Original subtitles

Do you want to do the slatey slate?

For mum. Ladies first, ladies first.

-Oh. Okay. -[ laughs ]

jack: We may be the first family of darkness,

but not all of us are true believers in the paranormal.

They want to believe.

Has a ghost ever been caught on film?

Yes.

And I have the evidence that will blow their mind.

[ laughing ]

I think you're starting to believe.

Seeing is believing.

-Whoa. -What is happening?

Oh, god, no.

♪♪

ozzy: [ laughing ]

bear.

Oh, [bleep] no.

Bear.

I was there when he was born.

Jack: Bear is my bear. I've had, since I was --

the day you were born. Before you were born.

We bought replicas, for when we've lost him.

But he would [bleep] know.

Of course I knew the replicas.

The day you were born, I put him in your crib.

He still sleeps in my bed.

And when I die, I'm actually going to haunt this bear.

No, you have to do what the egyptians do.

Bury it? No, I want to get cremated, though.

Take him with you.

[bleep] egyptians. Let's go.

All right. Are you guys ready to believe again?

Absolutely.

Turn me on, son. Turn me on.

Oh, that's her job, not mine.

[ record needle scratches, rimshot ]

I mean, well.

So do you guys believe in fairies?

-No. -No?

No.

Well, this is probably some of the only video evidence

that fairies might exist and it's from England.

It's not the fairies in the forest one again, is it?

No, it's not that clear. No. It's a fairy in boots.

Going home, late last night. Suddenly, I caught a fright.

See, you believe. You wrote a song about it.

[ laughs ]

♪ going home, late last night ♪

all right, so here we go.

Here is a video of an alleged fairy.

Frogs, tadpoles, and water.

Jack: So this family in England,

were picking apples near the town of bournemouth.

Bournemouth.

Yeah. Close to your old hood.

Big apples. Very big apples.

Man: They're still on it.

Jack: Everything seemed to be going just fine,

then all of a sudden,

one of the kids spotted something very odd in a tree.

-What's that? -Yeah, look.

-What's what? -There.

There, look. Right up there.

It's an insect or something.

-Oh, my god. -Ugh.

Jack: I mean, look at them high tail out of there.

[ laughs ]

the kids, oh, my god. [ laughs ]

I'd probably do the same.

You can really see how weird, whatever this thing is,

when you slow the footage down.

Look, those are legs and wings.

Those are not normal insect legs.

They have, like, muscle definition.

I like that.

I like it, too.

It's quaint. It's kind of nice. That actually makes me homesick.

-It makes you homesick? -Yeah.

Why because you miss the kids go, "oh my god."

running away. -Oh, my god.

Do you think it actually could be a fairy?

No. Got no boots on so...

And he wasn't dancing with a dwarf.

How would you have responded if you saw that?

Same as the kid. "oh my god." and run.

Absolutely.

Would you bite it's head off?

That's a cute film. I liked that film.

Yeah. Problem is, if I showed my kids that,

they would lose their mind.

Pearl sat on my lap while I was reviewing

these videos, the other day, hasn't slept in her bed since.

-No. -She is terrified.

Oh, jack. Did she see this one?

She hasn't seen the fairy one.

I'm going to have to show show her, though.

The next thing you know, she's going to be like,

"I want a fairy." -[ laughs ]

so on the jack osbourne, woogie boogie scale of scary,

one being the least scary -- -mm-hmm.

...10 being the most.

Where would you categorize this clip?

I would put that at a four.

A four?

Just because it's from bournemouth, England,

and the kids are so cute, I'd say a nine.

Because they're so cute.

But that's, no. That's not the woogie boogie scale, though. Oh, right. Okay.

That's the cute and fluffy scale.

-Three. -A three.

Why'd you even more out here?

-What? -Because we love america.

I get homesick when I see things like that.

Yeah. You don't get homesick

when you see your tax bill, in England. [ laughs ]

for this next clip, I'm going to need a prop.

A prop?

Let me get my prop.

Oh, he's got a rocking chair.

That's robert's rocking chair.

Did he come with a rocking chair?

-Yeah. -Shut [bleep].

-Jack, you're joking. -No.

All right, so this next clip

is about a haunted ventriloquist doll.

Oh!

[ speaks indistinctly ]

didn't they make a movie about that?

Yes.

[ rimshot ]

haunted wood.

All right. Next up. Haunted wood.

[ rimshot, crickets chirping ]

um, moving on.

So back in world war ii, a u.S. Private named billy booth,

was held in a german pow camp.

While he was there, he made a ventriloquist puppet

to entertain his fellow prisoners.

He named it mr. Fritz.

-Mr. Prick? -Fritz.

Private booth, unfortunately, died in the camp.

But mr. Fritz was somehow preserved

and was bought by collector in liverpool,

named michael diamond.

After noticing some strange activity in his house,

he set up a security camera.

Here is what the camera revealed.

♪♪

now watch the controls in the base of the neck.

♪♪

do you plan on haunting your ventriloquist doll when you die?

-No. -[ laughs ]

because I'm going to haunt bear.

That's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to put a bit of my soul in bear,

and I'm just going to have him --

he's going to be like me in the middle of the night,

going down to the kitchen and getting some --

...Opening up the fridge.

-[ bleep ] -having a snack.

-You don't need [bleep]. -This is all insane.

What? So the doll...

It's haunted by the guy who made it.

That's what they think.

It's looking pretty authentic, to be honest with you.

That's pretty freaky footage.

Chicken wire.

Does his eyes move?

Yeah.

Who made that? Oh, [bleep] hell.

Who made that?

Some [bleep].

You know who made it. We had it --

one for slash, and one for ozzy, and they did a ventriloquist

act together on the -- -reloaded.

See, my job's never done, you [bleep].

Well, when you die, dad,

I'm going to take this out on the road,

I'm just going to, I'm going to take --

[ laughter ]

um, okay.

It's actually quite frightening.

I think it's a ghost.

That was his only way of surviving.

Getting out.

Oh, did he die in the camp?

-Yeah. -Oh, dear.

How would you rate that clip on a woogie boogie scale?

Nine.

Oh, a nine. You said nine?

I say three.

Say goodbye to your friend.

All right.

♪♪

jack: This one is [bleep] cool. A ufo overtakes a military jet.

Look at that!

Who took the picture?

-It's a video. -The video.

[ laughs ]

♪♪

do you believe this house is haunted?

I've always felt weird here. Not saying I want to move.

Because I don't. I'm fed up with [bleep] moving around.

I wouldn't mind moving.

I know you wouldn't, darling.

We've been here more than three years now.

Should've bought a [bleep] caravan.

♪♪

[ thunder cracks, ozzy laughs maniacally ]

I wouldn't mind living in a trailer.

We could just keep driving and moving.

A [bleep] trailer? You in a trailer?

I don't think so, darling. -Why?

It would have to be a pretty damn big trailer.

About the size of national park.

♪♪

[ thunder cracks, ozzy laughs maniacally ]

have you guys ever seen anything weird

when flying, like looked out the window? No, I haven't.

-Nope. -Really?

No, I don't like looking out the window.

Why? You don't like realizing you're 35,000 feet in the air?

-Yeah. -Flying is terrifying.

You know when the pilot goes, "if you look at the right side

of the plane, there's blah, blah, blah."

I'm like, "no thanks."

and you're the worst to fly with,

because what I'm trying to sleep, you're always going,

"so anyway, I was down at the shops the other day,"

and I'm like, "uh-huh." and you're like,

"no, no, but you have to --" and I'm like,

"I'm just trying to sleep."

talk about probably the worst, was when you flew to mexico,

and forgot your passport,

and had to sit on a plane for 24 hours. Right, yeah.

Wouldn't let me off the plane.

-You won't do that again. -Nope.

All right.

This is a ufo overtakes a military jet.

Where was this?

In the sky.

Yes, dad is correct. It was in the sky.

It was in the skies of new hampshire.

So this guy sees these two things flying close together,

realized one was a jet,

and then realized the other wasn't.

So we started recording it.

Food for thought on how fast,

whatever we're looking at, is going.

Fighter jets can fly really, really fast.

And that ufo is catching right up to it. Wow.

♪♪

what's your thoughts?

That's pretty interesting film.

But then again, it's film. I don't know.

I'm wondering if it was like a test,

like they were testing some new aircraft or something.

They're always testing these rockets and things. Yeah.

Again, it's the light.

-Mm. -Round.

Yeah, the bowl of light.

It could be a military thing

or testing some [bleep] rockets.

I think it was bear in a spaceship.

[ laughs ]

on the woogie boogie scale, what would you rate it?

Five.

Yeah, I'll agree.

Yeah. So there's a big, ever since the roswell crash,

a lot of people believe that most of our technology

has come from reverse engineering

ufo spacecraft and technology.

I always said to you...

You'd go, "what the [bleep] is that?" you know?

Oh, god, yeah.

By the time you see in the sky,

it's been around for 30 years or something.

Yeah. So the big thing is, is this huge technological

leap come from us having alien technology?

Do you think, jack, that it's reverse technology? I think it could be.

I think a lot of our technology has come from --

I do. Like I think,

but I don't think it's technology

that we've really seen in,

or that we've been really aware of.

You know, like those places, jack,

where they have those huge telescopes,

like in hawaii and that? -Yeah.

I wonder if those guys ever see anything.

I think they do.

And I think that it's just, you don't say [bleep].

Remember when we were in that place

and we were looking up in the sky? Yes.

Then we see all these things coming in.

I saw a lot of things coming in there...

[ speaks indistinctly ]

[bleep] meterorites or what.

There was a lot of [bleep] coming into these.

All right. So this a ufo takes over a commercial jet.

So this is eight months after the last clip.

Another ufo was spotted in saltillo, mexico,

flying close to a commercial jet.

And again, it eventually overtakes it.

It's moving ridiculously fast.

If that was in the front of the plane,

the [bleep] pilot would've saw it, wouldn't he?

And did he report it?

So, there was no documented sightings

at the time of this incident.

But that doesn't mean it didn't happen.

You know very well that pilots are asked to keep things,

hush, hush sometimes.

That definitely happens.

♪♪

I don't know, it's something.

Who took the picture?

-It's a video -- -a video.

And someone on the ground noticed like,

"what's that following the plane?"

if he saw it on the ground,

and it was in front of the plane,

the pilot would've saw it, wouldn't he?

Yes, theoretically. And he would've said something --

but what if it was down low?

Like what if it was in front of the plane here,

and the pilot can't see that far over the nose?

So it could have just been like...

Well, I don't know.

It could be something from this earth. I don't know.

So ufo following airplanes, do we believe?

-No. -Okay.

Five. It's something following the plane.

Something there in the sky. A ufo?

Maybe, but I think it's some test plane or aurora thing.

I don't know.

I'm open to it.

You're open to it. All right.

-Mm-hmm. -Open-minded.

Yes, I am.

You know what they said mermaids were?

Dolphins. They used to follow the --

-boats and they sing. -Boats.

But then, all the fishermen used to have sex with them.

[ imitating dolphin ]

♪♪

[ thunder cracks, ozzy laughs maniacally ]

♪♪

daddy, look at bear. Look at his neck.

Poor bear.

Poor bear? He's living the best life ever.

He's in bed all day. Cuddled nightly.

Gets to hang out with kids, sometimes.

-Do they love him? -Yeah.

Hmm, bear.

♪♪

[ thunder cracks, ozzy laughs maniacally ]

well, this next clip is a ghostly figure in the water.

Now this one is weird.

My first instinct is to be like, "no, that's just trash."

but we'll play it a couple times.

-Okay. -And it's very odd.

Now the woman that recorded it, was unaware that --

I bet you she does because she's on a vacation.

I wish we were on vacation.

Oh, stop.

We left our house in 1973.

♪♪

this one took place in isabella, which is a city in puerto rico.

They have these rivers that people can pay

and they go floating down.

Woman: Whoo!

This lady was on one of these rafts,

and turn the camera around and saw this.

♪♪

there's like someone in the water.

That would freak me out.

That looks like somebody drowned.

♪♪

here's the reason why I don't think

it's somebody who had drowned.

Because the story never would have got to this stage.

It would have immediately been put to rest,

if a body had been found or reported missing.

♪♪

mum looks disturbed.

Yeah.

Does that look like a dead person to you?

If I was to see that, I would say

that was someone who drowned under water.

And I would report it to the police.

Sure she would have heard if someone had drowned there.

But it looks like they're moving, though.

-That's the thing. -Yeah, it does, it does.

I've never heard of a swimming ghost. No.

It's somebody swimming or somebody drowned.

I don't think it's a ghost.

I think it's a mermaid.

You know what they said mermaids were?

Dolphins. -Really?

-They used to follow the -- -the boats and they sing.

Yes, and then all the fishermen used to have sex with them.

[ record needle scratches ] -I know, I know.

Okay, let's stay on --

I'm not ready to find out about

how fishermen would [bleep] dolphins.

No, no, no. Mum's always into those macabre --

no, it was pirates did.

How the [bleep] are they going to date a [bleep].

Well, they don't date them.

They just [bleep] them and got back on the ship.

Nobody said about going to dinner.

Excuse me, [bleep] skippy.

[ laughs ]

you mind if I shove this thing in the orifice?

[ imitating dolphin ]

[ laughs ]

oh, my god. All right.

So it's definitely not a dolphin that a pirate [bleep]. Okay.

It's definitely not a mermaid. Because mermaids aren't real.

Well, that's a dolphin.

-But okay. So that's a dolphin. -Right.

It could be trash, like underwater.

No, I don't think it's trash.

It looked like somebody swimming underwater, or drowned.

Okay. Do you think it could be a ghost of a drowning victim?

-They have found -- -no, no, no ghost.

A person that's under the water, not breathing.

But they have found dolphins in rivers.

Will you [bleep] shut up about [bleep] dolphins?

Woogie boogie scale.

No, they have pink dolphins that go in rivers.

-Yes, they do. -Did you know that?

Yes. The amazonian pink --

[bleep] pink dolphin. To me --

and weren't they in puerto rico?

Pretty close-ish. They speak the same language.

They don't, actually. Puerto rico, they speak spanish.

-Come on. Come on, come on. -Okay.

My dad's begging you. Can we just continue?

A woogie boogie scale? What would you put it at?

-Seven. -Four.

Okay.

I've never heard of it underwater ghost.

I think it was a body stuffed in a suitcase,

and it was coming out of the suitcase.

This is dark.

Dressed as a dolphin?

Dressed as a pirate -- dolphin dressed as a pirate.

-A dolphin dressed as a pirate. -It was drowning.

You're dressed as a dolphin, dressed as a pirate.

Who is drowning in a canal.

Who's [bleep] a pirate.

Who's [bleep] a pirate.

It's true, though, you know, jack?

Yes, mum, I know.

How the [bleep] -- back in the day, sharon,

how the [bleep] would a pirate in a sailboat go,

"oh, look, there's a [bleep] mermaid."

-because they're friendly. -"I'm going to [bleep] that."

no, they would follow boats for days, and days. And so...

Yeah, but darling, the [bleep] dolphin's gonna go,

"hi, pirate."

you've been to savannah, georgia?

No.

She has, she doesn't remember.

Okay.

Is it nice in savannah?

It's considered one of the most

kind of haunted cities in america. Mm-hmm.

Savannah was a big civil war town.

Yes. There's a couple of big battles, like all around there.

But this, is a video. It's a ghost captured on camera.

Pretty convincing.

That is the colonial park cemetery.

It is one of the oldest cemeteries in savannah,

and there's been lots of paranormal activity

reported at that location.

So the guy filming was just taking it all in,

observing the history, as you do.

When all of a sudden, out of nowhere,

what looks to be a ghost of a small child

just starts running through the tombstones.

Man: Hold on.

He obviously was shaken up.

So what do you think? -No.

Okay, so before you say no, just hang on and watch this.

♪♪

so it seems to almost fly up a tree,

and then eventually falls down and disappears into thin air.

♪♪

I didn't see him climb up the tree.

Did you see it clearly?

Well, you see, he just goes behind it

and then you see something shoot down out of the tree.

I'll play it again.

Look, he goes up,

and eventually drops down and poof, gone.

I don't know.

The thing that makes it weird for me is that it --

okay, it looks like just a kid running around.

But why would a kid be running around,

by himself, in a cemetery?

Climbing trees like [bleep] spider-man.

I don't know. But I tell you that's a fool.

The people that walk past, you can see them quite clearly.

Yeah. If you notice, too,

the people that are walking, they look -- don't see him.

They don't pay attention to him, but they also --

so you're thinking this could have been doctored?

Like a -- -nine times out of 10, yeah.

Okay. If it's not a ghost,

do you think it's just a kid screwing around?

That isn't that convincing to me. Yeah.

He looks ghostly, but then again, it could be fake.

Solidified.

Okay. What are you? I think you kind of --

I think you want to believe.

-I'm not sure. -Could this be an osbourne?

What would you give it?

Four.

All righty. Moving on.

Now, this next clip is from when I was doing an investigation

at the lalaurie mansion, in new orleans.

It's that place we went to.

This house has a rich history of hauntings.

Oh, when I went there, I thought it was a load of old bollocks.

We had some stuff happen there, though,

that was a bit different from when we were there.

The ghosts were at [bleep] mardi gras when we were there.

[ laughs ]

♪♪

so you think there's an actual body in the water?

Okay. Fair enough. Moving on.

♪♪

[ thunder cracks, ozzy laughs maniacally ]

♪♪

all right. Here we are. We are back.

Are you guys ready to believe again?

-I am ready. -She's had time to convert me.

All right. We're at the halfway mark.

So do or die.

♪♪

[ thunder cracks, ozzy laughs maniacally ]

this next clip is a ghost that interrupts dinner.

Oh.

Okay, so this took place a couple years ago,

and this couple is just sitting in their kitchen,

having a bit of dinner, no big deal.

Then something caught their eye on their security camera feed.

The guy rushes over to get a closer look,

and the woman follows, and this is what they saw.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

so what makes this really credible for me,

is that the woman in this video

actually works in law enforcement

in the state of new mexico.

She would have had an awful lot to lose if this was a hoax.

I don't think she's faking it. What about you guys?

♪♪

it walks like it's a human walking.

Yes, but when you keep going over and over --

aren't most of them digital, though?

I don't know if that applies with digital.

Oh, I don't know. I'm just saying.

This one five for me.

It's five for you? All right.

Let's say it's not a ghost. What do you think it could be?

So you think it could be a double exposed footage?

Mum? I think you're starting to believe.

I think...

I don't know what it is.

♪♪

that's what I think.

♪♪

do you think it's a ghost or not?

I don't know.

So it could be a ghost then?

If you had a choice, you say ghost or not ghost.

What would you say?

Yes or no.

Ish. No.

No. Okay.

Do you believe in ghosts, jack?

I do, but I think there's -- it's not what we think it is.

-Okay. -I actually think primarily --

I do think that there is some cases

where there is an intelligent entity coming through, some way.

I actually --

I think that's a part of it.

But I actually think that primarily,

we're encountering some unknown energy source,

which is causing hallucinations.

So you know people that live under power lines,

they'll get headaches?

What if there's -- we just don't know how to like --

we didn't know how to detect radiation.

But also, animals can sense things that we can't.

They learned it to build things.

We forgot to use things.

Yeah. Like, you know, we have senses.

You know when -- have you ever felt

like someone's creeping up behind you,

and you turn around and someone is creeping up behind you?

That's because we have these ability to --

[ crickets chirping ]

yeah. So, I do believe in ghosts.

I just think that there's different categories

as to what a ghost is.

Now, this next clip is from when I was doing an investigation

at the lalaurie mansion in new orleans.

It's that place we went to.

Oh, when I went there, I thought it was a load of old bollocks.

We had some stuff happen there, though,

that was a bit different from when we were there.

The ghosts were at [bleep] mardi gras when we were there.

[ laughs ]

we use different gear, when we're doing ghost hunts.

We use one bit of gear called sls imaging.

It's technology from video games that maps people.

So you ever see those games where you don't actually use

a controller, it can just see you? Mm-hmm.

Well, that technology is designed to

recognize humans by --

it's got like 16 different points that basically says,

"that's a human and not a chair."

so we'll use that sometimes,

and the theory is that the laser grid can pick up entities.

Very much fringe science, very theoretical.

And then we also use this gear

called a ghost box or a geoport.

And this will take sound,

and scramble up am and fm radio.

And the thought is that ghosts can manipulate it to tell --

-talk. -To talk through. Exactly.

♪♪

I should mention why we went here in the first place.

This house has a rich history of hauntings.

And it's probably as a result from the alleged tortures

that took place here.

In the early 1800s, this place was owned

by the notorious madame lalaurie.

Simply put, an evil person.

She'd not only own slaves,

she actually brutally killed many of them.

During our investigation,

we weren't sure who was going to come through.

But when we set up our ghost box,

we definitely got something.

Katrina: Can you use this device to talk to us?

♪♪

so look, that's katrina there,

but it's picking up something in the chair.

Okay.

So we use this special technology

that is used to map human bodies.

And then we started asking questions.

And it could definitely see us.

If you can see all of these people in this kitchen,

the ones that are dressed like me,

how many of us are there?

♪♪

-it just said nine. -It just said nine.

Did it really? Are there nine people here?

♪♪

there are nine people here.

That's a good little trick.

♪♪

so it, you know,

there was something that kept appearing in the chair,

and then when we asked the ghost box,

"how many people are here?"

it said nine, and there were nine of them.

Nine. And there were nine people. Yeah.

Did you feel to anything in the house?

Oh, yeah. That place freaked me out.

We had a couple crazy things.

A candle blew out at one point,

just, like, right in front of us.

It didn't even blow out.

Lit the candle and all of a sudden they just went...

The flame just vanished, it didn't blow.

Mm-hmm. Just gone.

Yeah. You know when a candle runs out of wax? Yeah. Yeah.

And it goes to the bottom and then the flame just...

That's essentially what it did.

It was the weirdest thing. We were like, "huh?"

and we heard, like, intelligent tapping on the walls.

-Is it a big place? -Yeah, it's pretty big.

-Looks like a nice place. -Yeah.

But it's supposed to be the most haunted house in america.

And because during the slave time

the person that owned the house already made,

if I remember it right, kept slaves in the attic.

And they'd torture them and do all kinds of [bleep] things.

Yeah. What triggered it was

that she kept going to, like, the slave market.

And she kept, over a period of time,

she kept buying new slaves.

And everyone was like, well, where --

what are you doing with all of these slaves?

Yeah, where are they? And so the police were called

and because it still was illegal to murder your slaves,

though granted they didn't necessarily enforce it --

they used to kill them, but if it was blatant, I suppose.

Yeah. Whatever it was, the cops turned up and were like,

"what the hell is going on? Why have you acquired

nine new slaves in such a short amount of time?"

and she made up some excuse of like,

"oh, one went to my other property

and the other this that."

and so it kind of put her on the radar with the cops.

And then there was a fire, and when the fire happened

they uncovered these atrocious conditions,

and they found bodies in the well and things like that.

So she was just murdering them all?

Yeah. They kind of consider her the first female serial killer

in american history.

With all that history it wouldn't surprise me

that people have the experience where you'd think that --

on a one to 10 scale I'll put that as a eight.

Oh, an eight? Okay.

I'll take that on the woogie boogie scale.

Did you spend the night there?

Yeah. We spent a lot of time there.

We were there for three days.

If all that horrible things had gone on in a house,

I believe that a house holds energy.

-Mm-hmm. -I do.

Yes, I do.

I want you to have something checked about this house

because I've got a really weird feeling in this house.

I'm telling you that.

I can have someone come do it.

This woman, michelle,

I can have her come do a cleansing of the house.

-Oh, that'll be good. Yeah. -She runs --

she knows all the right dolphins.

She's a bit fishy. [ laughs ]

come on, let's get on with this.

Yeah, I'm laughing at my own joke.

What was the movie where they had the reptile

and she had sex with him, too?

Oh, [bleep].

What was that movie?

It was the dumbest [bleep] film ever and it won oscars.

♪♪

what do you need, jack?

Get me a dolphin.

If you get a dolphin, would you guess he's got a mate?

Jack, do you remember when we went swimming with the dolphins?

Yeah, I went recently.

Did it get fruity?

-No. -Okay.

It didn't get fruity.

♪♪

[ thunder cracks, ozzy laughs maniacally ]

♪♪

there's me and mama in the house.

It went down, I went, "oh, no."

halfway in between...

Getting stuck in the elevator, can you imagine?

I was going, this is going to be a bad thing, man.

Come on, let's go, next one.

♪♪

[ thunder cracks, ozzy laughs maniacally ]

have you guys ever heard about the theory

of the reptilian humanoids? They appeared --

-what? -Reptilian humanoids.

Now, what was the movie where they had the reptile

and she had him living in the bath

and she had sex with him, too?

Oh, [bleep].

No, what was the movie?

What was that movie?

-"aquaman." -no.

-Yeah, it was like -- -no.

It was the dumbest [bleep] film ever, and it won oscars.

But it's about a reptilian --

yeah. It's about a woman who's [bleep] her pet lizard.

-What's it? -Yeah, fish.

-Yeah, fishman. -"the shape of water."

-shape of the water. -"shape of water."

oh, my god. What a [bleep].

That was the biggest load of bollocks I ever saw in my life.

And everyone was like, "it's so irreverent."

you know what? It was a cool looking film.

The special effects were great. But the moment she --

the storyline was [bleep].

-She had a rubber suit on! -But she [bleep] --

if I had one of them, I'd sell tickets!

[ cash register bell dings ]

all right. So a reptilian humanoids,

they've appeared in folklore fiction and conspiracy theories.

Some believe they are mutated reptiles -- no, next.

Like lizardman found in the south.

No.

Some think that they are some strange, like if dinosaurs --

-well, you know something -- -like a crocodile.

If I was an alien, I would live in the ocean if I could.

But yeah, it's great. It's full of all sorts of deliciousness.

But how do we know that aliens don't live under the ocean?

We're not talking about aliens,

we're talking about lizard people.

Just a thought.

Okay, what's next? Put it on.

Man: Oh, oh, oh, oh.

So these two guys that you see here,

they were on a little biking adventure together,

just a few hours outside of bangkok,

in a city named hua hin.

Man: Are we there? Are we there?

They eventually get to the top of this remote mountaintop.

Hello!

There is no reason for anyone else to be up there.

There's literally nothing around.

What the [bleep] that?

And then they hear something strange.

Sounds like a dolphin.

Enough with the dolphins!

You're obsessed with dolphins today.

All right, just telling you.

They went for a closer luck and saw this.

♪♪

it looks like a giant reptile-like creature.

Watch it again in slow motion.

And if I stop it right here,

you can see this enormous reptilian-like hand.

♪♪

how weird is that?

It looks odd, I must admit. But I don't [bleep] know.

The guy that shot that has now basically devoted his life

into researching what the hell he saw.

And he's moved to the area, he's, like, given up his job

and is like, all he does is research -- that.

...That and what the [bleep] it was

and where did it come from, and so...

Do they grow marijuana there?

It is thailand, so probably.

Now, there's also, with the reptilian humanoids,

there is a conspiracy theory

that they actually run the world.

Like the queen of England is a reptilian.

Who says that?

Conspiracy theorists.

Duke of edinburgh.

[ laughs ]

that's such an old english joke. The duke of edinburgh.

[ mock laughing ]

[ laughs ]

so where would you rate that clip

on the scale of woogie boogie?

-Four. -Four?

Well, I'd give it a four.

Okay. If it's not a reptilian humanoid,

what do you think it is?

Somebody swimming.

But it wasn't in the water.

-Somebody, what else? -No!

-Oh, I thought it was -- -it was up a mountain.

Where did he [bleep] disappear to then?

Behind a bush.

Well, he didn't go to [bleep] buckingham palace,

that's for sure, mind you.

The queen of England's a reptile. [ laughs ]

next.

This was shot by a friend of mine, a guy named ben.

He was in the fbi and he retired out of the fbi

and became a paranormal investigator.

You can bump the fence or just knock the water bottle off.

Now hold on a minute, because why did they think

that that museum that houses trains was haunted?

Because he was a flying scotsman.

♪♪

[ thunder cracks, ozzy laughs maniacally ]

♪♪

ugh.

[ yawns ]

ha, ha.

♪♪

hee, hee.

Oh, [bleep].

♪♪

[ thunder cracks, ozzy laughs maniacally ]

all right, this is the final clip.

This was shot by a friend of mine, a guy named ben.

Ben is a retired, uh,

he was in the fbi and he retired out of the fbi

and became a paranormal investigator.

Very credible,

does not mince his words, he's really like,

he will call something [bleep] --

we are seeing a clip

from when he was investigating in australia

and a bottle of water gets thrown by a ghost.

♪♪

I wonder if that experience in australia...

[ speaks indistinctly ]

♪♪

so this footage was taken at the national railway museum

in port adelaide, australia.

So here's my friend ben,

who's there leading a ghost hunt.

He put a water bottle on a railing

just to see if it would attract some kind of ghostly activity.

You can come and bump it.

You can bump the fence or just knock the water bottle off.

♪♪

it's been set up.

But if you notice nobody is touching the fence.

Now watch the bottle.

It's not somebody with a [bleep] bit of freak wires.

I don't think ben would fake this.

I know ben would not fake this.

But they're all about a foot away.

I got chills, oh, my god.

♪♪

no, I don't believe it, it's a bit of fish wire or --

what did ben say it felt like or...

He freaked out.

If you see he's like, "I got chills."

he says that in the footage, but yeah.

[ speaks indistinctly ] three.

A three on the woogie boogie scale?

-Yeah. -Mum?

-Four. -Four? Okay. Interesting.

If it wasn't a ghost moving it or some kind of entity,

what do you think, do you think it just --

it either slipped up or somebody was set to fall itself.

Okay.

If I saw that I'd go, "oh, no, the bottle fell off the fence,

let me put it back on again." I wouldn't even think of it.

Would you think it was a dolphin?

Well, you've looked like a dolphin's [bleep]

in a bowl.

Now hold on a minute, because why did they think

that that museum that houses trains was haunted?

It's a known location.

Because he was a flying scotsman.

With a dolphin on its back?

Yeah.

Shagging a pirate.

-Argh. -Argh, argh, argh.

And a patch on.

Well.

The dolphin had to wear a patch

after the pirate's looking at it.

You know what? You guys are perverts.

So overall, how are we feeling? Are we convinced?

Are we moving the ball down the field a little bit?

I'm skeptical. I'm a bit of a skeptic.

Just some of the footage that you shown me, I go...

All right.

Some of them [bleep] airplanes being chased by [bleep] ducks

so I don't really think...

All right, so we'll just pick it up next time.

-Yep. -Yep.

All right. Onward. Let's go get dinner.

All right.

So if you at home have any spooky clips,

make sure you hashtag osbournesbelieve

and we'll be sure to check it out.

Excuse me, [bleep] skippy.

Hi, pirate.

-Let's go get dinner! -[ laughs ]

is that a dolphin?

[ panting ]

man: All aboard the crazy train!

[ ozzy laughs ]

that was the biggest load of bollocks

I ever saw in my life.

Where was this?

In the sky.

See you next week! Whoo.