Original subtitles

Oh, man.

I heard this is the scariest ride.

The scariest ride at Fright Night. I low-key might pass out.

You've threatened to pass out on nearly every ride so far, Carly, so either just

do it or don't. Just stop talking about it, please.

Hell come.

I'll be your ghoulish guide through this creepy crypt which houses history's most

heinous homicidal haunts.

And away we go.

Hold on to your headstones.

We've arrived at our first tomb.

Lizzie Borden, dressed in red, swamped her axe and chopped off my

head.

Okay,

that was insane.

I'm literally going to pass out.

Pass out, then.

Come on.

has just begun and the next gruesome grave is dead ahead.

Any questions?

Yes, who are you?

And David Pumpkins is... a Halloween guy.

And the skeletons are... next to him.

Why are you on this ride?

Two words.

Midterms.

Boom.

Boom. It's me, Donald Trump, your one true god.

Pausing SNL skit yet again. Aw.

Are you sad you don't get to see your third David Pumpkin scene?

I'll save you four minutes. He keeps popping up and confusing the people on

the ride. The end.

But, you know, I actually have a lot in common with Mr.

Pumpkins.

We both appeared in 2016. We're both very loud, very orange, and very,

frankly, annoying.

But we love Tom Hanks. Look at him back there. Good acting.

Great acting.

It's a great ass on, Hanks. That's something I've been doing lately,

admiring men's asses.

Not that there's anything wrong with that, just that I might be gay.

They're calling it gay dementia.

Dementia, short for dimension. Show me their butts.

Wow, that's actually pretty creative.

Also, I've been making odd noises.

Remember that? What the hell was that?

Probably soul trying to leave body. Uh-oh,

their sound just dropped. It's probably fine.

If you were cool with the Epstein stuff, you're probably fine with... But the

midterms are on Tuesday, and the polls say we're doing very badly.

Oh! Oh!

Oh!

And they're saying Texas is turning purple, just like my hand.

And if it goes blue, then just like my hand, I will leave it for dead.

We can't let that happen, so you gotta vote for that awful Ken Paxton. God,

what an ugly son of a bitch. I hate Ken Paxton.

I hate Ken Paxton, but you gotta vote for him because we can't have this

Telefreaker, who is, frankly, much better looking, and wow, what a dynamite

ass on Telefreaker. It's like a pillowcase full of cobras back there.

Things that make you go, oh.

Look at them. They're still frozen back there.

They have to stay there the whole time.

I don't.

Of course not, Keaton.

Yes, why not? Hey, by the way, thank you for that donation. That was really

generous.

Yeah, you wish, bitch.

Yeah, Keaton.

Keaton. Looking for Bobby Moynihan back there. He flew in for this.

Thanks for shaving, Bobby.

Riblet!

Smells like pepper in this pizzeria. Oh, no, he had a great first show.

And Tom's still back there, too, but wait, if he's here, who's narrating

World War II documentary?

You know who it should be, my new friend and future press secretary, the late,

great Nicki Minaj.

What's up? It's Nicki Minaj. I'm out here killing it, and by it, I mean my

career.

Nikki the Trumpy, like, I don't even know why you Democrats bother at this

point. Like, give it up. It's me.

I'm not gonna put you like me. It's hard to come by.

Thank you, Nikki.

She's got quite an ass. If only it were on a man, perhaps then I could admire

her. So happy Halloween and remember to vote Republican because if these

Democrats win and they get all that power, they will...

Do nothing, just like the last time.

But now it's time to say the big line and start the show.

And I'd like to give someone a chance to redeem herself.

My former press secretary, Katie Zachariah. Come on out, Katie.

With confidence.

Live from New York.

And from so many cities. No, no, no, you whiffed it.

Dog. Why don't you take this one?

Live from New York! It's Saturday Night

Live!

It's Saturday Night Live!

With... Michael Che!

Mikey J!

Fernandez James Austin Johnson

Colin

Jost

Ashley

Padilla Sarah Sherman

Kenan Thompson.

Jane Wickline.

Featuring Saida Belosagie.

Tommy Brennan.

Jeremy Cohane.

Marshall.

Cam Patterson.

Grace Ryder.

Veronica Slowikowska.

Musical guest Gracie Abrams.

And your host, Indy Navarrete.

Ladies and gentlemen, Indy Navarrete.

to be here you probably know me from the movie obsession and

a lot of people ask me if i'm anything like my character nikki and i'm like no

no no don't do that but the thing is is i'm nothing

like my character and obsession like my boyfriend is here tonight to support me

we have such a chill relationship right honey

I loved making Obsession.

And I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm gonna be in a Marvel movie.

Yeah, yeah.

And I know it's really important for Marvel that you get really fit, so I've

been working out a lot. So every morning I put on my little horror outfit and I

hit the gym.

Anyway, for anyone who knows me only as Nikki, tonight I'm here as Indy.

A lot of people ask me if Indy is short for Indy Annie, but really, it's long

for Dee.

And I'm so excited to be hosting tonight because it's the Halloween episode!

Yes!

And my favorite holiday is Halloween, and since none of the cast could go out

tonight, I thought they could just show off their costumes here.

Hey, Indy. Oh, hey, Marcelo.

I love your costume. Are you, like, a TSA agent?

Close. I'm a sexy TSA agent.

What? How?

Like this, like... Hey, girl.

Take those shoes off and go stand in my big, nasty machine.

Like this.

Okay, creative! I love it!

Yeah. Enjoy your flight, everybody.

Thank you.

Whoa!

Damn!

Sorry, who are you?

I'm the bad lady. The bad lady with the blood.

Elizabeth Holmes?

I don't know.

A lot of people won't stop talking about it. I'm just trying to meet them

halfway. Right, right. Well, you could have fooled me.

Oh, Jeremy.

Whoa, you're Wolverine.

That's right.

I know you were cast as Rogue in the new X-Men movie, and I randomly heard they,

like, I guess they haven't even cast Wolverine yet. Oh, I'm so sorry. I

actually can't comment on that. Well, I can, and I'd love to be in the movie

with you.

Yeah, okay. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Grace, you're a bird!

Yeah. Oh, my God!

It's actually a group costume. Oh, sure, yeah.

I want to buy the bird. Oh, my God, it's Kelly Clarkson.

Selby.

All right, folks, we come to the last stop on our Ghosts of the Queen Mary

tour. This is the famous promenade deck, okay, which is said to be the most

haunted area on the ship. Ooh. Um, sir, I think I see a ghost.

This creepy woman next to me is so pale, she must be dead.

Hey, you know I'm not dead, Alan. I'm your wife.

Okey-dokey. Well, many people claim to have seen the spirits of passengers from

the 1930s wandering this deck at night.

Let's see if we can make contact.

To any spirits here, we ask that you make yourself known.

Wait. Wait, I think I see something.

Young man, my name is Judith Hollins, and I have secrets to reveal.

Her name's Judith Hollins, and she has secrets to reveal.

Judith Hollins? That was a wealthy heiress who died on the Queen Mary in

the 30s. They say she hid her priceless diamonds on board. Oh, shh. She's saying

something.

If you wish to find my hidden treasure, listen close.

First, you must go to... Hey!

Hi. I'm going swimming at the pool.

Okay.

I'm gonna... swim and jump and do different dives.

Come swimming.

Come on.

My sister's coming too. Look. Hi. Yes.

We're going swimming in the pool. Yes. Come with us. Yes. Come on. The pool is

this way. Come on.

Come with us. Come on. We're going swimming. Yes. Come on. Come on with us.

And that is where my treasure lies.

Did she tell you where her diamonds are?

Yeah. but I didn't hear her because these super happy 1930s blonde kids were

inviting me to go swimming.

Well, ask her to tell you again, man.

Okay, uh, uh, Miss Hollins, can you repeat that?

Yes, but we must hurry.

My time in this realm is fleeting. To find my treasure, go to the big... Look!

Look! Rings!

Rings! We're bringing them swimming. They sink in the water.

We're gonna throw them!

Yes, you have to come on, and guess what? Our dad's coming, too. Daddy!

Yes, his swimming costume is incredible.

We'll adore our daddy's swimming costume. We promise. Yes, and my sister

will keep us entertained.

She's so talented. Show them.

Oh!

Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.

Yes. Come on. She's going to do that while we swim.

It's crazy.

The pool's this way. Come on. You have to come.

I missed it again.

The kids came back to glaze their dad's swimming costume.

Why are you talking to kids, weirdo?

Get the rich lady back.

I'm trying.

Miss Hollins, I wish to speak with you again.

Wait, wait, I see something.

Hello!

My children told me you wanted to see my swimming costume.

Come, see it in water. her at the pool look isn't it amazing like that swimming

costume look at it no you overhyped it so much

come

swimming with us come on did you call

for me no no no you can't talk he wants to come swimming

What happened? Well, everyone left to go swimming, but I think I know how they

all died.

I mean, they probably drowned because they said they didn't know how to swim.

Wait, wait.

Do you guys see that?

No. What do you see?

A woman radiating a white blinding light.

She's my pale-ass wife.

We strive to provide a safe, enjoyable flight to everyone.

Unfortunately, incidents of unruly behavior are on the rise.

Nobody should have to deal with the stress of a disorderly passenger on

their flight. And now, they won't have to.

Introducing Delta Disruptive, a new section of the plane exclusively for

crazy people.

Hey, hey, hey, listen to what I say. The Illuminati are eating the kids.

What?

you see delta didn't want to deal with the constant problems these passengers

create but we still wanted their money so whether you're a basic inconsiderate

a-hole or a paranoid lunatic who tries to open the door mid-flight this plane

is made out of israel delta is for you usually they're

like you can't wear that you can see your whole ass but now i can wear

whatever

Everybody chooses about what's really going on.

This bitch behind me is not real. And that she is a shadow person that only I

can see. In Delta Disruptive, I can be who I want to be and read what I want to

read.

And they never make you shake your back.

Because if you say it don't fit, it don't fit.

There are some rules in Delta Disruptive. For instance, you can't stab

people with a pen.

Even if they're in your seat.

Anything else is fine.

And if you're worried that a section full of crazy people won't be safe,

don't be. All Delta Disruptive flight attendants are the toughest, gayest, ex

-Spirit Airlines employees who have seen much worse.

Oh, hell no. What did I say? If your damn comfort iguana been another

passenger, I'm gonna throw it out the plane. Give me that goddamn lesson!

Now, I'm gonna... back to watching pornographies on my phone.

And thanks to four inch thick acoustic plexiglass, regular passengers won't be

bothered by anyone in Delta Disruptive, no matter what's going on back there.

So stop being met by law enforcement when you land and start flying Delta

Disruptive. Currently available on all domestic flights within Florida.

Next week.

It's the Uninterested Woman Game Show, and here's your host.

Hello, hello.

My name is Sephora Outlet, and welcome to the Uninterested Woman Game Show, the

game show where a woman is upfront about not being interested in three bachelors,

and they compete to react appropriately.

Let's meet Kelly.

Hi, I'm Kelly. I'm from Texas. I'm a lesbian, and I'm married.

The most I'm looking for is three minutes of polite conversation while I

wait for my bagel to be ready. I'm not interested in dating.

And let's meet our gentleman.

What's up, guys?

Excited to date. You are gorgeous.

Okay, bad start.

But let's get to know these guys a little better.

Hey, I'm Dane. I believe in a woman's right to boogie, and I'm super psyched

about that.

And I'm Keith.

I'm a professional rat wrangler with COVID.

I'm worried that I'm too good for Kelly, but I am in love with her, and I'm

willing to see where this goes.

And I'm Evan. I work out five times a week.

Much like all my favorite podcasters, I only do arms, which is why I look so

weird. And, yeah,

I'd like to date Kelly.

That's great. A reminder, Kelly is not interested.

And why are we, like, vibing?

Okay, time for our first challenge.

Three minutes at the deli.

Kelly is waiting for her bagel.

She's wearing headphones and staring straight ahead.

What do you do?

Excuse me, I'm Keith.

I'm Keith.

What? Uh, I'm Keith. Do you have a name? Oh, I'm Kelly. Oh, cool.

Uh, do you want to get a drink right now? I know all the spots that are open

in the morning.

No, thank you. Man, you're so mysterious. I'm like, uh, I don't even

know her name, you know?

I said it's Kelly. Oh, yeah, I forgot.

So, Keith, how do you feel about how that went?

Really good. We have plans later. No, we don't. No, you don't.

No, you don't. Kelly, you can come back. I'm so sorry about that.

Kelly, do you have any questions for our bachelors?

Yes.

Personality is very important to me, and a person I'll be alone with in public,

even briefly. So, tell me something about yourself.

Well, I'm a family man, and my family is currently mad at me because I moved my

computer to the garage, and every time I come out, my opinions are a little

different.

I'm six foot negative three.

Every female flight attendant, waitress, nurse, dentist, and female bartender

I've ever met has been in love with me. And, yeah, I'm dating Kelly.

You're not. But you're not. You're not dating Kelly.

Right? Dane?

Well, my height is five foot zero, but my penis is five inch zero.

But my penis... No, no, no, no, no, no.

Stop.

i forgot to say my height i'm six foot five if you measure from the ceiling you

guys don't have to say your height but i i think about my heart like a thousand

times a day well height okay height is a medium important to women at most well

if that's true then explain my whole world to you next

question why do you think kelly doesn't want to date you Um, this could be

wrong. I'm just, like, working an idea out aloud.

Uh, she's a bitch.

No!

She's confused because she's sick.

The answer I was looking for is Kelly is a married lesbian on an errand.

I am on an errand to date Kelly.

Kelly doesn't want to date you. Whatever.

She's probably a lesbian.

She is! She is! She is a lesbian. She said that.

Well, I'm just gonna say it one more time. She hasn't met me, though.

She has.

Okay.

We'll be right back.

Thank you, everyone, for being here today.

We all know my husband was an eccentric man.

He was devoted to his work, and he made unbelievable things.

Even at the end, he spent his final days alone in his workshop

building God knows what.

And what can I say?

My husband loved his inventions And he

liked his wife

Hi. What's your name?

Petey44?

How about I call you Petey?

So, what do you do, Petey?

Oh, not sure, huh?

Well, Petey, looks like it's just me and you, buddy.

Think you can help me wash these?

Still don't know what your purpose is, huh?

That makes two of us.

Yeah, I miss him too.

Not much of a dinner, is it?

You know, I like where your head's at.

It's time Petey

He is kinda cute.

It's a match!

I've had a wonderful night.

Me too.

Would you maybe like to come in for a nightcap?

I'd like that very much. Good, because there's someone I want you to meet.

I'm home.

Petey, this is my new friend.

Hi, Petey.

My name's Tom.

I've heard so much about you.

stands for penis destroyer great

shot my penis to the moon that's awesome

he

did

love me

husband love me after all.

We now

return to El Corazon Que No Siente.

Estefania, how dare you drink wine when you are pregnant with my son?

I am not.

pregnant with your son because I slept with your father.

Which means that baby in your belly is me.

And cut.

Yes, incredible, incredible take, Rodrigo, Selena.

Your chemistry is fantastical. I can see why this show gets middle-aged women all

hot and bothered.

And can I just say, it's such an honor to be down here in, what's the city

called again?

Guadalajara. Yes, Guadalaguchi.

Directing El Corazon Que No Siente.

Now, for the next scene, this is exciting. Our friends at Sprite have

paid for some product placement.

Yes, we sure have. Hi, Todd Tucker and Shana Tine from Sprite. Yes, we're here

because we're debuting a brand new flavor, Sprite Cherry Lime Habanero.

And we would love if you guys worked it into the scene in whatever way makes

sense. Yes, well, these two are amazing.

I'm sure they can handle it. I'll just fly that Sprite bottle into you.

All right, let's go from the top. El Corazon, season three, episode 6,095.

And action!

Gustavo! You are alive?

I thought you had died.

No, I did not have died.

It was my twin brother who exploded.

But I can see there's already been another man in this house. A sex

criminal.

How could you say that?

Because only an obese pervert would drink this.

A Sprite Cherry Lime Habanero.

It's bad, but they pay for this.

I agree. That was electric.

Every abuela watching this is gonna be rubbing it out like an 80s DJ.

Ooh!

Right. But maybe in this next take, you don't say that only a pervert would

drink our product?

You don't even have to talk about the Sprite. Maybe just take a sip of it.

Ah, yes. So maybe we don't talk about the Sprite. We just take a sip of it?

We just want to see the characters we love enjoying the drink we adore. Yep.

And action.

Gustavo, I am so happy it was your twin brother who had exploded and not you.

Here.

made me hit a woman.

Cut!

Cut! Yep, I agree.

I agree. That did not work. I am over here as soft as a rock.

Guys, I'm sorry.

I hate to sound like a corporate drone, but we really need you to say that the

Sprite tastes good.

Yes, but the problem is it tastes bad.

Yes, and what she's saying, if you don't understand, is that the Sprite that

doesn't taste good, it tastes bad.

I have an idea.

Selena, follow me. Come on.

Yes, perfect.

Okay, okay, yes.

Ready? And action.

Estefania, you're pregnant?

Huh?

It's true, but it is not yours.

It is your evil twin brother's.

Oh, then this child cannot be born. We have to solve this problem.

the sprite killed him. I'm sorry, what? How could you like that?

Because I am not who you think I am.

This whole time, I work for C.A.T.O.

El Corazon Que No Siente, presentado por C.A.T.O.

Ladies and gentlemen, Gracie Abrams.

that starts and i once saw clearly but it's bloodshot and i want you so

badly but i close off i could thought we get married but i guess no

It's Weekend Update with Colin Jost and Michael Che.

Hi.

Thank you. Thank you. Good evening, everyone. Welcome to Weekend Update. I'm

Michael Che. I'm Colin Jost.

Well, the midterm elections are only three days away, and it's not looking

good for Republicans, but President Trump is laser-focused on the issue that

matters most, men's asses.

This is how he talked about Ohio Senate candidate John Husted.

I don't do this with men very often. I started examining his body. I studied

his ass.

And I watched up and down. I looked at his ass.

His ass was like a big piece of muscle.

His ass was like...

It's like a pile of muscle.

That I started off by studying his ass. I just wanted to say.

Just in case you don't know what it looks like.

You know who I feel bad for? Pete Hegseth. I mean, he's out here doing

televised push-ups to get Trump's attention.

Zero compliments on his body.

Even Vice President J.D. Vance came out and said that he was jealous that

President Trump has never complimented his butt.

What the hell is going on?

Your party is about to lose the midterm. Stop playing smash or pass with each

other.

President Trump said at a rally this week that his voice is operating at

about 49.2% out of 10.

But Trump admitted that his campaign schedule has not been easy, saying that

God didn't make your vocal cords to do a rally every day.

In fact, Trump said the only thing God made to never quit was John Husted's

ass.

President Trump attacked Democrat Abdul El-Sayed with Islamophobic rhetoric,

saying that for El-Sayed to get into the Senate, he should have to go through a

metal detector, while Trump supporters just take the window.

Ted Cruz said that if Abdul El-Sayed is elected to the Senate, there is a very

real risk that Americans will die as a result. Then he went back to the Senate

to cut health care and food stamps.

This week, a record number of people voted in Israel's election, which is

great to see, regardless of if you're on the right side or the left side or the

Geno side.

Vice President J.D. Vance seen here letting Ozempic take the wheel.

Said that Alaska having two candidates with the last name Sullivan is the

definition of electoral fraud, which, if true, would invalidate every election in

Boston history.

President Trump continues to campaign for Republicans ahead of the midterms

with the message, just close your eyes and pretend I'm on the ballot.

Said one voter, you had me at close your eyes and pretend.

has been charged with sending threatening letters to Congress

containing a white granular substance.

Thankfully, the substance has been judged to be harmless after Don Jr.

did a key bump.

Concerns about an AI bubble led to Google losing $500 billion in stock

market value, which explains why today's Google Doodle hung itself.

Tomorrow is the New York City Marathon.

Yeah, pretty exciting.

The marathon is, of course, named for a Greek messenger who ran from the town of

Marathon to Athens to let everyone know he ran a marathon.

According to CNN, some Gen Z students are throwing daytime wellness parties as

an alternative to parties with drugs and alcohol.

Here to comment is Pennywise the clown?

Hi, Pennywise.

Why are you here to talk about Gen Z wellness parties?

Because I'm about that life now, Che.

I will say it till the cows come home, man. You don't need to drink to have

fun.

Look at Che, man. He's like, you don't?

No, I'm not.

And what are you talking about? Aren't you like a clown that kills kids?

Are you familiar with my work?

Oh, thank you, big homie. Yeah.

Look, man, I got to go where the kids are, bruh.

And look, am I technically an ancient malevolent entity?

Sure. Do I shapeshift to entrap children and eat their souls?

I have.

But newsflash, man, men can evolve.

Okay, I don't live in a sewer anymore.

I live in a loft in Austin, Texas with three other motivated young Christians.

And when we're not on Claude Code building epic stacks, we're having long

talks with our shirts off and doing hella burpees. Check these games, man.

Feel that. Feel that, man. I'm not going to squeeze your arm. Just give that a

feel, man. I'm not going to squeeze your arm. Do it, Jay. Please.

All right.

Still a clown, man.

But yeah, dog, that's what I'm up to, man.

Got a little crew together of cool, like-minded, sober, predatory tech guys.

And we started a company.

It's called WeAllFloat.ai.

Instead of trapping one kid with one balloon, What if you had hundreds of AI

agents, each with their own digital balloons, using the habit-forming

technology from the homies over at DraftKings? Dude, is that why you're

here? To promote your new tech startup?

No.

I'm here because I manifest as people's worst fears, which for you is this.

You have a lot of people who care about you in this world, Che, who are

concerned about you.

Is this an intervention?

Yeah, man, it sure is.

We all watched your special, or as I like to call it, your cry for help.

Colin?

Dear Michael, your drinking has affected me in the following way.

No, Pennywise the clown, everybody. Let's go.

Let's go. I'm not gonna drink.

Some users of the new iPhone Duo are reporting cracks in the foldable

display, responded Apple. You folded it?! A Texas

branch of the NAACP has condemned a social media video showing people

walking down the street in the border town of El Paso wearing KKK robes,

which, you got to admit, would be a very smart way to sneak into the country.

Stevie Wonder is trying to evict a woman who has lived rent-free in one of his

houses for nearly 40 years. The woman was able to stay for that long by

standing still and being very quiet.

Police in Scotland have opened an investigation into the extensive time

the former Prince Andrew spent with Jeffrey Epstein at the King's Scottish

estate, which brings me to my segment, Hear me out.

Now, I know that the main story here is that they're sexual predators, but can

we also acknowledge that it seems like these two had a beautiful, close

friendship?

How many middle-aged men do you know that go on this many cool trips

together?

Maybe the real lesson is that when two men have a shared passion, the sky's the

limit.

And what seems like a teen sex ring might actually be the perfect cure for

our male loneliness epi... Besides, who are they even hurting? Oh, right.

This has been Hear Me Out.

I cannot believe you clapped for that.

New York City Council has voted to ban... horse-drawn carriages. So

finally, Central Park can go back to smelling like human feces.

Scientists studying Vincent van Gogh's starry night now believe that it wasn't

a product of his imagination, but the actual sky he saw one night in 1889.

And I think if van Gogh were alive today, he'd say, what?

A hand-drawn survey map of the Mason-Dixon line, which divided free

northern states from southern slave states, is being auctioned for more than

$1 million.

Two million!

A woman in Florida has gone viral after she called police

to report a car crash while she was dressed as a banana.

But before the cops could get there, she split.

The Milwaukee Brewers won their first World Series in franchise history,

defeating the Tampa Bay Rays in five games. Here to comment is Drunk Uncle.

Are you ready for some baseball?

Wow.

What are you doing here, Drunk Uncle? What do you mean, Seth?

My dream of a beer.

been drinking since the night they won. And also for the last 57 years before

that.

So you're not watching the WNBA finals tonight?

You take that back, Colin.

I dare you.

I think I ripped your shirt.

Baseball's not the same anymore, Amy. Okay?

It used to be Babe Ruth, Crackin' Jack, Field of Dreams gambling problem.

Now it is.

to my creatine.

I challenge the bitch.

I challenge the bitch.

Pause.

I miss the days when men were men, call it.

You know? And now there's a Mrs. Met?

Come on, there's only one gender.

One?

I just stopped serving beer in the seventh inning?

What, and now I got to drive home sober?

Stupid.

You're on conco. I... Yeah, I do voter fraud.

You know?

Baseball games... Baseball games used to be seven hours, you know? And it was

perfect. You know? Now the game ends in 20 minutes, and everyone can go home and

watch their hot gay hockey shows.

You're on conco. Okay.

I've never been Moneyball.

Don't worry drunk uncle it wasn't a dream and we have something in common

drunk uncle We've also been drinking since Wednesday.

And I'm the manager.

And that's kind of like being the drunk uncle of the team.

Hey, wait a minute. I know you. You're Pete Davidson, right?

Drunk uncle and the world champion.

Paw Patrol, Paw Patrol, will be there on the double.

Whenever there's a problem around Adventure Bay, Ryder and his team of

pups will come and save the day.

Paw Patrol.

Special Victims Unit.

These are their stories.

All right, listen up, pups. We've got one heck of a case to solve.

Oh, no.

Is Wally the walrus stuck in the fishing net again?

Does Farmer Yumi have too many baby bunnies and not enough carrots?

Or maybe Captain Turbot can't find his sailboat. Captain Turbot is dead.

Dead tired from sailing all day?

His corpse was found mutilated behind Fuzzy Pup's pup playground, and all that

is left is a finger and a pair of kidneys.

What's mutilated?

Is that when you turn into a cow?

Because I want to get mutilated, too.

Lift the F up, Marshall. They took out his organs to sell them on the black

market. There is a cooler of eyeballs on their way to Cambodia right now.

But if they can't see his eyeballs, maybe he's just sleeping.

Does it look like he's sleeping?

Um,

I've never said it like this before, but woof.

by this tasty treat I found.

Oh, God, that's his femur.

Jesus, Zuma, you're eating Captain Turbin. And I hate that it's delicious.

But, guys, don't forget our other problem.

Farmer Yumi has too many baby bunnies and not enough carrots.

Farmer Yumi's dead, too.

They hung him upside down and cut him open from his chin to nuts.

Well, at least he had nuts.

Too many BB Buddies and not enough carrots?

No. It's because he saw the Cambodians carving gang symbols into Turbot's

corso.

I don't understand.

How did the Cambodians get all the way to Adventure Bay?

Our arch nemesis, Mayor Humdinger, they blackmailed him with nude photos

of him having a s...

Seven-way with the entire kid and catastrophe crew.

And I'd do it again.

You sick son of a bitch!

We should have busted you when we caught you with that underage pup.

She told me she was three.

You're a fearless leader, Chase.

What should we do?

Don't worry, Skye. I have a feeling Humdinger's bark is worse than his.

Call me Kristi Noem, because I love putting a dog down.

Me, too.

Oh, it's Detective Ice Maltese.

Now, lie down.

Yeah, that's a good little bitch.

So then I said to my gyno, I don't need a gown. Bring in the students. Hell,

open a window if all I care.

I like mine and I know it's good.

Denise, can I just say you are like so cool.

Oh, you are. You are the best.

I'm not. I mean, to be honest, I was shocked you guys even invited me.

We love you. You're like our favorite person in the office.

You know what it is? You just give zero Fs.

Girlfriend, I'm allergic to Fs.

So cool. You're so funny.

Hey, everybody.

Ooh, looks like you enjoyed your meals. Can I get anyone anything else?

Uh, yeah, I think I'll take a date with a Hemsworth brother.

Okay, I see who's the cool one at this table.

That's me, that's me. I mean, every day I wake up, I roll with it, and then I...

Oh, sorry.

For what?

For dropping 20 plates on your head.

Oh, what?

No, no. Some stuff fell, and, you know, they hit me a little, but I think they

mostly got you, so do you... No, they did not.

Well, okay. You know what?

It all hit me.

And you know what?

It happens, and I rocked it. So you can go, because I'm talking with my friends.

Okay. Yeah, just go. Thank you so much.

Wow.

Well, uh, he was trying to smash.

Denise, I think he was just checking on you because you're covered in plate.

Yeah, do you want to go to the bathroom?

Why, are you all trying to hit the slopes?

No.

No.

To, like, clean yourself up and make sure you're okay.

Oh, my God, I'm fine.

Can we talk about something else? Seriously, these plates are like paper.

Seriously, all of that was... Really? They seem huge.

Are you... Okay.

everything's fine okay we still think you rock it we're just worried really

because I'm in some pain

I can smell my blood

and I can feel my bones and at one point I saw the Ninja Turtles walking in the

room can you see them now

Whole room went black when the plates happened.

I can't see anything. I've just been moving my head back and forth, just

hoping I'm talking to one of you.

Okay. Denise, you don't have to do all this. Oh!

Tonight was just so important to me!

I just wanted you guys to like me. I even got my hair and makeup

professionally done.

Does it still look good?

Guys?

Are you here?

Guys!

Well, I guess they all left.

Probably for the best.

Well, now that I'm alone, no reason not to do this.

Easy.

Easy does it.

to get us home.

Easy land the plane.

Up, up, little turbulence.

And touchdown.

Denise?

We're still here.

Perfect.

Once again, Gracie Abrams.

can't decide

Don't be lovin'

Ladies and gentlemen, Salt-N-Pepa!

Thanks to Gracie Abrams, Tom Hanks, Bobby Moynihan, Pat Murphy, Christian

Yellich, and Bryce Durang.

Happy, happy Halloween.