Original subtitles

d So any time you're gettin low, 'stead of lettin go

d Just remember that ant

d Oops there goes another rubber tree

d Oops there goes another rubber tree

d Oops there goes another rubber tree

d Oops there goes another rubber tree

d Oops there goes another rubber tree

d Oops there goes another rubber tree

d I see you made it to I see you made it to the bonus round

d See my crow?

d Pretty, too bad you can't touch it

d I'm like Pompeii first time it erupted

d Chicks still call acting hungry as a buzzard

d You can let your man dump it hug it and love it

d Touch it and rub it, Mack nigga,

d That's why it sounds undiscovered

d Explode like L. Ron Hubbard, on the Dianetics cover,

d Smother a brother

d Now you think I"m late but I"m right on time

d You had your chance to do it, now it's my turn to shine

d Keep in mind, you ain't heard my flow in a while

d And I still ain't nobody that can uff with my style

d Julie Child, it's the cook MCs

d Craig Mack, baby, 1,000 degrees

d Stand back, I'm gon' shake this place

d Look, just when you thought it was safe

d Oops there goes another rubber tree

d Oops there goes another rubber tree

d Oops there goes another rubber tree

d Oops there goes another rubber tree

d Oops there goes another rubber tree

d Oops there goes another rubber tree

d Oops there goes another rubber tree

- I start the bidding at 600, 650?

I have $1,000 in the back.

Thank you.

d Now I came to rock, I came to move the crowd

d I came screamin' out loud

d No other choice is this bad new voice

d Can't wait to sit in my new Rolls Royce d

- If you're here for the sports memorabilia auction,

it's next Wednesday.

- Oh, well, thank you, but I'm just here to

look at all the colorful pictures.

- Well, good for you.

How about this one?

Isn't it exquisite?

- Oh, yes, very exquisite.

Yes, it is for a fake.

- A fake?

- Yeah. See, it says here,

"Lot 702, Young Girl by Window

"is a 17th century Phoenician school."

But it's not.

- It's not?

- No, see, the shading on the burnt umber is all wrong.

I'd date this back at the time they was usin'

the White House as a get down spot.

You know, when everybody was up in there like that.

When certain staff members were backin' it up.

- Sir, with all due respect I think you'll find

that the staff here at W. Boyle...

- It's a fake, okay?

I have an eye.

- An eye?

- Yes. Just like them glasses you got on.

I know when got up today, you put 'em on.

You got in the mirror, you thought you were stylin'.

You came to work, you know, get a couple of more sales.

I know you thought they was, what, $500 Boucherons?

Nah, they knock-offs, darlin'.

Yeah, those are knock-offs.

They're fake like this piece of shit here.

Young Girl by the Window.

Sold to paddle number 14.

Next up, Lot 702, Young Girl by Window

has been pulled from the auction.

So we'll move on to Lot 703.

The Hudson River Valley lake scene.

A fine example of nineteenth century American art.

You may find it of interest that the artist responsible for

this beautiful painting was a Boston native who apprenticed

right here on our very own Commonwealth Avenue.

My colleagues and I here at W. Boyle...

- Excuse me.

Here, let me switch with you.

Let me just try to slide by you.

Pardon me.

- Please, will you watch it?

All right, that's...

Let me try this.

Okay, slide over. Go.

- This is outrageous.

- Yeah, see?

Excuse me.

Deal a meal.

You okay?

- Would you mind just leaving me alone?

- Now, if I leave you alone you sitting

here on the verge of tears.

How you think that's gonna make me feel?

- You wouldn't understand.

- That painting is yours.

You don't want to sell it, but you have to.

- 350.

Give or take a pound.

- 500, do I have 550?

550 I have 550.

Do I have 600?

- My father left me the painting

and I love it, but I need the money to pay a hotel bill.

- 1,500.

1,500. Thank you.

- 2,000.

- I have 2,000.

- $2,500.

I have 2,500.

Do I have 3000?

2500 going once, twice, sold.

Paddle number 14.

- Well, that's that.

- What's your name?

- Amber Belhaven.

- Oh, very pretty name.

Kevin, Kevin Caffrey.

Look, I couldn't buy that painting

but I can buy you a cup of coffee.

- So after I graduated university

I moved here from London to take this great job

with a new natural history website, neanderthal.com.

- What?

- Yeah, I know, I know.

You can figure out the rest.

They went under, so here I am.

- So what are you gonna do now?

- Get a job.

I'm sure there are plenty of opportunities

for a girl with a degree in anthropology.

- Okay, now anthropology

that's, like, the study of man's?

See, I'm glad I read that in the dictionary

or I wouldn't know.

- So what do you do, Kevin?

- I'm a businessman.

Matter of fact, I was late for an appointment.

I hope this is not too personal,

but in your hotel room

do they have one of those little refrigerators?

- Yeah.

- And in that refrigerator,

do they have those little bottles?

- Yeah, I guess.

- Well, when my appointment ends

would you like me to come by and check?

See if in fact they do?

- Now, you wouldn't try to sleep with me, would you?

- No.

- Why are you blinking?

- Just a little nervous tic.

I tell a lie, I blink.

- Oh, that must keep you very honest.

- I'd make a terrible lawyer.

- So, can you force yourself to blink?

Blink when you're telling the truth?

- Yeah.

- So when you're not blinking

it means you're definitely telling the truth

but when you are blinking, it means you're either lying

or it means that you're forcing yourself to blink

to make it look like you're lying.

- That's right.

- That sounds very complicated.

- It's not, really.

So what's up?

Can I see you later?

Sure.

- Wait, but you're blinking, too.

You got the same thing that I got

and I don't know what you.

She's got it goin' on.

I will find you.

Who is it?

- This is for you.

- How much did he want for that painting?

'Cause I'll pay you back as soon as I get a job.

- Well, it, uh it didn't cost me anything.

- What, you stole it?

- That's what I do.

- But I thought you were a businessman.

- I am.

I'm in the business of stealing.

Yeah, that's why I go to auctions

to learn what's worth stealing.

Connoisseur of all things portable.

- Wow.

- I apologize if it's a shock.

- Well, I dated a lawyer for three years

so ethically speaking, I've seen a stretch mark or two.

- Normally, I don't tell a woman that on the first date.

Then again, I don't normally have these feelings.

- Me, neither.

You see this ring?

My father gave this to me

to remind me every day how much he loved me.

My father believed in fate, and so do I.

Used to be his lucky ring.

Now it's yours.

- Well, how lucky was he?

Well, he was wearing it

when he won that painting in a card game.

Now I want something from you.

- Name it.

- I want you to promise me that you'll never lie to me.

I've been in that kind of relationship

and I'll never do it again.

So no lies, okay?

- No lies.

- Said without a blink.

- Oh, my God, it's like needles in my eye.

I am too rich to have a headache like this, Walter.

You gotta get me out of this!

- Get you out of this?

Okay, I'll just undo every single shady deal

you've been a part of for the last five years.

- Sounds good to me!

- There are no loopholes this time.

Bankruptcy is the only option.

- Great! Screw it, screw everybody.

Just file the goddamn papers.

What's the worst that could happen?

- Bankruptcy, Max.

That's the worst that could happen.

- Poodle cakes, it's only the real estate company.

This is no big deal.

Tell her, Walter.

- It's a tech-technical procedure.

- Yeah, that's right a simple little technical procedure.

- It's humiliating, and it'll be in all of the newspapers.

- Well.

- Maybe my father was right about my marrying you.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, there is no need

to bring your daddy into this, sugar lumps.

Walter and I, we have this all worked out.

Our strategy is planned, right, Walter?

- Fix it, Max, or else.

- There is nothing to worry about snuggle bunny.

These things have a tendency

to work themselves out in the end.

They always do, come on.

Come on, give me little kisses.

Come on, let me see 'em, let me see the lippies.

That's it, wanna go to lunch?

Let's go. Come on.

We'll eat. We'll drink.

We'll forget all this crap.

- Respect.

R-E-S-P, you know the rest.

That's what's missing, nobody respect anything now.

Nobody respect your work, nobody respect your elders.

You know what I'm sayin'?

Nod your head, man, if you're awake.

- Yeah, respect. I hear you.

If I want to talk to myself, I'll leave myself a voice mail.

I know that good-lookin' young man right there, baby.

I know that smile anywhere.

What you got for good old Uncle Jack?

- Nothin'. I just came by to see Amber.

Where is she?

- She's workin'.

She loves to work.

She the best damn waitress I ever hired.

All perky and shit.

- You'd like her, you get to know her.

- How I'm gonna get to know her, speakin' that

foreign language?

I know all I need to know.

You ain't pulled a damn job since she moved in with you.

- Look, Uncle Jack, I can talk to you.

- You sure can.

- I can talk to you, right?

That's doggone right.

- All right, I think

- What?

- I know.

I love her.

- No, no.

Son, son, she wrong for you, She too decent.

- What?

- Whatever happened to Sharon,

that nice con girl from Chicago?

- Two years upstate.

- For what?

- For conning people.

- No.

- Yeah, but, see, with Sharon, it was just sex.

- That's good.

- But with Amber,

well, it's still sex.

- That's good.

- But we talk.

- Talk?

- It's so amazing to wake up with someone and just talk.

- Talk? You ain't Oprah.

- Hey, honey bun, how are you?

- How ya doin'?

- All perky and shit.

- Hey, look what the cat drug in.

- Hey, something cold and Bavarian, barkeep.

- You got it, buddy.

- Berger.

- Hey, what's up, Kevin dog?

- What's up?

- Everything's sweet now.

Hey, to all the women I loved and who loved me back, salud.

- You better not let Anne Marie hear you talkin' that shit.

- Aw, don't worry, man.

It's Anne Marie, what, does she have radar?

Amber, Berger,

Berger, best thing that ever happened to me.

- Sweetheart. Pleasure to meet you, Berger.

And any friend of Kevin's probably works nights.

I gotta get back to work myself. See you later.

- It's a delight and a pleasure.

- Sooner than later.

- Nice ass.

- Hey, man, what did I just say?

- I'm sorry, dog. I didn't know you meant it.

Come on, most of the girls you go out with are, you know.

- Yeah, well, this one's different.

She got a degree in anthropology.

- I'll remember that if I ever need to phone a friend, okay?

- Do that.

- Hey, Kevin, I got one.

- What?

- Tonight.

Big score. Safe as houses.

- Safe as houses?

A paradox, as they say.

- Yes. In fact, it is a house of which I speak.

- Well, talk to me.

- You ever read the papers?

I used to, but the news kept changin'.

- Ever hear of Max Fairbanks?

- The big tycoon?

- Yeah.

- Hey, this better be good.

- Oh, you're gonna love this, man.

Check it out.

I want you to read that.

- Billionaire Max Fairbanks today put Trigram real estate

a division of T.U.I., into Chapter 11.

The man's broke, and we gonna rob him?

- Oh, don't cry for him, Argentina.

This man would steal your mom's if he wanted corn bread.

This is one of those legal heists.

Big business that's where they really teach you to steal.

No heavy lifting, do it while you're on vacation.

- And brothers like us don't even have a dental plan.

Come on, read on.

Under the terms of the Chapter 11 agreement,

Fairbanks no longer has access to various properties

including West Chop

his Marblehead beach-front residence.

The man can't even get in his own house?

- Always makes me laugh.

- The old upstairs hall light.

- Why don't they just hang out a sign,

"Welcome, burglars, no one home."

- Here.

- Damn, these are nice.

- Aren't they, man?

I know a lot of guys who switched to rubber surgicals

but for comfort and feel, you can't beat the Isotoner.

- First class, my man.

First class all the way.

- Coming from you, that means a lot, serious.

- It's all good, let's do this.

- Oh, come on, Max, you never let me do it.

I'm not done, I have more.

God, I can't believe you.

Max, will you please listen to me?

- I love the costume.

- I'm naked.

- No. - Oh, a joke.

Yeah, a joke.

- Ah, baby, I did it.

What do you say?

- Max, can we please get back to what

we were talking about before?

- Oh, that, look,

I think you'd make a wonderful

entertainment journalist, Kimberly.

- Tracey, Tracey Kimberly.

- Tracey, I'm just not sure I want to talk about it

at this precise moment.

- You know, I knew you'd say that once we did it

- Don't say what you're about to say.

Don't turn a perfectly fun evening

into something cheap and sordid by talking business.

Here comes the little finger man coming to get you.

- Wow, check that out, oh, look at that.

- Faberge.

- Oh, baby.

- Gold enamel, diamond inlay.

Oh, yeah, I have it now.

- Yeah, baby, I got the score, baby.

Did I help us score or what, huh?

Fun, too, like an Easter egg hunt.

- You want to hop upstairs, and I'll just work this floor?

- You called it.

Thanks.

All right, you wanna do it?

Let's do it, here we go.

- Really?

Go, ready, we're gonna do it.

Five, four, three, two.

Titanic heartthrob, Leonardo DiCaprio

told me, Tracey Kimberly, in an exclusive E.T. interview

that he is currently in negotiations

to do a sequel to the summer blockbuster

which will be entitled Titanic 2.

- What is it the story of a dead guy on

the bottom of the ocean?

- Who?

- Well, lookie here.

Monday,

Tuesday, Wednesday.

Every day of the week.

- Shh, quiet, I hear somebody. - What?

- Oh, yeah, now we're stylin'.

Berger, a tan suede newbuck.

Yeah, I like a thick sole with a tailored suit.

Grounds it, know what I'm sayin'?

- I do.

That's why I bought them.

- Max.

Tracey, come on, get out of here.

What do you think this is, a photo shoot?

- But I want to see what's going on.

- What does it look like is going on?

The guy's robbing the house, I got a gun on him.

Go on back in there, put your clothes on.

- Damn, you must be rich.

- That's right, eat your heart out.

- Look, you caught me, fair and square.

But how about I walk out of here

nothing taken, nothing harmed?

How does that sound?

- You stay right where you are, or I shoot you in the head.

How's that sound?

- Violent.

But I see your point.

- So, he wasn't carrying a gun?

- No, sir.

- No I.D.? - Nothin'.

- What's your name, bro?

- Petey Wonder.

I'm Stevie's little brother

but I don't sing.

- You know who I am?

You got a lot of balls, huh?

You come into my house, into my bedroom

and take my ring.

- What? - That's my ring.

- Stop trippin', all right?

This is my ring.

- Ha! Son of a bitch!

He was gonna waltz out of here

with my ring on his little finger.

- Take off the ring, give it to Mr. Fairbanks.

- Officer, this is my ring.

- Sure, give him the ring.

- Look, my girlfriend gave me the ring.

If I don't come home with my...

- Give me the ring, give me it.

- This is my ring.

- You expect us to believe that?

- You...

I go along with some things, but

some things make no damn sense.

- Let go of the damn ring.

- This ain't right.

- Write a letter to the editor.

Oops, I forgot I own the newspapers.

- We'll take care of everything.

- Get him out of here.

- Don't you worry, Mr. Fairbanks.

- This is a good ring.

This is a very nice ring.

- All right, just hear me out one more time.

I just feel if we were to go back

and give him a chance to confess

you know, come clean.

He might just hand over what is

in fact my rightful property.

I could see how that sounds all messed up, right?

Comin' out of my mouth.

But it's the truth.

Can I see my lawyer?

- 17 with the robbery suspect

at 25 Harbor Heights, Marblehead

what's your 20?

- That's it, 10-4, we're on the corner of Camden and 4th

en route to the station with the perp in custody.

What? Hey, you, stop!

- Shit! What's going on?

- That son of a bitch!

- Anything?

- Nothing, clear, let's go.

- I want my damn ring!

You don't know what you started.

I'll take door number three.

Gotta go!

- Hello, honey bun, how was your day?

- Good.

- What's the matter?

Well, was it bad?

Go on.

- I lost the ring.

- Oh, Kevin, I just gave you the ring.

- Well, actually, it's worse than that, the ring was stolen.

- Stolen by who?

- Of all the lousy, jerkological, cheap-shot stickups

this has gotta take the cake.

- You got that right.

- Robbed by a householder doing a robbery.

Terrible, Kevin, terrible.

- You laughing at me?

- Hell, yeah, I'm laughing.

It's embarrassing, you should be ashamed of yourself.

16,000.

- What's in that cigar you're smokaying, huh?

Come on, the Faberge egg alone...

- Nice, don't want it, it's hard to move, can't move it.

- The damn car, okay?

It's worth...

- Okay, I'll give you six and a half for the car.

Round it off to 21 five.

That's because I raised you as my own

and I'm happy to see you back in the business.

- 16. - 16.

- Plus six and a half.

- Half, right.

- Is 21 five?

- Man, look, six...

21, 15, 20...

Don't worry about it.

Look here, it's late, all right?

I wanted to see if you're on your game

so I took a shot at you, that's all I did.

I just feel like I'm getting robbed by everybody tonight.

- Come on, Kevin, it's not that bad.

Why are you so upset?

- Why am I so upset?

- Yeah.

- Baby, let me show you something.

You see this?

This is a Faberge egg, Russian, 1890.

Now, some people get all freaked and obsessed by these.

Why? It's what it represents.

Power, taste, superiority.

That's all in the mind

of the person who puts a price on it.

What's it mean to me?

Not a damn thing.

Too hard to fence.

Now, the ring, on the other hand

is priceless.

It symbolizes the day my life changed,

the day I met you.

- Wow.

- Let's go, Monty, let's see what you got.

Bull's-eye!

Game, set, match.

Walter.

Do we have a problem?

- No, you have a problem

from which I, your long suffering attorney

will once again try to extricate you.

- So?

- So, there was a break-in last night.

- Oh, no, you're kidding, really?

Did they get much?

- A $150,000 in valuables plus a car.

That's right, Max. He went back.

- Son of a bitch.

- Sir!

- Shut up.

Does Lutetia know about the...

About the young lady?

So far not.

You've got bigger problems, Max.

The bankruptcy judge is furious

you disobeyed his order not to use the house.

Can't you use a seedy motel, like a normal philanderer?

What's so funny?

- I was thinking about the robbery.

- Something funny about the robbery?

- Yeah, yeah, Walter, there is.

- You think that shit's funny?

- He boosted your ring right in front of the cops?

- Come on, you got to see the humor in it, please.

- I don't see the humor.

- I robbed a thief.

How could you not see the humor in that?

- Because it's not funny.

- It's more than just funny, Walter, it's fate.

Here, take a look at this symbol.

It's my company logo from the I Ching.

- Omens, signs, throwing bones.

- I don't throw bones, Walter, but I do throw coins.

And I've been using the I Ching for 20 years

and look where it's got me.

This ring...

is a sign.

Everything is gonna be just fine

as long as I hold on to this lucky ring.

- Don't worry, we'll get your ring back.

- Fairbanks is big game.

- Right.

We need a big game hunter.

Shelly Nix. - Shelly Nix.

- Shut the fuck up, man.

Thank you.

- What the matter with you?

- Can you find this asshole or not?

- Piece of cake.

It's no harder than shutting down AOL for an hour.

Not that I'd have any interest.

Check it out, y'all.

Usually, when you're trying to track somebody down

what you want to do is start with airline computers,

car rental companies, big hotel chains, stuff like that.

This guy's a high roller. He's got his own personal jet

when he hits that runway, it's nothing but private limos

and corporate hotel suites from there on out.

- How do you find him?

- He's got a personal assistant right here in Boston.

Been with him for years.

She e-mails his itineraries, his schedules.

She practically knows every detail of this guy's life.

Her name is Gloria.

- Yes Max?

- Gloria,

The ring I told you about,

I'm more convinced than ever it's major mojo.

You know,

I wouldn't tell anybody else this but you.

- What, my musky teddy bear?

Tell mama, you can tell mama bear anything.

Mama bear don't care.

- Gloria, stop it, we've discussed this already.

- Screw you, Max, promises were made.

- Gloria.

- Never mind, the past is the past.

What can I do for you, sir?

- I was saying I was beginning to go into one of my dips.

I was feeling fear and anxiety.

But this ring is like a sign everything's turning around.

I was just wondering if, you know, you could confirm...

- All right, Max.

Nine in the second place, tread a level course.

The perseverance of a dark man brings good fortune.

- Yeah?

- Judgment, treading upon the tale of the tiger,

it does not bite man.

- What did the Boston Herald just call me?

- "The Dark Prince of Plunder."

- Perseverance of the dark man that's me.

- Well, maybe.

- Treading on the tiger's tale.

Taking mad chances and getting away with it.

- Like that time we were in the elevator at T.U.I.?

Max, Max! - Gloria, Gloria.

- Focus, Gloria, focus.

- Let me consult my cards.

- Go ahead, go ahead.

- I will, Max, it takes a little time.

- What Gloria, what?

- Max, I'm losing you.

- Gloria, what?

- You're cutting out, I can't hear you.

I hope you got the e-mail that Lutetia wants you to call her.

- Lutetia, what does she want?

- The only person he's afraid of is his wife Lutetia.

Here she is Design Times, June '98.

Beacon Hill townhouse of Max and Lutetia Fairbanks.

- Damn. Lutetia looks more like Morticia.

- What the hell were you doing at the beach house

and who the hell were you doing it with?

Scandal and disease, Max, these are the deal-breakers.

- I'm a monk.

- Just because you have the hairstyle

doesn't mean you lead the lifestyle.

And take off your shoes the white carpet.

Tell me again, why did I marry you?

Because I grew up on Beacon Hill

which gave you entree to wealthy family friends

who could invest in all your business ventures.

- And you had a great ass.

Oh. Have a great ass.

- Don't forget.

Picker is hosting the botanical garden benefit

at the Sheraton Boston tonight

honoring me.

- I'd like to pay tribute right now.

Come over here.

- 6 o'clock sharp.

Picker hates it when you're late.

Right, Picker first, pecker later.

Boy, I need a massage.

- Ah, hold up, e-mail from Gloria.

Benefit tonight at the Sheraton Boston with his wife.

- Let the games begin, Kevin.

Hell, yeah, baby.

- Very hip, very cool.

Very Vegas in the 60s.

But how about you come over here and we mess it up a little bit?

- Let me entertain you first.

Give me dollars, give me dollars.

Put 'em here, 20s go here.

100s go here.

- During her eight years

of involvement with the botanical garden

she has impressed us all with her generosity and enthusiasm.

- Evening. Evening.

- Evening, sir.

- Lutetia Fairbanks.

- What's happening, birdie, birdie?

You a talking bird?

Say, "Max, that's your ass."

Ooh, I'm sorry. Ladies!

Where have y'all been?

Lookin' good.

You know, I haven't seen y'all since my polo accident.

Who does your eyes?

Yeah, yeah, look at y'all, mucho elegante.

- Thank you.

And thank you all for coming tonight

and for your ongoing commitment

to the Boston Botanical Foundation.

We have all sorts of exciting plans lined up,

none of which would be possible without your generosity.

- Let me ask you something.

Is that Mrs. Fairbanks up there?

- Their tireless team of volunteers

- 'Cause I'm confused. I thought Mrs. Fairbanks

was a young brunette with

big soapy titties.

- You're here to blackmail me?

- Be cool.

I'm just here to get back my ring, okay?

That's my lucky ring, and I want it back.

- No, it's not, because now it's my lucky ring.

Spoils of war.

- It means something to me.

- Well, it means something to me, too

because I took it off a little piss-ant

who brokaye into my house

while I was trying to nail Miss September.

- That was Miss September?

- Yeah, it was Miss September.

- Oh, damn, I got that issue.

So how rich are you?

It's guys like you think you can just

take whatever you want, don't you?

- Guys like me?

Who's the thief here?

- I want my damn ring.

- Well, you can't have your damn ring.

- You're gonna regret this.

- Total stranger.

Tres bizarre.

Are you gonna eat that?

- I'm telling you, man.

When when word gets out

everybody is gonna be laughing at me.

That's it, his ass is going down.

- Take him down, man.

- Millionaire, billionaire.

It don't even matter, he's out the game.

When I see him, what's up, pow, boom!

That's just the start.

Guess where else I'm going, I'm gonna do the ghetto smack.

- Oh, the ghetto smack.

- What's the ghetto smack?

- Well, you hit him with anything.

Drum set, bam!

Piano, pow!

- Stop it!

Sorry to break up the party

but I thought you were trying to get the ring back for me.

- Yeah, baby. That's right.

- Kevin, are you blinking?

- No, what it was, right I had something in my eye.

See, probably right here.

- I think I got it for you.

- Oh, yeah, it's gone.

- Do me a favor, keep out of trouble, will you?

- No doubt.

- Baby letting you know when something in your eye.

- What you got? - Check it out.

- He and his wife are going to some cocktail party

ending by 8, home by about 8:30.

- Yeah, we'll be there waiting for him.

Take the ring right off his finger in his own home.

- And before that?

- A complete removal of all things portable.

- I'm sure we can work this out, Judge Callahan

if you just look in your file there.

You have a sworn statement from my client

stating that he only went back to the house in question

to pick up some very important stuff.

- Very important stuff.

- I have a good idea what he picked up there.

- Oh, you do, do you?

- You don't think the rules apply to you, do you, Mr. Fairbanks?

- What's he talking about?

- All right, all right, that's enough.

Since you defied my order

not to enter the Marblehead beach house,

I have a good mind to reopen

the entire Chapter 11 bankruptcy proceeding.

- You know, you weren't so cocky when you came to me

with your hand out asking me for money.

- What did you say, Mr. Fairbanks?

- What do you think I forgot how much it cost me

to get you elected by spreading stories about

your opponent's sexual preferences?

- Max!

- Get some money, I fork over, and what do you do?

You sit there like a big, fat blob!

- Max!

- Sell the house!

- Up yours, you fat pig!

- And all the contents at public auction.

- Max, what did you get so crazy for?

- I'll tell you, he forgot who the hell he paid off.

It was the other judge, I told you.

Tread a level course, you don't listen to me anymore.

- So I forgot we backed the other mutt.

Boy, this guy holds a grudge.

- Max, you get one final visit

to gather and remove any personal effects.

- One final visit?

- Max, I could come along if you need some help.

- Thanks just the same, dial Miss September.

- Everything's gonna be fine, the car will be here any second.

we'll go to Missy's party, and we'll leave early.

Don't be so down, Maxie.

We still have an awful lot of houses left.

- Move your ass, Berger, don't start dragging on me.

- I got a bad feeling, Kevin.

- Come on.

- Something's not right, man, I'm telling you.

- The only thing's not right is you run out on me again, okay?

I'm talking violence.

- I'm not leaving you, baby.

You can't get rid of me, man, we're partners.

We're like Shaq and Kobe, we're like Pippen and Jordan.

We're like Rodgers and Hammerstein.

Ann Marie's been making me go to theater lately.

- I'm on the alarm.

- All right, good.

- Alarm disabled.

- And we're in.

- This is right out of a Hitchcock movie.

I'm getting vertigo.

- What's on your mind, Max, tell me.

- Oh, it's that bum of a judge.

He's allowing me one last visit to Marblehead

to collect my belongings.

I thought maybe after the party, I'd drop you off home

and I'd go on out for one last overnight.

- You know what?

You've been through a lot today.

Let's forget about the party.

You go get your things.

- Nobody knows me like you, Lutetia.

- Security disarmed in 3, 2, 1.

- I'll just throw a few things in an overnight bag.

- That's them.

- I'll come with you.

- What?

- In the elevator.

- What the hell are they doing back?

- I don't know.

- And then on to the beach house.

- But...

You know, there's no sense in both of us going to the beach.

- I insist, that's the whole point of it.

It's been discussed, I'm going.

- They're gone.

- You don't even like the beach house.

It's so suburban.

- You are in a fragile state.

I can't bear to think of you out there all alone.

Come on.

It'll be fun.

- Give me a minute.

- Where the hell did they go?

- I don't know.

- Dial Miss September.

Dial Miss September!

Tracey, forget about tonight.

- Let's go, Max!

- They're up there, come on, move it.

Sounds like there are voices coming from the wall.

- Yeah, I don't get it.

- Stop. I'm going.

- It's not too late to change your mind.

- Stop it, I insist.

- Security system. - Damn!

- Quick, the alarm. We gotta hurry.

- Two, one.

- Damn.

Move one inch, and we're done.

- There are motion detectors everywhere.

- Tell me about it, Berger.

- Help me, help me.

- You sound like The Fly, help me.

- I'm sorry.

- I gotta call Windham.

- Hurry!

- Windham!

- Help!

- Shut up! Just shut up!

- I'm telling you right now, the brakes are shot!

- Shut up, will you? You are making me nervous.

- You were born nervous, and you're making me more nervous.

- Could you please?

- That rabbit is brand new!

I can't be spending my time running around getting rabbits...

- Will you quiet down? I'm trying to break in to this place.

- How dare you drive that fast when we got kids in the car.

Who the hell do you think you are?

- Don't yell at me about my driving.

I was barely going over the speed limit.

- Where the hell is he?

- I can't hold on much longer.

- I feel that way, too

'cause my legs are dead.

I can't feel my ankles,

my knees...

my calf is swollen.

- Kevin, I know this is not the time to tell you this

but I didn't have to pee until right now.

- Let it go, man. I won't tell.

- That's what you said last time.

- Why is it every time Kevin calls we gotta drop everything

but anytime I call, you pretend you can't hear me?

- Maybe because I like Kevin.

- You take that back, or you'll never saw me in half again.

- We want ice cream!

- You kids want to disappear?

I can make that happen!

- Do not upset your father, you get it?

- I can never find the right damn key.

- Say thank you.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

- I need your help, this bag is too damn heavy.

- I'm trying to help myself. I can't even move my neck.

- Oh, man, this thing's unbelievable.

I got the numbers, honey.

- I got the lock.

- You're the wind beneath my wings.

- Alarm disabled.

Security disarmed.

- Okay, she's fixed.

- I can't feel my ass, numby-numb.

- Yeah, can you believe it, me and Edwina together

10 years this September.

- Yeah, 10's a big number.

We're gonna have a big anniversary party.

We hope you can make it.

- Come on!

- Shut up.

- Sure. I should be walking again by September.

- I can't believe it lasted 10 years.

I couldn't even last 10 minutes with her.

- Damn, this is nice stuff.

First quality, top drawer.

I can do one of two things.

I can give you 200 grand cash now

or, if you're willing to trust me

I could pretty much guarantee that I can fence

most of the valuable stuff for a much larger figure

and square up with you guys later.

It's totally up to you.

- We'll take the cash.

- Still no luck.

Total failure.

About 60 Gs.

Oh, I got something for you.

I knew it was your favorite color.

- It's beautiful.

- Oh, my God!

Where is my painting?

- Gone.

- Who would do something like this?

- That sneak thief.

Don't look down.

Hey, get some water, Gloria

and shut that damn dog up before I do.

Park it there, okay.

Oh, sweetheart.

Oh, baby, sweetie.

- Here you are.

- Oh, thank you, Gloria, hre you go.

I need a cigar, give me my,

Where are my goddamn cigars?

Perhaps the thieves also smoke cigars.

It's become so common, hasn't it?

- Who the hell are you?

- Detective Alex Tardio

19th precinct, robbery.

- Alex.

That's a...

- Here, pumpkin, pumpkin.

- I love dogs. I have three Bichon Frise myself.

- I love Bichon Frise.

Lovely, fluffy little...

- Come on.

So, how can I help you?

- Help me?

I'm here to help you.

Why don't you take it upstairs, boys?

- Hey, listen.

- You and your wife went away together

to your beach house just for the one night?

- Yeah, that's right, we're giving it up.

Selling it. I suppose we were saying good-bye.

We're sentimental, uou know how it is.

- I'm a renter.

Why are you selling the house?

It's part of a court settlement, technical procedure.

- Bankruptcy?

- Technical procedure.

- Max.

- So, let's see.

When did you and your wife

decide to make this sentimental journey out to your beach house?

- Last night.

We were on our way to a cocktail party.

- Missy Davidson's party, right?

- Pretty thorough, huh?

- That's why I get the big bucks.

Wasn't there something else that happened

out at your beach house recently?

- Something else?

- A robbery, wasn't there a robbery there?

- Yeah, that's Yeah, it was a robbery.

Well, in all this, I completely forgot.

- Weren't you there with...

- That was perfectly innocent.

- You were there with the burglar,

and it was perfectly innocent?

- The burglar, yeah. I was there with the burglar.

Just me and the burglar.

- Scandal and disease, Max.

- Okay, so, I read the police report

and it's all very confusing.

- Confusing?

- Yes, and they're both burglaries, aren't they?

- You think maybe it was the same guy?

- I didn't say that, you did.

- Then what are you saying?

- Oh, I see all sorts of scenarios.

That was a good place for a picture.

- Like?

- Like there's a house full of valuable objects

out at the beach that you're not supposed to be in

but you are, and a burglary occurs.

And then you talk your wife into leaving this house

for sentimental reasons

and when the coast is clear, it happens again.

- Are you suggesting that I hired a thief

to burglarize my house

so I could collect the insurance money?

- I'm not suggesting anything. You asked for scenarios.

You're the one that keeps saying things.

- Watch it, Mister Detective.

You come into my house and accuse me of things?

You think I need the insurance money?

I could buy and sell a 1000 of you.

- Here, come on, baby.

The Yorkie is an independent dog

but a devoted companion.

And despite his small size,

he is more than willing to act as a guardian for his master.

Buy and sell a thousand of me?

Just out of curiosity,

how much would you get for someone like me?

Wholesale like that.

- I can't tell if you're trying to trap me

or you're looking for a bribe.

- Yes.

- What the hell was that?

- All right, boys, let's take a good look around.

- Dial Earl.

- Incoming!

Earl Radburn, head of security, T.U.I.

- It's Fairbanks, we got a situation here.

- Yes, sir, Mr. Fairbanks, I'll be there at 1400.

- Speak English, Earl.

It's like, 2, 2:30 at the latest.

- Move your fat ass.

What a fruitcake.

- $2500 for a skirt?

What, are you insane?

That's daylight robbery.

It's like I always say, Kevin.

"Everybody's in on the game in their own way."

Am I right?

- Sure, you're right.

- See? Listen to that.

At least we're up front about it, okay?

These guys invite you to Paris,

turn out some 14 year old models who look like boys.

I mean, who am I to judge, right?

Pretty soon you're light a couple 100 Gs

flyin' back to Dallas to your big-assed wife.

- Hey, you leave my ass out of this one.

- I was talking about a hypothetical ass.

- See why I married him, anybody?

- Yo, yo, yo. I got information on your boy.

Fairbanks has to be in Washington on Wednesday.

He's appearing before some Senate subcommittee.

Something about owning too many television stations

in certain key markets.

It's just a formality, because from what I can gather

he's gonna grease up the bums on the subcommittee

before he even gets there.

See, It's just like I said, "Everybody's in on the game."

- Then we go to Washington.

Where's he staying?

- Homeboy keeps a crib across from the Watergate.

- Hold on, I'm coming.

- Oh, no, you're not coming.

- Ann Marie, we're going.

- We should go to Washington, you're absolutely right.

- Please stay out of this, baby stay out of it, thank you.

- Bottom line, you're not going.

So nice you could get away for a couple of days, boo.

- Very sweet of you to insist, boo.

- Well, we're all here Fred, Ethel, Lucy, and Ricky,

the Mertzes and Ricardos go to Washington.

Lucy, don' do that to me!

- Stress, that's the killer.

You can't think straight.

You get all tight and confused.

Lower.

- That is as low as I'm gonna go

until you make a commitment, Max.

- You knew I was married

when we started this relationship, Tracey.

- I meant a commitment to getting me an audition

with Entertainment Tonight.

- Oh, that.

Well, let me be perfectly clear about that.

You have no talent.

Ow!

What the hell did you do that for?

- You have no respect.

- Well, why should I respect you?

Oh, my head's ringing, oh, my whole head is ringing.

- Massaging you is like kneading dough

and as for the sex, let me be honest.

It was like sleeping with a damp sheep.

Asshole.

- She's just upset because I'm dumping her.

- 11 more months where she came from, sir.

- Right, what I want to know, Earl

is what are you doing about this schmeggege

keeps breaking into my houses?

- I have my people working on it

people you don't need to know about

and if they could find a certain blue dress,

and they by god did, they can find this weasel like that.

- Max, why not just give back the goddamn ring?

We've got bigger fish to fry, it's not your ring.

- It's not mine?

- No, it's not your ring.

You stole it, give it back.

- This wacko breaks into my house

and tries to steal my stuff

and this isn't my ring, Walter?

- Spoils of war.

- Spoils of war, goddamn right, Earl.

- Max, you've got a lot of business

in gray areas at the moment.

You're letting a small-timer

distract you from the bigger picture.

Sometimes you have to give back a little to get a lot.

- It ain't gonna happen, Walter, it is not gonna happen.

- I want to go home!

- What does this look like, a taxi?

- Dial Lutetia.

- Ah! Now we're in business.

To hell with the monuments.

Here we go, savvy shopping in the nation's capital.

We're gonna go to Georgetown, you're gonna freak out.

- Oh, man, it's a bad angle.

I can't get a clear look at his place from here.

- So, hey, how are you guys gonna get past the doorman?

- Nothin' fancy.

Just stroll right in like we own the place.

- Welcome to Potomac House.

Our apartments on the east side

have magnificent views of the capitol.

Our penthouse suites are 5,000 square feet

and have 360 degree vistas, but, of course,

there we're talking about quite a bit of money.

- Salaam, salaam, Kuwait.

No, no, no, I most humbly apologize.

However, there seems to be a confusion

because the prince would like to know

how much for the entire building.

Wait, let me see is correct.

- Correct.

- I'm not sure that's possible.

- No!

- Get up!

- Salaam, salaam, salaam, he say, "For right amount

"camel can dance up pyramid."

It loses something in translation.

- Why don't you take the elevator up to the penthouse suite

and I'll gather some of my people together

and meet you up there.

Make yourselves at home.

It may be your home.

- Home.

- Go, give her big bug, beef jerky?

Mine, all mine.

He say he would like to hump you

but we are on a very tight schedule.

Salaam alaikum.

Come on, Berger.

Hello, is anybody home?

Hello?

What are you looking at?

- Nothing, you just look great in a tablecloth, man.

Not a lot of people could pull it off.

I mean, look at Arafat. I mean, look at me.

I look like I should be driving a cab.

- Damn, this is Max's D.C. pad, huh?

Big baller.

Maxie, Maxie waxie?

Your friends are here.

- Watch your step, sir.

- Whoa! I'm all right.

- Walter, we'll meet back at my place

to prep for the hearing.

- All right, Max.

- Earl, you call me the minute you

hear anything, you got it?

- On it.

- Wonder where lard - ass is.

- Hello, are you there?

Max, it's Gloria.

Pick up, Max, hello?

- We're in the clear, it's the phone.

- Are you there?

Well, I just wanted to let you know the money is in your desk.

I mean, the contributions for the senators.

You may want to call me for a reading with the cards.

- It's a PAC, just like Shelly said.

- You still need me for the cards, don't you, baby?

- So sad.

- The marrying maiden.

What the hell's that got to do with me?

The ring. The thief.

The castle, the thief is in the castle!

Dial Earl.

- Got it, here they are.

Look at that.

See, you can't outright just bribe these senators.

You gotta give the money to these PACs.

PACs, I don't know. It stands for something.

- Why don't you just save it for the senators?

- Wait, wait.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, what?

- Earl, he's in my place, he's at my apartment.

Get the cops and meet me over there.

I'm going up the back way.

- Welcome back, Mr. Fairbanks.

Dear Senator, Eat shit. Love, Max.

- $115,000 cash.

- The greatest crime.

- Maybe we should go, huh?

- What, and leave the ring?

- Welcome back, Mr. Radburn. - Not now.

- Come on, let's go.

- Stop worrying, okay?

I gotta get this ring.

- That's easy for you to say you don't have a prison record.

- I got some good undershirts, didn't I?

- Oh, my God. Kevin.

- I told you, let's get out of here.

- What?

- I knew this was gonna happen.

- Berger's got his pager, hold on.

- God, I'm hard.

Earl Radburn, head of security, T.U.I.

- Come on, let's go out the back.

- Earl!

It's me, you idiot.

Sorry, but they went out the back!

- I came up the back, moron.

- Oh, my goodness, you have to hold it in.

- Let's get the hell out of here!

- Going out the back, huh?

- I'm gonna call the cell phone.

- Come on, we got the money, let's go.

You really need help, man, I'm telling you.

Ah, you got me!

- Berger, what's going on?

- Take a good look at me, huh?

- It's kind of hard to describe, I gotta go.

- Talk to me!

- Yeah, look at you, falling all over yourself.

You brought it, aah!

Look at you!

- The wrong damn ring?

Amber, I got the wrong finger, okay?

His damn wedding ring.

Baby, say something.

You ain't said a word to me since we left Washington.

Can I get some convo?

- Okay, I have never been so scared in my whole life.

- All right, now, calm down, okay?

I know it was sort of unusual.

- Unusual? Oh, come on, Kevin.

There were guns, there were cops.

- It's really not that bad when you're in the middle of it.

You know, your adrenaline gets to pumping so hard

you really don't think about.

- The consequences?

- Yeah, yeah, the consequences.

- Kevin, this has got to stop.

You don't need to prove that you love me.

I know you do and I don't care

about that stupid ring, do you hear me?

I just want you.

- Well, then, don't worry, you got me.

- So you'll forget about the ring, then?

- Amber, I'll forget about the ring.

It's forgotten.

- Yo, Jack, it's after seven.

You seen your nephew by the name of Kevin?

- No, what your rappin' ass want with him?

- Ah, later, man.

- Son of a bitch crazy.

- That's twice you ran out on me.

Oh, it was funny how you never cramp up when you gotta run.

- Kevin, I got low potassium, man.

When I don't eat my bananas I cramp up, dog.

You know that, come on, man.

Wait, what are you gonna do with that doughnut?

- Oh, you want this?

Run get that.

- Yo, Kev, thanks for the breakfast, man.

- Here, you got that?

- No doubt.

- Come on, let's see it, man.

- All right, cool, bam, done!

- See? I came through, man. If it wasn't for me.

- That's what so great about this country.

We're hand in hand, synergistically

going forward into the future.

That's the way it is, it's give and take

and that's the way we feel at T.U.I.

- You make a compelling point, Mr. Fairbanks.

Please continue.

- Thank you, senator.

As I was saying, restrictive monopoly laws

are choking communications companies like mine.

If T.U.I. can dominate a market, why hold us back?

T.U.I. provides employment which in turn

provides tax revenues in large markets and in small alike.

I contend that the laws that limit ownership

of television stations by telecommunications companies

are punitive and wrong.

What's with Mount Rushmore up there?

- Guess who, shit box.

- Ooh, it's the little thief.

- I beg your pardon?

- No, I'm not talking to you.

- Oh, man, I made, what, $200 grand robbing you?

I wouldn't call that "little" anything.

- State of mind.

- What are you yammering about, Mr. Fairbanks?

I'm not talking to you, excuse me.

- Well, let me tell you what state of mind I'm in.

My lady's getting sick and tired of this whole thing,

so I thought it would be easier for the both of us

if you just give me back my ring

and I give you back yours.

Now, nod your head

'cause I'm watching your little ass on TV.

- TV? Which camera?

This camera?

- Exactly, that one right there.

Hold your head up

'cause you got that double chin thing happening.

- Damn, that's cold.

- Take a good look, you asshole.

Does this look like the face of a man who got where he is

by giving away, you.

- Mr. Fairbanks.

- He cussing on TV, he dying.

- I think he's angry, I think he's perturbed.

- Mr. Fairbanks!

- Walter.

- Hang up the phone!

- Mr. Fairbanks!

- Just a minute.

- It looks like the face of a man

who don't have a damn clue.

I took your PAC money.

- Oh, yeah?

- That's why all those little fat white asses

ain't rolling over for you.

- Mr. Fairbanks, a little respect, please.

- Just a minute.

- Now, you give me my ring and I'll leave you alone.

- I'm addressing you.

- Well, you know what you can do, scumbucket?

You can my.

- Mr. Fairbanks!

- Now, that's what I'm talking about.

- C-SPAN's gotten better.

- All right, that's it.

The ring's coming off your finger if I got to cut it off.

- Oh, yeah, you and your girlfriend.

- My girlfriend?

This is a senate subcommittee, Mr. Fairbanks.

- you, you, you.

- I love democracy.

- That's what I call entertainment.

- I told you this no-good gonif was gonna make a fool out

of you, look what you've done over a stupid goddamn ring.

I could've fixed the PAC thing.

You blew a whole market.

You blew millions, I hope you're satisfied.

- Walter, why don't you go see a doctor

and ask him if he can find some ghostly outline

where your balls used to be

and then plead with him to stitch another pair back on?

- Stop the car, please.

- What?

- Max, I have been your lawyer for 20 years.

I have taken your degrading insults

and your petty mockeries.

I have stood by you

while you've bent the law and while you've broken the law

because there's something fascinating in seeing

how low you can go and I felt a genuine kind of

pity for someone so driven.

But if you're gonna continue to play this idiotic schoolyard

game over a cheap and ugly, by the way, ring, then

this is the end of the line. I am getting off the bus.

- Limo.

- Screw you, Max, and the limo you rode in on.

- Walter, where are you going?

Get back in the car.

Go with him.

Walter, come on.

You can't walk all the way home, what are you going to do?

Guess I went a little too far this time, Earl.

- Yes, sir.

You've been hacked.

- What?

- One of my people found out

our "friend" has been able to track your whereabouts

by intercepting your e-mails.

- Why, that little son of a.

Wait a minute, this could be good, Earl.

Yeah, because now we can control the situation.

We can let him know exactly what we want him to know.

- Bring him right to us.

- You're one crafty bastard, Earl.

- Thank you, sir.

If the boys at the Pentagon had had your faith in me

there'd be a Disney World in Cuba right now.

- All right. Go on.

- The driver gave a pretty good description of the robbers.

- Too good, I've done some costume design

in community theater, so I've seen my share of bad acting.

Assign one of our people

to shadow the driver and his assistant.

It's too tempting when one is around that much cash every day.

- You got it, detective.

- Oh, there he is, hey, Tardio.

Got all these files you asked for concerning Fairbanks.

- Thank you, Jerry.

- No problem.

- Didn't I see you at the Ice Capades show last Monday?

Come on, Tardio, I don't do Ice Capades.

- The shoes say butch, but the socks say,

"Hi, how you doin'?"

- Hey, Jack.

- Hey, baby.

- Where's Amber?

- She asked for the day off.

I knew she was upset.

Hey, Amber got a pretty good head on her shoulders.

Maybe you need to listen to what she has to say.

- You don't even like Amber.

- Amber and I happen to agree on this one,

so therefore, I say she okay.

- But?

- But you making this thing personal with this Fairbanks guy

and that's bad for business.

And that's the first thing I taught you about this game.

- Kevin, I got two words for you.

Bankruptcy auction.

I just got off the phone with Shelly.

He hacked into their e-mail.

- Talk to me.

- Fairbanks is gonna be at his beach house

for a bankruptcy auction the day after tomorrow

and after, he's gonna be out of the country for a couple months.

- Leave it alone, son, this is your old uncle Jack.

If you only listen to me one time

for the rest of your life, listen to me now.

Take it from a man who raised you from a pup.

Let it go.

I seen other guys go down the road you're going

and you know what they call that?

Dead end.

Let it go, Kevin, goddamn, Kevin, let it go.

- $7 million worth of art, jewelry, and antiques.

- I'll drive, hand me my keys over there,

right underneath there.

- Come on, Lutetia, don't worry about it.

Nobody even watches these hearings.

- You've gone too far, Max, swearing on TV?

You make a fool out of yourself,

publicly humiliate the both of us

and put your entire company at risk, for what?

Some trinket out of a crackerjack box?

- Look, when I catch this little putz.

- Don't come home, Max.

- What?

- You're a jerk, grow up.

- Where's my lover?

- Berger was looking for you.

- He found me.

How you doin'?

- You're going, aren't you?

- Look, Amber, you gave me something.

I lost it, I can't have that between us.

- Well, I would much rather have that between us

than two inches of glass at some state prison.

- I'm sorry, a man in my position

- You have always said this is about me.

This has never been anything more

than a juvenile dick-measuring contest.

- Wait a minute, if this was a dick-measuring contest,

I'd be declared the winner.

Baby, elephant trunk.

Amer, baby, I'm just playing.

You know I'm just messing with you.

- Kevin, grow up.

- He's making me nuts,

I don't know what to do with him.

- So, what's the pre-nup like?

- There isn't one.

Then divorce him, cream the bastard.

- Oh, I don't know, I don't know what this says about me

but I'm kind of fond of the old dog.

I mean.

- Is Jack inside?

- I think so.

- Man trouble?

- It's always man trouble.

- Well, now you got woman trouble, too.

- That's my jacket, what are you doing with it?

- You're the thief's wife.

- The thief?

- Your husband stole my ring.

- What?

- That was my ring, and I gave it to my boyfriend.

You want your jacket?

Have your jacket.

- Wait a minute.

- Pull daddy like a chariot.

Look, kids, what a beautiful child!

Boy? Girl? Doesn't matter.

Lovely child, so innocent.

- Damn, where's that lens?

- Hello Kevin.

- Oh, hey, Tadio, what a nice surprise.

- Yes, it is, isn't it?

Hey, you feel like taking a walk?

- Sounds good, but I got to go see an optician.

Yeah, right now my eye is acting up.

You're a little blurry right now.

- Really? Is that blurry?

- No, I see that just fine.

- That's good, relax, would you?

This is just an overlap of two connected worlds.

You never cross your line, I never cross mine.

Know what I mean, Kevin?

- Damn!

- Just gas, poor little thing.

- Even in the outdoors, huh?

- So what's new, Kevin?

- Nothing, just playing at golf.

- Doing that Tiger Woods thing.

You?

- Oh, busy, there's still a lot of crime out there.

- Well, I'm sorry to hear about that.

Especially after all your efforts.

- It can be time-consuming.

I guess that's why I never tookay up a sport like you.

Although for some reason,

I've always been drawn to figure skating.

Speaking of crime, do you know what crime I hate the most?

Insurance fraud.

- Oh, yeah, why's that?

- Because the crook is using me.

"Oh, detective, they took everything

"and here's the list of the stolen items

"and can I have that docket number

"so I can claim my insurance money?"

Nothing makes me angrier than trying to solve a case

that never happened.

- So you think you got a burglary that doesn't

smell right?

- Big townhouse, Beacon Hill.

I'm wondering if the arrogant son of a bitch bankrupt bum

who owns the place maybe didn't set it up himself.

- Yeah, well, I didn't hear

nothing about no scam

but if I do, I'll let you know.

- Do you still blink when you're not telling the truth?

No, must be the contact lenses.

Walkies!

Come on, Pix, we gotta get you a bran muffin.

We're getting everybody bran muffins, good, good.

- Be cool.

Mr. Man.

- Max, max!

- Gloria, what the hell are you doing here?

- I drove out here because there's

something I need to tell you.

Here, pick one, any one.

Yep, there it is again.

- What does it mean?

- The guy's got five daggers in his head.

What do you think it means?

- How bad is it?

- I guess a guy with six daggers in his head would be worse

but they don't make that card.

It just keeps coming up.

- Why the hell didn't you tell me?

- Would you have listened to me?

Do you ever listen to anybody?

Max, put a stop to all of this.

No good is gonna come of it.

- I can't.

- Why?

- I can't, I can't, I can't!

Once a man in my position gives in, lets his defenses down

is weak for one single moment, he's dead.

Dead, you understand?

That's the way it is with animals in the jungle,

that's the way it is with me.

- Oh, cut the crap, Max, it's only a ring.

A silly, stupid ring!

- Yeah, and a bone is just a bone,

until two lions decide that only one of them

is gonna walk away with it.

- You know what your problem is?

You always have to win.

You figure out what it is you want

and then you'll do anything to get it

and when you get it, you toss it aside

and move on to the next thing.

I loved you, Max.

I knew who you were, and I still loved you.

Who else can say that?

You know who you are, and you can barely tolerate yourself.

Nobody talks to me that way, nobody.

- I do!

- That turns me on.

- Yes, yes, yes!

No, get off me!

- Ow! What?

- You're doing it again, you horny little bastard.

- Give me a hand, you hurt my back.

- No, I quit, Max, goodbye.

- Come on.

You quit? You're fired!

There goes your medical and your dental!

- You know what, I don't need it.

And I don't need you.

- Okay, all right.

- Hello, hey.

- Buzz off.

- Compound secure, chief.

- Come here.

- I am so flattered, sir.

I've thought about this, too, more than once.

But honestly, an employer and employee,

what are the percentages?

- I just want you to help me up, I hurt my back.

- That was a joke, by the way, and a good one.

- Goddamn vultures are starting to circle.

Make yourselves at home, scumbags!

- Calm down, Max, you're gonna give yourself a coronary.

- I don't have coronaries, I give them.

- Well, I know this is tough for you

so I just called to wish you well.

My therapist won't be happy about that, but what can I say?

I have a soft spot for you.

- Well, thanks, Lutetia, I appreciate it.

- You might be an asshole, Max, but you're my asshole.

- Thanks again.

- Masseuse.

- I didn't order a masseuse.

- I sent her over.

I thought you might need to relax.

- You sent me a masseuse?

- The therapeutic kind, Max,

not the kind you're used to.

- I'll call you later, Lutetia, thanks.

- It's all right, sweetie.

- I'll get back and check the tube, sir.

We're gonna nail this thief

just so bad you won't even believe it.

- Yeah, yeah, go nail him.

- About last night, I just want you to know...

- Get out of here!

- All right, sir.

- Yes, I'll do it.

- Wonderful.

Yeah, come here, baby.

Must go walkies in the park one day,

my dogs and yours.

- Excuse me.

- Go away.

- Can't do it, sir.

Sorry, sir, I heard the groaning

but I'm afraid we need you, the auction's about to start.

- Any sign of him?

- Not yet.

- Would you like a little massage oil?

- Oh, yeah, a little massage oil.

- More is coming, I shall return.

Hey, how's it going?

- Good, coconut shrimps are flying like hotcakes.

Hey, wait, you hitting that champagne?

Your eyes look funny.

- No, it's my allergies.

Don't get up.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

please take your seats.

Mr. Boyle regrets that he cannot be here

to conduct the auction as planned

due to a last minute emergency

and has graciously sent us

his associate, Mr. Heinrich Haffmueller

in his stead. Mr. Haffmueller.

Here we are, welcome und bienvenue to our auction.

My associate is bringing the first item.

Lot 702, a pair of...

- Chinese.

- Chinese

- Women.

- Women.

- If you brought that crap in our trailer, I swear to God

I'd throw it right out the front door.

- We'll start the bidding at $1,000.

- $5,000.

- We'll start the bidding at $5,000.

Yes, $5,000, thank you.

Do I hear $6,000?

Yes, $6,000 from the man.

Do I hear 7,000? $7,000?

- Earl, where the hell is he?

- He'll show himself. Just one thing out of the ordinary

and my men will be on him like a...

- Yeah, yeah.

- Sold! Wunderbar, I love it!

- All right, check it out.

Alarm system, security cameras.

Yo, I'm plugged into everything.

- Do I hear 30? $30,000?

Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute.

The lady with the large hat has something to say?

- Oh, let's make it 50.

I've got a helicopter to catch.

- Sold!

- Come on, Earl, you've got all this expensive

equipment in here, I want some results.

- One false move, believe me,

my men will be all over him.

- Team leader to eagle one, team leader to eagle one.

Got anything yet?

- Nothing yet, sir, nothing at all.

- Surprise, surprise.

- Wow, wow, I could do this shit all day.

- Do I hear 30? $30,000?

- 40. - Sold!

- Goddamn! Forty!

- All right, we're going to go to our next item.

Do I hear $15,000?

Do I hear $16,000?

- 19. - Sold!

- 34!

- Sold, sold, sold!

- Our next item is...

- Renoir!

Renoir, oh, my god, I got coasters!

- Sold!

- Woo!

- Thank you, lord.

- He'll show himself, believe me, sir.

- When? When?

I want to know when, I want him now.

Come on, Earl, I want something.

- What am I bid for this lovely item?

Hmm?

This wonderful 18 karat, yellow gold,

Daytona Rolex watch?

- Will you slow down?

- Look, it's almost 2 o'clock, you gotta move your fat ass.

- Hey, that hurts my feelings.

- Oh, what feelings, you got no feelings.

- I lost 10 pounds today running around!

- Where, your toenails?

- Just give me the box.

- I'll give you the box.

My god, that's thing's heavy!

- You know why it's heavy!

- Would you please.

Oh, I love that fat bastard.

- I got so many nice things.

- Really, I'm happy for you.

- We'll start the bidding for the Rolex at $10,000.

- Yo, big Max, now it's on.

It's 2 o'clock, and it's time for the bomb.

- Max, hey, how you doing?

Listen, Max, I'm sure by the time you see this,

you're gonna be pissed but I want to thank you

for having a brother back at your beach house.

- Yeah, Kevin!

- I'd like to report a fire at the Fairbanks estate.

25 Harbor Heights in Marblehead.

Big fire, fire!

- Fire!

- You son of a.

- Code red, repeat code red!

- Fire!

- Fire!

- Code red!

- Are you ready for the mayhem?

Bam!

- Hustle, boys, hustle!

Come on.

- Where is he?

- Didn't I tell you you could do it?

- Look at the mess I caused.

Wait'll I tell the kids.

- Tell them, tell them.

- Hey, with this watch I can move into

a white neighborhood now.

- Pull this truck out, come on, let's go!

- Yes, sir, where's Kevin?

- Just go, just go, he's used to it, trust me.

- Fellas, we rich.

- Yeah, we're rich!

- Filthy rich.

- I can't believe it, I deserve it!

d It's the underground kid

d I be hacking from the van

d And everywhere I go they

d Screamin' Shelly Nix the man

d Yo, Shelly Nix the man,

d Yo, Shelly Nix the man

- Where are you, you son of a bitch?!

Where the hell is he?

No, get off of me!

No, leave me alone!

I'm looking for somebody.

Let go of me! Let go of me!

- Max! Oh, I love this, Max!

I'm sorry, Max.

- I'm all right, okay?

You understand?

I'm okay!

Jesus!

Son of a...

bitch!

You think you're getting away.

Your ass is mine!

Stinking thief!

You're not getting away.

Give to me!

Son of a bitch, give me that ring.

There's water!

- Wait, wait, this ain't the ring.

- Wait are you trying to pull?

- That ain't the ring!

- What do you mean, that ain't the ring?

Whoa, water!

- Look.

- What?

- This has an inscription inside.

- Inscription?

- Yeah, it says, "Grow up."

My lady said that to me.

- My wife told me the same thing.

Damn, Lutetia did this.

She got that masseuse to oil it right off my finger.

- Oh, you joking, right?

- Let me see that, whoa!

We're going down, man.

- Max Fairbanks?

That's right, it's me,

and I'm arresting you under suspicion

of bankruptcy and insurance fraud.

- Prove it!

A woman scorned.

- Kevin Caffrey.

Is that you?

- Hey, what up, Tardio?

- Kevin, what are you doing here?

- Well...

I swam out when I saw that

my fellow man was in trouble.

- Yeah, he's a total stranger.

Never saw him before, tres bizarre.

- Oh, yes, tres bizarre.

- Not as bizarre as you.

- Thanks, Max, I owe you one, man.

- Ah, don't mention it.

You and me, we both love the game.

There's no need to be penalized for that.

- Okay, come to Tardio.

Go get 'em, boys and girls.

- Yes, sir.

- Hey, hey, hey!

- Hey, hey, nothing.

- That's my man, go get her.

- You, the masseuse?

- I massaged that baby right off his hairy little finger.

His wife and I decided you two had it coming.

- You're amazing.

- See that ring?

I think it's got the wrong kind of luck.

Throw it away.

- Throw it away?

We worked so hard to...

- Throw it away.

- Gone.

- This is Kerry Kilbride reporting from Washington

where just moments ago a Senate committee ended

its long-standing investigation

into the alleged media and broadcasting monopoly

of billionaire businessman Max Fairbanks.

Through a series of quick and effective legal maneuverings,

Mr. Fairbanks and his attorney

have taken the wind out of the sails

of the Senate committee.

- Shook 'em down.

Brother hoodwinked the entire Senate committee.

That's my boy.

- Put on your rubber boots, 'cause here comes the bullshit.

- We now go directly to the scene with Tracey Kimberly.

- This is Tracey Kimberly

reporting live from the capitol

where we have just witnessed a stunning turn of events

orchestrated by a relatively unknown lawyer

from the firm of Whiteman, Small, Johnson.

- Whiteman, Small, Johnson?

- What do you mean by that?

- Here he comes now.

- Oh, look, that's my boy, look, he on TV?

- Yo, look at that, he got that big.

Oh, no, he didn't!

- I'd like to say power to the people.

Let's rise up.

A quick shout out to my mama.

Mama, I love you.

- Mr. Fairbanks, do you have a statement?

- Ladies and gentlemen, I was dragged through the mud.

I was tarred and feathered in the streets.

- Can we get an "Oop" up in here?

- Up in here!

- I was bent over and stuffed like a Christmas goose.

- Can I get an "Ouch, that hurts"?

- Ouch, that hurts!

- But in the end, the Senators saw the truth

that I'm an honest and legitimate businessman.

- Counselor, what exactly was your game plan

going in there today?

- Well, my brethren, I'm not one to stand up here

and conversate out of my ass,

nor am I gonna stand up here and jerk you all off.

Besides the precedents of Roe vs. Wade,

my Uncle Ray-Ray vs. the Dairy Queen.

I knew I had to get it on the inside

to the big man for the easy lay-up.

I am full of de facto, habeas corpus,

emancipation proclamation.

I also have a very, very big pro bono.

- Baby, it runs in the family.

- What do you believe changed the Senators' minds?

- Fourscore, darling!

Yeah, I mean, hey, everybody makes mistakes even Senators.

- Are you implying there were improprieties

on behalf of the senators?

- Hey, man, I am a black male,

not a blackmailer.

Nobody's perfect.

Isn't that right, Senator Richards?

- Senator Richards!

- Well, I owe you one.

- Hey, don't mention it.

You just take care of yourself.

Hey, right on.

- Right on!

What a guy.

Son of a bitch!

Stop my lawyer, he stole my lucky watch!

d I stick 'em, I flick 'em

d Hit 'em and switch 'em, I pitch 'em

d Keys in the ignition, bounce get missin'

d We don't do commitments, holla

d Hit the club, back to my mission

d Same type of sippin', ain't no different

d It's easy pimpin' if you see us in it

d Four Jeeps, get to spinning, bring the women

d It's gold and white labels, broads at this table

d Yellow and green bottles, you know what that mean

d Know you got to drop if you cop a squat

d This shit goes no further then the parking lot

d Burns a tab, fly back to your pad

d Be lucky if a broad drop you mad to the lab

d After that we stab, look backwards and laugh

d Take a bottle in the air

d Two fingers, that's how a playa bounce

d That's why I still come back

d I stick 'em, I switch 'em, I ditch 'em

d I hit 'em, I stick 'em, I switch 'em, I ditch 'em

d That's why I stick 'em babe

d I hit 'em, I hit 'em

d I hit 'em, I stick 'em, I switch 'em, I ditch 'em

d I hit 'em babe

d I stick 'em, I switch 'em, I ditch 'em

d Non-stop.

d I, I, I, I, I

d I stick 'em, I switch 'em, I ditch 'em

d That's why I hit 'em baby

d We're on the radio

d Drop that beat

d Make 'em break to it

d C-C-H-A

d C-C-H-A

d C-C-H-A, let's get 'em, c'mon d

d Just like music

d Oh oh oh

d There's no doubt

d Oh baby

d Just like music

d To relax my mind, so I can be free

d And absorb sound that keep me 'round

d Doin my thang, constantly with no worries

d Peace to Keith Murray

d Just like music

d To keep me flowin and keep me goin'

d And keep me growin', and keep me the E from knowin'

d What happens out there, is not my concern

d You wanna die it's not my turn

d Just like music

d To do somethin to me like jump in the Mercedes

d On the highway, doin over 80

d Without music baby

d Oww, I'll go crazy, just like music

d Your music makes me want to sing

d Music is a joy to bring

d Just like music

d Music is my heart and soul,

d More precious than gold

d Turn on the music, I have my music

d Happier days, just a song away

d Song and the music

d I love your music baby

d I got the music

d Turn on the music

d I got the music

d La la la, da da da

d Turn on the music d

d Ain't got no job

d Wanna borrow my car

d Ain't got no dough

d But you wear fancy clothes

d Better find someone new to take care of you

d It's funny how, you seem to think

d That my money, it grows on trees

d Wanna clean me out

d Invite your friends around for drinks

d Then leave your glass sitting in my sink

d Must think you live in some hotel

d Better find yourself somebody else

d 'Cause you need some help

d Ain't go no job

d Wanna borrow my car

d Ain't got no dough

d But you wear fancy clothes

d Better find someone new to take care of you

d Ain't got no job

d Wanna borrow my car

d Ain't got no dough

d But you wear fancy clothes

d Better find someone new to take care of you d