Original subtitles

-Hello?

Nothing, I'm just working.

Hmm.

-Don't move.

Whatcha reading?

Put the book down.

Close it.

Wait. Mark your page first.

All right. Now close it.

Slow.

Yeah.

Now stand up.

Slow.

Take off your robe.

Slow.

Counterclockwise.

I forgot it.

Uh --

just stay right here, okay? Stay here.

-Yeah, I forgot it.

-What?!

I-I forgot the rope.

-I thought I -- I thought I had it in my --

my bag, but -- but I didn't bring my bag.

Uh, um...

Here.

Um, hold this?

Hey, come on. Keep it there.

Keep it pointed at you. That's better. Right there.

Okay.

Oh, yeah.

Ooh. Uh -- uh, your nails.

I'm sorry about the rope.

-It's fine. It really is. I --

-i won't forget it again.

-Don't even think about it, okay?

So, I'll call you. -Okay.

-All right? -O-Or e-mail me, too.

-Uh, e-either one, but I'll contact you, okay?

-Okay. Okay. -All right.

Have a good one. -Yeah.

You, too. -Bye.

Hey. Eyes up here.

All right. So, elenore here,

reporting to you live from the comfort of my own apartment.

Uh, just thought I'd give my faithful viewers

an update on things. Um...

So, still with Dee.

And...

I'm not really sure about that. Uh...

Also, I've started seeing this guy -- not seeing.

We're not dating.

I want to make that clear. We're not dating.

Um...

We're exploring, uh, different...

I guess it's like role play.

Let your minds go wild with that if -- if you choose.

Uh...

But I don't know.

It's interesting to be doing these kind of things

that I don't normally get to do in my own relationship.

Who would have thought?

A stranger, let alone a, uh -- a married stranger.

A married man. Yeah.

Forgot to mention that part. He's married.

Uh, so, that's where things are right now.

I guess, you know, I'll update you

as things unfold or crumble into pieces.

And...uh, hopefully that doesn't happen.

Anyways, signing off.

I guess it's the other hand.

Signing off.

Uh, talk to you soon, lovers.

Yes?

-Did you talk to your landlord yet?

-Yes.

-What's the deal?

-Uh, the rent's going up, just --

just like we thought it would. -Mm-hmm.

-That's it.

-Okay.

-I can afford it.

I have someone interested in my blog, in advertising on it.

Um, it's a t-shirt company, and...

-Do you know their name?

-No, I don't know. I just saw --

I just read the e-mail right before I got here.

Um, uh, yeah.

They're interested, so I think they'll be --

I mean, if things work out,

if...we can come to some sort of arrangement,

it'd be, like...It would be a good fit, and, uh...

I mean, I'm already getting a bunch of other followers,

so if I get involved with these guys,

I feel like it would be a really good step in the right...

Uh, the right place.

And it'll be financially helpful, too.

-That's good. -Yeah.

-Well, if that doesn't work out the way you want,

you...should move in here.

-Well, that was a big sigh.

-I just -- I've got such a good thing going right now, you know?

I've got followers and...

I don't know, it would just throw everything off.

Just -- it -- it would feel different.

-Well, it would be different.

But it would be good.

-Good for what? I don't --

I mean, I think we have a really good thing

going right now, and...

Good for...?

I just don't want to change anything.

I-I feel like it's really good right now -- my work.

I know your work's really stressful, but...

-Why don't we try it out?

-I'll think about it.

I promise. I promise I'll think about it.

I promise.

-Don't get stressed.

-I'm not stressed. I just...

-Can I buy you a sewing machine?

-No. I don't need a sewing machine.

-I think you do.

-I think you really do.

That's just gonna get bigger.

-Well, if you keep picking at it, it's gonna get bigger!

It's fine. It's fine. I like it like this.

My followers like it like this.

"My followers" -- -do they?

-I sound like Jesus.

-I like -- I like the hole. -I'm just gonna get you one.

-I don't -- I don't need a sewing machine.

-It wouldn't be a bad thing to have one.

-I don't even know how to use one!

I could show you.

You -- you figured me out.

-You've wanted a sewing machine for so long,

you're just using my sweater as an excuse.

-Don't buy me a sewing machine.

Buy yourself one if you need one so badly,

if you have such an urge to sew.

Maybe -- maybe you should just quit your job

and be a seamstress.

Is that what you want?

Is that what you've been trying to tell me?

Do you want me to move in so I can support you and your...

- Are you drunk? - No.

No, I just -- I'm in a we-weird mood right now.

-What was that?

-Just getting the weird mood out, just shaking it out.

What are you doing?

-Work.

-Is this your blog?

-Um, no.

This is, like, material for my blog.

This is my blog.

What --

-just a preview. -Yeah.

A lot of boobs.

-Yeah, well, people like boobs.

-Yeah, but not a shirt company.

Well, then, maybe we shouldn't work together.

-I like boobs.

I think you should go.

Don't look at me! Keep cleaning, bitch!

-Sorry, mommy.

-Don't fucking call me mommy!

-Ow! Um, uh, mister --

-all right, get up!

-Mistress! -Get up!

-Yes, mis-mistress!

-Show that ass to me one more time,

and I'm gonna shove this goddamn thing up it!

-You're not really gonna shove it up my ass, are you?

-No. No. No. -'Cause it's gonna really hurt.

-Keep cleaning!

-Ow! Okay! Yes! Yes, mistress!

Ow!

Keep cleaning! -I want to make you proud.

Uh, all your dust bunnies are gonna be gone.

I'm gonna get all your dust bunnies.

-Fucking sparkling!

-It's gonna -- it's gonna sparkle.

-Don't look at me! Tur-turn around!

Don't look at me! -Turning!

Yes, mistress!

You ready to go again?

It's tempting.

-But? -But...

I think I'm gonna pass.

So, now what?

-Nothing.

-Stay over.

-Is that your command?

Yes.

-Hey, honey.

How are you?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Yeah. How was your day?

That's -- that's good.

Um, well, I'm actually not gonna be home tonight.

I'm gonna stay here.

Is that okay?

Yeah, i-I'll be home -- I'll be home early tomorrow,

in the morning.

Okay, I will.

Bye.

I need...

I need you...

I need you to do whatever you want.

Go ahead.

-Did you want to come?

Look at me.

-It's easier coming off than it is going on, isn't it?

-Uh-huh.

It feels funny.

You don't even need makeovers.

You're too kind.

-Thanks.

-Yeah.

-What do you want me to do?

-Um, not what you're doing right now.

-Why not? -Because it's weird.

It's like you're about to give me a pelvic exam.

-That is kind of weird.

Maybe you're pregnant.

Or does it just look like -- -no, it just looks funny.

-I bet from behind, it looks really funny, too.

-That's all right.

We could leave that angle to the, uh -- to the imagination.

-So, you never want to be pregnant?

You don't want to have a baby?

No.

Not right now.

-But some-someday?

-I'll lock my kids in a closet.

Get them, like, a... A nanny and --

or send them off to boarding school.

-No, you wouldn't.

-I think about it.

Like, I hope I wouldn't be a bad mom.

-I think you would be a good mom.

-I don't think I have any Patience for children,

especially little girls.

Little boys? Fine.

'Cause I know their games.

I know their games.

Sometimes I don't even know why I date girls.

They're so fucking crazy,

even, like, starting from when they're little.

Why do you date girls, then?

Do you just prefer women?

-I don't know.

-Uh, girls are pretty.

Well --

-why do you date girls?

-All right. They're pretty, and they smell nice.

-And I don't have a penis.

-Do you wish you had a penis?

-No. Fuck that.

-You don't -- you don't think of, like,

what it might be like to have a penis?

-No.

-To use -- to, like, have a sensation --

like, something that's, like, extending from you?

-No!

-No? -No!

-Not at all? Not in the least bit?

-No, it's -- they're gross.

Have you ever looked at one?

Yeah, of course. -Well, yeah.

-You look at it every morning or night or...

Midday, when you're jacking off.

You have to stare at that.

Wow. I can't even imagine living with that thing.

-I mean, sometimes it's a burden.

It makes you do things that you don't want to do.

-What are you gonna do, cut it off?

-No.

-If you were a girl, would you be a lesbian?

-If I was a girl, would I be a lesbian?

-Uh-huh. -I don't know.

That's -- it's impossible to answer, 'cause I'm not --

'cause I'm not a girl. -I know, but think about it.

-Think about what, being a girl?

Uh-huh.

-What are you doing?

What am I doing?

Um...

Uh...

Taking a picture of the hideous creature.

Don't! Keep it there!

-So -- so you hate penises? You hate all penises.

-I hate your penis the most. -You hate my penis the most?

What do you want to do to my penis, then?

You want to rip it off? -Kick it.

Kick it.

Kick my penis.

"Kick my dick."

Kick my dick.

No! No! -Go ahead.

I thought this was supposed to be mutual.

-No, I'll just punch it.

See, this is where heels would be good.

-Actually, that felt kind of nice.

I know.

Kick it. -This is supposed to be

a photo shoot! -This is a photo shoot.

That it's not supposed to be.

-So, you direct me. What do you want me to do?

...i don't want to move in with you.

I met someone else.

-No.

-You out of here?

-Yeah, I got to go.

-All right.

Thanks for last night.

Thank you.

Go on. Get out of here.

I want you to fuck me,

and you don't.

You ask me every time I come over here to stay here, when...

I don't want this place.

I never wanted this place.

I want to come here to fucking come,

for you to make me come.

The rest of it's bullshit.

Think I could have that?

-Why do you, uh -- why do you have this in it?

-Um, so it looks pretty, like that.

-But I think it would look better if...

-I don't know. I didn't make it.

-...better against your skin than with the padding.

-Well, elsewhere, obviously.

I don't know.

You have to, uh, write Victoria's secret and find out.

And that's a dress.

-This is a lovely dress.

-I haven't done laundry in, like...

I can't even remember the last time I did it.

-These -- these are nice.

-Yeah? What -- what did you think they were?

-I don't know. They could be, like, cheetah or something.

-They can't be cheetah.

Cheetah has solid stripes -- -i know.

That's why I just found out that they were...

-But see these rings?

The Mark of the beast.

-This is -- this is a cute nightie.

It's a slip.

You wear it under dresses. Please don't smell it.

It's dirty. That's why I'm doing laundry.

-It actually smells kind of nice.

All right.

-So...you don't do laundry very much?

I just, um...

No. Uh, I...

HAVE BEEN BUYING NEW UNDERWEAR WHEN I RUN OUT.

Um...

-Wait a minute. You --

you -- you continuously buy underwear?

You don't wash them?

-No, I'll just buy new underwear.

Like, there are these -- I-I did it the --

well, I've been buying them

from, you know, like, nicer stores,

but I don't have any money to do that.

So, um...

-So you steal them?

-No! No! No! -You're stealing underwear?

-I went into one of those stores.

Like, underwear for like 3 bucks, tights for $10 --

no, not even $10. $3!

It's amazing. You have to go and buy women's underwear,

-i-i will remember that

next time I'm in the market for, uh, women's underwear.

-Yeah, sure.

Hi.

Hi.

-You ready for this?

-No, I'm not ready for this. I hate this.

-All right. Well, get ready right now, okay?

Okay?

-Okay. So, could you, uh, please tell me your name?

-My name is Eugene.

-Hi, Eugene. I'm elenore.

Nice to meet you.

-Very nice to meet you.

All right.

Your deepest, darkest secret or something that everyone knows.

-Well, I'm married.

-Oh, you're married?

-Yeah. Big secret.

I'm, uh -- I've been married for a few years now.

-How's that going?

Actually, it kind of sucks right now.

-Oh, yeah? Tell me more.

Sorry.

-It's okay.

You know, I-I-I don't think I should tell you.

-Well, what do I get if I tell you?

Maybe you'll find out afterwards.

-Uh...

It'll give you fame and fortune.

-I-I can't remember the last time I had sex with my wife.

-No, I...

She's beautiful.

She's amazing.

Is amazing, but...

She doesn't want to have sex with me.

Or she --

I-I mean, I... I don't think it's just me.

What's wrong with her?

-Um...

Well, she was at this, uh, office party

with, like, a bunch of her employees

and, so, they were all drinking and having a good time, and...

And then one of the bosses, uh, offered to give her a ride home,

and...

He took her to his car,

and he put her in the back seat.

And she was really drunk, and...

Then he got in the back seat as well and...

Started kissing her, and...

And taking off her clothes

and -- and grabbing her.

And then he started...

Undoing his pants, and...

And...

-She doesn't remember

all of it, but it's -- - don't. I got it.

I'll kiss you.

-I miss you, Laura.

I miss us.

It's not supposed to be like this.

It's supposed to be better.

-You always used to want kids.

You wanted three kids, and I only wanted one.

You said it was cruel to have only one child...

And that two wasn't enough,

and that three's a good number,

or four.

But fuck having four kids.

I can't do that.

Laura...

I can be a good dad.

You would be an amazing mother.

I know it.

We can have a family.

We'll have a little farm.

-Let's do it.

-Do you mean it?

We'll grow old together?

-We'll make our three kids do it.

Maybe four.

-Maybe four.

I love you.

Go home to your wife.

-Is that your command?

-Yes.

* ooh, ooh

* ooh, ooh

-Stop!

-I like -- I like recording much better.

-Yeah, take your pants off.

Are you recording or...?

-So you gonna tell me a story? -Um...

Can I tell you another joke?

-Is it gonna be funny this time? -I don't know.

A story, a story.

Um...

When I was little...

This kid -- this kid --

um, I had a big crush on him.

And he came over, and...

Uh, I-I-I chased him around with naked Barbie dolls.

That's the story.