Original subtitles

Liar!

They're all liars!

Liar!

What's going on?

Courgette!

Courgette, answer when Mum calls you!

Courgette!

Yes, Mum.

And who will clean up after you? Mum!

Courgette!

I didn't do it on purpose! I'm sorry!

What am I going to do with you?

When I get up there...

- No, please, Mum, no! - You're gonna get the spanking of your life!

No!

MY LIFE AS A COURGETTE

How old are you, son?

Nine.

Was your mum nice to you?

She... She drank a lot of beer.

But she made good mashed potatoes,

and sometimes we had fun together.

Yes...

And other times not.

OK... Where's your father?

Here...

And there's my dad's chick.

Mum always said he liked chicks very much.

All right...

Listen, I'm taking you to a place with other children like you.

Who have no dad and no mum.

But I have a mum!

Your mum is gone, Icare.

My name's Courgette!

Courgette...

Did your mum call you that?

OK. I'm Raymond.

Did your mum call you that?

Shall we fly your kite?

Come on, my boy!

Hello, sir.

Hello, Madam Director.

This is Icare.

But I think he'd rather be called Courgette.

Courgette?

That is what his mum called him,

and I think it's important for him.

Isn't that right, son? Come on...

Welcome to the Fontaines...

Courgette.

Don't worry, you'll be fine here.

I'll come and visit you.

- Goodbye, madam. - Goodbye, sir.

Will you come with us?

Rosy will show you your room.

Here's a big drawer for all your things.

Look!

I'll let you do it. And this is your bed.

Is everything all right?

OK, I'll let you put your things away, and I'll be waiting in the hall.

Good morning, ma'am!

Children, this is your new friend, Icare.

- Courgette. - Yes, uh, sorry...

Your new friend, Courgette.

- I'd say potato, with that head. - Simon, that's enough!

Quiet! Quiet, children!

Well, uh... I'm off!

- See you later, Mr. Paul. - See you later.

Sit down, son.

Let's continue!

So, as I was telling you, the cow is a ruminant.

Which means that it ruminates.

It eats the grass the first time without chewing,

so it regurgitates in its stomach

and then quietly chews it.

So, children, we don't know exactly why the animal developed this...

Welcome to prison, potato!

Oooooh, things will get very hot for the potato!

It's really roomy in there after all that digging.

Stop it, Simon!

Move over!

So, potato, why are you here? Tell us.

Come on, tell us!

Why did they bring you here?

Wait, those are potatoes on your plate!

You're a potato who eats potatoes?

Isn't that a bit weird? Hey, guys, the potato's a cannibal!

That's enough, Simon!

Your parents threw you out! Because your parents didn't want you any more.

A rotten potato! Into the rubbish!

- Will you cut it out? - Shut up, big mouth!

Hey, you guys! Alice is doing the fork thing again!

Look at you with your bandages!

Rosy put them on because I had a headache!

That's enough of you and your fork!

Anyway, I'll find out why you're here.

I'll find out!

Yet another moron!

Come on, it's time!

In your dormitory!

Night-night, boys. Sweet dreams.

Tonight, straight to bed, boys!

Ah! Shh. Courgette is already asleep.

Ahmed, have you peed yet?

Uh... I think so!

- Think so, or know so? - I... think so.

- You're completely nuts, man! - Yeah, totally nuts!

- Ahmed, the girlie who wets his bed! - That's enough!

- Come on! - He hit me!

Shh! Kisses all round, then lights out.

- Night-night. - Thanks!

See you tomorrow!

Is the potato asleep?

No, the potato's not sleeping.

And it won't sleep at all tonight.

It's gone really high!

Come on, let me try, please!

Wow, look how it flies!

Leave that!

Oh, yeah? And what will you do if I don't leave it?

Will you take out your magic wand, Harry Potato?

Harry Potato, rubbish!

Fight, fight, fight!

Beat him up!

Kung Fu Courgette!

- Don't you ever touch my kite again, get it? - No, no, I don't get it.

If you touch my stuff again, I'll break your arm.

Wow, ace, Courgette!

- That's too much! - This guy is too strong...

Well, we were quietly playing football,

and he arrived from behind and jumped on me.

Courgette? You're not saying anything?

I want to go home, to my mum.

Leave us a minute, Simon, will you?

It's impossible, Courgette.

I'm afraid that your mother is gone now.

But you'll be fine here.

I promise.

Hey, potato!

Courgette!

My parents took drugs.

Both of them.

All the time.

So I was brought here.

You don't want to tell me why you're here?

I can tell you about all the others if you want.

I know their case histories by heart.

You see Bea? Her mum got deported.

Bea came home from school one day and she was gone.

Jujube, his mother spends her time opening and closing the fridge.

Click-clack, click-clack, all the time.

Or she starts scrubbing the toilets for weeks.

She's completely nuts.

Come on, I'm here! Shoot!

Ahmed's father, well, he held up a shop.

Can you imagine, a holdup?

In a service station. To buy him trainers.

Do you want me to go and get Rosy?

And Alice, her dad, they say he was a real creep.

I don't know...

And Alice, she used to have nightmares every night.

He's in jail now.

Well, I think I killed my mum.

But I didn't mean to.

I didn't do it on purpose.

We're all the same.

There's nobody left to love us.

Well... In the morning we get up...

And Ahmed, he's wet his bed again.

And then we wash.

Except Simon, because Simon always pretends he washes.

Jujube, he eats the toothpaste.

Because his mum, she told him it'd be good for his health.

This is the orangutan.

The gorilla. The chimpanzee...

At school, Mr. Paul tells us the story of the people who were here before us.

They lived when soap didn't exist.

And then, they never showered.

Like Simon!

Sir!

And then Jujube asks to go to the nurse.

Because of the toothpaste.

And in the meantime, we play Cro-Magnon.

All right, very good. It sounds like fun.

Yeah, it's fun.

What's the matter, son?

It won't be as nice when you stop coming.

You think I come because I have to?

I don't know, it's your job.

Well, no, it's not my job.

I come to see you because I like you.

I like you too.

They don't like cops, I think.

Particularly Ahmed. He thinks you sent his father to jail.

Hello, ma'am!

Mum!

What the hell does she want?

Come on, hop to it! Let's go!

Move your bum, I don't have all day!

Well...

She's rather uninviting, that one.

She's probably in her room.

Poor little darling.

It's so hard, so hard!

No, she's not here.

She must be in the courtyard.

My name's Camille.

And I'm Courgette.

Hey, newcomer, tell us a bit about why you're here!

- Oh, are you the boss? - Correct.

And we have to do everything you say?

Yeah, that's right, you got it!

This is how you talk to girls!

OK.

I'm here...

because every morning, my mum...

she forced me...

to go to school dressed as a dinosaur.

Oh, yeah?

Hey, don't mess around with me!

Watch out. I wouldn't laugh if I were you.

I like dinosaurs so much!

You freaks!

See you later, boss!

- Hey, Simon! - Yeah, kid?

Can I ask you something?

- Do you know how the thing's done? - What thing?

The thing, with girls and boys.

I know it all by heart. My parents had films.

It's kind of strange.

Well, if you want to, you wriggle a bit like this,

then the girl wriggles too, and then, bah...

- Pow, you see! - What pow? Does the willy explode?

- Yeah, it explodes! - No, but seriously, Simon!

I mean, you're exhausted.

- I'm sooo tired! - And what does it do to girls?

Well, girls mostly just start talking loudly about how much they agree.

Like, "Oh, yes, yes, yes!" Like this.

Ah!

You're very quiet, Courgette.

Courgette!

Oh, no, but that's because he's in love!

Yeah? You're in love?

- Rubbish! - But of course, man!

You can see from a mile away that you're in love with Camille.

No, I'd just like to know why she's here.

But we know why she's here, it's because of that dinosaur thing.

I know why she's here!

Well, do you really want to know why she's here?

- You're sure? - Shh!

- What if we get caught? - Do you want to know or not?

Yes.

Hold this.

Oh, yes, got it!

OK...

Interesting!

OK, well, if you need to know, she killed a guy.

Because he was in love with her.

What?

I'd be careful if I were you...

Your chick's got an issue with guys with vegetable names.

The guy's name was Carrot.

- Stop it! - You're scared, aren't you?

For real... her father, he killed her mother.

Because she loved someone else.

And, uh...

- He killed himself. - Show me that!

And it even says that Camille, she saw it all. Here. Look.

Oh, yeah...

It shines in her eyes, that she saw it all.

CHILDREN'S WEATHER

- Where's Camille? - OK.

Hey, Jujube, take a look!

Well, this is called foreplay.

And if Rosy... if she were in a bed with Mr. Paul,

Rosy would be agreeing with him,

and Mr. Paul's willy would explode!

- Is it true or isn't it, Simon? - What d'you think? Of course it's true!

- It's disgusting! - Come on, it's just because he's in love.

He squeezes her tight because he's afraid she'll go.

Oh, all right.

- So kids, ready to discover snow? - Yes!

- Sir, Sir! - Yes, Ahmed?

I want to ask a question! Uh, well, is your willy all right?

Ahmed, what are you saying?

If his willy explodes, we won't be able to see the snow.

What's this? So what's this, potato?

- Don't touch it! - Guys, the potato's a drunkard!

Give it to me! It's a souvenir from my mum!

- Don't you touch it! - Cool, man!

It's a bit cold here!

- So, who's thirsty? - Me!

Behave, OK?

Your glasses are so cool!

Hey, I can see myself!

- Want to try them on? - Yeah!

Wow! Oh, that's classy!

What's this?

Little thief! Where's your mother?

She left with a man, and she doesn't want to see me ever again.

- And your father? - He's in prison.

You're not only a little thief, you're a liar too!

No, I'm not lying! I don't lie, ma'am.

Come on, darling, let's go.

No, I'm not the liar. I don't lie!

Come on!

- Cool! - Watch out!

We're going faster! We're going faster!

Oh! Look!

His mum is pretty.

Maybe she's not his mum.

Hey, are you asleep?

No.

And you? Are you asleep?

Me neither.

And you?

Still not.

Ssh! Come on.

I have something for you. For your birthday.

But my birthday's already been.

I know, but we didn't know each other three months ago.

So, I couldn't make you a gift. Here!

How do you know my birthday was three months ago?

I went sneaking into Mrs. Papineau's office.

So... you know everything.

Well, yes.

When my parents died, I went to live with my aunt.

The one who brought me the other day.

She's a real witch, I swear.

As soon as we're alone together, she shouts at me constantly.

Now... the home's good.

Sometimes I dream I'm grown up and I'm still with my mum.

She's still talking to herself, drinking beer.

And I drink a lot, too.

I'm quite happy to know it will never happen.

If I hadn't been brought here, I wouldn't have known you.

Where have you been?

- Did you make your willy explode? - Shut up!

We made the most of the snow, because we're leaving tomorrow.

Oh, no, I don't want to leave. It was my dream to see the snow.

And to ride a horse.

Come on! Snowball battle, girls against boys!

We're out of ammunition!

Hi, Raymond. Here, everything's fine.

You know, something unbelievable happened.

Look, Ahmed, if you lay your hand here, very softly, you will feel something.

Rosy is expecting a baby.

- Can you feel it? - Yeah!

It's because of Mr. Paul's willy, I think.

And we were so scared she'd leave.

But she said he'd be everybody's little brother.

We decided to call him Spider-Man.

Otherwise, I'm really looking forward to seeing you.

Oh, yes, there's something else I wanted to tell you!

The new girl's called Camille.

362, 363, 364, 365...

- What's your record? - My record is 747.

- You're good! - I'd like to get to 1,000.

I read in a book that the world record is 27,057.

The girl, she jumped for 13 hours. Can you imagine?

Oh, yeah, not bad.

347, 348, 349...

Three, two, one...

Mum!

Oh, no. What the hell is she doing here?

Camille?

- I don't understand. - She refuses to see you.

- I saw you nutters! - What are you doing?

- Nothing. - What's that letter?

- It's a letter from my mum. - Why don't you open it?

I'm good at opening letters. Give it to me.

- Wow, an MP3 player! - Lucky you!

- Is there a letter with it? - No.

Sorry, man.

Did she say so?

- I'm sorry but... - She's traumatized.

She doesn't want to betray her poor mother and...

Yes, it's possible. This tragedy must have shocked her terribly.

Just be patient!

I'll give her all the time she needs, if she'll come and live with me.

Let's see how the weekend goes first.

- That's disgusting, it's so gross. - It's so...

Let's go, guys.

What's going on with you?

We saw Camille's aunt.

I swear, when you look up close, it's really scary.

Poor Camille. I wouldn't like to live with such a woman.

Thank God she's not moving there.

Of course she is. Mrs. Papineau said so.

What?

But there's something I don't understand.

Why does she want you to live with her, if she doesn't like you?

It's for the money. If I live at her place, she'll get a lot of money.

If they make me go back there... I'd rather die.

Or I'll kill her...

I won't let you go.

Mum!

Are you ready? Shall we go?

- Sorry, they... - Yes, yes. They don't like cops, I know.

OK, wait here and I'll tell Mrs. Papineau we're leaving.

- Oh, it's heavy! - So heavy!

Come on, guys, hurry up!

Next time, I'll give that boy what for!

But your bag's enormous!

Here we go.

Well, you're awfully quiet.

Tell me, this girl you told me about...

- What is she like? - Not bad.

Only "not bad"? You seemed more enthusiastic in your letter.

Her hair...

Her hair is soft...

and long...

And she has eyes that go right through me.

What color are they?

- What the hell? - I wanted Camille to come with us!

- Why didn't you ask? - Her aunt wouldn't have agreed.

- OK, we're going back. - No!

If I go back there, I'll have to go to my aunt's house, and she'll beat me.

All right, all right.

But I must tell the home.

Yes...

Yes, fine.

Yes, sir, very good.

I'll check with her aunt.

Are you all right, Courgette?

That's my home.

Do you want to go and have a look?

What's this?

This is where my mum used to measure me.

Here... It's when I repeated a year.

And here, when my father left.

And here...

I can't remember.

Well... In any case, you've grown a lot.

Raymond, watch out!

Watch out, get down!

I would have been a terrible cowboy.

OK, give it to me.

So cool!

- We had a pistol at home. - Just like in a Western!

It was... it was my father who taught me how to shoot...

He...

And...

Yeah, I know.

Well... We'd like the biggest teddy bear possible, please, ma'am.

- Your kids are beautiful! - Oh, they're not my...

Thanks.

- She left with Courgette. - What do you mean, Courgette?

I mean with Icare, who's with the policeman.

A courgette, a policeman... What is all this?

- Look, I'm sorry. She hid in the car... - A policeman who steals children.

You call him appropriate?

But she hid in his car! He didn't know.

What's for sure is that she clearly didn't want to spend the weekend with you.

Camille must spend the weekend with me!

- Where does this man live? - Be reasonable.

Have respect for Camille's choice.

Oh, please! Children don't have will!

I'll go and get her.

Excuse me, ma'am. Excuse me.

Could you please give this to Camille?

What's this thing?

It's... her lucky charm. She forgot it.

Well, if it's her lucky charm, that changes everything!

Is this you when you were younger?

- No, it's my son. - You have a son?

Yes. But he lives very far away. I don't see him any more.

Sometimes, it's children who abandon their parents.

Shall we continue the visit?

- It's a jungle in here! - I like to grow stuff.

Is this where we'll be sleeping?

- Is that all right with you? - Yes!

Stop! Stop it!

You know, on the bus...

I wasn't sleeping.

Not in bed, I see!

Shame on the both of you!

Come on, my little darling.

- We're going home. - No!

- Being kidnapped by a cop. Unbelievable! - Let me go!

- Ah, you... - Let her go now, madam.

I'll file a complaint!

Camille didn't want to stay with you. I think she has her reasons.

I'll file a complaint!

- She's coming with me. - I don't want to!

- And the judge will agree with me! - No!

I don't think it was a good idea. I'm starting to have hallucinations.

This French fry is talking to me!

What is it telling you? Is it saying, "Eat me, eat me, eat me, fatso"?

What's the matter here?

Aren't you eating? You don't like it?

We're on a hunger strike, until Camille comes back.

But Camille will come back!

She'll come back to see the judge,

and he's the one who'll decide if her aunt can keep her or not.

Dear Camille... Since you left, we don't laugh much.

We tried to go on a hunger strike, but it didn't work out.

And Beatrice's mum came.

She hid in Rosy's arms.

I want to stay with you.

And Ahmed, he's wet his bed again.

What...

One, two. One, two.

This is Simon. If you can hear me, raise your arm.

No, the other one.

Sorry, I couldn't help pulling your leg.

OK, the situation's pretty bad.

So now, listen carefully.

You're a tramp like your mother.

But your stupidity is actually in my favor.

- Camille! - The judge won't like that.

You've dug your own grave, you silly girl.

Your Honor, I'll give her an excellent education,

healthy surroundings, comfort, and most of all, tons of love.

I love her, like my own daughter.

And on top of that, Camille and I get along so well.

She doesn't seem that thrilled.

You must understand, after the trauma she's been through...

She must feel she's betraying her poor mother.

Camille, what do you think about it?

Would you like to live with your aunt?

You must admit that, after what happened,

I'm worried about her safety in this...

in this institution, whose lax ways leave a lot to be desired.

You are a tramp like your mother!

Running away with a boy. Shame on you!

- The home's totally useless! - Give me that!

- The judge won't like that! - OK.

Stop, stop, stop!

You've dug your own grave, you silly girl.

- What are you dressed up as, Alice? - As a pirate.

- What are you dressed up as? - As a mummy.

- What are you dressed up as, Beatrice? - As Camille.

So, Super Courgette, what are your superpowers?

Can you make vegetables grow faster?

And you, what are you dressed up as? A nutter?

Yeah, remind me who saved you?

He's dressed up as a cop!

Watch out, sir. I still don't like cops.

But then, I think I'll keep the hat.

- So, when are you coming back? - Soon.

How soon?

Actually, Courgette... I've talked to the judge.

I've talked to the judge because I'd like to be your foster parent.

Yours and Camille's.

- That means you're taking us in? - Uh... Yes.

And you'd be our family? Even if you're alone?

That's right.

You'd come and live in my house, with me.

Actually, it would be your home...

If you both like.

- Does Camille know? - Yes, the judge has told her.

And what did she say?

I don't know, but you have time to think about it.

You and Camille. OK?

All right then. See you soon, son.

See you soon, Raymond.

I wanted to thank you all, for saving my life.

Most of all Simon. Thank you.

And I never thought...

that life could be so cool.

And with you all here, it's really cool.

- We'll stay together for our entire life! - Cool!

No, it's not true. We won't stay together forever!

Camille and Courgette are clearing out. With the cop, what's more!

Hey, Simon.

Simon...

We're not leaving, Simon.

We want to stay here.

It's not fair, if we leave. It's so nice here, with us all together.

Simon...

You have to leave.

You don't know how rare it is for people to adopt children as big as us.

- Yes... - Yeah, but, no, you must go, for us.

Get it?

A cop and a superhero hugging.

It's a bit weird, isn't it?

Simon. Simon, a little more to the left.

That's it.

OK... Don't move!

Stop playing the fools!

Come on. And it's a real picture, huh?

OK, look at me...

Say cheese!

Yeah!

OK, buzz off, Super Courgette!

Goodbye!

OK, let's race. The last to finish...

will wash my pants until the end of his life!

This is the day you became my children.

Do you like it?

- Are you all right, Camille? - Yes.

I don't know why I'm crying.

Sometimes we cry because we're happy.

Right, Raymond?

Yeah, uh...

Dear Simon,

You said the home was a place for those without anyone left to love them.

But I think you made a mistake, because we haven't forgotten you.

And we haven't forgotten the others, either.

He opened his eyes! Ah, he won't let go!

- What's his name, then? - Antoine.

- It's pretty. - Yes, but Spider-Man was better still!

- Will he live here with us all the time? - No.

- Unless you abandon him! - I'm not going to do that!

Even if... even if he's super ugly?

- Even if he smells like poo? - Even if he cries all the time?

- Even if he wets his bed? - Even if he's hopeless at school?

- Even if he's stupid? - Even if he eats like a pig?

Even if he forgets his name and has stinky feet?

Even if he's completely unbearable and keeps yelling constantly?

Even if he farts?

- Even if he scribbles on walls? - Even if he wants to be a cop?

- Even if... - Even if his neck is as long as a giraffe's?

Even if he's a punk?