Original subtitles

James, you going to jump? What? He said

you're going to jump. I don't know. It

kind of looks like a far drop, doesn't

it?

>> Oh, [ __ ] [ __ ] Big dick Nick!

Come on, James. LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT.

>> GROW A PAIR OF BALLS AND JUMP.

He's not going to do it.

It's a little cold, but it's not too

bad. Yeah, you guys look a little cold.

Those girls on the bridge were all hot

as [ __ ]

>> Yo, I'd like to spend a night with them

and show them how I [ __ ]

As if you could handle them. Do you know

who you're talking to? Every girl in

Barnstable County knows I got the best

dick game in Cape Cod.

>> Wet dreams don't count, Nick.

Yo, James, what do you think of them?

I I thought they were like cute.

That's it, dude. Come on. Come on. We

get the whole I went to Catholic school

virgin thing, but don't you want to get

your dick wet before college? I mean,

I'm not like always horny 24/7 or

anything. Let's put it this way.

Which one did you find attractive?

Uh the the one in the pink? Okay. Okay.

Well, would you [ __ ] her?

>> I

Yeah.

Yeah, I but I don't know if I'd like a

[ __ ] like right away like I

>> James,

it's not that serious. Treat the [ __ ]

like she's yours. Girls love to feel

your touch.

>> Get that [ __ ] out of there. I mean, Oh,

James.

>> [screaming]

[laughter]

>> James, dog, [ __ ] is everywhere. I'm

sure one of them will [ __ ] you tonight.

Unless you're in the closet. I mean,

maybe Dylan could invite some dudes over

who could [ __ ] you.

But you'll never know what it's like to

be a man until you [ __ ] a girl, eh?

Let's go, boys.

Here we are.

Yo, James, you forgot

Whatever.

Ooh. Hey, cut that [ __ ] out.

All right, bullpen.

Yo, James,

want a hit?

Yo, Dylan,

why'd you bring James?

He's cool, man. We've been friends with

him since we were kids. He's your

friend, not mine. Plus, he's giving me

gay vibes. Look, man, I assure you he

likes girls.

He just doesn't have much experience

with them.

>> Yeah, no [ __ ]

You got that.

Th- Thank you.

You okay?

I'm fine.

Hey.

I want to apologize for putting you on

the spot earlier with Nick.

He can be a bit of a dick sometimes.

Yeah, it's it's okay.

Hey, Dylan. Um Yeah.

I just wanted to say thank you for like

bringing me to your Cape house this

weekend. It really means a lot to me.

Yeah, man.

I got you.

Yo, James. Nick's cooking you meat up

there. Get your ass out here. I'm I'm

com- coming.

How's your burger?

Tastes like [ __ ] Don't like it, you can

come over here and cook it yourself. I

would, but I'm probably going to go to

the store to get some Trojans. Yo, that

shit's too tight for my dick. Got to get

your pullout game going. [ __ ] love

it.

Aren't you afraid that you're going to

get a girl pregnant?

If I [ __ ] on her, then no.

Didn't they teach you anything in sex

ed?

I went to an all-boys Catholic school.

They didn't really teach us anything

about sex.

>> Yeah, cuz they shove Jesus and [ __ ] down

your throat.

Well, they taught us that premarital sex

is a sin and if you do it, you're going

to go to hell like Adam and Eve and the

temptation.

>> actually believe in that [ __ ] do you?

No. No, of course not. No. At least

explains why you're a virgin. I'm

telling you, Catholic girls are all

dying to get [ __ ] Not all of them.

Nick has a point. They get married

young, slick in those virginity, and

stay pure with God. Look, all you got to

do is let that [ __ ] know you got a

massive [ __ ]

We all know James has a micro penis. I

don't have a micro penis, Nick.

Oh, yeah?

Show us. Nick, chill. That's kind of

gay. Shut the [ __ ] up. We all know I'm

not [ __ ] gay.

Why don't you whip it out? Show us that

famous dick of yours, James.

Why are you so obsessed with my dick,

Nick? Because no girls want to [ __ ] it.

Explains why you got no game.

James,

you want to go to the store with me?

Why does Nick have to be such an

[ __ ]

He walks around dick first thinking he

owns the whole planet. The whole world

always has to revolve around him.

I know. It's just he he treats me like

I'm some

[ __ ] joke.

But don't take [ __ ] from Nick.

Between you and I, girls I know who

[ __ ] him says he sucks in bed.

Really? Yeah. He can't get his tool up.

Little dicky Nicky.

>> [laughter]

>> He doesn't like to talk about it.

>> Oh.

All right.

Ready? 3 2 1. Nick's a [ __ ]

douchebag. Ah. Nick's a [ __ ]

douchebag.

>> Nick's a [ __ ] douchebag.

Nick's a [ __ ] douchebag. Yo, that

girl in pink? Yeah. You totally got her,

dude. You think? Yeah, dude. She was

eyeing you up and down.

All right, you get the liquor. I'll get

the Magnums.

Big night coming ahead? What?

I said big night coming ahead.

Uh uh

yeah, I'm a massive night coming ahead.

Hey, you're the kid from the bridge that

didn't jump, right?

Uh

no no uh

see uh that that was actually my friend

Nick Bay.

People call him like Big Dick Nick, but

he's really

he's really got the Danny DeVito of

penises.

Like small [ __ ] type [ __ ]

Hey, um

do you like want or like need any

alcohol? Like

there's like a fine selection of wine.

Well, yeah, if you're paying.

Thanks for the vodka. Uh James. James.

Nice to meet you.

I'm Carolyn. Nice to meet you.

I like the song Carolyn. She's the

reason for the word [ __ ]

You know, that

I'm not calling you a [ __ ] I just

thought

Um,

so my friends are throwing a party

tonight at my house. It's actually

Dylan's house, but I I don't know if

you'd be like

interested in coming.

You're invited. Yeah, maybe.

Really?

Sure.

Okay, then I'll see you tonight, right?

See you tonight.

>> [singing]

[music]

>> Yo, James. You ready?

>> [singing]

>> She kissed me. She did it. She kissed

me.

>> [singing and music]

[singing]

[music]

>> So one of these girls coming over, huh?

They should be here soon. 7:30. 8:00

actually.

Any minute. Any minute now.

Speak of the devil.

How's it going, ladies? Hi. Welcome.

I'm James. Hi, I'm James.

I'm Jess.

This is Nikki. Hey, how are you? Good.

You too.

Carolyn's mine tonight.

Don't [ __ ] with me.

So is anyone else coming? Nah, just us

for tonight. I thought you said earlier

more people were coming.

Where do you all go to school again? I

have a guess. Let's take ourselves some

shots.

All right, who wants a drink?

Cheers.

Yes. Cheers.

Have a fun night.

James,

want [clears throat] to shotgun?

No, I'm all set. What did I say about

being a party pooper? Come on, just one

for the girls.

Beer?

What, you can't handle your hard liquor?

Shut the [ __ ] up.

Stop being a [ __ ] and shotgun with me.

Unless you don't have the balls to quit

being a [ __ ] ass virgin.

READY?

SET. GO.

>> [cheering and applause]

>> LET'S GO.

HOW'S IT LIKE BEING A [ __ ]

[ __ ]

>> [laughter]

>> OKAY, WE CAN WALK TO THE OH [ __ ] god.

Hey, what's up? How's it going?

I'm having fun. Yeah. I love this place.

I used to come down here in this

neighborhood every summer when I was a

kid.

>> You came down here? Yeah, all the time.

I used to come down here all the time.

>> I did too. I did too. No way. Yeah. No.

No.

When I was like like really young.

>> [laughter]

>> That's so funny.

Yeah. Well, this weekend was really fun.

And look at all these photos. Oh my

gosh.

Look at this photo of Nick. He looks

like such a douchebag. He is

He is a douchebag. [laughter] He's a

[ __ ] [ __ ] And I just

[ __ ] his [ __ ] up.

>> [laughter]

>> Cheers to that, right?

>> Yeah. Cheers to [ __ ]

>> [laughter]

>> My gosh. Yeah.

You okay?

Yeah.

No, but really, why are they such

[ __ ] to you all the time?

What?

Well,

I think

you're different than the rest of them.

What the [ __ ] am I my

You're a lot more mature and

I don't know.

You just seem different.

Do you want to get out of here and go

somewhere a little more quiet?

Like the bathroom?

Okay.

Come on.

This is Nick's room. He's so [ __ ]

pissed.

>> [laughter]

>> Just want to wash it. They're expensive.

What the [ __ ]

I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. I'M I'm

I'm sorry. What's wrong? Don't you like

me?

I

Yeah, I I just

I just think that we're going a bit too

fast.

James,

are you a virgin?

Don't you want this?

I I just

I want to make love, don't you?

No.

I just wanted to have fun tonight.

Look, James, I'm sorry. You're really

nice, but

I think I'm just at a different place in

my life.

Here.

I'm sorry.

It's like ghost staring

It's roaring down here. There's another

[ __ ] happening. Carolyn and James are

staring and come on, baby.

Don't you want me?

>> Don't [ __ ] touch me.

GET THE [ __ ]

OFF HER. YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A BUNCH OF

[ __ ] [ __ ] WHAT THE [ __ ] DID YOU

JUST CALL US? [ __ ] YOU, SHREK. Stop

being [ __ ] you musty [ __ ] Why are

YOU SUCH AN [ __ ]

>> CUZ I DON'T [ __ ] CARE. GET THE [ __ ]

OUT OF MY HOUSE. THIS IS MY [ __ ]

PROPERTY.

>> WHAT THE [ __ ] IS WRONG WITH YOU? IT'S MY

[ __ ] HOUSE. SO CHILL THE [ __ ] OUT.

>> [ __ ] PARTY. HEY, GET THE [ __ ] OUT OF

THIS

GET YOUR [ __ ] HANDS OFF. OH, LOOK WHO

showed up. HOW'S YOUR QUICK [ __ ] with

Carolyn? It doesn't look like you [ __ ]

her at all.

Pick a chill.

Chill. I'm [ __ ] chilling. I'm like

you humiliate me in front of these

[ __ ] [ __ ]

[ __ ] out of my

Make me.

Since you don't have the balls to be a

[ __ ] man.

Carolyn,

did you know James has a [ __ ] micro

penis? Shut up, Nick. Explains why he

didn't want to [ __ ] him, huh?

DO YOU [ __ ] TALK TO HER LIKE THAT?

YOU PIECE OF [ __ ]

LOOK AT ME.

LOOK AT ME.

I KNOW MY WORTH.

AND I'M MORE of a man than you'll

[snorts] ever

[ __ ] be.

[ __ ] off of me.

>> Oh.