Original subtitles

Khia, no screens before breakfast

unless it's Dark Knight Rises.

I was born in the kitchen, moulded by it.

I love breakfast Bane.

This career test says I should be a social activist?

Um, I am obviously more of a justice warrior.

It said I'm going to be a dance doctor.

What's a dance doctor?

I guess I'll find out in ten years.

You know, it said I have the skills for HR,

but the passion of an entrepreneur.

That's actually kind of concerning.

Can it read my emails?

- I don't know. - You should take it, Dad.

I don't need a career test.

I already know what I'm supposed to be -

sexiest stay-at-home dad alive.

Okay, gross. I'll just take it for you.

- You don't know my answers. -I do.

You answer every phone survey in front of us.

- Impulsive or planner? -Planner.

Decisive or indecisive?

Indecisive.

Wrong. Put decisive. Or wait...

Introvert or extrovert?

So extro.

- Greatest strength? - Snoring.

- Laser tag. - Beatboxing.

You do know me.

And your perfect job is...

Town crier.

How old is this test?

- Dad, you do cry a lot. - Gimme this.

Oh, don't forget, I'm home early for that catering gig.

Hey, you're gonna crush it.

I got things, too... around the house.

Super busy!

Okay.

And the real result is...

Mall Santa.

That's great, Dad.

Red really makes your eyes pop.

-Bye, Dad! -Later!

Mall Santa?

I don't see it.

So, as a result, we recommend

that the company bans employees from participating

in the 'Staircase Challenge',

the 'Cheesy Pop Challenge', and the 'Stapler Challenge'

while on company time.

What's the Stapler Challenge?

Bob, you want to answer that?

No.

Lighten up, Camille, you're no fun.

Oh, but you asked me to read those.

Throw your boss under the bus much?

Okay, that's it, everyone.

Uh, Camille, a word?

Thanks for coming in for this. I know you booked the day off.

Oh, it's no problem.

Just a quick trip in from the suburbs, and all the way back.

Such a team player.

I mean, a real team player would probably stay

and play with the team, but I'm sure you have a good excuse

for leaving me short-handed.

Thank you.

What is it?

It's, um...

a funeral, actually,

for a friend - Sebastian.

So young, but, you know, you kind of saw it coming.

Is your buddy Samantha also going?

I saw she's taking the day off too.

Yes. Sam and Sebastian were very close.

Hey, Camille, let's do this thing!

We all deal with grief differently.

I took that career test over and over,

kept getting town crier.

Town crier?!

Yes! That's amazing! When do you start?

No, I didn't get the job. It was a test.

They gave it to someone else, eh? Those bastards.

I mean, I love my life.

Dad in the pad, living the dream.

It's all I ever wanted.

Which is perfect, 'cause it's all you know,

and if they call me for a reference,

I will have to say that.

I mean, I did go to university.

Yeah. We all did, am I right?

No, like, I took actual classes.

Yeah, but you either have it or you don't.

No, you can learn things.

That's, like, the whole point of learning.

But we got pregnant

and I dropped out and became the world's raddest dad,

raising the most perfect kids.

Hello? Yes, this is her proud father.

Uh-huh. Yeah.

Okay, sounds good. Thank you.

Khia's got detention.

Who doesn't, am I right?

♪ Wind in your hair...

Am I waiting for you or are you waiting for me?

Sorry. Trying to get my taxes together.

Well, you know, I mean, you still have a few months.

It's also last year's taxes. I've been getting letters.

Oh. Well, sounds like you need an accountant.

Duh.

I-I meant me. I'm an accountant.

I thought you were a dentist?

A denti-- what? I work next door.

You'd do that for me?

I do that for a lot of people.

It's kind of my business model.

Thank you. That's a pretty big favour.

It's not a favour. I was just offering my serv--

Tell you what, coffee's on me for as long as it takes.

- Grab a seat. - You mean right now?

I think I've put it off for long enough.

Cheese on peas! That's a lot of receipts!

You are good.

I am sure it's a misunderstanding.

- Khia would never-- - I did it.

Khia! Did what?

Smeared ketchup all over the office door.

It was a protest against charging for tampons in the girls' washrooms.

And we're also out of ketchup now.

You can afford it.

Don't speak to your principal like that.

I'm a guidance counsellor.

Just go with it.

While we admire Khia's conviction,

she's also earned a week's worth of detention -

lunchtimes and after school.

Or as I call it, the daily double.

Now...

I think you can go back to class.

We'll talk about this later.

- Okay, but it's-- - Not now, Khia!

You know, you didn't need to come in for this.

Oh, I'm very hands-on when it comes to discipline.

I'm like a drill sergeant, but a nice one.

Tough but fair.

And also funny.

But fair. But also tough.

Well, I'm glad you're taking it seriously.

Oh, I am all about the parenting.

I've seen every Family Ties,

Family Matters, Addams Family.

That certainly explains a lot.

And there will be punishment.

Oh, ho-ho-ho...

Is that Santa?

You know, I think that detention

and maybe just an apology would be enough.

Enough for regular parents, not the Phams.

Ooh.

And that's really important to you, huh?

To be more than just a regular parent?

Oh... I just meant that...

I got this.

Okay.

Can you believe her?

I am a team player! Team Pham!

Who cares? If this catering thing works out you can quit.

Oh!

Bob just lost the stapler challenge again.

I mean, it's just one dinner for a brokerage firm.

If Leo's friend's mom didn't set it up,

I doubt they would have asked.

Who cares how you got it?

They're going to tell someone, and then they'll tell someone...

This could be something, right?

- Mm-hmm. - Ahh!

Oh. Could you get that?

Oh, it's about the party.

"Just a few last-minute requests for dinner."

To have their taste buds blown away

with my chicken tikka?

My mom used to always say start with mild,

then hit them with the hot, then back to the medium,

so there's some relief.

They would like hamburgers.

What?

And chicken fingers. And mac and cheese.

Looks like they checked out your social media

and are "so excited", but they just want to make sure

there's something that "everyone can eat."

Excuse me?

There's also an "aversion to onion",

a "hatred of corn",

and an "irrational fear of mango"?

They're whitewashing my food!

I'm going to give them a piece of your mind.

- Can you believe this? - You are an artist!

I am a South Asian woman making food

with intention and history!

I will not compromise on my--

Oh. Um...

They just transferred the money.

That's not bad.

Hm.

It is my first gig.

Mm.

I suppose I could make

a few elevated chicken fingers,

and we can make

a tamarind chutney that we'll call "dipping sauce".

And samosas. Everyone loves samosas.

And you'd still be an artist.

I'd almost be more of an artist.

Ahh, we're gonna need more space.

I brought more fuel. Almost done?

It's like an onion: the more layers I find,

the more I want to cry.

That is why I got you...

a pineapple bun and an egg tart...

and some more receipts.

I guess I could stay longer.

But you know, it's just-- it's just a lot for one person.

Yeah.

If only I knew more about payroll...

and deductions,

and filing dates.

Excuse me? Am I hearing a variety of business terms?

Oh, hey, Ramesh. That's right,

aren't you some kind of math teacher?

You know perfectly well

that I am a distinguished professor of business studies.

And a lover of egg tarts.

Hudson's having trouble with my taxes.

I'm not having trouble;

it's just a lot.

Because you are using a computer instead of a calculator.

You see, sometimes less is more.

May I?

And may I?

I'll keep 'em coming.

Hey there.

- Mr. Pham, you're back? - Yeah, I never left.

I was just roaming the hallways, thinking about what you said.

Parents aren't technically allowed to just wander--

You asked if it was important for me

to be more than a regular parent.

You know, like... I left university three credits short

to raise a family full-time.

Well, that's commendable.

No regrets. I love being a dad.

I give my kids everything.

And I am not looking for a trophy,

but I just want to give them the things I would want.

Things that you never got from your parents?

Whoa.

Mmm-hmm.

Yeah, you might want to clear your afternoon.

You know, this reminds me a lot of my first apartment,

just with fewer randos sleeping in the corner.

You know, a lot of geniuses

started out in garages - like Bill Gates,

Destiny's Child...

The Unabomber.

- Not helping. - Sorry.

If I'm going to do this,

I'm gonna have to learn to roll with the punches.

A few modifications aren't going to come between me

and my dream.

Okay, what's cooking in the garage?

- Chicken and fries. - Kitchen stove?

- Chicken tikka. - Right hand?

- No onions. - Left hand?

Can't touch mangos.

Hot plate?

- Uh, mac and cheese. - Fryer?

- Samosas. - Toaster oven?

Tater tots!

Ahh! You got this!

Oh...

Oh! It's Janine.

Hi, Janine. How's it going?

Just wanted to see how you're doing, check in.

Pretty well, actually.

At your friend's funeral?

Yeah...

Great. I just sent you a few pages to review.

Might help distract you from everything,

and I need them ASAP.

Yeah, I can't really do that.

- You touched mango. - Dammit!

- Excuse me? - Uh...

Why'd he have to die, dammit?!

Kitchen timer!

- Oh! - Leave the onions!

Oh, Cam, Cam, toaster oven's burning!

-What is burning? - No, stop touching the mango!

Who's Mango?

-What's happening? - Gotta go! We're cremating him!

Camille! Hello?

Uh... um...

♪ Amazing Grace

♪ How sweet the sound

♪ That saved a wretch...

...like me ♪

If I did what Khia did,

I'd be sitting here dead right now.

Oh, come on.

No, my dad was the punishment whisperer.

Sometimes, he would just whisper the punishment;

that's scary.

You never knew when it was coming.

My mom raised me. Yeah, she worked so hard

that she was too tired for punishments.

She would just look at me all disappointed.

My dad, he didn't let me watch wrestling for like two years.

I missed Hulk Hogan's heel turn. It was very confusing.

Oh, wow.

But it worked - I kept my grades up, got into university.

Started a family. My parents loved it when I gave them grandkids.

Almost made up for me dropping out.

- What'd you study? - Community development.

You know, like community issues, housing, dispersing funds...

Oh, yeah. No, no, I know. I'm a guidance counsellor.

Yeah.

But it's probably changed a lot since then.

Hey, Steve! Get back to class!

Yeah, Steve! What the hell?!

Well, thanks for sharing.

It was your sandwich.

I meant your story.

Oh.

Well, good luck, Andrew.

Ah...

Oh, and you know, running a household

takes a certain skillset too -

you know, there's scheduling, and transportation,

budgeting... Just something to think about.

Meghan! Does that look like a garbage can to you?

You see, the problem is

your business tree has a phantom limb.

If expenses are acorns,

there is a squirrel in your henhouse.

Do you really need all these tables?

Numbers don't lie, Cathy,

but sometimes they tell you they're at the library

when they're really at the mall! Think about it.

No.

We've been doing a lot of digging

and we can see the bones,

but we can't see the whole dinosaur yet.

Exactly, it's like we've been saying,

we're like scientists on the moon, Cathy,

but when we come back to earth,

will our bodies still work the same way?

When did you become a part of this?

I've always been a part of it.

Oh, can we have, uh, some more egg tarts?

Perhaps if Hudson used regular math

instead of these space age algorithms, we'd be done by now.

Space age? You're using a calculator and a pencil.

That's stone age.

It worked for the Mayans!

Maybe I should just buy one of those software programs.

- No, no, no, no, no! - We won't hear of it.

AI, Cathy? Come on, they're trying to take over the world.

Ever heard of Skynet?

Maybe we need a short break.

No, I say we double down. Cathy?

Fresh egg tarts, hot coffee,

and a few more of those tasty numbers

with the strawberry on top, please?

We're so close.

Okay.

♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh...

You can't call your teacher by her middle name.

Why not?

I don't know. But don't.

It doesn't sound right.

Oh, sorry.

Uh, are you almost done?

Mr. Pham?

You can go, Steve.

Get it together, Steve.

You know, I was worried I might not see you for an hour.

I wanted to ask about university.

But it's not for Khia; it's for me.

No, I-- I figured that. Here,

I actually have all the information waiting for you.

So, you think I can do this?

Mmm. Doesn't hurt to try.

Thank you, Mr. Wazbodoski, for everything.

You're welcome.

Can I ask you something else?

You know, going back to school

doesn't make you any less of a dedicated parent.

- Thanks. - You got it.

But it's actually about the intercom.

I used to do the announcements in high school,

bit of a school crier.

Anything, uh, need announcing?

Oh, I don't think that's a great idea.

Okay. All right-- Okay.

- Here you go. - Okay?

Shebli Townend to the guidance office, please.

Your mother has dropped off your spare pants.

Ha-ha!

Still got it. Oh, one more!

I'll see you at home, Khia Pham.

And just remember, Daddy loves you so, so much.

Bye.

Now that is punishment.

Oh...

That was horrible...

but at least we did it.

There's a chutney.

Damn! Camille: I thought I would love catering -

bringing a piece of me to the masses

to be experienced and shared.

I thought it turned out okay.

But all these modifications, trying to please everyone?

Doesn't make something great; it makes it... not me.

I love it.

That chutney is the only thing left

that I did not compromise on.

So, maybe catering isn't the answer.

But don't just give up on your culinary dream.

Could you not speak with your mouth full?

Deal with it, because I don't care,

and because this is frickin' delicious.

Delicious enough to quit my job?

Yeah, it really is.

We're out of tarts, macaroons, pineapple buns and milk.

Please tell me you have something.

I'm sorry, Cathy, we're still off by over $4000.

I'm done.

I, too, am defeated by your tax, and your snacks.

Uh-uh. No way.

When we started this company, we swore one thing:

never give up.

When did we start a company?

Not on our clients, not on ourselves.

I don't care how many of these tarts I have to eat.

You've already eaten all of--

Is that a receipt?

Uh...

Agh.

It's an invoice for a refrigerator for over $4000.

Hold on!

Could it be?

We're finished!

We've harpooned the white whale!

I fixed everything!

You're even getting a refund.

- That's great. - Uh, I gotta split,

but if you guys could write up a reference letter,

that'd be great.

It was actually kind of fun!

Exhilarating even!

By the way, Cathy, you're only getting $20 in that refund.

Doesn't nearly begin to cover your snacks,

but sure, let's call it even.

Now leave.

If you ever want to do this again some time...

Since you mention it, I was thinking that

Cathy could use a financial plan.

What?

Same time next week?

Not necessary!

And Cathy, have the egg tarts ready!

And the pineapple buns!

And we'll need all these tables.

Please don't help me. I can't afford it!

Don't worry. We'll be the judge of that.

Hah!

I love this guy.

No, I'm gonna tell him now.

Andrew's so supportive, we'll find a way.

Yeah, it's a little scary, but it's mostly exciting.

Ahh, I'm going freelance! Okay, okay.

I've got to go, Sam. I'll talk to you later.

Bye, bye, bye.

Oh! What a day!

Tell me about it.

- Khia got detention. - What?

I handled it.

- Punishment whisperer? - Oh, no.

Loud and clear. But, hey, how was the gig?

Oh, kinda terrible, but also great.

I know this might sound crazy,

but I think it might be time for a change.

Yeah, you're right.

I wanna go back to school.

- What's that? - I know it'll be tough,

and tuition is steep,

but you gotta follow your passion, right?

What do you think?

Is it a bad idea?

I'm sensing it's a bad idea. Never mind.

This is why I'm not impulsive!

You should do it.

Really?!

'Cause yeah, this way, I can get a job,

and we just won't have to rely on your salary

and your benefits,

double mortgage payments, bay-bay!

Plus, the kids' university!

You are going back to school!

I'm going back to school! Ha-ha-ha!

I'm going back to school!

You're up here, I need you way down here.

Sorry, buddy.

I'm going back to school.

- Psh! - Psh.

You can do everything online...

How you doing, kiddo?

Oh, Janine. Uh, those pages that you asked for...

Oh, I don't need them.

I'm more concerned about you.

Oh... Yeah, I'm-- I'm fine.

Really?

Yeah, losing someone is never easy.

Reminds me of our team here at the office.

You never know when it's your time to go.

Unless it was an accident and they learned their lesson,

if you believe in the Hindu concept of reincarnation.

I believe in online reviews.

You found my account?

You're not the only foodie here.

I myself like a good Schlemmertopf Chicken.

Yeah, seems people are praising your work from yesterday.

Oh, really?

"Camille, your sauces are amazing!

"I burned my mouth, but that's on me.

"5 stars for the chutney dip."

I am so sorry.

It was a one-time thing. Okay?

I am a team player.

Great to hear.

Because the thing about losing someone

is you never know when it could happen.

You just have to cherish the time you have together,

get the most out of it - evenings, weekends...

Until we die.

See? You get it now.

♪ Spilling half full glasses ♪

♪ When the silver lining has become too plastic ♪

♪ Actively becoming passive

♪ Aggressively

♪ Killing all my happiness

♪ But everything is gonna be fine ♪

♪ So why do we go out

♪ And stay inside of our minds? ♪

♪ When we could just stay in

♪ And go out of our minds?

♪ Introverted life

♪ But horizontally complacent

♪ I guess I'll take a rain check on my emotion ♪

♪ 'Cuz it takes less of my energy to fake it ♪

♪ Focus on the pain less

♪ My ambivalence already feels like... ♪