Original subtitles

Yeah.

Uh-huh. Oh.

No, I totally get it.

It's like what I told Khia when she joined that soccer team.

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

The last thing you want is to look back at your life

and wonder "what if?"

What if I was honest with her?

I know I don't know your niece,

but I feel like I know you.

No, we don't need our air ducts cleaned. Thank you.

Babe, it is literally that simple.

I just feel bad.

And for the record, he was about to have a breakthrough.

I'll call him back.

Alright, this is it.

I'm about to press send.

So, if y'all got any concerns,

speak now or forever hold your peace.

Uh, Andrew?

You pressed send, didn't you?

Yeah, I didn't time that right. This one's on me.

I'm just happy that we're done!

Which reminds me, we gonna hang out to celebrate,

you know, the end of term. You in?

Nice!

Oh, hey, you should bring Camille!

That's fun!

We were thinking of hitting up the Cobra Room around 8:30.

How about it?

8:30 tonight? Ah!

Damn, I wish we could, but we've got the kids, so.

Isn't your daughter like 16? Can't she watch your son?

Right, but she's actually 15, which is against the law.

My hands are tied on this one,

but sucks to be missing it. Have so much fun.

Thanks for the memories! Bye!

Andrew, come on!

I mean, 8:30 pm start on a Thursday?

If I'm not in a warm bath by 9:00 pm,

my REM cycle is a mess.

I'm halfway through my mug of Sleepytime Tea by 8:30.

How else are you supposed to get through Friday?

Those kids may need to take a course in self-care.

From the master herself.

That's me.

There it is.

There it is.

Ooh. Wazzup, Khia?!

Hi, Dad.

What's the 411?

What?

How you livin'?

Good.

Okay. Cool, cool.

Well, looks like you're busy, so I'll leave you to it.

Catch you on the flipside, Khia. Our house.

Okay.

- I am sorry. - So embarrassing.

Alright, here we go.

My God, that's a gammon.

You're telling me you've never played backgammon before today?

Beginner's luck, I guess.

One or two wins would be luck.

Nine consecutive wins?

You have a gift, my friend.

I dunno.

Never in all my years have I seen such

raw unadulterated talent.

You could be backgammon's Bobby Fischer.

But I'm a grown man. He was just a boy.

Have you ever considered competing?

In what?

That was a huge sigh.

Oh, I'm just breathing out my feelings, lil' man.

You'll understand when you're older.

I get it. You know Jojo?

There was this one time when I thought she liked Bret,

and I spent half of a recess breathing into my lunch bag.

That sounds rough, but I still don't think

you understand what I'm going through.

Try me.

Leo, eight women chose being alone over being with me.

Half of them wouldn't even go for a second date.

Whoa. That's rough.

You know, maybe I'm supposed to be alone.

Maybe that's my destiny.

Mannix will be out of the house in a few years.

I'm gonna be that old man that breaks his hip

with no one around to help him.

Lying on the ground, hollering, "Help me! Help me, dear!

Please, someone help me."

Until finally I just give up,

and let the spiders make nests in my eyes.

You know what I do when I'm down?

- What? - I get down!

♪ I'm feeling right tonight

♪ I'm feeling right tonight ♪

♪ I'm feeling right, you feeling right? ♪

♪ I'm feeling right

♪ That's why I never make the same mistake twice ♪

♪ Style stays fresh, man, I slice like a steak knife ♪

♪ No fake hype, and every night get paid right ♪

♪ 'Cause the grind don't stop when you livin' that A life ♪

♪ Whoo, I'm feeling right tonight ♪

♪ I'm feeling right, you feeling right? ♪

♪ I'm feeling right

I don't know, Leo.

Suit yourself.

And stay out of my mind palace.

Yo, you won't believe what just happened to me at Bubble Bae!

Okay, I'm listening.

So, there I was,

being my congenial, charming, loving self--

Sure.

when I distinctly hear Khia refer to me as

"embarrassing" to her friends!

The same thing happened to me!

I was driving her to the mall to see her friends

and she asked me to drop her two blocks away.

She said she felt cooped up

and she needed to stretch her legs.

Cooped up? Have you seen the leg room in that minivan?

Oh, I've seen it!

Oh, my God, babe. Have we crossed over?

You shut your mouth.

Are we old and uncool?

Yeah, kind of.

Excuse me?

I'm okay with it now because I'm eleven,

but in a year or two,

I could see it becoming a problem.

Take it easy there, player.

You must be confusing us with your grandparents.

Yeah, we are young and cool parents!

Look at your dad's sneaker collection.

Mm-hm.

Seems kinda wasteful.

Where is this coming from?

Okay, this is ridiculous.

You don't just go from young and cool

to old and wack overnight.

It's not a new thing.

It started with the groans.

What groans?

The ones you make every time you move your body.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Okay.

What the hell is this?

It's a supercut I made of both of you moving.

There it is.

You know how to make a supercut?

I don't know how to make a supercut.

You both groan at the same time in this one.

Okay, well, those aren't old people groans.

Those are obviously joke groans.

Yeah, obviously!

Would old people be going out

on a Thursday after 8:30 pm?

No, they wouldn't, but we are.

- Mm-hm! - So, who's old and wack now?

Still you guys.

He doesn't even know what wack is.

♪ It feels good gettin' back to the old me ♪

♪ Lookin' in the mirror like that's the whole me ♪

♪ Return of the Mack, but a little more low-key ♪

♪ I shed a few layers put in work with the OG ♪

♪ Champagne emoji's my frame of mind ♪

♪ That if you can't hang, yo, you getting left behind ♪

♪ Next in line 'cause I'm the best you'll find ♪

Hey, this does feel good.

♪ I'm feeling right tonight

♪ I'm feeling right

♪ You feeling right? I'm feeling right ♪

♪ I'm feeling right tonight

♪ I'm feeling right

♪ You feeling right? I'm feeling right ♪

Leo?

♪ It seems silly, but the way it goes down ♪

That was a good groan.

Name?

This is Ramesh Devani.

He's Ramesh Devani?

Correct.

And you are?

Sebastian...

...Gammon, his coach.

Okay, I'm going to need to see some photo ID.

Yes, well, you see, he was

found in a swamp as a child

and, as a result, does not have any ID.

Sir, if you want him to play in your stead,

you can simply sign the transfer form.

Information I could have used a moment ago.

And has he ever played in a backgammon tournament before?

No.

Fine. He can play the beginners.

He's no beginner. Trust me.

Put him in the open.

The open?

Do you know how good some of those players are?

You bet your bottom dollar I do.

Look at us.

Out on a Thursday at 8:30.

If this isn't cool, I don't know what is!

My feet are throbbing. I smell like hairspray.

It doesn't get much cooler than this!

Man, this brings me back!

Dancing 'til our sweat-soaked shirts are glued to our bodies.

Screaming over music 'til your throat bleeds

and you lose a shoe.

Oh, going 'til they turn the lights on

and the bouncer kicks you out and you wake up who knows where?

I don't know why we ever stopped.

I want a bath so bad.

Oh, no. Don't!

You're right. What am I saying?

Stay in it.

You ready for this?

Ready as I'll ever be.

Let's go.

Get ready to dance your pants off, party peeps!

They're playing Jenga wrong.

What's going on? Is this hanging out now?

I dunno, babe. Just be cool.

What you laughing at?

It's just this video that's blowing up.

You know who's got a pretty big social presence?

This girl!

Cool.

Yes sir. It's pretty dope, bay-bay!

Maybe pump the brakes on "bay-bay."

I think it might have gone the way of "wazzup."

What are you talking about?

"Wazzup" is awesome! Check it.

Hey, Eli. Eli!

Wazzup!?

Not much, man.

Oh, my God. What if "wazzup" was never in.

What if we were never in.

No. We're not the problem.

We know what cool is,

and what's happening here is not cool!

Yeah, right?

Right.

You wanna take these drips on a ride?

Yeah, boy.

Hey, everyone. Put your phones down!

Why?

'Cause y'all about to get schooled!

Why is he yelling?

You like that? It's capoeira. It's a Brazilian jujitsu.

Is that a little B-Boy here?

Oh, he's getting warmed up. Oh, he's just getting hot.

He's on fire.

Oh, he's doing the worm!

He's doing it!

What's he doing?

He's doing the worm.

Good lord.

Put some back into it, babe.

I think I'm killing it!

He's doing the turtle!

He did the turtle!

Maybe this was a bad idea.

Just do what comes naturally.

Leo!

Leo!

Yeah, babe! You're doing it!

I am a golden God!

Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!

Okay, I'm obviously not gonna jump.

That's extremely dangerous.

I can't believe how fast we turned this thing around.

Right? It's like they were thirsting for the real deal!

I gotta be honest though, I am fading hard.

Oh, I'm absolutely wrecked.

Call it a night?

No! We have to push through this.

We gotta prove that we still got it.

For the kids, but more importantly for us.

Are you saying what I think you're saying?

Let me call my guy.

Okay!

Ow.

This is it.

This is how ol' Hudson goes out.

Exactly as I predicted.

Thank you so much for coming.

Oh, yeah. Of course. I get it...

- Mannix? - ...you have to babysit Leo.

Mannix, baby!

Honestly, the tablet's doing most of the babysitting.

I'm just backup.

Leo! Leo!

Papa's in the basement!

- Yeah, anyway. - Leo!

Do you want to watch a movie downstairs?

Yes! Let's watch the movie downstairs!

I don't know. I think I'm movie'd out.

Do you wanna just hang out in your room?

- Sure! - No!

Sweet.

Okay.

Not today, destiny!

Not today.

Ow! Ah!

Sliver.

Okay, when they get here,

just let me do the talking, okay?

Okay.

Hey, guys. Ugh. Yikes.

Sam is your guy?

Sam can't be your guy, Sam is my guy.

Look, I haven't really kept up with my downtown friends.

You look like crap.

We're just very tired.

Are you sure you don't want something stronger?

- I've got an Adderall. - Stop trying to upsell us.

- Did you bring the stuff? - Yeah, I brought the stuff.

Iron pills, B12, and raw ginger shots.

Not sure that's gonna have the effect

you're looking for though.

Oh, I think I know what I'm doing.

Pretty sure you don't.

Who! Burns so good!

These B12 are like horse pills.

Oh, too big?

Yeah.

Jesus.

This oughta keep us going all night!

Wrong again.

You wanna stick around? It's really happening in there!

What the hell.

There she is!

I got a couple of hours before my night starts, so.

You're still here?

I tried dancing

to feel better.

Did it work?

What do you-- No, man! Okay?

I hurt my back. I couldn't move.

I was down there for hours.

Why didn't you hear me calling for help?

Honestly, I was watching this video I cut together,

then I got side-tracked by the Great Canadian Baking Show.

Oh, yeah. Incredible hosts.

Heart-warming stories.

I was down there for hours, Leo.

Why didn't you just text someone?

I told you, I couldn't move.

But I did realize something down there.

I'm not gonna die alone.

Well, I might be alone but that's okay,

but I'm not gonna die.

Ever?

Well, yes, I'm gonna die, everybody dies.

That's what you realized?

Okay, could you let me finish?

I am not gonna die...

...because I'm alone.

So, in a way, dancing did work.

Sure. Let's say that.

Do you need help?

Nah, man. I got this.

I don't need anybody to save me, but me.

Okay, cool.

Close the door on your way out.

You broke the record.

Yeah.

They said that never in the history of the tournament

had anyone ever lost quite that exceptionally.

Yeah.

And yet, you beat me so effortlessly.

I can't wrap my head around it.

Maybe I just crumbled under the pressure.

Yes. That must be it.

Or maybe you're, like, very bad at backgammon.

Mm, coconut. Mm. Mm, mm, mm.

Leo, we're gonna go watch something.

Do you wanna come with us?

No, thanks.

I think I need a screen break.

My eyes are burning.

When was the last time you went outside?

Yeah.

I can't remember. Is that bad?

Leo.

Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew!

Guess who has got two thumbs and just had

the coolest night in herstory? This party girl!

People are still doing the two thumbs thing, right?

Absolutely.

Thanks for ordering dinner!

Sweet, delivery, bay-bay! Any left?

Nice! Still warm.

So, how was the night?

You should've seen us.

We changed hearts and minds.

In those jeans?

Why? No good?

No, I think they're a bold choice.

Yeah, super sick.

Hold on. Why are y'all still up?

It's 10:00 o'clock, Dad. Chill.

Nice try, but there's no way it's--

Oh, my God. She's not wrong. It is 10:00 o'clock.

Oh, damn.

Right. Well, in that case, carry on.

Except for you, Leo. Bedtime.

I'm going, but not because you told me to.

I thought it was like 3:00 am.

Yeah, I coulda swore we pulled an all-nighter.

It doesn't matter, because we did it.

We are cool.

We're so cool, we taught others how to be cool.

Mmm. We are the professors of cool.

In the cool school!

That was so cool!

Oh, yeah?

Okay.

Distribute the weight, babe. Come on.

No, you-- you distribute it!

I can't believe I gotta go to work.

They're so wack.

-Okay, here we go. -Ow. My back!

My back! Ow! My back!