Original subtitles

Kellogg's, the best to you each morning, from Kellogg's.

Brought to you by Kellogg's your best choice in cereals the best to you each

morning

In the early days of the West, bad men swooped down on towns looting and

robbing. Then they would hightail it back to their hideouts in bad guy's

territory.

Only the bravest of lawmen dared to follow.

And such a lawman was one Quick Draw McGraw with his sidekick, Baba Louie.

Whoa, Baba Louie!

What says the sign, Quick Draw?

Says here, bad guy's territory.

Bad guys welcome.

Good guys unwelcome.

I don't think we better go there. Ain't we the good guys?

Tombstone Jones is in there with the bank money.

And we're gonna get it.

See, Quicksdra, we gonna get it.

Here, put this mustache on.

What's for these whiskers?

That's to disguise us, Baba. We gotta look like bad guys.

Follow me.

All right, good guys.

Stick them up.

Uh-oh.

It's Tom Stones Jones.

And you guys are good guys.

Oh, no, sir.

We're not good guys.

We're shooting... and rooting the tooting brothers and don't you forget it

oh yeah how fast can you draw a gun that's how

fast i can draw a gun why are you phony we didn't get the bank money quick

draw i still say we're gonna get it

you are so right amigo

before you do me such a dirty trick, Quickstraw.

Stop affrontin', Bubba Louie.

Bad guys don't never harm a poor, helpless widder and her hungry, infant

youngin'. Please, kind

sir, don't shoot.

Aw, it's just a poor, defenseless widder woman and her hungry, homely

youngin'. Homely?

Goo-goo.

Kitchy, kitchy, coo. Ooh, that guy's real hungry.

Yes, sir.

Boo-hoo.

And we have no place to stay.

Well, now, don't fret none, ma'am.

Welcome to bad guy's territory, you pretty little doll.

I told you we'd get in.

See? But you didn't tell me how we're gonna get out.

Anybody to home?

Come in.

I brung you a present, sweetie pie.

Oh, there's the bank money.

Oh, how sweet of you.

Just what I always wanted, money.

Just what I always wanted, flowers.

I'm plumb shook up with your beauty, ma'am. How sweet!

What is it about me that shook you up?

You remind me of my horse, your cute little old cactus.

Go,

go. Bang, bang.

Why, bust my britches. The little vermin took my shooting iron.

Go, go. Stick some up.

Now, ain't that cute?

This young'un's a natural-born bad guy.

Now, you wouldn't shoot a poor, unarmed polecat like me, would you?

You come back here with that bank money.

Why, you sawed-off little...

Kiss the baby.

Take that again!

Oh, okay.

I'm sorry, brat.

Yow!

Haven't you fed this hungry infant yet?

Hey!

Goo-goo, money.

I'll goo-goo you, you little coyote.

Where's the money?

Why, you!

Oh, now, ain't that cute?

The little fella's sleeping with the money.

I'll just douse the light and tippy-toe out.

Ow!

Ah-ha! I caught ya!

Oh, put the saddle on the stove.

riding the range tonight.

Come back here with my bank money, you little sawed-off varmint.

Gotcha. Let me have it.

Take that, that, that, that, that, and that.

Ooh-wee.

Oh, you got real spunk, ma'am. Lucky for me, you can't draw a gun.

Well, how do you figure that?

And this is Rudin, the other Tutin brother.

Sticks him up. Oh, now, you wouldn't shoot a ring-tailed varmint like me,

would you?

I reckon he would.

Honest, fellas, I'm ready for him. I'm a good guy. Honest, I'm good.

We can't all be good guys.

Keeps moving, bad guy.

Keeps moving.

Okay, but watch it. Will you watch it? That thing's loaded.

What a kid.

My name's Snooper. I'm a private eye.

Cat eye, that is.

And this defective detective is my assistant, Blabbermouse.

One night, we were staked out by the bridge, waiting for a suspect.

Any suspect.

Suddenly, my private eye fell on a hot item in the paper.

I hollered, Hey, Blabbermouse!

Hey, Blab! Hit the deck! Uh-huh? Who?

Listen. Cat left million.

Fortune left the bed.

Aloysius gets all.

Butler gets nothing.

Imagine, leaving a million bucks to a cat.

And what's wrong with that?

Hey, Blab, look it. A suspicious type big black sedan.

They tossed a sack in the river.

And there's something in it, Blab.

A pinch-penny poor pussycat.

Whom, Bennett?

Whom else?

The butler.

Give me the facts, Max.

All my trouble started the day they read the will.

According to the will, your late master leaves 100 acres of downtown Dallas

to my most faithful friend, my cat, Aloysius.

Next. I leave my three golf clubs, Lakeside, Forest Hills, and Pebble

Beach, to you-know-who, Aloysius.

And being of sound mind, I leave my butler, Hives, nothing.

I got the feeling the butler didn't like me.

Then what, Al?

A week later, I walked into my study and came face to face with...

Myself. Hives, whom is this imposter?

Hives, whom is this phony baloney?

Shall I throw the phony baloney out, sir?

Let's, Hives.

You'll never get away with this, Hives.

On the contrary, sir. It's in the bag.

Next thing I knew...

dunked in a drink.

Obviously, you need the services of a professional snooper. And blabbermouth.

And for a small exorbitant fee.

Oh, I'll gladly pay you $150,000.

$150,000? American money.

Isn't $150,000 enough?

Indubitably, Crumpet, I am one of the brighter butlers.

Aren't you, Og?

Did you catch my act in bed?

Ives, throw this imposter out.

At once, sir.

What a team.

Ives and Crumpet.

That butler has bottled his last bottle.

Allie, we're gonna use you for bait.

Me? Bait?

First the butler, then Crumpet. Ready, men?

And half a million for me.

And 20 years in jail for the both of you.

It's him, Aloysius.

You're expecting maybe Little Red Riding Hood?

Stop that blooming tent!

Remember, Blant.

First, Aloysius. First, Aloysius.

Next, Crumpet. Next, Crumpet. Then drop the ironing board on Hive's noggin.

Gotcha, Snoop!

Here they come.

Aloysius. Check.

Crumpet. Check.

Himes. Check.

Gosh, no.

Say something.

I've done it.

Same instructions.

First, Aloysius.

Next, Crumpet. Then pull the rope and trip Fatso to Butler.

Got ya, Snoop! I'll stand back here where I'll be safe.

One for the money.

Two for the show.

Three to get it.

Please, Blab. This time, leave us not goof.

Shall we go?

Let's cramp it, old chum.

Uh-oh. We goofed.

Flemish face it, folks.

The good guys don't...

Oh, Dad.

Yes, son? I'm on my way at last.

Father who loves me better than anything.

On your way where, apple of my eye, son?

To Mars, Dad.

You remember those cereal box tops, Dad?

Certainly I do, my son.

Well, what I did, I sent them in, see?

And they sent me my own flying saucer.

Have a nice trip, Augie, my boy.

But be back in time to do your homework.

Right, Dad.

What an imagination that son of mine has.

He's a regular Julia Spiney.

Augie, what are you doing?

Nothing, Dad.

I just forgot my lunch. So long, Dad.

So long, son.

Augie. Augie, come back.

Augie, did you hear me?

Oh, did you call me, dear dad?

Any right-thinking father would say what I'm gonna say. My son, my son.

Oh, which is what, my dad?

Get out of that thing!

Oh, the shame of it. My very own dad.

Interfering with science, progress, and the exploration of outer space.

No, okay, I ain't doing any such thing.

I'm talking, even way up here.

I think I better test out this saucer before I head for Mars.

Slow down there, honky boy.

Your dad's weakening fast.

He sure knows how to handle a flying saucer.

For the last time, son, I command you to stop.

Sir Reginald. Officer, you've got to...

saucer so uh what else is new yeah but this one has a dog in it hey he's

holding up a sign it says which way to mars and now he's waving what do we do

well i got a suggestion let's get out of here

Flying saucer? Certainly.

He went that-a-way. Thanks.

You know, I think I'm about ready for that little chicken ranch.

I'll find Mars myself and make my daddy proud.

Maybe they'll help me.

Hey, what's going on?

Oh, no, no. Hey, officer.

What are they shooting at, sir?

It's a UFO.

An unidentified flying object.

That's no UFO.

That's my little Augie up there.

You gotta make him stop shooting at my boy.

Attention.

Attention.

Cease fire. But Target has vanished into outer space.

Vanished? My little Augie.

Gone.

Augie, my son, my son.

Ethan, I only had you back.

Good night, Augie, my boy, wherever you are.

Maybe there's a new dog star.

In heaven tonight.

Augie, what are you doing down here when you should be up there?

Hello, dear old Papa Dad.

I said I'd be back in time to do my homework.

I know, I know, but who or what is that?

Oh, him?

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

He's a friend of mine from Mars, and he promised to help me with my homework.

All I can say is, how many kids got a real live Martian for a house guest?

I ask you.

Your best choice in cereals. The best to you each morning has brought you Quick

Draw McGraw.