Original subtitles

[ Baby Cooing ]

[ Baby Crying ]

[ Crying Continues ]

[ Coos ]

[ Cries ]

Hello! There's a-- There's a baby here.

[ Cries ]

There-- There must be a mother. Hello?

There's a baby.

[ Cries ]

[ Groans ]

[ Cries ]

Oh!

Oh, help!

Hello? Is anybody here?

[ Babies Crying ]

[ Gasps ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Exhaling ]

The miscarriage-prone female reproductive system is merely an extension...

of the body's natural and necessary instincts to reject foreign matter.

Just two drops.

The body mistakenly identifies the embryo as an unwanted foreign substance...

and creates antibodies to fight and reject it.

From this equation comes the idea for the drug Expectane, which acts...

to neutralize the interfering antibodies and promote successful embryo attachment.

[ Chittering ]

Minnie, here, had a history of miscarriages.

As a result of our treatments, she's now in her seventh month of pregnancy.

She takes ten c.c.'s of Expectane three times a day.

[ Chittering ]

Hey, Keith.

Morning.

Ned.

Larry. Hey, big day, huh?

You nervous?

F.D.A.? Piece of cake.

Hey, sign those plan documents again, will you?

All right. Hi, Louise.

Hello, everybody.

Good morning.

Morning.

Mrs. Parrish is in one for a second-trimester sonogram.

You have an initial consultation with the Lanzarottas...

and Ms. Logan's here for a final.

Okay.

Bagel, please? Thank you.

Hello.

Doctor, I'm ready to explode.

[ Chuckles ] Oh, not here, you're not.

Perfect.

[ Chitters ]

Just one more month.

Yes.

Just get me some new blood and urine samples.

Blood and urine samples.

Dr. Hesse, good luck with the F.D.A.

Luck is for the ill-prepared.

Car's waiting out front.

Thank you.

I had them check the traffic reports.

And the big dweeb?

He and Mr. Banes will meet you downtown. Good luck.

In testing the drug on chimpanzees with a history of miscarriages,

I found conclusively that in every instance the side effects observed...

were consistent with the behavioral and metabolic changes in subjects...

with normal, unmedicated pregnancies--

nausea, mood swings, appetite fluctuation, irritability, morning--

Typical "lamb chop's got a bun in the oven" type behavior.

This drug works.

Madame Chairperson, ladies and gentlemen,

we respectfully request the Board's approval...

to carry on into an invasive human protocol.

Thank you.

You gotta let us try this on real women--

Women in need. Our sisters.

Our daughters--

[ Woman ] Dr. Arbogast.

If you could see the couples that come into my office.

Their pain and frustration is genuine.

Dr. Arbogast.

Ma'am?

This is an F.D.A. hearing, not a telethon.

[ Chuckling, Snickering ]

[ Woman ] We have all the information we need.

Thank you.

Madame Chairperson,

as director of Leland University's Biotechnology Research Program,

I want to thank you on behalf of my esteemed colleagues for your consideration.

Let's go, gentlemen.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

That went pretty good, huh?

[ Arbogast ] I'm sure you'll be very comfortable here.

We have all the latest videocassettes, the current magazines.

Um, give it to Louise when you're finished.

I'm sure you'll be very comfortable.

Just relax and enjoy it. That's the ticket.

[ Exhales ]

Dr. Arbogast?

Your wife-- I'm sorry. Your ex-wife's in your office.

She says she needs to talk to you.

What?

Yeah. In there.

In--

You're doing great. See you in a month.

Hey, Ned.

How ya doin'?

Oh, hi.

Angela, what are you doin' here?

Larry, I've got something really important to talk to you about.

You might wanna sit down.

I'm busy, Angela.

Well, I'm pregnant, Larry.

Really? Well, that's--

That's wonderful.

How long?

Oh, seven weeks, give or take.

The Kelman wedding.

The night of the Kelman wedding.

Yeah, that's the only time we did it--

No.

Oh.

He was in and out of my life very quickly.

Not quickly enough, apparently.

He who?

It's not important.

- You sure it's not mine? - Larry, come on.

After all the years we tried,

I don't think it's going to happen one night by accident.

Thought maybe one of mine could have bribed his way in or something.

So, what do you want from me, Angela?

I want you to be my doctor.

Thank you very much, Angela, but I--

Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. We're related.

No. Not since the divorce.

[ Louise Knocking ] Dr. Arbogast.

- Dr. Arbogast. - In a minute!

No. That's final.

I'll-I'll ask Ned if he's got any room.

If there's anybody better than me, it's Ned.

I'm sorry. Noah Banes is on one. He says it's important.

Ned Sneller? Forget it. He looks at me, Larry.

Banes. I'm on my way.

[ Pounding ]

[ Pounding Continues ]

All right, gentlemen. What seems to be the trouble?

They've jammed the lock.

Dr. Hesse?

[ Banes Tapping ]

Dr. Hesse?

Dr. Hesse? This is totally unacceptable behavior.

Open this door now.

I will miss you most of all.

[ Chittering ]

Pop the hinges.

Banes. What's going on?

Dr. Arbogast, uh, good news and bad news, I'm afraid.

F.D.A. decision, wicked bad news.

They turned us down?

I'm afraid so.

And the review board has terminated your project.

I'm sorry, but you know, lab space is tight, and money's even tighter.

[ Whispering ] They canceled the project.

Please, Banes.

I got 300 grand in this drug. You gotta cut me some slack.

Would that I could, Doctor, but it's out of my hands. Blame the review board.

You're head of the board.

Yes, I am. Rock and a hard place.

So what's the good news?

Well-- [ Sighing ] I really hate to dance on your grave.

But I landed Dr. Diana Reddin and her ovum cryogenics project.

I need you to be extremely careful with this.

Lady, if I hear that one more time out of you--

They're very fragile.

I've just got to set the level for the incliners.

- Hey, don't touch that! - You shouldn't be up there!

No, no! Stop! No!

[ Grunts ] Help me! Help me! Help me now!

- Oh! My babies! - Out of the way!

Oh! [ Grunting ]

Thank you. Thank you.

That's not necessary--

Get off me.

Sorry.

Oh! Ow!

Oh!

Thank you so--

So very much.

Leave me alone.

Dr. Reddin? Are you all right?

Yes.

I'm fine. Thank you.

No harm done?

No.

Are they--

Okay, let me just check these. Thank God.

They're all right. They're all right.

Frozen eggs, huh?

Yes. I call it the dairy section.

And if it weren't for the lightning reflexes of--

Where is he? He's gone.

Hesse!

Dr. Hesse has left the building.

Wait. It's his-- It's his laboratory, isn't it?

Was.

You like it?

Y-Yes. But I-- I don't want to displace anybody.

Oh, you won't be, I promise.

Take the chimps back to the primate lab. We won't be needing them anymore.

Hesse. Where ya goin'?

I'm going back to Europe to start over.

You're running out on me? I don't believe this. What are you doin'?

Hesse, we're partners. You can't just up and leave.

We're not partners anymore. I have no lab, no funding, no future here.

No, wait a minute. What about all the people you'll be leaving behind?

What about your girlfriend? What's her name again?

I don't have a girlfriend.

Ah, you're better off.

How about your colleagues?

I know for a fact that your skill and dedication is an inspiration to everybody.

They'd be lost without you.

They will find someone else to mimic over coffee in the lounge.

Oh, that's not true. They don't do that.

Come on.

I'm not well liked.

- I like ya. - No, you don't.

I talked to my guy at Lyndon Pharmaceutical, that Canadian firm.

Larry, good-bye.

They're willing to kick in additional funding...

provided we find a volunteer for an Expectane protocol.

Can't do the protocol without F.D.A. approval.

We can if we don't tell the F.D.A.

Are we going to let a bunch of Washington bureaucrats stand in the way of progress?

What woman is going to take an unapproved drug while she's pregnant?

Who says we need a woman?

What are you talking about?

The experiment wouldn't have to identify the subject's sex.

Just the human tissue reactives.

Remember Moe?

The monkey? He went five months to term.

You mean to do the test on a man?

Why not?

Are you allergic to anything?

To me? You're nuts.

Hesse!

Boarding pass.

Boarding pass?

Hesse! I don't have a boarding pass.

Only ticketed passengers with boarding passes beyond this point.

Hear me out!

Hesse!

Sir, I need your ticket.

Quick.

Gate 68B to Paris.

Thank you very much.

[ Larry ] Pardon me. Excuse me.

Sorry. Excuse me. Pardon me.

Whew. Oh, my God. [ Exhales ]

[ Panting ]

You wouldn't be pregnant pregnant.

Sort of a guest host situation.

We fertilize the egg.

We implant it in the peritoneal cavity.

Dose it with Expectane. Tiny thing, grain of rice.

You carry it through the first trimester.

We get our data. Boom, it's over.

- Hesse! Hesse! - Hi.

4A, to your left.

51F. All the way back.

I'm gonna just go--

I guess I was wrong about you, Hesse.

I took you for a scientist.

I am a scientist.

Yeah? Where's your vision?

Jenner infected himself with smallpox to test his vaccine.

That's Jenner.

So why not you?

Is it possible?

Who knows?

Natural? So what?

Good science? You bet.

Come and claim your place in the pantheon.

You're just trying to manipulate me.

Yes, I am. So what?

Excuse me, sir. I'm gonna have to ask you to take your seat.

Yeah, all right. Just a second.

Look. Cards on the table?

I don't like you any more than you like me.

You got all the warmth and charm of a walleyed pike.

If we weren't partners-- [ Scoffs ]

But the point is, we are partners.

And we're on the verge of something fantastic.

Something important.

I need you to carry it through with me.

Ha! [ Chuckles ] Hesse, Hesse.

This could really work.

Yes! Yes, it could.

Are you sure you can find an egg?

No problem.

Ooh.

Okay, who's the lucky one?

"Junior"? [ Chuckling ]

Okay, Junior, let's go for a ride.

[ Chattering ]

[ Monkeys Chattering ]

Moe!

Oh!

Ooh!

Ooh! God. Dr. Arbogast.

- Dr. Reddin, what

are you doin' here?

- Where?

I don't know-- What? Where am I?

Oh, the lab. Good. Excellent.

[ Case Clunks ]

My lab. My lab.

So, what brings you here?

Uh, it's like...

when a ballplayer gets traded...

and he, uh, goes out into the ballpark.

He comes back and-- You know, just--

Alone with his thoughts.

Just to memorize the turf,

the infield,

the angles of the light.

What?

You have a piece of cheese.

Oh, it's cheese. It's from my sandwich.

[ Chuckling ] So what are you doing in this lab?

Oh, I'm-- Here you go. Right over there.

Oh, thanks.

Actually, um-- I see you kept Minnie and Moe.

Oh, yes, Minnie and Moe.

Kept them.

I could hardly turn out an expectant mother, could I?

No. Well, Alex will be very happy.

Good.

'Cause I get the feeling that Dr. Hesse blames me for the loss of his facility.

Uh, well, he did take it kind of hard.

Well, I'd hate to see his work go unfinished because of budget constraints.

Would you tell him that I'd be more than happy to help out...

with lab time and materials, even some space,

if-- I don't know what you think-- he might be amenable to sharing.

Oh, that would be extremely generous...

and more helpful than you can imagine.

So... is there a Mr. Dr. Reddin?

Who?

[ Gasps ] No.

[ Chuckling ] Sorry.

No. No. No.

Oh. Oh.

Maybe we could have dinner sometime.

No.

No.

Your back?

Yeah, back.

So--

You're off.

Bye. All right.

Bye.

Thanks for coming.

Okay.

[ Sighs ]

Mm-hmm. Way to go.

[ Larry ] This is it.

Terrific motility.

Excellent count.

Let me see.

Strong swimmers. Big load. Way to go.

Hmm.

2:45 a.m., subject takes 15 c.c.'s Expectane...

supplemented with 100 milligrams of progesterone, two milligrams of estrogen.

Salud.

So how's the Expectane taste?

Bitter.

Well, we'll add some flavoring when we market it.

Good idea.

All right. Let's find the spot.

[ Whispering ] All right, let's see.

Huh? Peritoneal cavity.

[ Whispering ] Let's see here. Oh.

That looks like a good, clear window right there.

There's plenty of room to hold the embryo through the first trimester.

A little lower.

Uh-huh. Yeah.

Right over here.

That's it.

[ Whispers ] All right.

Okay.

Let's put a bun in your oven.

Where did you get the egg, by the way?

The egg?

Mm-hmm.

Uh, colleague of mine. An anonymous harvest.

Had a couple of spares. Just relax.

[ Whispering ] Okay.

Here we go. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Navigatin'.

[ Birds Twittering ]

Mama.

Uh-oh.

Mama!

[ Screaming ] Mama!

Aah!

[ Gasping ]

Larry! Larry!

What, what, what? Hi.

Where am I?

This is my house.

You're staying with me during the protocol, remember?

Okay. Let's see how you are.

Oh, yeah.

I forgot.

Here. Put that under your tongue.

This your bedroom?

No. No, it's my ex-wife's bedroom.

Cheery, huh?

She decorated it herself. She had taste. Give her that.

[ Pump Pumping ]

You had separate bedrooms?

No. We didn't always have separate bedrooms.

Good.

There are many stops along the road to divorce.

Blood pressure's good.

Let's check this out.

Normal. Very good.

I have to pee.

Oh, yeah. I need that too. Here.

Fill 'er up.

We're gonna do the tests at 8:00 a.m. and again at 10:00 p.m.

I got a prenatal monitor and a blood screener ordered up.

[ Hesse ] Do you mind? Can I have some privacy?

You know, it was really nice of Dr. Reddin to let us share her lab.

I'll go there to analyze and collate the fluid samples.

All right. Sounds good.

That should be enough.

All right, now, this watch is set to go off every four hours...

to remind you to take the Expectane.

What do you think? Six times a day should do it.

That should do it.

[ Sighs ]

[ Whispering ] Let's see how we did.

I must be crazy to be doing this.

You may be crazy, but you're also pregnant.

Congratulations.

I'm pregnant.

So embryo three is entering its two-to-four stage.

Today we'll be extracting an eight-cell cluster...

[ Hesse Retching ]

and freezing it...

for induced suspension and development arrest.

Dr. Hesse? Can I get you anything?

I'm looking for any...

[ Hesse Retching ]

cryogenic disruption to the D.N.A. footprints.

He's fine.

Good. Excellent.

Um, let's get on with it, okay?

What about this?

Hey! Here to see the new mama!

Oh, hi, Dr. Arbogast.

Hi!

Banana. They'll love it.

Mother and daughter are doing just fine.

Good. Oh.

She's a pretty baby. Oh, looks just like you.

Got your ears. [ Chuckling ]

You like that, huh? You can eat it.

Don't you want to eat it? Yeah.

[ Smacking Lips ]

Hey, big guy, how they swingin'?

What's the matter? You okay?

Yeah.

What, what, what, what?

Look, my H.C.G. levels aren't where they should be.

Oh? Well, uh, let's up the hormone supplement five milliliters.

Huh? How you feelin' otherwise?

I just can't keep anything down.

That's morning sickness. It'll pass. Eat crackers.

My nipples are very sensitive.

What?

My nipples-- They feel like, kind of, tingling.

Tingling like sore or like itchy?

You surf?

Huh?

Surf, 'cause I got that,

uh, a lot from paddling out.

It's something about the wax and the salt water. It irritates them.

You get what?

His nipples are tingling.

I don't surf.

[ Woman ] It could be your laundry detergent.

I used to get that when I used a nonbiodegradable soap.

Thank you very much for your concern. It's very nice.

Or it could be that polyester shirt.

I don't know how much more of this I can handle.

Oh, you're doin' great. I talked to my guy at Lyndon this morning.

They saw the initial data. They are ecstatic.

I'm gonna meet with their C.E.O. at the convention in San Francisco next month.

What? Cramps?

Come on. Get up. Let's go walk it off. Let's go.

[ Whispering ] Let's go.

Look, I don't want to cut back the hormones altogether.

It'll jeopardize the protocol. A little tingle and a tummy ache isn't gonna kill ya.

Okay.

All right?

Dr. Hesse!

Oh, here she comes.

[ Diana ] Dr. Arbogast.

[ Diana ] Excuse me.

Oh, just what we need.

I know this is none of my business.

Uh-huh.

But I can't help but notice the lethargy, the nausea,

the little vials you keep leaving in the wastepaper basket.

Yes?

Do you have a substance abuse problem?

What?

No!

There's nothing to be ashamed of. I was involved in a study...

in Oxford where it was categoric--

[ Gagging ]

[ Diana ] This is serious. I'm very concerned.

It's been going on for nearly a month, and I think he should see someone.

There is a tragic disease that afflicts the men...

of his village in Austria.

They even named it after the place.

It's called, "Gelandensprung Syndrome."

Gelandensprung?

Yeah.

You've heard of it?

No.

I'm not surprised. It's endemic to only a few places in all the world.

Well, what is it?

Uh--

Uh, it's, uh, a terrible, debilitating,

relentless, you know, um, kind of--

- Fatness. - Fatness. - Fatness?

Yes. Striking young men in their prime, turning them into big,

wheezing, uh--

Strudelhunds.

Strudelhunds.

Strudelhunds?

Pastry hounds. Yeah, that's the...

insult that they hurl upon them.

I'm gonna go get you some crackers, because, uh,

it'll head off trouble that's approaching.

He's gonna be all right.

Banes!

But you're not fat.

Huh? Oh, because I'm taking a new formula.

I've only nine more weeks of the protocol.

It's funny how you don't appreciate somebody until they're gone.

I'm not gone, Larry. You're the one that's gone. What do you want to talk about?

Well, it's about our contract. You got a couple of minutes?

Well, no, not really.

I really need to talk to you about this. Listen to me.

I feel so humiliated. [ Panting ]

Don't be. People get sick all the time. There's no need to be ashamed.

I feel like I've lost control over my body.

Control's important to you, isn't it?

What do you mean?

Um, same three shirts, week in, week out.

Same coat peg, same wash basin.

That odd little ritual with the liverwurst and apple every day.

I like order. What's wrong with that?

Nothing. It's just an observation.

And I don't like being sick. Is there anything wrong with that?

No. It's just that men--

Men what?

They're pathetic, really, when it comes to pain.

You should try being a woman sometime. It's a nightmare.

Your body goes peculiar with your first period,

and it doesn't stop until menopause.

It's a lifetime of leaking and swelling...

and spotting and smears.

Crippling cramps, raging hormones, yeasts!

And that's if everything's normal.

I never wanted to be a woman.

I'm just saying.

[ Larry ] That's perfectly normal. Not to worry.

Just stay off your feet. Use an ice pack for a few minutes every hour...

and call me in the morning.

Larry!

No, it's okay. That's why I'm here.

Lar!

All right. Bye-bye.

Look at this.

Leave 'em alone.

Don't snap at me.

Angela, this is my house now.

Larry, you may live here. You may die here, but this will always be my house.

Floral, houndstooth, then paisley.

Uh, Alex, Angela. Uh, Angela, Alex.

Colleague of mine.

Nice to meet you. [ Burps ] God, excuse me.

Charmed.

I'm going upstairs to my bedroom.

Yeah.

He's going through a confusing time.

I'm letting him stay here for a couple of weeks.

So what do you want?

I don't like Sneller.

Angela, we've been over this.

Ned Sneller is a top, top guy.

He's creepy, Larry. I'm not goin' back to him.

You're bein' ridiculous.

No, I'm not.

I can't deal with this. Where's the goddamn father?

I haven't been able to reach him.

What, he disappeared?

They're touring. I don't know. Europe, Asia? I can't remember which.

Who is?

[ Sighs ] Aerosmith.

One of Aerosmith knocked you up?

What a lovely phrase, Larry.

Oh, excuse me. I'm a little shocked here.

- You're gonna have to deal with it. - I don't have to deal with it.

Because we're divorced. Remember?

It's not like I'm asking you to fix my car.

All right. Call Louise in the morning, and she'll fit you in.

Thank you.

Angela.

I am happy for ya.

Thanks, Lar.

[ Door Opening, Closing ]

[ Beeping ]

You're bright

as the sunshine

Morning's first light

- You warm my day

and brighten my night

- [ Sniffs ]

You're sugar

You're spice

You're everything nice

And you're daddy's little girl

What's the matter?

She was daddy's little girl.

[ Man On TV ] Don't the pictures of your lifetime deserve Kodak film?

Now he's giving her away.

Aw, come on.

Come on. Get a grip, huh?

Okay.

Physically, you're in tip-top shape. Everything's right on track.

All right, one more week. That's it.

Okay.

I'm sorry. I'm just not myself.

Hmm?

[ Keyboard Clicking, Computer Beeping ]

Ah.

Just relax. All right?

Yeah.

Don't wait up for me tonight. I'm gonna be late.

Why? Where are you going?

To the pharmaceutical convention at the Hyatt. I'm meeting the Lyndon guys.

The convention is tonight?

Yeah. I told you it was tonight.

Oh, Larry, please take me with you.

No. No, no, no. You stay home.

Get back in bed and just take it easy.

Larry, you don't understand.

I do understand. No!

Please, listen to me.

No. It's bad for business.

I'm pregnant and all alone.

Oh! Will you stop saying that?

You're not pregnant pregnant.

You got to think of this as an experiment.

Think of it like you swallowed a piece of gum. A tiny piece. Dentyne.

Look, I won't be in your way.

I'll take walks. I'll disappear. Please, I feel so isolated.

Oh, all right. Okay, you can come.

But don't do that thing with your eyes.

I can come?

Yeah.

Oh, Larry. But I have nothing to wear.

[ Sighing ] Oh, I'm starting to get a little headache over here.

I feel we could make a definite contribution here.

Sounds good.

Okay. Excellent. And you got to remember that we're talking...

about five million prescriptions a year in the United States, minimum.

What's the window on these human experiments results?

Between you and I, I would say, definite results within a week.

That fast?

Yes.

We are very impressed. Keep us posted.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Yes!

- Interesting pitch, Larry. - Banes. What are you doing here?

Well, you know me. I like to keep my ear to the ground.

You know, of course, that human experimentation...

is against university and F.D.A. guidelines.

I'm just trying to raise a little awareness and some new money,

telling people we're further along than we really are.

Is there a woman out there taking Expectane?

Absolutely not.

Larry! Noah! Hi!

Where have you been?

I had so much fun. I had a walk...

and then the most wonderful massage in a health club.

I had a great time. Then I took a nap right there on the table.

Franks in blankets? Oh, these are my favorites.

Alex, you look, uh, radiant.

Thank you.

We should be going. Let's go.

Want some franks in the blankets?

No.

Oh. Yoo-hoo!

Oh!

I'm so sorry.

[ Waiter ] No, no, I'm sorry.

It's a wonder the woman is still alive.

She looks so beautiful tonight, don't you think so?

Diana.

I got it. Thank you. Thank you very much.

Where have you been?

Hello, Dr. Arbogast.

Long line for the loo.

Hors d'oeuvres?

Sausage rolls. Thank you. I love these.

These are my favorites.

You look so--

I don't know. Enthusiastic.

Yes, you do. You look positively lit up. What's the good news?

- No good news! - Life, music and friends.

Franks in the blankets. I love it.

I think we should be going.

[ Whispering ] Let's go. [ Regular Voice ] We should go.

Going, going, always going,

and one day, gone.

Poof. Just like that.

When we should be pausing...

to hear the joyful melody of life itself.

He doesn't get out much.

Neither do I.

I've got you

Under my skin

- I always loved this song. - Oh, no.

[ Together ] Would you like to dance?

[ Coughs ] Um, I don't know how.

I've never danced before either.

Oh, well, then, I think we should give it a try.

Good.

Could you hold this, please? Thank you.

Thank you.

Where you goin'? [ Sighs ]

I've got you

Under my skin

I tried so

Not to give in

I said to myself

This affair

never will go so well

But why should

I try to resist

When, darling

I know so well

I've got you

Okay?

All right.

Under my skin

[ Chuckles ] Mmm.

I'd sacrifice anything come what might

For the sake

of having you near

In spite of

a warning voice

That comes in the night

And repeats and repeats in my ear

Don't you know, little fool

You never can win?

Use your mentality

Wake up to reality

But each time I do

just the thought of you

Makes me stop--

- [ Gasping ] - [ Spitting ]

Before I begin

Excuse me.

'Cause I've got you

I found it.

Under my skin

Thank you.

Under my skin

Under my skin

Prince Charming, the coach is leaving.

Right. Yes.

Thank you. I enjoyed that very much.

I loved it. Let's do it again.

Good night.

Now, what is takin' so long? They lost it, I know.

What good is havin' a ticket? [ Sighs ]

What are you doin'? What are you do-- Come over here.

What are you doing?

Feel how soft my skin is.

It's time. We're closin' out the experiment.

Banes is sniffin' around, and your hormone surges are gettin' out of control.

But there's still a week left until the trimester's over.

We have plenty of data. The Lyndon guys are poised.

I don't wanna risk anything goin' wrong.

[ Sighing ] Come on!

What?

I can't help but wonder what it would be like.

What what would be like?

To have my baby.

That's it. We're closin' out the experiment tonight.

Now! Get in the car. Come on.

"To have my baby." "Feel how soft my skin is."

Where'd you go, to France to get the car or somethin'?

I never realized how lonely I was.

Get a dog!

What are you so gloomy about? Come on. The experiment worked.

Now, with Moe, I tapered off the dosage gradually.

To aid his system with the hormonal rebalancing.

No. You go cold turkey.

You may have a couple of rocky days, but I don't want to risk any complications.

Just stop taking the Expectane.

The embryo will break down...

and be reabsorbed naturally into your body.

[ Larry ] Huh. Home, sweet home.

[ Sighs ] So, I'll get all the data over to the guys at Lyndon.

And, uh, I'll be in touch with you as soon as I hear anything, okay?

Okay.

If you have any reaction, call me.

Sure.

All right. So--

[ Door Opening, Closing ]

[ Ticking, Beeping ]

[ Beeping Continues ]

[ Beeping Continues ]

I don't know if you're a boy or a girl,

so I'll call you Junior.

[ Thunderclap ]

[ Beeps ]

[ Keyboard Keys Clicking ]

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday, dear Alex

Happy birthday to you

- [ Cheering ] - [ Chattering ]

What a surprise. How did you know?

We looked it up in your file.

Did you bake this?

Stop that. Really.

Did you bake this yourself?

I'm afraid the ingredients mutated a bit.

Happy birthday, big guy.

[ Group Applauding ] All right!

Alex, you're sweating like a racehorse. You all right?

It's hot in here.

No, it's not.

- I'm really hot. - What? You got a fever?

[ Woman ] I did not forget the ice cream.

You think you're the first clown who ever woke up one day and said,

"I'm bored.

I think I'll have a kid."

I didn't say that. Why are you being so negative?

Hello? Anybody home? You're a guy, Alex.

This is totally against the natural order. Guys do not have babies.

We leave that to the women. That's part of the beauty of bein' a guy.

Didn't your father ever have this talk with you?

Look. If you don't want to help me, just say so. I don't need a lecture.

The hell you don't.

If you could feel for one minute...

the sense of absolute joy and connection...

that carrying your baby brings, you would understand.

Listen to you. Have you lost it completely? Now, come inside.

If I carry this baby to term, it will be a miracle.

Shh! Shut up!

I would love, protect and nurture that miracle with everything I've got.

- Stop it! - No! I don't stop it! I want my baby!

Shh!

Sorry I'm late. [ Nervous Chuckling ]

We'll just be a couple of minutes, then I'm ready.

Dr. Arbogast, your ex-wife's inside. You're late for her appointment.

[ Groans ] Angela. Come here. Sit down.

Hello, Dr. Hesse.

I don't want to sit around here.

Sit down!

Right here.

There's nothin' to be afraid of. He thinks he's pregnant. It's a very fascinating case.

I'm workin' in conjunction with the university's psychiatric center.

Auto-physiological suggestion.

What's goin' on?

Get in here.

Hey.

Hi, Angela.

How ya doin'?

How are ya? Nice to see ya.

Oh, you're lookin' good.

Thanks.

Okay, you can go.

That's it?

That's it. Something very important came up.

Larry, I'm important.

Yes, I know. You are. Very.

But this is urgent. So just get dressed and we'll reschedule. Sorry.

So, um, how far along are you?

Twenty-one weeks.

Mmm.

Is this your first?

Yes.

[ Woman ] Oh.

Have you thought of any names?

Uh, Junior if it is a boy.

Uh-huh.

And if it's a girl, Junior.

Oh, those are nice.

So, how about you?

[ Whispering ] Alex.

Oh. Excuse me.

Good luck.

Thank you.

Junior would be good.

Junior's good.

[ Larry ] There's the feet... and the hands.

This can't be happening.

But it is.

Oh, look. That little string of pearls.

[ Hesse ] That's the spine.

[ Whispering ] That's the spine, yeah.

Here's the head.

My baby.

Listen to this.

[ Rapid Heartbeat ]

That's the heart beating.

That's very fast.

140 beats a minute.

Perfectly normal.

In fact, everything's perfectly normal.

Except for the fact that the mom is also the dad.

Uh, if this gets out, your life is over. You're a freak.

My license? Kiss it good-bye.

It's not gonna get out.

Look. I know this is unfair to you.

And it's dangerous for both of us, but I want my baby.

- And I need your help. - [ Sighs ]

Okay, but you got to move back in with me.

I want you off your feet as much as possible.

And no goin' to the lab.

But--

No buts about it. You're in for a lot of sacrifices.

- You better get used to that. - Okay.

Okay.

So-- So, otherwise, how you feelin'?

Anything unusual?

Jesus, what the heck am I talkin' about?

"Anything unusual?"

I've noticed that the side effects of pregnancy are greatly amplified...

with the dosage of Expectane that I've required.

The morning sickness, the mood swings.

Sleepiness, sexual appetite.

Sexual appetite?

Yesterday, just scooping the middle out of a honeydew melon gave me a--

A steifen.

A what?

Oh. That's-That's normal.

I get 'em all the time.

Here we go.

It's nice to be back.

Yeah. It's going to be a lot of fun.

Do I have the same room again?

You bet ya.

What do you want to do tonight?

Should we stay in or go out for dinner?

Didn't I close down the Expectane project six months ago?

Yes, sir.

Then why would Diana Reddin's account show continuing requisitions...

for Expectane components?

Is she up to something with Arbogast and Hesse?

Uh, I-I don't know, sir.

Larry, I'm not whining.

It's just that you said you would be home no later than 6:00.

It's 6:45. The pasta is ready, and in five minutes, they're gonna be totally soft.

Well, fine, then come home whenever you want.

[ Doorbell Rings ]

Selfish.

Oh!

Diana.

Yes, it's me.

Hi.

Hello.

Um, someone gave me these papers for you from the lab.

Thank you. Who?

Who?

I'm lying. I'm--

I just-- Actually, I just wanted to see you.

You did?

Mmm.

Come in, please.

Thank you.

I'm sorry I lied.

Oh! What a lovely room.

Ooh.

Very nice of Dr. Arbogast to put you up.

[ Chuckles ]

It is.

Nice man.

How are you? How are you feeling?

Good. Thank you. And you?

Good. [ Chuckles ]

[ Sniffs ] Cooking?

Yes.

Smells very nice.

Ah. You want to sit down?

Please.

Alex, do you believe in reincarnation,

past lives or... anything like that?

No.

No. Neither do I.

So it can't be that.

Can't be what?

Well, I have this strong recurring feeling that I know you.

You do know me.

Yes. [ Chuckles ] I know.

No, but I mean--

I mean from before, somehow, from earlier.

I can't-- I was born in Jakarta,

and raised in England from the age of five, in Kent,

from five and summers in Cornwall.

[ Sighs ] What you looking at?

I was-- I was born in Austria in Gelandensprung.

Home to the strudelhund.

Yes.

Well, I've never--

I've never actually been to Gelandensprung.

Salzburg once.

Delicious chocolates.

Good-looking waiters.

Alex.

Yes?

You're twitching.

Oh.

What's the matter?

[ Sighs ]

- Does my body disgust you? - What?

My body.

Is it disgusting?

No. No.

No. What-What-- Oh!

No! No, I mean, I-I-I like...

upholstery on a man.

In fact, I was madly in love with my cousin, Trevor, for years,

and he was very portly.

Maybe it's physical.

This connection.

Oh, yes, of course. No, it is, definitely physical.

Out of the blue, I get these sudden, these pangs of concern for your--

for your well--

Oh.

You mean... sex?

Yes.

I hadn't thought of that.

I have.

Have you?

Yes.

Well, then, it's, uh--

That's probably it then, isn't it?

Yes.

Yes. [ Grunts ]

[ Grunting ]

No, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait. If I--

- [ Screams ] - Hello? Lar?

I let myself in.

[ Grunts ] Hi.

Where's Larry?

He's out.

Found it. Found it. There we go. It's in.

Oh.

Contact lens. Just flipped out, right over the sofa.

Who's that?

Diana Reddin.

Dr. Diana Reddin. Nice to meet you.

Um, going now. Bye. Good, you were right.

Diana.

Very good. Bye.

Please, Diana.

Yes?

I have my own bedroom.

I'd love to see it sometime.

I can't stay. I have to go.

Sorry. [ Chuckles ] Got it. Got it.

[ Door Closes ]

Do you ever think about calling before you come over?

Look, I'm sorry if I interrupted. I--

Man, what is that great smell?

I'm cooking.

You're cooking?

What?

Pasta.

You want some more Rocky Road?

Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm.

So, Diana. She seems like a very nice person.

Definitely a little nervous, but nice.

[ Grunts ] You think it's serious?

Well, I'm in a particularly vulnerable stage in my life right now,

so I'm taking it slowly.

That's very smart.

Mmm.

Can I have more of those ribs?

How about you and the father?

Oh, I haven't heard from him since it happened.

Bastard.

[ Groans ] I never expected to hear from him.

I'm happy. I love being pregnant.

It's just that I'm not 21 anymore. Single.

It's a little bit scary.

Tell me about it.

Mmm. I love those pickles.

There's a couple of chicken wings left.

Mmm.

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughing ] What?

[ Chuckles ]

Anybody ever tell you that you eat like a pregnant woman?

[ Laughing ]

I just like mixing cuisines.

Ah. [ Groans ]

[ Groans ]

Baby pushed.

Yes.

What's wrong with you?

Sympathy pains.

I hardly know you.

You must be a very sympathetic guy.

Lately, yes.

[ Hesse ] I think she really likes me.

[ Larry ] Oh, yeah?

What makes you say that?

Well, she said she likes a little upholstery on a guy.

Mmm.

And she kissed me.

You're kissing? Wait a minute.

Alex, you're in no condition to start a relationship.

Don't be so negative.

What do you mean, negative?

Wait a minute. I'm not negative.

So, what do you think?

Couldn't find one with a parrot on it?

[ Chuckles ] It's nice. It's nice.

You know, Larry, I'm starting to believe in fate.

Oh?

My baby,

finding a compatible woman--

Shh, shh, shh.

I think it's all part of a design.

Uh-huh.

Maybe I should see a psychic.

Psychiatrist. We should both see him.

I hate my body.

Looking prosperous there.

The pants are loose around the waist.

I could take them in.

Uh, better leave room to grow.

Oh, that's a good idea.

That's the spirit.

I'll cuff 'em for you.

Okay.

Ooh.

Ooh, what?

Junior kicked again.

Junior?

Yeah.

Why Junior?

The book says you should talk to the baby.

I didn't know if it's going to be a boy or a girl, so I just called it Junior.

Oh.

Why?

Well, nothing. I was--

Something. You have that look.

No, the guy I got the egg from, he called it Junior.

He was makin' a joke, you know, just a funny coincidence.

Who is that guy?

You said a colleague of yours had an anonymous harvest.

Yeah, a colleague of mine.

Do I know him?

Nah, you don't know him.

- Do we know anything

about the donor egg?

- No, it's anonymous.

Well, well, how very domestic.

All that's missing is the pitter-patter of little feet.

Banes. Forgotten, but not gone.

What the hell do you want?

I couldn't help overhearing your conversation.

Something about a donor egg?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Come on, guys. It's me, Noah.

I'm nobody's fool.

[ Scoffs ]

I checked with the primate lab.

They told me the chimps haven't been tested on...

since the project was terminated,

but you're still producing Expectane.

Uh, well, the truth is that, uh,

we had a surplus of the steroid base--

Surplus.

and rather than let it go to waste,

we decided to, uh--

We decided to, uh,

continue and finish off the production run--

That's it.

stockpile the Expectane for when the F.D.A. does approve its clinical trials--

We were unaware of the, uh, university policy,

so that's why the little fib.

And, but if there are any budget overruns, we're more than happy--

[ Beeping ]

Absolutely. Cover them.

Excuse me. Um--

Yeah.

What's that all about?

I don't know.

Banes, what are you doin'? Writin' a book?

You know what I think?

I think you two cowboys have an Expectane-assisted pregnancy under way...

right here in this very house.

Sorry, you're wrong.

Oh, that hardly ever happens.

Listen, Larry. I'm on your side.

If you guys are coloring outside the lines, I can help.

Look, Banes. I'm speaking English.

There's nothin' goin' on.

How can I help you if you leave me outside the loop?

Thanks for stoppin' by.

Okay.

Listen, could I use your bathroom before I go?

Yeah. It's down the hall. Make a right.

Pick up the seat.

Is he gone?

No, he's in the can.

[ Singsong ] Where are you?

Come out, little mother.

Think he believed us?

[ Sighs ] I don't know.

This guy's dangerous.

Stay away from him.

Mmm. I will. Here.

I'm taking Diana out to dinner.

Great.

Who is that?

Aerosmith.

You don't like their music?

Seven years, I tried everything.

I couldn't get Angela pregnant.

One of these clowns, one night, one shot-- mission accomplished.

Just ain't fair.

Which one?

I don't know.

[ Sighs ] Doesn't matter.

You still love her.

I don't know. It's good it's over.

[ Grunts ] It's just this baby thing has got me a little, you know--

I'm having some feelings, you know. That's all.

I'm sorry, Larry.

[ Grunts ] Yeah. Thanks.

Well, you look... good.

Thank you.

Hi, Angela.

Hey, Alex. Is he home?

Yes.

Is he alone?

Very. He will be very happy to see you.

Yeah, I'll bet.

I'm really very sorry.

[ Diana ] I'm just a bit confused about this strudelhund thing.

Excuse me. I believe this is yours.

Yes?

Oh, it is. Thank you. [ Chuckles ]

Sorry. Thanks very much.

Got it. Safe and sound.

Um, yes, the strudelhund thing.

No one's ever heard of it,

and then I looked up Gelandensprung in my atlas, and it wasn't there.

So--

You're right.

There's no Gelandensprung. There's no strudelhunds.

I'm sorry I had to deceive you.

Well, what's goin' on?

I want you to know everything about me.

Likewise.

Can you keep an open mind? I mean, really wide open?

I think so, yes.

I have a-- a most extraordinary condition.

Here you go, sir.

Thank you.

You're familiar with the works of Edward Jenner?

Yeah. The vaccination chap who experimented on himself, yes?

That's right.

Now, probably you would never... experiment on yourself--

Well, no, I have, actually.

I mean, nothing so extraordinary as Jenner, obviously,

but, um, I--

I used my cryogenic technique to, um, to freeze one of my own eggs.

You did?

Mmm.

Why?

Well,

I've always wanted children and I, um--

I never found the person that I want to-- [ Inhales ]

[ Mutters, Chuckles ]

And I'm not getting younger, obviously,

so I thought, well, I'll just save one, just in case.

It's in the dairy section under "Junior."

What did you say?

My egg-- It's in the freezer section at the lab.

You call it Junior?

Yes. I know.

Well, I couldn't put my own name because then everybody would know.

And you can't tell if it's a boy or a girl, so I thought Junior would-would--

Junior.

I know.

Well, I've shocked you, haven't I?

[ Sighs ] I suppose it is a bit perverse, having your own eggs on display,

but some people keep their tonsils, their adenoids and appendixes and--

Anyway, enough. Sorry. I'm embarrassing you. Hmm. So, what--

I'm sorry. I have to go.

Alex?

Alex. What's the matter?

Alex.

Not a roll, not a kick, not in two days.

Oh, I know something's wrong.

All right, there's something wrong.

Is that what you want to hear?

No!

It's all the drugs the father took probably messed her up good.

What drugs?

I read up on Aerosmith.

Wasted for a decade. Coke, booze, pills.

What are you talking about?

Which one is he?

[ Scoffs ]

Did you think it was someone in the band? Is that what you thought?

Well, that's what you said.

No, that he was on tour with them.

He's not in the band. He's their personal trainer.

For God-- [ Groans ]

Oh! She kicked.

She kicked.

She just kicked.

All right, Larry, you come with me now!

[ Laughing ]

What?

Where did you get Junior?

I told you.

No, the truth this time! We're talking about my baby.

Keep your voice down.

All right, uh, I got it from Reddin's lab. So?

Well, it's Diana's.

You mean, hers personally?

Yes.

Uh-oh.

You were supposed to get an anonymous egg.

Shh! I tried. Everybody was all out.

Can you do anything right?

Wait, don't start with me.

If you'd have stopped taking the Expectane when you were supposed to,

none of this would be an issue right now.

What a horrible thing to say.

Well, it's the truth.

Keepin' it goin' was your idea, not mine.

Women have such convenient memories when they're pregnant.

- Now take that back. - [ Sighs ]

All right, that was a Freudian slip. I know you're not a woman.

No. The part about I should have ended it. Junior heard that.

Now take it back.

Oh, for cryin' out loud. Okay, I take it back.

- No, like you mean it. - [ Sighs ]

All right, Junior, I'm sorry. I take it back.

Oh.

I just felt it kick.

Oh. Come. Feel it.

No, I don't think so.

Come. Just feel it.

Come here. We need a healing experience anyway.

Give me a break, will you?

Just do it.

Here.

Just watch. Be patient.

Oh, did you see that? Right there.

Ohh, yeah.

Oh, see his little foot go.

Right there!

Oh, it feels so good. Can you believe this?

Ohh.

Larry?

What's goin' on?

What? Nothin'.

- What? - You were touching him.

Oh, God.

Oh, no. No, no, no. I can't deal with this.

Can't deal with what?

What are you? What are you two, like a-- What are you, a twosome?

[ Together ] What? No, no, no, no.

What is goin' on around here?

He's--

He's pregnant.

I'm gonna be a mama too.

[ Banes ] You're sure it's the Expectane?

Absolutely. We compared what you gave us...

with the sample we had on file in the lab.

Who do they think they're dealing with?

That's what really hurts. Well, we're gonna have to find out who she is.

And there's something else.

What?

The sample that you gave us, it was part Expectane and part female hormones.

Estrogens and progesterone, to be exact.

Wouldn't that be consistent with an assisted pregnancy?

Not a dosage of this size.

This is more like the amount you'd take, say--

[ Chuckles ] preparing for a sex-change operation.

Oh, my God!

You're doing some more charting. We'll have to do the whole thing again.

Diana.

We're busy.

Please, I need to talk to you.

You need to apologize to me, don't you?

About last night, I'm sorry, Diana.

- Please let me explain. - All right, then. Go on. Explain.

Guys, would you mind?

What?

Hmm?

[ Sighs ]

I'm pregnant.

[ Clucks Tongue ] Good explanation.

I really am pregnant.

What?

I tested the Expectane on myself.

We fertilized an egg and implanted it into my abdomen.

Assisted by drug and hormone supplements, I'm now seven months to term.

Oh! Oh, my God.

There's more.

[ Stammers ] More?

Larry was supposed to find an anonymous egg,

and he couldn't.

So he borrowed one from your dairy section.

It's Junior.

My Junior?

Our Junior now.

Our Junior? Our Junior?

Diana, please, don't be angry.

Why should I be angry?

You've lied to me. You steal from me.

You engage in an utterly immoral, selfish, arrogant stunt...

without any regard for my feelings whatsoever.

What-- What am I supposed to be? Grateful?

This is just... so male!

I'm sorry, Diana.

Just don't come near me.

The last thing I wanted to do is hurt you.

What did you think you were doing?

You think men don't hold enough cards?

You have to take this away from us as well?

You-- It's-- It's pitiful!

[ Foot Stomping ]

[ Groans ]

Let me shake hands with the man who would be Mom.

- What are you talking about? - Only the greatest scientific breakthrough...

in the history of this university. Bravo, Doctor.

You know, we're in this together now. We have a contract.

And I quote, "Exploitation of results from

university-funded research...

shall be at the sole discretion of the university."

- Now, you come on.

I've ordered some tests.

- Leave me alone.

- He said to leave him alone. - Escort Dr. Hesse

to the ambulance.

No. Stop. Can't allow it.

He's in a very delicate condition.

I'm really disappointed in you, Diana.

[ Gasps ]

You and your baby are university property now.

No, I'm not.

[ Grunts ]

My body, my choice.

Yes!

Hey!

Dr. Hesse, stop!

[ Brakes Screech ]

Come on, Alex.

Go!

[ Panting ]

Just easy, easy. Breathe. Breathe.

That was really scary.

Relax. I gotta find a place to hide you.

That ought to be easy.

Yeah.

So what did Diana say?

Well, she said I was selfish and arrogant,

and that we'd taken away her dignity...

and the sacred role of womanhood.

[ Larry ] Oh, that's typical.

I can't tell you how many times I've heard pregnant women complain,

"I just wish a man

could go through this."

You finally do it, and what do you get?

Attitude and insults.

Yeah, you're right.

Oh, I'm tellin' ya.

Alex, are you sure you're gonna be able to go through with this?

I think so. I don't have a lot of choice.

Hello.

Hello.

Whoa, it's nice. Hello.

[ Woman ] Hi.

How are you?

Hi there.

Quite a place. Hi.

Hello.

You must be Mr. and Mrs. Hesse?

Yes.

Welcome.

Welcome to Casitas Madres.

I think of Casitas Madres as a health resort for expectant mothers.

We want you to completely relax while you're here.

That's really good news because that's exactly what Alexandra needs,

to just totally relax.

Would you have some lemonade, Larry, Alexandra?

I don't mind. I'll have a little if it's okay.

I realize that my appearance might be a bit startling.

It is sometimes difficult for people to take.

If I may speak to your concerns, please.

Yes, by all means.

When I was a sportswoman in the East German Olympic track and field team,

they dispensed anabolic steroids as freely as here in America they dole out Gatorade.

They pushed it on them. I mean, just--

Nothing was mentioned of the side effects...

that are now so obviously, painfully apparent.

[ Voice Cracking ] But I'm all woman.

- Believe you me. - Of course.

I'm almost eight months pregnant and my Larry has to travel on business.

I dread the thought of leaving her helpless and alone.

That's why we're here.

Alexandra, you've come to the right place.

And... may I say something else?

What?

You are beautiful.

Thank you.

Yes, you are.

Thank you.

And you'll love your room. It's got a great big tub.

Whoa. Big tub. That'll come in handy.

Anyway, so tomorrow,

I catch the first flight out to Vancouver to meet with the Lyndon guys.

Shouldn't take more than three, four days, tops. You okay, honey? Come on.

Okay, right this way.

You have your temperature control and your call button.

It's a very nice room, huh?

And extra blankets in the drawer.

Here's your key.

Look, Willow, I want you to take good care of her, okay?

Oh. Of course we will.

Yeah. Wh--

No.

All right. Bye.

[ Inhales ] Big.

It's nice.

Larry, you really think the baby's gonna be born?

I wanna say "Of course,"

but there's no precedent for this.

God knows what's goin' on in there.

But everything is gonna be all right?

It better be.

It's my baby too, you know.

[ Sighs ] Take it easy.

[ Piano: Ballad Intro ]

Thanks for everything, Larry.

[ Woman ]

I woke up this mornin'

Feelin' lonely

There's so much

my heart just

Does not understand

But there were times

When nothin' really mattered

Diana? It's Alex.

And now I find

[ Hesse ] In case you're there, please pick up.

I really need to talk to you.

Please.

[ Chattering ]

Look at what love has done to me

I am not who I used to be

Everythin' is changin'

And I will never be the same

Push, push, push, okay.

[ Grunting ]

Look at what love has done to us

Will we ever

learn to trust

We're runnin' out of time

A little more gentle with babies.

So little time

Baby, look what love has done to me

[ Alex On Phone ] I love you.

Oh, yeah

Now it's late at night

I'm here without you

I'm tryin' to make my way

Oh, that's marvelous!

To where you are

Can't you see

I'll still

be here waitin'

Alleluia

Can't you see

Our two hearts

I guess so.

Were always meant to be as one

Look at what love has done to us

When will we ever learn to trust

We're runnin' out of time

[ Fades, Ends ]

And remember, no names. This isn't a test.

Thanks. Well, this should be very interesting.

Let's see.

[ Sighs ] She writes,

"My biggest fear is that I'm not exactly...

what you would call a natural-born mother.

How will I ever cope?"

You know, I think we have to dispense right now...

with the myth that some are born with the maternal instinct,

and others are not.

The little girl tending her doll collection is no more a natural-born mother...

than the tomboy down the street.

There is no standard. There are no naturals.

[ Woman Continues, Faint ]

Hello, Diana.

Very fetching. [ Chuckles ]

You might want to rethink the earrings.

I'm glad you came. I started to wonder if I would ever see you again.

Well, I needed some time to think.

And?

It's so unfair what you've done.

It's just monumentally unfair.

Will you forgive me?

I wouldn't be asking anything of me at the moment.

I totally understand if you never want to see me again.

I will take full responsibility for the baby.

Wait!

Can we just get one thing straight here? This is my baby too.

- Don't you ever forget that!

- I won't.

I'm the mother.

Yes.

You're the father.

Yes.

Is that clear?

Yes, it is.

And-And we're gonna have to find a-- an intelligent way of sharing the responsibilities.

Yes.

Of creating security--

Yes.

and-and a home life--

- Yes. - and a normal upbringing.

Yes.

I mean, all this is... very complicated.

I know it is.

And I thought that I would be-- [ Sighs ]

That I would be--

You are.

[ Sighs ]

I want us to do this together.

Do you have a private room?

Yes. Why?

Call me old-fashioned, but I'll be damned...

if I'm having a child with a man I never slept with.

So where-- where is it?

You coming?

[ Whispering ] Bye.

I'd better get out of here before anyone sees me.

If everything is satisfactory, please sign all eight copies where they're tagged.

Once we have European approval,

the F.D.A. will fall in line for testing in the States.

Leave it to us.

International potential for your drug is remarkable.

- We'll be rich. - Loaded.

[ Chuckles ] That's got a nice ring to it. "Loaded."

[ Chattering ]

[ Sharp Groan ]

What's the matter?

[ Groaning ]

Would you put this call through to California for me?

Sure, Dr. Arbogast.

Thank you.

[ Sighs ]

Over there.

Oh, yeah.

[ Phone Ringing ]

I should call the doctor just to be sure.

Oh, no, no. I just need to lie down.

[ Groans ]

[ Ringing Continues ]

[ Grunts ] Oh, damn it.

[ Line Ringing ]

Come on.

[ Ringing ]

Alex, we got it.

Lyndon's coming in as partners. This is gonna push us through the F.D.A.

- [ Groaning ] - Alex. Alex, are you okay?

[ Larry ] Yeah, Ned.

Set up an emergency C-section for tonight.

I want everybody out of the building except you and Louise.

You wanna do an operation with just the two of us?

Yeah. Just us. We're the whole team.

You can't do an emergency C-section without an anesthesiologist.

We can handle it. Bye.

She didn't come down for lunch.

You better call Dr. Talbot.

Right.

[ Knocking ]

Diana, please, hurry. I need you.

I'm coming! Okay? I'm coming! I'm coming!

I need the car. I need the keys.

On the desk.

Keys.

Thank you.

You said to let you know if something was going on here.

Something's definitely goin' on. They're sendin' everybody home.

There's something about an emergency C-something.

Does that mean anything to you?

- Open the door, please. - I want my Larry.

I know, but meantime, let's have our doctor take a look at you.

There is nothing to worry about. I really think it's important that I see you.

I don't wanna see you.

Where is he?

He? Who?

[ Panting ] He, my-- She, my wife!

Oh, Alexandra. She's upstairs.

Thank God you're here. We've been waiting for you to come.

Pumpkin?

Back! Excuse me! Pardon me!

Thank God you're here.

[ Knocking ]

Honey, it's Larry.

Honey, open up. It's Larry. Open up.

Larry.

- Pumpkin! - [ Ragged Breathing ]

[ Knocking ]

All right.

[ Groaning ]

I can take care of her.

Okay, okay. Just breathe.

Oh, my God! Here it comes!

Here it comes! Ohh. Oh, I feel the baby. The baby! The baby!

[ Deep Voice ] Oh, shit! [ Groans ]

[ All Puffing ]

Oh! Are you all right? Are you all right?

What the hell are you doin' here?

[ Groans ]

What do you mean, what am I doing here?

It's my baby, not yours!

Hey, hey.

I put it in there.

It's my egg.

Just because your egg's in some guy doesn't make you the mother.

Shut up!

Go ahead.

Take me outta here!

[ Tires Screeching ]

[ Alex Groaning ]

[ Diana ] Do we have to bounce up and down so much?

Just a couple of miles like this. You okay, Alex?

Oh, I feel like Junior kicked a hole through something. [ Groans ]

Louise, I wanna talk to Sneller.

Oh, I want to die.

Breathe. Breathe. [ Puffing ]

Stop blowing at me.

Sorry.

Ned! I'm about a half hour away.

Larry, will you tell me what is going on?

Somebody from the university has got a whole bunch of media out front.

Banes. Damn it! Can you get rid of 'em?

I don't think so. Larry, what is this?

I don't wanna talk on the cellular. Just meet us outside.

What's goin' on?

Somebody tipped the press.

Oh. What are we gonna do?

I don't know. I'm thinkin'. I'm thinkin'.

This better be big, Banes.

You pulled me away from dinner with the university's largest benefactor.

This is big, Edward, literally and figuratively.

[ Chattering ]

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please?

Thank you for waiting.

I'm Noah Banes,

director of Lufkin's Biotechnology Research Center.

This is Edward Sawyer, president of Leland University.

We are here to announce a momentous breakthrough in medical science.

Under my personal guidance and supervision,

and with the aid of a new wonder drug, Expectane,

Dr. Alexander Hesse of my staff will be arriving shortly...

to give birth to a child he has himself carried to term.

Are you saying he's pregnant?

[ Chuckling ] Yes. I am saying he's pregnant.

[ Horn Honking ]

I see him!

And what perfect timing. Here he is now, ladies and gentlemen.

I give you the world's first pregnant man.

[ Horn Honks ]

[ Crowd Applauding ]

[ Reporters Chattering ]

What is it?

What are you doin' here? This is my building.

Get outta here. I got a medical emergency here.

Go on. Back off.

Hi, Mom.

[ Man ] What is this?

- It's just a woman. - Hey, that's my wife

you're talkin' about.

Hey, Ned. Thank you. All right, okay, baby.

Watch your step. There's nobody.

[ Crowd Chattering ]

Okay.

Up here.

Okay.

Okay.

[ Grunts ]

Up! Upsy-daisy.

Upsy-daisy. I've got you. I've got you.

Come on, give me room. Ned, let's get her in there.

You told us there was a pregnant man.

There is... a pregnant man.

He's having a baby, Edward. I swear it.

You're fired.

[ Groans ]

Why are we stopping on two?

It's a surprise.

But I prepped the operating room upstairs.

Good. You did good.

Are they here yet?

Oh, thank God. Not yet.

- Who's here? - [ Angela Moans ]

Angela, enough with the huffin'. We're all alone.

[ Diana ] Imagine a tranquil--

[ Grunting ]

Little birdies.

In here! In here!

[ Diana ] Cheep, cheep.

[ Alex ] Forget the birdies.

Thank God! Are you okay?

Up, Angela, out of there.

Larry, what is this?

It's our patient.

What's the matter with him?

My best guess-- His baby's tangled in the large intestine.

His baby? His ba--

Hurry!

His baby? Oh, God!

Yeah. His baby.

Is the room prepped?

Yeah, it's prepared.

Go on, Louise, open the door! Get the door.

[ Chattering ]

Relax. Just relax.

[ Puffing ]

Get him undressed!

[ Alex Groaning ]

Look at the belly on that guy.

Please, let me do something! I can hold something--

Look, look.

This is dangerous, both for Alex and the baby.

I don't know what's gonna happen. There's nothin' you can do.

Just go outside with Angela, okay? Keep her company.

All right.

All right?

[ Alex Groaning ]

Ow!

[ Groans ]

What?

Not you?

Oh, yeah.

Not now? No.

Yes. Yes.

I'll get someone.

No, I want Larry! I want Larry.

But he--

[ Grunts ]

Easy, easy.

[ Panting ]

Okay, look, um--

Let's imagine a garden with trees and birds cheeping. Cheep, cheep, cheep--

Let's imagine drugs. [ Grunts ]

What can I do?

Have the baby for me.

[ Panting Stops, Sighs ]

Feel that?

What?

Feel that? No?

No.

Well, the drugs are working.

We gave you an epidural.

You're gonna be awake through this, Alex. It's safer that way.

Just try and stay calm.

Okay.

Here we go.

[ Exhales ]

[ Louise ] Just relax. Think about the baby. Okay?

Blot, blot.

Blot.

That's good. That's very good.

[ Groaning ]

Uh, that's good. I'm not leaving you.

I'm not leaving you. Just hold on, okay?

I'm just gonna--

Oh, God.

check.

Oh, this is hard. Oh, this is hard.

Where are you?

[ Gasps ] I'm here. I'm here.

Do you think he's all right?

[ Larry ] Okay.

That's good.

It's all tangled up in the intestines.

[ Ned ] Transverse colon's got it.

There's a lot of fluid. It's clear.

Suck it down there.

Okay, here.

All right.

All right. Now push here. Ready? Push.

Push it. Push it.

[ Grunts, Sighs ]

[ Baby Crying ]

[ Crying Continues ]

That's your baby, Alex.

It's a girl! Seven pounds, six ounces. She's got her mother's looks.

- Father and daughter are doing fine--

- I have a girl?

What?

Another delivery.

Go in there! Angela. Angela. Talk to me.

He's comin', honey.

So soon?

Louise, wheelchair!

What?

Why didn't you tell somebody?

Oh, God!

I wanted you.

Oh, well, you got me. You got me.

It hurts.

It won't be long now.

[ Panting ]

Do-Do-Do you want Louise to call the father?

What's the point? He's long gone.

[ Larry ] Does he know it?

Oh, yeah.

He sent me a dozen roses and an autographed picture of himself with the band.

All right, breathe, honey. Just breathe.

[ Groaning ]

Prepare number two.

You want an epidural?

You want natural childbirth?

I want drugs, Larry! Drugs.

[ Hesse ] Shh.

[ Cooing ]

We had a little baby girl. Look at her.

You did it.

Isn't she gorgeous?

[ Cooing ]

Daddy loves you.

I can't believe you did it.

Oh, hello.

Hello, little one.

Oh, she's beautiful.

Hello.

I'm so proud of you.

Hello. I'm your mum.

Just a little bit more.

[ Screams ]

[ Crying ]

It's a boy!

[ Angela Laughing ]

Is he okay?

Oh, yeah, ten fingers.

Ten toes. Okay--

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's your mommy. That's your mommy.

[ Larry ] Look at that baby.

Oh.

Hello, beauty.

Hello, beauty. I'm your mama.

Yes, it's your mama. And I'm your--

Ange.

Could we give it another chance, Ange?

Oh, yeah.

[ Sniffles ] I'm your dad.

I'm your dad.

You're my boy.

You're my baby boy.

What should we call her?

Junior.

Junior?

Junior.

[ Alex, Diana, Larry, Angela ] Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday

dear Jake and Junior

Happy birthday to you

[ All Cheering ]

He's a big boy.

You're supposed to eat with your hands, not with your feet. Mmm.

[ Larry ] That's a baby.

[ Angela ] There you go.

Those kids need something to drink.

Don't lift anything, honey.

I'm not lifting it. I'm dragging it.

Let me get it.

Let me do it.

[ Angela ] How you feeling?

Fine. Fine.

Damn. I need to pee again.

I don't miss that part.

Me neither. [ Chuckles ]

You have to have another, though, Angela.

Jake needs a little brother or a sister.

Yeah.

Sure, I'd like to, but I don't know if I can go through that again.

It doesn't necessarily have to be you.

Oh, no. No, no, no, no.

Larry, it is the most wonderful experience for a man.

[ Man ]

I have got you

I had such a wonderful time--

Under my skin

[ Chattering Continues, Indistinct ]

I've got you

Deep in the heart of me

[ Man #2 ]

So deep in my heart

You're really a part of me

I've got you

Under my skin

I have tried so

Not to give in

I have said to myself this affair

[ Together ]

Never gonna go so well

But why should

I try to resist

When, baby,

I know so well

[ Together ]

That I've got you

Under my skin?

I would sacrifice anything, come what might

For the sake

of holding you near

In spite of

a warning voice

Comes in the night

and repeats as it

shouts in my ear

Don't you know,

blue eyes

You never can win

Use your mentality

Wake up to reality

But each time I do

Just the thought of you makes me stop

Before I begin

'Cause I've got you

Under my skin

[ Scatting ]

I'd sacrifice everything

come what might

For the sake

of havin' you near

In spite of

a warnin' voice

Comes in the night

and repeats as it shouts in my ear

Don't you know,

you fool

You never can win

Use your mentality

Wake up to reality

But each time that I do

just the thought of you

Makes me stop

before I begin

'Cause I've got you

Under my skin

And I love you

When you're

under my skin

Under my skin