Original subtitles

Previously on Georgie & Mandy's First Marriage...

Fred, would you like to have dinner with me?

I would love to.

As long as this Fagenbacher thing

is going on, I ain't got nothing to say to you.

I can live with that.

♪ ♪

How about this:

Troy Aikman, Dallas Cowboys cheerleader and a football?

Oh, yeah, that could be fun.

What are y'all talking about?

Clearly, they're trying to keep their marriage spicy.

We're trying to come up with a family Halloween costume.

Oh, CeeCee would be

such a cute football.

I know, and this might be the last year that we get to pick

before she starts having her own ideas.

I remember when Connor was five.

I wanted him to go as Pete Rose.

He wanted to go as pants.

As what?

You heard me. Pants.

I got it. Jurassic Park.

I'll be Jeff Goldblum, you'll be the hot blonde lady,

and CeeCee can be the T. rex.

Hey, that hot blonde lady has a name.

What is it?

Just because I don't know it doesn't mean

she doesn't have one.

You think Mary can make a T. rex costume?

As long as my mom's dating Fagenbacher,

I ain't asking her for nothing.

Can't you make it?

What? Not all girls know how to sew, Georgie.

Well, I think girls can do anything,

but I guess I'm a feminist.

[scoffs]

I'll make it for you.

Are you sure? Sounds pretty complicated.

Don't listen to him. You go, girl.

♪ ♪

[coos]

MANDY: So,

any Halloween plans?

Well, Missy's going to a party,

and Georgie won't let me trick-or-treat with you.

Well, of course you can.

Just wear a mask, carry an accordion,

and I'll tell everyone you're Connor.

It's fine. I'll just be here by myself.

So, uh,

no friends are coming over?

Fred is out of town, if that's what you're asking.

Well, I could have meant any friend.

Like Pastor Jeff or...

or Jesus.

Jesus will be here passing out candy and Bible verses with me.

Okay, I don't want to tell you what to do,

but it better be good candy.

Bye.

Where are you going?

To the mall with Heather.

We're getting stuff for our costumes.

Okay, but you know the rules.

No demons, no killers, no cleavage.

And if you are gonna be a ghost, it better be the holy one.

So, what are you going as?

Me and my friends are gonna be the Spice Girls.

That sounds cute.

So, everyone's a different spice?

Exactly.

I'm Ginger.

That's a good one, very seasonal.

That's why I chose it.

Got to go.

Well, speaking of costumes, what are you going as?

A dinosaur.

- [gasps] - Yeah, we're doing a little Jurassic Park thing.

Oh, that'll be fun to make.

I better get started.

Oh, um,

actually, my mom's gonna make it this year.

- Really? - Yeah.

She wanted to, and Georgie...

- Is punishing me. - Yeah.

[sighs] Your mother must be loving this.

Oh, she just wants to help.

Help Georgie punish me?

Yeah.

Damn it!

- Problem? - No, everything's fine.

So that was a "damn it" of victory?

I'm figuring it out.

I still have a couple more days.

My costume should be easy.

I'm going as Phantom of the Opera.

Or you can be a grown-up.

Phantom is a grown-up.

Kids don't go to the opera.

Please tell me you're not trick-or-treating.

Don't be ridiculous.

I'm gonna sit on the front porch with my keyboard

and terrify the children musically.

[Audrey yells]

This is so frustrating.

Well, let's see what you got.

Hey, that's pretty good.

- Really? - Yeah.

Yeah, look, there's the head,

and then you got that, you know, circle thing

on the chest and then them triangles.

You really know your shapes, Dad. Good job.

It's terrible.

I'm gonna have to go back to the fabric store

and start all over.

You can always tell people CeeCee made the costume herself.

Do you think that's helpful?

No, I thought it was funny.

Honey, you're overthinking this, okay? She's three.

You could dress her in a garbage bag and she'd be happy.

I sure was the year I went as a garbage bag.

So, you gonna come trick-or- treating with us tonight?

You mean do I want to walk around with a kid

who's having a meltdown 'cause of an itchy costume

and a sugar high?

We ain't gonna let her have that much candy.

I was talking about you.

Sorry I'm late.

Hey, what you got there?

Picked up some horror movies for tonight.

Ooh, scary movies on Halloween.

Someone's got a date.

Is it that Sophia girl?

Nah, they broke up a few weeks ago.

Is it, uh-- what's her name-- the-the dental hygienist?

No, he lied to her about flossing,

and so she couldn't trust him anymore.

You guys know way too much about my life.

Excuse us for carin'.

Karen. Her name was Karen.

So what'd you get?

- Friday the 13th? - What's wrong with that?

The girls who have sex in that movie

are the ones that get killed.

Not the message you want to send.

What else you got?

Dawn of the Dead?

Zombies? Their skin's falling off, they're eating people.

If she's turned on by that, get out.

What about Child's Play?

[scoffs] Do yourself a favor. Go back

and rent a vampire movie.

Everybody knows they're the sexiest monsters.

Everybody knows that?

I'm sorry. What do you think

- the sexiest monster is? - I don't know.

Creature from the Black Lagoon.

Lives underwater, watch girls swim.

That is not

- okay, Mr. McAllister. - What is wrong with you?

Okay, Mom, which is spookier?

One?

[plays eerie riff]

Or two?

[plays same eerie riff]

Those sound the same.

One's a pipe organ and one's a church organ.

Are you even listening?

Connor, I'm trying to get this ready for tonight.

What do you think?

Looks much better.

It does, doesn't it?

Took a couple of do-overs, but I stuck with it.

I hope that's a lesson to you.

Don't volunteer to do something I can't do. Got it.

[doorbell rings]

[plays eerie riff on synthesizer]

Oh, yeah, that's the one.

- Mary. - Don't worry, I'm not staying.

I just wanted to drop something off for CeeCee.

Oh, that is so sweet.

I'm so sorry. She isn't here.

I would've loved for you to have seen her in her costume.

Which I made.

- Well, isn't that precious. - [laughs]

It was challenging, but

CeeCee's worth it.

Well, I guess there was no reason for me

to bring this by.

You made her a costume?

[plays dramatic sting on keyboard]

Would you get out of here?!

I made it just in case.

Just in case what-- mine was terrible?

But it's not. It is perfectly fine.

It is perfectly fine!

That is what I said.

You know, this is petty, even for you.

I have always made CeeCee's costumes,

and you stole it from me.

Twice isn't always.

It is when you're three!

It's not my fault your son doesn't want you around.

[dramatic music sting plays]

Go further away!

I am just trying to give my granddaughter a great Halloween.

Well, if all you care about is CeeCee,

then you should want her to wear whichever costume is best.

Hmm. Which one is that?

Get out of my house.

Gladly.

I'm just gonna leave this right here for CeeCee.

Damn, that's well-made.

Mom, why would you throw this away? It's amazing.

I owe you an apology.

I didn't think you could pull this off.

Mary made that to spite me.

You know, now that I look at it closer...

Oh, stop it.

Well, she wasted her time,

because I want CeeCee to wear your costume.

- Really? - [door opens] - Yeah, of course.

Where is it?

Dang. That's incredible!

No, no. No. No.

- No, it's not. - What are you talking about?

It's, like, the best costume I've ever seen.

Your mom made this one.

You know, now that I'm looking...

No, I already tried that.

Don't worry. CeeCee ain't wearing that.

She's wearing yours.

No. I don't want her to wear mine.

I'm sure it's great. Go get it.

- I don't want to. - Mom, come on.

Amanda, I said no.

CeeCee can wear this one because it's her Halloween.

Mary may be the better sewer...

...but I'm the better person.

Dang. I feel terrible.

- Me too. - But this costume is amazing.

- I know. We're gonna take so many pictures. - Mm!

Okay, I'm heading out to my party. Love you.

MARY: Wait a second. I want to see your costume.

Why are you wearing a coat?

It's my costume. See? It's the color of ginger.

Melissa Cooper, what are you hiding under there?

- Nothing. - Give it to me.

Absolutely not.

It's not that short.

[scoffs] You look like a British stripper.

She's a singer, and she's super popular.

I bet she is.

You are not going out like that.

I have to. It's a group costume.

There's five Spice Girls.

Well, tonight, there can be four Spice Girls

and their decent friend with self-respect.

Fine. I'll change. Maybe I'll go

as "girl whose psycho mom is trying to control her life."

Great. Sounds like a costume with pants.

♪ ♪

[playing scary music, eerie chord]

Take some candy... if you dare.

You are not scary.

Really? That chord is an augmented fourth,

better known as the devil's interval.

- [plays eerie chord] - Hey, hey, hey, hey!

One piece, one piece!

Didn't even say, "Trick or treat."

♪ ♪

Trick or treat.

Ah, look at that little dinosaur!

That is just the cutest costume I've ever seen.

Trick or treat.

Oh. Did you make that costume?

Her nana did.

You're lucky you have such a talented nana.

Trick or treat.

Wow! That is the best cost...

We know!

[dramatic movie music playing]

What are you doing here?

I forgot my wallet. What are you doing here?

Wait. Is your date here?

Is she in the bathroom?

'Cause I think that's where I left my wallet.

No. No one's here.

Oh. She stand you up?

That's sad.

There's no date. There was never a date.

Abuela's got a guy over, so I'm watching movies by myself.

That's even sadder.

Thank you. That helps.

Yeah, well, I'll grab my wallet and get out of your...

I was gonna say hair, but you're having a tough night.

I'm fine.

[movie music playing]

You know...

...I could pick up a six-pack, hang out,

maybe order some pizza?

You really want to do that?

My wife's upset about some dumb costume

and my son's sitting on the porch wearing a cape.

I really, really want to do that.

Sounds good.

All right.

You order the pizza, I'll be right back with the beer.

Forgot my wallet again.

[door opens]

[gasps] Oh.

Melissa Cooper! I know you're out there!

[door closes]

What are you doing?

Do not play dumb with me.

We got egged?

Do people think Sheldon still lives here?

I know you are mad about your costume, but that

is no excuse.

I didn't do this.

Well, then who did?

I don't know. Did you hand out Bible verses again?

Okay, that is it.

- You are grounded. Get inside. - Fine.

Actually, no, I am going inside.

You clean this mess up!

If I had done it, I would have waited till you answered,

then egged you!

Well, that was dumb. It's a doll with a knife.

Sorry it's not a black and white movie

about an underwater pervert.

He wasn't a pervert, and they were in his lagoon.

Thanks for sticking around.

No problem.

[sighs]

You don't think Halloween's gonna be one of those holidays

that make you feel bad about being single...

but everywhere you look, it's happy families.

You did not look at my house.

I just always thought, at this point in my life,

I'd have kids to take trick-or-treating, and...

I'm not even close.

Oh, you got plenty of time.

You know, Clint Eastwood's having a baby in his sixties,

which sounds terrible, but you can do it.

I don't know.

The girls that like me I don't like.

And the girls I like are

crazier than that doll with a knife.

Just keep looking, you'll find someone.

[scoffs] Easy for you to say.

I'm serious.

Women just want a good guy with a steady job

who's smart and kind.

That's you.

Thanks.

I mean it.

You're gonna be a great dad someday.

Got to say, you're better at this than I thought you'd be.

I had a teenage daughter. I know

how to talk to drama queens about their love life.

That's more like it.

Least I don't have to pretend your new bangs look great.

Well, she cried a lot, but she's asleep.

Your mom or CeeCee?

CeeCee. I think my mom is taking one of her wine baths.

Are we terrible parents if we eat this candy?

You kidding me? We carried her for 20 blocks.

Get in there and find me a Snickers.

[doorbell rings]

Little late for trick-or-treaters.

Yeah, it's probably some teenager not even in a costume.

Nailed it.

I cannot deal with Mom right now.

- What'd she do? - She saw my costume

and freaked out, and then we got into a huge fight,

and she accused me of egging the house.

- You egged the house? - No.

It's okay. We've all thought about it.

I didn't do it.

Didn't do what?

Oh, Mary thinks Missy egged their house.

Which I didn't, and no one believes me.

Well, I believe you.

Why?

Because I don't think Missy would lie to me.

Why?

- Can I stay here? - I don't know if that's a good idea.

Yeah, if you don't go home, your mom's gonna go ballistic.

Of course you can stay here,

as long as you want.

- Mom. - What?

We can't let her go home to that woman.

Fine, but someone should call my mom

and let her know Missy's here.

- I'd be happy to call her. - Not you.

MISSY: And

Joey Ambrozi totally ignored me

and spent the whole night talking to Heather.

Look, I know you're upset, but take my word for it.

Do not get bangs.

Missy, grab your backpack. I'll take you to school.

[sighs] I don't think

I can go to school. I had such a rough night.

Nice try.

[door closes]

Oh, my God, last night was crazy.

Sorry, I'm tapped out.

[doorbell rings]

AUDREY: I've got it.

- I am here for my daughter. - She left for school.

You took my son, my granddaughter, and now Missy.

Is there anything else you want to take from me?

I didn't take anything from you.

Missy is free to leave whenever she wants.

I don't care what she wants.

She is coming home tonight.

Well, you can take her, but can you keep her?

'Cause she seems a whole lot happier here.

You know what? You want her?

- She's yours. - Great.

Congratulations. Enjoy having a teenage daughter.

So... I have some news.

Where are all the eggs?

[water running]

Missy, other people need the bathroom.

MISSY: I'm in the shower!

You've been in there for, like, 45 minutes.

MISSY: And there's still hot water.

This place is amazing.

Is she still in there?

Yeah, and I got to get to work.

[sighs] Is there anybody in Mom and Dad's shower?

- I don't think so. - Dibs!

[sighs] Oh, my.

What are you doing?

Missy's hogging the shower.

I can use dish soap, right?

It ain't gonna burn any sensitive areas?

So this is how we live now.

It's fine, Jim. We are winning.

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