to this 21st century Woodsboro killing spree. Jill

Roberts of Woodsboro, a girl who's lifted all our spirits tonight, an

American hero right out of the movies.

Thank you.

No sympathy, girl.

That's the last you're giving, I'm sure.

All the time I'm trying to be the man you want me to. But all I ever get from

you is silence, silence.

Now I'm on fire.

I'm on fire.

I'm on fire.

Then I can show.

Stop me now.

Don't stop me now.

Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't.

I'm not fire. I can show.

I'm not fire. I can show. I'm not fire.

I can show.

We've been burning bridges for hours Guided by higher powers And rising up

from the edges This land is covered with faces We've been praying for someone to

lead us The end of those who deceive us

It's not time to stand in line. If you want to change this, they'll make the

world you measure by.

If you let them take you and hand you to the darker side so everything's about

you. It's not the time to stand in line. Someone has to change this.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

If I was you, I'd...

my size and the devil got my head and the devil got my eyes i'm trying hard to

get up to make it to my heart cause i wanna make it back from the dark dark

dark

I said it used to be it was just my tongue, but the dirt was caught, oh,

like the teeth of a shark. And I want to make it back from the dark, dark, dark.

Oh, it was me indeed.

Oh, it was me indeed.

Oh, it was me indeed.

Oh, it was me indeed.

Oh, it was me indeed.

Oh, it was me indeed.

Oh, it was me indeed. Whoa.

See the...

just see the devil got my car and the devil ain't no novice and the devil

ain't no liar i'm trying hard to get up but he made it to my heart so i cannot

make it back from the dark