Original subtitles

What is that, like a tripod?

Yeah, it came with the tripod.

Okay, say what your name is, where we are, what you do.

My name is Chris Carlyle.

We are in Santiago, Chile, and I'm a big shot in the CIA and I'm cross-eyed.

And can you say where you're a veteran of?

Say what I'm a what?

What are you doing with me?

Oh, goddammit.

Wiping a smudge.

A smudge.

Say what I'm a what?

A veteran of, where are you a veteran of?

I'm a veteran of Guatemala, 1954, success.

The Congo, 1960, success.

Bay of Pigs, 1961, less successful.

Where else?

Dallas, 63.

Well, the less sad about that on camera, the better, right?

Having you said that.

And do you like your work?

What is all this?

Do I like my work?

Just say, I'm testing the sound.

I used to.

Why don't you now?

You get old.

You start to, I don't know, question shit, regret shit.

What do you regret?

In a country so discouraged, with young people

so deceived, that a communist was chosen.

A servant of Satan was chosen.

Who chose you, asshole?

The Lord Jesus Christ chose me.

He chose me.

Get out of here.

Get out.

Get out.

Get out.

Do you get moths at your place?

Moths?

Me?

No.

Moths?

No.

I've been escorting them outside.

You've been escorting the moths outside?

I don't want to kill them, but nor do I want to hose them on my stuff.

So, yeah, I've been escorting them through a window.

I've been here initially, what, a year?

Since he got elected.

That's a lot of moths.

You should keep moth balls with you.

I feel bad when I put them outside and it's raining.

I don't know how they can cope with the rain.

Probably drown or some shit.

Sometimes I feel like I care more about the moths

in Chile than I do about the people in Chile.

You care about the people?

Depends on which people, right?

Hey, Chris.

Oh, hi, Andrew.

Just wanted to wish you a great trip.

You wished your what?

A great trip.

You wished your island trip.

And chicks, all right.

What?

I'm wishing you a great trip.

You don't have to make a big fucking thing about it.

We're going to be back in a week, man.

It's a great trip for a fucking week.

Fucking handshakes, man.

I didn't even want to wish you a great trip.

He made me wish you a great trip.

And I retract the fucking handshake, too.

Retract this.

What's the matter with you?

What is the matter with you?

What, are you mad?

You just wanted to say have a nice trip.

Why do you have to be such a fucking hard ass all the time?

Fuck him.

Fuck him.

Easter Island, boy.

The heads.

You know what I hope?

I hope they're going to be extraordinarily mysterious.

It's actually called Rapa Nui.

How's that, miss?

Easter Island.

It's indigenous name is Rapa Nui.

Yeah.

You know what is this?

You shouldn't even know the word indigenous at your age.

We are going to Easter Island.

All right?

Indigenous.

Okay.

Girls, can I ask you something?

How do you like your new president?

Your new left wing president.

What did I say about before, Chris?

Yes, we like him.

Everybody likes him.

Not everybody.

That wouldn't be true.

Well, enjoy him while you can, ladies.

And what's that supposed to mean, enjoy him while you can?

No, I'm saying nothing.

I'm just saying enjoy him while you can, that's all.

And who the fuck are you, the CIA?

We are the CIA, actually.

We're totally the CIA.

We're not the CIA, obviously.

Yes, we are.

I swear, he's just being shy.

We came down here to destabilize your democracy and it is going good.

So we decided to take a little side trip to Easter Island and see the big cast.

How about we board the fucking airplane, Chris?

The girls don't believe me about the destabilizing their democracy thing.

Of course they don't, because it isn't true.

Your country is going to get fucked.

Your country is going to be absolutely fine.

You can't keep saying that kind of stuff.

What kind of stuff?

Destabilizing their democracy kind of stuff.

I was just chatting to the girls you fucking killed.

There were some hot girls.

Shut the fuck up.

How about you shut the fuck up about everything?

Shut the fuck up, just everything.

You're always eating.

How come you never get fat?

I mean, you never stop eating.

How do you stop eating?

Yeah, if you're sleeping or if you're shooting a gun.

Hey, Chris, you're on an airplane, all right?

Shut the fuck up.

Don't pull rank on me, all right?

I was killing people before you were even born.

Fuck me.

Shut the fuck up.

Fucking shut the fuck up.

I've killed people in countries you can't even spell.

How do you shut your mouth on a fucking airplane?

I'm trying to.

You keep annoying me.

Countries I can't spell.

Name one country you killed someone in that I can't spell.

One.

One.

Go ahead.

Czechoslovakia.

You never killed anyone in Czechoslovakia.

You just know I can't spell it.

We'll never know now.

You're an asshole.

You know that?

Where are we flying to?

What?

We're flying to Easter Island.

What are you talking about?

Oh, yeah.

I got distracted by pretty girls.

Your words will always be home to me In the

sun Filled to me by my father's hand All my days I will sing in

praise Of your forest waters, your shining sun As

morning breaks, the heaven on high Sir, can you

direct us which way to the nearest Big Head's?

We're not going to the Head's now.

We just got here.

We're going to a hotel now.

All right.

Well, let's go by your schedule.

Let's do everything your way.

We're traveling with the Yoko Ono now.

As you wish.

Do you think they are wild?

They look wild.

They seem wild.

I like wild horses in a place.

I like that.

I've been thinking about writing my memoirs.

That's four times you've told me that, Chris.

Do you remember what I told you the first time?

What?

How are you going to write your memoirs when you can't remember anything?

Well, don't you think that writing my memoirs

would help with that whole memory gap shit?

Well, I'm sure MJ will be very happy about you

getting all that secret stuff down on paper.

Fuck that junkie.

Junkie?

What are you talking about?

He's a junkie.

MJ is the head of the entire South American operation.

You don't get to be the head of the entire South

American operation at the CIA if you're a junkie.

Oh, you're so naive.

What evidence do you got?

Remember that time he fell asleep in the middle of that meeting that time?

That's your evidence?

Sleeping?

I never fell asleep at a meeting, did you?

His wife gave birth the night before.

He'd been up for 48 hours.

Yeah, right.

Did we ever actually see the baby?

Yes, we saw the baby many times.

We saw the baby.

If I recall, you held the baby.

And did you notice he always wears long-sleeved shirts even when it's warm?

Track marks.

Junkie.

You're a piece of work.

You'll be staying here in number nine.

And Senor Chesterfield, here in number ten.

What?

We ain't gonna bunk together?

No, do you want to bunk together?

No, no.

Let's do it your way.

I ain't doing it my way.

It's not the way we always done it.

Hey, I ain't gonna get into a fucking fight about it.

Mr. Chesterfield, you've had two telephone calls from Mrs. Chesterfield.

Fantastic.

Hello?

Hello?

Hey, it's MJ.

Is the line secure?

Yeah, I just cleaned it.

What's going on?

Is Chris there with you?

No, he's next door.

Because we hear he's been acting problematic again.

Problematic?

No, he's acting the same exact pain in the ass he's always acting.

No.

Because we overheard he was acting problematic at the airport.

Who told you that?

You, hungry?

Has he said anything more about this memoir shit?

Uh, no, nothing.

Because that would be a major fucking mistake.

What's that, a threat?

You can take it any way you fucking want.

Oh, really?

Yeah, really.

Well, how about you take it, and you shove it up your flabby little ass.

How about that?

Who was that, your mom?

My what?

Your mom.

MJ?

Who's MJ?

MJ, Death's man.

That's a dope-heavy one.

Hey, Chris, um, can we just keep a little bit of a low profile while we're here?

Can we just have a nice time and go see the heads and not say or

do anything that'll reveal anything that we don't want revealed?

What else are we going to do?

I.E., we're not in the CIA.

We're not here to destabilize anything,

and we like the president they already got.

How about that?

You're telling me?

Yes, I am telling you.

I'm totally telling you.

Hey, it's the girls from the airport.

Do you think they're staying here too?

Well, if they are, you know what we're doing, right?

We are zipping it.

Oh, they're just sitting over there.

I wish they were sitting over here instead of these guys.

Nah, I'm just kidding.

Where are you guys from?

Um, the UK.

Ah, the UK.

Well, I was always on Ireland's side, but that's just me.

Have you guys seen the big heads yet?

They're called Moai?

What's that?

Hey, their indigenous name is Moai, the heads.

Another one of the indigenous, forgetting him from all angles.

Are you explaining it to us?

No, I'm not explaining it.

It's just that name.

Are you a professor?

Are you a professor?

No.

Well, how about you shut the fuck up about the indigenous,

and we'll call the big heads whatever the fuck we want.

How about that?

Yeah?

Well, look at this mess.

My, my.

God.

I've been here an hour, and it's already a mess.

What am I, a candid camera?

One of the good things about morphine is even when your best friend

is whining like a bitch, it all just sounds like Christmas with all

the trimmings.

I'm gonna Christmas you with all the trimmings.

I always thought I would've liked a girlfriend who did heroin with you.

They sleep a lot, they're quiet, they're go with life.

Some more heroin.

Whereas boozers like your wife.

Yeah, I see where you're heading with this.

I see, I see Christmas didn't last long.

They always want to go out.

They never shut up.

They always want to fuck other people.

Hey, hey.

She did that once, all right?

So.

Uh, twice if we're counting.

And didn't she sleep with a clown on?

Like an actual clown, uh, with the shoes?

There was a one-night stand guy, and he was a former clown, all right?

There were no shoes involved.

Balloons.

You're a real comedian, aren't you?

My point being that in our line of work, which is to a

degree secretive, maybe a drunk wife who fucks clowns

is in the ballpark of the security risk.

Hmm.

This from a guy who just told two left-wing student girls in an airport,

the only reason we're down here is to destabilize their fucking democracy.

So, you know, enough with the genius spy shit.

I did do that, and you know what?

That was wrong.

Because that was never going to get us laid.

You know what I've come to realize?

Morphine is wonderful.

Okay, I'm going to hold on to the morphine, all right?

So make a note to yourself.

If you need to make a note to yourself, okay?

Hey, I can't wait to see the heads, can you?

Like at this moment, we still have not seen the heads.

But tomorrow at this time, we will have seen the heads.

Thanks for bringing me.

Yeah.

From what I'm told, where it begins at the beginning,

like I was born in Brooklyn, my mother was a jerk.

No surprise is the cornerstone of a good memoir.

I've actually been thinking a lot lately about the dinosaurs.

And did the dinosaurs have souls?

And if they did have souls, would the good dinosaurs get into heaven?

Because if they did, we could be surprised we get

to heaven and there's a lot of dinosaurs there.

That would be a really good heaven, actually.

Anyway, I think that's the way my memoirs are going to start.

Dinosaurs.

No one's going to be expecting that.

They're going to be expecting the CIA stuff.

Don't mind if I do.

I just go crazy at buffets.

Look at this fucking pig.

All the way to Easter Island, and what do we get?

Crap, cheese slices.

You only have to taste American cheese once to understand why we lost Vietnam.

Even the gay countries have nicer cheese slices.

Which are the gay countries?

Switzerland.

Oh, France, the gay countries.

I didn't know Holland was gay.

Oh, it's way gay.

Despite the Edam, Gouda, Beemster, Lierdom.

I didn't know there was a correlation between gay and female.

Total correlation.

Russia, not a gay country, not one single good fucking cheese.

You know what Russia's got instead of cheese?

What?

Cabbage.

Wow.

England.

Gay as hell.

You had some surprisingly nice cheeses.

You got your cheddar, you got your red lester.

If you like blue, you got your shrub shirt blue.

So what you're saying is most of the major

western democracies are gay and have nice cheeses?

Democracy leads to gay leads to cheeses.

Well, it's actually official.

Does Chile have a nice cheese?

Chile had the potential for a nice cheese until me and you showed up.

Soon they're going to have whatever fucking cheese we tell them to have.

It's going to look a lot like this.

Do you know who invented the Molotov cocktail?

Is this another one of your things to make me look stupid?

Maybe.

Uh, Molotov.

Invented the Molotov cocktail.

No.

Stupid.

Finland invented the Molotov cocktail.

Finland?

The whole of Finland.

Molotov was one of Stalin's guys who sent the tanks into Finland.

Finland said, I don't think so, bitch.

Here's a new invention we just invented.

Boom.

The Molotov cocktail.

Is that true?

I did not know that.

Talking of bombs, do you know how the IRA come up with their new bombs last year?

You didn't teach the IRA how to make bombs, man.

The Irish have been making bombs for fucking centuries.

Not good ones.

Why do you just lie all the time with the lies?

Here's a quick tip for when you're making a bomb in Ireland.

Whatever you got a hidden cookie tin or whatever,

stick a photo on the outside of the dust.

Confusing, what?

I don't know.

Or a photo of a dwarf carrying a basketball.

Something in common was dwarves don't play basketball.

The British soldier got it.

He picks up the cookie tin, and just as he's thinking, he found a photo of a dwarf

carrying a fucking bomb.

You got one dead British guy.

One dwarf carrying a basketball.

Get the fuck out of here.

First pick heads.

They're actually called knives.

So I started buying them a lot.

But so far, they're all about dinosaurs.

Dinosaurs?

Did you say dinosaurs?

How do dinosaurs come into a memoir?

I guess if it's going to touch on the nature of regret and souls and heaven, then I got

to wondering, well, there'd be dinosaurs in heaven, because they weren't all bad, right?

Didn't they have, like, vegetarian dinosaurs?

There ain't no dinosaurs in heaven, Chris.

I guarantee it.

Well, how about moths?

Moths?

Oh, shit, Lee.

Give me a break.

Heaven's just humans.

You're the fucking Catholic.

You think any Nazis will make it into heaven?

I have to worry about that.

Right.

That'd be tough to take.

You think the Jews are pissed, huh?

I guess if a Nazi jumped on a hand grenade to protect his mom or something.

That guy got in it, and the moths didn't?

Hey, I don't like turtles.

I was just hoping there'd be moths there to put in a good word.

What are you talking about, putting a good word?

You're going to heaven, Chris.

This whole country wouldn't be free if not for you.

Guatemala, Indonesia, that place in Africa.

I can never remember the name of it.

Sure, you killed some people.

Hey, so fucking what?

Right.

And then that Nazi hand grenade guy got in.

Exactly.

Way better than that guy.

Like a hundred times better.

A hundred times better than the Nazi.

These heads aren't as aloof and mysterious as this morning's heads.

These heads, they let one of the local retarded guys carve these heads.

They thought, how wrong can it go?

These are like the five ugly sisters of the big

head world, and then they brought along a dwarf.

Did you get the dwarf?

I got the dwarf.

One sister got half her head cut off, and another one brought along a dwarf.

I feel like at one time or another I've dated every

single one of these girls, except for the dwarf.

I never dated a dwarf.

I always wanted to, but I guess I just never got up the courage.

You understand this is a sacred sign, right?

Oh no, is it bad to film them?

We didn't know.

No, it isn't bad to film them.

No, it's bad to compare them to a dwarf you'd like to fuck.

No, it was just the one on the end.

Yeah.

Why do you even come to a place like this if you're just going to make fun of it?

Why?

We didn't mean to.

We just got carried away.

You and your stupid camera.

You never used to be on your camera all the time.

It wasn't the camera that was the issue, it was the dwarf shit.

Oh, can I get the car keys for later?

Uh, okay.

How come you get to control the car keys?

It's our rental car, isn't it?

I never said it wasn't our rental car.

Where are you going to go?

Where am I going to go?

Where am I going to go?

In our rental car?

Out is where I'm going to go in our rental car.

I'll have the morphine, too, come to think of it.

How come you get to control the morphine?

Because you'll forget how much fucking

morphine you've taken, and you'll fucking die.

Is how come I get to control the morphine here?

Have a fucking overdose, why don't you?

Yeah, my overdose, not your overdose.

My overdose.

What would my cancer say if it was narrating its memoirs?

Woke up, my cancer has a lisp.

Woke up somewhat bigger than yesterday.

So why am I so sad?

Is it because when Chris dies, I die?

Why do I keep biting the hand that feeds me like a stupid fucking idiot?

Every single time.

My poor cancer, getting all sad.

Well, cancer dies, too.

We forget that.

Does cancer have a heaven?

What a shit heaven that'd be.

Poor cancer.

Hello?

So how's Easter fucking Island, big shot?

It's great, Marge, they get all these big stone heads here.

They remind me of you, actually, except they're quiet.

You never get big heads there, what am I, an idiot?

Chili wasn't far enough away, huh?

You had to go even further away?

Yeah, I actually asked if they could put me on a spaceship to get me even further

away from you, but there wasn't room, so Easter Island was the next furthest.

I stopped listening in the middle of that.

Was it funny?

How are the kids?

Oh, who cares?

So anyway, I kind of accidentally slept with that lawyer guy again.

I guess I should just be grateful it wasn't the clown guy, right?

Oh, it's always the fucking clown guy with you.

He was a former clown, all right?

And I haven't seen that guy in months.

You said it was a one-night stand.

Yeah, one or two.

You drove me to it anyway.

Jesus Christ.

How the hell did I drive you to fuck a fucking clown, man?

What I said was I could turn a blind eye if you slept with a woman

one time, because I know that isn't something I can give you.

Not once did I say, fuck a clown.

A woman, a clown, whatever.

Oh, Jesus fucking Christ.

What were you calling about?

Anyway, Marge fucking another idiot?

No, I think the house got broken to yesterday.

Now, nothing got stole.

Nothing even got touched, really.

It just felt like everything was much tidier.

Didn't the Manson family used to do that kind of thing?

Break in and tidy?

No, break in and creepy crawl around and break out again.

Once or twice they did that.

They were famous for not doing that.

You used to remind me of Charles Manson sometimes, you know that?

Oh, fuck me.

Remember those times I'd wake up and you'd just be staring at me?

I don't remember ever staring at you, Marge.

That must have been some other clown.

Well, it was somebody.

It wouldn't have been your people, would it?

Breaking in?

Why would they do that?

The fuck should I know?

How's Chris, anyway?

He's all right.

He's all right?

Well, no, he's fucked.

Oh, is he in a lot of pain?

He doesn't say he is, but he is.

And is he still forgetting shit?

He's forgetting shit.

He's saying stuff he ain't supposed to be saying.

People he ain't supposed to be saying it to.

Oh, Lee, I'm so worried.

Yeah, right?

I don't think he even...

...remembers he asked me to kill him.

Oh, shit, Mike.

That's what would me up.

So what are you gonna do?

What can I do?

Can't do nothing either way, can I?

I'm just stuck.

You know, I hope I'll see you soon.

Both of you, actually.

That ain't gonna happen, is it?

No.

Not in this life.

Poor Chris.

Poor Lee.

There's something I want to talk to you about, but it's frighteningly momentous.

I like momentous.

I was...

I was thinking, when we're on Easter Island next month, after

we've seen the head, I was thinking maybe I could give you

some kind of a pre-arranged signal or a code

word, and I was thinking you could take me out.

And...

Take you out, as in take you out, like in the sense of?

Like you would shoot me in the head on Easter Island.

Yeah, that's what I was worried you meant.

Yeah, can't you shoot yourself in your own head?

Nah.

Nah?

Just nah?

You know I'm Catholic shit.

I know, but Jesus fucking Christ.

I don't want to risk going to hell at the very last second.

And I prefer to be in the hands of someone I care about and someone professional.

I don't want half my skull left hanging off.

I'm gurgling in a hospital another eight weeks.

Fuck me, Chris.

I'm not...

I know, right?

You're sad.

Anyway, it takes some time to think about it.

I know.

It's a big thing to ask.

But what are your initial thoughts?

Chris, I mean...

Well, it'd be good to get away with it, obviously.

Easy.

We do it.

It's not easy.

No.

We do it somewhere where there's no one around.

Like a hill or clump of trees.

We do the pre-arranged cover and boom.

You wipe the handle, put the gun in my hand.

I'll have the suicide note already on me.

Et voila.

Wow.

Wow.

You've really thought this through.

And it's Easter Island.

What are they going to have an Easter Island homicide score?

No.

Jesus Christ.

I hate asking.

But sometimes we get into a terrible thing for the greater good, right?

We know that.

Um...

Sorry.

Yeah.

What's the...

What's the pre-arranged cover?

I don't know.

The pre-arranged...

Some word we never usually use.

How about Arkansas?

Arkansas is good, yeah.

That's...

Why Arkansas?

Because nobody ever accidentally says or ever

thinks about it or whatever when you go there.

So will you do it?

We have

cancer sniffing horses on Easter Island.

I know it's there.

I know.

I know, but I'm still here.

I'm still here.

I'm still here.

Jesus fucking Christ.

What the fuck are you doing in my room?

This is your room?

You scared the fucking shit out of me.

I should probably telephone my brother sometime.

I haven't spoke to him in years.

He hit me with a potato one time.

We never spoke again after that.

After the potato?

When was the potato?

November of 63.

November 63?

Did it have anything to do with the Kennedy assassination?

How could a potato have anything to do with the Kennedy assassination?

The timing.

The argument.

Oh no.

He was just a dick.

He was a musician, actually.

One of those peace and love hippie-dippie types.

Yeah.

Peace and love.

And then he hits you with a potato.

Right.

Ditchbag.

Still, no.

This is probably a call just to say goodbye.

How was your night anyway?

What did you get up to?

Just strolled around.

Saw a horse.

Saw some heads.

Nothing eventful.

Sometimes I think I should have read up more on the history of the

places I arrived in before I arrived in the Congo and Africa, for

instance.

The Belgian army had already got a hold of President Lumumba the week before.

He'd just been elected or whatever.

So I flew in to take a view.

A dim view, as it turned out.

Although I like Lumumba.

I like Patrice.

But the Belgians had a whole history with that country since slave trade times.

So what are you going to do?

You know, let him go?

Mostly I remember his little reading glasses and

how light the bag was that they carried him away in.

The night before they shot him, he said, Chris, don't you know

that if you kill me, you'll be killing democracy in Africa for

the next 50 years?

I said, Patrice, what do you think we're trying to do?

And I regret saying that because he got sad then.

It was probably one of the last things he ever heard.

But it's easy to think these things in retrospect.

The big thing I learned since Lumumba is no one ever

remembers the names of the black presidents you helped kill.

But you kill one white one, the whole fucking world goes crazy.

Hello?

Lee?

We feel as though you're not staying as close to him as you said you were.

He's never out of my sight.

What are you talking about?

And you were with him when he shot up the car last night.

No, I must have missed that.

Yes, you must have.

Has anybody heard?

No, no.

It's just a minor diplomatic incident.

Is there anything further on this memoir thing?

Well, he's writing it.

He is writing it.

I see.

Except the first chapters are about the dinosaurs.

So I think it could take quite some time.

Dinosaurs come into a fucking memoir.

That's what I said.

So he isn't up to Dallas yet?

Dallas?

No.

Unless Kennedy gets shot by a Diplodocus.

You don't seem to be taking any of this very seriously.

I know, right?

Why are you being such a stupid little cunt?

How much of it have you read?

I haven't read any of it.

Um, it's all on a dictaphone, I think.

You'll need to start listening to it.

To his dinosaur shit?

No, just the Dallas parts.

Do you ever get paranoid you're not being paranoid enough?

No.

I'm always a perfect level of paranoid.

Because I think we're being followed.

Is that why you shot up a car last night?

Did somebody say I shot up a car last night?

Yes.

And who are you going to believe?

That person or me?

That person.

Don't you think it'd be worthwhile to question why that person

put that idea in your head and what they seem to gain from it?

Absolutely.

I also think you shot up a car last night.

That's because I did shoot up a car last night.

You said you just drove around.

I drove around and I shot up a car.

What are we, hippies now?

Better shake up, chump.

I was being followed, all right?

I was being photographed.

Who told you you're a junkie friend, MJ?

No.

Yes.

Oh, so MJ sent them.

I don't know if he sent them.

I just know he knows you shot them up.

Well, if he sent them, he's dead too.

What the fuck are you talking about?

He's dead too.

We're on Easter fucking Island.

And you're 72 years old.

You've got a major fucking illness.

What's the matter if someone's taking photos of us?

Wow.

When did you die and become the Arch Pussy Ferdinand?

And they weren't taking photos of us.

They were taking photos of me.

Okay.

If I catch someone spying again on me, boy, they're fucking dead.

Let's go and have fucking breakfast.

As we can see, these are the beach big heads.

These heads.

You come and see the heads, and then you can go to the beach.

Now we have red hats.

Do you think it would seem pervy if I go and talk to her?

Yeah, she's all alone, and you're really weird.

I'm gonna go talk to her.

It's you.

Hi.

How are you liking the hotel?

The hotel's nice.

I'm not sure about some of the people in it, but the hotel's nice.

Those English people, right?

See?

Yes.

Thank you.

What?

Really?

Sorry I was weird at the airport and at the heads.

I've been a little stressed because my son is autistic and he's dying unfortunately.

He's your son?

He doesn't seem like he's your son.

No?

No.

You're right.

He doesn't exist.

He's just a guy I work with.

And is he dying?

No.

He's not.

He's not autistic.

Why do you lie all the time?

There's not even a benefit to it.

Right?

I've always done that.

It's kind of hard to stop.

I'd like to stop.

Are you dying?

Yeah.

I'm dying.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Yeah.

Really?

Well, thanks.

Maybe in the time you've got left, you could...

I don't know.

Just try not to lie so much.

What are

we even doing here?

It's all just a load of fucking heads.

You wanted to come here.

You wanted to see them.

Well, we've seen them.

Don't you like them?

Sure.

I like them.

But once you've seen one big head, you've seen them all.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

What's the matter, Frank?

Was that girl mean to you?

She wasn't mean.

I wish she was mean.

She's alive and I'm leaving her.

Ah, shit.

Hey, you remember anything about a conversation

we had recently about, uh, Arkansas?

Why the fuck would anybody ever have a conversation about Arkansas?

You asked me to kill you on Easter Island.

Arkansas was our code word for it.

When did we agree this?

A month ago.

We just paid off all the Pinochet guys and you said

Easter Island might be a good place to bow out.

You always wanted to see the heads and didn't want to be alone.

And with all your Catholic shit, I said, sure, I'd do it for you.

Do you remember that?

Something's ringing a bell on Easter Island now?

Yeah.

I definitely said Easter Island.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because I always wanted to go to Venice, didn't I?

I always wanted to go to Venice, Italy.

I've never been.

Well, you never mentioned anything to me about Venice, Italy.

I didn't?

No, I don't remember that.

You only mentioned Easter Island.

But how much time I got left if we don't go to Venice, Italy?

Um, a week, maybe, maybe.

A week?

Don't people usually get like six months?

You got six months, six months to go.

On Easter fucking Island, though?

Are you sure?

Sure, I'm sure.

That I didn't say anything about Venice because I got this thing in my

head that before I died, I'd like to go to Venice, see the canals and

stuff, go on a gondola.

I've got nothing in my head about Easter Island, like nothing.

Well, what the fuck am I supposed to do about it?

If you'd said anything about Venice, Italy or dying in Venice, Italy or

wanting me to shoot you in the head in Venice, Italy, maybe right now,

we'd be in Venice, Italy, and I'd be shooting you in the head.

Easter Island was the only place you mentioned.

Well, I think I'd rather go to Venice, Italy.

I think part of your thinking was apart from

your having always wanted to see the heads.

Well, ish.

I think part of your thing was somewhere as remote and strange

as Easter Island, it'd be easier for me to get away with it.

Also, we were already in Santiago, so it has direct flights.

Venice is really far.

You'd have to change planes like five times.

Listen, I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but

a lot of this sounds like what you wanted to do.

None of this is about what I wanted to do.

None of this is about what I wanted to fucking do.

I don't want to fucking be here, man.

You think I want to be here?

Well, I'd like to go to Venice, Italy.

All right, let's go to Venice, Italy, and I'll kill you in Venice, Italy.

I'll throw you off a fucking boat.

A gondola, not a boat.

What'd you say?

It's lonely here.

It'd be a lonely place to die here.

Don't you think?

I'm not trying to be difficult.

Yeah, man, it's lonely here.

It's lonely everywhere if you're going to die, right?

But they've got nice buildings there.

They've only got big heads here.

Hey, man, listen, I'll do anything you want.

I'll book the five flights.

I'll do anything.

I just don't want to get to Venice, Italy, and you

realize I was just smiling all the fucking long.

You'll be dead by then.

Well, I'd like to die in Venice, Italy.

I'll get us a flight out of here tomorrow.

That's nice.

Maybe we head into town tonight.

I never slept a couple of drinks here last night.

Oh.

Oh, what?

I would, but I said I'd meet that girl from the beach.

There's some folks that you're playing in town that you wanted to see.

Oh, okay.

You don't mind, do you?

Just don't need to take the car yet.

What, you're in the mood now?

I'm not in the mood.

Seems like you're in the mood.

I'm not in the fucking mood.

Maybe you could come towards the hip?

Book us a couple of flights to Venice, Italy.

Sometimes the young people say to me, Chris, on a day that was so

momentous, how come you hardly remember a fucking thing about it?

What they fail to realize is on most assassination days, things go real speedy.

The planning takes a while.

The cop uniforms, the hobo outfits, the

who-shoots-from-where bug, the thing itself, 17 minutes max.

You know, you park the car, you hand them the rifle, you watch over the fans.

The thing happens.

They hand you back the rifle, you roll the car to the train tracks.

You don't speed the car, you roll the car.

You drop them at the boxcar, you drive off with the gun.

17 minutes start to finish.

Every year, it's, where did you hide the rifle, Chris?

One, if you want to screw it right, cut the stock in two,

you don't have to hide it anywhere, you can keep it with you.

Where do they hide the rifle?

The Super 8, they shouldn't be worried about.

You think Zapruder had a good angle?

I can't stop with you.

MJ speaking.

Listen, you're not going to like this.

Hey, don't tell me it.

Chris and I are going to head to Italy in the morning.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, we've seen all the big heads now, and he wasn't all that into

that, but apparently he's big in a canal, so we're going to Venice.

If he survives the five flights, I'll do it there, in a fucking gondola.

It's important for you to understand that none of this is going to happen.

Yeah, maybe not the gondola part.

What's going to happen is you're going into his room,

collect all his memoir stuff, listen to it all, read it all.

Yeah, first thing, we'll be on an airplane in the morning.

Oh, he ain't even on the fucking island, Lee.

And you better start paying some attention, or he won't be the only one.

Is that supposed to scare me?

You think he should get to choose where he dies?

Jack Kennedy didn't, so fuck Chris.

Listen to the tapes, find out where the guns hid, do it in the morning.

What gun?

The Dallas fucking gun.

Oh, come on, man.

Do you believe that shit?

Even if he survives the flights, he'll be gone in a week.

I'll check the tapes then.

No, I'll see you on Easter Island in the morning.

Okay, we'll be waving to you from the plane as we're taking off.

I guess you haven't spoken to your wife today.

I spoke to her.

I spoke to her yesterday.

Oh, that explains why you're so calm.

I'll see you on Easter Island in the morning.

Marge?

Jimmy?

No, it's Lee.

Lee, thank God.

I've been trying you all day.

Who the fuck is Jimmy?

Baby, the house got burgled and the kids ain't home from school yet.

Yeah, who the fuck is Jimmy?

Jimmy Byrd from the police department.

You know Jimmy?

No, no, I don't know fucking Jimmy.

I called him when you weren't picking up.

I'm frantic.

Don't you think there might be a connection with the

house getting burgled and the kids going missing?

How late are they?

It's coming up to like almost an hour.

An hour?

Jesus Christ.

I don't think an hour is anything to worry about, Marge.

They're 17.

They might be in detention.

You don't care.

Never fucking heard.

The house dickhead got burgled.

All right, there's a connection.

Well, what's been stolen?

Nothing, I don't think.

But the whole house has been turned upside down and the whole garden's been dug up.

What kind of burglars dig up a garden?

Jimmy says it's junkies, but junkies don't dig up your garden.

What are they?

Gardening junkies?

What were they looking for?

Wait.

What, what, what, what, what, what?

The kids.

They're walking up to Pally's.

Phew.

Maybe they did have detention.

Yeah, maybe they did.

You fucking dits.

Jesus Christ.

Are they in now?

There's a man in the house, Lee.

Lee, there's a man in the house.

Santiago office.

Put MJ on, it's urgent.

Who's calling, please?

It's Lee fucking Chesterfield, Danny.

Put MJ on.

MJ isn't in the office at the moment, and we're not sure when he'll be back.

Put MJ on, you dumb Iowa cunt.

As I say, MJ isn't in the office at the moment, and

you better fucking watch yourself, Chesterfield.

Have you

heard something?

She's in detention.

Thank you.

Are you going to jail?

Yes, a bunch of faggots like you.

I'm sure it's fine.

How did you guys meet?

Us at the March for Women's Equality.

And did you get it?

Get what?

The women's equality?

Of course not.

It was a march.

I don't think you're not going to get the thing you marched for.

You may as well just stay in bed.

So we should all just stay home, stay quiet, and never protest.

Is that it?

I just don't think marches ever scared anybody.

The people you're marching against aren't going to change until there is a likelihood that

they're going to get a shot in the head by some fucking wacko shooting people changing

stuff.

Marches are just the places where we can get

the cleanest photos of you without you knowing.

Pete, it was lonely.

Do you

want to die tonight?

Did MJ send you?

What are you looking for?

A tape machine and a big gun.

There's a tape machine and a big gun worth your life?

I bet you never booked a flight to Venezuela, did you?

No.

Well, don't you think you should go and do that so I don't have to kill you?

Yeah, go.

What the fuck?

Nothing, sir.

No, I don't know.

Pete?

Do you like him?

Yes, actually.

Yes?

What do you mean?

You think it's crazy, but I don't think you guys should go back to Santiago.

We studied there.

But I just don't think you should go back there.

He says we shouldn't go back to Santiago.

But it's on Central Station.

No wonder.

It seemed like a nice show.

He's the first democratically elected Marxist ever.

And he's going to be dead by September, I

think.

And after that, the army is going to take over.

It's going to get really bad.

So I was thinking, you know, you guys should maybe move somewhere else.

Hey.

Hey.

I was just telling the girls about Chile in September.

Hey, what about Chile in September?

You know, all the military coups.

Long story short, from September, there

won't be any more marches or any protests or any anything.

Because all of you, all the students, all the

journalists, all the trade unions, who else?

All the folksingers.

All the folksingers.

You're all going to be taken to the Santiago soccer stadium.

I was thinking, if you want to avoid all that stuff, move somewhere else.

Why aren't you sitting with us?

Let me hold your dice.

Just don't ever let them in the street.

Let them get you in a car.

MJ's coming in the morning, the kids.

I think they think you've sent me something for safekeeping.

No, I didn't book our fucking flights.

You don't sound very concerned about my wife and kids, Chris.

They come make you three of your loved ones, don't they?

The trick is, don't sweat it.

Why didn't you book them flights?

I asked the fucking receptionist to do it.

She's in Cahoots with MJ, too.

Cahoots?

Yes, Cahoots.

Slutafucker.

Chris, you got a bomb in your room?

I put a gun to the head of the receptionist.

She said she thought she saw a bomb in her room.

And you said she's in Cahoots with MJ, so?

Mr. Chesterfield, Mr. Coggesy, I booked flights to Venice.

You will fly to Santiago in the morning at 11 o'clock.

Then from Santiago, you leave for Sao Paolo, on to Frankfurt.

And then from Frankfurt, you leave to Rome, Fiumicino.

That's nice.

And then...

Very well done.

Do you expect us to believe this shit?

What shit?

It's silly dinner.

It's bullshit!

No, that's great, Rosa.

Thank you.

Also, did you say you found a bomb in my room?

Is this a joke?

Of course it's a joke.

Who would bring a bomb to a hotel?

I like that, receptionist.

Very trustworthy.

You and your bird would have had time in Saigon to kill that VC guy.

You were still eating a cheeseburger.

What about it?

I always thought you couldn't put your food down while you're killing a guy.

Smacks of a certain coldness.

I've killed eight people, Chris.

You've killed 68 people.

We ain't talking about numbers.

We're talking about eating dirt.

So I'm cold now?

You can be cold, yeah.

You shoot John F.

Kennedy in the head, and I'm cold?

I didn't shoot John F.

Kennedy in the head.

Who says I shot John F.

Kennedy in the head?

I was just in the general area when some other person shot John F.

Kennedy in the head, so don't get fresh.

All right, listen, I'm...

In the morning, I'm gonna meet MJ off the airplane.

I'm gonna find out what the fuck's going on with my wife.

In the morning, I think we should meet MJ off the airplane and kill him.

Why would we do that, Chris?

Why would we do that?

And how's that gonna help with the Mars situation?

If there is a Mars situation?

Wow.

It just feels slightly unusual, doesn't it?

The CIA kidnapping a CIA guy's wife and kids.

I mean, putting it past them, we know what we're like.

And just seeing it feels kind of random.

Well, let me just make it clear.

We are not killing MJ at the airport.

I can kill MJ at the airport.

When you kill MJ at the airport, you're not the boss of me.

I just think if we did it together, like in the

old days, it might convince me of some stuff.

What stuff?

That you're on my side, not their side.

So me agreeing to come here would do the same for you, like you asked.

That's the thing, Lee.

I'll never know whether you're killing me because

I asked you to or because they asked you to.

Now, I'll never know.

And you say I'm cold?

How about I just leave the island now and I'll leave you two to it?

You and MJ can go fuck each other as that's it.

I just wish I could die knowing I can trust you.

You can.

You just forgot that you can.

Is there anything for you to say?

I guess I'm really...

What the

fuck kind of fucking guy do you call this fucker?

Who is this?

Who is who?

Your brother, Chris.

What the fuck do you want?

I just wanted to say hi.

After 10 fucking years.

Fuck you, man.

I'm dying, Jim.

Oh, yeah.

When?

Today, I think.

Oh, that sucks.

You've got some really accurate doctors out there.

What do you got?

Same thing as mine.

I guess what goes around comes around.

I guess.

Was there anything else?

Nothing I can think of.

They never should have killed him, Chris.

The whole country went to shit after that.

The country was already shit.

We just didn't know it.

Well, we know now.

Yeah.

We know now.

Hey, did you ever learn a song about a horse?

A horse?

I know.

Didn't you used to write a song about a horse?

But how did you write a song about a fucking horse?

Too late now.

What are you talking about, fucking horse?

I'm going back to bed.

All right.

I'll see you, Jim.

So anyway, where are you coming from, anyway?

Venice.

Hunting.

Wow.

I'm in.

I'm gonna go catch MJ.

Hopefully, defuse some of his shit.

Maybe he'll be around the hotel this morning.

Hi, Alicia.

Hey.

Oh, gosh.

It's long, huh?

Your friend just gave away every detail of the group.

The start date, the torture places, everything.

Who did he tell?

Me and that student chick, Monica.

Oh, that's a shame.

But that's manageable, right?

Manageable how?

Manageable.

I thought you said the other guy could be trusted.

Well, he could be trusted.

Hey, what the fuck is this?

Everybody relax, will you?

For fuck's sake.

Open the fuck up, MJ.

What the fuck are you doing waving your gun

around in an airport like a fucking amateur?

Open the fucking door.

Put your gun away first.

How about you open the fucking door first?

Come on.

Open it up.

All right.

Hey.

Keep your hair on.

Don't open it.

You calm down, too.

The fuck is this?

Fuck.

Oh, I see.

It all falls into place now.

Alicia, me, me, Alicia.

Is the other chick ours, too?

No, just this one.

Where's my wife, MJ?

She's fine.

What are we, animals?

Well, she'll be fine if we all start acting a little bit professional.

How about we start by putting our guns away?

Thank you.

Where's the big mouth?

All right, here's the deal, MJ.

I'm going to go find him, and I'm going to

take him straight to the flight out of here.

And that way, everything he's got in his room, all his

grandma's stuff, everything, you can take all of it.

Just be careful of his briefcase with the photo

of the dwarf on it, because there's a bomb in it.

Are you fucking, are you kidding me?

Shut up.

What the fuck?

You're a fucking junkie.

You're a fucking junkie.

I just like heroin.

What the fuck are you doing?

Get out of my car.

Maybe you can't see the gun I have pointed at your spine.

My friend took my car, so I'm going to have to ask you to drive me someplace.

But I'll be missing the flight.

Then you'll miss your flight.

Drive to where?

Just drive, and stop asking me so many questions.

Did you actually see the bomb in the briefcase?

No, I didn't actually see the actual bomb, no.

Good, good.

Hey, that's great, actually.

That'll be where the rifle is.

How's even a CIA guy going to get a bomb on a plane, man?

You should nod in.

Let's take your car.

This one's making me sleepy.

You follow us in this car, honey.

Listen, Lee, you can go to Venice.

You can do whatever you want.

But your wife will be dead by nightfall.

If the boys don't get a call from me to call her off, she'll be dead by nightfall.

So I guess it all depends on how much you

like Chris and how much you dislike your wife.

Look, I liked Chris.

He's the entire history of the CIA, man.

You already gave him his final wish, right?

You took him to see the heads.

You can't keep giving him a final wish.

That defeats the object of a final wish.

After Venice, it'll be the fucking pyramid, so no.

We'll go to where he is, and we'll get it done together.

And we'll take the first flight home.

And your wife and kids will be happy, and you'll be happy.

And from what I've heard, Chris will be happy.

And I know it's a sad situation, but life's sad.

Everything's sad.

That's why it takes so much smack.

Why did you tell us that last night?

They're going to kill us all?

No, just a few thousand.

How can we stop it?

The best thing would be to go back in time and vote for somebody else.

Thought I was done with all this.

So what?

Are you going to kill me?

What happened to your back open shield?

A stone flew up and hit it.

I see.

That's what Alicia said anyway, I wasn't with her.

That's how she hurt her arm, I think.

How long have you known each other?

It's like one way back.

Me and her?

No.

A month, maybe?

A month?

Your remorse for women's equality was a whole month ago and still nothing.

Fuck you.

Fuck me?

Yeah.

Fuck you.

Stop the car.

I want to

know what you can do to stop it.

Whenever you see a guy in a uniform, any

kind of uniform, a soldier, a car, kill him.

Whenever you see a guy in a CIA suit and tie or a KGB suit and tie, kill him.

Whenever you see a little kid who wants to join the army when he grows

up because he likes the camaraderie, he likes the boots, kill him.

Kill him as a child.

And you know what?

You still won't stop him.

There will always be more of him.

So what you do instead is find yourself a

hut on a beach somewhere, somewhere remote.

Keep your back to the ocean and your eyes on the treeline

and wait there with a gun until they come for you.

You'll still die, but at least you'll die with a wing in your hair.

Just make sure you start shooting first.

That all sounds a little pessimistic.

Talk to me in September about pessimistic.

Shall we go?

Yeah.

Then we'll stop here.

What happens now?

Do you like moths?

Moths?

Like the...

Sure.

I'm sorry for all that flying into campbells and stuff.

They always seem so doomed.

I'm always in love with all the democracy and stuff.

Hey.

Is it really all true?

You better start checking out some beaches.

Beaches?

Like I said, start killing some guys.

It's really hard for a six or seven-letter poem.

I'm gonna

try and write a poem about a horse now.

My first ever poem.

It was very nice, the horse.

It made me a lot less scared about dying.

That's the end of my horse poem.

That's probably why I don't write poems.

But he did.

It made me a lot less scared about dying.

What, are you in a fucking mood now?

I'm not in the mood.

Let me just talk to him alone, okay?

Fuck no.

What if he kills you first?

Then I'll have to do it.

With just these fucking mozos.

Jesus.

Still good?

Sorry.

In the shape of her face I have changed something Let

me go up to him alone, MJ.

Whatever happens, it'll be over in an hour tops, I said.

Just give me an hour.

We owe him an hour, don't we?

Some of us liked him.

I liked him.

Some of us didn't.

Some of us liked Kennedy.

Yeah, I know, but sometimes you gotta do a

terrible thing for the greater good, right?

Jesus Christ.

You know what?

He wasn't joking.

He was.

Yeah.

I was joking.

I was just goofing around.

What's the story with Marge?

He said if they haven't heard from her by tonight, she's dead.

You sure you don't figure something out?

Oh, right.

Thanks.

You still want to go to bed?

No, I think that ship has sailed.

Don't lie.

I'm not lying.

I'm not lying.

You know, I always thought they should have made

a western from the point of view of the horse.

You know, you start out fighting with the cavalry.

You end up dying with the Indians.

You know what kind of western that would be?

Shit western?

That would be a downbeat western.

There's no way I'm saying that western.

It's all about a horse.

I said I was hoping maybe you could scatter my ashes among the valley.

You and Marge, maybe.

Yeah, I don't know.

Yeah, we could do that.

It's mythic, right?

Mythic.

Yeah.

Also, my brother lives near there.

What's this?

It's a super 8 of the Kennedy thing.

But from the front.

It might be helpful with the Marge thing.

Yeah.

Thanks.

You know what song I want played at my funeral?

You know, the Hank Williams one?

Did you ever see me when leaves

begin to die?

Like me, he's lost the will to live.

I'm so lonesome I could cry.

I have to write more songs about suicidal birds.

He was my favorite ever drug addict, Hank Williams.

Whenever I hear that song, I always get the feeling that Hank

and little Robin used to do heroin together in the back of his

car.

Robin would have to lift his little wing for Hank to inject him.

And on that final night, when Hank OD'd for

the very last time, the last thing Hank ever

did was to roll down the window and let the little bird out on that

cold and lonely road in West Virginia.

I think it was West Virginia.

You know where it may have been?

Yeah.

Yeah, I know where it may have been.

Yeah.

Kind of slow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'll see you, Lee.

I'll see you.

I'll see you, Chris.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I will

keep my suicide note brief, for I fear the reviewers

will combine even his suicide note with shit.

It wasn't just his entire life.

Like there's some common New York Times review of suicide notes.

All I know is, all in all, I could have killed a few less people and I

should have hung out with a lot more horses.

That's about it.