Original subtitles

JUST SEX, NOTHING SPECIAL

Here you are! Coffee in bed. You know, I kind of tried to make a heart...

Your art teacher rolled over in her grave!

She's still alive, while you did conk out yesterday.

What do you want?! 12-hour flight. 4-day conference the whole day long.

Well... I'm also done in with all those accounts, balance

sheets, but... I missed you. We'll have a blast in Prague.

Babe, you know... I won't fly to Prague.

What do you mean?!

Lesia, why you won't fly? I've got the tickets

already... I waited in a queue to get the passport...

Is there something I haven't seen in Prague?

Vasyl invited us... It's his exhibition opening.

And besides, I have a team party on that day.

But the Valentine's Day is soon...

Serhii...

We'll together... It's romantic... Lesia, a nice surprise is waiting for you there.

Sorry?

Ok, wait, I'll be back in a sec.

I thought, I'd rather do it in Prague... It's more romantic...

Lesia, will you marry me?

Serhii, what's that?

A proposal.

Are you an idiot?! What kind of proposal? I am not going to marry anyone, especially you!

Lesia... We've been together for one year. Everything has been so great...

Great? No, maybe, it was great for you. And for me...?! I

have not a smallest intent to live my whole life with you!

Why? What's wrong with me?! Tell me what's wrong. Please tell me...

Shall I?

Yes.

First, it's your job as a book-keeper.

Well, I also deal with cryptocurrency.

Please, no more terms. Second, you always bite your nails...

Well, it's you who bites nails, not me.

Okay. You've asked for it.

You are a big zero in sex! No, not even that... You are

minus two!!! The only thing you can screw is a lamp!

Me?!

You!!

But yesterday...

Yesterday? I just imitated. I thought it was important for

you. Is the word "foreplay" familiar to you? Or you can

only arouse from a deep sleep? You don't kiss me, don't

caress... You come, take off your pants and go ahead!

I am not even aroused yet and you have already

finished the compulsory dance, you fucking ice dancer!

Look at these tits. Do they look like an expander? You squeeze them as if there

were an expander. And the fact that you are not into oral sex... It's so annoying!

I'm afraid that you can bite it...

Oral sex for me, idiot! Not for you!!! You might fail to notice but

there's been just one and only position during this whole year.

Lesia, it's not true! Not one! We have more!

Oh yeah, we have one more position "the woman is on top as the horse is tired"...

Because I'm heavy... And... my feet are cold.

Heavy, boring, cold... I have totally forgotten the feeling

of climax because of you! Conservative quick draw!

Why have you been with me this whole year? I thought it was love...

I thought you would change. I tried it all... I

even downloaded some porn videos on your laptop!

Lesia, I thought it was a virus... You know, I don't like

porn because there's no love! But I'll change, I promise!

No! You are free! Get lost!

Lesia! Lesia!

Why do you always repeat my name?!

It's my apartment.

Ok, then I'll leave.

Lesia, I don't want you to leave! I want us to be together!

No! Go to Prague to your Vasyl! Rock out, get

wasted, shoot the cat, bang someone! Do you hear

me?! Bang someone! Become a normal person! And

forget me. Serhii, when you return, I'll be gone.

The flight is at 6 pm, check-in closes 40 minutes before

departure time. I'll wait for you at the airport.

Here you are! Finish it before your foolish vacation!

Alina, I won't finish it in time. You know, I'm going to the

airport right from the office. Perhaps, Kostia could do it?

Kostia has a lot of work to do.

But Alina...

No "but"! Do you want me to do it for you?!

Well... No, of course, not.

Then do the work! Jeeze, what did this girl find in you?! Goddamned Casanova!

Yes, mom.

Are you nuts? You were supposed to offer hand! And what do we have now?

What did she tell you?

You should have offered your hand instead of breaking up!

Wait, wait! Mom, Lesia and I are flying in the

evening to Prague to celebrate Valentine's Day.

"You don't need to be very smart to lie to your mom! Lesia has told me everything! I feel ashamed for you. That's

what she said, “He became indifferent towards me, he has an affair.” Son, do you want to be like you father?!"

A sailor?

No! To hit on whores!

Mum!

No whimper! I'm finished!

Thanks.

Last call for flight PS 183 Lviv to Prague. All

checked-in passengers please proceed to the gate!

Passenger Serhii Rudenko! Please immediately proceed to gate number six!

Just a second. She'll come.

Excuse me, are you the Pope?

Me? No. Why are you asking?

Because last time in Lviv the Pope was the passenger everyone was waiting for! But

I'm not sure that all those people in the bus will be as happy to see you as him!

Get on the bus, Romeo!

Look, who arrived! Finally! Sergiy, you smart guy! Apropos, what's with the Maidan?

Well... Can I stay at your place?

Sure, no prob. Come in, my home is your home. And

where's your cuckoo devotee? Did she brush you off?

Well, no... It's all complicated...

Okay, it's no problem. I think it's even better. Look,

here are the keys. Get some rest and follow me.

I have an exhibition today! There'll be some drinks and buffet, and some hot

journalists, you can pick up one. You'll get to know what Zlata Praha is!

Sorry, man, but I'm devoted to Lesia.

Devoted to Lesia? Is that your Facebook status? Or what do you have now? You've had a crush on her since the eighth class.

And only recently you've been granted access to her body. And what's the result now?! She brushed you off! Forget her!

Thanks, man. You always find the right words.

C'mon, are you a damned amoeba?!

Hey, dude, you need help! Ok, let's agree, I'll be your sex trainer from now on.

I'll teach you how women will get orgasm sooner than you had it your first time.

You'll be as good in sex as Messi in football. As Ilon Mask, you'll fire your rocket in

their vaginal cosmos. Dude, I'll call you a taxi. Come out in 30 minutes! Let's party!

Thanks, Milan. Girls, please... Where did I stop? I jumped in cold water...

Stay here, my love. I'll be back in a second. Just a second, ok?

Have you seen those tits? As big as my head. Dude, why you are doing nothing?

What do you mean?

And you look like "nothing".

Why did you hire all those ugly waiters with six packs?

Serhii, don't be slow! Chicks look at naked bodies. And they think about sex. Thus,

they appreciate art much better! And it makes easier to flog them all my pieces.

I'm your sex-trainer. I won't get off until you chat

with some of those chicks. Just to get some courage.

Today I have drunk more than during the whole year.

It won't harm you.

Listen, I don't speak Czech. How shall I get in touch with them?

Not all of them are Czech. Those two are Czech, you can speak English.

That one is Russian. The other is Polish. You speak Polish, don't you?

I can hardly read...

Great! Every woman is an unread book. So go and read! It isn't difficult -

only "prze", "prze". So go and do it! I believe in you! C'mon, go for it!

Where does such a beautiful girl work?

The girl works at the taxation office. And where does mister work?

Mister is an accountant, and he will do to the girl

what the taxation office does to him each quarter.

You'll be fucked!

O! A doll! Can I make a photo with you? A sexy one. So that my fiancee would marry me!

Hello!

Hi!

Hey, sexy lady, let me speak from the bottom of my cock...

Hallo...

Jerk, how did you manage to mess everything up?! I was told that the guards threw you out

because you wanted to fuck the daughter of the ministry of culture of Czech Republic!

Vasia! Vasia!

Hey, where are you?!

I can't hear you! Can you hear me? I don't hear you!

Hi, cutie! Will you come inside? Come with me!

Good evening!

Diana, where have you been?! Your entrance is in five minutes. Hurry up.

Everything's fine, my Russian friend! I'm up and running!

One more thing... It's none of my business, of course, but if you

don't have at least one private show per night, you'll be fired.

Sasha, what a fuck?! Why?! I'm a good pool dancer.

Babe, it's not my decision! Sorry, you have to move your butt better!

Fuck off, Sasha!

You, Ukrainian chicks, are too complicated. Well, you've heard me. If

you have private shows, you'll work here, otherwise you'll be fired.

Hey, sweetie. Don't be sad! Would you like to order something? A drink? Or a girl?

Yes... Diana... Diana from Ukraine...

There she is.

I want a private show... I want a Diana's private show!

No prob. Hundred euro. And you'll find out everything about real pleasure.

Follow me. Diana will come in a few minutes.

Hello, my name is Diana, and I'll dance for you. You can watch but you can't touch.

Well, I can look away.

Are you from Ukraine?

Yes, from Lviv... Pluhova street, 2, seventh floor...

I'm from Stryi!

Listen, I overheard it when some man told you that if you don't

have private shows, you'll be fired. And I have some cash.

My girlfriend... She didn't come with me... I don't mind sharing...

You needn't dance at all. If you want, we can play I-spy or the staring game.

Dude, are you drunk? Or are you Mother Teresa?

No, I'm Serhii.

Okay, I got the point.

Listen... I don't know who you are and why you doing this... But... I have to dance.

Here are cameras everywhere. So relax, fairy godfather, and try to have pleasure.

Thanks for helping me out, dear landsman. And now listen to my advice. Get out of here!!

What a cutie! Can you buy me a drink?

Hey, go away! Fuck off! Damn! Landsman, you got wasted? Get up! Hey, get up!

Why did you pop up on me, dude?! Get up, get up! Do you hear me?! Stand up!

Where are my trousers?

C'mon, c'mon, get up! Gosh! Good boy! C'mon, c'mon! Let's go! Where do you live?

Where are my trousers?

Hello! Did your boyfriend piss himself?

He's not my boyfriend!

I won't drive him!

Triple rate!

Where do we go?

Landsman, what's your address? Where do you live?

Can you hear me?! I don't know his address.

No problem. I can drive him all night until he's sober.

I can't take him to my place. But I can't him leave him

on the street as well, because he's not my boyfriend.

Not mine either.

Listen to me! Can you hear me? Ok, you can sleep on my couch. If you vomit, I'll kill

you! When you are sober, get out of my apartment asap! If you touch me, I'll kill you!

I'm already dead...

Good morning.

Are you awake?

Almost...

Put them on.

Where are my trousers?

Are you here on business?

I dreamt about a romantic vacation...

Oh, it did work. The first time I see a honeymoon by the dumpster.

Want some coffee?

Be careful with the documents! It's none of my business, but I had a look on them...

Do you understand Czech? What's in there?

I understand only accounting. And it means a default. In other words, you have a

huge trouble. How are you going to pay out all these bills? They'll get you soon...

Where? In the striptease club? We will entertain them.

Are you a stripper?

No way, I'm a fireperson. A retired one. That likes the pole so much

that decided to use it in a new profession. By the way, I'm Diana.

Serhii.

Do you want some cookies?

I think it's time to leave. Thank you. I'll return your trousers.

It's not necessary. But if you want, here's the

address... You can leave them on the door handle.

Listen, I need a professional advice. What is the

better picture, where the girls get crazy of me?

What a bullshit?! Why do you need this?

Just my fiancee left me and she believes that I have no chance with others.

And you want her to be jealous, right?

Yeap.

Well, sit down.

So, put your hand here. Now we'll make a snapshot so that your girlfriend will go nuts!

One, two, three! Action!

Stop global warming! Stop global warming!

Police! Action!

Shit, why are you silent?! What did I tell you to do in such situations?

A.C.A.B.! A.C.A.B.!

Stop! Stop!

Hallo!

What's that?! You think I'm stupid?!

No, you aren't. You mix up the name of Ukrainian regions, but it happens to everyone...

Shut up! You think I will believe that you could pick up such a hot girl?

I could...

Oh yes! How much did you pay that whore to make me jealous?

She isn't a whore, she's a stripper...

Oops, don't tell that stripper that I called her

a whore! Cause the whore may feel offended.

Vasia! Invite all the girls, let's make a party and have sex all

night long! I'll be Cupid, and you'll be Valentine. Or vice versa.

Irynka, please meet my friend Serhii from Lviv.

He is a financial expert... and he is nuts.

Just imagine, I got acquainted with a stripper, and made a lot of great

sexy photos. Lesia was so jealous! She called me and wept on phone.

And I told her: Look, your Serhii is not the guy you used to know!

I'm in premier league now! It was great! She was extremely angry!

Nice to meet you, Serhii!

Vasia! Teach me how to...

What? What shall I teach you? I don't understand.

Teach me all those tricks... I mean... The sexual... the sexual skills.

Tell me please, why among all the people on the planet you decided to ask me for help?

But you... you said you'd be my... sex teacher!

Your spiritual teacher! Spiritual! You got me wrong! We speak

here about spirituality! By the way, you lost something!

Oh, that's her address. I've learnt it by heart already.

Guys, you can talk, I'll be right back.

But don't disappear for long, cause you know,

every moment without you turns my life into hell!

Moron, do you want to ruin my life?!

Ruin your life?! Vasia, you have thousands of such chicks.

Iryna is not like that. She is saint, you understand? She is

pure and innocent. I fell head over heels in love with her.

Vasia, what are you talking about? You just fucked them, nothing else.

I used to nail, fuck, drill, bang, own, and hammer them. Everything has changed now. You don't understand, I met her yesterday

evening and we had been drinking tea till three in the morning! And chatting! We were only drinking tea and chatting.

And then we came here, I opened my heart to her and we made love.

You said you "made love"?

Yes. We just lay down, I embraced her, I smelt her neck, I stroke her hair... And

there was no physical penetration! It was great! It's like... to pee in the shower.

"Or even better. But I beg you! Ira is from a very decent family from Lviv. All of her

ancestors were musicians, artists... She must not know anything about my dirty past!"

But you said that...

Don't say a shit about my past!

But you said that you opened your mind to her?

Yes, I did. But I spared some petty details. And not so

petty as well... To be honest, I spared many details.

Vasia, are you really in love?

Yes, I am. The old Don Juan is gone. So you'll have to do the genital journey alone.

Vasia, what are you speaking about!? Wait! I won't cope without you.

You'll have to. I'm done with big sports. I can't tell any more

neither about G-spot, nor about four quadrants of the clitoris.

Vasia, Vasia, which for quadrants of the clitoris?

When you stimulate the clitoris manually or orally, you have to divide it in mind into four quadrants,

and to stimulate the upper left quadrant. Only then you get all the laurels. Did you get it? Repeat!

To divide the clitoris into four quadrants... The left one... But I find the clitoris?

You don't know where the clitoris is?!?

It must be that button at the top?

What button?!? Jeeze, did you live in the woods?!? Now

I start to realize why that bitch binned you off!

But it's tiny! How can it be divided into

quadrants?! And how can I find the upper left one?!

Just try! Only if you manage you will achieve enlightenment, and will become highly spiritual. Honey,

don't leave me for such a long time ever again. My head's splitting, as I said you, he is nuts.

C'mon, sweetie, I'll show you Prague.

Come in. You shouldn't have returned them. They suit you.

I thought maybe you need to report to your pim...

Listen to me smartass; let's dot the “I's”. I'm not a hooker, I'm a stripper! There's a big

difference, believe me. Yes, they put cash into my pants, but that's the only thing they put there!

Sorry. I'm not saying you are a hooker. It's just,

in the morning I have seen all your stuff and...

What stuff?

Well...

Are you afraid to call it by word? To say the word “vibrator”?

I...

Yes, I have a small helper. So what?

Well... It's not that small.

Don't you know that size doesn't matter while skills do?!

Yes, but... I have problems with that...

Is it that bad?

Very bad.

It can be worse, believe me. All my credit cards are blocked.

You know I could help you to sort out the situation. Do you

have any valuable assets? Some real estate or something else?

Well... this apartment. It's my dad's inheritance. But it's not for sale!

You can receive a credit line from any bank! I could develop

a debt restructuring plan to optimize your payments.

Listen, I've got an idea: you'll be my banking consultant, and I'll be your sex-Yoda!

Sex... what?!

I'll be Master Yoda, and you'll be Luke Skywalker! I'll train you to be a real Jedi and

use your light sword wisely! I'll hold a workshop on sexual behavior with females.

What behavior?

I'll teach you to insert your sword in the pussies in

such a way that your neighbors will prefer to move out.

Wow... But I'll be here only five days. Shall we maybe start now?

Stop, stop, stop! What are you doing?

Well, you said you'd be my sex-trainer.

Are you weird?

Oh, I understand: it'll be a theoretical workshop, am I

right? You are a coach... not a playing coach. Sorry. Sex-Yoda!

Yes, Luke Skywalker did not fuck Master Yoda!

Yes, he didn't fuck him.

Yoda rode on his back, and they didn't take off their pants.

Ok, let's take off the trousers. No, I meant, let's leave the trousers on. Oh, shit...

And we make an agreement! I'll help you with sex, and you'll help me with the bank! Deal?

Deal?

You start!

Fuck!

Diana, wait, wait. We'll find a solution. I didn't

know that your appartment was already mortgaged.

You said that if I owe the apartment, they'll give

me another loan! And the appartement is still mine!

"Still" is a good word. You have to understand that the bank

can take all your property to cover the debt. I'm serious.

Thanks for your help, expert...

Diana, don't give up. Nothing is lost yet. We can formalize a guarantor loan on a person whom you know

for more than 3 years and who has a good credit score. Do you have friends with a good credit score?

All my friends are strippers. They have good scores at work, but no credit scores.

We'll find a solution. It was only a prelude of

my plan. And I've never been good in preludes...

It's high time to change it! Let's go!

Ok... tell...

It's wet.

What exactly is wet?

Well, I am... wet.

You are a man, why would you be wet? Look at the chick.

I meant the chick will be wet.

I see, you are good on pick-up.

Really?

Of course not! The first you need is to touch. Carefully,

gently but still with some pressure! Feel the shape of it.

Serhii, don't stop! Oh yes! Wow, very good. Don't be in a hurry, sweetheart!

I won't fly away. First talk dirty to me.

Uhm... Chick, you are so wet. And I have a hard cock to get.

Is it rap?! Tell me what you want to do with your hard cock.

I want to... pop it in...

Oh, yes!

I want to... flop in...

Oh yeah!

Come over, babe!

You broke her ribs...

I've never-ever had such a delicious dinner! Where did you learn to cook?

It runs in the family. I spent my childhood in the kitchen with my grandma. I

still remember the scents: Lviv strudels, cheese pancakes, and fragrant coffee.

Mint tea.

No, no, no! No mint. I'm allergic to it. You know, it's always been my dream to open a bakery

and to share my grandma's recipes. I hoped to earn money here. But you see how it turned out.

Why you gave up your dream?

I've even found a place for it in Lviv, close to

Rynok Square. I would name it Grandma's Cooking.

The name should be changed but the idea is great.

I think you'll succeed. If you really want it...

But also I can get in trouble! You see, I'm a zero in accounting!

You could save some money if you could wisely use it! Learn to save money!

You are easygoing.

Ok, let's get down to business and do the paperwork.

Sure! But I have to go to work. You can stay here; I'll be back soon.

Wow, you worked all the night?! I can't imagine that someone dumped such a good guy.

Yeap. I checked your email! You have so many

unpaid bills and last warnings! It's disgusting!

It's very bad? Is it?

Absolutely... And what's with the furniture? Penize na nabytek - it

means "payment for furniture"? Did I understand it in a right way?

Yes.

Company "Furniture Lease"...

I bought furniture on credit but somehow I didn't manage to make

regular payments. They filed a lawsuit but I didn't go to court.

Why?

I had nothing to wear. I couldn't just wear some

party clothes as if going to disco in Stryi!

You should have gone... And this? Can a mixer cost that much?

It's not a mixer. It's a food processor. I'll use it in my restaurant.

Ok. And what's this?

This?! Truffles.

Mushrooms?

1000 Euros per kilo?

It's cheap. They are from Tasmania.

Okay, listen here! I've developed a budget plan.

So what shall I do?

Eat less! I mean you should eat not less, but cheaper!

Look... food, utilities and shopping only once a month.

And in 18 months, having a more or less stable

income, you'll be able to pay off the debts.

Shopping only once a month? Do you also mean online shopping?

Yes, of course.

Ok! Give me please that box... Now I'm a real adult and independent woman with savings.

Soon I'll have 25 cats and then I'll die. By the way, you'll

come with me today to my work. Wake me up in two hours.

Mmm... Is it really necessary?

Of course! A lip gloss makes lips look bigger and tastier.

Landsman, no one knows you here! When will you get a second chance?!

Are you sure?

Of course! If you don't overcome your complexes, you won't succeed! So get out now!

Come on!

Great!

Go, go! Imagine you are a fireman!

You rock, man! Who'd have thought you can have such a blast!

I can't believe I did it! I felt free! I have no complexes! Diana, you are the best!

Can you imagine? I'm in Prague doing totally crazy things, while Lesia is in Lviv... Alone...

Hot chick!

Yeah!

You didn't say you are into cryptocurrencies.

I'm not. These are papers of my ex.

Just look at his wallet... How did you dare break up with him?

Stop. Is this money?!

Whoopsie!

Moron.

Are they whistling at you or at me?

Well... I think at them!

Great!

Do you see?

Let's make a photo!

We switch live to Prague where our reporter Denys Khrystov witnesses the biggest LGBT pride parade.

Hi everyone! Now I am in Prague where on the eve of Valentine's Day thousands of homosexuals

gathered to a parade in the downtown. People sing and dance. It's a great atmosphere.

Sorry…

Are you from Ukraine? What an accidental encounter. What's your name?

Serhii.

Serhii, do you live in Prague or you are here just for this event?

Yes, I'm from Ukraine, but...

Hi! I'm Danny! And I want to marry him!

Do you have it on tape?

Serhii, stop! What happened?! That's not a big deal!

Maybe it's not a big deal for you but I'm not used to situations when some crazy man packs

his tongue into my throat on camera! And he was really strong I could hardly free myself!

These are your complexes coming out!

That's the gag reflex! Jeeze, I hope no one has seen this report back home!!!

Hallo mom! Mom. Are you okay?

Everything's fine. Except for the fact that my son is a

gay! But you might not wash one's dirty linen in public!

Mom, no...

You know our neighbour Stepan? He fucked the head of the Housing Management Office, and people were even grateful to him:

neither the water was ever turned off, nor there were problems with the heat supply... But he did not parade that! But you...

Mom, just listen to me! I will explain everything!

What will you explain?! All neighbours will talk that

I've brought up a gay! Shame on me all over Lviv!

Mom...

If only I could have known, I would never give you those warm pants in your childhood! Better

you would have frozen your doodle off, than perching yourself on someone else's doodles!

Listen, I...

I'm fucked up. It was shown on TV. My mother has seen it...

So probably you are not going to church together at Easter? But

you'll manage to get across to your mother, that's for sure.

I'm afraid I'll be able to get across to her only when I make it up with Lesia.

And if Lesia tells my mom I am not gay. And after all, I'd rather go home...

You need to learn to express your own opinion so that people listen to you.

No one listens to me...

Tomorrow I'll be waiting for you at 6 p.m., sweetie.

If you invested into the cryptocurrency more than five years ago, I can congratulate

you. There'll be a steady development ahead and your investments will only grow!

My dear Serhii, it's much better than promotion!

Serhii.

Serhii, do you live in Prague or you are here just for the event?

Yes, I'm from Ukraine, but...

Hi... Sorry, I'm not in time?

You'll become a true man today.

You have new unpaid bills?

No. It's the booklet of that very place in Lviv.

For the restaurant. Look here, what do you think?

The place looks cute, we have to think about it.

Are you sure that true men wear such collars?

Today you dominate. Do you understand? You do not allow anyone to use you.

Serhii! Serhii! Where is this pervert?

Lesia, what are doing in Prague?! What's happened?!

Tell me, where is my Serhii?!

I don't know!

Maybe, he is with that stripper?!

Iryna...

With that whore from the photo?!

She's not a whore, she's a dancer. He takes lessons. She's a guru

for him. Like Confucius, like Dalai Lama, like... Master Yoda.

Who?!

Yoda.

Vasia, just wait, you'll get now Star Wars! Tell me where that stripper is!

How I have to know?! I don't visit strippers.

So you made an arrangement, right? You brought a

bitch here, while he went to another bitch, yeah?!

Don't insult Ira, she's my girlfriend.

Oh, Irinka! What a doll! I'm very sorry. Vasia, tell me where that stripper

lives, or I'll tell your Iryna that you've shagged half of Prague.

Listen, I made up my mind. Ira, give me please that piece

of paper. Take the address, bitch, and get out of my place!

Here you are...

Keep your love, Lesia!

You see, darling, how do people fight for love?

Harder! I'm telling you: harder!

That's good. Now imagine that I am your boss

and you say me everything you think about her!

Alina... I would be grateful if you showed me more respect.

Shut up! Fuck off! Where you are going?! I am Alina! Think

aboutl her! Don't you want to give her a good flogging?!

Alina, you are... rude, you are mean... And I hate you! Bitch!

All right. Big ups for the “bitch”. Now I am Lesia!

I'll try...

Lesia! It's not my fault that I have loved you all these years

more than you loved me! I thought that you are the only one...

C'mon, too many words! I'll burst into tears now...

Maybe I wouldn't be so much tormented if you stopped

talking about all the guys that you've had.

Oh, but I haven't told you about all of them. I

have a new collection after each conference!

You demeaned, run after him, and then that Roman left you, right? A year and

a half ago. You were upset. And you had neither money, nor a place to live.

Ecause he kicked you out. You won't hole up, you'll

always find a warm place for your butt! And you found it!

Because he loves you like a blind puppy! You selfish fucking bitch!

Yes, I am a selfish bitch, a whore!!

You've never loved me!!!

I always gave a bullshit what you were muttering

to yourself – you are a nicey-nice! A huge zero!

Ok, as you like! But now you listen to me! Shut up and listen to me carefully! You are thirty already,

soon you'll be an old maid. You'll become fat and no one will want you! And even I won't come to you!

And then you'll understand, my dear Lesia, that you choked your happiness at the very moment when you told

Serhii to fuck off! No man who respects himself will live with such a fat ass and dumb cunt as you are!

Lesia... Lesia, wait! You've misunderstood everything!

Lesia, wait! I will explain you everything!

So, I am fat...

No, not fat! Lesia, wait.

I am an old bucket?

Not old... Please forgive me...

And I'm a dumb cunt? You're a douche-aholic!!!

What are you doing?

I'll show it to your mom, it'll take you a very long time to explain!

Lesia, you came here just on my account! It's such a surprise! It's great!

Is that a surprise?! Nope! You fly over half of Europe to meet your boyfriend on Valentine's Day, but he is

dressed in latex underpants, flogging some whore and saying that I am a dumb cunt – this is really a surprise!!

Hey, guys, is it some candid camera prank? Hey,

get out, I've lost enough of my shit already!

Hallo.

My name is Andrzej Chalabala. It's my personal assistant Martina Knedlikova. Ildzi, Martin,

Vlatslav and Bohdan. On behalf of the Financial Control Service, all your property was arrested.

In accordance with the bank's request, the court decision was taken on February 14, 2019.

From Ukraine?

Bohdan!

Okay, darling, your time's over!

Lesia, I pushed my way out of my comfort zone, just as you wanted.

Sure! Right after you pushed your way out, you went to the brothel!

Lesia, Lesia, hold on! Let's just talk.

Lesia, Lesia, let's just have a quiet talk...

Okay. Let's talk. Do you really think I am dumb?

Of course not. We were just practicing. Diana was turning me into a true man.

And that you called me a selfish whore. Was it also "practicing"?!

No! You are not a whore! Though... you are selfish indeed...

You are a freak! You know... when you left... I missed you so much!

I understood that nobody care about me. And that's so scary.

Honestly? My God, it's great! You know... me too... Are you telling me the truth right now?

Babe, you are my fucking anchor in this life.

Just a sec! I'll be right back!

Stop! Where are you going?

I have to release Diana, she is handcuffed there!

Now?! You want to make it now?!

She is handcuffed with a gag in her mouth! I'll be back in a flash!

Let us go together and untie her!

No, no, I do it by myself!

Serhii, stop! It is either me or her!

Andrzej! Look what I've found!

Interesting...

A selfie?

Lesia, sorry, I can't leave her alone, I have to untie her.

You're a coward! Jerk! Liar! I knew it: everything you said

about me is what you really think! You know what? Fuck off!

Fuck yourself! A dumb, fat ass cunt, that's what you really are! Fuck you! Fuck! Fuck!!!

Sorry...

Fuck, have you all got nuts?!

Where are you going?!?

I'll try to catch up Lesia. After all, she came to Prague,

that's important. And after all today is this fucking holiday!

While you were running after her, they took everything away, even my savings! I have nothing left.

You said I had nothing to worry about, I might not be afraid, because you would fix everything!

Sorry, but now I'm in a deeper shit than you. Did you hear what I

said here?! Lesia has heard everything! And I just told her that...

Gosh! How come she didn't kill me yet?!

Let her get in line!!

Everything will be fine... Believe me... Everything

will be fine... You're great... You're cool...

Sorry, but I can't help you to open a restaurant now! I'm sorry.

Serhii, are you at home?

How are you? Are you alive? Your Lesia almost strangled me. Serhii, listen, I want

to talk to you. I got stuck... I've never ever lost my heart on somebody before.

Wait, wait, what are you talking about?

Don't be slow, Sergei! I want to marry Iryna.

Wow...

Yeah, can you imagine?!

Vasia, well... that's a serious step, you have to think it over...

I don't know... Have you ever had a feeling, at least once in your life, that you are

with someone and you become a better person? That you open up in a totally new way?

You know... Perhaps yes...

Listen, Vasia, lend me some money.

Gosh! What a person are you! I don't understand you. I tell him about

love, about my feelings, and you change the topic to fucking money.

Vasia, please listen! Lend me money to pay out

Diana's credit and help her start her own business.

Hold on, Diana is... who?

The stripper that has helped me...

Did I get you right? You ask me to lend you money to give

it to a chick you barely know, who I don't know at all?

Yes.

Are you an MP?

Sorry...

I mean a normal person can't even imagine such bullshit. The last thing I'll do is to give money

to a stripper for business! No! No! No! I don't get how such bullshit could come into your mind!

Vasia, Vasia, wait a sec! It's mom.

Mom...

Hallo, mom!

Serhii, please calm down your homosexual friends, because

somebody called me today, I don't know it was a woman or a man...

Mom, please listen to me! I am not gay!

Give me the phone, amoeba! Missis Raisa, it's Vasyl. Listen to me! Your sun is not gay. He's a

bit weird, but not a gay. He is kind, tender and a good guy, but this doesn't mean he is gay!

In fact that another man is telling you all this doesn't mean anything,

it's just that I've fallen in love and we are all a bit nervous up here...

Vasyl...

Really?

Hello! Sorry, mum, it was my friend.

Tell your enamored friend that the church is against it!

It was Vasyl, we were at school together. He is an artist!

Oh, I'm also visited by some artists. They've already talked my ears off with their

daughter Iryna, who fell in love with a gallery owner and wants to marry him.

But they don't know whether to bless the marriage or not. And I

think it's weird because the Czech gallery owner is called Vasyl.

Vasyl?

Can you imagine?

Mom, wait a minute... Vasia...

What do you want?!

Vasia, if you lend me money, I will help you with Iryna.

Okay...

Hallo, mom! Please listen to me very attentively...

Thank you.

From Ukraine with love.

A bribe.

Hi! What are you doing here?

I thought the guarantor would have to know me for at least

three years. And your Vasyl doesn't know me at all.

I know you! So, calm down, now you can do whatever

you like and pay the credit out little by little.

Now am I dependent on your Vasyl in any way?

Yes, there is certain risk: he may want you... to pay in kind.

Sorry?!

I'm kidding! He has one true love.

I told you that everything would get settled!

So, you are leaving after all?

Wow, as far as I can see our lessons were not in vain,

well done, additional literature always comes in handy.

Yes, but only theory is not enough.

Well, we don't have much time for practice.

Diana, I...

How much time do we have?

A little. Why?

I... I want to make a present for you. You've made me one. The most important lesson!

Oh, that's exactly what we need!

Rule no. 1: Don't think how you look like. Okay? Let's see what you've learned.

Wait, wait! Not so quickly! Stop slurping. Don't bite it! It's not your enemy, you

don't need to conquer it. Maximum pleasure! You get to know it slowly and gently.

Don't breathe so heavily. Be soft, barely noticeable.

Great! When you are done with the melon, move to the clitoris.

It's above!

Upper left quadrant!

Do you want to try it in real?

Really? You don't mind, do you? I thought that real practice... it's much better...

Real practice is the best way to memorize what

you've learnt. For educational purposes only.

Listen, I... I'd like to thank you... For everything...

Rule number two!

No talks! I'm silent!

Wow... You are a capable student. I would make you repeat one

more year just to make sure that the lessons are not in vain.

You came?

What a smell is it?

Oh! I wanted to fresh my breath...

You think my vagina can smell it?! I told you I'm allergic to mint!!

Allergic where? There?!

Are you nuts?! Where's the bathroom?

Bathroom's over there!

I'm so sorry!

How are you? Do you feel any better?

Calm down...

I'm very sorry... I had no idea that...

Serhii, don't come in. You know, it's the first time I had such feelings...

You let's assume you fulfiled your task very well. And besides...

I'm happy about you but we badly want to pee...

Really.

Sorry. Where is Serhii?

Serhii took a taxi five minutes ago... You missed each other?

Lesia! Lesia! Please forgive me. I'm an idiot.

It's too late. Go away.

What do you mean, "go away"? It's my apartment.

Come tomorrow when I leave.

Lesia, let's make it up. I would like everything

to be fine again and to be as it was before...

You said really mean things to me. You showed me your true nature. You

don't love me and have never loved me. And I'm not a slut or some kind.

Lesia, do you remember how we went to a cafe

for the first time? I still have the receipt.

Why do I need that receipt?

You ordered a coffee and a piece of chocolate cake, and I ordered cappuccino. Do

you remember when we went on St. Valentine's Day to a concert at the Opera House?

And you wrote on the ticket: "Kiddy, thank you for the concert and for your

support. You're a good friend.” That was when that guy in green trousers left you."

I don't remember!

Why do you keep all of this stuff?

You understand? Total crap happened between us! It's so stupid.

I always wanted a life full of adventures, like a roller coaster.

It was so peaceful and quiet with you, and I couldn't understand...

I'll show you the real roller coaster now.

Coffee in bed, my sex machine. You were fast asleep yesterday.

Well, that's natural. I was tired after the flight.

Don't mumble.

Mom, what are you doing here?!

Well, what else was I supposed to do?! When Lesia told me the news, I came immediately!

Yes, I will marry you!

But...

Yesterday I called your mom! And together we phoned all our friends and invited them to our

engagement. We will have one, won't we? Like in romantic movies... You have money, do you?

Everything will be like in the movies! But without all those marriage-brokers

with Ukrainian national towels. It's outdated; I'd like something more modern.

Oh, mum, let's buy a white leather dress for me.

Lesia, it's a great idea!

Time for a short speech.

Well... I...

Serhii is so happy that he's run out of words, so I'll speak instead of him. Only a week ago he couldn't differ

the clitoris from the belly-button. He thought porn was a virus. But in sex as in math everything is very clear.

Yesterday he was a disgusting gay! And this holy woman accepted him the way he is!

Thanks mum. I wasn't planning to marry him but he persuaded

me... He showed me those miserable pieces of paper...

I've booked a trip to Turkey for you...

Mum, I've been there with this moron already. But we'll leave your cold feet at home...

Stop it! Stop! Stop!

Babe! Darling, did you fell asleep?

Bloody hell!

Kostia!

Serhii?!

Wow!

Hi.

I'll be back...

Hello, celebrity! I've seen you on TY, live from Prague. You know I guessed you were gay: you don't curse, you don't

get drunk at company parties, and you are the only man in the office who didn't fuck Olena from the legal department...

But you know what, Ser-Gay, I don't care if you are gay or a transvestite or you have three balls. You

won't have less work because of that. Process all the documents in the file and report until Tuesday.

As for the file... You can stick it in your ass. I'm quitting in two

weeks. I'll write the resignation notice now. And you'll sign it.

And I won't work the next two weeks, because I'm fed up with all this shit! By the end of the day you give me all my leave

allowance and bonus payments. And that's the condition for me not to send our black accounts to the taxation office!

Are you nuts, you fucking queer?

Tell me, when you saw me dressed up you found me more attractive than before, didn't you?

Where will you work? You... You... Can you imagine my recommendation letter?

Do you remember I went to a conference on financial development four years ago? That's when I

heard about cryptocurrency for the first time. Sorry, Alina, I forgot to tell you something...

Fuck off!

Just bring this envelope to Diana's dressing room.

Do I look like a porter?

You take people out of the club. I think you can cope with the envelope.

I can take you out or I can take the envelope in. The

difference between these two options is 20 euro.

Take 50, but make sure she gets the envelope personally!

Go, Russia, go!

Glory to Ukraine!

Can, nevertheless, change the name?

How grandma cooked

Sorry, but we are closed. Come back in a month, please!

You stole my idea!

Me? You said you aren't going to do anything about it. Sorry.

I've been dreaming about this place since my childhood! Open your canteen elsewhere!

The best Lviv masterchefs will work at this "canteen".

Who's that? Don't tell me it's your mom.

My mom is a good cook, though you're better, but you've chosen

your path. Sorry, I have a lot of work, let's talk about it later.

What do you think about it?

The interior is awful! The color of the walls is bad, furniture is terrible...

And these armchairs don't suit this style at all! Not to mention the lighting!

This is not the final option, but I think I need a new designer.

It's just that... sometimes... You understand and feel...

When... when I think of you... I can barely breathe... and I can't do anything...

May I sleep at your place?

Then I decided to rent out my apartment to settle up my debts and I moved to Serhii.

And we invite you all to Lviv to our restaurant opening!

Thanks.

Darling, I'll be back in a second. Sorry.

What was your job there?

Are you nervous?

You know, it's a weird feeling. I've never-ever in my life belonged to one woman.

And I'm not sure that I'll be able to resist the temptation in my family life.

Vasia, I've known you for ages. You have a core inside.

You are out of steel! You'll manage everything!

Hey, is the best man here already? By the way, here are my bridesmaids: Vika and Nika.

No, man, I'm not out of steel... I'm out of mercury!