Original subtitles

[sighs]

>> You know, when we met last month,

I couldn't even believe you were talking

to me.

Every guy in that bar wanted you, but

you picked me.

But ever since then, it's just felt like

I mean, do you even like me?

Cuz I just I can't be in another

situation where I don't feel wanted.

Life's hard enough, you know?

>> Not really.

>> I'm sorry. I don't need you to respond.

This is really just more for me to

practice

cuz I'm really not great with breakups.

>> What are you, 21?

>> 19.

>> Jesus. Okay. Well, talk to me when

you're 35 and you've had every door

slammed in your face.

Some days it's like, "I want my mommy."

I mean, not my actual mommy. We don't

talk, but

>> Okay. Uh

can you order? Cuz I'm going to get in

trouble.

>> Oh, um

I should probably wait.

>> [sighs and panting]

>> I got caught in traffic for an hour,

then I couldn't [ __ ] find parking.

>> How was work?

>> Sucked. [ __ ] Mary Anne has COVID

again, so everyone's coming to me with

their problems.

How was your day?

>> [sighs]

>> It was fine.

>> Ugh. Does everything here have cheese?

>> Actually, I got another grant rejection

for my play. So

>> Everything okay?

>> Yeah, it's my mom won't stop calling.

Birthday stuff.

>> Aw.

Whose birthday?

>> It's mine.

Next Saturday.

Are you free?

>> Oh, um I I actually don't know cuz I I

haven't gotten my work schedule.

>> can you let me know ASAP cuz I

I kind of told her we'd come over.

>> I'm sorry, you want me to meet your

mother? You've never even mentioned her

before.

>> Yeah, well we have a complicated

relationship, but

I told her about you and

she's excited, so

Please, I

I just can't handle her alone.

>> [music]

>> Yeah, um

maybe this was a this is a mistake.

>> Really?

Cuz yeah, yeah, we don't have to.

It's going to be great.

Hey.

Happy birthday.

Ugh, your palms are sweaty.

Mom!

>> Happy birthday, baby.

Come here, give me a kiss.

Oh, there he is.

Can you believe 31 years ago I gave

birth to this handsome man?

>> [laughter]

>> That was not rhetorical, Olga.

>> Mom.

>> Hm?

Oh. Oh, you must be Lewis.

>> No, it's Louie, Mom.

>> Well, isn't that short for Lewis?

>> I mean

I don't know, is it?

>> I'm sorry, what is happening here?

Your mom is Marilyn Moff?

>> I certainly am, in the felt.

>> This is so [ __ ] crazy. I have

worshipped you since I was a kid.

>> Oh my god, I'm going to scream.

>> Okay now, honey. Honey, calm down, okay?

Olga, why don't you take Louie into the

living room and Xander and I will be

there in a minute. Okay? Thank you.

>> This was like my favorite show growing

up.

Holy [ __ ]

>> [laughter]

>> I'll never forget the night I won that.

I was in the bathroom when they called

my name. Kirstie Alley, burst in, and

said, "Pull your panties up, [ __ ] You

won."

So, I run to the back of the ballroom.

Obviously, I've got short legs. I'm not

going to make it in time. So, O.J.

Simpson, this was the '80s, remember,

picks me up and Hail Mary's me up onto

the stage. Luckily, I was a dancer, so I

landed in a split.

>> I know. I watched it on YouTube like a

million times. I have seen drag queens

lip sync your entire speech.

>> Oh, dear. You're a real fan, huh?

>> Oh, I'm a total muff diver. It's what we

call ourselves online.

>> I know.

Lewis,

put the globe down.

We should talk.

>> Sure.

Where's Xander?

>> Oh, he's on the phone with his

therapist.

Why?

>> Why wouldn't he just tell me you're his

mom?

>> He's not great with his big boy

feelings, you know? Gets that from my

ex. But, I did my best. I'm just glad he

finally found a therapist he likes.

>> YOU'RE NOT [ __ ] LISTENING TO ME!

>> SO, Xander tells me you're a writer.

>> Oh,

yeah, I'm a playwright.

Or I'm trying to be.

>> God, I miss the theater.

I haven't been on stage since

>> Roxie at the Bowl.

I was there. You were magnificent.

>> [music]

>> Actually,

there is a role in my new play that you

would be perfect for. You'd be

my mother.

>> Ah.

>> Maybe I could

send you the script.

>> Mm.

Might have to be our little secret,

honey.

Give me your hand.

I like you, Lewis. But my son

really likes you.

And that's what really matters to me.

>> [music]

>> You want to know the greatest role of my

life?

Being his mom.

>> Oh.

Yeah, sure.

>> Seriously?

Why don't I just leave so you two can

[ __ ]

>> Okay, honey, no. Olga baked your

favorite cake.

Ah, he's always had a flair for the

dramatic. I don't know where he gets it.

Mm.

>> Want to go inside?

>> You know, I really thought you were

different.

When we first met, I was like,

"Okay, he may not be successful. He may

not have a good body, but like, try

something new, you know? Like, at least

you seemed normal."

>> I am normal.

>> You have no clue what it's like. Okay?

Like, I kill myself to look like this.

And the second that any gay guy meets my

mom, it's like she's all that they care

about.

I just I

I can't go through this again. I don't

think we should see each other anymore.

>> What? No, Xander, I need this.

>> What do you mean this?

>> Us.

I mean us.

Look,

let me explain, okay?

When I was 10 years old, all I wanted

for Christmas was a Marilyn Muff doll.

You remember my little Muff?

And I was a good kid, you [music] know?

I did everything that my mom told me to

do.

But then Christmas came and my sister

got a little Muff

and I got a G.I. Joe.

And I realized that no matter what I

did, my mom just refused to see me.

She still does.

>> Oh my god, Louie.

I had no idea.

Your mom didn't get you the doll that

you wanted.

She made you play with a G.I. Joe

instead.

>> You and every other [ __ ] on Earth.

You're not [ __ ] special.

>> Hey, you know, you're a writer. Like,

shouldn't you have a more original sob

story? Oh, wait. Oh, I have one. My mom

is a narcissist who spent my entire

childhood in and out of rehab. Oh, and

and when I was 13, [music]

she wanted to put me in conversion

therapy. Yeah, yeah, but then she found

out that they put her on the cover of

The Advocate, so she outed me to the

press instead.

>> I don't believe you.

>> Oh.

Oh, you don't you don't believe me.

Yeah, yeah, that's because you're A

[ __ ] LOSER!

KURT, you think you know her, but she

you don't.

Right, you want my mom so bad? Fine,

[ __ ] take her!

>> God.

So, you're not dead.

I guess that's comforting.

So, what the [ __ ] happened?

And why is there a dirty shovel in our

bathtub? Like, what the [ __ ]

Do you have any idea how creepy that is?

>> [music]

[music]

>> You weren't even listening to me.

You're late on rent again. I'll Venmo

request you later. Bye.

>> I know why you're here.

>> You do?

>> He ghosted you. He's done this before,

you know, gone off the grid.

What happened to your face?

>> Roommate's cat.

>> Ah. Mhm. I was once attacked by a cat.

Dragged me halfway across the Warner lot

till they shot it.

>> [laughter]

>> Anyway, did you bring it?

>> Bring what?

>> My play.

>> Oh.

Yes. Yes. Yes, I did.

There you are.

My sister had a little muff growing up.

>> [music]

>> Every day after school, I would sneak

into her room and

brush her hair,

change her clothes. [music]

That was the best part of my day.

And that wasn't just because you were

fun and

fabulous.

It's because you were an [music]

outsider, too.

Strong woman in a straight

male-dominated world.

And I knew

if you knew me

you'd accept me.

And really

seeing me.

>> Mulan?

>> All right, Lois. I have notes on page

one.

>> We have all the time in the world for

that.

Right now

I want to make a toast.

To you.

Things really do get better, Mulan.

That's why I know we're going to get

through this

together.

>> Get through what? You mean Xander? Oh,

he's fine.

>> How do you know?

>> Well, he's been using his credit cards

for one thing.

Oh, he didn't tell you Mom he still pays

the bills.

And then today he called me.

>> He

He called you?

>> From some strange number. Said he was in

the woods.

Probably doing primal scream therapy for

celebrity children or some [ __ ] like

that.

Anyway.

What were we toasting to again?

Oh, right.

To things getting better.

Cheers.

>> [music]

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